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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

109

Unless It's Chris Brown

Sometimes, people write obviously-fake letters to advice columnists. For example, you would totally sleep with the celebrity cad who is hitting on you. Just, whatever, double-bag it* or something.

YOLO, etc. Especially since the letter-writer says it is neither Charlie Sheen nor Mel Gibson.

*Don't do that. Unsafe.



109 Comments / Post A Comment

iceberg

Of course, hit & run! ETA: ONLY if you WANT to bc you find them attractive.

area@twitter

@iceberg I love the great-aunt mentioned later who had a fling with Tyrone Power. Get it, girl.

hallelujah

@iceberg Duh! Hit it & quit it, for the story at least! If he's really terrible, take some nudie pics to shop around (just kidding, that's terrible) (unless it's Chris Brown, he deserves all terrible things).

Beatrix Kiddo

@iceberg Seriously, it's worth it only if you're attracted to the person, not just for the anecdote of having banged a celebrity.

milenakent

this is AWESOME@n

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Alec Baldwin?

iceberg

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll OMG I totally would, sorry Mr. Iceberg.

Nicole Cliffe

@iceberg Me too.

Alli525

@Nicole Cliffe Third-ed.

sophia_h

Chris Brown and charity don't sound like they go together. It sounds like Sean Penn to me (yuck).

Tuna Surprise

@sophia_h

It could be court-mandated community service!

Beatrix Kiddo

@sophia_h I'll second that guess.

sophia_h

@Beatrix Kiddo Right? I can't think who else would have "intensity and passion for this cause." Also, remember that time he broke into Madonna's house and tied her up with electrical cords and beat her up and yelled at her for hours? Oscar winner Sean Penn, ladies and gentlemen. (but let's not stop talking about how abusive Chris Brown is at every turn.)

lasso tabasco

@sophia_h that happened???

iceberg

@lasso tabasco according to the internet, that happened in 1987, not really surprised people aren't still mad, esp as he seems to have changed his ways?

sophia_h

@iceberg Yeah, it was a long time ago; there are just a ton of white actors/entertainers with abusive pasts who don't get nearly the heat that (asshole) Chris Brown does.

iceberg

@sophia_h no doubt that is true.

Daisy Razor

@iceberg No, there are plenty of stories of him being awful to Robin Wright as well.

wee_ramekin

@lasso tabasco @iceberg Yeah, it definitely happened, and I wouldn't be so sure that he's "changed his ways". He was violent and abusive all throughout his relationship with Madonna -- not just to her, but to others as well. He assaulted a papparazzo (which is understandable, but he went *APESHIT* on the guy) and fired a rifle at a helicopter that was flying over his wedding to Madonna taking pictures. He also hit Madonna across the face with a baseball bat, sending her to Cedar Sinai. I think that's why she finally left him?

He was a fucking horrible, violent, abusive asshole, and, much like Chris Brown and Mel Gibson, I doubt that he's changed.

iceberg

@wee_ramekin That is horrible. I wasn't defending him, I guess I just haven't heard any of that stuff about him in a long time so I kind of assumed it wasn't hasppening anymore especially since he's kind of beloved by the media now, or so it seems?

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin What I mean with my last sentence is that I really really REALLY don't believe that abusers change their patterns all that often, especially not when they are rich, powerful men and the world knows what they did and continues to worship them. There's no real reason for them to change, is there?

Unless someone tells me that Sean Penn/Mel Gibson/Chris Brown have gone into long and extensive therapy -- and stopped dating while they were doing so -- and then issued a public apology about how they used to be worthless pieces of woman-beating trash, I will continue to maintain that they are abusive fuckheads, and I'll have no truck with them.

wee_ramekin

@iceberg I am getting all het up under the collar about this, and I don't mean to come at you (or anyone else) all fired up. The topic of abusers is one that I can rarely come at without completely losing my equanimity, and it's one that I refuse to "forgive and forget" about. For me, unless an abuser publicly recognizes and admits responsibility for the horrible things that they did -- and unless they continue forward without a hint of abusive behavior -- "once an abuser, always an abuser" holds true.

