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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

73

Pickup Lines If Sitting Is the New Smoking

"Sitting Is the Smoking of Our Generation"
Harvard Business Review

"Hi. Can I sit there for a sec?"

"Here, let me." [Puts out an arm, helps attractive stranger down onto seat.]

"I know I shouldn't, but I just feel like, 'ahh' " — [pantomimes general craziness] — "and longevity isn't the same as quality of life, you know?" [Sits for hours.]

[Places a hand over the seat of a chair someone's about to sit on, looks at them expectantly.] "May I?" [If person nods, quickly sweeps off lint or whatever's there.]

"Want to go out back and sit down?"

[Sits down and sinks erotically into chair, making flirtatious eye contact.]

"Here" — [takes package from purse or breast pocket and unfolds tripod stool] — "we can share it."

 

Tags:

sitting, smoking, life



73 Comments / Post A Comment

Emby

[finishes having sex, then immediately pulls up a chair next to the bed]

"What are you doing?"

"Didn't you hear?"

SarahP

The only thing a child tearfully writes on her Christmas wish list: "For Daddy to give up sitting."

SarahP

Partner A: It's just an occasional sit!
Partner B: How could you lie to my face like this? I see the seat of your pants when I do laundry. I see the threadbare patches.
Partner A: I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this.
Partner B: I JUST WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU!

TheLetterL

@SarahP And then, of course, the child is forced to recite the list while sitting on Santa's lap . Mixed messages!

Nicole Cliffe

"Sit on my face."

"I thought you loved me!"

thiscallsforsoap

@Nicole Cliffe "...and let my lips embrace you."

Who else had the whole song go through their heads?

area@twitter

@thiscallsforsoap "Life can be fine when we're both sixty-nine!"

fondue with cheddar

@thiscallsforsoap If you sit on my face I'll tell you I love you truuuulyyyyyy...

milenakent

Found myself saying, "Wow"@n

Tragically Ludicrous

If standing is so great how come it sucks so much?

Verity

@Tragically Ludicrous Damn straight. (I stupidly wore slightly high-heeled shoes to work yesterday, and then stood for about four and a half hours at the reception desk dealing with patients. My feet still hurt. Sitting is the best.)

Nicole Cliffe

I....sit all the time. I'm sitting right now.

Tuna Surprise

@Nicole Cliffe
I sit first thing in the morning. As soon as I wake up.

whizz_dumb

A snobby person walks past you coughing and waving their hand in front of their nose with a disgusted look on their face--still. (This pisses me off even as a quitter, I yell at them now, "We're OUTSIDE, car exhaust is everywhere!")

iceberg

@whizz_dumb you desrved it!!!

Lily Rowan

@whizz_dumb I swear I've had someone do the waving routine when my cigarette wasn't even lit.

whizz_dumb

@Lily Rowan My blood is boiling now, I need to sit.

Tiffany Nichole Garbiso@facebook

@whizz_dumb I always cough and hold my nose and run. I hate smokers who don't abide by the 10 feet away from public building rule. I am highly allergic to smoke and faint. I have friends who have asthma where it hurts them to breath in smoke. It is not snobby to run and block yourself from triggers that make you feel sick. Just as it is your choice to smoke (when you use to smoke) it should be everyone's choice who doesn't want smoke near them to not to have to breath in smokers fumes.

par_parenthese

@Tiffany Nichole Garbiso@facebook Nasty looks not required.

stuffisthings

@whizz_dumb I'm trying to think what the appropriate analog is for sitting -- standing up extra straight thrusting your shoulders back?

whizz_dumb

@stuffisthings doing jumping jacks in your face?

