Image by Eudora Peterson, last seen here in a video response to the BIC for Her pen.
open thread, eudora peterson, mozzarella sticks
Do the tips for mozzarella stick sneaking work for fried pickles, too? I ummm...a friend needs to know.
@Nocs Seriously, someone please set us up with those tips.
@area@twitter Oh my god, now that I have started thinking about fried pickles, I *really* want some. What have I done?!
@Nocs Buy extra large gloves and insert pickles in fingers?
@Nocs My husband and I are vegetarians, and we once got stuck at some southern chain restaurant in Kentucky on a road trip back to Chicago. I say "stuck" because it was the only place open after 9:30pm. Literally the only vegetarian thing on the menu (including 6 different salads) was fried pickles. So, needless to say, we ate a lot of fried pickles that night.
Can this please be a real magazine?
@katiemcgillicuddy It is definitely relevant to my interests.
@katiemcgillicuddy I would get a two-year subscription.
@katiemcgillicuddy It would be like RookieMag for the slightly non-16 set.
@phipsi They need to make an older peeps Rookie Mag. I read that shit sometimes, but it'd be sweet to have a more age-appropriate version.
i'd wish for that too, hehe.
Eudora! A++ well done girl
@iceberg Yeah, Eudora, can we be friends? Because all of your posts here have made me so incredibly giddy from laughing.
@stonefruit I probably watched the BIC lady pen thing a million times, and it only got funnier the more times I saw it.
@katiemcgillicuddy G-d dammit now I want mozzarella sticks.
@katiemcgillicuddy I had "I love it when you call me big poppa" stuck in my head for days. DAYS.
(I mean partly because I kept rewatching it BUT STILL)
@redheaded&crazy I just kept hearing "IT'S A BOOYYYYYYYYYYY! IT'S A BOY" over and over
@katiemcgillicuddy also "ba na ba na .. dude writes like a lady!"
oh god it's so good.
I really want Eudora's eyebrows.
@dj pomegranate Just realized that's probably not Eudora? Anyway, love the eyebrows, love Eudora.
Northeastern United Statesians, what are your plans for the soon-to-arrive Nemoblizzard? I am planning to be wet and slightly disappointed down here in Baltimore. Someone bake bread in my honor, please.
@area@twitter I've been constantly thrilled by the winter storm names this year. I'm also very glad I left the country last night so I don't have to deal with that snow nonsense.
@area@twitter i'm going to drink hot chocolate and peek out my windows. hopefully the weather won't be bad where i am because my "valentines date" is this sat.
@area@twitter I'm in Massachusetts, hunkered down and eating a lot of eggs (we didn't shop beforehand, so it's all we've got) and watching Netflix.
@area@twitter I'm making this lentil soup and watching all of the Netflix. And maybe making muffins if I feel really ambitious.
@area@twitter Ironically, my freezer is now packed full of frozen food. I plan on doing a lot of eating, movie-watching, Xboxing, and sleeping. And sexing if I feel up to it (I'm a little under the weather, no pun intended).
@area@twitter Sitting in front of my gas fireplace, getting psyched up to take the corgi out in the snow and get cute pictures of her romping around, before the snow is taller than she is.
@mittens blum I just made that soup the other day - it is delicious.
@Blackwatch Plaid COMPANY EGGS?
@area@twitter I've got wine and Totino's pizza rolls for days. Planning on cuddling with the cat and bf and catching up on TV, maybe doing my nails. I love staying in!
@Bittersweet Oh my god, this sounds incredible! Share corgi pix please
@area@twitter I've been applying for jobs, but I'm going to abandon that now for (1) the delicious vegan banana/pear bread I baked, (2) lots of reading, (3) cross-stitch projects, and (4) the set of Downton Abbey season 2 DVDs that serendipitously came in for me at the library yesterday.
Also, this is my first blizzard, and I'm pretty intrigued.
@mittens blum I literally made that lentil soup last night! It is good, but it is better as leftovers! Also, don't forget the salt, which is a key ingredient...
I'll bake spruce shortbread in your honor! I've been meaning to use all the dry needles from my little spruce Christmas tree for ages. That, or maybe haddock (supposed to be cod, but whatever) in spruce butter. I would make spruce sugar, too, but the grocery stores and roads are all shut down by now and I'm out of white sugar. :(
Can't wait to find out what this year's Christmas tree tasted like. Spruce is always citrusy, but can range anywhere from tangerine to grapefruit-y... we shall see.
Also, cabin fever has already arrived. Halp.
@dj pomegranate Agreed on the better as leftovers! I've made it before but am trying it again - the first time I left out the sausage, but this time I have fake vegetarian sausage substitute in a tube to experiment with.
Making a cake, eating that cake, and watching the snow come down! Also, snuggling with cats. Hoping the power stays on. If it does, playing on the computer or watching something tonight. If it doesn't, huddling under blankets (with the cats) in the cold and reading some epic science fiction with a flashlight.
Dang it, why is my husband always traveling during these monster storms?
@area@twitter I did laundry so I have plenty of underwear to last me through the storm, and I'm about to start making stew with some short ribs and a bunch of root vegetables. Next up: crashing through my Netflix queue.
I read that as "fake vegetarian sausage substitute in a lube" and my mind reeled.
@area@twitter Flip-flop indecisively about whether to respond to the invite to a Salsa dancing night, then eventually decide around 6PM that since I'm already committed to a swing dancing night tomorrow I'm justified in turning it down, then procrastinate about actually responding until 8:30, even though the dancing starts at 9 and I was supposed to respond this morning. Possibly use the blizzard as an excuse even though no one in my area is taking it seriously.
Also, cocoa and more Open Yale lectures.
@mittens blum I has some of that with my eggs- it's very good and not as greasy as real sausage.
@area@twitter I'm also in Baltimore! It is wet and cold and I am...already drunk.
Unrelated but also sort of related: Should I start watching The Following?
@area@twitter Various cheeses and beer and gin and scary movies and books and cat and newly moved-in BF (so maybe some organizing/decorating projects) and nails (with maybe even some cool stripey action if I remember to do this before the beer and gin). And also taking pictures of our big AT-AT out in the snow, and possibly a light saber battle outside when it gets dark. Oh, and marshmallows that the BF won't let me roast over the stove burner because he has no faith in me.
@Hellcat The only way I see it going wrong is if it falls off the stick and melts on the burner, which would be a pain to clean up. I'd say its worth a try!
@fondue with cheddar Done--easy! And no one is hurt!
@purefog I can't decide whether it's funnier to interpret that as "lube that has some kind of sausage flavoring in it" or "sausage that one has applied lubricant to."
@supernintendochalmers Here's the corgi, having a blast in the snow. We'll see how she feels when she can't see over it tomorrow.
@area@twitter you've just described everything i love!
@area@twitter I have made an Annie's Casserole (Annie's, grated cheese, frozen peas, panko) and I plan to watch Trading Places and drink beer.
@area@twitter the storm is set to hit us here in Nova Scotia at midnight tonight! I am hoping the power stays on because if it does I will make banana oatmeal muffins tomorrow morning and spend the day drinking tea and reading. If it goes out I suppose I'll drink water and read whatever stupid non-electronic books I have in my apartment until it gets dark.
@area@twitter We're making stew and generally being disgustingly cozy. There is red wine involved as well.
@area@twitter I'm enjoying my first weekend in my apartment after moving in with my boyfriend! Watching netflix like everyone else, and also feeling guilty for not doing job applications. I wish I could bake bread but sadly I have no yeast.
@4and20blkbirds Congratulations on the living in sin (oy, I'm just kidding, just in case anyone takes that wrong--heh)! My BF is still in his unpacking/organizing phase, which caused me to run into the BR, where he is still asleep, and yell, "I have an idea--I will buy you shelves for Valentine's Day!" He seemed interested slightly (but sort of annoyed by the startling outburst that could probably have waited).
@Hellcat Thanks! I spent the past few days unpacking and thoroughly rearranging and de-bachelorizing (a.k.a. cleaning) the apartment. Shelves are definitely essential. I was so excited to get one of those over-the-toilet space saver shelves for our tiny tiny bathroom. That was a gift to myself though :P
I've had too much fun changing my profile pic here this week. I might have a problem. I'll settle on one for 2013 eventually. I'm great at wasting time.
@whizz_dumb did fred do something?
@katiemcgillicuddy Let me be clear, I like Keven Arnold. But dude, Paul wins ONE game of 1-on-1 driveway basketball out of many years of games and you get all butthurt and treat Paul like shit? Not cool Kevin.
Ha. I like how THAT'S what was the last straw for you.
@whizz_dumb Yeah, Kevin, you we're a dick that day.
@Reginal T. Squirge Well I wasn't happy with how he treated Becky Slater but she got even and turned out to be a bad-ass for it. Becky Slater rules. Plus, young love/crushes, who can navigate through that minefield without getting some blood on themselves?
I'm on this kick of analyzing decades-old movies and TV shows from fuzzy memory.
@whizz_dumb I rewatched a lot of The Wonder Years around this time last year (insomnia) and dude, Kevin IS a dick, repeatedly.
@PomoFrannyGlass I thought "Kevin is a dick" was pretty much the premise?
@Cawendaw Yeah more like BLUNDER Years riiight? aaand I'm done for the day (ashamed).
I just finished The Blue Castle (thanks everyone for the recommendations last week!) and it was so very good.
Also, I couldn't help laughing at the sign, "A. Gay, Carpenter"
@funfetti I just finished it 2 weeks ago! Love, love, love. I kind of wish I had another daughter so I could name her Valancy. Convincing my husband would be part of the fun.
Hello snowbound peoples!
I'm celebrating the over accumulation of white stuff be napping with the cat, and eating ice cream. Which is how I celebrate most weekends to be honest.
Last week, I emailed my boyfriend the link to the latest Interview with a Virgin. Last night, he showed up at my house with all the fixin's for a steak and blue cheese feast. Much laughter was had by all!
Have you ladies tried this recipe? http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/09/grilled-ribeye-steak-with-onion-blue-cheese-sauce/
It's the balls. I can't speak for how it pairs with anal.
@garli I haven't tried it, but that onion sauce looks seriously delicious.
@JennyM I've made it a bunch and always want to be alone with the pan to lick it out. It will put you straight into a food coma, so be careful.
I need a good book to take on a two-week trip (family issues, not vacation). Any recs for something (probably fiction) that's pleasantly escapist, goes down easy, but isn't totally mindless?
@churlishgreen what sort of books do you like?
@churlishgreen I always recommend The Sex Lives of Cannibals for travel reading, and anything by Bill Bryson makes me laugh.
@churlishgreen The Woman In White
@churlishgreen Confederates in the Attic
@churlishgreen I read Outlander a few months ago when I needed something in the escapist-but-not-mindless genre, and it was perfect. Vaguely historical, vaguely romantic fiction. Plus it's long, which is nice on long trips.
One of these days I'm going to do Outlander for Classic Trash.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm suuuper excited about that.
Also, I'm not sure if it was on the Hairpin but a while back I remember a commenter saying that every once in a while she gets unreasonably angry at her otherwise-awesome boyfriend for not being an 18th-century Scottish warrior dude like Jamie.
It's good to remember, though, that Jamie would want to go and do stuff all the time. I bet he'd never get takeout sushi and watch Top Chef with you.
@Nicole Cliffe I just got the Outlander audiobook because of these comments and this thread just keeps getting more and more relevant to my interests because I'm going on a date tomorrow and I feel bad because this hours-long Jamie-fest is ruining my expectations of romance...but then this just reminded me that Jamie would probably do well in the art museum we're going to, so +1 to modern guys!
@Nicole Cliffe Between this comment, the long-lost books post earlier today, and referencing the best X-Files episode ever yesterday, I think you are my favorite person on The Internet this week.
Ohhh, thank you :)
@churlishgreen i just read ever after by harrison, the first book in that series is dead witch walking - which is pretty fun.
@churlishgreen Have you read Bonk by Mary Roach?
@bocadelperro For some reason I like British fiction, old and new, from Trollope to Dorothy Sayers to Ian McEwan (I just finished Sweet Tooth last night). But I also recently read Where'd You Go, Bernadette, and State of Wonder, both of which were great.
Am also, separately, looking for an audiobook to listen to on the 9-hour drive there.
@churlishgreen The "His Dark Materials" trilogy is great, if you haven't read them yet.
@churlishgreen have you read any Sarah Waters? Fingersmith is one of my all-time favorite books, but any of her books are great.
As for Audiobooks: even if you've already read it, Neil Gaiman's American Gods is great--I listened to it when I did a 2-day uhaul move earlier this year. (If you've not read American Gods, that's also a recommendation from me, although the only thing british about it is the author)
@churlishgreen Anything by Philippa Gregory. I've just blasted through the Cousins War books (The White Queen, The Red Queen, etc) and they've actually made the recent Richard III findings particularly exciting because he features in the books. I know, shallow, but so bloomin addictive.
@churlishgreen The Beauty of Humanity Movement. It's about a group of characters in modern day Vietnam moving on from the Communist rule days, and although the subject matter seems a bit heavy it's such a sweet, optomistic book about people taking care of each other that isn't not at all depressing.
@churlishgreen Amitav Ghosh's Red Ibis trilogy is really awesome (though i don't think the third book is out yet)! Also seconding His Dark Materials.
@bocadelperro Sarah Waters is perfect for "a little trashy but really brilliant escapist fiction with actual substance."
@churlishgreen maybe Haruki Murakami (novels rather than short stories or non-fiction)?
@everybody thanks for all of these great suggestions!
@churlishgreen State of Wonder, Ann Patchett.
@churlishgreen Cod by Mark Kurlansky is my favorite audio book for really long drives. It's non-fiction, but super well read and bizarrely really interesting.
I'm in England! Yay!
@meetapossum WOO! I'm super jealous! Eat all kinds of delicious foods! Go to Shake Away and the Roman Baths for me!
Thank you to the all the Hairpinners who gave me advice a few weeks back regarding my Chronic Sleep Problems. I had a long talk with my boyfriend and we made a deal: for the last two weeks, I've been trying all these techniques you guys gave me (thank you so much for the tip about asmr, RNL!), and he's agreed not to make judgments/let me do my thing. My sleep is way less sloppy now! It's still not great, but at least I've been able to get up at one set time (a bit late in the day, still), and I figure consistency's key. You guys gave me hope!
@just reading in a boat no big deal FYI Science Friday had a big section on sleep today, it might be worth checking out the podcast. Good luck!
@churlishgreen Did this podcast perchance explore the heartbreak of Snoring Boyfriend vs. Possibly Misophoniac Girlfriend? Because lord help me, and soon.
@churlishgreen ooh, thanks! i'll definitely have a listen.
@just reading in a boat no big deal Yay! Sounds like progress! Isn't asmr the weirdest/the best? I'm on vacation with some friends, and watching asmr sneakily at night with headphones cause I don't feel like explaining the close up whispering young ladies on my iPad!
NB: I've found it's lost a bit of effectiveness after becoming a bit reliant. I'm trying to back off and use it more sparingly.
Hope your sleep hygiene success continues and continues to improve!
If someone named a flavor of icecream in your honor, what would you want it to be? mine: caramel with crushed Tim Tam bits.
@iceberg Vanilla with Salted caramel ribbons and Peanut Butter and Brownie chunks.
@iceberg Lemon with caramel and passion fruit (not flavor, the actual fruit).
Coffee ice cream, caramel swirl, dark chocolate chunks, almonds. And however people work whiskey in to ice cream, do that. Because, whiskey.
@iceberg Actually just a container of brownie batter.
@smidge Amaretto ice cream with coffee swirl and raspberry sauce. Oh god I just made myself so hungry.
@iceberg Chocolate ice cream, with marshmallows and raspberry jam
@iceberg butterscotch pistachio
@iceberg Coconut ice cream with big coconut chunks (no little shreds for me) and pistachios and fudge chunks.
@iceberg Can mine be mint with crushed mint Tim Tams (yes)?
@Countess Maritza I'm famished, yet I keep refreshing this and it is torture. I am taking notes, though. These all sound delicious. UGH.
@iceberg these are all amazing. well done y'all
@iceberg Burnt orange caramel (from Sweet Stuff, a cookbook by Karen Barker of the Magnolia Grill in Durham) with added cocoa nibs.
@iceberg Dulce de leche with ribbons of caramel and peanut butter and chunks of white/dark (can't decide!) chocolate.
@iceberg Chocolate-coffee ice cream with a whiskey-caramel swirl and small bits of crunchy vanilla cookies.
@iceberg Peanut butter & Jelly!
@NeverOddOrEven Ugh stop it now!! That sounds SO good.
@iceberg Coffee with maple syrup swirl. And cinnamon!
@iceberg vanilla with giant fudge brownie and red velvet cake pieces with cream cheese frosting swirl
I just have to say that I'm glad I'm finally done with the Whole30, because we're celebrating by going to Little Baby's ice cream, around the corner from my house. I think I'm going to treat myself to some butterscotch scotch? or maybe some Yards brown butter brawler? mmmmmmmMMMMMmmMMM
@iceberg vanilla bean with a irish cream flavoured caramel swirl and a fudgey swirl with some hazel nut and toffee pieces thrown in.
@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter ooh this is great!
@iceberg Mine already exists, for it is Fossil Fuel -- cookies & cream ice cream with CHOCOLATE DINOSAURS IN IT. I mean, if it were to be a true Scandyhoovian ice cream, all I'd really want is for it to be MINT cookies & cream with chocolate dinosaurs in it.
@iceberg Everyone's ice cream sounds so good. I felt so confident about mine until I read all these. Regardless, vanilla with bourbon ice cream, with a core of caramel like the Karmel Sutra Ben and Jerry's, and some kind of nuts (probably pecans, but maybe almonds?).
@professionalmess definitely almonds - caramel core = genius!
@iceberg Vanilla ice cream with apricot and goat cheese and fudge chunks! (For anyone making a face at this, I have had ice cream with goat cheese in it before and it is incredible. Trust.)
@iceberg Also, this topic came about because a coworker of mine just had this actually happen, except his flavor was not even close to as good as any of ours (coffee choc chip blechhh)
@iceberg Some sort of cream-flavored ice cream (basically just not too sweet?) with raspberries, lots of very small pieces of chocolate, and, somehow, white rum. Oh, and rainbow sprinkles.
@iceberg I just keep thinking of flavors that already exist. Damn!
Okay, okay: Mint chocolate chip ice cream, with Crispy M&M's mixed in.
@iceberg The other day, I showed TimTams to an English friend who's currently not allowed to eat chocolate, because I thought they were English and that she'd know if they were good (are they English? I still don't know). Her response: "I have no idea what the hell those are."
Anyway, my ice cream would be a giant vat of almost any flavor of ice cream.
@iceberg Cinnamon and cardamom ice cream, possibly with grape nuts in it. I love all of those ice cream flavors separately, and I have no reason to think they won't be all good together.
@iceberg Now I want to eat everyone's ice cream flavours.
I think mine would be Nutella and strawberry. I don't care how.
@Faintly Macabre Tim Tams are Australian!
@iceberg I have never experienced Tim Tams, so I consistently confuse them with Tam Tams. Your idea sounds much, much better than what I initially imagined!
@iceberg bourbon with yogurt covered raisins.
My boyfriend's roommate is making everyone a turkey dinner and all of us Girlfriends are here and it is so cozy. I might make cornbread?
So I did a freelance job earlier this year, and the company hasn't sent my W2. Or at least I haven't received it yet. It's not a very large amount of money, but it's more than the $600 of whatever the IRS cutoff is for having to report earnings. I've looked up the issue and all the websites recommend contacting the company, then if that fails, contacting the IRS to contact the company, etc etc, until finally I get my W2 or assemble my own W2 based on the company's information.
My question is... what if I just sorta don't? What do you think the chances are I'll be audited for a really middling sum of cash? I keep coming back to this idea that it's not my fault the company didn't send me my W2, although I'm sure the IRS won't really see it that way.
@Emby Sorry to give you the answer you don't want, but...while I think the chances of getting caught are fairly low (depending on various other factors that might increase your chances of being caught/audited), you really, really should not f*** with the IRS. You are correct that the IRS won't see it your way. They pretty much see it as your duty to report your own income.
The wages might be separately reported to the IRS directly.
@Emby Yeah, do NOT take that chance. Contact the company asap. My sister is an IRS attorney and you do not wanna end up ever meeting her.
Ugh, you're right. I should. I guess I'll eat my vegetables.
@Emby Also, technically, $600 isn't the threshold for reporting earnings, it's the threshold for the company to have to produce a W-2. You're supposed to report any earnings regardless of whether or not you get a W-2.
@Emby I once worked freelance for a company that, I found out as I was trying to do my taxes, DOES NOT FILE WITH THE IRS. It was for enough money I felt really uncomfortable not reporting it, but was also afraid if I tried to report it with a company that's unregistered it would throw up a lot of flags and make my life a lot harder. I eventually just tagged that amount of cash onto my reported earning for a freelance job, and it seems to have worked out. Call the company. If that doesn't work, see if you can find a work-around that will assuage your conscience and the IRS.
@cecil hungry My tax accountant husband broke my brain when he informed me that technically all those teens that babysit and mow lawns for spending cash should be reporting that income. They never do, but hey.
@Emby Much like your response to my new roommate query last week (I left her a note and she called and it all worked out yay!), I'd advise you should report it. If it was freelance work and more than $600, the company may be sending you a 1099 form rather than a W-2. They will be filing a corresponding form with the IRS so it will be reported. 1099s are supposed to be mailed by 1/31, but the company doesn't have to send its form until 2/28, so it's possible they are delaying for some reason. Can't hurt to call the company and ask if they have already sent you something anyway :)
@Emby Former IRS auditor here. Freelancers will get a 1099 (that was mentioned by someone else). They do cross-search the 1099s (which are sent both to the IRS and to you) with SSNs and figure out who isn't reporting income. Computers do it. So, don't fudge it, they have 3 years to audit you.