iceberg

@wee_ramekin i gotcha, wee one :)

Faintly Macabre

@wee_ramekin Yeah, most of the internet peanut gallery has concluded that even if he wasn't physically abusive to Robin Wright (I mean, he might have been, but no one knows), there was some shady stuff going on in their marriage. Like, her career basically vanished for a while because she was raising their kids, but then after they divorced, he said, "There is no shame in saying that we all want to be loved by someone. As I look back over my life in romance, I don’t feel I’ve ever had that." "When you get divorced, all the truths that come out, you sit there and go, ‘What the f–k was I doing? What was I doing believing that this person was invested in this way?’ Which is a fantastically strong humiliation in the best sense." Classic abuser talk.

Ugh, yeah, after reading what he did to Madonna (and I can't stand her!), I get grossed out whenever people go on about what a fantastic actor and humanitarian he is. (not at all implying that you were doing this, of course, iceberg!)

Beatrix Kiddo

@wee_ramekin Amen.

queenofbithynia

@sophia_h See also slappy Sean Connery and published MRA and recorded child abuser Alec Baldwin. No big deal though, apparently.

aphrabean

@wee_ramekin I like your style.

fondue with cheddar

Yes, it would totally make you a bad person. By sleeping with a man like that you're reinforcing his behavior.

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar - also depends how verifiable his "reputatiion" is I guess. If I had listened to scurrilous gossip about past behavior I might not have dated Mr Iceberg let alone married him...

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Naturally. I'm assuming in this case that the celebrity in question is actually guilty of his alleged mistreatment of women and that her "but he's really a nice guy" assurances are just her being starstruck and blind, and trying to justify her desire to sleep with him.

whateverlolawants

@fondue with cheddar But she gets something out of it too... be it a sexual thrill or a story to tell. He's not the only one who gets something from it if they sleep together.

I see what you're saying too, though, and I've used that as a reason to not hook up with someone myself.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants You're right, she definitely gets something out of it. But for me, the thrill or whatever is not worth it. Because you're basically telling him he can be an asshole without the negative consequences that should be associated with being an asshole and I'm totally not okay with that.

funfetti

Ughhh Chris Brown. This week's Rolling Stone has a cover interview with Rihanna and how she just wants everyone to back the fuck off because they are so "crazy in love" (literal article title).

Meanwhile, Chris Brown is beating up Frank Ocean and falsifying community service hours and the only good thing that has come out of all this is Sean O'Neal's increasingly absurd newswires.

Porn Peddler

@funfetti He also excuses his behavior by tweeting things like "ask rihanna if she mad?"

redheaded&crazy

@funfetti I'm so glad their song about how it ain't nobody bidness is not getting played very much because it makes me want to hurl.

I get it, it's not my business. So then I'm sure as hell not going to listen to a song about it.

par_parenthese

@Porn Peddler OHHHHHHH my goddddddddds. Because abused women definitely always are in an ok place to evaluate their abuse. eflefijodijossdfjosjosdfoaldfjkl

frigwiggin

There was a girl in a creative writing class I took freshman year of college who wrote a poem about how she totally banged Tech N9ne when he was in town performing. It was...impassioned.

sophia_h

@frigwiggin He's performing in my hometown soon! And so are the Bone Thugs, who I assume must be the Bone Thugs n' Harmony. My husband: "Are you sure it's those Bone Thugs?" Me: "How many Bone Thugs could there be?" Note: the local theater has a small marquee.

katiemcgillicuddy

I hope they haven't just like, lost their harmony.

Miss Maszkerádi

You guys, I have a confession to make. The celebrity in the letter is actually at the same time feuding with ANOTHER celebrity I can't name, because they're both wildly in love with me. It's almost a pistols-at-dawn thing. And I'm flattered, but I just can't choose between them, because getting romanced and ravished by either of them would mean I'd be cheating on my current squeeze, a well- known international soccer player I also can't name publicly. Now it's all a mess though, because Celebrity A has given me a diamond bracelet that, according to my private investigator, once belonged to the mistress of Celebrity B's father, who was a dissolute writer in Paris. What do I dooooooo?

