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Thursday, March 7, 2013

89

Matchbooks of Meat

Since The Hairpin is committed to bringing you all the minute and obvious health news of the day, there's this bit about how meat should be eaten in tiny side portions, infrequently, if you want to possibly live a little bit longer, although of course we'd never really know.

Tags:

health, meat

89 Comments / Post A Comment

apples and oranges

They list sandwich meat - does that include sliced turkey? I never thought of that as processed, though obviously something like bolonga or salami would be. (I do not eat meat except my semester abroad in Italy where I did eat salami at every occasion possible, whoops! And we're not talking "matchbook" size portions either.)

PatatasBravas

@kangerine Yeah, the "processed meat" detail is a pretty key one.

Especially when the article summary at top is The healthiest people eat a moderate amount of red meat and poultry, but as little processed meat as possible.

PatatasBravas

@kangerine It probably depends on your sliced turkey: are you slicing it yourself or getting a butcher to slice it off a real, once-happy turkey?

Or is it that weirdly compressed moist sliced turkey sold one inch away from the bologna?

PatatasBravas

WHATEVER, EVERYBODY, EAT WHAT YOU WANT

PatatasBravas

If my friends make more venison sausage I am definitely eating a pound of it and that is probably worth a couple months shaved off the end of my life.

If I eat mostly a Mediterranean diet plus that venison sausage plus dark chocolate plus occasional Girl Scout cookie binges, does it all even out?

apples and oranges

@PatatasBravas For every Girl Scout cookie/venison sausage, take a small shot of olive oil. math?

Beatrix Kiddo

@PatatasBravas I feel so misled by Edith's description of the article! But now that I know it's only about processed meat, I'm going to eat a whole animal for lunch.

mcleodglen

@kangerine
i'd think sliced turkey would count too.

taco-salad dot com

@kangerine Just make sure it is *extra virgin*

Lucienne

@PatatasBravas Venison sausage is like the greatest thing. I had it with a root vegetable mash one time and basically ignored everyone I was eating with. And I'm not even really a food person.

schrodingers_cat

@PatatasBravas Venison jerky is even better. Must think of an excuse to visit my uncle soon and get some off him.

iceberg

@schrodingers_cat omg i need this in my life.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@schrodingers_cat Mmmmmm, venison jerky, or maybe a venison summer sausage with rough-ground hot mustard.... The weeks after hunting season are just the best.

Diana

@kangerine

Nobody really answered your question, so I'll bite and say yes, the Oscar Mayer sliced turkey you get in the deli case at 7-11 is very much processed. Now, by all means, if that's not something that worries you, keep on eating it! But a lot happens to that meat between turkey-execution and turkey-consumption.

meetapossum

Hey guys, come visit me. I've got like 7 pounds of ground venison in my freezer and I make a killer venison burger.

Biketastrophy

I had a breakfast sandwich this morning that was only called "Double Bacon"

No regrets.

PatatasBravas

@Biketastrophy

Biketastrophy

@PatatasBravas God I love breakfast buffets.

tea sonata

Upon a google search of the question "Do vegetarians live longer", the answer seems to be "Maybe. We though yes, but apparently no one really knows for definite either way".

tea sonata

@PatatasBravas HAHA. Well, yes.

Heat Signature

A "matchbook sized portion"? Why even BOTHER?

Ophelia

@Heat Signature I mean, if we're going to use those big fireplace matches, then MAYBE.

Mae
Mae

@Heat Signature I think they meant 1 matchbox sized portion per day? So if you wait until the weekend you can binge on SEVEN matchboxes of bacon in one sitting.

PatatasBravas

@Mae Which is still like only one strip of bacon, which does not satisfy my needs :(

Anna Jayne@twitter

Do you really want to live longer if those added years are spent without sausage?

Es
Es

@Anna Jayne@twitter Not in the slightest. Yay sausages!

does it need saying

@Anna Jayne@twitter Or only having 1/4 of a slice of bacon? How am I supposed to make BLT's with that?

Scandyhoovian

Considering my family history tells me I will likely forget my friends and family well before I die anyway, I figure it doesn't actually matter if I live 5 years longer by cutting out delicious, delicious meat. So I won't.

edit: wait, it says processed meat. never mind. bring on the t-bones.