A few weeks ago I was freaking out about writing my MA term papers; happy to report I got the results back today and I did really well. Relieved! And thank you to the Pinners who calmed me down about them.
In more important news, this week I finally read Alison Bechdel's "Are You My Mother?". Has anyone here read it? Let's talk about it!
@Decca I read Are You My Mother! I didn't like it nearly as well as the Dykes to Watch Out for omnibus (I laughed! I cried!) or Fun Home, but it's got plenty of rich material for discussion. I think where I struggled was incorporating all of the material that Bechdel included about various psychoanalysts into the narrative of her relationship with her mother. I have a weak background in that kind of stuff and am prone to glossing over it, whereas in Fun Home, I had no trouble marrying the narrative of Bechdel's relationship with her father with the regularly referenced literary works that helped her to frame her understanding of both her father and herself. Does that make sense? I'm not sure.
@Decca Yes! Like lookuplookup, I didn't enjoy it as much or as unreservedly as Fun Home, but still found it really absorbing and relatable. I think part of the difference for me was the tragedy at the center of Fun Home; it had narrative conventions I understood, including catharsis. Are You My Mother is moving, but not inherently tragic.
What did you think?
So what are everyone's blizzard TV shows? (Or just weekend TV shows if you are not blizzarded)
I'm either going with Robin Hood starring Richard Armitage's leather pants or the UK Being Human (vampire Aidan Turner!), because my imaginary affair with the Hobbit cast is at approximate 13-year-old girl levels.
@mittens blum Ohhhh Being Human UK. It's in my queue for a rewatch, also because of Aidan. He's so deicious.
I want to catch up on Parks & Rec, Justified, and the Americans, and I am determined to make some headway in the Lizzie Bennet Diaries--I'm only about halfway through the series and I get spoiled twice a week on tumblr. I mean not spoiled-spoiled because I've read the book and seen every adaptation of the movie, but still.
I'm not blizzarded, though, so I might venture outside a time or two in the midst of all the media.
@mittens blum Ooh I totally feel you on watching things because the Hobbit cast is them. I'm reading North and South (which is really great, actually, if you'd be into something Pride and Prejudice-esque but with more cotton mill-related labour politics?) so that I can watch the BBC miniseries starring Richard Armitage.
@mittens blum I almost responded to this before realizing who you are. Watch the Lizzie Bennet diaries do it now.
@mittens blum I am trying to gently push the BF into a Twin Peaks marathon. But he keeps saying, "But you've already seen it." I'm taking that as a polite "I don't want to" because he knows perfectly well that I am a notorious repeat watcher of everything I've ever loved!
@terrific LIZZIE BENNET DIARIES!!!
@backstagebethy Oh my god, without spoiling you specifically? Last night's Parks and Rec had me 100% literally crying laughing. Ohhhhh my god.
@mittens blum I hope my power stays on! I want to finish House of Cards on Netflix. I started watching it to basically tell Netflix "yes, this is a good model for making tv, please continue, this is what I want." But then it turned out to be pretty good.
Also, haha, I said up thread that I was going to spend my blizzard reading, but obviously, television too.
MY BLIZZARD ADVENTURE: I'm going skiing in the Catskills! Fuck danger! Everyone else wants to leave tonight right after work but I'm trying to get them to hold off and wait til tomorrow to leave. I'm fine with driving post-blizzard in the daytime tomorrow (or rather, my boyfriend driving) but a little nervous about trying to beat most of the snowfall tonight...
@terrific It was a pleasure knowing you, @terrific.
@terrific I would really rather not have to write a brilliant parodic poem about your death which rips off "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."
@Nicole Cliffe @Emby you guys are so sweet. I am actually not concerned at all about driving tomorrow. We'll go slow and have a whole day to get up there and there will be no actual snow falling from the sky. Plus boyfriend is a super careful driver! I just talked to everyone involved and it doesn't look like we'll be leaving tonight. Phew!
@terrific Oh good! I was getting worried because I live just south of the Catskills and we're getting 15 inches tonight on top of the 3+ from today. Hope you guys have snow tires!
@terrific I was driving tonight! It was super exciting! It was actually really fun. But I do have snow tires. I got really good at reverse, get up some speed, then slam it to drive and use the momentum to push out of that snowbank! and like, going round corners reeeeal loosey goosey so you're not trying to steer too hard or whatever.
Makes a gal wanna go joyriding.
Okay, so now that I'm engaged, my fiancee's family has taken to telling me that they love me. And I get that they want me to feel accepted and all that, but it's pretty much the most awkward thing ever. My fiancee had a terrible childhood, so I don't have particularly warm feelings toward her parents, and her grandfather has met me all of three times. What's the best way to respond? I would just say "I love you too", even though it would be insincere, but I'm terrible at lying. Help?
@Quinn A@twitter Can you do a gentle, "Thank you, that's very sweet"? Recognizes the offer but doesn't make you return it.
@Quinn A@twitter Maybe something a bit noncommittal like... "Thanks! I'm really excited about joining the family." Or, "Thank you, I'm really glad [fiancee] and I found each other." i.e. keep it positive and warm/fuzzy, but don't explicitly address the "love" part?
@Quinn A@twitter WHOA TWINS. I ignore it & keep on, usually with a "so good to see you." Just can't bring myself to say it back because a) I barely know them (they live far away) and b) my husband's family isn't very nice, so I'm not all that invested in their feelings about whether I say I love you or not.
@dj pomegranate @hallelujah Yeah, I wanted to say "thanks, I'm excited about joining the family" (because I am excited about getting married and joining the family is a part of that, albeit not my favourite part). My fiancee said "yeah, I don't know, I think they might know you're lying because NONE OF US are excited to be a part of this family". But I think I'm going to try it anyway. And then maybe resort to hallelujah's suggestion of just not caring if it keeps happening.
@hallelujah That's my approach as well. Zero poker face, and I'm not super interested in creating even a false sense of intimacy with some of these people. It's worked so far? (4 years in.)
@Quinn A@twitter You are probably excited about joining the family in that you are excited about marrying your fiancee and that means you will be in the family, ergo it is not a lie!
@Quinn A@twitter Ohh man I remember that feeling! My husband's family started telling me they loved me as soon as he started telling me he loved me and for a while it was sort of just "You're so sweet!" or "It's so nice to see you!" or "Happy [Holiday we're here to celebrate]!" but now that it's been a while and they actually feel like family, the "Love you, too!" is easy. Hopefully a nice deflection works for you!
@Quinn A@twitter Ohhh that would be awkward. My fiancees family is quite nice and I would still not feel comfortable saying "I love you" to them. That would be...weird. Maybe that's just me though?
This was an article summary from the Chicago Tribune earlier this week:
"Sandra Rogers convinced her 17-year-old lover to help her in the 2003 sledgehammer attack of her ex-husband and his new wife by threatening to tell his 14-year-old girlfriend – her daughter – about their affair, the now-26-year-old man testified."
Guys, I have read this about ten times and I still have almost no idea about who did what to whom.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I keep re-reading this sentence. I'm determined to understand it. No luck yet.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll The 17 and 14 year old were dating, and the 17 year old was also sleeping with the mom who blackmailed him to attack her ex-husband.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yikes. Just...yikes.
Here is what I am imagining:
Sandra to Lover (Bob): Please help me kill my ex-husband, Darryl, and his new wife, Hortensia, with a sledgehammer! I know you are only 17, but I think you can handle it.
Bob: No! I can't do that because my girlfriend, who is 14, would be scarred for life.
Sandra: Well your girlfriend is also my daughter, so you both have to do what I say.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Okay. I think it goes like this: Sandra Rogers has a 17 year-old lover. She convinced the lover to help her attack her ex-husband and his new wife. Sandra did this by threatening to tell the lover's girlfriend about their affair. The lover's girlfriend is Sandra's daughter. SANDRA IS A TERRIBLE PERSON.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Is that woman legit 26? CUZ WOW
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll The 17-year-old lover is now 26. He was 17 at the time of the 2003 attack. The mugshot is probably Sandra?
Oops, sorry about the deletion! Here's Sandra's mugshot again:
Can we have another discussion about this week's installment of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries because OMG! Gigi to rescue!
@bocadelperro Guys I watched every single episode in about 2 days flat. It was AMAZING.
@terrific I did the same thing two weeks ago. So great.
Also I just watched today's Gigi video and...maybe not...
@bocadelperro OH NO CROSSPOSTING. Please come downthread? Because THOUGHTS.
@par_parenthese Ughh, I am so curious, but I have not yet had time to catch up completely (stupid life), and I am curious, and God this series is great.
So I'm looking to buy my manfriend a classy-ish but not horribly expensive bottle of whiskey for next week's holiday. Any suggestions?
@HeckYes Bulleit, Buffalo Trace, Maker's--those are my favorites and aren't disgustingly pricey. I don't know your budget though!
@martinipie I don't know my budget, either! Probably under $50? Is that enough? Way too much? I'm strictly a beer-and-wine kind of gal and I have no idea how much whiskey costs.
@HeckYes This is relevant to my interests, as are any other gift options in the "inexpensive but not horribly cheap" category ...
@HeckYes You can definitely get great whiskey for under that amount. I like bourbon, so a nice bigger-size Maker's is totally in your budget and who doesn't love that wax seal? Bulleit has a sweet bottle and their rye is also pretty tasty, if your manfriend likes that too. I am useless with scotch so scotch-swillin' ladies should chime in.
@HeckYes Maybe buy whiskey stones instead?
@HeckYes We got a set of three bottles of redemption whiskey (bourbon, high rye bourbon and rye) at costco for $50 around christmas. They're all great, and they're about $30 at the local liquor store. I highly recommend any/all of them.
@HeckYes $50 will get you a splendid whiskey. Is he more into bourbon? If so, I recommend at that price range like a Basil Hayden's small batch, Noah's Mill, Rowan's Creek, or if he's into something slightly trendy right now, a Hudson single malt.
@HeckYes yeah! What is your budget? If he's a whiskey drinker, finding something a little more obscure like Eagle Rare or Johnny Drum would be nice and are usually in the 25-50 range, depending on where you live. Willet is fantastic but harder to find/ more expensive.
Also, a bottle of rye (Bulleit Rye is pretty easy to find and good) makes DELICIOUS Manhattans and is kind of coming into vogue, so it could be fun and different.
Can't go wrong with Bulleit, Buffalo Trace, Maker's, or Basil Hayden's though. All tasty.
Now, if you live anywhere remotely close to Kentucky I could blabber on for days with some other options... God Bless Kentucky.
@HeckYes tullamore dew! in the crock! (if he likes that sort of thing) get a fancy flavored baileys? it's a fun splurgey thing. i'm prolly super cheap, but to me a good bottle of whiskey is like 20-25$
@Nicole Cliffe That might be a good option. Plus a "let's go to the liquor store together and I'll buy whatever you want" kind of trip.
@Nicole Cliffe My husband got whiskey stones for Christmas once, and he said they made his whiskey taste like rocks. :-(
@Emby Ack, I have no idea if he likes bourbon. But I assume so! Based on a cursory internet search, bourbon is a type of whiskey. Is "bourbon" much differently flavored than just general "whiskey"?
(thank God you don't know that either)
@bocadelperro ugh I hate you for being in a state where Costco sells liquor
@HeckYes Laphroaig? It's one of my faves
@HeckYes It's often sweeter. It tends to be a little smoother. I prefer it myself. Bourbon is essentially just whiskey that's been aged in charred oak barrels (plus some other stuff).
@bocadelperro +1 for Redemption!
@A. Louise A lot of my friends have been buying the Redemption Rye lately. I'm a fan.
@HeckYes bourbon is SO SWEET! so is canadian whiskey. american whiskey is too bitter (opinions, i have them!) and scotch whiskey tastes odd. i like irish whiskey, it's a bit dry and smooth and just a little sweet.
@mustelid not gonna lie. California's permissive (for the US) liquor laws are my favorite thing about living here.
@HeckYes All bourbons are whiskeys, but not all whiskeys are bourbons. Irish and Scotch whisk(e)ys have their own sub-categories and distinctions, but tend to be smokier, earthier. Some are super peaty so if he likes bourbon (like me) he might not like a super smokey Scotch whiskey.
Have you seen him order a whiskey at a bar? Can you ask one of his friends? Might be good to google that, see what kind it is, and see what other types are recommended. Or just get a general, middle of the spectrum type. Hope this helps! Ultimately it's nice booze and will be awesome!
@Emmanuelle Cunt Fuck yeah, Laphroaig!
The flavors on bourbon and whiskey run the gamut. Redbreast (one of my favorite whiskeys) is super sweet (and vanilla-y) while Connemara Peated Whiskey (my second favorite) tastes like a burning tire. A lot depends on how long something is aged (lots of bourbons are younger, so that's a big difference).
Michael Jackson wrote a great book on whiskeys, so maybe consult that for ideas?
@LeafySeaDragon Yeah, the dry versus (um, not dry? Slightly viscous, I guess. Sticky?) thing is big. I prefer irish whiskeys and scotches to bourbon on most occasions for that very reason.
Maybe we should make a spectrum for HeckYes of whiskeys, from peaty/mineraly to sweet.
Laphroig..... ...... ....... Buffalo Trace .... Bulleit, Knob Creek .... Maker's Mark
(for the record, Maker's Mark tastes like cotton candy to me, but other people do like it).
(and Laphroiag is the bomb. So is Talisker. But they might be a little more than $50? ).
@A. Louise Yup. I can't stand the super peaty, super smokey whiskeys out there. I like a sweet, smooth bourbon with a little bit of burn as it finishes. Maker's is my go-to. But then, I'm kind of a boring bourbon drinker.
@HeckYes I believe bourbon is a specific kind of whiskey that is only made in KY. You might also look at Scotch. My dad's a huge fan of whiskey and loves Scotch. Some 18-year old Glen Fiddich might go over well
@HeckYes You'd probably be fine with bourbon. I bet if you got him something not American-made you'd make him a happy camper -- maybe an Irish whiskey? (Alas, I cannot be of more help, I haven't ever really heard him go on about his liquor preferences. Now if you wanted to buy something for your manfriend's DAD...)
@Scandyhoovian I was hoping you'd show up in this thread! I feel like he shares a love of whiskey with his father. What would you buy for PapaScandyhoovian?
@HeckYes Did anyone say Templeton Rye yet? Because I suggest that one. It is in your price range and slightly less mainstream than, say, Maker's.
@harebell Oh yeah, DISCLAIMER, I have no idea how much a bottle of Laphroaig costs in the US and I always drank it as a bartender at the end of my Saturday shift.
but it's delicious
@HeckYes PapaScandyhoovian gets Crown Royal, every time. It is his very favorite!
Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions/education! I'm going to write all of these things down to refer to as I walk around, confused, in the liquor store.
@HeckYes honestly, ask the liquor store people! They're usually really knowledgeable and helpful! Especially if you're at an upscale place.
@HeckYes He juuust came home with a bottle of Laphroaig. Ruins my gift idea! But it turns out that he likes the smokey kinds. Good to know!
@smidge That is such a letdown!!
Yo Pinners! How do you maintain a successful friends-who-bone relationship? I'm saying as little as possible to see what kinda answers I get...
find someone who you find sexy but somewhat reprehensible or awful, so you don't fall in love.
Just keep it to the bonin'. Don't start hanging out or meet the rest of their circle.
@NeverOddOrEven Damn, kinda too late for both of those things. I'm screwed.
@martinipie But what do you consider "successful" though?
Honestly if you two hang out as friends with a group... that's what I used to do with this fwb I had for a while. The only difference was that when everyone else went home alone, we'd go home and fuck. Then we'd have breakfast with his roommate in the morning. It was pretty nice and it didn't turn into some pseudo-dating thing. I broke it off in a dumb way though, by not returning his calls :( In my defense I was 20.
@martinipie I mostly went with Noodge's method. But then he said he wouldn't mind dating, and tried to hold my hand in public, and I stopped sleeping with him after that. He had all the right qualities to be a great FB, but I knew I'd never want to date him. I respect him for who he is and what he did for me. I actually lost my virginity to him, although I never told him. It was what I needed at the time.
@martinipie It's been my experience that you have to communicate more or less constantly what you do and don't want the relationship to be. Like, literally every two weeks or so, just check in and be all, "Hey, are we still on the same page here? Cool." This helps with keeping everyone's expectations where they need to be.
Friends-who-bone can basically look exactly like boyfriend-girlfriend from the outside, just so long as the two of you know that you're not committing to one another for the future. The best way I can explain it is that you may spend lots of time together, sleep together, even exchange I-love-yous, but the difference between FWB and B/G relationships is that if the other person were to suddenly get a job in another city or something, they would not feel obliged to ask you if it was okay to take it, and you would not feel hurt that they didn't ask you. Because - no commitment.
@martinipie I guess my only truly successful experience was akin to noodge's advice. We were friends who didn't *really* know each other all that well. I didn't like him *that* much, but he wasn't repulsive. And he was cute but not my physical type. We hung out a couple times, but after that we just boned with no other hanging out. We are now both seriously involved with other people and just stopped texting each other late a night. No hurt feelings.
I bone someone who would be bad at a relationship but is good at being a friend and having sex. This dynamic is wonderful for me. Here is my experience.
-Be honest and open with your feelings and expect the same with them.
-NSA sex is weird in our culture, so it's normal to have Things to Say.
-Encourage each others' sexploits
-Friendship and affection
-Communication and respect
Good luck and do tell!
@Inkling and @everyone Thanks y'all....this is super new and still up in the air but I think it will work out okay!
@martinipie be prepared for the end! It's ok - it was never meant to be a long term thing, right? End it if it gets complicated if you share friends, before any potential shit hits the fan.
My former fwb recently brought his new gf to a party at my house - we were sleeping together when they got together. We managed to get out early enough to make it all ok. Seriously. But if we hadn't been prepared to jump ship, and discussed it early and often, we may have had a bit of a social/emotional mess on our hands.
Goddamn you Boston, you don't need ALL the snow give D.C. like six inches or something! GOD.
@katiemcgillicuddy Do you know how fucking pissed I am about the lack of snow in DC this winter? Like, really pissed.
@hands_down I've breezed past pissed and am glumly sure that it Will Never Really Snow Again.
@katiemcgillicuddy Upside, no crazy snow-ed out mess on the beltway?
@hands_down I JUST WANT TO GO SLEDDING BECAUSE I AM A CHILD. I really...just a few inches, ya know?
@celeec4@twitter Eh, yeah, but it's the weekend so I don't *have* to go anywhere. The beltway is the devil in all weather anyway.
@katiemcgillicuddy Truth. Beltway is the worst.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'd send you some of ours, but I'm not quite sure how to ship it.
Solve all of my work life problems, please!
I've worked at the same joint for a year and half-ish (going on two years this summer). I was hired on to do work that is largely secretarial in nature and I knew this going in. I work for a non-profit where I could potentially be doing lots of cool things and have interviewed as an internal candidate for different positions within my organization a handful of times but have repeatedly been passed up for being too qualified or not qualified enough. I just had my 6 month review with my boss during which she said she knew I was underutilized and that she wanted to get me working on different projects because she really, really doesn't want to lose me, but that other things have to be put in place first and I'll just have to wait awhile. I've never gotten a raise while working here, most of my job duties are mind numbingly boring, and I could potentially be making a lot more doing more interesting work elsewhere... but I really like where I work. I'm ideologically satisfied in the sense that I like the larger mission of my org, I love the building I work in, I like the greater work we do to serve our community, and we're on the precipice of making some really cool changes that I think it would be fun to be around for. But in the day to day scheme of things? Augh, I'm just answering phones and stuffing envelopes and listening to everyone in my life talk about how I'm wasting my potential while my co-workers treat my like their personal assistant (make my copies! help me set-up my voicemail!) -- which I am not.
So what I want to know is: how long do I wait?
@lookuplookup Don't wait. I work in the non-profit arena, and they will bleed you dry for as little as they can pay; there also is very little money or time allotted for internal staff development. "We're trying to do [x] but there are other more pressing priorities" is never going to change, because the mission of your organization is always going to be more pressing than your professional development. Plus, it will take you at least 6 months to find another job, probably? May as well do it while you are currently employed rather than when grants get chopped and you're out of work and scrambling for anything you can get.
@lookuplookup Definitely start looking for something new!
@lookuplookup I work in charity recruitment and second what charmcity says.
In regards to good stuff - I graduated from university last week! I now have a B.A. in psychology and have no plans for the future, hurray!
Also, in advicey stuff - I'm thinking of asking out a guy who I met last night, who was charming in a way but. We didn't exchange numbers, I'm not sure if he was interested and the only way to reach him would be through Facebook because I know his full name. Plus, I'm not sure how much he'd remember me since he was quite a bit drunk. So, I guess the question is - does it seem like it would be worth it and not be weird to just message him on Facebook? Also, he was with a girl who might have been his girlfriend but it was really ambiguous, just some touchy-feely stuff.
@Helvetica I don't generally contact people who leave without giving me some way to contact them. But I have ALL THE ANXIETY, so if you don't, maybe start with just sending him a friend request on Facebook and see if anything happens from there?
@Helvetica Nothing ventured nothing gained! Just send a nice (SHORT, SHORT) message along the lines of. "Hey - we met the other night at X. If you're single and interested, would love to meet again at y. If neither - no worries!" [Reword to fit your own self/voice].
@Helvetica Do you have mutual friends? If so I'd be sorta hesitant, or maybe ask the friends first what the deal is about the potential girlfriend and then go from there. But if not and it's not like you'll run into him in your friend group later, then definitely, why not!
@Helvetica Thanks for your advice! I'll be sure to keep that in mind the next time because it turns out this guy has a long-term girlfriend and I don't mess with that.
Claire Zulkey wrote this hilarious thing today: http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-02/most-terrifying-teen-trends-105418
@Nicole Cliffe Love it. SNL has a few sketches that make fun of the phenomenon of adults making BFDs out of teen habits that may or may not even be real things.
