Today's open thread is brought to you by another screen-grab from Nosferatu, while it's still vaguely "relevant." (Also a GIF.)
i am drunk at work and my gf is metting my parents today.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
But are you drunk on margaritas? Today is National Margarita Day, after all.
(oh how I hope I will be drunk on margaritas in a few hours oh please Santa)
@maybe partying will help i AM
@maybe partying will help I am going to file this information away! I've got a gathering to go to this evening and this will be my excuse to treat myself to a margarita, rather than sticking to cheap beer.
ok then I hate you.
Just kidding, congratulations on margarita drunkenness! and pork tacos.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
Totally read that as "my GIF is meeting my parents" (ok I didn't read the caps lock but you know what I meant).
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood omg that just made my day so much better
@mabellegueule I did the same thing.
"My gf is melting my parents"
Angry witch gf, misandry
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
i can't believe i'm commenting on this 3 days late.
Oh hai, open thread! I was worried it wouldn't come in time, since I have to skedaddle soon to go get free pizza, but I've wanted to talk about my week because I just started volunteering at a local animal shelter and it's been awesome, but also unexpectedly depressing. Any other shelter volunteers out there? How do you cope? Tips pleez.
@adorable-eggplant I've volunteered at the local shelter! But strictly in a cuddling kitties capacity. So it wasn't depressing. Except when I had to go home and leave ALL OF THEM behind. I ended up adopting, so it worked out in the end, except then my volunteering declined dramatically because I didn't have to leave the house for kitty-cuddling, plus Miss Boris Karloff doesn't like it when I come home smelling like shelter.
@adorable-eggplant Fellow volunteer here! Oh, I'm sorry it's been depressing! I'm not sure what your volunteer duties are or why they are making you sad, but I do get sad thinking about the fact that the pups and kitties are not being loved as much as they should be. But, I know that while I'm at the shelter playing with them, the doggies are having a great time and are loved. And by socializing them/taking them out to pee and play, they are more adoptable for their future humans! I do fall in love with at least one dog every time I go, though, which is so hard. But keep doing what you're doing and hopefully it'll get easier for you.
@miss buenos aires I work on the dog side, so they seem a lot more bothered by being in a shelter.
I walked a pit mix the other day who did not want to go back to her kennel. She dug in her heels and I tried to coax her with a treat and she gave me a look that was like, "Do you think I am some kind of dummy? Get out of here with that treat." And the person training me was like, yup, she never wants to go back, so you'll just have to drag her. Which is really sad. And then I gave her like a billion treats when we got in the kennel, but still, depressing.
@adorable-eggplant It will always be a little depressing but also exceptionally exciting when your favorites get adopted. Use your skillz to publicize the underdogs (like the ones whose attributes aren't readily apparent in a shelter environment) or educate regarding "special needs" animals (so many "special needs" are really low maintenance, but they scare people off who are first time pet owners). Getting that chubby mom-cat who has been there for 6 months out the door will be soooo gratifying.
@christonacracker True! I think I'm too new to see any of my buddies get adopted yet. And one of my other tasks is taking new photos of the long-timers to help them get a second look, which means I know how many days/months most of them have been there, and that's a little heartbreaking too.
@adorable-eggplant I have been volunteering at a cageless, no-kill shelter for 7 years, and it is so therapeutic. It's my weekly unwind-and-cuddle-cute-animals time. The only times it gets depressing for me are: 1. When an animal there gets sick and dies. 2. The fact that I can't take them all home. 3. When animals come in to the shelter due to horrible people. This is the worst one. I have seen so many horror stories (cats got thrown in a dumpster, cats got lit on fire, dogs were left to starve to death, cats were abandoned in a foreclosed home, dogs' ears were cut off, etc. etc.). Also, so many people return their pets because they get fucking pregnant. It's like "Oh, here's the cat I adopted from you 9 years ago and is now too old to likely get adopted again, but I don't give a shit because I am having a baby!!!"
@adorable-eggplant I'm getting ready to adopt a shelter dog, and I have to steel myself to look at their little bios because oh my GOD THEY ALL DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD. But just know that there are people out there getting so excited to adopt shelter doggies! Hope that helps a little tiny sliver of a bit!
@olivebee Ugh. I think that's part of what kills me. The shelter I work with just had a return of an older dog through no fault of his own. One of the other volunteers sent around an email that said something like, "Buster seems a little extra sad since his return. Does anyone have a spot for a second walk this week?" And man, that was a bit rough to read.
@olivebee I thought you meant because the animal got pregnant, and I thought, "They were probably not great pet owners anyway."
I am pregnant and the idea of giving my cat back is horrific to me. Why would anyone do that?!
@miss buenos aires Oh man, people do it aaaaaaall the time, and it is the absolute worst. There is a not-so-small evil part of me that's like "If you can't honor your commitment that you made to this helpless animal, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK makes you think you're going to be a good parent".
I'm a Virgo; I judge.
@adorable-eggplant Thanks for volunteering at a shelter! It's super important. I do customer service volunteering at the open-admission shelter in my town. It used to be city animal control until 2005, and then it became a quasi-non-profit that the city still contracts with, so this particular shelter environment is a heady blend of city beauracracy and non-profit resources. The things that have helped me cope with depressing aspects of the job are:
-An initial resolve to show up and keep doing it on a set schedule for X months. Like any job, I felt like I was pretty bad at it at first, and I didn't know the way things worked, but over time, the emotional intensity lessened. When I first started, I'd have a hard time sleeping the nights where I'd finished a shift, because there was so much to process. But, allowing that raw newness of it all to fade helped a a lot, so now it's still tough when someone is yelling at me at the desk because intake is closed and they're threatening to dump their animal in the parking lot (this happens at least once a shift,) but now I know the official response, some less-official responses that have worked OK in the past, and who to call if the person won't listen to me.
-Giving myself permission to not feel personally sad or upset about horrible things. To be an "animal person" is to have people constantly coming to you with awful stories, and when you know an animal has had bad things happen to it, or you know that an animal is not going to make it out of the shelter, it is awful. My line to myself is that bad things are going to happen whether or not I'm there to witness them/know of them. I look at my emotions and ask myself, "Who is this helping?" like, if I'm going to be sad or mad about a situation, what can I practically do to help, or help prevent it next time? "Cry in the corner" is rarely the answer. Which, I'm not a robot, I do get upset sometimes, but using cold Vulcan logic helps me cope. Like, my husband and ended up watching some pibulls and nouns show in a bar, and there was a story arc with a dog who didn't make it, and my husband started being like, "Oh, it's so sad, that poor dog, oh no, etc," and I had to be like, stop, I am not in a position to whip myself into sentiment over this dog on TV. A client who volunteers teaching art to kids in group foster homes said more or less the same thing: you have to build a certain mental toughness and detachment, otherwise it is impossible to continue the work.
-Bro down with your fellow volunteers and find common ground. My shelter has a facebook page for volunteers, and just reading it helps me a lot.
-Get to know the paid staff as much as you can, and don't forget to exchange pleasantries and shoot the shit with them, and don't take it personally if they're ever not 100% sunny to you.
-I also foster, and that helps, because I know that I am personally making a difference for those specific animals.
-My desk stuff got kind of intense, so I added an hour a week where I go and take care of adoptable shelter cats in a local pet store. I know those kitties are safe, and it way more cat petting than customer service.
-One thing that helps me a lot is to coast around feeling smugly superior to my peers who do not volunteer their time. It's unattractive, but I love being smug.
Seriously, thanks for volunteering. Also, keeping taking pics! They help so much with getting pets adopted!
@wee_ramekin How are pets and children incompatible?! They are not. People who don't prioritize their pets are the worst.
@frenz.lo Stone cold vulcan logic is my strong suit. Thanks for the reminder and all the other suggestions. :)
@frenz.lo Hoo, that got long! But also, if I didn't turn you guys off by saying you should defeat emotions with logic and praising being a smug prick, one more thing that helps me cope with shelter volunteering is to cultivate extreme empathy and non-judgment for people who harm or neglect animals. Does not always work, but it is exhausting for me to wish bloody revenge on people. It is exhausting to work up all the "How could you???" that the shit that people do deserves, so I get into the slipstream of customer service fake-zen.
@miss buenos aires People think animals are going to kill/mangle/injure/curse their babies. My parents' cat slept in my crib/bed with me every day from the day I got home from the hospital till the cat died when I was 14. People don't educate themselves and then get paranoid and make shitty decisions. Pets are good for children, but heaven forbid a child gets a scratch.
@olivebee When I was little, I always imagined that if I someday had a baby who was allergic to cats, I would have to give the child up for adoption rather than do anything about my pets. I still feel pretty much the same way and don't understand those people at all.
But a real question: I have cats whom I love to death and now I have a boyfriend who also loves these cats but can't sleep in the same house with them or he stops breathing. Do I have to give the boyfriend up? How do people work this out? (He just started seeing an allergist, but what if it never gets better?)
@wallsdonotfall There's a nasal spray and shots, which are apparently pretty effective?
ETA: If you do need to ditch the boyfriend, please take him to a counselor for rehoming, rather than leaving him running in circles in a parking lot. It's only humane.
@adorable-eggplant After scouring PetFinder and AdoptAPet, I decided to actually visit my local shelter during my lunch break today in case there were any dogs there that hadn't made it online. There weren't, but obviously I visited all the dogs, and I was so sad at how STARVED they all were for attention. Every time I knelt down, the dogs would shake and lick the bars and/or my fingers just begging for some love. Except the puppies, who just sat in the corner like they didn't care. Which makes me think people are giving them plenty of attention. Which pisses me off for the older dogs.
@KeLynn I think too, puppies are dumber? So they have no idea how high the stakes are. A lot of the older dogs get the picture, I think. Or maybe I'm just projecting.
@adorable-eggplant Sorry late to the party. I just took in a feral cat that had been hanging around for three weeks, and staggered into my back porch with a horrible head wound and collapsed. Took him to the vet and now I have a second cat. Also I went to my local shelter and gave them all the money I had. Because how this lovely boy got into this horrible situation, I can't even. Seems like he had some human contact, he's very social and allows petting, but twelve months old and not neutered, no pet chip. We are keeping him and healing him and will neuter him, my other cat LOVES him, licks him, mothers him. So yes, adopt cats, help shelters, thank god for you guys who volunteer, hang in there.
@everyone YOU GUYS IT HAPPENED!! Remember that dog who didn't want to go to her kennel? She just got adopted!! Now I feel all weepy at work. She'd been there almost a year. You guys.
One of the best@n
also i am going to nyc on wednesday to see Autre Ne Veut
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Tangentially related at best: I was in NYC last week & I saw Hayden & then a Vivian Girls/Widowspeak/Eternal Summers show and it was great. Now I'm back at work and it's terrible.
My boss had me interview a couple people today and I'm so bad at it! I just want to ask them what kind of movies they like, not how good they are at html.... I am too shy to interview.
@somuchsugar Ask them to build you a website that tells you what their favorite movie is! Two birds, one stone, etc.
@somuchsugar "What's your favorite movie?" is certainly better than canned nonsense like "where do you see yourself in five years?"
Though I'm not sure of how you'd answer it and relate that to the job? Maybe something like "I enjoy Die Hard because I can really relate to the main character. Like John McClane, I take initiative and develop creative solutions, even in unexpected, high-stress situations."
@Poubelle I just laughed out loud, thank you.
@Poubelle I can't tell you how much I want someone to ask me this question at any of my future interviews, just so I can use this answer.
@somuchsugar Not to get all overly helpful on you, but since I'm a recruiter, I can tell you with 100% confidence that interviewing gets easier with practice. My biggest advice would be to go into the interview knowing exactly what information you want to get from them, whether that is technical ability or team fit, or both. It would shock you how many of my hiring managers go into interviews and don't ask questions that get them the information they actually need to make a real decision about the person.
Lately I've been listening to "Nothing Is Easy" by Marnie Stern obsessively. Is there even anything else worth listening to?
@lookuplookup who else was SO upset that her "Date Marnie Stern" contest was only open to the duuuudes? Not that I expect her to change her sexuality or anything but HOW FUN WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN??
@lookuplookup Seriously, Marnie is the best. Year of the Glad is such an aggressively fun song (though maybe the lyrics are sad? I cannot understand her when she sings). I just bought tickets to see her in April!
@dougheyed I KNOWWWWW. I would totally go on a BFF date with Marnie Stern. Do you remember a few years ago when she had kissing booths at her shows? I wish I hadn't been too shy to pay to kiss Marnie Stern (chastely on the cheek or whatever).
@Ms. E I always feel weirdly inspired by Marnie, even when I have no clue what she's saying. I'm obsessed with the beginning of "Roads? Where We're Going We Don't Need Roads!" where she says "I present two sides/My hopelessness and my faith." I love how at the beginning of "Nothing is Easy" it sounds like she's saying "There are no coincidences/No one has ever been cool," but I'm pretty sure I'm mishearing that.
I missed you Pinners and FOT! I had a lovely time in England and stayed with Tuna Surprise who is awesome.
On the negative side, I didn't get the job I interviewed for, which means I have to ask my boss for a raise. This is a terrifying thought for me.
@meetapossum I'm sorry that your potential job didn't come through. Also, I'm planning a week-long trip to London in October. Do you have any recommendations of things to do? Thanks!
@Leslie Green@facebook All the museums! That's mostly how I spent my time in London. I re-visited the British Museum because I hadn't been there in years. I went to the Natural History Museum which was stupidly crowded, but the dinosaur area has this amazing catwalk thing where the fossils are suspended from the ceiling.
For a less-crowded atmosphere, I highly recommend the Victoria and Albert Museum. It's HUGE and the exhibits are separated by time period, and there are costumes for you to try on.
From my previous visits, I'd also recommend the Tower of London. It's expensive, but worth it. My friend also told me about the Horniman Museum, which I didn't visit, but seems awesome.
@meetapossum you've just made my weekend with the sentence "I had a lovely time in England and stayed with Tuna Surprise who is awesome." THANK YOU! <3
@meetapossum Thank you! The V&A is at the top of my list, and one of the main reasons I'm going! I'll check out your other recommendations during my research--thanks so much!
@dougheyed Yay! It's true!
I just watched House of Cards on Netflix and I loved it.
@rimy Everyone keeps saying this but for some reason I'm convinced it's a giant advertising ploy and everyone I know has been paid to say it's good. That might be unreasonable.
I've been watching it and it's really good but I hate everyone in it, so I'm not sure I can say I enjoy it?
also I am bowing out of this thread so people can discuss spoilers.
@rimy Oh man I love that show! We got hooked on watching the whole series all one weekend... I wonder how the British version is?
@mackymoo I'm only 3.5 episodes in but NOT A LIE. So good. Also if any of you jerks post spoilers in this thread now that I commented I will cry. (Why can't we choose "email responses" for individual threads!??!)
@maybe partying will help I dislike all the characters too but that's what makes it good - no obvious hero/antihero. It's made me want to move to DC and/or become a reporter, or at least pay a lot more attention to politics. I will probably start tackling the British version this weekend?
@rimy I like it so far (we're about six episodes in) but the teacher's union subplot pissed me off SO much. I feel like they did not do their research about how the national unions relate to the groups in each state. (Also, thus far they are doing a decent job with online media but completely ignoring online political organizing -- and you know the fictional version of Daily Kos would have had some things to say about that education bill.)
@rimy I too have watched House of Cards and I loved it. I wantt o watch the British version but am afraid of spoilers.
Also, Baltimore City bragging time: the show is shot in Bmore, in my old neighborhood, downtown, and my new neighborhood. It's kind of hilarious/awesome/disconcerting to see it all depicted as DC.
@rimy I have only watched the first episode and it is GREAT and I am excited to binge-watch the rest this weekend.
@rimy between house of cards and scandal i want to move to DC, get involved in politics and be nasty to people/say really cool stuff. Also I want Olivia's and Claire's wardrobes. Such wonderfully dressed ladies.
@rimy It's so good I got over my dislike of Kate Mara (why is she always a mistress on TV shows?). Robyn Wright is so HBIC and she's the only person I've ever seen make that haircut work. Damn, girl. The part where Zoe put on the dress was like a little girl playing dress up in her glamourous mom's closet.
@rimy I liked it so much (not as much as everyone else I think) but holy shit I don't know why everyone else was just like "eh" at the end of ep. 7 because when the credits started rolling I was trying to tear out my eyeballs/ears because I was so grossed out.
@RK Fire The main reason I started watching House of Cards was because I wanted to see how many places I recognized and was dying when I realized Zoe lives right next to Jeromes
@crango and this whole thread. maybe i need to watch this!! i did not realize it was actually kind of cool
@crango She's so close to Brewer's Art! If she only knew.. hahahaha. Also I've only been to Orioles pizza when drunk.
Hey, Philly 'Pinners! If you're looking for something to do tonight, my brother's band is playing LIVE BAND KARAOKE. It's SO MUCH FUN, and they play cool music. You get to stand up there and sing with the band! Details at taggartrocks.com. If you come out, come find me! Ask anyone in the band (they're super nice guys) to point out the drummer's sister.
@fondue with cheddar :( Bummed out that I can't make it.
@fondue with cheddar Live band karaoke is so fun! I had some friends who used to do it for this weird christmas gathering they used to have. And someone sang Elliott Smith and it was soooo haunting.
@meetapossum Aww, I was hoping you wouldn't see this because I didn't want to rub it in. I'm bummed too! :(
@fondue with cheddar Ha, I didn't see it as rubbing it in at all! If this weren't such a weird couple of weeks for me, I'd totally be down. Next time!
@fondue with cheddar Ahhh I wish I could go... :( Sounds awesome though!!
Me and my friend are doing the Whole 30 and I'm halfway through day 3 and I'm sad. Things I miss: ALCOHOL, bread, pasta, DIET COKE.
Anyone have any tips / recipe suggestions / promises I will survive 30 days of this? Anyone done this before?
also I am eating like 8,000 cashews and I'm pretty sure that ain't toootally kosher
@terrific Oh, Whole 30 is great, but yeah, the headaches and anger. I recommend trying a bunch of different Paleo recipes to alleviate boredom, and also cashews. All the cashews. Sell some plasma and buy more cashews.
@terrific I can't help with whole 30 altogether, but I was able to cut my diet coke consumption pretty dramatically using tea. I drink a really spicy chai in the morning and like a mint or sleepytime blend at night, and a rotating cast of flavors in the afternoon.
@terrific Good luck with the Whole 30! I've done the Whole LIfe Challenge this past fall and am kind of doing it again right now, except I've been slacking this week.
Things that have helped me:
-plantain chips (I have an undying love for crunchy things, but does Whole 30 include the strict adherence to good oils? I think Whole 30 has similar guidelines to WLC, but not the same ones)
-remembering that it is a finite amount of time and all of the stuff you are craving will still exist after 30 days
-seltzer water + fruit of choice instead of alcohol
-seconding OhMarie's suggestion of tea. Good Earth's sweet and spicy tea is delicious, sweet, and yet has no added sugar. (I think it's the star anise, but I could be wrong.)
I don't know if this is helpful, but if you're going to violate the Whole 30, I strongly suggest that you know it is the best bread/pasta/alcohol to mitigate some of the guilt, e.g. "your best friend who is a baker made your favorite bread and is waving it around in your face."
@RK Fire It does indeed have the same insistence on good oils. Plantain chips sound GREAT.
@terrific Make crunchy coconut chips (assuming you enjoy coconut, as I know not everyone does like I do)! Buy unsweetened coconut flakes, toast in a nonstick pan for 2-3 minutes (be careful they don't burn!), and add cinnamon and salt (or your seasoning of choice). They are so good. I could eat buckets of them.
Also, I recently discovered that if you pour coconut milk (full fat preferred) over frozen fruit, it freezes and gets all creamy and good.
I feel you on the cashews. For me, it was pistachios.
@terrific Oh! And if you miss pasta, do zucchini noodles or spaghetti squash!!
@Chareth Cutestory Yes, yes, on the zucchini noodles. I love zucchini noodles in cheese-free lasagna. So good.
I tried to do the whole 30 and about 15 days in gave up a lot of it specifically so I would keep on the wagon with avoiding Diet Coke (I'd been drinking liters and liters of it every single day for years, and dammit it was time to quit for real). I've thought about trying again, but either way I am super-indebted to it for getting me off Diet Coke (9 months yesterday!) and teaching me a lot of low-carb good recipes.
@terrific You can eat sweet potatoes on that, right? I've never done Whole 30 but I've been eating more Paleo-ish/primal-ish lately and in the beginning, the carb cravings killed me. And then the carb cravings snowballed into the everything cravings. Maybe making sure you get some carbs, with sweet potatoes, will make everything easier?
@terrific You may not be able to eat plantain chips then.. I haven't found a bag that is fried with whole30 approved oils. :(
However you could always make your own! And speaking of plantains, I just came across this recipe that might be of interest to.. everyone in this thread: http://www.thepaleomom.com/2012/09/perfect-paleo-pancakes.html Plantain pancakes! :D
You can buy those horrible Lurlene McDaniel books for five bucks for the Kindle right now, and I bought two of them for nostalgia value and MAN did they bring me back.
My favorite (?) was the one about the ballet dancer who develops diabetes.
@Nicole Cliffe OH MY GOD.
Which two did you buy?
"Six Months to Live" and "I Want to Live"
I felt like a wang for being so instinctively grossed out by the hotel story yesterday, so I would like to state that I am sure these books were a source of some comfort to the 2% of their audience that actually suffered from pediatric cancer, not just the 98% reading them as idle-amusement-schlock.
@Nicole Cliffe You are not at all a wang for being grossed out by that! It is definitely disturbing and alarming. I posted a critical comment, but it was about the original article, not about you.
@Nicole Cliffe I mean, you've seen these reviews on Forever Young Adult, right? Complete with drinking game?
@Nicole Cliffe I credit (blame?) these books for my childhood know-it-allness about rare yet lethal diseases. I wish I could say that this translated into me become a pediatric oncologist or something noble, but it didn't! I am still kinda a know-it-all about rare yet lethal diseases, though.
@Quinn A@twitter It's more that I literally had to hear someone say "this person had a family" to feel real empathy instead of "oh my godddd," and then I felt like a wang. It's not like I'm reconsidering my life, or even the post, but I did feel like a wang. It's okay! It's good to know when your obsession with horrible things drifts you into being thoughtless, so you can...think about it. If that makes any sense.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh my god, I still think about this series of Lurlene McDaniel books I read about a girl who maybe breaks her leg? And is in the hospital? And she falls in love with an Amish boy who is there visiting his sister who is being treated for a spider bite? And there is a lot of tension amongst the Amish community (in the book) about whether or not the girl should get to be in the hospital for a spider bite? Maybe I think about these books so much because I am unsatisfied with my day job.
