Wednesday, February 27, 2013


On "Oracular ejaculation"

"Are tears to be treated like urination, like a rash, or like a work of art?"


life, crying, tears

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The tears that bug me the most are the ones that just sort of seep out of my eye when I'm lying on my side, reading in bed. I have to keep moving my head around the pillow to avoid the wet spots!

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin Those are the worst. It happens to me all the time!

Also the ones that seep out in cold weather (especially when it's windy). Because you have to constantly dab them to stay dry, but that skin is sensitive so after awhile your gloves start to feel really abrasive.

barefoot cuntessa

@fondue with cheddar I have really dry eyes, and during wedding season when I'm working 10-14 hour days my eyes will pour out buckets of tears if I forget to put some drops in half way through the day. It usually happens at the most inconvenient time, like plating up dinner, or when someone comes in to thank us. It's really fun and not embarrassing at all.


avoiding the wet spots you say?

fondue with cheddar

@barefoot cuntessa And you can't exactly wipe your eyes when you're preparing food, so what do you do? Ugh, that sucks. Are you a caterer? Man, I can't imagine being on my feet 10-14 hours a day. You're amazing.

My eyes pour out buckets of tears late in the day sometimes because of my oily skin. A tiny bit of oil gets in there and bam...burning and flooding.


I love this article, because I am CONSTANTLY looking for answers.

I am one of those weird criers. Like, I am a big dude, more "traditionally masculine" than not, and it freaks me out. But like, all of my life, I have been a crier over NOT SAD things. Like, I've been a pall-bearer plenty of times, and I can handle that without breaking down (I mean, I cry in mourning, but not more than anyone else).

BUT - big outpourings of group emotion overwhelm me and I weep. Like, even watching the stupid fucking Oscars, once a couple dozen people are all singing "Do You Hear The People Sing" and I am sitting on a couch with other people, even KNOWING it is shitty and dumb and fake, BOOM, crying.

I don't cry at sad scenes in most movies at home, but even moderate shit in theatres will make me tear up. When I saw Inglorious Basterds at the end when the bad guy dies and the whole audience is cheering together? TEARS. WHY THERE? It is so awkward and bizarre.

Parades, which I love, also crush me. Brass or martial bands even moreso. Like, in 2012 I went to Mardi Gras, and it was such a debacle. A brass band would go buy, and everybody would be dancing and happy and laughing and dancing, and then BAM, tears.

Is anyone else a complete weirdo like this?

fondue with cheddar

@leon s I am a complete weirdo like this! I cry at large bands, too, as well as orchestras and large choirs. Big group outpourings of emotion or group cooperation, like flash mobs, too. I sometimes cry at emotional parts of movies too (sad or happy), or things that are extremely cute, like adorable puppies crawling all over each other in a dog food commercial. This is more likely to happen during certain parts of my menstrual cycle or if I've recently been feeling stressed or depressed. Oh, and I definitely cried at that scene in Inglourious Basterds.

Beatrix Kiddo

@leon s I cry at weird things too. Concerts (even on a "live" album-- I don't actually have to be present), where the audience goes crazy when they figure out what song the singer is starting? Not the objectively sad part of a movie, but the redemptive moment when the character changes? Whenever I try to have a serious talk with anyone at all? It's terrible.

fondue with cheddar

@Beatrix Kiddo I used to always cry when my dad raised his voice at me, even as a teenager, which always pissed me off because it made me look and feel weak. (My dad is not and has never been a violent or abusive person, this is just regular yelling at your kids about bad stuff they did.)


@leon s Yes. I cry at many things. Large groups being emotional? Tears. Sad scenes in movies? Tears. Death of a character? Tears. People talking about losing a parent/child/grandparent/beloved pet? Tears. I can't go to the Pride Parade any more because if I do, tears. I teared up during the Opening Ceremonies for the London Olympics, fercrissakes. Who does that? Not even in my country!

Similarly to Beatrix Kiddo, I also cry at "points of no return" for characters in movies. Like in Fellowship, I will cry every time when Frodo says "What must I do?" to Gandalf.


@leon s Yes! I don't cry about sad things. I cry about large groups doing things. Like parades, lots of firetrucks, dance performances, bike races, orchestras, bands, etc. It's super embarassing, because people always try to assign some sort of rational emotion to it and there really isn't one.


