Previously: The Lean In Pie
Ann Friedman wishes she'd never taken up ventriloquism.
relationships, ann friedman, pie charts, life, heroin, palazzo pants
@parallel-lines DONT ONCE U GO YOU'LL NEVER COME BACK
Screw sweatpants; yoga pants are where it's at.
@NeverOddOrEven Sometimes I'm afraid that yoga pants are my gateway lounge wear.
@cminor Yoga pants seriously are gateway loungewear. For most of my adult life i couldn't for the life of me understand why people changed into different clothes at home. Then yoga pants happened, and now i'm often found in some form of yoga pants/pajama pants/sweatpants and a giant sweatshirt at home. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood It's a trap! An elastic waistband trap!
@Killerpants The real trouble starts when you buy some cute printed leggings to wear with your new chambray shirt. IN PUBLIC AS PANTS.
Or so I've heard from a friend.
@Killerpants I am a shameless evangelist for the concept of Inside Pants. One of the best feelings is coming home and replacing trousers and shoes with comfy pj/yoga pants and fuzzy socks.
"Hey, THESE are stretch pants! I'M WEARING STRETCH PANTS!!!!"
"They're LEGGINGS. LEGG-INGS."
Inside Pants 4Evah.
@Killerpants I wore scrubs at my last job and I would just rotate out of scrubs into pajamas/yoga pants/sweatpants. When I got my current job about a year ago and had to wear actual pants it was a total downer.
RIP, ALL PAJAMA LIFESTYLE.
I used to wear scrub pants as pajamas before I got into yoga pants.
They're awesome because they're never inside out!
Gateway was almost the term I used. Definitely.
@Killerpants Yup. I distinctly remember my mom when I was a kid running up to her bedroom as soon as she got home from work every night and changing into sweatpants and a giant sweathsirt and some comfy slouchy socks. I never got why she was so excited or all "ah, heaven" about this until I grew up and had to wear business-level "work clothes" myself. I now do the same thing. Also on the weekend, if I bother to put at least jeans on to go to the market, I change right back into the loungey pants when I get home to sit on my couch.
@NeverOddOrEven I just realized that the above chart is The Gateway Pie.
@NeverOddOrEven totally one of those people that frowns upon yoga pants in places that aren't yoga class while wearing my skirts and cardigans.
Then the other day I accidentally went to dinner in my yoga pants (I was moving, okay guys) and realized IDGAF. It felt shameful. AND COMFY.
I've never ventured to wear them out of the house, but only because they're covered in paint and/or cat hair.
@parallel-lines They are absolutely gateway lounge wear. I used to be so confused why people bought sweatpants. The elastic waistbands seemed so uncomfortable and constricting and they were so ugly! And then I moved to America and bought a pair of yoga pants, to wear to a yoga class. And then suddenly I was wearing them at home. And then this year for the first time I wore them outside. And now I can never go back.
Speculation: Somewhere out there, this thread is setting Jane's Pinny senses to tingling. "Did I teach them nothing?" she sighs.
(I am wearing yoga pants right now)
I combat those feelings by remembering that They Who Make Jeans don't cater to a variety of body types, and my gorgeous muscular thighs can't be contained by mere denim. Stick it to the man, look sexy constantly.
Guys, 2 words: maternity pants. They LOOK like real pants, they FEEL like yoga pants. I may never go back.
@parallel-lines One of my friends bought me Pajama Jeans (from the infomercial) as a joke birthday present. It actually might be one of my favorite birthday presents ever...
@TheLetterL As long as they're eggSHELL, not eggPLANT!
@Killerpants Ooooh. I love comfy clothes. I so look forward to ditching my bra and any constrictive clothing and wearing things I can spill food on without worrying.
I guess I'm already gone...
@Ophelia I was in my maternity jeans for... well. Longer than the fourth trimester, certainly. My regular jeans didn't fit anymore and I didn't want to spring for a new pair.
They were super comfortable. But the elastic waistband made me beschämt.
