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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

221

What a Difference 34 Years Makes

What do OJ Simpson, Ted Turner, Woody Allen, and Calvin Klein have in common?

(Besides owning jeans and televisions and probably drinking Diet Coke on occasion?)

Well, back in 1979, Playgirl declared them to be four of our nation's (vaguely NSFW) Ten Sexiest Men.

Who's sexy now that we anticipate being confused by in another 34 years? Guesses?

221 Comments / Post A Comment

Porn Peddler

Justin Vernon. Joseph Gordon Levitt. Karl Pilkington was definitely listed as a "weird crush" in one magazine.

I mean I'm already confused.

Probs

@Porn Peddler there's a photo out there of JGL in stockings and garter. Hard to say what effect that will have on the findings of future Hotness Anthropologists, but it will surely play a role.

iknowright

@Porn Peddler I really like JGL because he's intelligent and is into the arts in a non-pretentious way (compared to like, James Franco) and is also always really enthusiastic about what he does (eg, both SNL opening monologues). But it is funny to watch him in reruns of Roseanne where his character is known only as being DJ's most annoying friend, and then in 30 Rock where everyone thought he was a girl until the show premiered.

Also he was a douche in 500 Days of Summer. Team Summer!

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@Probs BRB, designing myself a "Hotness Archaeology" major at the local university...

area@twitter

@Probs ...You have my undivided attention.

par_parenthese

@area@twitter Seconded. Someone with google-fu. Please.

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese Found it.
I can't unsee it.
Are you sure you want me to post it? I am at work and had to do some serious fast-scroll.
But yeah, I need "how to post a picture in a Hairpin comment" instructions.
Alternatively, use the search terms "Joseph gordon levitt stockings" and click "images".

area@twitter

@par_parenthese Psst! It's over here!

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime I am CRACKING UP at the idea of you at your desk surreptitiously googling images of JGL in stockings and garters, NBD.

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese incognito browsing: not even the under 30's in my office know it exists.

Probs

@area@twitter That's the one. I dig it, personally.

TARDIStime

@Probs Me too. Is he trying to get cast in The Rocky Horror Picture Show? He'd be perfect.

wee_ramekin

@iknowright Yeah, but the great thing about 500 Days of Summer is that he knows his character was a douche, and has said many times that people should not emulate him.

Also, JGL in garters = just fine by me.

iknowright

@wee_ramekin I'm glad he's said that and knows! ....buuuut does the rest of America? I know more than one person who justifies their intense hate of ZD because she was "so mean to him in that movie!" And have read more than one internet comment where people were like, "OMG he was such a dreamboat, so into her, she just didn't get how good she had it." Obviously we can't go around taking things we read online as gospel, or trusting everyone who dislikes manic pixies (and New Girl has completely redeemed her for me, though I am easily mesmerized by her super huge eyes), but I feel like even some bigger name reviewers totally interpreted that film incorrectly.

I did not realize I cared so much about any of this.

jams

I was intimidated by whatever animal that is that has such huge, fearsome eyes. bubblegum casting

allendaniel

I'm not sure what to say.@a

Judith Slutler

I nominate Ryan Gosling for "sure to become confusing in the future"

pajamaralls

@Emmanuelle Cunt I'm at that point with him now, but I think the over-saturation on the internet has helped that along.

Atheist Watermelon

@Emmanuelle Cunt nooooooooooooooooo he is never confusing nooooooooo

Blushingflwr

@Emmanuelle Cunt I spent a lot of Drive being distracted by how sexy his hands are.

par_parenthese

@Blushingflwr The shower scene in Blue Valentine! His hands! *fans face ineffectively* *faints*

Derevkova

@Emmanuelle Cunt I've been confused by him for years, thanks to Breaker High.

Diana

@Emmanuelle Cunt

Do you know when I find Ryan Gosling the sexiest and most lovable? Lars and the Real Girl. Now THAT is confusing.

Atheist Watermelon

@Diana I understand this. That's my favorite Ryan Gosling movie.

you're a kitty!

