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Monday, April 29, 2013

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Excerpts from Vanilla Ice’s Wikipedia Page, Offered Without Comment

1. Van Winkle married Laura Giaritta in 1997; they have two daughters, Dusti Rain (born 1998) and KeeLee Breeze (born 2000). Van Winkle is a Juggalo and a vegetarian.

2. Van Winkle's pet wallaroo, Bucky, and pet goat, Pancho, escaped from his Port St. Lucie, Florida home in November 2004. After wandering around local streets for over a week, the animals were caught and returned to Ice.

3. On February 27, 2009, Van Winkle performed as part of a joint performance with MC Hammer in Orem, Utah called "Hammer Pants And Ice," which featured 24 dancers and a full choir.

4. In 1993, Ice toured Eastern-Europe again and premiered songs off his upcoming album in St. Petersburg, Russia in front of President Boris Yeltsin.

5. Van Winkle branched out into the film industry with an appearance in the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, which he later called "one of the coolest experiences" of his career.

6. While his fame in the United States had severely dropped, Ice continued performing to sold out crowds in his 1992 world tour, playing in South America, Europe, Australia and Asia, premiering new songs like "Get Loose," "The Wrath," "Now & Forever," "Where the Dogs At? (All Night Long)," "Minutes of Power" and "Iceman Path."

7. In 2009, Van Winkle started filming a reality television series called The Vanilla Ice Project which premiered on DIY Network on October 14, 2010. The season is focused on renovating a house in Palm Beach, Florida with each episode dedicated to a different room in the house. In 2011, Van Winkle published a book on the subject, Vanilla Ice Project – Real Estate Guide on how to succeed in real estate.

8. Van Winkle decided that it was time to change his lifestyle. As a symbol of his attempt to begin anew, he got a tattoo of a leaf on his stomach.

9.  In late 1995, Van Winkle set up a recording studio in Miami and joined a grunge band, Pickin Scabz. The name was set to reflect Van Winkle's career and how he was healing from his suicide attempt and that he was now "picking up the pieces.

"10. After a performance in Acapulco, the city honored Van Winkle with a medal that represented "all the respect and admiration to [Van Winkle's] music and to [him] as an artist from the Mexican people.”

11. In December 2011, Van Winkle played Captain Hook in the Chatham, Kent Central Theatre pantomime production of Peter Pan, a role that previously belonged to Henry Winkler.

12. Ice's lyricism evolved with him.

 

Previously: Seven Days

Sarah Marshall is a graduate student living in Portland, Oregon.

78 Comments / Post A Comment

Abby Heugel@twitter

I totally wrote a post about this. You really can't make this stuff up (even though I kind of did.) http://abbyhasissues.com/2013/04/26/exclusive-interview-vanilla-ice/

purefog

As soon as I noticed that this Juggalo has a wallaroo, I started giggling and have been unable to stop. Yes, I am weak-minded.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@purefog That wallaroo was probably like, "Damn, Pancho, we almost got away."

Onymous

@OhMyGoshYouGuys They escaped into Port St. Lucie, so Bucky was more likely thinking "fucking into the fryer I guess"

michealjohn

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michealjohn

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
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fondue with cheddar

Vanilla Ice, why did you give your daughters porn names?

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar See: Juggalo. ;)

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese Are they Juggalo names? I know next to nothing about...Jugallism?

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar Juggalism made me lol. Nah, just Juggalos aren't really known for their... let's say... "classiness."

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese Heh, that is one of the few things I do know about them.

Apocalypstick

Oh, bless his heart.

OhMarie

A Juggalo and a Vegetarian is the title of my Officer and a Gentleman reboot.

cminor

His guest appearance on How Did This Get Made was pretty awesome. He honestly seems like a cool dude.

Heat Signature

@cminor Vanilla Ice, stop posting comments on articles about yourself. I'm sure you're lovely, but this behavior isn't very flattering.

cminor

@Heat Signature You think I'm joking but I'm not.

http://www.earwolf.com/episode/directors-edition-cool-as-ice/

Onymous

@cminor Right? Like I haven't seen his DIY show or anything really recent from him aside from the hdtgm interview but he seems to have turned out alright finally.

Also? Ice Ice Baby? excellent.

cminor

@Onymous YES.

