Friday, February 15, 2013


Future Questions in Women's Advertising

"Want younger looking eyes?" asks a new Olay commercial for Regenerist Eye Serum. Wait, can eyes actually look old? According to Olay, they can. Some other questions sure to pop up in women's advertising soon:

Are your lips immature?
Are your nail beds feeling anxious about work?
Are your wrists finicky eaters?
Is your hair rude?
Do your knee caps look like they could use a vacation?
Are your breasts avid readers?
Are your fingers confused?
Do your earlobes want to get into college early?
Does your belly button feel lonely?
Are your knuckles always ten minutes late?
Is your right shoulder tone deaf?
Is your arm hair moving to Brooklyn?
Are your wrinkles on a juice cleanse?
Is your tongue cranky?
Are your toes jealous of your heels?
Are your eyelashes up for a promotion?
Do your eyelashes deserve a promotion?


Previously: How to Talk to Women

Emma Rosenblum is an editor at Businessweek.

16 Comments / Post A Comment


1. No, they are MATURE and need not to be.
2. UGH, yes.
3. Only during the summer.
5. Now that you mention it, yes.
6. Obviously.
7. All the time.
8. My cheekbones talked them out of it.
9. :(
10. Broke that habit.
11. All of me is tone deaf.
12. I wish.
13. YES and they're not sharing.
14. All the time.
15. No, my toes are the Mean Girls of my feet.
16. No.
17. Yes.

fondue with cheddar

Actually, my knee caps really could use a vacation.


It was either Elle or Vogue that ran a really long story about the younger eyes thing a couple of months ago. Vogue had one last year that was like, about younger armpits? It was some truly ridiculous body part. Maybe kneecaps maybe? I remember going, "For fuck's sake."


I am a big fan.@y


Slutface should be here.

Judith Slutler

@JessicaLovejoy Do you want a sluttier face?


@Emmanuelle Cunt "How slutty is your face?"


My nail beds aren't all that anxious about work, but my cuticles get really nervous, to the point where they magically shred themselves during stressful conference calls.

Adult Footie Pajamas


Miss Maszkerádi


Also I don't think my left breast gets along very well with my right.


Are your calves finicky?


My eyebrows. They are jejune. Help me.

The Mythical Codfish

Why, yes, my breasts are *extremely* avid readers! I'm willing to provide pictures and testimonials!

Also, I distinctly remember a new fad for knee-sculpting surgery cropping up a few years ago, conclusive proof that no body part is safe.


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