@Emmanuelle Cunt I spent a long time being pissed at Ryan Gosling because of The Notebook. But then Dead Man's Bones happened.

par_parenthese

@Diana It's THE best Gosling movie. So sweet and wonderful and so difficult to convince your friends to watch. "It's about a loner who buys one of those super-lifelike customized love dolls and then takes her with him wherever he goes and tells everyone she's his girlfriend. NO IT IS NOT PORN."

Blushingflwr

@Emmanuelle Cunt I convinced the boyfriend to watch it with me this weekend. I love what a great story it is about community and love and compassion and kindness.

LacunaKale

Paging, Jeremy Renner. Will Jeremy Renner please answer the white courtesy phone. (His head is perfectly round, it freaks me out a bit)

par_parenthese

@LacunaKale YES. Yes Jeremy Renner. (Also NO, Jeremy Renner.)

iknowright

@LacunaKale Nooooo he exists to inspire short men to have confidence in their hotness! And that people from shitty CenCal towns can make it in this world! Also he has an incredibly lovely singing voice.

you're a kitty!

@iknowright if anyone's gonna give short men confidence in their hotness it is Robert Downey Jr. juST SAYIN'

area@twitter

@you're a kitty! Sweet Christ, RDJ. I can't even. MMM. I would be his big spoon every single day of the week.

noReally

WTF Woody Allen?

Barry Grant

@noReally

1979 was in the afterglow of "Annie Hall" so maybe they were going with that interpretation.

wee_ramekin

@Barry Grant But wouldn't the take-away from Annie Hall have been "Hubba hubba, Diane Keaton in menswear!!!!!!"?

Nothing about Woody Allen is sexy. Nothing.

Urwelt

@noReally I can see it, and I hate myself for it.

Barry Grant

@wee_ramekin

Good call on both points. I'm not agreeing with the original assessment, just trying to imagine what might have been going on.

par_parenthese

Shia LaBeouf? He seems likely to turn out... unusual.

EpWs

@par_parenthese He looks like my little brother so my only reaction to "Shia Labeouf is so hotttt" is EW NO MAKE IT STOP EW.

So, yeah.

Scandyhoovian

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher "EW NO MAKE IT STOP EW" is my reaction to anything involving Shia Labeouf anyway, but that must make it 10 times harder to listen to. O_o

beeline96

Not ever confusing: George Clooney.

Megasus

I think ppl in the future aren't going to get Channing Tatum.

LacunaKale

@Megano! As a time traveler, I can confirm this.

Nicole Cliffe

Only if "Pony" is no longer on YouTube!

par_parenthese

@Megano! I, in the present, do not get Channing Tatum. His neck is literally bigger than his head. What why

lavender gooms

@par_parenthese HE LOOKS LIKE A GIANT PENIS.

maybe partying will help

@Nicole Cliffe

Or if all copies of She's the Man are mysteriously blanket-bombed from the earth.

(please please never let these things happen)

lisma

@par_parenthese I was going to say, that even now, I cannot understand it. I mean him.

ayo nicole

@lavender gooms THAT'S WHAT IT IS. I was trying to articulate exactly what he resembles in a meeting yesterday (I'm glad I didn't think of that, though...I was at work).

lisma

@ayo nicole I went to see Side Effects with this guy I've been seeing, and the usher who took our tickets said to me, "Oh you're here to see Side Effects! You're here for Channing Tatum, I know it. You saaaay it's because you want to see the new Soderbergh, but I know why you're here." I.was.mortified.

ayo nicole

@lisma Ugh why does everyone think he is the straight woman's dream? I'd rather not, thank you.

iknowright

@lavender gooms I will never be able to unthink this. On the plus side, it will cancel out the other thing I always think about him, which is that apparently he always smells terribly of B.O.

Beatrix Kiddo

@par_parenthese I'm so glad to find a community of like-minded Channing Tatum haters (or at least, those thoroughly unimpressed by him).

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@ayo nicole I want to go to YOUR work meetings (assuming the only topic discussed is "[Current famous hunk] looks like...")!

you're a kitty!

@par_parenthese correct.

Blushingflwr

Benedict Cumberbatch

maybe partying will help

@Blushingflwr

I'm confused by it now.

par_parenthese

@Blushingflwr Despite the fact that I miiiight have had several tiny orgasms watching A Scandal in Belgravia, I think I'm going to have to agree with you here.