@christonacracker OH and herds of animals running, particularly horses. It seriously makes no sense. I can't watch Dances with Wolves...the buffalos are just too damn much.

fondue with cheddar

@christonacracker Yeah! It's basically just large groups of people doing something together, which is really cool and all but why the crying? Feelings are so weird.


@leon s I have cried at Disney movies in the theater, which I am way to cynical to really be a fan of, and afterwards, I am a bit ashamed and I get mad at the movies for making me feel false emotions.

fondue with cheddar

@limnupon I blame the music. Movie music is really good at making you feel things.


@fondue with cheddar Oh man I also cry when I feel very strongly in arguments, or if I'm getting chewed out (by my parents in high school, by a boss, by an SO...augh), and it's incredibly embarrassing. It would be one thing if it was just tears, but of course it always goes along with being choked up, so I can't talk properly, and I look weak, and like I can't control myself. It's true, I literally cannot control the physiological response of crying, but my brain is still working fine even though my sinuses have decided to sabotage me.

Also I used to cry every time I sang, and now it only happens sometimes - what is the deal with that??


@Beatrix Kiddo Same. I tend to cry at concerts, usually just from the happiness and getting swept up in the moment.

Hot Doom

@highfivesforall Uggghhhhh I hate anger crying. Basically anytime I need to have some real talk or am not happy about something and try to talk about it, ESPECIALLY with my partner, I dissolve into tears and get choked up and am incomprehensible. This *has* worked to my advantage when trying to lower my APR on credit cards though.


@leon s I am so much like this. I warn new friends that all my intense emotions come out through my eyes. But I also have a sort of random "be strong" instinct, so when something is genuinely sad but people around me maybe need comfort more, I won't/can't cry. But yeah, swell-of-emotion stuff really gets me, which is why I sobbed like an overtired toddler at Les Mis.

@Hot Doom OMFG ANGER CRYING. Dissolving into tears, incomprehensibility, yes. I think if I could change one thing about myself it would be that reaction.

Beatrix Kiddo

@fondue with cheddar Exactly! I cry whenever there's confrontation, and I get so frustrated that I'm unable to convey my valid arguments because I'm having this weak-looking breakdown.


@leon s I cry when I'm angry too—so glad I'm not the only one! I'm really sensitive about it (which exacerbates the problem) because when I was a kid/teenager, my dad used to accuse me of overreacting to get my way. He eventually understood that I have literally no control over my anger/frustration-tears, but it's still a real sore spot for me, that often gets in the way of having legitimate real-talk with important people in my life (especially male people.) Lots of folks feel really uncomfortable around someone who's crying.

fondue with cheddar

@highfivesforall It's SO FRUSTRATING when your physical display of emotion betrays what you're really feeling! I get choked up like that, too.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@fondue with cheddar Ugh, it's the worst. I wish I could just have a fight without it ending up with me doing the ugly cry.

fondue with cheddar

@disgruntled co-worker And yet when we write notes/emails we're accused of being passive-aggressive. We can't win!

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@fondue with cheddar I know! *cries


@limnupon omg "false emotions" I do this too! "Why am I crying this is not a sad scene!?" I am pretty sure my trigger for crying is stirring music (but not when listening to it on its own).


@leon s I think that's really normal, it's the music. I was listening to a story about this on NPR sometime in the last couple months. The effect is to such a great extent that when they do an index of art mediums that are most likely to move people, they actually don't even include movies in it because in movies, it's the music that's actually causing the emotion. I've been moved to tears by a concert like once, and at the time I felt like it was because the music was so beautiful (it was a period instruments early music concert from an Austrian group I saw in Croatia), but probably way more frequently I've teared up just listening to various songs just because of the intensity as others have described above.


I really like this@n


Not where I thought a post called "on oracular ejaculation" was going to end up, to be honest.


I cry over everything except the things that matter.

barefoot cuntessa

@Anninyn Yep. Those are the things I tend to make awkward and inappropriate jokes about.

fondue with cheddar

@barefoot cuntessa I wussed out on attending a funeral once because I was young and had never really experienced one, and it wasn't until after the fact that I realized that probably everyone I knew there (mostly the deceased's offspring) would have been making awkward and inappropriate jokes. So it totally would have been okay.


My dad always used to cry at music, especially music performed live. I think it was from appreciation and awe, more than anything. He was generally a pretty upbeat and sometimes cuttingly sarcastic man, but get him in front of an a cappella group or choir, and tears would start streaming down his face.

