I don't think I'll ever be able to go on a cruise. Too many horror stories, too much anxiety.
@ms. alex Same. I don't care how many people have great cruises, the horror stories ensure that I have no interest.
@ms. alex Yes. I am not claustrophobic in a literal sense, but I don't think I could handle being on a ship for days knowing there was really no way to get off if something went wrong. (I kind of feel this way on airplanes, too, but the flights are short enough that I can control any true panic.)
@ms. alex My mom keeps trying to talk me into a family cruise. I keep saying "I work for the Coast Guard. I know everything that can go wrong on a boat, and exactly how often things do go wrong. Not. Fucking. Happening.", with all the attendant emphasis. She's still trying. *facepalm*
@ms. alex Yeah, my ideal vacation involves lots of walking around and exploring and getting lost and finding something amazing, which is not a thing that can really happen on a boat.
@bitchycrosstownexpress That is exactly the reason I never, ever want to go on a cruise (and why I also hate flying). I do not like the feeling of being trapped somewhere that is not land. The whole "no way out (except by way of fragile lifeboat or parachute)" thing.....yikes.
"There is no question that conditions aboard the ship are very challenging"
That's the understatement of the year.
@fondue with cheddar I'm kind of imagining the ship like the beginning of the sinking in Titanic, but with poop instead of water. Yikes!
@rallisaurus ALL HANDS ON THE POOP DECK
@fondue with cheddar Poop jokes are awesome. I'm pretty sure my husband married me for mine.
@rallisaurus Some people are turned off by it; I'm glad your sense of humor didn't deturd him.
I'm really hoping we will see more Relationshits.
For some reason, when reading the stories about this trip, I can't stop singing the old-timey Kathie Lee Gifford Carnival commercial jingle in my head. So I'm reading about poo streaming down walls while a soundtrack of "If they could see you now/Out on a Funship cruise" plays in my brain.
@HeyThatsMyBike Eatin' fancy food and doin' what you choose.
@HeyThatsMyBike Ain't we got fun!?
@HeyThatsMyBike I am going to get my friend that is good at editing stuff to take that video and slow it down to a painful pace.
@Hot Doom It's more of a real question now.
@whereismyrobot Please report back here with future link.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys That's one of those lyrics that is so dumb that you're quite sure you misheard it and that's the fake lyric you made up in your head as filler. And one day you decide to look up the real lyrics and cringe and wonder who would approve such dreck.
@JessicaLovejoy The answer, once again, to my endless chagrin, is "Someone who makes more much money than I do."
Bravo! This is truly an inspired performance.@y
I've always been opposed to cruises because they stand for everything I'm against on the list of THINGS I LIKE ON MY VACATION, but...no. I can't even think of how horrible this was. How sad would you be to waste all your vacation time on this?
@garli I'm just so glad my parents aren't cruise people. And that they never took me to Disney World.
@garli Well, and to add insult to injury, the cruise line is apparently offering them all reimbursements in the form of vouchers for future cruises. Because obviously they are all going to be SO EXCITED to take ANOTHER cruise WITH THE SAME COMPANY.
@par_parenthese No, they're getting reimbursements, AND vouchers for future cruises. I mean, not that I'd ever want to go on one again (though I never have wanted to go on one before) but they do get all their money back.
@thebestjasmine Oh thank God. The article I read this morning said they would be getting reimbursements ONLY for the money they spent on board ship (minus gambling and booze) plus vouchers. Which: hideous.
I can imagine how smug the Royal Caribbean folks are now!
what with this and the nonovirus cruise a couple of years ago... i don't know. i've been on a couple of great cruises, but they're starting to lose their appeal.
@karenb Girl, there are norovirus outbreaks on cruise ships ALL the time. They just don't make the news. I could tell you stories that would make your hair do the opposite of what it already does.
@Mandalas So that episode of Bob's Burgers on the cruise ship is accurate? Eeewww.
That sounds tempting, considering my current state of bedhead, please proceed.
@Amphora I'm trying to Google the gross about that episode and can't quite figure it out. What happened?
@Inkling I feel like I derive too much if my income from the cruise industry right now and I'd rather not speak too blatantly about things other than to say I have seen and smelled horrifying things on ships and heard even worse things from full time employees. Cruise ships are revolting in a lot of ways.
@Mandalas There was a great (long) article maybe a year ago about many of these things that would allow you to keep your job and still relay similar information. It came out as a result of that woman that went overboard who had a family that actually raised a stink without backing down. I will see if I can dig it up.