That's why I'm not shopping at Chico's, either. :(
@Mahoho Perfect! And remember, when you wear big shoes, the rest of you looks even cuter by comparison.
every time a friend wants to set me up with someone
Any show on E or MTV.
Also totally with you on the heroin and any other Class A drugs. I'm completely convinced that one hit of anything like that will result in my becoming a crack whore.
@khaleesi You're right about those shows. Five years ago I had a brief but intense addiction to "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." It was like a train wreck; I couldn't pull myself away. It was a dark period of my life.
Getting up early.
@tea sonata Right?! Once you're up it's awwwwwesome. But the getting up...ugh.
Breaking Bad. Leggings. Credit cards. Being rude to people.
@yeah-elle do all of those now
@Angelena@twitter But how do I stoppppp
@Angelena@twitter Or should I be saying, "FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!" ?? How do I do this?
Heroin is a really weird choice. Cocaine maybe but who wants to try heroin??
@Jen@twitter Yep. Cocaine.
@Jen@twitter I was thinking LSD.
@mollpants LSD, in most cases, is comparatively harmless though. I say go for it, but I'm also a dirty hippie.
Definitely avoiding cocaine though.
@Jen@twitter One time at work drug use came up and my coworker was like "Heroin is THE BEST DRUG EVER. But don't do it because you won't be able to handle your shit. I'm the only person I know who can handle my shit and use heroin."
And then like 2 weeks later she stopped showing up to work and it turns out she went to rehab. For heroin.
@Blackwatch Plaid Right, unless you're one of those people with a family history of drug or stress-induced mental illnesses, like me! Drugs and the Korean War were the triggers for schizophrenia in my aunt and my great-uncle, so no fun psychotropics for me.
@Jen@twitter Mine is E. It sounds right up my alley.
@mollpants @Blackwatch Plaid LSD isn't addictive, either, so I second that go-for-it. (Unless you have reason to be concerned about possible latent schizophrenia, like @sophia_h.)
@Jen@twitter I reeeeally don't think I would like cocaine. Heroin, on the other hand, sounds amazing.
But mushrooms, man...I'm so lucky they were hard to come by in my circle of acquaintances, because I liked them way too much.
@Caitlin Podiak but LSD stays in your brain and can resurface and make your perception go melty at any time.... that's scary to me.
@Caitlin Podiak Uhhh having done my fair share of illegal drugs, I would not say "harmless" or "go-for-it" in regards to LSD. More like be wary of who you're with and where that is (with good friends in nature is a safer bet), then proceed with caution.
Alcohol is my drug of choice but some good cocaine (while drinking) is not easy to pass on.
@OhMarie For real. I have avoided anything other than pot forever until last weekend when I was drunk and my friend had molly and it was awesome. So basically I can't do it again :/
@iceberg Maybe try mushrooms instead of LSD?
@iceberg @whizz-dumb Fair enough, I meant that "go-for-it" only in reference to the specific concern that one might "like it too much."
@OhMarie The day after is enough to make me only ever want to do MDMA sparingly. Bless my roommates, who have Been There Before preparing a day of movies on the couch and brunch delivery for us, because it was AWFUL.
@meetapossum Me too. Molly was too fun that one time, don't do it kids.
@Caitlin Podiak Personally, acid was intense and paranoia inducing enough to not be into it.
@thatgirl hah. I like that idea, but I have had too many hangovers and still drink a lot to know that that would never be a deterrent for me.
@whizz_dumb Seriously. As soon as I thought, "This drug was meant for me," our love had to end.
@whizz_dumb One time I was being driven somewhere by my brother, and he turned to me and said, "Okay, I might have an LSD flashback while driving so you might have to take the wheel if that happens, alright?"
I haven't been in a car with him since. (Part of that is because he lives six hours away now, but yeah.)
@sophia_h Yeah, I definitely should have added that caveat. But, I'm lucky in that regard, so all the hallucinogens for me! (Not really.)
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' busy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
@frigwiggin This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in Annie Hall.
@Jen@twitter Cocaine is for youngs. Heroin is for us oldsters who are tired and facing our own mortality and remember Nirvana. GET ME A SYRINGE.
