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Friday, March 15, 2013

931

Friday Open Thread

Abracadabra

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931 Comments / Post A Comment

coolallison

Ahhh I feel like I've been waiting for this all day! I have so many thoughts! None of which are important!

First, I got my mix cd, and immediately decided my mix cd recipient is going to hate what I sent her. So I apologize if you hate it, internet stranger.

Second, I know a lot of people were having a bad week last week, but for me, this week has been SHIT. I can actually feel my mood getting worse. I'm just sitting in my grey cubicle of sadness counting the minutes until wine.

But third, if you live in Austin, we are having a happy hour on Thursday! The 21st! At like 6-ish! Probably at the Black Sheep Lodge!

Okay I think those are all my thoughts. For now.

ghechr

@coolallison I feel like this week has been shit for me, too, even though nothing definitively shitty happened, the mood was def shit. Anyway, I am trying to counteract the negative mood by listening to pop music and drinking caffeine. It seems to be working. I BE ON MY SUIT AND TIE, etc.

Cliterary Device

@coolallison I can't wait for my CD mix, I like being introduced to music radically different from my rotating playlist. I'm sure your recipient will appreciate your taste because we Pinners are flexible like that.

*I'm hoping my person got theirs already since we're in the same state.

frigwiggin

@coolallison Agreed with @Cliterary Device, I'm sure your swap partner will like it just fine! (I am also the kind of person who, if there's even one song I really like on a CD, the whole CD is worth it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.)

I hope everybody else has been sending theirs out! I sent a couple out yesterday, so y'all should be getting them pretty soon. I also still need to pair a few people up but we've got one odd one...one more person want to jump on the Mix CD swap train?

DoMark

@frigwiggin Oh yes, I want to! How do I do this? I have so many ideas!

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@frigwiggin I'm hoping to work on my CD this weekend and get it sent out next week! But suddenly I feel self-conscious about my musical taste--I'm worried that my tastes are both boringly mainstream ("ho-hum, I've heard this before and I'm sick of it/I never liked it") and too obscure ("wtf, I don't like music like this and I especially hate THIS music") but I am hoping my CD recipient won't be as mean as she is in my head (or if she is she will keep it to herself and just be thankful for the free coaster????)...

frigwiggin

@DoMark Email me at figwiggin[at]gmail[dot]com! (No R in my email like there is in my username.) I'll hook you up with somebody!

(That goes for anybody else who's interested, too--I'm ostensibly keeping things open for as long as folks want to do it, although I'm not making any dedicated call-outs for participants after this week probs, for at least a few months.)

frigwiggin

@Katzen-party I know this feeling and it happens every time I make a CD for somebody, but I think of the CDs that I've gotten and how excited and happy they made me, and even if I don't like every song there's always a few that speak to me and I love the thought that people put into them! So try not to worry!

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@frigwiggin Thanks for that!

ETA: And for organizing the mix CD swap to begin with!

redheaded_cat

@coolallison I'm so looking forward to happy hour!

frigwiggin

@Katzen-party Haha, it's all good. I admit that I get nervous pairing people up, too--sometimes I'm like, "oh nooooo, what if I paired up the wrong couple and they don't get maximum satisfaction out of this swap?!?!" But, you know, it's supposed to be a fun thing and if you stress about it too much, it stops being fun, and I don't want that to be the case for anybody.

cminor

@frigwiggin I just got my assignment! I'm excited/making my playlist now!

martinipie

@Cliterary Device I got yours! It is awesome, thank you!!! I am done compiling my music picks, I just need to go and actually get a blank CD...

PomoFrannyGlass

Tell me everything good that happened to you this week, because it has been rough for me.

A. Louise

@PomoFrannyGlass I got the keys to my new apartment! And while they painted it so everything is the stark white of cleanliness, they also painted over things like electrical outlets and windowpanes and closet latches. But it's a good thing that I can learn how to use a putty knife and get all "This-Old-Apartmenty, right?"

Also, I'm currently paying double rent/utilties/moving costs so I decided to be more frugal and hold off on buying a new computer OR a TV, as my old one does both well, and then the very night I dropped my new rent check the HD corrupted and it's essentially unusable. BUT the manfriend did a fantastic job of calming me down and giving me options for how to fix it for less money and ways to keep ourselves entertained without it in the meantime, so I guess in a way it was good to learn just how much he's willing to put up with my crazy and be grateful that he does.

I also learned about swaddling and next time I go panic-attack on him I'm making him turn me into a duvet burrito.

These aren't really mind-blowing fantastic things but I am trying to be more optimistic so here is a puppy gif for your time and effort:

etheline.

@PomoFrannyGlass This week was hideous. My unexpected bright spot came yesterday, when my drugstore was selling Oscar Blandi dry shampoo for $2. That's -- 91% off, and something I otherwise would not have picked up.
I like nice things, but I write for a living, so.

kateek

@PomoFrannyGlass A samba band is marching down my street. And it's the second one tonight.

area@twitter

@PomoFrannyGlass I'm sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself, OK? You deserve it. ::Internet hug::

One of the big bosses at my office told me how much she appreciated my work! She's a little intimidating, so that was really nice to hear. I made Irish whiskey cake with Jameson's and it was a huge hit with my coworkers. And I just got an adorable picture of my dad and my niece making silly faces at each other.

(I'd also like to note that this niceness came after a few weeks that have really been kind of unpleasant and stressful, so hang on, everyone; things can improve quicker than you might imagine.)

stuffisthings

@PomoFrannyGlass Boozy cupcakes from my coworker.

HeckYes

@PomoFrannyGlass
I had a job interview today and they seemed to like me!
And then I took the rest of the day off of work and strolled around in the sunshine and went into a consignment store and mentally purchased things for my imaginary new better-paying job!

PomoFrannyGlass

@etheline. That's a legit bright spot. I'd be PSYCHED about such a find!

@area@twitter Thanks! It's just been kind of annoying and stressful, nothing too tragic. I am optimistic (this is a very rare state for me) that things will improve as the weather warms, they usually do.

I'm glad other folks are having good weeks filled with life lessons, positive work developments, samba music, and boozy desserts.

Keep it coming!

angelan

@PomoFrannyGlass I passed my PhD viva! I kind of feel like I got away with something, but THEY CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY NOW!!! (Can they????!)

nowwhat

@PomoFrannyGlass Best unexpected thing that happened to me all week was finding a perfect-fitting pair of jeans at a thrift store, especially nice since last week my favorite pair developed the crotch-holes and I was halfheartedly flipping through the racks of denim with no specific hope. But these -- these are long enough! They fit my butt! I felt like the universe saw what I needed and was like, "Lady, here you go."

ms. alex

@PomoFrannyGlass Skittles Darkside. Never heard of them before today. No gross flavors! (I think? I kind of ate them five at a time.)

ghechr

@A. Louise That dog gif is the best thing of the week! <3 it

karenb

@nowwhat get those crotch-holey jeans to a tailor, and they'll patch them for you. not perfect, but basically all of my jeans are crotch-patched at this point.

frenz.lo

@PomoFrannyGlass This week, I got a mama cat and her litter of five newborn kittens to foster, and it is pretty much the best,never though the kittens just look like furry little grub worms still. Their eyes aren't open yet!

redheaded_cat

@PomoFrannyGlass I hope your week gets better! I'm in the middle of a really rough time, but my highlight was this past Sunday. I had every intention of avoiding SXSW, but a friend of mine from New York was downtown going to panels at the Four Seasons, so I bit the bullet of traffic/crowds and went to meet him. They had lawn chairs set up all over this grassy area over looking the lake and we drank lots of rosé and ate fancy Four Seasons food that we swiped from their brunch buffet and I felt, for a few hours, like it was gonna be ok.

OwlOfDerision

Oh (wo)man! Well done! Mine's in a few weeks... *quiver*

RubeksCube

@PomoFrannyGlass I made a friend really REALLY happy by sending a silly, unexpected birthday gift. Bonus, they are now sending me something, too. I also realized I actually have people around who are nice and invested in me (had previously been feeling very isolated, etc). I hope your weekend is better than your week has been!!

HaughtyTotty

@PomoFrannyGlass I coach a jr roller derby league for girls under 18. I just heard from a parent that her daughter's been having a hard time at school, but she's more confident and happy since joining us. I think it's the same one who sent me a big smiley photo of herself, psyched for a morning practice. Our closing cheer at the end of last practice was "1...2...3...Unicorns!" Totally warms the heart.

iceberg

@PomoFrannyGlass A friend of mine who is a cancer survivor recently had another scare but she told me today that she got the all clear!

PomoFrannyGlass

@iceberg @HaughtyTotty @RubeksCube @redheaded_cat @OwlofDerision I just got home and was feeling very pouty. But I had emails informing me of all these replies and your guys' happier weeks made me feel much better immediately. Hooray for chill outdoor times (can't wait for spring here in the Northeast), PhDs, birthday gifts, kind friends, roller derby (UNICORNS!), and surviving cancer. Thanks for sharing your good stuff with me.

Adult Footie Pajamas

@PomoFrannyGlass I work in floral design. Poppies are in season, as well as irises, tulips, heather, snapdragon, anenome and agapanthus. Go get flowers.
Also, I found a fancy lipstick in my pocket that I thought I had lost. Also, the sun came out in Portland. Also, my week was shit too. But those were the okay things.

Jill_Tata

i totally respect and get your opinion.@k

cei-face

Hot air balloon ride tomorrow everyone!! Aaaaaand totally afraid of heights...IT'S GOING TO BE A BLAST RIGHT?!

Quinn A@twitter

@cei-face It sounds like a lot of fun to me! Buuuut I'm not afraid of heights, so...no, it's still totally going to be fun.

fondue with cheddar

@cei-face Here's hoping the sheer awe makes up for the fear. Maybe it will even help you conquer your fear!

themegnapkin

@cei-face I'm moderately afraid of heights*, and I've been fine hot ballooning and hang gliding. I found that for both, because you are moving at the same speed as the wind, there's no sensation of falling or moving, so it feels safe. I don't know how to explain it other than that, but you should be okay.
*I get scared in situations where I could actually fall - like, in the park where I walk my dog, there's a place where I have to walk across a fallen tree in order to cross a creek. It's only about 5 feet off the ground, but it terrifies me. I'm not too terrified of looking out of windows in tall buildings, though.

olivebee

@cei-face I am not scared of heights, but I went on a hot air balloon ride once, and....I won't lie - it is kind of nerve-wracking. It's not so much the height thing as the wobbliness of it. You are basically standing in a wobbly basket. HOWEVER, like @fondue with cheddar said, the sheer awe kind of overtakes any fear you have. The views are unbelievable, and it is truly a once in a lifetime experience that you cannot replicate.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@cei-face I have what I refer to as a "healthy" fear of heights, but I would love to ride in a hot air balloon. Wait...would I? I think I would. Are you going with someone you can cling to? I find that helps. If not, I'd slink down to the floor and OWN the fear. I'm sure they've seen it before. But all that said, I bet it will be cool! I'm jealous! (...I think???)

cei-face

@themegnapkin I haven't quite figured out WHAT it is about the heights that freaks me out. The looking down is bad. Couple that with wind? Bad. Do-able, but not preferable.

@olivebee Plan to adjust to wobble asap? Check.

@Katzen-party Right!? That was basically my reasoning too. Heights suck, but the want to do awesome things involving heights like zip-lining or sky-diving or even actual rock climbing overrides the fear, mostly. Of course, not thinking "this is basically a wicker basket floating in the sky powered by fire and thin fabric" helps.

fondue with cheddar

@cei-face Look at it this way: it's a pretty old form of air transportation so they've had more than 200 years to get it right. It's probably a lot safer than a car!

cei-face

@fondue with cheddar True!

You guys are greatest! Thanks all!

Quinn A@twitter

@cei-face How did it go? Because apparently a 27-year-old woman was injured yesterday when a hot air balloon crashed into some power lines, and I immediately thought "I hope that wasn't the hairpin commenter we were all reassuring!".

katiemcgillicuddy

Hey babies! St. Pat's is basically when spring sort of starts for me, and I finally come out of the awful dark of winter, in more ways than one, so I am stoked that it's finally here. More importantly, this is gonna be my first St. Pat's as an Irish citizen and I'm sort of a little bit excited! My Irish side will make snide remarks about how stupid American's bastardize the holiday and do nothing but get sloppily drunk and act like eejits, and then my American side will get unrepentantly faced and do stupid shit and it's going to be wonderful, oh it's going to be so wonderful. Have a good weekend guys, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

themegnapkin

@katiemcgillicuddy I am still waiting for my citizenship!!! It's been 6 months - I sent the last thing in on September 5!

hallelujah

@katiemcgillicuddy Best of both worlds! Congratulations!

katiemcgillicuddy

@themegnapkin Frustrating! I think I mentioned to you that they told me originally 5 months was how long it would take, so don't despair! The people at the Irish Embassy (except for one lovely woman) were, shall we say "relaxed" about their jobs. You'll get it soon!

Decca

@katiemcgillicuddy Comhghairdeas!

katiemcgillicuddy

@hallelujah @Decca Many thanks! Sláinte!

Kikimora

@katiemcgillicuddy How cool! I'm always shaming my friends a bit (nicely, I swear) about being Parade Irish, but I secretly listen to a bunch of Irish bands on St. Patrick's day and look at old vacation photos.

iceberg

BERGY BITS UPDATE:
They have invented their own insulting gesture!!!
I call it "I Eat Your Food"; a pinching gesture such as may be used to pick up something is made in the direction of the insultee, then the hand is quickly drawn back towards the insulter's mouth, fingers to lips as though eating the "food" that was picked up.

It is APPARENTLY a very offensive gesture.

Decca

@iceberg Hands up everyone who just did this gesture in front of their computer screen.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Decca /raises hand

english_kitty

@iceberg *raises hand*
actually, I did it twice. very satisfying. I might adopt it myself.

empathicalist

@english_kitty - But did you raise one brow in disdain?

Bittersweet

@iceberg Almost like biting your thumb. Very Shakespearean bits you've got there.

stonefruit

@Decca frankly I am side-eyeing anyone who says they didn't, because I don't understand how to read that and not feel compelled to do so.

fabel

@iceberg I did it but also I read "I eat your food" in the I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE. I DRINK IT UP voice, anyone else or did I lose you guys?

Scandyhoovian

@Decca more than once, here!

OhMarie

@fabel I. EAT. YOUR. FOOD.

iceberg

@fabel Yeah that's pretty much how I think of it, even though I actually haven't seen the movie, is that weird?

parallel-lines

I've spent the whole week on nursing school message boards peeping to see if other people have heard back yet and if I didn't make the cut. And it looks like out of the 8 I applied to, three are likely a no-go (they're already scheduling interviews and I didn't get invited). One of those was my fall back schools. I got so desperate I sent off an application to a school I don't really want to go to last night. The next four months of my life hinge upon where I end up--we might have to move, when I can quit my job. Sorry to whine, just having one of those "can just one thing please go my way" weeks.

But, on the positive side, I don't know if you've heard but I've given up food! It's great: I don't poop, I can run 30 miles without breaking a sweat and I can also levitate (but I can't run AND levitate yet, give me time, working on the formula).

Bittersweet

@parallel-lines Keeping my fingers crossed for you to hear good news from at least one of the other 5 schools! I hope things go your way.

Also, please fill me in on levitation, it's on my bucket list.

up cubed

@parallel-lines Many schools have cut back on their number of initial offers because the take-up rate has gone up over the past few years. They might release more spots after they get an initial count.

parallel-lines

@upupandaway I know it sounds like a cop-out, but I'm also applying in NYC, which is rumored to have one of the most competitive BSN application pools (most of the public schools have acceptance rates below 10%, the private ones are around 20-30%) so that's really working against me. Hopefully you're right--I already know that I didn't get into my first choice (many were on their second or third attempt) but hopefully someone will make me an offer.

Decca
Decca

Also, general PSA for the weekend ahead: Paddy, not Patty.

datalass

@Decca Ugh, I know. A really sweet new work contact e-mailed me this morning wishing me a "Happy St. Patty's Day" (I have an obviously Irish-American name.) Then I ended up wishing her a misspelled one as well because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

meetapossum

@Decca Ha, I actually put a Facebook status about that the other day for my friends.

aaaaanyway

@Decca To add to your collection of enrapturing music vids: has anyone seen the new Beach House? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS6duOoxctw. UN. REAL.

RK Fire

@meetapossum One of my Irish friends did the same thing. I had no idea, so it was good to know.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Decca I know it's Paddy and not Patty, but is St Pat's okay? I am not sure of the etiquette on this one.

Verity

@Decca THANK YOU. "St Patty's" is infuriating.

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy "St. Pat's" is ok because Pat can be short for Patricia or Patrick. My favorite reference on the subject is Paddy, Not Patty.

katiemcgillicuddy

@meetapossum Right, I just wanted to be sure I wasn't somehow sounding like a moron.

Decca

@katiemcgillicuddy Yeah, St.Pat's is completely fine, although I've never heard anyone say it irl Ireland. But it makes sense. You're all good.

ms. alex

Friday Open Thread, am I glad to see you!

Anyone have experience with Nexplanon / Implanon ? It seems like everyone's getting IUDs these days, but I'm thinking that this might be a good option for me. Three years, goes in my arm, no strings to check.

PROBLEM: I live in OH, my health insurance lives in UT, where I will be for one week in May. I have an annual exam scheduled, and they say they can do the Nexplanon the same day but I have to be on my period for that. This isn't what I wanted to hear, because A: this is my first actual vacation & trip back home in nearly 2 years, so I don't want to be on my period, and B: um, I'm supposed to also get my exam done that day...?

I'm on the pill right now, and if I don't change how I'm taking my pills, I'll probably be on the placebo week, but I was planning on messing with it a bit in the coming weeks so I can be on active pills for the vacation. But now...

This is such a pain!

Regina Rizzo@facebook

@ms. alex : I don't have an IUD, but I do know people who have them and love them. My doctor wont do IUD's unless you've had kids, which I don't really understand. It might just be him...
I'm wondering if you've looked into other long term birth control options. I take Seasonale, the 3 month pill. Its really works for me, 4 periods a year, no side effects and my period is lessening. It might be worth looking into.....

breccia

@Regina Rizzo@facebook re: doc wont give you an IUD w/o a kid: it is 100% just him. find a new doctor who understands ladybits.

i have one (no kids) and many friends are getting them on my recommendation (also no kids.)

schrodingers_cat

@ms. alex as far as having an annual exam while on your period (it sounded like you were concerned about this), it shouldn't be a problem as long as your flow isn't super heavy. It happened to me last year (tight scheduling window) and my doc didn't have a problem with it.

coolallison

@ms. alex When I got Implanon, I was having some "cycle timing issues" and ultimately, the doctor told me that they needed you to be on your period just to guarantee that you aren't pregnant. So maybe if you have it beforehand and then not bump uglies with someone before your appointment, they will allow it?

ms. alex

@coolallison Good idea, I should ask.
@Regina Rizzo@facebook: I thought about that, but the big draw about doing something like Implanon is that I'll only pay for it once, and then I don't have to worry about fitting it into my already absurd budget.

up cubed

@ms. alex I agree with asking. The people who do the scheduling probably follow general guidelines, but the provider can clarify what you should actually do in this circumstance.

Verity

@Regina Rizzo@facebook My doctor is the same - I asked him about getting the copper coil as a potential alternative to the Pill, and he was very much of the opinion that I am too young (23) and too much of a nulligravida to have one. I don't want to have a baby/wait ten years before I can try it!

theotherginger

@Verity GET A NEW DOCTOR. GET A NEW DOCTOR. GET A NEW DOCTOR. that is all.

chrysopoeia

That brick looks like it has a nipple ring. I need coffee.

fondue with cheddar

@chrysopoeia That was my first thought, too!

Immediately followed by that dang Steve Miller song. :(

chrysopoeia

Also, for some reason, my comments with html are getting eaten.

Hey! NYC Pinners!

We're having a book club meeting tomorrow, Saturday the 16th, at Lolita Bar at 5pm. There is a general pinup to follow at ~6pm, no book readin' required! Please come!

fondue with cheddar

@chrysopoeia Lolita Bar...how appropriate! :)

leonstj

@chrysopoeia - This will be my first of these since Halloween '11! Let's hope that sways some people who are on the fence.

ETA: SWAYS YOU TO COME, not stay away.

chrysopoeia

@leon s we're here and you're not. Are we getting catfished?

leonstj

@chrysopoeia Ahh things came up. I swear I'm real. If anybody wants to grab a happy hour drink one day this week I'll prove it!

leonstj

@chrysopoeiathe - i am so oooh mad I missed out. I didn't realize when I committed here I'd already made st pat's plans. I'm sure time with y'all ladies would have been infinitely more fun.

But I promise I'm real. If anyone needs me to prove it I would be beyond delighted to happy hour w some pin ladies one night this week. Hope lolita bar was fun!

wallsdonotfall

I bought a new (old) bike to commute with last weekend! Look, she's so beautiful. I think I'll call her Denise. But I've never commuted by bike before, and it's been a little hard to figure out everything I need because most of the internet seems to either want to sell you shit, thinks you need all spandex, or thinks you don't know how a wheel works. So cyclists, what gear do you think a commuter should have? What's the best/worst experience you've had biking in a city, and what should a beginner know?

(For the record, I'm going to be commuting 9 mi each way on a trail in the city and then on suburban streets. I put a rack on the back and I have a good bag and lights. So far I've been told to buy a portable CO2 pump, spare tubes, tire levers, allen keys, and a patch kit to carry with me at all times.)

parallel-lines

@wallsdonotfall It's cute! I love 80's bikes.

If I were you, new commuter, I'd put a rack on the back and maybe a basket so you don't have to carry too much on your person (easy way to get sweaty). I have one by Topeak where the basket slides on and off that I love - it's a little on the pricey side but a great investment.

You don't need spandex, but just be aware that if you wear jeans they will get totally destroyed in the butt and the seat leaves two weird white marks from fabric erosion. I used to wear a little skort thing with vents on the side and shorts underneath and that worked out pretty well. And I think really good front and rear lights - super bright ones - are a great investment too.

Lastly, get a bell: I've had a few friends get tickets for not having a bell. Plus, they come in handy sometimes.

Hope that helps!

wallsdonotfall

@parallel-lines Adding a bell to my list. I've got a rack but I'm not really sure how it works--you can put panniers/saddlebags on the side, yeah, but can you just strap stuff on top of the rack too? Does it fall off if you use cords or a net thing? (Thank you!)

Biketastrophy

@wallsdonotfall Well firstly, do you know how to use those things? Cause sometimes you can find a cycle friend to help you but its always good to know how to use the things you have. That should take care of your typical bike emergencies, though I'd nix the patch kit, redundant if you have extra tubes and way more of a pain then just swapping tubes.

So as long as you have a shower when you get to work, or action wipes to freshen up with, or a change of clothes if you have to be super presentable at work, you should be great!

laurel

@wallsdonotfall Yay, congratulations!

Get tire liners and goo injected into your innertubes. I live in goathead thorn territory and ride on all manner of surfaces everyday and since I did those two things I haven't gotten a flat. At all.

I'm always either wearing or carrying a lightweight hoodie windbreaker, one that scrunches up small in my bag. It helps in windy or rainy weather. The hood fits under my helmet and keeps my ears warm in the cold. Cold ears are the only thing that I can't tolerate.

Also, gloves. Fingerless with pads in the summer.

olivebee

@wallsdonotfall I bike commute when the weather is warmer, too, but my commute isn't nearly as long as yours. One piece of advice is to definitely bring a change of clothes, and don't wear denim shorts because they ride up the crotch and feel super uncomfortable. I find skirts & looser shorts really comfortable on my bike, but they have to be long enough to not show everyone your hoo-ha. Tighter yoga pants in the colder weather are also good.

Also, this sounds obvious, but OBEY TRAFFIC LAWS. I cannot count how many times I have been nearly hit by either a car that ignored the fact that cyclists need to use the road, too, or another cyclist that blew through a stop sign/light/etc. I stop every time I would stop if I were in a car. It just lowers the likelihood of getting hit by ignorant drivers & cyclists.

parallel-lines

@wallsdonotfall You can do panniers or saddlebags, or in a pinch you can just get a bungee net like this: http://www.amazon.com/Pyramid-Bicycle-Bungie-Cargo-Black/dp/B000WY6ZXA/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1363376916&sr=8-15&keywords=topeak+rack

You could get a basket and ziptie it to the rack you already have--that worked pretty well for me for a couple years.

parallel-lines

@Biketastrophy I have been cycling for 15 years and have never, ever patched a tire once. New tubes are so cheap, just make a little bag with your levers, tube and your co2 and carry that.

One other thing I would consider getting is a lady-specific saddle. I really, really love my sella italia saddle: http://www.nashbar.com/bikes/Product_10053_10052_549689_-1___202450

Try and find one with that cut out, it takes the pressure off your ladyparts and vents so you don't get swamp crotch. Nashbar and Performance Bike make cheap versions of a similar saddle.http://www.nashbar.com/bikes/Product_10053_10052_541067_-1___202450

wallsdonotfall

@laurel Can't wait to see the look on my local hipster bike shop's employees' faces when I ask them for a "goo injection, please."

laurel

@wallsdonotfall Follow it up with a really exaggerated wink.

Biketastrophy

@parallel-lines Kinda threadjacking but I am getting a way too expensive bike this weekend and I am so excited for it. its a 2011 so its 25% off (yay!) but it'll still be the most expensive bike I've ever purchased by double my previously most expensive bike.

Full suspension mountain bikes are pricey!

frenz.lo

@wallsdonotfall Ha, buy nothing. Everyone is full of it. Don't even put wheels on your bike! Whittle a bike from twigs! (Just kidding, obviously, but.) I have been bike commuting for about a year. My commute is shorter (4 miles) and there is a bike shop near my work, so I may have some false bravado, but I don't carry bike stuff, really. I wear bike gloves, a reflective vest (mainly to show my dork flag), and a helmet. I often wear skirts and leggings, so to bike, I'll either hike the skirt up or take it off, and add yoga pants or rain pants if the weather or my modesty warrants. I use a u lock, but also carry a spare small cable lock in my bag, just in case I take my u lock out of my bag.

ach_so

@wallsdonotfall Yay I'm excited for you! My bike is exactly like yours (mixte Schwinn) but judging by its paint job, it's a little bit older.

Here are my tips:
Panniers are great, obvi, but you could also zip-tie a milk crate to your rear rack. That's my preferred mode of carrying cargo. Good for groceries. Be sure to get a rack that is sturdy/can support a bit of weight.

I spent an entire summer biking in cutoff jean shorts. I don't think they are a problem. See what works for you. Definitely take a dry shirt to change into when you arrive.

Agree with the super lightweight windbreaker rec. One that is made for cycling will truly cut the wind without being bulky, and will also be fairly water-resistant.

Speaking of water, *most likely*, the brakes on that bike will not grip onto the rims of the tires if they're wet. This is the case with mine. I cannot come to a full stop if it's raining. Just a heads-up that you might want to leave your bike at home if you know it's going to rain.

No clue where you live, but for winter I recommend 180s (that's what they're called, right?) because they will fit nicely underneath your helmet, silk longjohns, and, for the really cold days, sheepskin mittens. Oh yeah.

frenz.lo

@frenz.lo I carry a fake messenger bag. A real one would probably be more comfortable, and racks and panniers are probably the thinking woman's option, but if you're on a budget, you realize that any bag can be a bike bag, if you take it on a bike.

RNL
RNL

@wallsdonotfall GORGEOUS! Adorable.

I commute by bike, but WAY shorter distance, so I tend to do things like wear wrap dresses and give everyone on my commute route a free show.

etc etc

@parallel-lines I always patch my tubes! Totally useful, doesn't take that long, and the patches hold longer than you'd think they will. (Of course, sometimes I have trouble sealing them properly, but probably just as much trouble as I have not pinching the tube.) Whateves, YMMV.

OwlOfDerision

@wallsdonotfall I cycle to work (in London, so it's main roads and cycle paths through parks - 6 miles each way). To be honest, I'm not much for 'special' equipment or clothing - I wear my regular clothes, and stick my handbag in the front basket - but I do carry back-up lights (the tiny clip-on kind) and a roll-up rain cape.

Have fun!

Blushingflwr

@wallsdonotfall
1) Helmet.
I, personally, really like my biking gloves and bike shorts (esp. if I am wearing a skirt/dress)

I use a bikeshare, so I can't speak to any modifications to the bike or repairs. I find that a comfortable backpack is my preferred carrying method, but I would probably use a rack if I could (I just don't trust the basket on the bikeshare bikes)

thenotestaken

@wallsdonotfall I'm late, but super cute bike! One thing that no one has mentioned yet is fenders! At least a rear one is super necessary if you don't want to look like you've had an unfortunate accident anytime the streets are wet. I don't have a rack so I'm not sure how much protection it provides, maybe you'll be okay with just that? Also relevant for rain: a raincoat with a hood big enough to fit over your helmet is really nice.

Also, commenting on what @roselio said: if your rims are steel, you'll definitely have a problem with braking in the rain but if they're aluminum you'll probably be fine. If your bike has steel wheels (it's more common on older bikes) you may want to consider upgrading to aluminum as they're lighter, faster, rust much less, and brake better than steel even when dry. It's an easy, relatively cheap upgrade that returns a lot.

And last plug: see if your area has a bike repair co-op! They're the greatest!

thiscallsforsoap

Ha! Hahaha! I made a discovery this week that'll lead to me saving tens of thousands of dollars through my life! Liver damage! Can't drink anymore on doctor's orders! Only 29! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Fuck.

JanieS

@thiscallsforsoap Oof. But good that it was caught?

Queen of Pickles

@thiscallsforsoap That's got to be very jarring to hear - any time your body changes like that, it's a very emotional experience. At least for me. It's hard to realize the rest of your life will be different than you imagined.

That said, what about a spot of weed?

Daisy Razor

Friday Bargain Bin: Vaguely Irish Stuff Edition

(I'm having way too much fun making these, y'all.)

cminor

@Daisy Razor yus! I was waiting to see what you'd come up with, and oh my god I think I need that gold sequined mini dress.

hallelujah

@Daisy Razor Oh lord. The sequins. The sequins!!!!!

Daisy Razor

@hallelujah I am a complete magpie. If it's shiny, I love it!

rowrow

@Daisy Razor THIS EXISTS!!! i was coming to the friday open thread for the first time in order to request a bargain bin because i missssss themmm and it was already here. thank you to you, kind sir.

JanieS

@Daisy Razor Whyyy are none of the pictures loading on ThinkGeek for me? (Not that I need anything from ThinkGeek I just ordered a TARDIS flash drive. J/K I NEED A CAPTAIN AMERICA SHIRT.)

cminor

@Daisy Razor I bought it.

wallsdonotfall

@Daisy Razor Oh hey, if you like those lace earrings, you might like the doily-like earrings at this Etsy shop. I have their Sheridan in burgundy embroidery floss and they are gor-geoussss, lightweight, and have held up really well.

Daisy Razor

@cminor I WANT PICTURES.

@JanieS I don't know! But I just noticed that there's also a sitewide 20% sale, so you're totally justified in buying something else!