@Nicole Cliffe BUTT SMOKING
@Nicole Cliffe My favorite part is that the danger of fire is that the marshmallows aren't gluten-free.
@olivebee Tangentially, I liked Lonely Planet's YOLO video, speaking of SNL and teen trends.
@whateverlolawants Same! I thought it was pretty clever. Plus, it reminded me of my mom, who, once she sees something on the news, becomes paranoid about it. Bird flu, contaminated medicine, etc. etc.
@olivebee "Stay the hell away from drugs, 'cause they not legal. Then bury all your money in the backyard like a beagle."
Also, I meant Lonely Island. Hahaha.
Why does everything in life happen at once? (These are good things but also crazy stressful)
-Making an offer on a house (barrrf, but awesome)
-Work is crazy, 50 hour weeks
-Job I applied for 2 months ago called me in for an interview next week. (Minimum range for the salary is still a 20% salary increase with way better bennies)
-Boss emails me saying sorry you never got your yearly review BACK IN MAY can you please tell me what you work on and your strengths and what you need to work on? I wrote myself a glowing review, I hope he gives me a raise.
-Current project at work is so critical that in the past week I've gotten all kinds of things that usually don't exist here. (Unlimited OT, new hardware and software AND my very own temp to off load necessary but tedious things to)
BLAH It's good but stress is through the roof.
@garli When you come up for air, you will be like "DAAAAYUM MY LIFE IS AWESOME!"
Keep on swimming/big girl panties/you go girl!
@phipsi I know it is awesome. I wish the awesome would dole itself out a little more slowly thought. :)
I'd love to get some thoughts from any of you who've gone into a technical field later in your career. I have a liberal arts degree, which I loved getting, but after being in the workforce for about four years, I'm thinking about going back to school for a master's in Computer Science. Maybe. I'm not sure. I am realizing now that I have a wider range of skills and interests than I thought I did when I was 18, and I like math and figuring out complex systems. I also want to have a career with some autonomy, decent pay, and good employment prospects.
My current plan is to take a computer programming class to see how I like it, and then to try to build some sort of plan from there. If I do get a master's degree, I'll have to spend a couple of years taking prerequisite classes a la carte while I continue to work at my current admin job.
Has anyone else done this? Is anyone else thinking about doing this? I'd love to hear all your thoughts.
@Mae Commenting because this is relevant to my interests. Also, "I am realizing now that I have a wider range of skills and interests than I thought I did when I was 18, and I like math and figuring out complex systems." Yes.
@Mae ALSO, I want to hear any thoughts/advice/complaints you all might have about being a woman in the tech industry.
@dj pomegranate Right? 18 year olds are so silly.
@Mae I'm in a tech-ish industry (engineering, but not at all computer programming). Ask what ever? It's a sausage fest but I generally like my job/coworkers.
@Mae May I suggest epidemiology? As an epidemiologist, my job is using computers/statistics/math/programming to figure out why people are get sick. It's neat! And not so much of a jump from liberal arts as Computer Science is. And public health schools (where you can get a masters in epi) generally take people of all backgrounds. No (or very few) pre-reqs needed!
@garli Did you major in engineering as an undergrad, or do you have a grad degree? Do you feel like your work is challenging and interesting? What is the job market like?
@HeckYes Epidemiology is actually something I've been considering for a while--I got my Masters in International Development and ended up loving the public health research that I did in school/internships. I can't go back to school for another Masters for a few years, but do you have advice for what classes/volunteer/etc work I could be doing now to edge my way over in the epidemiology/contagious diseases direction?
@Mae My BS is in Physics, my MS is in Marine Science. I took a lot of graduate course work from Mechanical Engineering.
The job market totally, totally depends where you live. It's not great here, but if I was willing (I'm not) to move to the nearest big city I could make a bunch more cash. As it is I get unsolicited job offers on linkedin occasionally.
@dj pomegranate Yay, epidemiology! Hm, as far as classes, as long as you've taken at least one college-level math class, you should be ok (though definitely look into the requirements of the schools you're considering). A class in statistics/biostatistics couldn't hurt, though, if you are so inclined. As far as volunteering, it's hard to get epi experience without an epi background, unfortunately. Maybe you can see if there's an AIDS service organization/other infectious disease-focused organization that'll let you help out with something? HIV testing/counseling, maybe? I had no public health experience when I went into public health, so perhaps I am not the best person to ask :)
@HeckYes Oh, I've been thinking about this, too. My only concern is that I'm afraid it might be harder to get a job as a public health professional/epidemiologist. I know there are positions in public health departments (obviously) and at research universities, but it seems like those opportunities could be limited in number. Have you found that to be true?
@Mae I'm an Engineer too and I've gone to grad school for engineering/know a bunch of people going to grad school for CS/CE. Go for it girlfriend :)
@Mae There are jobs in state, county, and city health departments, in all sorts of health-related nonprofits (American Cancer Society, CARE, etc), as well as in private industry (consulting!) and in research universities. If you are American, Atlanta and DC have the most jobs, it seems (the CDC is in Atlanta, and the government employs lots of public health and epi people). It requires a bit of effort, but there are definitely jobs out there. Everyone that I graduated with last May who wanted an epidemiology job got an epidemiology job.
@Mae Hopping in on this thread because I want to know the answer as well! I just applied for some MPH programs and am waiting to hear back. It did seem like a lot of the MPH programs look for people to have been working in public health already, and I don't know how strong I'll be in that regard. Kind of a catch-22 though--I want an MPH so I can break into the field, and the MPH programs want people to have a bunch of experience in the field already.
@HeckYes I'm in Seattle, which I'm told has a high concentration of public health jobs and a burgeoning biotechnology industry.
@Mae Yeah, that's probably true! I'm on the east coast and limited my job search to the east coast, so I'm not as knowledgeable about job prospects out west. But good luck in whatever you decide!
@thenotestaken Good luck! I had no experience in public health when I applied and they let me in. I mean, I worked in a medical school, which is what I wrote about in my admissions essay, but that really doesn't/shouldn't count. People in my program had a wide variety of experience levels (ranging from none (me) to returned peace corps volunteer) but we all turned out ok.
@thenotestaken Yeah, when I was looking at the public health programs at the University of Washington, many of them seemed to expect that you'd be entering the field after some sort of clinic practice. That was pretty discouraging to me, because I don't want to have to spend time and schooling to become qualified for clinical practice before I can get an MPH. I do think there are other programs out there that don't have those requirements, though.
@Mae UW's program looked amazing--I was eyeing their Community-Oriented Public Health Practice stream, which includes an emphasis on a problem-based learning method which sounded super useful. But they did seem to have an intense emphasis on prior experience, they're ranked very highly (and are likely very competitive) and in the end I didn't apply. But I do think it varies somewhat by school--UW and Berkeley seemed like they were on the higher end of the wanting-experience scale, and in fact when I went to a pre-admission Q&A at Berkeley (their Health & Social Behavior dept) they admitted to being biased against younger applicants for that reason, which is what I am. But apparently UCLA takes a ton of people straight out of undergrad?
@HeckYes Where did you study epidemiology?
@Mae Do it! My ex-boyfriend did this at a respectable commuter school and got his job to pay for it.
@chevyvan That is awesome. I don't think my investment banker employers would be jazzed about paying for me to get a computer science degree, though. But I think other employers might if I could find them.
@Mae Emory, in Atlanta.
@HeckYes Thanks! I am actually planning a big move soon to Africa (!) where I plan to keep my iDev job but volunteer with HIV/AIDS counseling/whatever they need, which I figure is the best way to slide in without actually going back to school (yet) and figure out a way to transition into a more science/math/quantitative job. Go public health!
@dj pomegranate Ooh, awesome! Go you!
For those who called for a "Dear Prudence" thread, go for it.
Did y'all see the one with the woman who gave the baby the "emergency Episcopalian baptism"!? What in the ever loving fuck.
@katiemcgillicuddy I would never let that baby near my (fictional, possibly never to exist) child.
@katiemcgillicuddy Yep. I mean, mad love to the Episcopalians, but the likelihood that they are the One True Faith your kid must be initiated into or be thrown into the burning lake of fire is...nil.
@katiemcgillicuddy Wait what? Also: let me say, as an Episcopalian, that baptism better have been done with lots of fine Communion wine.
@Nicole Cliffe Yeah, it's more likely you might be thrown out of the country club pool.
@katiemcgillicuddy *hops in for Prudence chatter*
I don't remember that one, but I DO remember loving the commentary speculation of "which Celebrity is it?" after the recent "Should I let the big name celebrity wine and dine me for funsies?" letter.
@katiemcgillicuddy THE SIX YEAR OLD RACIST. What is going on with that child!?
@katiemcgillicuddy I her defense, I have heard from a friend that Episcopalians do baptisms very infrequently at the actual churches. Who knew! (Or was it Presbyterian? I am Protestant-racist.)
@Scandyhoovian Yeah, that one was good, and why on earth would that woman feel bad about sleeping with someone if she wanted to? Go forth and have fun, girl.
@katiemcgillicuddy I recently got rather drunk with a Catholic friend who, at one point, flung half his glass of water at me and chanted "IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILIO ET SPIRITO SANCTO", and we later found out that in extreme situations, any baptized Catholic can baptize someone else and it's "official." So, hi, I guess I'm Catholic now. :-/
@Emmanuelle Cunt Yeah, that was intense. How horrifying to see that develop naturally(?) in your own kid (and mom sounds fine, so yikes).
@Countess Maritza But HOW extreme was the situation though?
@phipsi FWIW, I remember many a baptism being conducted in my Episcopal church as a child/teen, so maybe it's Presbyterian. (I sang in the choir, and having a baptism always meant the service was going to run long. On the other hand, cute babies.)
@Nicole Cliffe I just love that she thought, "I'll just run his head under the tap, that takes care of that!"
@Countess Maritza Yeah, I was raised Catholic and that sounds about right.
@katiemcgillicuddy I almost want to believe that perhaps the racist six year old was getting it from a horrible adult in her life and/or a classmate with racist parents and bringing it home? Because seeing it just develop out of seemingly nowhere must be horrifying.
@katiemcgillicuddy I didn't know whether to think "damn, society is still so extremely white supremacist that this kid developed racist tendencies on her own" or "who has been telling this kid racist stuff?"
Just imagine the black kid who has to deal with her BS at the tender age of 6. :(
@Scandyhoovian I mean, I guess it has to come from somewhere, but you'd guess if it were an adult it would be a family member, right? Mom didn't seem to have any suspicions about that, so I don't know. I just know it's sad and scary.
@Countess Maritza On the off-chance that this wasn't a joke....Catholic emergency baptisms require actual intent (on the part of the baptizer) and an actual emergency reason to do it. (Also it is done in English and not Latin these days.) AND the person receiving the baptism, if they are over the age of reason (seven), must be aware of what the baptism entails and consent to it. So...no.
@Emmanuelle Cunt I scratched my head for long minutes about that one. Knowing many six-year-olds as I do, I would be inclined to ask? And be prepared for a hilarious answer like, "I don't like brown, I like pink and purple and sparkles and dark purple."
@The Lady of Shalott yeah I had a (Protestant, female, pastor) friend who volunteered as a chaplain at a hospital. she baptized babies a lot, at the request of their parents.
@Countess Maritza My great aunt surreptitiously baptized her daughter's heathen children while babysitting them. If I ever have children, I KNOW my mother will do the same thing, which, ew.
@The Lady of Shalott Now I'm wondering what the Church considers an emergency situation. Would "my secular adult children didn't baptize their kid" count? Or is it more like, "catechumen gets hit by a car on his way to being baptized, asks passerby to baptize him before he dies"?
@Mae It's definitely the latter. Or "patient converts in hospice, asks nurse with crucifix to baptize her in the middle of a blizzard when it becomes clear she's not going to make it until the priest gets there." It's a situation where baptism would be the thing anyway, but it would be impossible to wait until a qualified officiant gets there.
@par_parenthese Yes, definitely the latter. Any sensible, normal priest is going to cast a REAL HARD side-eye on a woman who baptizes her grandchildren because their kids didn't have them do it. And really strong words. That is Not Acceptable. Emergency baptisms are for things like "I'm stranded on a desert island with another Catholic person and I've seen the light and I wish to be baptized."
@phipsi I was Presbyterian & there were ample baptisms!!! And much less craziness than your average Espicopalian church, f'serious, Presbyterians are soooo laid back.
@The Lady of Shalott I'm sure it was intended as (mostly) a joke and I'm not exactly going to Mass on Sunday, it was more the sheer weirdness of us laughing about it later and then realizing - wait - did that actually COUNT?!
Meh, moral of the story is I have a really weird social circle. Normal people gossip about other people they know and at the end of the night someone needs a taxi. My people, we gossip about 16th-century philosophers and by the end of the night somebody's gotten stealth-baptized.
@Countess Maritza I'm glad--I just get tired of reading incorrect information about Catholicism on the internet, and I wouldn't want anyone to labour under the delusion of misinformation. So no, it didn't count, and there's no need to worry about accidentally becoming Catholic in a rain shower near a church.
@The Lady of Shalott nooooo, sorry, i didn't mean to add to any misinformation or bullshit! I'm a sort of "non-practicing Christian" from an immediate family of atheist/agnostics, but my family history is solid Catholic all the way back on both sides - so though I have plenty of arguments with the Vatican, you won't find me deliberately taking a shit on the faith as a whole. I was just tossing in a dumb anecdote from my weird friends in the hopes of getting a few laughs and sorry if it backfired. :-/
These last two weeks have been a major friggin' bummer for me. Last week I was laid off, but then immediately got an interview with a cool new company and I was really excited about landing on my feet and life was looking up... and then last night I found out I didn't get it. Now I'm sad and looking for jobs in other cities even thought I don't really want to move and it might end my relationship because there's really nothing in my mid-sized midwestern city for me. BLAH.
@cecil hungry I'm sorry. Fingers crossed for you to find a good job in your current city!
@cecil hungry that sucks!I hope things look up for you soon!
My boyfriend -- who is clumsy under the best of circumstances -- has started sleepwalking and has, apparently, walked down a full flight of stairs in his sleep more than once in the last week. Should I be worried? Is he going to break his neck? Is is possible that this is stress-related? Should I just zip him into a big sleeping bag and put oven mitts on his hands every night a la Mike Birbiglia in Sleepwalk With Me?
@lookuplookup I had an ex who used to sleepwalk. I used to push the bed against the wall and sleep on the outside. Didn't always work, as I once woke up to find him at the door, asked what he needed, and had him respond that he didn't need anything because he was asleep. But it helped!
@lookuplookup I have had periods where I sleepwalked while stressed and depressed. Exercise and the other usual treatments really helped.
@lookuplookup My boyfriend sleepwalks and sleeptalks when he gets drunk. HE'S ALSO REALLY CONDESCENDING. So far he has:
-tried to pee in my closet and, when I told him it was my closet, winked and said "Clever girl."
-Walked into my spare bedroom because "the garage openers need opened." I live in an apartment and do not have a garage. When I said, "WHAT????" he goes, very slowly, with hand motions, "the. OPENERS. need. OPENED." when I told him to go back to bed, he replied, "YOU go back to be and let me DO MY STUFF."
-He turned on the shower and climbed into bed with soaking wet hands. When I asked him why he turned on the shower, he carefully and slowly gave me an explanation of the difference between 12-hour and 24-hour clocks. (There's no clock in my bathroom.)
-He started shaking my laptop, telling me the radar was broken.
He has no memory of any of this.
I don't think it's a big deal but you can get him to a sleep clinic if it really bothers you.
@lookuplookup Sleep Talkin' Man!
Sorry, that was less than helpful, upon second read.
@cecil hungry I once woke up in the middle of telling my boyfriend about the very complicated rules of when lichs are allowed in your house. Apparently they are not allowed to go above the third floor of a building but you have to be very careful if you've been drinking orange juice because sometimes that's a loophole.
@cecil hungry Mr. Delperro talks in his sleep, and is pretty darn coherent. In fact, the only way I know he's not awake is because my sleep talking husband is an ASSHOLE, and my real husband isn't.
@cecil hungry My boyfriend does this too! SO CONDESCENDING while sleep-talking! "Honey Cowl. I NEED to measure your toesies. HOLD STILL."
There is a legend of an ex of mine barging into my apartment, booming YOU FUCKED UP, YOU FUCKED UP and trying to pee in my bedroom. And I'm like, the bathroom is that way, and he's like I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S RIGHT HERE. He was just super drunk, but I feel we are sisters in terrible experiences.
@bocadelperro This is definitely me. *hangs head*
I'm commenting for the first time in the "Name That Book" thread and don't want the fun to end, so thought I'd say hello here. Hi 'Pinners!
@Cowgirl Rose hey!!!
@Cowgirl Rose Hello! I'd like to make it known that I'm not right on top of this Cowgirl Rose. At least, I doubt I've been IRL.
@Cowgirl Rose Hi and welcome!
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose At the very least, not currently or any time recently.
@Cowgirl Rose I didn't mean that to sound weird. I just think our names are funny together. Welcome!
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose It didn't, I was just running with it, but perhaps a little too deadpan. They're definitely funny together.
@Cowgirl Rose We just don't know each other yet but we will. WINK.
so, i was hit by a car this week! anyone else want to share their experiences in pedestrian/car warfare?
@noodge OMG are you okay?!
I got hit by a van in Brooklyn in 2005. And I had left my cell phone in my boyfriend's apartment and obviously could not remember anyone's number from memory or afford to receive medical care, so I made the paramedics let me go. I was just banged up, not, like, seriously damaged, or anything.
@fondue with cheddar yeaaahhh, pretty much. sore neck and bruised body but the flashbacks are killing me... haha, worried i'm going to have a panic attack while trying to cross the street :-/
ETA: @Nicole Cliffe: the van didn't stop?!?!
@noodge I once got a bone bruise along my middle finger and knuckle (which, uh, pretty much is "shattering the surface of your bone so it looks like a spider-cracked piece of fine china") because a bus driver and I disagreed on what constitutes "everyone's on the bus now" and he pulled away before I was entirely on the damn thing.
@noodge Ack! Are you okay? My husband got hit by a car and it shattered his ankle.
@noodge I got hit by a car in Italy, which is like the least surprising thing ever. I was drunk at the time, so I thought it was hilarious. Luckily the car wasn't going very fast, so I only had a big bruise on my calf.
@everyone glad to know I'm not alone - it scared the SHIT out of me, I was stone cold sober on my way to a test, and the guy hit me kind of from behind, so didn't even see him coming. It was his fault, and he pulled over and I felt so bad for HIM (guys, he was such a nice older gentleman :-/ ) and was in a rush for my test that I didn't call the cops or anything. Thankfully, it seems like I just have a mild whiplashy thing and my arm and hip are bruisey. I just keep thinking "CRUNCH" when I'm crossing a street now. MAKE IT STOP!
@smidge - I hear stories like that and I feel so super lucky...
@scandyhoovian - bus drivers - THE WORST, right?
@noodge A guy making a right turn on a red without looking right hit me in the crosswalk. He wasn't moving very fast and I pretty much just hurt my wrist from trying, I guess, to push the car away from me? Also spilled my coffee all over my skirt.
Moral of the story: yes, look left to find an opening in the flow of traffic, but then look right before you turn.
@noodge The absolute worst! I'm glad you're (mostly) OK, though. That sounds HORRIFYING.
@noodge How terrifying! I have a very anti-climatic hit by a car story: One day I was leaving my then-boyfriend's apartment and walking to my car and a guy didn't see me and started backing up his SUV and bumped into me, going like 3 miles and hour, and I thought "Ow, he will stop now" but I guess that he didn't notice the person he just ran into, and kept coming until I smacked his back window with my hand. Then we just kinda scowled at each other for a minute and he left.
@noodge hope your okay noodge. I got hit by a car my freshman year of college on campus. I know what you mean about being scared to cross the street. At first I just waited a long time till all the cars cleared. Now seven years later, I can cross the street just fine. So it might be weird those first few months, but if you can work through the fear or talk to a therapist to help.
@noodge About ten years ago, I was hit when I was 15--the lady had been trying to beat the yellow light, and I didn't look both ways before crossing. It could have been a lot worse, but I landed pretty well, and my coat and jeans took most of the potential road burn. Apparently,the impact knocked my shoe off, and the paramedics found it a few yards away. Anyway, I was pretty lucky, and I think the person who hit me was a lot more traumatized than I was at the time. But for the next few years, I did have panic attacks if a car came too close to me, and if I heard any loud metallic crashes, I would flashback to what it sounded like when I got hit.
Buuuut, I was thinking about the accident recently, and I realized that my memory of it is a lot fuzzier than it used to be, I'm not as tense when I hear loud crashing sounds, and I haven't had a panic attack in years. SO yeah, being scared of crossing the street is a pretty legit reaction, and it may last for a while or come up in the weirdest ways, but it can be worked through.
ps It may be a good idea to see a doctor, if you can. I do have permanent damage from the accident, though it did take a couple of years to really show up.
@noodge I'm so glad you were able to walk away! I got hit jaywalking in 8th grade which magically only resulted in a broken ankle. That was 10 years ago and I'm still hyper aware of cars when walking/all the time. Maybe go for some walks with a friend for support when crossing a street? Also get ready to start being critical about how others cross streets because people are so unsafe and it is soooo frustrating.
@Nicole Cliffe Ugh, it sucks to get injured when you don't have health insurance. I slipped on some ice and hit my head several years ago when I was uninsured and poor. At the time I thought I would be okay, I just wanted to lie down because my head hurt like hell. Over the years I would realize just how much I'd fucked myself up (major muscular issues and cervical arthritis, yay!) and really should have gotten treatment at the time. In hindsight, the restaurant in whose parking lot I fell should have been notified because they've got insurance for that. I wasn't exactly thinking straight at that moment, and my stupid ex husband was no help at all.
