Also, the latest issue of Womanzine is dedicated entirely to the emoji.
open thread, emojis
Off work for the first time in a week and a half and my long-awaited nap is eluding me. Drat.
Anybody else ready for winter to be over? I'm sick of this cold nonsense.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Sometimes in the middle of the day I look at fashion websites telling me to buy skirts and sandals not because I want to buy them, but to remind myself that WINTER IS NOT FOREVER.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I love winter but I am really, really tired of only being able to wear my Docs. (Obvious answer: get more than one pair of boots that aren't snow boots and have decent traction.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate winter.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I live in DC and had lunch in the park today -- beautiful sunny day. It's supposed to snow tomorrow.
WTF WEATHER. PICK A SEASON AND STICK WITH IT.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Winter forever, give it to me.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
me too, i just hate winter so much....
Any good gifts for yourself on valentine's? Got Skyfall and watched it (good story, Bardem is sooo creepy).
Also, please share your blogs and twitter handles, I follow! I'm @standardtuber, blog is steelwoolens.blogspot.com. You?
@Mabissa Skyfall. Mmmmmm. So good in so, so many ways. Who else wants to be Moneypenny when they grow up?
For those who wish to know, I am on the Twitter at @Sedna_51.
@Mabissa I got a face mask and some Fresh face cleanser from Sephora. Then my daughter and I got ice cream.
On twitter I'm @daisy_razor and my (sadly neglected) blog is daisyrazor.blogspot.com Whee, pseudonym laziness!
@area@twitter Loved the throw-back music, too.
@Mabissa I made myself (and my husband) some stovetop hot chocolate with coconut milk and decent Trader Joe's chocolate. Does that count?
@RK Fire Counts!!! I almost bought some bittersweet wafers and made the no-milk chocolate mousse, but I got some chocolate-dipped Madeline's instead.
@Mabissa Thank you! You mean the Stevie Wonder? Wasn't that perfection for Valentine's Day? I wish I'd thought of it.
@StandardTuber My boyfriend sent me flowers today! I've never gotten flowers from him in 3 years. And then he told me "I love you" on the phone, which, he never spontaneously says "I love you"!!! i was like HAH WHOA DUDE
@area@twitter Ha, I was thinking about the 007 music, but saw the Stevie tweet too, and yeah that's the best! He's the best. And my little 10 year-old heart grew so big that one time he was on The Cosby Show. Two worlds collided and I was in a dream.
@StandardTuber I just started a blog this week, http://machinschoses.com
Hoping desperately that my creative projects take off in some way so I can quit my phd program and be happy again.
Also, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner and split the check, so I guess I bought myself a delicious plate of Korean spicy octopus.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Bringing all the feelings to Valentine's Day, yay!
@StandardTuber I read this article about Bill Cunningham and how he is a perfect human being which was a gift to MYSELF.
@StandardTuber I threw myself a 25th birthday party at a local bar and it was a much bigger success than I thought it would considering it was Valentines and all.
@jaimie Oh! And I should have included twitter, also new: @machinschoses
@Lucienne You saw the documentary, right? HIS APARTMENT! HIS NEIGHBOR!
@StandardTuber I happy cried my way through that documentary. Did you read the Awl interview with Editta Sherman?
@StandardTuber Awesome! On that note, I also gifted myself a good NY Strip steak from Whole Foods, but my husband cooked it. (We usually stick to ground beef, stew beef and flank steak through most of the year.)
@Lucienne No but I will look it up though! Thanks!
@StandardTuber I didn't mean to buy myself three books (The Westing Game, Krik? Krak!, and Mrs. Dalloway) but when I ended up spending twenty minutes waiting for a friend in a bookstore, well. Such is life!
@Lucienne oh goodness, I hadn't read that article. I love Bill Cunningham sooo so much.
@StandardTuber I got a dozen red roses delivered to me at work! The husband done did good!!! I love Valentine's Day and love love love roses, especially when I get them delivered to me at work!!! : )
@StandardTuber I got a cape coat! Technically, I bought a month ago but it arrived yesterday. It's like wearing a blanket out in public without people thinking you're homeless and I don't think I'm going to take it off ever again.
I also got a ticket from a state trooper for not having my inspection renewed in timely fashion. Come on, dude, I got it done later that day!
@StandardTuber Ghirardelli milk choc squares w/ caramel oh my goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd so good.
(I bought the dark choc squares for Mr. Iceberg).
@Heat Signature I got roses from my boyfriend delivered to my office for the very first time ever this year and I almost started crying, it was so wonderful. It was later in the day and most people had gotten their flowers, so I had totally come to terms with not getting them, and then they showed up and I was so... overwhelmed with how sweet it was.
And then when I got home and told him it was way too much and a handful of less expensive flowers would have been equally special and thoughtful he said, "But I wanted you and everyone to know how much I love you," and then I almost started crying AGAIN and then he almost did and basically we were big blubbering saps the whole night. And I KNOW, insert commercialism/feminist rant here, but it was so nice to get treated to that and a fancy dinner too.
And tonight we're back to playing video games in our sweatpants and making fun of eachother and I'm so glad - I can't take that kind of romance more than once a year, I think. MY EMOTIONS ARE SORE
@A. Louise No no no, no insertion of rants, because dude, that shit is awesome no matter what.
@StandardTuber I'm on twitter @tekkah, and my blog is tekkah.net!
Also, Skyfall was AMAZING. Loved it!!
@StandardTuber I just started tweeting again at @figwiggin! I have tweeted such amazing things as a picture of the giant bruise I got on my leg and the thought that none of my coworkers probably know what a brony is. (Oh yeah, and I blog at Reading in Skirts but I repeat that around here every five minutes so probably everybody already knows that.)
Also, my boyfriend surprised me with fancy chocolates for us to share, only our stuffed giraffe "gave" them to me because Mike is shy about presents. I was extra surprised because he's not big on holidays and has been known to forget to get me anything for my birthday and Christmas (not in a mean way, just in an absent-minded way) so, yanno. But I think mostly he just thought chocolates sounded good.
@StandardTuber I bought myself 2 books! How to Be a Woman (finally!) and Gone Girl (also finally!). My boyfriend got me...nothing. He doesn't like Valentine's Day, which frankly, I think is a cop-out and I told him so. And he said I was right, so I guess that's my gift? I'm not super into the day or anything, I just like a small gesture, and I'm frustrated because this is the gabillionth boyfriend in a row who "doesn't believe" in Valentine's Day. Oh well, I have books.
@StandardTuber My blog is lostinthedessert.tumblr.com. It's a baking blog. :D
@StandardTuber A patron at the library I work at sent us cookies. He's our favorite patron, obviously.
@jaimie I love it!!!!!! Especially those indigo coin purses. And where did you get that tea pot?
@frigwiggin I am @thebestjasmine on Twitter, and received nothing but a migraine for Valentine's Day. But I plan on buying some chocolate and liquor later today.
@StandardTuber I gave myself a day off from job-hunting! Best gift. I also baked a cake for the boyfriend but since he goes to work and I am home all day I will probably eat at least half of it.
Blogwise I am aggressively fannish on Tumblr at officialwhich.tumblr.com and this is kind of a weird last few posts for me to be linking to that, but oh well.
@adorable-eggplant Thanks so much! The teapot is a Japanese tetsubin, you can buy them online at http://korin.com/Tableware_2/Tea-Pots_2
@StandardTuber My grandmother saved me a piece of cake that she got at bingo. And it was delicious. Also I just followed all y'all, unless I missed any.
@StandardTuber I Tumbl under this same username. Main content themes: comic books, Tolkien, hot dudes (but nothing indecent, because my mom reads my Tumblr).
yaay, I hope you like Mrs. Dalloway! don't miss the description of a female orgasm in there -- among other surprising things! come back & talk about it when you're done reading -- I want to say more but don't want to do spoilers!
@harebell I actually read it back in college, though I've forgotten basically everything about it - but there was a pretty edition on the Sale table and i figured WHY NOT.
Took myself ushering at a play on V-day.
@Kulojam "Get Rid Of Your Man, Seriously, He Is Revolting/A Dud," a new article by Kulojam. Alternate title: "He Could At Least Make A Gesture Because This Is Clearly Important To Me."
I got an anonymous Valentine's "ask" on my Tumblr (for the second year in a row!) and I decided to satisfy my curiosity by going to my Google Analytics page and looking at the city information, so I could be like, oh, it's obviously platonic friend X that lives in X? And it was inconclusive! The city read as "not set." HOW? Is my secret Valentine from the nightosphere?
@yeah-elle Could it be Tumblr itself? I don't tumbl so I don't know if they do that stuff, but that would be cool. Otherwise, it's Bruce Wayne.
@Mabissa Internets ♥ yeah-elle is...perhaps a step up from No One ♥ yeah-elle. I felt pretty clearly though that it was the same person, though. Last year it was "happy valentine's day, you are amazing" and this year it was "happy valentine's day, i still think that you are amazing" and I haven't seen anyone else comment on getting something like that from Tumblr? Also, why anonymous?! If it's someone I actually know, I almost resent them for not just being like, "hey yeah-elle, u r pretty gr8. by the way this is your BFF, bruce wayne."
@yeah-elle Bruce Wayne is always checking out your tumblr, you know it! :) I'm sure it's someone you know, then, cause they remembered what they said last year. That's really sweet. I didn't mean to sound all cynical about it being the internet :( sorry!
@StandardTuber Or maybe it's just an internet stranger who likes my Tumblr but with whom I've never actually spoken? Either way, it was nice! You weren't too cynical, haha. I was pretty tickled by the idea of a website being my Valentine. Also, mmm Bruce Wayne, I'd check out HIS tumblr, etc etc.
'Pinners! I got a Twitter shout-out from one of my favorite actors for Valentine's Day, and I am going to go home this weekend and make mushroom bread pudding. Life is good. :D
Also, does anyone here have opinions on tinted moisturizer? I think I'm going to give it a try instead of my usual lightly applied powder foundation, but I'd like to get something that's good for sensitive skin & that can be bought in the drugstore. I'm trying to decide between Aveeno, Neutrogena, and Cover Girl. Thoughts?
@area@twitter I saw him reply to you and was like: !!! It's such a silly thing, but it really is fun to get replies from your favorites.
@Daisy Razor CLARK MUTHAFUCKIN GREGG. God I love every nerdy little bit of him.
@area@twitter So, is this a good thread in which to brag that Jane's husband favorited one of my tweets (which he only saw because someone else had retweeted BUT STILL)???
@area@twitter Tell me more about mushroom bread pudding??
@area@twitter I use a Neutrogena moisturizer (but not tinted, because I am Too Pale) and I really like it! So, that's a vote for their general skin care products, I guess?
@Katzen-party Yes this is the PERFECT thread to do that! What did you saaaaay?
@Lily Rowan So I have a big loaf of leftover bread from the French bakery in my freezer, and I was trying to think of ways to use it up. Ta-da! Savory bread pudding. With mushrooms, because NOM. There's a bunch of recipes around the Interwebs, I'm probably going to use this one from Epicurious but cut back on the eggs and heavy cream.
@Lucienne Good to know- thank you! I use Neutrogena powder foundation, but I've been having trouble with milia, and I'm not sure if that might be behind it.
@area@twitter Ha, well, I was pretty much just singing the praises of another person on Twitter that I'm kind of obsessed with and that person (who actually follows me) retweeted me. But this week I also mentioned that I miss Grizz and Dot Com (does "from 30 Rock" need to be said?), and the guy who played Dot Com responded to my tweet (even though I didn't @ mention him!), so...it's been a pretty big week for me on the ol' Twitter.
@Katzen-party Me too! Got a retweet from Alec Baldwin and I felt internet-famous (for one instant anyway).
Lots of twitter love this week!
@area@twitter Here is a good run-down of tinted moisturizers and what type of skin they will work with (I consult this page obsessively before any skincare purchase).
I made bread pudding last night with fresh cranberries and it turned out sort of savory because I ran out of sugar. But it never occurred to me until now that you could INTENTIONALLY make savory bread pudding. Sounds tasty!
@StandardTuber A retweet from Alec Baldwin!!!!! I'd put that shit on my resume.
@area@twitter I love Physicians Formula Organic Wear tinted moisturizer. It has all natural ingredients and goes on light enough to look natural and dark enough to cover my spots. I sound like an ad, but I really do love it!
@area@twitter Ooh, that sounds delish!
@olivebee I've heard really good things about this one and have been wanting to try is because as much as I love Laura Mercier's, $40 a tube makes my wallet weep but I cannot find it anywhere!
@crango I get it at CVS or on drugstore dot com. Target stopped carrying PF products, much to my chagrin.
@Katzen-party It was pretty surprising! I tweeted and forgot about it, then the next day I was like "Wuh, 14 retweets???" But yeah I played it cool (<--faked playing it cool).
@area@twitter So I just recently started using BB creme (which is like tinted moisturizer on steroids, I think) and I'm kind of in love. I'm using Bobbie Brown because I returned something from Christmas and splurged, but I have had good sensitive skin luck with Olay (that's my regular moisturizer) and they have a BB creme.
We talked about it in the Markers Mark post, and so I'm curious: 'Pinners, what's your favorite (alcoholic) drink?
(No judging! I'm looking forward to having a Presbyterian at home tonight.)
@Jenn@twitter Red wine closely followed by whiskey on the rocks. I haven't been in the mood for beer lately and mixed drinks usually give me a headache/stomachache.
@Jenn@twitter I like (in no particular order) cider, warm sake, anything with citrus, anything with Gin.
@Jenn@twitter So hard to choose! I have a soft spot for manhattans and the fitzgerald, but champagne cocktails are both delicious and too much fun.
@rimy that's too bad! :( What type of whiskey? I'm partial to bourbon (duh) and Scotch.
@Jenn@twitter For summer, probably a Dark and Stormy (ginger beer, dark rum). In winter, I like to make a grownup hot chocolate, which is hot chocolate made to your favorite recipe with a shot of spiced rum, a bit of vanilla flavoring, and a bit of cinnamon added to it.
@Jenn@twitter Manhattans - so many little variations to suit what you're in the mood for.
@Jenn@twitter Jalapeno tequila & lime juice. Specific & often unavailable, but I could drink it for the rest of my life. Luckily it's really easy to make at home.
Red wine and whiskey back-to-back? Do you have a head of steel or what? That's a headache recipe for everyone I know!
@Jenn@twitter Seconding the Dark & Stormy, whiskey/bourbon anything, Vodka/Gin & Tonic.
And Southern Comfort and sweet tea because I am the classiest.
@Jenn@twitter Good ol' Yuengling.
@Jenn@twitter Ahhh, I love a Presbyterian! And when I say that, no one knows what I'm talking about and thinks I made the name up myself!
@Jenn@twitter I have really narrowed my focus over time to wine and dark rum. I'm not against other alcohols but I could take or leave them.
So I think my favorites are, in vague order of preference: Sparkling wine, Dark & Stormy, great white wine, great red wine, Mojito, Cuba Libre, and all other wines.
@Jenn@twitter Connemara is really good. Jack Daniel blue label/black label whiskey also. I'm not too savvy on the differences between bourbon/Scotch and so on!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Aah, not back-to-back! I meant I like red wine the best, and like whiskey second best. I stick with 1 type of alcohol the whole night though.
My favorite thing to do with it is to take gin and put it in a glass (in whatever amount you usually use, but not more than half a glass so you have room for the other stuff. I usually fill it 1/4 of the way up). Then take Dry wild lime soda (Dry is the brand. If you can't find it club soda + lime juice should be fine but something like sprite or 7-up will be too much) and fill it most of the way up. Then add a splash or two of St Germain and then a handful of frozen blueberries. It is so amazing.
I also love sparkling wines.
Oh yeah, on re-reading, that's obviously what you meant. Thanks for clarifying, because I was worried for you(r head).
@Sea Ermine That sounds incredible.
In no particular order
West Coast IPAs
Manhattans made with extra bitters
@Katzen-party they are a Thing! I am always happy to introduce people to them, too. :D
@OhMarie What wines do you drink? I'm trying to learn more about Good Wine (as opposed to Super Cheap/Gimmicky Wine).
I like scotch (Talisker!) and beer (specifically anything by Two Brothers, New Belgium, or Bell's) because good scotch is so expensive (but worth it!).
@Jenn@twitter Cocktail: Dark and Stormy. Regular drinking: either hard cider or a nice IPA. Somehow I became a person who has opinions about beer?
@Jenn@twitter At this particular moment, EVERYDAMNTHING. But if I had to be more discerning, I'd say lately I'm really loving the Kingston Negroni (Not sure if that's the common name or just what my favorite bar calls them? It's just a negroni made with Jamaican Rum.)
@Jenn@twitter presbyterians!!! <3 but aside from those, irish coffee! i'm trying to sip my whiskeys straight, but i
m still a big baby.
@Jenn@twitter - Old Fashioned. But, sadly, I only make these at home, or at bars I really, really trust - cuz I'm fussy about how they taste, but also hate giving bartenders instructions.
I like it best:
Start chilling rocks glass.
Into cocktail shaker, A little bit of raw sugar (a little less than a cube of refined would be), 2 dashes angostura bitters, 1 dash peychauds. Muddle swell. Add a solid amount of ice to shaker. Two ounces Rye - I like one each of Templeton (for a lot of nice woody flavors and its smoothness) and Bulleit (to lower the cost, and also cuz it's got a lot of complimentary notes, and a bit more boozy bunch than templeton - don't want it TOO smooth).
Stir well. Strain into chilled rocks glass. Chunk of lemon rind rubbed around the edge of the glass, then dropped in.
It's basically perfect. I love it so much.
But then again, that's my grown-ass-person, suit-and-tie drink. I have had every bit as much fun at dank sweaty rock & roll shows, slamming cans of pbr or natty ice.
@Jenn@twitter Margaritas on the rocks whenever I can get one made with real lime juice, not mixer. Anything with rum. When I'm out with friends I usually get hard cider, since I don't like most beers, except Belgian whites like Hoegaarden.
@Amphora I'm also trying to learn more about wine - I honestly can't tell the difference most of the time. When I buy a bottle to bring to a party, I mostly bluff my way though by picking something in the 90 pt range.
@Jenn@twitter A really good Italian red wine. A nice, spicy bourbon or a beautiful 12yo single malt (Macallan). Silver tequila because I love how it tastes. And what do you mean it is weird to like the taste of tequila!? I doooo, so very much. Also, I get drunk off beer but almost never tequila, so it's manufactured for my body. Oh, and a gorgeous dry Martini whenever I'm feeling fancy.
All over the place in my tastes but I would take a single malt with me on a deserted island. And I would marry it if I could.
@leon s I've actually stopped getting old fashioneds because the bartender that made them the way I liked quit tending bar to go back to being an architect (BOO), and I haven't been able to find anyone else in this area that makes them in the way I like. (Seriously! I went to a bar and ordered one, and they made it with grenadine. GRENADINE. WHHHHHY.) I may have to try your method. :)
@Jenn@twitter I really love long drinks -- bourbon and gingerale being my favorite, and the one I'm drinking right now.
@Jenn@twitter A whiskey sour if I'm out with friends and want to be fake fancy. Or just the local beer on tap. Or a Corona. Depends!
@Jenn@twitter I loooove red wine, and feel like a really nice Bordeaux is just the perfect thing. Where beer's concerned, my favorite is Guinness, hands down... and for cocktails and stuff I'm actually currently experimenting to find a new favorite, as I used to just really love a rum & coke, but I've been banned by doctors from ever drinking dark sodas ever again (my stomach violently rejects them, sadface forever).
Lately I've been really enjoying grasshoppers and white russians.
@Jenn@twitter Dark & stormies, and the gin and tonics I made this summer with a splash of ginger liquor. I guess I like ginger.
@MilesofMountains Ginger is the BEST, and you are in good company on the Dark and Stormy front (man, that sounds melodramatic--"Dark and Stormy front"). I love 'em too, and I have them whenever I have dark rum. Never done the gin'n'tonic with ginger, though--I have Canton and gin at home, might have to try it!
@Jenn@twitter A good prosecco (or anything involving sparkling white wine). But I am also really into dark beer right now, and my favorite is Bell's Porter.
@Clare Are you from Pittsburgh? The only people I know who have even heard of Yuengling are people from my home city.
@Jenn@twitter My default drink is a gin and tonic (with good gin and good tonic, the latter makes a huge difference). I'm also a big martini person (three olives) if I'm in the mood for something harder. And I love margaritas. I'm starting to like bourbon and whiskey more and more [is this a good place for someone to give me a quick and dirty difference between the two? I hope so] but for some reason when I make anything at home with those it's terrible, so I stick to ordering drinks with that kind of liquor in bars, and only good bars.
I also really enjoy a delicious tequila shot, but I haven't had one since the last wedding that I went to. Man, sometimes I miss my twenties (most of the time not).
@Jenn@twitter My go to is a dirty gin martini, but that's if I'm in the mood for hard alcohol. Black Lion, which is a Czech black lager, is pretty tasty too.
@Jenn@twitter Jameson and ginger ale. I rarely order anything else these days.
I love Talisker too, so maybe I am a good proxy for recommending wines.
The really basic recommendation -- know a style you like so you can just ask for it in restaurants. Merlot is safest and good but can be boring, while cabernet is almost always better but also stronger-tasting.
The really good stuff (Burgundies, Bordeaux) tends to be expensive, so my current work-arounds are South African red wines (especially ones with the word "Meritage") and Sicilian reds (e.g. anything with the word "Nero d'Avola"). Also, Pinot Noirs and Grenaches are usually reliably delicious. But sometimes it pays just to avoid the bad wines -- so no nouveau beaujolais ever, no syrah/shiraz, no horrible, horrible zinfandel.
If you think you don't taste the differences in wines, just taste a cabernet and a zinfandel, one after the other, and you're done, you'll see the difference, easily.
That's me. Everybody is different. Probably you have to just keep tasting things, and them make sure to remember the label and type of grape when it's something you like.
@Jenn@twitter Hard Cider + Bourbon Barrel Ale. I want to call it a Black Velvet but some googling proves me wrong on that point, so I don't know what it's called, but it's delightful. And the name definitely has something to do with velvet.
OH and vodka and pink champagne. But tread lightly with that one.
Hey, I have a question about shoes. WARNING: kinda gross.
So I bought these cute little wedges, not very high at all, like maybe 3 inch heels? I was concerned they might be too small when I first tried them on, but then I tried on a larger size and they were slipping right off my heels, so I went with the smaller size. THEN, I wore them to a wedding and danced for oh... probably 6 hours straight or something, and the next day my big toenails were discolored and purple by the cuticles. The toenails aren't going to fall off or anything, but I have had that issue with boots that were too small in the past.
Sooooo did I buy shoes that are too small? Is this a "break in your shoes" issue, because, I had only worn them three times beforehand. What's going on with my dumb toes / dumb shoes???
@Emmanuelle Cunt Is there any chance it's just dye from the inside of the shoe rubbing off on the parts of your foot that spent the most time pressed up against said shoe inside?
@Jinxie Nope. It is like a bruise or blood blister under my toenail (that is disgusting lol)
@Emmanuelle Cunt Unscientific but true answer: your feet expand throughout the day! Morning feet are smaller than evening feet. And this effect is even more pronounced if you do something active like walking/dancing because circulation or something. ALSO your toes get it harder in anything with a high heel because gravity; your foot is constantly pushing your toes against the toe part of your shoe. Hope your feet feel better!