@wallsdonotfall That shop is adorable!

cminor

@Daisy Razor yes! Next FOT if we're lucky?

the roughest toughest frail

FOT! I'm visiting D.C. at the end of the month and would love recommendations for restaurants and activities. I'm definitely planning on visiting the Smithsonians and the big monuments, but would love some suggestions for other must-sees and places to eat.

Thanks!

districter

@abetterfate Do you know where you will be staying? If you have a car NPR just highlighted the self guided cherry blossom tour at the National Arboretum, which is great to explore even without blooming trees. Something else off the beaten path is the Hillwood Estate, a big house filled with crazy collectibles that Majorie Merriweater Post colleted throughout her life, feels like being in Europe.

A. Louise

@abetterfate the Eastern Market is lovely for food and wandering about for more unique souvenirs or snacks, and there's some nice restaurants / people watching in that area, especially as the weather gets warmer.

I also recommend the zoo, as it is FREE and it's got pandas! It can be a bit stroller city during the summer / weekends, but for free, just go and see the pandas and be satisfied. It's in a nice area and not far from the metro so it's easy to do.

PaperbackLady

@abetterfate Eastern Market is fun! There's a flea market around there too.

http://www.postcardsandpaperbacks.com/2011/02/postcard-from-district-eastern-market.html

stuffisthings

@abetterfate Hierarchy of DC Markets: Florida Ave. Market > Eastern Market > Union Market.

OhMarie

@districter Arboretum is a great suggestion!

the roughest toughest frail

@districter We're staying at the Fairmont and we're planning on using mostly the subway and buses to get around.

@A. Lousie omg pandas. Definitely going on the list, as is the Eastern Market and the Florida Ave Market.

I've been to D.C before (a super-short family trip eons ago), but The Mister has never been. Keep the rec's coming! :)

celeec4@twitter

@abetterfate Oh, DC. How I miss thee. Definitely check out the Zoo if you've not been, and the Arboretum ought to be absolutely gorgeous soon.

The Folger Shakespeare Library is also quite lovely. Definitely go and see the Spy Museum, its one of the few museums in DC that you have to pay entry for that I've returned to time and again.

As for food, I'm sure a lot of people will chime in with their favorite spots. However, Washington Post also has a pretty comprehensive review site that will let you search for places by proximity to Metro stations.

Re: Metro, consider buying a day/week pass if you know you're going to be using it a lot. If you need to get anywhere and need to be on the Red Line at any point, add at least 15mins to your expected travel time.

districter

@abetterfate Well 1/2 mile from you is one of my favorite baked goods + coffee shops, Baked and Wired. Their cupcakes are the bomb!

stuffisthings

Or you can check out the exciting District of Columbia Department of Motor Vehicles office from the hours of 8 AM to 4 PM, which is what I will be doing tomorrow.

katiemcgillicuddy

@A. Louise God almighty do we love our pandas here.

NeenerNeener

@abetterfate There is a tea house in Georgetown that I will definitely visit again when I make my way down there. A quick internet search makes me think it's called Ching Ching Cha.

celeec4@twitter

@stuffisthings ...I am so sorry. Good luck, and take lots of reading materials with you.

charmcity

@abetterfate Tabard Inn in Dupont Circle for brunch (and fun wandering thereafter) and Ethiopic on H St. NE for dinner (and barhopping thereafter)

RK Fire

Re. pandas: red pandas are the BEST pandas and you can also see them at the National Zoo! I'll be visiting them this weekend for my birthday because I turned (2)9. (I'm still a little sheepish about being so fond of zoos and red pandas.)

Other suggestions for DC visits: U Street (has Ben's Chili Bowl, also amazing Ethiopian food like Dukem), Busboys and Poets. Also, I have heard that the Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian has a kickass cafeteria including frybread. Do not visit Chinatown expecting a Chinatown, it is only depressing if you think about it very much.

I'm going to check out the National Building Museum because I'm a Grade A Urban Planning Nerd this weekend as well.. and I'm going to check out District of Pi since I have been craving some deep dish pizza. Never been to either, but I have my fingers crossed! I am also contemplating a visit for frybread.

harebell

@RK Fire @stuffisthings @districter

any more suggestions you want to send would be most welcome! I'm also going to DC -- for 4 days next week. It's mostly to visit my parents' gravesite, so it would be great to do recuperative things, too.

I definitely have cherry blossoms + the butterfly house + all the art museums on my list, but it's been a number of years since I visited my parents in DC regularly, so more recommendations of places to eat and browse books would be most welcome. Especially good Togolese/Ethiopian and affordable good eats, or good quiet bars?

If all goes well, we will be staying in Columbia Heights, but moving about all over.

thank you!

harebell

@abetterfate
also, for us both -- here's the Design Sponge guide to DC, which includes places to eat~
http://www.designsponge.com/2010/07/washington-dc-design-guide.html

sophia_h

*holds up a lighter for the Bargain Bin*

(*thanks Daisy Razor*)

cosmia

@sophia_h :'((

Regina Rizzo@facebook

@sophia_h: I miss Bargain Bin too.....

Daisy Razor

@sophia_h Aw, I'm trying, but I know it's not the same! I miss the tangents in the comments.

noodge

@Daisy Razor did you do one this week? linky?

Daisy Razor

@noodge Linky! St. Paddy's theme. Sort of.

parallel-lines

@sophia_h shoot, what's the link to that again?

noodge

@Daisy Razor the green/pink stripey dress! love!!!! <3

lookuplookup

I got the new Marnie Stern album in the mail yesterday! It's everything I dreamed of and more!

I've had a severe funover ALL WEEK because I spent last weekend in Chicago with all of my closest far flung friends and now I am back home and I have to learn how to love Cleveland all over again.

Also, I'm in the middle of reading Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell and DAMN if the short story "The Barn at the End of Our Term" (about US Presidents being reincarnated as horses) isn't the best thing I've read so far this year. It's funny but sincere and heartfelt without being coy and you'll all laugh at me, but I TEARED UP AT THE END OF A STORY NARRATED BY RUTHERFORD B. HAYES, AS A HORSE.

A. Louise

@lookuplookup (officially outing my whereabouts but wth) Cleveland high five! Maybe one day there will be enough of us to do some sort of outing.

lookuplookup

@A. Louise Yes! Cleveland is the city. I am actually die hard Cleveland (well, Lakewood), but it's hard to be ripped from the loving arms of your dearest friends and sent back to a city where your social life is pretty much lying face down on your boyfriend's couch while he watches SportsCenter. I'd love to have a Cleveland Pin-Up!

A. Louise

@lookuplookup Lakewood high five! Me too! All of my friends live in big cities as well, to the point that I swore up and down to my boyfriend that I HAVE friends and any time one or two of them come to visit I all but POINT at them and say to him, "Look! I wasn't lying."

Let's set one up in the spring? I feel like Clevelanders are in that "I am still hibernating out of spite because it may snow tomorrow" stage so we'd have a better turn out a little down the road. I've always wanted to go to Sweet Moses and felt like it would make a great Hairpin meetup spot, but I also like booze... so...

Anyway, hooray!

cminor

@lookuplookup Wait wait wait. You're in Cleveland? Can the three of us go out for drinks?

Three person Pin-Up?!

Kate Kane

@cminor Three person Cleveland pin-ups totally work. Some of us went to a Burning River Roller Girls match last year, it was the only pin-up that actually came to fruition ( ...I think, I haven't looked at google groups in loooong time).

cminor

@Kate Kane I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen! :)
I'm only in town till the end of April though.

Kate Kane

@cminor Awesome! People in this thread - want to head over to the pin-up google group and see if we can put something together?

...Oh man, I see someone tried to meet up with people at the Winter Warmer Fest last month. I was there! I'm waving to you in the past whoever you are!

Attractive Nuisance

@lookuplookup Aged lurker would be into this as well.

hallelujah

Just found out a good friend/former colleague died today. He was truly one of the world's greatest humans - at 45, illiterate and addicted to crack, he got a job taking care of his friend in a wheelchair and joined the homecare union. He got clean, learned how to read and write, and was my boss by the time I got a job organizing with that union, just a few years later. He was just the absolute best, and came so far, and then cancer killed him before 60 anyways.

Not feeling so great about the universe.

iceberg

@hallelujah Shit. I'm so sorry, @hallelujah. The universe really is a fucker some days.

fondue with cheddar

@hallelujah Wow, I'm so sorry. He sounds like an amazing person. Why do they always have to be the ones to go? Many hugs.

laurel

And still Dick Cheney walks the Earth.

hallelujah

@fondue with cheddar @iceberg Thanks, guys. His belly was so big that if he tried to write on a chalkboard, he'd erase everything below his chest so he constantly had shit on his shirt. And had tractor tires in his minivan to sit on instead of seats. Ugh. At least it's the weekend.

@laurel FUCKING RIGHT??? Goddamnit.

stonefruit

@hallelujah Oh lord. I'm so sorry. What a loss.

Judith Slutler

@hallelujah He sounds like a gem. Fuck you, universe.

sarah girl

The Maryland General Assembly just passed a bill banning the death penalty in the state! And the governor is likely to sign it!

districter

@sarah girl Someone on my facebook feed is there and just posted pictures of everyone hugging up on the balconies and celebrating the decision. Hooray!

OhMarie

@sarah girl HELL. YES.

I want to see these pictures!

yeah-elle

I want to leave this week behind. I got ambushed with some kind of fever-y illness (my second in two months!) and spent my only day off sleeping and medicating and trying not to cry. Then I had to take an extra day off and since I live paycheck to paycheck, it means it'll be even harder to enjoy my days off when I'm healthy again. Today my mom is going in for an open biopsy and I just want her to be healthy and never feel any pain. I'm tired and I'm working both jobs today and I just want to be able to breathe through both of my nostrils and hug my mom, wahhh.

synchronized
synchronized

Guys, I'm in a long-distance relationship and it's getting me down. Ironically, I feel this is the time when I should be LEAST down about it -- after 2.5 years (!) of long distance, my boyfriend will finally be able to move to my city sometime next month.

But there are still so many unknowns, and it's killing me. I'm on my last nerve with this whole thing, and every time he tells me he doesn't have an exact moving date pinned down yet (not really his fault), I end up a little bit more crushed.

Now it's Friday, and tomorrow is supposed to be a gorgeous day in my city. He won't be here for it, and my masochistic brain keeps going back to this idea that tomorrow should be a day for walks, for drinks on the patio, etc, and I can't share that with him. (Even though the end of our separation is in sight!)

Does anyone else have stories of surviving long distance? We've been at it so long, and I apparently can't handle it anymore without breaking into tears daily.

graffin

@synchronized My wife and I are happily married after a year of long distance. I eventually grew sick of it and moved near her.

How much of a distance are we talking here. Drivable distance, or need to buy plane tickets distance?

Emma Peel

@synchronized You're so, so close! I would start planning a lot of things for when he arrives, if you're to the point where it's "sometime next month"? Think of places you want to go with him, ask him what he wants to do, etc!

Also, there is a benefit to long-distance sometimes in that you have the good parts of being single -- your time and space are your own. Stay out late with friends, watch movies that he hates, do nice things for yourself. And yay, it's almost over!

synchronized
synchronized

@graffin First, I LOVE YOUR ICON. It tells me you're full of wisdom and that I can definitely be open with you.

Second: We're talking a bit of both, I guess? The distance is drivable in about seven hours, but because that's on the more intense end of Driving Distances That Are Actually Doable, my boyfriend and I usually fly.

The flight length is only an hour or so (not bad at all!), but, as you probably know all too well, these things get expensive fast. I'm really, really hoping he moves here soon, because neither my bank account nor well-being can take much more. :-/

I'm glad your ending was a happy one!

synchronized
synchronized

@Emma Peel You make good points. I do like alone time, and I try to appreciate it when I have it.

Also, the fact that we've been apart for a huge chunk of our relationship (we met when we were living close by but moved apart soon after) has really helped me appreciate my time with HIM more, too. We never take each other for granted, and I'm glad for that.

graffin

@synchronized My wife and I were aboutn 8 hours apart. We would just find a nice town at the halfway point and plan weekends there. That way neither of us were doing too much driving. Plus, that is probably cheaper than flying.

supernintendochalmers

@synchronized I actually totally know what you mean. Something about being close to the end of something agonizing makes it that much worse. I second Emma Peel-- start planning things to do! Sleep in the middle of the bed! Do weird single-y things like wear clay masks, marathon TV, and eat hummus for dinner!

synchronized
synchronized

@supernintendochalmers Haha. I definitely ate a big bowl of homemade guacamole for dinner the other night! (Thing is, my BF would be on board with that too...)

Thanks for your thoughts! I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way about nearing the end of this.

stuffisthings

@graffin I also married my wife after a year of long distance! represent.

ghechr

@synchronized Before we were married, my husband and I maintained an LDR for about year? Maybe a bit longer. And we hardly ever saw each other during this time period because he was in Colorado and I was in Wash. DC. Anyway, I hear you and agree it sucks. What happened with us was that we each ended up moving to Pittsburgh together and, yeah, I was nervous, too; we were both entering new phases of our lives (not only relationship wise, but academically and professionally, too). But it ended up all working out OK and now we've been happily married for six years!

synchronized
synchronized

@ghechr That is so lovely to hear. Thank you!

Mrs. Grundy

@synchronized My partner and I did long-distance for about two years-- though, since I was (and still am) in a PhD program I could spend a whole month or two with her a few times, which helped. She eventually moved, and we are still together! It is 100% survivable!

The time right before and right after she moved was actually really hard, though. We both hated the LD, and wanted it to end, but it was a big change for her to be in a new city, and for both of us to be living with someone after having our own space, time, etc. for so long. All of that is just to say that I think it's normal for the time near the end of the LD to be stressful in its own way, and that accepting that that will be the case makes it easier to get through the stress. Good luck!

Lost penguin

I would like to enthuse wildly about my mix cd (thank you [sic]). I also suspect she will hate my offering however I'm considering re doing it to better suit her possible taste! Or perhaps I should stop getting all competitive over this and just sit back and enjoy the awesome tunes, while racking up an enormous Amazon wish list of new artists?

[sic]

@Lost penguin Wooo! Glad you liked it: I also get hugely competitive about mix cds. Most of the songs on there are available on Spotify, if you want to bypass Amazon.
Actually, I realized just a little bit too late that I forgot to send a note along with the CDs, so you must have received just a creepy anonymous package...
Which artists did you like?

Lost penguin

@Lost penguin Top choices right now are; She keeps bees, Clem Snide, Brown Bird and Tallest man on earth but really there is nothing on the cds which I feel the need to forward through. Great selection!

etheline.

Unpopular opinion alert!
I am 31 weeks pregnant with bad swelling (toxemia?), high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and low iron. I've had all kinds of bonus doctor's appointments recently, and my big, secret wish is that someone will tell me I need to cease working immediately and go on bed rest.
I have serious guilt about this fantasy, because I don't want anything to be endangering my little girl ... but after months of doing the work of two people (I'm a news reporter) and caring for my suspiciously sick, no-longer-allowed-to-drive husband, I just want someone to prescribe me naps and Netflix marathons.

coolallison

@etheline. I'm not even pregnant, and I wish I could go on bedrest. I sometimes envision myself getting into a non-major car accident, but one that is bad enough that I'm put out of work for a couple of weeks to lay around and take naps and watch Netflix.

I really hope things get better for you, though.

etheline.

@coolallison YES! I am glad someone understands and doesn't think I'm some sort of monster to be crossing her fingers for medically-mandated sloth time.
My mom told me before that, with her childbearing years far behind her, she secretly hopes for the long recovery time that comes with a hysterectomy.
Also - thanks!

Oh, squiggles

@etheline. Damn girl, it already sounds like you deserve some bedrest! You shouldn't feel guilty about that fantasy!

Is there someone you can ask who can help you out for a bit, either at home or at work?

It also might be a good idea to make sure your doctor is aware of how much stress is going on in your life, and hopefully they will be able to help you manage it.

hallelujah

@etheline. Oh girl. Don't you feel bad one bit. I was high-risk and took it upon my damn self to start leave at 32 weeks, being extremely lucky that I had FMLA and no one else to care for. Late pregnancy fucking SUCKS.

etheline.

@hallelujah Being Canadian, I'm lucky that having to start mat leave early wouldn't be a huge blow financially, so it is an option. There's still the guilt that would come with leaving my office in a bit of a lurch, but with every passing day the "eff this nonsense" feeling grows stronger.

etheline.

@Absurd Bird Thanks for allowing me to indulge that fantasy :)
My husband and I live a few hours from the rest of our family, which makes it hard to get outside help. He had his first seizure at age 30 awhile back, and the resulting tests turned up some crazy things. Until he's given a clean bill of health (and is allowed to drive again!), I'm in the caretaker role. As for work - it's a bit of an issue. I'm tired of being a squeaky wheel about it and not seeing results, and have resigned myself to counting down the days til mat leave starts.

OhMarie

@coolallison I also sometimes envision getting injured in a kind of, "these assholes would figure something out if my husband called from the hospital saying I was in a coma" kind of way. Don't feel bad!!

geek_tragedy

@etheline.

Not to sound naive, but what if you let your doctor know just how exhausted you are and asked to be put on bedrest? Honestly, it sounds like you need to be on bedrest for a number of reasons. What if you asked? I find Canadian doctors (I live in Canada) to be reasonable and easy to work with, and understanding. In the past, when I've needed something similar from doctors, I've simply said, "Look, I feel x, y, z, and am dealing with tons of stuff, and I am so.tired. Could I possibly [insert what you'd like.]"

Your doctor wants you and your kid to be healthy. And you're more likely to be healthy (as is your daughter) if you're not exhausted and super stressed. You are not shirking--you probably need leave.

geek_tragedy

@etheline.

Not to sound naive, but what if you let your doctor know just how exhausted you are and asked to be put on bedrest? Honestly, it sounds like you need to be on bedrest for a number of reasons. What if you asked? I find Canadian doctors (I live in Canada) to be reasonable and easy to work with, and understanding. In the past, when I've needed something similar from doctors, I've simply said, "Look, I feel x, y, z, and am dealing with tons of stuff, and I am so.tired. Could I possibly [insert what you'd like.]"

Your doctor wants you and your kid to be healthy. And you're more likely to be healthy (as is your daughter) if you're not exhausted and super stressed. You are not shirking--you probably need leave.

miss buenos aires

@etheline. This is a little off-topic, but my doctor just told me I have gestational diabetes. Booooooo! Any menu-planning tips? I am also a vegetarian.

thebestjasmine

@geek_tragedy Doctors probably won't mandate bed rest like that (because most doctors I know hate it), but they might mandate some forced rest so she can tell work that and therefore get to take some breaks. Poor thing, I hope you get some rest soon!

siniichulok

@miss buenos aires Oh! I thought I had it and it turns out that I don't, but in the week and a half between the time they told me I needed the three-hour test and the time I finally called and was like, "Well??" and they told me they only would have called me if I'd had it, I actually went on an approximation of the diet that I could figure out from reading online, and I noticed that I felt a lot better than before and had more energy and less of a recurring terrible low-blood-sugar feeling (a problem from neglecting protein AND carbs in favor of too many vegetables), so I think I'll keep it up. Anyway, I found this, which was delicious: http://gestationaldiabetesrecipes.com/2011/05/roast-cauliflower-with-preserved-lemon-olives/

Also, apparently (unless told otherwise), sweet potatoes are OK, so my husband and I have been having baked sweet potatoes and some kind of beans/lentils/dhal and vegetables a few times a week (in between meat, which I know you don't eat).

miss buenos aires

@siniichulok What a great resource that website is, thank you! I feel like I am generally a pretty healthy eater, but my husband is resistant to things like sweet potatoes and lentils, so I guess I get to save that for my (several, small) lunches during the week. No doubt, it's a bummer, but a weird part of me is looking forward to treating my body like a very important science experiment. Will quick-cook oats have the same effect on my blood sugar as five-minute oats? What about peanut butter vs. almond butter? Low-fat vs. full-fat yogurt? Watch this space, I guess...

siniichulok

@etheline. No, there's nothing wrong for you for wanting mandated sloth-time! Pregnancy is fricking HARD sometimes, both physically and mentally(I'm 26 weeks along and that is my impression). I'm not working now (except on a book--ha)because I'm not employed, but when nosy people ask me about my employment situation, and I forget that I'm allowed to say "this is private" and then explain that I got Canadian permanent residence and then was looking for work when I IMMEDIATELY got pregnant (I had thought it might take a while because I read all of those OMG-your-withered-ovaries-you-over-28-feminist-who-thinks-she-has-the-right-to-reproduce-and-have-and-eat-the-cake articles on Jezebel, but no). I usually don't even GET to the part with the first-trimester complications that would have made working impossible (scary bleeding that prompted wrongfully prescribed bed rest), or the fact that I started showing really fast and wouldn't have gotten hired after week 10 or so, before the other party says something about how in OLDEN TIMES pregnant women worked in the fields and even had the BABY in the fields and were not coddled, etc. Or (if they're a generation older) how women fought to be allowed to work while pregnant and that it's possible to work up until the end if you REALLY APPLY YOURSELF and don't throw this chance away and making money is responsible,and you shouldn't depend on a MAN, blah blah. It's all silly--I mean, sure, it's nice to be able to work, but on the other hand, this ideal that pregnant women are held up to, in which you should totally run that marathon and work up to week 38 1/2 and all that is pretty punishing and doesn't allow for variation in ease of pregnancy experience. All of my doctors after this incompetent one (who was actually a nurse who thought she was a doctor) have looked sort of shocked when I tell them that she put me on bed rest, so in my experience Canadian doctors don't like that at all, but maybe they would give the green light to go on leave early (and write something to that effect) once you tell them how you're feeling?

Also, many years ago when I was working in this awful place at minimum wage and was offered a temp job at over twice the hourly rate and was wracked with guilt over the prospect of leaving the awful place that I hated (I'm weird), my coworker there said to me, "your job will take care of your job. Your job will be fine. YOU have to take care of YOURSELF." Which I think would be true in most situations....

siniichulok

@miss buenos aires Glad you like it! I look forward to future installments, especially because I'm performing a similar experiment myself....

graffin

I would like to add rap back into my music library. This is after my recent purchases have been straying a little too close to country for my comfort.
What are some great hip hop/rap CD's that a 38 year old can still appreciate?

chrysopoeia

@graffin Dilla! Get yourself some J Dilla.

chrysopoeia

@graffin And Frank Ocean, but that's a bit more the soul side of hip hop.

Judith Slutler

@graffin KENDRICK LAMAR. He has free mixtapes floating around on the internet too, I think you might like Overly Dedicated?

lookuplookup

@graffin Yes to all of these recs! And tack on Angel Haze and Azealia Banks for good measure.

Judith Slutler

@lookuplookup How did I forget Angel Haze? I can't stop listening to that album.

cminor

@graffin Fatlip is my favorite artist, and I do like Donald Glover's stuff (childish gambino) some of it's available for free!

adorable-eggplant

@chrysopoeia Did you know his middle name is Francis (hence, I suppose "Frank")? He was introducing a spot on the radio, like "This is Francis Ocean telling you to listen to the Beat." And I said to my boyfriend, "Whoa, I wonder if he's related to Frank Ocean. That seems like quite the coincidence." And my bf lol'd at me for the rest of the car ride home.

stonefruit

@graffin Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Necessary.

Daisy Razor

@graffin I am unironically enjoying Macklemore's The Heist.

Biketastrophy

@graffin Mega Ran (Random) is a 35 year old rapper who raps a lot about video games and nerdy stuff, if you like that sort of thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Random_%28musician%29

the roughest toughest frail

@graffin Black Star. Forever and ever amen.

leonstj

@graffin - I love this song. But then again, I also like kind of goon-y hiphop.

Emma Peel

OKCupid open thread? I feel like we've had one of these lately!

So I just got to the mindset of "I am ready for some fun and low-stakes dating" and have been messaging with some dudes and now feel like I need a tutorial on... what comes next, I guess? (I mean, dates, I guess.)

I have mostly messaged back the ones who used good spelling and grammar and were nice and had actually read my profile, and picked out a couple and got the ovaries to message them myself, so I'm messaging with about seven dudes right now.

One wants to go out next week, who I like somewhat, so yay! One wants to go out but is already starting to bore me on messages, so do I need to say NO or just kind of let it peter out? One I am meh on. I guess what I'm asking is, what is your threshhold for actually going out with someone if you're already starting to not like them in what is admittedly an artificial and awkward medium?

Also, wow, all guys in DC are the same. (Or all guys in DC the site thinks are "my type" are the same. I promise, if you had to, you could actually live without the New Yorker/NPR/good coffee/hoppy beer.)

cminor

@Emma Peel I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SHARE ON THIS.
Lately my main form of entertainment has been dating dudes on OKC.
I'm pretty promiscuous however, so for me what comes next is usually some combination of drinking and sex. Or dinner and sex. Or just sex. And, yeah, just say no, or if you're a coward like me; mysteriously get very busy and peter off your responses.

And if it's not too much of a thread hijack, I recently hooked up with this really hot law professor who's into social issues and wine, and all I want to do is text him and say, "I WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED AGAIN WHEN ARE YOU FREE". But I'm trying to wait a day or two.

eiffeldesigns

@cminor ha. When I was on OKC I did the same thing. Dinner. Wine. Sex. Rinse. Repeat.

But then I ended up with current gentleman caller... It was supposed to be dinnerwinesex, but then suddenly we were on date three, and now it's been 7 months (!!!). It's so fucking true when people say, "As soon as you stop looking, then you'll find someone."

professionalmess

@Emma Peel
I asked a few weeks ago and people said just go for it, which was fine because social interaction, but the date was meh too, so I'm not sure how that shakes out for you. Also, I agreed to a second date because maybe first dates are just bad by definition, and we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie, and after dinner he said "I think I'll just go home." That's not really helpful to you I guess, but super rude, right?

Emma Peel

@professionalmess Seeeee I think that's what I'm afraid of -- go on a date, but first dates aren't that great so go on another date, and all of a sudden I've spent a lot of time on a guy I knew I wasn't going to be that interested in to begin with.

Also yeah, super rude. Plus, it's a movie! Even if it wasn't working, you just have to sit in the dark next to each other???

To make this an actual open thread: what other fun/appalling OKC things have happened lately, 'Pinners?

cminor

@Emma Peel I haven't had any terrible dates, but dudes lying about height happens a lot. I live in Cleveland right now and I've noticed for whatever reason, the average mens height is a little shorter than average. I am significantly (though not majorly) taller than average. (I'm 5'8")

I don't mind dating shorter men, but it's a bit of shock to meet someone who's '5'10"' and I tower over them.

Ellie

@cminor I don't really understand why people do this when it will become immediately obvious that they lied about it. HOWEVER. I met up with a guy who said he was 5'10" (I'm 5'7") and he was maaaaaybe 5'8". But I am actually very glad he lied about it because it was super awesome and I quite possibly wouldn't have responded, or met him, otherwise! But I feel guilty for reinforcing this practice.

JanieS

@Emma Peel Eurrrgh ... my last OKC fella decided that I was the perfect person to chat to about his horrible childhood and self-diagnosed Aspergers. Also he asked me out to a cafe and DIDN'T DRINK ANYTHING. Just bought a bottle of juice to fidget with. So odd. I'm going to go on a messaging spree this weekend though. I don't seem to get responses from that, but something might happen!

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@cminor ugh ugh ugh i have such conflicting feels about the whole 'lying about yr height' thing

Linette

@Emma Peel I am a big fan, especially on okcupid and similar, of being brutally honest with people. I've had 90% positive reaction with this strategy, and the other 10% were so horrible/weird in their reaction that I just thought, "Welp, dodged a bullet there, clearly. Can you believe I was about to spend hours in the company of this dickbag?"

Usually just something like, "Hey, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm honestly not sure that we're hitting it off well enough to start dating. I hope you don't mind me being up-front; I just don't want to waste your time."

Some of them will be all, "You don't even know me HOW DARE YOU" but most of them will say something like, "Thanks for being honest. Good luck to you," and that will be the end of it and you won't have to put up with months of messages attempting to rekindle the relationship-that-never-was because they are confused as to why you faded.

sydwi

@Emma Peel I am in the midst of this! Went out on a few first dates, and now I'm at a fourth with one of the guys. But I am not the dinnerwinesex type of person, so he's kind of lucky to be getting kisses. It's an elite club, guys who I am willing to kiss.

I am a believer in karma, so I'd say no thanks to the boringish guy rather than let it peter out. What are you looking for in a low stakes dating? I'd guess next step is do a date or two with a guy until you're not feeling it any more and then just move on. Or do a few dates and realize you got lucky, you know, either way. :) I mean, two dates, not a huge time suck and no one really cares if you say no thanks after that. (Unless I've left a stream of grumpy guys behind me unknowingly.)

cminor

@Ellie I get why they do it, but it doesn't make it less annoying. I'm attracted to height, but it doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to shorter guys too. Self-awareness and honesty are my turn ons.

Oh; can we talk about how much it sucks the minute a guy asks some version of, "So, What kind of guy do you like?". LEAST FAVORITE DATE QUESTION EVER. If we've been having open and pleasant conversation, and I'm out on date with you. I'm interested.

Ellie

@cminor It just seems like a really big gamble that you in person is awesome enough to make up for a) lack of height, if that's what's important to the girl b) lying about it. The dude in my case was, but I feel like that's more likely not to be the case? Of course, I had "taller than I am" in my list of what I'm looking for, so I guess I deserved it.

Tuna Surprise

@Emma Peel
I've been trying and failing to get something going on OKC. This thread is the kick in the ass I need.

@Josh - are you a dude? I think the best answer if you are of the 'shorter variety' is to lie about your height on the survey (so you aren't weeded out of search results) and then come clean in the comments? Perhaps something cheeky like "Ladies, I lie about my height. Not because I'm deluded, because I am attracted to women of all heights. So if you're cool with that - message me!"

As a super tall lady, I would be attracted to that.

sydwi

@JanieS One of my guys ordered food at the bar and then didn't eat ANY of it. Just picked it up and set it down again. And his opening story was about how his coworker hated him. It segued into how all the SOs of his friends hate him, too. There wasn't much to say to that. (I admit that one time, I couldn't help a, "Gee, wonder why!" in such a cheery tone that he couldn't really call me on it.)

stuffisthings

I'm still boggled that women have these hard-and-fast rules about height. Like practically every woman I know is all, "Oh I'd date a guy who was stupid and mean and ugly and poor and addicted to heroin and actively hated me, but only so long as he's taller than me." And I'm not even below-average height!

Also I'm now married to a lady who is exactly my height, so NOT MY PROBLEM anymore unless she magically grows taller and starts despising me.

zamboni

@Emma Peel I have basically zero dating experience so I will go out with anyone I think I would enjoy talking to in real life, even if I think I might not be attracted to them. If I am starting to dislike them for conversational/personality reasons, I just fade out unless they ask me out (and then I'm like "nope").

