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Friday, February 1, 2013

74

The Oleologist

“You don’t actually fill the bathtub with it. You pour a layer on top of the water and then it soaks into all the open pores, moisturizing the skin.”
—Narratively has an interesting piece on olive oil and its young New York "sultan," Nick Coleman. More about Nick and olive oil can be found here and here ("It’s a wonderful sexual lubricant").

74 Comments / Post A Comment

OhMyGoshYouGuys

This got me thinking about Olive Oyl. A google image search turned up these fantastic shoes. http://kobilevidesign.blogspot.com/2011/01/olive-oyl.html

carolinaclay

cool interpetation@y

stuffisthings

I felt a burning sensation of skepticism and slight disdain while reading this article. Is that the antioxidants?

TheLetterL

@stuffisthings It might be. Or it might be this, which succinctly confirms every thought I had:

The day I dropped by there were six oils open as he guided a svelte woman in Lululemon yoga pants, along with her two small children, through each of the bottles.

stuffisthings

@TheLetterL I like to imagine this Rossi lady sitting around all year dreaming up new shit she can trick him into selling to Americans. "Oh yeah in Tuscany they always pour the oil directly up their nose, it, um, helps bring out the flavor notes. Now go pick my olives!"

yeah-elle

that flippant comment about using it as lube bothers me. first off, oils are incompatible with latex and make it deteriorate, so nix if you are using barrier contraceptives, which might seem obvious, but i think it's worth saying if he's going to recommend it as "wonderful." also, it may be relatively safe but i think it is best to not put anything that can go rancid near your genitals.

fondue with cheddar

@yeah-elle Yeah, you definitely have to make the "not with condoms" disclaimer when you make a statement like that.

One time, many years ago, I used margarine as a lubricant. I had to wait for it to melt but it worked pretty well, I guess.

Jizzcliner

@yeah-elle "Woodhouse, do we have any lube? At this point, even olive oil would... help me get that drawer unstuck."

par_parenthese

@yeah-elle I have several friends (in long-term monogamous relationships) who swear by coconut oil as lube -- it's fantastic for your skin and very shelf stable. (FWIW, olive oil is also great for your skin, and readily absorbed. It's not like it's gonna be sitting there for days going rancid.)

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@yeah-elle Yes! Oil + c

Ophelia

@par_parenthese Coconut oil is pretty much my answer to everything.

gobblegirl

@yeah-elle I think if any dude broke out a bottle of olive oil in the bedroom my panties would go back on so fast you'd think they'd been greased.
Though I like to think that his white guy dreads would have warned me off him before it ever got to that point...

NeverOddOrEven

@Ophelia
I'm a coconut oil evangelist as well, but I can't bring myself to go that far. It just seems too risky? I had chronic BV for years and it's a very delicate ecosystem down there.

par_parenthese

@NeverOddOrEven Coconut oil has natural antiseptic properties -- it's not a germ killer per se, it just is a very unfriendly growth medium for bacteria.

NeverOddOrEven

@par_parenthese
But the idea of it just being... oily... down there? Is weird and seems not-right?

par_parenthese

@NeverOddOrEven According to my friends it's not weird at all and feels a lot like the real stuff. It got one friend through an uncooperative-ladyparts season, so.

NeverOddOrEven

@par_parenthese
Fair enough. I know what I'm doing tonight!

karenb

@yeah-elle also good in that coconut oil would actually taste nice. which is hard to come by in a lot of lubes!

@serenityfound

@yeah-elle Anyone watch "The Book Club" on Hulu (or in the UK)? Because that's all I can think of whenever I hear the OO as lube suggestion.

Sea Ermine

@yeah-elle Using natural oils as lube can contribute to yeast infections. If you have a very... resilient vagina you're probably ok but otherwise I wouldn't use them. There is also some research being done that suggests olive oil isn't that great for anal sex either, because it harbors bacteria. Just thought I'd throw that out there..

mynamebackwards

this guy seems like a weenie but I do have to agree that the first time you see an olive grove is a remarkable moment: so silvery! so luminous! OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IN ITALY IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO LIVE HERE FOREVER (approximation of everyone's first encounter with an olive grove)

fondue with cheddar

I haven't finished the piece yet, but I'm glad to hear that the peppery sensation is the antioxidants, because that's the kind of olive oil I like! My boyfriend bought a bottle of some Californian brand that he'd heard about on the radio that was supposed to be good. But it was just...blah. It now sits in my shower for occasional moisturizing.

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar Mix it with sugar and use it as a scrub! Great pre-shaving and your skin will be crazy soft.

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese Ooh, that sounds like something good to try on my face as a moisturizing exfoliant!