MadPiglet

@maybe partying will help ME TOO! Sometimes, with the right angle I think "oh, okay, I get it" but for the most part, I'm all confused-dog-head-tilt about him.

Scandyhoovian

@Blushingflwr I am in FULL agreement here. I keep hearing nothing but how hot he is but all I can see is "surely this is what Voldemort looked like about four horcruxes in."

Nicole Cliffe

@Blushingflwr iwillshutthiswholethreaddowndontthinkiwont

Blushingflwr

@Nicole Cliffe I think the thing about Cumberbatch is that what is sexy about him doesn't necessarily come through in still photos. It's less visual and more attitudinal (which is true, IMO, in general about sexiness anyway, but I think he's a good example).

par_parenthese

@Nicole Cliffe He's so sexy. Ridiculously. I'm getting a little Must-Take-My-Scarf-Off-Is-It-Hot-In-Here-Y just thinking about him. But I think people in The Future might not get him, 'sallI'msayin.

lisma

@Blushingflwr it's very attitudinal. Almost entirely so.

mittens blum

@Blushingflwr Might have scrolled through the comments just to find the inevitable Cumberbatch thread and post the mandatory gif.

ayo nicole

@Blushingflwr Even now. Don't get it.

breccia

@mittens blum yeah see the problem is that his face is still the same there so

Scandyhoovian

@breccia yeah, I'm still seeing voldemort, so...

Probs

@Blushingflwr I like that Benedict Cumberbatch looks like an otter tumblr

Judith Slutler

@mittens blum he's got a gorgeous mouth. daaaaamn.

par_parenthese

@mittens blum I just said, quite loudly, in my empty living room, "GOOD GOD."

Derevkova

@Blushingflwr Well, that just made my day.

themegnapkin

@breccia and that hair >:P (stinkface)

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese This gif may or may not be affecting me the way that poem on the 'pin yesterday did things to The Wee One...

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime You and me both. I will be in my bunk.

wee_ramekin

@TARDIStime Oh girl, this GIF affects me that way daily. Because that is how often I look at it.*

*Okay, not really. But those eyes and those tendons in his neck that I just want to sink my teeth into are permanently etched into the synapses of my brain.

wee_ramekin

Also I want to jump off the cliffs of his cheekbones into an ocean composed entirely of his voice. Whatever.

travelmugs

James Franco is already 3/4 the way there, confusing people who are attracted to his incredible jawline with his faux-intellectual stoner antics. I can only imagine what time travelers will make of him.

OhMarie

Nothing you can say will convince me that this actually did make sense in 1979.

MadPiglet

@OhMarie Yeah, I don't think Woody Allen has EVER been sexy and nobody will ever convince me otherwise. He is just too whiny for my taste.

DianaPrince

@OhMarie "He makes being a neurotic sexy."

Or... not.

Es
Es

@OhMarie I am going to ask my mother what she thinks and whether it did make sense at the time.

OhMarie

@Es Report back!

It's easy to pick on Woody but I'm almost more puzzled by Ted Turner. I mean, sure, he's a bajillionare sailor, but in that picture he is a total creepo.

Es
Es

@OhMarie Mother says: Neither Calvin Klein or Woody Allen rocked my boat back then I must admit! Too ugly. OJ and Ted Turner ok, but I would have gone for Paul Newman (timeless/ageless) and Steve McQueen...

TARDIStime

@OhMarie @Es, you guys had the same reaction as me: this is not something that would have seemed silly only in hindsight - it was probably weird at the time.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@OhMarie Yeah, come to think of it...whenever you see one of these lists of dudes you're supposed to like in some magazine, aren't you always like, WTF is this MESS????? (See: People's Sexiest Men Alive et al)

Bittersweet

Leonardo DiCaprio, but that could be just Present Me whining about how he's really not that attractive, and hoping that in a few decades Future Me will be joined in this opinion by millions of others.

Scandyhoovian

@Bittersweet I still think he's totally dreamy (p.s. I was one of those Titanic fangirls with young Leo all over my walls, back in the day) but it DOES concern me that at the rate he seems to be slowly expanding, he will look like an amorphous Jellicaprio by the time he's in his late 60s (seriously, his face is just... going out from the edges. Look at his teen pics vs. his pics now).