@Jen@twitter I always thought heroine sounded far more fun than cocaine. Cocaine sounds exhausting!
@PomoFrannyGlass That sounds about right.
@Verity NOT IF YOU KEEP DOING MORE
@Jen@twitter Heroin is the only drug I've never tried, for specifically this reason. Well, I've never done peyote, or bath salts I guess. Or any of those designer drugs in the 80's that gave kids Parkinson's. But basically, yeah.
@Verity *heroin. For heaven's sake, self, spell things properly.
@fondue with cheddar So, you're just locked in a cycle of obtaining and taking cocaine forever?
@meetapossum Oh there's no hangover quite so bad as a molly hangover. Once you have the worst of them you can never go back. But then it's perfect cuz you can be like, "ok done with that drug! Moving on!"
@Jen@twitter good god, i love cocaine. it's very, very fortunate that it's expensive, for my future's sake.
@sophia_h Better to know, though.
Turns out smoking mountains of weed is bad for me (not schizophrenia, thankfully, but other bad health results.) Though I guess at least now I know what it's like to smoke mountains of weed?
Eh. I don't think I'd want to get into anything that involved me injecting myself with syringes-- however fantastic I'd feel afterward. If you could inhale heroin in a pretty glass bong, that might be something.
@fondue with cheddar I loved mushrooms!
Again, something I don't think I can do anymore. But that handful of times was so much fun. Little rough on the tummy, but still awesome.
@iceberg Me too.
@Verity I guess? I don't have any personal experience with it but that's what all the TV shows and movies tell me so it must be true! ;)
@lucy snowe Don't people snort heroin, too?
I'm going to assume nobody mentioned meth here because we all agree on how totally fucked up that shit is. I'm not afraid of enjoying it because I would never turn into a meth head, I'm afraid of it ending up in my cocaine without knowing. That stuff physically and mentally destroys people.
@whizz_dumb Yeah, one of my ex boyfriends got into meth. Ugly stuff. Fortunately he only did it regularly for a few months before he moved 1000 miles away with his parents (away from his lousy enabler "friends") and got clean. It's The Worst Drug, hands down.
Real talk about Chico's. I find myself coveting way too much stuff when I go through my mom's catalog, and it is intensely disturbing.
@hallelujah Talbots is that way for me.
(I'm wearing their pants right now.)
@hallelujah I am so afraid to go into a Chico's for this very reason.
@hallelujah Palazzo pants: socially acceptable sweatpants. Ugh why? WHY? I want some so badly.
@Reginal T. Squirge it seems inappropriate to thumbs-up this, but yeah.
@Reginal T. Squirge Don't try it. Trust me.
Lifetime TV movies.
Another vote for cocaine. Back when I was in college, it was really really expensive and I knew I'd love it and couldn't afford it. So I never tried it although I had many opportunities.
@Jenny Reiswig@twitter I've tried it a couple times and loved it so much that I had to give it up cold turkey. It would be dangerous if I actually had easy access.
Clothing with the appropriate number of holes in it.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Ughhhh you guys these are ALL SO GOOD. Someday I will do The Crowdsourced Pie, aka The Sum of All Fears
Replace heroin with LSD, and this becomes my secret "Things I want to try after my 30th birthday because I don't trust my 23-year-old self/can't afford Burning Man just yet" pie.
Any addictive substance, not strictly because I'll like it too much but because if my addiction to caffeinated soda is any indication, if I smoked pot even once I'd either be institutionalized or selling my body for crack by the end of the day.
@iceberg Pot isn't addictive, though. Not physically, anyway.
@iceberg I smoke weed every day, but I can stop for extended lengths of time with no issues. But I am legitimately physically addicted to sugar. It's so much easier to stop smoking weed than to stop eating sugar.
@fondue with cheddar I'D FIND A WAY. no but seriously actually pot specifically has triggered mental stuff in a close family member so that's more why I avoid pot, but all the really bad addictive ones... can't even think of going there. Same with regular cigarettes, I'd be smoking four packs a day in no time.