@Nicole Cliffe I reserved about a million books after last week's book thread and had a full-on flashback to 5th grad when I saw the cover of "Wait Til Helen Comes."
@lookuplookup I thought of that exact book when I read the name Lurlene McDaniels!! Must have this book now.
@Nicole Cliffe Did Lurlene McDaniels write the one about the girl who has Lupus and gets a wolf hybrid puppy to help her cope? I remember getting very upset, reading about the scaly patches that developed on the protagonist's face...
@Nicole Cliffe I used to "write books" when I was a little kid, and after reading a few of the Lurene McDaniel books in elementary school, I ended up writing a story for school in 5th grade about a little girl who got cancer and died. Since my grandma died of ovarian cancer (and I didn't know what ovaries were), that's the type of cancer I assigned to the girl in the story. My mom edited my story before I turned it in, and she said I had to change it because kids couldn't get ovarian cancer. Several years later, that stuck with me, so I googled it, and it turns out that ovarian tumors are not all that uncommon in young girls. Not sure what my point is, though....just kind of rambling.
@Nicole Cliffe oh my god i was thinking of Lurleen Lumpkin from the Simpsons and my brain is an actual fried egg right now. guess i better eat a second Cadbury Creme Egg (<3 you, Easter candy season).
@Nicole Cliffe Hahaha oh man, those Lurlene McDaniel books. I'd have gotten all excited to buy them all for so cheap except... uh... I still have my originals. Ahem.
On the worse side of things, I got turned down for an amazing, life-changing job that I wanted really badly. The interview for it was why I went to DC last month, so at least I got a free trip out of it. And yet...
@rimy Ugh, so sorry. I know just how rotten that feels.
@rimy So sorry to hear it. Hope there is good news for you soon. I am in 'waiting to find out' mode right now and it just sucks rocks. I was pretty certain I would have an offer after the interview based on a few things that were said during it and after, and now the longer the waiting goes on the worse I feel. Ugh, Decision Makers: please expedite the process!!!!
@Little_Lakes I was in the application process for a whole year now almost, so waiting soooo long only to hear a final 'no' is a little crushing. It's ok though, I had backup plans in the works the whole time.
@Little_Lakes Ugh. I've been in several of those "waiting to hear" phases in the past couple of months. I'm unemployed right now, so I've kind of been furiously sending out resumes and interviewing. The worst is having a great interview for a great job, being called back for a second interview, and then being told they are going with someone who's "experience is a better fit for the position." Fingers crossed for both of us that the decision makers make some good choices in the next few days!
Lauren Silberman, MIT student, becomes first woman in NFL scouting showcase
@laurel How awesome is that??
@laurel She sounds awesome.
However, I have to be a Debbie Downer about this and reserve my excitement for until I know that this wasn't just a publicity thing on the NFL's part, and that it is indicative of some kind of actual change in sports. (Especially pro football.)
What's good traveling music? Some friends and I are going on a roadtrip next month in my car, and I'm already planning the tunes (obviously). Most of my choices so far are kinda low-key/instrumental (Vienna Teng, Zoe Keating, the Journey OST), so fun/upbeat would be good.
@frigwiggin Hmm. For me, the go-to music that will keep me alert without encouraging me to speed (because I so do not need the encouragement) would include A Fine Frenzy, Stars, and Metric. Not sure if you're into any of those, but I figure it's worth a shot since I also love Vienna Teng and Zoe Keating. Oh, and Dar Williams has some suitably cheery stuff as well.
@frigwiggin Stuff you can sing along loudly with! For me this means:
1. Classics everyone (should) appreciate, ie David Bowie, Otis Redding, stuff like "California Dreamin'" and "Crazy On You" and "Train in Vain".
2. Nostalgic radio hits of 90s, ie break out the "No Scrubs" and "Don't Look Back in Anger"
Also, songs that inspire wanderlust? Like "Going to California" and all of Eddie Vedder's songs from the Into the Wild OST.
Cake! And Chromeo.
@frigwiggin Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" is the most perfect it's-sunny-and-we're-in-the-car-jammin-out album of all time.
@frigwiggin Bela Fleck. You'll feel like you're in the opening credits of the Beverly Hillbillies.
@frigwiggin Holiday Road. Just that, on repeat, forever.
@frigwiggin If you like Vienna, I bet you will like Sarah Slean. The "Land" half of "Land & Sea," her most recent release (a double album) strikes me as perfect road trip music. And her earlier album "Day One" is mostly very upbeat as well, though it has a couple slower numbers.
@frigwiggin my favorite thing to bust out on a long road trip is one of the very old volumes of Now That's What I Call Music. They span all the radio genres and make you feel like you're a teenager again, and you all will be amazed at how many of the words you remember. I think my favorite is Volume 4 - Backstreet, Britney, Eiffel 65, Smash Mouth, Hanson - SERIOUS road trippin' tunes.
@frigwiggin So this is probably not what you're asking for, but if you like Zoe Keating, check out Kronos Quartet's Philip Glass album. Or any of their stuff because it's all good, but this album is AMAZING. Like, I happily kept it in my car stereo for two months. Otherwise, Buddy Holly and Nick Waterhouse have kept me awake through many a long trip. Andrew Bird's Fingerlings albums are also really good for travelling!
My tax return came! I can get new jeans finally! And buy Opeth tickets! And I am seeing Omar Rodriguez on Monday!
@maybe partying will help I don't know what Opeth or Omar Rodriguez are, but new jeans! I can get on board with that!
I am so excited for the weekend!! For the first time in months, I have both days off. I am going to go to a friend's house to paint watercolors with a bunch of friends and then I am going to dress up and eat junk food while watching the Oscars with another friend and I am going to sleep in and I am going to try really hard to not stress out at the money dent this inexplicable 2 days off will mean.
@yeah-elle Painting watercolors as a group sounds awesome! I am jealous, I need to art more often.
@highfivesforall Arts and crafts! They are the best! Next time you get together with a few friends and you usually end up watching a movie, instead ask people to bring old magazines and construction paper and stuff like that and GET TO CRAFTING! Everyone always gets geekily excited about it.
I am going to NYC next week to see my best friend of twenty years, and we haven't seen one another in about seven or eight years! I have been mentally packing and unpacking my suitcase for days and days!
@raised amongst catalogs Bring warm clothes, it's freakin' freezing here!
@raised amongst catalogs Jealous!
@parallel-lines That's my problem, actually...I'm picturing myself in New York in the springtime rather than facing the reality of winter.
Okay, one more question thread and I'll stop. What are you reading?! I want to know! I'm about to go to lunch and maybe finish Princess Academy: Palace of Stone, and I will cry because I forgot how much I love Shannon Hale's writing (even though these aren't my fave books of hers by any means). Also, is anybody else going to do the Name of the Star readalong thing this weekend?!
@frigwiggin I just started Half Empty by David Rakoff. The best things I've read lately include Where Did You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple and Ask the Passengers by A.S. King (it's YA, but it's lovely).
@frigwiggin I'm finishing up The Infinites by John Banville, but during my vacation I bought and devoured Wild by Cheryl Strayed, and it's just as amazing as everyone says it is.
I just finished This Is How You Lose Her, which was...yep great...and started By the Mountain Bound by Elizabeth Bear.
@frigwiggin Currently in the middle of Blanchot's The one who was standing apart from me. First time I've read any of his fiction and its interesting to say the least. Every time I feel like I've pinned the story down, it wriggles away from me.
@frigwiggin I'm reading Ian McEwan's Sweet Tooth, and it is...disappointing. I am only two thirds of the way through, so there might be some huge twist at the end that makes me rethink everything, but really mostly right now it is slowly infuriating me because it's written from a female perspective, but is so obviously written by a man. Ughhhh.
@frigwiggin I'm reading Consider the Fork, which is a history of kitchen gadgets, and it is as amazingly awesome as it sounds to you if you're into that sort of thing.
@frigwiggin I just finished Moby Dick (which I love, but last week's Open-Threaders know that), am a couple pages away from finishing Monkey Mind (meh), and am about to start Our Cancer Year (I can't believe I haven't read this already).
@frigwiggin Right now I'm reading that new non-fiction book about Scientology, Going Clear. I just finished rereads of PopCo by Scarlett Thomas (I have a love/hate relationship with this book) and We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. I also recently finished The Brides of Rollrock Island & I liked it way more than I ever thought I would.
@Quinn A@twitter I LOVED Where'd You Go Bernadette -- I literally laughed AND cried while reading it.
@frigwiggin Currently reading Suddenly, a Knock on the Door by Etgar Keret. Before that it was a re-read of A Visit From the Goon Squad.
@lookuplookup Oh man how is Going Clear? The New Yorker article was fascinating.
@frigwiggin I just picked up A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. I like his travel writing, so this should be interesting.
@yeah-elle There is a twist! I don't know if it will help or not though, hmm.
I just reread Harriet the Spy and both sequels and they are every goddamn bit as good as they were thirteen years ago, thank GOD.
@frigwiggin I recently started re-reading the Miles Vorkosigan books and I CANNOT STOP. I am so happy that the next ones are waiting at the library for me, because I've had a few days' gap, and it bummed me out to have to read other things.
@frigwiggin I am reading On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee at work and Jepp Who Defied the Stars by Katherine Marsh at home. Mainly because the McGee book is ginormous and would kill me to lug home every day! Though I would not recommend reading about popovers (pasta, bread, cookies, waffles, etc) while eating a crappy work lunch. And I haven't even gotten to the chocolate chapter yet!
@frigwiggin Bloody London by Declan McHugh and it's amazing.
@frigwiggin I'm reading Anna Karenina and it is BLOWING MY MIND, it's so good. I don't think I've ever read a book that made me feel so much like, if I look over my shoulder, there will be a huge black thundercloud there.
And Eric Metaxas's biography of William Wilberforce, and a P.G. Wodehouse and Pacal's Pensees. I AM A MULTI BOOK READER GO AHEAD JUDGE ME
@par_parenthese I'm also reading Anna K! In part 3 and everything's already so terrible and I don't understand how it can go on being terrible for so many more pages.
It makes me hate love. Just, I hate it.
@frigwiggin I'm finally really, really reading Les Misérables (compared to the half-assed job I did in high school) and LOVING it. Even the tangents. Especially the tangents, who am I kidding.
@rangiferina I just finished it and couldn't believe how good it was. Which translation?
@par_parenthese the Charles Wilbour translation. Wasn't a conscious decision on my part, just the version I happened to have. but I'm really liking it so far! (minus the constant blanking out of town names that you get in 19th century lit - "Bishop of D-----" and all that)
@yeah-elle GRRRRR Ian McEwan!!! >.< *tears hair out in frustration*
I read Atonement and then another of his, can't remember which, but by the time I got to the end of it I was convinced that his mother had beaten him throughout his childhood or something. So much misogyny. The non-Atonement one especially was just awful, awful, awful.
@rangiferina HA weird! I read the new Julie Rose translation and it didn't have any of that? I seriously want to kiss her on the mouth, the translation is so good.
@funfetti I'm into it! I've been reading before bed and normally I have that problem where you're reading and you fall asleep with a book on your face (this happened to me all through Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies, but I don't think it was Hilary Mantel's fault, I'm pretty sure it was me) -- but I haven't fallen asleep ONCE while reading this, which is a true testament to its readability.
@par_parenthese yeah I think it's just because Wilbour is an old-school bro. he's got some nice turns of phrase though
@frigwiggin Book threads! I just finished devouring Maria Semple's Where Did You Go, Bernadette, like the lovely @Quinn A@twitter and @lookuplookup, and I can't recommend it to enough people.
Tentatively opened Emma Straub's "Laura Lamont's Life in Pictures" last night but I need to start reading some Mary McCarthy for the March 3 Chicago 'pinner book club, woo! Lady fiction 4eva.
@frigwiggin Currently reading "The Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss. It's the second book in the Kingkiller Chronicles, if you like fantasy at all. I am DIGGING this series, although the third book is not out yet.
I am also re-reading Treasure Island because it is on my phone and not nearly as awkward to carry around.
@thisisunclear I really liked Laura Lamont.It wasn't, like, mindblowing, but just a nice satisfying, engaging read.
I just finished 11/22/63, which was pretty good. I need to read some historical fiction fantasy for a project, does anyone have some good suggestions? Obvs I am aware of Game of Thrones.
@frigwiggin I DID NOT KNOW THAT PRINCESS ACADEMY WAS A SERIES! You just made my day/week/month!
@wee_ramekin Yes! Palace of Stone is #2 and was published in 2012, and I don't know if she's planning any more, but I did just finish it and it was pretty great. Hnnnnnnnnng I want to go back and read the Bayern books now. And Book of a Thousand Days.
@par_parenthese - My mom is constantly giving me Ian McEwan and Coetzee books. I mean, I kind of like them, but it is like, geez ma.
I mean, she also instigated my infamous "Summer of Reading 'Revolutionary Road', 'American', and 'American Pastoral'" all in a row.
I'm pretty sure my mommy wants me to be clinically depressed. I was complaining about how I don't read enough women novelists though, so she gave me a few (winterson's "Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?", krauss' "The History of Love",and Nadine Mortimer's "July's People") and honestly, I am terrified to read them.
I mean, I guess it is true that most great books have quite a bit of unhappiness in them (why is it so fucking hard for someone to write good literature which is not depressing?) but her choices seem to always pack a hefty wallop. Does anyone know these three? I'm obviously gonna have to read them all, or I shall be embarrassed when it is time for follow-up discussion, but which to go to first?
(to be fair, she did just give me copies of "the giving tree" and "where the sidewalk ends", along with some komunyakaa - her poetry chocies tend not to be as depressing as long fiction).
@frigwiggin I just finished off Stieg Larsson's Millennium series and now I'm starting Richelle Mead's The Indigo Spell. A friend of mine just brought me Code Name Verity and the Book Thief to read, as well.
@leon s I've read the History of Love, and honestly loved it. It is a bit bittersweet, but I didn't find it "depressing," per se. I thought it was beautifully written, and an interesting story. But yeah wow, your mom's choices are a bit dark, aren't they??
I love how long this particular thread is.
Just finished J.G. Ballard's High Rise, which was weirdly engrossing (and a quick read). I recommend it to all and sundry! No more pleasure reading, alas, for a good long while now, though. Just Gilgamesh, which somebody is making me read (for the third time, not excited, even if it is probably the "oldest story on Earth").
@harebell Ooh, if you want to read a different oldest story, you should look up a translation of Tale of the Shipwrecked Sailor. Although just reading it may feel different from learning Hieroglyphs and translating it in class--but really, I think that reading about a giant magical snake with "eyebrows of real lapis lazuli" is up pretty much everyone's alley, regardless.
p.s. Although the subject matter is somewhat harrowing, Jeanette Winterson's "Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?" is WONDERFUL. Just incredibly thoughtful and well written and profound.
@frigwiggin I just read Palace of Stone over winter break. I really enjoyed it, though I spent the whole thing shouting "Don't fall in love with revolutionaries [when you are the heroine of a YA novel]; they will always love the revolution more than you!" This is a problem when reading in public.
@funfetti I'm also reading A Short History of Nearly Everything! I was not prepared for how much I care about the history of geology in Victorian England. (A lot).
oh, thank you. I'll do that, and that will cheer me up about rereading gilgamesh, etc.
it's not that gilgamesh is so terrible (or the story of autodidact philologist George Smith who runs around the British Library undressing himself in his excitement about finding the Flood story in Gilgamesh), it's more that i am really not in the mood to not have any choice about it, so the Shipwrecked Sailor's Tale will be quite the thing.
how cool that you were translating the hieroglyphs!
@frigwiggin My friend loaned me a collection of Tom Stoppard's plays. I just finished Arcadia and it is so so so good! I am dying to see it live! I also just started Hari Kunzru's Gods Without Men
@crango I saw Arcadia live, and it was about my favorite thing ever. Could not stop laughing about the ha-ha. So perfect.
Is anyone else a fundamentally lazy person who wants desperately to be a workaholic? Help?
@mackymoo Just going to cop to the fact that I thumbs-upped your comment but was too lazy to reply to it. Which I am doing now, but still.
@mackymoo Yesss. Other people's time-management skills (or workaholic tendencies, as it may be) amaze me. I feel like everyone I know manages to cook delicious meals nightly, go to the gym or trendy Barre classes, maintain proficiency in a foreign language, and somehow find time for an extra hobby like gardening or running. All this while maintaining a day job!
Do they just need less sleep than I do?
@mackymoo I'm more of a secretly/innerly ambitious person with little idea of how to externalize that ambition and turn it into forward progress. I'm working on it though...
@synchronized See I feel okay with time management, I just don't want to do the things I've set aside time to do. Energy levels are part of it, but mostly just a total lack of desire. Is that depression? Haha.
@mackymoo Oh no! Hmmm. General motivation is a problem for me, too. Maybe they need a pill just for that.
@mackymoo Yes. If I could live my life the way I want it I would work a day job which requires basically no effort, go home, watch TV, have sex, eat tasty food cooked for me by someone else, drink a lot of wine, do nothing.
But then I can't achieve anything, and that's important to me too! Catch 22.
@mackymoo I'm not fundamentally lazy, I don't think, but maaaan do I love to procrastinate (hey, it's 3 p.m. on a Friday and I could be working on stuff!).
When I was writing my thesis, I employed a lot of hardcore forced-work time management tactics. I read this short book called How to Write a Lot, and it was reasonably helpful in kicking me in the butt. Also thesis = major deadline, so that was a motivator. However, I could have procrastinated a lot more than I did had I not forced myself into writing on a daily basis. Basically that book helps you create habits - like you do for other things that you know are good (ahem, exercise), but you can't overcome that initial energy barrier to get started. That book may not be exactly what you're looking for, but it's short and sweet and helped me immensely.
@mackymoo My only advice is to befriend people that are lazier than you. Try not to live with them though!
@mackymoo @everyone MY PEOPLE.
@mackymoo Stuff: How do other people do it?
@mackymoo Yes. I have two papers and a presentation due next week, and I am super interested in and excited about both topics. Ask me how much work I've gotten done on them today. (the answer is: I read The Little Stranger instead).
@mackymoo The biggest workaholics I know still describe themselves as lazy and berate themselves for how unproductive they are. The things that have worked (to the extent that they have) for me are being broke and a healthy amount of self-trickery.
@mackymoo I'm both lazy and a workaholic. I'm not sure how it happened.
Bowling is this week, Thursday, February 28 at 6:30pm at Lincoln Lanes. See you there!
Also, we were talking about going to Gosu earlier this week. Who's serious about that?
There's a book club, too! Details available through the 'Hairpin Meetups' link at the top.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll so srs about eating fried avocado. SO SRS.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I am incredibly serious about Gosu. And bowling. I swear to god I will make it even if I have to go in my work clothes. Which I will, because I don't get off until 5:30.
Clearly another day of pushing the business casual envelope.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll oh man I missed that Gosu thread because I hate eggs with the fire of a thousand suns. But I've got my bowling socks READY!
Let's plan for Gosu while we're bowling on Thursday, then, y'all!
It's my birthday, AND I just found out my application got approved for my new apartment this afternoon! I am so excited, it's walking distance to a lot of fun things and a big 'ol vintage place with cute quirks.. including a claw foot tub.
I totally LOVE the idea of it... however, I have no idea how to shower / find shower accessories / get into / get out of it. Anybody got any tips?
I keep thinking of 500 Days of Summer when they pull down the shower curtain while gettin busy... except it's just me, and before work, and every single day, and I go through 7 shower curtains a week.
@raised amongst catalogs so elegant and impractical! I keep thinking about Marie Antoinette too:
So what you're saying is that I need to buy bathing outfits.
And let them eat cake.
@A. Louise I had a clawfoot tub in my first apartment. Mine had a big round curtain rod that went around the end of it, so I kind of had a 3/4 wrap of a shower curtain (the other wall was tiled all the way up so it didn't need protection.
If it's a really big step down consider finding a low rubber footed step stool if you have room. I probably could have saved my shins a few dozen bruises if I'd ever got around to getting one (every time I started taking the tub for granted and didn't step down really carefully, it got me).
@A. Louise I have a clawfoot tub and am in love with my over the tub magazine holder thing. Not actually very good at holding magazines, but it stays in the tub constantly as a shelf. And sometimes I move the sponges and use it for wine instead. As it was meant to be. http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/1/1/106967-helen-bamboo-bath-tub-caddy.html
@bitchycrosstownexpress @LacunaKale these are both really smart ideas - thank you! I thought I'd have to put grippy stickers (like the ones for little kids?) in the bottom but the stool is a way cleaner and cuter option. And I have always wanted to get a little caddy like that and now is the perfect chance to!
Any suggestions on shower curtains? 1 long one? I have a normal-sized cloth shower curtain that I guess I could put over the front of the tub and have the liner wrap all the way around, but I feel like that'd look tacky. I could probably still find a second one and sew them together?
Welcome to the Big Tub Club! Shower curtain solution that involves no sewing: you need two shower curtains and enough rings for both. When one curtain ends and the next one starts, overlap them and attach them to the same ring (or rings, if you want a more secure overlap "seam"). No water on the floor, no sewing. And an extra ring or two if you ever need it...
@City_Dater d'oh - that is brilliant! Thanks!
@A. Louise I once subletted a place with a killer clawfoot tub, concrete floors in the bathroom, and (GASP!) no shower curtain. It was amazing. It worked. I will never be that cool again.
Look not to Debbie Downer the FOT, but I just want to thank you all because I had a death in the family this week and the Hairpin has been extremely helpful in letting me not think about it. My husband has goone back to Aus. to deal with the aftermath, leaving me alone with the triplets and if I don't think too much I might just survive.
Oh, iceberg! Lots of love.
@iceberg Not to make you think about it, but I am sorry for your loss.
I think I will be living on memories of the "penises in literature" thread for days to come.
@raised amongst catalogs no, like, obviously by putting this comment I am thinking about it... but yeah, the Pin has been and will be my refuge.
@iceberg Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear it, icy. That's a lot to deal with. I'm hugging you, through my screen somehow.
@iceberg Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! I'll provide thought-distracting gifs (which a soft "g") whenever you need them.
@iceberg **hugs** You can do it! Now just go back to the GIFs thread and watch them all multiple times.
@iceberg That sounds like a lot to deal with! (Understatement.) Best wishes.
@iceberg I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Best to you and yours.
@iceberg Ah, honey. So sorry to hear about your loss; good luck herding the munchkins. We'll be thinking of you.
@iceberg So sorry to hear that. Hope you and yours are finding the comfort and/or distraction you need right now. Much love.
@iceberg I'm so sorry, 'bergie. I send you hugs, if you'd like them.
@iceberg Oh no. So sorry, pinfriend. <3
@iceberg I am sorry, babe. Hug your kids
@iceberg Love you, Bergie. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
@iceberg I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Jedi hugs for you and yours.