@Emmanuelle Cunt Sometimes if you trim your toenails quite close it makes everything more comfortable. I mean, not right now, probably, because of the potential blood blisters. But when they go away.
@Lucienne Yeah i mean, it actually doesn't hurt at all. It's basically just discoloration.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Maybe you could try the thing where you expand your shoes by putting on a thick pair of socks with said shoes and then blasting them with a hair dryer? It takes a while but is faster/less painful than breaking them in the hard way.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Is the toe box on those shoes really stiff? I'm pretty comfortable in heels, but I have one pair where the toe box is like steel, and the first time I wore them my toenail beds were killing me at the end of the night, just from jamming up against a surface with no give. After that I put a couple cotton balls, kind of pulled apart, in the toes, and it helped. They're still not my most comfortable pair, but I can wear them.
@owlegg This is rather genius! I used to stretch shoes by putting ziploc bags with water in them and putting them in the freezer, but stopped when I had a bag burst once and ruin my leather shoes. Will definitely have to try this, thanks!
I'm really glad FOT has been starting sooner lately! It is the highlight of my Friday workdays.
Hey if trappedinabay is around - I hope all your bridesmaid dress garbage from a few weeks ago turned out okay. I've been thinking about you :)
@loren smith Same here!
@loren smith I have relayed her story to friends and not a one has been less than completely outraged. It still makes me mad to think about!
@loren smith Wait I missed that thread and as a recent bridesmaid now I am SUPER CURIOUS. retelling or pointing to the correct week, somebody?!?!
@loren smith yeah I mean I have basically been haunting these threads for further information which is totally normal right? Sigh. @trappedinabay, we're pulling for you! (I am bridesmaiding in three weeks for a friend who has been like the anti-bridezilla - totally kind and generous with the bridesmaids and took our suggestions/feedback into account when choosing our dresses - and I told her your story and she was equally ripshit.)
@stonefruit I have been too! I was married in August and that whole story just took my breath away - I love my bridesmaids, and I counted on their support so much, I can't imagine alienating one of them like that.
@martinipie - she told the story over two (I think) open threads in later January. Maybe the 18th and 25th?
@loren smith I thought there was some "gosh I am sorry I was being a twit about the dress, and can I buy yours for you?"
I feel obligated to post just because I happened upon the beginning of the OT... what's everyone doing tonight?
I'm having a party at my apartment - this is my first time living alone (and I'm new in this city too) so I'm excited to make all the details just-so and show off my place. I'm making the french onion toasts from the Smitten Kitchen cookbook, and various boozy cocktails - I figure nothing can go wrong with baguettes & gin. Okay, back to cleaning all the things!
@like a rabid squirrel baguettes and gin would be very high on my potential friday activities list, hope you have a great time hosting!
@like a rabid squirrel meeting with my mentor and then happy hour. and then probably house of cards with my man.
Baguettes and gin would be my perfect meal, for any meal. I think you're on the right track for a great party!
@like a rabid squirrel Going to a friend's birthday party. It'll be a good time! I'm a little irrationally bitter about it though because he lives right near my work, and since the party is hours after work, I'll have to go home first and then go back--to the place I just left!
@like a rabid squirrel I'm making brownies!
@like a rabid squirrel I am having date night with myself! This is the first unscheduled Friday night I have had in 2013 (normally I am either with the boyfriend or I have other commitments). I am probably going to go get sushi from the really good place by my house, then I am going to watch this week's Downton Abbey and Community and crochet. There may possibly also be a home mani/pedi and a facemask, we'll see.
@like a rabid squirrel
get into pajamas (check)
pop popcorn (check)
make bourbon and gingerale (check)
start Lizzie Bennet thread on FOT (check)
get pleasantly shitfaced while stalking FOT (working on it)
watch last night's Elementary because JONNY LEE MILLER GET IN MY PANTS
crash out and sleep late
@like a rabid squirrel I'm going to Festival du Voyageur with a group of friends, 2 of whom are moving out of province soon. We are going to listen to great music, eat ridiculous festival food, and look at snow sculptures. And there's other stuff, but I'm a terrible Winnipeger, I've only been once, so I don't know what all there is to do yet. But I know it will be super fun.
@par_parenthese Oooo count me in on those plans + pizza - popcorn.
ETA: Thank you for reminding me to get gingerale when I go to pick up my pizza.
@adorable-eggplant Yay Friday night twinsies!
@adorable-eggplant Also: OH MAH GAH he looks good in this week's episode and needs to get in my pants even more.
So I've been 29 for a week. So far, it's ok. Kind of like 28, but scarier, in that my pulse races and I worry about 'having ALL the fun' before 30.
@geek_tragedy Happy birthday! I'll be 29 on Tuesday and am totally scared about having all of the fun before 30.
@geek_tragedy Oh my god, seriously, stop worrying. The 30s are SO MUCH BETTER than your 20s. Believe me, there is still lots of fun to be had.
@geek_tragedy Plenty o' fun to be had after 30! :)
@geek_tragedy DON'T LISTEN TO THEM ^ I forgot to cram in a bunch of fun before I turned 30 over a year ago. Now there's this invisible force shielding me from all this fun that is taunting me from just beyond my grasp and it BLLLOOOWWZ.
@Daisy Razor I turn 30 in April... and I'm pretty sure I'm ready. I'm kind of done with my 20s.
I KNEW IT!!!!!!!
I know you guys, you're right but it's like...a bit after 30 I'll be finishing grad school, and like, getting a jerb and figuring out where to live and I do.not.want. Please halp.
Oh clearly I'm being nuts but there's still something about a landmark birthday approaching that makes me feel like I should be doing more with my life.
@geek_tragedy I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I turned 29 last month and now it's like... what should I be doing? I'm sure there's something! But I'm not sure what!
@Daisy Razor Hahah, before I even said this I posted up thread about my twenties (and how I mostly never miss them) (except my alcohol tolerance was much higher).
@Daisy Razor Oh my geez... I am so happy to hear someone finally say this! Almost everyone I know that is turning 30 soon keeps acting like they're on their deathbed. I mean, it can't be that bad!
@ThievingMagpie everyone I know told me my thirties would be better, and so far they have been 100% correct (31 last month!). My twenties were fine, but this is better.
Chiming in to remind you all that we have bowling coming up on February 28 (looks like Lincoln Lanes will be open!) and there's a book club on February 24!
Let us know you're coming through the Hairpin Meetups google group, link at the top of this very page. New people are always welcome, don't be shy.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll WOO yeah bowling Chicago WOO!
@wallsdonotfall I am so pumped for bowling at Lincoln Lanes! That will also be my third time there this month, hah.
Any good Valentine's Day stories?
My boyfriend came home from work with two dozen roses, two bottles of good wine, a heart-shaped box of chocolates, and chocolate-covered strawberries. I don't really care about presents but it was still very sweet. We're going out for dinner tonight. I feel a little guilty about not getting him anything but he was pretty emphatic that I shouldn't. I still want to surprise him, though. Hmm!
@rimy Oh and then we stayed up till 2 am drinking wine and having a really good talk about futures and stuff.
@rimy My husband and I got/made each other so much awesome (pretty much junk) food that my stomach is still trying to figure out what happened.
It was awesome.
@rimy My husband surprised me with wine and flowers! I didn't get him anything either. I was thinking of surprising him with something like concert tickets?
Staying up til 2/wine/future talk sounds perfect.
So I was at work last night until about ten, but I did take a break to go get dinner with a favorite coworker and we went to this Mexican restaurant and at one point I got up to go to the bathroom and this guy sitting at the end of the bar, probably in his like late 30s/early 40s, who had super red-rimmed eyes and had a kid with him, said to me, "I really like your coat" as I walked past, which was funny because it is just my favorite beat-up army green coat I wear everywhere and I chuckled "Thanks" at him and he called out "I wasn't joking!" after me and I was like "Neither was I!" in kind of a pleasant way so confirming tone is just as much a challenge in real life as it is on the Internet, I guess.
@rimy We don't really do Valentine's Day so when I got home from work and there was a vase of tulips & candles lit all over the apartment I was like "....?" and then he emerged from the other room and said "The flowers are for you. The candles are not for you, you forgot to run the dishwasher and it smelled terrible in here" and then we ordered Chinese.
Also, this happened.
Yes, I went on an okc date with this guy. (In my defence, I have no concept of time and didn't realize it was Vday.) He attempted to take off my dress while chewing on my face.
All in all, a successful date.
@rimy It wasn't even part of a valentine's day thing, but I made out with the boy I've been wanting to make out with for months!! He came to my roommate's birthday dinner and I was so incredibly determined to make it happen that I was probably paying a little too much attention to him the whole time. But it did happen and I'm super stoked!
@MollyculeTheory We don't do valentine's day either. My husband went out and had drinks with some friends and I watched tv and drank wine by myself.
@melis almost the exact same thing happened to me, except trade in the bar for an awkward too-small sidewalk in a busy intersection, the man for a skinny Asian adolescent on a bike, and your coat for my jeans (which are Lauren Conrad for Kohls collection). it pretty much made my day.
@rimy My boyfriend and I decided to not spend money things Valentine's, since we're going on a trip next week. I also told him no flowers, since we're leaving so soon and they'll just die. So when I came home he had bought me a potted jasmine plant instead. Then I made dinner and he tried to teach me to two-step. I guess it wasn't a very special night, but it was fun.
@rimy I almost texted an ex to say "Hey, remember that time we had an enormous fight on Valentine's Day because we had an undefined relationship and yet went out to dinner together anyway and pretended it wasn't for Valentine's Day and it sucked? Good times." I didn't, though.
@rimy I have a cold and went to the grocery store for supplies (juice, chocolate pudding), and the girl in front of me had the most pathetic Valentine's Day spread I'd ever seen. Store-brand refrigerated pasta, sundried tomatoes, cream, refrigerated boxed carrot patties, sad-looking sliced pineapple in plastic, and a bottle of champagne. She was pretty and seemed nice (she talked to the cashier), so I guess she can get away with it? But REALLY, if you can't cook/are lazy, there are about five million inexpensive, nice takeout places in my neighborhood, including an Italian one right across the street from the store.
This kind of judginess is probably 30% of why I am still single!
@rimy I got roses and earings and a necklace. Valentine's Day is also my birthday though. Then we went and played soccer because adult coed rec soccer does not stop for romance! I did make (ask) him to come sub with my team so we did at least spend the evening together.
Awesome things that happened this week, go!
I went to a comic book signing and I met Kelly Sue DeConnick and she was super nice and then she reblogged my Tumblr post about how much fun I had and it was basically the most exciting thing ever!
@Elsajeni That does sound awesome! I met Chris Onstad once when he toured for The Great Outdoor Fight and I got all nervous and said the wrong stuff and it was still so great.
An awesome thing that happened to me this week was, I got my tax return, so now I don't have any credit card debt for the first time in 3 years, and was able to put a bunch in savings too! So pumped!
@Elsajeni I got last minute tickets to see Eddie Izzard. They're 2nd row center and I am so excited!
@Elsajeni Ooooh, I am SO JEALOUS. I adore Kelly Sue.
Um, awesome things? Oh, my daughter is fully potty trained! Such a relief, pardon the pun.
@highfivesforall You should go over to The Billfold and tell Mike Dang - he will mail you a congratulations card!
Someone recommend some blogs to me! Background: I have recently gotten really into a couple of extremely topic-specific, amazing blogs, namely the Order of Sartorial Splendor (thanks to the Hairpin, it's about royalty and is insane and amazing) and Fashion It So (about the clothes of Star Trek: The Next Generation).
The things I love about these blogs include the fact that they are so specific, the fact that they have content as well as lovely pictures, and the fact that they are light and fun instead of heavy so I can check in on them during a break and work and relax.
Anybody have recommendations?
@OhMarie I am a fan of http://tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com/. They also have a pretty decent list of other interesting blogs, too!
@OhMarie Similar to your other stated interests, have you seen Clothes on Film? http://clothesonfilm.com/ They sometimes break down recent releases, but sometimes they examine classics, which I really enjoy.
Ok so does anyone understand how to use Branch? I want to look for groups with cool discussions and find the mystical perfect twitter community but perhaps I'm terrible at site navigation...
Lizzie Bennet Diaries people: thoughts on a hella crazy week here go!
@par_parenthese I've not really been super impressed? I'm hoping Lydia knows what happened, it seemed pointed that she knew/presumed *something* and I'd like it to be Darcy over her thinking it's George changing his mind. But they seemed to set it up today that Gigi is keeping Darcy's secret? I don't know. I guess I don't like how everyone has been treating Lydia and Gigi in this, and I wish things would be said outright and not implied or glossed over. (Ie, Wickham was abusive, which the actors/writers have said but not characters; that Gigi does not need to be condescended to; that Darcy can be the best big brother ever and still get rebuked for his overbearingness, which is exactly what he is addressing with Lizzie/Bing and ignoring in Gigi, etc.)
Basically, I'm thrilled this arc is over, I want Kate Rorick's episodes back, and I can't wait to see the next arc play out.
@par_parenthese I really like all of the extra character development we've gotten for Lydia, because the whole Lydia/Wickham thing usually bores me to tears and sometimes I just skip episode 5 (of the BBC version) entirely. But they've gotten me to sympathize with her and I like that!
However I'm also sad this arc is ending because then we are on the home stretch to the end of the book and I am not prepared for that.
@sydwi I feel like you've just put your finger on my issue with this arc. I appreciated them dealing with tough topics and I have hope that they'll return to those and make them more explicit, but I am SO ready for the next chapter!! This upcoming part of the book is one of my favorite favorite parts, when they're both just in agonies watching each other and wondering. "A man who has been once rejected!" All that. Adore it.
And I am DYING to see if there's a Lady Catherine character/ how they'll handle the whole "are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted" scene.
@par_parenthese Yes, exactly. I feel like they talk about introducing these concepts to girls, but so many of those same girls still only see Wickham's pretty face and don't understand all the ways Lydia has been wronged (abuse, slut shaming, etc etc). So close! Yet not.
YES. I would love love love to see a Catherine reenactment, because I miss Annie-kins, but I think Caroline might be the stand-in. Which would be okay, I'd like to see her again, but I'd miss the family angle Catherine brings. I was hoping that Domino was how Catherine would find out about Darcy/Lizzie, so I'm excited to see that shake down.
@sydwi OH ALSO, how cool that Bernie Su won a Streamy and they're up for a couple more? I've also LOVED the Hypable interviews with Ashley Clements and Mary Kate Wiles, if you've not seen them. Also this: http://themeryton.tumblr.com/image/43153759581
@par_parenthese The last line GiGi's call with Darcy today made me feel like she's trying to set something up. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but "go for a swim. It will be refreshing" sounded like she had a set up waiting at the pool, and I want to know if I'm right.
@schrodingers_cat He is at a seaside resort, I feel like? But I do in fact think Gigi's going to be instrumental in getting them back together.
Also I cannot get over how good Darcy looked today. Mm. Yes Lawd.
@schrodingers_cat That felt like such a weird comment. Last night, she tweeted that she hoped her brother was following her suggestion, which made it seem like it was a set up of some sort. But then I realized it was the first time we saw her talking about swimming without getting upset, so I wondered if it was actually showing him how she came through this even better than before? But either way, it felt a little weird.
@par_parenthese yes! I'm so happy for him and I hope they win the others, too. I may not be thrilled with how they handled this arc, but it is still such a good show and worthy of so much attention.
Also, this fic is totally my headcanon for what went down. Or should have gone down: http://archiveofourown.org/works/684254
@sydwi It is totally possible that I overthink the importance of pretty much anything GiGi or Fitz says.
@par_parenthese I don't know if I'm super happy that they worked this out without making Lydia and Wickham stick together or a little disappointed. Because on one hand, book does it one way and on the other hand, I wouldn't wish a horrible juicebox like him on anyone.
@Mandalas I have a theory that they're combining Lydia's storyline with Kitty's, since they don't have a Kitty character that isn't an actual cat. So the result will be Lydia spending more time with Jane/Bing and Lizzie/Darcy, and growing and finding herself.
Since Lydia started her videos and we saw a deeper character (and definitely once I figured out that the scandal was likely to be a sex tape), I couldn't see her ending up with Wickham, especially not in 2013. There's just no way the writers were going to spend that much time developing a character and making her sympathetic and multi-faceted and then have her end up being Lord Juicebox's dupe.
@sydwi that is such a nice fic!!!!!
@par_parenthese that is a great theory and I'm totally trotting out next time someone bitches about the adaptation not being word-for-word what the book says.
I've lost weight and I'm sort of glad about it (because my legs look hot), but I'm not sure how I feel about being glad about it?
Ugh being a woman is the worst because of society.
@Lucienne Light people problems.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys No, I used to have those but then I found a foundation that matched my skin tone.
@Lucienne I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being glad about it.
I've gained some weight lately, and I hate it, but I feel kind of bad about hating it? Oh, society.
@Lucienne Yeah this woman vs. society thing is a killer. I don't celebrate v-day cause I'm not about to pay extra for chocolate, but then you spend a bunch of time on the internet and wonder (me wondering, here) "Does this mean I'm not romantic? Am I somehow defective? Is my relationship doomed?" And then I went home and shared those feelings with my boyfriend who was like, "You said you didn't want to do anything! We should've done something!" And then I reiterated, "But no, I didn't want to do anything." And he confusedly said, "But now you're sad?"
It's a paradox dude, sorry. But I'm not sad. Really, just confused by a bunch of commercials that tell me what love should look like. Ugh.
@KatieBarTheDoor It shouldn't be so hard to feel at least okay with something so relatively inconsequential!
@KatieBarTheDoor Yeah, sometimes I have these moments where I'm having a thought and it's like a spooky 'the call is coming from inside the house' horror movie moment. It's really hard to deprogram. I'm pretty anti-consumerist, pro-being whatever damn size you are, and I still have moments where I feel really conflicted (see above).
@OhMyGoshYouGuys Oh as in not heavy, not as in not dark. Why am I an idiot that cannot do homonyms?
@Lucienne realtalk: I am terrified of losing weight. I self-sabotage. I started running last year and I was feeling awesome (which is the actual goal -- health, not a particular size or weight), and then late fall rolled around and I just freaked the fuck out. My clothes were looser, my face was a bunch thinner than it is now, I was getting compliments and I think that's what pushed me over the edge -- people noticing and telling me how good I looked just sent me into a tailspin of, like, "SEE!! I was right all along! I was HIDEOUSLY UNATTRACTIVE this whole time! ALL MY THEORIES HAVE JUST BEEN CONFIRMED!" I mean, I... I clearly need therapy.
@par_parenthese That . . . is a LOT to deal with. But you really did like running, though, right? Do you think you'll start? (I am kind of annoyed that I have to get all new bras now, speaking of loose clothes.)
I've always been slim, so part of me feels like losing weight was . . . egregious on my part, or something? I don't know! It doesn't make sense! Plus there is a family history of disordered eating and (probably) body dysmorphic messes, which I missed out on (and am still missing out on, I promise!) but which does sort of color my relationship with weight loss. Like, I spent a lot of time watching people be preoccupied with their weight and thinking "that's fucked up" and not caring about my own - but maybe only because I was small already? - and now it feels like I'm part of that same fucked up thinking. EXCEPT I'm not actually (or: not medically?) so then it is like . . . extra fucked up.
@Lucienne I loved it. LOVED. And some of it is seasonal depression which just kills my energy/motivation, so I actually started again yesterday and felt like crying for joy after I was done with my pathetic 1 km (after being up to 4 miles last year).
This whole issue. I just cannot. I wish I could be transported to a culture/society vacuum for a couple days so I could sort out my own body image apart from people ascribing fucking value judgments to people's fucking body size. BLAH.
@par_parenthese "I wish I could be transported to a culture/society vacuum for a couple days so I could sort out my own body image apart from people ascribing fucking value judgments to people's fucking body size. BLAH."
This is exactly, EXACTLY, why I am going to be living alone. I remember the last round of it being waaaaayyy more helpful than the shitty therapist I (briefly) saw at the time. I hope it works just as well this go 'round.
Argh! My job has been a crazy mess for the past few weeks, which has resulted in a migraine all day yesterday and crying in my boss's office today. So that's awesome.
And I would be way more excited about the long weekend, if I didn't have to entertain my father all day Sunday and Monday.
In short: There better be some half-priced candy at my local CVS when I get home.
@Lily Rowan I'm with you on the half-priced candy desire. And hugs for the pain you've had the past few weeks. Full priced hugs.
@sunfastrose Aw, thanks! Am home with candy, so that helps.
Today is my last day at my job! I start at Counteroffer Job on Monday! I'm excitvous*! Exclamation points!
@Clare NEW JOBS ARE THE BEST! I LOVE NEW JOBS! CONGRATS! ALL CAPS!
@Clare Hooray for not long commutes! What ultimately made you decide to go with Counteroffer Job?
If anyone is around in NYC this weekend you should check out the Kiity Brazelton concert on Sunday. It is a part of the Avant Music Festival.
I am in the process of applying to 8 nursing schools because things are so crazy competitive where I live and acceptance rates are low unless you go to a super expensive private school. I will probably get rejected by most of them and I want to cry just thinking about the time and energy put into all of these applications.I got shut out of the school I've been going to part time for several years because the waiting list for their nursing program is now years. Anyone else dealing with this bullshit?
@parallel-lines Eesh. I can't relate, but I wish you the best.
@parallel-lines Aw, man, that sucks. My husband is a nurse, who went back to school for his degree a few years ago. He ended up going to a technical college, which was maybe not the *best* school in the world, but he was running into the same thing you are, with everywhere else having two-year waiting lists. But he finished and got a job and things worked out. I wish you luck!
@parallel-lines I went to a crappy nursing school, powered through it, and got hired before I even graduated. I took the licensing exam on Wednesday and just got notification that I passed!! Good luck. You got this!
Dear Hairpin friends who sit and look at this website all day, I have a question for you born from my own exhaustion and frustration. If you work standard hours like 9-5 with a commute, how do you make do with only having a few hours of your own every day? How do you make the most of it, and what do you prioritize?
I've been anxious and emotionally volatile for a month or two now, and I think it's because I don't have any time to myself. My commute to work is an hour and a half, then I work 7.5 hours with an hour's break in the middle; my commute home is another hour, and then I'm left with only four or five hours every night if I want to get a good night's sleep. I'm probably making excuses by saying that it's not enough time for me to go to the gym or cook real food or see friends, but... it really doesn't feel like enough time. How do people do it?
@wallsdonotfall I rarely take long vacations, instead preferring to use my days off one at a time and give myself long weekends. I also make use of sick days as mental health days as needed. Those days away give me time to get stuff done or just be alone and recharge, long enough for me to get to the next break.
I also am sad and frustrated a lot of the time but, yeah.
@mustelid Yes to long weekends when you can!
Also, I try to make the most of my commute. I'm on public transportation, so I read, write in my journal, or nap--but even if you're driving, podcasts and audio books can help you feel like you're having "you time."
Also, how long have you felt this way? I only got this long a commute (which is similar to yours, and to me, is the real time-killer) in July, and it has seriously taken me up until the last month to feel like I figured out how to manage my time so I feel like I have almost enough.