MilesofMountains

@Scandyhoovian My grandfather died recently at 98. He spent the last 5 or so years of his life telling everyone "no one should live this long". I'm doing my best to follow that advice, so bring on allll the sausages.

aphrabean

On the rare occasions we ate processed meat growing up, my mom would also make us each eat an orange "because of nitrates." I don't eat meat anymore, but every time I'm with someone who orders processed meat, I think, "Nitrates! Get some citrus in you now!" I just realized that maybe this is not a real thing?

aphrabean

@aphrabean Oh, Google says maybe it is a real thing! Sorry, mom, for doubting you!

Ophelia

@aphrabean OK, so for dinner I'll be having kielbasa and potatoes with a glass of OJ. Perfect!

hahahaha, ja.

@aphrabean: I ended up with meat palpitations (like meat sweats, except, you know, palpitations) the one and only time I went to Fogo de Chao, which makes me want to not go back, but if an orange will alleviate that then I am so there.

iceberg

@hahahaha, ja. I want to go to there. with an orange in one hand ;)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@hahahaha, ja. I definitely had the meat sweats while at Fogo de Chao, but I kept that little marker on green because BRING IT ON (except the lamb. I can't handle lamb).

NeverOddOrEven

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
So delicious. But so cute.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@NeverOddOrEven It's not even the cuteness! I mean, I love lambs, I see them every year at the county fair (yep), but something about the taste just doesn't jive with my tastebuds. Too musty or something.

hahahaha, ja.

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose: Yeah, I don't really like gamey meats either. Is that what you're talking about when you say "musty"? But I have fond memories of the bacon-wrapped something or other, because it was bacon-wrapped. Also, before we went, I sent around to my friends some articles about competitive eaters and what they do to prepare for a competition, so that we'd be maximally prepared to take advantage of All The Meat.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@hahahaha, ja. Well, it is gamey in its own way, I guess it what I mean. I don't mind the gamey taste of venison or elk, but antelope is horrible and christ on a cracker bighorn sheep is terrible. But yeah, lamb and sheep taste musty-gamey-ick to me.

trappedinabay

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I call that little marker "the meat faucet." Turn it onnnnnn!

PatatasBravas

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@PatatasBravas I knew somebody would bring the Ron Swanson goodness.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@PatatasBravas Stop. You had me at "meat tornado."

(Different episode, but a timeless quote appropriate for all occasions.)

PatatasBravas

WON'T STOP

RON PARTY CONTINUES

EATIN ALL THE MEATS, ALL THE TORNADOES

iceberg

@PatatasBravas what IS that? (i don't watch that show.)

PatatasBravas

@iceberg WATCH "PARKS AND REC" AND MY CRUSH ON YOU WILL DEEPEN

Honestly that show is brilliant and this is only one of the immensely loveable characters.

The episodes are only about a half hour, so I mainlined several seasons when I started watching.

causedbycomma

@iceberg I was wondering the same thing...

iceberg

@PatatasBravas but what is he eating

and where can i get one? mama's hungry.

PatatasBravas

@iceberg It is a giant turkey leg wrapped in bacon, I believe. WHY NOT.

Places to get one:
Ren Faires?
State fairs?
Ripped bloodily from a turkey and a pig respectively?

PatatasBravas

and only the bacon is troublesome, according to the article!

Es
Es

@iceberg I'm glad you asked too!

juksie

@PatatasBravas you are providing such a service to this thread.

Blackwatch Plaid

@PatatasBravas I just started watching Parks and Rec and it is the actual best, so I'm seriously loving this thread. I have nothing to contribute to the meat discussion, being a vegetarian and all, but I needed to pop in to show my undying love for Ron Swanson.
Since this is a non-comment, have a gif:


Pulpit rock


apples and oranges

@Blackwatch Plaid http://drunkronswanson.com/

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@Blackwatch Plaid this is one of my favorite episodes :)

MoxyCrimeFighter

In an effort to avoid carbs, I decided that instead of sandwich, I would make turkey roll-ups with a filling of blue cheese-cream cheese spread. Health!

causedbycomma

@MoxyCrimeFighter Sounds about right. Although I LOVE CARBS. I think life without carbs would be sad and empty.

iceberg

@causedbycomma make it with a tortilla as well! I agree, carbs are awesome.

This is my new username

@causedbycomma It's true. It tried a life with just less carbs and it made be sad and hungry. And then I realized that was not a life for me.

wee_ramekin

@causedbycomma Life without carbs IS in fact sad and empty (*pushes nerdy glasses up nose, reads excitedly from current nutrition class textbook*)!!!

Carbohydrates are necessary for life, y'all, and should make up about 45-65% of your energy intake. They provide glucose, which is the body's main source of energy. Your nervous system in particular needs glucose (brains are glucose hogs, y'all). The other two nutrient-supplying sources of food, fats and protein, can provide glucose, but they do so inefficiently and in low amounts.

