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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

44

Get Ready for a Lot of Ads for Whiskey Stones

"Bonnie Hammer, chairwoman of NBC’s cable group, described the new network as 'an upscale Bravo for men,' which sounds great until you realize that Bravo is a trashier-than-it-used-to-be network with a female slant. So the comment is roughly like calling the new entity 'a nonmusic CMT for Northerners.' Not very enlightening."
—Our long national nightmare is over; men are getting a television channel.

44 Comments / Post A Comment

HeyThatsMyBike

You're so right. Somewhere along the way, Bravo turned into Flava Flav-era VH1. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but the Restalyne walls seem to be closing in on poor Top Chef.

HeyThatsMyBike

@HeyThatsMyBike And by "you" I of course mean the dude that wrote the article who probably isn't reading these comments.

MoxyCrimeFighter

Whiskey stones are some bullshit; I've yet to find any - metal, glass, or actual stones - that make my bourbon as cold as I like it. Which, to be fair, is probably colder than you're actually supposed to enjoy it, but I like to work up to room temperature.

Biketastrophy

@MoxyCrimeFighter Funny story, this past weekend I threw some scotch on the backseat floor of my car and drove to a show, then had a nip beforehand and realized it had been sitting in front of my backseat floor heater. It was...actually better than room temp scotch? I do normally like my scotch cold over room temp, but was surprised to prefer warm over room temp.

Nicole Cliffe

@MoxyCrimeFighter I'm obsessed with the idea of whiskey stones, because I buy all the men's magazines to read on airplanes. I have also heard they make your drink...dusty.

fabel

@Biketastrophy I like your style.

funfetti

@MoxyCrimeFighter Yeah, I got some recently and they are just kinda weird. We just use those ice ball molds. Maybe one day I'll be able to afford those nifty copper ice ball presses.

Biketastrophy

@Nicole Cliffe They can make it dusty, I've given mine a good rinsing and they still sometimes dust it up. You don't taste anything though.

I dunno, I'm apathetic about whiskey stones, sometimes I remember to put them in, but usually they don't really cool my scotch much more then it already was, and now I have rocks to contend with when drinking it.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@Biketastrophy For reasons that make me look like an alcoholic but are actually quite practical, I tend to store a bottle of bourbon in the trunk of my car, and in the winter, it makes it nicely chilled! Drunk on the go!

@Nicole Cliffe My friend had a set of lovely stones that I was stoked to try out, but I gave up on them after a) they didn't chill my drink and b) one bonked me in the nose, and switched to his neon dreidel-shaped drink chillers.

ETA: the dreidel ones didn't really work either, but at least they were fun and didn't hurt when they slid into my face.

squishycat

@MoxyCrimeFighter I don't know about in whiskey, but I have used my boyfriend's whiskey stones in soda because we had no actual ice, and they were... really not at all effective. Those plastic balls full of water/some liquid or other that my parents used to have for reusable ice replacement worked a *lot* better, and we also had them in fun shapes!

Hellcat

@squishycat I bought my bourbon-soaked BF some from Brookstone but he seems to prefer the Han Solo in Carbonite ones, even though they are a living hell to get out of the rubbery thing and crack into pieces within seconds of being in the drink.

We also have gun-shaped ones and skulls, which are even more difficult to extricate. In an effort to have whimsical ice the other night, I nearly gave myself frostbite.

MaxBraverman

Finally! A network that is going to start making shows written by men for men.

HeyThatsMyBike

@MaxBraverman It's like SpikeTV, except Men-ier.

graffin

@MaxBraverman And can we finally get a hot chick to host a show? We don't ask for much.

whizz_dumb

@MaxBraverman The injustice has gone on long enough, now if only the whites and the non-poor could be targeted. Then we'd really have something.

MaxBraverman

@whizz_dumb It'd be nice if they covered sports too because it's really hard to find anything sports related for guys on tv.

whizz_dumb

@MaxBraverman Preaching to the choir my friend. And would it kill them to throw in some low-brow sometimes misogynistic frat humor during commercials for watered down corporate owned beer? Oh and talking babies.

par_parenthese

@whizz_dumb I mean REALLY. It's like, come on, man, are women just BRAINS and IDEAS and PERSONS to you? I don't think showing two hot half-naked chicks kissing while men ogle them before every commercial break is too much to ask. Sometimes we just want our sexual desire to be subjugated to a man's, GOD.

whizz_dumb

@par_parenthese Half-naked? There should be a channel that is a constant stream of wardrobe malfunctions. (Okay now my facetious ideas are getting too close to actual meat-headed TV ideas.)

bluebears

Ohhhhh. I hope there's a reality show about who has the best old timey mustache!