Personal Updates:
- I went on a couple of dates last weekend that I enjoyed, but I knew I wasn't attracted to the guys. Still, I am really sad/hurt that neither of them have contacted me since (only one said he would) because no one has ever really liked me and I'm paranoid that it's not even possible. (Never mind that my stress and discomfort if these guys I'm not interested in DID pursue me would be way greater than my transient case of the sads over it!)
- The only guys I was messaging who I actually would have been excited to date abruptly deleted their profiles. All three of them.
- While I'm at it, I would like to complain that those "Somebody chose you!" profile rating e-mails make it sound like they think OKCupid users are like unadopted older dogs at an animal shelter or live on the Island of Misfit Toys. WHAT THE FUCK, OKCUPID. (Also, who wouldn't have wanted the polka-dotted elephant? Come on.)

Vicky

@Josh just list your height as, like, 7'7".

cminor

@stuffisthings I think all of those cut and dried "I'm only attracted to this" statements are weird. I like tall dark haired men but one of my biggest ever crushes (gross word but I can't think of anything better) was a short blonde.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Tuna Surprise i am, and a short one at that (5'6''). it bums me out bc ive felt that pain so hard but lying is obvs not cool.

i just say in the ~what ppl notice abt me first~ part that "whatever is behind me, as you'll prob be seeing over my head'

zamboni

@sydwi The thing with two dates with a guy you're "meh" on: it's not that much time, maybe, but I'm kind of busy and already pretty active socially. So any time I give to dating people I'm not excited about dating is time that probably otherwise would have gone to something reliably enjoyable or productive (hanging out with my not-disappointing friends, putting in evening hours at my second job, or watching sports wearing elastic-waistband pants).

leonstj

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood - My height is one of my only selling points (I mean, I'm happy w/ me and all, but I am a "grows on you" kind of charming and not 'conventionally handsome' or "in shape whatsoever even a little bit" so don't do great w/ OKC), so I ABSOLUTELY CHERISH my right to type 6'0" without lying.

Stop stealing my thunder, jerkface.

(JK of course.)

redheaded_cat

@Emma Peel Oy vey, OkCupid. I thought when I met my ex I'd be done with it, but here I am again . . .

Wednesday I had a 5th date with a dude. He had me over and cooked me salmon and we watched Game of Thrones. 4th date he took me to some swanky film dinner. I should be so excited, right? There's just something missing. He still seems super nervous around me, and the whole damn time we were watching GoT he didn't hold my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. So at the end of the night I didn't feel like going from zero to makeout so I just gave him a hug, thanked him for dinner, and left. I like this guy personally, but I guess I'm just not super attracted to him physically, which is why I didn't just initiate the contact myself. I keep hanging out with him, hoping the attraction will magically materialize! Maybe if he'd chill out around me and be more confident it would help?

Had my first legit good date last night with a dude who brought his dog (major points in my book). Do I message him to say I had a good time? Wait for him to do that?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@leon s im closer to the dirt so i get to fight dirty!

cminor

@redheaded_cat Re: Dog guy; If you have his phone number, a next day, "Hey last night was fun, we should do it again." text is appropriate in my opinion if you're feeling it.

It opens communication if you weren't already texting and/or calling, and moves things from OKC to real life.

ach_so

@Emma Peel I sort of want a Pinners dating service... Is that weird to say?

ach_so

@rosielo Oh and nothing appalling has happened on OKC lately. Good thing: someone messaged me and thinks we should be friends, which makes me happy.

leonstj

@rosielo - I support this idea because (a)ratios and (b)ya'll are chill.

(However, I will be telling my friends "we met at a bar." Because as much as I don't have a problem with meeting people "from the internet", I still feel weird about saying it outloud).

ach_so

@leon s I guess it's finally time for me to get to a Pin-up and meet some of you awesome people.

cminor

@rosielo It wouldn't be weird to have a Pinners dating service, we're all into the same things and that's what most online dating is. Finding people with similar interests. And! Maybe because there's sort of a hairpin community it would actually work for platonic friend finding too. That's a failing of online dating for me. Sometimes I'm in a new city and I just want to hang out.

thebestjasmine

@stuffisthings This is just what I was going to say: it is so weird to me that there are women (apparently lots of women?) who filter by height and care so much about how tall a dude is! This is possibly because I'm a short lady, but even so it seems like such an arbitrary thing to care about to me.

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@cminor you all should do what my friend group does: have a party where price of admission is 'one single babe, to be shared with everyone else.' we call them 'dinner parties.'

ETA: ok that came out more gross than intended... creepy kittens, creepy. nobody do what i said.

Laughable Walrus

@Emma Peel On the strange/hilarious side of OKC messaging, here goes the on-going tale of the weirdest series of messages I've gotten. No context provided, because there is none! I just get one of these gems from the same guy (that I've never replied to!) once every week or so:

I wrote this haiku
maybe I wrote it for you

aslkdjfsafsalfkaslkflask;lfaksl;fladsf how do I say what I want to

what does the bird do when it's the word

Would you rather fight one hundred duck sized horses or one horse sized duck

I like the way you lurk

WHAT? what? what.

cminor

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy How do you advertise your parties? (I'm assuming babe is an awesome person of any gender whom the group does not know?) I often find myself in a new city for several months and I'll know literally no one, except for some work people.

I love the idea for my homebase city though. If only my friends weren't lame and actually came to my themed parties. (I've tried throwing them! They won't show up!)

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@cminor yep that's the idea. we don't advertise, it's like a private fbook invite, you have to trust the other people's judgement enough to trust they're not gonna bring some weirdo/creep who will harsh the vibes, or anyone's ex. got nothin for you on the new-city problem, unfortunately; i lived here for 2+ years before i met any friendly cats. mostly dogs and ferrets out there, tbh.

Maryaed

@leon s So sad that you of all people would say this, when you could so easily say "My secret is that I am INCREDIBLY HOT ON THE INTERNET and beat the ladies off with a stick." (Um, don't worry, I am not hitting on you as I am happily coupled and 3000 miles away, but you so obviously are.)

Penny Pollard

@Emma Peel HAIRPIN DATING - ABSOLUTELY! I had the same thought. The Hairpin seems to be full of such awesome people. I just started going on OkC and enormous MEH is the overall impression. I remember thinking that I'd much rather meet up with hairpinners. hmmm, I wonder how we can make OkHairpin happen!! Maybe it could be like with the mixed tapes or pin pals or something. ALSO - related but not entirely - while on the topic of Meeting Folk on the Internet, some of whom are dudes and some of whom are ladies - has anyone else messaged a bunch of people on OkC, both genders, and had *none* of the ladies write back!? I haven't done this before and think I'm maybe Doing it Wrong.

lobsterhug

The husband and I are going to Portland next week!!!! Tell me your PDX secrets.

Linette

@lobsterhug Please go to Salt & Straw and eat all the flavors and then tell me what they were. http://saltandstraw.com/

bitzy

@lobsterhug
-Powell's
-Portland Japanese Garden (breathtaking! Considered one of the best Japanese gardens not in Japan. The maples should just be starting to leaf out and the early azaleas are in bloom.)
-Cascade Brewing Company for 'sour' beers. Not really sour, just weird fruity flavors you can try in small tasters.
-The Doug Fir is a cool bar that usually has some great bands.
-Walk or take the light rail everywhere. Easy, frequent, and free!
-Also, they do have some really great strip clubs, if that is a shared interest...

Have fun!

coolallison

@lobsterhug Is Zoobombing still a thing? I did it several years ago, and despite being one of the oldest people there, I had so much fun. I also took an adult-sized bike. Maybe I should explain. All the kids meetup downtown and grab a minibike off of some big pole of minibikes, and then ride the train to the zoo, which is atop a big hill, and then all ride down the hill going at a terrifying speed. There was a little more "let's underage drink at the top of the hill" at first than my old lady ass wanted to do, but screaming down the hill on my bike was really exhilarating.

blueblazes

@lobsterhug It is after midnight and you want to eat a steak because you are half-frozen from spending an hour in line just to buy a penis-shaped doughnut that you aren't even sure you want to eat. Walk to Hubers;all the boys there are very dapper by Portland standards and hubby will enjoy the food. None of these things are secrets but they are things to do.

If you have a car, I recommend a food adventure to Dar Essalam in Wilsonville. This IS a secret.

Rozebekistan

@lobsterhug Ground Kontrol is a good time if you enjoy beer and what seems like thousands of arcade games lined up all over the place. They have so freakin many. And DJs!

Adult Footie Pajamas

@lobsterhug
The best way to experience PDX is to eat it. A guide:

Doughnuts: Blue Star (VooDoo is overrated.)
Ice Cream: Salt & Straw or Ruby Jewel
Chocolate: Cacao, Moonstruck or Alba Chocolatier
Sweet things that will blow your mind in general: Sugar Cube food cart
Asian fusion street food dressed up and fabulous: Pok Pok or Pok Pok Noi
American Comfort food: Grain and Gristle, Victory Bar, MuuMuu's
Breakfast: Broder, Tin Shed, Mother's, Jam on Hawthorne, Gravy, Tasty n Son's/Tasty n Alder, Navarre
Mediterranean: Lavant
Burgers: Little Big Burger, Slow Bar
Tacos: Por Que No
Pho: Luc Lac
Italian: Luce
Indian: Swagat, Bombay Cricket Club
Vegan: By and By, Prasad
Sandwiches: Bunk Bar, Meat Cheese Bread
Gorgeous, all-around fancy food: Clark Lewis, Clyde Common, Beast, St. Jack, Little Bird, Farm

Coffee Roasters: Sterling, Stumptown, Water Ave., Courier, Heart
Fancy Cocktails: Kask, Clyde Common, Secret Society (It's a bar hidden behind a bookshelf inside another bar. Go into Circa 33 and ask for the password.)
Breweries: Deschutes, Bridgeport
Wine Bars: M Bar, Kir

If you want to do something other than eat:
Pick up a Willamette Weekly OR Portland Mercury and use their event calendars
Rent a bike, toodle around
Hike a trail in Forest Park
Japanese Garden/Rose Test Garden
KAYAK ON THE WILLAMETTE
Hike the Gorge
Portland Art Museum or the Museum of Contemporary Craft
Dance at Halocene
Dance at Lovecraft
Dance at Valentine's
See a live band at Mississippi Studios/Doug Fir
Go to an author reading at Powell's
Visit the 24 hour Church of Elvis
Go to the nickel arcade at the Avalon, eat cheap pizza and see an old movie

Where to Buy Things:
Vintage Clothing: Red LIght, Rock n Rose, LuLu's, Xtabay, Animal Traffic, Ray's Ragtime, Red Fox Vintage, Pop Up Shop
Books: Powell's, Reading Frenzy
Gorgeous housewares: Woonwinkle, Canoe
Locally handmade stuff: Tender Loving Empire (it's also a record label)

Things to know:
Bring a coat with a hood, not an umbrella, and rain boots.
The best cab company is Radiocab
When getting out of a car, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS check for bicycles before you open that door. (Getting "doored" is really painful.)
The hierarchy of right-of-way is: pedestrians, bicycles, light rail/busses, and then cars at the veeeeeery bottom. At any corner, painted crosswalk or no, pedestrians have the right of way and cars must treat them like stop signs.
It's perfectly okay to wear your jeans and north face jacket to a fancy restaurant, but people do dress up too.

Sorry if that's overwhelming. I love this place.

lobsterhug

@Adult Footie Pajamas Wow, this makes me wish we had more than 5 days! Especially appreciate the wardrobe suggestions. The long range forecast has sun for now, but I'm not that optimistic.

Thanks for all the tips. This is why pinners are the best!

noodge

today is my last day in this god-forsaken department - I'm transferring to another (hopefully) better one. I have less than two hours left, and I have less than any fucks to give. BOOM.

parallel-lines

@noodge hahaha, you are me last week. I feel like I should be in one of those "it gets better" PSAs.

The worst part about my transfer was that my boss told me he wanted to give me a thank you gift for all my hard work, and a week later, no thank you gift has materialized. I wouldn't be angry if it wasn't the second time he's done this (first time: Christmas bonus). But...it gets better, right?

fondue with cheddar

@noodge Hooray! Here's hoping your new one is an improvement, which from the sound of it doesn't seem that unlikely. I hope you plan on celebrating the hell out of this weekend!

noodge

@parallel-lines it does indeed get better. this is a lateral move, but to a much busier and "more important" part of the company that I could grow into once I have my nursing degree. Their positivity when I walked in for my interviews nearly knocked me off my feet (after 3+ years the closed-door, isolated, bitter hell of my current dept). Chin up, with this AND your nursing school apps. YOU GOT THIS!

lobsterhug

Some women that I am friends with because they are married to my husband's friend are doing the Susan G. Komen walk and they keep sending me event invitations on Facebook. It's all I can do not to go all caps on their asses about how awful Komen is. Like, did they not watch the news at all last year? Because, if they did, and they don't care, I just can't with them anymore.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@lobsterhug You should send them an invite for a movie night and make them watch Pink Ribbons Inc.

lookuplookup

@lobsterhug I totally sympathize with you on this. My family put a team together for a Komen walk and it was organized by my grandmother (a breast cancer survivor) and I didn't participate, but also couldn't bear to have the Big Bad Talk about how fucked up Komen (and the whole pink ribbon industrial complex) is. Like, how do you even start to have that convo? I don't know. So I went running from that walk like the total scaredy cat I am.

lobsterhug

@lookuplookup I first heard they were doing it at a party, but I missed the first part of the conversation and just heard Komen, so I scoffed and said Komen was terrible. But I was too tipsy to take it farther than that. Obviously, I should have so as to avoid being involved in all this Facebookery.

Oh, squiggles

I keep running into the problem of not know what to do with my life, so I basically do nothing, and then get depressed and feel shitty about myself for not doing anything. So I want to do something, but I just don't know what. It's a pretty mild problem in the grand scheme of things, and I'm sure it is also pretty common, but it's gotten to the point where I feel like I am constantly banging my head against the wall and I'm sick of it.

coolallison

@Absurd Bird Me too. I even started seeing a career coach, and we are working out what it is I truly want to do, and then I think of all the work it would take to change careers, and so I just keep doing the same thing.

cminor

@Absurd Bird This accurately describes my life. I'm trying to force myself to do something about it, but it's hard. And that makes me feel more guilt.

fondue with cheddar

@Absurd Bird Me too! I'm about to turn 39 and have so much guilt over not having figured this shit out yet.

raised amongst catalogs

@Absurd Bird This may sound kind of kooky and granola, but...I tried meditating yesterday? For the first time ever I actually took the time to do it, and it was a short, guided exercise but it felt VERY good. I have the same problem about the not knowing what to do and then just treading water for lack of knowing what to do instead -- and I'm not saying meditating for five minutes yesterday CURED me of not knowing, but I think it could be a very good tool for me (to help quiet my mind a bit, and maybe provide some clarity). At any rate, it can't HURT.

cosmia

@Absurd Bird This is essentially the place my boyfriend is at, and I feel for you because I know what that feels like. Honestly, the thing that is helping him right now is to just continue researching options but also to do things like write blog posts and draw and just generally do something creative. When you're in that position it's easy to fall into a slump and just feel like you can't really do anything or that you don't have the drive for anything anymore, so taking on little fun, creative projects can stimulate you to think a little differently without stressing you out too much.

olivebee

@Absurd Bird I feel that way about job/career stuff, and so I volunteer a lot outside of work. Volunteering is a good way to help a cause you are passionate about and maybe find a new path you didn't realize was even a path before. It's also a good way to make new friends and keep busy and feel good about yourself.

adorable-eggplant

@olivebee Dude! I was just going to suggest volunteering and was reading through the comments to make sure no one else had already said it. So seconded!

I'll add that it might help to have 2 volunteering commitments: one that sort of relates to your field and will look snappy on a resume/help you learn a new skill and then another that helps you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Linette

@Absurd Bird Do anything? At all? I know it seems really simple, but just pick something to do - not necessarily a career thing, but anything that's a little challenging and interesting to you. I don't know why, but making progress on anything seems to affect all the other things in life. It'll also help you figure out what you enjoy in general, which can be helpful for figuring out what qualities you'd like your work to have.

Priscilla Peel

@fondue with cheddar Me too, and I'm also about to turn 39. You're not the only one who still doesn't have it figured out!

fondue with cheddar

@Priscilla Peel Thank goodness! I mean...I'm sorry. But it's always nice not to be alone. Is your birthday this month? Mine is a week from today.

Priscilla Peel

@fondue with cheddar I know, I'm sorry too, but it is nice to have some company! My birthday is in June. There is absolutely no chance that I will get everything together and become wildly successful by then.

fondue with cheddar

@Priscilla Peel There's always 40. That's the age when we really become grownups, right?

OhMyGoshYouGuys

I thought last week sucked eggs, but this week was a special hell.

I experienced an acute sleep disorder, unable to fall asleep AT ALL for two nights in a row.

I stayed home after the first night of nonexistent sleep but somehow dragged myself into work after day two of no sleep because I was on deadline. I have no recollection of the drive to work, however.

I really hope this doesn't become "a thing."

par_parenthese

@OhMyGoshYouGuys WHAT NO WHAT. Augh. I am SO SO sorry. :(

coolallison

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Sorry about your week. Hopefully this weekend you can get some recovery sleep?

But... is your picture of your doggie? Is it a dachshund? I have 2 dachshunds, and I'm almost afraid to have kids because I'm pretty sure I won't love them as much as my dogs.

Also, I love your username, because everytime I read one of your comments, I read it as starting out with you saying "Oh my gosh you guys..." and then I get super jazzed for you are about to say.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@coolallison Awwww, thank you. Tomorrow is going to be all about being lazy and sleeping the hell in.

My pic is technically of my parents' dachshund. He's a real character.

I can tell you one thing, your dachshunds probably would not love your hypothetical children. And really, who needs kids if you have TWO doxies?

chnellociraptor

I recently got promoted up from unpaid part-time intern to full-time paid employee at a super cool theatre company, which is the industry I'm dying to work in, and this was my first full week of work! Pro: no longer having to wash dishes at a tiny restaurant to pay bills. Con: 1.5 hour one-way commute, every day.

I'm really happy but also really tired! Also I'm running out of books to read on my commute, so everyone should give me book recommendations! I will read just about everything!

celeec4@twitter

@chnellociraptor Currently, I'm really enjoying The Presidents Club by Nancy Gibbs and Michael Duffy. Behind the scenes stuff always makes me happy.

somuchsugar

@chnellociraptor Congrats! I have just read This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz, and The White Woman on the Green Bicycle by Monique Roffey, excellent books!

thebestjasmine

@chnellociraptor Here are some fun books that I've read this year: THE REECE MALCOLM LIST, which might be right in your wheelhouse because it's about a teenage girl who is all into musical theater, and it's a great book about her and her long lost mom (full disclosure, the author is a friend but I would love this book anyway); WHERE'D YOU GO BERNADETTE, which some of us talked about last week and is hilarious and deep all at the same time; CODE NAME VERITY, a great and heartwrenching WWII tale about women pilots and spies which is basically a love letter to female friendship; TELL THE WOLVES I'M HOME, maybe the best book I read in 2012, set in the 80's about a girl whose beloved uncle dies of AIDS and how she and her family all deal with that. Yay for your new job!

polka dots vs stripes

@chnellociraptor I just finished Bad Lands by the guy who started Lonely Planet. He traveled to Afghanistan, Albania, North Korea, etc etc, it's pretty awesome.

Verity

@thebestjasmine Ahhh, Code Name Verity! It made me cry on the train.

Lucienne

@chnellociraptor Congrats! Is it just like Slings and Arrows?

This recommendation is like three years late to be hip, but Brooklyn is a really good novel.

theotherginger

@Lucienne wait are you talking about the show? (Slings and arrows?)

chnellociraptor

@everyone Thank you for the recommendations! I made a list, I'm checking my public library's catalogue twice.

@Lucienne IT IS EXACTLY LIKE SLINGS AND ARROWS except slightly less interesting and sadly lacking in Paul Gross. But Shakespeare is within my company's mandate, so there are overlaps. Slings and Arrows is actually the most accurate cultural representation of what it's actually like to work in theatre, particularly in Canada. And it's also the perfect show.

Lucienne

@theotherginger I am, yes. (If you like that show, you should watch the video I linked btw!)

@chnellociraptor Wait till some semi-obscure Canadian actors show up as "people you may know" on Facebook.

chnellociraptor

@Lucienne Facebook thinks that I know somewhat-to-very prominent Canadian theatre critics? Facebook flatters me.

empathicalist

So, I ran across this on FB today, and I'm really loving the project and the support of creatures that are Perfectly Imperfect. I have NO affiliation with this group, I just saw it and was impressed. They are asking for a modest amount, and I'd like to do what I can to help. There is a video, but it's all innocuous music, so you should be able to watch even at work.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/763122633/gabes-gang-a-celebration-of-perfectly-imperfect-po-1

Miss Maszkerádi

Call for recommendations of good blogs/websites to read besides this one! I'm basically addicted to xoJane and Jezebel, despite almost completely hating both of them. It's an absolute hate-read (especially the comments) and I basically just read them when I'm killing time and bored, and they ALWAYS give me some nasty feelings, and yet I do it anyway because, insert metaphor about being unable to look away from a train wreck here.

Anybody have any suggestions for good well-written online content about, like - food, travel, music? Anything but current events and Womens' Issues?

Quinn A@twitter

@Countess Maritza Hopping on this thread, because I could also use recommendations. I hate-read xoJane too (although I genuinely like some of their regulars, like Marianne, Lesley, and Kate Conway), and it's awful.

Cliterary Device

@Countess Maritza There's this one blog I'm following called "Mindfulness Muse". I don't remember exactly how I bumped into it. She updates infrequently, but her library of content is decent.

http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/

Judith Slutler

@Countess Maritza Do you like fashion? I love lesantimodernes and Dead Fleurette quite a lot.

Cliterary Device

@Emmanuelle Cunt Which reminds me, The Sartorialist! Now there's a picture book for adults if I ever saw one.

empathicalist

@Quinn A@twitter - I'm thirding this request, for the same reasons.

chnellociraptor

@Countess Maritza I read a lot of The AV Club. yesandyes.org has a lot of feel-good content and some really cool travel advice/photos.

Also, I hate-read Jezebel comments like nothing else. "Fuck You Week" was like new levels of rage blindness for me.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Countess Maritza Love this chick: http://the-frenemy.com/

Also, I'm with you on the hate-reading, I stop reading Jezebel from time to time because JESUS, but then I always go back.

ETA: I commented maybe one time there and hooooly shit I will never do that again.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Countess Maritza I'm not sure this fits your preferences but it might fit someone else's: http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/

Hilarity will ensue, if my experience is at all representative.

Lily Rowan

@Countess Maritza I've been loving Grantland lately for pop culture. Also sports, but I'm less into sports.

stonefruit

@Terrifying Wife-Avatar Ditto on awesomelyluvvie.com - this woman is smart and so effing funny. Love her.

Miss Maszkerádi

@everybody, can this be a safe space to talk about how much Jezebel sucks?! I mean it makes me genuinely sad and angry that such a pile of horrible writing and grade-school level reasoning is such a widely-read presence and therefore de facto Voice Of Women. YUCK.

I know this is just going to get me smacked down again, but I have felt physically ill reading the comments on any Jezebel article that even tangentially mentions Christianity (not to mention their masterpiece of subtle analysis the other day, entitled "Fuck the Pope.") I mean please don't get me wrong, I have plenty of issues with shitass so-called-Christians and their cruelty to others, Vatican hypocrisy and the lot of it, but the stuff I read on there is just beyond vile and vicious. I sometimes like to think what the Jezzies' reaction would be if they found their own comments, with "Christianity" swapped out for "Islam", on a right-wing-leaning blog. Probably massive outcry about racism and intolerance and hate speech. Which, I know, I know, is not the same thing at all because privilege and oppressive structures and majority cultures and etc., but nasty intolerant shit is nasty intolerant shit.

[sic]

@Countess Maritza Persephone Magazine is pretty good.

synchronized
synchronized

@Countess Maritza "Nasty intolerant shit is nasty intolerant shit."

Amen. Couldn't have said it any better.

stonefruit

@Countess Maritza So - I absolutely agree with you that a lot of feminist sites are hostile toward Christianity in a way that I think is deeply problematic. (Christian feminists: they exist!) But I am not sure I am down with the "swap it out for Islam and it would be hate-speech" comparison. It seems to me that Islam - or the perception of Islam - is situated very differently from Christianity in the U.S. and in the world, especially right now, and it's not really possible to compare the two in this manner.

What do you think? (and yay interfaith dialogue?)

[sic]

@Countess Maritza If you're not already reading The Slacktivist, you really should: he's a liberal evangelical Christian, unapologetically pro-feminist, and all-around awesome.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Countess Maritza They also jump down your throat if they decide a joke you made offended them in some idiotic way. They actually seem to revel in being offended, they really love their self-righteousness. I hate when people on the other Gawker sites make Jezebel jokes but then...I read the comments and I think "fuck all! They're right!" You're totally right about the "nasty intolerant shit" as well, some of the shit I've read there has been awful, the hypocrisy is laughable at times.

Good lord was I happy to find Hairpin.

Cawendaw

@Countess Maritza I have so much to say about this I'm not sure if I can actually say any of it. If that makes any sense at all.
First, does anyone read Jez/XOJane as a *self*-hate read? I have a really bad habit of hating myself a little bit, then wanting to hate myself more, then mainlining all of Jezebel and thinking about all the ways I've made the world worse by existing as a living first-world heterosexual male who tried to date a few times, then hating myself so much my breath goes shallow and it feels like there's a really painful weight on my chest, then skipping dinner and eventually going to sleep because my brain has decided that's the least painful option.
Second, I'm convinced Jez is actually trying really, really hard to make everything as negative as possible. Like, I know they report mostly on negative things, but even on pretty neutral celebrity and trend stories the headlines and the snarky writing style seem to cultivate this really nihilistic "Ha! But of course everything everywhere is awful and getting worse! I toss my head and sneer in the direction of anyone who smiles!" attitude.
Third, did you see their review of Titanic? It was so horrible I actually quit all of Gawker for a while (and I genuinely almost like io9!). I love Titanic. Sorry, that's not terribly relavent. But Titanic!
Fourth, have you tried entering "rape" in XOJane search bar? The results are almost hilarious. Almost.
Fifth YES I HATE THE FASHIONABLE HATRED OF CHRISTIANITY. So much I'm not sure I can talk coherently about it. Here's an article that does so, albeit not talking about most of the things I would talk about if I were talking: http://io9.com/5963475/why-smug-atheists-should-read-more-science-fiction
Fifth, no, I have no recommendations. I guess my only other internet hangout is somethingawful? But I don't know if that would appeal to anyone who didn't also read it ten years ago.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Cawendaw and all, this thread is cathartic and happymaking, and I shall respond later this evening! At the moment duty calls.

TheBelleWitch

@Countess Maritza I'm willing to bet many, many Hairpin readers are Jezebel refugees. I actually installed a website-blocking program on my browser to get over my hate-reading of that site. I don't know if I got older or it got less thoughtful and nastier, but ugh ugh ugh. It's all negativity, self-righteousness and sensationalism.

I really like The Last Word on Nothing, which is a science blog about kind of everything - seriously, right now their front page has a story on vacuuming coral reefs, something on Cambodian refugees and illustrations from a Danish sex manual. It's great.

Cawendaw

@Cawendaw Oh, and sixth or possibly seventh: HUGO SCHWYZER. End complaint.

stonefruit

@Cawendaw OH YES. And frankly he is like sixth through eleventh for me.

Bittersweet

@Cawendaw et al: There is a big reason I don't read a lot of liberal blogs or feminist blogs (including Jezebel), and the Christianity hatred is that reason. Of course there are a lot of Christians out there to be furious with, but slamming the entire religion is narrow and intolerant and, frankly, intellectually facile. I get enough guff from my immediate family for coming to Jesus, I don't need it from a bunch of other yahoos out there who can't be bothered to get past their prejudices.

cei-face

@TheBelleWitch Here here on Jez refugees. I'm a recent Hairpinning convert, having only switched over in the last month and a half or so. For the same reason most here said, I found myself hating on almost everything and that was a HUGE. RED. FLAG. You Hairpinners saved me! Thaaank youuuu

Cawendaw

@cei-face Oh, actually I do have a recommendation! Our own dear friend/vice-supreme overlord Nicole Cliffe has resumed blogging on her Lazy Book Reviewer tumblr, which I won't bother to link because it wouldn't gel thematically with laziness. Go read it! It is like liquid joy!

cminor

@Countess Maritza http://thecoquette.net/

bocadelperro

@Bittersweet This is me giving you an internet-hug, because I often feel the same way (and I am an ambiguous-to-bad Catholic)

rosaline

@Countess Maritza This verges into both current events and Women's Issues, but I have been fascinated by Feminist Mormon Housewives lately. It's like watching a thoughtful, self-reflective group of women (and some men!) evolve toward modern feminism in real time, and it usually makes me feel like the world is slowly becoming a better place.

Onymous

@[sic] Slacktivist is great. Although the back log of Left Behind posts can be seriously daunting.

[sic]

@Onymous I've been following that blog since the second Left Behind-themed post ever. Can't imagine having to catch up now!

Onymous

@[sic] I came in just as Fred finished the first book and it was a hell of a read to get got up then. I don't think it's possible anymore unless you're an unemployed college student.

Blushingflwr

@Countess Maritza I used to do Jezebel all the time, and then I found the Hairpin, and I would read the Hairpin when Jezebel wasn't updating fast enough, and slowly the ratio got to the point where it was All Hairpin, All The Time. And then occasionally I go back to Jezebel, and get a "why did I ever hang out here?" feeling. There was a discussion about Jessica Biel and I made reference to some ideas about star formation that I learned from AHP and people did not get it. I was used to the snarkiness, and then I got used to the Hairpin vibe of reasoned discourse, and going back there is so unpleasant now.

Also, you are not wrong about the anti-Christianity vibe of a lot of liberals. I am not a Christian but I find it quite off-putting

siniichulok

@Countess Maritza I think Jezebel is pretty anti-religion in general, and the writers tend to write assuming that their audience is (maybe like them?)composed of generally white upper-middle-class atheists from a Christian background--that is, hating Christianity but assuming that everyone has the same general cultural/religious background that they do, and holds similar assumptions about other religions. Islam and Judaism, for example, don't appear on their radar all that often, unless someone Muslim or Jewish is doing something scarily oppressive.

Like so many people said, they can be awfully ready to jump down each other's throats for supposed wrongdoing or insensitivity. I wrote about some animal abuse by an acquaintance once--condemningly, of course--and had someone lecture me about everything I (supposedly) didn't do to stop it, and exhort anyone else who was reading my post and her response to take note and be more vigilant about preventing animal cruelty than I had been. S/he didn't ASK me if I'd done what she recommended, just told me off for most likely not doing it. It was bizarre.