@wallsdonotfall I hate it and am currently plotting ways of leaving the 9-5 behind? Sorry, I know that doesn't really help, but it's a bummer. I also have a bunch of little side gigs and projects I work on to add a little variety. But yeah. It sucks.
@wallsdonotfall I have this too, although my commute is only half an hour so I do have it a bit easier. But I do get at least 7 hours of sleep every night and exercise at least 4 days a week! And aim to socialize and cook. I usually manage 2/3 of those things (exercise, socialize, cook) each weeknight, and do only 1/3 of those things one night a week and stare at a television or read a book to recuperate/energize myself. Some things: no internet (although I do get to go on it at work, so that makes it easy for me), no TV, and no snooze button.
@wallsdonotfall I have the same work schedule, though my commute is usually better (when Muni's cooperating, at least). Do you take transit, or are you car-bound? I knit, so I use my commute to get some work done on whatever small/portable project I happen to have on hand at the time. It provides a nice transition between stressful/boring job and home. If you do have to drive, is there anything you can do to make that drive more palatable? Maybe get some audiobooks that you save for commute times? Switch up your route now and then?
So that's what I actually do all the time. What I SHOULD do more is:
1) Do more meal planning/cooking on the weekends or early in the week so I've got lunches/dinners either ready to go or planned so they're easy/fast to throw together. This way I'm eating better and not spending money on shitty takeout.
2) Go the the gym after work. Mine is near my office, which I find more motivating than if it were near my home (home is too tempting). I know it's counter-intuitive - going to the gym takes more time away from home, but it's still me-time, and it's healthy and productive and makes me feel better and sleep better.
3) This isn't really it's own thing, but related to the 1 and 2: When I plan more structured activities into my evenings, I find I have more free time. I do what's on the calendar, be it gym, chores, cooking, whatever then it's done! If I don't follow a more strict routine I wind up just spending the night dicking around doing nothing worth while.
Those things are all easier said than done, but I need to try to get back on my routine. I really do find that I function much better, and feel better, when I stick to it.
@wallsdonotfall Four or five hours of free time every night sounds... really luxurious. Am I misunderstanding the question?
@wallsdonotfall I second @SarahP's suggestion to figure out how to make your commute time more enjoyable. I used to have a long commute via public transpo and I liked having the time to read or listen to podcasts, etc. If you have to drive, maybe try listening to something great, or see if you can carpool with someone you get along with?
Also, I used to take a lot of solo breaks during the workday. At my office there was sometimes a lot of social pressure to eat lunch with coworkers, and sometimes I just needed some "me" time so I'd say no to the group and just go off by myself, or take a walk around the block, or whatever. I'd also take coffee breaks and walk a few blocks. (I like walking, I guess?) The smokers in my office got to go outside for 10 minutes every few hours, and I felt entitled to the same amount of outside break time even though I don't smoke.
@wallsdonotfall Your schedule sounds awesome to me. I have a similar commute and an 8-10 hour workday and I LOVE MY SUBWAY TIME. I treat myself to good kindle novels. Also dumb iphone games. And I make sure i have 1 whole day at home on the weekend to clean, do laundry, shop and cook for the week so the 1-3 hours I have during the week after work and before bed are not frantic. We also take turns going out during the week after work (one week me one night, next week him one night). We have a baby so can't both go out during the week at the same time. I find that any more than 1 night out for one of us during the week or no chores day at the weekend means we have a shitty, snappy, exhausted week. I'm pretty lazy but like yoga. I sometimes take a yoga class during the workday. Noone really notices if i'm not at my desk for an hour or so occasionally in the middle of the day. I always feel gerat after. I'm resolving to do this more in 2013.
@miss buenos aires I did my second all-nighter of the week last night, and am finishing up my third week in a row of 80+ billable hours. I would pay large money for 4-5 hours of free time right now.
@lizzle Thanks, y'all. I take the train, so I should definitely knit or read an actual book instead of compulsively checking Twitter (before spending another eight hours compulsively checking Twitter.) The gym suggestion is also really great, and I should start taking my gym gear to work so I can go on my way home.
4-5 hours is definitely luxurious compared to many people's schedules, I know. But it gets eaten up pretty quickly all the same with laundry/groceries/basic cleanliness/lunch-making/cat-feeding/schoolwork/class/social obligations.
@wallsdonotfall I should do as I say and not as I do, but refreshing the same websites all day, even excellent ones like this, doesn't help. See what you can do about cutting out leisure activities that are not actually enjoyable or enriching. Like, if you find yourself getting into a habit of going home and then flopping down in front of the computer, especially if you're on the computer all day for your job, don't do that. Make yourself get up and do anything else whatsoever. I also find that having great stretches of uncommitted time doesn't actually make me more productive. Sometimes building more obligations into my schedule is something that makes actual uncommitted time seem more precious.
Also, listen to audio books on your commute.
@wallsdonotfall Knit AND listen to audio books or podcasts! This combo has really revolutionized my commute.
@wallsdonotfall I commute via public transit, so I use my commute to read or crochet.
I am terrible about meal planning/cooking, but I do find that getting groceries delivered helps, because it is one less errand to run outside the house. I share my kitchen, so I don't like to cook in it much, but I do try to buy things that are easy to throw in a lunch box and go. I also try to keep healthy snacks and breakfast items in my office. I try to make the most of my weekend time to myself.
I share my office with one other person, and he works an earlier schedule than I do, so when he leaves, I often close the door and either work out (doing things like push-ups, squats, lunges, etc or yoga) or turn off all the lights and lie flat on my back.
When I had a long driving commute, I found it was actually great, because it put physical and mental distance between my job and my home, and let me be in a better frame of mind when I got home if I'd had a stressful day. But that was also when my drive was an hour on lovely scenic back roads, not in city traffic.
Scheduling time with yourself or with your friends is good. Google calendar is your friend.
Consider sitting down and plotting out a daily routine, so that you can see how much you can fit into a day/week.
@miss buenos aires For me, it's not the amount of free time so much as the depressing way that EVERY DAY IS THE SAME. Every. Day.
You have to work really hard at adding variety and excitement into your life because it's so easy to do the same exact thing every single day.
@wallsdonotfall I also have these feelings. Actually, these "I have no time to myself" feelings are the reason I have a hard time keeping up with my going-to-the-gym goals, because it's the first thing I drop when I feel like I'm overworked and unhappy. Which isn't so good for me.
I try to use my weekends as recharging downtime, so I don't try to plan too much stuff in too many weekends in a row. I've come to realize that if I just give myself a weekend every 2-3 weeks where I say, "No making plans, no nothing, just do what I want to do all weekend when I want to do it" it keeps me from getting the "I hate everything" feelings.
@rimy The feelings of monotony, I know them well! Especially since I am apparently the social/activity planner of the house.
I find that activities energize me. If I don't have anything planned for the weekend, I end up farting around on the Internet and feeling as if I am wasting my life. Even reading a magazine feels more productive than reading the Internet. Even if it is the magazine's digital content!
Maybe recategorizing some of it will help. E.g. (and granted, I happen to find cooking relaxing, but even so): declare that "cooking real food" actually IS me-time, or semi-me-time, and make sure you turn on NPR or put some good music on while you do it. My kitchen radio is one of my favorite objects!
I am having a really rough week/month. What is your favorite way to be kind to yourself?
@mustelid yoga! it can be expensive to just drop in, but it makes such a difference in my state of mind. orrr a big long walk with wine in a travel mug.
@mustelid Taoist Tai Chi helps me so much. I stopped having panic attacks when I started going regularly, didn't have one for months, and then had one this weekend when I'd missed several classes.
Also, sex, ice cream, silly movies, and starchy cheesy comfort foods.
@mustelid Sorry to hear that. I usually find that making myself get up/out and get some exercise helps a lot, especially a long walk or a (good) yoga class. Then treating myself to a luxurious brunch, whether it be out at a cafe or something I make in my own kitchen. Breathing deep and letting things go helps to some extent, but that has to be a choice you purposefully make yourself.
@kickupdust a big long walk with wine in a travel mug how did i never think of this.
@mustelid netflix. napping.
@mustelid Getting enough sleep. And, like rimy says, doing something that makes me feel like I'm treating myself well and/or doing good things, like going to yoga or having a productive run or making an awesome meal.
@mustelid This sounds totally boring and not-fun, but I clean my home. I am both not a natural clean person AND I get really stressed by mess and clutter, plus the storage situation in my house is ridiculously bad (and I've got too much stuff, I'll admit), which all adds up to me feeling even shittier when I already feel shitty. But taking the time to care for my home feels good, as does having a nice home to relax in when the work is done. It's easier for me to think clearly and be more positive when I'm not surrounded by mess.
@mustelid I do kitty meditation, which is when you lie down and a kitty sits on your chest and purrs in your face and everything is okay.
Also I live in a different city from most of my close girlfriends, so when I find myself feeling down for an extended period of time it helps to just get on a bus and go visit people for a weekend. Better than wallowing in the apartment feeling bad about not getting stuff done, which is what I do most weekends. Having a lady night in my city where we just sit around and drink so much wine and watch Downton Abbey with no boys allowed (so that we can talk about them) also helps.
@mustelid Tortillas fried in butter with honey. Add slices of banana if you're feeling like doing it healthy style. If you're in the mood for a lot of decadence: cut banana in half, saute in butter and about a shot of rum or bourbon, have over ice cream.
@mustelid yoga + hot tubbing! my gym has both = heaven
@mustelid Baths and taking myself out to brunch or dinner all alone.
@mustelid Random wander around Target. Maybe I only end up with a few household items and a random nicknack, but spending an hour at Target...why do I love it so?
@mustelid Sorry you're having a rough time. I like to watch lighthearted comedies, or other favorite movies that don't make me too emotional (if that's what you'd like to avoid). Or I listen to comedy albums or funny podcasts while doing some sort of boring household chore--not only do you get to have fun while doing something lame, you get to feel accomplished because you actually got something out of the way. I also second (third? fourth?) going on a nice walk (listening to music on headphones to clear your head, if needed) and stopping for coffee or ice cream or cupcakes or tacos or whatever you come across that sounds good to you...
@mustelid Less time on the internet, more time reading. This is when I do comfort re-reads or weed through my to-read list for things that are not going to depress me about how terrible humanity is.
@mustelid When I'm feeling shitty I treat myself to a new book on my Kindle - usually a self-published, totally sordid, paranormal book with gay undertones. That stuff is a miracle drug for taking my mind of heavy things.
@mustelid Dancing! I sign up for dance classes when I can afford it, and dance around my apartment like a nut when I can't. Also, painting my nails with crazy patterns and watching awesome TV shows.
@kickupdust @polka dots vs stripes A friend and I did this alllll the time when her babygirl was stroller age, only it was usually G&Ts.
@mustelid Book + Bath + Booze. And I second everything @anachronistique said.
@mustelid I'm sorry you're having a bad week. I'm going to treat myself to a whole day of visiting my favourite art museum tomorrow just to be kind to myself. I'm the kind of a person for whom museums are fun and incredible, so.
@olivebee I'm taking tap lessons as soon as I have a little pocket money saved up! And then I plan to tap my troubles away. Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbxI3K8GnpU
@mustelid Boo, rough days. :( I will second and third the silly lighthearted movies and shows, as well as long hot baths and re-reading old books. I really enjoy getting out a book I loved as a kid or teen that I haven't read in years and getting comfortable with it (hello, "A Little Princess" and "Anne of Green Gables").
And if this sounds at all interesting: My favorite book might be "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki. It's a series of short pieces on Zen Buddhism, maybe 4 or 5 pages each. I don't know how or why, but when I read them I can feel my mind calming down and settling out.
@mustelid I'm a big fan of the sour gummy candy/wilderness or natural beauty of some kind/YA fiction/nail polish method, myself.
@mustelid Making a nest out of pillows, a cocktail/warm tea, and a ridiculous/feel-good book and sometimes giving myself permission to cry without feeling ridiculous for not having anything worth crying about. If you like romance novels, or think you might, the last one I read was a novella called A Kiss for Midwinter that was kind of sad but very sweet and really well written.
@mustelid dancing and singing
Thank you all so much for all these. I went for a nice long walk with my iPod and listened to some episodes of Wiretap and Savage Lovecast that I needed to catch up on. It was so much better than sitting in my house wallowing.
Any good recommendations for plus size (14/16) shopping online? I've just recently crossed into the inbetweenie territory (thanks, new baby) & right now I live off of ASOS Curve, but can't really get into anything else yet. And oh god I have to get out of these maternity clothes.
@hallelujah If you want a cheap anthro knock off, shopruche.com has a curvy plus line with some fun stuff.
@hallelujah eShakti.com is my favorite place! I bought a dress there for a wedding a few months back and felt like the sexiest, prettiest lady in the room for the first time in years.
@hallelujah I am also a 14/16 and was just talking about this on Twitter today! The stores that were recommended to me were Mod Cloth (which has apparently expanded their plus-size options) and eloquii.com
Seconding the recommendation for eshakti, although I find them a touch expensive. The option to get clothes fitted exactly to your measurements is pretty amazing, though.
@hallelujah Land's End. Their jeans are not my favorite and shirts are hit or miss. But I wore two of their dresses at a conference this weekend and was getting compliments left right and center. One person even came up to me and said "hey were you wearing the green dress yesterday? I told my friend if she saw you to ask where you got it because I want one like it."
Land's End. For work-and-casual-appropriate dresses.
@PistolPackinMama Also, I was wearing 14/16, and their clothes run from 0-18, so. Choices!
@hallelujah I am a 14/16 and I find that it's really frustrating because some places consider 14 the upper end of their "plain old unlabeled clothing" line but other people consider it the lower end of their "plus" line and then SOME STORES DON'T EVEN HAVE 14S. What is that!? Sigh.
This may sound weird but I'm actually super sad I have just dipped under the "the smallest sizes at Torrid fit me" place, and now I can't get cheap dresses that don't look matronly as easily.
@Scandyhoovian Word. WORD. That on-the-edge size is SUCH a pain.
You guys, I found this album cover (the uncensored version) really upsetting, what do y'all think?
@iceberg i mean: Boobs, for no reason, not belonging to the singer, disembodied with a reptile head and the word MUTT next to it... I dunno I just find it a bit "woman's body as object"
@iceberg It's worse it's like "women's body as roadside curio"
and it feels really lazy too so I don't even have like a kneejerk "well art...".
@Onymous saaame YES
I'm looking forward to this weekend! Last week was my birthday and a friend of mine from middle and part of high school has the exact same birthday so we're having a small party this weekend (it was last weekend but we cancelled it because of the blizzard). And my boyfriend came home from an out of town trip thing today which is fun and his birthday is Saturday so we'll probably go out to dinner or do something fun for that. Yay parties!
umm... so I am the last person in the world, but I just started watching Friday Night Lights last night and oooohhhhh myyyyy goddddd. I don't even like football! why do my heartstrings feel so tugged-upon?!
@kickupdust I can assure you that you are making one of the best decisions of your life.
@kickupdust ME TOO! I started watching it last month and I've just got to season 3. I took a break from it for a week or so, but there was some hardcore bingeing at first.
@kickupdust i'm slowing making my way through season 1, and am planning on forcing my sister to watch the pilot next week. it is the BEST.
@kickupdust Okay, everything is going to be great, but you need to prepare yourself to pretend parts of S2 don't happen.
@kickupdust YES. It's not even about football at all, which I didn't realize and which kept me from watching it until last year.
@kickupdust That's next on my Netflix list, since I finally finished season 4 of Breaking Bad. I'm excited.
@kickupdust I need to watch those again to reaffirm my stereotypical but totally intense crush on Riggins. Lord have mercy, that boy.
@kickupdust Do you have clears eyes and a full heart??
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose can't lose!
@all: I'm sooo excited to keep watching! this week is reading week/"spring break" so I have a whole week to gorge myself on it! and hoooooly shit yes, Riggins. rawr.
Anybody else have a HORRIBLE Valentines Day and want to talk about it? I'll start!
My boyfriend broke up with me. And the fact that this happened on Valentines Day isn't even the worst part. He did it by email. We're both in our 30's, have been dating for nearly two years, we live in the same town, and he broke up with me by email. We did eventually discuss it in person (I made him come over after work partly to drop off some stuff I'd left at his house and partly because I felt like he owed it to me to tell me it's over to my face), not that it changed anything.
He knew that I love(d) him, and I deserved to be with someone who could not only say it back to me, but would actually mean it because...he didn't love me. And he wasn't sure if he ever did. He was confused, sometimes thought he did, sometimes thought his love would grow...then realized it probably never would, that he'd never feel about me the way that I did about him. I feel like a total fool, like I've been tricked. He's always been super reserved, emotionally-speaking, not good at Talking About Important Stuff, but...he acted like he loved me. I think he tried to convince himself that I really wasn't in love with him, or that I knew how he really felt. He didn't realize he was so hard to read. (He is hard to read, I said, but especially so when he's apparently thinking one thing, but acting in a totally different way.)
I trusted him with my heart, and I really, truly believed it was safe to do so, that we were on the same page, that he loved me as much as I loved him and now I just feel so gutted and betrayed.
So, seriously, fuck Valentines Day.
@Jinxie Oh my god what a DICK!! I'm so sorry that happened to you.
@Jinxie Oh no. I feel like I've had this breakup before :/ What a load of fuck. I know exactly that feeling of just figuring he is the strong, silent type, and then, bam. Seriously fuck Valentines Day.
@Jinxie That is AWFUL and I am sorry to hear it. Be good to yourself this weekend.
@Jinxie I'm really sorry :(. If you need an instant mood booster, check out Too Cute on Animal Planet. It's basically an hour of close up shots of baby animals doing cute things accompanied by an adorable-sounding narrator.
@Jinxie Blergh. Awful. I had two horrrrrrible breakup around Valentine's day in my 20's and it left me nonstop jaded towards February for almost a decade. Thankfully, it's a short month. Hang in there.
@Jinxie Ugh. Double fuck Valentine's Day. I had a fight with an ex a few years ago that included the words: "You ruined Valentine's Day!" (he said it, not me) and that about sets the tone for my feelings about the day. A lot of expectations and pressure about expressing feelings (through spending a bunch of money, obvs) that I could totally live without.
People who pull the rug out are total jerks, and you are going to be just fine someday (sooner rather than later, I hope). Just be gentle with yourself, and angry when you need to be angry. Hugs.
@adorable-eggplant Ummm, ruining Valentine's Day would be like some kind of public service. "Sorry, I didn't get you anything, didn't you hear that adorable_eggplant ruined Valentine's Day back in '02?"
@Emmanuelle Cunt It's like the Grinch who stole Christmas, except I wouldn't let those dumb whos stop me and everybody would applaud at the end.
@Jinxie Oh man, I'm sorry! That's cruel. I know it seems like the most-tiredest cliche, but you really deserve better than his shabby treatment now and over the last while stringing you along. You deserve someone who loves you back and is not hung up on expressing it in every way. Take care of yourself.
@Jinxie OMG I am so damn sorry. This is horrible. Give yourself time and grief, join a boxing gym. I am so sorry.
@Jinxie That is fucking awful and I am so sorry. Fuck Valentines day.
@Jinxie Oh my god, how awful. I can't believe he did it a) over email and b) on Valentine's Day and c) OVER EMAIL SERIOUSLY!?
@Scandyhoovian I KNOW RIGHT?? Apparently the reason for the email was that he didn't think he'd ever have the guts to bring it up in person, blah blah total f'ing coward. When I made him talk to me in person like a normal human, he was clearly SO uncomfortable and I have to admit I was glad to see that. Though it was odd to learn that all this time I thought I was dating an actual human man, when apparently he's just a very-convincingly formed android who has not yet learned how to have or express Human Emotion.
@Jinxie Hah, I just posted upthread about my most memorable Valentine's Day, which is when I had a huge fight with a dude I was dating when we went out to dinner (but somehow we were pretending we weren't dating so we kind of pretended it wasn't Valentine's Day?). Days like that bring out the best in everyone. And ugh, I'm sorry. I hope you have lots of ice cream and french fries and wine to wallow in this weekend.
HE'S NOT EVEN A VERY GOOD ANDROID TO HAVE 30 HUMAN YEARS OF LIFE EXPERIENCE AND STILL BE A SHIT-DICK. He is seriously the one who will die alone, alone-alone without friends or ANYTHING or even a cat because cats know sociopaths. You, sweet lady, you know how to love and it is HIM I pity.
As for me, my (loyal, unstable) FWB thought I was mad at him.
He came to my job->house, refused to leave, yelled at me, talked about his dead unstable parent who he doesn't want to emulate but is emulating, had a nervous breakdown, punched himself in the head, said he would die without me, etc.
And I'm like dude you realize all the other men in my life (exaggeration) try to tell me I have no voice/personal space and I can't believe I have to hear that from you, and he cried a lot, and then he left. So that was dumb and I didn't get any homework done.
My new housemates must think I am 50 shades of cray.
@Jinxie YUCK what a dick move. I recommend gathering mementos of him and having a pagan bonfire ritual. And seconding the boxing gym idea mentioned above.
Valentine's day does indeed suck gigantic deformed donkey balls. Last year on V-day I took my own self out on a date because my then-bf had been giving me the silent treatment for two weeks with no explanation (a week later, he explained that he had been testing me to see if i loved him enough to try to win him back. Except, when he'd vanished, it took me about two days to realize i was much happier out of that strange and dysfunctional relationship, so, ya know.) I get cynical around February too, this year my armor was a giant pile of books, ink stains on my hands and a stone-faced "scholarly" expression. I would walk past all these couples being overtly sappy and just make a grand show of how many books I was carrying, like OH IS IT SOME SORT OF HOLIDAY? I DIDN'T KNOW, TOO BUSY RESEARCHING, TRYING TO GET PUBLISHED, ENJOY YOUR COMMERCIALIZED FACADES OF ROMANCE.
@Jinxie EMAIL?!?!?!?! You are better off without that spineless twerp. I know that's not helpful to hear right now because you're hurting and you loved him, but it will be in time! SPINELESS.
Y'all, I was having a not-so-great week or 2 (after breaking up with this great guy & then just baaaaarely not getting picked for a better job) and then my birthday was yesterday, so I bought myself a plane ticket to NYC next week Wednesday morning through Saturday morning. I don't really have any plans yet at all. I bought it through Southwest so I can cancel if I want to, but what should a single, late-20s gal do by herself next week in NYC (on a small budget)? Also, anyone know of good places to stay? Impulse purchases!
@one cow. No idea, sorry I'm totally provincial. But I've been hearing good things about Mission Chinese, so maybe I would try that? Also, there's something like an exploratorium of science. Maybe a new york pinner could jump in here...
@one cow. I went to New York a year or two ago for a long weekend and stayed in an AirBnB studio. It was amazing and significantly cheaper than a hotel.
@one cow. Eat lots of food! Go to sit at the counter at Momofuko (any of them), which I desperately want to do. Get a mani/pedi (they're one of the only things cheaper in NYC than anywhere else). Go to the Strand and buy a bundle of books. Ooh, look on websites for bookstores in New York and see what writers you like are having events next week, there are always book events in New York that I get jealous of. Go to museums, I find them always more fun alone, and splurge on the audio thing to tell you about the paintings and stuff.
