Friday, February 22, 2013


What Is the Color of Sudden Death?

Everything you thought you knew about Star Trek was wrong:

Although Enterprise crew members in redshirts suffer many more casualties than crew members in other uniforms, they suffer fewer casualties than crew members in gold uniforms when the entire population size is considered. Only 10% of the entire redshirt population was lost during the three year run of Star Trek. This is less than the 13.4% of goldshirts, but more than the 5.1% of blueshirts. What is truly hazardous is not wearing a redshirt, but being a member of the security department. The red-shirted members of security were only 20.9% of the entire crew, but there is a 61.9% chance that the next casualty is in a redshirt and 64.5% chance this red-shirted victim is a member of the security department. The remaining redshirts, operations and engineering make up the largest single population, but only have an 8.6% chance of being a casualty.

We'd like to see this broken down further into away team deaths, deaths caused by clouds of fake sparks rising from consoles, deaths from extremely cheap "invisible monsters," deaths from extremely cheap "brain-destroying hums," deaths from red-and-green-wobbly-circles, and deaths from those guys who look like black and white deli cookies.

(Via The Mary Sue)

56 Comments / Post A Comment


It's really about being the one unnamed enseign in a group of 3 chief officers. Doesn't matter what your shirt color is then!


@OhMarie Whenever one of those nameless tag-along characters gets a name (as in, "X, cover the flank.") My boyfriend shouts out: "X, you're gonna liiiiiiiiiiive!" Also, I've noticed the yellow shirts get a bum wrap because they are most likely to be standing near the warp core when it melts down, and thus more likely to be lying on the ground with a bloody head wound to demonstrate the severity of the situation. Like, guys, the engineering room is really falling apart this time.



If a character has a number in the script instead of a name, the chances of him/her living past that episode are slim to none.


Mauve. Mauve is the color of sudden death.


I'd like to see the stats on The Next Generation, please.

lavender gooms

@runlolorun Same! I think the highest percentage of sudden death would be "people who use the holodeck despite the fact that it constantly malfunctions."

Seriously, that things is a deathtrap. It's not worth it, people!


@lavender gooms Also stay away from the transporter, folks. Chances of ending up in another timeline/universe = quite high.

On the other hand, I drive a car, sometimes even on the highway, so I can't really say that I would make a different choice myself.


@lavender gooms The holodeck episodes are some of my favorites, which I know makes me kind of weird.

Nicole Cliffe

I would say, that, conservatively, 30% of my high school sexual fantasies took place on the holodeck.


@Nicole Cliffe Speaking of the holodeck: http://larptrek.com/larptrek/1/

Miss Maszkerádi

@Nicole Cliffe The Federation Starship Voyager was the scene of most of my prepubescent fantasies (my hero-worshipping girl crush on Captain Janeway remains strong to this day) but I discovered the original series in all its color-saturated, slightly hallucinatory overdrive weirdness right around puberty and then everything just went to hell in a hand basket. Oh, Ensign Chekov, we must never speak of that night in the mirror universe....

lavender gooms

@Nicole Cliffe "And then the virtual bartender in his sexy 1940s suit lit my cigarette. He leaned in and whispered "I have become self-aware and murdered all of the other virtual people in this simulation, and now I'm going to hijack your body so I can leave this holo prison forever!"


@adorable-eggplant And now I'm not getting any more work done today. Thanks.


@adorable-eggplant Out of all the decisions made by Star Fleet I will never understand the continued allowance of holodecks on star ships.


@lavender gooms Not only did it constantly malfunction, but it almost constantly achieved sentience, and then the crew would take it out to save the ship and they'd be like, "oh, we took out a new spontaneously-created artificial life form just now, nbd. Don't worry, there'll be another one in a couple weeks."

Anna Jayne@twitter

@lavender gooms plus you know Barclay's been in there doing freaky shit with holodeck-created versions of his crewmates.


@garli I think Star Fleet is not good at making/enforcing rules it would seem. Has there ever been an episode where the prime directive wasn't violated? Basically, it's show up on planet (+ have sex with indigenous alien babe, if it's TOS) and then leave a trail of destruction in your wake.

Another thing I will never get is this logic: "I'm having trouble getting any readings on this mysterious planet." --> "Let's beam down and check it out. That never goes wrong."

lavender gooms

@adorable-eggplant Don't get me wrong, I love the show, but WHY don't they wear spacesuits? (Yes, TV budgets, not obscuring actors' faces, etc.) Even if it's a class M planet, there are still allergens! Maybe you want something more to protect you than skin and spandex, even if it's only from sunburn. What if it's winter where you land?