@iceberg Pot triggers ugly introspection and depression for me, but only certain kinds. Other kinds actually act as an antidepressant for me, making me happier and smarter and wipe out the constant fatigue I feel the rest of the time. There are two basic kinds of marijuana and I always forget what is what. Maybe someone else can elaborate on this.
@fondue with cheddar Indica = downer, sleepy, pain-relieving, lazy. Sativa = upper, energetic, can induce paranoia in high doses. Pure indicas or sativas are pretty rare, though. Typically you'll get a hybrid of the two, with a combination of characteristics. As lab testing gets more sophisticated, it may be possible to identify specific chemicals that do or don't work for you. For example, strains test high in limonene make me feel uncomfortably speedy and anxious, while strains that test high in myrcene are really relaxing and comforting to me.
@Caitlin Podiak Ah, thanks for that. Maybe it's sativa with a smattering of indica that works best for me, then. Even on a good day I'm low-level depressed, and my worst experiences with it make me overanalyze myself (if I'm alone) or others (if I'm not alone), and think pretty bad things like I'm worthless or that nobody is ever really connected to anybody. But the last stuff I got actually perked me up, and not in a paranoid way. It feels like it helps my brain talk to itself, allowing me to make observations and connections I wouldn't normally make.
@iceberg I've tried cigarettes at a few ill-advised pub outings, and never felt anything but a desperate need to cough for three hours. Literally have no idea what the point is or what one is "supposed" to feel.
Weed, on the other hand, now that was fun. One minute I'm just chilling along like normal, sipping a beer with friends under the stars, wondering what the big deal about weed was anyway, then suddenly - WHOA EVERYTHING ON EARTH IS COMPLETELY HILARIOUS! Especially the fact that I find everything funny! So I'm laughing at myself laughing, whoa, it's so meta! Which is hilarious because there's such deep poetic meaning in it but it's also so stupid! HAHAHAHA!!!
@Countess Maritza Yes to the hilariousness! The first time I smoked weed I had an intense, doubled-over laughing fit while watching the movie Alive, of all things!
@iceberg I had a similar experience-- mentioned it somewhere else in the thread. Pot and I were good friends for a long time. I thought it helped my depression (maybe it did. It can.)
It didn't end well.
So, everyone who still smokes, have a hit for vicarious me. ;)
Expensive shampoo. Expensive soap. Expensive whiskey. Expensive things period.
@martinipie Yes. This fancy-ass, amazing apothecary near my apartment combined with my cruelty-free-only policy have turned me into a total addict of expensive body care. I cannot walk by it without going in and promptly spending $40 on fragrant, all-natural soaps and skin care. I have a bin in my linen closet that is backstocked with all the stuff I have bought and haven't had a chance to use yet.
@martinipie Expensive things! I treat myself to a few nice things, then I'm all "man, if expensive shampoo is this much better, imagine how much better expensive foundation would be?" and then suddenly I'm broke.
@martinipie OMG so true. Not with everything, all the time, but usually with make up.
@Megasus Same. Haven't bought myself any new clothes in months, but expensive makeup? Yeah. And some not so expensive makeup, too. Makeup at all price points, makeup I don't need, some of it for the packaging alone if I'm being completely honest.
@martinipie Yes, those sea-salt and honey exfoliating massage spa sessions with hot rocks and aromatherapy and...
I could so get into that. But I don't have spa money.
@olivebee Merz, right? Did you know the sons of the family that own Merz are DJs and musicians and are becoming well-known for their hip hop adaptions of Shakespeare? Their hip hop Othello is racking up great reviews right now.
@SuperGogo Yep. I love Merz so much. And I did not know that, but it sounds fantastic. If I had hip hop versions of Shakespeare in high school, homework would have been a lot more interesting.
@fondue with cheddar If somebody ever catches me eating Nutella straight out of the jar with a spoon I will die of delicious shame.
Who am I kidding, I usually just use my finger. Why have to wash another dish. (To be fair I'm the only one eating out of said Nutella jar, 'cause like hell anyone's getting my sweet, sweet nectar of the gods)
@A. Louise In all seriousness, I really am SO AFRAID to try it.