@one cow. re: staying, that probably depends on how cool you are w/ sharing space. You can stay at a hostel for pretty damned cheap (http://www.hostels.com/new-york/usa) or you can get slight discounts on nicer hotels by blind-booking through Hotwire.
In terms of things to do, I would go up to Harlem and walk up Riverside, from Hyde Park up through to Washington Heights. Really something I should've done last time I was there. If you want to test your budget you could probably still snag a ticket to see Sleep No More, which I tell everyone to see since it's something you can't really get anywhere except New York.
Beyond that, eat and drink!! If you like hot dogs, Crif Dog is great, and the St. Mark's location is the entrance to a "speakeasy" via a false wall in a telephone booth. Otherwise pay $12 for excellent cocktails at Little Branch off the Christopher Street 1. Eat Ukrainian at Veselka, go to Flushing for real Chinatown food. Surprisingly good southern soul food (and great baked goods) at Pies'n'Thighs off the Marcy Ave J/M/Z, Roberta's in Greenpoint does pretty good ~hip~ pizza.
Elsewhere in drinking, Union Pool off of the Lorimer L is where you want to go if you're from out of town and would like to make out with someone else from out of town (or so I'm told). Go there on the weekends if you want to feel like an extra on Girls!
@Danzig! I find the most consistently clean, safe, and reputable hostels are Hostelling International/: http://www.hiusa.org/
I stayed in a New York one and met a bunch of other young people and did some social stuff with them. You can also cook meals there, which helps with the budget.
@Danzig! If you want to go to (now-spoiler-ed) Roberta's (also it's in Bushwick) show up EARLY. Gone are the days of my neighborhood local! Tear your clothes and grieve and settle in for a 2 hour wait on a Wednesday!
I just went to an exhibit called "The Art of Scent" at the Museum of Art & Design that makes you feel kind of like an extra in a 80's-era Steve Martin movie about pretentious New Yorkers in a not-unenjoyable way.
@MollyculeTheory Oh boy I would NEVER try to get a table on a Friday night. Lunchtime and late nights during the week are more manageable. Unless it's gone insane since I've left.
So I'm losing my job in a month (and get to train the brand new person they hired in a different location to do my work, what a self esteem booster) BUT I have had lots of great conversations with people getting names of companies, people to contact, offers of references, which makes me optimistic. I'm trying not to sink into a black hole of "I'm unemployyyyyed!!!" depression and the best I can do to avoid that is set up tons of informational interviews and apply to everything under the sun. So, here it goes!
That being said, what is REALLY upsetting me about this is that it feels like my boyfriend and I can never have a job at the same time. I would really like to stop living paycheck to paycheck, actually pay off my CC debt, and actually fucking save money to have a fucking wedding and be married to this guy (we're already nixed city hall for a couple reasons, but we do want a small wedding so saving shouldn't be this hard....but it is when you have bills to pay!).
Why is this so difficult. Two jobs at the same time, universe, that's all we ask!
@polka dots vs stripes TELL me about it. The past couple months have been the first time my husband and I have both been employed, we got married in city hall TWO YEARS AGO and still haven't started planning a wedding yet because we have no savings. It feels like this happens to a lot of people in this Recession Era (and the rest must have parents/relatives who can pay for their weddings).
Good luck with the job hunt! Make that resume shine!
AHAHHAHAHA oh my god i quit my job i actually quit my job and I have like three hours left oh my god i quit my job (imagine those last repetitions delivered with Kevin's inflection in Home Alone of "I made my family disappear" but also with some more terror)
@melis Congrats!! Never fear. I truly believe that this is merely your next step on your way to world domination.
@melis Scary and awesome!
Had that meeting with HR yesterday where there was like, "Here is a chart of when all your benefits go away" and I made a sound like a waterpipe disappearing into a different dimension.
So for those of you who remember, I recently moved to NY from London and was having a super tough time adjusting. Well not anymore, the past few weeks have involved a trip to London which showed I had romanticized it a fair bit, a trip to New Orleans during Mardi Gras where I celebrated my birthday, a card and cupcakes from my colleagues who I thought had forgotten said birthday, dinner with London colleagues and a great night out, birthday drinks last night which were a ton of fun and then capping off this weekend with Lion King on broadway and ice skating in Bryant Park.
I haven't been this happy in a while and don't mean for this to be a humblebrag or anything. Just posting to show things work themselves out usually.
Found out that I have PCOS.
So, that's fun.
@wee_ramekin Oh, man, that's tough.
@wee_ramekin Oh hun!! All the hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@wee_ramekin I'm sorry. *hugs* I hope it turns out to be manageable.
@all Aw, thanks guys. This is just what I needed :). @Verity, my doctor just gave me this diagnosis, so hopefully treatment will help!
Really, it's not *terrible*. I mean, I don't have cancer, or AIDS, or something like that. And though PCOS can affect fertility, I'm very on the fence about having kids (and/or would be happy to adopt), so that difficult aspect of it isn't really problematic either.
I guess it's more just shitty because I will have to be on meds to maintain this for the foreseeable future, or else I will grow more acne-ridden and hairy of body.
On the bright side, hormonal birth control is my doctor's preferred treatment method right now. And guess who just mandated that birth control be covered by insurance? OBAMA, that's who.
@wee_ramekin Aww, grrl. I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm glad that you know and are working with a doctor who seems to be looking out for you!
@wee_ramekin Oh no. Sorry, pal, that's a bum deal.
@wee_ramekin Oh honey. I'm just reading this now, I am so sorry! Yay for better health insurance though!!!
@wee_ramekin Oy. I am sorry. But I am glad your doc has a plan. Also I would still be incoherent with worry, and am impressed at how you're being so awesome about it.
@wee_ramekin I have PCOS too. It's lame, but you can be ok! It took them forever to figure out wtf was going on with me because I'm not the typical person who gets it (not sure what that means) but now I take 2 pills/day and never think about it.
I hope it's not too late for you to see this but if you ever want to talk about it (like seriously, whenever about whatever) I'll give you my email addy :)
@wee_ramekin I just want to say my experience is much like @eleventyone. In the beginning it was a bit of a struggle, both emotionally and figuring out the best treatment plan with my doctors, but now I just take some pills when I brush my teeth and see an endochrinologist once or twice a year just to say "yep everything's good, just need an Rx refill" and everything's fine. I imagine it would get more complicated if I wanted kids, but as a childless lady it's not a big deal really! You'll be OK!
I got a job offer! The interview was only on Wednesday, so I'm really surprised to hear so soon. I will be a Graduate Trainee Library Assistant at an academic library in London, which means my boyfriend and I can move in together (it's been four years, so it's about time). I am so excited! And we have just booked tickets to see my boyfriend's family (brother, sister-in-law, adorable niece and nephew) in Australia, which is also exciting. It makes up for finding out at the start of the week that my co-workers were bitching about me behind my back (which did, admittedly, make me cry).
On Sunday I am getting up at 6.45 to go and help out on a waterstand for a local half-marathon (the charity I work for is running the stand). If it's anything like last year, it will be very cold. I plan to wear thermals.
@Verity This is great! So many exciting things.
@dj pomegranate I am very excited. I just feel like flailing and shrieking at the moment.
(Soon it will probably turn into panic - new things! It's scary and overwhelming - but right now it's great.)
@Verity Congrats! That's all exciting!
@Verity Yay! That sounds like the most awesome job ever!
@Verity Fellow Librarian virtual high-five! That's fabulous.
@Verity Yay!!! You must have been so awesome they wanted to snap you up! Where in Oz are you going?
@iceberg Adelaide, and a brief trip to Melbourne (as neither my partner nor I has been there). It's more than ten years since I was last in Australia, so it's very exciting!
Thanks for all of the congratulations. :)
gonna copy this style of pinup announcing ...
we doing brunch tomorrow at le petit dejeuner (king and jarvis, 11 am)! if you haven't rsvped as attending in the fb group, let me know here so I can get a big enough table! although ... everybody's in the fb group now right??
I definitely passed the invisible line from "maybe she's just fat" to "that woman is definitely pregnant." Up until Tuesday morning: no seat on the PATH. Since Tuesday afternoon: a seat every time. This is good stuff!
@miss buenos aires Milk it!
I just started reading Moby Dick (technically rereading, but I first read it when I was like 10 and everything went completely over my head except, you know, whale, Ishmael, big tattooed friend, insane captain) AND I AM LOVING IT. I forgot how much I adored Melville.
MELVILLE I UNDERSTAND YOU LET'S BE BFFs
@SarahP I have never finished Moby Dick (I keep getting distracted by less meaty stuff), but man, that dude could write.
@Blushingflwr If you like his writing but want lighter fare, you should read Pierre! When he wrote it, a NY paper actually used the headline "HERMAN MELVILLE CRAZY."
Are you about to go grocery shopping? Need inspiration? Trying to start/stick to a budget? Do you think better when you write things down?
If any of these things apply to you, why not try posting in/joining up with The Billfold Meal Planning Google Group? In which we do all of the above!
it is 60 today! woohoo! the warmness is helping my be happy. i went ahead and spent some $$$ at ikea and nested a bit. coming to the realization that while yes, i HAVE stuff, it being in storage 3,000 miles away is not helping my living situation. i literally was pawing through a pottery barn magazine a few days ago and getting teary at my living space. (it can be nicely summed up as dorm room/first apt chic ala sidewalk picking) but some organizey baskets, a pantry (no more stacking food on the floor!) and a couple of bright throw pillows and it's so much nicer in here.
also - a shot of bailey's in swiss miss hot cocoa is really yummy.
A METEOR EXPLODED OVER RUSSIA TODAY let's talk about it!
Who has a good video?
Who thinks this is the second sign of the coming Rapture (the first being lightning striking St. Peter's Basilica after the Pope announced his resignation)?
@Amphora Gawker had a bunch of good videos here. Thanks to the prevalence of dash cams in Russia, we can all experience this terrifying event! Seriously, how often does anyone see a meteor in action? So cool!
What if the Rapture has already come and gone, and Jesus was like, you guys didn't listen AT ALL, nevermind, just keep on being crazy down there?
@highfivesforall Jesus: "SIGH. Only two people made it to the rapture?! Sorry, you two, and thanks--really!--for your efforts, but this is just not good enough. I'mma try again in a few hundred years. Here's the comet I was saving."
So, a month ago on Friday Open Thread I was talking about a really cute guy who looked like Lee Pace and I was encouraged to "climb him like a handsome tree," which I've done, repeatedly. And then YESTERDAY, I came back to my cubicle after lunch to find that he'd sent me flowers. Total, complete, but lovely surprise.
So this is a Public Service Announcement to all of you on OK Cupid who are frustrated: there are some good ones on there! don't give up!
@lisma So happy for you!! You are a beacon of hope.
@lisma THE HANDSOME TREE SENT YOU FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!
@lisma If this Lee Pace look-alike had sent you pie instead of flowers, I'd tell you to marry him this very moment.
@lisma who me, frustrated? you mean because of that guy who wished me a happy loser's awareness day yesterday and then got all butt hurt when I didn't want to be his valentine? noooooo, I'm a fountain of infinite optimism over here!
@redheaded&crazy no he did not. Oh my god.
@lisma although that's still better than the two messages I got on wednesday (the day BEFORE valentine's day, which makes it better right?) from married men who were living in boring sexless marriages and just want something on the side.
IN OTHER NEWS, I AM GLAD YOU ARE CLIMBING THAT LIKE A TREE.
@redheaded&crazy I read that as "two massages...from married men" and was briefly alarmed.
@redheaded&crazy did you respond to the married men?????
@lisma nope I sure didn't! although I was advised to respond like "well you're in an open marriage and your wife has full knowledge of this, yes?" but I had already deleted them at that point.
@redheaded&crazy Yeah I was hoping you'd sent a really snarky reply back.
@lisma I do enjoy sending those, but I think given the timing I just felt far too saddened by it. Like ... ugh ... JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
@lisma Haha oh man I am really enjoying following this Lee Pace lookalike romance as it happens. Yay for flowers!
Hey who's never ever going on a cruise ever! Yeah, me. I was never jazzed about the idea in the first place, but the last few years have made it seem progressively more and more terrible.
@phipsi Someone didn't close a < /b > and now everything's bold or something!
@phipsi My in-laws have invited us on a couple of cruises, but it just never ever sounded fun to me, especially after my sister and aunt went on one a few years ago...
Damn it, I deleted this whole comment and now I have to rewrite the whole thing.
So, I got approached by TWO different management-level people at the company I've been a temp receptionist at for 7 months about the potential for employment in a non-admin department.
SO. Now I am calmly but assertively emailing HR, and being especially clever in my company-wide emails, and freaking out silently because WHAT?!
this is going to bother me
SOMEBODY FIX THE
man how come it didn't work when I did it?!
@redheaded&crazy well now I just look like I'm confused.
So a couple weeks ago I was at a bar with some friends and this guy was trying to chat me up. He was kind of a douche but I was talking to him for a bit anyway. Until he ACTUALLY SAID that he had "LIVED INTERNATIONALLY" and then I started giggling and thought to myself "I have to post this in an FOT" and I walked away. End of story.
@lizzle ahahaha. Did he love whiskey? Was he leggy?
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose WHISKEY.
@lisma WOMEN: BITCHES, ALL OF 'EM.
@lizzle Don't forget the Big Lebowski!
Hey, if @celeec4@twitter is out there, I thought of you when I read this.
My coworker who's been out for three months is back! I almost knocked her over Monday morning, I was so excited to see her -- I didn't know she was coming back this week. I was singlehandedly doing her job and mine from the second week of November through last week, which sucked, and of course I just missed her personally. So yay! Work is not great at all in any other aspect, but at least there's that.
I JUST REMEMBERED IT'S A THREE-DAY WEEKEND. OOOOOOOOOH YEAH
@ayo nicole OH YEA I keep forgetting!
Oh yeah! In Canada we've got Family Day on Monday. Which is going to kick ass.
@ayo nicole WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So my husband got me a gift card to Sephora. But I cannot for the life of me decide what to get. It's not a problem of wanting things, I want a lot of the things. But there's too many choices! Just tell me what's best, I'll buy that and be done with it.
I'm leaning towards buying MUFE HD so I can just have a fancy foundation on hand that I will probably only use occasionally. But I just can't seem to pull the trigger!
This is why I never ask for gift cards. Such pressure!
@rallisaurus I've heard such great things about MUFE HD foundation, and I think it can also be used as a tinted moisturizer if you mix it with your daily moisturizer.
@rallisaurus if i had $50 for sephora i'd get some nice brushes (a flat tip eyeshadow brush, a big fat complexion/face brush, and a blush brush) and maybe some lip stain.
@lisma i bought some phys formula tinted moisturizer on the rec of someone in the makeup thread last week and i LOVE it!!!! so two for two on the hairpin make up purchase tips!
@rallisaurus I would buy lipstick.
@rallisaurus If you wear eye makeup/eye shadow as often as I do, then try Urban Decay's eyeshadow primer. That shit will not let your makeup smudge no matter what.
@rallisaurus I used my Sephora gift card to finally dip into the wide world of nonsheer lip products. I was not disappoint. And special shout-out to the Sephora brand cream lip stain, which stays on FOREVER and is totally worth the $12, as long as you put on a shit-ton of lip balm beneath it.
@rallisaurus The HD foundation is good but also NARS BLUSH. I love everything NARS, shadow too but the blush is just orgasmically essential.
@rallisaurus If you are in need of foundation, go for it! I got a bottle of that stuff and it's pretty great! I don't wear it too often because I realized too late that it's a shade too light, but it's what i used when I was a bridesmaid for a wedding this summer. Put it on at 8am and it was still there when I got home after midnight despite baking for hours outside in LA in July.
Usually when I get Sephora gift cards, I like to check out what sets they have. The Urban Decay Wizard of Oz palettes look really awesome!
@rallisaurus The last time I had a Sephora gift card I used it for YSL lipstick and it was a great purchase.
It's 72 degrees and sunny.
I got to this thread before it hit 300.
I have an awesome life with awesome strong healthy people in it.
I think I'm going to get offered a job and I have choice enough to turn it down.
I'm performing tomorrow and I feel pretty close to prepared.
BUT. The asshole I was dating for 3 weeks (most of which I was sick. He said I wasn't trying hard enough. WTF) and I had horrible text fight that had the dealbreaker elements to it, and I broke up with him. And yet fighting brings me closer to people bc I have issues wanting to resolve the unresolvable and ditch my whole life for these kinds of controlling, possessive, immature, potentially abusive types ("I have uncomfortable feelings and they're you're fault" + inability to resolve conflict with words). And the sex was good and I miss sex. And there were other sweet and super fun elements... Why couldn't he just have CASUAL FUN for the first 2-3 months, and not get all so serious and wounded after 3 WEEKS?? I just wanted fun.
Can't have it all. And that's ok.
My husband and I are visiting a friend of ours in New York in eight weeks. She lives in Brooklyn, and we'll be there four nights. Any recommendations on Must's or Must Not's?
@TeresaOtter Where in Brooklyn? There is so much good stuff, you don't even have to go into Manhattan the whole time if you don't want to. If you're in Williamsburg, a great free thing I like to take people to is the Sketchbook Museum/Brooklyn Art Library, on North 3rd St. You sign up for a library card, then you can check out sketchbooks that people have made (you just read them there, can't take them home). There are so many great ones, it's just really cool to see what people can do with a little book. Oh and, the City Reliquary museum on Metropolitan Ave is fun and cheap (donation only I think?) and has an adorable backyard.
@highfivesforall She lives on 17th street near 278. I don't know if that's, like, a particular neighborhood of Brooklyn? Let me tell you how much it warms my heart that you mentioned the Sketchbook Museum/Brooklyn Art Library! I actually have a sketchbook in the collection! We will definitely visit that.
Any favorite restaurants or bars you recommend?
@TeresaOtter That sounds like the South Slope, which I don't know well, but if you're going to be in Williamsburg I really like Yola's (get the chorizo), Best Pizza (yes it's really called that), and South 4th or Lucky Dog for bars (more divey and local-y than most other bars around). Have fun!
@TeresaOtter I think you will be very close to the Greenwood Park Beer Garden which is a lot of fun...There are a bunch of great bar/restaurants in that area. If you are off the R train you need to check out Ghenet, an awesome Ethiopian place off the Union Street stop. If you are closer to the F/G then definitely Double Windsor for drinks and/or casual eatin. Orrr just temporarily join the NYC Hairpin group on Facebook and ask there!
I had an offer to go out to a roller derby bout and drinks afterward with friends on Saturday night, but turned it down to stay home with my husband and baby and eat Chinese takeout, and I'm really looking forward to it. Getting older is kind of nice, you guys.
omg pretty sure I messed up the comments above with my crappy html :( :( :( sorry!
@rimy It's funny! Don't be sorry!
@rimy At least you KNOW HTML...I wouldn't be able to do it even if if it meant blowing up a meteor headed towards Earth (which is a weird example, because how would the imminent destruction of our planet IMPROVE my HTML skills? It would not, like, even a little bit.).
@rimy There you are! I couldn't reply to you up there. Thank you so much for being perseverant and posting about the group again because I FINALLY joined and am sooooo excited! Recipes!!!!!!
<meteor target="not_earth'></meteor> AH FUCK
@Heat Signature Hahahahaha an actual meteor struck Russia about six hundred miles outside of Moscow and I can't link to the article, thus proving my point.
Does anyone know what happened to Rich Santos?
I commented it in Edith's fantastic Love Stories, but I am going to repeat (because I like to share/need attention) the one-liner I came up with yesterday: "I don't need a stupid holiday as an excuse to show you how much I am romantically disgruntled." I'm all about paradoxical self-deprecation.
Single 'pinners: What did you do yesterday?
I had semi-planned on going to Edinburgh's One Billion Rising thing, but I had class when it started and then got slightly lost so that didn't happen. Instead I spontaneously conquered the Salisbury Crags and Arthur's Seat by myself. It was unseasonably warm and so ridiculously beautiful! There were a bunch of couples/families but I was only jealous of the woman climbing the crags with three jack russell terriers trotting along beside her. I sat at the top of Arthur's Seat and watched the sun set and was stupidly proud of myself for coming here(/to Scotland in general) all alone and getting the loveliness all to myself. Then I headed home and drank wine and ate ice cream because SINGLE LADIEZ ON VALENTINES DAY, AMIRITE???
Anyway, share your badass solo adventures below :D
@almighty jugs It wasn't much of an adventure, but I ate goat cheese ravioli and a nice salad at home by myself, then I watched 21 Jump Street (the movie) while eating popcorn and two kinds of ice cream. It was the best.
@almighty jugs I watched Dr. Champ on hulu and pretended I didn't need to do the dishes.
@Katzen-party This is seriously my idea of a perfect evening. GOAT CHEESE RAVIOLI. Goddamn.
@almighty jugs I have lots of lovely stalkers on the OKC but I was determined to spend it with the one I love the most, myself! I just relaxed and recovered after an incredibly stressful few days, watched Deadwood and practiced. It was a happy THURSDAY.
@Lucienne I have been operating under the same illusion for a few days now. Not pretty, but being a total slug is so glorious that I don't mind.
@almighty jugs I went to see "Rebecca"! It was awesome except there were all these people in the audience who kept laughing at weird moments. Sigh.
@almighty jugs I have a front-loaded week, so my kitchen looks the worst on Wednesday evenings. I did some emergency maintenance on Wednesday, but there is definitely work to be done.
@almighty jugs A glorious bath and bourbon. But, luckily for me, in my adorable Eastern European country we don't have Valentine's Day. It's Friendship Day so the inevitable pressure of oh-my-god-why-are-you-not-on-a-date-you-will-die-old-and-alone doesn't quite get to me. I got offered candy from coworkers and everyone was super friendly but not boxes of chocolate or two dozen roses anywhere in sight.
@almighty jugs I worked a long day, 12 hours, and then my husband and I ordered pizza from the fancy place, poured bourbon in our sodas, and watched tv on the computer. It was awesome.
@Helvetica Aw, Friendship Day! I like that idea. I wonder if I can import it to the States?
@almighty jugs Listened to comedy while I napped off/on for 3 hours. Then made a grilled cheese and ham sandwich when I woke up.
@Helvetica Friendship Day sounds amazing. I did swap Star Trek valentines with friends back home courtesy of The Magic Of The Internet, so I suppose I did a Friendship Day-style Valentine's Day without realizing it! Yay!
@almighty jugs I got shot down. It was awesome. (not awesome). Then I spent all night playing videogames and then made steak for supper.
@all You guys do awesome things, and eat delicious food, and drink amazing-sounding beverages. This could be the start of something.
@Jinxie Right? I love my country so much for that. I do feel that the American kind of Valentine's Day is sneaking in year by year but I am going to continue resisting it. I'm opposed to the forced romantical nature of it, so my last bf brought me flowers on February 13th because "I bring you flowers because I love you, not because it's Valentine's Day and I'm supposed to do that." I just hug friends, maybe bring them candy but I'm really glad I don't feel like I'm supposed to feel bad about not being on a date.