My main problem with Jezebel these days is that they're recycling dubious and inconclusive studies about childbirth and women's reproductive systems, mindlessly over and over again, in a really alarmist way. And if anyone tries to criticize the holes in the studies, or the way Jezebel has reported on them, a whole bunch of other people invariably start yelling, "it's SCIENCE!" I really shouldn't click on those articles at all, but it's like rubbernecking at an accident or something. I prefer The Hairpin (duh) and mostly go to Jezebel when I feel like my blood pressure isn't high enough, or when I've refreshed The Hairpin again and there isn't anything new yet.

siniichulok

@katiemcgillicuddy Me too! The day I found The Hairpin (due to stonefruit posting something from here on Facebook--hi stonefruit! Thanks!) was a very happy one!

katiemcgillicuddy

@siniichulok In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Hairpin, Amen.

stonefruit

@siniichulok Well! Consider my day made :)

Jezebel is blocked at my work, so I am prohibited from using it to raise my blood pressure. Sigh, looks like I'll just have to eat more salt-and-vinegar potato chips.

Quinn A@twitter

I stupidly used a cheapish straightener on slightly damp hair and managed to burn a three-inch-long chunk of it. I didn't burn it off, but it's brittle and dry and sad, and damage repair products are doing nothing.

I have to cut all three inches off at once, don't I? I mean, logically I know that I'm losing those three inches no matter what, and that it's better to have short healthy hair now than damaged hair for another six months, but I've been growing out a pixie cut for what feels like forever and losing six months growth is disheartening.

Is there a better fix than just cutting off those three inches?

Cliterary Device

@Quinn A@twitter Oh dear. No, there is no way to turn back the heat dial once your hair has been boiled. But you can do your best not incur anymore damage by treating the cooked bits gently.

You could also do micro trims. Like snip off an inch this month. Before spring's end, snip off another inch. A couple months later, another inch. And there, you've just taken off the damage without losing noticeable length.

eiffeldesigns

I'm feeling both appreciative of the raise my boss was able to wrangle for me from my company's thrifty hands (largest percentage raise of anyone else- still a small amount of money given how little I make) and disgusted that I still make about half of what I should be making. I've now been here four years and I still don't make what I was earning at my previous job. I'm a fucking fancy lawyer, damnit. I want fancy pay to go along with it.

And had dinners with Gentleman Caller's mom and her boyfriend this week. Awkwardness: Having her ask about his ex-girlfriend. In front of me. You just don't do that, right? You don't query about the ex in front of the current!!

cosmia

AHHH GUYS I GOT OFFERED AN INTERNSHIP AT MY NOT-DREAM COMPANY AND AM WAITING FOR MY DREAM COMPANY TO CALL ME BACK BUT I ONLY HAVE UNTIL LIKE 10 MORE MINUTES TO LET NOT-DREAM COMPANY KNOW MY DECISION :(((

This is the worst ahh
There are a few other reasons why I don't want to accept Not-Dream Company, but it would be at a pretty solid place doing some cool things and I'm scared to reject it and not get a position later. I'm only like 75% sure Dream Company is going to offer me something but I really have no fucking clue. They probably won't let me know by at least Monday.

cosmia

@cosmia Also Not-Dream Company would basically need to keep me on until the end of July, which would totally obliterate any other offers I get during that time. I can't leave because it's a contract and its for a yearly arts festival so I can't just peace out after a month and leave them high and dry.

coolallison

@cosmia Would it be a horrible idea to ask Non-Dream Company to think on it until Monday?

cosmia

@coolallison They offered it to me on Monday and I already asked them if I could think on it til Friday :( They want me to start on the 25th, and asking again would probably seem kinda unprofessional.

coolallison

@cosmia Oh, shoot. Good point. Can you call Dream Company and say you have a time-sensitive offer but you are really interested in their position? I did that for the job I have now. It seemed to work out for me. And then if Dream Company is like "pssh fuck off" well... then you haven't lost Non-Dream Company?

There is a chance this is awful advice. I don't know. Anyone else got any input?

cosmia

@coolallison I thought about doing this and I had the interview with Dream Company on Tuesday, so I feel like asking them to politely hurry the hell up only four days later (especially since it's not necessarily a position, it's a back and forth thing where they essentially invented a position just for me and are currently asking HR and the boss of accounts and whatnot)

Dream Job is at an advertising agency, which is where I would really love to be right now at this point in my career, and the other thing is at an arts festival in Toronto, which is also super cool but the job is for public relations, a career I am not interested in right now. Maybe if I get burned out on advertising after a couple years, but gahh I want what I want!

supernintendochalmers

@cosmia I think because they're internships, you should hold out for an industry that truly interests you. That's what interning is all about, after all, not the big bucks!

cosmia

@supernintendochalmers Yeah, this is exactly my opinion to be honest...I have an interest in both arts marketing and advertising, but I went to school for advertising, not PR, and I don't want to get pigeonholed this early. I can see it being incredibly difficult for me to get an advertising job after this internship ends (which ends soo late! March 25 - July 26 is a LONG TIME to be working somewhere I am only slightly more than ambivalent about), especially since advertising is so networking-focused when it comes to landing a new gig. If the job was more marketing-based or client-based I would be way more excited, but I have zero intention of working in PR.

coolallison

@supernintendochalmers BOOM. That's some solid advice.

Judith Slutler

I... am having an overly difficult time not dancing around in the uni library lately. Like, all of my work music is basically disco and house right now andddddd it's because I need to go out dancing more often. A cute guy caught me doing a little desk-dance today and it was kind of embarassing.

Judith Slutler

@Emmanuelle Cunt Also what is the dumbest song you currently love? I am currently super-addicted to this: https://soundcloud.com/starslingeruk/star-slinger-ladies-in-the-back

CAN'T STOP HITTING REPEAT

hallelujah

@Emmanuelle Cunt A$AP Rocky - Fuckin' Problems. I know every word and constantly sing it to my baby, prompting horrified looks from my partner. It's so vulgar, I'm obsessed!

katiethegreat

@Emmanuelle Cunt I'm always really impressed when people are listening to music and DON'T dance, like on the tube or wherever. I do a lot of dancing in my car and on the tube.

Especially if "Dancing On My Own" comes on.

rimy

@Emmanuelle Cunt Ooh I love dumb but catchy dance/house tunes.

Not that it's house, but Crystal Castles is fun to dance to - I really like Knights -->(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O2y2n4HfMY) and a few others. I'm seeing them live in April which should be pretty hipstery but also a lot of loud fun?

like a rabid squirrel

@Emmanuelle Cunt I have been having crazy dance parties to this lately so I feel you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY

Judith Slutler

@hallelujah Singing A$AP Rocky to a baby. This sounds like my future.

the roughest toughest frail

@hallelujah I love this song so much; I listen to it over and over again for Drake's stupid chuckle mid-rap.

I would totally sing A$AP to my baby if I had one. Right now I sing T-Pain to my cat.

geek_tragedy

@Emmanuelle Cunt

Ohh what is your work playlist? I want to know! I love dance-y work playlists.

hallelujah

@abetterfate I live for that "oh woooord"

PaperbackLady

Anyone have experience getting acupuncture for allergies or anxiety? I just made my first appointment!

eiffeldesigns

@PaperbackLady I get acupuncture for my anxiety on the regular. I don't know for sure if it's working or just a placebo effect, but I definitely feel better and more relaxed afterwards. At the very least, it's an hour a week where I'm forced to lay still and not be on the computer or my phone.

professionalmess

@PaperbackLady I haven't, but please let us know. I've been considering going, but I'm scared.

PaperbackLady

@professionalmess will do!

PaperbackLady

@Kirs how long has you been doing it for?

eiffeldesigns

@PaperbackLady about a year now? I go two to three times a month. Sometimes more if I'm feeling particularly stressed/anxiety ridden. I also use it for chronic back/shoulder/neck pain.

I really enjoy it, but it also took me some time to find a practitioner I like. Went through quite a few before I found the person I'm seeing now.

Ellie

@PaperbackLady I LOVE ACUPUNCTURE. I love it so much. You do have to find the right place, but it's really great when you do. If you can find a "community acupuncture" place - you sit in the same room with other people getting treatment, but it's much cheaper and they have an awesome "local" vibe and I think less prone to being overly New Age-y. I think acupuncture works for absolutely everything.

loren smith

@PaperbackLady I'd been doing acupuncture for chronic utis recently (need to go back! So lazy!) and I really liked it. I was going to community acupuncture and it was covered by my health plan, and I mainly just napped. I couldn't look at the needles though.

Beaker

I am trying to stop engaging when people vent to me - I've become That Friend when people are having an issue to just blurt out everything that's stressing them out, and it stresses ME out. It feels harsh to distance myself from people, but I am just SO TIRED of hearing about certain friend's boy issues. I actually tried to suggest a moratorium on talking about dudes to one friend and she said "oh, well I've really only been whining to you about it, so it's not that bad!"

Annnnnd then I feel the need to vent about people venting to me. Vicious cycle!

supernintendochalmers

@Beaker I have certain friends where I am That Friend, and no matter what I'm going through at the time it's all about their drama. Recently I asked one of them if she ever thought about seeing a therapist, and she seemed kind of taken aback but at least it stopped the unloading. I think there's a line between Being A Supportive Friend and Filling In For A Professional that can get fuzzy. If you complain to me about the same issue over and over, I'm going to assume it's a serious problem.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Beaker Bluh I am That Friend for someone I know who just can't seem to stop making genuinely stupid and irresponsible life decisions, and she expects hand-holding and sympathy while she whines about all her completely avoidable situations. No idea how to deal with it, it's just getting.....much.

Beaker

@supernintendochalmers THANK YOU. Complain once, I understand and want to help. Complain for the 1,764th time, either you need professional help or it is not a real problem.

@Countess Maritza What I think is remarkable is when these people are not only telling you every tiny detail about their lives/fuckups, they tell a lot of other people too! Isn't there a limit on how much sympathy you can possibly get? Are you an empathy succubus?

I cannot tell you how excited I am to be going on a solo adventure this weekend and spending time with just myself. It's just going to another town to my favorite ice cream place, that's how desperate I am to be alone with myself.

Kikimora

@Beaker What about when it's your own parent? No, Mom, I really really love you but could you please stop bitching about Dad and making me hate him? Ughhhhh.

Angry Panda

@Beaker Oh hey, I came to the Open thread to complain about this too. I've also been called "mature and wise" by three different people in the last few weeks, and I feel like it's not really a compliment any more. People keep me around so they have an Agony Aunt, if they didn't have problems they wouldn't talk to me anymore, maybe.

Beaker

@Angry Panda Seriously. I can count at least 3 people who only initiate gchats with me if they're feeling horrible/have a minor life hiccup. I no longer have any desire to help them with their non-problems.

SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.

Angry Panda

@Beaker Yeah, I quit gchat altogether. I now whine about my problems exclusively on The Hairpin because no one wants to listen to them in real life. Soon I'll be the whiny person I'm complaining about.

Cawendaw

@Beaker If they're the type that have repeating problems that have a fairly obvious cause (i. e. stuck in a job/relationship/PhD track that they could quit but won't) my tactic has been to tell them once that they should quit/sever, and then reduce all subsequent conversations to the line "Well, I guess you know I've already told you my opinion on the subject, and I'm sorry but I just don't have anything new to add." This has actually worked! In the sense of getting them to stop coming to me, not in the sense of getting them to actually take the bleedingly obvious step that could solve so many problems. I also didn't lose their friendship.
Of course it's more complicated if it's more complicated (problems with family, general malaise with no external cause, physical or mental illness, can't financially afford to leave the job, wants to get therapy but no money, wants to get therapy but local therapists are terrible, etc.), but this is my standing advice for people complaining that their terrible relationship continues to be terrible.

Angry Panda

@Angry Panda I just wanted to add that what bothers me is not that people come to talk to me about their problems, which would be stupid, since I was worried that I was a Fragile Friend only last week! I just wonder if they'd be friends with me at all if I didn't make them feel good about themselves when they talk about their problems, I never get to be a part of their lives when the good things are happening.

cminor

(Relevant to my story: My office is in a building that has a mall and food court on the ground level. Also, I am afraid of mascots.)

Today I was eating my (fast food) lunch in the atrium of my building. There was a mascot on the other end of the large fountain in the middle of the space so I figured I would be safe to sit on the far end. I look down to eat my food and when I look up the mascot is STARING DOWN AT ME. I exclaim, "OH GOD" and am frozen in fear. It leans even closer and peers into my fast food bag, and then looks up and shakes it's finger at me. I was shamed by a bear mascot wearing a baseball uniform. I managed to escape into a Villa clothing store, soothing myself by looking at (and then purchasing a pair of) shoes.

What's a girl got to do to eat lunch without being shamed by one of her phobias?

Quinn A@twitter

@cminor Oh, that's awful! My fiancee is also afraid of mascots and was chased by an anthropomorphized sandwich. You are not alone.

hallelujah

@Quinn A@twitter I thought I was the only one afraid of mascots! Once in college I had to barricade myself in an office for an hour because the mascot came to visit my work. Those huge, unseeing eyes *shudder*

cminor

@Quinn A@twitter For me I think the fear stems from not being able to see the persons face/interacting with a masked stranger when I already have to work at social interaction.

That plus the added attention of everyone else's eyes on the mascot and you interacting is enough to send me over the edge.

Once some poor guy tried to hit on me with close up magic, I was so uncomfortable that he eventually felt bad and stopped. He would have much more luck if he would have just came up and talked to me.

SarahP

@cminor I have the same problem with mascots and no one I know has ever understood my reasons (which are yours). I also don't like people watching me eat. The two combined seems like a stress dream come to life.

stuffisthings

@cminor I'm just commenting for when someone looks up the Greek for "fear of mascots."

Ellie

@SarahP My least favorite thing in the ENTIRE world is people watching me eat, noticing what I eat, commenting on what I'm eating, asking me about what I'm eating, and all related phenomena. If I'm eating and a coworker walks over to talk to me, I have to stop. If I've just heated up food and one of my roommates starts talking to me, I can't eat it until we stop talking so I have to let it get cold and re-heat it.

Of course, I find mascots horrible too. It's because they act unpredictably, not like real people, but you know it IS a real person who is horrifyingly not acting like a real person, which is disturbing/uncanny valley-ish, and you're expected to go along with it and they have all the power in the interaction.

cminor

@Ellie Yes! Unpredictability and not having the power to walk away without looking like a jerk. Add those to my reasons I fear mascots list.

I don't mind people watching me eat. I was just pissed at the nerve of this masked stranger shaming my McDonalds. It's disgusting to be sure, but my disgusting choice to make!

angelinha

@cminor @Ellie Both of your descriptions of your fear of mascots are so specific and relatable that I - who have never had problems with mascots before - may have adopted your fear!! @cminor I'm very sorry about your lunch. TGIF, huh?

raised amongst catalogs

I should be cleaning the house but instead I'm watching my chickens pecking at the grass that is finally visible since the snow melted...and two of them just backed up toward each other, neither of them knowing the other one was behind her -- and they bumped heinies, and it was hilarious.

cminor

@raised amongst catalogs If I saw that happen I would be replaying it in my head and giggling to myself for a long time afterwards.

I might still do that.

raised amongst catalogs

@cminor I do actually file away these little moments and bring them out from time to time when I need something positive to focus on. My favorite: the time I tossed a cold, tester pancake out into the yard and they pecked at it for a while before one grabbed it and ran. Another one chased her around the yard, and the pancake just kept flapping in the first chicken's beak. I laughed so hard that I cried.

Judith Slutler

@raised amongst catalogs I wish I had chickens, and a house. Sounds pretty great :)

raised amongst catalogs

@Emmanuelle Cunt Aww! To be honest, it's not my house. I just live here, but it belongs to my boyfriend*. I love a lot of aspects of country/small-town living (chickens! seeing lots of stars! wide open spaces!) but there's a lot of stuff that bothers me (for example: parking next to a truck at the grocery store and seeing that the truck has a bumper sticker that reads "Impeach the Kenyan").

*For the record, he would never say that I just live here or that it's not my home -- I just wanted to be clear that I am not some totally with-it, home-owning lady.

stonefruit

@raised amongst catalogs Chicken TV is my favorite. I love watching my friends' chickens when I'm over at their house!

laurel

@raised amongst catalogs What's up? Chicken butt!

raised amongst catalogs

@stonefruit They bring me no fewer than eighteen varieties of joy.

par_parenthese

@raised amongst catalogs This made me giggle, and sigh with longing for my own house and my own chickens, and then giggle some more. <3 u, chickenies.

raised amongst catalogs

@par_parenthese Every time I read Hairpin comments while looking out the window at my birds, I wish you guys could come over for a Farm-Up.

par_parenthese

@raised amongst catalogs *sobs*

My life goal is to have a backyard full of babies and chickens. Seriously. Maybe in separate parts of the yard at least until the babies can run away from or toward the chickens at will.

TheRisottoRacket

OK, so I have something I need to vent about because it happened yesterday and I'm still just getting angrier about it rather than the anger dissipating.
I was out with a female friend and my best friend/roommate yesterday. We went to dinner and then did some shopping. Over the course of the evening my best friend said some really uncomfortable weird things concerning my boyfriend and I and I don't know how to approach it.
First exchange:
Female friend asks about my boyfriend. I tell anecdote about how he didn't know who Adele was ( I KNOW!). I mention my bf said something along the lines of, "well I have you now to tell me this stuff!"
Best Friend (in meanish voice): Wow, so you guys are becoming really co-dependent, huh?
Me: Non committal weird noise
Best Friend (still in meanish voice): Before you know it you'll be rubbing his feet and drawing his bath.
Me: WOAH, that's unnecessary!
Female Friend: Jesus Christ, what's your deal!
Best Friend: it's just a joke, calm down.

I just dropped it because we were at the restaurant still and I really didn't want to push it in the moment. Later we were in J.Crew and my friends came over and we had this exchange:
Female friend: Find anything?
Me: Yeah, of course. But everything's too expensive and nice for me right now. Maybe in ten years I can afford something like this. Or actually pull it off. (it was a $400 purse)
Best friend: Or you can just have your rich boyfriend buy it for you (walks away).

My Best Friend and boyfriend have talked about their salaries together and my boyfriend makes quite a bit more than the both of us. Am I overreacting?! Should I say anything and if so what? I'm very hurt and angry and I don't know if I'm just over thinking this. Also, sorry this is so rambly!

area@twitter

@TheRisottoRacket In my eyes? Not at all overreacting. She seems to be implying that you're only dating this guy because of his money, which is a pretty offensive thing to say about you.

Madeline Shoes

@TheRisottoRacket This is a problem I have! Except with my mom. She recently told me that she doesn't think he loves me enough and that I shouldn't marry him, but date him until I find someone better!(???). She also is mad that we're going to Europe together and he's not paying my portion of the trip. He makes about twice as much as I do, but I've been saving money for this trip for awhile and can afford it. I told my mom that we're not married so I don't feel comfortable asking for him to drop a few grand so I can gallivant around Europe.

Recently she's been making lots of passive-aggresive remarks about him and I'm about to explode. We've been together for 2.5 years and she loved him until about three weeks ago.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you but I understand the simmering anger.

frigwiggin

@TheRisottoRacket I'd be inclined to let her know, whether or not she's joking, that what she's saying is hurtful to you. I mean, even if she's just developing a new, mean sense of humor (?) I think she'd value your feelings as a best friend and respect that.

cosmia

@TheRisottoRacket Uhhhh, what? It's not cool that your friend was reacting this way. I've had friends who've said similarly judgy, poor-taste jokes about guys I've dated (my best friend once said that my boyfriend's leather coat made him look like a Columbine shooter??? It wasn't even a duster, just a normal leather winter jacket wtf). You do need to say something, even if it feels awkward, and don't let her dismiss your thoughts (or dismiss them yourself) as overreactive. Just talk to her in private and mention that you understand that she was just joking, but you felt a little hurt by her presumptions about you and your boyfriends' lifestyle.

Cliterary Device

@TheRisottoRacket was your seemingly aggressively passive friend being passive aggressive... or did I read too much into the exchange as written?

I'd say in most cases brush it off and maybe hang out with that one less often. But maybe there's something to it that she's not telling you, like any feelings of resentment, or leftover frustrations from something else. It might have very little to do with you.

Grab a cup of coffee with her sometime and ask her about how things of have been with her (in a jovial, non-serious tone). When you get people to talk about themselves for any length of time, you learn a lot of things without having to make a peep.

TheRisottoRacket

Ahhhh, thanks everyone for responding so fast! And thank you, I feel better knowing that I'm not the only who would be offended by that.

@area@twitter Yeah that's what I thought the implication was, which is why I took so hard because that's basically the opposite of how I feel.

@Madeline Shoes UGH MOM'S! I saw your comment below too and I think you should just ignore your mom, which I understand is easier to say than do. But if everything was cool before I would just try and ignore her.

TheRisottoRacket

@Cliterary Device Hahah, this would normally be my reaction but we live together, soooo... Thank you though :)

laurel

@TheRisottoRacket I said something like that to a friend one time because I was jealous. Of course, we were in junior high at the time...

Miss Maszkerádi

@TheRisottoRacket Wow, genuine WTF, those things your friend said are not only tremendously rude but completely bizarre. Not overreacting.

Fodforever

@TheRisottoRacket So, since she is your best friend, and not some casual friend, you should for sure say something. Don't make it a fight; just say: "Hey, so I was kind of hurt by a couple things you said yesterday. Is something wrong?"

Since your friend is being super passive-aggressive, she will probably say she was joking and try and blow it off. Don't let her! Tell her that even if they were jokes, they were really out of left feild and hurt you. If she keeps acting like it's no bigs... well that doesn't sound very best-friendie.

par_parenthese

@Fodforever THIS. Not a fight, but clear communication.

TheLetterL

@TheRisottoRacket Joining the chorus that I don't think you're over-reacting, and I think you guys need to have a Talk. (As roommates, it's not like you have the option to distance yourself, right?)

But what I find interesting is that she's doing this in front of this other friend. Might there be some reason she felt the need to put you down in front of this other friend?

TheRisottoRacket

@TheLetterL I don't think so? I guess I should also note my best friend/roommate is actually a man, and he's gay so there's no secret feelings afoot. I don't know if that matters but I thought I should probably make the correction.

sophia_h

@TheRisottoRacket Best friends can get super weird about boyfriends sometimes. She is probably feeling jealous/left-out -- not that it's necessarily your fault at all, but if you want to defuse some of the issue probably talking to her head-on is the best thing. You'll have to be prepared to hear about stuff that's upset her lately which I'm guessing, from her weird comments, she's held onto and seethed about, but if she's a friend you value it's probably worth getting through the "and then one time you had dinner with HIM and I totally thought we were going to get dinner together" stuff with an open mind and trying to make things right. Only you know how touchy your friend is and if she's likely to have any legit issues, but if she's a friend worth keeping it could be a good thing to do.

Edit: Ugh, posted before I saw the gender of your BFF, but advice still stands.

frigwiggin

@TheRisottoRacket Whoops, sorry about the gender assumption! It's still rude either way, though.

TheRisottoRacket

@sophia_h That's true and really good advice. He's definitely the type to not say anything about stuff but he's also really weird about relationships. He himself is really inexperienced with relationships, but then tries to tell everyone else how he thinks they should act ("you should only see each other x amount of times a week" "you shouldn't do this" "if you do that you give them all the power), which is really irritating sometimes.

I feel really bad I'm doing a pile on in this thread. He's the best, most supportive, nice person 90 - 95% of the time, honest.

Beaker

@TheRisottoRacket I assume that he is not in a relationship? Maybe he's jealous (but sounds like the type who would die before admitting jealousy) that you're becoming more involved with someone else and less involved with him. I had a friend who told me straight-faced how terrible it was that her closest friends were all in serious relationships and then just didn't have time for her issues. I think most people can relate to that feeling, but it's also basically admitting you don't want your friends to have that life experience (hopefully happiness) because it's inconvenient for you.

Basically, I think @Fodforever is right and hopefully your friend will calm down and stop saying such rude things to you.

TheRisottoRacket

@Beaker "but sounds like the type who would die before admitting jealousy," this is crazy accurate. Thanks for everyone's advice! I will definitely talk to him soon. Totally prepared to get my ass reamed for not being an A+ best friend lately, but I still don't deserve to have those kinds of comments thrown my way.

Madeline Shoes

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy I'm having RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLES. My boyfriend is awesome and quirky and I love him super a lot. He is a slow mover relationship-wise, and we've been together for 2.5 years. He treats me very well and is affectionate in his own unusual way. He's an awesome communicator so we always have open dialogues about how we feel about one another which is AMAZING - no guessing! Recently, though, my mom has been telling me that she doesn't think he loves me enough or cares about me enough because he's not ready to move in or get engaged (he's 32 and I'm 25 and my mom thinks he should be ready to settle down by now). I was fine with all of that until my mom started harping on it! She and I are super close, so now I'm all like "I'm fine with that but should I NOT be?" and feel confused. Last weekend I cried.

I need an internet place to vent.

Judith Slutler

@Madeline Shoes ...tell your mom to stfu? Or do you like really really respect her Relationship Timetable she has in her head for you?

Madeline Shoes

@Emmanuelle Cunt The other day I finally said something - it's been hard to let go of since she keeps making passive aggressive remarks about how I shouldn't wait around for him - instead I should date him until I find someone who wants to marry me. I'm definitely coming out of the confusion (because my boyfriend is awesome and patient), but it's been wearing on me! I needed to get it out...

eiffeldesigns

@Madeline Shoes You are still young! So the question is: is that something you want right now? If not, then you guys are in the same place and your mom should butt out.

If it is something you want then you should discuss with your boyfriend. And not your mom. Maybe he is ready to do some of that. Maybe he isn't. But at least you'll know and can make an educated decision. Cause what your mom is saying is just a bunch of conjecture.

nowwhat

@Madeline Shoes Ugh, I sympathize. My mom used to make similar critical comments to me about my BF, and deflecting them/defending him (and yet still taking them to heart and second-guessing my own decisions, like maybe she's right?! and UGH) became so upsetting that I finally asked her to stop criticizing him to me. She threw a big hissy fit, which sucked for us both that day, but she did stop.

Madeline Shoes

@Kirs BF and I talk about it, definitely. We both know it's something we want in the future - house together in the next year, married in the next 5. She knows this, so her comments came out of nowhere. Typing it all out and hearing people's comments, though, is really making me think "seriously, chill out," which is what I was hoping would happen. THANK YOU.

Judith Slutler

@Madeline Shoes Ugh I am so sorry this is happening! It sounds like you and your mom are having a few issues establishing a good boundary on this, and it must be really tough to have her saying that stuff. But your love life is, at some point, not her business. Honestly, how does she even know you are ready to start thinking about marriage? Maybe let her know that you really value the way your relationship is honest and open-ended, and that is right for you right now.

cosmia

@Madeline Shoes This is basically my mother, because she is a conservative Old Fashioned Italian Lady, and is also mentally comparing me to one of my best friends whose parents are family friends and who is 24 and already engaged to a handsome, successful 32 year old marketing manager with his own house and my boyfriend is 27 and still works in retail. He is 100014% more interesting and awesome than the 32 year old marketing manager, though, so I've got the last laugh. It's definitely hard to let all that criticism roll off you, though. I love my mom but she is very judgemental in subtle and not-so-subtle ways of people who want different things than she wanted in her early 20s (i.e., me). You need to let her know that you are your own person and that your life plan is something only you can decide is right for you, not her, even though you love her and appreciate her concern for you.

SarahP

@Madeline Shoes I haven't had this specific issue with my mother, but we've had similar kinds of issues, and my most effective tactic was one day broke down and just said "This has never come up before, and now it seems like a really big deal to you. What's going on?" She'd had some (unfounded) fears about things (she thought) I'd implied and it had all ballooned from there. I wonder if something like that happened for your mom?

And I LOVE @Emmanuelle Cunt's last sentence; so helpful.

rimy

Not allowed on internet at work anymore noooooooo :( :(

amirite

@rimy Nooooooooo!!!!

JanieS

@rimy WHAT HOW.

par_parenthese

@rimy HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING HAVE THEY HEARD OF SMARTPHONES WTF

rimy

@par_parenthese I don't have a smartphone because idk why. I still have a crappy flip phone that I love/hate. The time has come to enter the modern age.

I have just taken to sneaking on for a brief second, then copy/pasting articles into word documents to read at my leisure. so pathetic!

(and I'm totally not being lazy or wasting my time; I just have an easy and low-skill job that leaves me with lots of boring down time fyi yes I'm looking for something better/more engaging)

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

I don't want anyone to have to be miserable but I am paradoxically pleased to know that I'm not alone in struggling and being stressed out. A bunch of Big Plans (which will all lead to good things in the long run) took huge leaps forward around Sunday/Monday and my brain* tends to turn that stuff into pure cortisol. Then my dear friend's dad suddenly died Monday and she had to drive halfway cross-country with her husband and baby to deal with that. So I was waking up every night with my heart pounding and my brain gerbil-wheeling. I like to think I've made major strides in not being a giant ball of Type A personality (doing yoga, trying to say no to things, pacing myself) but yesterday I had to call my doctor and have her renew my Xanax prescription. I will say that one decent night's sleep and a little time getting used to these new developments has made me feel better. But it made me realize how far I have to go in really getting a grip on myself. I'll be 40 next week and I think I used to believe I'd have it all figured out before now? Eek.

{group hug, or round of shots, or mutual understanding glances, with everyone whose week was torture}

*actually adrenal system, probably

honey cowl

@Terrifying Wife-Avatar I feel all your feelings. Please contribute to my informal survey below because you are like me! I have also made major strides in not being a giant ball of Type A.

Linette

I have a relationship/work problem for which I would love some advice and/or stories of how similar situations have gone well or not-so-well.

I work from home, and have for 10 years. I struggle often to come up with schedules and routines and structures that will keep me productive, because I'm my own boss and it's so easy to just say, "This seems like a good day to re-watch the entirety of Doctor Who," because who is going to say me nay?

I struggle, but I have been moving in a decidedly more productive direction for the last few years, and I'm happier for it. I like my work, and I enjoy being good at it - I probably get more enjoyment out of doing my job well than fucking around, it's just that fucking around is so much EASIER.

Enter my new relationship. It's with a friend I've known for years and years, so it's the easiest, most comfortable, least drama-laden relationship I've ever been in. We were sleeping together for about six months and segued into a serious relationship about three months ago. I've honestly never been so happy.

The problem: all the success I'd had with making my work life more productive has gone to shit, because he also works from home, and it's so easy to say hey, let's work together today, and then we just sit around making eyes at each other and don't get work done. Or we're on IM all day - same thing.

The thing I need advice about: this is the same problem I've always had - it's easier to get enjoyment out of him than to get enjoyment out of my work, so I drift toward the easier route. I got out of the other "easy" activities by just banning them altogether, cold turkey, but obviously I'm not going to just stop spending time with my boyfriend altogether, so that's not an option here. How do you keep your head on straight when you're in a relationship and you need to focus on other things when you're around that person sometimes?

Worth knowing: he couldn't be more helpful when I say I need to focus on something. He leaves me alone entirely when I ask him to, and will actually cheerlead me into productivity when I'm having a hard time. The problem's that I don't know what to ask him to help me to do.

OhMarie

@Linette My husband and I both work from home. It's different because we both have bosses who are in offices, so there's an expectation that we will be reachable during certain hours rather than a more your own boss type of thing. We had also already been together for 9 or 10 years when this started, and I can imagine that that new-relationship period would make it harder. But, we have routines and it's really great.