@iceberg I'm so sorry for your loss. If you feel it would be emotionally helpful, please feel free to tell as many stories about your triplets as you want.
(I mean, please feel free to do that at all other times, too.)
@all Thanks you guys, I knew I would get some Hairpin love (me me me!!!) tonight with kids did NOT go well. They were so amazingly good last night and nightmares tonight? It's sort of hard too because I am grieving my MiL but I have to keep my shit together because (a) kids and (b) husband owns the grief more than I do, so I can't need support emotionally from him . On the plus side all work people and friends are being amazing, much nicer than I deserve, and certainly nicer than I am.
ALSO. GUYS. My boyfriend who is the BEST has made me a SKIING FIEND and I can barely do the greens but I love it so much even when I'm fucking petrified and we're going again this Sunday and any tips for a newbie skiier? I can snowplow mediocrely and I know what french fries and pizza are. Or also can we just talk about how AWESOME SKIING IS I can't beLIEVE my mother (a really great skiier) never took me in my youth!!!
COME TO UTAH.
@terrific I am a shitty skier but that moment, so long ago, when I figured out how to proactively transfer my weight to the downhill ski while turning was revelatory.
Also, eating a giant delicious lunch and drinking a beer in the middle of the ski day is the best.
@terrific Fun! I am going skiing in a few weeks. I am turrible as well, but I enjoy the hell out of a good, long green run. Hoping to take some more lessons this year, and maybe snowshoe a day or two. Midwest sucks for non-close skiing.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh I want to, I want to so bad. So would the boyfriend, I'm pretty sure it's his lifelong dream. Next year!??! SO UPSET that I visited Utah back when I didn't know what skiing was!
@terrific See if you can take a lesson while you're there! They usually aren't that expensive (like $30?) and it'll help you feel more confident. I took one last time I went skiing and learned the inside/outside weight balance thing and it Changed My Skiing.
@terrific The best skiing advice anyone ever gave me was: when you want to turn, put your weight on the big toe of the foot that will be downhill when the turn is finished. (note: this applies to New England-type skiing, AKA ice skating down mountains. I have no idea how to ski in powder)
@allofthewine I'd love to do a lesson. It won't be possible this trip but I think I'm gonna save up and start of the season next year (since I assume I won't get out again this year...) try to get a half-day individual lesson.
@terrific It sounds insane/like a thing only a filthy rich person could do, but I recently bought my own skis and it is GREAT. Facts:
-Refurbished used skis cost the same as, like, 3 ski rentals
-They may not be good quality skis but they are almost certainly better than those rentals
-Ski rental rooms smell like a million gross feets
It's made my skiing life so much better to have my own shit and it actually is saving me money. Note: this only applies if you have some kind of free space. I have a basement.
@terrific Oh, my own personal skiing "mom, whyyyy?" is that my best friend from when I was a kid (from like 5-10) had parents who were bonkers for skiing. They went to steamboat springs every winter and offered to take me a few times but my parents wouldn't let me go because they smoked. I could be so good at skiing right now, you guys!!
@terrific I thought I was relatively good, but I was basing this on my experience with blue/green runs in Indiana. I went to Colorado a couple weeks ago and I was so terrified at one of the greens that I took off my skis and WALKED DOWN. Don't be me. Also, if you are perhaps in a ski-centric area, such as Denver, then take heart in the fact that even if you're petrified of some Denver green runs, you'd be a rock star elsewhere!
On Monday I found out that the GYN I saw last month committed suicide. Apparently he'd been making recordings of his patients without their knowledge. I have no idea if I'm in any of the evidence they've seized; I've given my name and information to Baltimore PD, along with hundreds of other women. Christ, I hope and pray he didn't distribute anything and this was all just for his (sick) private use.
So yeah, this has not been the best week. On the plus side, the penis-themed thread from earlier today has been making me chortle helplessly for hours.
@area@twitter Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I hope that you turn out not to have been recorded!
@area@twitter augh ugh aaaaaaah (millions of tiny screams) not that I have anything really to contribute, but... as if any of us needed more reasons to put off going to the GYN.
JESUS. That is so unimaginably upsetting. And I do think he was probably more of a kept-it-to-himself type, based on the coverage, if that's any comfort?
@area@twitter Good Christ. That's horrifying! Is BPD supposed to get in touch with you to let you know if you are or aren't?
@all Thanks, everyone. There's really nothing more to be done right now- just sit and wait while they sift through the evidence (which is described as "extensive") and hope they don't need to contact me. There's some question about what they've found, which hasn't been well-described anywhere, and whether it's identifiable/can be linked with individuals (through voices, timestamps, faces, ?). There's some talk that he used a camera hidden in a pen. (And I remember seeing that pen in his pocket during our appointment, which, augh augh augh)
Thanks, y'all. It's so, so gross and creepy and disturbing, and I (of course!) found out through the local news reports in the middle of a particularly stressful day, and had a public freakout at my desk in our open-plan office. I know there's not much we can do, but it's good to know you all are there through the magic of the Internet.
@area@twitter The pen, hooooooly shit. God I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.Just thinking about the fact that he filmed HUNDREDS of women is mindboggling and awful.
@area@twitter Keep us updated, hey? I've been thinking about you and this awful situation since the impromptu MOT. What a massive clusterfuck. :(
@area@twitter Oh my goodness, that's awful. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry. If anything justifies a public freakout, that does.
@area@twitter Holy crap. I heard about this but didn't actually know anyone it affected. Seriously, public freakout approved.
shall we talk about weird crushes? Ok I'll go first: Jamie XX. Looks like he's wearing eyeliner all the time, love it
@hurts I went to a karaoke bar once and there was this woman there with her girlfriend. Flannel and denim, ponytail, broad shoulders, solid forearms. I wanted her to wrap those forearms around me.
Actually you know what that's not weird at all, I know everyone at that bar had the same reaction I did. Everyone likes androgynous women, no exceptions. NO exceptions
@hurts I thought Chekov in the new Star Trek reboot was ahhh so adorable.
@hurts Dude, I have had crushes on anime characters. Spike from Cowboy Bebop? Jin and Mugen from Samurai Champloo? HAI GUISE WATS UP
Also, Nate McClouth, who plays for the Baltimore Orioles.
I think that's it for now. Maybe I have a little crush on Benedict Cumberbatch's cheekbones, but I don't think that's a weird crush for a Pinner.
@funfetti mmmmm I see that!
@hurts I'm coming to TNG late in life and I have the biggest crush on Data, probably because he kind of reminds me of my adorable nerdy boyfriend.
@funfetti "Wiktor Wiktor!"
@RK Fire Nate Mcclouth totally gets a pass, he looks like Josh Homme, who is obviously not a 'mongoloid' like one of my friends once said but a Hot Man, right?
@Danzig! As a broad-shouldered, large-forearmed lady with androgynous tendencies, I thank you. Oh, and my weird crush is (young)Steve Buscemi. So.
@hurts I feel like Blake Griffin might be an odd pick. All about those Kia commercials. And Blake Anderson from Workaholics.
Also, Blake is sort of a weird name.
@RK Fire Fun fact: Spike and Mugen are voiced by the same guy in the English dub. He's pretty awesome
@hurts The professor for Yale's streaming-online Introduction to the Old Testament course. I usually prefer mp3 lectures to video, but I will make an exception for you and your sweaters, Professor Hayes!
@hurts Uh.. yeah, Josh Homme is totally hot in a broody sort of way.
@funfetti I am not surprised at all by that! Those voice actors are good at getting work.. like the voice actress for Faye Valentine.
@hurts Between the strangely charming Kia commercials and his badonka-donk in the 2011 ESPN Body Issue, I can see where you're coming from.
@pajamaralls Certainly I have had discussions with men and women who find him kind of odd looking (especially during his college years). I think he's really growing into his face, though, if that makes sense.
I am completely biased on the subject of Blake Griffin as he went to my alma mater.
@pajamaralls the above was to you, DURRRR
@hurts I have so many! Will Arnett and Andy Samberg are the main ones, not because either of them are hideous but because my crushes usually tend more toward the intelligent-action-hero end of the spectrum, like Liam Neeson or Jeremy Renner.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc I was about to say (before you said you normally crush on other types of dudes)! How could Will Arnett be a weird crush? Because I have a crush on him and my taste in celebrity men is impeccable* (*this is, how you say, inaccurate at best)!
@zamboni That ESPN Body Issue. My gawd.
@hurts John Hawkes, but I'm far from alone.
@hurts Geoffrey Rush, circa Quills.
Oh and BOB HOSKINS. Circa Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Oh yes. I'm four inches taller than him, too, but such is his ability to render me goosebumpy.
@Lucienne Oh yeah, my roommate is all over John Hawkes.
@Katzen-party I think what's weird about it to me is that I find him more attractive the douchier of a character he's playing -- my favorite is his 30 Rock character but GOB Bluth is a close second.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc You may be onto something, because I find him super-hot as GOB, and also as half of an incestuous ice-skating duo in Blades of Glory...does he maybe just always play a douche???
Oh wait, he was still hot on that sitcom where he played a normal dad dude.
@Katzen-party he looked really awful in his last appearance on 30 Rock. I guess that happens when you break up w/ Amy Poehler
@pajamaralls Blake Griffin is a weird crush to have? This is news to me.
Ugh guys I went to the dentist today and have to get a TON of work done in the coming months, which is a huge bummer. I have insurance but this is still going to destroy the sad little bit of savings that I've been able to get for myself. Stupid sweet tooth. I was hoping to get an IUD now that my insurance will mostly pay for it, but that's gonna have to wait (WAH).
On a brighter note, I skipped out of work early because my office was empty and now I'm home lounging on my couch, because it's cold outside!
@mangosara Ugh! I know how you feel! I am currently ignoring calls from my dentist because I don't want to know how much money upcoming visits will cost.
@mangosara Oh and ALSO in the spirit of self-improvement (because that was the foolish reason I booked the dentist appointment after waiting too long not to go) I bought myself a fancy-ass glass water bottle today!
@mangosara Bad tooth news is some of the most unpleasant bad news.
But yay for lounging! My office is empty, too, and I'm out of things to do, but I am making myself wait till 4 before I go home (to lounge!).
@ms. alex the thing is now that I know all of the things that need to be done I am afraid to not do them because what if they get worse? and then I think... that's what the dentist wants me to think and then I sigh and schedule it anyway.
paying for your own dental work is one of the worst things about being a grownup. in my opinion.
@SarahP I am the worst office worker in the world. I can't believe nobody's figured it out yet (in my office).
@mangosara Have you considered a 2nd opinion or asking for a payment plan or looking into a dental school? These will all save you $$ either in the short or long term.
@allofthewine YESSSS! Mangosara, I think you're in the Boston area, right? I had a lot of major dental work at Tufts Dental School. They were fantastic, and the whole tooth removal/dental implant process was about half of what I would've paid for it (even with my insurance!) elsewhere.
@mangosara I'm convinced they're playing mind games with me, too.
I want to ask them how much time I have before things get serious, but I'm afraid they will figure out that I'm trying to make a plan to go to a different dentist, and they'll tell me that my mouth it going to fall apart in weeks or something horrifying. (The whole thing was a pretty not-good experience, so I'm not really itching to go back for a cleaning, let alone a whole mouthful of drilling.)
I'm afraid of being disloyal to doctors (and hairstylists, etc.) even when I just found them on my insurance's website. WTF.
@SarahP Yes I am! I was a little skeptical about getting work done with them but I've actually heard a lot of good things... And I need to get my wisdom teeth out too (BLEH) so good to hear about the tooth extraction. When you called them how far in advance did you have to book your appointment?
@ms. alex bleh getting work done somewhere that you had a bad experience at is the worst, especially when they try to lock you in like that! In my experience as long as you're not feeling a lot of pain it's not that urgent (but I am clearly not a dentist, so.). Maybe you could pull the financial card? It's too costly, I'm going to shop around, etc.
@ms. alex Ugh, I was stuck for YEARS with a terrible dentist because of the weird insurance plan I was on, and now all their work is falling apart and I need to find a new dentist and it makes me want to cry.
@mangosara I second getting a second opinion - I went to a new dentist office and had a horrible experience, plus they told me I had four cavities that needed to be filled. I went to another office (because fuck those people), and the dentist took a look at my x-rays and went "What? You don't have cavities, what are they talking about? Just keep brushing, you're fine."
So, it could happen.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but: I miss my old dentist! Everyone was so nice, and their office was comfortable yet high-tech and fancy-feeling. BONUS POINTS: it was upstairs from the office I worked in.
@Sarah H. I third this! I had exactly the same thing happen. I went to a new dentist when I was living somewhere else for a while (who was a JERK and talked extensively about his upcoming golf vacation with the technician while I was in the chair) and he told me I had four cavities, but when I called my real dentist, who is very nice and calm and female and has a lovely French-Lebanese accent, for her opinion of my x-rays, she said that that was crazy and I had just one very small cavity that she had known about before, and the rest were imaginary. Yes, get a second opinion.
I'm going to an Oscar party at a friend of my boyfriend's house on Sunday (like, to sit around and watch the Oscars), and we've been requested to do fancy red-carpetesque attire.
However, they are also a shoe-free household, which has thrown me for a loop in trying to complete my ~ensemble~.
Last time I was there, I noticed two of the other ladies kept their ballet flats on, and all the guys were wearing socks, so no one was in totally bare feet. So: are flats the best option here, even if they won't look super fancy? Do you think there will be a temporary lift on the shoe ban for fancy shoes? Or should I go with funky socks?? Elaborate Oscar-themed toe art??? I don't know.
@muggles I have these neat lace socklettes from Sock Dreams that also lace up the calves like ballerina slippers. Fancy and sexy. It's too late to order from Sock Dreams, but you can definitely still find little lace socklettes somewhere. They sell them in those cheap teenage accessories stores.
@muggles Wear fancy stockings. Like, seamed stockings with clocks!
@muggles Wear a floor-length gown, have a great/themed pedi, look super charming when you pull your knees up to sit more comfily!
@muggles If there was ever a time for a super sparkly pedicure, this would seem to be it.
@muggles Patterned tights! I would say "fancy pedi" but what if your feet get cold?
@yeah-elle I want seamed stockings with clocks! Claudia Kishi had clock tights and I've been jealous of them since childhood.
muggles, if it were me I'd wear flats, because asking all your lady guests to show up in fancy attire and then spend the evening with icy cold feet doesn't seem like very good hosting. Alternately, show up in some hot heels with big fuzzy slippers in hand to change into.
I was freakin out so I took some ativan. Weird taste in my mouth but I'm chill now.
Tell me your medicinal adventures, Hairpin.
ALSO Denver / Boulder next week? Yes? No?
@Danzig! I took some ativan today too! It made me feel so much better.
@terrific I nearly forgot I had them! The last time I needed them was when I had a ton of schoolwork that needed doing and the anxiety was crushing me.
There may be a pattern here
@Danzig! Been on Paxil for...oh, probably fifteen years now. Thinking back on it, it's probably saved my life at least once. And it's turned hundreds of days from "oh Christ, the world is caving in, I'm a worthless hunk of mute flesh" to "ok, this fucking blows, but I can deal with it".
On a sillier note, did you know they make gummi multivitamins? And they are extremely tasty? Why don't more medicines come in gummi form?!
@area@twitter I figured the texture would be all weird! Is that not the case?
You know what I always liked as a kid - Dimetapp. Mmmm, Dimetapp.
@area@twitter They do make gummi vitamins! I was looking at them at the store the other day and they are wayyy more expensive than non-gummies? Unless you buy the kind for children and just take 2 a day. That's much cheaper, but then you have to be okay with taking princess/Cars vitamins. I am slowly moving towards being okay with taking princess vitamins.
@Danzig! Dimetapp. Yes. It is delicious grapey goodness. I almost bought a bottle of that last time I had a cold instead of my standard Nyquil. om nom nom nom
No, the texture is totally fine! I honestly don't know how they do it- I've been staring at the label listing everything they get into each chewable (Vitamins A-E, biotin, manganese, etc. etc.) and wondering how in God's name they squish it all in and still make a nice smooth chewy gummi with a reasonable flavor. Probably elves are involved.
@BattyRabbit Are they hugely expensive? Shit, they probably are. FWIW, Target sells an excellent house brand of gummi vitamin- that's what I've been taking.
@area@twitter the Target brand gummy vitamins are the only vitamins I've ever taken on a consistent basis because they are so tasty and don't taste weird or have a different texture at all. Just downright delicious. The only downside is having to stop myself at 2.
I'm playing tomorrow night at a Ukelele Cabaret open mic. The theme is "I Forgot About Valentine's Day" and we're covering a song a 'pinner posted on Facebook: My Wife Thinks You're Dead by Junior Brown!
@Danzig! Do you find that you can still get work done with Ativan? I just made an appointment with a psychiatrist to see about getting on some sort of anti anxiety med but I'm sort of averse to taking something every day and most of my anxiety occurs in the midst of schoolwork, meaning that I'd theoretically need to be productive after I calmed down.
@like a rabid squirrel I find that it's a little harder to write (the words don't stick together quite as well) but I can read and highlight as necessary. I actually get most of my writing done under the influence of Lunesta (I write late at night) so maybe I'm not the best example :)
@like a rabid squirrel Sorry, don't know how that comment ended up there - but here's a relevant one! Ask about something slow rather than fast-acting. I've been taking Buspar for a few years and it regulates my anxiety levels without any woozy effects. Great if you don't like the idea of waiting until you're freaking out to take something for it.
@like a rabid squirrel I do mindless work SO MUCH BETTER on Ativan, but that's because a lot of my anxiety is work-related. My doctor put me on Zoloft for general anxiety and it's SO helpful and amazing and has basically saved my life. And its not a benzo. Which is a major plus.
@Amphora Wait are you playing in Denver? I didn't realize this was in my thread!
Can we have a Parks and Rec thread? And talk about how much we cried during last night's episode? Because I cried a bunch.
I loved it. When Ron told her she was a wonderful person and he valued their friendship, I was a faucet.
@anachronistique Chris Traeger is a beautiful musk ox.
@anachronistique !! I thought I was going to cry and then be embarrassed because I was watching it with my mom, who is not a regular viewer, but I only teared up a little, mostly during the vows part and also when Leslie and Ron talked. And I was so happy Champion was there!
@anachronistique omg MY TEARS
@anachronistique Oh god. Chris Traeger - Ron Swanson - EVERYONE - so many tears.
@terrific you guys I am so glad it wasn't just me being a girl crying about a wedding!!
@anachronistique I blubbed like a person who actually cares about weddings. The black and white Leslie-Ben history! Ron Swanson! I love you and I like you!
@anachronistique I got misty during their vows. They were the best vows and I wish I could have used them for my wedding.
@anachronistique Oddly enough, I didn't cry. I just got that feeling that you get when you get a really good hug from someone you love.
You guys, I'm in love. Aaaaahhhh. I thought I was in love before in my life - and I was - but it was not like this. It's happening REALLY FAST for me and I'm head over heels but somehow feel remarkably calm about it all.
It is the best, I'll admit that. I didn't even think I wanted this. I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY WANT A BOYFRIEND.
@RNL Ooh, tell us more! How did you meet, what's he like, etc?
@RNL you know what they say... love is blind*
* this probably makes more sense in this context than in the context of The Room
@rimy Haha OKAY. You don't have to ask me twice!
We met, get this, on OKC. It's possible! We've been dating... almost four months? Exclusive for the last 6 weeks or so. I was sleeping with someone else for a while, which I think helped me not spook and bolt, cause I'm like that.
He's lovely. Sweet. Smart. Funny. I think the thing I'm SO impressed by is how much he values relationships and friendships. He's a nurturer. He loves his cat. I mean, he's a dude who likes whiskey and football and stuff. He's also someone who adores his friends and is loyal and kind. He slows me down. Chills me out. I need that. I love him just the way he is, dirty dishes and all.
When I'm with him my heart feels at home. Barf so cheesy. But it's true.
@rimy Oh yeah and the sex. The sex. The seeeeexx.
@Danzig! If you want to have a Room thread, I would be very much on board with that.
@RNL I thought we might be dating the same guy based on the nurturing and the cat and meeting on OKC, but my dude is not into whiskey. That is so exciting!
"I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY WANT A BOYFRIEND."
This = how you meet your Person.
@chevyvan Yay for lovely men! I'm glad we're not dating the same guy, though. We're monogamous, so that would been a bit of a bubble burster.
Cute story: my cat got out this weekend, and my dude came over on a Saturday night to peruse the neighbourhood with a flashlight and then sit up on a stake-out in my freezing cold backyard til 1 a.m. And my cat came home! Lured by the familiar tones of us hanging out and getting slightly drunk.
@RNL Soo good!! Those barfy-corny-squishy-lovey feelings are so hard to find-- so yes, celebrate them!!
WAIT TELL US ABOUT THE SEX.
@Inkling It's great. I won't go into too many details because I am so into him and I get a bit private when this happens. (It's special! Shhh!) But it's great. I've actually never ever slept with someone with whom I've had so much sexual chemistry and compatibility. And I've had a lot of great sex.
Hey open thread, I just got my first freelance writing contract this week! Yay! I know there are a lot of writers on here, and I was wondering if you had any advice? This is really new territory for me so I feel very unsure re: how often I should be pitching new stuff, how closely I should follow editors' suggestions, etc. Anything I should know?
@supernintendochalmers I'm curious too! Although I don't freelance anymore because I work all the dang time. But maybe future me wants to know.
@supernintendochalmers I don't freelance, but I do write for a living. Follow editors' suggestions closely. They are the ones who will run or kill your piece.
@supernintendochalmers I've freelanced off and on for several years now depending on my workload at my desk job, and let's see, advice:
-Make your editor's life as easy as possible. "Difficult" writers get the heave-ho a lot more quickly than someone who perhaps needs a little more editing. So, yes, follow your editor's suggestions. If you disagree wildly, write them an e-mail asking to discuss it, but DON'T just disregard an edit.
-Limit your pitches to no more than one a week, I'd say. Once you develop a relationship with an editor, it's easier to casually send them a quick pitch whenever the urge arises, but early on, it's easy to wear out your welcome.
-Especially if the publication you're pitching has staff writers, whatever you pitch is going to have to be something that isn't automatically on their radar. For example in my field, all science writers get embargoed press releases from EurekAlert. If you pitch something that's from there, 9 times out of 10 they already know about it. So spend some time developing a smaller niche where you're the expert and they ain't getting the story if it's not from you.
-Don't write super-long pitches. Get to the point immediately, with an emphasis on why the story would be important to their readership. It's a cliche, but also do your research and make sure they haven't written about it, like, last month.
-If you're planning to cover an event or a conference or something, let the editor know you're planning to attend and send them a brief run-down of possible stories that could arise from it. See if they're interested in anything. If it's a smaller conference or somewhere that's not NYC, LA, or DC, you have a better chance of convincing an editor that you can offer them something exclusive.