Lisa Frank

@Scandyhoovian He's morphing into Garfield. It's disconcerting.

maybe partying will help

@Scandyhoovian

Yeah, the John Travolta effect.

Bittersweet

@Scandyhoovian I was 26 and recently married/husband-besotted when Titanic came out, and I have a huge fear of sinking ships from childhood. So I've never seen the Biggest Movie Ever, and thus my DiCaprio-appreciation window is closed forever. Although he looks interesting in the Aviator clip from AHP's column today.

lisma

@Bittersweet I'm convinced that he is TRYING to make himself unattractive, because he still looks good in movies (most of the time).

Judith Slutler

@Bittersweet I never thought he had the look to play sympathetic characters. IMHO Calvin Candie was the perfect role for that dude's pretty yet jerky face

Kate Kane

@Bittersweet There was a red carpet photo of Leo a few years ago where the angle gave him a lurking, late-Brando-esque meatiness and now I can't unsee it.

vunder

Playgirl is/was confusing.

Atheist Watermelon

I remain convinced that so many guys who are touted as "sexiest man alive" etc etc are picked by men who think they know what women find attractive...? I mean, Burt Reynolds? Did any women ever really fancy him...?

City_Dater

@Didldidi

The 1970s were an incredibly strange time.

OhMarie

@Didldidi My Grandma used to have a picture of a shirtless Burt Reynolds on the back of her bedroom door. It's strange, she was widowed in her early 40s, never dated again and always seemed kind of uninterested in men generally, but apparently the one guy she needed to sneak a peek at was Burt Reynolds?

Aeroplane

@Didldidi Have you watched Smoky and the Bandit? He's basically Han Solo.

whizz_dumb

@City_Dater My chest hair would've gotten me places in the 70s.

theinvisiblecunt

@Didldidi, look, all I'm saying is: pull up his cosmo pic and place your thumb directly over the moustache-containing portion of his face. Also maybe use the other thumb on the bear rug, it's kind of distracting

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@theinvisiblecunt
Hooray you're back! It's an Ash Wednesday Miracle!

theinvisiblecunt

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll, haha awww, thanks.

Misselthwaite

Ted's still got a handful of girlfriends.

leonstj

What is the lady-equivalent of this thing:

A lot of times, when I b.s. with dudes about famous celebrities and whether or not they are hot, this comes up:

"I mean, sure, she's *attractive*, but only in that conventional body, okay face kind of way - like if you saw her at a bar you'd be like, 'damn', but she's generic."

It tends to be said more like, with models and b-list people. Also, it tends to be said more often by my friends who are more, I dunno, "mature" in their tastes? Like, swimsuit models are just "eh, whatever" famous-sexy, but then people like, I dunno, Jane Birkin, are like "damn."

What is the lady equivalent of that for some of you?

olivebee

@leon s Pretty much everyone who has ever been touted as unbelievably sexy by any magazine or list or random woman on the street (Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, etc etc) is "meh" for me. Too white-bread, high school jock-y for my tastes. I have no problem with other people liking that "type," but it's just not for me. I wouldn't say that I have "mature" tastes either, though. I mean, the celebrity I find the most attractive right now is probably Donald Glover. Well, and also Timothy Olyphant, so.

Nicole Cliffe

Sexiest Thing Alive: The Inexplicable Several Inches Between Timothy Olyphant's Shirt and Jeans

olivebee

@Nicole Cliffe Justified is a legitimately excellent show that I love for the same reasons I love other high-quality shows. But every time I talk about the show with female friends, our conversation always devolves into "my god, he's just SO attractive." "I know! *waves hand in front of neck as if hot*"

Nicole Cliffe

@olivebee "so many interesting female characters! take off your pants, Raylan!"

par_parenthese

@leon s For me and my friends: Bradley Cooper, Ryan Lochte, any of those generic white frat-boy types with waxed chests and super-white teeth.

ETA: my perma-celeb-crush (and pretty general consensus of I Will Always Love Him in my friend group) is David Tennant because FWOAR, but Idris Elba is way up there right now. Mmm. I love a brooder.

lisma

@leon s Anyone who is not Adrien Brody.

par_parenthese

@lisma GGGGGGGGGGGGGG Adrian Brody!!! He was my first unconventional crush once I realized I didn't *have* to like muscular blue-eyed blonds.