Lucienne

@Countess Maritza This is what comes of living internationally.

Nicole Cliffe

@Countess Maritza LOVE IT

Miss Maszkerádi

@Nicole Cliffe I should get completely loopy on cold meds and oxygen deprivation more often....*sneeze*...

Slutface

If you want to sleep with someone, sleep with them. Use protection, but Christ, who has to write to an advice column? Ever hear of a one night stand? It's fun. Try it.

Oh and it's totally Josh Brolin.

Emby

@Slutface Right? I don't get the existential angst. You put your v on a p, or next to another v, or your p on a p, or any combination you can think of, and so long as everyone's having fun and enjoying themselves, it's all Kool & the Gang.

evil melis

You can even eat a bleu cheese steak and have anal sex to follow, if that's where your heart leads you.

runner in the garden

@evil melis i was really hoping "blue cheese steak" was going to become the new euphemism for buttsex around here.

Jinxie

@evil melis You're starting to make me rethink my love of the blue cheese/beef combo.

evil melis

STEAKBLASTING

christonacracker

@evil melis like like like like like like

Deb of last year@twitter

@evil melis This is the best thing I've read on the internet all day

lexmarie

When I read this column yesterday I TOTALLY thought it was Chris Brown. Run, girl!

SarahDances

Prudence, May I Sleep with Danger?

katiemcgillicuddy

@SarahDances I wish I could like this a thousand times.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@SarahDances You just danced your way into my heart.

Scourgie

@SarahDances I just created an account to like this comment.

anachronistique

My mom has a million celebrity-encounter stories, most of which are of dubious veracity, but my favorite one that I actually believe is that Jerry Garcia tried to get her to ditch my dad and become a groupie. (GODDAMNED HIPPIES.)

frigwiggin

@anachronistique Ahhh! My mom has a story where Boz Scaggs tried to get her and a friend to come backstage after a show, but she didn't. I love these stories whether they're true or not.

yrouttasight

@anachronistique My mom was agressively pursued by Clarence Clemons after he spotted her dancing in the front row at one of his (solo) shows. She was married to my dad at the time, so she didn't partake, but she's still quite proud of herself for that story.

Kristen

@frigwiggin According to family lore, Sean Connery tried to pick up my aunt in a bar, but she rejected him because at the time he was both married and in the papers for saying it was okay to slap a woman if she was getting out of line.

I respect her decision, but damn.

iceberg

@Kristen so... torn...

sophia_h

@anachronistique My friend's mom is thanked in the liner notes of Fleetwood Mac's "Rumors." He has never had the courage to ask her why.

Faintly Macabre

@anachronistique I know a (beautiful, super-nice) lady who briefly dated Liam Neeson way back in the day and says he's "a lovely man."

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Kristen My mom brings up that Connery comment any time he's on the screen. We'll be watching James Bond and she'll just interject, "He's a pig. He thinks it's OK to hit women." And we nod, because she's right.

Nicole Cliffe

Yeah, when that loser was whining about how Daniel Craig works out too much and he could no longer "imagine" being James Bond, I was all "yeah, I guess it's better to just demean women and not do crunches."

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Nicole Cliffe Ugh, that guy. THAT GUY. "Twentysomethings are no longer lining up to climb Bone Mountain; it must be society's fault, not the fact that I'm horrible."

area@twitter

@Faintly Macabre I'm glad to hear that. Liam Neeson seems to be such a kind, gentle person. I still think about the whole of Natasha Richardson's family on occasion.

Um, WTF Interrobang

@anachronistique These are all cooler than my single, second-hand anecdote about a girl I know who hooked up with a member of the band Fast Ball.