The key is that we each have our own office. (So I guess step 1 is: live in a place where you can afford multiple bedrooms?) We do IM and we also meet up at different times of the day--we make tea or make each other breakfast in the morning, we'll eat lunch together and watch a half hour tv show if we both have time, and we have "Soda Time" in the mid-afternoon.

We've been working from home for over 3 years now and are not a) tired of each other at all or b) fired from our jobs for not working, so all is well!

Linette

@OhMarie Oh, whew. I'm marrying the hell out of this man if I can, so that was part of my worry - what will we dooooo when we start sharing a home?

Judith Slutler

@Linette hm, does your town have coworking spaces? That is what I'd do if I were you. You could even go there together!

Linette

@Emmanuelle Cunt There is one, and it seems pretty cool, but sadly it's about as expensive to get a membership there as it would be to get a single office. But then I'd have coworkers, which might help with productivity? But then I'd also have distractions? It's kind of an equal pro-con list.

OhMarie

@Linette You'll be fine, you just have to get that door between you guys. Fortunately, one of the benefits of being a double work at home couple is that you can live wherever you want. We live within the city limits of a very small city and LOVE it.

honey cowl

Can we talk about introversion & extroversion? In my newish job I'm pretty sure I'm the only introvert/likes to have All The Things Planned/not-at-all-fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants kind of gal. Everyone else is, like, "what are you talking about honey cowl?! I say hello to strangers at the bar & make new friends all the time!" They are all confused what this whole introvert thang is about. Why would you be shy? Why would you be afraid to meet new people? Why would my husband want to SCHEDULE a DATE NIGHT once a WEEK instead of just being SPONTANEOUS!?

(because that is how we roll, yo)

From a very anecdotal scan of the Pin it seems more of us are introverted/cautious/planners. But maybe we just comment more because we feel more comfortable communicating semi-anonymously, on the interwebz, via text instead of in conversation.

Soooooo rambling comment. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? How does this affect your relationships with your partner, your coworkers, your friends, strangers? Talk about yourself!

Quinn A@twitter

@honey cowl I'm an introvert. My partner is too, so it works out well for us. We understand that each of us sometimes needs space, and we like to sit quietly together with books/our laptops and take breaks for kisses. We're nervous with new people, but we still like meeting new people, and we're generally good to hang out with friends in various combinations and settings. We just need quiet time after the hangouts or are among the first to leave.

eiffeldesigns

@honey cowl I'm a classic INTJ. And yes, I much prefer communication via text or email or letter because I can be more thoughtful.

My current partner is somewhere in the middle of the I and E spectrum, but he's completely supportive of my I-ness. He doesn't get offended when I say, "you know what, I'm going to excuse myself for a bit and recharge" when we are at a social gathering and things start to get too much for me. My ex used to get pissed at me when I did that- like I was personally offending him for not wanting to be a rager until all hours of the night. He was the worst.

At work it doesn't seem to make much of a difference- although people are often surprised to find out I'm an introvert because I'm a litigator.

olivebee

@honey cowl I am mainly an extrovert when it comes to talking to people and meeting new people (I LOVE to talk), but at the same time, I don't really seek that kind of setting out (except for pin-ups). Like, I usually choose a night in with my husband or a small group of friends over going to a party or a bar. Big crowds make me very uncomfortable.

But even though I am an extrovert, I am definitely NOT spontaneous. I am obsessive about planning and scheduling things down to a T. It does make it hard to make plans because everyone else I know is so last-minute about things. But last-minute usually works out fine for me, since my plans aren't usually (as I said above) big, grand things.

All this combined makes for having a kind of small (but good) list of friends/people with whom to hang out, especially since I am married.

ms. alex

@honey cowl I'm introverted. I've gotten pretty good at talking to strangers at a basic level (from cashiering and being a library circulation clerk), even though I'm not interested in small talk, but feigning interest is still pretty hard. Mostly I just want to talk about things relevant to work, you know?

And sometimes at the end of a busy day at the library, I want to run screaming from the building. Not because it was bad, but because I need some Me Time, and I guess I didn't expect libraries to be quite so socially stimulating.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@honey cowl Saw your post & then saw you'd commented. You are DEFINITELY not alone in the world (though you may be alone in your new job . . . sigh). I am an introvert for sure and lucky to be in a job (college professor) that suits that type very well: measured doses of interaction, consistent schedule, low contact with strangers, individual office space with actual door. My introversion does put me at loggerheads with my husband sometimes because he is very extroverted (and like a lot of extroverts, does not quite believe that introversion is real). But I've also learned that having him take the lead when we are out in public gets me karmic/relationship credit for Going Out and Being Spontaneous without taking as much of a toll on my psyche.

Weird fact: when I speak French (my 2nd language, my husband's 1st) I am much more outgoing. Still trying to figure that one out.

Quinn A@twitter

@olivebee Actually, that description makes you sound much more like an introvert than an extrovert to me! The difference between introverts and extroverts is not being shy vs. being social, it's being drained by spending time with people vs. being energized by it. Introverts can be super friendly and confident, and extroverts can be really shy (which must suck).

It seems like introverts tend to be shyer and extroverts tend to be more into meeting new people, though. I suspect introverts just don't develop strong people skills the way extroverts do out of necessity.

katiemcgillicuddy

@honey cowl I am kind of the opposite of you, but I would like to say I am grateful you more introverted guys exist because without you the world would implode and we'd all be dead, so thank you for existing!

Emma Peel

@olivebee I'm a reluctant extrovert, or an extrovert with a very strong introvert strain in me. (I used to score MBTI as slightly introverted, but I retook it recently and got slightly extroverted -- I think because in the interim I've made a bunch of really good friends who I do get energy from.)

I'm pretty good at small talk with people I know a little bit well, love hanging out in a big group with actual friends, and have a good time at parties if I know enough people there. But my happy number for parties is about 30 people, I don't like strangers, hate being approached in public, and if I don't have one night of "me time" every so often my social batteries run down quickly. I have no problem doing things alone. When I was in a long-distance relationship, my boyfriend and I would go to the bookstore for a few hours during weekend visits and just read and not talk.

So yeah, I think I'm as close to 50/50 as it gets. And I love it!

Is there a link between extroversion and spontaneity? I didn't know that. I can be spontaneous, but if I have the time to plan something (ie don't do it on the actual spur of the moment) I am ALL about the planning and logistics.

amirite

@honey cowl I am in an introvert, and I think it puzzles some of my friends who are extroverts and like to just spontaneously make plans. Most of the time if you text me and ask if I want to get lunch right now I will say no, but if we plan to get lunch a few days ahead of time I will be much more likely to want to do that. My sister and I refer to it as liking to be "mentally prepared" for a social outing, if we aren't mentally prepared it is going to be stressful.

My last relationship was also with an introvert and we worked pretty well together. We had different schedules so we both got alone time at home, and we had different friend groups but would occasionally socialize with each other's friends. Often when we went to things together we'd leave separately, and it was nice to have that need to just check out when you're done socializing be understood.

Now I am seeing a new lady and I suspect she's more of an extrovert, but she seems pretty sensitive to my need to stay in sometimes. It helps that I can recognize it and voice that need "I have to stay in tonight and recharge" before I get too cranky.

Sometimes I find it hard because I know that if I go out I will be annoyed with everyone and it won't be their fault, but I don't want to miss all the fuuuuuuun.

olivebee

@Quinn A@twitter Haha, yeah, I guess that my aversion to giant crowds and huge parties is pretty introverted. But I think of myself as an extrovert because I like meeting new people a lot and I have no problem talking to strangers. Maybe I am more like @Emma Peel and am kind of halfway in between.

par_parenthese

@honey cowl INFP represent! And not a planner (in fact plans make me break out in hives about 75% of the time) and vacillate wildly between being overly-cautious to the point of neurotic timidity and inaction and being completely reckless. So.

Scandyhoovian

@honey cowl I'm a textbook ISTJ, and my husband's definitely introverted in that he needs quiet alone time to recharge, but it takes him a good 10x longer to hit "recharge mode." We joke that he's an intstrovert, right on the line between the two.

Anyway, I'm lucky to be in a job where there seem to be a majority of introverts -- I'm a supervisor of a full team of them -- so everyone seems to pretty much understand. My biggest trouble is with my mother-in-law, who despite having an introverted son does not seem to understand what it really means to be an introvert. Well, no, she understands it on paper, but in practice she doesn't, so much. Thankfully, he and his sister are good at running interference, because she's an extrovert and he's the in-between and both of them married introverts (my brother-in-law is the most introverted of all of us). Sometimes she just has to be told to leave us alone.

Scandyhoovian

Also, for those interested, there's a lot of talk about what makes an introvert in this recent Captain Awkward post!

Linette

@honey cowl I'm an introvert who takes a pretty strong leadership role. I'm excellent in a crisis, good at putting out fires, but because I'm competent in that area people assume I'm extroverted and can handle that kind of interaction/dealing with people all the time. When, in fact, as an introvert, it takes a TON out of me to have an hour-long phone call.

I finally had to sit down with the team and explain that while I'm good at social interaction, it's still tiring for me. Not in a bad, never want to do it way. But in the way that running on a treadmill for an hour makes you tired - it doesn't mean you never want to run, it just means that you run as much as you can and then you are done.

lavender gooms

@Kirs I have that divide as well (though I am not a litigator.) I am an "I" (INFP) in the sense that talking and socializing with people outside of my inner circle is exhausting, but not scary.

I have no problem doing presentations, speaking or performing in public, or instructing a group. However (I'm not sure this is part of being an INFP or not), I get extremely nervous for other people who have to perform or speak in public. Not sure what that's all about.

hallelujah

@Scandyhoovian I'm an ENFP! I've always wanted to know someone who was my complete opposite!

katiemcgillicuddy

@hallelujah (hello, fellow ENFP :) )

hallelujah

@katiemcgillicuddy WHY HELLO THERE :D

katiemcgillicuddy

@hallelujah LET'S BE LOUD AND DISORGANIZED TOGETHER.

rimy

@honey cowl I'm INFJ 100% but can be very extroverted/spontaneous under the right conditions. I have problems when I have to compete with super-extroverts/really self-confident/brash people (in situations like competitive interviews and the like) - people see me as inherently less confident/more shy in comparison.

I would totally like to compare personalities with any other INFJs out there- the descriptions I've read online are like my life story.

Scandyhoovian

@katiemcgillicuddy @hallelujah HELLO COMPLETE OPPOSITES OF ME! :)

hallelujah

@katiemcgillicuddy FOREVER AND EVER AMEN

honey cowl

@all

How fascinating this thread has been. I definitely call myself introverted since I find socializing with someone who isn't my partner more than once or twice a week exhausting. Fortunately I work in an office and no longer live alone, so some modicum of social interaction happens, which is overall better for my mental health.

My partner is also an introvert. I would think it would be so hard to be in a relationship with the other half of the spectrum (in fact I have been and it was) because, ugh, why do they want to talk all the time instead of just read books next to each other? Why do they want to go to the bar all the time instead of watch Downton Abbey? I would be interested to hear others' perspectives on this -- are you in a relationship with an E if you are an I (& vice versa)? How is that for you?

As for spontaneity vs. non-spontaneity, I have always considered that inextricable from my introvertedness, but maybe I am wrong about that. Would love to hear y'all's opinions on this matter too!

Re: meyers-briggs, I think I was an INFP? I don't know... what's the opposite of N? I take that damn test all the time then immediately forget my result.

rosaline

@Scandyhoovian and hello to a fellow ISTJ! Always so nice to meet. :)

Kikimora

@all I've taken it twice in the course of about two years and got INTP. I just don't know what to make of that. Sometimes I can be sort of over-sharing, so...huh? Also that whole, it's the rarest thing.

katiemcgillicuddy

Hey guys, everyone saw that kid playing with Billy Joel at Vanderbilt right? I know it was last month, but I only just saw it this week and goddamn, that was awesome.

Helvetica

I just started watching New Girl and I'm halfway through the first season with so many conflicting feelings! I like the humour and the characters but at times, Zooey/Jess is just too much. Too much cute and quirky and it grates my nerves a bit. But not enough to stop watching. Will this feeling go away or will I be forever stuck in this "I like it but then I don't" kind of a thing?

districter

@Helvetica I think they definitely tone down her character, I wasn't crazy about the show at first but I really love it now (for the most part - and the parts I don't like are not Jess).

olivebee

@Helvetica I agree with @districter. They tone down the quirk quite a bit. Plus, I love the show mainly for Nick, Winston, and Schmidt, and they more than make up for Jess' annoying moments.

Helvetica

@olivebee I do love all the male characters and they do seem to counterbalance Jess' antics most of the time. I won't give up then!

fondue with cheddar

Who here has had a tooth extracted (not wisdom teeth, but regular ones without need for sutures)? How long did it take you to be able to eat normal food? I AM SO TIRED OF YOGURT AND PUDDING AND SOUP AND ICE CREAM.

tealily

@fondue with cheddar I've haven't had an extraction, but my partner recently had multiple teeth out (one at a time). He's been careful about chewing on the other side, but basically started eating normally right away. I would say, as long as you are careful, as soon as you are comfortable.

fondue with cheddar

@tealily Really? I've reached the point where I can open my mouth and it doesn't hurt to chew (TMJ made that difficult), but I'm so afraid of dislodging the blood clot (those words make my stomach turn) or getting food particles stuck in there. I have resisted the urge to tongue it for that reason and also because I'm afraid it will gross me out.

tealily

@fondue with cheddar Did you just have it done today? At least take it easy today. What did your doctor say?

fondue with cheddar

@tealily I had it done Monday night. After the first 24 hours, the post-op instructions are very vague as to when it's okay to do what. It's pretty much whatever I'm comfortable with. I tend to be overly careful with things like this, and the fact that it's something I can't see makes it hard to judge when I can do what. I'm just having a hard time because I'm being paranoid!

SarahP

@fondue with cheddar I think 3-4 days? It was a long time ago.

Also (don't try this at home) I totally dislodged my blood clot early and nothing terrible or dry-sockety happened to me, so yeah, avoid, but don't panic if you do it.

ALSO on a gross level, did you all know dental blood clots are white? I was so freaked out when I saw it.

tealily

@fondue with cheddar Meh, you're probably okay. It's definitely healed enough by now that "dislodging the blood clot" shouldn't be a concern. Just be careful not to chomp on it and reopen the wound (although I wouldn't be too worried about that either). It's still going to be sore for a while, but you should be ready to eat solids again.

*tealily is not an oral surgeon.

TheLetterL

@fondue with cheddar How did the procedure go?! I remember you being concerned about the anesthesia

fondue with cheddar

@SarahP @tealily Okay, so according to you guys it sounds like the gum should be healed underneath and it's just a matter of time before the blood clot falls off like a scab? I am so skeeved out at the thought of that. I hope it happens in my sleep and I swallow it before I notice. I had no idea dental blood clots were white! I guess it makes sense though, because scabs on the outside of your body turn white during prolonged swimming.

@TheLetterL It went great, thanks for asking! As it turns out, they gave me general anesthesia, which was sort of disappointing because I was looking forward to the dinosaurs and zen feelings. ;) Instead I was sitting in the chair talking to the nurse before the procedure, and for some reason she turned around and took the suction thing out of my mouth and the IV out of my arm. I was confused, because I thought they would have to stay in the whole time. Then I said, "Wait, are we done?" to which she replied in the affirmative. It wasn't until that moment that I noticed the gauze in my mouth. Weird!

SarahP

@fondue with cheddar Yes, it will just sort of come off/out. Which is disgusting, and it will look disgusting if you happen to see it, and I would warn you not to look but you will anyway.

fondue with cheddar

@SarahP Looking at it after it's out of my mouth wouldn't be as bad as seeing it while it's in. I'm mostly worried about the texture, though. I still haven't touched it with my tongue and I don't plan to. I really hope it comes off while I'm eating and I don't notice it because it's mixed with the food.

JanieS

'PINNERS I NEED SOME GOOD VIBES PLEASE.

I just interviewed for a nicer job at my workplace that would mean more pay and my own office (with a DOOR) and I really, really want it and it would mean good things for my life and now I'm a bigger bucket of anxiety than normal.

Tonight will be a wine-and-Sherlock night, that's for sure.

par_parenthese

@JanieS Mmmm, wine and Sherlock.

I think my night's gonna be a bourbon-and-gingerale-and-Elementary night, so there you go.

Vicky

@par_parenthese And I'm combining your nights, mine will be a wine-and-Elementary night.

I bought the wine because it had a butt and a cat on the label.

JanieS

@Vicky Someone needs to have a Sherlock-and-bourbon night to really round things out ...

Lily Rowan

How is this the only FOT that Josh doesn't get the first post in, and he's organized a Boston-area Pinup for tonight??? Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Sq, be there or be (in some other) square.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Lily Rowan sorry i was looking at UK indiepop 7"s (im awful)

SarahP

@Lily Rowan Darrrrrrrrlings I am out of town this weekend, but let's have another one soon--maybe when Cawendaw is in town? (see below)

Also stay tuned for an email about a clothing swap at my house in early April (no LANers!). I think I also said this last week, but THINGS HAVE BEEN BUSY.

Lily Rowan

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood You ARE awful! (just kidding.)

@SarahP I definitely am interested in swapping clothing! But wonder about how you make sure there are multiple people who are the same size etc?

SarahP

@Lily Rowan I will definitely address this in the invite email, but I can also address it here: first of all, I invited a bunch of friends on facebook, so I have a good idea of what range of sizes are going to be there. It's a pretty big range (So far, the smallest person who's confirmed is a 2-4, and the largest is a 20-22 [I think] who will probably have a wide range of sizes herself). And I have noticed at other clothing swaps that most women own (and are getting rid of) clothing a size up and/or a size down from their size anyway. I'll also add in the email that anyone who's not sure if it's worth their time can message me privately to ask. :)

SarahP

@SarahP I feel like such a jerk talking about people's sizes, like I'm revealing something super private.

Lily Rowan

@SarahP Oh! I didn't really need the answer here (although I appreciate it!), and was more just curious. Or at least, more selfishly curious -- will people want my stuff? Will there be stuff for meeeeeee???

frigwiggin

Threeeee houuuuurs and I get to leave on a road trip! Well, I have to drive out to the Bay Area and pick up two friends, but then roaaad triiiip down to SoCal! We won't get there till midnight or later, ugh, but we have snacks and music and books on tape and a book to read aloud to each other, so hopefully we won't all fall asleep and die in a fireball.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Also we had a potluck lunch here at work and I ate too many sweets (two homemade macarons+huge cupcake with marshmallow on top+half of another huge cupcake) on top of regular lunch food and I feel like I'm sugar rushing and sugar crashing simultaneously. Blerg.

raised amongst catalogs

@frigwiggin It's a sugar crush!

sophia_h

@frigwiggin Oh, god, I want a road trip so bad. I haven't been anywhere out of the Bay Area in the last couple years except 2.5 days in Long Beach last winter and another 2.5 days in Minneapolis for a wedding last summer and I'm going stir-crazy. Have fun!

Cawendaw

BOSTON PINNERS! If any of you will be reading down this far, I will be in your fair city the 27th-31st (slightly less than a week alone in Boston?). Recommendations for cheap and fun and cheap things to do? Anyone want to hang out? I thought I knew someone there from foreign study, but she turned out to have moved to New York. Anyone want to shame her into moving back in the next week?

SarahP

@Cawendaw We should definitely, definitely do a pinup one of those nights!

Lily Rowan

@Cawendaw We can definitely do a thing!

Also, where precisely are you staying? (OK, you don't need to give the address, but Actual Boston? What neighborhood?)

Cawendaw

@Lily Rowan Eh, I'm fine with giving out the address because it's a youth hostel. It's Hostelling International, which is in Chinatown.

SarahP

@Cawendaw I work near there! If you're into Contemporary Art, you can walk to the ICA, which is free on Thursday nights.

antarcticastartshere

@Cawendaw I used to work near there! There is a lot of good food in that area (my main hobby is eating):
- Jacob Wirth (I think it's like the oldest bar in Boston, German stuff, pretty affordable but not cheap, like right beside the hostel)
- Xinh Xinh (Vietnamese, pretty affordable but not cheap, Beach Street in Chinatown)
- Winsor Dim Sum (dim sum, cheap, my favorite dim sum place but Chau Chau City and Hei La Moon are also good)
- Wai Wai Cafe (OK this place is the shit. It's in a basement on I think Tyler Street in Chinatown. You can order three things: pork rice, duck rice (w/ bones), chicken rice (I think you can ask her for boneless but if I'm wrong she will give you some major side-eye for asking). It's basically barbecued meet in some kind of ginger sauce with white rice and bok choy (you have to ask for vegetables to get bok choy). It is $5.75 for seriously 2 lbs of food and it is amazing.)
- Max & Dylan's (nice bar in Downtown Crossing, pretty good food, not cheap)
- Stoddard's (GREAT bar in Downtown Crossing, food is pretty expensive, mixed drinks are $11 or so)
- The Brattle Book Shop is in Downtown Crossing and is neat if you like books.

Lily Rowan

I wish we could rent out jm Curley's for a pinup, because I fucking love that place, but wouldn't feel right rolling in with 20 people.

Anyway, Cawendaw, go to jm Curley's if you want a fancy cocktail and like free popcorn. (Assuming you wouldn't also want to buy their not-that-cheap food if you're staying in a hostel.)

Cawendaw

@all Thank you! I will definitely not lack for activities! I've taken the liberty of posting a thread to the Boston google group for possible hanging out arrangement. I hope that's ok, feel free to delete if not.

amirite

I bought Starstruck to read on my iPad after Nicole posted about it earlier today, because I was not excited about any of the books that I am reading and I was looking for one to be excited about and this is it! I am really excited to leave work, get to a pub, and sit at the bar and read it with a nice glass of beer. So excited! So why I am sitting here procrastinating on the one email I have to send before I can leave?

Theda Baranowski

So this is late because my boss dumped a Hey-You're-Imcompetent afternoon-screwing project on me (Theda Baranowski still needs to go to bartending school and give the finger to librarianship) BUT.

CHICAGO PINNERS: MEETUP AT GOSU ON 03/19 @ 6:30.

Vera Knoop

My partner is out of town until Tuesday, my period is coming tomorrow, and I am having waves of anxiety for no really good reason.

I'm trying to read two (terrible) novels from the 1890s right now for a writing project, but it is seriously slow going. The first one, I shit you not, starts with written patois. That's just never good.

What do you do when your brain is so itchy that you have no idea what would make you happy/feel better? Is the answer "take a bath"? I think it might be.

tealily

@Vera Knoop Take a nap. If you can't take a nap, take a walk. If you can't take a walk take a bath.

This has been my motto, and it has served me well.

fabel

@Vera Knoop I wish my answer was "take a bath", that sounds nice.

rowrow

@Vera Knoop a variety of my favorite "i feel crazy and want to feel better" pastimes:

* a bubble bath.
* a trashy book and/or TV show (Veronica Mars! Buffy! Damages!)
* tea date with a lovely lady friend.
* long walk.
* ballet class!

Vera Knoop

@fabel Well my usual answer is "stare at whatever is in front of me, feeling more and more miserable, until something else happens that I have to go deal with," but I'm trying to branch out a little.

Judith Slutler

@Vera Knoop Go on a walk around the block and get a coffee? Or if you've had too much coffee, juice or mineral water?

Vera Knoop

@supernintendochalmers Ugh, you're right.

fabel

@Vera Knoop Haha yeah, that's what I usually do too :(

bocadelperro

@tealily wow. that's great advice.

up cubed

@Vera Knoop This is a (free online) mindful awareness class that I find helpful for anxiety. http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

Vera Knoop

@upupandaway
Ha! I am right now in the middle of reading a book on this subject and doing the exercises in it. I will definitely check out the class. Thank you!

Vera Knoop

@all
So, embarrassingly, it turns out that at least part of my problem was that I worked through lunch. I will never learn, apparently.

aaaaanyway

Guys who just don't bother to text you back. Thoughts?

raised amongst catalogs

@aaaaanyway Fuck that shit.

JanieS

@aaaaanyway Set them on fire or forget their names/numbers. Or both.

Judith Slutler

@frigwiggin wats up

aaaaanyway

@raised amongst catalogs @JanieS Indeed.

Miss Maszkerádi

@aaaaanyway Not worth it. I've recently discovered that, wherever else it ends up going, there are in fact men in the world who will not only text more than "hey" three times in a row, but will occasionally call on the actual phone to actually talk. The non-texters? Fuck that.

leonstj

@aaaaanyway holla

area@twitter

can we get @cawendaw in here for some Texts From A Penis?

Cawendaw

@area@twitter I'm really sorry, but I don't know how much penis I have in me right now.

area@twitter

@Cawendaw /spittake

Cawendaw

@area@twitter It's fine, I don't expect people to swallow anyway.

lasso tabasco

@stuffisthings bored, bout to pass out

aaaaanyway

@leon s holla back

leonstj

@aaaaanyway - I forgot how awesome the pager sound in this song is.

Aaaaaand now it's a fabolous party up in here.

raised amongst catalogs

Hey, is this a safe space to confess that I am suddenly REALLY into Bruno Mars? Like, knew he existed and sang along to the radio every now and then but all of the sudden I woke up one day and I've got a fever and the only prescription is Bruno Mars?

katiemcgillicuddy

@raised amongst catalogs I have liked basically none of his songs EXCEPT I will sing "Grenade" at the top of my lungs EVERY time that shit comes on because it is awesome. He's pretty adorable to boot.

olivebee

@raised amongst catalogs I am not wild about his music (though I do really like Locked Out of Heaven), but I absolutely found him adorable and so down-to-earth on the episode of SNL he hosted. He did such a great job with it, and the digital short from that episode (Sad Mouse) made me cry.

katiemcgillicuddy

@olivebee Oh! Sad Mouse! I cried too, you are definitely not alone! Definitely a season highlight.

raised amongst catalogs

@olivebee @katiemcgillicuddy I think this is what sent me over the edge: http://www.ellentv.com/2013/02/12/bruno-mars-takes-a-fan-to-prom/

katiemcgillicuddy

@raised amongst catalogs Oh. Oh my god. He is wonderful.

raised amongst catalogs

@olivebee Oddly enough, being so late to the Bruno Mars party LITERALLY makes me feel like I've been locked out of heaven too long. Not actually literally but it seemed like a funny joke when I started it...

raised amongst catalogs

@katiemcgillicuddy Riiiiiiiiiiiiight???!?!?

katiemcgillicuddy

SWEET JESUS, it's time for March Fucking Madness. Holy actual god, I get so excited for this crap, it's not even funny. Do you guys want to do a 'pin pool for the Tourney!?!?!

Hockey sucks, if you are a Blackhawks fan just, just leave me alone.

I don't like the Broncos, but the idea of Wes Welker playing with Peyton Manning is delicious because, fuck you Patriots, fuck you all.

Regular season baseball is soclose.

Talk to me!

stonefruit

@katiemcgillicuddy How do we feel about the World Baseball Classic?

par_parenthese

@katiemcgillicuddy I would TOTES do a 'pin pool.

Bittersweet

@katiemcgillicuddy Nooooooo... I'm not even thinking about the Wes Welker thing because as a Pats fan it makes me too made. Brady must have smoke coming out his ears 24-7.

But yes, Hairpin tournament brackets!!! Yee-hah!

katiemcgillicuddy

@stonefruit I've tried to watch some, have seen some good ball games (and fun ball games! I'm looking at you Italy!) and I truly do with it were possibly to make it a marquee event, but it's just not feasible with the current MLB schedule. I wish they could do it as a replacement to the All-Star break, or something, you know? There just isn't time in the year to do it properly, which is really too bad.

katiemcgillicuddy

@katiemcgillicuddy Also, EXCELLENT, I will set a bracket after Selection Sunday is over. I'll let you guys know on this thread when I do, and I'll try to drop it in some others. Let other people know!

katiemcgillicuddy

@Bittersweet Ha, it's a great story line though! Even as a Pats fan I'm sure you can appreciate the serious drama this may lead to come playoff time.

area@twitter

@katiemcgillicuddy I am still peeved over the trading of Anquan Boldin. Although one silver lining has been watching the Ravens fanpage desperately attempting to do damage control. "We haven't destroyed the team, people, we swear!"

katiemcgillicuddy

@area@twitter Yeah, are people just going to murder Joe Flacco if he isn't lights out this year cause, yyyyikes did his contract have an effect. If I were you guys I'd have faith in Ozzie Newsome until I had serious reason not to. Dude knows what he is doing.

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy I have been quietly repeating myself "Trust Ozzie, trust Ozzie, trust Ozzie" but honestly, I still refresh the Ravens subreddit with one eye open, one eye closed. I'm honestly a little numb now after the talk of Ed Reed being courted by the Texans (he's old and he's lost a step but I still like the idea of him in Bmore) and trying to focus on the Os. The Os! A friend of mine got a bunch of tickets for opening day and offered them to myself and my husband, so that's something to look forward to.

Also my bday was this Wednesday and he got me this tshirt which I can't wait to wear to every baseball game I go to, every one I watch in a bar, and all of the football games in the fall. YESSSS

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire Happy birthday, dude! That shirt is awesome. Yeah, Ozzie knows what he's doing, wait til the season starts to worry. Boy, Ed Reed would be a nice pick-up for a team like the Texans who are a few moves away from Big Things, he may have a lost a half step but dude is still a monster. It would be weird as hell to see him in anything other than a Ravens jersey.

I remember talking to you about Opening Day during last season, unfortunately dudefriend is gone for Opening Day (he's the O's fan) so I don't have as much of a reason to scoop tix, but I might go with some buddies anyway seeing as how Camden Yards really is the greatest park in all of baseball (sidebar: here I will take a minute to point out that Fenway is a shithole and I laugh when people talk about how great it is/the Green Monster is just stupid) and you don't have to be an O's fan to enjoy it. If I end up there, I'll let you know!

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy Thanks! Please let me know if you do make up here to Bmore! Maybe we can meet up. Also I can finally introduce my husband to you since I basically refer to you as awesome/hilarious Redskins Hairpinner. :D

thebestjasmine

@katiemcgillicuddy Exactly what you said about Wes Welker to the Broncos. Makes my heart sing a little.

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire Ha, much as you are awesome/hilarious Ravens 'pinner to me. I WILL, however, be at the game on the 18th at Camden (a Thursday, v. the Rays) so, there's that! Anyway, again, happy belated bday :)

ETA; 18th of April, to be clear

katiemcgillicuddy

@thebestjasmine I really did pitch a tent at hearing about Welker. Screw NE! It also helps the goddamn Giants, which is nice for my dudefriend (he has a small picture of Eli in his bedroom, no lie, god fucking help me) but as a Skins fan, I say "PFF" to this development.

zamboni

@katiemcgillicuddy yes to bracketing!

katiemcgillicuddy

@all OKAY YOU GUYS

MARCH MADNESS IS HERE. TIME TO GET REAL. The name of the group is "Pinners!" and the password is "pinners1". The link is below, let me know if you have any problems joining. GOOD LUCK NERDS.

http://games.espn.go.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/en/group?groupID=138100&entryID=2832089

olivebee

Hey PinPal...I haven't heard from you in awhile and I just wanted to make sure that a. you got the letter I sent in January, and b. that I didn't not-get one that you may have sent? Basically, I just don't trust the USPS.