@A. Louise Take a box of fresh strawberries. Make sure the outsides of the berries are dry, not covered in fridge-condensation. Now take a jar of Nutella. Make sure it's room-temperature enough to be very melty. Dip strawberry generously into Nutella, devour, thank all the gods and spirits of the universe that you were created specifically for this one transcendent experience. Repeat until the strawberries are gone, or the Nutella is gone, whichever comes first.
@Countess Maritza Stop it, you.
@fondue with cheddar Speculoos.
@tea sonata What? Strawberries and hazelnuts, even in pulverized form, are good for you!
@Countess Maritza I felt dirty reading this at work.
@ragazza I have chocolate-and-speculoos spread in my cabinet right now! Be jealous, everyone! Except I haven't yet had an occasion sacred enough to open it.
@fondue with cheddar Likewise. I worry I would never stop.
@fondue with cheddar
Sometimes I treat myself to one teaspoon of Nutella. I sprinkle a bit of seasalt on top and pretend it's expensive gourmet chocolate.
@Prostitute Robot From The Future STOOOOOP I'M TOO WEAK
@ragazza I just ordered two jars of spekuloos this morning. That shit is straight up crack, in the best possible way.
@martinipie And country music.
World of Warcraft.
@JanieS i genuinely feel like im too lazy for that game
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood I know for a fact I am. I tried and didn't care enough.
@cminor Ditto. I really liked playing, the lore, and collecting armor/weapons/whathaveyou, but I could never quite get myself interested enough to get the math just right so I'd have the right amount of damage per second (dps) or any of the other min/maxing requirements needed to run raids. Also, people play that shit on schedules! I.. can't commit to that.
This is why I play Skyrim instead.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood I can't play any game that doesn't have a definite ending. Also, video games are a solitary experience for me and I get way too antisocial to give a shit about playing with a team.
@JanieS I am way too lazy/indifferent/possessed of an actual life to get any good at it. And yet, now and again, I keep playing. I'm on one of the uberdorky servers where people actually create characters/backstories for their toons and interact in character, and when it's good it turns into this massive loopy collaborative improv theater (and when it's bad, you know, it's REALLY BAD.) But the lore and scenery and music are just so fun, and kicking the shit out of a few poorly-drawn orcs at the end of a long day is - well, it's cathartic.
@Countess Maritza THIS SORT OF THING IS WHAT I'M AFRAID OF EXACTLY. Because if I COULD spend my evenings as an elven warrior princess, slaying orcs and kicking kobolds ... I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE. AT ALL.
@JanieS Yeah. I'll admit I've skipped a morning class or two in my day due to too much late-night elfing. But if it wasn't a game it would have been Netflix or talking on the phone or rocking in place stressing about the future.....I contain multitudes of ways to stay up too late being unproductive.
(though I would never dare admit under my real name to being even the casual and occasional WoW nerd that I am. Way, way too embarrassing.)
@JanieS As a Tauren hunter since 2005 (holy shit, is has been that long), it is delicious, delicious crack. ::pew pew pew::
Why is the 'Meaningful Relationships' slice of the pie not just the whole pie?
@wee_ramekin too real
Pretty sure I would enjoy group sex more in absolutely any other setting but Burning Man.
@wallsdonotfall I mean, I've seen pictures. Those outfits, while revealing, manage to turn me off so fast. Oh and the sand factor.
@wallsdonotfall I... do not want playa dust involved in my group sex.
@wallsdonotfall Man, my friends just went for the first time and came back comically enamored with it. They're already pretty open sexually so I'm kind of scared to ever ask what they got up to, but judging by their pictures I would not have enjoyed it much.
@whizz_dumb I'm weirded out by beach sex for the sand reason.
@wallsdonotfall The only thing I think I would ever enjoy at Burning Man is dressing up like Leeloo from The Fifth Element all day and this thing called "Snack Time Glory Hole" where you apparently get a surprise delicious (non sexual) snack once a day.
@cosmia Oh damn, I think I know what I'm nicknaming my refrigerator (or possibly my next apartment) right now.