I am also like this, especially with children's choirs. FUCKING CHILDREN'S CHOIRS, man.


@wee_ramekin See also: country songs. Any time I turn that dial to a country station and leave it on long enough, I'm guaranteed to start sobbing.


@wee_ramekin I do get swells of emotion along with the chills during certain overwhelmingly amazing parts of live music, maybe a single tear down the cheek. I cannot hide my emotions well, nor do I try, but it just takes a lot for tears to ejaculate out my ducts. I think the first time in a while was when I was hungover listening to the radio news report of the Newtown massacre, which caused a second sopping sob later.


@wee_ramekin I am going to see Emmylou Harris in a couple of weeks, and based on previous experience, I'm not sure how I will make it through the show.

polka dots vs stripes

@wee_ramekin The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic at the inauguration? Tears at my desk.

barefoot cuntessa


Since Prop 8, there has not been a single time that I have heard Nina Simone's "I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free" with out crying. "Mississipi Goddamn" usually makes me tear up, too.


I once burst into tears in a philosophy seminar in college because we were talking about feelings in the general sense, and it made me emotional. I've had to limit myself on public crying, but I am a proponent.


You guys, this is probably the perfect/only time to ask this question: does anyone else cry every time they go to the bathroom? Just tears, not getting choked up? Something about peeing makes my eyes water, and not a single person I've told about this had ever heard of it. So, 'pintariat - anyone else cry on the toilet? (Related: I don't ever wear mascara on my bottom lashes, or line under my eyes really, because I'd just have to wipe it off the next time I went to the bathroom. Fun!)

Homestar Runner

@highfivesforall I haven't experienced this, but I couldn't let your call-for-solidarity post hang out all by itself. I'm here to support you!


@Homestar Runner Ha, thanks Homestar! Could you ask around, maybe the King of Town or Pom Pom knows something about this?

Homestar Runner

@highfivesforall I'll check with Marzipan as this seems like a Lady Issue


@highfivesforall: Okay, this does happen to me every now and then. Not actual tears, but a definite noticeable welling up. Maybe it's some weird quirk of the sympathetic nervous system?


Okay one more thing, how on earth did anyone take Freud seriously?

"The difference between the psyches of these two kinds of women, roughly speaking, was that the ‘shower’ weeper was sadly resigned to her lack of a penis while the ‘stream’ weeper was still in revolt, harbouring illusional ideas of possessing a male organ and weeping in neurotic imitation of the longed-for male urination observed in childhood."



@highfivesforall Hahahaha. "Longed-for male organ". No.


@highfivesforall Freud: Official Psychiatrist of the Patriarchy.


@highfivesforall "Oh Freud, your assessments are delusional ideas. They are neurotic imitations of your over-active mind, riddled with perversions." Someone had to have laid into him in a similar fashion right?


@highfivesforall I only understand "longed-for male urination" as "longed-for ability to easily pee at outdoor concerts/in alleys while drunk/in the woods/write your name in the snow."

Of course, I don't have penis envy because I do these things anyway, fearlessly! (except for writing my name in the snow; that's just crazy talk.)


I cry at weird times too, & I've gotten worse as I am older? I used to never cry at movies as a child/early teen, but now I cry at all the movies.

The weirdest was probably Mulholland Drive though---not even during any part, but afterwards when someone asked me what I thought of it. Hysterical tears. Oops.


Did he seriously not know about clitorises, which:
1) Cuter
2) More dignified
3) Stronger orgasms
4) Multiple orgasms
5) Easier to stealth masturbate

Every time I bust into my psychology class that is crazy about Freud, I have a rant about this nationally accepted BULLSHIT.

fondue with cheddar

@Inkling We can also secretly be aroused in public while wearing tight pants.


Oh yes children's choirs. When I was looking round schools for my daughter, I was taken round one by the headteacher and she happened to take me into the school hall where a group of about 10 eight year olds were rehearsing Penny Lane. I immediately burst into tears and simply cannot control my sobbing. One minute, nice normal middle aged lady looking at schools - next minute, wracking sobs. The headteacher must have thought I was an absolute nutcase.

Useful tip, btw. If you are have a conversation with someone and you are going to cry but feel you shouldn't, have a big glass of water with you and sip at it. Drinking (water but probably other things too!) stops you crying. Useful for conversations with my dad...

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