@karenb The worst thing is that when there is a norovirus outbreak on a cruise ship like that, there is no guarantee that the cruise staff will actually tell you. Mr. Scandyhoovian and I went on a two-week cruise for our honeymoon (which was great, actually, and my very first cruise) but there were little signs everywhere that something was amiss -- namely none of the dining tables had salt/pepper shakers or flowers, which is apparently the norm, and there were people in literally every doorway for literally every gathering area (dining rooms, clubs, bars, casino) with giant squirty tubs of hand sanitizer who would hulk out and not let you past without squirting some in your hands.
We heard through the grapevine from other passengers that on the cruise route before ours, there had been a major outbreak, and that the reason we were late to leave port on the first day was that they were sanitizing everything from top to bottom. We were originally scheduled to board at noon, but were pushed back to 2pm and then were allowed only in public areas on the ship on two decks while they finished sanitizing the cabins.
Note, the ship people didn't tell us this. We heard it from other passengers. There were a few instances of people being quarantined on our cruise as well, but it seemed to me like they kept everything pretty well maintained on our rounds because there wasn't an epidemic. It just sort of unnerved me that we never heard a peep about it from the staff on board until we went up to the desk to complain about someone who had been violently ill and still out on the excursion buses with us two days in a row.
@Scandyhoovian This, exactly! Only add to that people erupting from both ends all over a ship as the outbreak gets worse. And the stink in guest cabin corridors... Ugh! The last ship I was on, I was there for a month and a half and the outbreak at the end of that period was horrifying. I'm not a germaphobe but by the end of that trip I wouldn't touch anything without hand sanitizer afterwards and I pretty much stopped eating unless we were off the ship.
@Scandyhoovian I felt SO BAD for the room attendants and the cleaning staff. Their job borders on disgusting sometimes and they are paid horribly for it.
@Mandalas There's a whole plot about Bob trying to stop everyone from eating the mussels because they're old and grody and the ship's cook is all "whatever, I'm serving them" and he's like "you can't!!!" and gets all frantic.
@karenb That story is nightmare fuel.
@Scandyhoovian blergh. i love cruises, because it's such a good way to see lots of different places (although cruise ports are often... not representative of anything at all related to local culture) but this is totally cringe-inducing.
@all: If it helps, I know that Royal Caribbean at least has been posting staff with tons of hand sanitizer at the entrance to every dining facility and more or less requiring that everyone sanitize before eating. Also, their staff isn't allowed to shake hands with guests, and guests can't serve themselves at the buffets anymore. Which leads to long lines, but probably also to less gastrointestinal issues.
@hahahaha, ja. et al: Yeah, we went with my mom's family on a Greek Islands cruise with Louis Cruises last summer, and they had the hand sanitizer staff at every restaurant at every meal. We asked about it, and they said it was now standard policy to try to minimize outbreaks. I, for one, totally appreciated it.
@Bittersweet In the aftermath of this most recent gross cruise story I've been reading a lot of the articles, and the trouble is that apparently, while the cruise directors and staff are quick to blame handwashing and to start amping up the hand sanitizing and all, it may not necessarily solve the problem, as norovirus can just as easily be transmitted by contaminated water systems. So even if you sanitize the life out of your hands and they stop letting you serve yourself from the buffet, if they wash the lettuce for your salad in the contaminated water, you're still going to get infected.
I mean, I am not against "hand sanitizer for everyone" as a first-step safeguard, because I'm probably one of the biggest germophobes you'll ever meet. I'm just kind of sad that the knee-jerk response is to blame the passengers for the spread of disease when it could very likely be the water on board.
@Scandyhoovian You just sent a shiver up my spine. I got the norovirus on a cruise once, and I remember that we boarded late and were only allowed in public areas for a couple hours after that. We had the same hand sanitizer craziness on our ship, and then my brother and I both got violently ill.
Did anyone read the related articles on CNN? One of them features stuff people instagrammed and tweeted from the ship, and someone said "We were blessed to have a balcony- could have been MUCH worse!" And look, I might be wrong (I have never been on a ship, but I have seen Poseidon and Titanic), but I don't think the phrase she's looking for is "blessed," but rather "we spent more money than people without balconies."
@ms. alex Possible title for this paragraph: "Former Mormon Hates Gospel of Prosperity."
Never been before, going on a Carnival cruise in April wahhhh... Carnival Paradise though, so at least it's not this ship? Somehow I don't feel like you could ever clean it enough. Seriously.
Is anyone else seeing an ad for Holland America Line cruises on this page? Hilarious marketing.
My bf and I spent about 30 minutes last night trying to find poop cruise pictures! ~~<3 hApPy vALenTiNe's bAbY ;) <3~~
You guys, my sister was on the cruise. She is back on dry land. I was so worried about her!
Tell her to write us if she would like to be interviewed about it!!
@chevyvan I'm glad your sister is back on dry land!!
@Nicole Cliffe She is a super private person, but I will let her know!
Thank you! We can go anonymous.
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