@supernintendochalmers No advice, just a congrats!
I am planning on spending a number of days alone somewhere soon, and would love your advice, money saving tips, opinion on if I'm crazy.
Long story short-ish: I am taking the trip as a present to myself for taking (hopefully passing, knock on wood)the bar exam. Because poverty and hopefully eventually having a job will hinder future trips, I want to make the most of this without spending every penny I have. What I am thinking of doing is going to London for like 4 nights and Cork for 3, but maybe that is a bad idea and I should just pick one place? My goals for the trip are relaxing, seeing museums and historical sights and castles, and meeting cute boys with cute accents who are into chubby American girls.
@professionalmess I think you could definitely do that and have it be relaxing. How do you plan on getting to Cork? If you want a more leisurely pace, I highly recommend doing a Rail & Sail trip.
@professionalmess I am a bona fide Londoner - if you want cheap/free suggestions let me know!
(as in, suggestions for cheap/free activities. The suggestions themselves are obviously free)
@professionalmess So London is really the only place I've been in the UK, but seriously the density of Awesome History Stuff and museums there is amazing. I think it's worth a stop for that. HOWEVER, I always find the bars and things there to be pretty hectic and non-relaxing?
So I endorse your plan to go to two places!
As for money-saving - I always find it helpful to stay in a place that has a kitchen, or at least a fridge and coffee maker, so I can make my own breakfast and sometimes dinner. Uh, also I am not above making sandwiches to take along with me on afternoons out. I think eating at restaurants and cafes the entire time is one of the biggest avoidable costs of traveling.
Plus buying things at foreign supermarkets is pretty fun!
Ugh, I had typed out a lengthy reply to all of you, but it disappeared so:
2) Is it normal that a train to Cork is more expensive than a flight or am I doing it wrong?
3) I would love all of your free/cheap suggestions.
@professionalmess It might well be normal. Europe and the UK have a lot of discount airlines and the trains are not necessarily that cheap. You'll have to decide whether or not to prioritise getting to take the train, which is soooo much more relaxed than flying in a lot of ways, or saving some money. Keep in mind that if airports aren't near downtown you may end up shelling out extra cash to get to and from the airport as well, so google shuttle buses and stuff before you make your final decision! (Plus if it would be about a 2 or 3 hour flight, you will probably not save that much actual time by flying, what with security and all)
@professionalmess It can be, depending on how early you book either. BUT I found that the convenience of hopping on the train to the ferry was much less of a headache than trying to get to certain airports by public transportation, depending on what time your flight is.
E.g., when I was studying abroad in Bath, my friends and I were going to fly into Rome for our spring break. We were on a SUPER early flight from Gatwick, and no trains left Bath that early, so we had to leave the night before to get to London. However, there was also no way to get to Gatwick from Victoria that late at night, so we had to linger around the train station. Turns out they close the station to clean it, so we were sitting outside under some cheap heaters for 2 hours. I would much rather be on a long train ride than that nonsense, but it's personal preference. Plus you get to see the countryside as you're training through and get to see Ireland emerge out of the fog as you ferry over.
So, I kind of quit smoking (shh! I'm not making a big deal out of it, it's a chill thing) and I.feel.terrible. Bloated, headaches, sugar cravings. I didn't really smoke that much (one or two a day) and I'm not having physical withdrawl but I definitely miss being a smoker and it's only been four days. I did it out of vanity, and because cigarettes are up to $14/pack but man...I thought I'd feel awesome and full of life and want to go run a marathon. This sucks, When will it pass?
@parallel-lines SOMEDAY. The first few days/weeks/while/it probably depends on how long you smoked after quitting (I smoked about as much as you are) were TERRIBLE. But then I feel much better! Now whenever I have a cigarette (I'm not perfect, they're so great and terrible) I instantly feel shitty.
@parallel-lines Eat figs! They helped me.
@terrific I smoked two cigarettes a day for 15 years, which, when you think about it, is totally insane. I was a cigarette smoking marathon runner--WTF, me? Why didn't I just give it up long ago? They were this sort of comforting security blanket that gave me a get out of work pass for when things got shitty. I'm not allowing myself to cheat because I haven't gotten to the "phew, this is terrible" point yet, and I'm trying to force myself to NOT inhale deeply every time I walk by smokers.
@parallel-lines I'm not sure how long it takes to pass but my smoker fiend friend really struggled with this period. He felt like shiiit.
I suggest treating your body extra well for the next couple of weeks. Frequent, gentle exercise. Healthy food with some fun indulgences. Maybe some throat soothing things like licorice root or slippery elm bark tea, lozenges, etc. Headache pain meds. Super regular sleep schedule. Anything that will help your body move on.
I hope the people close to you can help with whatever comforts you enjoy! It's awesome you're doing this--actually awesome, cause cigarettes are mad addictive.
@parallel-lines Also, drinking a crazy amount of water helped me. And the lozenges that laurel mentions, because at approx week two I started hacking up really gross phlegm all the time.
Now when I fall off the wagon (about 2 or 3 times a year) that hacking up gross stuff turn around happens much faster, so I think that's progress.
@adorable-eggplant I always knew drinking more water would make me a better person, here's proof. Thanks for the advice!
@parallel-lines This is great. Inspiration. I really need to quit but I keep telling myself that running (also a smoking marathoner here) balances it out, even though i absolutely know that it doesn't.
The last time I quit for any length of time, a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a liter of water - that i sipped on throughout the day - helped somehow, mainly I think in that it helped me not eat all of the things?
@Kulojam I will be the horrible person that says that my favorite cigarette is one smoked after a long run. Good luck in quitting--I'm sure it'll be worth it!
@parallel-lines Congratulations! That is awesome. I am thinking more and more seriously about quitting. I read the article in the NYT this past week about the dangers of smoking and it really scared me, so I admire you.
My husband's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure what to get him. Current top idea is this: Pictionary (With Improvements). The improvements being Crayola markers, a 18x24-inch newsprint pad, and booze of some sort. I'd get his favorite, but when I slyly asked him "what sort of drinks would you like at your party?" he was *not* helpful.
@ms. alex It is so difficult to buy a present for a man who A: doesn't have a lot of desires unless he's tired, and B: bought me a tortilla press and a pinata for my birthday. HOW DO I TOP THAT?
@ms. alex tickets to a show/ event/ restaurant reservations? My gentleman friend is very hard to buy for as well, but I got him tickets to see a show he really wanted to go to but was too pricey to just buy without a reason and it's the best reaction from a gift I've seen out of him yet. They're not for a while, but I think knowing that it's coming up and we can go and have tickets just makes him a happy camper.
@A. Louise Oooh, that's a good idea. We haven't been to a concert in a while.
@ms. alex So, did he play with Legos when he was a kid? Cause they actually make a Lego Creatonary! So you build stuff out of legos instead of drawing.
Its pretty awesome for someone like me with no drawing ability.
@ms. alex Have you ever heard of a game called Telestrations? It's like a combo of Pictionary and telephone (like, from elementary school where you whisper something in someone's ear and then they whisper and so on until the last person in the line shares the phrase and everyone laughs at how crazy the original phrase got distorted). It's seriously great and lots of fun for people who can't draw as well as those who can.
"doesn't have a lot of desires unless he's tired"
I imagine him lying in bed like "What if we remodeled the bathroom" "My sister should find a better job" "I just wish Palestine and Israel could put all this behind them" while you're trying to sleep.
Telestrations is an amazing game, seconded.
guys community has gotten so bad :'(
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Nooooo, don't tell me that! I haven't seen any of season 4 yet! What's wrong with it? (She asks, immediately after saying "Nooooo, don't tell me that!")
@Quinn A@twitter It's like someone sucked out the soul and replaced everything with a poorly-made knock off.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Yes. It's like the network doesn't feel like they owe anything to people who build their entire week around getting high on Thursday and watching Troy and Abed.
@Quinn A@twitter They got rid of magic asshole Dan Harmon, and at some point there will be no more of the regular asshole Chevy Chase.
I think it might just be that at this point it's almost certainly a lame duck production. I don't see them getting another season in its current state. Sword of Damocles steez.
@Quinn A@twitter its like they dont know what to do with troy or annie anymore. trying to shoehorn them into relationships isnt really helping (all of annie's plots are JUST her pining for jeff and its depressing to watch, and troy and birtta dont really have any chemistry). the jokes are a lot more broad if they exist at all, yet they still go with these 'meta' plotlines that feel really forced.
after next week i might be out :(
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Once again, my decision to quit everything except Parks and Rec is vindicated!
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood it's TERRIBLE but i am happy to say that i think alisson brie is pulling it off. which could mean either 1) she's awesomesauce or 2) thwe new writers "get" annie and not anyone else
Does anyone here do a podcast? I kind of want to make one but I have no idea where to even begin. Advice?
@funfetti I do! It's probably not as hard as you'd think. I just plug a shitty mic into my computer but I think most people shell out for Snowball mics and digital audio recorders. If you have GarageBand, they have a Podcast template and it's very easy to edit. As for uploading, sign up for LibSyn and then after you post your first episode you can submit it to iTunes. LibSyn isn't that expensive, I think I'm paying around $15-20 a month which would give you enough space for weekly episodes. You should totally make one, you can do it on your own time and make it whatever you want and creating stuff is really rewarding. Do it!
@funfetti Get thee to a good microphone. Like a decent one, you don't really need a pro setup (a lot of podcasts are recorded in garages or living rooms). Beyond that, plan out your topics of conversation, space them out (:0-:30 intro music, :31-3:00 introduction/tablesetting, 3:01-10:00 topics in public finance, etc.) and try your best to keep on schedule. Edit if you have to! Edit anyway, get rid of your awkward pauses and vocal filler, if you can. Then you just practice!
@funfetti You can also host your podcasts for free on archive.org!
Need to be more serious about pre-making satisfying and healthy lunches lest I subsist on pizza forever more (whomp whomp, I love pizza).
Fridge/Microwave at work (no freezer, but I have access to one in another part of the building), I also often run home for quick lunches and let the doggo out (facilitating pizza/fast food runs). There aren't any really healthy-fast (Panera-esque) options in my neighborhood or on the drive home to let out the doggo.
@phipsi May I suggest looking for ideas at the... Billfold Meal Planning Google Group?
(@everybody ok ok sorry for being repetitive about it, I have spammed the FOT with this link for weeks and I will stop now :) )
@rimy Haha! I saw it a few weeks ago and didn't join. I'll go join now!
@rimy don't! Thanks to your persistence I finally joined after meaning to forever!
@hallelujah @rimy Yes thanks for the reminder, I finally joined as well even though I've never Google Grouped :)
@phipsi This week I found the magical lunch formula! Green Giant makes a handful of single-serving veggie things, like Green Beans and Almonds or Carrots, Caulifower, and Cranberries (I don't know if that's actually one, but one has cranberries and it seemed weird but I enjoyed it) (also technically they are multiple servings [so I'm not talking about the just-for-one things they have] but they are definitely small enough for one person). Anyway, every day this week I just brought one of those to work with a pre-cooked turkey burger. Microwave, dump all in a bowl, and eat. Add a microwave baked potato if you so desire. The veggie things are in the freezer at the store, but I cannot imagine any harm would come to them by staying in the fridge for a morning right before eating.
I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way because I love the Hairpin, but...does anyone else really miss Carolita? I'm jonesing for some wisdom from her one-of-a-kind life (and for her awesome illustrations/comics)!
@Katzen-party She commented some time back that she's working on a book, so I'm hoping patience will pay off with a big ol' tome of Carolita-penned and illustrated amazingness.
@Jennifer Culp I had hoped that was what she was up to! But still...being patient is hard. I guess I'll just have to appreciate all the other rad shit on the Hairpin in the meantime.
I watched all of "The Thick of It" (and "In the Loop") in a four-day period, and I would just like to register my sorrow that Malcolm Tucker is not in my life anymore.
@Nicole Cliffe Watch series 2 of The Hour, you goon
RIP The Hour
@Nicole Cliffe Nobody can swear like Tucker. I absolutely adore him and recommend the show to anybody I meet looking for new comedies. Veep which is the American version of it, is actually ok. Takes a while to get going, and nowhere as good as the original but still not bad.
Favourite quote? I've always loved his 'Come the **** in or **** the **** off" when someone knocked on his door.
@Nicole Cliffe My husband and I just re-watched "In the Loop" and he won't stop saying "difficult, difficult, lemon difficult" about everything.
Re Malcom Tucker, I feel you. Profanity sounds so sexy with that accent! As an aside, I used to work for the UK government and I still swear so much that it's frequently embarrassing.
@Danzig! OH GOD IS IT DEAD :(
@charmcity So dead. The BBC announced last week they weren't commissioning a 3rd series. :(
@Danzig! Oh my god. The season finale of The Hour WRECKED ME. Like gasping gulping crying alone in my house wrecked.
@Cat named Virtute They may yet do a one-off TV Filme!
@Danzig! I had no idea it hadn't been renewed. Now I'm devastated all over again. FREDDYYYYYYY.
@Nicole Cliffe Watch Veep now! Lust after Reid Scott and Julia Louis-Dreyfus' wardrobe.
Did someone say quit your job? I did it! And it is glorious!
@milominderbender I love your username btw!
I made a knife handle for my new knife this week!
@Emby How delightfully Ron Swanson of you!
@Nicole Cliffe Fun fact: I've never seen a full episode of Parks & Rec, and yet I've had many a person say I remind them in small ways of Ron Swanson. From all I've gathered, I should take this as a compliment, no?
Yes. Yes, you should.
@Emby A sexy compliment.
@Emby is that a ka-bar? The blade looks exactly like my knife, but instead of making a wood handle I wrapped it in paracord and LOVE it. I wear it on my belt every day and in my boot if I don't have an outfit suitable to a belt.
The Google Doodle today.
Has anyone bought clothing from Stop Staring or Bettie Page clothing? Or both?! How do they compare? I get my bonus this month and want to treat myself to a nice dress--but even though I've been staring at these websites for aaaaages picking out which dress I would get if I had the money, now that I have the money I'm filled with doubt.
@SarahP Outing myself slightly here, but I used to work for Bettie Page. In my opinion, the quality and the price really don't line up- some things are okay, but others fall apart really damn quickly. I often felt ripped off, and I had a 50% discount. I'd go for PinUpGirl, which has better sales and generally better quality- plus their models are actual, curvy women, so you can see how things will look on.
@Blackwatch Plaid Ohhh, good to know! I'll check out PinUpGirl, too. I wish I could try these on! I hate the inevitable guessing and returning/exchanging that online shopping entails. (I actually can try on Bettie Page, since they now have a Boston store, but... all the others!)
@SarahP I have two super-boss bathing suits from PinUpGirl, including the Bettie Page model, and I look fierce in them.
@SarahP Maybe check out unique-vintage.com? They have similar styles to Stop Staring but are good with sales and discounts.
This place is super affordable as well and they do custom: http://heartmycloset.myshopify.com/
@SarahP I actually worked at the Boston store...lol. The manager sent me a bunch of passive aggressive texts and then fired me without warning the day after Christmas. I know this isn't relevant to this thread- I just like to complain.
I have a few dresses from Stop Staring. The dresses are probably overpriced, but they can really make you look svelte. However, I am skeptical of the sizing. I am a size 2 but buy a Stop Staring size M because those things hug *every* curve. Find a retailer that has a good return policy so you can try different styles. I like www.dadddyos.com. Good luck! You'll get lots of compliments!
@SarahP If you are looking for a vintage style, may I also suggest reVamp? Full disclosure, I used to work for them, but the quality is great, and all the styles and fabrics are period-accurate (they do 1910-1957..how's that for specific?) AND they have a made-to-measure service, if the fit or size isn't quite right for you. It's a tiny business but has been around for over a decade and is based entirely in a downtown LA workshop (I used to pattern and make clothes). The prices are not the cheapest, but most of the fabrics are silk and wool too. Clearly, I'm not biased :)
@Hot Doom Ah my link, it did not work. But do check out www.revampvintage.com !
@SarahP Definitely agree with the idea that Bettie Page price and quality do not line up. I was so excited to discover one of their stores once while on a trip and went in thinking I'd walk out with a dress. I was majorly disappointed. The material is so incredibly cheap, which if the prices matched, ok. But for the amount of money they charge, I want something that will last.
@Blackwatch Plaid PinUpGirl is great! I want this dress SO BADLY. But... I don't really have any occasions to wear it to, and it's a bit expensive to buy just in hopes of an occasion.
Can we talk about clothing? Specifically, clothing for curvy ladies on the fence between regular and plus-sized? Curvy ladies with giant breasts and minuscule budgets?
I'm looking for anything that's affordable, semi-androgynous, and looks remotely good on me. My whole current wardrobe is either worn out or doesn't fit.
My kingdom for recommendations!
@Blackwatch Plaid Maybe ASOS Curve? They're reasonably priced and have lots of sales.
@Blackwatch Plaid I made basically this exact post last week! I swear by ASOS Curve (definitely generous in the bust - tops are often too loose on my average tots while the rest fits fine in a 14 or 16). Another poster also suggested Ruche (shopruche.com), which I haven't tried yet but looks promising.
@Blackwatch Plaid This thread is relevant to my interests.
I wish it weren't so difficult to find somewhat androgynous clothing for ladies with srs curves. Yes, I want to dress like a dude, and no, I do not hate my huge boobs. Thanks for doubting me, All The Stores.
@Blackwatch Plaid There's a UK chain called Evans - I think they also have a US site - which is supposed to offer a good range of plus size clothing, and it's *relatively* inexpensive.
@parallel-lines Ooh, that looks promising, and they're having a sale!
@OwlOfDerision I'm looking here and their size chart is doing that thing a lot of charts do, where I would have to go up a size for my bust. My measurements are 41-31-41, so a size 10 would be slightly loose on the bottom and tight on the top. Have you bought from them/do you know if this would actually be an issue?
@Blackwatch Plaid WE HAVE THE SAME MEASUREMENTS whoah
@hexamaam WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES?
@hallelujah I have shopped at Ruche and completely gave up on them. I tried a lot of their clothes that should have fit according to the website's sizing chart and had to return nearly everything. Their return policy sucks (you have to pay for return shipping) and although they will send you an item's actual measurements if you email them, be prepared to wait, and don't expect them to answer all your questions. ModCloth has very similar (and sometimes the exact same) items and way better customer service.
@Blackwatch Plaid I haven't bought from them myself cuz it's not my own size range, sorry. But I've heard general good things from a couple of my friends who are plus size - like, the quality is good, etc.
@Blackwatch Plaid Ah,I wish I had some secret to tell you, but most of my wardrobe is H&M. And I'm a very aggressive belter.
@Blackwatch Plaid My measurements are near identical to yours and I've had quite a bit of luck with Marshalls! It requires some patience, especially if they don't keep the racks organized, but I've got a lot of really nice stuff for pretty cheap from them! Also, I was on New York and Company's site, and it looks like we'd be able to fit easily enough in their larger sizes. Oh! Forever21's plus size department has some nice blazers!
Crazy week for me. My little brother (little as in 21 years old) was admitted to the hospital after his Crohn's symptoms got really bad. He has to schedule a surgery to get part of his intestines removed. Anyone have any clue about this?? I am so worried about him and nervous to wade into googling.
To end on a positive note, it is Friday, which means that my boyfriend is making homemade pizzas. I think it is egg, spinach, and pecorino tonight. Pizza makes everything at least a little bit better.
@districter Oh no, I'm sorry. My sister-in-law has been in & out of the hospital a lot over the years with her Crohn's. It sucks.
She used to have a colostomy bag and called it stomie.
I don't really have anything useful to say, other than sympathy.
@districter someone in my family has it and i know he gets sick for long stretches of time (2-3 weeks sometimes) and that he has had surgeries but he also has like 5 kids and seems to be able to manage them and working!
@districter So sorry!! :( That's rough. But pizza!
@districter A friend of mine had part of her intestine removed because of Crohn's a few years ago. The surgery was a good thing overall, though it was a long recovery in her case. She's doing pretty great right now!
Ohhhhh this just in: someone I know isn't really that into making out, and REALLY doesn't like things that involve tongues. To ME this seems impossible, because I think making out is the greatest, but I think I remember some 'Pinner once saying she was totally grossed out by tongues. Discuss!
@SarahP I went out with a guy last year who DID NOT kiss with any tongue at all. When we were alone on my couch, it was just peck-peck-peck-peck-peck-peck. This is not how we kiss alone on my couch, I think?
@SarahP At first I didn't have any thoughts on this, but in this moment, where I am not making out with anyone, the general thought of tongues and touching your tongue to someone else's tongue actually does seem kinda gross, but I think the awesomeness of making out blocks all those thoughts out of your head.
@professionalmess Right?! From my point of view, if you're actually taking time to think about the concept of tongues, there is something wrong with your makeout session.
@lora.bee My husband is one of these people. We've had whole discussions about how gross he thinks tongues are. It's not really a quality of life issue for me, I'm just puzzled by it.
@SarahP I can't speak to makeout sessions but some of us do not have brains that turn off for anything and it's not just because we're doing X wrong.
@Onymous oh sure! But to me there's a difference between overthinking/anxiety and just not liking making out--I can understand the former, but the latter surprises me!
I had today free, and am being domestic in an attempt to stay awake. But unless I braise the chicken in 5 hour energy later, it will be a drowsy and slightly annoyed awakeness.
I'm actually here early for once, yay! I'm excited that I'm moving to the Atlanta area in two weeks for my first real adult job. Other than that I hope we all have a great weekend. Also the Oscars, I'm actually rooting for Seth McFarlane I'm really hoping he doesn't screw it up.
I don't suppose anyone has a good recommendation for Saturday brunch in Buffalo, NY? I haven't lived there for a decade so I have no idea where to go.
@Vicky Amy's Place!
(That's all I got, I haven't actually spent much time there. But I loved Amy's Place!)
Hey buddies, this week I have been thinking about jobs and sick days and cognitive surpluses and fun stuff like that. I work one job that is public service oriented and another job that is retail for a small business with a staff of five, and while I like both jobs and they are a reasonably good fit for my life right now, and between the two of them my hours only total in low forties per week, I never have more than one day off per week and I am working on some mental health issues and I just feel... tired and like I don't have enough time to work AND stay on top of housework AND see friends AND work on creative projects. And if someone gets jammed up and needs to switch a shift or I get asked to do extra hours, I feel like I can't say no so my colleagues will accommodate me when I want to take holidays or if I get legit sick. I've had low-grade sinus congestion and tiredness all winter, but never bad enough that I feel justified calling in sick because I know how much of a stressful pain it can be for other people to rejig their schedules and have it eat into their recharge time. For people who work jobs that require your actual presence to function properly, rather than project-based jobs you do in an office or at home, how do you deal with this kind of thing? Can you justify mental health sick days the same way your friends with office jobs can?