[sic]

@Faintly Macabre Did she confirm the 'Evian bottle' rumor?

TheclaAndTheSeals

@Um, WTF Interrobang Yeah, I only have stories about small time bands that have surely broken up by now. Llama or Low Millions, anybody interested? (Nobody's interested.)

formergr

@Kristen My aunt apparently *did* have a fling with Sean Connery!! I've seen a photo of the two of them sitting at a table from like the 70s, so I do believe it.

Faintly Macabre

@area@twitter Yeah, I was surprised how sad I was when she died. I guess she seemed like such a sweetheart (and he a nice guy), and it was so sudden and left two little kids motherless.

@[sic] Ha! I don't know her well enough to even ask if she went that far with him. Though OhNoTheyDidn't commenters posted gifs of his nude scenes when he did that dunking booth stunt on Ellen.

frigwiggin

Also, holy shit about the next writer with the "I'd kill you" husband. That one makes me feel sick.

katiemcgillicuddy

@frigwiggin Yeah, whoa, I get maybe being super upset at first and saying something crazy to her, but the fact that he repeated it a few days later? Run for the hills, lady. Jesus.

iceberg

@frigwiggin Yeah the asnwer to that one should be lioke "Pack a bag NOW and don't tell him where you are because HOLY SHIT."

LeafySeaDragon

@frigwiggin yeah, it's kind of creepy.

fabel

@frigwiggin yeahh, at first I was like... okay, me & my S/O joke about murdering everyone if we found out the other was cheating, that's normal, right? but the fact that he repeated himself & added "just don't MAKE me have to do that!" is very, um, not normal.

par_parenthese

@frigwiggin Oh man, yeah. So, so awful.

I can understand him being so shaken in the moment (and hella inarticulate) that he would say something like that, but to repeat it and insist on it to the point where his wife was terrified and sobbing? Yiiiiiiiiiikes.

What an awful way to find out your husband's latent abusiveness. :/

Jinxie

@frigwiggin Dude, totally. My Evil Ex (from many years ago, thankfully) started saying stuff like that - and in that same manner, too - about 3 months before he turned ACTUALLY abusive. So I see this as a BIGHUGE red flag.

Nicole Cliffe

Yeah, that guy sounds like baaad news. There's a world of difference between "I would kill you" and "this situation with our friend has made me realize I have really strong feelings about infidelity."

yrouttasight

This is totally Sean Penn.

trappedinabay

@yrouttasight Unless it's Robert Downey Jr.? I thought it was Robert Downey Jr.!

iceberg

@trappedinabay Is he known for charity though? Also, hands off if it is him, he is my next husband (in my mind).

Beatrix Kiddo

@iceberg But he's already married and, even worse, a Republican. Sad news.

iceberg

@Beatrix Kiddo I CAN CHANGE HIM.

par_parenthese

@trappedinabay I have had a crush on him since Ally McBeal/the "I Want Love" video (THAT VIDEO GUH).

katiemcgillicuddy

I think Nicole is onto something with the tag, "I did notice the letter writer didn't say it wasn't Mike Tyson".

par_parenthese

I wish we could ALWAYS dissect Dear Prudence, like all three days a week that they post her column now (dude what is up with that). The Slate comments section is a dark scary place (see today's piece about a stay-at-home husband that I thought was pretty damn interesting) but sometimes I have FEELINGS about the letters/advice and no way to EXPRESS those FEELINGS and I am right on the cusp between Gen X and Millennial and my FEELINGS CANNOT GO UNEXPRESSED YOU GUYS.

Jinxie

@par_parenthese Maybe we just need to have a regular thread in the Friday Open Threads post? Because I feel the same way - I can't NOT read Dear Prudence even though I think it's terrrrrrible and I am pretty much always up for talking about it.