@noodge I got hit by a car when I was 15! A five-corner intersection and the guy ran a red light. Then he tried to drive away, but some folks saw the whole thing and made him stop, plus his windshield was all shattered... from my head. In the end I got out with just a broken leg. But now my knees are not so great and I wonder if that is the reason.
WHY must Valentine's Day exist? Wrecking all the natural timing of getting to know charming new acquaintances. Hypothetically.
Also, NY, you call this a blizzard? Weak. I now venture into the tundra in search of survival beer.
@Countess Maritza Survival beer! I went to the grocery store when everyone was worried about Hurricane Sandy and emerged with only beer (I live in Montreal so it was okay).
@owlegg My housemate and I both brought ample beer home, and now there are 13 bottles of beer, 6 bottles of cider, and 1.5 bottles of wine in the house.
I just found out today that the Girl Scout council in my area has a website where you can reserve cookies from a troop in your area. You enter your zip code and they take your order and your contact info online and send it over to the troop. I'm way too excited about this because my previous source (read: friend's much younger sister) is aging out of Girl Scouts this year and I have a real knack for missing all the tables of adorable 9 year olds hawking Thin Mints at the grocery store.
Also, is anyone else watching The Americans on FX? I'm seriously obsessed with it now, even though it's only been two episodes, but no one else I know is watching. I NEED to discuss my deeply intense feelings about Elizabeth and Philip.
@daisicles WHAT THIS IS AMAZING!!! I need to see if my council does this; I always managed to miss the girl scouts during cookie season when I was in college, and now that I'm back home, all the girl scouts in my neighborhood have grown up and don't do it anymore!
@crango If you're in east Tennessee/southwest Virginia/bits of north Georgia, you're in luck! Though I feel like if this council does it, other councils in areas where people actually use the internet would be even more likely to also have cookie websites.
@daisicles Some may not specifically mention this on their websites but you can always call/email and ask about the campaigns. The Girl Guides of Canada website shows where the major cookie selling spots are around the country and Area offices can put you in touch with units to get cookies. I always get calls from Area near the end of the season about people looking to buy cookies.
So, guys. I haven't seen dudefriend since New Years and I fiiiiinally get to see him in the next week, week and a half-ish and thank fucking christ cause I am bouncing off the walls over here. So thats good. Also, I found an old pair of sunglasses from like, 2 years ago and that was very exciting cause I lose everything and I find nothing. I know I had more to say, but I always forget so screw it I guess, I have to get in a pool in a minute and teach some ankle-biters to float on their backs. Over/under on me getting kicked is 7 (trust me, take the over).
@katiemcgillicuddy Last summer I went to several of my nieces' swimming lessons. I came away from those experiences firmly convinced that preschool swimming instructors deserve sainthood, if for no other reason than the number of times they take an elbow to the face or a knee to the boob. Bless.
@katiemcgillicuddy yayyyyyy returning dudefriend! hope you miraculously got the under.
@par_parenthese Ah, they're sweethearts, they just don't seem to understand how to kick, they mostly flail in the beginning, damn them for being so adorable :)
@zamboni Yes, yaaaay indeed, and also, I never get the under on that, but eh, while my polsci degree isn't exactly helping me teach lil fellas how to swim, it is a pretty chill job. Feeling pretty good right now. Time to go watch the Caps...kill me with their ineptitude.
So listen, I went on that date last weekend and the dude loved me but I was underwhelmed. Plus he got too honest and tossed out some stuff that I don't think I can deal with (I might have been able to had I heard it after I had already started to like him). Oh well. I finally had one of those "this guy is so great, but not for me" experiences that is so bittersweet. At least I got to go to a new bar and learn some new things about molasses (I cover a lot of ground on first dates).
PS Paging @geek_tragedy! Sorry I didn't get back to you on the last FOT. This guy was an okcupid find.
Hmmmm, I've had some bad first-date experiences where a dude is in a bit of a Low Place and really wants/needs love and affection, but in maybe a kind of desperate way? And divulges too much personal stuff too quickly, and talks about dark past times, and says he really likes you? But it's kind of like he actually doesn't see you at all, just "Possible Person Who Will Love Me Forever"... Was it like that?
@ayo nicole No, it wasn't really that but I have experienced that before, too. This was more like some things that he's done (and still does) that I am not really cool with. Like had he waited it would've been, "oh that's weird but let me deal with it." Instead it was "wait, why did you tell me that?"
@ayo nicole Hmmm. I feel like my ex did that when we first started dating - I think he was subconsciously trying to scare me away, because he was afraid I'd reject him, so he just told me all the offputting stuff at the beginning to see if I freaked out.
Ah that's not a great feeling! It's kind of discouraging when someone's so immediately into you but also a bit off in some crucial way. What are you thinking of doing?
@geek_tragedy He hasn't been especially direct, so neither have I. He asked me to go to a concert with him and I couldn't, but otherwise it's just been a lot of "we should hang out" and "I really want to go to _____." I think he gave up so I may not have to do anything. Knocking on wood.
God damn this was a hard day. I had to get a biopsy for a large nodule that mysteriously appeared on my thyroid a few months ago. It hurt like hell, and I had a panic attack in front of the doctor and nurse. Fun stuff. If my boyfriend hadn't dumped me 3 weeks ago for not "going with the flow" enough, he'd be on his way to see me right now instead of me sitting on my porch by myself, day drinking. At least it's good weather for porch-drinking. It gets better, right?
@redheaded_cat I'm really, really sorry about the nodule and the boyfriend. I hope the nodule is nothing and that someday you can go to the boyfriend's funeral in a red dress.
Eh, fuck him. I would love to drink something out of Mason jars with you on your porch.
@redheaded_cat I'm sorry to hear all that. Hugs to you, and for what it's worth, I am not really a go-with-the-flow person either. Spontaneity is a foreign thing to me, but I embrace my obsessive planning! (I assume that's what he meant by go-with-the-flow).
@redheaded_cat I'm a huge proponent of day drinking! Also, your ex sounds like a douche, and you sound like a person who has no business hanging out with douches. I'll have a beer here in a couple hours and then comment on this and you won't be drinking alone, technically.
@redheaded_cat <3 hope it all gets better starting with the porch-drinking
@olivebee Yes, that and me not really being down for endless bar-hopping with some of the bros he's friends with. He's not really a bro, but his friends tend to be, and I'm a bookish, independent lady who didn't really fit in. Glad to know that I'm not the only one who isn't a "go with the flow" type!
@redheaded_cat Also you all sound rad. I wish I could have y'all over to my porch in Austin to drink out of mason jars :)
@redheaded_cat Yes! That guy sounds like a jerk and now you can be on an awesome lady train. Also someone weird was on my mom's thyroid but she is fine now! It was so long ago I don't even remember the details, but since bad stories always seem easier to find than good ones, figured I would throw that out there.
@redheaded_cat People who berate or punish others for being insufficiently chill usually tend to be scatter brained assholes. Hurray for porch drinking!
@redheaded_cat I feeeeeel you and this! It is hard not to do the "if he hadn't unexpectedly dumped me then.." game (I for instance would still have TV. But whatever) and I play it all the time (see last parenthetical). Porch drinking, or the cold weather equivalent, is highly recommended! Also for nodes, I hear.
@redheaded_cat Omgosh, how chill are you supposed to be during a BIOPSY, for crying out loud?! *hugs*
@redheaded_cat Welp, I've got a beer in hand. I'm drinking with you! Cheers!
@redheaded_cat It gets better! I had one of those on my right thyroid at the end of my senior year of high school, and I got my whole right thyroid removed right after Christmas that same year. The biopsy sucks, but hopefully things go well for you. My scar is not very visible, and I honestly forget about it, but I'll take a scar over a lump any day. Feel better!
@redheaded_cat Ugh, he sounds like a jerk. It also sounds like maybe what he meant by you not being 'chill' enough or being willing to go with the flow was actually code for you not wanting just do what he wants? Girlfriends should just be chill and do what I want! Why they gotta like plan stuff that they want to do!(I'm maybe reading into it too much though? A friend just got out of a crappy relationship and that dude would say crap like that, but he really meant she should just stop asking for/planning things that she was interested in)
Guys guys guys did anyone else get Fire Emblem: Awakening because I'm plowing through it and I need to talk about it oh my God
In other news: the blizzard is here, and I'm indoors with plenty of junk food, DVDs, and books. Hope everyone else in the storm's way is safe and comfortable!
@camanda I...do I need to get a 3DS just to play this game? Tell me, please. :\ Love FE games, but I need to be fiscally responsible. *sobs*
@celeec4@twitter :( It's worth it, though! I love the whole series but I don't think I've ever enjoyed the experience as much as I am with this one. It's just so rich. I've had it since Tuesday and I've already played through to Chapter 18, played the first DLC map (I have the second but haven't started it), and played all the sidequests so far. I've logged like 12 hours. I'm enamored.
@camanda O_O Whoa, chapter 18 already? I think the consensus has been, if you like FE, you'll love Awakening. So tempted~
@celeec4@twitter I'm certainly not going to dissuade you!
But since you don't have it -- which FE is your favorite?
@camanda Probably the Blazing Sword, its likely a lot of nostalgia because that was the first FE I ever played. Still will defend my love for Hector to the last.
@celeec4@twitter No need to defend it to me! Hector is my favorite out of the three of them.
@camanda So much Hector <3. Eliwood was great if you babied him, but he basically sucked for the entire first half of the game. Whereas Hector pretty much kicked ass out of the gate.
@celeec4@twitter Yeah, I always found Eliwood frustrating (and Lyn, but more because of how her stats always turn out). Hector is my kind of unit. Plus I like axes.
@camanda Hector is my boo, but I'd have Eliwood tag along with Hector. It was immensely satisfying, once Eliwood was babied enough, for his speed to double-hit and kill everything after Hector bashed them a little bit.
Damn, now I want to re-play the game.
Thanks to everyone for the feedback on what to say to an old friend about his mother's passing. I opted for a card with a personal note about how fondly I remembered her, and he sent me a brief facebook message to tell me how nice it was of me to think of him. So that went well.
I am LOVING all the bookish stuff on the Hairpin the past few days. Talking academia and history and shaking angry fists at Jared Diamond the other day and trying to piece together hazy memories of books from my childhood today? IT'S MAGICAL.
Also, does anyone want to talk Revenge or Once Upon a Time with me? I just caught up with both over the weekend while recovering from having my wisdom teeth out (y'all, the syringe I have to clean the sockets out with is freaking weird).
@Scandyhoovian I would talk about Revenge with you if I understood it anymore. I have no idea what's going on.
@ayo nicole Is it just me or is Victoria the battery that keeps that show alive?
Like... she's always getting in the way so she's horribly obnoxious and manipulative and you want her to go away and stop but you know at the same time that if she DID go away and stop the show would just cease to have any meaning.
@Scandyhoovian It's Victoria's show at this point! I miss the first season when it was all Emily all the time. I love Victoria, though. And her wardrobe.
@ayo nicole I love everyone's clothes on that show. OK, no, I love Victoria and Emily and Charlotte's clothes on that show.
My biggest problem is the whole Amanda/Jack/Baby/Declan/Bar situation. Bores me to tears.
I hate that stupid bar.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm actually hoping Conrad sells the whole thing to Michael Trucco and Amanda/Jack/Carl are forced to go sail off into the sunset on the boat, never to return.
@Scandyhoovian @Nicole Cliffe I AM SO OVER the bar. That storyline is horribly boring and Declan is the lamest character on the show.
If the flash-forward on Episode One of this season is to be believed, that boat is gonna be a bad place to be at some point.
@purefog OH RIGHT! I totally forgot. Is it bad that I kind of hope things go sour enough that we get a major character death out of it?
I mean, any of them. Jack, Declan, Amanda... somebody. SOMEBODY.
I say keep Jack and maybe Charlotte, lose the rest, including little Carl. (I mean, our Ems loves Jack for whatever baffling nostalgia-fueled reason, so he's gotta stick around. . .)
I would feel better about Revenge if Nolan and Aiden would hook up. This would resolve a lot of issues for me, you know?
@Scandyhoovian I love Victoria and I love Regina. I love the Mean Power Woman characters in these shows. They are delightful, and I am not sure if I just admire them, want to be them, or want to date them. It's a mean version of the Tami Taylor Complex.
@Scandyhoovian I loved that syringe! SO WEIRD!
I kind of gave up on Revenge because I did not give a single fuck about the "Initiative" or Aiden at all. Or about the dastardly brothers trying to ruin Jack's life.
We got the *official* news: My lovely Ladyfriend is cancer free after a really shitty 6 months of kicking ovarian cancer's ass With Fire (TM)! NO MOAR CANCER!
YES!!!!! Oh, that's fantastic. Mazel tov to you and Ladyfriend!
@S. Elizabeth HUZZAH!!
@S. Elizabeth yay oh wow that is so awesome!
@S. Elizabeth A million congrats! Celebrate all weekend!
@S. Elizabeth Yay! That's fantastic news.
@S. Elizabeth BEST NEWS so happy to hear it! Love to you both.
@S. Elizabeth FAB NEWS. So great for you, congrats!
@S. Elizabeth YES BEATING CANCER NEWS HOORAY
@S. Elizabeth WOOO THAT IS SO FUCKING GREAT. \o/
@S. Elizabeth That is the best news! I hope you celebrate in a grand way!
@S. Elizabeth Could you drop me an email? nicole @ the hairpin dot com.
@Nicole Cliffe consider it dropped.
@S. Elizabeth So happy for you!!
@S. Elizabeth YES OH MY GOODNESS WHAT GREAT NEWS SO HAPPY!
WHAT UP Y'ALL happy Friday, stay warm all you East Coasters.
Anybody else seeing a flurry of online dating activity? Valentine's desperation is setting in, methinks.
@Valley Girl Yes. The thirst is real.
So generally I'm a super lurker on pretty much everything, but I'm on a knitting website (Ravelry!) and I had a complicated knitting question so I sucked it up and created a topic on the appropriate forum. The first and only response was pretty dismissive and rude, like I was just trying to mooch off of other people's expertise, when really I'd put a lot of thought into my question and I just wanted another knitter to talk to about my ideas. So basically, that is why I never comment on anything online (except here!) and now I feel super bad. Stupid thin skin!
@rallisaurus People can be very rude in the Ravelry forums and make you feel dumb for asking legitimate questions. Don't feel bad!
@rallisaurus You should reply, "Ewe suck!" Or don't. But think about it.
@rallisaurus What's your question??
@rosielo It was a complicated sweater fitting question about bust darts and general getting the sweater to fit curves kinda thing. I mostly had it figured out, I just wanted some kind of feedback like, "yeah you're on the right track" or "nooooo what are you thinking!" It wasn't just the general forum or anything, it was a forum specifically about getting sweaters to fit right. AI just don't have friends who knit on the same level as me, if that makes any sense? So there's no one to bounce those ridiculous neurotic kind of questions off of.
Hairpin knit up!?
@rallisaurus How terrible. I usually think that the Ravelry forums have been very good to me and my questions, even when they turn out to be very silly questions, like "Why is this sock so giant?" (because I can't count).
@rallisaurus That sucks so much, is there a friendly local yarn shop you can ask around at? To be honest, that's where I get most of my advice since there's usually a bunch of ladies there knitting away and chatting anyways.
@professionalmess Ugh, math! It's always the problem!
@celeec4@twitter I've never lived closer to a yarn shop in my life! But they're not particularly friendly. I'm sure if I'd actually bought my yarn there they'd help me, but since I didn't, I don't think it would go over so well. I would love to go to the sit and knit there, but they started charging for it if you don't buy your yarn from them. Isn't that crazy!?
Anyway, the moral of the story here is that I need a knitting group! Anyone know of a good one in the Silver Spring, Maryland area?
@rallisaurus WHUT. That some crazy up in here! :\ Sorry to hear, hopefully another 'pinner will know a group in Silver Spring?
@rallisaurus Omg NEVER ask questions in the big six! Come to Yarn Hoars, we have an awesome sweater KAL with tons of experts, including my bad self, & many awesome designers.
ETA just saw you asked in a different group. My advice still stands though! Come to Yarn Hoars, we have many DMV ladies who are totally awesome.
@honey cowl OMG I would never try to ask a question there! That's like jumping into the deep end!
I totally just joined! I'll probably still just lurk, it's my way. But maybe I'll be brave! I am quite the yarn snob. Also, love your cowl/username!
I found out yesterday that I might have rheumatoid arthritis. I'm only in my early 20s. I'm trying not to officially freak out until the blood tests come back, but HOLY SHIT, I am having a hard time with that.
In the words of Garth Brooks: I'm much too young to feel this damn old.
@Nocs I am sorry to hear this! I am also in the process of finding out whether I have arthritis or not (and am in my early 20s too) and I completely sympathise on feeling too old. It's just so stressful!
@Dandyliongirl Sorry to hear that guys. Best wishes to you both and good vibes into the universe on your behalf.
@Dandyliongirl That is terrible! What's the timeline been like for you? I just had blood drawn yesterday and I don't know how long I have to wait to find out.
I've had daily pain since October and physical therapy has been unsuccessful. Eeek.
@Nocs I was diagnosed with RA when I was 24. I'm now 39 and running marathons (I was also obese when diagnosed). As always I am an experiment of 1 but do not fear it too much.
@sunfastrose You are the bomb! I am trying to stay positive because I KNOW it is not a death sentence or anything, but last night I looked in my closet at all my beloved heels I can't wear right now, and just cried and cried.
@Nocs I'd imagine that you'd have to wait a week after having blood taken to find out the results? That's been my general experience for blood tests. Overall the process of finding out what the hell is wrong has been pretty bad for me because I've been on endless waiting lists for the physiotherapist etc over the last year or so - I think all the waiting around is probably the only downside of living with somewhere with free health care.
I am so sorry to hear you have daily pain though. Mine is not quite that bad. I really hope you can find some sort of solution for it.
@Nocs Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds terrible. I hope you get to wear those heels again.
@Nocs Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. If you need some inspiration, google Darlene Cohen, who lived with RA for many years and was a kick-ass Buddhist teacher, and who wrote really good books on how to enjoy life through all the suffering.
@Nocs Hey, I was diagnosed with RA when I was 11. I've had several flare ups since then with several very healthy and active periods in between. Find a good doctor, stay as active as possible, read everything, eat healthfully, and take your meds. Also, the Arthritis Foundation has a really nifty tracking program for smartphones that I recently downloaded. You can keep track of how different parts of your body are doing daily which might be useful for conversations with your doctor.
No lies, it's a sucky disease and I hope you don't have it. But, if you do I hope it goes into remission and you can start kicking around in those heels.
Our old dog, Denali, is no longer with us. Thanks for the support on the FOT the week before we made the call. My horse vet came out to the house so we didn't have to take him anywhere, and I guess it was as good as something completely awful can be.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh no :(:( I am so very sorry to hear that.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh, Nicole. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you all.
@Nicole Cliffe Sorry to hear that. :(
Hope happy memories of Denali are giving you some comfort in such a shitty time.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm so sorry to hear that, Nicole. :(
@Nicole Cliffe Such a handsome boy. I'm so sorry.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh no. So sorry to hear it.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm so sorry for your loss. :(
@Nicole Cliffe So sorry, Nicole! The Babies & Old Dogs primer remains one of my favorite things to read, ever. His memory will live on in the brains and hearts of many.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm so sorry :( Losing pets is the worst.
@Nicole Cliffe Oh no, I'm so sorry. Losing an animal friend is awful.
@Nicole Cliffe Aww. I hope the memories with Denali bring you peace and joy as time goes on.
@Nicole Cliffe So, so sorry. Hugs and happy memories to you.
@Emby @area@twitter @phipsi @whateverlolawants @supernintendochalmers @fruiting body @hallelujah @ayo nicole @I'm Right on Top of that, Rose @laurel @scandyhoovian @olivebee
Thank you. He was really special, and we miss him so much. My husband says he can only deal with it by imagining that Denali's soul has been reincarnated into the baby, and I'm totally fine with that concept.
@Nicole Cliffe Thank goodness for vets that make housecalls. It's such a compassionate thing to do.
@Nicole Cliffe I am so sorry :( When our lovely old dog died, the only thing I wanted to do was sob about it, so I read this poem over and over until I felt okay again: http://www.yellowhousemedia.com/2009/11/towards-a-theology-based-on-labrador-retrievers
@Nicole Cliffe :( losing a pet never gets easier even when you've done it a bunch of times. I'm sorry for your loss.
@Nicole Cliffe so so sorry. I'm so glad you got some excellent pictures with him and the baby before it happened. I have sent that article to every pregnant person I know with a pet and it still makes me so happy.
@Nicole Cliffe I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say... because, been there, and what can you really say? Pets...
@Nicole Cliffe Aww Nicole I'm so sorry! I have been there, it is the roughest. There really is nothing else to say. I send you big internet hugs!
@Nicole Cliffe So sorry to hear that Nicole. Comforting thoughts to you.
Hey, is @A. Nonny Mouse out there? I was thinking about your post from a few weeks ago and wondered how things are going.
@KatieBarTheDoor Hi! Thanks for asking! It's going much better - deleted the calorie app, put the scale on the top shelf of the closet, kept the kale & yoga & talked to my doctor about it. The bf was apologetic immediately after I explained it to him, and even though he sometimes slips up and is a dick about food policing I'm responding in the moment & not letting it curdle away in my brain.
Him: *extreme side-eye* Did you just eat a string cheese at 11 pm?
Me: Yes, I did, and part-skim mozzarella is a perfectly reasonable snack, but even if it wasn't, I'm hungry and I wanted it and that is absolutely okay so go away.
(Also, I get home from work around 10 so eating at 11 is like, dinner time)
@A. Nonny Mouse I'm so glad to hear this. Good luck with the fiance. Sometimes people can be dicks about food and not quite realize what they're doing, hopefully he will improve.
@A. Nonny Mouse I'm so glad! And I'm happy to know your fiancé is not a purposeful dick. Keep it up, and keep us posted :)
I just made a coffee, vodka, amaretto and nutella cocktail and then had the genius aesthetic idea of smearing nutella on the rim (bwahaha) of my glass. It looked like poop and swampwater, but it was delishus. Also, I'm an immature child. Friday!