Inspector Tiger

@fondue with cheddar I just did this on my face! It's soooo soft now :) Do it, do it!

fondue with cheddar

@Inspector Tiger I will, I will! I might not be able to wait until morning. :)

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar I ONLY use it in the shower just because it's a bitch to rinse off in the sink and I always find rogue sugar clumps, like, behind my earlobe later in the day. YMMV.

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese ARE THEY TASTY?

par_parenthese

@fondue with cheddar ...yes? I MEAN I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

fondue with cheddar

@par_parenthese Well technically if you're clean and the product in question is food, it's not gross, right? I mean...if you noticed a crumb in the corner of your mouth long after eating, wouldn't you instinctively grab it with your tongue and eat it? Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar!

queenofbithynia

That was all great until the part about how he immerses his body daily in a thin but viscous layer of oleaginous goo. it is just like the Roald Dahl story about royal jelly, he is going to wake up one day turned into a big pulsating olive with a little scruff of a beard and his stupid Warby Parker glasses on top.

teaandcakeordeath

@queenofbithynia
Im sorry in advance for asking the most boring question on this thread, but wouldnt that just glunk up his drains?

fondue with cheddar

@teaandcakeordeath Maybe if the pipes are cold, because olive oil is liquid at room temperature and only partly solidifies in the fridge. I use olive oil in the shower sometimes, and my drains don't run any more slowly than they used to. Hair is a much bigger problem.

Ophelia

@teaandcakeordeath snicker. "gunk up his drains." *eyebrow waggle*

teaandcakeordeath

@Ophelia
heh heh. There's always the classic:
Is that olive oil in your pocket or have you just ... wet your pants?
*might not work after all*

julnyes

Hm, my main takeaway from that article was "Good For Him"

He has built a career from scratch and obviously worked hard to get where he is today.

sophia_h

I have not read the article yet but I mentally finished that sentence with "and then you slip and break your neck getting out of the tub because bath oils are slippery as shit, and if you don't do that, you get to spend a million years with boiling hot water and soap scrubbing all the oil away." Although he sounds rich enough to have both a bath-scrubbing assistant and someone who just like, stands there to help him get out so no neck-breaking occurs.

Ophelia

@sophia_h Or he has a lot of rubber mats.

planforamiracle

@sophia_h ughhhhhh the dirty bathtub. I have experimented with using various oils in the bath and I HEARTILY endorse the method of "just rubbing the oil into your skin after you get out of the bath."

sintaxis

@planforamiracle I put a mix of olive oil, tea tree and lemon oil in the bath. but it's just about two soap dispenser pumps worth. It smells amazing, feels amazing, works better than rubbing in on my skin right after I get out and it never makes my bathtub visibly dirty. Maybe you guys are imagining cups and cups of oil or something? Putting in a little oil doesn't seem that weird or extreme to me...

planforamiracle

@sintaxis well now that sounds DELIGHTFUL. do you mix those oils in equal parts?

sintaxis

@planforamiracle No, it's mostly olive oil and then twice as much tea tree oil as lemon (I don't believe in measuring, so that's the only guidance I can give, haha. I just blended until I could smell the tea tree and lemon over the olive). It's the mix I made for trying the oil cleansing method, but I found that it works MUCH better for me as a moisturizer. Plus the tea tree and lemon help clear up my skin (when I put in on my face before bed) and when I use it in the bath they help heal any scratches or small cuts I have.

Dirty Hands

@sophia_h Yeah, either people have bathtub-scrubbing assistants or they have specially rubbery feet/bodies or eyes that don't see oil around the edge of a bathtub rim like that pink stuff in the Cat in the Hat.

planforamiracle

@sintaxis I will definitely try that! I'm already in the habit of using a mix of sweet almond oil and tea tree oil on my face before bed, and am loving the results. I also really like the idea of your smell-driven measuring ;)

sintaxis

@planforamiracle Ooh, almond oil sounds good too! I am trying to use up my olive oil and then I think I'm going to try the blend again but with jojoba oil. I don't know how well that'd work in the bath though.

Also, I'm guessing that people who complain about the dirty bath don't take the 30 seconds to rinse out/splash the sides of their tub after the water has drained...? I do this every time and it keeps my tub sparking and oil free for weeks.

Spaghettius!