@Maladydee I actually got shot down too, and technically it was on Valentine's Day- albeit in the wee hours of the morning :( I was out at some seedy club and after escaping the clutches of a few weirdly barnacle-like suitors I sort of stumbled up to this short bearded (aka perfect) dude and, since it was too loud to talk and I was too drunk to care, gesticulated emphatically: (point to self) (point to dude) (vaguely dancelike motion). He sort of shrugged/shook his head. Then we fist bumped and I went on my way. It was...not awesome, but not not-awesome, either? Anyway, the rest of your night sounds badass so I think you won Valentine's Day overall.
@almighty jugs I did a star trek valentine too! Well, emailed this picture: http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9000000/Odira-screencaps-odo-and-kira-nerys-9057739-692-530.jpg
Which is as close as I'm will to get to celebrating that god forsaken holiday.
@almighty jugs Arthur's Seat at sunset is so beautiful!
I went to work, exacerbated my cold by trying to teach "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" to a few unruly kids, took a nap, went to my sport, and resisted hitting obstructing couples on my way with my giant sport bag (would it kill them to walk single file, ever?). And then I went home and looked at jobs in Antarctica some more!
@adorable-eggplant Perfection. I'm rather partial to these as well: http://puffwiggly.tumblr.com/post/43063925159/need-some-last-minute-valentines-for-your
@Faintly Macabre Yes I saw that downthread! Do it. DO ITTTTttttt
@almighty jugs Ahaha I have a fear of birds! I had to close the window, but I read "your coo" and that's funny.
@almighty jugs Another Edinburgh 'Pinner!! That sounds like a lovely day, the weather yesterday was by far the best we have had in a long time and I was sad I could not go out and enjoy it, but hopefully it will continue and I will have a walk as nice as yours tomorrow (I made a new years resolution to climb Arthur's seat once a month and have failed to do so, not even once)
@almighty jugs Thanks. :) a completely non-verbal pass/rejection like you finagled also sounds pretty badass.
@Chills Aaahh yay! Sadly I am only here on study abroad, but your city is ridiculously beautiful. I am trying my darndest to stay for the summer as well.
@almighty jugs Summer in Edinburgh is pretty awesome, as long as you can cope with excessive amounts of rain! The fringe festival during August is my favourite time of year :)
Ethical jeans. Do they exist? Where can I find some? I've recently gotten kind of worried about the fact that a lot of my clothes are made in sweatshops AND this is the exact moment that all of my pants have worn out in the crotch/upper thigh area. My roommate was horrified when she found out that I've been wearing what she calls "crotch pants" to work for a week. Help?
they're also stocked in the flagship topshop, in London, if you live here? that's where I first saw them. I don't own a pair yet though...
@hurts Ooh, those look cool! I'm not in London but it looks like they do ship overseas, so I might order some.
I find Ezra Miller really attractive, and I feel like that's wrong because he's really young. Also because he was Kevin in We Need To Talk About Kevin.
It's weird, because he's not really my type, but I am like...*powerfully* attracted to him. It might have something to do with the fact that I think he'd make a perfect young Sherlock from the BBC's Sherlock. For those of you who read any highschoolAU fics in the Sherlock fandom, this is how I picture Sherlock as a young'un.
@wee_ramekin Holding him down and shaving off those sideburns. That is the fantasy I am having. It's not all that sexual.
Also, I'm thinking he has nice eyes, but why isn't he brushing the hair out of his face. Doesn't he find it annoying? Am I a terrible fascist?
I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower on the plane last month and he distracted me from my insane flight-induced anxiety, such is his loveliness. THOSE LOCKS. And re: Sherlock...headcanon accepted. Although in my head he's got a bit more Colin Morgan knobbiness going on.
@wee_ramekin Dear lord, the "crushing on my gay bff all through high school" feelings that were brought back by watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. He's not my type either but daaaaamn though.
My boyfriend's favorite is Tilda Swinton, I haven't seen We Need To Talk About Kevin, but I feel like this kid would definitely be a believable son of Tilda Swinton.
@adorable-eggplant What sideburns? Those liddew teeny tiny bits of beard that are just starting to grow in and are basically invisible to the naked ramekin-eye?
Damn girl. You really don't like beards.
@wee_ramekin Everyone, shhhhhhhh. I'm tryna stare at this picture for the next hour.
@wee_ramekin THAT is no beard. Tsk! One must have standards!
@wee_ramekin Blame the bad taurus.
@wee_ramekin Oh gods, I'm of two minds about this, wee. On one hand: THOSE LIPS I JUST WANT TO [redacted] and [redacted] with a [redacted] until I [redacted]. But on the other hand get your damn hair out of your face and get off my lawn.
See? Is a puzzlement.
@wee_ramekin Definitely having feelings about his face.
@par_parenthese What I think when I look at the photo is a) You look disturbingly like an old boyfriend of mine and b) AWWWW it's baby's first beard! Aren't you ADORABLE for thinking you can grown a beard??
@wee_ramekin That MOUTH.
Toronto people! Is your city easy to navigate using public transit? I have a thing I would like to do in March, but it is not a thing I need to do, so I'm concerned that I'm just going to skip it because I'm worried about getting lost and frustrated.
@Quinn A@twitter it depends where you are! I would say it is fairly easily navigable by public transit, particularly in the downtown core. We have a route planner thing too that you can use to help.
@redheaded&crazy Oh, that's helpful! I'll be trying to get to Queen Street West, and it looks like it is maybe not so difficult? Maybe? I have the worst sense of direction ever. :/
@Quinn A@twitter yeah, you should be fine! Here's the trip planner by the way, I don't know why I didn't like it before. I think the TTC has an official one too, but I've always used this one since before they created that one.
@redheaded&crazy Thank you! You are all kinds of awesome.
@Quinn A@twitter Queen Street is very navigable, particularly if you're coming at it from Union Station! As long as you can find the subway and then the subsequent streetcar, you'll be fine!
Also I am lost like 75% of the time and one trick I find that helps is to memorize a couple of landmarks or major intersections nearby, so if I start to panic I can be like, "WAIT, we're just passing this street, which is east of where I need to be, so I'm still okay." And I write down REALLY EXACT DIRECTIONS and draw myself happy pictures so I won't panic.
Also most Torontonians will be nice enough to provide directions if asked. BEST OF LUCK!
Can someone start a Hairpin feature called "How do I wear this?" The purpose will be that you answer all of my questions about how to wear clothes that I won/buy but never wear because the only pictures I find of people wearing them are skinny people and I am not a skinny person. Up first-a sweatshirt poncho and boots like
@professionalmess I am a short dumpy appley sort and I think I have that style of boot sorted out. I have a pair of 10-eye Doc Martens that I wear a handful of ways:
-Laced tightly, with the extra laces tied around the top, with shorter (so not visible) socks and tights and a shortish dress/skirt. I tend to go with black tights because my legs are short to begin with and I like to wear ankle boots with my colored tights idk
-Laced much more loosely/up to the 7th or 8th eye only, with wool boot socks underneath. Best under tight jeans/jeggings/leggings with flannel/fisherman sweater/idk whatever you want on top. I hated pullover sweaters until I found a couple of really thin knits that I can kind of drape however I want because they're all tissuey and pliable.
-Laced tightish with wool socks folded over the tops, usually with a floral dress and cardigan for extra grandmotherly swag.
Re: sweatshirt poncho...I got nothing.
@professionalmess Wear the boots with skinny jeans. Or with leggings and a casual dress. I have seen non-skinny people wear them that way and look good.
@professionalmess Both links go to the same boots! :( Which are awesome boots, btw, and I almost bought some like them but couldn't figure out how/where I would wear them. So I guess I'm totally no help to you. Good luck!
@Jinxie Ha, I'm just terrible at HTML. I don't even know why it's on so many lines.
@professionalmess Those boots are going to look so cute with a little dress or an A-line skirt.
Skinny doesn't even enter into it.
@professionalmess Everyone seems to be wearing those boots here and I've started wanting a pair! Yeah, I see a lot of people wear them over skinny jeans, sometimes with chunky socks. With skirts and tights, too, but I'm having trouble remembering exactly how. And they look fine on everyone! (Except maybe me, because I have huge feet.)
I need a cheap-ish desk chair solution. I nearly bought a parsons chair today, but I wasn't mad about it. My preferences are for padding, low arms, and some shade of blue.
Let's talk about vertigo! Specifically the kind that only occurs when you roll over in your bed at night. HOLY CRAP, does this make me dizzy!
My mom gets severe vertigo at all hours of the day/night, and once I asked my old chiropractor about it. She said, "Ask your mom if, when she has the vertigo, the room is spinning or if SHE is spinning." My mom didn't really know, but last night while I was REELING in the dark, I figured out that in my vertigo episodes, I am spinning, and the room is not.
I don't see that chiropractor anymore - anyone know the reasoning behind her question?
@raised amongst catalogs I have only ever experienced the kind that happens when you roll over in bed at night ONE TIME, and I was on medications of some kind at the time, and it terrified me to the point that I still vividly remember it.
@Scandyhoovian It's a terrible, terrible feeling! I had it for a few weeks and then it seemed to be gone for a couple of weeks...and now it's back and it's the worst.
@raised amongst catalogs
Might this have something to do with inner-ear problems? I can't imagine the terror of getting dizzy in a safe comfy place like bed.
@Barry Grant That sounds pretty likely. I've been avoiding Google searches for "vertigo" and "rolling over in my bed makes my head turn into a demonic carousel" because I don't want to read freaky horror stories and scare myself. However...
"In the inner-ear, you have three loops of bone called the semi-circular canals. Inside is fluid, which is sensitive to movement. The nerve signals that result tell your brain about your body position.
With BPPV, bits of calcium break off, sometimes from just a minor bump to the head.
These bits of calcium roll around inside the loops, sending signals to the brain that you’re spinning, when actually, you’re not."
I can't recall the exact date but I DID slam my own head in my car door (yep, I am awesome) sometime before these episodes began -- it didn't seem like I squished my mindgrapes but maybe I did jar some tiny bone bits? Ew.
@raised amongst catalogs Every member of my family has at one time been struck with vertigo, except for me. I'm terrified of it. I think sometimes travelling/flying is the cause, but my brother and dad (and cousin, etc.) were just randomly struck with it. If it gets bad look up the Epley Maneuver on youtube. My mom had vertigo while we were traveling and did it and the vertigo magically went right away!
After a absolutely terrible breakup 14 months ago with my boyfriend of 4 years, many months post-breakup of still being in love and trying to figure out if we could overcome circumstances and failing, and more than a year, in sum, of being convinced that I Would Never, Ever Love Or Even Probably Like Again, No Matter What Anyone Says... I have a total crush on a new friend and I have no idea if it's going to go anywhere and I kind of don't care because I am so happy that I like someone and my crushing mechanism was not utterly broken! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
We've known each other on and off for a few months (we have a couple of mutual close friends, and move in similar but not totally overlapping circles), but have been thrown together a bunch lately, and I think he's just great.
Last night we ended up emailing chattily back and forth for a couple of hours and... do guys do that just with new friends?? The last time I was single with no obvious prospect (I had a crush on ex-bf even when we were just friends and I was dating someone else) I was 17.
So yeah, I feel a little bit like I did in high school when I was (unrequitedly) crushing on a friend, I truly sorta have no idea how one does this, and I may be blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but I don't care because I am so happy to feel something about someone that isn't utter breakup-influenced despair.
@Emma Peel oh man I love that feeling of "my crushing mechanism is not broken" SUCH A GOOD FEELING.
@redheaded&crazy I know right? I 50% think I'm kind of inflating this beyond how attracted to him I actually am (he's great! but he's also the only eligible guy I've spent significant time with since the breakup who I wasn't already close to...) because it's just so nice that I AM NOT RUINED FOR LOVE FOREVER. (I knew intellectually that breakups at 24 do not ruin your love life for all time, but it's one thing to know it and another thing for my heart/vagina to confirm it.)
@Emma Peel oh no, I've so been there (and um, have possibly made bad decisions based on the OMG CRUSHING MECHANISM THANK YOU GOD feeling, but that's a different and not relevant story)
@Emma Peel "do guys do that just with new friends??"
New guy friends? Nuh-uh. New ladyfriend possibilities? Ohhhhh yes.
I moved to London!
Sort of. I live in a room that is quite literally a mattress surrounded by walls, but is an adorable cosy nest. And it is only for two more weeks while I finish interning. BUT STILL. It is very exciting, especially for a countryside dweller like me!
Not super thrilled about valentine's day! I nerved up and invited over a coworker I've been crushing on (that I thought had been flirting with me - poorly, I mean, we're both in tech support, no one's flirting skills here are fabulous) buuuuuut he turned me down, with a lame excuse. On the other hand, getting no reponse whatsoever would have been so maddening that I suppose a rejection is better than nothing. And kind of face-saving, I mean, provided we both act like nothing happened, which, nothing happened.
So on the one hand, go me! I am a person who makes moves on the people she's interested in! I take initiative! But on the other hand, it's been a long dry spell so far and I'm getting annoyed.
@Maladydee His loss. Good for you for taking a chance!
@raised amongst catalogs Thanks. I am trying to keep that attitude on things.
You guys, I can't stop listening to "Werkin' Girls" by Angel Haze. I don't even know why but it is so amazing.
"I am multifaceted / bitch I do a ton of shit / like I'm diarrhea or whatever's sitting under it / I'm nasty, I'm insane, I'm too much, I spit cranes / I came from the fuckin bottom / I'm on top, I shift lanes / I kick shit, like dope shit. Like no shit? Like oh shit. Get in my way, I fuck up everything / Like ho shit."
UMMM THIS GIRL.
An old friend who usually lives in the rain forest in Puerto Rico is coming to town this weekend and crashing on my couch. I feel kind of ashamed that we can't offer him a real guest room, but I have reserved our spare rooms for stray cats to ruin. Also, our couch is pretty nice. I don't want to brag, y'all, but it's an Ektorp. You probably never heard of it.
Oh, Ektorps! Almost backwards portkeys.
Did any of you watch Girls this past weekend? I'm not HUGE fan, but I like it well enough. Anyway, hubby says "there's no way someone like Patrick Wilson would go for someone who looks like her" and I said "but you go for me" and he said "way to make it about you!" Which I totally did not mean to do, but his comment made me totally sad and mad.... He doesn't normally say things like that, and I felt sad that some men equate looks with worth of a woman.... I am 42 and I just felt really really depressed about this short conversation...
@somuchsugar If older dudes didn't want to bone charming chubby girls, I never would've lost my virginity.
Also, I think this whole furore over Patrick Wilson being out of Lena Dunham's character's league is a major indication that a lot of dudes have a forbidden crush on Patrick Wilson.
I'm sorry what your husband said hurt your feelings, too. I think it would've hurt mine as well.
@somuchsugar Oh no! That's disheartening. I'm sorry. Sometimes stuff slips into our heads/out our mouths because society and its expectations are pretty eff'ed. :/
@somuchsugar I'm so sorry! You have every right to feel upset about that. FWIW I remember being really shocked at the reaction to that scene, because my first thought was "oh well of course he'd try and hit that".
@somuchsugar I think Lena Dunham intentionally pushed the audience into examining if we feel comfortable with a mismatch in beauty standards where the man is more traditionally good looking than the woman (we see the reverse ALL the time). The whole time I watched it, I thought, "People are going to be talking about their mismatch." I think it's interesting because there's so much else going on in that episode, especially where she's completely self-absorbed and doesn't listen to him at all and then accuses him of not sharing while she's insanely oversharing. There's a ton about class in there too. Anyhow, maybe you guys together can talk about it in other ways that feel more complex and satisfying for you?
@somuchsugar His wife is plus-sized in real life, if it helps.
I wanted to post this in the FOT as that Guys on Girls post made me so angry but then Wussed out* as I thought no one would care but it made me so so so angry that it could even be a conversation that "a girl like Lena could get a guy like what'shisname". So angry. Her looks are irrelevant (though I think she's pretty along side being smart and funny). It's just total bollocks that yay attractiveness means that you get yay partner and I'm so sick of the media demonising women who don't look unrealistically artificial. Grrr. Rant over. Somewhat.
*drank all the gin
Also attractiveness is a package deal of personality, looks and manner and all sorts of stuff plus chemistry. It shouldn't be a discussion at all if a man chooses a particular girl. Particularly as so often in film you see the reverse. Grr again.
@Blackwatch Plaid @somuchsugar You should show your husband this: http://www.newnownext.com/patrick-wilsons-awesome-wife-defends-lena-dunham-girls/02/2013/
@somuchsugar I'm sorry he said that, because whoa man is that totally shitty. Also, even operating from the premise that she is less attractive than him, did he miss the part where Patrick Wilson's character was kind of just as much at sea as Hannah (albeit in different ways) and so the pairing actually made a lot of emotional sense and sometimes things besides looks matter? UNNNGH
I need recommendations for a new suncreen. Not like 40 million spf because I work in an office. Something more like a plain moisturizer with spf 15-20. I do not do well with zinc-based ones. please help?
@christonacracker I use Olay facial moisturizer with SPF 15; I don't know if it is zinc-based, but it works well for me! (I.e. I am happy with the state and smell on the skin on my face.)
@christonacracker I use Aveeno (the 4oz one with the tan cap). It's SPF 15, also unsure if it is zinc-based (I don't think so?)
@christonacracker I use this stuff from Garnier on my face everyday as my moisturizer and love it. I checked the ingredients and it doesn't appear to be zinc-based?
If you need something for rest-of-body, I use Vaseline's "aloe fresh protecting" lotion, which is very light and also has spf 15.
My roommate got a Love Note yesterday from one of her coworkers! A well thought out, sweet, only slightly creepy handwriten love note!
Also, I had the best Valentine's day ever yesterday. I wrote little notes of appreciation to my coworkers and resolved to carry everyone's bouquets to their desks when the flower guy stopped by the office. Seeing everyone's faces fill up with delight was so uplifting! Much better than the cycle of Expectation/Disappointment I was so accostumed to before!
Dear The Hairpin,
Here is a video of a rainfrog making squeaky noises. It is the only thing that has made my migraine-y flu-ish-maybe day feel any better.
Be warned: super cute. Will make your kitty epileptic with joy.
@VolcanoMouse It's...a tiny balloon. With opals for eyes. And I LOVE it.
@VolcanoMouse Hahahaha, oh my god.
I am adding this video of a verrrry sleepy cat with major tongue action. Ahmahgerd.
@VolcanoMouse I'm crying with joy at that frog and my boyfriend is looking at me like I'm a maniac.
@VolcanoMouse It's pugglin' time - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGleaTJoy1U
No I do not know how to html tag on this site
@Danzig! Oh my god. I want there to be a specific word for when baby animals blow bubbles in milk, because it kills me every time.
@VolcanoMouse holy crap my cat LOVED that. And she doesn't usually obsess over videos. But she loved this one.
My boyfriend sent me flowers for Valentine's (I've never received flowers before from a boy!) and a woman I deliver to just tipped me with peppery rosemary-garlic pork chops that are delicious and well-timed. I forgot my lunch today.
These two excitements almost make up for the fact that a) I've been looking for a second job for five months now and have yet to get as far as an interview, and b) between rent, bills, and student loan repayments, I have about 2%-7% of my paycheck left over every month for silly things like gas and food.
I want to get my master's in library information science, but with $31,000 in student loans already, the thought of taking out more to go back to school is kind of.. terrifying. Thoughts?
@Serafina Getting tipped with pork chops sounds kind of fantastic.
@Serafina Do it, if you can get financial aid! Look into scholarships from the ALA, try to find a job at a public library (or academic library) and see what you can do about having them split the bill. Some public libraries do tuition matching and some academic libraries have benefits that include taking a free class per semester.
I had a friend do a distance/online MLA while she was working and it took a long time, but didn't add to her debt mountain. Also, some library jobs qualify for the public service forgiveness program or whatever, so learn ask about that when you go in to talk with admissions/start the application process.
And the job market sucks butt right now (but not so much butt as it sucked about a year ago), so it's not personal (still super discouraging, I know) so keep your head up.
@adorable-eggplant Hey, I'm applying for scholarships now since I'm beginning to hear back from library programs, and I've got a question if anyone's familiar with the ALA scholarships. Are first-year students eligible, or are they only for current students? All of the application materials seem to indicate that you need grades from your current grad school, and I haven't matriculated yet.
@Jinxie It pretty much was. The person who tipped me in pork chops is a 94-year-old Italian woman whose grandson (or grand-nephew?) is some sort of famous trumpet player, and her brother just broke his ankle so she's been making all his meals for the past three or four weeks. Lucky bum.
@adorable-eggplant Aahh, thank you so much for the advice and encouragement! I really appreciate it. It's hard to hold my own against people from the older generation who don't understand a) how difficult it is to find an entry-level job that doesn't require 2-5 years' experience (and someone please explain to me how that's "entry level") or b) why I studied Japanese and Creative Writing rather than a physical science like structural engineering. They basically say, "so why don't you just get another job?" like it's, what, "Oh wow, I didn't think of that, what a great idea!" I'll definitely look into ALA scholarships and see if I can find someone to talk to about all of that - somehow it didn't even occur to me that ALA would even have scholarships, wow. I really wanted to go to UBC for the focus on First Nations, but because of the cost I was starting to think that was unrealistic.
Am I the only person who felt a tiny sliver of excitement on reading about the meteor crash? Like maybe the world is actually going to end soon?
@Angry Panda I just got really excited because OMG COOL A METEOR!
@Scandyhoovian Well, yeah, that too. But I've been waiting for the end of the world forever, you know?
The videos are pretty cool.
@Angry Panda Russian dashboard cams are one of the more reliable sources of joy in my life right now.
@stuffisthings Oh yeah, I've seen a few of those crazy driving on Russian roads videos.
@Angry Panda There is an entire channel on youtube called "Meanwhile In Russia"....
I've been looking for a place to share this since I saw it. Here you go, Hairpin community (esp. those interested in urban planning): http://plannerspointing.tumblr.com/
@stuffisthings yessss i love it, thank you
@stuffisthings that is my LIFE
Yesterday at the grocery store after work I nearly hulked out at this family of like 30 people who were convened around the poultry (and blocking all other access to it) and like... seriously deliberating what they were going to get and not letting anyone else near the poultry until they had made their decision. I JUST WANTED SOME CHICKEN BREASTS and I ended up standing there for ages waiting my turn because saying "excuse me" just got me a glare and an attitudey "we're almost done here."
I do not understand. I felt I needed to share.
Also, I think it says a lot about Valentine's Day that it seems like everyone ever was buying cards and chocolates for their SO on the way home from work and scribbling in the cards in their car.
In less exciting news, my doctors still haven't figured out what's going on with my stomach and related innards, and I had ultrasounds this morning to investigate whether or not it's an issue with my pancreas or my gallbladder... Trying not to think too hard about it 'til the results come in.
@Scandyhoovian HA! I get pretty bitchy in the grocery store with people blocking shit I need. Like, we all have to come here, ok? Can you observe that other humans exist and need to buy they damn groceries and get on with they damn lives? (Also, I once gave a Teacher Glare and a little telling-off to two meat department employees who were having an argument in the aisle and making everyone WAY uncomfortable. "Gentlemen, I think this conversation should be saved until you are not in front of paying customers." It was like the Moment I Became An Adult.)
Re: stomach stuff, yikes, good thoughts headin' your way.
@Scandyhoovian I wish you would have yelled, "I NEED SOME CHICKEN BOOBS, MOVE IT."