I've been hinting at Better Paying Job With Benefits that I would love more hours so I could quit Retail Job, but because I'm a newish hire and everything is so strictly budgeted that the department would have to demonstrate real need or someone else would have to reduce their hours that this isn't likely to happen anytime soon.
I feel like a gigantic baby, because I'm barely working more than normal full-time and have a negligible commute, but the mix of evenings and afternoons and the careful scheduling and the just being... tired and sad, and it being winter, and having to work weekends when my friends and girlfriend have free time is wearing me down, to the point that if a little thing gets thrown off in my carefully-organized week, I just feel wrecked. How do you guys develop your cognitive surplus so this doesn't happen? Is Ann Cvetkovich right that depression is just late capitalism wearing us down? (I am being sort of tongue in cheek)
@Cat named Virtute Oh my god, I wrote a novel. Sorry guys.
@Cat named Virtute YOU wrote a novel?? Have you seen my usual FOT posts???
I'm going to read your novel now, brb
@Cat named Virtute It does blow that the threshold for "legitimate" sickness is unavoidable cessation of work. In that sense, yes, capitalism. In a broader sense, they didn't have psychiatrists back in the day but a lot of folks speculate about pre-industrial figures who suffered from depression. There is a biological component!
I feel you on schedules, though. That can wear you down when everything SEEMS like it should be going smoothly. You need to organize some you time, so to speak.
@Cat named Virtute Oh no! I was in the same boat (two part time spots, wishing for one full time) for about two years and it was really tough.
I'd suggest that you make it clear your supervisor at Better Paying Job with bennies that you'd like a full time spot, so they know that you would like to be considered if the opportunity arose.
And then maybe set aside an hour once a week to apply to full-time spots. It made me feel better to now that I was sending out feelers (even if I didn't get a nibble for what felt like foreeeeeveeer) because then I felt less stuck.
@Cat named Virtute Honestly if I were you I'd occasionally take a mental health day and recharge. Or, if you really find yourself taking extra shifts for people a lot or having to change schedules at short notice, start saying no every once in a while. "Sorry, but I have plans that day, you'll have to find someone else" can really help you prioritize your own life over feeling like you are at the mercy of your job.
Hang on, spring is coming, and goodness knows that basically everyone I know feels like shit warmed over at this point.
Thanks for the support and suggestions, everyone! I bailed on movie night at a friend's last night to go grocery shopping and clean my kitchen and make Smitten Kitchen's mushroom bourgoignon (OH MY GOD. For anyone with winter food ennui who likes to cook, this will fix you up real good, and make your kitchen smell incredible) and take a bath, and I feel soooooo much better. I have historically been a person who tries to do everything, and after last year's depressive breakdown I feel like I have to get back to that point even though it's really hard. It's good to have people remind you that it is okay and necessary to take time to feel better.
I bought a Virginia Henley book I devoured when I was young, foolish and probably twelve, and oh my god. The writing. The characters. I would like to strangle the bratty heroine, and even terrible fanfiction is better than this. I am disappoint, and cleansing my brain with Julia Quinn.
So my question: good medieval romances available on the Kindle? I'm afraid to look up some of the ones I was reading in my junior high heyday of medieval romances, but I'm really jonesing for lords and ladies and destriers.
@Theda Baranowski Philippa Gregory! I think she is KIndle-able?
@Nicole Cliffe WHY DID I NOT THINK OF PHILIPPA GREGORY. I know what I'll be doing tonight after I finish my internet moderator duties.
THANK FUCK THE OPEN THREAD IS HERE I HAVE QUESTIONS
I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks. We met on OkC, he asked me out, and it seemed like we have awesome chemistry - kissing on first date, and sexytimes subsequently. We're only 4 dates in but I *like* this dude and I'd be interested to see if it might go somewhere.
Thing is, I'm getting totally mixed signals from him. I'm not that experienced at dating (thank you, serial monogamy!) so I don't know if I'm overreacting. On the one hand: he's not seeing anyone else and was fine with being 'exclusive' when I broached it on the most recent date. He's actually going on dates with me, which, y'know, I assume means he WANTS to. The sexing is nice and fun and affectionate, and he seems to think I'm hilariballs and so on.
On the other hand - he doesn't give off a sense that he's super-enthused by the whole thing... he's not exactly aloof, but he just doesn't seem excited. I think he's a bit introverted, which is fine, but on top of that he doesn't seem to be too great at getting in touch or actually instigating/planning dates (apart from asking me out initially). I told him I liked him - not in a crazyeyed LET'S GET MARRIED way, just straightforward and low-key - and he said 'I took that for granted'. I don't know if he was making a douchey joke or just meant it as 'well duh because if you didn't like me we wouldn't be nekkid in your bed right now'.
Since I last saw him (yesterday morning), he hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted him... I kinda want to see how long it will take, or even IF he does. If I hear nothing by Sunday, I think I'll get in touch and ask him to clarify if he's interested or no.
Am I being reasonable or insane? Like I say, minimal dating experience here; all previous boyfriends have been dudes I already knew in some capacity.
HELP ME OBI PIN KENOBI
@OwlOfDerision I have absolutely no advice because I have no idea how to date, but I want you to know that Obi Pen Kenobi is the best thing I've seem today.
@OwlOfDerision Oh man, the overthink is the dater's worst luck charm.
You seem into being direct (see: "I like you!"), so maybe you could ask him if he likes you. And point out that he seems a little *shrugs shoulders* about the whole thing. See what he says.
@Terror of the 416 I plan to, but that means spending this entire weekend sitting on my hands and resisting the urge to email him about it.
I'm going to draw cats and eat brioche to distract myself.
@OwlOfDerision I am just getting over a guy who was just like this. What really did it for me was realizing that whatever the reasons are, he just wasn't giving me what I was looking for. I couldn't stand feeling like I'm trying to talk someone into hanging out with me or wondering if I'd ever hear from him again if I stopped calling. If it's making you feel frustrated or confused then you should talk to him about it. If he's not willing to have a real conversation with you and try to find ways to meet your needs then *that's* the dealbreaker.
@OwlOfDerision I think you should not get in touch and see what he does. If a fella wants to see you, he'll get in touch. It might me that he's a person who doesn't need to see a person loads- like those friends you're really close to but could go months without seeing and then pick up where you left off, y'know? Or maybe he's a slow burner. Let him come to you or just carry on as normal, I think
@OwlOfDerision Ugh I can't really help but I can sympathize. I feel like all the guys I ever mingle with are really flaky and don't take initiative in planning things. Is that every guy, though? Who knows. You are being totally reasonable? There's no reason why he can't just be a normal person and be honest with how he feels.
Also, I just got on that OK Cupid grind. It seems like it's working somewhat well for you? I don't know the etiquette, but there's a guy who I was supposed to meet up with then he had to work and suggested we reschedule so I gave him my free days like a week ago and ... nothing. It's like, I don't even know you and you're already flaking? How do you even do OK Cupid?
@OwlOfDerision Hmmm, it's a bit early to say but if it's only been four dates, I think it's fine that he hasn't contacted you since yesterday. In most of my early relationships, the first month/few months there was not daily contact at all, every few days maybe and a date once or twice a week. Maybe that's his rhythm? Just sayin': don't read too much into the no-contact-since-yesterday.
You've told him how you feel, why not letting go a little bit and seeing if he reaches out to you first? If he really likes you, he *will* contact you for a date at some point. If it doesn't happen, or it takes like, 10 days to happen, dump him.
@OwlOfDerision I hate the wait-and-see approach! So many feelings and hyperness goes with it! Is there any reason you're waiting and seeing, other than to test out whether or not he'll call?
@OwlOfDerision I think you might want to start talking to other people on OkC. I say this because I am so over indifferent/introverted guy who can't even freaking communicate properly. If he really wants to see you/is truly interested he would call or text. He is setting up a bad precedent.
@Terror of the 416 Well that's the main reason, but also I figure it can't hurt to 'play it cool' for a couple of days, rather than following I LIKE YOU!!! up with texts/emails.
@Pygmalion I'm finding it's not so much an 'OkC problem' as a 'guy problem'. As in, there are flaky guys and good guys online, and there are flaky guys and good guys IRL as well. But I suppose the internet gives every interaction a layer of informality and relative anonymity (at least, before you meet).
@OwlOfDerision Hello! You are sane (your reaction is normal), but it seems likely you are suffering from disparate expectations, which makes you FEEL crazy.
Back off and don't worry too much (haha like that's SOOO EASY). He'll come to you... or he won't. But people move at different paces, and even if he's into you, he might need a bit more time. Anyone who has been on the other end of someone they do like coming on too strong can probably relate.
He also might be a man-child who can't plan things or take initiative for shit, in which case that sucks but it's not your fault.
@Pygmalion I'm great at OkCupid! Really, I am. But I wasn't at first.
The answer to your question is: yes, he's flaking and he doesn't even know you. Because of many unknowable factors. I think the key realization I had about OKC is that people are on there for a million different reasons and are having significant emotional experiences in their lives and with respect to dating that have nothing to do with you. I have been through a bad break up and gotten on OKC, and then been flaky. Dating can be exhausting and sometimes people just realize they can't muster the emotional energy after all.
OKC is a numbers game. It is very effective for meeting people you MIGHT be compatible with (in terms of age, interests, education, who you are physically attracted to, etc), who you wouldn't otherwise meet. After that, the rest is just a mystery. Chemistry, timing, emotional compatibility and preparedness for a relationship - OKC can't really help with those things. It's just getting you into a room over a drink with new people who might work for you.
I found it worked WAY better when I treated it casually. I wrote my profile pretty casually, I sent casual and short messages (funny and thoughtful, but casual and short), I met for casual drinks, and did not invest much emotionally at the outset. I worked really hard to always believe that potential rejection is not really about me, but about other people. I also screened hard for known dealbreakers.
It worked really really well, I met lots of great people, most of whom I didn't want to date, and then I met my boyfriend. He's great and we never would have met without the internet. My first message to him was "So, friend, do you still have that beard or what?"
@OwlOfDerision AHHHHH HE JUST ASKED ME OUT AGAIN!
Just wanna throw out that even if he is "just introverted"--if it bothers you, it bothers you! Even with the best of intentions!
One of my friends has a very flat affect. Despite my idea of myself being accepting of other people's quirks, I try to make him smile constantly--big favors and compliments and everything. Resulting in me being this weird person around him, striving for a reaction that's unnatural and burying him in affection. I know he isn't sad, but I keep wanting to hit that note when he smiles.
Seems like maybe if you have a very different affect of another person, it can be hard to accept on a base level. I wouldn't want you to always be like "I know he loves me I wish he would look like he loves me" sometime down the road, ya know?
I just lost the ring my boyfriend gave me for Christmas. I feel so stupid and horrible - it fell off my hand sometime during lunch, not that I noticed. I love that ring! It was his first time buying a big-ticket item for a girlfriend, and of course, I have to fucking lose it. I am the reason we can't have nice things.
Should I buy a replacement? I already told him about the loss, so I can't sneak it in. Ugh. Bereft.
@Terror of the 416 OH GOSH! It happens though- my mum once accidentally threw out a diamond ring her mother gave her, and that happened quite shortly after her death. I think you should buy a replacement for sure, it obviously meant a lot to you XX
@Terror of the 416 My dad lost his wedding ring watertubing. It happens! Don't beat yourself up about it.
I have reordered mine more than once.
@Terror of the 416 I lost my wedding ring in the dog park, and SOMEONE FOUND IT. Don't underestimate the power of the lost and found, if you were eating lunch in your office building especially.
@Terror of the 416 I lost the custom-made engagement ring. Or rather, I took it off to have a manicure (in one of my failed attempts to be a proper adult as regards my nails) forgot it, and when I went back it was gone.
So it happens. Don't feel bad about it. Really don't!
@Anninyn my whole comment got eaten. Long story short, I accidentally threw away my grandmother's engagement ring, which my aged mother gave me. Traumatized/shame/secret.
@terrific My dad lost his wedding ring at least twice and now it just lives on his keyring. Which he has never lost!
@Terror of the 416 My stepdad gave me a nice ring when I was probably 12 or so, and I lost it while playing in my great-uncle's unkempt backyard. I know it feels shitty, but it happens, and try not to beat yourself up about it. (I lost the Kindle my boyfriend gave me on an airplane last August and felt awful too. Eleven years and not a lot has changed.)
@frigwiggin Oh, thank you guys so much. I had a big cry at the office, and then came home to a lovely, slightly disappointed boyfriend.
Plus I emailed the ring maker and they give 20% off replacements on lost or stolen rings. *Big cry, sniffles, brave smile.*
After reading this article about Jean Harlow's hair I have decided I really want a Scandals of Classic Hollywood on her!
Also! I really want to get some dirt on Jean Arthur. I once read that she threw up before every take, because she was so shy! Jean Arthur is my favorite.
@rallisaurus Wow, mixing Clorox and ammonia on your head? Really hoping that was an exaggeration on the hairdresser's part.
@rallisaurus She is my JAM!
I need advice about my depressed friend.
My friends and I have spent hours and hours in the Emergency Department at hospitals waiting with her after she's overdosed on anything she can find basically. She always sends me messages about how she is going to kill herself, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it! Am I supposed to go to her house and just watch her all the time? She's already seeing a psychiatrist and has started on medication (which she's overdosed on too...) and from what she says her psych sounds like a bit of a dick, but she has this love-hate relationship with him, and won't try to see somebody else for help.
But what I really want to know is what I can say to her without it sounding like some empty platitude or like we're trying to guilt her into staying alive. Everything I say sounds like some cliche, and she's always complaining about how alone she feels because nobody understands her pain, and I think saying things like 'It will get better!' makes her feel all alone, because I just sound so naive. But telling the truth 'Maybe it will never get better, but I still think you should suffer through the pain, because being alive is always better than being dead!' seems a bit callous.
I want to say "I understand that I cannot fully comprehend the depths of your suffering right now, just don't die because... I don't know how I can convince you not to die, but just don't."
@SeemoreGlass Does she have family or someone nearby who can make medical decisions in the event she's unable? It sounds, frankly, like she needs some longer-term, inpatient care.
@SeemoreGlass I'm going to go Carolyn Hax on you here, but she needs more help than you can provide. And so do you. I'd call something like the Suicide Prevention Lifeline for starters -- they have an option for "someone else": http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/Someone
Also, take care of yourself -- this sounds so incredibly hard.
@Ophelia She is REALLY against having inpatient care, because we're med students and we have access to patient medical files and she's paranoid that people will look her up or something? (actually there have been confidentiality issues before) Although apparently she told her psych yesterday that he could do whatever he liked with her (as in could put her into hospital) but he told her he thought she could cope until she sees him next Friday. But she's been telling me that this is the worst she's ever felt? We started hospital placements this week and she's seen quite a few overdose cases in the emergency room being treated like crap by the doctors there.
Also her family is really unsupportive. Her mother has threatened to leave her forever every time she tries to overdose, and a couple of times she really did leave and even cut off my friend's cell phone plan. She's come back every time, but my friend is so paranoid that she's going to leave her again.
@SeemoreGlass Someone on Carolyn Hax's chat today recommended the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Apparently they can give you advice, in addition to being a crisis line. It's probably worth talking to professionals about this.
@Emma Peel We went through all those kinds of channels when she first tried to kill herself, but she didn't think it helped, and then was kind of disillusioned by the whole thing?
And personally, I'm ok. I feel guilty for not being sadder haha. And for wanting to hide when I see any of her messages pop up.
@Emma Peel Hax-five!
@SeemoreGlass From experience, being that deep into depression makes you slick, and try as they might, friends and family can never quite get ahold of you. It's sort of like trying to write an essay while skydiving, there's just no way to focus.
You should definitely call a hotline, though, and find resources in your area! At a certain point it's out of your hands, and that's terrible, but you can at least point your friend in a direction.
@Danzig! Mainly I feel like we've done the things that you're supposed to do (get your friend help, make sure she keeps seeing her psychiatrist) and I'm just running out of encouraging things to say that don't sound naively optimistic?
@Danzig! You know I'm sorry you've been there, but that is an amazing metaphor (the slickness/can't get ahold of you).
@SeemoreGlass Yeah that's rough. My brother's deep into an all-consuming heroin addiction so I know that helpless feeling quite well.
A few weeks ago I went to see an advocate at my uni's women's center because one of my friends had identified herself as a survivor and was exhibiting extremely erratic behavior that indicated, to me at least, deep-seated mental health issues (paranoia, a belief that harming herself would help other people, etc). The advocate gave some good advice, which basically boiled down to a conception of relationships as exchanges.
Most relationships are mutual, sometimes when a friend or lover is having a hard time, the balance of input will change, and you'll hold them up in those times because you love them. But when a relationship with someone becomes permanently unbalanced, and you're putting so much of yourself into it but they are incapable or unwilling to reciprocate, you have to step back for your own sake.
That can be really difficult, especially when the other person lacks support elsewhere, as it sounds like your friend does, but you can't save people in that state no matter how desperately you want to believe otherwise. If she calls and you feel her life is in danger, do what you think is necessary, but you can't carry her burdens, or be responsible for her hospitalization. That's something that her psychiatrist should really be responsible for. It does seem like he's being awfully cavalier with a patient whose history includes suicide attempts, but you can't make your friend change doctors. Accept what you have control over, which is unfortunately not much.
@Danzig! Great advice!
@Danzig! Thanks for the advice, it's been good just to vent!
A while ago I posted about a weird series of interactions I was having with this guy and how I couldn't stop acting crazy around him and it was freaking me out. After that thread I did change his number to "DO NOT CALL OR TEXT" and it worked, and also I haven't got really drunk since, and I had a couple non-crazy, socially appropriate text exchanges with him since, so that has been going well.
Last night I saw him at the gym and we had another weird but refreshingly honest conversation. I said that when he gives me fake invitations to hang out, it hurts my feelings, and he agreed that he knows they're fake invitations and apologized. He also admitted that he was deliberately trying to be provocative with things he's said to me before, and that he has been avoiding seeing me socially because of my acting crazy. I find this really refreshing - instead of me trying to pretend that I'm not acting crazy and feeling ashamed about it, it's out on the table.
I've suggested before that we go get coffee and it seems this time we actually might. He seems really committed to remaining friends which I think is nice because I think most people would have given up on it - maybe I should, but I haven't. Then we ended up talking about sex really explicitly for like half an hour, standing up in the gym, until it closed. And also about how weird all our interactions are. So it's still very weird, but not terrible.
@Ellie I changed a guy's name in my contact list to "NO!" once and it did not work on drunk me. Nor did removing his number; drunk me just found an old text conversation. So I'm glad you've had better success. And I'm glad you resolved some of the weirdness. I hate when guys make fake invitations.
@Ellie I am glad you're doing better. I am not sure why you are so committed to remaining friends with him when he does the kind of stuff you're talking about. Sure, you got him to admit that he is being a tease and also being fake and also avoiding you, but dude, he then ended the evening by getting into a weird sex discussion and making a possibly fake plan to get coffee. Doesn't this sound a little bit like you talked about the Cycle of Weirdness and then he did his absolute best to ensure that the cycle will continue?
I agree that everything you're talking about does sound refreshing and you've gotten yourself out of the drunk-texting rut in an awesome way. Take however much time you need to figure out if this friendship will work for you, but seriously, he doesn't sound like a very nice, honest, or trustworthy person from this end.
**strong opinion from internet stranger**
@Ellie Girl! I was *just* wondering about your sitch today and was gonna ask you about it her on the Open Thread!
So, kudos A LOT for making really big strides. Also...I agree with everything that @Emmanuelle Cunt said.
@Emmanuelle Cunt No, you are totally right. The only thing is that I'm definitely also complicit in the Cycle of Weirdness (TM), it's pretty clear that he thinks it's fun and that I do too, otherwise I would have fled, and I feel like what I want is to minimize the bad parts, which is probably just a temporary fix for a stupid situation. It's probably dumb that I gave an update about this because I could have given a literally identical update in December ("I was acting crazy and he was avoiding me, then we had a nice social exchange and a weird explicit sex discussion, now everything's great!"), and then I spun around to the bottom of the wheel for a while and am now at the top again. I don't know why I'm committed to remaining friends with him except because of magnetism. I kind of think he's been pretty nice to me overall, though I probably have too low standards - he said that he didn't think he's been very nice to me. I definitely appreciate your opinion!
@wee_ramekin Thank you, too!
@Ellie I don't think that it's dumb you gave an update! However I do think he isn't being nice to you at all. Don't put that on yourself for "having low standards" we all get into these weird entanglements once in a while.
Also yeah, it does take two to tango, however - my suggestion is to look at what you wrote about him on that other thread, and then ask yourself "Wait, is 'fun' what this actually is?" Right now you are kind of in the position of saying "This must be fun, because I keep doing it" but I am not sure I agree.
@Ellie Oh noooo. He told you. He told you he hasn't been nice to you. People will sometimes tell you the truth about themselves, and you MUST listen. Find another dude, there are plenty out there who will actually want to bang you as well as talk about it.
*strong opinion from Internet stranger who almost never does the smart thing*
@iceberg Yes - it is the Oprah/Maya Angelou mantra! When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This is basically the best advice in history.
Also see similarly strong opinion from internet stranger when this guy pops up again below.
I don't know you, but I'm willing to bet you're a good person and you DESERVE to have standards higher than this guy. Not every relationship is worth mending. Keep on with controlling yourself in the cycle of crazy!
(PS I also found that the NO! rename in my phone with the similar guy I mention in my comment below was very effective in my case - so keep that up)
Speaking of music (upthread) anybody got any good spotify playlists? The one Smiley made a few weeks ago changed my LIFE.
Why am I such a failure as an adult that my nails are always ragged or dirty? I manage to go without biting them for weeks, but then I break (and those foul tasting polishes don't help) and I promise I clean them regularly but it seems like I look away and they get mucky.
I am 27 my nails shouldn't be such hard work
@Anninyn I always have gunk under my fingernails. I don't know how other people don't seem to????
This! I finally got my nail biting under control and now I hack 'em off almost at the quick because the gunk is gross.
@Nicole Cliffe Once my nails have extended about 1/16th of an inch past the nail bed it is gunk city, so I also tend to cut my nails short as. I kind of prefer the look of short nails anyway, but maybe I have just convinced myself of that because there is just no way for me to achieve anything else???
@Katzen-party Is it maybe some kind of witchcraft? If so, maybe someone could teach us?
@Anninyn I can never get my nail-biting under control because I am a basically a fleshy envelope that strains to conceal 100% pure neurosis
@Anninyn I know all about this! In my experience, cleaning them in the shower every day pretty much does the trick.