If there were no mail problems, and you have just been busy, then no worries at all! Hope you are doing well and the new job is still awesome!

Lily Rowan

@olivebee OMG, I could have written this exact post.

cminor

@olivebee My pinpal never responded to my last letter. But in her defense I haven't followed up in several months and I think about mailing her all the time and then never do it and lie awake feeling guilty.

Maybe that can be my goal this week? Mail my pinpal another letter?

coolallison

@olivebee I forgot to write my PinPal for several months, and I felt so bad, that when I wrote her (maybe like a month ago?) I overdid it and crocheted a coffee sleeve and wrote two letters and there is a real chance I scared her off.

olivebee

@coolallison No way - I'm sure she loved it!

@cminor - Or just find a cute postcard and write a quick "how are you doing?" message. Faster!

terrific

@olivebee My pinpal moved like six months ago and never gave me the new address and I emailed the pinpal email but they never got back to me either so I am, by default, a bad pinpal.

weebleswobble

@olivebee

Aww, my pinpal mysteriously disappeared as well. Hey, if anyone needs a new pinpal, I am available!

Danzig!

@olivebee I have been a bad pinpal :( I got an AMAZING one but it was so good I kept trying to write an on-par rejoinder and never could. I'm on that shit now, tho.

I had another pinpal who I sent a letter to but haven't heard back from, but that's life!

Maladydee

@olivebee I never got a letter from my pinpal at all. I sent one, never heard back. :(

Cliterary Device

Can I do a little jig? I'm really proud of myself for jumping into my first Friday Open Thread since the colossal size of them usually intimidate the heck out of me and I'm always the uncool kid that jumps in and laughs at the joke too late after everybody else has already finished being amused with it. FML.

Anyhow, I'm starting a business soon because I've invented something. Being my introvert self, I think I need a mentor to help guide (push?) me into uncomfortable situations. Like meeting people, and calling them on the phone. Making business deals. Things like that.

Where do I even start?

Quinn A@twitter

@Cliterary Device Hi! Welcome to the FOT!

Do you have a friend who's good at those things and could use a little work? Maybe take someone on as a partner, on either a temporary or permanent basis? If your business takes off, you'll probably need help with those things anyway, because you'll be busy with (I assume) production, making a website, promoting yourself in ways that are not one-on-one, etc.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Cliterary Device I was totally intimidated by FOT for such a long time, but after a while, responding to threads quickly became second nature, even if I'm busy. Welcome!

I can't give you business advice, because I am an idiot, but can you tell us maybe what you invented? If you can't for whatever reason that's obviously totally cool, either way the fact that you invented anything is awesome, so congrats!

hallelujah

@Cliterary Device Zero business savvy, but welcome and GOD your name is just the best. I read it out loud to myself occasionally and laugh and laugh.

Cliterary Device

@Quinn A@twitter thanks for your two cents. :-)

@katiemcgillicuddy yeah these FOTs are mammoths. I have so much trouble keeping up with one stream of topics, but to do that with eleventy? That's totally boss.

@hallelujah thanks. My screen name actually started as a typo because my pinky and ring finger don't like to work independently without some sort of coercion. The trade off though is I can't login into the Pin at work because my username triggers the "Website is not Authorized" screen.

up cubed

@Cliterary Device Sorta helpful response? My dad is an introvert who also designed something which modifies a machine for high altitudes. He ended up selling the design to the company that made the machine, because getting a patent is pretty expensive and/or complicated.
Assuming your thing is more from scratch, maybe try a Meetup for entrepreneurs, and see if any of them have done anything like your thing?

adorable-eggplant

Hey, guys! Remember when I post about feeling a wee bit sad about volunteering at a shelter and y'all were so encouraging? That was awesome.

Things have gotten better, especially because I've been getting email alerts when my buddies get adopted. Still feeling a bit sad because it sucks that there are such sweet dogs living in little tiny kennels, even if they are getting 2-3 walks per day it hardly feels like enough. And I had a sad moment trying to get my favorite dude back in his kennel because I was fumbling with the latch and the dog next door was barking and then he got scared and tried to bolt and then when I got the door open he ran into the back section before I could get his leash off, so I had to wait around in the kennel until he calmed down enough to come back out, so I could get his leash off. Anyway, it was sad because, I would also have been totally freaked out were I him. Needless to say, I gave him a thousand treats before leaving, but dang it wiped out the relaxation of the walk, which I feel crappy about. Sigh.

But overall it's been so freaking rewarding. When I get my certification to walk dogs by the lake it may even be relaxing.

Miss Maszkerádi

Oh god the other department was having a seminar and there was free coffee IN THE HALLWAY and I walked down that hall at least three times today and this was all after a Starbucks run and I think I have now officially determined that too much caffeine makes me feel TERRIBLE. GAAAAH.

SarahP

@Countess Maritza This was me too! All day! I'm all jittery still!

Miss Maszkerádi

@SarahP AND I HAD MORE COFFEE at dinner with my dear friend who also splurged on buying us both too much wine, and now I have rehearsal, and I am going to sound like SHIIIIIIIT.

YOLO! :-D

tealily

What is the etiquette about going sweaty to the hair salon? I mean, they wash your hair anyway, right? It seems rude though. I have to bike there. Should I bike over early and cool down somewhere else before I go in?

raised amongst catalogs

@tealily Run some cold water over your wrists to cool yourself down quickly and maybe just do a quick blot of your neck and temples as a courtesy?

Cliterary Device

@tealily Throw a fresh t-shirt into your handbag, and after doing what @raised amongst catalogs said, change into it in the restroom at the salon before your appointment starts.

Sweaty scalp can't be helped, and they've seen it all probably (dandruff, lice, grime, etc) so being confronted with normal bodily functions shouldn't set them off.

raised amongst catalogs

@Cliterary Device I agree with that -- aren't there still older ladies who ONLY get their hair washed once a week when they go in to the salon for a wash & style?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

My Girlfriend Told Her Rich Friends That Im Poor Dot Tumblr Dot Com

Tuna Surprise

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

Wait! Did this happen to you? Scoop!

Bittersweet

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Artfully Photographed Sideeyes Dot Tumblr Dot Com

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Tuna Surprise it did yeah. she asked me to go to hang out and have dinner with her friends, then told them that we had to go somewhere cheap for me, bc im poor. so we went to a mall food court. and she told me this all before we went to the dinner so i got to have it on my mind for the duration

Ellie

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood You know what I keep telling you.

area@twitter

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Wow. Girlfriend, I think you just stamped your ticket to I'm Dumping Your Assville.

par_parenthese

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
Ladies Of The Hairpin Throw Serious Fucking Shade Dot Tumblr Dot Com

raised amongst catalogs

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Being A Good Girlfriend Colon You're Doing It Wrong Dot Tumblr Dot Com

zamboni

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood The mall food court somehow makes this so much worse.

Ellie

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood What mall did you even go to?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Ellie the natick mall, so it was pricey anyway!

adorable-eggplant

@par_parenthese dang at whoa that's fucked up dot com forwardslash dtmfa

SRSLY. Not everybody makes/has the same amount of money, but there are seriously ways to handle that and then, well, this.

PatatasBravas

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Did you at least have, like, the okay crepes and gelato in the fancy-ass wing?

WHATEVER LIKE IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE that seems pretty mean. I would have preferred to tell her friends myself, or at least have some agency in the cheap location selections!

PatatasBravas

I just. The mall makes it so much worse in a middle-school direction. Saaaaadface.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@PatatasBravas i had lousy Chinese food that was hella expensive

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@PatatasBravas i hate this and im drunk and unhappy but im scared of being alone

PatatasBravas

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood ...and there is good cheap Chinese in the Boston region that you all could have pursued instead!

I don't want to be a jerky internet stranger about your life, but unless you are actually dating a nineteen year old who spending spring break at her parents' home in Weston/Westford/Wellesley/WealthySuburbOfYourChoice, I think the both of you could handle talking about this. Because it was not a nice thing for her to do! It was childish in its thoughtlessness. Adults don't shame other adults for their income.

Adults don't go on group dates in the mall food court.

If you want to be somewhat less alone in your badfeelings, you could try talking to her about this and attempt to alleviate the badfeels?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@PatatasBravas shes older than me! and we did talk about it and she apologized so i guess it is ok now. but thank you for being a jerky internet stranger about [my] life, i need that sometimes.

royaljunk

Good news: My birthday's this weekend AND I'm on vacation all next week!!

Bad news: may have rheumatoid arthritis and also need (minor) foot surgery, uuuuuugggghhhh

olivebee

@royaljunk Happy birthday!! Have fun celebrating & on vacation!

raised amongst catalogs

@royaljunk Health concerns be damned for now -- enjoy your birthday and a week off!

royaljunk

@raised amongst catalogs
@olivebee

Thank you!! YES, I plan on staying in my pajamas a great deal and watching ALL the Netflix.

bocadelperro

Anyone have any book recommendations? I am out of books to read and about to start a month of traveling back and forth across the US. I'd love some great escapist reads to put on my kindle.

I just finished "A Natural History of Dragons" (which is a ton of fun in the Elizabeth Peters vein, only with dragons).

You guys always give me the best book recommendations.

royaljunk

@bocadelperro I just checked out "Natural History.." from the library so I'm glad to hear it's fun!

If you'd like more dragon-y stuff, I've heard "Seraphina" was great.

lasso tabasco

@bocadelperro I just read The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton, and it's great, but you may not want to read it unless you are in a happy and stable place because it's rather depressing,

sophia_h

@bocadelperro Read Jo Walton's "Tooth and Claw" if you haven't already and are into dragons.

The Dorothy Sayers Lord Peter mystery novels are my favorite escapist reading; '20s/'30s detective stuff with a PG Wodehouse feeling. Also right now I'm enjoying China Mieville's "Railsea", which is the first book of his I haven't put down for being too twee. And for the last year I've been telling everyone to read Zadie Smith's "White Teeth" because it is good.

bocadelperro

@royaljunk @sophia_h I just looked at the summaries of both of those and WOW, they look great. I'm actually not super-into dragon books, I just like ripping good yarns. Honestly, my taste in books is so eclectic that goodreads just throws up its hands and recommends Jane Eyre to me. (The book I read before this was Consider the Fork, which I HIGHLY recommend if you're interested in history, food, eating or technology)

@lasso tabasco I had to read that book in high school. All the characters seemed really repugnant to me. Of course, as an old, I know that's what she's going for, but still.

sophia_h

@bocadelperro Oh, and the Temeraire novels by Naomi Novik! The Napoleonic war except there are also aerial fights on dragons, who are kind of like ships, but they have names and personalities and life bonds with their captains and it's the greatest. Pretty much Master and Commander with dragons. The later ones haven't been quite as awesome bc I think she's rushing them, but the first couple are definitely ripping yarns and Peter Jackson optioned the movie rights.

bocadelperro

@sophia_h Also I love Zadie Smith (although I like On Beauty the best) and also find Mieville a bit too cloying!
This stuff sounds perfect, thanks!

sophia_h

@bocadelperro Yay, we sound like book twins! Mieville: Neil Gaiman except trying too hard to be even more twee but also more edgy. Perdido Street Station was such cool worldbuilding but dark for no real reason, and Un Lun Dun was just Neverwhere mixed up with Gaiman's other kids' stuff, and then I stopped trying. But a friend with similar feelings recommended this one and despite some irritating quirks ("and" is replaced with "&" in every instance) it's overcoming most of his shortcomings so far. *fingers crossed*

bocadelperro

@sophia_h Yeah, Mieville...I tried to read Kraken because I love Lovecraft. But I just....couldn't. I'll maybe try this one though.

Cawendaw

@bocadelperro I have a guilty but deep love of Shadow of the Lion by Mercedes Lackey, Eric Flint and someone less famous, who together add up to a very entertaining author who lacks the glaring flaws of Lackey/Flint's better-known solo work. The premise is that it's 16th century Venice, magic is real, history turned out slightly differently, and there's a bunch of magical and political intrigue. You can get it for free on the Baen Free Library.
I'd also recommend Leviathan Wakes by James S. A. Corey, which was my favorite SF novel of the last year (Solar System alien mystery squad!), John Scalzi's Old Man's War and its sequels (interstellar super soldier fun), and Elizabeth Moon's Trading in Danger and its sequels (good space pirates vs. evil space pirates!).

bocadelperro

@Cawendaw checking those out, too. Thanks so much you guys!

Girl Named Jack

Oh! I meant to post this last week. So, it was my birthday, right? And my parents wanted me to stop by their house during the day so we could "do presents". I was slightly put out by this, because they were coming to my town for dinner later, so why couldn't we just do presents at my place before/after and save the gas? But whatever, I didn't want to seem ungracious, so my boyfriend and I dragged my extremely hungover ass to my parent's house. Where my dad brings me into the garage. For my present. Which is a TARDIS.

A FUCKING TARDIS THAT HE BUILT HIMSELF. In their garage. Full size, has a light on top and everything. Not bigger on the inside, but fully functional as a garden shed/place to drink tea.

I have never had a hangover dissolve so quickly. I think I squee'd so hard it just dissipated.

olivebee

@Girl Named Jack Wow! You have awesome parents!

Girl Named Jack

@olivebee Seriously. I mean.... seriously.

par_parenthese

@Girl Named Jack

OMG. OMG. Damn. He built you a TARDIS?!? That is literally the best thing ever.

Linette

@Girl Named Jack Your dad wins everything forever.

Cawendaw

@Girl Named Jack I'm pretty sure this was the best thing to happen to anyone, anywhere this week.

Girl Named Jack

@par_parenthese His only stipulation was that, when we get around to hauling it up to my house, that we stop a bunch of times along the way to take pictures of it in silly places. DEAL.

par_parenthese

@Girl Named Jack Oh my gods, it's like the caveat of a lifetime. Can we put the TARDIS in strategic places around town and take pictures of us with it? GEE LET ME THINK. I can't decide between THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE and OMG THIS IS A FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.

Girl Named Jack

@par_parenthese Mom and Dad were like, "Do you think you'll be able to find a couple people to help you move it?" I laughed so hard I choked. We're going to end up with a cosplay parade, is what is going to happen.

celeec4@twitter

@par_parenthese AGREED. What ELSE would one do with a TARDIS? OMG AWESOME.

frigwiggin

@Girl Named Jack That's so fucking sweet.

Cawendaw

@Girl Named Jack I'm sorry, I can't resist asking anymore.
Your username: are you by any chance a dashingly handsome time traveller from the 25th century?

par_parenthese

@Girl Named Jack I am practically tearing up at the thought of being asked to help someone move a TARDIS. I am fangurling all over the place right now.

Girl Named Jack

@Cawendaw What, I can't even say hello?

Girl Named Jack

@Cawendaw And the non-smartass/obscure answer to your question is no, the Jack comes from me using it as my name for all of my various gaming characters, going back to junior high. Which predates Captain Jack by quite a margin.

Cawendaw

@Girl Named Jack Caw- I see, thank you -endaw.

highfivesforall

@Girl Named Jack You absolutely need to share those pictures with us. This is incredible.

Queen of Pickles

This week: double whammy of PMS and a cold. Not only was I rageful, I was congested! I feel like my immune system is at its lowest just before my period starts. Anybody else ever experience the same thing?

This week at work was pretty lovely. I'm learning how to productively use the sometimes-daunting amount of free time! (Don't get existential, get organized!) I networked with three people; I'm keeping an etymology journal of things that interest me; I'm working on a song.

And OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I attended this vocal workshop the other night and they showed us throat-singing! And this morning, after a half-hour of making really weird noises in kitchen while washing dishes, I can now sing overtones. It sounds like I'm singing a note and also a crystal wine-glass DIFFERENT note that's part of the same chord, like a harmonica.

In other news, DATING, WHAT IS IT

par_parenthese

@Queen of Pickles Premenstrual immune system crashes and DATING, WHAT IS IT? Oh hi, you are me!

weebleswobble

@Queen of Pickles

I heard (somewhere on the Internet/I am not a doctor) that hormones can affect your mucus or something? Like, you are more prone to sinus infections and allergy attacks and stuff when you are PMSing. Thanks, nature!

P.S. Feel better soon!

geek_tragedy

@Queen of Pickles

Yes. to both counts.

runner in the garden

@Queen of Pickles - I think your fourth paragraph is solved by your third one.

Next time the hotties come up to you like "sup" just casually reply "oh not much WHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (twee dee dee deedly dee)" and bam, you are getting laid tonight, my friend

Queen of Pickles

@Queen of Pickles Ah hahaaa, that would be a good dating tactic. But it doesn't solve the issue of "where are the dudes I want to date"?

Clearly there must be expeditions made, to bars and concerts, and a good time must be had by all. Woe is this onerous date-seeking life! ;)

lasso tabasco

Hey guys! My period is killingggggg me and I am super behind at work. But- it is my one year anniversary of singleness following 23 years of serial monogamy! It was a rough 6 months at first, but now I can't imagine making room in my life for dude more than, like, once a week. SINGLE BY CHOICE!

Also, please send links of pictures to your favorite bobbed hairstyles. I need inspiration for my haircut next week!

coolallison

@lasso tabasco So, I'm the worst at the html-ing business so I don't really know how to link or add pictures, but when I got my hair cut off recently, I was most inspired by some of the Maggie Gyllenhall bobs.

tealily

@lasso tabasco I have a big crush on this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hairport_lisbon/2487416457/

coolallison

@coolallison Damnit. *Gyllenhaal

Quinn A@twitter

@lasso tabasco Try ukhairdressers.com ? All the hairstyles.

sarah girl

Can I get real in this thread? Does anyone else have experience with becoming sexually active again after a pregnancy scare?

I mentioned this a while ago, but I had a (perfectly placed) Paragard IUD and everything was peachy for about a year, but in December I became pregnant and subsequently miscarried, probably because of the IUD. I also had the Paragard removed at that time, since we weren't sure the miscarriage was happening yet and IUD + fetus = bad times.

Since then, dudefellow and I have been absolutely terrified of PIV sex. I'm not sure what my options are - I don't trust IUDs anymore (and my Paragard gave me the most painful periods), I can't do estrogen because of blood pressure/migraine issues, and the two times I've tried progesterone-only pills I got suicidally depressed. We can do condoms, but I'm not comfortable with a barrier method being our only form of contraception. Plan B exists, but I don't know about relying on that.

What the hell can we do? This sucks.

laurel

@sarah girl I love my cervical cap. If you used such a thing you could pair it with condoms for now as you regain your confidence? Later, if you track your cycle, you can rely just on one method most of the time and then double up when two barrier methods are safer than one.

tealily

@sarah girl I just got a Paragard in December after being on pill for (too) many years before having blood pressure issues. I share your fear of condoms only. Before deciding on and IUD, I looked into a diaphragm or cervical cap. If Paragard doesn't work for me long term (and I hope to god I don't go through the same experience you did. I'm so sorry you experienced that.), this would be my backup plan. I think I'd feel pretty good about a diaphragm + spermicide (+ condom?).

OhMarie

@sarah girl I agree with laurel--double it up on the barrier methods. Maybe even barrier method + pulling out if you're still feeling uncomfortable?

par_parenthese

Sonofabitch, I just remembered I won't be here for FOT next week! *shakes fist*

tealily

@par_parenthese I like that you talk about Hairpin as "here" like it is a place. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

par_parenthese

@tealily Doesn't it feel like a place? It's like a really chill book club combined with a really chill pub. With, like, only awesome people.

Danzig!

@par_parenthese plus you can show up naked if you want to

I know I do

anachronistique

@par_parenthese I'm skimming because my sister's visiting and I missed it entirely, and it's NOT THE SAME. Ah well. (We are having a great time!)

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@par_parenthese
I missed the 3/15 FOT, so I'm catching up now. It's always a bummer.

LacunaKale

I spent my spring break going to an even colder place for a family funeral. Now I get to spend the weekend working on a school project. At least there will be reeses eggs. So so many reeses eggs.

katiemcgillicuddy

@LacunaKale Ugh, that's terrible, I'm so sorry. I do hope you enjoy your Reeses eggs, though.

Scandyhoovian

Advice please! Is there any way to smooth that thing where like... ok, scenario: I am married. I have a married friend and a single friend. We all want to do things together. Married friend and I both would like our husbands involved in the things we come up with that our husbands would also enjoy. Single friend has made it clear she does not want to feel fifth-wheeley, so would prefer to do girls' night things, or at least things that are groupy enough that it's not just couples+her. Totally fine! Totally understandable!

But what happens when something comes up that is perfect for everyone, husbands included, but single friend doesn't want to be an extra wheel, AND it's expensive enough that no one would want to do it twice? Do you just have to bite the bullet and say "we're not gonna group this thing?" or is there a way to convince single friend to take a chance on having fun while being out with two married couples (and I don't want to cajole her into that and have her agree to something she doesn't really want to do)? Is that a thing that can happen? It's just that there's this show coming (admittedly far enough into the future that this scenario could change in the interim) to town that is 100% exactly something all five of us would enjoy enough that all five of us going together seems like the best idea.

TheRisottoRacket

@Scandyhoovian I would just invite everyone. Maybe your single friend has another friend who enjoy that thing, or wouldn't mind being a 5th wheel for something super awesome.

Quinn A@twitter

@TheRisottoRacket Yeah, that sounds about right. I mean, I prefer not to be a 3rd or 5th wheel, but I will absolutely ignore a slight feeling of discomfort every once in awhile when people have made really cool plans.

SarahP

@Scandyhoovian Is there anyone else you can invite as well? Your friend wouldn't feel like a fifth wheel if you did things as a bigger group than just 2 couples + her.

lasso tabasco

@Scandyhoovian Oh haha.... I read this as having to do with sexytimes.

Scandyhoovian

@SarahP The only people in our circles that I can think of that would also enjoy this event are... more couples. :\ Which would likely just make it worse.

Obviously she could always invite someone along but the rest of us are such old, close friends that I think then it would maybe tread the line of "will my friend feel comfortable with my superclose group"... ah, social things. Navigating these things are so weird.

Scandyhoovian

@lasso tabasco Haha you have just put very strange images in my head...

par_parenthese

@Scandyhoovian I feel like it's the perfect chance to introduce someone else of her choosing into that close-knit group, though.

Also, I am That Single Person so often that I've just gotten over it or else I'd never see my friends (it helps that most of my girlfriends have married genuinely cool dudes and most of my guy friends have married genuinely cool ladies). I mean really: married people, single people, coupled-up people, we are all the same except for the box we check on the census form.

themegnapkin

@Scandyhoovian what would work if it were me, is, don't make her feel like a fifth wheel. I'm single. I love going out with some of my married friends & their SOs, I hate going out with others (two couples I can think of in particular). The difference is that the two couples *act* like I'm a third wheel. One couple incorporates me into their flirting in a totally obnoxious way, the other whispers between themselves in front of me. My favorite coupled friends to go out with just act like friends.

sophia_h

@Scandyhoovian Well, you gotta switch that stuff up, and Single Friend has to understand she can't have just girls' time 100% of the time, because people only have so many non-work hours and they want to spend some of them with their partners. If you're trading off girls' time and group time, I think you're perfectly fine, and if Single Friend never ever wants to go along when the husbands are involved then that's her choice but I don't think you should bend over backwards to make sure she's always got a buddy, as long as you and Married Friend see her without the guys sometimes too.

catfoodandhairnets

@Scandyhoovian My mind is SO IN THE GUTTER. I thought you were talking about sex things. And doing sex things together. And trying to figure out why the sex things would cost money. Special sex resort? Ugh. What is wrong with me?

catfoodandhairnets

@lasso tabasco Thank goodness I am not the only one :)

bocadelperro

@catfoodandhairnets Dude I'm so there with you. I think I just read too many internet advice columns?

catfoodandhairnets

@bocadelperro Yeah, probably. It's not inspired by my own sex life, that's for sure.

bocadelperro

@catfoodandhairnets Word. Reading the internet has led me to speculate at times I'm in the world's only happily monogamous marriage. (and therefore disaster is looming)

Scandyhoovian

@themegnapkin @sophia_h We're pretty good at having just girls' nights sometimes and including the men at other times, and I'd like to think that husband and I are good at containing our coupliness in social settings. I can't tell my single friend how to feel, though, and if what I think is contained coupliness isn't contained enough for her to not feel third-wheely then it is what it is.

In any case, thanks for the "you shouldn't have to bend over backward" reminder, because I think sometimes I do try way too hard to bend over backward to make sure everyone else is pleased even when it runs me over, and it is a thing that I need to work on.

sophia_h

@Scandyhoovian Yeah, I'm in a trio of friends, and two of us are married, and there was some friction for a while when our single friend felt like we were always doing group stuff, especially because we don't all live in the same area so we usually end up gathering at a couple's house. Now we've learned that the three girls have to plan outings on those occasions to do girl stuff, but single friend is fine hanging with all five people too, and it works OK.

Blushingflwr

@Scandyhoovian Invite everyone, and let her decide whether or not she wants to come.
I was the odd one out for a long time, but any bad feelings I had about that were my problem, not the fault of anything that my friends were doing. It sounds like you are thoughtful about including her and trying not to make her feel excluded, which is the key. Include her, invite her, and let her decide what her comfort level is. Just, obviously, don't make the conversation be about how awesome being married is or her dating prospects or anything that draws attention to her single status.

katiemcgillicuddy

I said this earlier in the sports thread, but for any basketball fans who didn't see it, I'm gonna set up a March Madness 'Pin Pool at the end of the weekend, so let me know either upthread or here if you are down!

Vicky

@katiemcgillicuddy INTERESTED

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy OH. I am not interested in this, but I have a question that you can probably answer. I work down the street from Madison Square Garden and there have been college students and fans and pep bands ALL OVER THE PLACE. But I never noticed it in past Marches. Like...have they always had playoff games at MSG? Or have I just been oblivious for the last 4 years?

katiemcgillicuddy

@Vicky Awesome. I'll respond with info when it's set up on this thread, and the one further up north, and I'll try and drop it in the comments somehow at the beginning of next week. Let anyone else interested know!

katiemcgillicuddy

@meetapossum Haha, yes I can answer this! The Big East Tournament has been held at MSG every single year since the early 80's, as opposed to other conferences who switch it up. This is also the final Big East Tourney as we know it (it's getting ripped into pieces because people are GREEDY) and so people are pretty into it. Tournament is over at the end of the weekend, so the bands and kids should slowly dissipate!

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy Thanks! Ok, so I have been totally oblivious! Actually, the Syracuse pep band was playing outside of a hotel on the street I work on, and I was prepared to be annoyed, but it was "You Can Call Me Al," so it ended up just making me really happy.

terrific

@meetapossum HERE YES HERE NOW.

katiemcgillicuddy

@meetapossum Haha, perfect. For what it's worth, even if you aren't a basketball fan, it's kind of one last massive rager for was is pretty widely accepted to be the greatest league in the history of college basketball, so I bet you can find some pretty fun shit going down in the city this weekend!

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy Wellll...since the parade is this weekend, I would rather just avoid the city altogether. I'll just hibernate in Queens as usual.

katiemcgillicuddy

@meetapossum Ha, oh my god, right, my dumb Irish ass forgot about the parade. Godspeed.

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy My friend works at a bank in Murray Hill and he's got to work tomorrow. I do not envy him AT ALL.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@katiemcgillicuddy Ooo me! I love bracket pools! (My family has had one since I was eight. We're hardcore.)

thebestjasmine

@katiemcgillicuddy Me me!

katiemcgillicuddy

@all @all OKAY YOU GUYS

MARCH MADNESS IS HERE. TIME TO GET REAL. The name of the group is "Pinners!" and the password is "pinners1". The link is below, let me know if you have any problems joining. GOOD LUCK NERDS.

http://games.espn.go.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/en/group?groupID=138100&entryID=2832089

phillystout

I really thought the pic up top was corned beef and mashed potatoes, and I totally thought someone had slipped an engagement ring into the meat. And that this was the pic the proposer took before serving dinner to the proposee. I was disgusted for a good 10 minutes before I realized I was way off.

In my defense, I follow about 50 cooking blogs and have been bombarded with pics of corned beef for the past 2 weeks. Fuck, I need a beer!

Inkling

@phillystout
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick D:

katiethegreat

Today I was eating a chocolate bar and my colleague came over and said: "that's not very healthy, you shouldn't eat that." I was really annoyed and it was lucky I had a mouthful of chocolate or I might have said something very rude to him! So judgey and patronising and weird.

Also today a puddle got removed by the authorities that was my favourite puddle: every day I would drive past it and feel solidarity. When cars splashed it onto the bush by the road it would freeze in this really beautiful but grubby way and it made me feel better about things. But today some authority or other came and sucked away my puddle, and I am strangely affected by it.

adorable-eggplant

@katiethegreat Thank god for rude hand gestures, ammiright?

p.s. where do I find a chocolate bar? Do I need to move cities? Because I will.

area@twitter

@katiethegreat "Making asshole remarks to me when I'm eating delicious chocolate isn't very healthy either." ::facepunch:: "Asshole."

par_parenthese

@katiethegreat "It's my mouth and I can use it to transport fertilizer if I want to, so fuck off." Alternatively: "OH GOD, you're so right, here, hold my hair back while I vomit it all up onto your shoes, thank you for policing my dietary choices!"

elsbels

@katiethegreat Today I ate a Twix bar that was a gift by the people where we order the Xerox paper from. Lots of mini Snickers and Twix and Milky Ways and such. My colleague and I are in this unspoken competition to not eat chocolate, because we both gained some weight lately. It's so fucking stupid and I enjoyed the chocolate. Basically, fcuk your colleague and the stupid comment. Ugh, why are things these ways?

raised amongst catalogs

@katiethegreat WHAT THE. Next time he feels the need to explain to you why your choices are all wrong, you should quote Achewood's Nice Pete to him: When I want your opinion I will cut it out of your brain and eat it and crap your opinion back into your skull.

Kikimora

@katiethegreat What the hell is with people like that? So, in my office we totally have a person who is Super Healthy Man. Openly judges people for what they eat/drink, etc. An older coworker has a bum knee and he's made comments about how if he would just lose some pounds...well you get the picture. Things that are just mean and unproductive. Any physical dysfunction (seriously even things like IBD) is a direct consequence of a poor choice. ARGH. This is why I share nothing about my health with him.

raised amongst catalogs

@adorable-eggplant Thanks to iceberg's comment way up at the beginning of this Open Thread, I can only picture one rude hand gesture. <3 u, 'bergie.

adorable-eggplant

@katiethegreat Lol I just realized you wrote "a chocolate bar" as opposed to "at a chocolate bar" which would be a bar that served chocolate things. Wishful thinking.