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
This seriously made me laugh out loud. "Chicken boobs" shall make a frequent appearance on all future grocery lists.
@Passion Fruit My mother, in her I-now-realize-quite-Vaudevillian way, used to call them "chicken bosoms," and would clutch her chest in mock horror when people called them chicken breasts.
can somebody explain to me the psychology of why i'm spending more money even though I will be making no money in two weeks' time? STOP IT YOU.
but i'm tiiiiired. I need a coffeeeee. An expensive coffee, not just the regular kind.
@redheaded&crazy Decision fatigue (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) Answer: have more snacks.
ETA: cheap snacks.
@adorable-eggplant @Lucienne probably a bit of both?!
I will buy the not expensive coffee. Triumph!
@redheaded&crazy I just took a fairly big pay cut, right as my taste in things is getting more expensive. It's the worst. But my new purse is so pretty.
@adorable-eggplant Completely off the topic, but we canceled our cable service after the Beyonce Bowl and are now relying on streaming and DVDs, and constantly having to choose something to put on is giving me decision EXHAUSTION. I just want some entertaining background noise!
(We cut the cable because I'm mad underemployed now and for the foreseeable so I feel your pain redheaded&crazy)
@redheaded&crazy Watch a TV show that ran multiple seasons. I'm on season 4 out of like 9 on DS9, so I never have to ponder what to watch.
'Pinners, what are your favorite podcasts? I have a long commute, and while I read the paper in the morning, sometimes I like to spend the evening commute crocheting, but I don't like doing that without some other entertainment (besides just my music).
I tried it the other day with an audio book, and it didn't quite work the way I'd hoped, but I think perhaps that might be because it was Moby Dick (go big or go home, right?)
So, I am thinking that I will use some of my weekend to update my iPod, including getting some podcasts. I like storytelling, funny things, stuff that will work well as a stand alone. Preferably each episode would be consumable in the course of an evening's commute, so somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 minutes to an hour. What is great, and what should I avoid?
@Blushingflwr Comedy Bang Bang is my favorite. It's getting popular, and I think for good reason. There's always ...Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me.
@Blushingflwr I rotate through the Slate podcasts (the Culture Gabfest is wonderful, the others are OK), NPR's Planet Money, Radiolab, and This American Life, which usually gets me through my walks to/from work each day. (I am mainly commenting so I'll get notified of other good suggestions though.)
@Blushingflwr HOW WAS YOUR WEEK. Julie Klausner is perfect (and co-authored the Hairpin F/M/Ks of old to boot).
@stuffisthings I just started Planet Money and it's really informative, I was literally blown away (not literally, that's a joke). I was like, "this is making me a smarter person", at a cost though. Understanding economics makes me more pessimistic/furious/paranoid/hopeless.
@whizz_dumb Yeah they do a great job. I also listen to Freakonomics sometimes and I always want to shout at them, like "Your particular take on this economic subject is not the One Truth, guy!"
@Blushingflwr Throwing Shade! I mean basically it's two people riffing on news items but it works, mainly cuz they're obviously best friends.
@Blushingflwr The Moth is good stories. I also like NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour. In the comedy realm, I *sometimes* like The Nerdist or Aisha Tyler's Girl On Guy. In both cases the hosts can annoy the shit out of me, but sometimes they have really good guests and it's worth it. Also, I haven't gotten around to listening to it, but I have heard good things about the Thrilling Adventure Hour.
@almighty jugs Cosigning on the perfection of Julie Klausner. She is terrific and she always has great guests, even (and sometimes especially!) the ones you've never heard of before.
I also really love the podcast of the CBC arts and culture-oriented radio show Q. The host is a great interviewer (and--just fyi--a babe) and the show's been around for about five years now so he's interviewed practically everyone. You can find it on iTunes and just scroll through the descriptions to see if any of the guests interest you.
"How Did This Get Made" also great.
@Blushingflwr I just started listening to Books on the Nightstand, and it's great. If you like food and cooking, KCRW's Good Food is fantastic. And I love On the Media.
@melis I feel like I should like them but they use the term "literally" way too often, also the other guy likes to... not make rape jokes per se (well yes, on occasion) but do the whole internet forum "this was so bad it raped me" sort of thing, which is tiring.
If you like not-funny but informative things, "In Our Time With Melvin Bragg" is generally quite good. Bragg, being an old hand, keeps everything really focused and will frequently corral his guests to do so. It gets amusingly awkward.
@Blushingflwr I think you can get BBC podcasts everywhere, and I definitely recommend desert island discs, I think they have all of them from the last 70 years to download, and they are so great. Other things that are good are the Infinite Monkey Cage, Adam and Joe (if you can get it...) and the general Comedy of the week podcasts.
@Chills Oh! There's also The Bugle but tbh if Britishness were sugar Andy Saltzman would cause diabetes on contact. It's punishing.
@Danzig! I never thought Britishness could be punishing! But I haven't listened to those podcasts and I am British so...!
@Chills The puns! Oh God the puns
@Blushingflwr CBC's The Irrelevant Show is basically SNL for your ears, if your tastes run to that sort of thing. Librivox.org is a great place to get free audiobooks- all of the books are in the public domain and read by volunteers, so the quality varies, but the price is pretty stellar. Cod by Mark Kurlansky is my favorite audiobook ever- the topic may seem strange, but the content is good and the narration is excellent.
@Blushingflwr I get a kick out of Kevin and Ursula Eat Cheap (KUEC). It's this artist/writer and her boyfriend cooking and reviewing cheap food, and also people ship them weird food like canned haggis, or menudo, or there was the one episode where they reviewed military ration pouches. Their tagline is, "We eat it, so you don't have to!"
It's usually about an hour, and they get into some WEIRD tangents, and I find it really funny. Although I do have an odd sense of humour. I have kind of a soft spot for it because it got me through a few long and boring days in the hospital a few years back.
@Blushingflwr I've been liking the Snap Judgement podcast for storytelling.
@Blushingflwr I love so many of the podcasts already mentioned, but definitely add Risk! to your playlist. It is great (often R, sometimes X-rated) storytelling by real people. It's like an hour long version of the Moth, with more sex and tears. The only bad thing is the 5-minute long intro (totally skippable). But after that, it's all good!
@Blushingflwr I love CBC's Wiretap. I don't really know how to explain it, some of it is Jonathan reading his own short stories, sometimes other people reading theirs, sometimes he interviews people. His interviews with kids are particularly funny. Then there's the recorded "phone conversations" with his friends, his agent, and his parents -- I'm not sure if they're completely scripted or if they're improvised from a loose plot line, but they are hilarious.
I love my new job!!! I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!! I am exponentially happier than last week (/year) and it is SUNNY and LIFE IS GREATTTT
@honey cowl This is what I want I am job applying and hopefully I will succeed!
@honey cowl Congratulations!! I realize this is late, but I am glad you are loving it! And thanks for posting because you give us all HOPE!!
@Puppy in a cup There is hope! There is hope! It took a lot of patience & being miserable (in my case). But it can happen!
Question for those of you who moved to a new country as an adult! Did any of you find your eating habits changed changed after a few years of living there?
I ask because I moved to the US 4.5 years ago and while my eating habits stayed mostly the same after a few years I made more American friends and started dating an American boy and I find I'm slowly eating a lot more food that I used to not like or think was weird. Like prior to age 22 I had eaten bacon maybe...4 times in my life and didn't care for it much (and haaaated the American breakfast of bacon and eggs and whatnot) but now I'll happily order a bacon burger in a restaurant. I also started eating kale and quinoa and stuff like that and I think a huge part of that is because of how healthy foods can become trendy here. I also gained weight but I can't tell if that's from the bacon burgers or just that I wasn't done growing (my boobs grew too but that one I'm pretty sure is just that they weren't done growing).
So I just wanted to know what all your experiences with it were.
@Sea Ermine Yeeeeeah a little bit of adult eating habit change but not as a result of moving to another country? I don't know, I was a vegetarian for years til I became a marathon runner/dater of my Midwestern Boyfriend, and now I <3 bacon. Bacon is awesome. Continue to eat it.
@Sea Ermine My eating habits changed completely, but my move was to a place with a completely different culture, weather, lifestyle, language, everything. I still don't know what to make of half the stuff I see in grocery stores. I also started cooking for myself and I had never done that in my home country because I relied on dorm food, and lived at home before that. And I am vegetarian in a European country that is not known for its vegetarian food.
@Sea Ermine I think that's more about getting older, not about moving. I definitely started eating different things (some of which I'd always hated!) in my mid/late twenties.
@Sea Ermine You are so right about bacon, especially for morning food? But Americans use it like the punchline to all their food somehow. I have the same maybe-gaining-weight thing, not sure how to react.
Although I like it now, the first time I ate a Burger King, I threw up. Too heavy with grease. (In my defense, I couldn't read and ordered my favorite number, which is a monster in Burger King.)
@thebestjasmine seriously why am I eating olives all the time now
I started watching the terrible, terrible BBC Robin Hood and I regret it so much because now I can't stop. It looks like it's shot at a ren faire. The dialogue is terrible. And yet, Richard Armitage, and my perverse determination to at least commit to a full season before giving up completely.
@mittens blum I watched this... I love terrible BBC dramas- see also Merlin...
@mittens blum I always wonder if Richard Armitage has ever gone as Richard Armitage for Halloween.
@mittens blum Yeah, it's totally campy, but I felt it like it definitely improved after the first season. Also, Richard gets more time/a little better storyline as it progresses.
Typical convo at work today:
Me: "What are we going to put on the flaps of this book?"
Other person: "The flaps?"
Me: "You know, the flaps. On the cover."
OP: "That book doesn't have flaps!"
Me: "Yes it does! We put X on them last year."
OP: "It doesn't have flaps! There are no flaps! The other books have flaps, this one doesn't!"
Me: (I hold up book & show flaps)
OP: "Oh, FLAPS... I don't know."
In other news, the word "flaps" has lost all meaning for me in the last few minutes of typing.
@miss buenos aires Did you ever watch the British comedy Spaced? Wasn't the trendy ladymag Daisey tried to get a job at called "Flaps"?
@stuffisthings Ha! I don't remember, but that would be awesome. I think in that case I would pray for the word to lose all meaning.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA PUT ON YOUR FLAPS YOU GOTTA HAVE FLAPS
@melis It is one of the pressing issues of my day, sadly.
@stuffisthings that is the best episode!
Ugh. I am getting over a cold that has settled in my chest and refuses to budge, and all I want to do this weekend is chillax and have a nice extra day, but thanks to said cold my boyfriend and I didn't get as much moving done this week as we should have and now we have to spend all weekend cleaning and moving because Monday is our last day. Grump grump grump.
Hey Denver, next week? In Boulder? Drinking? See the Pinups thing.
If you plotted my week out on a graph, it would be sort of a... gentle logarithmic function? I've started to make all these little weird mistakes. Like I wasted a day in New York (and missed an UES pinup!) because I accidentally took my sleep meds in the morning and was basically a no-energy vegetable all day. Because of that I also went without a sedative for one day of my trip. Then the day I got back I left my phone in my jeans and washed them. I had a warranty and was able to replace it, but then my pharmacy started being difficult with refills AND I got into a minor auto accident, and became very aware of how necessary phones are to my daily life.
I can also feel depression start to poke and prod the edges of my mind - I'm over school already and I'm barely a month into the semester, and I'm falling behind (there's a thing I have to do today but I just... don't... want to). Plus my loneliness is getting more vivid? Like I can feel the absence of other people in my life in very specific ways and it feels like it won't change. I think I've realized that even if I coast through my classes, getting my degree is going to require major commitment and an end to the passivity that my upper-middle class upbringing has afforded me, and that's shaking me. I know there are things I should be doing (volunteering! Going out and meeting people!) but the stress is paralyzing.
@Danzig! Also I'm dumb with this stuff, so: is there some sort of prep work that goes into asking someone out via text? I mean should I just straight up say... "hey do you want to go out on a date" or whatever? I feel like that's sort of abrupt / puts them in a corner but I guess there's no getting around that, is there. I've been reserving my courage and I want to rip the band-aid off before it dissipates. I might see her next week, maybe I should just ask in person?
Also what are your tips for making it as non-discomfiting as possible for her? I don't know why I always think it's going to be super unwelcome.
@Danzig! Asking in person (or via a phone call) is preferable, IMO, but if you're going to do it by text, I would say, just text her a few times in advance of asking -- chit-chat, back-and-forth stuff, maybe a little flirtatious, until you build up to, "Hey, will you go on a date with me?" or whatever, rather than her picking up her phone after two hours and going oh my god he asked me out while I was in that meeting and I didn't even know.
FWIW, if it were me, I'd prefer texts as a precursor to a phone call: "Hey, can I call you in a sec? I want to ask you a question," which basically tells her you're calling to ask her out and gives her time to mentally prepare an answer. If she says yes she'll be pumped, and if she says no she'll have time to come up with a chill response.
@par_parenthese @Danzig! See, for me it's opposite. I don't want phone calls! I don't want in person! Texting is easy because it's more low stakes and if they aren't into it, it's easier for them to say no. In person, if I open my mouth to say "no" I just end up saying "surrrrrreeee yeah okay that sounds good I have to go now bye" and then avoiding all contact until the end of time. But, maybe I'm just a bad person?
Anyway, what I mean to say is that everyone is different so there is no perfect way. Just do it! Be brave, and nonchalant and the actual asking/waiting for an answer will be over before you know it!
@lasso tabasco I totally see what you mean. I don't think our responses are that far apart though -- I just don't want to be caught off guard, whether in person or text or phone (a phone call out of the blue... awful).
@par_parenthese Yeah, I suck with phone convos (see: my interview w/ Jia! But you're right, straight up bomb-dropping is probably ill-advised.
I am definitely going to do it, though. I envision it as like... going to see a movie as friends like we always do, then talking about it like we always do, and then just sort of casually asking if she wants to go out sometime. Does that make sense? Is that bad?
@Danzig! That sounds great, actually. Use the word "date," don't forget to be awesome. Oh man, I hope it goes well. Fingers crossed for you!
I just got back from meeting up with my best friend, who I love dearly, and whose opinion I value highly. Long story short, I asked her for her opinion re: asking this woman out and, well, what I think she meant to tell me was that the woman is not right for me and would treat me badly, but what she actually said was that she was out of my league. Not even that she's too attractive for me, but that I'm not attractive enough for her, that I would be punching above my weight class and she would resent me for not being good enough (as my friend resented her ex). She also scolded me for my antiquated language, urging me to avoid the terms "going out" and "date".
So... yeah. In my friend's defense, she had drank a bit before I got there and she's always callous and reckless when she drinks. She became increasingly more mortified with herself as she said what she said but seemed unable to stop herself (and being fond of her as I am, I reassured her that she was saying nothing wrong and just "being real"), and clearly felt like an asshole through the rest of the night.
I know she's looking out for me, but... man, I have felt ugly all my life, and it takes all the strength I have to lie to myself about my chances with women to the extent that I'd even consider putting myself out there, and while I held it in as she was saying those things I felt all the reserves of courage I had leave my body when we parted. I know that she loves me but I do frustrate her sometimes. And I wonder if the old adage about familiarity and contempt is true, or "in vino veritas", for that matter, and to what extent she actually thinks I'm vain and deluded.
I don't really feel like asking anyone out anymore. I think I owe it to my friend to tell her how her words affected me, mistaken as they might have been. I'll call her tomorrow.
@Danzig! People (especially drunk) think being an asshole = witty. Anyone who buys that mess about leagues and numbers and relative attractiveness is reading too many magazines.
I think there's a big gap between what people say and what people feel. Don't analyze the gap, it doesn't help to worry on this. But from my brief brush with that conversation, it sounds like she's holding a bag of issues about her last relationship that she wants to pass off on you. So maybe she resented her ex? But everyone resents their partners, if the aren't exactly matched on this invisible scale? Right??? (hint: no. Resentment happens for a lot of reasons, but usually good old fashioned lack of communication, not some cosmic star misalignment.)
Anyway, sounds like your friend handed you a load of bunk. I'd suggest dropping it. Or maybe just to make it clear to her, "Hey, dude, the call is coming from inside your head." (i.e. you're projecting here, buddy of mine)
@Danzig! Uuuhhhhhghhh... I am Not Best Pleased with your friend right now. Sorry for the bummer hangout and I think you're right to call her out about it. And everything a-e said.
@par_parenthese @adorable-eggplant Thanks guys. Sleeping on it, and a-e's perspective, sort of bring the prior relationship thing into focus (it was a quick aside, but probably the most important thing she said). She does have a lot baggage! As we all do.
@Danzig! Yup. Most definitely. One of the things that having been in a relationship that went south in a spectacular fashion has taught me is that it's possible to be really, really cynical about everything for a while. Um, about a year in my case. It can be a hard mode to shake out of, because it feels powerful to be like, "I have seen the ugly underbelly of life! Let me tell you how awful everything is! No really, people suck so much!" But then you're like, oh wait, only some people, some times, and then you stop trying to make everyone cynical like you and realize that maybe you were an overgeneralizing jerk for a while.
I hate baseball analogies. Also, I feel you. I hadn't conceptualized relationships in those terms in years. Physical tastes vary, and attraction fuses to weirder (more important?) qualities. Then I got the same advice, and I was like "leagues?" My best relationships have begun with shock that a lady so amazing wanted me, and with her expressing mirrored incredulity. "Why me?" is a wonderful phrase to think while hearing. And someday, you'll be there.
I figure, in things romantic, go for it. Just don't build a hypothetical, successful future, and then mourn its loss. In other words, you never know until you know, and knowledge shouldn't hurt.
Um, so I think this moved from a statement of sympathy to directly encouraging you to ask this woman out because it will build character.
@beerd well put!
So in one of my classes I'm teaching about activism in the mid-19th to early-20th centuries (specifically: abolitionist, temperance, union, and women's suffrage movements in the US during that period) and how it relates to the socio-economic issues of that same period (the rise of factories and its effect on the nuclear family, the Irish potato famine and immigration generally, etc.), and I am just SO HAPPY, you guys. It's like the best thing ever.
SO: if you could go back in time and teach your junior high/high school self awesome things about how to be a feminist, what would you teach him/her? Spill. I promise to quote some of you in class next week.
@par_parenthese TEACH ME THAT CLASS. I am really interested in the potato famine for family history reasons, and I've also gotten really interested in the highland clearances too, because I read some letters from the time and they are heartbreaking and it really drove home how economically driven a lot of stuff was, because many of the LWs in the collection I read were estate executors and lawyers who were dissolving holdings to pay off debts and who were totally removed (personally, geographically) from the tenants who were being displaced.
Have you seen this game: http://elizabethsampat.com/siochan-leat-or-how-a-game-reminded-me-of-who-i-am/
@par_parenthese Oh and to answer your question, here's what I would tell mini-me:
"You are really lucky to have a second wave feminist grandma who will provide a lifetime's worth of inspiration: really cherish that. She raised a son who wants to raise a daughter who will never think herself less capable or less strong because she's a woman. And that's cool, you know, because you've been learning about feminism since before you could walk, basically. But that doesn't make you impervious to the really insidious messages from society at large. You handle this pretty well, so I'm not going to bug you about it too much, but here's one thing, YOU REALLY ARE GOOD AT MATH. Don't think you're being a cool rebel by telling your dad that you don't want to be an engineer. Ok, maybe you don't want to be an engineer, but push through the lower level maths and get to the theoretical stuff. Because it will be OK that you can't add/divide/multiply worth a damn, because a lot of good mathematicians can't do those things either. On the other hand, being a humanities major was fun too, so who knows. I'm just your future self, not an omnipotent being."
@par_parenthese #1 thing I think is knowing what you have authority to speak on and shutting up when you don't have it. I've found it's a big problem with feminist autodidacts - learning in the classroom allows one to be shamed in a constructive way.
Also, with young, socially conscious kids there's an impulse to embrace heady theory and make yourself into an outspoken paragon of humanity, and I think that's something that ought to be discouraged. The "false consciousness" concept and the youthful impulse to label people other than oneself as stupid or ignorant combine to make the most tedious, bloviating assholes.
I was going to say something snide about Amanda Marcotte but decided against it. Don't let your kids read The XX.
@Danzig! Yes. If there is a wrong way to do feminism they've done it.
OMG, @adorable-eggplant. <3. Just <3
@par_parenthese I guess I should clarify that the first thing there mooooooostly applies to dudes. You're almost certainly going to have at least one or two dudes who have been taught by all their other classes to speak up as much as possible. So you're going to have to ruffle some feathers, probably, but it's the difference between having 2 people always talking and 5-6 people or more regularly contributing.
Also I'd like to amend my unwritten snide comment to include Caitlin Moran
@par_parenthese One big thing I would want to tell my younger self is: you don't have to completely disavow a thing you like (or a person you like) the first time you notice something offensive about it. You should pay attention, you should be aware of how the things you like might be offensive or problematic, but if you decide that you're never ever going to like anything (or anyone) that isn't 100% progressive all the time, then 1) you are never going to find something you can enjoy in good conscience, and 2) you are setting yourself up to start denying that you, your friends, the artists you love, etc. can ever do anything wrong, because you like them and you made a vow that you wouldn't like anything problematic.
@Elsajeni I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. *copy-pastes into notes for Tuesday's class*
@Danzig! It's only girls in the class, but man, I dig it.
My boyfriend and I started watching MASH recently because he loved it when he was younger, and I've been liking it okay--it's kinda sexist and kinda White Savior at times (and problematic in other ways too), but ultimately enjoyable. But man, we watched the movie last night and--SO SEXIST, SO TROUBLING. Like, aggressively sexually harassing/semi-assaulting someone and making them feel threatened on multiple occasions is okay if you don't like them and think they're sanctimonious? Oh my god, why.
@frigwiggin Oh dear god, I just read the synopsis, and spoiler alert it continues to be bad (and may get worse, depending on which season you're in) The synopsis includes such gems as: "when being caught in flagrante delicto, the woman announced "He trapped me!" (The blurb on the book's cover refers to "raping" a beauty queen on the Boston to Maine Express, but in the context of the story it appears she was a willing participant who only made the accusation in order to avoid embarrassment.)"
@frigwiggin Also, I spent some time trying to figure out if the character nickname "Me Lay" Marston was a crude sexual pun or a creepy reference to the My Lai massacre (apparently the show is "set" in Korea but meant to be a satire of the more recent Vietnam War, so that seems like a strong, disturbing possibility) but I decided for the sake of my not being bummed about humanity I cannot pursue that line of questioning any more.
@adorable-eggplant Ugh. The sexism on the show hasn't bothered me TOO much so far because it hasn't been awful and aggressive like in the movie and was mostly just "fighting over" women and calling them dumb pet names, so that's sad if the show gets worse. And yeah, "Me Lay" is a sex joke that...doesn't even make all that much sense? I dunno. Sigh. At least my boyfriend agreed that the movie was being awful about it, probably because he hadn't seen it before. (Usually when I point out sexism or problematic stuff in media that he likes, even if I'm not trying to do it snottily, he takes it kind of personally, like I'm accusing him of being sexist. Working on it.)