You guys, there's a chihuahua walking around my office, with a handkerchief around its neck. I think I'm in love with it, and I've never liked little dogs like that. What is that about.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I woke up one day and realized I like all the dogs. All of them.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Is it fat? Fat makes all the difference in little dogs.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Oh gosh, I hated those dogs until my office had one running around. Now I lurve them and want like 5 of them.
@laurel Yes. All the dogs. I think having a dog finally made me realize that they are magical? I don't know. This little guy is sort of chubby and really friendly, and likes me. So I like him.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Dogs in handkerchiefs or little jackets KILL ME.
@laurel I've had the same thing happen and I don't know why! And I especially like little dogs all the sudden. I dream of a Pomeranian.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose My college was a pet-friendly campus and it was both the best and worst. I've been knocked so many times by badly trained dogs who weren't leashed and that sucked. I had an art history class at the same time some other professor was teaching who would bring her french bulldog that liked to roam the humanities floor looking for food. Without fail, we'd have to call for a break because half the class would be on the floor with the dog.
@hellelujah The only Chihuahua I've ever really warmed up to was a very fat one named Batman. He had the so-ugly-it's-cute thing going on and loved for me to carry him around. That dog gave zero fucks and I loved him.
Hey sportsfans! So, way to go power outtage at the Super Bowl cause that shit was about to get away from the 9ers and that would have been boring. Colin Kaepernick just throws fucking lightning out there, man.
More importantly though we are approaching what is one of the great joys of my life...it's time for pitchers and catchers to report. Thank Jeebus. What a fucking fall from grace for ARod. Oh well.
Jesus, did you guys see the story about the mom who escaped with her son's signing papers on signing day?! That is batshit and hilarious, I love it.
@katiemcgillicuddy Baseball season is upon us!! I'm super excited currently because Mark Teixeira is coming to town to throw the opening pitch at the first Georgia Tech game of the season. I probably won't even go, but it's making me really giddy just thinking about it.
Also I DID see that story about the crazy mom! She doesn't want him going to 'Bama because she wants him at LSU or something?
@katiemcgillicuddy augh god the superbowl. My sister in law was in tears at the end. This is pretty much how I've been responding all week: http://i.imgur.com/J3nA7Df.jpg
(Such bad calls at the end by Kap. Why didn't he just run the ball jeez?)
And yes that kid and the signing papers, it's hilarious but jeez, when I think of myself at 18 and how unsure of things I was it's not so funny.
@Scandyhoovian She wants him at Miami cause she lives in Florida from what I can tell? I don't think they connected her to the university at this point, but I'm wondering if maybe somebody at Miami maybe already gave mama a little bit of $$$...
@katiemcgillicuddy Hahaha maybe? Possibly? Mama's gotta let go of the reins, though. Kid's gonna go where he wants to go.
@katiemcgillicuddy The great thing about Twitter (well, ONE of the great things) is that a lot of players I follow have already headed down to Arizona and Florida for Spring Training. Praise jeebus!
@katiemcgillicuddy This was probably the first Super Bowl I saw where I was hoping for a complete blowout. I mean, come on, complete Ravens domination isn't exciting for everyone else? ;)
It was a hell of a game, and I was worried we were going to let it get away from us. But anyway... moving on from Purple Fridays to Orange Fridays soon!
@katiemcgillicuddy Oh thank GOD for baseball!!!! Did you hear about the completely ridiculous Felix Hernandez deal??? aiiieeeeeeeee....
Also, that mom with the signing papers is hilariously nutty.
@katiemcgillicuddy BASEBALLLLL YESSSSSSSS. My boss was planning on going to Giants Spring Training but can't anymore, so he had me cancel his airline and hotel reservations AND post his tickets on Stub Hub. I really wanted to say: "you know, I could take these off your hands...for free?"
@Scandyhoovian Dude, there is literally NO sport, pro or college that is more corrupt than college football. I'd wager money that might very well be it.
@lisma Ha, that would be awesome. I once saw a few Cactus league games out in AZ, including GARTH BROOKS' last game for the Mariners (if you recall he got a tryout in like, 1997). He was thisclose to a hit. One day I definitely plan on shaping a vacation around Nats ST.
@Nocs Praise sweet fancy jeebus indeed. I wait ALL YEAR for this.
@RK Fire Boy yeah, that outtage almost nailed you guys. At one point, though, all you had to do was look at Flacco and be like, "...yeah, this dude is not losing." He was the most confident man on the planet. I love the announcement the next day that his wife was expecting again, I AM JOE FLACCO I AM A BIG BAD MAN. Loved it.
@bocadelperro Kaepernick seems to have trouble with a shorter field, less time to make decisions, he gets down towards the goal line fine and then struggles with the pressure. He'll get better with time, once he nails down reading defenses he'll be a complete lunatic. 9ers weak-ass pass defense didn't exact help you guys, either, they were atrocious in the red zone.
@katiemcgillicuddy Ugh our defense. Sometimes I feel like there are two 49ers defenses: the awesome one that was ranked #2 for most of the season, and the...other one, which showed up on Sunday, also against the Giants, the Rams (!), and the second Seahawks game.
And, I agree, A LOT of rookie mistakes on Kap's part, plus a bad use of time outs. There's always next year, but... OUR PERFECT SUPERBOWL RECORD WAAH.
@bocadelperro Well, certainly injuries didn't help the line as the season went on, which isn't the problem, it's the secondary that has serious issues. The Culliver play was just baffling, and every guy has a different explanation for what happened, so who knows.
@katiemcgillicuddy Yes. Agreed, and these were problems throughout the season, and it's just so frustrating to see us fall down like that. But there's always next year.
@bocadelperro Oh yes, next year is looking, very, very good for you guys.
@katiemcgillicuddy I hope you're right. I worry about the rumors of Alex Smith going to Arizona (and a divisional rival having intimate knowledge of our playbook), and also Kap having a sophomore slump, but I'm optimistic.
Anyway! On to baseball season! Lincecum cut his hair! My brother thinks he looks like Rachel Maddow.
@bocadelperro Vick might actually stay in PA (it's kind of that or the Jets, which, eep) which makes Smith kind of work nicely in Cleveland?? That seems to make more sense than AZ, cause like you said, if I'm SF, I DO NOT send him to the Cards, that's just asking for trouble.
Lincecum cutting his hair is freaking me out.
I just finished reading the book version of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy last night and enjoyed it...very much. Hairpinners: what other John Le Carré books are worth reading next? My appetite for chilly, bureaucratic espionage has been whet! I also need to finally get around to seeing the Gary Oldman film version at some point. And it's ridiculous I haven't seen it, because it has all the best British dude actors ever. But it came out during my thesis and thus I missed it.
Also, my work for the day is over, it's Friday, and I'm trapped inside because of the New England Snowtastrophe. I'm gonna go make a pineapple upside down cake.
@TheBourneApproximation Pineapple upside down cake is the best.
@TheBourneApproximation The Spy Who Came in From the Cold.
@TheBourneApproximation It's good! I saw it with my brother and he was like, "Oh is that that Dumbledore Cumberbund that everyone has been talking about?" And I couldn't stop laughing. But also I missed half the movie because I cannot deal with torture/violence, so I only saw the not-disturbing parts... so ymmv.
@TheBourneApproximation Ooh I am going to put that on my reading list! I saw the movie and now really want to read the book. Film is highly recommended.
@TheBourneApproximation Ooooh you have to read A Perfect Spy!!! It is so, so, SO good.
@TheBourneApproximation You might also like The Ministry of Fear by Graham Greene. It's been a while since I read it so I'm short on details, but it always comes to mind when I'm thinking of Le Carre-type books.
@cuminafterall Oooo, Graham Greene. I forgot about him - shall investigate further!
@adorable-eggplant Dumbledore Cumberbund hehehehehe...
Dang it folks, now I have too many books to read! (Good problem to have...thanks all!)
LIZZIE BENNET DIARIES FANS, FALL IN!
Here is where we talk about how LIZZIE THOUGHT LYDIA KNEW THAT WIX POSTED A PORNO OF THEM AND WAS OK WITH IT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LIZZIE and other things. Ready set go!
@par_parenthese ahaha we are already talking upthread. So like Lizzie though to think the worst of her sister. (And! OMG! Gigi stepped in like a BOSS!)
(Also I didn't mean to steal your thunder! I just am so excited and want to TALK because wooow!)
@bocadelperro And JANE'S BACK!! I think I'm the most excited that Jane's back. And she was so feisty and badass and "that's on HIM" and stuff. <3 Jane.
@par_parenthese I know. New Jane (newer Jane?) is great, although I'm super-upset that she had to lose her job, esp. because women and careers has been such an emphasis of this series.
@bocadelperro Indeed. But realistic I feel like? Because it literally is fashion week.
There's been some talk about Bing and how that's all going to work out. I mean, what's up with a doctor who never seems to be studying or going to class or working? She's the successful, ambitious one of the pair and I'm wondering if it'll turn out that Bing doesn't want to be a doctor, or something? Or if they just made him really dim because he's not onscreen very much? (Which doesn't seem like them -- even Mary is a more complex-seeming character than Bing.) Anyway, thoughts?
@bocadelperro (Also sorry about the cross-post! I searched and everything and your upthread-thread didn't come-up!!)
@par_parenthese I mean, that's pretty true to the book--Bingley was always good natured, but not much to him. (His and Jane's relationship in this version had me rolling my eyes constantly) I'm also interested to see how it will play out, especially because Jane is presumably aware of what Darcy did, and how easily Bing is led around by his friends/sister.
@par_parenthese I really like that they're not shying away from the crappier sides of Lizzie in this version. I think sometimes people just remember Lizzy as super feisty and awesome and Darcy's the one who changes, when it really goes both ways. I really like getting to see the other characters' perspectives, since it really highlights Lizzie's flaws as well.
Bing does seem kind of lame though, but I think he always is? I thought it was a little awkward that he didn't know about the videos for so long, it seems like a doctor should be smart enough to have figured it out sooner. Hopefully he'll be back and we'll get to see some more of Jane and Bing together?
@bocadelperro Lydia is breaking my heart in an actual way. Her Twitter posts to Wix you guys NOOOOO I have known that girl! That girl who just will not believe the truth of his dickishness and just wants him to love her again!
Also is anyone else terrified that there is going to be an actual P&P parallel here and that Darcy will fix The Problems but that somehow Lydia will wind up being cool with all of it and she and Wickham will GET BACK TOGETHER and she will be all, "Haha, suckers, I told you he loved me all along and he was just getting money from Darcy so we could live together happily forever after." ?
They've held decently true to plot twists of the original so far and therefore I HAVE FEARS.
@Linette OH GOD NO. NO NO NO NO. PLEASE NO. :'( And those tweets. *sobs*
As hard as they have worked to avoid putting women in intractable circumstances, and as much time as they spent drawing Lydia's character as someone who is ultimately loving and kind and loyal, I just cannot believe they'll leave her with him.
@bocadelperro @lizzle Have you seen that Improbably Clueless Bing tumblr?
@par_parenthese hahahaha no but I googled it and that is hilarious! my favorite is Parks and Prejudice, where they put parks & rec dialogue on LBD photos: http://parksandprejudice.tumblr.com/
@Linette oh man, The Lydia-Wickham thing. Ooof. The upsetting thing is reading the youtube comments where teenage girls think they're cute together/perfect for each other. I don't think the producers would have made their relationship this dark, and developed Lydia this much as a character if they were going to keep Lydia and Wickham together. (At least I hope not.) Somebody on one of these threads speculated that he might be hitting her, and I totally can see that.
@par_parenthese I have not, (and my google-fu apparently sucks because I can't find it) but I have seen the world's saddest pinterest http://pinterest.com/LooksByJane/miss-it/
Okay, I love Gigi pushing on Fitz and being determined to help, and getting the phone number. But I am less fond of this week's episodes, which kind of feel like filler. Which makes sense, because it is waiting and tense and nothing really is happening, which is exactly what's supposed to happen. But it's still kind of boring to just keep hearing, "Let me help!" and "I could have stopped this!" over and over and over for four days. Also that Darcy and Fitz and Mr Bennet are on the case, while Gigi and Lizzie complain and Mrs B is left out of the loop? I am reserving judgement until the end of this arc so I see how it all comes together, but I'm not really digging how it's been set up so far.
In Bernie's ama on reddit, he said that something big was happening on Valentine's Day, just not what we want, so clearly it is soon going to be coming to a head. I just want to be there already. Or to have a bit more character growth through these waiting episodes. I love having Jane back, though, and I am looking forward to seeing Lizzie look at her prejudices against Lydia (much like she was forced to with Darcy) and watch their relationship develop.
Just taggin like a sonofabitch so we can get more people!
@Rosetyler @sevantta @anachronistique @This is my new user name @mandalas @Cawendaw @AshaShangri @schrodingers_cat @Disco Sheets @terrific ??
@par_parenthese I am actually super disappointed with the show right now! I found Monday's episode to be in really bad taste and yesterday's follow up to just be excruciating - like, did we really need five minutes of Lizzie berating herself? Also, what the hell is Darcy doing, just ROAMING AROUND Orange County and following the scent of a cloud of Axe?
@anachronistique Haha, oh man. I'm really frustrated with it too (though extremely excited to be seeing JANE again because I love her) but I feel like that's intentional? Like we're supposed to feel the inertia and futility? I think it's tougher, too, because we're operating in real time and not able to skip ahead days or weeks until Darcy finds Wix (and OH I LOL'ed at "following the scent of a cloud of Axe") like you could do on a normal show or movie. And as someone who has occasionally side-eyed Lizzie and Gigi and Domino, I appreciated Bernie Su's explanation of Monday's episode: http://bit.ly/XLARWQ
Is Darcy looking for the LBD version of Mrs. Younge? Is that who Gigi sent him after, do you think?
@anachronistique HA! Yes. That is also part of my problem, Darcy just taking off for an entire county. Way to show your smarts, baby CEO.
Also, this is directed at all of you because next Friday's thread is post-Valentine's. You are all totes decent enough and I love these weekly chats! (And you guys are the only ones who will get these. ;)) http://decent-enough.tumblr.com/tagged/LBD-Valentines
@sydwi the "I Hate Your Family" one made me do an actual spittake.
@par_parenthese Oh man I didn't even think of a LBD Mrs. Younge (although knowing this series it's probably Wickam's pet rabbit or something)
@sydwi those are so great! thanks for sharing.
@par_parenthese ahhh thankyou for tagging me! (tag was misspelt I only just found this because I was searching for LBD open thread lol)
I get the frustration about filler episodes, but I guess that is exactly how it goes... and at least we know how long we have to wait for the plot to thicken! I have been enjoying the sense that everything is coming together, I guess, since the sisters are back together. it's terrible Jane lost her job, but she is resourceful.
@par_parenthese sorry to show up so late to the thread but I do have ideas I'd love to discuss. If anyone's still out there? So, is it considered a spoiler if its merely speculation? If you think so, maybe stop reading now.... Ok, so, Darcy has to save the day with Lydia and Wickham per the book. I think that he isn't going to be able to stop the tape because Lydia's reputation is supposed to be tarnished. However, in this day and age girls who've had sex tapes put out for all to see all tend to become reality tv stars. So, maybe Darcy finds Wickham and convinces him to come back and stay with Lydia with the promise of fame and money through a tv show that Darcy will set up via connections of his. Lydia's reputation is saved because she 's a star and "all publicity is good", Wickham is stuck with Lydia if be wants the fame/money, and Darcy has saved the day! The end!!
Even if it's something else, I've totally amused myself with Lizzie's reaction to being on a Kardashian-type show!
@Mandalas But watching today's episode I'm reminded that I just don't want her to go back to him. I am seriously at a loss for how they move past the fact that she doesn't need to stay with him even though she's supposed to.
I made "French Onion Soup Grilled Cheese Sandwiches" today and oh my god it was even more delicious than I was anticipating!
@Dandyliongirl holy crap those look good.
@Dandyliongirl oh my god.
@Dandyliongirl Caramelized onions are the secret to vegetarian happiness, I'm convinced. I'm thinking of starting a blog.
@Dandyliongirl I WILL BE DOING THIS SOON.
@laurel RIGHT. And you can put them in almost anything! And if you make a huge batch you can keep them in the fridge and use them in whatever sandwich combination you want and it is amazing.
@Dandyliongirl THIS NEEDS TO BE IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW
@Dandyliongirl This is what I'm talking about. They make everything better and having a batch pre-made makes your black bean chile/red sauce/split pea soup/etc., that much faster to get off the ground.
Sometimes I put them on pizza. Just onions, maybe a little goat cheese. So amazing.
@Dandyliongirl Good god, I think my brain stopped working for a minute, that looks incredible.
@Dandyliongirl Checking back in to say that I did this last night, except quesadilla style, and it was so incredibly delicious. Thanks!
@Dandyliongirl Oh my God, I need to make these immediately!!
So my boyfriend has let slip that a proposal is imminent, and I'm so excited!! We've already been talking about marriage for a while, it's just awesome to have a concrete step in the near future.
But, aside, please tear me away from the Pinterest wedding boards. I am not even engaged yet and I'm already OBSESSED, even though I hate most of what people post. Obsessed!
@Sarah H. Congratulations!!! & yeah, 99% of that shit is either uber basic or gross but I JUST CAN'T STOP. Once in a great while there's a gem! I'm debating posting my board right now - do you have one???
@hallelujah I do, but it's one of those ~private~ boards right now, because I don't want to be that girl with a wedding board who isn't engaged yet. Even though... I am.
@hallelujah Also ugh, on a scale of 1 to a billion how tired are you of mason jars and bunting??
@hallelujah @Sarah H. This is going to make me sound like a total jerk but...that's a big part of the fun of browsing Pinterest wedding boards for me. Being amused at other people's tacky taste and horrible ideas.
@Sarah H. SUPER EXCITING NEWS! and don't worry, your pinterest wedding obsession will abate, somewhere around the time where your stress is so high that you're just. completely. over. it. Or not? Obviously, YMMV.
the lady who had all the mason jars and bunting at her wedding
@Sarah H. Hahah that's perfectly reasonable. & so tired, but not nearly as badly as I am of FOREVER YOUR LITTLE GIRL & "50 ways to pray for your husband" eeeaaauuughhhhh. I just hyper scroll til something neon catches my eye. Real talk though, I have no idea how people planned weddings before the internet.
@all the bacon and eggs I like to call that "cultural tourism". Like "Who in god's name could think that's a good idea? OH MY GOD LOTS OF PEOPLE DO."
@hallelujah Ugh! OMG or the "how to be your husband's best friend." I was totally unaware of that level of bullshit until pinterest.
As much as I love the internet (and oh lord do I!) I think it's made weddings ridiculous! There's a reason why I stayed on A Practical Wedding when I was planning my wedding.
@rallisaurus All pinterest ever showed me with regard to wedding prep was that a lot of people really like pale pastels, mason jars, bunting, and cutesy "down-home" replacements for unity candle ceremonies.
It was more useful as a "what not to do" than a "what to do," at least where I was concerned.
@Sarah H. If you aren't already start reading apracticalwedding.com
Not crazy ladies talking real about getting married.
@garli I've read some articles on there, and they are such a palate cleanser! The whole business is just so overwhelming, I like that the people over there are keeping it chill.
@Sarah H. I offer this service to everyone, and have offered it before:
I will review your wedding ideas and tell you which ones are stupid. All at no cost, as a service to you, your wedding guests, and humanity in general.
Qualifications: designer, good at spotting short-term and over-used trends while still staying current, and a practical, thrifty person who doesn't like unnecessary BS
Here is a preview:
Stupid: mason jars
Stupid: country shit/farm wedding when you aren't country
Stupid: stuff you don't need but think you do
Ok, so, I know the workplace is never a meritocracy, but HOW MUCH is it usually not a meritocracy? My team's awesome lead got told today that he is getting demoted and another team member, who has no experience with the field or management but has a PhD and has become buddies with the VP, is taking his place. Meanwhile, a few days ago I found out that despite having 3 years of experience more than our two new hires, they are making more than me while I'm going to be asked to train them. This is beyond normal fuckery, right?
@MilesofMountains I'd sure be pissed. :( Can you at least ask about the salary differentiation?
@MilesofMountains well beyond.
Any rosacea tips out there? I had this cluster of 7-8 pimples on my cheek for four months and finally went to the dermatologist to get it checked out and he *thinks* it is rosacea. The only thing I've noticed that makes it worse is red wine and nothing seems to make it better. Google's response was meh.
@Kulojam I have like a touch of rosacea, but it's no thing for me to cover (luckily) BUT the red wine thing is a problem for me sometimes. I find that if i drink slower that definitely helps, like, say you drink 3 glasses of wine, nurse the hell out of glass one and glass two and three will be easier. I also find that taking an alkaseltzer before I drink helps (I used to know the science behind it but I'm a little fuzzy on it now) So, give that a whirl.
I've been told I have it. Upper arms and face.
What helps: Mario Badescu products for people with rosacea. Not being stressed (!). Having an air purifier and a humidifier both working in my bedroom. Not using anything harsh on my skin -- cetaphil is good. Not too much sun or wind exposure. Covering up 3/4 of your face with a scarf when outdoors in winter.
Heat is also not the greatest. I keep my facial moisturizer in the fridge in the summer (which makes it work better) and occasionally cut up a cucumber from the fridge and put it on my skin. I don't think there are any cures, but these things all make it easier to cope with.
If you find any other good tips, let us know!
Things of note about today:
-I am kind of dressed like Charlize Theron's character in the "For British Eyes Only" story arc of Arrested Development. When I left the house, I was cute and carefree. Now, I feel like I look like a human yardsale. You could probably still sell me on Etsy if you absolutely had to.