@raised amongst catalogs How appropriate that would've been.

katiemcgillicuddy

@raised amongst catalogs "I eat your food" is the new middle finger.

hallelujah

@Kikimora We have this office guy too! One day I just asked "Have you ever thought about why you're so invested in other people's bodies?" and he shut right the fuck up. But he was not very introspective, so it's possible I blew his mind. He's been quieter lately, at least!

raised amongst catalogs

@katiemcgillicuddy It's the hand gesture sensation that is sweeping the nation, and by nation I mean my life.

raised amongst catalogs

@hallelujah Congratulations on being my new hero! That reply is perfect, and much more office-appropriate than my suggestion.

frigwiggin

@katiethegreat Man, I would have CRAMMMMMED the rest of it into my mouth while maintaining eye contact the whole time. Childish but hrrrrgh food policing.

par_parenthese

@katiemcgillicuddy Weeks from now, someone on a totally unrelated thread is gonna be all, "I eat that guy's food, what a juicebox," and a new person is going to be really really confused.

ETA: @hallelujah, you are my hero.

Kikimora

@hallelujah I love that response! I think I will probably have to use it on him soon.

raised amongst catalogs

@par_parenthese I can't stop laughing at you and @frigwiggin right now. I just love you people so much.

thebestjasmine

@katiethegreat I would have been so tempted to just open my mouth and let him look at half eaten chocolate.

iceberg

@par_parenthese This just made me laugh so hard, and I couldn't even begin to explain it to Mr. Iceberg.

iceberg

@raised amongst catalogs <3 u raisie :)

Fodforever

Okay, so I have been feeling ill, and am going through some sort of teen soap viewing phase to distract myself… which while embarrassing, is not embarrassing enough to keep me from asking for your guilty pleasure Netflix/amazon prime instant recs!

Now, I am not down on teen drama. It can be done really well (Buffy! Veronica Mars! Skins!), but I’m not talking about that. Some examples of what I mean are like Switched At Birth (ahhh! Has anyone watched this?!) and The Vampire Diaries type stuff. Where, the plots are convoluted, there is drama at every turn, and I can totally skip the parts I’m not that interested in and not lose the thread of the show.

I’ve tried watching Dance Academy, and found it slow. I watched some of Make It or Break It, but eh… Teen Wolf? No. I guess what I’m saying is that I have high (strangely specific) standards for guilty pleasure viewing.

So please regale me with suggestions!

sophia_h

@Fodforever Dance Academy was going to be my suggestion, my best friend lost like a week of her life to that. Does Revenge have too much plot? I've also heard some good things about Pretty Little Liars.

no bricks

@Fodforever Pretty Little Liars came to my mind too. I recently got sucked into that and have no regrets! Although I'm not totally sure how skipping parts would work out...you might miss something important/exciting!

Fodforever

@sophia_h Thanks for responding! Does Dance Academy pick up? I only watched the first episode... I will check out Revenge (hopefully it has some light stuff? That's sort of the "teen" part of this equation. I don't want straight-up drama/intrigue). I have a random aversion to PLL! Though... a year ago I would have said the same about Switched At Birth, so who knows!

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Fodforever Can you get The Secret Life of the American Teenager? On the non-teen tip, how about Burn Notice?

sophia_h

@Fodforever I haven't actually seen it, but my friend likes Vampire Diaries too.

Valley Girl

@Fodforever I kinda stopped watching but Switched at Birth was a secret addiction of mine for awhile.

par_parenthese

@Fodforever On Amazon Prime: GAVIN AND STACEY. DO IT. Major guilty pleasure. It's seriously the cutest thing ever.

Fodforever

@no bricks Alright, two recs is enough for me to at least give it a shot! Thanks :)

@Terrifying Wife-Avatar I saw some of The Secret Life on TV a few years back and remember it was spicy... but also that I kind of wanted to choke-out a lot of the characters? My brother raves about Burn Notice, I'll give it a look once I come down from my high school drama fixation!

Fodforever

@sophia_h I think one of my first comments on the Hairpin was about watching TVD and feeling embarrassed, haha!

@Valley Girl I've only seen the first season because I don't know how to steal tv on the internet. I only really care about Bay and Emmett's relationship ("E-Bay" SO CUTE!)

allofthewine

@Fodforever you want to watch Skins (the UK version), My So Called Life, and possibly Dawson's Creek.

Fodforever

@allofthewine I have seen all of these! ... I may have a problem -__-'

rosaline

@Fodforever I secretly love Awkward (and have secretly loved Switched at Birth and Vampire Diaries). It's in its second season now.

Fodforever

@rosaline Yess. I watched the first season with my roomie when we had cable... I don't feel that guilty about it though, because it is pretty self aware and just plain funny :D

no bricks

@Fodforever I hope we're not steering you in the wrong direction! I resisted it at first (I thought it would be too creepy for me to properly enjoy all the drama), but it turned out fine.

Ps, I hope you feel better soon!

Fodforever

@no bricks Thanks! And hey, if I waste some time watching something I don't like, it will still distract me from brooding on feeling like crap. Win-win!

loren smith

@Fodforever I am incredibly in love with the new 90210. I don't even know why. I think I'm the only one though, as it is getting cancelled.

miss buenos aires

@Fodforever I can't believe no one has mentioned Gossip Girl. Though the decline in quality after the first season or two is... dramatic.

karenb

montreal pinners! my SO and i are coming to visit your lovely city at the end of april - tell me the thing that makes you stop and think, "i love this city", please?

Danzig!

@karenb I'm not from Montreal, but bagels

RK Fire

@karenb I'm also not from Montreal, but I also greatly enjoyed shish taouk and Mont Royal itself, in the flesh.

Little Miss Bossy

@karenb I was a temporary resident of Montreal (now ex- ... bad grad school experience a few years ago BUT the city itself was great) and the thing I appreciated the most were the cheap performances at venues like La Tulipe and Le Nationale. Seriously, the most expensive tickets were like $30-40 + administration charges for Franz Ferdinand (turned out to be the weakest show I saw, too -- Andrew Bird; Peter, Bjorn, and John; Emiliana Torrini, and most recently Jens Lekman, all GREAT shows! and probably cost around $20-25/each). Check out http://montreal.about.com/od/eventsmarch2008/a/music_apr08.htm for upcoming shows.

thenotestaken

@karenb Walk around Mile End for excellent cafes, food (here be bagels), and vintage shopping, try interesting beers at Vices&Versa or Dieu du Ciel, go to Mont Royal on a Sunday afternoon and find the LARPers!

hallelujah

Until today I thought DTMFA stood for Dump That Motherfuckin Asshole. Close enough to capture the general spirit, far enough to make a lot of things I've posted not make a ton of sense. Womp.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@hallelujah I had to google it. :(

It made me think of DTAMFS: Don't Take Another Motherf-ckin' Step. I learned that from Reno 911.

JanieS

@hallelujah It ... doesn't? Huh.

katiethegreat

@hallelujah I thought it meant that too! Maybe loads of us over here are misusing it in a common way so none of us realised...

Ellie

@hallelujah Really?! I honestly can't imagine a sentence in which the "already" really conveys the core point. I have to think nobody has noticed any misuse.

Scandyhoovian

@hallelujah I was right there with you! Whoopsie....?

sophia_h

I can go to Starbucks wearing a skirt with super-unshaven legs if I live in a college town, right? My pants and I are having a fight.

redheaded_cat

@sophia_h Hell yes.

bocadelperro

@redheaded_cat I have pale skin and black body hair, and was on the swim team in high school. We wore uniforms with skirts.
I can tell you from experience, nobody looks at your leg hair when you're out and about.
Girl, get yourself a coffee and be comfortable about it.
(I mean, unless your leg hair is like sparkly and rainbow colored, then folks might look, but that's another thing entirely)

frigwiggin

@sophia_h I've been coming to work without my legs (or armpits) shaved for like...a month now? And I wear skirts and whatever, and nobody's said anything. I'm just...so over shaving for the moment, and I'm still presentable and don't smell weird, so who the hell cares? I don't think a single coworker has noticed. So I think you're fine for Starbucks!

adorable-eggplant

@sophia_h I do it all the damn time. The only time I've ever gotten a comment was from a deranged woman on the bus who told me I was ruining it "for the rest of us" because no one "evens opens a damn door anymore" and then a lot of over-sharing about her ex husband, during which harangue I fake read like furious and the other bus passengers shifted around nervously.

But that's one incident in about 7 years of not shaving, so your odds are good.

sophia_h

@everybody Thank you for the reassurance, I actually didn't even shave my legs until I was 16 but ever since then I get anxious about going out with seriously woolly legs, even though I live in hippie NorCal and my hair is pretty light and sparse. It makes me mad about myself but it's a hard habit to shake, once you get into it!

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@sophia_h If you live in hippie NorCal, don't you have a nice long hippie skirt you can wear? But seriously, yeah, it's fine to wear whatever you want. I have really hairy legs (no one could describe my leg hair as light and sparse unless they were half-blind and standing 40 feet away!) but I wore shorts a lot during a couple of summers when I never shaved my legs (I rarely shave now; I just always wear pants) and I actually never got ANY comments on it and maybe just one weird stare?

Danzig!

@sophia_h always

par_parenthese

@sophia_h I had a good friend who went through a FUCK SHAVING phase for a couple years and I feel like 95% of people didn't notice, and of the 5% that did, most of them were like, "Whoa, that chick's legs are hairy, guess she doesn't shave, not my business, going back to whatever I was doing before."

LordHennyson

@par_parenthese I stopped shaving my pits for a month in November (and I wear short sleeves year round) and by a week in it became one of the most confident months I've had in a while. It was awesome.

Cawendaw

@sophia_h I might be a freak, but until I was 20 (a very collegiate age, you will note) I didn't even know body shaving was considered compulsory outside of modeling agencies, porn sets and swim teams.

leonstj

Yo, I care way too much about this, but I really hate Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors".

I hate it so much because I really liked it, up until the chorus. I mean, the beat is fucking wack. It's like, we get it Timba. People make mouth noises that sound like drums.

But the chorus sounds like a shitty Enrique Iglesias album cut that never makes it to even the B-side of the cassingle. Ugh, that fucking chorus is godawful.

I expect so much more of you Timberlake. Also, this song is EIGHT MINUTES LONG. I like long pop songs, but FOR FUCKS SAKE justin, the breakdown is just alright, and it doesn't start until more than 5 minutes into the song.

I haven't heard the rest of the album yet, other than Mirrors and Suit&Tie (also meh) but I am really fucking bummed. cuz FutureSex/LoveSounds is such a phenomenal album.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@leon i think i really like that whole album bc i was not waiting years for a new JT album (and i really like self indulgent art)

leonstj

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood - Hmmm...What tracks are your favorites?

I may just not be giving it a fair shake. I've also been becoming a disgusting brooklyn r&b hipster, my current fave r&b-ish albums are last years How to Dress Well album and I am loving the shit out of this Autre Ne Veut album.

Seriously, "Play by Play" is an awesome track though. Stay for the whole thing, it's totally worth it. I'm also loving this Rhye album.

(Google informs me How to Dress Well + Sky Ferreira are playing Bowery Ballroom next Wednesday, which seems awesome, but tickets are $35 and I don't wanna go to an R&B show alone & none of my friends will go, so unless I'm dating someone in the next three days, probably not happening)

ach_so

@leon s That show sounds awesome but man am I broke.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@leon s YES HTDW AND AUTR NE NE VEUT (Im seeing the the former next sunday, and the latter i saw a few weeks ago in NYC).

I really like Tunnel Vision and Dont Hold The Wall. was not really impressed with suit and tie.

sophia_h

ugh somebody make this dude be less hot, I was never into athletic guys but now my tumblr is full of these kinds of pictures. he is defining "life ruiner."

eleventyone

@sophia_h I can't really help, but I saw him drive by at the WS parade and he reminded me of the boys from my high school in the south SO HARD. Like innocent, boyish, etc. He's a cutie!
(Plus he came back from a season-ending injury to help us win another WS but don't get me started on baseball talk cause I can't stop)

sophia_h

@eleventyone I was like 20 feet from him at the parade and practically hyperventilated. I'm not usually that into dudes in general (I mean, I'm married to one, but I don't get that interested in strange ones) but he just has some special magic.

And actually, the whole team is hot, my friend and I have spent basically the last year drooling over various members of it. So weird!

And yeah, I can talk baseball in depth to a degree that frightens and confuses my dad now. He doesn't get that it's a skill I've honed in TV fandom and just turned to something socially acceptable now.

Inkling

@sophia_h
Whoah it looks like his donk is ENORMOUS. What's his name and are there any butt pics???

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@sophia_h Let my devotion to looking at hot guys never be questioned. My work blogs Tumblr (and all the photos that Tumblr hosts, such as the one you linked to)(I KNOW, WTF WORK?), so I'm back in the open thread at home looking at it.

PS He's very cute!

Inkling

@sophia_h
Ahh I wanna fuck that. Thank you!

sophia_h

@Inkling Heee. To the never-ending sorrow of the entire dude-loving Bay Area, he's married with twin babies. Life is unfair.

Inkling

@sophia_h
For being the reputably most obese nation in the world, there are not enough fat booty guys up in the USA for my ravenous vagina :(

bitchycrosstownexpress

So...
I got offered a new job yesterday!
Which was also my birthday!
And my boyfriend and I are looking at places to move in together!
I am having these weird alternate swings between glee and absolute terror at what the next month of my life is going to be like.

JanieS

@bitchycrosstownexpress W00t!

olivebee

@bitchycrosstownexpress Yay for all your good news!

Cawendaw

@bitchycrosstownexpress I don't think our minds are built to handle success or good fortune. Pants-crapping anxiety is a totally normal response. Also, congrats!

rimy

I'm doing this weekend kickball thing with my bf's sister over the next month or two & am looking forward to it! It's been a while since I did anything that gimmicky-fun. Howeeever, gimmicky-fun things are normally targeted toward single people trying to meet new lovahs and I'm 100% not single. And yet I'm sort of perversely looking forward to possible dudes chatting me up? I guess I'm into getting attention or something- maybe it's spring and warm weather? Am I a horrible person? (no you're just an attention-ho apparently)

LordHennyson

@rimy Years back my friend drunkenly gave a guy her number in spite of the fact that she had a serious boyfriend, & she told me something along the lines of [paraphrasing because I was as drunk as she was]: "I know I'm going to marry my boyfriend, I know I'm not so much as texting this guy back, if I have better sex with my boyfriend tonight because I have a confidence boost, everyone wins!" Spoken bluntly, but though I was surprised then, I think there's kind of something to be said for it now. Maybe my ethics are shaky, but hey, everyone likes a little self-confidence boost.

iceberg

A little late, but I've been thinking about trying to get paid to write a blog (duh, about the Bergy Bits). Does anyone know how to go about this?

cei-face

@iceberg I don't know too much about the blogging world other than reading them...so disclaimer. But I've always assumed it's usually no pay at first, then as your readership grows, you get ad revenue and then maybe a book deal or something...?!

PatatasBravas

No idea, but a random thought: could you reverse-interview Edith or Nicole? I would love love love love to hear from them about what the managerial side of the Pin is like. What are the hours? What is the income like? What are the costs, financial and personal? How do they generate ideas or decide which pitches to use? I WANT TO SEE BACKSTAGE and also I really enjoyed your interview voice, so it would be fun to hear from you again AND you could get all your knowledges!

Also I would read the hell out of your blog.

adorable-eggplant

@PatatasBravas Ooo they could run it on the Billfold.

miss buenos aires

@iceberg Maybe look into the "mommy blog" world and what the most successful blogs are there (and if/how they make money, if you can glean that info). Or even go more institutional and contact parenting websites (like Babble or something), see if they'd be interested in your unique perspective. Alternatively, you could go straight to a brand like Pampers or something and pitch it as part of their social media platform, something to draw people to the brand's website. That last one is the most sell-outy, but probably has the most potential for actual payment (what a surprise). I, for one, would love to read your blog! And you can put that in your pitch letter.

LordHennyson

Sorry for the infodump, I haven't had time to process my feelings fully so this is a pretty disconnected rant:

So my freshman year (senior now) I had that sort of crush on a friend of a friend that you get on your best friend's older brother just because he is older and seems ~*so cool*~ but he graduated and I forgot about it. UNTIL he started messaging me on facebook, which turned into a few hangouts, and my crush came back with a vengeance because in getting to know him I discovered he was so so smart/funny/curious/awesome

I could tell he probably liked me too, but THEN last week he tells me he just found out he is going to basic training in two weeks (I knew he was joining the army, but he thought it would be in the summer and I thought I'd at least have an enjoyable spring-fling sorta deal pre-graduation). So last time we hung out I was an idiot and stayed up too late with him which makes me even more insecure/unable to do ballsy things than usual due to sleepiness so he left, and only then did I get the ovaries to send him a "hey ur cute" text (but more eloquent), which he reciprocated, and said that he wanted to hang out again but was leaving for the weekend.

NOW he gets back on Monday, leaves just under a week later. I think I am gonna hook up with him because some (possibly masochistic) part of my brain thinks that if I'm going to be sad when he leaves anyway, I may as well have something to show for it, and also because he is so cute and I thought he was so out of my league and I got excited about whatever this is. I guess this isn't really a call for advice, so much as a place to express my disappointment. My friends are not super receptive to my whining, probably because it's not a break-up, I don't have really much reason to be sad about this, but I just got my hopes up, y'know?

Danzig!

@LordHennyson Pfah to your friends. You like the boy and he's going away. It's true that you haven't broken up for good or anything, and the possibility exists for you to reconnect in the future, I guess, but save for a probably-ill-advised LDR it seems like it won't go anywhere in the near future. You've a right to be a bit glum

LordHennyson

@Danzig! Thank you! And yeah, I am trying to steer clear of romanticizing any future possibilities because due to aforementioned insecurity I've had a tendency in the past to do the "YOU LIKE ME LET'S DATE FOREVER" thing. Also I know nothing about army, but that it's fun to call it that b/c it reminds me of Arrested Development

Best pun ever.

My nipple is so itchy I will DRINK this Aveeno. I will pump it in my cocktail, guys.

Scandyhoovian

OK, so Mr. Scandyhoovian is a CPA, and it's tax season. I have fielded no less than four (FOUR!) facebook messages from acquaintance type people (friends of friends, people I've only met a few times, etc.) asking if he will help them with their taxes. No mention of possibly paying him, no bare effort in saying "hi, how are you doing, etc etc" first, just "I know your husband is a CPA, can he help me with my taxes?"

I've been responding to all of them with "He'd be happy to for [fee] but he's going to be too busy to do it before the April 15th deadline so you'll have to file an extension," and it's turned all of them away, but really I'm more concerned with how so many people seem to think this is less SUPER RUDE than I think it is?

Kikimora

@Scandyhoovian I think that is super rude! Is it just me, or do people act insanely helpless when it comes to their taxes? I realize that the more variables you have in your life, the more complicated it is so I'm not trying to be offensive here...I've just noticed that some people can't be bothered to figure it out. But I suppose that also goes for finances in general.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@Scandyhoovian "Nice try, asshole, but my husband is not going to do his JOB for FREE. Gotta get that paper!" <---is what I would say. So yeah, those people are definitely SUPER RUDE and that is alarming.

ghechr

@Scandyhoovian Mr. Ghechr is also an accountant and in full tax season now (i.e. a mysterious ghost person whom I never see anymore except really late at night and early in the morning). Mr. Ghechr will help out his friends fielding questions and whatnot, but for stuff during tax season itself, he requests a fee because he has so so so so little free time these days that he values just sitting on his ass watching TV pretty highly.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@Scandyhoovian It's totally rude. My dad's a CPA and he did his mom's taxes and mine the first couple of years I was working, and he'll answer quick questions for other people, but that's it. He is not a tax specialist in his day job, though, so he can always get out of it with "oh sorry, that's not my area of expertise."

Judith Slutler

@Scandyhoovian Yeah no. NO. Just continuing with the rap theme we seem to have on this FOT, I'd basically be sending them all links to songscalled fuck you, pay me

RNL
RNL

@Scandyhoovian Haha WHAT? I'm a lawyer, and people ask me for legal advice all the time. Some people I don't mind, but for the others it's like "oh yes, my firm can totally help you with that! Make an appointment with my assistant and come in and we can discuss your retainer".

miss buenos aires

@Scandyhoovian I feel bad about trying to contact accountants for whose services I am actually paying for anything non-emergency during the first three and a half months of the year. So yeah, that is ridiculous. On a related note, I told my boss I was going to talk to a financial planner next week, and she was like, "My son can give you advice for free!" I was like, he gets up at 4:30 every morning for work, I'm pretty sure he doesn't necessarily want to do his job for free for someone with 1/100th the assets of his next poorest client, or anyone else.

plumb-bob

Hello all, I need help processing the angry feelings I get when people tell me how tiny I am (I'm 5'2). It's not like I'm freakishly small, guys, and if I were it would be even ruder! Short 'pinners, do I just need to get over myself, or am I right to feel 'belittled'?
ETA: I think part of it is height is considered a part of how attractive you are, and it's like they are telling me I lack some important aspect of attractiveness.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@plumb-bob It's interesting that you mention the attractiveness aspect. I'm about 5'9"/5'10" (not super tall, but not at all short for a lady) and I've always gotten the impression that people (dudes...) find being small more "ladylike" or something (which is crazy because being a lady's got nothing to do with height).

ETA (edited to acknowledge): I said "lady" too many times.

par_parenthese

@plumb-bob Ugh, height is one of the few physical characteristics it's still socially acceptable to comment on. I'm a petite lady myself, and the way I've dealt with it is like this: 1) I think most people are commenting innocently, without thinking that what they're saying might be hurtful/annoying, and any awkwardness in the conversation accrues to their account, not yours. 2) I am short. It's just true. But I'm only a tiny bit shorter than the average woman who, I believe, is 5'5"? So that's an easy way to change the subject: "Yup, 5'2," three inches shorter than the average woman. How 'bout them Yankees?" or whatever. 3) Some people are really dicks about it, and what they need is a big dose of relentlessly cheerful, icily polite, and if they can't let it go, a Carolyn Hax "Wow." followed by a pregnant pause and an obvious subject change. Because it's their prob, not yours.

Good luck!

katiemcgillicuddy

@plumb-bob I'm 5'2" and what? Who the fuck gives actual shit to people for their height when they are adults? My friends (and me, for that matter) break my balls about it, but in a silly, fun way, so if these people are just being dicks...they need to screw off. 5'2" is PERFECT, yo.

ETA: So, hopefully they aren't just being dicks, they're just cracking dumb jokes.

honey cowl

@plumb-bob I feel you girl! I am 5'11" and always getting comments (ESPECIALLY from dudes over 6 foot ... THAT'S ANOTHER TOPIC!). Though we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, yes, it is annoying. I respond thusly.

"Wow, you're so tall!"
"I didn't realize."

cminor

@Katzen-party I agree.

@plum-bob Average height for (American) women is 5'4". I'm 5'8" and when people say things insinuating they're uncomfortable with my height I just smile and say, "It makes me feel powerful."
Find the power in your own body and use your confidence against those who would tear you down.

plumb-bob

@katiemcgillicuddy Yeah, it's mostly just innocent remarks and dumb jokes, which is why I feel maybe I'm being oversensitive.

victorian rose

@plumb-bob Try being 4'11".

Most oft-received comment: "Isn't that legally a midget? I think you can get a handicap parking placard."

plumb-bob

@Katzen-party Yes, tall people get this too! Anyone outside the accepted range in either direction.

victorian rose

@plumb-bob And as far as attractiveness is concerned, a lot of men (if that's who you're into) seem to like the petiteness. Makes them feel taller and stronger or something.

katiemcgillicuddy

@plumb-bob Ah, well then maybe try to make a joke about yourself now and then and that will defuse it a little. Now, if you feel like they really are trying to equate it to attractiveness then that is some bullshit and they are idiots, but in fairness, being 5'2" can cause some ridiculous and funny problems when it comes to say, reaching the cereal.

plumb-bob

@par_parenthese I try not to comment on anyone's height :) It's funny that if a short person happens to become famous, the press can't seem to refer to them without adding the adjectives 'pint-sized', 'diminutive', etc. like it's a fact that can't be overlooked. My response to comments is usually just to smile and change the subject.
@victorian rose How rude! I am glaring daggers at them on your behalf. My tall friend regularly refers to our short couple-friends as 'the Munchkins' and I get vicariously angry for them.

plumb-bob

@katiemcgillicuddy You are right, and I do joke about my own height in the reaching-for-things context.

@all Thanks everyone, this has been unexpectedly cathartic :)

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@katiemcgillicuddy Exactly--what ADULT comments on the height of another ADULT? Jeez, do you really think I care about what some random wang thinks of how far my head is from the ground? I mean

Mrs. Grundy

@plumb-bob Ugh. I am a medium-tall person, but my partner is 5'1", and in the years we have been together I have seen some straight ridiculous stuff said/done to her. Like, for instance, people attempting to pick her up and carry here (WHO DOES THAT?!). Also, she is butch, which adds a whole other genre of bullshit to the bullshit people already say to short people.

weebleswobble

@plumb-bob

I am under 5 feet, and my smallness is what prompted me to write my first Hairpin FOT post! Yes, being little brings up so many Feelings, especially when other people think it's okay to comment on your size. Regardless of what they're implying (anything from "you're supercute!" to "I'm not going to take anything you say seriously because you are child-sized!") it's still objectification and it's totally rude.

That being said, I'm not sure how to properly navigate it or call people out on it because as you mentioned, most people don't think it's a big deal. I'm really shy so I usually just make a dopey face when people say something that makes me uncomfortable, but maybe you could think of a witty comeback--something like "Having fewer body cells means that my risk of becoming terminally ill is significantly lower than yours." (um, you might want to double-check the accuracy of that particular quote first though because I read it on the Internet--but it did actually make me feel better about being short!)

Anyway, not sure if my perspective on things has helped at all, but good luck telling those body-snarkers to shove it!

weebleswobble

@victorian rose

Ugh yes, or "I think you need to ride in a child safety seat!"

I once had a 5'6 acquaintance say to my face that she always wears high heels because she "hates being short." There are just no words sometimes...

Kikimora

@honey cowl Yeah, I'm 5'10". People treat me like some fascination. And, no, I stopped playing sports in high school. I always want to say something snarky that makes them feel bad or vaguely jealous. I usually just tell them that I'm the short one in my family and then they are too busy concentrating on the giants that must've raised me.

plumb-bob

@weebleswobble Yes, I think the feeling of not being taken seriously gives me Feelings as well. I have a young-looking face as well as being short, so I've struggled with people treating me as a much less mature person since childhood.

eleventyone

@honey cowl Hope you don't mind if I steal this, it's brilliant. I'm around your height and snarky by nature, could not be more perfect.

Miss Maszkerádi

@plumb-bob I am also 5'2'', skinny, not-particularly-bosomy, and have apparently the face of a 15 year old child (I'm 24.) No real advice, just commiseration SO HARD.

Cawendaw

@plumb-bob Hello, height-twin! I've learned so much from unsolicited height comments! Like, did you know that short people can't be in positions of authority so it's really worrisome to think of me as a teacher? Did you know that most men are six feet tall, even though US average male height is 5' 10"? Did you know it's great that I live(d) in Japan because I "looked normal" there/here (I don't live there now but I got this comment all the time on both sides of the Pacific), even though average male height is 5' 7"? Did you know that this is why I'm single, even if I haven't actually mentioned my relationship status? Did you know that this might hurt me during interviews? Did you know that this is why I don't work in finance (also because I have no interest in doing so and everyone I've ever met who worked in finance was a terrible person, but thanks, dude who I'm pretty sure worked in finance)? Did you know that I am short?
Why no, I had no idea that I was short! You are the first person to notice! My eyes are open, and at chest level!
I guess, the only advice I have on not being bitter is that I have to save my bitterness for unsolicited comments and questions about my ethnicity.

fruiting body

@plumb-bob I am 5'0" (maybe 5'1" with shoes) and through most of my childhood/adolescence I was also a scrawny little wimp of a child, despite having the least delicate disposition ever. Then I discovered that I LOVE exercise and build muscle really quickly, so now I am still short but I'm super ripped. When people comment on my height I tell them to feel my muscles. I DEFINITELY agree re: the attractiveness judgment, and since I do not have a conventionally attractive body type I think I tend to force the issue. Yeah, I may have broad shoulder and only come up to your armpit, but watch me do more pull-ups than you!

For my part, I try really hard never to comment on anyone's body unless they have asked a specific question of me. I keep hoping that leading by example will actually train some people, but, I think the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim :/

Angry Panda

@plumb-bob 5'2", flat-chested with super short hair. So I look like a 12 year old boy basically. I'm pretty much used to feeling invisible by now. I am used to all the jokes, but they have never been funny to me.

Apocalypstick

Omigod I just watched Paris Is Burning on the advice of the Drag Race gif thread, and thank you so much for that advice because it is amazing.

eleventyone

Curly girls! What are you doing with your hair? Have you found ways to wear it curly without poofiness? tellllll meeeeee (please)

katiemcgillicuddy

@eleventyone If I don't have the time to flatten it, I just yell at it. I look like a homeless fucking lion.

*Used (not fresh, way too much of a scent) dryer sheets can help get rid of static crap, I'm sure there is some reason this is going to kill me, but it hasn't yet, so screw it.

eleventyone

@katiemcgillicuddy Why didn't I think of that! I dig the homeless lion look! Sometimes when I don't feel like dealing with it I just act like it's intentional and side-eye the hell out of people who give me Looks.

Jinxie

@eleventyone God, I wish I had something brilliant to tell you, because no matter what I do to my hair lately, no matter what product(s) I put on or in what combinations, my hair just looks like ass. Poofy, uncontrollable, triangular ASS. Clearly it's the fault of my hairdresser because it didn't used to be this bad; my hairdresser used to be so so good but the last two cuts were pretty terrible.
So, bobby pins. That's my solution.

LordHennyson

@eleventyone This is actually one of my favorite things to talk about, because I had a hair turnabout this past December. Have you looked up the curly girl method yet? I switched over and there are SO many things you can do but highlighting silicone-free, no shampoo, making ALL conditioner a leave-in conditioner, and not touching hair until it's dry and crunchy before scrunching it have revolutionized the way my hair looks for the better. You can buy the book, but there are also pretty detailed step-by-steps on wikihow etc.

eleventyone

@LordHennyson Ooh, I've heard it mentioned but forgot to look it up! Turns out I do most of this already, but I have trouble with the not-shampooing-ever aspect because my hair is fine and gets too weighed down by products/environment stuff (I work with coffee beans all day long). Maybe I'll give it a try and see if it sorts itself out. Do you do the plopping thing?

Faintly Macabre

@eleventyone I have a lot of mostly fine, very curly hair, and my general tips are:

Find someone who actually knows how to cut curly hair and have them give you layers. (I've never had the Ouidad cut, since it's $$$, but I've found decent, inexpensive people through online digging.)

Find the right product! This is key and has taken most of my life. If I do not use product after I shower, my hair becomes a sticky, frizzy, tangly poof. I currently use various Beautiful Curls goops depending on the length of my hair or Garnier creme-gel. Garnier is cheap and works quite well, Beautiful Curls is more natural and doesn't get as crunchy if you use too much. However, I haaaated the Beautiful Curls conditioner that I tried.