@sintaxis Tea tree oil! I love it, but aren't you... not supposed to eat it? Even recipes for mouthwash warn you to swish and spit it out. You're saying a cleanse advocated the drinking of this mixture?
It does sound like a great moisturizer. I used to mix drops of tea tree into my regular lotion before I rubbed it on, and take it with me when I traveled to add to soap/shampoo/lotion to make it antibacterial/antifungal. I also sometimes add a little to the insides of shoes (okay, mostly Crocks, don't judge me). An open bottle of tea tree is also great as a bathroom freshener, if you like the smell. Also great for disinfecting and healing small cuts and scrapes.
Can I be a tea tree oleologist? I'll work on my Creative Professional facial hair.

planforamiracle

@Spaghettius! the "oil cleansing method" refers to a way of washing your face with oils, if that's what confused you about "cleansing".. I don't think anyone's advocating ingesting tea tree oil!

Spaghettius!

@planforamiracle o ok, 'cause I read "cleanse" and was like WAT?
Your olive-lemon-tea tree recipe is something I am planning to try soon!

sintaxis

@Spaghettius! Haha, yeah, definitely not a dietary cleanse! give it a try on your skin though- I love it as an overnight moisturizer (but it's too heavy in the day for me).

Best pun ever.

NAVOO?

Best pun ever.

(Not A Virgin Olive Oil).

evil melis

@Best pun ever. It works best as an anal lubricant. Or on steak.

evil melis

guys I'm literally never going to get over that

raised amongst catalogs

@evil melis I already had issues with blue cheese but now they are Next Level Issues.

evil melis

@raised amongst catalogs STEAKBLASTING

Ham Snadwich

Noooooooo! Don't pour oil down the drain!

whizz_dumb

You know what really is a great sexual lubricant? ACTUAL sexual lubricants. They're made specifically for that sort of thing...call me clinical.

par_parenthese

@whizz_dumb *hauls out inner hippie anarchist* You mean they're made by The Man? The Man just wants you to spend money on stuff you don't neeeeed! And besides, they're full of petrochemicals and preservatives and fragrances and horrible things, man!

whizz_dumb

@par_parenthese I saw that coming so I prepared an alternate: You know what really is an okay sexual lubricant? Spit. But it doesn't last long. I'm actually intrigued by coconut oil now.

par_parenthese

@whizz_dumb *shudders* My inner hippie anarchist still understands germ theory.

whizz_dumb

@par_parenthese Sounds like you have some inner turmoil. Hippies love germs.

Sea Ermine

@whizz_dumb I just posted this above but: Using natural oils as lube can contribute to yeast infections. If you have a very... resilient vagina you're probably ok but otherwise I wouldn't use them. There is also some research being done that suggests olive oil isn't that great for anal sex either, because it harbors bacteria.

So, you know, if you want to use oils that's fine but if things are more sensitive down there for you I'd buy one. There are a ton now made that are fragrance free, glycerin free (glycerin also contributes to yeast infections), paraben free, etc. I know a lot of people on here love V lube and the silicone one fits this category (the water based has propelyne glycol which causes irritation in some people). It's supposed to be very natural feeling. I like Sliquid Silver, which has the same ingredients except, for me, is much better. Mostly because it's slicker and more lubey and since I experience pain during sex I need that

Spaghettius!

@Sea Ermine You can also use silicone-based lube as a moisturizer and a hair de-frizzer. It really makes your day more exciting. Doodeedoo takin' the mail to the post office... hair's looking good!

Rose Camelia

Wait. What about anything that feeds a human can feed bacteria? I thought that was why my doctor said always use commercial lube, besides being water-based to protect the latex. And I always thought putting sugar or olive oil on my skin would increase the bacterial population: zits! My dermatologists said I have to go back 6 weeks to determine the cause of a cyst, at least 2 weeks back for a whitehead or blackhead. But you guys are using food on your skin. Are you seeing problems from this weeks later, or are you not doing food-on-skin on the regular? So confusing.

par_parenthese

@Rose Camelia I mean, my skin is basically a Kardashian -- unpredictable and attention-seeking -- and sugar+olive oil is PERFECT for it a couple times a week. The sugar gets rinsed away, but the idea with the olive oil is that it has EFAs and other Things That Are Good for One's Skin, plus stops the strip-oils/overproduce-oils cycle that can lead to breakouts.

Coconut oil is naturally antiseptic and cold-processed oils in general are a terrible host for bugs, from what I've read.

Rose Camelia

@par_parenthese I have been scared to try any of this food-on-skin, but now I will try the coconut oil. Thanks for replying.

Amphora

I thought being "in the olive oil business" in NYC just meant you were in the Mob. I may have also watched The Godfather over fifteen times.

City_Dater

Anytime people talk about pores as if they are little mouths that open and close, I cannot take anything else they say seriously.

foodtrucklady

I've actually indulged the "sultan" (in conversation) on a few occassions - truly an eccentric man, but for what it's worth, as he described it to me the sexual use of the oil was more broadly defined -as a sensual texture - not specifically a "lube" as many commenters seem to be imagining it.

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