-I had a crisis of confidence with a client earlier, but I think things will be OK. Happens to everyone, etc. But, my hands started shaking slightly, and then the client asked if I was OK, and then obviously I started shaking more, and it was similar to the dreams where one is in class on the day of the big exam, and one has not been to class all semester. I think I can't have coffee on work days any more. I don't feel like my whimsical rain boots leant me any gravitas in the situation, either.
-After this, I get to go do a cat petting shift. Friiiiday!
@frenz.lo Oh, hey! I also found out from my mom that my dad believes or claims to believe that the Sandy Hook shooting did not occur, and was in fact an Obama-led government conspiracy to take away "our" guns. HAaaaa. That guy! He has been missing some marbles for a while, but every time I see him or talk to him, it's a shock how different his world is. Don't let your parents age, guys. It's just not worth it.
Hey all, I'm playing a concert at Juilliard with a really kick-ass violinist (I am la pianiste), um, er, tonight, believe it or not- so if anyone would like to risk life and limb in snowy disgustingness to come and see a great free concert, it's at 8 pm in Paul Hall! The more the merrier, I have a bad feeling our audience is going to be minimized by the weather but we can't reschedule... ah well.
In other news, re-watching Bramwell and bemoaning the weird, unforgivable fourth season, since the first three are so amazing... Everyone should watch it over the snowy weekend! it's on Netflix!
If I weren't 3,000 miles away, I'd be there. I love wandering around NYC in the snow, especially when it winds up at great (and free) music!
@Didldidi I am always (probably excessively) excited to see fellow classical musicians on the Hairpin! (I am a violinist in grad school, I live in Boston, hi.) What are you guys playing? I'm sure it will be fabulous, if I lived in NYC I would totally be there.
I would love to see more shows like this in general! Was your show on the Juilliard calendar? How does one hear about things like this?
@AnalogMetronome also excited to see classical musicians here, yay!!! are you at NEC? We played stuff by Beethoven, Messiaen, Saint-Saens, Ravel and Debussy...
@Queen of Pickles I think it was on the Jyard calendar, actually, they have free student concerts every day! I'm pretty sure if you go to www.juilliard.edu and go to the calendar, it'll tell you the daily events.
@Didldidi I'm at BU, actually! Sounds like an awesome program! How did it go? I'm doing Debussy sonata on my first master's recital in April, such an amazing piece. (I'm assuming that's the Debussy you did, not sure what else it would have been unless you played solo.)
@AnalogMetronome it went well, we've actually been on tour with it this year (he won yca last year) so this was a breeze after all the others... Debussy was actually an arrangement of la plus que lente (tricked you! haha! ;-), Beethoven and Saint-Saens sonatas, Ravel habanera, and Messiaen theme and variations :-)
@Didldidi shameless self plugging :-)
@Didldidi it's all in korean, anyway haha
My husband is turning 30 in march. He dislikes hosting parties and we live in the city where he is finishing law school and we don't have a ton of friends in the area so that is not really an option anyway. When he graduates/passes the bar we will party it up. I am tempted to give him a Ron Swanson style 'here is some scotch and a steak in a locked room' style thing but I think that might not be special enough. Help me!
@salmonsaladsammich Maybe do a meetup at a bar? So he doesn't have to host. Or do a themed bar crawl. Bar golf is the gold standard (different drinks = different points, try to make par), but you could do something really personalized if you want to make it more special. I played [Name] Bingo once--you get a bingo card with various tasks on it (buy [husband] a beer/shot/mixed drink; buy yourself a b/s/md, get a stranger to buy [husband] a beer, etc as tame or crazy as you want) and are put on a team to try to get a row filled out. Or we did a simpler one where you had a set of things you had to accomplish by the last bar, including buying drinks, but also telling a story of the honoree in history, composing a song/singing a song to them, etc.
Basically, it's a bar crawl in honor of and personalized to your husband, so find things he would honestly enjoy, and you do all the planning so he doesn't have to do anything but sit back and enjoy the drinks/show.
@salmonsaladsammich What about going away for his 30th? My husband is turning 30 in April and we've been talking about doing a cross-country road trip. I know he's in law school, so maybe a weekend away? Or perhaps you could set something up where he tries something new--bungee jumping or a brewery tour or winery tour or shooting skeet or.. ??? Basically, you could do something experience-based.
My husband and I have been talking about this a lot since we have a lot of friends who are older than us. They've all done the big 30th bday party, but we're not fond of hosting or being the center of attention so we've been shooting ideas around for awhile.
@RK Fire SKEET SHOOTING! I drive by a skeet shooting place almost everyday. I think I should scrounge up some shotguns. Going away is also a good idea. Hmmm, maybe I should look thru one of the million Groupon getaway emails I get.
Unfortunately I work for a brewery so all the joy of beer and breweries has been sucked out of us through sheer tedium. See also: no friends.
Birthdaying is hard.
@salmonsaladsammich Birthdaying is super hard! Mine is coming up too and I keep on thinking "oh maybe, I should do something" but then I remember how uncomfortable and stressed out I get when planning something, and then I don't.
Usually my husband takes me to the zoo for my birthday because I am easily amused I love red pandas and other cute animals. And then we get delicious food. But then I feel like milestone birthdays are more crazy because you feel compelled to make a bigger deal regardless of whether or not you think it's a big deal. Ahhhh.
Soft- and/or Diva cups! Any users? I got some Softcups and I think I'm going to try it. I'm a little scared! Anything I should be aware of?
@lasso tabasco I didn't love a Diva cup, but I wasn't a religious tampon user prior to that. Just not great at getting in/out, but you shouldn't have to deal with that during the day if you have a normal flow. Nothing too terrifying. Actually less gross than a tampon, I think. (And no TSS danger.)
@lasso tabasco i didn't love my diva cup. i have a reallyheavy flow and never mastered not destroying my hands when i was taking it in/out. cloth pads are really nice if you have the patience. i don't. i tried.
@lasso tabasco Um, I haven't tried Softcups, just a Diva cup. For the first couple of times you should probably carry wet wipes or stick to bathrooms that have a sink in the stall or are just a single room with the toilet and the sink in it. Not to freak you out, but it can be messy till you get used to the procedure! But then it's awesome!
@lasso tabasco I like Softcups! Lately I've had a weird regression back to tampons (still with my cloth pads), but I've used just about all the menstrual products out there. Softcups are great because you stay very clean and you can have intercourse. I guess I just got sick of the extra time in the bathroom. I'll probably gravitate back sooner or later.
Here's my 2011 reply from an old article on this site about them. Since then, I've mostly stopped using the DivaCup, as it was becoming less comfortable. I haven't tried to wear it in almost a year, so perhaps I'll try again next time.
@lasso tabasco Um, I LOVE my diva cup! The friend who first really encouraged me to get one told me that it would change my life, and that no, she wasn't exaggerating. And it certainly changed how I feel about my period. It's soooo easy and if you're not bleeding a lot, you only have to empty it in the morning and at night. It just really simplifies things.
On the flip side, sometimes I don't get it in there correctly, and it leaks really badly. I never had this problem with my first cup, which was some Finnish brand (now I have a Diva Cup).
@whateverlolawants Oops, edited it and left out the link. Here it is!
@lasso tabasco I really love my Diva Cup, and it really only took me about a day to figure out how to get it settled leak-free, but I think maybe a lot of that is dependent on how you're shaped and I happen to be shaped perfectly for it. I do a lot of hiking/outdoor stuff, so my main plus is that now I don't have to try to deal with changing blood-soaked tampons or pads while squatting behind a bush in bear-country (TMI? Probably. Sorry.).
@lasso tabasco I tried Softcups but I got horrible headaches from using them so I stopped. I'm not sure if you get over that eventually but I didn't keep trying. I really wanted to love them because they are supposed to help if you have *ahem* yeast issues.
@lasso tabasco First month or so, pantiliners, just in case you didn't sit the DivaCup quite right, but really, if you've been using Softcups, its much the same. So convenient considering I'm usually running around all day long.
@lasso tabasco I use a Fleur Cup because the DivaCup was wayyy to long for me, but same principle. The biggest pain was figuring out how to insert it properly so that it opened all the way and testing different ways to fold it. I think it took two cycles to get the hang of it, but I've had it for over a year without any other issues
@nymeria Wait, headaches? What?!
And, thanks everyone!! I am going to give it a try, but I get squeemish easily and don't normally deal well with changing my routine.
@lasso tabasco i was going to ask the same thing! headaches? also, i'm sure this has been discussed on FOTs prior, but do any of you diva-/soft-/moon-cup users have an IUD? i want to get on board but i've heard some stories, and i'm frightened.
@lasso tabasco I thought about getting an IUD, but I think I'll get the implant instead. I don't want to accidentally pull the IUD's strings while changing it or something. I use a lunette, which has been absolutely perfect for me (although I still make a mess when I forget to rinse it for like... three days). http://menstrual-cups.livejournal.com/ Is the forum where all the Cupmasters meet.
@anannamouse I have an IUD, I got it shortly after I got my Diva Cup. I haven't had any problems with it, I just didn't use it the first month after I got my IUD in, and I make really sure to fully break the seal before yanking the IUD out. My IUD strings are only a few centimeters long and after the first few months they curl up against the cervix, so pulling on them by accident would be really really difficult and unlikely, it seems to me.
@anannamouse I got my IUD at the start of December and while I skipped the Divacup for the first period, I used it for the one I just had and all was well - but my bleeding is also SO much less that I almost don't need it. The strings are already all curled up around the cervix and nowhere near the cup!
@anachronistique @MilesofMountains ok, thanks! i've had my IUD for a year now and i'm unfortunately not one of the lucky few whose periods disappeared entirely. i think i'm making the "suction" aspect out to be way more extreme than it is--like a vacuum that pulls on all your insides! (i have a relatively poor sense of physics, anatomy, etc....). i think i'll give it a go!
@lasso tabasco I use Softcups and I like them a lot! The package says to throw each one out after using it but I don't, I wash it and reuse it for a few days. I think they create less of a seal than Divacups because I do get a little leakage, so I use pantiliners. I still stay a lot cleaner than with pads though!
@lasso tabasco @lasso tabasco Yeah, disclaimer though I don't know if it was the pressure from the cup or the period itself, but I tried a couple times and maybe it was the pressure when it is inserted and expands? I was bummed when they didn't workout for me. The diva cup seems a little smaller in diameter than the softcups, so maybe that would be better
@lasso tabasco I use both soft cups and a diva cup! I use the diva cup for regular period stuff and soft cups for sexy times while on my period. I love them both. I like the soft cups, but I find I do get some random leakage throughout the day, which is why I don't use them for normal wear. I find the soft cups much easier to figure out and insert (at least with my body anyway). It took me a long time to get used to the diva cup and get it inserted properly, but once I did it was great.
@This is my new username Just throwing it in that I just got an IUD two months ago and I've been using the DivaCup with it without any issues - it's actually been super helpful, since I've been having some issues with irregularity/spotting since the IUD, and I really don't like panty liners, so I can just pop the diva cup in and not worry about it.
also I'm so glad to hear about soft cup! I'd never heard of them before and I'm really glad to have a period sexy-times option.
Hello, it is just me, sitting here on open thread while two of my coworkers and my boss crowd around a computer looking up assault weapons and talking about shooting ranges and supressors. #weekendwhereareyou
@districter nooooooooooo *safe space*
@districter what. no. why.
1) My boss said really good things to me yesterday out of nowhere, like how if he was promoted or left he'd want me to take his position, and how he never worries when I'm in charge, and how I'm a leader in almost every metric at work. Yay!
2) Annual reviews are soon, and he said the company's max raise level this year is 1.8%. I think higher raises can be individually submitted for approval, though. I'm curious if it's worth asking about. The previous person in my position made $2/hour more than I do, although she was hired by someone who is no longer at the company. When I tried to get promoted at her pay rate, I was told I couldn't, and they explained the company formula. The amount they offered was like $2.25/hr less than my predecessor (who was quite good, but I'm just as good or better at almost everything, and I have a better attitude with coworkers.) I asked them to at least round it up to the next dollar amount, and they obtained approval for that.
I should probably let it go that my predecessor made a lot more, but it does frustrate me. I'm not behind on bills or anything, but still. If I'm offered the full 1.8% raise, should I push for more? And what tips do you have for that?
@whateverlolawants I've had a similar experience at my company- I think the annual raise limit is 2% or something, but they could give you more if you got approved for a title promotion. I spoke to my boss maybe 6 weeks before my annual review requesting a raise and gave her a written breakdown of my accomplishments/responsibilities and how my duties had increased over the past year. I think the key is to show your value to the company. They already turned you down when you brought up your predecessor's salary, so I'd let that go. It should be a discussion based on your merit and market value. Good luck! I did end up getting a promotion, so I hope the same for you!
@whateverlolawants My predecessor made a lot more than me too, and it really irks me, not just because they didn't offer me a similar salary, but that I knew how much she made (the recruiter told me) and didn't try to negotiate more when I was hired. I've since gotten a raise but am still making $6000/year less than she did.
You should definitely ask for a raise. Try pointing to specific projects/accomplishments you've made in the time you've been there. Even if they say no, you have nothing to lose, and they'll probably respect you more for having asked.
Good points. I'll try to list out reasons why I should get more. I can't get a promotion unless the manager leaves and I get his spot (or I move elsewhere), but that's a good thing to know. (I don't want my manager to leave anytime soon. He's a great supervisor and has taught me a lot, plus he's funny.)
GAME OF THRONES/SONG OF ICE AND FIRE VALETINES.
So many good puns, you guys:
House Stark: Winter isn't the only thing that is coming.
House Lannister: A Lannister always pays his debts...in bed.
Littlefinger: Not so Littlefinger.
So bascially, puns about sex.
@lisma keep going plz
@smidge how about:
Loras Tyrell: Knight of *My* Flower.
@lisma There's definitely a "Growing strong" joke to be made about the Tyrells here somewhere.
@lisma House Greyjoy- What is boned may never die
House Targeryen- The dragon head isn't the only thing that comes in threes
Where is wharrgarbl? I want to talk about Florida Man!
I didn't get the job I was going to get because they couldn't contact one of my old references. Because I didn't get it, I'll probably have to move back home with my parents next month until I find a real job. Everything should be really shitty and I should be feeling down. But oh golly I have been getting laid properly these days, from a variety of dudes. I feel generally positive about the universe.
@Diana What? They couldn't contact an old reference and thus didn't hire you? Is that a common thing? Awful!
@whateverlolawants Seconding whateverlolawants. WTF? Sorry about the job situation!
@olivebee could it have been something where because they couldn't find your reference they thought it was fake? That's the only thing that makes sense to me. Maybe they've been burned before!
@Diana Wow, that is brutal. I had to move back home, so...good luck to you and my god have mercy on your soul (kidding kidding, you'll figure it out I'm sure). Now, go forth and get some, girl.
@katiemcgillicuddy Also, Blanche would be so proud.
Yeah, one of my old bosses closed up shop I think so they couldn't contact her. Then, at my current job, they told me to use somebody from HR as my reference but then when they called her (she's a new employee) she didn't know who I was. They were nice enough to call me back and explain that they were choosing between myself and another person and the tipping point in the decision was that they couldn't contact my references. I don't blame them, if I'd been trying to make that decision I'd probably do the same thing. I'm really grateful they took the time to tell me because I've got my references sorted out now, but it was still a huge bummer.
To everybody who was helping me cope with gender disappointment last week--THANK YOU!!! I really appreciate your open-mindedness and understanding. The GD seems to have worn off (it only lasted a couple of days), and I realize that it was actually because I had such a terrible non-relationship with my own mother that it was intensely important for me to forge a successful mother-daughter relationship where the daughter is allowed to grow and individuate, but from the mother side, and that I'd been counting on that without realizing it. My therapist suggested gently that perhaps, since I have mother-daughter baggage, it worked out for the best that I'm having a boy as my first child, since I have fewer worries and assumptions about a mother-son relationship, never having experienced it or seen it firsthand(no brothers either, or male cousins, etc.). Also that parents tend to have lots of mishegoss about their first child and are considerably more mellow about subsequent ones once they get the hang of it....Anyway, now I'm thrilled to be having a boy--it's just one more piece of information about this little person, and every little piece is great!
@siniichulok Also, sorry for all the FeelingsVomit here!
@siniichulok Hooray!!! So glad you're feeling better about it!
@siniichulok I think it's awesome that you're talking about this! Everyone acts like pregnancy should be all rainbows and bunny rabbits and I find it so comforting whenever I hear a woman talk about something she feels ambivalent about. :)
@siniichulok Oh hooray! I've thought about this a few times since and I'm SO GLAD you're feeling less feelingsy about it. Huzzah. And huzzah boys! And mazel tov. :)
@siniichulok I second what Emmanuel Cunt said. Don't hesitate to share again, this here be a safe space!
@katiemcgillicuddy YES THIS.
@siniichulok never apologize for FeelingsVomit in an FOT, lady! Yay your therapist, too.
I will also share that my mom has told me several times that she was nervous when she was pregnant with my brother, because she has two sisters, only female cousins, and a daughter, so she knew from girls but what would she do with a boy? And my brother turned out to be a rad little guy and grew up to be a kind, funny, and all-around decent man, and is now one of my best friends (he's five years younger than I am but lives around the corner), and he and my mom are pretty close too, so.
Need help! My sister is laid up after foot surgery and is going a little stir-crazy. I want to alleviate her crushing boredom from 3,00 miles away, but I'm not sure the best way to go about doing it. My other sister suggested an at-home massage, but I am not entirely in love with the idea. I kind of want to make her a list of 30 things she can do with a busted hind paw, but am low on ideas. She has a Kindle and already has all the reading material she needs, and Netflix isn't helping because she has a 2.5-year-old who demands a certain amount of attention. Anyone got any suggestions? Thanks in advance!
PAINT BY NUMBERS. Seriously. I find it so soothing and nostalgia-y, and then you have something to show for it!
@miss buenos aires If you have the money for it: make arrangements for a sitter to come and take the kid for a couple hours a couple times a week! If you have more money, also buy her takeout for those times.
Do you have contact info for/can you FB stalk her friends to conspire a surprise at-home hangout (wine, meal she doesn't have to cook, movies, chocolate) with childcare or after the little one goes to bed?
Thanks for the suggestions! I am working on a list of activities to send her that she can do sitting down (ex. ask her daughter questions like, "Why is there day and night?" and record the answers, play with the settings on her camera and take loads of pictures), and paint by numbers would be a great addition! The ideas for getting her more "me" time are also spot on, maybe I can conspire with my brother-in-law on that stuff...
@miss buenos aires I second the idea of sending her food! And projects she can work on with her daughter.
I'm really tired of internet trolls/bullies in comment sections. God forbid you have an opinion that doesn't go along with the group think of a community or the clique of writers. I'm just not commenting on the internet anymore. People are assholes.
Vague comment is vague and IDGAF.
@Slutface noooooo stay here i like you
I second this emotion.
@Slutface Kind of in that same vein, I'm pretty tired of seeing people get told they are a horrible human being/are the absolute worst/should go kill themselves for disagreeing with each other. Take it down a notch, internet!
Don't go away, though. I also like you!
@Scandyhoovian Thanks. I wasn't talking about here exclusively (although it started here and she followed me to another Awl site), but I stopped commenting on Jezebel and Gawker because people just became bitchy towards each other all the time or trying to outdo each other with how bad their lives are. You don't need to attack people to try to get them to see your point of view. Whatever though. I don't mean for people to say "Oh don't leave" (although I do appreciate it so thank you!). I just wanted to vent because it's such a minor thing but I had a really crappy day yesterday and she just added to it.
@Slutface Noooo don't leave! You have my favorite avatar! And also more importantly I like you and your comments. Don't let one annoying person here sully the waters for you. I know it can add to a bad day (it has happened to me, too!), but remember the good times, too!
@Slutface Internet comments are weird, I know! At best, they're awesome and you get to talk to cool people about interesting and/or funny things. At worst, you get a glimpse into the psyche of a potentially evil human being. Because you find these horrible comments disheartening, that's indicative that you should keep internet-commenting. Take heart!
Is it the kind of thing that's at all worth trying to talk out? I only think of it as a possibility because I think generally Hairpin commenters are pretty good at resolving conflict when given the chance. I know personally I can be flitting around, makin' jokes, thinking we're having a light-hearted go at one another's arguments when we disagree about something, when someone else feels really insulted or hurt by something I've said and it's not until they tell me that I even realize I've crossed a line. One person's play argument can be another person's targeted insult.
A while back Danzig and I had a really profitable conversation where he explained how insensitive and hurtful a joke of mine had been, and he was really patient and kind about the whole thing and I was able to apologize to him. That might not be at all applicable to your situation, of course! In which case here is an emoticon of an owl wearing a party hat and sunglasses.
@Slutface You can't leave because your avatar is both wonderful and incredibly disturbing. More to the point, you are entertaining, so please stick around!
@Slutface I know praise isn't what you're after, but just so you know, I hope you don't stop commenting! I really like your comments usually, and there's one from earlier this week (or last week?) that I specifically remember. It was in the thread responding to Jane's article for Rookie, and said something like, "...then I remembered they're teenagers and not deserving of my judgment." It made me laugh, and I don't think there's enough thoughtful criticism in the comment threads of most sites. Idk, I hate internet commenting too. And F gawker sites like Jezebel; most of the commenters seem pretty unhappy.
Any Atlanta-area pinners out there know what the crap I'm supposed to listen to in the mornings? All the local radio shows are awful. I'm not a fan of country or Christian stations, so that cuts out 90% of everything right off the bat. NPR I can only stand if I'm really alert, because they all have soothing put-you-to-sleep voices. 97.1 the River is fine but they play maybe 6 songs on repeat, so now I'm just really tired of Journey and Stevie Nicks. And the Regular Guys on 100.5 are the absolute worst. I feel like that show is for assholes.
Are the pop station morning shows any good? I'm not a fan of the music so I haven't tried them, but... I'm willing to, at this point. Or, on the other side, are there podcasts you guys recommend that could perhaps fill the void? I like lively conversation and don't mind politics but I'd rather not hear nothing but politics first thing in the morning. Otherwise I just want the people not to lean on awful homophobic jokes or ragging on celebrities for 90% of their airtime, you know?
