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Thursday, February 14, 2013

67

You Need a New Man

Previously: A Video Response to the BIC for Her Pen

Eudora Peterson is a comedian.

67 Comments / Post A Comment

RogueState

So... you're saying I need a new man?

jamsbond

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Cat named Virtute

EUDORA I LOVE THIS/YOU.

(what about ladies? Mine is no Stevie Wonder, but she always has candy and whiskey in the house)

salmonsaladsammich

@Cat named Virtute yeah but what kind of candy is it?

RK Fire

@salmonsaladsammich Can she guess the number of pieces of candy when it's in a jar?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Cat named Virtute My lady is not Stevie Wonder either. (Mine keeps me stocked with Mentos and a locally brewed IPA beer. No to enjoy at the same time, mind you.)

Dancercise

Eudora! EUDORA.

SarcasticFringehead

Well, that explains why he won't show me his Ja Rule impression.

fondue with cheddar

This is wonderful. And I was all, "Oh this is great because all these things are weird and don't apply to my man," and then she said the Stevie Wonder thing and I was like, "Wait, isn't he married?" so I figured my man was okay, and then at the very end she went and said, "Your man is old," and I was like, "Shit, she's totally right. I need a new man!" But then I realized Stevie Wonder is old, so it must be a zen thing. Like I need a new man but also I don't? Is my mind blown? Or am I just bored because my man just left for work and I'm alone with my cats?

RK Fire

What if I like the smell of applesauce?

OhMarie

@RK Fire want to buy applesauce scented men's deodorant please

Weasley

Were any of you devoted SG1 fans? Because Eudora's mannerisms have an uncanny resemblance to Reese's. Am I...am I the only to think this?

Lumpy Space Princess

@Weasley haven't seen SG1 but I did, at times, get a little flavor of Mindy Khaling during the video.

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@Weasley I definitely got Mindy Kaling too. Which make me love this even more. Keep them coming Eudora!

iceberg

@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter It's the voice.

iceberg

OMG the milk-first thing... that was my awful ex, so glad I got a new man.

This is not a joke, he actually put the milk in first.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg WHYYYY how are you supposed to wet the cereal?

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar So wrong. Shut it down.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg When I'm not satisfied with one bowl of cereal, it upsets me to pour myself a second because the milk is already in there. I end up adding more milk on top even if I don't need it. THIS IS THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS

Inkling

@iceberg
IT'S SO YOUR CEREAL DOESN'T GET ALL SOGGY YOU PLEBEIANS .

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling MAYBE YOU DON'T EAT FAST ENOUGH

Inkling

@iceberg
YOU'RE NOT MY DAD

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling WHEN YOU GROW UP AND GET A JOB YOU CAN BUY YOUR OWN MILK AND CEREAL AND EAT THEM HOWEVER YOU WANT BUT UNTIL THEN YOU WILL FOLLOW MY RULES MISSY

Inkling

@fondue with cheddar
YOU'RE NOT MY DAD. MY DAD IS NICE.

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling YEAH WELL YOUR DAD ONLY BUYS YOU CEREAL EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND THE REST OF THE TIME YOU LIVE WITH ME AND YOUR MOM SO GET USED TO IT

Inkling

@fondue with cheddar
I HATE YOU

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling Okay, I don't want to yell at you anymore even though it's pretend. <3 u Inklingie!

P.S. Your stepdad is SUCH a jerk.

Inkling

@fondue with cheddar
<3 <3 I love you too.
I'm so glad I don't have a stepdad, who would yell at me about cereal, because while he is yelling my cereal would be getting soggy and I would have hysterics.
My real dad is nice irl, he dips his peanut butter sandwiches into milk. It sounds gross but try it.

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling Me too! I hate my cereal soggy but I also hate it dry, so there's a small window during which cereal is enjoyable for me. When somebody talks to me or make me do something after I've poured the milk it really upsets me!