Atheist Watermelon

@olivebee Ugh, Bradley Cooper... He may be a perfectly lovely human being, but there is just something about his face that makes me want to punch it...

breccia

@leon s someone already said david tennant; thread's over.

MadPiglet

@par_parenthese - I have sat through a number of terrible movies (some more than once *coughDECOYBRIDEcough*) simply because David Tennant is in them.

Atheist Watermelon

@MadPiglet David Tennant will never be confusing.

lisma

@par_parenthese when he won the Oscar for the Pianist, I screamed so loudly that I think I set off car alarms around my parents' neighborhood. This was ok because I was 16.

lisma

@par_parenthese ooooh Idris Elba!

par_parenthese

@MadPiglet DECOY BRIDE. SO BAD, yet, SO David Tennant-y.

(See also: United.)

area@twitter

@leon s I've noticed a trend personally with the famous gentlemen I fancy (thinking here of Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Chris Evans) - when I see pictures of them when they were younger, I find them too pretty, somehow. It's not until they pass 30 or so and their faces look a little more lived-in that they become devastatingly handsome. (I'm hoping a similar rule applies to me.)

Edited to add: Matthew McConaughey. Anyone else just think he's kind of a goofball? Be fun to have a few drinks with, but his admittedly chiseled muscles don't make me weak in the knees.

Bittersweet

@area@twitter I found this too, but it may be because I'm now on the other side of 40, and an actor being "too pretty" is my code for "too young for me, 'cause dang, I'm not a cougar." Also, I like a few grey hairs and crow's feet - they add character.

breccia

@par_parenthese um, can we please establish a meetup group even more niche than just people who read the hairpin, but for people who read the hairpin and also want to watch every one of david tennant's films, no matter how bad they are?

area@twitter

@Bittersweet Character for the win. Every time. As an aside, I feel it's a milestone when you first look at a dude and go "oh honey, you are cute but you are too young for me". Happened to me with Bryce Harper.

par_parenthese

@breccia I AM ALREADY THERE.

TARDIStime

@breccia I think this is the thread for that photo of David Tennant hugging Benedict Cumberbatch.
That pic is only equalled by the NOPENOPENOPE Octopus, IMHO.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime WHEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEE

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese I will post it here if you tell me how!

area@twitter

@TARDIStime This one?
mmm-hmm

Also: http://www.w3schools.com/html/html_images.asp (I use their reminders on how to post images and links all the time.)

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese I also had this experience re: muscular, blue-eyed blondes.
Except my first Conventional was Jake Gyllenhaal. No, actually Ryan Kwanten, but you guys I was like 10 and these were his Home and Away years (lots of gratuitous shirt-off, "emerging from the surf" shots).

Then I went through a "guys with distinctive noses" phase (Owen Wilson, Adrien B, Zach Braff [from certain angles you'll see it]).
Then there's the "Voldemort Hot" situation with Benedict Cumberbatch/Matt Smith (so much confusion there!)

TARDIStime

@area@twitter I can't see that image. :-(
But thanks for the link to instructions! Will check it out!

TARDIStime

@TARDIStime *sigh*

you're a kitty!

@par_parenthese AYUP my david tennant recurring tag on my tumblr is 'in 105 years I will be old and grey and still in love with david tennant'

area@twitter

@TARDIStime Oh gdi. IMAGE, Y U BREAK.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime The pic of Cumberbatch and Matt Smith walking onstage at the BAFTAS just SLAYS me every time.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime ALSO re: crushes, we clearly share part of a brain. Early Jake Gyllenhaal, check. Guys With Distinctive Noses phase, check (Ira Glass is totes on this list). Voldemort-hot dudes, check (beginning with a college prof I had who looked like a hotter, more academic John Malkovich).

What are your thoughts on Sullivan Stapleton from Animal Kingdom? (Apart from his having a terrible name.)