@Scandyhoovian I can't speak for Atlanta, but I was amazed by how decent a few of the pop radio morning shows can be in my area.
@Scandyhoovian This may be an embarrassing admission, but I actually like The Bert Show. It started slowly, but I find myself listening to it just about every morning now. It's very morning-showy in many ways, but doesn't have the stupid sound effects or crank calls (or the homophobia you mention - a great co-host that left about two years ago was an out lesbian and they have a lot of gay listeners). I am said that my favorite co-host left at the end of the year, though.
ALSO if you like stand up comedy, 92.3 just plays standup all day every day.
@Scandyhoovian I hate the River and it is one of few radio stations I get. Also on my shit-list are the morning crew for 102.1. They are racist, sexist, homophobic, fill-in-the-blank jerks.
@BosomBuddy Sorry I have nothing constructive to add. I get angsty when I think about my morning radio options.
@HeyThatsMyBike We have the Bert Show here too, and I agree. I listen sometimes and I don't remembering hearing anything offensive. I usually have on the awesome local station that mostly plays music in the morning, but when I need something else, the Bert Show is reliably interesting.
@Scandyhoovian I usually listen to NPR but if I am too sleepy I will admit to tuning in to Elvis Duran and the Morning Show on 96.7. Really pretty mind-numbing but also high energy and sometimes funny.
@Scandyhoovian The Atlanta radio situation has gotten more and more grim. I totally agree about NPR...love it, but I need to not fall asleep during the half-hour history of the hand drier, you know? Anyway, if you're inside the perimeter, 92.3 plays 2-3 minute clips of various stand-up comics 24/7. (Edit:oops, just saw someone else already said this. It's great, though!)
88.5, 91.1, and 91.9 are all local college stations that can be great or weird, depending on the hour.
@Scandyhoovian Ooh, yes, love Album 88 (88.5) in the mornings. Sometimes. When they have good bands in the queue. Recently they've been rotating in Crystal Castles, love them!
Have we all seen the story of Kai, the homeless hitchhiker who defended a woman with a hatchet handle? And the attacker who said he was Jesus and ran his car into an innocent man because of his race? The only thing that makes the story not depressing is Kai, trust. The 6-minute uncut interview is perhaps the best thing the internet has given me this year.
I was JUST ABOUT to post about Kai, and lo, in the 385th comment, someone finally did. You will enjoy the autotune version of the same. (Sadly, I don't know how to make an elegant link out of it, so here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDQTvuP1Dgs&feature=player_embedded )
@purefog That's great! I figured the internet would deliver a good auto-tone soon.
Words of wisdom: "No matter what you've done, you deserve respect. Even if you make mistakes, you're lovable. And it doesn't matter your looks, skills, or age, your size or anything — you're worthwhile. No one can ever take that away from you."
@whateverlolawants i saw a clip on the soup!
@whateverlolawants "That's like the biggest wave I've ever ridden in my life". I love this kid, and it kind of broke my heart that he ended by saying he had no family left, but he seems pretty zen none-the-less.
@katiemcgillicuddy I know, I wonder what his background is?
@whateverlolawants He mentioned being from West Virginia, but that's about it. Pretty long way from home for ol Kai. I just hope he gets his surfboard, apparently there are people trying to get him one, along with a wetsuit, which is pretty cool. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/get-kai-the-hatchet-hero-a-new-surfboard-and-wetsuit--2
@whateverlolawants He was on Colbert this week! It was amazing!
@HeyThatsMyBike Mini-correction: That story was on Colbert. Kai wasn't a guest or anything.
Best possible circumstance under which to be unexpectedly sideswiped by your ex: coming off an all night makeout session and sweet lazy morning breakfast date with your wonderful new boyfriend.
That said, it took all of the sweetness of the previous 12 hours to dilute the little pinprick insinuations the ex kept throwing my way. He used to do that throughout our relationship - no one tiny comment was big enough to pitch a fit over, but taken all together eventually I was a massive bleeding mass of pinpricks.
@Linette congrats on getting rid of your death-by-a-thousand-papercuts ex, he's disgusting.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, 'Pinners! Had my last round of interviews with the company I want to work for and they're now checking my references. Lord knows I need a job, so send any extra good vibes you have laying around this way!
Also had a great meeting with my advisor about my dissertation yesterday, so I may actually finish enough of my dissertation in time to start said potential job as soon as next month if they'll have me!
@HeyThatsMyBike I also had an interview that I haven't heard back from yet for a position I really want, and I think he's checking my references right now as well! So nervewracking. I'll send you good vibes if you do the same for me!
@thenotestaken Yes! That's great! We can totally trade vibes. Good luck to you! Eeeeeeeeee!
Anyone in Portland who's seeing live music this weekend/coming week?
Is there anything good out there? I missed Cody Chesnutt last week.
@Reginal T. Squirge Oh man! yeah, he was at the Star Theater, but I didn't make it. I saw the Parson Red Heads at Mississippi Studios a couple weeks ago, and they were bomb. That place has great sound. Michael Hurley is playing at the Record Room tonight...he's folky, and great. There's also a punk/garage show at Slabtown tonight. Not sure what "style" (ugh) of music you're into, but I could go on and on about music, so I won't.
I like lots of stuff but I get more picky with my live music choices as I get older. Some stuff is just not worth paying for (and waiting in line for and hanging out with lots of smelly strangers for). I'm hoping this spring/summer has better options!
I hear ya. Portland has some great free shows or reasonably priced shows, but the winter-time is hit or miss. There are tons of free or $5 and under shows, but you'll encounter a fair share of drunk/smelly humans. I don't mind them so much, but I enjoy less divey/scary shows a lot more than I used to.
Not sure if you've ever been to Jimmy Mak's on Wednesdays, but the Mel Brown Quartet plays for $5 and they're crazy awesome. It's the kind of thing I would never, ever have been into a few years ago, but now that I'm 25 and soooooooo much wiser (haha?) I'm totally into it.
They're a jazz quartet, btw.
I might check that out sometime.
So I got a round of applause at work 2 days ago because I broke the record for # of orders entered and the thing is I didn't even feel like I was working that hard. I was reading The Billfold/The Hairpin with one eye and typing dumb orders in (FLAWLESSLY) with the other. I feel halfway super fly and halfway like achieving this level of mastery means I've been in this job waaay too long.
Another bizarro week! My brother-in-law had his 6 month cancer scan as well & was declared still cancer-free! He is running a marathon next week, because he is a badass. I also interviewed for a better position at my work & then had a second interview. I still haven't heard back & I really really want it. If that didn't work out, I was going to apply for another awesome position that just opened up. Then, about 10 minutes ago, I found out that that interview was TODAY. So, now I'm pissed at myself for not realizing it was so urgent.
Also, last weekend I decided to be less passive in my relationships & therefore broke things off with my manfriend of 10 months. As a serial monogamist, this is the first time in 8 years that I haven't had a man with whom I was transitioning into a relationship. And my birthday is on Valentines Day. One Lonely Cow.
@one cow. I hope you have a great birthday/V-day. If you're up for sharing, why did you break things off? What made you decide to stop being passive?
@whateverlolawants Well, the entire 10 months of our hanging out, I never referred to him as my boyfriend. I kept resisting the commitment, even though we were together all the time for 10 months, and there was no real difference except for the lack of title. I kind of just made up my mind to finally force myself to answer the hard question of whether I wanted to be fully committed to him. Even though he's so wonderful, my instinct was that I didn't want to commit to him. So, I told him that. He's so wonderful in all these ways, but my gut was saying no. Worst!
@one cow. I hate that feeling too. How did he take it? It's probably for the best that you went ahead with it. Hanging around in a commitment-free zone only works for so long for a lot of us.
@whateverlolawants He was super sweet and sad, which was the worst. He kept saying he was hurt, but that he wants me to be happy. I knew I wasn't being fair to him by keeping him in limbo. It needed to happen, but it sucks.
@one cow. Yeah, you did the right thing. It's tough though. Hugs! Hope the weekend goes well despite all that.
can we talk about owl emoticons please
like here is an owl
but here is a beakless owl wearing a pharaonic beard ya dig??
I like my owls with big feet.
@melis horned owl
Any fellow winter bikers out there? Want to share tips/stories/whines?
@thenotestaken I am trying to be a winter biker but I'm wimpy when it's windy and < 40...would love to see tips from hardier souls
@thenotestaken I love winter biking! I just got a new (first new good bike ever) bike. I refuse to bike when there's lots of snow on the ground, because of streetcars, and bad drivers (I was out walking today and saw the unfamiliarity with snow/lack of snow tires and was scared). what do you wear? I have a good pants situation, but am feeling like I need a new coat of some kind, besides a short/not super heavy ski jacket.
@thenotestaken Do you read this blog? She is great and has so many ridiculous snowbiking stories: http://arcticglass.blogspot.com/
Do you commute? I am like an 8/9 month bike commuter - I don't like to commute in the coldest cold, but I usually go Feb-Nov here in the upper Midwest. I've been walking a lot more this winter, but I'm hoping to have a relatively car-free spring/summer except for trips out of town.
My old labmate year-round bike commuted religiously for years and years. Studded tires, hub generator, the whole bit. He had the most crazy cycling style (very bouncy) and he ended up murdering his knees like 5th year of grad school. He has a kidlet now, so I don't imagine he's hauling her around in January on a bike!! :)
@thenotestaken I came here hoping to find such a thread! I am bike crazy, year round in Montreal, all weather, all good. Today was a bit much with all the fresh snow though.. you have to have good momentum for your front wheel to not wobble and then well you're going "fast" which is also kinda scary. Then there's the aggression from car drivers that think cyclists don't belong on the road in winter. Which is kinda true, it's not the safest thing to do but there will never be proper infrastructure laid out until there is a need for it so I say ride on!
I just came back from picking up my first ever new frame (Surly Cross Check), stopping by my local bikeshop (oh bike mechanics why are you so dreamy?) to get started with the build. I am ridiculously excited about this since it will definitely make the rest of winter more fun and it's just such a good-looking frame.
I would love to know what you all are riding. I am all for steel frames (my summer ride is a late 80s italian (daccordi) SLX that is probably a little too big for me but that I love because it's just so classic.
@theotherginger I find my core gets really warm while my extremities freeze so I suggest to pair a light coat with a good underlayer + arm warmers + good cycling appropriate gloves (myself currently using mittens with layers of gloves beneath but need to upgrade)
@Mlle Mlle basically a dreamy mechanic convinced me to buy a new bike. also, I know the store is a bit more pricey than others, but it was 100 m from my house, and the difference between the repairs and a new bike was not that great...
and now you have encouraged my next trip to MEC! I am excited to have a reason to go there (I try and not go to browse. Too many things I want!)
@theotherginger I hear you, I need to stay away from MEC for a while! I don't want to be an enabler but their merino wool base layers are on sale...I've resisted so far but only because I can't justify any spending currently.
From my experience, being a good customer at your LBS means that when you need tuning, repairs or answers to your (sometimes silly) questions not only do you not have far to go but you also get great personalized service and friendly pricing!
MY PEOPLE. Here goes my novel:
@Mlle Mlle Hey, I'm in Montreal too! I've been trying to bike as often as I can, but I don't have snow tires so after a day like today I have to wait a bit for the streets to clear out.
I also don't like cycling in -20 or below--most of me is still fine but my fingers and toes get so cold! That's what I need a solution for. I have super intense cycling gloves but I think I need to find some giant mittens to put over them because the separate-fingers thing just isn't working with my poor circulation and double-mittens is working for my roommate. Toes I'm less sure about, even if I wear two pairs of socks they still get cold, and if I were to move up in shoe intensity it would be to my Sorels, which feel too bulky to bike in.
In terms of what works: I have a zip-up wool jacket--bomber-style, I guess, with a hood? It's really thick and I can't for the life of me find anything resembling it online but the important parts are that it has elastic around the bottom and cuffs which stops cold air from getting in. I do wish it was a little longer, though I usually layer a longer sweater below so if the jacket rides up I don't have exposed skin. I have a little fleece cap thing which fits under my helmet and covers my ears and forehead nicely. and I have one big thick wool scarf but I'll usually also wrap a smaller cotton scarf around my face--I find it's easier to breath in and out of than a knit.
As for bike, I'm using the same cheap frame I was in the fall--it's a Nishiki touring bike, light steel frame, I got it for a lil over a hundo on CL. I'm not huge on crazy upgrades and gear since a big reason I bike is to save money. I would like to build up my own bike some day.
@phipsi I do commute! It's not a super long ride, 15 minutes there and 20 minutes back due to a big hill. Last year I didn't ride at all for the months of Jan/Feb but this year I'm trying to only skip days that are too snowy for my non-treaded tires and below -20C.
@thenotestaken All I know is that my friends wear battery-powered socks every year to an outdoor beer festival in Minnesota (in February) and they rave about them. Seems like there's lots of options on Amazon!
@Mlle Mlle Whoops came here to reply to your comment but looks like you deleted it? I tried to change to snow tires last month but I couldn't find used ones in my size at the co-ops, everyone was more proactive than me I suppose.
I do agree that it's worth it to upgrade, but I just don't have the budget for it right now--and I've had bikes stolen before which sucks enough as is when they cost under $100. Also I have a roommate who is kind of obnoxious about having the best everything (he rides carbon and won't shut up about it) and it goads me into trying to do the best I can on as little money as possible, haha!
oh man, an acquaintance on facebook just made a joke about what different members of a family think when they throw up, and it ends with "mommy throws up and thinks, 'sweet, losing weight.'"
I considered messaging her to say that this made me uncomfortable and reminded me of my bulimic days, but that just seems so preachy and intrusive, and I'm sure she meant nothing bad by it.
Why does it have to be so normal for women to hate our bodies :/
@Emmanuelle Cunt Seriously. Since high school, I never know what to do when women sit around body shaming themselves. I know that they want me to join in and say something I hate about myself and how it's so much worse than their insecurity, but NO I WILL NOT ENGAGE IN THIS BEHAVIOR. I know that I come off as cool or superior sometimes, but I just can't deal with toxic shit anymore.
Honestly, your acquaintance's post makes me sad because if she says that mess around her little girl she will pick it up. That's how it starts all too often.
Ugh, you guys I just got laid of from my job without warning. I mean, sure it was a temp position, but it was long term with an intent to hire. They didn't even tell me, I got a message from the temp agency saying someone from my office called and said not to report back! And I was going to bake them english muffins! But I guess it's ok because I just saw a job posting for my dream job. I wrote the best damn cover letter ever and am keeping my fingers crossed!
@crango Good luck! Better to pursue a job you want then wish to stick around at a place that doesn't value you. Seriously.
@crango That's so disappointing; I'm so sorry. I bet those english muffins will be amazing. You can mail them to me. You can mail all of them to me. I will hire you.
@crango UGHHH that sucks so much. Are you in NYC? Do you need more temp agencies?
@gna207 Thanks! I was pretty bummed at first because I really did like my coworkers, but the job itself was dull and given how it ended, I'm glad i'm out sooner than later.
@Queen of Pickles I'm actually in the Hudson Valley, but thanks! When I talked with my counselor at the agency, she was as surprised as I was about the whole thing and my boss didn't say why they were letting me go, so she'll set me up for more interviews ASAP
@melis They are amazing and super easy to make! I wish I could do that all day for a living, but I'd probably wind up eating half of my wares.
Also! I used to be one in five of Awesome Single Ladiessss friendgroup. But now, one lives in Chicago (far away) and the other three have various levels of Things Going On... not exactly Lovers Forever, but checking their phones every five to ten seconds and so on. Coming over to hang out with me and watch movies/drink beer, and then standing up suddenly at 11pm saying I HAVE TO GO NOW. Bragging about the awesome restaurants they get to go to all the time and not break their budgets. I am trying REALLY REALLY hard to be okay with all of this. But ugh ugh ugh. Anyone feel me?
@lasso tabasco UGH obsessive phone checkers are the worst! THE WORST. >:|
@angelan I KNOWWWWW. I'm like, why don't you just go see him already so I don't have to watch you check your phone and push buttons that probably spell "lollll ;)"
@lasso tabasco I have been the phone checker for men who aren't worth it. I feel bad now.
Also, imho, if you were my friend and consistently (not just once or twice) leaving a bunch of ladies at 11 pm I would send you the garfunkel and oates song. or have a real conversation and be an adult. but probably the former.
@lasso tabasco UGH, PHONE CHECKING! I just can't, man. Here and there, OK. But how in the hell do I end up out with six friends... yet have no one to talk to for half the night? Seriously, that really annoys me to death. And sort of related: stop telling me to get an iPhone. I do not care about iPhones and, no, my phone is not from 2002 (you know what's from 2002? Talking about your supercool phone, that's what); it is new but not an iPhone because, again, I don't care.
job hate. so much job hate right now. Yay weekends! Is it bad that I'm already anxious about Monday on Friday?
sorry I just quit my job and it was the best thing ever so I am on a high of telling everyone to quit their jobs (quit your job)
@gna207 Been there. Quitting was one of the best things I've ever done.
@melis @par_parenthese I went to HR... I am on that path but it's my first job and the idea of quitting is equally as horrifying as the idea of my boss right now.
@melis Yes, yes, YES. I quit at the beginning of the summer. When I did my taxes this year I crowed to myself about my giant refund -- and even when I realized that I would have MORE MONEY if I hadn't quit, I still wasn't sorry.
Same here. I work for an after-school program that's right up my alley, but my boss makes me seethe with contempt. For example, our program is located in the middle of a trailer park, and we are in the process of adding a modular addition to our building. One of the kids asked how big the new trailer was, and my boss responded, "A lot bigger than any of yall's trailers." Kids gave her crickets.
ETA I am leaving in June.
@gna207 fistbump/glass clink.
@melis I am so fucking jealous. I want to quit my job so so so badly but I don't always get enough writing jobs to do that.
EVERYBODY QUIT EVERYTHING
@melis ERRYBODY IN THE THREAD GETTIN QUITSY.
@gna207 spend your weekend looking into other job opportunities! or party one day and job opportunities the other!
@par_parenthese did someone ring?
In related news I just did the simultaneous quit/get laid off combo! I'M SO EXCITED YOU GUYS, SO EXCITED THAT I'M HERE SHARING MY FEELINGS WITH THE INTERNET.
Also @melis I saw this and thought of you.
I'm several hours away from home, doing outdoor fieldwork, working through the weekend, and have to finish out the week in the office once I get back.
SHOULD I QUIT
@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy NIPSY, I 100% THOUGHT OF YOU AS I WROTE THAT. TRUTH.
@par_parenthese ew ew now im listening to it
@Porn Peddler @par_parenthese here comes the 3 to the 2 to the 1. (these kids would legitimately need fake ID's tho)
Ok but I'm going to continue to tell all of you on the internet about my life, specifically: I had a phone interview for a new job this morning! And they unexpectedly asked me for a salary range. Due to panic/bad math, I named a number around 2x my current salary and didn't realize until after I hung up. WHOOPS BUT I DON'T CARE. PAY ME THE MONIES. I WILL TAKE IT AND GO TO THE CLUB AND GET TIPSY.
@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I am laughing so hard right now I love you.
・°☆.。.:*・ ~(=^‥^)–¥ └(=^‥^=)┐ °☆.。.:*・°☆.。(^._.^=)ﾉ
@melis I am quitting my job next week! I've been sitting on this for a while now and I'm a little bit terrified. It's a big salary cut and I'm still majorly in debt - but I was miserable and wanted to drive into a ditch every night on my way home. I'll love it once I do it, right? The new job could not be more perfect for me (unless it paid twice as much, that would be more perfect).
@gna207 Watching this video all day at work has been helping me with the job rage lately: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lh7Zg8WXwU
Anyone know anything about alternative careers for scientists? I finish my PhD (genetics-ish) soon, might possibly do one postdoc (but probably not), but will definitely want out of academic research eventually (i.e. I don't want to be a PI). I don't know how to do anything except research, so I'm scared that even if I'm technically qualified to do a regular job, I won't have any idea how to do it. Has anybody made the leap?
@angelan I am working at a university right now in a non-tenure-track analyst position. I started it before I finished my PhD and I'm staying on for a while (with the possibility that I will get a better title now that I graduated). So, there are university research jobs where you don't have to be a PI or a professor.
Or maybe consulting? Pharmecutical research? I imagine this is pretty big in your field. I got an email a few days ago from this company looking for PhDs http://www.c1consulting.com/employment-intro.html
I know nothing about them...just thought I'd pass it along as an idea.
@angelan If you like working with people, maybe doing something in the field of health care? Like a genetics counselor? You'd probably be way overqualified. Most places there is a required training to get certified, so it doesn't matter if you only know about research.
@angelan I'm a scientist in consulting, and it's working out mostly well (well, except for my bitching upthread). Buuuut, I'm a biologist, and I only have a MSc. and I never wanted to go into academia so maybe it's not similar. It is pretty different from academia, though, and I know we've had some trouble with people trying to make the transition and having a hard time.
@MilesofMountains If you don't mind my asking, what were they finding difficult? I'm not so sure about consulting (I like labwork a lot), but I know people who are thinking about that.
@angelan Not all of our post-academics have had problems. We have some really good people, too.
This one might just be my company, but our main problem is hiring PhD's right out of school to supervisory positions when they don't have any experience organizing a project or a consulting budget or doing the day-to-day work, so they get lost and overwhelmed.
Also, one of the managers told me academics sometimes seemed to have trouble with the timesheets, which I don't really understand, because it's annoying keeping track of every minute and every project, but it's not hard. The other thing is just staying in a budget: if a client says they want to pay for 40 hours to write a report, you give them the quality of report that can be written in 40 hours, even if you'd really need 60 to do an awesome job. Perfectionists in general don't seem to do well in science consulting, I think that's one of the main ones I've seen people crash and burn on.