sevanetta

@whizz_dumb @Tiffany Nichole Garbiso@facebook It's pretty hard not to wrinkle up your face when you're allergic and just the smell/one breath makes you feel sick, though. I (and my brother) are so sensitive to smoke, I only have to breathe in once near someone smoking and I can taste it for the rest of the day and will often get a sore throat. If I have to breathe it in more than once, I will definitely get a sore throat. If others want to smoke that's their choice, my choice is to have fresh air which doesn't make me sick. But it's hard because one choice immediately cancels out the possibility of the other. Even if people smoke outside and come inside (which you're not meant to do at my work and people still do), we can smell it and it affects us.

whizz_dumb

@sevanetta @Tiffany Nichole Garbiso@facebook Do you, by chance, live in Berkeley?

sevanetta

@whizz_dumb nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope! I live in a regional town in northern NSW in Australia. :beams: Let's not fight.

tales

@Tiffany Nichole Garbiso@facebook Seriously? I get major allergic reactions from perfumes and artificial scents in general, but people are still allowed to wear that shit on the train or inside any public place. Get over folks smoking outside.

Lily Rowan

@whizz_dumb Whatever you do, DON'T SIT DOWN! That's the worst thing you can do for yourself.

gearlgrey

@tales I don't know, I think it's rude/a problem that so many people wear so much smelly stuff especially when they are in confined spaces, and am not opposed to more conversation about how if i can smell your perfume/cologne/scented lotion from three feet away, you need to reevaluate? it's total bullshit that it's more acceptable to tell somebody their body odor is bad than it is to tell somebody their perfume is too much.

strong scents often trigger migraines for me, and it's totally unavoidable on my end. can't see the cloud of stench/choose to avoid it... it comes into my space and I'm down.

ANYWAY this is maybe irrelevant to a conversation about smoking and passerby, and you are also affected by strong scents so maybe you sympathize, but! there's that.

Craftastrophies

@tales I DEFINITELY give the stinkeye (ha!) to people wearing too much perfume. And to Lush. I can't walk past that store without getting a headache and feeling nauseous. You see, I, too, am a delicate flower who is allergic to every damn thing. I am not, I don't think, a stinky hippie. In fact, sandlewood is my absolute LEAST favourite. And I do try not to be holier than thou, in general. But this is a thing that I feel strongly about, since it has a huge negative effect on my own life, and it's something that's easy for others not to do.

The worst, though, is smokers who can't smell anything, who then douse themselves in cheap scent to 'cover' the smell, and then get on the bus. Personally, I would prefer to sit next to someone who hasn't bathed in a month. Just as putrid, not as likely to give me a migraine.

All the smokers that I know personally are very polite about when and where they smoke, though. As with everything, there's a generally polite majority, and a few arseholes ruining it for everyone.

iceberg

Get off my back, I only sit socially.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I only sit when I drink.

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I tried to stand, but then I started sitting occasionally, then my friends got sick of me sitting in their seats all the time so I had to buy my own seat. Now I sit all the time.

Tuna Surprise

I love the idea of the smokers area outside bars to be a little fenced in place with stools.

laurel

I sit when I'm anxious. It gives me something to do with my butt.

rayray

@whizz_dumb I love you.

Ginger Snap@facebook

@laurel I'm sorry, i am borrowing this!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"I have trouble watching Mad Men; there are just so many chairs and benches and stools....I gave up sitting a few months ago and these people just sit through the whole show."

Emby

Pretty soon we're not gonna be able to buy chairs without some Orthopedic Surgeon General's warning.

Balthazar

@Emby It's gonna be tough taking on Big Chair. Those guys basically run Washington.

aphrabean

This made me miss smoking, but then again, 4 years out, I still make lists of circumstances under which it would be acceptable for me to smoke again.

Nicole Cliffe

Look, as long as you stop sitting by the time you're 35...

Carrie Hill Wilner

WOMAN is searching through her purse. MAN approaches from across the room, takes a lighter from his pocket, and gallantly, wordlessly, sets her chair on fire.

teaandcakeordeath

@Carrie Hill Wilner
Ok I was already giggling like a mad person at this post, but this comment nearly made me spit out my coffee with laughter. Thanks!