@Emmanuelle Cunt I do that! Well, in the bath. But they get filthy in a couple of hours.
@Anninyn i try not to think about it? it's either having ragged gross nails or the opposite where i change my polish and overowrk my nails day to day. either way is obsessive and unhealthy. for a good while i was doing great by going and getting a mani/pedi every week. 1) the ladies are MEAN if you haev gross nails and it helps me not pick 2) something to look forward to and appreciate
@Anninyn What are you doing? Washing dishes? Making coffee? That could be the issue too...
@Katzen-party I find using hand cream is the difference between gunky fingernails or not. I.e. The hand cream facilitates the gunk.
@Emmanuelle Cunt I write a lot, so maybe I'm getting keyboard gunk up in there? Also I think I'm very fidgety with my hands. Twirling my hair, scratching, picking...
@plumb-bob Oh...I use hand lotion after every single handwashing. I'm not willing to stop that (my hands get too dry!), so dirty nails it is.
@Anninyn I just rediscovered the nail brush I got when I was an undergrad and had to take ceramics/ sculpture and always had clay stuck under my nails. I use it once or twice a day and that helps! Otherwise, I have a pointy metal emory board at my desk and use that to dig out gunk
The first time I realized fingernails could be clean was when I read Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret and the protagonist says she likes Moose because he has clean fingernails and I was like wait what and then I dug a pound of dirt out with a toothpick and I was like huh whatever and then never again.
Really just wanted you to know, art package ships out on Wednesday!
So I've recently realized have ~feelings~ for this guy, but the last time I was hanging out at his place I got stupid shitfaced drunk (for no reason other than I was an idiot who forgot her limits), to the point where he basically made me start drinking water and everyone present was really concerned about me taking the train home instead of a cab.
Another girl we both know is hosting a party this weekend and I will be drinking way less, for starters, but also probably being an awkward neurotic weirdo who's too scared to make a move. (Usually I rely on booze to cure this, but I don't want to be a sloppy drunk again. At least not in front of the same guy.) I also am not sure he likes me back, or would. At least as anything beyond a friend.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest, Hairpin. I realize I am WAY over-thinking this and he is an adult who went to college and has probably seen sloppy drunks before, so I doubt he was all that scandalized or has given it that much thought.
@Poubelle I have totally been in that situation before. And the person who cares the most about how embarrassing I was is always me. You're right, he probably has barely thought about it. Go get 'em!
@Pygmalion Now I just need to figure out if I actually have to use words to ask him out, because I'm not so good at that. (Last guy I dated, I just started making out with him while he was in the middle of a sentence, which got the point across. Though it helped that I'd just met him and was a few miles from sober. That might not work with a guy I already know and would still like in my social circle without supreme awkwardness.)
I know better to read the comments on tech sites, but I'm a software developer about to graduate and start a career and the negative response to this (not at all radical) article really bummed me out this morning.
The Verge isn't some obscure corner of the internet, either. This is what all of my classmates and soon-to-be colleagues read.
@hollerithcircus I'm scared to click. Is it all Woman Make Me A Sammich?
@hollerithcircus I just read the article and some of the comments. Face -> Desk. I definitely feel you, I'm a female engineer and some the convos I've had with my colleagues have left me feeling very mad/sad.
@par_parenthese It's mostly (not all) a little more subtle then that. More like "Women aren't naturally interested in tech, so there are only men in positions of power. What's the problem?"
@hollerithcircus See, now I want to go over there and be all, "HOLY SHIT HOW DID YOU GET TO THIS COMMENTS SECTION FROM 1955?"
So, Bing showed up on yesterday's Lizzie Bennet Diaries! And today, Pemberley Digital released a statement about the success of Domino! And said they were going to begin aggressively marketing it! And it contained a quote from one Anne Reynolds, some high-up person at the company! And Gigi knew nothing about it! And Fitz and Brandon are back from Fiji! And there's a Q&A tomorrow!
Other exclamations? Ready go.
@par_parenthese BING! And Jane! And Jane being all cool and composed! HOORAY.
@anachronistique HER CROTCH-LEVEL FACES. *dies*
@par_parenthese What was Bing's shirt made of, space metal?! Also, next week the costumes are back!
@Cawendaw Yay costume theater! And it's Mrs. Bennet and Bing, and I am dying to find out what craziness has happened that the two of them were in a room together.
FINALLY a place to talk about this! No one I know in real life watches them. I just want Lizzie to find out it was Darcy who stopped Wickham. I mean, all she has to do is watch the Pemberley Digital videos!
@par_parenthese The Q&A! BING FOR DINNER. I cannot handle this, u guise.
@anachronistique I KNOW!!! I mean, when Bing first showed up in Thursday's video I squeed like a sonofabitch, and then he was BACK for the Q&A!! I love new Bing. Almost as much as I love new Jane.
I think Nosferatu looks kind of cute peeping out from the cellar like that.
@Lu2 RIGHT??!!? It's a little confusing, honestly.
@Lu2 Thought so too, at first, and then when I had to run down to get laundry out of the basement it suddenly wasn't so cute anymore.
@raised amongst catalogs Ha ha ha. I can understand that.
P.S. Don't worry, he's nowhere near your basement. Probably in Bavaria or Transylvania or something.
@JanieS I was trying to make up a cute nickname for him, but the name Nosferatu totally defies the attempt. "Nosfie"? Uh-uh.
@Lu2 Count Orlok looks like Dobby from the HP movies in that shot.\
Also that's probably a ship's hold not a basement so your laundry is safe.
In an effort to culture-fy myself, I watched 'Bill Cunningham New York,' the documentary about the street style photographer for the Times. It was a delight. Just fascinating. Next up on my list is 'Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has to Travel,' which I'm really looking forward to.
Is there anything else I might watch that's similar to these? Or other good documentaries in general?
@OhMyGoshYouGuys Not exactly similar, but I really liked the HBO documentary about the performance artist Martina Abramovic called The Artist is Present. I was kind of eye rolling about "performance art" in general and her lauded project in specific, but the documentary really changed my point of view about it.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys The September Issue is great, if you haven't seen it. Grace Coddington is awesome.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys I was seriously riveted watching that. It was go so good.
The only other documentary I've loved that much that wasn't a miniseries was Helvetica which was so smart and interesting and funny.
@supernintendochalmers LOOOOOOVED the September Issue. And Grace Coddington. I could rewatch that.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys I'm a big fan of The Parking Lot Movie!
Yall, idk if anyone will see this, and I don't even know if I really need anyone to answer, i just gotta spill my FEELINGS. I'm back in my home city, graduated in May, and have a great internship with a super-cool well-regarded small publishing company, of which there are not many inthis city. I've been looking for paying work but it is fucking hard, because everywhere I've looked knows they can get someone with experience for even the most menial jobs (I got turned down for a fucking cashier job, AFTER I jumped through a months' worth of hoops to even get myself a trial shift which I fucking rocked but I STILL got turned down because I don't have POS experience). The only industry I have "experience" in is publishing. I'm applying to yet more internships--paid this time--but am bumming out because the city I love the most and job I want to do aren;t necessarily the most compatible. I've also been watching my friends get accepted into super-awesome PhD programs, and am so fucking happy for them, but hearing "Harvard" and "Brown" get tossed around while I am languishing unpaid is kinda...a meh feeling. I'd love bar work and restaurant work or cashiering work but I just cannot see a way to get an in and it's making me deeee-pressssed.
I ALSO have this feeling, which I'm sure I will think was awesome years later but now sucks, of not being sure whether I want to continue trying to make it work in publishing and freelancing, go get my teaching credentials and then an MFA and teach high school, or drop most of it and become a yoga teacher, which is something I really love. AAAAA EARLY TWENTIES CONFUSION HELP OR DON'T i just needed to write it all out.
@martinipie Here is something I wish I had told early 20s me when I was busy drifting from job to job and not getting enough protein: if you feel like there's an area of your resume that needs padding, you can gain experience through volunteer gigs with a low barrier to entry even as you continue to search for paid work. So, you think you want to teach high school, maybe? Maybe tutor some. (You can parlay that into getting paid to tutor, too.) Oh, another thing is, when I was drifting around in the dark times after I graduated years ago, I worked for a while in the writing center at an art school, helping kids polish their papers. It wasn't enough to live on, but it was a fine second job.
Also, I felt so guilty and wasteful and wrong for early-20s confusion, but try not to. It's a daunting, unsupported time for some of us, but I do think things get better.
@Blackwatch Plaid Ahhhh double post. And it seems so aggressive out of context!
Had another first date last weekend. We perfected the first date sleepover by keeping things first date appropriate. Did I mention first date? I don't necessarily want to be a serial short-term dater, it's just happening that way. Anyway, keeping our sleep wear on was well worth it. But now we're both really busy and she'll be going on a trip to Portland and we aren't hanging out again until next Tuesday. I hope the initial excitement doesn't fade too much.
@whizz_dumb YEE! *high fives* WOO!
@whizz_dumb I can only handle so much of being a serial short-term dater before I get discouraged and need to take a break. Or, hopefully, meet somebody I like and get to less-short-term dating! A girl can dream right.
@redheaded&crazy I get discouraged, disgruntled, and disheveled. In that order. Then I shake that off and schedule a date, which makes me clean my apartment. Begin strange loop. The primary reason I'm dating a lot is to motivate myself to get myself and my living space all cleaned up. I'm joking, it's the secondary reason.
What is your favorite way to watch the Oscars? I think I might just have them on mute while I read my friends' Facebook status updates.
@miss buenos aires Same, with the exception that when the Avengers crew shows up I will spin my chair around fast enough to give myself whiplash.
@miss buenos aires For every awards show, I spend an hour or two beforehand watching the red carpet and shouting critiques about people's dresses to my husband, who does not give a shit. Then my friend comes over at the start of the show, and we order Thai food and drink wine while yelling about how the right (most deserving) show/movie/actor/director/writer/etc. never wins...or even gets nominated in the case of many TV shows.
@miss buenos aires I watched the James Franco/Anne Hathaway-hosted Oscars on mute with a book in hand and it was definitely the best Oscar-watching experience I've ever had...but I'm kind of a hater. I actually got a lot of reading done.
This week I started watching Being Human (UK) on my coworker's recommendation and it is KILLING ME. I am a grown-ass woman, I thought I was past the hot-vampires-with-emotional-problems phase, BUT NO.
@Elsajeni SOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT
SO SO SO HOT. THE HOTNESS.
@Elsajeni Oh, MAN! That show is so good. Or what I've seen of it so far. I'm only on episode...4, think? I had to turn it off 20 minutes in because Something Terrible was going to happen and I couldn't bear to watch it alone, so I'm waiting to finish it until I can get together with a friend who's also watching.
@Elsajeni It's going to destroy you. Fair warning.
@Elsajeni is that what that show is about? SIGN ME UP.
@anachronistique I am only 5 episodes in and I think it already has, which is probably not a good sign for my future sanity.
@par_parenthese I really can't emphasize the hotness enough.
@Elsajeni Seriously Mitchell HNNNNNGGGGGGGG
@par_parenthese ... do you have a Tumblr? Because I feel like we would get along well on Tumblr. Mine is here.
@Elsajeni Ohhh my god the 'fair warning it will destroy you' is not false by the way. I mean I LOVE THAT SHOW but I also have like... emotional trauma shaped like Mitchell, Annie, and George. So there is that.
@Elsajeni I feel like I'm too old for the whole world of Tumblrs? Is that a thing?
@par_parenthese I don't think so. I mean, I'm 27 and I'm definitely older than most of my Tumblr friends, especially the fandom types. But I really enjoy reading their posts, and having the kinda limited conversations that Tumblr allows with them, and I don't have the impression that they think I'm ancient and weird or anything.
Ugh, so I'm going out to dinner and then to see a play with some friends, but I'm really wanting to go out with these OTHER friends who invited me out after I had already made plans for tonight. Basically I'm feeling like a total bitch for not being psyched about dinner/play friends and wanting to be elsewhere.
@Heat Signature Sigh, that is the worst. Blah. Don't feel like a bitch though! Feel your feelings. It's all good. You'll probably still have an awesome time.
@Heat Signature go out after!its friday!
I have a bad comma habit, need to work on it, but I'm addicted, <-- SEE
@whizz_dumb Never change. Commas are, in fact, regardless of what modern, minimalist writers may tell you, the shit.
@par_parenthese I want to be a modern minimalist writer but I'm not always skilled in minimalism, or writing, or modernism, shewt.
@par_parenthese Yes, more commas, please.
@adorable-eggplant ALL THE COMMAS. (Also I love that the three of us always end up with an FOT thread all to ourselves. This might not be one, because the night is yet young, but.)
@par_parenthese It seems that we agree a lot, on things we like and things we don't like.
@whizz_dumb fuck convention, we're young, we write the way we talk
@whizz_dumb Henry James is with you on that one. (Except that's less of a comma problem, and more of an OH GOD WHEN WILL THIS SENTENCE EVER END problem.) Whatever, rock on with the punctuation of your choice.
@whizz_dumb Agreed, I love commas; semicolons are pretty dank too.
@whizz_dumb My coed touch football team is the Oxford Commas!
Just a quick AHHHHHHHHH at that picture.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION
I know, nightmare city.
OMG can we just talk about the difference in dentistry prices between socal and philly? i got work done this week for around $900 -root canal, crown, two wisdown extractions, a cavity fill, a cleaning and a whitening. of course also "consult" and xrays included. the SAME work i've been putting off as it was quoted to me at $3000+ both in socal and oregon.
*ok to be honest i only had the two extractions because i had panic attack, but i paid for it all and i'm going back wed. *runs and hides* i feel weird and i have been waiting patiently for friday so i could drink.
Where in Philly? I've tried the Penn dental school but it gets annoying when your current student graduates and you have to get a new one.
@LeafySeaDragon Why is dental work so costly? I got quoted for an implant recently (get a crown on your root canal so it doesn't crack when you eat candy)...$6000. SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. I can't.
@Pixie http://www.yellowpages.com/philadelphia-pa/mip/aramingo-family-dentistry-462382168 it's in a terrible nieghborhood. but if you get past that i can attest that dr. patel and his assistants were super patient with me and he's got TEENY TINY hands. i look for that in a dentist.
@ayo nicole ugh, on halloween i ate some candy and my back two molars cracked right off. thankfully one was a wisdom, but the other is like half gone. UGNNNHHHHHHHHH which to be fair the denist that filled them previously warned me about. he was all, "yo you need crowns on these dawg" and i was like "never gonna happen at 5 bills a crown doc, fill these bitches with composite!"
Thanks for the tip. Note I go to Penn dental, so I live in West Philly, where "terrible" is an descriptor with many variations and nuances.
@LeafySeaDragon Them shits is pricey!! Honestly, I just want to skip to dentures.
@LeafySeaDragon Whaaaat! I wish someone had told me this! Engaging in dental tourism in Philadelphia seems way more manageable than heading to Tijuana or Hungary.
I have this SuperSmart Smile plan, which is not really insurance, just a thing where I pay a company $25 a month to gouge me slightly less for care if I go to one of their preferred dentists. I'm still paying about $2K for a root canal and two crowns in Washington, but it beats the shit out of paying insurance premiums for a year before the company would even consider paying for a crown.
Many years ago I saw Nosferatu at an outdoor cinema in the botanic gardens in my city. Fruit bats were flapping across in front of the screen at regular intervals. Nice touch, fruit bats!
@plumb-bob Oooooooooooh. (Full disclosure: I <3 bats. I think they are AMAZING.)
@par_parenthese I just remembered there was a live organist playing the original score too! I also love bats, especially the fruit bats with their little foxy faces.
@plumb-bob Awesome! I <3 bats too. I recommend going to Austin and seeing the bats fly out at night - it's quite a spectacle.
I am entering week two of no shampoo, and I am... sort of indifferent to it? Other than feeling like a total hippie, of course. Anyone else doing no 'poo?
@J Walter Weatherman I tried it last year, and it did nothing for me. I was pretty indifferent, too. But my curls are pretty lank anyway, so it wasn't as though shampoo was really sapping their vitality. A very curly friend of mine swears by it and looks good, though. I think she does... what is it called, co-washing? I remember a long time ago she also tried cleaning her hair with quinoa. I can't remember what that was all about.
@J Walter Weatherman it never worked for me, but i wish it had! though i do wonder how my ancestresses managed with this hair and no daily washings.
@J Walter Weatherman I did it for a while, but I also had a buzz cut at the time so it's not like I could tell whether it made a difference or not. It was cheap, though!
@J Walter Weatherman I tried it in the fall and was also ambivalent about the results. It seemed like my scalp seemed healthier at first, but then seemed about the same.
I've just started co-washing! My hair is just so fragile, I'm hoping I'll get fewer split ends this way? So far, so good.
@J Walter Weatherman I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm just suuuuper lazy.
@RNL Yup, me too. I would rather just stand in hot water as long as it lasts than use the time to wash my hair. I regularly go for a week or so between washings.
@somewhere.my.love I've been trying to wean myself off of shampoo, but I think I'll keep co-washing (just recently started, like you did!) and using a sulfate-free shampoo every 10 days or so.
@J Walter Weatherman I am doing the curly girl co-washing and I am liking it quite a lot. I have only been doing for a few weeks though. I never really liked shampoo anyway.
YOU GUYS I signed up to do a Polar Plunge tomorrow to raise money for Special Olympics. I live in the Midwest, and it blizzarded yesterday. I am filled with dread! Whyyyy
@lasso tabasco Oh my gosh! I want to do this, too. I think ours is coming up. Let us know how it goes! p.s. can you just give them the money if you chicken out?
@lasso tabasco You should feel really good about yourself! That's an awesome thing to do. I wanted to do one once, when I lived in a blizzardy place, but my ex talked me out of it.
@Lu2 I'm not sure. I would consider chickening out, but I convinced a whole group of coworkers to dress up in big diapers and do this with me. Team Ice Ice Babies. OMG,
@professionalmess I wish I had someone to talk me out of this, kinda! But I'm sure I will feel good once its over!
@lasso tabasco Ice Ice Babies! You'll do great, I'm sure. It just takes a minute, right? And you'll feel so cohhhzy afterward and have a hot drink and a blanket.
I just want to hug Bradley Cooper and call it a week.
@lobsterhug Word! I feel like he gives good hug.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc Photographic Proof That Bradley Cooper Is Hollywood’s Happiest Hugger
I mean, how could I resist after that.
@lobsterhug OH MY GOD THAT'S THE BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN. Also, he seems tall? I don't know why I thought he was kind of a little dude, but RyGos looks about twelve next to him.
@lobsterhug My favorite is the Liam Neeson hug, Bradley Cooper looks like it's the best freaking day of his life :D
@lobsterhug THIS IS THE GREATEST. THE. GREATEST. :D :D :D
Any Boston pinners want to go to the Garment District with me, like, right now? I'm heading out and could use a shopping buddy!
There is an Austin Pinup House party this Saturday (tomorrow!) at 8:00 pm in Hyde Park.
It's gonna be SO.GREAT. We're all bringing food and drinks, and everyone is encouraged to bring guests.
Y'all, you can even bring guests who are dudes! I am! I am bringing my straight, single friend who is a dude and is also rad, and I told him that he would probably find his soulmate at this party. Because I'm all about keeping those expectations realistic. ANYWAY, just come!
For more deets, e-mail austinpinup at gee mail punto com.
@wee_ramekin hey how do you do the size thing, I need to round up my Denver people
(also if anyone would like to bring their single, butch, lesbian friend with them, i would not be opposed to meeting MY soulmate at this Pinup)
@Danzig! It is < font size='a number' > < / font size>
@wee_ramekin i want to come to this austin pinup, WHY must it be SO! FAR! AWAY!!!!
@wee_ramekin cool deal!
@wee_ramekin I will see you there! Huzzah!
I wish I could go. So lame. I go to bed at 7, because I have a terrible job.
my fella and i just booked a long weekend trip to Montreal! I'm so excited :) it will be our first trip together and I'm nervous but I know it's gonna be fun. We've been fighting a bit lately, but fighting like adults. Whee!
@planforamiracle Yay! I'm from there and am not cool so I probably won't tell you all of the coolest places to go because I am uncool, but if you want suggestions or whatever, I can totally help out!
(If the weekend happens to be next weekend, then you made a good choice! It's Nuit Blanche and there are museums and stuff open ALL NIGHT LONG.)
DENVER ARE YOU DOWN FOR NEXT WEEK??
Oh great, now I have to use giant fonts, just to keep up??
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll A font cold war looms.
@Danzig! Dammit, can there be a Denver pinup over the summer? I'll be out there for a visit at some time TBD.
@adorable-eggplant It's going to be a case of Mutually Assured Instruction, with the escalating attempts to get information.
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!
@par_parenthese Most of us will be here, I imagine! The google group was sort of discussing a March 2nd/3rd meetup but it's been quiet. We had a small one some weeks ago at a downtown brewery.
@Danzig! I'm in Denver! I did a pinup aaaages ago (last winter maybe? I think it was the first Denver meetup) but then sucked at follow-up or keeping up with the Google group. March 2nd/3rd could potentially work for me, though.
@TheBelleWitch was it at a little like... wine bar? I went to a Pinup with my best friend sometime in 2011. I know @Sox was there (tho I don't see her much on the site anymore). It's actually what started me reading / commenting on the site.
Look us up in the google group!
@Danzig! It was at Leela's downtown. I do remember @Sox being there, as well as several other cool mostly-lurkers whose contact info I regret losing. Anyway, I will get over to the google group.
@TheBelleWitch oh then we probably definitely met. I think I was one of several dudes there, but I showed up with a bespectacled blonde woman with a strange name. I'm going to try and get her to come out for this one too :)
@Amphora huh, that might've been me. Good song!
@Danzig! If you're in Chicago it totally was and THANK YOU!
@Amphora Hahaha, that was me! I saw him at Old Town a while ago.
@wallsdonotfall Yay! The slide guitar on a pole was the clincher.
oh it wasn't me then :( whoever posted it probably likes Swans on Facebook I imagine
@Danzig! oh right, the giant DENVER shoulda been a tip-off!
@Danzig! I like Swans a lot of places. My Father Will Guide Me Up A Rope To The Sky is so good.
@whizz_dumb the new one's even better! And the live album's better than that!
@Danzig! Seer is fucking amazing. I am still really pissed I missed them when they played in SF. I will buy this live album you exclaim of. You like the new Godspeed You! Black Emperor album?
What's the strangest and/or funniest thing that happened to you this week?
@KatieBarTheDoor I found my three-legged cat on the bathroom counter this morning. I thought she couldn't jump that high and it freaked me out! Maybe she's been sandbagging this whole time?
@KatieBarTheDoor it's not really strange or funny but I've been repeatedly encountering a local rabbit outside of my apartment, he likes to chill under the bushes but he's skittish. I've named him Floppy J
Saw a dude driving on a flat tire, while texting.