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese He has been in like every single Australian Cop Drama since the mid-90's. All of which were still being made like they were Australian Cop Drama from the mid 70's.
It's ruined him for me. :-(
That said, I still have yet to see Animal Kingdom - maybe he can be redeemed! He certainly looks good with his shirt off.
Re: Ryan Kwanten, though - google image search "Vinnie home and away" - it's hilarious because there are all these really old photos of him with this ridiculous hair.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime Ah, what a shame! I absolutely loved him in Animal Kingdom (and while I've seen lots of Aussie movies I just don't have access to lots of Aussie TV, so I haven't run across him elsewhere). It's so dark and intense and he's really conflicted and sexy in it. I have a real soft spot for muscular Australian men despite my antipathy to muscles generally. What's that Eric Bana doco about his car? ADORABLE.

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese Eriiiiiiiic! He's the sweetest/funniest! I would LOVE to have a night out with him, he seems like the kind of guy who would be a blast to hang around.
Ditto Hugh Jackman.
Ditto Heath Ledger if he was still alive (I watch him in A Knight's Tale sometimes and when he does this huge grin, my heart does little flipflops).
Also: if you only get your hands on one Aussie TV series ever, let it be Offspring. No idea what name of the actor is, but Patrick is Adorbz with a Capital A.

TARDIStime

@TARDIStime Patrick:

TARDIStime

Dammit, I tried.
Here's a link instead: http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/i-just-want-to-marry-patrick-from-offspring/attachment/patrickoffspring-2/

yeah-elle

@olivebee TIMOTHY. OLYPHANT. What even is the how does he exist what? My friend and I just started watching "Justified" last week and we were shocked by the vehemence of our response to him. The sexual magnetism was just...overwhelming.

DianaPrince

"Athletes are all so sexy, but our very favorites are football players. Their pants are wonderfully tight."

a) Was playgirl written by 14-year-old girls in 1979?

b) I know you are probably not supposed to read playgirl for the (three sentence) articles, but that isn't even a sexy picture of OJ Simpson.

Blushingflwr

@DianaPrince Also, baseball players are sexier. Tight pants, no facemasks (so you can actually see their faces), much lower risk of concussion in their day job.

vunder

@DianaPrince Isn't the accepted wisdom that Playgirl was by/for gay men? There's something in that voice that feels like an old queen from the 70s, no?

lisma

@Blushingflwr all those big butts on the baseball players. I mean, I'm not into big butts on men, I'm just pointing that out.

Blushingflwr

@lisma They are very muscular! And since they don't wear as much protective gear as football players, you can actually see their physiques. Same holds true in soccer (and basketball, but the baggy shorts they wear nowadays don't work for me).
My dislike of football is strong enough that someone being a football player is a turn off, even if they are otherwise aesthetically appealing. But I could figure out what bar the Nats hang out at in DC, I would def. let them steal home, even the ones that aren't attractive.

DianaPrince

@Blushingflwr Also, baseball players tend to have necks, something (most) football players are lacking.

whizz_dumb

@Blushingflwr @DianaPrince As an unprofessional baseball player, your comments are appreciated.

Nicole Cliffe

I am fully on Team Baseball Players.

iceberg

@Blushingflwr mmm baseball player pants...

area@twitter

@DianaPrince I prefer the football players, myself. Just something about a receiver dashing down the field in those figure-hugging uniform pants. Oh my. (Yes, there are a lot of "tight end" jokes at my place during the season.)

Beatrix Kiddo

@DianaPrince Team soccer players, always and forever.

martinipie

@Beatrix Kiddo team WATER POLO PLAYERS

TARDIStime

@DianaPrince This isn't going to mean anything to anyone not in Australia, but: AFL Football. Humina.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime PSH. I own Cats beer glasses, scarf, and Sherrin. And I didn't even switch loyalties when Ablett moved to the Suns. (I didn't know I was such a leg woman until I started watching AFL!)

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese Are you from Geelong?

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime I am from the US of A. Born and raised. I got into AFL when an Aussie crush of mine (who was in my city for awhile on business) talked about it. I started watching it and loved it. On my first visit to Oz I was actually in a newspaper story about my first live AFL game (Brisbane-Hawthorne)! <3 u, footy.

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese OMG which paper?!?! (I work in newspapers and may be able to stalk this article, depending on the media conglomerate it belongs to...).