@cosmia People have tried to convince me to go to Burning Man before, and if I'd known that was a possibility I might have agreed.
Ryan Lochte's new reality show.
@martinipie I hear his favorite band is the Jeah, Jeah, Jeahs.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys The sound I just made is perhaps indecent...ahaha he is a continual punchline
Replace "Meaningful Relationships" with "Gorgeous Bob Dylan-esque Latino Art Director Who Loves All the Movies I Love And is So So Cute AHHHH" and VOILA, ME
Alcohol! (Actually, I've taken a few tastes and bleargh. Makes avoiding my genetic predilection towards alcoholism that much easier.)
Baked goods with pot in them.
@area@twitter Don't worry, those are overrated.
@area@twitter WORTH IT, they're great
Tried it, hated it. Spent 6 hours shivering and spasming, convinced I was going to die. Yelled something about having God in me.
I prefer valium.
@Prostitute Robot From The Future That sounds like my experience! When I opened my eyes, everything was swimmy and covered in houndstooth, but when I shut them, I could see all of us in the house from the outside and knew that we were all going to die and that it would be pointless when we did. Pot brownies = not fun.
@cherrispryte ....are you me?
@Countess Maritza Possibly? Are you currently really sleepy? Cause if so, yes.
Fried candy bars.
@Yarnybarny Always wanted a deep fried Mars Bar from Scotland...
@Yarnybarny There is a place in NYC called A Salt & Battery which is a delicious fish and chips shop run by English people. They fry Cadbury Eggs. Now. I am not a fan of those but omygod that was delicious.
@tea sonata Dude, get down to the Texas State Fair. Pronto. Home of fried Dr. Pepper. How does that even happen? Magic.
@adorable-eggplant Ah, dude, at 7 hours, Scotland is closer! I am south England here...
Fried Dr Pepper? Thats a thing? Whaaaaaaaat.
@tea sonata I think they also have a "You bring it, we fry it" booth, so really anything your heart desires. Personally, I prefer my fried things savory (pickles, okra, shrimp chips) but I've had a fried twinkie and can report that it was not bad.
But I can see why you might not want to cross the Atlantic, just to clog your arteries. But if you do, Texas is waiting.
The goddamn Twitter. I would do nothing but spend my life coming up with bad one-liners and it would be terrible, so terrible.
@katiemcgillicuddy Don't do it. Seriously. I had an account and held out for a reeeeeeally long time but then the election happened and now I can't get out. I. Can't. Get. Out. Seriously, send someone to get me.
@sovereignann@twitter I won't. I hate on it constantly and then I think "gaaaah, katiemcg, you know you would secretly love this, ohh godddd" and then I think, "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE". I shall heed your warning and try and send reinforcements to extract you from your situation.
I think "commenting on the Hairpin" was that for me, but I didn't realize it until too laaaaaaate......
Living in a city that isn't New York. As in, I was offered new jobs both here and in Chicago, and I love it there, but I'm not positive I hate it here enough to leave? And stay away permanently? But maybe it would be a great decision, and I'm just afraid to do it. I'm also avoiding embracing staying here, because what if I still have love for this city left in me? They're both amazing jobs. I need to decide by tomorrow, and don't know what to do. Sorry, that's a little heavy and probably more Friday Open Thread appropriate!
@lindsayishere You need this: http://juliaallison.com/goodbye-to-all-that-by-joan-didion/
You need a pie-in-pie chart for the Burning Section piece.
First class on an airplane.
Quitting my job.
All you savvy pinners are making me feel bad about my lack of recreational drug experience. Are they really that fun?
@TattyEmu Pretty much. They are so fun that they LITERALLY RUIN LIVES.
@TattyEmu Too much fun.
@TattyEmu they are incredibly fucking fun. who in the nyc area wants to organize a 'pinner bender?!
That Coldstone Creamery that just opened a few blocks from my house.
Being rich.(Yeah, totally "avoiding" that)(sob)
@Prostitute Robot From The Future Having the best username ever is something I think you can't go back from...
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