I don't like milk or soggy bread, so I would not enjoy your suggestion. But I can appreciate it!

phipsi

EUDORA! IS THAT YOUR STEVE ZISSOU HAT!!

Oh, squiggles

If today is a date that is past the date printed on your man, then yes, I'm sorry to say this ladies, but your man is old, and you need a new man.

*this message brought to you by NewManInc, manufacturing New Man and New Man accessories since 2006*

Oh, squiggles

@Absurd Bird p.s. Eudora please don't stop making awesome videos!

MaxBraverman

What if my man is John Legend? Can I give him the greenliiiight???

DullHypothesis

I just posted this to my boyfriend's facebook asking him why he's not Stevie Wonder. Happy Valentineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's!

Judith Slutler

I'm not sure that my man is either a Langston Hughes type or a Barack Obama type... and I'm positive he's not a James Baldwin type.

HMM...

Lucienne

@Emmanuelle Cunt Presumably, the reason you don't date a James Baldwin type is also the reason you don't date a Langston Hughes type.

Lumpy Space Princess

@Lucienne omg I thought she was saying James Brolin.

kimkrypto

@Lucienne right? i thought that was pretty well established.

redheaded&crazy

eudora more like i adoreu amirite

mrs psmith

Can I keep my man if my "man" is actually my pet betta fish? Asking for a friend.

Seriously, this is great and I want to be friends with Eudora & casually ask where she got her glasses and get the same ones, & I'll wear them to brunch and she'll be all "HMM NICE GLASSES" and I'll be like "What???" and we won't be friends anymore but I'll still stalk her on FB sometimes, <3 you Eudora.

fondue with cheddar

@mrs psmith Maybe you could name your betta Stevie Wonder?

kimkrypto

Also this is fantastic and I love it.

Elizabeth Asaurus-rex@facebook

I want to be best friends with this woman.

londonienne

I will be watching this repeatedly and keeping it in mind when I break up with my sort-of-bf this weekend.

Inkling

@londonienne
Ooh deets?
I tried and there was so much crying.

londonienne

@Inkling Oh no, who cried?

Basically, he is/was an FWB, then we started dating exclusively but we have very little in common bedsides bedroom stuff. I need a new man (who isn't casually sexist and doesn't leave his underwear on my floor).

Inkling

@londonienne
Not me!
Yeah, you do you. FWBs are good, but they have their place and time.

babs

@londonienne I did the same thing this weekend. Pretend boyfriend wasn't awesome, but I'm still kind of sad/wondering if I'll be alone forever.

Confidential: It eats away at me that my ex bf, who I still have a tiny thing for, has a cute girlfriend AND she's a comedian AND they just went to Hawaii together. I just. want. him. to be miserable. Forever. Or at least as long as it takes for me to find a cute dude, which will never happen because I am clearly a terrible person.

UGH RELATIONSHIPS

londonienne

@babs Aww, hugs. Breakups suck but life is too short for non-awesome guys. And you are not a terrible person.

Update on me: I didn't have the conversation yesterday as per my original plan. On Friday night his ok cupid profile found my ok cupid profile. Awkward. This led to a semi-deep conversation about wants and expectations and a reconciliation on whole new terms might be happening.

UGH indeed!!

Myrtle

"A ring in the bathtub after he flushes the toilet?" But- we had separate bathrooms! How can I know I need a new man?
And I did, need a new man.

Danzig!

Ohh God I visited the house of one of my friends in high school and her parents had THE ENTIRE RAND OEUVRE in very expensive hardcover, prominently displayed on their shelf in the living room. Later found out that they organize a local "reason award" show to, like, people who oppose water flouridization.

She needed new parents.

hoo:ha

"Dealbreaker!" -Tina Fey (ironically)

Miss Maszkerádi

Getting rid of the old man is easy, finding the new one is hard...... *still hates Valentine's Day and the weeklong depression it induces*

Trilby

OR...! try life without any man at all. I'm loving it. (This lady is cute.)

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