Do not wash your hair too much! My scalp is pretty dry from Accutane, but even before that I never washed my hair two days in a row. Now it's every 3, with water+goop the other days.

If you have a lot of build-up, pour apple cider vinegar in your hair after you rinse out your conditioner (I still use that and shampoo), comb it through, and then rinse. I have really hard water that does not get my hair fully clean, and the vinegar makes a huge difference. It'll smell weird, but it stops smelling once it dries.

sophia_h

@eleventyone I use head n' shoulders and just scrub it lightly into my scalp with my fingertips. Then I use DevaCurl's OneCondition, rinse it out, flip my head upside down and shake it, then scrunch in some DevaCurl Angell before putting on a terry cloth bath robe with a big t shirt tucked around my shoulders so my hair doesn't get snagged. Then I do the curly girl thing with duck clips on the top of my head and let it air dry if I have the time, or get it mostly dry with a diffuser and scrunch in a little anti-frizz stuff afterwards. My hair's thin and fine so I wash every other day to keep it from getting weighed down. I sleep on a satin pillowcase, too, to keep it from getting frizzed.

And yes, find a DevaCurl certified stylist to cut it, makes all the difference. Look in their website for a list by zip code.

blue_canary

@eleventyone Curly girl method is really good, love apple cider vinegar, too. Here's what is blowing my mind right now: try curling your hair. Foam curlers, pin curl set, twist outs, even a hot curling iron. Seriously, seriously. This is my hair routine now:

Me: Hair, would you like to be curly instead of a frizzy mess?

My Hair: Maybe, what's in it for me?

Me: I have these curling rods...

MH: F**** YEAH!

Me: Would you like some product?

MH: Go away, I'm busy. Curlers....my preciousssssss....

miss buenos aires

@eleventyone Here is my method:

1 - I only wash my hair when it feels dirty, about once a week or so. This has the added benefit of making any expensive shampoo/conditioner purchase long-lasting and guilt-free. (I'm currently using Bumble & Bumble.)

2 - I finally found a person who really understands my hair and how to cut it. I keep it in a layered chin-length bob now, and I don't think it's ever looked better.

3 - I try not to rinse out the conditioner fully.

4 - I have a length of plain cotton jersey that I wrap around my head like a turban when I get out of the shower.

5 - I use Davines Defining Invisible Styling Cream. This keeps down frizz. If I have an extra minute or two, I twist two locks in the front (and maybe the next two) around my index fingers and count to 20. It's a little ringlet-y when it dries, but then I separate it with my fingers and it looks natural and fun, but still neat.

Hope you can put some of these tips to work for you!

Li'l Sebastian

@eleventyone I just started using stuff from this brand http://www.curls.biz/ which I got at Target, and it's working great! I also got my hair cut at an Aveda Institute, which was awesome because a super qualified stylist fixed my hair for me after the student did the basic shaping. I tried the not washing your hair thing, but it just gave me terrible build up.

Danzig!

So HEY guys, remember that piece about the fabulist that I've been wrestling with for weeks and weeks (just got another draft hammered out this week, but it's still not up to snuff)? When that "Leaving the Girl" post from yesterday came out and I sent it around, as one does, my best friend became quite adamant that the "Tina" in that piece is our woman. And rereading it, it does seem that is indeed the case. The town she describes, with its Old Town district and Tony's bar (the second worst bar in town behind "The Drunken Monkey"), is our town, and Tina, and the effect she has on soft and sickly people, is strikingly similar to ours.

I've sent off an inquisitive email to the writer, but in the meantime, I'm sweating with the windows open in Winter. Even if Tina's not our woman, my piece would be entirely too similar to the published one, so I figure what's the point of writing it now? Considering how much y'all loathed that piece I'm guessing I really dodged a bullet, in any event.

meetapossum

@Danzig! Ok, when I read it at first I thought you might be the author? But then I checked the byline and saw it was a lady, so this is an interesting development!

Danzig!

@meetapossum I know, right? Our dear woman definitely left a path of destruction that extended beyond my immediate circle of friends, definitely after and probably before us.

The thing is, on the one hand, fabulists of the caliber are actually pretty thick on the ground (you learn this after you've fallen in love with one and gotten wise to him/her) but on the other hand, Fort Collins is a pretty small town when it comes to artsy people, especially writers. If the timeline matches up, then chances are good this lady just stole all my thunder ;_; I'm no good at this "disciplined writing" thing but I was really looking forward to getting this thing finally done and sent to Edith for summary execution, so I'm sad because of that (that and a writer I really liked unfollowed me on twitter :'c).

I'll let you all know if Elinor gets back to me with confirmation either way!

meetapossum

@Danzig! I think it would be interesting to see another view even if it is the same person! I hope to read it regardless.

Anyway, I also thought of you because I've been talking about Colorado for the past two weeks with everybody it seems, and now I just want to go back. My cousin and her husband are moving to Denver this month, so I was telling them about how awesome it will be. (They currently live in West Virginia and hate it.) Then a new barback started at my favorite bar and he's from Breckenridge. Colorado I miss youuu.

Danzig!

@meetapossum come out and see us! Us being the Denver pinners. We're a silent, but present, lot.

I mean I'm not silent, but we're busy is what I'm saying. But we'll come together for you.

Danzig!

@meetapossum Elinor got back to me. It's not outside the realm of possibility since we did in fact live in the same city, but she's sure the woman in her story wasn't lying about her name (which was not the name I was given) and there's a year gap between when her thing ended and mine began. Ah well, peace of mind for my friends I suppose.

Cawendaw

@Danzig! Ok, in that case reverse my advice that I gave you on the other thread! Full steam ahead (if you're into it)!

iceberg

@Danzig! I rally want to read your version now! You have a way with words and I love reading things by "known" Pinners (because I'm nosy like that).

Danzig!

@iceberg @Cawendaw back to the grind, then. This would be so much easier if I were getting paid :'(

iceberg

@Danzig! I will pay you... attention! and <3 :)

Danzig!

@iceberg thank you :3 workin on it

EpWs

CAN SOMEONE COME DOWN HERE AND YELL ABOUT NORTH DAKOTA'S BULLSHIT FETAL HEARTBEAT ABORTION BAN WITH ME?

Danzig!

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher FUCK THAT SHIT

katiemcgillicuddy

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK

stonefruit

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OKAY I HAD TO LOOK IT UP BUT NOW I'M HERE AND READY TO START YELLING. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT SIDEWAYS.

THAT IS NOT EVEN CONSTITUTIONAL, NORTH DAKOTA, WHAT EVEN ARE YOU THINKING.

hallelujah

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Get rid of your fetal heartbeat bills, they are revolting. Donate to NARAL Pro-Choice America, guys (if you have the means, of course)! They do phenomenal work fighting these bills in court and elsewhere.

EpWs

AND THEY WANT TO USE IT TO FIGHT ROE V WADE WHAAAAAAAT

Kikimora

So, this papal business this week has sort of inspired feelings about my religious beliefs. I was raised Catholic, went to a parochial school, etc. There were things I loved (and still sort of do) about Catholicism that I find really hard to convey to other people, especially now. But then there were things like an emphasis on abortion at a young age when I had NO idea what to feel about that. Then there was the 4th grade teacher who stopped teaching us math in favor of saying the rosary. I know that doesn't have to do with the religion per se, but it made me very resentful of that whole system. In my parish, people were really nosey, too. When I got to be a teenager I wanted to dress differently, and people were very very judge-y. When it came time for confirmation, I refused. I fought with my parents about it but eventually they let me make the decision. Other kids in my class shat all over me because, as one of them put it, "We don't like it either, but we're making our parents happy. Not doing it is a cop out." Uhh, yeah. So I stopped going, and other than some incidental xmas masses or funerals I haven't been back to church. Looking back, my reasons for leaving weren't really hashed out beyond...just sort of like, "People are telling me what to do/think. Bye." The revelations about rape and the horrible institutional abuses came soon after, and I would've left probably on that account alone.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Except just that despite the horrors, sometimes it stings a little when people make fun of the Catholics, infer that all priests are pedophiles, or ask me why my parents are still going to mass. My boyfriend's Mom is a pastor, and I feel like she always has something to say about it. She says pitying things about how all nuns must secretly want to be priests, makes remarks about big Catholic families, just every stereotype I can think of. I realize that the Vatican is an institution, but I resent the idea that this only could've happened in the Catholic church. Anyway, I almost never talk about it fully with people. A lot of the stuff I laugh at, because it can be funny and silly. After all, I left the church because there were many things I don't agree with. I also feel like this is hard to explain without sounding as if I'm defending the church and its abuses. At this point, my religious beliefs are sort of open ended. I feel like there is something greater than us, but it's deeply personal and not easily defined. Whatever that is, I feel like it's something to be respected. I feel very uncomfortable at say...the non-denominational church my boyfriend's sister took us to over the holidays this year. Swaying and singing along with a big screen tv just felt like a mockery to me. If she likes it, that's fine. For some reason I had to get that off my chest. Ahhhhhh! Sorry, people.

par_parenthese

@Kikimora Oh man, big internet hugs. That is complicated stuff right there.

"She says pitying things about how all nuns must secretly want to be priests, makes remarks about big Catholic families, just every stereotype I can think of."

I mean, otherwise progressive people can be narrow-minded assholes too. Because that is seriously terrible. When she says that shit, can you ask her why she thinks that?

And I totally get the struggle of feeling like, sheez, quit piling on Catholics, without sounding like you're defending child molesters (which is insane, really; you should be able to be whatever belief you want without people accusing you of shit like that or you even feeling open to that accusation).

Danzig!

@Kikimora I'm not the biggest Dan Savage fan, but I appreciate that he goes well into depth about splitting up with the church but still maintaining a "cultural Catholicism", which I get. You see it all the time with ex-evangelicals and ex-mormons too.

I'm not nor have I been religious in the past, but when this comes up I tend to think of when I was going through high school, and how I was placed in special ed on account of my social / developmental difficulties and the clusterfuck that was 8th grade. Most of the kids in that program were what most people would call delinquents - meth addicts, juggalos, living in trailers or out of cars.

While I would certainly understand why someone would deride juggalos or small-town trailer park gangbangers (they are horrible in some ways), I never respected anyone who went out of their way to rail against them, because it was pretty obvious to me that they never considered the people they decried as humans capable of having redeeming qualities, or even a point of view. It always broke my heart that I was in with these kids who desperately wanted to succeed in life when so many people seemed to derive real satisfaction when they failed because of their circumstances. I feel like grandstanding against most social groups is sort of that way. It's easy to forget that corrosive institutions are made up of people, and that people are likewise bound up in them.

Kikimora

@par_parenthese Thank you! Ahh. I mean, I'm pretty much okay about ignoring it or laughing it off for the most part. (Which is probably why I'm currently spewing it all over the Hairpin.) It's not the only thing she makes sweeping generalizations about. But when it's someone who knows me, and knows that my family is Catholic...how else can that be perceived? Maybe she thinks that because I left the church I agree with her. I guess I'm just intimidated by the idea of challenging her on it since I have a hard time hashing out my own views. I usually just act like I'm not phased, but then I stew about it. I know I have to say something though, the next time she makes a comment!

@Danzig! Yes, that is such a good point about the ex-groups. And this: "It's easy to forget that corrosive institutions are made up of people, and that people are likewise bound up in them." This. This, This.

thebestjasmine

@Kikimora I was raised Catholic, and while I'm very very liberal I still identify as Catholic and occasionally go to church, so I totally understand how you feel. I think you should make it clear to her that this bothers you! I don't think you have to have an argument for why it bothers you and be prepared to argue with her about it, just say that your parents are Catholic and that is your culture and snotty comments about Catholicism upset you. And if she tries to argue with you about it, say that you don't want to discuss it, you just want her to refrain from doing that around you.

Kikimora

@thebestjasmine It makes me feel better to hear this! And this is sound advice. Thank you.

miss buenos aires

Just found out I have gestational diabetes, wheeee! Anyone got any tips for me? Also, it is my birthday in 10 days and I am sooooo bummed about missing out on birthday cake. Also Easter candy, which is the best candy. Ack.

Fodforever

@miss buenos aires That is such a bummer! I don't have any tips, except my friend had it and everything turned out a-okay, so try not to worry!

Also, maybe treat yourself to some of your favorite extravagant healthy treats that would be on plan? It's still your birthday!

miss buenos aires

@Fodforever Thanks for the support! I'm sure everything will turn out okay, it's just that everything had been going really well up until this point and I have to adjust my self-image as a woman who breezes through pregnancy. And also I have a pretty demanding sweet tooth (which probably didn't help).

iceberg

@miss buenos aires Making people be hard, yo. Man I am so sorry to hear that. It's not the only way your body will be changed by pregnancy, but you'll have a little mini buenos aires to make up for it :)

miss buenos aires

@iceberg Yes! So I have that to look forward to. I told my mom about it, and she was like, "Maybe I had gestational diabetes with you guys! No one ever mentioned it to me, but you were all really big." And my sister had it as well, so that helps me feel like it's not necessarily something I brought on myself with too much candy.

Verity

Work is really stressful at the moment - it's a really busy time, as we're nearly at the end of the financial year, and there is just not enough time to get everything done. I only work 15 hours a week (despite my manager trying to get authorisation to improve these for nearly a year), and it's really hard to fit everything in. (This is, admittedly, a problem with most staff - we are a charity, and nearly everybody is part time and massively overworked.) I also have a cold (which has kept happening this winter; it is ridiculous. Come on, immune system) and have spent the last week halving my normal antidepressant dose, which may be adding to my lack of cope.

iceberg

@Verity Oh dear! I do hope things look up soon. I must confess I take a stupidly maternal interest in you because you are also a triplet; it happened with someone else as well, and neither of you are even CLOSE to young enough to be mine! But still. I feel as though I want good things for you.

Verity

@iceberg Thank you, that is very sweet! I'm sure things will get less stressful soon (and, if not, I'm fleeing to Australia in a few months and then handing in my notice on my return in preparation for my new job, which is a plus).

victorian rose

I just have to squeeeeee because I am so excited about a new boy. And he better be as cool as he seemed on the first date. And I better not f things up.

iceberg

@victorian rose Good luck girl!

Adult Footie Pajamas

@victorian rose Remember that you are worthy of attention and honesty and love and good manners, and that if you don't get those things, there is a cool boy out there who WILL give them to you. Standards! Have high-ish ones. Good luck!

par_parenthese

NO ONE is posting about all the new Mad Men publicity stills and the teaser for next season and the fact that it starts in LESS THAN A MONTH!?!? YOU GUYS. I AM DYING OVER HERE WITH EXCITEMENT. TV IS SO GREAT RIGHT NOW.

victorian rose

@par_parenthese Blah. I'm so over that show. Sad but true. These year long hiatuses kill all the excitement.

par_parenthese

@victorian rose See, in between seasons I'm like, "Yeah, Mad Men is a cool show, it's good TV, I'm a fan, whatever, no big deal."

And then in the weeks leading up to the new season they start to release publicity stills of Joan looking like a goddess with that rack, my gods, and Betty being all distant, and Peggy!!! Peggy, Peggy, Peggy how I love you, and Pete Campbell that schmuck, I hate him and DON MUTHAFUCKIN DRAPER and I just fold like a dress at the foot of Don's bed and get unbelievably, disproportionately excited about it. I'm seriously out of my MIND right now with anticipation.

miss buenos aires

@par_parenthese Your excitement is infectious! I just caught it.

Kikimora

@par_parenthese I feel like the last season was the first time I was able to not want to take my shoes off and throw them at Don constantly. Not because he's improving or anything, but something is just clicking. Also: LOVE the publicity stills. That blue gown Joan is wearing?! My heart is fluttering.

par_parenthese

@Kikimora Seriously flutter flutter flutter. Joanie. <3

@miss buenos aires YAAAAAAAAY BE EXCITED WITH ME.

sophia_h

@par_parenthese I hate-watch that show, kinda, but will not deny it is compelling entertainment if only because the production team works so hard to make it feel like Very Important Television Worth Watching, instead of an ad for a popular new song/car or yet another rehash of the same tired plotlines. My issues with it are myriad but everyone involved really sells what they're doing so I guess I will watch it for another year.

Lucienne

@par_parenthese Oh my god, I can't even deal with waiting to find out what Joan and Peggy are up to right now.

Also looking forward to Sally this season. Even more than usual, maybe.

Faintly Macabre

One of my close friends here regularly will not (or claims not to) eat all day, and then sometimes eats a bunch of food past dinnertime. Since we only met a few months ago, I don't know much about her past, and she's cagey about a lot of stuff, so I don't know if she has food issues. But we'll be at a bar, and she'll say, "Oh, I'm hungry, all I had today was an apple and two cups of coffee." Tonight, she was supposed to meet me and another friend after she saw her boyfriend, but texted us at 11PM saying that all she'd had all day was some tea (!!!) and had to eat instead of coming out.

She does not seem to be dying, and I've seen her eat, but as it's winter, it's hard to tell how thin she is. It is starting to get frustrating and annoying, and I'm also not sure how to figure out if she's just trying to be dramatic or if she actually has an eating disorder and needs help.

Unrelated issue: the old lady who owns the tiny apartment next to my tinier apartment has come back to stay for a while, and as the previous tenant warned me, she is a complete pain in the ass. The walls are incredibly thin (I can hear her cough!). The other night, I was on the phone talking at a normal volume when I heard knocking. I opened the door to nothing and decided she must have been hanging something on the wall. Tonight, a friend was over hanging out, and around 11 I was telling a story when we heard the same banging--it is apparently her signal for me to shut up.

This is totally unreasonable, right? I am pretty pissed off because she gave me a major fright the other night and, unlike me, she could add insulation to her wall.

Danzig!

@Faintly Macabre If she can't come over and ask you to be quieter, lady can pay your rent if she wants to control what you do in your own apartment.

adorable-eggplant

@Faintly Macabre Ugh, landlords.

As for your friend, I don't know. It's really hard to say. I learned a lot about eating disorders after a friend presented with a pretty textbook case and I totally missed it. Which I kick myself for now, but it occurs to me that even if I realized what was going on, it probably wouldn't have helped, because now I worry a lot more, but basically don't do anything different. Because mostly from the friend perspective (from what I understand) the very most you can/should do is say something like, "I'm a little concerned that there's some unhealthy patterns here. Have you spoken to a therapist about this? Here's a number for one (see if you can find an ED specialist that takes most major insurances) or if you're still in school, why not set up a session with a counselor?" I think a lot of universities are getting wise to the prevalence of EDs, so there's often a special nurse on campus.

That said, there's some pretty neglectful/disordered eating patterns that don't rise to the level of eating disorder. I'd suggest reading up: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/general-information and then keeping an eye for other symptoms. Maybe broach the subject calmly, but be prepared to change topics if you meet resistance.

Cawendaw

@Faintly Macabre Like Adorable Eggplant said, it could go either way. It sounds a lot like my late 2010-2011 (or for that matter 2004-6) eating habits (wake up, remember work/school exists, sleep in, wake up, panic, skip breakfast because no time, go to work, everyone behind at work, spend all day putting out fires, realize at the end of the day that I've skipped lunch, stay late, leave work late, huge dinner, watch TV, stay up late, have second dinner and possibly a third, sleep) which were not ideal but not disordered, either. Also I was thin and scrawny because I've always been thin and scrawny, but I actually managed to gain a fairly impressive (for me) amount of weight, which I was pretty darn proud of. I had a healthy appetite, I was just genuinely terrible at time management.
On the other hand it also could pass for my late 2011-2012 eating habits, which were thoroughly unhealthy due to depression and not having any noticeable appetite or the energy to prepare or acquire food a lot of the time. I know the chronology of these two patterns makes it sound like one led into the other, but trust me when I say they were very distinct and the product of two very different sets of internal and external circumstances.
I don't think I'd have reacted badly to genuine concern from a friend in my 2010-2011 days (although I possibly would have found it hilarious), or in the darkest days of 2011-12, so it couldn't hurt. But then, I really doubt that my behavior would have changed in response in either time period. So honestly even if there's a clear problem, I would manage your expectations of how much you can actually do. If you're sure it's disordered eating and not just incompetent scheduling, you might be better off making sure that the people who have known her longer, and preferably live with, are married to, grew up with, or raised her are aware of the problem and the resources available.

adorable-eggplant

@Cawendaw Exactly this. I went through a period of only drinking coffee and actually passed out after a year of dehydration/general lack of anything more nourishing than the occasional half bagel, but that was because I had the time management/life skills of a potted plant when I first started college. I always had a million papers to write and hours to put in at work, which precluded basically all life functions. But it was incompetence, not a disorder. Like Cawendaw said, I wouldn't have reacted badly to the suggestion that I needed to eat better, because it wasn't intentional.

And eventually I did learn things like packing lunches or even having a stash of power bars stowed in my desk (one particularly pathetic day during aforementioned phase involved going to school then straight to work and then standing in front of the vending machine at work thinking 'dang I wish I had change so I could get some pretzles. Whelp, free coffee from the canteen it is.') and those tricks eventually turned in to structuring my life so that I didn't get home at 11pm and realize that I hadn't eaten. It helps that I'm not in school and working full time anymore.

Good point from Cawendaw too, that you might be better off passing this information off to family or a spouse, although I'd say that strategy might depend on how close you are to that person or how much you trust them.

adorable-eggplant

@adorable-eggplant Oh, and here's something I do do differently now that I'm more aware: I try to have/cultivate a healthy attitude about weight and eating and I try to not engage in talk that may be triggering whenever possible (to the extent that I'm able to discern from an outsider perspective what that is). I've gotten much more self-conscious about how many harmful attitudes I held that didn't necessarily harm me, but sort of passively reinforced or at least failed to challenge some unhealthy assumptions that would crop up in conversations I was having about appearance and size and food. When I watch TV now (or an award ceremony for half a minute) I can keep a tally of every scrutinizing, gross thing that someone says and I don't let those kind of things slip past me anymore. I also refuse to talk about fad diets. It's one of my big regrets that I didn't adopt this policy sooner.

ETA: It occurs to me now having read over my message about my incompetent younger self that I probably glossed over how dangerous that phase was (even though I wasn't doing it on purpose), so to be clear the admitting nurse gave me a stern lecture, which is one of the things that put me on the road to taking better care and not doing that anymore.

Danzig!

@adorable-eggplant Sort of a less likely possibility, but I take medications in the morning that suppress my appetite for hours (lamotrigine mostly) and that can really shift your meal schedule. It sucks because having breakfast DOES have a significant effect on energy through the day.

Sea Ermine

Ugh, my dog died last night. He was 16, 17 this summer. Cutest most well behaved dog ever.

iceberg

@Sea Ermine I'm so sorry :( losing a pet is hard.

Danzig!

@Sea Ermine That's terrible! I'm sorry :(

HeyThatsMyBike

@Sea Ermine Hugs, dear. That's so awful and sad :(

themegnapkin

@Sea Ermine I'm so sorry!

Poubelle

I see there's some discussion of birth control already upthread, but 'Pinners who've used Seasonale or Seasonique--your thoughts, please? I want to deal with my crappy period less often.

(And this may be a weird question, but I'm a very paranoid person: how do you deal with the "pregnant or not" question when you don't get the bleeding every month? I realize there are other symptoms of early pregnancy, too, but is that enough?)

On a related note I'm going to be eating ibuprofen like candy this weekend. Speaking of this weekend, I am not looking forward to all the fake Irish invading my city and drinking crappy beer just because of the color.

miss buenos aires

@Poubelle I was on Jolessa (a generic version of Seasonwhatever) and LOVED it. Not only did my periods come every three months, they also ran from exactly Tuesday morning to Friday night, without fail. A box of tampons would last for a year. Because I am also paranoid, I always used backup contraception and never had a problem. Enjoy!

fruiting body

I've never used Seasonale, but re: your pregnancy question, when I got my Mirena inserted I asked the nurse the same question. Her answer was to not worry about it unless I started having other symptoms of pregnancy (the ones she named were: sore boobs and "everything smelling really weird.")

(However, I have a friend who's rather neurotic and she takes a pregnancy test every 4-6 weeks just to be sure - I def. can't be bothered with that kind of crap if a nurse doesn't think it's necessary.)

Kikimora

@Poubelle I have not used Seasonale or Seasonique specifically, but I have used other pills continuously per my doctor. Actually just stopped, but I had been doing it for about 8 years. The way I've dealt with the pregnancy question is to just monitor for other signs, and keep a box of pregnancy tests handy. A handful of times my withdrawal weeks have been very, very light. Those were the times I took the test. I used to get all worried about it, but when you have a test ready and you can just take it, it really takes the anxiety out of the equation.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@Poubelle I've been on Seasonale/Jolessa/similar generics for a couple of years now and highly recommend. You can get pregnancy tests really cheap at a dollar store or in bulk from Amazon. (I wouldn't trust them for a real pregnancy scare, but for monthly paranoia, $1/test is the right price.) One thing I've noticed is that if I'm sloppy about taking it at the same time every day, I'm more likely to have some spotting than with regular birth control.

Poubelle

@all Thank you so much! This is really helpful/reassuring to know.

(I've actually heard that dollar store tests are super-accurate, though I have no idea how true that is. The two people I know who've used them were trying to get pregnant and wanting a cheap way to check often.)

SomethingWitty

Hi, longtime lurker, first time Friday Open Thread poster. I'm going to be in Baltimore for a week-long conference, does anyone have recommendations for restaurants / bars?

Lucienne

@SomethingWitty Brewer's Art!

SomethingWitty

@Lucienne Looks good! (and you are my first reply on a 'pin thread, thanks!)

RK Fire

@SomethingWitty What do you like and where is the conference?

SomethingWitty

@RK Fire close to the harbor. Just looking for veg-friendly places w/ good beer.

mustelid

@SomethingWitty Are you in the Convention Center or somewhere else? For stuff near the Inner Harbor:
- Heavy Seas Ale House in Harbor East. It's local beer and is delicious. Not super veg-friendly with the food, but they have a few options.
- Liquid Earth is a vegetarian sandwich/juice place that's walkable from the Inner Harbor. No booze.
- Teavolve. Tea/sandwich place with decent veg options, good loose leaf tea if you're into that, and booze.
- Wit and Wisdom. The bar in the Four Seasons down there, it is fancy and has nice cocktails, I've never eaten there but I've heard it is good.
- Blue Moon Cafe. Good lunch/brunch spot, I've only ever eaten there once because it's so impossible to get a table and they don't take reservations. It's probably easier if you go in the middle of the week. Fridays are just as bad as the weekend, though.

If you're willing to bus/cab/hoof it a little bit, I can make better recommendations.

Bars:
- The Ottobar. They have 2-for-1 drinks on Tuesday nights.
- The Windup Space. There is frequently a cool thing going on there, and the stage is made to look like the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks.

Veg food:
- Meet 27. It's actually a gluten-free restaurant but the chili paneer is to die for.
- Woodberry Kitchen. If you are really lookin' to Treat Yoself, go here for Meatless Monday. So good. But pricey. If it's not Monday, they don't have a great veg. selection.
- Nam Kang. Pretty cheap Korean food, and a good number of the menu items can be made vegetarian even if they normally are not (there's a symbol next to them, maybe a green club or something?). Greasy, open late, and oh there is a BYOB private room karaoke bar above it that is open until 4 am.
- One World Cafe. I feel like it has gone downhill a little bit, but they have a good veg. cheese steak. Not as good as Liquid Earth though.

Bars with good food:
- Brewer's Art! Get the rosemary garlic fries and/or the macaroni and cheese oh my gawww
- Golden West Cafe. They have about a 50-50 split of veg food and omni food so if you want to go somewhere with other people from the conference who want meat, this would be a good choice.
- Rocket to Venus. Again, some good veggie options but also meaty stuff. A little pricey for what it is, but hey.
- Johnny Rad's. Pizza place, this is actually a little closer to the Inner Harbor than most of the other places. They've got veggie stuff, decent beers, and a couple of skeeball lanes.

RK Fire

@SomethingWitty: Mustelid's covered a lot, so I'm just going to add a few additional thoughts below.

If you are staying by/near the Conference Center/Inner Harbor:
-Windup Space and Brewer's Art are accessible by the Circulator. Take the purple route and head north. You'd have to walk two or three blcoks further north from Penn Station (the end of the Purple route) to get to Windup. On the way, you can swing by Sofi's Crepes (delicious, cheap) or Tapas Teatro (delicious, not cheap if you're a big eater like myself.)
-I fucking love Indigma's (Mt. Vernon, take the purple route of the circulator) lunch buffet, the dinner is pretty solid too. Other good choices for Indian food: Mughal Garden, Akbar. These are not places known for their beer selection though.
-if you are a pescetarian, Cross Street Market has a fantastic 48 oz beer special during happy hour, in additional to a decent sushi bar, raw bar, and uh, fried seafood bar. The 48oz of beer can vary in quality to Bud light (not my favorite) to Yuengling to Blu eMoon.
-again, if you are a pescetarian, Ryleigh's Oyster has a fantastic raw bar happy hour.
-Matsuri is a good sushi place.
-Thai Arroy is pretty good, you'd have to go elsewhere for the beer.

If your conference is in the Harbor East area (hey, I had a conference there once, it could happen):
-all of Mustelid's recommendations work
-Lebanese Taverna: pricey, but a good place to go for mediterranean food. good if you're staying by Harbor East.
-Little Italy: uh, all of it. I'm personally partial to Amicci's and Sabatino's. If you're staying in/near Harbor East, this would be a good neighborhood to hit up for all of your pasta loving needs, if you are pasta lover.
-the neighborhood of Fells Point: Brick Oven Pizza is a neighborhood institution and it's delicious. Max's has ALL OF THE BEER but as a result, it can get pretty hectic in there during the weekends. I can't speak to the weeknight crowd. One Eyed Mike's is a Grand Marnier Club, very intimate, very pretty, food is delicious but pricey. If you can make it over in time (I've never been over during the day) Broadway Market is another public market to explore.

Porn Peddler

you guys I'm at a conference and I'm rooming with dylan ryan.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler I don't know who that is but I'm guessing this situation is salacious??

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler okay I just looked up Dylan Ryan and her twitter description is "The Gary Oldman of porn" so I guess I have a favorite porn star now.

Porn Peddler

@Danzig! Also: she has amazing calves and gives great hugs.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler gams are thighs, right? We need a term for amazing calves.

Jinxie

@Danzig! I always thought "gams" meant just legs in general?

Danzig!

@Jinxie Perhaps! I'm not hip to the lingo.

Miss Maszkerádi

You guys. YOU GUYS.

Remember a few FOTs ago when we were making fun of xoJane "It Happened To Me" titles? And how it's been such a clusterfuck over there since the IHTM contest started?

I think, after months of "my dad is a rapist" "I got assaulted" "I had this or that horrible life-ruining disease" "my best friend killed herself" "I'm really fucking poor" "I'm a paraplegic transgender astronaut" and such, that the winner (as determined, according to contest rules, by reactions in the comments section) is going to be:
"IHTM: I got pinworms in my vagina."

Because the only way this could end was as stupidly as possible!

Cawendaw

@Countess Maritza Naturally, they will capitalize on the article's success by publishing "Do This Don't: Get Pinworms in your Vagina."