Snub-Nosed Monkey Unwilling to Have Hideous Snub-Nosed Baby
A female monkey gave birth to her first infant within fifteen minutes late one morning. While sitting in a rhododendron tree, she began twisting her body and calling faintly. After 10 minutes she started screaming, and then another female climbed up the tree. She was an experienced mother, and sat beside the labouring female while the crown of the infant’s head appeared. Once the head was fully exposed, the “midwife” pulled the baby out with both hands and ripped open the birth membranes.
No, that’s great, and pretty cool. Also, the monkey told everyone in her due date club that she reached orgasm while the baby was crowning, and was super happy she didn’t wind up getting an epidural, and then the baby effortlessly latched and got double nines on her Apgars.
(Image is of black snub-nosed monkeys mercifully ducking the camera.)