JessicaLovejoy

SITTIN IN THE BOYS ROOM [air guitar]

Onymous

[Sits down, sinks erotically into chair, making flirtatious eye contact.]

This makes me feel a little funny in the pants.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Onymous I mean, yeah, I know it's a joke, but I'd probably fall for it.

Onymous

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
right just like some one seriously eye-fucking you as they writhe just a little more than necessary to get comfortable and lounging there with a really inviting, open posture as the over stuffed leather gently hugs them, giving you ideas...

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Onymous Um.......................well. Ahem. Are we in love now or what?

leonstj

Starlets of the Hollywood Golden Age with their elegant slipcovers glamorized sitting for a generation of women, and Bogart reclining insouciantly at Rick's American Cafe as the Germans marched across Europe taught men that it was the only way they could ever bed them.

The war ended, and we sat everywhere. Edward R Murrow, sitting there, erudite as he let us know what was happening in our Cold War with the Russians. Guests on The Tonight Show sitting with Steve Allen.

In the 60s, the kids started sitting in funny chairs - bean bags, oversized hands, those egg things.

In the 70s, my dad, sitting on the hood of his Chevy. In a poolhall, my mom, sitting on a stool. Greaser love, in the light refracted through chairlegs.

When I was a kid in the 80s, the anti-sitting movement was at it's strongest. I swore I'd never mess up my house with upholstery and cushions.

Then I was 18. An outcast with shaggy hair, rock and roll dreams, and a decent buzz from a bottle of Boone's. I had just moved to New York; a bunch of new friend's were sitting around in A----'s room. She was gorgeous, she knew so much about art, the world - sex, I was sure. I was just some blue-collar dude trying to fit in in a world I knew nothing of, nobody in my family had gone to correspondence school or left Jersey, let alone art school in the city.

A----sat so elegantly in that cramped dorm room, hair just kissing the top rail, a heel on the stretcher, an arm gliding across the manchette as she beckoned. "I've got an extra chair. Why don't you have a seat?"

Barry Grant

@leon s

Don't forget Sit-Ins.

vunder

GIANT GRAPHIC WARNINGS ON ALL CHAIRS.

vunder

@vunder Gradual elimination of all sitting areas in planes, restaurants, coffee shops, bars.

fondue with cheddar

@vunder TV and print advertisements are no longer allowed to show people sitting.

leonstj

Wait I just realized that the tags on this article make basically the best short poem ever written.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Sitting may cause butt cancer.

Tuna Surprise

RIP Farrah Fawcett

Maree Minxy Halcione Hoare@facebook

I gave up sitting last year - it's far too mainstream.

Vera Knoop

@Maree Minxy Halcione Hoare@facebook I really prefer to build my own. You never know what's in those mass-produced chairs, after all.

blissker

I gave up sitting 5 years ago, but you know I still get the urge when someone sits near me.

queenofbithynia

you all laugh but I haven't sat down at work since last April. The only thing worse than sitting down is sit-UPs, which I directly blame for breaking my back [1] and please everybody, never do them. Let's all ban sitting. get me an axe and an warehouse full of office chairs and I will be the Carry Nation this movement needs.

[1]could have been the time I worked in a warehouse hauling thousand-pound pallet jacks around for a year and nobody told me to push, not pull. or it could have been the time that same year I got lightly knocked down by a car. but I think it was the sitting.

edit: and yes, like a zealous ex-drinker, I do just want to take away everyone else's simple pleasures because I am personally unable to enjoy them anymore.

rayray

@queenofbithynia 'Lightly' knocked down? I love that.

tea sonata

Pick up your most comfortable guitar, and being to play "Sit on the Water".

Personally, I feel there would be much more room on buses and public transport if we all started sitting. (But then, who would walk?)

lucy snowe

I don't know. I think sitting's sexy. My husband still sits. I make him go outside to do it, though.

Oh, squiggles

"How dare you sit in front of me?! Don't you know my father died from sitting?!!!!"

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