Nicole Cliffe

My only regret about my insatiable lust for "Dear Prudie" columns is that there are now literally 5000 comments on each post, and I cannot read them all without sacrificing sleep or meals or bathroom time.

iceberg

@par_parenthese where's the house husband one?

iseeshiny

@iceberg http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/02/i_m_a_married_guy_with_no_kids_and_i_cook_clean_and_mend_call_me_the_stay.html

I had it open in another tab! I feel so hip and with it.

sophia_h

@par_parenthese Yes, yes, agree! Because I'm the one who sent the column into the Hairpin tips account all "can we pleeeease guess who this crazy celeb is?" since I didn't want to venture into the black pit of Slate comments again, having learned my lesson before.

Nicole Cliffe

HAHAHA, I didn't even see that! Great/nosy minds.

sophia_h

@Nicole Cliffe Oh, that's funny! Edith responded with "OOOOOH" so I assumed that's how it got into the queue. "Guess the crazy celeb" does seem like a pretty tailormade Hairpin activity, though.

iceberg

@par_parenthese OK I've read it. My reaction: Congratulations. How wonderful. (fuck you, guy whose wife earns enough for him not to work, and I'd say the same about a gender-reversed article with the same tone, because I am poor and bitter)

par_parenthese

@iceberg HA! Privileged people are privileged.

I was just seriously blown away by the misogynistic (or, really, misanthropic) shitheads in the comments section saying that, like, they bang the guy's wife on her lunchbreak in the parking garage and that he spends all day masturbating. The whole comments section was like THREATENED CIS-MALE SEXUALITY SUBTEXT AHOY?

@Nicole Cliffe Which is why I need to keep it here in the warm soft bosom of the 'pin.

Alli525

@par_parenthese CAN WE PLEASE ALL TALK ABOUT TODAY'S COLUMN? Where she completely freaks out on the guy with the lying girlfriend?? I am tearing my hair out here.

Alli525

@Alli525 Oh no and I just finished reading, and she is bitchy to the journalist who wrote the last question. ARRRRGGGHHHH

Jinxie

@Alli525 Ooh! Haven't read it yet - will run off to do so now.

Jinxie

@Alli525 Whoa. Prudie was in a MOOD for this one. I was ready to eat my hat here, because I was actually agreeing with Prudie's advice for each LW...until I got to the last one. Nobody likes a whiny, entitled young'un, s'true, but I thought the LW sounded pretty reasonable. Granted, I don't know what advice I would've given her other than "That's just how it is sometimes, suck it up, keep your nose clean, and do your best work for now."
What's your take on Dude with Lying Girlfriend? Like I said, I was (shockingly) with Prudie on that one because something about him set my Creep Meter abuzzing. I will own that, having been a girlfriend to a genuinely creepy, controlling, jealous, obsessive, nosy boyfriend, I may be overly sensitive on this subject and overly inclined to trust the girlfriend.

Alli525

@Jinxie I mean, sure, maybe it was causal - she was lying because he was a control freak - but I know from first-hand experience that if someone is constantly lying to you, it can exacerbate a mild or dormant case of paranoia/control issues. My dad lied to my mom the majority of their relationship, and she got more and more frantic (I guess it's sort of like Gaslight? the movie? I've never seen it but read a couple summaries) until she became SUPER controlling and crazypants, not just with him but with the entire family.

par_parenthese

@Jinxie @alli525 I might actually have made a MREOW! noise at the screen after that letter to the guy with the lying GF. Prudie! Temper temper! "It's all in your head, you're the crazy one with the problem" is basically the definition of gaslighting which I feel like is probably not the greatest advice-columnist strategy?

anachronistique

(Also, last night I found out that the source of a terrible Mystery Smell at my apartment's front door was not the doormat but a black trash bag like the one above left by SOMEBODY in the alcove next to our door. WHY ARE MY NEIGHBORS SO TERRIBLE.)

EternalOctopus

YOU GUYS. What about Russell Crowe?! This screams Russell Crowe to me.

par_parenthese

@EternalOctopus I thought he was married? (Edit: separated, apparently.)

paper bag princess

Matthew Fox? I guess he's married, but she didn't say that the guy in question was single.......

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