@KatieBarTheDoor Mine was riding the bus uncomfortably close to a man who, in between laughing uncontrollably and writing nonsense words on a piece of paper, kept yelling "Did you say something, schizo?!" at me.
@Danzig! What's the J for?
@KatieBarTheDoor Don't know, because he is named for Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse, and I don't know what the J in his name means.
@KatieBarTheDoor Went on a first date and the dude started drinking my drink.
@KatieBarTheDoor This is definitely more strange and less funny, but I got an email this week from the wife of the half-brother I just learned I have this past summer. Don't know how she got my email address, since I haven't had any contact with her or the dude, and I'm not entirely sure if I want to respond, soooooo. Yeah. Kind of weird.
@KatieBarTheDoor I picked up lunch in a drive-thru that was fully manned in the actual window but also had a manager standing outside getting payments/bringing food to people further back in the queue. I am not sure what they were hoping to do (expedite the process? Uhhhh?) but it wasn't really working, because clearly everyone was concerned about hitting the manager with a car.
@KatieBarTheDoor I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of what I thought was a woman or animal being murdered, but it was just a horny fox making screamy yelps.
Sitting on the roof of my new place and watched this guy ride by on a bike wearing an earflaps cap rapping "I'm--so--fresh, don't believe me, just ask".
So I am meeting with the company I want to work for on Monday and was told that we will discuss my comp history and expectations. Any good negotiating tips? I know this is somewhere that women often get hosed, and I'd love to be not hosed.
I've been out of the market for a while (like 5 years - PhD program), and while they company/industry is very similar to the one I left before going to grad school, I have no idea what has been going on with comp since I left the real world. So yes, give me your hard-nosed negotiating tactics, ladies!!
@HeyThatsMyBike I think the comment monster ate your comments because of the links, @Puppy in a Cup, but they showed up in my reply alert hairpin email. Thanks so much - the glassdoor numbers were helpful (wish there were more data points, but it is a start) and I'm going to spend some time combing the lifehacker negotiation tips before my meeting!!
Has anyone had any experience with Meetup.com? I haven't had any success expanding my social circle by conventional means after moving. I think it has to do with public transit, actually - when I was in New York I made a lot of friends from school, because after class we would all filter towards the subway and those of us taking the same train out would go get drinks in the neighborhood or w/e. Here in Denver you get out of class then you go straight to your car.
I guess it's sort of like OKCupid was initially? I mean in that there's this stigma around it, that it will be like a bad munch, just full of lonely old men and awkward dudes. Most things I would be interested in have <3 participants (less than three, not love) and I'd like to be able to mingle. Like a pinup but more frequent, and less reliable.
I signed up for a bunch of groups while zonked out on sedatives so we'll see what comes up, I guess.
@Danzig! I joined a bunch of Meetup groups last month when I moved to Boston, and I've gone to 3 meetings. I'm fairly shy and a bit of a homebody, so for me there's always a hint of awkwardness about it, but the experiences have been good. I made my first friend here through the first meeting I attended. The other two were fine for a pleasant evening, and I met some nice people, but it hasn't gone beyond that. I'm not very good at bridging the gap between having one conversation with someone and then expanding it into an actual friendship.
@Danzig! How long have you lived there? If it's just been in the winter/cooler weather, that's probably part of it. The front range is RAD TIMES in the summer -- so many many amazing things to do with chill CO people, and summer evenings are so pleasant that nobody wants to go inside, everyone wants to find a place to walk around and then a place to eat and drink outside. Way easier to socialize/meet people/hang when the weather's nice.
@KatieBarTheDoor That's encouraging! I feel you on the connection stuff, though, I tend to gravitate toward outgoing people who do a lot of the legwork. I don't imagine there are many people like that frequenting these events!
@par_parenthese I actually grew up in Loveland / Fort Collins, so I know what you mean :) I am greatly anticipating the Spring. If you wanted to hit up Rocky Mountain National Park in the Summer I would be down for that.
During the winter, at least, there's skiing, but it requires a bit of planning beforehand. And there's always a ton of great microbreweries, though it's not really my scene.
@Danzig! I've had great experiences with a couple of Meetup groups that I've joined. To me, the key thing is that it has to be an group where the central activity isn't just "make conversation with strangers" -- the book club I tried didn't work out for me, but the storytelling-games group and the mah-jongg group were great.
@Elsajeni oh mah gah there's another mah jongg playing hairpin reader? !!
@thisisunclear Yes, hi! I am TERRIBLE at it, though. What style do you play?
@Elsajeni American, I do believe, clutching to my little National Mah Jongg League card! I play with the old ladies of my family, so most of the year while at school I am extremely rusty : )
@thisisunclear Cool! I had never played before I joined the Meetup group, but I had wanted to learn for a while. There are folks in my club who play all styles, but the events on my side of town are all organized by a guy who plays mostly Japanese style, so that's what I've been learning.
I got a 78 on a test this week*, and it made me feel really bad about myself and my brain and whether or not I will be a good nurse practitioner some day (I literally haven't gotten less than an 80 on something since like, high school Calculus).
So that was terrible. But here is what was great. I wrote my friends an e-mail entitled "I got a 78 on a test and I want to die", which may or may not have included the lines:
"...if you're the kind of Ramekin who gets 78s, then, seriously, the world doesn't need you.
Goodbye, perhaps forever,
So, maybe that was a little melodramatic? But it's how I feeeeeeelt.
Here is what my [awesome] friends wrote back:
Friend # 1: Are you tiger momming yourself? SNAP OUT OF IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Grades are just a number. Made up by the man to oppress you. Don't let the man win.
Friend # 2: Onward and upward, li'l Virgo. This is an important step in your "I didn't do so hot at something, but it's still okay" journey. Just think of it as great preparation for your Saturn Return (which: WHOA). As my man Tupac says, you got to keep your head up. :)
Friend # 3: It does stink to get a lower grade and I'm sorry that happened. Trust this is not a reflection of you, your capabilities, intellect or your future. Everyone has a 'whhhhopsie' once and a while and it will be ok. Look at your big pic- you have all A's... Clearly this 1 C+ is not indicative of your smarts and talent, friend :) You're going be to be great NP- never question that, friend. [Ed. -- This one was from my best friend of like, 15+ years. Even though I didn't mention that I was afraid that this grade made me a failure at my life goal, she kneeeeeeeeeew that's what I thought.]
You guys. YOU. GUYS. Perfect mixture of support, "tough" love (I'm a Virgo; I can't deal with actual tough love), and encouragement. I might literally have the best friends in the entire world. (*happy, grateful sobs*)
* - Probably the final grade will be at least an 80, because there was a 10-point extra credit essay at the end. I know I got at least two points-worth of credit from it. #pleaseohgod
@wee_ramekin Speaking as an ex-teacher, if your grade on a test is bothering you it is perfectly acceptable-and encouraged!-to talk to the teacher about it. Chances are you will either get a "I know you're a great student and this is just a blip" speech or a "Ok, here is what you need to work on, and also these things coming up on future tests because they are similar" speech. This is something you can take control of, and there are people there to help you do it!
That said, the world is totally random, grading is 50% the grader's mood anyway, and I can tell you as a test grader who worked with test graders and helped make standards by which tests are graded that the whole process is hilariously imperfect and barely reflects anything, really, not even how well you test.
Also you are awesome and you should listen to people who tell you you are awesome.
@Cawendaw Aw, thanks :)!
This was a multiple choice test, except for the extra-credit essay at the end. And I will readily admit that I didn't study for the class the way I should have. This class is sooooooo boring to me, for some reason. Usually I can find *something* to be excited about in any class - even if it's just the prospect of a column of neat numbers in pencil on my otherwise-hated math homework - but I can't seem to find that for this class.
So, on the good side, the shameful 78 will cause me to actually study, since God knows nothing else about this class will...
@wee_ramekin Listen to @Cawendaw and go see your professor. Also, you will be an excellent NP.
@wee_ramekin *overdramatic sigh* So after a couple drinks I start listing starboard, by which I mean pervy, and so I keep trying to come up with naughty puns about nurses and practitioners and how you can (something something) anytime, but also after a couple of drinks I can't come up with, like, vocabulary for said naughty puns? So just imagine me tipsily saying something about practitioning, and maybe chuckle indulgently if you feel like it? OK.
@wee_ramekin Oh god, I know this feeling. The entire time I was in school my self-worth was so tied up in my grades/school "smartness." Then I missed a final in college due to being doped up for the pain of a second-degree sunburn on my leg, and I got a zero on the final but still passed the class with a C, and I had to be like, "okay, good enough." (I still kind of wish I had opportunities to brag about my SAT scores now, six years out of high school, but even if I did nobody would pretend to be impressed.) You are a smart and worthy person no matter your grades, and it sounds like you've got some bomb-ass friends who know just what to say, which is GOLD.
No I can't! Anyway Hairpin, how's your sex life? It's THE ROOM thread!
@Danzig! I definitely have breast cancer.
@Danzig! If you think I'm tired today, wait until you see me tomorrow.
I did not hit her. I did noooot.
Oh hi, Mark.
she saw me underwears!
Why are you doing this to me? Why?
@Danzig! You're tearing me APART, Lisa!
@Maladydee I'm FED UP with this world!
@Danzig! Hi Doggy.
@Hot Doom I DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU... CHICKEN! CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP
@Danzig! You don't understand ANYTHING man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!
@Hot Doom Thanks Johnny! You're my favorite customer!
sooooo I am just starting to read AHP and @melis's article on Crash, and I have a question.
I um... found an old journal of my boyfriend's this one time, and I read a couple of pages, because I am terrible. One page was all about him having a hard time getting over his ex. Fine. BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE was like "I just saw Crash, and wow, this movie is such a great exploration of racism and society! This is my type of movie!"
This was the point at which I realized that yes snooping is always its own punishment, if only for cinema-related reasons, and slammed the diary shut and put it away.
But also WTF???????????????
@Emmanuelle Cunt How young was he when he wrote it? Because adolescents often think dumb things are deep. I'd let him off the hook if he was young and dumb, but if he was like 33 when he wrote it, then there's one of those "I love you in spite of..." things for you to write him in a poem someday.
I have read
that was on
you were probably
burned years ago
it was hilarious
you liked crash?
Also I wanna say it must've been in 06 if he saw the movie in theatres here, so he would've been in his mid-20s. I think it's not THAT ridiculous. And... he's doing postgrad research on bias and racism now.
@Emmanuelle Cunt I was dating a guy who told me his favorite movie was Benjamin Button, which I hadn't seen. So I watched it and then I was like... I can't find an appropriate emoticon. I was like WHUT. I have a few other movies that are dealbreakers if I find out a dude really likes them.
@Emmanuelle Cunt AMAZING
Also I wonder if he'd still like it if he saw it again today given what he's studying? Let's make ourselves feel better and say no.
@Emmanuelle Cunt No judgement here, but I gotta say...THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER READ ANYONE ELSE'S JOURNAL/DIARY/NOTEBOOK OF PERSONAL THOUGHTS. (And when I say no judgement, I do mean it--it's not like I've never snooped, or "accidentally" snooped.)
Also, I remember liking Crash when I saw it and I was in my early 20s--we all change and grow and realize that the stuff we liked at one point was and is total embarrassing crap.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Sometimes you just feel awkward talking to your diary, and you blurt something out just to break the silence, and then you realize you accidentally told your diary you love "Crash," and your diary thinks you're for real, and then you find yourself avoiding eye contact with your diary when you run into it at a bar.
@Katzen-party DEFINITELY, no argument here! The Universe meted out its justified revenge very, very immediately.
@Emmanuelle Cunt The Universe certainly has a way of doing that, doesn't it? Every single time I've snooped, I've found out something I wish I didn't know...
@Emmanuelle Cunt That's awesome. Snooping is indeed its own punishment! (I'm a huge snoop. I used to read my best friend's diary all the time, and I read one episode in which I was idiotically, teenagely, obliviously mean and exclusive to her and have felt guilty about it ever since!) That is pretty great though, especially considering what he is doing now. My biggest non-dealbreaker dealbreaker was when Jack Johnson came on on Pandora after I had just had sex with this guy, and he was like "I love Jack Johnson. I wish I could be just like him and travel around the world and surf." I had absolutely nothing to say, so I didn't say anything.
@Emmanuelle Cunt My parents have this problem, where they judge a movie based on its intentions and political message rather than its goodness. They liked "Crash," and "Avatar," and "Titanic" (based on its exploration of class issues (???)). They didn't like "The Artist," because of the main character's movies when he was a star. It's just something I have to accept about them and take into consideration when I am recommending movies. I felt pretty safe recommending "Rise of the Planet of the Apes."
I just want to say thanks to the Pinners who talked me down last week - my frigging period is finally here and I am quite relieved. Many thanks for the reassurances, you guys.
I also want to say thank you to whoever recommended The Little Stranger, I think in a comment thread on one of the book posts - I just finished it and am just blown away. Also, Caroline. :(
@sandwiches *sigh of relief*
I found out yesterday afternoon that I am definitely getting my gallbladder removed next Wednesday. According to the surgeon, significant weight loss is one of the leading causes of gallbladder issues -- something about the change in weight and stuff just ruins a gallbladder. And since I've been working for over a year now to eat less crap and exercise more, I've kind of lost a good bit. Which... totally killed my gallbladder.
So I'm having surgery to remove it next Wednesday. Oddly enough, I'm significantly less freaked out by this than I was by my wisdom teeth (which were earlier this month -- apparently it's "remove things from Scandyhoovian" season). I am not quite sure why.
I've also been feelng some general unhappiness about my job and general "not doing what I actually want to be doing" and I've started applying to jobs more related to the writing/editing I would really like to be doing, so any good vibes you guys want to send my way (re: my innards and/or my job search) would be greatly appreciated!
@Scandyhoovian :( BAH HUMBUG, GALLBLADDER. Good thoughts winging your way.
@Scandyhoovian Ugh, yes, I also had my gallbladder freak out and need to be removed because I lost a bunch of weight. What bullshit. (And also had it happen just a couple months after getting my wisdom teeth out!)
The surgery itself, assuming they do it laparoscopically, is really not at all bad. I had a bad time with the anesthesia, but other than that it really was... easier than getting my wisdom teeth out, with less recovery time, and I felt SO much better even a week afterwards that I wished I'd done it ages ago. If you are someone who ever gets motion sick (there's a demonstrated correlation between people who get motion sick and people who have bad bad nausea after general anesthesia), talk to your anesthesiologist/surgeon/nurse and ask if you can wear a motion sickness patch during the surgery or something else they suggest to avoid having a bad reaction to the anesthesia. Seriously, it took me like 5 days to get over the yuckiness of the anesthesia reaction but by then I felt basically fine from the actual surgery.
Anyway, sending you good thoughts on the health and work fronts!
@Scandyhoovian Good luck with your gallbladder! I had mine out 2 years ago. It's just something that runs in my family; we all end up getting them out eventually, and mine just crapped out a bit earlier than normal.
It's INSANE how quickly you will feel better. I mean, surgery, yeah it's tough on your body, but your body can tell right away that it's not gonna have that fucker dragging it down anymore. Especially if they can do it laparascopically, it's probably as easy as surgery can possibly get.
@Scandyhoovian Do you get to keep the gallbladder? And have it bronzed or something?
@miss buenos aires I got to keep some of my gallstones, when I had mine out! They gave them to me in a little bottle.
@Scandyhoovian I've had my wisdom teeth and my gall bladder removed, and the gall bladder was much easier. General anesthesia, only one night in the hospital, and no need to hold bags of frozen peas to your face. I didn't get to keep my gallstones, but my doctor took a polaroid of my gall bladder and gave it to me. Wishing you a speedy recovery!
I hyperextended my knee playing [American two-hand touch] football last Sunday. It still hurts like a motherfucker and I have to take the stairs reeeeal slow which makes you really popular on the subway. And the worst part is that my team made the playoffs which are this Sunday and I don't get to play!! I admit that I should probably have more going on in my life than coed social league football, but baseball season hasn't started yet and it's still two weeks till my manfriend comes to visit. Boo. I need a new video game.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc Update: I self-medicated with Advil, takeout, and three episodes of Law & Order and am feeling much better :)
I have a 4th interview next Tuesday at a company I really like! I just hope this is close to the end of the interview process, because it's been a bit long.
@Dancercise ME TOO! I had my first interview with the place I referenced above almost 3 months ago.
Anyway, GOOD VIBES to you!
@Dancercise FOURTH interview?? Sheez. I'm exhausted just thinking about that!!
Ooo ooo: I have a question I have been dying to ask since yesterday! Do you guys think it's rude to take a dump in a public toilet? I'm not talking about personal hangups -- I think we'd all *prefer* to do our #2s at home. But like, if you're at a restaurant and someone comes out of a one-seater and you go in and it's all stinky, are you like, "Ugh, how rude"? My client yesterday was telling me he feels that way and I was like ".... but I think I've pooed in YOUR toilet, does that mean I was being rude every time I did it?" My personal feelings are that bathrooms are gross and stinky no matter what, and I'd rather risk someone else's displeasure than be uncomfortable. But I also think I'm more gross than most people so who knows?
@Oliver St. John Mollusc Sometimes pooping rules go out the window. One seaters qualify in my opinion as a safe haven for pooping. Also airport bathrooms, because if you've just come off a 5 hour flight and need to take a dump a sea level, you shouldn't be judged.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc WHY would that possibly be rude? Hello, we are human, we have bodily functions!
@Oliver St. John Mollusc I POOP IN ANY TOILET I WANT
Maybe it's kind of gross sometimes (every time), but I would never consider it rude.
@machinesss I am seriously so relieved! I always worry that I'm being gross, especially when people say shit like "I take a cab home to poop" and I'm all 0_o WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BUT MAYBE EVERYONE DOES???
@Oliver St. John Mollusc PEOPLE TAKE CABS HOME TO POOP WTF MY BRAIN
Now that I think about it though, a friend of mine in grad school almost refused an awesome semi-drunk post-class hangout because she had to take a dump and thought it would be weird to do it in someone else's bathroom? I mean, it is literally what toilets are FOR.
@par_parenthese RIIIIGHT? That's always my rationale. But crazy people make me wonder if I'M the crazy one! Oh well, it's New York -- everyone here is crazy in one way or another.
@machinesss that's the promise of America, right there.
@HeyThatsMyBike Sometimes the poop itself goes out the window, if you're in a David Sedaris story.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc BUT TOILETS ARE MADE FOR POOPING! If you won't let people poop, why even HAVE a toilet? Why not just install some kind of elaborate unisex urinal with automatic Glade spritzes and a relaxing 'ocean noises' soundtrack for optimum polite peeing?
@all BTW I am really pleased to be the person that got the FOT to talk about poop :)
@Oliver St. John Mollusc
It's only rude to poop in actual public.
There's no way I can not poop in public toilets. The butt wants what the butt wants.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc My question is, when I *do* stink up a one-seater (since it is not rude), and someone is standing outside the door waiting to go in, then when I go out do I tell them to prepare themselves or wait a minute for the fan to do its work, or do I just run away wordlessly? This is particularly a quandry for me at work, where I don't want to admit to just pooping when I'm in a professional setting, but I also don't want anyone to go gossipping about how KeLynn stunk up the bathroom and let them walk right into it.
@KeLynn This is why you keep a pack of matches in your purse. Light a couple of matches once you've flushed and leave them floating in the toilet bowl. Not only will it reduce the smell, it will also wordlessly tell the person after you "Hey. I smell matches. That must mean that the person coming out pooped or farted in here. I can prepare myself accordingly".
Matches: they are great.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc
Toilets are for using! I have gotten to the point of shamelessness/impending 30's/ badassery where I DO NOT CARE what noises I make in a bathroom, EVEN IF IT'S MULTIPLE STALLS. I shock myself with my lack of caring!
But I do use two tactics for air quality: "courtesy flush" and "keep legs tightly closed".
@wee_ramekin I been told they don't play well with plumbing! But yes, very handy. And so fun.......
@Danzig! Well, as to that issue, you could also just light them, then turn on the sink and wet the heads of the matches to make *sure* they are extinguished, then throw them out in the trash.
Matches: there is always a way to use them.
@KeLynn Carry multiple copies of "Everybody Poops" around with you, and leave one propped up behind the sink faucet when you leave a one-hitter stinky.
@HeyThatsMyBike I know it's a terrible waste of water, but what about a double-flush? That way everything is cleaned away.
And yes, sometimes bathrooms smell, but whatever, they're bathrooms. As long as they're clean, it doesn't really matter, because (as everyone else has said) they were made for these things. I remember once in high school a girl in the bathroom (we had some book lockers in the larger bathrooms, because they were close to classrooms, so I guess this girl's locker was in the bathroom) literally shouted out "Wait until you're HOME to poop, people!" and I was like, that doesn't make any sense.
On a more pleasant-smelling note: what are people into from BPAL these days? I just re-upped on Imps Ears and I'm really liking Nefertiti, Vicomte de Valmont, and Ochosi in particular.
So for the all-but-one-of-you who aren't my FB friends (what's up @siniichulok), here's what happened this afternoon:
stonefruit: [is looking at the book display while listening to her hometown radio station]
skeevy guy: [comes up behind stonefruit and caresses her hip with his hand]
stonefruit: [freaks out, but quickly thinks - wait maybe I know this person?, whips around, sees it is a stranger]
stonefruit: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.
skeevy guy: I was just trying to get your attention.
stonefruit: THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE WHAT THE HELL.
skeevy guy: I was just trying to get your attention.
stonefruit: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T GET TO TOUCH ME!
skeevy guy: I was just trying to get your attention.
stonefruit: YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T GET TO TOUCH ME!
skeevy guy: [gets all wide-eyed, starts slowly backing away]
skeevy guy: I was just trying to get your attention.
stonefruit: YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T GET TO TOUCH ME!
skeevy guy: [continues backing away]
stonefruit: [turns to go to the hold shelf, then doubles back, having decided to report his skeevy ass]
skeevy guy: [is gone]
That was some patriarchal, male gaze, female bodies as public property BULLSHIT.
@stonefruit Ick, I am so sorry. I just got the shudders. I am proud of you for yelling at him! Usually I just freak out quietly & never call dudes out on this bullshit.
@stonefruit WHAT. WHAT EVEN. Oh my god.
@stonefruit Jesus, that's terrible! WTF, man?? Kudos to you for having the wherewithal to shout at him - I know it can be hard to do anything BUT panic/freeze in those situations.
@stonefruit yuck yuck yuck, I hate that shit so much
@stonefruit But the good news is you are a fucking badass? Because damn, girl. That was a righteous up-yours to The Man right there.
@stonefruit Good for you for calling him out on that shit! Seriously though, on what planet is that a more acceptable manner of getting someone's attention than, like, speaking to them?