No oh my God let's talk about MASH forever you have no idea how much I love MASH but don't watch the movie the movie is garbage
@frigwiggin This is one of my favorite 'how to have that conversation' videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Ti-gkJiXc (find replace racist w/ sexist) Also, intersectionality really helps here because it's hard, I think, for some people to imagine how hurtful (i.e. part of a rape culture that actively promotes a cavalier attitude towards actual violence against women) these media things can be. It seems 'harmless' or fine because that's 'the way things were' unless you have some skin in the game. But fortunately (unfortunately, obviously) almost everyone can empathize because almost everyone is part of some oppressed class and can relate to how certain portrayals lead to real world hurts. It's all about finding/making an empathy lever--in my experience of trying to relate to dudes and ladies who haven't yet thought much about how other people might be experiencing the world differently.
@melis I've been enjoying how, on the no-laugh-track version that we have, you can tell sometimes when they're pausing for the laughs. The movie was pretty much garbage--our heroes are jerks! There's an unaccountably long football game! Whatever.
@adorable-eggplant True! In this case for me, it also helps to pick my battles--I absolutely would argue with him over the movie if he tried to defend it, but the show has plenty of redeeming qualities that allow me to enjoy it despite the problems. (See also how to be a fan of problematic things. I still struggle with this sometimes.)
@frigwiggin Also, I want to cut Hot Lips' bun off the top of her head.
@frigwiggin my friend worked at a vegan place in Manhattan that Hot Lips frequented and apparently she was the worst customer
@frigwiggin I wrote part of a paper on that movie my freshman year of college! Except I had two other major papers and three finals in the same week, so all I remember about the movie is a weird fake death thing (not the best thing to watch when you are sleep-deprived and a bit delirious. Actually, did that scene even exist?) and that it has Donald Sutherland. I don't even remember what the paper was about.
But TV MASH is great! Alan Alda is my imaginary grandpauncle.
@Danzig! Reaaaaally? I will store this away to tell everyone I know.
@Faintly Macabre Oh yeah, the dentist who wants to commit suicide because of temporary impotence and they pretend to help him! And then guilt a female friend into having sex with him so he'll want to live again! But it's okay because she enjoyed it! Ugh, that movie.
Alan Alda is pretty charming, but I can't quite get over his hair. Cut it off, Alda!
@frigwiggin Oh how I feel you. My boyfriend said MASH is one of his favorite movies and so I watched it with him and it was just, oh god it made me so sad. Like every single "joke" hinges on sexually humiliating a woman and I just couldn't handle it. I wasn't even like "offended" or whatever, just so, so sad that it existed.
It is making me sad just thinking about it actually because I was kinda like, "So uh that made me feel horrible because every single joke hinged on sexually humiliating a woman," and he responded with, "Yeah I mean it was a different time. And the book was way worse." UHHHHH
I think you can enjoy problematic things but man that movie. It just made me sad. It made me so sad I can't even be coherent about it.
@mustelid I'm sorry. Really, it's damn tough being a woman in this world.
Well, the President just flew by?
Also, I've had this persistent sore throat for weeks. Every time I get irritated enough to think of going to the doctor, it senses that and backs off. I haven't been giving unprotected blow jobs, so it probably can't be antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea. Suggestions about what other horrible things it could be?
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll This might sound stupid but dehydration or allergies were my immediate thought. Drink lots of water, try an allergy thing for a few days and see if that helps? Maybe?
Good ideas! Loratadine has at least made me feel better over the past two days, thanks for the suggestion!
Does anyone have ideas about how to beat this weird fatigue I've been experiencing? It's been going on for a few months now.
On average I sleep about 7 hours per night and lately I've been taking naps as well. So I don't think the amount of sleep is the problem. It feels like I can't get fully awake during the day.
@ThievingMagpie It could be an electrolytes/salts imbalance thing. I had a friend who was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which is really amorphous and difficult to deal with, but it's been pretty under control now that he's taking a salt supplement and doing gentle yoga.
I'd suggest starting with a trip to the doctor to check your vitals, and they'll probably have some tips to go from there.
@adorable-eggplant yeah, my #1 guess would be diet-related. Definitely see a doctor, maybe get some blood drawn to check for vitamin deficiencies and the like.
Do you take any prescription medications by chance?
@ThievingMagpie Anemia? Mono? It seems worth seeing a doctor about, yeah. (But also 7 hours a night doesn't sound like enough to me.)
Oops, accidentally deleted my comment!
@Danzig The only prescription I'm on is my BC. I've been on it for about 6 years and haven't really had problems with it. Could certain types of BC affect energy levels?
@ThievingMagpie I'm not sure! I would definitely talk to a doctor tho, it's probably an iron deficiency or the like.
I guess this might be the time to go to the doc. But I figured I might try some things beforehand to see if it works.
Good points about the diet though! I didn't even think about that. I do tend to eat at really strange times/irregularly.
I wonder if this also has to do with my activity levels too, since I feel like I've pretty much stopped working out. But then... chicken... egg...
@ThievingMagpie Weird shot in the dark - I'm not sure if your sitch is similar to what I'd been experiencing for, oh, the last few YEARS (*@&%$ undergrad!) which was basic fatigue but along with a sort of blase low-level depression and generalized apathy, which you don't mention - but anyway, it turns out that my dopamine levels were low (apparently it can happen after long periods of stress? again, ^%$ undergrad!) and an amino acid supplement (L-Tyrosine, ten bucks at Whole Foods) has me feeling SO much more myself.
So I found a job in Antarctica that I think I'm qualified for! That would actually be useful for my career! Except maybe not, because the job description was written in jargon. And I told my parents that I'm going to apply for jobs there and they were surprisingly calm. I don't know how fine they'll be if I decide to go or get hired for a year-round position. Then again, I don't know if I'll actually decide to go if I get offered a job.
Also, tonight I was trying to squeeze onto a packed regional train. I try not to purposely push people unless they are being oblivious/rude, but the guy behind me was literally shoving me, and there was no one behind him to be pushing him forward. I elbowed him a few times and eventually tried to kick him. When my stop came, he stood in front of the doors and didn't get off to let people off, so I pushed him aside with my arm. He literally gaped after me. Oh, and I had to do a similar thing yesterday as well! (French men!) Was this proper behavior, or am I becoming a terrible person?
@Faintly Macabre OH MY GOD GO AND TAKE ME WITH YOU
The REASON I am yelling so much in this open thread is the bars still don't open for 30 minutes so there's really no reason for me to leave work which is why I'm running out the clock on my LAME DUCK employment yelling on the open thread, sorry.
@Faintly Macabre I knew a guy who was hired on in Antarctica as a chef. He said it was fun!
@Faintly Macabre He sounds like he deserved a shove. What the eff, dude, how about using public transit manners. (also GO GO GO GO)
@melis It is 1AM here, my close friend's birthday was yesterday, and I can't drink because my throat feels like it's being doused in acid. Go celebrate for me! But NO you are not coming to Antarctica because you will release the Thing.
@Danzig! Ooh, can he get me a job? I found the guy who runs the kitchens there on LinkedIn and stared at his profile for a while!
(Also, how do you use LinkedIn? It's scaring me.)
@Faintly Macabre I WOULD NEVER RELEASE THE THING how dare you
@Faintly Macabre Unfortunately not, he was the BF of a friend and they ended acrimoniously :(
@melis what if it was the plant Thing and not the flesh Thing? Would that change your mind?
@melis Maybe evil melis is the Thing! Or even you. Do you still want to come to Antarctica? I might end up shooting you.
@Danzig! Haha, no worries. My mom has already started telling everyone (including my best friend back home, who is a gossip and loves reasons to make fun of me), and apparently she knows someone who knows someone who worked there for 3 seasons. I have no idea how relevant/useful these kind of connections are with their hiring system, but it's neat!
My job is such a fucking emotional roller-coaster, and overall people suck and/or lie all the effing time. Bah. I need a win, people. Mind sending prayers/good vibes/karma points my way? Thx.
*edited for spelling
@NuckingFux Nix Prayers, fo sho, which seems weird to say but errbody knows by now that I'm religious, so. You got 'em.
@melis sometimes I am seriously tempted. At least in this particular instance I have done my best and its someone else being an asshole versus my own personal failing. I am a Tech Recruiter, so basically I go through the drama of getting/getting rejected by a new job every day of my life. It doesn't ever get any easier/better people.
@par_parenthese Thanks! Sometimes it just makes you feel better knowing that somebody out there is hoping for good things for you.
@NuckingFux Nix Sending, for sure! I get it.
Guys...can we talk about the Harlem Shake meme? Most of them leave me cold tbh but this one KILLS ME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hpEnLtqUDg Like, I'll remember it at random points throughout the day and start laughing to myself. I think it's the vigorous sleeping bag jackknifing that does it? JUST WATCH IT OK
@almighty jugs Lol the skier shuffling.
@almighty jugs THE GUY FALLING OUT OF THE WINDOW. SLEEPING BAG DUDES. I AM DYING.
@almighty jugs It's so funny. SO FUNNY.
@almighty jugs WHAT IS GOING ON WHY CAN'T I STOP WATCHING THIS?!?!
@almighty jugs OMG THAT KILLED ME!!! I am cackling maniacally in my house. Outstanding.
Hello Hairpin! First time posting (y'all are so nice! you make me channel Tami Taylor, apparently!) and I'm starting by being super needy and asking advice. So in about three and a half months, I'm moving to the city where my ex lives. We broke up because of distance, it was amicable, we're still friends and talk occasionally, and fully plan on hanging out when I get down there and OF COURSE I keep thinking about how to get back together with him when I finally move down there. Points of interest: NOT moving there because of him (he knows this) and we are both single at this moment but that could most definitely change, at least on his end, in three months. So, get over him? (I can't really date anyone here because of the aforementioned moving) or do what I am currently doing, which is to put super hot pictures of me (well, hot for me, I'm not a supernova or anything because dangerous) and hoping he sees them and wants to hit that?
@Camambert also I absolutely spelled that cheese name wrong when choosing my username but I like it. owning it.
@Camambert Did somebody say "Tami Taylor"?
I actually feel bad that I only zeroed in on the Tami reference and do not have useful advice for you, but not bad enough to NOT post this comment. I do wish you luck, though -- and I think time will tell.
@Camambert I'm the least credentialed of possible advisors, but nothing ventured nothing gained, right?
@Camambert I think if he is sort of a rubber band that keeps you in the motion of moving forward to a new place and being excited about it, that's useful. But I'd be leery of getting your expectations up too much, and keep that little bit of suspicion you seem to have as an arbiter of good sense.
@Camambert Welcome! I don't know if I have much specific advice for you, since I am the Queen of Too-High Expectations. But I would caution you to try really hard to make other friends/hobbies/etc that are totally separate from your ex in the new city. You don't mention if you know anyone else there, maybe you do, but I think having other interests in the new city would help you not fixate on him so much. That way, if you do end up seeing each other and hanging out again, great -- and if not, you're not sitting in your new apartment stewing. I'm sure there are 'Pinners there who want to hang out with you!
In the meantime though, keep on posting hot pics of yourself. I mean, why not?
Post all the hot pictures you want. Mostly because you'll probably make friends with other hot people who you want to do things to/with and they can see hot pictures of you too.
You may get there and hang out and then realize that your ex would have been your ex anyway because moving to a new city and making new friends brought out some undesirable characteristics. You never know.
There needs to be a taco emoji.
I have a little over an hour left at work and I just want to go home and snuggle my kitty until she struggles and escapes, because I saw a cat that was hit by a car on my way to work this morning and I just had to sit in the parking lot and bawl for a bit before I could go into the office. Dammit, I'm tearing up again, going to go think about something else.
Anyone here live in Salt Lake City? If so, would anyone care to meet up for a drink on Tuesday? I'll be in the city for about 24 hours. I need to find a place with real booze, not that low-alcohol Utah mess.
ALSO, paging @TARDIStime! (Whenever, no rush.)
Coming to the thread late, but I need advice! So several months ago I received emails for a couple of aunts, that, for very complicated reasons (which have nothing to do with them or myself) I have not spoken to in about 5 years.
I have not responded to them, because I am an asshole. I really, really, want to get back in contact with them, but the thought of it also gives me panic attacks that cause me to avoid the whole situation. I need to break the whole guilt-panic-aviodance cycle, but I'm not sure how. Also, I have no idea what I would actually say to them! "Sorry about blatantly ignoring you! No excuses! I suck!" Urgh.
@soundofglass I don't think that you need to say much beyond an apology for taking so long to reply. (If they're really angry or hurt, then they can ignore you now - or talk to you about it.) The thrill of receiving your e-mail will override negative feelings about how long it took you to get around to it.
Like, you haven't spoken in about 5 years - clearly there's nothing urgent to communicate.
@soundofglass I'm in the process of getting back in touch with an uncle who I lost contact with tenish years ago, after he and my mum had a falling out about something totally unrelated to me. Knowing what to say and when to return emails is stressful - I've been going with general "what's ups?" and we do keep making plans to get a beer that fall through, which is really stupid because he lives literally four blocks from me. Could you maybe send something similar? Like @Lucienne said they'll be so stoked to hear from you :)
I was standing in line at the campus Starbucks and the woman in front of me recognized me from work (I'm a public services assistant at the library) and bought me a hot chocolate and thanked me for how helpful I'd been the week before, and I nearly cried. I realized in retrospect that it probably would have been more professional to turn her down, but it was so nice, and this week has been so stressful (girlfriend in the hospital with pneumonia, not sleeping well, etc), and I was so overcome. Sometimes people are real nice.
Gonna go spend a belated V-day with my best girl, eating cinnamon hearts and cuddling and watching Community.
@Cat named Virtute That's awesome! And it sounds like your girl is on the mend, which must be a relief.
@Cat named Virtute That is so amazing! Sounds well-deserved, too.
QUESTION FOR DUDES/LADIES WHO UNDERSTAND DUDES.
Is it acceptable for your guy friend, who has been dating a lady friend of yours for a year but with whom you have been friends for longer, to describe one of your mannerisms as "cute" via text and then follow it with one of those tongue-sticky-outy faces? The only time I have ever heard him describe anything as "cute" has been in reference to his girlfriend and only when I have overheard them having couple-talk when we were camping. I feel like I knew how he meant it (he has previously described said mannerism as "endearing") but it kind of threw me for a loop. Are guys allowed to tell girls who are not their girlfriends that they are cute?
HELP ME I DON'T UNDERSTAND BOYS EVEN ONES I'M NOT TRYING TO DATE.
@chnellociraptor What sort of relationship do you guys have? Has he been flirty with you? Is there... frisson? I wouldn't take it to mean he has designs on you, necessarily. "Hot", yes. "Cute"? Perhaps.
I mean like, I would not hesitate to call my best friend cute, because she is as hell, even if I were dating someone. What a drag it would be to be disallowed even the most innocuous of positive descriptive terms when talking about my friends! But we have a very close bond.
@chnellociraptor Is he like this with other ladies ever? Or are you particularly close? I have three or four married/partnered guy friends who would describe me (or a mannerism) as "cute," without it being weird. I think it's very particular to the guy.
(ALSO, and importantly: listen to your instincts if you feel like it's getting more weird.)
@Danzig! I guess there have been comments in the past that could be construed as flirtatious, but they were even more innocuous than "cute". We did have a close call (hook-up-wise) not very long before he started dating his GF, and it has been subsequently blamed on tequila and never, ever spoken of.
@par_parenthese No, he's never like that with any girls. He's rarely even like that with his girlfriend, which is why I was like, "WEIRD." It's pretty out of character for him; we usually have a much more joke-insult-y kind of discourse.
I would describe our friendship as close, but not the CLOSEST. I think we're still in the process of becoming very close friends. I don't want to make mountains out of molehills or anything, but I've never had guy friends who weren't GAY GAY GAY and I'm pretty sure I'm his only female friend (after his GF, obviously). The reason I ask is that I totally don't know what is par for the course for male-female friendships and I have previously been completely blind to flirtatious behaviour.
@chnellociraptor I would say that's par for the course for some of my guy friends, and not beyond the norm of lots of guy-girl friendships... but. I would also say that only you can intuit if That Which Must Not Be Named is bringing some residual psychic baggage to your friendship.
I guess my bottom line is unless/until something happens that makes you uncomfortable happens, follow the timeless advice of the Gin Blossoms and don't take advice from fools, just figure everything is cool, til you hear it from him. Good luck!
@par_parenthese Okay. Cool. Thank you. I will blast the Empire Records soundtrack now and proceed to Not Worry About It.
Pinners with boobs! Please help! I am trying to source the following: a racerback bra in 40DD that is unlined (or as close to unlined as possible). So far everything I find is a push-up. I don't need to be pushed up! I just want to wear cute tank tops this summer without my bra straps hanging out all over the place. One of you geniuses out there must have a lead. Or is major elective surgery my only option?
@alannaofdoom I have a chantelle bra in a large cup size that is convertible (the straps move, but it's not a strapless convertible). I can't find it online but I got it at Nordstrom.
@alannaofdoom Macy's has a Maidenform "Pure Genius T-Back Lace Bra" for $38; the reviews are a bit mixed as far as how it actually fits. But they also have 10% off with the code PRES. There's also the "Vanity Fair Beauty Back Full Figure Bra" at Macy's.
I'll keep you in mind and check back in if I see something that might fit the bill (and the boobs).
@alannaofdoom Warner's makes some really nice simple bras that aren't crazy expensive. I was just on their site and they don't have anything in your specific measurements, but I know I've seen them in larger sizes at Marshalls and Kohls. Also, check out Lane Bryant! Their bras come in a bunch of really cute colors and prints other than white or off white.
@alannaofdoom Try figleaves.com?
Hey all, serious question. A few times in the past week or so, I've heard loud yelling/crying arguments between a guy and a woman downstairs. I can never hear much of what they're saying, but the guy is the one who yells and the woman cries/wails and I really don't know but what if he's abusing her? I can't hear well enough to know for sure, there have been thumps but it might just have been slamming doors. I just don't know at what point I ought to call the police. It's complicated by the fact that I just moved here a week and a half ago so I've never seen these people, only heard them, and I don't know for sure which apartment it's coming from. But it's making me anxious and guilty-feeling because what if he's hurting her and I could do something about it and don't?
Sorry for the long post.
@4and20blkbirds Next time it happens, call the police right away. If it were me, I'd call the non-emergency line and tell them what you're hearing, and that you're not sure which apartment it is, and ask their advice. They might transfer you to dispatch, or tell you to call 911, or dispatch a car that's in your neighborhood, or something else, but you should definitely call.
I've been there -- it's awful to hear that stuff and wonder what to do. :(
@4and20blkbirds Don't be afraid to call. Unless they're shitty cops they probably won't indicate who called, only that someone did. You're within your rights.
That's a shitty situation, though. I had to flee my last living situation because the woman I was sharing the apartment with was frequently and savagely abusive to her boyfriend in every way except physically. What can you do in those situations? It seems unlikely that the cops would directly intervene, and reporting it as a fellow tenant might make things worse. I looked up anti-violence resources but I couldn't really offer them while I lived there, lest I suffer the woman's wrath (she was on the lease and had substantial power in that sense).
So I guess if you know the woman, and it sounds like you don't, you could maybe bring it up, but as a stranger on a different floor the police seem your only option. Other people might offer more useful advice, though.
Definitely call and tell them you think they're white and you think they have a kid. Doesn't hurt and will get them to come down.
That one asshole who killed his girlfriend yesterday (who everyone is like "UH SOME WOMAN DED. MAN WHO KILL HER REALLY COOL, THIS IS EVERYTHING HE DID, A HERO, THIS EMBARRASSING, JUST LIKE IF HE DO DRUGS"), his neighbors called the cops a lot because they had heard similar. And then he killed her so you know. That might help her case. If anyone stops talking about the guy and all he accomplished long enough to give her a trial.
@Inkling If nothing else, having a call on record will help in the event that she seeks a restraining order.
@4and20blkbirds In my last apartment the people upstairs were always so loud and I constantly thought about going up there or complaining or something, but never did. On the day I moved out, the cops came to help the woman get her stuff from the apartment, presumable because of violence, and I felt (still feel) awful that I never said or did anything. I don't know that anything would have been better if I had, but I think you should call someone.
Thank you everyone, you're right, no harm in calling and possibly good. Next time it happens I will call.
@4and20blkbirds A few days ago I heard what sounded like screaming and banging coming from one of the houses on my block. I wasn't sure which one. And our walls aren't very thin, so it was LOUD.
I dithered for a bit, but what decided me was a call to my husband who asked me what the worst potential consequences of each action were:
Calling: Nothing is going on, I look stupid and maybe they get angry with me.
Not Calling: Someone dies in pain and fear.
So I called the non-emergency line. I don't know what happened after that - I didn't hear police, but they don't tend to use sirens in possible domestic abuse cases where I live. I suspect they came round, checked up on everything.
I still kind of hope I just heard some really loud, kinky sex!
@Anninyn Yeah, they don't use sirens (or require you to leave your name or make a statement) for domestic calls here either. In my experience (and I've had to call the cops a few times for neighbors screaming/throwing things/possibly hitting each other), cops are not douchey at all about it -- whoever is closest will stop by and talk to the people involved, end of story. I'm sure it differs from city to city but they're cool about it here.
@Inkling Lying to a dispatcher because of one's assumptions about the racism of the police... Hm...
@par_parenthese Re lying/police racism: depends where you live maybe? My husband has been pulled over for (mild) speeding (before we had kids) a bunch of times and got let off erry time with a warning - this does NOT happen to his black coworkers. Also, the time a black dude got shot outside our house, the police took their sweet time coming an he was dead before they arrived. If she says she "thinks" they're white, it won't hurt and it might help. Just my 2 cents.
@iceberg I totally believe that Driving While Black is a thing, and that cops' assumptions about a person influence their responses (just like all our assumptions influence our responses).
But. I've had to make a possible-domestic-abuse call several times, and never once did the question of the ethnicity of the people involved even come up. It's irrelevant information from a dispatch perspective in domestic violence. The first time I made a call like this, if I had said, "My young black unmarried downstairs neighbors are fighting and screaming at each other and it sounds like he's hitting her," would that have made the one black cop and one white cop who showed up five minutes later stop by Starbucks on their way to my building?
I guess what I don't get is why you'd even need to mention it. "My neighbors at X address are having a fight and I think he might be hitting her" is the only information required, or pertinent. (FWIW, I lived in a pretty ethnically and economically diverse neighborhood at the time -- my shitty, cheap-ass apartment was down the street from half-million-dollar Victorian mansions, so that probably made a difference wrt police presence and response time. I imagine that you'd get a slower response time in the shadier neighborhoods and a quicker response time in the nicer ones.)
Haha! That's a good point.
I've had to call the cops before for a maybe-dying dude. They asked the race of the dude, which didn't seem relevant, because they knew the location and I was there and there was only one maybe dying dude around? (PS he was white but I told them that before I knew.)
My experience is obviously limited. Since I've heard some negative stories about reaction time from Black friends, my default tends to be "I'm/she's/they're/everybody's white if you're white!" As long as it has nothing to do with them finding or recognizing someone, I don't think it hurts--and it's impossible to tell from voices, so it's no big deal if you're wrong.
@Inkling Oh, totes, mention race (ugh I hate the word "race" blah) in a situation where finding/recognizing a person is necessary. Otherwise not important. (I bet there's a script for some of those reports -- like the dispatcher has a list of questions he/she has to ask in certain scenarios? But prolly not in domestic violence situations where you can only hear the person.)