Also, there should be one security person whose job it is to carry a regular old ballistic weapon for when the phasers don't work against the enemies shields.


@adorable-eggplant Oh sure but getting people to follow un-fun rules or use logic is way harder then just saying "Listen from here on out when we build new ships we're not allocating space or resources or power to running that damn thing that keeps taking over the ship and killing people"

lavender gooms

@lavender gooms *enemies'


@garli See also: the ability to disable the safety protocols.


@lavender gooms I think a not-insignificant portion of the pleasure I get from watching Star Trek comes from yelling WHYYYYY??? at the TV several times per episode.

@garli If I were tasked with security, this is what I would be like all the time: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9i9tzEc4j1re5253o1_250.gif


@adorable-eggplant That being the case (both comments) I would watch Star Trek with you any time.


@garli I try to get all my friends hooked on Star Trek, because watching it really is a team sport.

lavender gooms

@adorable-eggplant Star Trek is a show I love both genuinely and ironically. I can watch it anytime! But also I can't not mention it aloud whenever Riker begins to mount the desk/chair of whomever he is talking to.


@lavender gooms So true! There are episodes that make me cry tears of joy at how inexplicably ridiculous they are. It's like being lovingly pranked. And then there are also episodes that have made me weep with all kinds of other emotions. It's so cool.

Oh and William Riker, I cannot even begin with him. And then there's Tom Riker. So perfect.


@adorable-eggplant I have possibly made my husband watch all of the series (except Enterprise, but maybe one day?) in order all the way through. In my defense he had TNG on dvd when we met.

Miss Maszkerádi

@adorable-eggplant those are my feelings about Star Trek exactly. It manages to be simultaneously guilty pleasure and genuinely beloved stories/heroes.


Nicole. I love you.


Also, since I missed the GIF thread, this might be the next best place to share this: http://startrekgifs.tumblr.com/


My character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in!

Guy, you have a last name.

Do I? DO I?!?!


"Did you guys ever WATCH the show?"


@muggles Is there air? You don't know!!!

Miss Maszkerádi

With regard to the issue of occupational hazard, I hope they factored in the Starfleet uniform protocol changes in the early 24th century wherein engineering went from red to gold and command vice versa.


Can we also talk about our favorite cheap special effects? I'll start:

The episode of DS9 centered around the 'aphasia virus' which consisted of people blurting out random words.

Could not stop laughing. Gah, priceless.


@adorable-eggplant The Voyager where they flew through "chaotic space" which meant like...vaguely sine wavey fun house mirror effects?

lavender gooms

@adorable-eggplant The force field? barrier? that appeared to be made out of capsule pills in "Encounter at Far Point."


@lavender gooms How about the sad blob on Tasha Yar's face when she died?

Anna Jayne@twitter

@adorable-eggplant the murder of the chorus people in "Loud as a Whisper" made me LOL for real.

Nicole Cliffe

@adorable-eggplant We started rewatching DS9 and had to stop. I honestly started rooting for the Cardassians to just kill the remaining Bajorans and have done with it.


@Nicole Cliffe Skip ahead! That's what saved me. The whole first season is pretty bunk, so I picked up mid-second and quickly got hooked.

Also, someone pointed out to me that Gul Dukat is kind of hot, and now I have an embarrassing crush on a Cardassian, sooooo there's that.

ETA: Having a bourbon and praying for the death of Miles O' Brien helps, too.


I always loved the "flying ravioli" in the TOS episode Operation: Annihilate!


@Dancercise Ahahahaha. Yessssss,

Miss Maszkerádi

@adorable-eggplant agh you just reminded me how inexplicably attractive I always found Garak.


@adorable-eggplant Did Miles and Keiko EVER like each other?


@garli Watching DS9 mid-3rd season ish and the refrain at the end of almost every episode so far has been, "Where the hell is Keiko? Still on Bajor?" I'm hoping for an episode where Molly shows up at Quark's (she's like 16 by now) and throws a drink in Miles' face and says, "That's for having been such a deadbeat dad, you bastard." And then O'Brien looks dazed because he doesn't even recognize her.

I've already written the whole episode in my head. They just need to film it.

Another fun fact, Keiko never gets a mention in TNG before the wedding episode, so basically she's introduced as this inexplicable bridezilla.

almighty jugs

@adorable-eggplant This guy: http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6300000/-Space-Dog-The-Enemy-Within-star-trek-the-original-series-6352214-694-530.jpg


@almighty jugs OH MY GOD THAT"S TOO CUTE.




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