[grumbles about rape culture]
@stonefruit Good for you! You are my shero. My one experience with inappropriate stranger touching was on the Buenos Aires subway, when it was super crowded, too crowded to turn around or move, and I felt something that could have been a boner on my leg. "Maybe it's not a boner," I thought, but then it really felt like a boner. So I took my heel and ground it as hard as I could into the foot that I was pretty sure was attached to the boner and lo and behold, that boner melted away. I like your approach better, though.
@stonefruit Yeah seriously, way to use your words! I get too enraged for complete sentences. The last time someone harassed me on the street I just yelled "NO," and that was only because I took a self-defense class where we learned all about using our mean voice with creepy dudes. Still, it got the job done!
@stonefruit You handled that bullshit like a champ. You shouldn't have had to, but still, good on you for screaming bloody murder.
@stonefruit I yelled almost the same thing at a guy!
I got on a bus at night alone sort of crying or post-crying (I think I had just had a fight with my boyfriend, or I was in my 20s or whatever) and I sat in an empty two-person spot by the window. There were only men on the bus around me. This guys sits next to me (so sort of trapping me in) and he put his arm around me (shoulders, neck) and I just flipped. He starts being like "hey, are you okay...?" and I just shoved him off and yelled "DON'T TOUCH PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW!".
I hoped guys around would hear me. I hoped he would learn a lesson.
It is also understandable to be too scared, or for whatever reason stay quiet when a guy is a creep, but when I can summon it, I tell them off loudly. It makes me hope they will think twice before doing it to a woman another time who might not feel able to push them off.
And sorry that happened to you.
@stonefruit I ushered a terrible, terrible event last summer full of intoxicated assholes. Some of these intoxicated assholes were male, and my being a young woman (especially in a service position! But who was being mean to them! So confusing!) obviously meant that they biologically couldn't control themselves. (Sarcasm, vomit.) A bunch of them came up and tried to touch me or grab my arm or shoulder, either to talk or try to cajole me or, in the case of one idiot, dance.
Every time, it was some variation of this.
Me: Do. Not. Touch. Me.
Guy: But [bullshit, continues touching me]
Me: I don't care. Do. Not. Touch. Me.
Guy, whinily: Woah, jeez, sorry.
The other evening in a crowded bar, some guy used squeezing behind my smaller friend as an excuse to put his hand on her waist. I elbowed him in the stomach and kicked him as he passed me. Oopsie!
@everyone aw, y'all! Thank you for saying such nice things! It was momentarily terrifying, but blessedly quite brief, and I felt pretty good about freaking this guy out so badly that he ran out of the library.
I did feel very weird about yelling in a library, though. On the other hand, I imagine that was partly what he was banking on (heightened societal pressure not to respond loudly).
My boyfriend is out of town (he left last night) & I already miss him. #codependent
This week my roommate shouted at me about tupperware! Tupperware!!!! It was a blast. I enveloped her in my "relentlessly cheerful, icily polite" glowing aura of wonder, but hey, it didn't work. So I blasted some Katy Perry.
Never have I ever been more excited to move in with my man in August, due to the combo of the two above things.
@honey cowl Ugh, one of my coworkers gave me crap the other day about leaving a (tiny) snapware container in the break room for 24 hours. Like, I know it's a shared space and we have to be respectful, but come on! She's also been known to throw people's things out, though, so I retrieved it and just grumbled to myself.
@frigwiggin When I stayed with friends in New York last month, I showered one morning and used one of the towels that was hanging up in the (very neat) bathroom. Later that day the friend I was staying with received an email from her roommate telling her that the bathroom towels are for decorative purposes only and are not to be used. The next morning there were no towels in the bathroom.
To be fair to her, she clearly has some form of OCD - when someone moves a chair in the living room, or puts silverware on the drying rack business-side down instead of up, she gets upset to the point of tears. It's really kind of awful.
@honey cowl @Danzig! My roommate drew a diagram on the fridge white board of how the silverware is supposed to be sorted into the different silverware compartments in the refrigerator. I'm sympathetic.
@Ellie wait why did she have silverware in the fridge? Does she only eat really fancy salads?
@Danzig! Uhh, brain dead moment. I meant the dishwasher. In the dishwasher. And he's a guy, interestingly.
I should probably wait at least until summer comes around again to try and organize another mixtape swap thing, right? Right. Don't exhaust the people, Friggy.
@frigwiggin I'd be game, but then again, I live across the street from a post office, which makes it a lot less trouble.
@frigwiggin same, I live a block away from a UPS store. I can try out Amazon things and return them with no hassle!
I need to start making stuff again, really.
@Danzig! @Audley Huh, okay! This is kind of far down on the page so probably lots of people won't see it, so I'll put out a formal call for emails next FOT and see what the response is like. Then again, even if it's only two people, you can trade with each other, it's just not like an intermediary (ie me) is really necessary for that.
@frigwiggin Whoa whoa whoa, mixtape swap? That's awesome!
Unless they're, like, real mixtapes, because I was born in the 90s and I don't know how to do that. Mix CDs though! Is digital media okay?
@chnellociraptor It's mix cds (I also have no clue how one even goes about making a mix tape). I participated in the last exchange and it was a ton of fun.
I wish I didn't care so much about being liked.
@frigwiggin we like u
@frigwiggin Ha oh boy ouch yes me too. All of that. (I especially wish I didn't care so much about being liked by my teenage students GAH and that I could figure out an appropriate, non-sociopathic level of trying to be kind and connected to other humans and generous while AT THE SAME TIME maintaining some sense of self and boundaries and not just subjugating myself to whoever I'm besties with right now OH GODS I NEED THERAPY SORRY WORD VOM.)
*sympathetic hug that turns into sob-fest*
@frigwiggin Man do I ever know that feeling. You consistently post things that make me smile and/or think to myself, "right on!" though.
@Danzig! I like u 2, Danzigie
@par_parenthese I hear that word vom, dude. I need therapy too, because even when people like me I have this problem where I think they might stop liking me at any minute if I make a mistake, and I am going to try to get myself a therapy appointment next week. *hug, sob*
@Maladydee That is extremely sweet and a wonderful thing to hear! Sometimes I back off on posting around here because I assume I am annoying everyone, but I guess if I were, everyone would find a kind, gentle Hairpin way to tell me so. :)
I feel like you were one of the first people to be really welcoming when I started posting? And you're one of the pinners I most look forward to hearing from on Topics and Ideas. So *looks down bashfully* I like you, friggie dear... :)
@par_parenthese Aw jeez aw jeez. *shuffles feet* I like you too! You are Rad. The Hairpin is such a good, thoughtful community, I am once again glad to be here.
@frigwiggin innit? I think you were around last week when my best friend got drunk and sort of clumsily insulted my looks / implied that she was bored of me. I'm still sort of reeling from that
@Danzig! Ay! That's a tough draw, friend. I know all too well how much that sort of thing hurts to hear (see: 1) getting dumped because he had no physical attraction to me and thought he wouldn't be able to stop himself from cheating on me at an event we were both going to, and 2) two best friends having a long conversation about how I was too frail to make it in the real world and would get crushed flat, and then sending me that convo to try and help me)--for the record, I 100% agree with @adorable-eggplant's advice. It's hard to shake that shit off. But your value as a person remains regardless of what was said, and I hope you remember that even if you can't feel it fully.
@frigwiggin I LIKE YOU A LOT. And I love your contributions in the beauty Q&A threads and how encouraging you are!
(And I have been having a terrible hormonally-induced "everyone secretly hates me" week, so I feel you. <3)
@anachronistique You too are Rad and my friend! I hate those feelings and will do my part to try and combat them by giving you an internet hug. You are smart and funny and a fine individual.
I just want say FRIDAY BARGAIN BIN, I MISS YOU. What the hell am I supposed to do with my free time when there's no Jane telling me what to buy?
I CANNOT stop laughing at this episode of Supersizers. Good gracious. Starting about 22 minutes in they go to an electricity demonstration and it's just... it's the greatest thing.
(Side note: Giles and Sue make me want to buy a Trapper-Keeper just so I can write all over the cover, "Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs. Perkins-Coren-Parenthese" in bubble letters with hearts around it.)
@par_parenthese Seriously watch it. I can think of like ten of you who would just have a fit. DO IT. DOO EEEEET.
@par_parenthese Oh man, I definitely had a few weeks a while ago where I was just marathoning all the Supersizers I could find on Youtube. The French Revolution! SUE IN HER HOOPS AND PANNIERS. Crying laughing.
@anachronistique It's one of my most reliable I'm-having-a-crap-day-I-need-a-laugh shows. Sue looking like a cat in a dress (but being totally nonchalant and lovely), and Giles looking GORGEOUS, absurd codpieces/Mr. Darcy sideburns/Restoration wigs notwithstanding.
@par_parenthese Now I'm watching the Roaring Twenties one. They both look so foxy.
@anachronistique SO foxy. And we are episode twinsies! I'm watching the Roaring Twenties one too!!!!eleven!!
I do think Giles looks the best in the Regency one. Those sideburns. That hat. Those trousers. PHWOAR.
@par_parenthese SUPERSIZERS IS THE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION AND SUE PERKINS IS THE PERFECT HUMAN.
I mean, oh, you like that show too?
Did you see this, @Cawendaw? PHWOARx1000
LET'S TALK ABOUT PUPPIES* I'M GETTING ONE THIS WEEKEND**
*Well, if by "puppy" you mean "three year old beast of a dog" because I don't want an actual baby dog
**As long as my application*** is approved, which I am 99% sure will be the case
***Since when is adopting a dog so complicated? I really thought I would be able to just waltz into a pound and say "I want a dog, I'll be nice to it" and they would throw them at me. Surprisingly, I am being asked to fill out applications, write short essays, let them ask my vet about my last dog's health history, and consent to letting strangers in my home to see if I'm fit to raise a dog.
@KeLynn What kind what kind what kind?????
@professionalmess The AdoptAPet profile says he's a lab/shepherd mix, but I'm not seeing the lab in him. I'm guessing he's more of a shepherd/golden or maybe even a shepherd/chow? Who knows! I love mutts!
@KeLynn Is he the cutest??? Urgent question.
@KeLynn SHEPHERD MIXES ARE THE BEST DOGS!
(Besides my pitbull, because he is also the best dog.)
I love my Shep/Collie/Lab/? Mix! Got her in August. Make sure you get your dog checked out for arthritis/musculoskeletal problems after you adopt him, and if he does show signs... think twice about allowing him to tear off after squirrels or whatnot. My doggie tore her ACL last week romping around at the dog park and gets surgery tomorrow. Dogs!!
@leastimportantperson The cutest EVER. We DID get him and he's been soaking up all the attention and he is SO FLUFFY and I think he definitely has chow, so he has that "snout is ever so slightly too short for his face" thing that just melts my heart into little pieces. And when he wants attention, he just calmly walks over and puts his paw on your knee. AND he's a little chubby, which we are obviously going to take care of for health/happiness reasons, but damn if it doesn't make him even cuter right now.
@DIES IMMORTALES!!! Yikes! My last dog had arthritis, but not until she was pretty old, so I hadn't even thought of looking for that now. He just had a checkup today and the vet didn't mention anything so hopefully everything's A-OK at this point!
Ugh ugh ugh, I met some guy yesterday at a pub night thing bc we had a mutual friend, and he was hitting on me and I was briefly flattered by the attention but not interested, and as soon as I realized what was going on I stopped acting flirtatious, and he's not from here and did that European "I will tell you directly that I'm interested" thing which can be kind of nice, and I gave him my number to be polite - he had invited me to go to a play tonight and I was noncommittal - so he texted me about the play this afternoon and I replied I was going to my roommates' concert and couldn't go (I did NOT say "Maybe some other time" or sound apologetic), to which he said "Have fun tonight, maybe I'll see you tomorrow" (???) and he just now at 9:40 texted me and said "Hey, I think you're really sexy. I just wanted to let you know." Ugh, ugh, ugh. I am totally repulsed and creeped out. How is that OK to say to someone you just met? Gross.
@Ellie Seriously Gross.
@Ellie ugh. Maybe tell yr mutual friend that his europal is being a creep? Might be something to think about if it keeps up
@Danzig! Welp, apparently it was the guy I was talking about above (with the infinitely repeating weird interactions), fucking with me somehow, who actually sent that text. Or not. It seems very obscure. He texted me "I think you're really hot" from his own phone, which is seemingly a joke, and invited me out but I'm not going. Instead I am going to bed. Everything is weird.
@Ellie whoa! Yeah, I've been "anonymously" sexted by a person before and she was baaad news. Sounds like this dude doesn't know how to act
@Ellie I am very confused by this whole story (as are you, it seems!), but I think there's more ammo for the idea that the Cycle of Weirdness guy needs to go. I had a guy like him in my life before, and in spite of the magnetism and the thought that we'd maybe figure things out and be normal, he's now he's married to somebody else (turns out it was a girl he started dating in the middle of our weirdness) with a kid. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 - you have plenty of friends and don't need one that confuses the shit out of you and is - generally speaking - a pretty monstrous douche toward you. hashtag realtalk.
@Ellie Danzig! is correct. This dude does NOT know how to act. He is trying to make you second-guess yourself and IMHO, saw that Euro-boy is interested and wants to derail that because he wants to keep you uncertain and focused on him and his hot-and-cold bullshit. He ain't want you but nobody else can have you either. That's just wrong on so many levels.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Yeah, you're totally right. I think he really likes the dynamic where other people are interested in me but I prefer him (this also happened before when I slept with one of his friends, and he tried to get me to hook up w/that guy again but then continued to talk about sexual things with me, invited me to come over for sex then rescinded it all in the same convo). Like, last night after those texts I called him and he had the Euro guy answer it, then got back on, tried to convince me to come out, and got kind of pissed off that I didn't. He texted me "Sorry for being a drunk weirdo" at 9:30 this morning but I'm increasingly fed up and you are all so right. Typed up like this it is so glaringly obvious how dumb it is to continue to be compelled by this situation.
@Ellie Just don't waste any time blaming this on yourself or feeling dumb about it. The guy sounds like he is REALLY good at providing you with inconsistent rewards + weirdly flattering possessive nonsense, and anyone in the world could end up getting hooked by that kind of thing. It doesn't make you dumb that you assumed someone who likes to talk about sex, gives you sexual compliments, and says he wants to hang out, is probably interested in you. In fact he is interested in you... he is interested in seeing you squirm and do his bidding.
You deserve honest, kind, fun partners who prefer seeing you smile to jerking you around like a fish on a line.
@Ellie - @Emmanuelle Cunt's point cannot be stressed enough! The importance of you recognizing that this is a very common trap and not you being dumb is paramount! Like I said, I've done it, too, and I am not a stupid person! It's really easy to get caught up in this, and when you get out of it (which you will - sooner or later - but hopefully sooner!) you'll be able to see the blatant manipulation a lot more clearly. Looking up variable reinforcement operant conditioning schedules. That's what this is, and your response is what basically every mammal does! I think we're all just hoping you learn from our mistakes sooner than we did!
Can I brag a little?
Two-three weeks ago, during a meeting, my coworker played on his harmonica "Ain't she sweet" which was dedicated to me. The song was Milton Ager who wrote "Ain't She Sweet" for his daughter Shana Ager. Shana Ager (more famously known as Shana Alexander ) was an anthropology major.
I'm an anthropology major. :D
@clarita that's a pretty thoughtful gift by sheer virtue of its esoteric nature!
Sadly I missed the open thread, but if there's any weekend readers: I think I just made the greatest realization of my life. I am Hypoglycemic! Which does not sound like good news but it is such a relief to know why I felt so terrible and that there is a simple-ish solution. For months I'd been feeling regularly depressed, tired, light-headed, confused, and nauseous. My vision was blurry and half my body felt like it was falling asleep. I couldn't stop shaking and my muscles felt so weak, I would just knock things over or drop them constantly. ' I finally googled "low blood sugar" this week and found that every one of my symptoms matches. I thought I was losing my mind and my body was falling apart but it turns out I just need to change my eating habits! It is absolutely insane how intensely low blood sugar affected me. I still don't feel 100%, but I've been so much less depressed the last few days all ready. Is anyone else here hypoglycemic? How do you manage your diet? Do you consult a doctor? As thrilled as I am to know what's wrong, the sad part is that I'm a pastry cook by trade. My two main food groups of flour and sugar will make me sick! At least I don't have Celiac, I guess...
@Tropical Iceland I feel like you should definitely consult a doctor if it's within your budget!
@Tropical Iceland I am also hypoglycemic! The only time I saw a doctor about it was when I was diagnosed in high school and was told to make sure I eat every few hours. It's not too hard, I just keep various snacks on me at all times. The trick is finding stuff that will give you enough energy. I usually go for oranges, bananas, pepper slices, baggies of almonds, or those little individually wrapped cheeses, plus I've got emergency granola bars in all of my bags.
@Tropical Iceland I was also diagnosed hypoglycemic in junior high and I do the same as @crango - eat every couple hours. I found reducing the amount of sugar I ate as a whole was really helpful, so I try to make my snacks high in protein or vegetable-based. I limit fruit/sweet treats as a whole.
@Danzig! I see my doctor every few months for a prescription. It's not expensive, but I think I will wait until my next appointment to bring it up, especially since so much of treating hypoglycemia depends on individual variances. Thanks for the advice you guys! I've been trying to eat more often, especially at work. I also have found it really helpful to make sure I eat before bed and don't drink without eating. I've cut down on my sugar intake, but I think I've really got to cut down more on caffeine, so that's next. The only hard part is that I work in the pastry department of a restaurant. The easiest thing for me to snack on is always sugar. I end up eating a lot of cheese.
New York art-history types: I got an email from a recruiter about a job as a PR associate at a big gallery. Let me know (look me up on FB or the HFC) if you are interested in getting in touch with the recruiter:
Public Relations Associate
Communications & Public Relations
Director of Communications
The Public Relations Associate is responsible for supporting the development and execution of the gallery’s media relations and public relations functions. This individual will support all public relations efforts in accordance with the overall vision and objectives of the company.
Work closely with public relations team to develop a comprehensive and strategic public relations plan and implement approved editorial strategies with editors and other key press contacts.
Maintain and develop positive relationships with press contacts both nationally and internationally.
Develop creative pitches and story angles to place articles in approved media outlets in accordance with overall editorial strategy.
Organize media previews to highlight certain exhibitions, art fairs or events.
Identify and propose methods for capturing new editorial opportunities. Develop Public Relations initiatives to promote awareness of the exhibition activities and increase company exposure.
Research, write and edit various written materials including press releases, press updates, narrative biographies, and other collateral press materials.
Ensure all press-related materials are consistently updated including the press archives, press kits, website and Press Room.
Respond to incoming Public Relations requests.
Develop ideas to maximize the impact of the gallery website from a Public Relations perspective.
Partner with special events team to maximize effectiveness of publicity for special events.
BA Degree preferred in Art History, Communications or related field.
3 - 5 years of Public Relations experience within the fine arts.
In-depth knowledge of modern and contemporary artists required.
Proven success in dealing with media and managing public relations functions.
Excellent interpersonal, writing, organizational and project management skills with strong attention to detail.
Ability to interact effectively with and gain the confidence of senior management.
Strong interpersonal, supervisory and client service skills required.
Ability to multi-task, work under pressure and meet required deadlines.
Must be able to work both independently and as part of a larger team.
Strong computer skills including Microsoft Word, Excel, Outlook.
Poetry-reading 'Pinners! I get to meet Natasha Threthewey on Monday(!!) and I've been trying to think of intelligent questions to ask her. Poetry isn't exactly my field of expertise, and I'm at a loss. Any suggestions so that I don't look like a total idiot?
@lostinthesupermarket Ask her about her preferred writing utensils! What size paper/notebook, what kind of pen/pencil, etc. I know it sounds dumb but EVERY WRITER I know has a very strong opinion about that stuff. I also like to know where people write (in bed, on airplanes, in hotel lobbies).
@lostinthesupermarket What about something about her travel/touring/readings? Like, what's been her favorite (or most-memorable) poetry-reading experience and what makes it stand out? Or something experience-related but non-writing-related: greatest hotel she ever stayed in, most interesting person she's met at a reading event, best conference speaker she's ever heard, etc. I love hearing about those sorts of things from people.
BOSTONIANS. If any of you are still reading the thread at this point, please consider making time to go see the Penelopiad. It's playing through the 2d. I saw it last night and it BLEW ME AWAY - the cast is great, the staging is spare and effective, the songs add so much to the show. Really really wonderful. Go see it.
@anachronistique That sounds amazing! I hadn't heard of it before, but now I really want to go. Thanks for the tip!
So a bunch of things have gone not-so-well for me, but then on Friday I won my office's Oscar trivia competition! For the second year in a row! And I sort of got to go to a hockey game and sit right behind the glass for free! And then yesterday I joined a new gym (because my old one basically kicked out all of its customers.)
I still can't help but feel like it was all sheer luck, but that's why you join a gym, right? For the endorphins?
Also, I'm terrible at saving money and stuff lately, and I know the way that my company works, so I can safely assume that many of my married-with-kids, car-owning, mortgage-paying coworkers don't make THAT much more than I do, probably, especially considering all the expenses I just mentioned. But would it be rude of me to ask them how they buy Starbucks and/or lunch every day and still have money? Because they can easily spend at least $10 a day, which must add up fast, right? I don't get it.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Read the billfold! They have great tips and people talk about their weekend estimates and are really open about their budgets and all that jazz.
I'd lean towards not asking your coworkers because I bet the answers are pretty personal: e.g. my wife/husband makes bank, so she/he is my latte-mama/papa or my grandparent left me a billion dollars or I live in a tent, so I don't have rent or car payments to make. Probably no one wants to share those things with a coworker, unless you're really close already.
But maybe ask your friends, if they're in similar income brackets or even not, if they're comfortable about that stuff. People have good tips, usually. Some people are buying that stuff on credit though, which is probably not a good example to follow.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) also be aware that some of those people may not really be able to afford that 10$ a day. that luxury car may be a lease and not financed. that gorgeous house isn't mortgaged, its being rented. some people are all about appearing to have the lifestyle but can't really afford. but i agree with adorable eggplant asking close friends who are comfortable talking about money is a good way to understand how people can afford their lives.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Totally agree with @a-e and @eng -- there are probably either extenuating financial circumstances or they really can't afford it, they're just putting all those lattes on their credit card and "worrying about it later."
@adorable-eggplant Thank you, everyone! I read the Billfold sporadically, and I should probably read it more often. I guess I was mostly confused because of two things:
1- To me, cutting out those kinds of expenses are an easy and fast way to have more money for other stuff, since it can add up quickly.
2- I get a little bit too judge-y at times and this was probably one of those cases.
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