If you don't provide your body with glucose via your diet, then your body starts to use glucose from dietary proteins (or its own proteins, if there isn't enough dietary protein), and proteins have other important jobs they should be doing.

Basically, the lesson here is that you NEED carbohydrates, so it's not a good idea to cut them out of your diet entirely.

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin Sorry, when I said "The other two nutrient-supplying sources of food", I should have said "energy-supplying food sources".

MoxyCrimeFighter

Oh, I still eat carbs - partly because of nutritional reasons, partly because I get grumpy without them, partly because I am sometimes lazy and/or lack willpower. I try to avoid bread, pasta, and sweets, but I eat a lot of root vegetables and rice and more potatoes than is probably good for me except that I'm Irish so they don't count. Science!

PatatasBravas

PatatasBravas

@PatatasBravas WHERE DID MY IMAGE GO it was visible like ten minutes ago!

PatatasBravas

@PatatasBravas Whatever I am shameless and bringing in the backup gifs just in case.

iceberg

also, you guys, I ate a SHIT-TON of like, deli-sliced tubs of meat when I was pregnant - not like, baloney or pressed ham or whatever but I'm sure it's still "processed". so, dooooomed basically.

PatatasBravas

@iceberg You birthed three babies, and have kept all four of you alive since then, so you are indestructible as far as I am concerned.

Ophelia

@iceberg The only meats this baby will let me eat without puking are (so far) salami, bacon, and kielbasa. So I'm rolling with it.

Nicole Cliffe

Pointing at you while making the Donald Sutherland shriek from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"!

iceberg

@PatatasBravas I had a minor bodily function issue a few months after the kids were born and my husband was like "well, it's not so bad. I mean you basically sailed through the pregnancy, sooo...". I side-eyed him SO HARD.
edited to add - not side eyeing you Tatie, your comment was sweet.

hallelujah

@iceberg I ate sushi AND soft cheeses - sorry not sorry, YOLO, etc.

PatatasBravas

@iceberg Hahaha did he just repress most memories between the Moment Of Discovery That There Were Three and The Week After Arrival?

(I did not feel side-eyed!)

@hallelujah I feel like the best/worst side effect there is that maybe your YOLObabes will have a taste for sushi and soft cheese, which means you'll have to SHARE with the critter. AN OUTRAGE.

Ophelia

@PatatasBravas Oh, crap. I'm totally going to have to share my sushi (fish apparently is totally fine with this baby, and you can take away my raw tuna when Margaret Atwood is writing me some sort of dystopian future).

rimy

After the Mediterranean thing blew up I decided to make a gigantic blender-ful of gazpacho and it was the best idea ever. Fresh, vegetable-y, garlicky, olive oil-y. Highly recommended for sufferers of the winter blues, eaten with a fresh baguette torn in chunks and dipped. This has nothing to do with meat portioning but I felt like throwing it in there.

stuffisthings

I just roll up my meat into almost imperceptibly tiny meat pellets which I then dissolve gradually into a large glass of shredded kale and apple cider vinegar. One pellet for breakfast, two for lunch, three for dinner, and four on my birthday.

I don't know if this will actually delay my inevitable death, but I know that I will be much happier when it finally arrives!

(Oh and my skin looks amazing.)

Lucienne

@stuffisthings But are you drinking enough water?

stuffisthings

@Lucienne Gallons. I'm writing this from the bathroom actually.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Well, for dinner last night I ate grilled top sirloin steak with a side of garlic mushrooms and green beans, and a little couscous with basil. Now, of all those things, my body appreciated the steak the most. So, no, I will not go silently into the matchbooks of meat movement.

iceberg

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

anachronistique

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I just had pasta with my dad's homemade sauce for lunch - and it was full of sausage. YUM.

frigwiggin

There is no way sausage and bacon would ever find their way out of our house. My boyfriend would wither into a miserable little husk.

Where Pies Go When They Die

I think all these studies and articles and 'health tips' will be responsible for my early death or at least future devastating ill health. Not because I follow what they suggest, but because every time I read another crazy one I get so angry and BORED that I just plough through a Burger King and feel proud of my accomplishment.

stonefruit

I feel like the Cheetos I can't stop eating since reading that cursed NYTimes article about junk food are probably worse for me than all the meat in the world.

LooseBaggyMonster

I chop up Trader Joe's chicken sausage to make a stew most nights of the week (too lazy to learn a new recipe). Kale is also in the stew. Will kale save me?

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