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime I'm nervous about saying because par_ is my Super Secret Identity. Surely it's not online *checks* OK it's not. Um, it was a Tassie paper, but I can't remember which one. July ish of 2008? Do you need the journo's name?

It is SO BIZARRE that we might have mutual acquaintances. World = small.

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese My Dept handles like 20 papers in Tassie.
The date of publication and name of paper (or even the place you were? [Launceston? Burnie?] I can figure out which paper it was by coverage area) would be all I need - I could even email you a PDF of the article if you want!
We might have mutual acquaintances if you deal with the ad sales people who work for Fairfax?

TARDIStime

@TARDIStime PS: You don't have to tell me if you don't want - I respect your wish to remain Super Secret.

par_parenthese

@TARDIStime Well I was In Launceston because it was a Hawthorne home game, but it may not have been a Launie paper -- the guy who wrote the article, one of my Aussie friends, worked for the Examiner and the Advocate in Tas? (He lives in Melbourne now and works at the Leader.)

TARDIStime

@par_parenthese I have access to BOTH of those papers in the digital archives.
Say the word + your email + the date and I can have that PDF at you, Lady!

JanieS

Bradley Cooper looks like a greasy serial killer.

Derevkova

@JanieS I still can't get over how WILL was the one to get super-big after Alias.

miss buenos aires

How has this discussion been going on so long and not a single mention of ferret-faced Ryan Reynolds?

Bittersweet

@miss buenos aires Or weasel-faced Adam Levine?

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@miss buenos aires When it comes to Ryan Reynolds, the best thing to do is find a shirtless photo of him and then put your thumb right over his smug ferret face.

Scandyhoovian

@Bittersweet Adam Levine looks like a predator to me. Like the creepy kind that always wants an 18-year-old college freshman, no matter how old he gets.

Filthyknitter

@Scandyhoovian TOTALLY.

lisma

This is an appropriate time for me to say I have SO MANY FEELINGS about Jason Clarke right now. I watched Zero Dark Thirty TWICE because of him.

Atheist Watermelon

@lisma !!! Young Marlon Brando!!!

ayo nicole

@lisma Oh god Jason Clarke. Yes.

Lucienne

@Didldidi He just looks like Sean Penn to me. :/

lisma

@Lucienne is that bad? it could go either way with Sean Penn.

Atheist Watermelon

Oh hey, 1979 is my birth year! Ew, what bad taste in men it had. (This may explain a lot about me)

Scandyhoovian

Jared Padalecki. Something about his face is just not okay.

Lisa Frank

@Scandyhoovian He has the face an 8 year old boy. It's like his body got taller, but his face never grew up.

christonacracker

@Scandyhoovian J. Ackles on the other hand...hoo boy! FRECKLES

iknowright

@Scandyhoovian Ummm if you mean he's TOO PRETTY, I can see why that could be seen as a problem by some.

If you watch Supernatural outtakes, it will make you love them both more, but never sexually, because they both clearly fart constantly and have very smelly farts. While I am pro-fart, I am not pro-prank-fart. Call me a traditionalist.

par_parenthese

@Scandyhoovian I do not know who this person is, so I googled and immediately thought, "It looks like someone photoshopped random parts of Reese Witherspoon's face onto his face." Which is... probably not good.

EpWs

@christonacracker PREACH

Scandyhoovian

@christonacracker ACKLES IS UNBELIEVABLE. It's like his parents were the Marlboro Man and a Disney Princess. I can't even. THOSE EYELASHES. DAT ASS.

Also @Lisa Frank THAT'S EXACTLY IT. Even stubble doesn't help his child face problem!

parkerb

Obviously, 80s and 90s Johnny Depp was humina humina status, but I do not get people that still find him attractive. I find everything about him at this point to be super annoying. The weird British/American hybrid accent he's sportin' now? Please stop.

Atheist Watermelon

@parkerb yeyeeeesss... benny and joon johnny depp= MOAR PLEASE pirates of the caribbean johnny depp= meh. and i actually *have* a thing for men in makeup.