I mean he was 16 when Ice Ice Baby came out, that's some talent there.

par_parenthese

Alternate title: Excerpts from Nostradamus's Lost Apocalyptic Prophecies.

kristenpdx

I'm tripping over the song title "Where the Dogs At? (All Night Long)". Sounds like he's trying to locate the neighborhood dogs that are barking so much he can't sleep at night.

robotosaur

@kristenpdx I keep thinking he needs to team up with the Baha Men to finally solve this dog-related pop music mystery.

beatrixkiddo1

@robotosaur He should have followed that one up with a song called "Where the Wallaroo At?"

MoxyCrimeFighter

Wikipedia/IMDb entries that are CLEARLY written by stans or the subjects themselves are way up there on my life of Most Favorite Things. This also includes things that seem like they were copied and pasted straight from a middle school book report.

Apocalypstick

@MoxyCrimeFighter Have you seen this blog? http://citationneeded.tumblr.com/

parallel-lines

Dusti Rain and KeeLee Breeze Van Winkle. What distinguished names, those will look great on their thesis.

Mandalas

@parallel-lines I misread "KeeLee Breeze" twice before finally getting it right. Honestly though, "KeeKee Le Breeze" and "Kee le Breeze" (pronouncing it like Tequila Breeze) are pretty much lateral moves, name-wise.

Ophelia

@parallel-lines Or on that little name placard they put on the bench next to the gavel.

Biketastrophy

@parallel-lines Well it would be Dusti Van Winkle and KeeLee Van Winkle right?

Not that thats any better.

par_parenthese

@parallel-lines What will also sound great: Grandma Dusti and Grandma KeeLee. Grandma Rain and Grandma Breeze? Those last two sound like characters from a direct-to-DVD sequel to Disney's Pocahontas.

teaandcakeordeath

@parallel-lines
kee-lee breeze sounds like a fantastic cocktail

pinniped

@teaandcakeordeath Dusti Rain sounds like my favorite drugstore perfume.

hedgehogerie

His name is Van Winkle?

Onymous

@hedgehogerie Rob Van Winkle.

hedgehogerie

@Onymous yes. He's naming his son Rip, of course, right?

iceberg

don't even front like you don't know all the words to ice ice baby.

Heat Signature

@iceberg All right, stop. Collaborate, and listen.

Li'l Sebastian

@iceberg Ice is back with a brand new invention

Slapfight

@Li'l Sebastian Something grabs ahold of me tightly.

pinniped

@Slapfight Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.

becky@twitter

@pennylaner will it ever stop?

Megasus

DUSTI RAIN!!!! (!!!!)

coloredmaps

His cameo in TNMT = Oscar clip

katiemcgillicuddy

@coloredmaps GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO

Cha dTuigim

A friend of my ex did coke with Vanilla Ice in Chilliwack, BC. There's nothing about that six-degrees-type-deal that isn't funny to me.

RNL
RNL

@Cha dTuigim In Chilliwack!

Chesty LaRue

@Cha dTuigim I was in Chilliwack last week and also last month, and I did not see Ice. To say I'm retroactively disappointed would be an understatement.

Biketastrophy

Tell me I'm not the only one who watched the entire Vanilla Ice Movie "Cool As Ice" from start to finish.

It was like one big commercial for his ego.

QuadrophonicSound

@Biketastrophy Does it count if I watched it as a RiffTrax video-on-demand?

OhMarie

@Quadrophenia Yes and yes. It was glorious.

Faintly Macabre

I am suddenly so angry at my parents for not naming me KeeLee Breeze.

lucy snowe

"Under Pressure" is one of my favorite pop songs of all time, so... "Ice Ice Baby" is hard to forgive.

Still, I've heard that show where he works on houses or something is actually pretty watchable.

GailPink

He had sex with Madonna.

lucy snowe

@GailPink And Caitlyn Moran, I think. At least, that was the sense I got from a few comments in her book there...

Nukegrrrl

@GailPink I'm pretty sure there's a photo of Ice and Madonna acting like they are kind of having sex in the Sex book!

I recreated the photo in MS Paint, and had the darnedest time recreating Ice's gold chains.

Lyssachelle

@Nukegrrrl I find "I recreated the photo in MS Paint," WAY more interesting than the fact that he had sex with Madonna.

Homestar Runner

@Nukegrrrl The people demand to see this work of art!

Matthew Gordon@twitter

This is objectively awesome.

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