Ophelia

@bluebears American (mutton)Chopper

Ophelia

America's Next Top Mustache

par_parenthese

@bluebears I love old-timey moustachios!

Ophelia

'Stache Wars

(sorry, I clearly need to be focusing on work, and I don't want to)

bluebears

@Ophelia American Pickers (of food out of their mustaches)

Ophelia

@bluebears hee hee. when you said that, my brain immediately jumped to "nose pickers"

Amphora

@bluebears Hey, IFC's Whisker Wars is pretty compelling television.

whizz_dumb

@Amphora I have met and hungout with Jack Passion (what a name!) from Whisker Wars. There's a mustache and beard competition, Petaluma Whiskerino, that I try to go to every year.

Emby

If they start a news program, I can be their beard correspondent.

whizz_dumb

@Emby We can be the bearded news.

Nicole Cliffe

Do you remember when Bravo had that "TV Too Good for TV" intro when they showed Monty Python episodes after school? aka "The reason I did not have a social life until my mid-twenties"?

adorable-eggplant

@Nicole Cliffe I had a very similar relationship with the BBC British Comedies on Saturday nights.

Nicole Cliffe

Picture me as Bill on "Freaks and Geeks," eating my sandwich and busting a gut.

Peanut

@Nicole Cliffe Nicole, that scene is one of the loveliest, most moving things I've ever seen on a screen.

leonstj

ESQUIRE TV PITCHES by Leon S., Future TV Genius

-Woodworking Tips from A Beautiful Woman, in which a beautiful woman provides woodworking tips. Lots of slow-motion shots of girls in bikinis (classy ones!) hand-sanding dowels on a wood lathe.

-Hemingway Hour - Anthony Bourdain goes to a spot in Spain and reads Hemingway short stories aloud. After each story he eats some tapas and discusses the short story with a beautiful woman (naked, but classy naked.)

-Sex Advice from Beautiful Women: Hot chicks explaining how 90% of women are having orgasms but don't know it. Also, the average penis size is like, I dunno, 2.75 inches, so you're basically a pornstar, your wife needs to stop bitching.

-The World's Best Phallic Foods: From Salami to Creamsicles, a real man likes to watch a beautiful woman eat food shaped like dongs. (Note: Must be a classy woman, classy-ly eating food shaped like classy dongs.)

-Baseball Advice: Sure, if you keep picking up a baseball once or twice a year and trying to throw a knuckleball, you totally could be the next RA Dickey. Don't let anyone tell you different. (Featuring classy Skoal models).

-Swordfights: A pissing match. Literally.

graffin

@leon s How about a bunch of bro's hangin' out in a man cave, just drinking cold brews and talking about man stuff? Like sports, women, and questioning each other's sexuality.
One guy can be the fat and sloppy comic relief.

par_parenthese

@leon s

- The Week In Review: four moustachioed dudes ironically review all the titty-magazine "stories" of the previous week. CLASSILY.

Lu2
Lu2

@leon s However many kudos you receive here for these ideas in this place today, it shall not be enough.

leonstj

@Lu2 - Honestly I am kind of bummed out. I know it was all a joke, and I am 100% aware of how terrifically sexist / objectif-y it is of me, but I would totally, 100% watch "Woodworking Tips from A Beautiful Woman". "New Yankee Workshop" hosted by Brigitte Bardot & Sofia Loren would basically be my favorite TV Show ever.

And the Baseball Advice joke is because I, every single time I pick up a baseball, google "Knuckleball grip" on my phone and try to throw one, seeing if somehow in the past few months my body has magically learned how to be a baseball player whilst I have been eating raviolis.

Lu2
Lu2

@leon s I think it would dangerous for a woman to use woodworking power equipment in a bikini. What price the male gaze?

I don't understand the baseball stuff, though. No need to explain.

RubeksCube

@leon s I think it says something about the state of television today that I would not only watch Hemingway Hour, but that my husband and I just had a lengthy conversation about how to further "improve" said program.

par_parenthese

YOU GUYS! I CAN FINALLY START SPENDING AN EXTRA HUNDRED BUCKS A MONTH ON CABLE, because THE REASON I don't have a tv is that there's just not enough programming written by men, for men.

anachronistique

I look forward to future uses of the "imminent bloody gender war" tag.

emmycantbemeeko

Oh no, they're turning G4 into a network for men? Their existing large and devoted female viewer base will be bereft, I'm sure.

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