You're right, I bet there is a script! Otherwise that didn't make any sense.
Oh, I wanted to add: when the cops came to the maybe-dying dude, they were like, "Oh, he's homeless!" and the guy who found him was like "Shoot--I'm homeless, you don't see me layin' around on my face."
@Inkling Miiiight have just snorted champagne out my nose. High five, Other Homeless Dude.
Yesterday I went to a screening of the Banff Mountain Film Festival tour and it was amazing. Has anyone else seen the tour films this year? I just want to skip class and have adventures now. Also, watch this dude all the time.
Here's a thing that's happening: http://insidemovies.ew.com/2013/02/14/all-female-jason-reitman-glengarry-glen-ross/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+entertainmentweekly%2Fmovie-critics+%28Entertainment+Weekly%2FEW.com%27s%3A+The+Movie+Critics%29
Maria Bello in the Ed Harris role is pretty inspired. And Catherine O'Hara! Perfection.
@Danzig! Oh my god. That is extremely relevant to my interests. Pleeeeeease let this be filmed.
I have so much *stuff* that I could vent out right now but I want to try and make myself positive so...
I need to go through my emails and see if I can figure out who it was a few weeks ago that converted us all to the Curly Girl Method, and thank her. My hair has looked so much better since I started it. I just need to be not-lazy and figure out the right schedule for washing/styling/all that jazz.
It feels like I've joined a cult but it's a cult with fabulous hair where everyone totally gets me, so it's all good!
Also, does anyone else love NBA All-Star Weekend like nothing else?
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) Oooh, would you mind sharing what you've been doing? My curls were so much easier to maintain when they were short, but now that I've grown my hair out, it looks so sad and frizzy all the damn time.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Yes! Thank you to whoever that was. I have just started doing the curly girl method thing and I think it's going to be great for my hair. I was having a bit of difficulty finding a good styling product, but I just bought the DevaCurl volumizing foam stuff and I think I like it. Any suggestions for a silicone free leave-in conditioner (preferably in spray form)?
@This is my new username Wow, you are speaking words that I do not understand, but now I want to know, too!
@This is my new username I have used DevaCare Set it Free and curly girl is the best
My lips hurt so bad!!!
I promise I have been drinking water and putting petroleum jelly on those suckers. They just won't be real lips.
Also I am sick.
On the plus side, I stayed at the fucking COOLEST place this week while my husband had a conference. There was a docent who was basically in charge of getting me tea and snacks. Wherever I was! Plus they steamed the hub's suit and my party dress for free and took his shoes to the repair place after a tragic shoe accident so that I could drink by the pool.
I am struggling with reintegrating with reality.
@Harriet Welch I know you did not ASK for advice, but I have the worst lips in the world because I pick at them when they are chapped and omg it's the worst. Anyway, I've been using lanolin on them ... which is like ... meant as nipple cream for ladies who are pregnant/breast feeding/whatever their nipples are swollen and cracked. Anyway, it works well. I've noticed a difference in a couple of days. Jus sayin, feel free to disregard.
Thanks! That is a great idea. I have heard about it for nipple relief (which is probably why I never thought to put it on my face), but since presumably it would be safe for babies' lips to touch it should be safe for mine.
oh fuck, you guys, i'm a week late. i love babies, but i am in the middle of a goddamn twenty-unit semester (with four twenty-unit semesters remaining before i will have earned this damn sixty thousand dollar bachelor's degree), and also fiance & i don't even live together yet, and also we don't even want kids. i mean, my schedule was all fucked up last month because i went to see my biffle and my body hopped onto her schedule so my period was two weeks early so maybe it's that? but aasdfjljkl;' no. no thank you.
@sandwiches Synchronizing with someone would easily throw your cycle all out of whack. I used to get an extra period any time I flew across more than two time zones, no matter what time of the month it was, which was just fucking strange.
Folklore has it that there are various herbs that can jump start a late period - though I've never tried them myself so I can't speak from firsthand experience - yarrow, parsley, feverfew and sage are all mentioned, with pennyroyal and tansy in a footnote as something a bit, er, stronger in that area. (Sorry to go all woo-woo, I'm just sort of fascinated with herbalism right now.) Plus there's the good old drugstore pregnancy test.
Fingers crossed, hope it's just a weird synchronization thing. Which it probably is!
@Countess Maritza I know you're most likely right; going to have a drink and try to logic myself out of the panic spiral. Thanks.
@sandwiches *raises glass of something alcoholic in your general direction*
Keep us posted ok? Hugs!
@sandwiches I was late this month but mine just came today, so hopefully my story is also your story. fingers crossed!
@sandwiches Try not to panic spiral - I know that sounds dumb, but the times I've been down this path, I freak myself out so badly I think my body basically shuts down entirely. Glass (bottle) of wine and cartoons <3
@Countess Maritza @sandwiches
Yikes, be careful, some of those herbs are powerful/dangerous!
Pennyroyal tea definitely will stimulate menstrual flow and can be a gentle abortifacient. There are natural foods stores where you can buy it in safe dosages. But it can also be fatal if you take a really large quantity. Be careful/judicious -- these herbs are all medicines and can have strong effects!
Bless you for introducing me to the phrase "gentle abortifacent."
@harebell Oh, I am not an herbs person at all - I am very Western-medicine-oriented, so if this does turn out to be a larval human rather than ordinary schedule-wonkiness, I'll hie myself to Planned Parenthood. But thank you for the info!
@all Still waiting, but school is keeping me busy/occupied, and judiciously applied cuddling/whisky are taking care of the rest of the time; giving it one more week & then I'll start testing. Thanks for the reassurance, I really appreciate it. <3 u, Hairpinners.
I know I'm really late and that almost no-one will read this. Fucking time differences.
But I had a really intense therapy session this week - the first one where we even touched on anything resembling the root causes rather than the surface symptoms - and I'm still feeling kinda.... eeeeeerrrrch. I can only afford to go once a month at the moment (though when I can afford to go more I will) and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the in-depth stuff if just touching on it made me cry and feel raw and hurting.
@Anninyn Oh no that sounds so exhausting. I remember that feeling. I used to just go home and sleep for the rest of the day.
Can you ask your therapist if he or she can offer a sliding scale so you can get more sessions? Find a support group to keep your energy level up between sessions? Call a hotline when you are feeling especially down?
I know it's really hurtful and challenging to dredge up all that shit. Try and think of some practical ways to weave yourself a safety net for the time in between sessions. I'd be happy to brainstorm with you if you like!
@Emmanuelle Cunt I'm trying to remind myself that it's like having an infected wound that's healed over. You can't make it better until you've reopened it, but that repoening hurts like fuck.
She only has a limited number of sliding fee slots available, and they go to people on benefits or students. I am neither - the only reason I'm skint is that we bought a house and took on cats at the same time.
The thing is that jsut *talking* to people has never worked for me because I intellectualise the hell out of it and don't allow myself to feel it. I parrot the stuff you're supposed to say, and it doesn't penetrate. But Helen is a proper psychotherapist who used art therapy as well and the combo sort of sneaks under my barriers. Where blah blah blah I am terrified of being vulnerable no shit and I grew up in an environment where it was never emotionally safe to let my guard down and in adulthood every time I tried something bad happened and now I'm basically a cynical, emotionless robot who only lets herself feel anger and who gets swamped by fear and depression because she hasn't learned to cope with it so yeah.
Arrgh I don't even know why I'm saying this. I jsut know its going to get worse before it gets better as we scrape away all the crap and crud and I let myself grieve for all he people who've died in my 'emergency shutdown' phase.
I hate support groups, and have a tendency to deal with everyone elses issues before mine in a group setting, it took me ages to accept that therapy was a good idea and brainstorming would probably be a great idea for someone who wasn't made up entirely of spikes and rage, but thanks for the offer of help. I mean that, even if it sounds like I don't.
Sorry about your feelers. It sounds sucky and awful.
I'm just talking out of my ass here, but maybe if the art therapy worked you could do something on your own that is art-y. I know it won't have the therapy aspect, but sometimes (for me at least) it can be soothing just to get a little messy and make something. Regardless of the process or the end product. I'm not an artist AT ALL, but I noticed how calm I felt when I was making examples of the art I was working on with elementary school students, so I started randomly coloring or painting on my own. It helps me to calm by brain down when I get all sensory overload and feel like I'm going to freak the fuck out. It's like the brain version of a hot bath. It might just act as a salve until the next time you can go to proper therapy that helps you.
Just one more idea from a stranger on the internet that doesn't really have enough experience or insight to solve your problem.
@Anninyn Yeah no, I completely feel you on all that.
@Harriet Welch That seems like a goodish idea. When there's some spare space in the budget I might biy myself a sketchbook and some cheap paints or something. At the very least it would be something to distract me from my brain cycling. In my day-to-day I'm a writer, which can help, but leans towards distancing myself from my emotions and viewing them objectively which has never been a problem for me. My problem is letting myself feel stuff. There's about 15 years on unfelt stuff lurking in there and who knows what it's turned into?
It is bloody miserable, isn't it? I lost two jobs due to panic attacks and crying fits and still only thought about therapy after two years of it not magically getting better on its own.
Even my mum, Ms 'we don't talk about this' was like 'um, sweety, you've not left the house in a month. Maybe therapy?' and I was all 'No, I just need some time, a break, something.'
At least I have really cute cats.
@Anninyn I know how that is. I had my best friend on call after sessions, even if I came out of one feeling like I should be alone, just in case.
Some good methods have been offered here, but if these feelings are really persistent and / or sneak up on you, what might help is a "self-care kit", which is something that my therapist made and gave to me when we were getting into the heavy stuff. I don't recall it being a lot - a stress ball, a bouncy/stretchy thing (this was more useful than you'd think!), something pleasant smelling such as a lotion that you like. Maybe a photo or a written mantra. Little things that you can easily carry around and that can help get you out of your headspace.
For me it's not really distancing (I am a pro at what I call "compartmentalize and delete" with emotions. It's somehow different than that.
Also, whoah! Writing would not help me at all. I would just spiral into the k-hole that is my brain.
AS far as money goes, I 100% understand the "I don't have one single dollar to do anything with at all and I have already scavenged in my couch and car ashtray for change." kind of budget. But you can get some watercolors for a buck or so at a dollar store. Or you can come scavenge through my millions of arts and craft supplies. Although, that will cost much more than a dollar, unless you live a couple of blocks away from me. If you live a couple of blocks away from me you can dig through my stash and drink lots of wine with me too.
Alternately to all of this you could listen to Sia's album "Some people have real problems". I say this IN NO WAY to minimize your problems. I don't even know what they are. They are real because they are yours. The album just happens to be named that. If it were named "unicorn sunshine band sings their hits" I would still tell you to listen to it. The album is just fucking rad as shit and everyone should listen to it all of the time.
I love the "self-care kit". I think mine would end up with finger-paint in it.
Considering I live in the UK, I suspect rummaging through your stuff would be way more than a dollar. But thanks for the offer.
Yeah, 99p store sometimes has paint.
Writing is really, really good for me when I need to live in a world that isn't mine for a while. I write fantasy and horror, so I can just disappear off and ignore everything. I can use my feelings of fear and isolation in the horror works.
Writing about my *feelings* does nothing for me except help me explain them better, though my therapist has suggested giving my various feelings to characters and jsut letting them play out, so she can read them.
Hey uh, can we buy you some art supplies? I've started selling my old undies to pervs on Ebay so, I think I have dollas to burn. Also I just got a second job and also also I'm selling my plasma every week.
...My point being, my bodily fluids are lucrative, so email me your address because I'd like to make you a care package.
ljeude at utk dot edu
This is a great idea! I can send out a happy care package shout out if you are good with it Anninyn!
I have to ship some Christmas (it happens in February in the U.S.) presents to my brother and his wife in the UK. Having another package to send would light a fire under my ass.
@Harriet Welch If it is okay with Anninyn, I will donate as well. My father did a lot of watercolor therapy and I think it brought him introspection and peace. (As a side, he created some beautiful pieces!) I would really like to help.
You're doing the right thing, not letting the negative feelings moulder in your spirit. It's very brave of you to fight for your future sanity. We're all rooting for you!
@Bloodrocuted @Harriet Welch @Inkling
Oh wow, you guys. If you're serious I would be incredibly grateful. But don't go out of your way, you know?
Hairpinners are great.
I would happily go out of my way. My way is usually silly and weird and is easily and happily interrupted to do something that might put a smile on the face of someone who could use one.
@Harriet Welch Well, I'll email inkling (though I feel weird and awkward. BRITISH)and if people are serious about this, my email is anninyn @ gmail dot com
Even just a chat would be nice. I work from home and can get lonely, especially as I don't have enough money to meet my friends.
That sucks. Friends are good things to have around when you feel sucky.
I'll email your for your address and send some love (if it's ok with you that way, of course).
@Harriet Welch That's fine.
Did anyone else see Ms. Jane Marie quoted in the NY Times???
@miss buenos aires LINK USSSS
@miss buenos aires Are you in Buenos Aires?
Here you go, ladies:
(I could theoretically make a link but I am tired.)
@Amy_AR - I first took this name as a reference to an Elvis Costello song (soooo many years ago), but I did end up living in Buenos Aires for a bit. Is that where you are?
@miss buenos aires Also Edith wrote the closing piece in the NYT mag this Sunday! Yay!
does anyone here work in design+technology/ engineering? I want to start *making* things, like digital instruments and fire alarms that play Kashmir by Led Zeppelin etc. I've never been v hands on though and I don't know where to start? Like my degree is in History. And I find maths difficult, but not impossible. How shall I go about learning how to build stuff and program, just take on different projects? How far will finding maths hard hold me back- will it just slow me down? MIT has a little free online computer science course I'm gonna look at...
@hurts I don't do that kind of work, but my dad teaches electronics at a community college and that sounds like the kind of stuff his students do (build fighting robots and radar systems). If you want to actually build things, that might be something to look into.
Don't worry about needing some innate math talent or background.
I failed physics several times. I tried. Lots of residual trauma. With this stuff, I get to feel competent and I get to feel excited about circuits and my sense of wonder is validated. That seems miraculous to me.
@hurts In my (admittedly limited) experience, math is generally not as important in programming as logic is. Think of Basic HTML Tagging and how (bbcode example to keep it from triggering) [b][i]a phrase[/i][/b] works but [b][i]a phrase[/b][i] will break your code. It's about relationships more than calculation, if that makes sense.
Then again, when I was in school we had Computer Science (CS) and Computer Information Science (CIS), the latter being more practical IT / network / practical programming stuff and the former being headier high-level concepts and design issues. Optimization of solid state drive space, for example. That stuff was naturally more complex.
The word was that there were far, far more CIS jobs than CS jobs out there (indeed, my programmer friends have never had difficulty finding employment*), but if ambitious research / engineering is more your thing then CS is probably a good fit :) Come out and work at HP in my hometown (do not do this, it is a nightmare)! Also keeping in mind that my school may have separated the disciplines arbitrarily or illogically. I wish I had your enthusiasm!
I guess the one last thing is that, if you're considering a CIS-type college education, ask around a bit first and see if it's worth more to go to a 4-year college instead of a community college. I think in most cases with a 2-year degree and an internship you'll have all the skills you need.
*At least, the ones who didn't go to a private tech school like Devry or ITT.
@hurts I'm a comp sci. major graduating this semester with a job lined up after and I am not naturally that good in math -- in my experience, like @Danzig! said, programming is more about logic and puzzles then hard mathematics. I think giving the MIT class a try might be a good call, but one great thing about coding is that there is a pretty low barrier to entry for having fun with it and there are a ton of resources online. I don't really work with hardware so I can't give you any specific tips on projects, but maybe look into robot kits as a starting point for learning to solder and code in a fun way? They come in a wide range of difficulty levels are are frequently extensible so they can get more complex as you learn more. Also, if you are in a big city there might be a Hackers Collective type thing with free classes and equipment and people who love teaching beginners.
@hollerithcircus yeah I just found out about Arduino kits and basic electronics kits on the Make magazine website which look kinda fun! so reassuring to hear that you don't have be a genius even to do CompSci!
just ordered a little kit which should be here next week. think if I strtart with electronics, I can go onto computer science, and mechanics I think I can start with by fucking around with my bike I guess
@hurts I've always wanted to learn how to solder - you can make such great things! For example you can, with some practice, make a simple and relatively cheap CMoy headphone amplifier that makes an amazing gift for audiophiles - http://tangentsoft.net/audio/cmoy-tutorial/
@Danzig! thanks man that looks so cool! I already know who I wanna make that for! There's a Hackspace in my city that will have soldering irons and I learnt how to solder at school in design technology. It's really easy have you never seen it done?
@Danzig! is there a Hackspacein your city? they'll teach you for sure man
@MilesofMountains @() thank you guys!
@hurts I always had an essential tremor so I just sort of assumed anything requiring hand-precision would be impossible for me :/ there is a hackspace in my city though! I will check it out.
@Danzig! It's pretty easy to teach yourself. I sew and wanted to use a vintage sewing machine (since they are way better quality than a lot of what's coming out today) but 70 year old wires are not so safe. So I taught myself to solder to rewire the machine and now I can use those skills for other stuff. I'd read a couple article and watch a youtube video (so that you can see it in action) and then test it out on some small things before starting a project. Also I don't recommend the soldering irons that have those big butane tanks attached, I find the one's that plug into the wall are easier.
Washington DC experts, give me your advice on where to eat/drink/run around screaming like I'm Leslie Knope for a four-day stay in your beauteous city!
I like eating/drinking adventurously and am excited about getting Ethiopian food all over my face again but other than that I am sort of at a loss. Too many options, send help!
@PatatasBravas Not an expert here, but I found the Lincoln and adjacent Vietnam memorials surprisingly moving. The Capitol rotunda and Senate and House chambers were great. The Capitol seemed smaller on the inside than I expected. Same with the SCOTUS.
I've always wanted to see the giant Calder mobile at the National Gallery and the Apollo modules at Air and Space. I'd def go to the National Museum of the American Indian.
The Black Cat is important if you like punk and other indie music types. I think they also do movies there too.
And yes to eating all the Ethiopian food. Maybe just do that.
@PatatasBravas Top choices: Library of Congress, National Gallery (east and west wings), American History. Then all the monuments. Then the other museums. :-)
@PatatasBravas Siroc in McPherson Square is my favorite place to eat, but kinda fancy. You can't visit without checking out Ben's Chili Bowl on U Street - even the President stops in there sometimes! For Japanese food, Izakaya Seki on U Street is the best; for Greek, Komi in (I think) Dupont Circle. Busboys and Poets has a few outlets here, and is also known for treating their employees very well.
@PatatasBravas For some less-trafficked (but way cooler) DC places to visit, you should definitely check out The National Building Museum, the Hirshhorn Art Museum (they have an Ai Weiwei exhibit there currently which I went to see twice it was so awesome) and Dumbarton Oaks.
On the off-chance that anyone reads this far down: any nannies in the house tonight? & what is your average rate?
I think it depends SO much on where you are, what the family is like, what the arrangement is etc.
I live in a poor college town. My last nanny gig was weird, but I loved the kids and the family so the nearly zero dollars worked out. $200/wk for weekdays whether the kids were in school or not. I only had them about 45 minutes during the school year, so it was ok, but I had them 10 hrs a day over the summer. Not so great.
When I lived in the bay area I charged $20 an hour on weekdays and if there was overnight things involved it dropped to $10 an hour for the time that the kids were sleeping. The family kind of sucked though and the kids were brats so I felt like I deserved more.
@mrs psmith Depends on the city, but where I live (midsize midwest/southern city) there is no way in hell I'm taking less than $12-$14/hr. I had a friend whose boss paid her $8/hr and that is just insane. It's like 75 cents more per hour than fucking minimum wage. I feel like that needs to be the metric -- take minimum wage wherever you are and double it, and that should be your kind of negotiation point. And mention that to prospective employers (if you're the one looking for a nanny job): is the responsible care of your children worth $5/hr more than minimum wage? or whatever.
you can find many cheap and fashion stuff
(jor dan s-h-o-e-s)
I realize no one is probably going to read this, but I'm so excited that I had to comment. I finally finished my thesis! And it all started on here with the "Are Women People" book post last year. So thanks Hairpin!
@lostinthesupermarket A million high-fives!!
@lostinthesupermarket WHAT AWESOME. (And people who have a three-day weekend are TOTALLY going to read this.)
@lostinthesupermarket Congratulations on finishing!
Late to the open thread, but if any Portland 'Pinners are around, I'd love some advice on things to do/ways to meet people in the city! I just got a job there that I'm really excited about, and I'm excited to explore the city too but I'm not entirely sure where to start.
@Laughable Walrus Congratulations! Where are you moving from? I am not from Portland*, nor do I really know how to meet people there, but some things that are awesome there that you should check out: Voodoo Donut, Kells Irish Pub (esp. if you're into happy hour oyster shooters), the Saturday Market, Powell's City of Books!!!, there's some sort of local sports team (their name is the Beavers I think but no idea what sport it is) if you're into that, the big park in the middle of the city that I can't remember the name of now, the Rose Garden, which is closed right now but wonderful in late spring/summer... Also day trips to Astoria, Multnomah Falls at Columbia Gorge, etc.. There are probably a floppity jillion things there that I don't know about because I've only been there twice. Have fun, Portland is a wonderful place (and there's always Portlandia if you're curious about the environment, episode 1 struck me as ...disturbingly accurate).
*If you meant the Maine Portland, egg and my face are in alignment, and I apologize.**
**I also apologize if this whole comment doesn't make much sense, I've had some whisky as a general response to my day and it appears to be kicking in.
@Laughable Walrus I just moved to Portland, OR, too! My boyfriend/intended and I moved together, with our three dogs. We work downtown, but live in Hillsboro. I'm so excited to get out and explore, but we have one more week of studying for/taking the Oregon bar exam. We don't really know anyone here, either, so feel free to message me, and we can explore together! We've only been around Pioneer Courthouse (we work at a firm near there) and the Pearl District, briefly. Have you been to the Portland Flea yet? It's once a month, and we are DEFINITELY going in March. Their Facebook page makes it look like heaven so.
@sandwiches haha thanks! I firmly believe in whiskey's power to make everything better, and this comment completely supports my hypothesis. All those places sound great, I'll definitely have to check them out! I'm moving from the Bay Area, so I don't think it'll be too culture-shock-y, but I've been doing some Portlandia immersion therapy to prep anyways. Just so I'll know how to order my local sustainably farmed chicken and how to deal with the book store clerks - you know, the basics.
@JustAPaperBag oh great! I'd love to go exploring with you once you've escaped the bar's clutches (good luck btw!). I've never been to Portland Flea, but I'm stalking their FB now and it looks fantastic. We should check it out!
AUGH I kept coming here to check for new Monday articles and then remembered that normal people aren't working and there won't be anything new, woe is me. So... MOT here?
Yes? I hope so?
@mangosara we are doing it in the Looking Back post, come on over :)
While I see one mention of Edith's piece in the Sunday NYT Magazine, nobody posted a link. If you haven't read it, you should. It's SO Edith. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/17/magazine/my-oracle-at-ludlow.html
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