Diana

@parkerb

He's slowly turning into an amalgamation of characters from every movie he's ever been in. Like, obviously he's been taking the Captain Jack Sparrow look at least nine bridges too far for awhile now, but when he came out at the Grammys it appears he's now paying tribute to his role in Willy Wonka by turning into a goddamned Oompa Loompa. I'm waiting for him to start incorporating scissor hands in public or something.

martinipie

@parkerb It makes me so sad, because he was my first Big Celebrity Crush ever, and now he is....so ridiculous. Pictures of him with Kate or Winona are incredible and also depressing because he is so much less cool!

the roughest toughest frail

@Diana TLo refer to him as "an elderly gay windchime", which is the most hilarious and perfect description of him.

par_parenthese

@abetterfate Their descriptions of people are just the actual best.

themegnapkin

@abetterfate but he's 50ish? And he still looks 20.

dracula's ghost

I second Ryan Reynolds. He looks exactly like a weasel. I used to think Channing Tatum was inexplicable but somehow my feelings for him have morphed into those of sexual desire and I can't explain it

Gosling is a timeless beauty! Who dares slander Gosling!?? Taste my blade, foul witch!

Dudes though, seriously? JUSTIN BIEBER

WHAT.

How can that be sexy? Dude looks like a baby rabbit

I picture 21st century pop culture scholars of the future struggling to explain his appeal to classrooms full of 18 year olds in the year 3000. "But professor, that is a picture of a 9 year old girl"

Blushingflwr

@dracula's ghost Well, in fairness, Bieber's appeal is primarily to 9-year-old girls...

dracula's ghost

@Blushingflwr Fair enough. However, I would submit for the record that when I was a 9 year old girl my most powerful crush was on INDIANA JONES

NOW THERE IS A MAN

Blushingflwr

@dracula's ghost AMEN. I'm 30 and I STILL have a crush on Dr. Jones.

HMSBeagle

@dracula's ghost Seconded on the Justin Bieber. Biebs trying to be sexy on SNL last week made me so uncomfortable. I don't understand it at all. Even my 10-year-old self had better taste in men.

area@twitter

@Blushingflwr Those movies hold up so well. Watching them makes me less weirded out by my longstanding teenage Harrison Ford crush. Ah, Dr. Jones!

ETA: The only person I can see being attracted to Bieber is Dana Carvey's Church Lady.

Bittersweet

@dracula's ghost Ha ha, my 9-year-old crush was Han Solo, especially in Empire Strikes Back (which came out when I was 9). The long-sleeved jacket was so much sexier than the vest, you guys!

maybe partying will help

@Bittersweet

Accurate. It plays well with his tightpants. As Princess Slayer would say, Forever doomed to seek out Han Solo/Indiana Jones in other men.

Scandyhoovian

@dracula's ghost I STILL WANT TO MARRY INDIANA JONES. Just saying.

Also Harrison Ford could have gotten it for a CRAZY LONG TIME. He was still smokin' hot in Air Force One.

area@twitter

@Scandyhoovian AIR FORCE ONE. YES. Oooh Mister President.

Filthyknitter

@dracula's ghost I completely second all of this. My own personal epiphany re Channing Tatum came whilst watching Magic Mike, and I don't even like shiny-chested muscle men. He was just so...charming (?) in that role. I am now off to treat myself by googling "Ryan Gosling Hey Girl".

iknowright

Do people still think Tom Cruise is hot?! PLEASE SAY NO

beeline96

@iknowright No.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@iknowright Your wish is my command: NO. NEVER. NOT EVER.

blueberry mary

@iknowright .................... No? OKAY. I will admit that I will watch A Few Good Men and swoon a little.

martinipie

@iknowright I don't usually think so and then this guy walked into my yoga studio who looked a lot like him and I found that dude super hot, so now I'm confused?

Scandyhoovian

@iknowright I used to, but then I noticed that when he smiles, his nose and his two front teeth don't line up even a little bit, and now anything else I might have thought about his appearance is shadowed by "HEY DID YOU NOTICE HIS TEETH AND HIS NOSE DON'T LINE UP? 'CAUSE I SURE DID."

ptthhhbbbbt

Mike Rowe. Always and forever. Trained opera voice, just that little bit of padding around the middle that makes for optimal snuggling...

plumb-bob

It appears the answer is Oscar Pistorius :(

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