@MilesofMountains that makes sense, you don't necessarily get a lot of supervisory/management experience in a PhD - lack of management skills (time, people, money...) is a bit of a problem higher up in academia I think ;).
So, no headway in terms of my job issue. Short summary if you missed it last week: my boss cut me down to one shift per week and hired someone to work my shifts, then INSISTED that I told her to do this and when my panic became evident just kept saying "Oh well, already hired someone, it'll be fine, this is perfect for you." Given that Mister was unemployed until two weeks ago, I OBVIOUSLY DID NOT ASK FOR THAT. I want out of the job, but I need to pay my bills (like most people do!) I sent a resume to a job for which I am very qualified (like...I am fucking perfect for this job) and I hate job hunting so much I swear I almost puked when I hit "send." As the month progresses, I am more and more desperate to leave the porn store. I've been working at MG's just about every day and I pick everything up so fucking fast and it's so satisfying and I'm like oh god why is this not a way to pay my bills, want want want.
I've been listening to New Workout Plan on repeat for days because I assume it will help.
Claiming you asked for the hours reduction? That is some crazy gaslighting right there. Oof, what a mess. Hopefully something will work out soon!
@Porn Peddler OMG, Get. Out. That is some terrible BS your boss is pulling.
But New Workout Plan! With any luck you'll get sounds and 13s put on your Cavalier.
@Bittersweet Hopefully I ain't gotta work at the mall again. That's what I'm going for!
Like...every time I think about it, I can't get my head around how fucked up this is! NEED. INCOME. NOW.
Yesterday, at about 6 I decided to leave the lights off, and wait for my huasband to come home. I wanted him to come home to a dark house where I could creep him out.
A horror-movie inspired homecoming.
Except he decided to do some shopping. So he was late back. And the later he got the more stubborn I was about bloody doing this and doing it right. I didn't go to the loo in case I missed his entrance.
I sat in the dark for 42 minutes just for this exchange:
'I waited for you.'
'I waited for you in the daaaaaaaaark.'
Before he turned the lights on, and you know what? It was worth it.
Anyway, my question is - why does my husband like to go out clubbing without me there?
@Anninyn No, the real question is why aren't we friends because this is awesome.
@Anninyn I admire your determination to be creepy, well played.
@Anninyn I ... I seriously have a crush on you right now because of all the admiration. Fantastic.
@Anninyn That is pretty awesome! A few years ago, my husband and I went to visit my sister, and he went to bed, and I ended up staying up having deep sister talk for a few hours more. The next morning he told me he'd found a gorilla mask and waited for me to come to bed so he could scare me, but I never came so he just put it away. I felt bad! Glad your plan worked out!
Query! I feel I should be in a position to know wedding etiquette, but most of my friends are still unmarried.
One is currently engaged, and I'm a bridesmaid. Yay! Her first shower is next weekend, and they are registered at online places with their address attached. I have not been to a shower since the pre-internet days. (Whoa.) Can I just have their gift delivered to their house and bring a card to the shower? Is gift opening still a big part of the shower experience? I am at a loss.
I'd rather mail to them, because getting packages to my apartment is often a challenge, but I'd feel awkward if everyone else had something and I was there with a smile. What's the norm these days?
@sydwi I think it's totally fine to have it mailed to them! If she's doing gift opening, let her know it's on it's way and not to open the package until the shower!
@sydwi The gift opening still tends to be a thing. If you are worried the gift might not make it/order it late (I would do the latter), bring a card that explains what's up. That way, it won't be awkward if there is or if there isn't a gift opening time.
@theotherginger @crango Excellent. Thanks, guys. I think I will just go with the card/nice note for her to open there and the package at their place! (especially since, yeah, I can be a little more procrastinatory, hee.) It's got to be easier for her, too, since the shower will be at her sister-in-law's place about 40 miles away.
Just went and took a brief snowshoe walk around my neighborhood. Failed to account for the fact that blowing snow and glasses lead to a frozen eye shield. On the up side, snowshoeing was easier was easier then expected. Mostly just had to have a broader stride.
(oh, and i found out that my head shrinker reads the 'pin. so holla, maybe?)
just saying last night i had a dream that i was running around a yard playing with a puppy and cuddling it and also drinking whiskey from my backpack that i like didn't know i had? well waking up was somewhat of a disappointment
I don't feel well AND there's a blizzard AND I'm a complete fool vis a vis internship stuff, I'm beginning to really feel my arrested adolescence AND when I got up this morning I took my bedtime meds by accident so I am entirely without energy and will probably not sleep tonight AND I'm going to ask a girl out and she'll say no and I'll feel dumb and ugly.
In my sedative haze I did call my best friend to tell her I love her, which would have been dramatic if we didn't frequently exchange that exclamation. Lunesta gives me a weird 10-15 minute period of bliss when I want to do that sort of thing
@Danzig! I had these sleeping pills recently (can't remember what kind) that made me quasi-hallucinate! This summer I took one and sat out on my patio for like an hour convinces that the trees had faces and were talking to me. I left my stepfather a weird voicemail asking him what people are supposed to do when trees talk to them. SO WEIRD.
@lasso tabasco haha yeah that happens. When I take Lunesta and read, the text forms itself into maze-like patterns and ziggurat structures, almost 3D. They don't interfere with the reading, but they are weird!
@Danzig! Aww dude. Listen to some good music, eat something chocolatey, get some sleep. The good thing about days like this is the next day is, by default, not possibly as terrible. Hugs from one arrested adolescent to another - we'll all be ok.
I just found out that there were TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORMS called the Blizzard of '78. MY MIND IS BLOWN.
@anachronistique There was one that wasn't the one they still talk about in Indianapolis?!
I went to the DMV today, thinking I was going to have to pay late fees for my registration BUT I guess my husband paid already and we didn't get our stickers because we did our smog check too early. I narrowly avoided having to do 3 checks in 3 years and walked out with my stickers and with out having to pay anything! Yay!
Also, can we talk about Instagram? I like it. I mainly post pictures of my dog, food I eat, and scenery/produce. I know that describes pretty much every instagrammer ever, but if anyone wants to follow and leave their handle I'd be pretty excited. I need more vintage filtered photos to look at! I'm melissamachete.
@barefoot cuntessa "Scenery/produce" made me col (chuckle out loud).
Ask me your sexy things questions to make me feel less awful about how much my job has disappointed me. I still love this field, but it is increasingly easy to lose sight of that.
@Porn Peddler how do you ask a woman out on a date, and how do you handle someone definitely knowing that you've wondered what kissing them is like
@Danzig! Is this woman a friend or an acquaintance or a barista or?
@Porn Peddler Aw jeez, sorry things are rough at work, keep ya head up, you are a great commenter, so thanks for that:)
Best vibe under 100 bucks (other than Magic Wand, which I love to death but I'm just curious)?
@katiemcgillicuddy What are you looking for in a vibe? I assume, since you said magic wand, that you want a very powerful external use vibrator?
@Porn Peddler Yeah, I certainly wouldn't mind something external/internal, but definitely an external focus.
@Porn Peddler What is a good rabbit-style vibe that is not actually shaped like a rabbit or any other animal? (THE TINY EARS CREEP ME OUT)
@halfheartedyoga @Porn Peddler @ Danzig! Maybe these are different ladies? Anyway its 3AM where I am Danzig, so take my ramblings with that in mind.
WITH REFERENCE TO PEOPLE KNOWING YOU WANT TO KISS THEM
(a) Do you think they want to kiss you?
*Please provide more information so we can best answer*
(b) Are you asking because now you're worried an awkward situation has been created?
If this person is worthy of your imagined kisses, they can handle that knowledge that you want to kiss them, even, I daresay, if they aren't interested back. I guess if you're asking because now you're worried there's an awkward situation, there can only be an awkward situation if 2 people agree it's awkward. If you plow on with buying your coffee/playing settlers of Cataan/whatever as if everything is normal, then you can help the other person know its all good.
Basically, awkward happensYou can't control how others react to shit but you can do your level best to show (or pretend) that things aren't awkward for you, if needed. I mean, we're all just fallible fragible people trying to make it you know? Plow through the awkward. (*I can provide stories if needed).
W/R/T ASKING PEOPLE OUT.
I (a woman) have been asked out once. Smoothie did it on gchat. But when I have my sites on a man, usually I ask him to coffee/drinks/an exhibit/dinner depending on how well I know him and the norms of the city we're in. Usually I try to ovary up and do it in person, but lots of times I do it in an sms. Sometimes I get rejected - at the date stage or um later. Plow through the awkward. Onwards!
@Porn Peddler - I was just thinking of asking you a question today (internet stranger). If one was licking an area that had an disagreeable smell (but is clean), would you suggest a flavored oil or a flavored lube, or something else entirely?
I haven't ever tasted a pleasant lube, but I'm not sure about licking oil (greasy?). What do you recommend?
@upupandaway Either one would be acceptable, but there are major considerations for both. Is the licked-thing near a vagina? Don't use EITHER OF THOSE THINGS ON IT. JUST DON'T. Will it be going in/around a vagina sometime after the licking? Don't use either of those things on it unless you are cool with the idea of either giving the licked-thing a thorough rinsing (in the case of flavored, water-based lube) or legit wash-with-soap-and-rinse (in the case of oil). That said, there are definitely a lot of not-terrible flavored lubes out there. They don't taste great but it's not like you're frosting cupcakes with the stuff. Most sex shops have a million lubes that come in sample sizes so load up on those and surely you can find one you like.
Also, can you give me a weeeeeee bit more information here? Is this a clit? A b-hole? A penis?
@halfheartedyoga friend, not close but we catch up, 10+ years. Former student council president, all-business haircut. Laughs at 120 decibels, smarter than I am
@Porn Peddler Butt ( * ) terrible emoticon?
@halfheartedyoga Oh I was referring to the notion that asking someone out is more or less an indication to them that you have designs on them. Is that wrong? Because it raises the stakes for me, I feel like that might be an offensive thing
@Danzig! eh, not a big deal. Plenty of people make moves on friends and acquaintances but it doesn't have to Change Everything!!! that she now knows you would be interested in dating her, if she wanted to date you.
Would you still want to be friends if she was like "no offense, but I'm not romantically interested in you"? If so, the stakes are pretty low.
@upupandaway Flavored lube, carefully applied if near a vagina. But you might find the odor still coming through. I mean, butts smell like butts, nahmsayin'? Flavored lube will only do so much. Happy rimming!
@Danzig! Personally I feel like asking people out makes it easier because there is a set thing you can say yes or no to. Like, ok yeah they know at that point that you're into them (because you asked them out) BUT it's better than some vague let's hang out and watch a movie thing where they don't know if you actually just want to watch the movie or not. So if you ask them on a specific date they know what you are looking for and then can decide and tell you yes or no in a neutral space.
And! You get to choose the level of intensity, do you want to start with a coffee date or do you want to go and get a fancy dinner (which is more romantic/intense). So you can start on a level you're comfortable with based on how much you like the person, how well you know them, how much you think they like you, etc.
Also, putting myself in her position, I don't think it has to be super weird for a friend to make a move on you? Before I was dating my boyfriend we were good friends and I had a massive crush on him but didn't think he was interested in me as anything more than a friend. So I decided to find out for sure so I ask if I could kiss him. And, well, he said yes but if he said know I would have been MORTIFIED for like 2 minutes and then probably would have calmed down and asked him if he wanted to watch Farscape with me instead.
So, you know, as long as you're ok with her saying no you should be fine? FWIW I was also asked out by a friend and I said no and it was weird for like, 1 day and then we continued to be good friends for a year and then he moved away but still kept in touch for a bit. So it doesn't have to be weird!!
@halfheartedyoga haha thanks :) I will plow through the awkward. It feels different now, strangely. Support from the pintariat re: the virgin interview was really robust and galvanizing (Even though I feel like I was given too much credit, and that my sensitivity itself is unattractive if I am a boring person). I know that I desire companionship deeply and I'm trying to recapture the optimism I had in New York. But it's hard, so many of my instincts are telling me that I'm too ugly to pursue such great women or that I will fail in courtship, however that works.
But I will ask her out, and I hope she says yes. It would be nice to date someone I trust.
@Sea Ermine this is great advice! More stuff to consider :) thank you
@Porn Peddler Good ways of suggesting to your totally wonderful sig other that while you totally love having sex with them, you've determined that what you're doing is not the most satisfying to you physically and you would like to kick things up an notch in the ol' bedroom situation? (toys, maybe a little light bondage?) But being careful of feelings and stuff. (first relationships are tricky!) But a package of Exciting Items are currently winging themselves my way and I want to playyyy.
Hey all! I feel like I'm always late to this thread but I just wanted to come on and say it's my birthday today!!!! And we had a blizzard. I'm making cupcakes and having a party and possibly sledding. HELLZ YEAH.
@geek_tragedy Happy birthday!
@geek_tragedy Haaaaaappy birthday!
@geek_tragedy Happy birthday!!! Also, GO SLEDDING (I would KILL for some snow because I've been dying to go sledding, I must live vicariously through you)
@geek_tragedy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Thanks, all! In the end we had a mini-rager, and no sledding! But that's perhaps for tomorrow? I am looking forward to it! Birthmonth continues!
Work was exhausting today - I was one of only two receptionists this afternoon, which meant things were pretty frantic. (Friday afternoon is a busy time in a GP surgery, as everyone realises they need things urgently for the weekend.) But my boyfriend is here, and we're going to watch Henry IV Part 1 with a friend tomorrow, and I got a job interview!
Well. I've been really stressed for a number of months thinking I was going to have to call it quits on my relationship. We're having to move this spring, and it seemed it would be an appropriate time to go our separate ways (or to take a place with more bedrooms so we could transition to being apart). When I brought it up, though, after several hours of talking (and crying. geez I cry too much) it seems we've been kind of in the same boat, thinking the other person wanted out but not really wanting it to be over. So we're moving, but we're staying together while we work through rebuilding this relationship (or, if it ends up making more sense, ending things amicably).
Communicate, people! Don't run your relationships like I do!
@dale Oh man, that's way hard and intense, but I'm glad you talked it out! Do you feel super relieved? Hope things work out. Internet stranger hugs.
@par_parenthese Relieved, yes, though I think it's still a lot of work ahead. Also this has made her (temporarily) very clingy, which makes this introvert the teensiest bit uncomfortable. ;-)
@dale I laughed at your last comment. From one introvert to another... o.O!!
Fingers crossed for y'all to figure out a path that leads to happiness for both.
@par_parenthese Ha ha! *introvert fist bump*
Everyone (maybe Jolie, if you're around): STATIC! So much static in new condo! I am going crazy, and have tried all the obvious stuff. I'm sure it's not year-round because I had no issues when I first moved in but now, YIKES. The clinging, the electrocutions, the dry cough that plagues the BF (and annoys the crap out of me even though I know it's not his fault; I have A Thing about repetitive coughing, I think). Suggestions, helpful hints, anything...
@Hellcat Have you tried a humidifier? It helps with the coughing.
@laurel I have; I bought a nice one too (after getting discouraged with a crappy-ass HoMedics one). The big one is in the living room, and I have a little one in the bedroom too. People say to boil water on the stove (like... constantly? That seems crazy--and like a good way to burn up a pot eventually). I use dryer sheets in the dryer, and sometimes I crack a window even though it's cold out (maybe I'll do that now; it's snowing like a mother here) and now I am out of ideas and crazed. I mean, just that feeling of the clinging...
I really wish I had known about furnaces with built-in humidifiers before buying this place (but, I knew nothing about furnaces in general... or buying places, for that matter).
And sorry that I went parentheses crazy! Zoinks.
This might be an absolutely insane suggestion, but:
...make slippers out of dryer sheets? They reduce static on everything.
Also, spray the carpets with a spray bottle full of water?
@Queen of Pickles Ahhh, I have heard of this. But, because I am That Person, I not only have a Thing about coughing, but also about anything rubbing on the carpet. Oy vey, I suck!
I think that, in the near future, maybe ditching the carpet altogether could be the key here. But who knows what's under it and what kind of expensive home-improvement rabbit hole I'll find myself spiraling down?
Boiling water constantly works pretty well in my experience--you just have to keep an eye on the pot and make sure it's full. A few years ago when we had a big ice storm that knocked the electricity out, boiling water on our gas stove was the only thing we could do to keep the house warm. The only problem we ending up having was condensation on the walls, but we had two pots of water on the stove every waking hour, so that might have been overkill.
If in doubt, though, you can just get a pot from the thrift store, just in case.
@little sausage Even if one already has a humidifier running? And the steam will "handle" areas outside of the kitchen? I'm sorry to sound so dumb--I am not generally very sciency!
I GOT THE JOB!
ok well YOU don't quit but everybody ELSE quit
Anyone else feel lame because your Friday work/school/whatever schedule renders you too exhausted to ever do anything fun on Friday nights? Wanna commiserate?
Also, thinking of never wearing the outfit I wore today again. Got approached by no less than 3 random dude asking if I wanted to buy E from them or, alternatively, bang them. No on both fronts, douchenozzle bugging me on the train on the way to work at 4AM!
@eleventyone YAGH commiserations. By the end of the week I am SO OVER people that all I want to do is sit on my ass and watch all of Netflix.
@par_parenthese Have you seen this? Seems like it's appropriate.
@eleventyone Nah, I use Friday night for recovery so I can go to brunch or do stuff Saturday. I'm content with this.
@eleventyone yes!! I can never function on Friday nights. I want OUT of my work clothes and no one bother me plz.
@eleventyone Me! But in my defense, I rarely finish work early on Fridays, and all my friends' jobs basically schedule them to finish early on Fridays, so that doesn't really work out. But Friday evenings are usually good for random shopping/walks downtown.
@eleventyone I have not ever gotten approached by shady drug dealers on the train, though there have definitely been times when I would have been open to that! I must just give off a square vibe. In a lot of ways, I am deeply square.
Auuugh, I have an ethical/moral/something dilemma, and I seriously don't know what to do about it. hello tl;dr
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months. He is also applying for disability through Social Security. I was told this last week by the guy's sister that he and his fiancee that they weren't going to apply to get a marriage license was because it would effect his Social Security application... but here's the thing--my state recognizes common law marriage. I know this because I handle Medicaid benefits, and work very closely with Social Security, and have on multiple occasions had to launch investigations of households because of the suspicion that they are holding out as husband and wife.
I'm feeling torn on what to do--if I was talking with one of my clients, I'd definitely tell them to make a fraud report. And that alone I'm not really worried about--if they want to be fraudulent, then they can face the consequences. They are grown adults, after all. But I don't know whether or not I should have a discussion with my friend about this--if I do, I know I need to have it pretty soon.
And then there's this--no one approves of the wedding. At all. Lots of people have been trying to talk the guy out of marrying the girl, and he still wants to go through with it. I don't tell him do/do not marry her because it's his decision, but I'm not entirely sure how to approach the subject without sounding like that. I just want him to know that there are consequences for what they're trying to do, and if they want to get married, fine, but they shouldn't, you know, commit fraud in the process.
Does this even make sense? I don't know. I feel in part like I'm being a tattletale, but then again, they seem to just want to get married without accepting the potential consequences. If I don't report it if they go through with it, I feel like I'd be a huge hypocrite. I don't want to hurt my friends, but at the same time, it isn't fair to my clients if I let some people slide with things that I didn't let others slide by with.
@little sausage I would definitely leave you not liking her out of any discussion you have (that NEVER goes well), but if you feel like you have the kind of relationship with this guy where you can bring up the fraud thing in a non-accusatory way, I'd do it. Like approaching it with the underlying assumption that he doesn't really understand that what he's doing is bad: "Hey, did you know that this is not legal and they catch people doing this all the time, and chances are they will catch you, too? And I know this because it happens at my job all the time?"
As for what you should do if they do go through it with him fully knowing it's fraud - that's a whole other can of worms. Would the case potentially come to you (not sure if that's handled locally or nationally or how any of that works)? i.e. Could you get in actual trouble at work for knowing it and hiding it outside of just feeling like a hypocrite?
@little sausage Whoa. Heavy.
OK, my two cents: you approach it like he's completely ignorant of the problem, and say, once, "Hey, Randolph, you know I handle Medicaid benefits so I kinda feel contractually obligated to mention that if you get married to Bertha but don't report it (or whatever their legal obligation is), that could be a fraud issue with your SS disability. And if someone reports you, that could mean you losing benefits altogether (and/or whatever consequences there might be). I figured you probably knew that, but I just wanted to make sure you weren't going into this blind, because if your case worker finds out, s/he's obligated to do XYZ."
Yeah? Because it absolves you of guilt since you've spoken your piece and informed him of the fact that he's reportable and of the consequences, and then if he goes ahead with it and his case worker finds out... well, then on his head be it, right?
@little sausage ok, wait, questions: If they aren't applying for a marriage license, they aren't married legally. Doesn't the common-law thing kick in after a certain amount of time, though? Is it really considered common-law just because they stand up and do a commitment ceremony? Do they have some breathing room here until they are considered common-law spouses?
So he's not going to be "legally" married? He's basically just moving in with someone? And that's illegal because the partner would be helping with finances? But what about dating couples where one helps with finances/always buys dinner/whatever? I'm sorry, I know I'm just asking lots of questions and not answering yours, but I find the topic genuinely interesting and very, very confusing!
As for advice, I would echo what the others said: Bring up the topic with him but in a very non-judgmental way. Something like, "Hey, I'm just looking out for you, I do this for a living and I'm not sure if you're aware but you can get in big trouble and I wouldn't want to see that happen to you!" To actually go and report him... um, I dunno--follow your gut I guess. I personally probably wouldn't want to get my friend in trouble, especially if there were any chance he would suspect me of ratting on him. But on the other hand, what he's doing is wrong and it makes things so much worse for the folks who are on disability and don't have significant others to help them with living expenses. So maybe it's worth it to make things crappy for this one guy if it means helping those others. Ugh, what a tough decision! I wish you the best!!
Thank you everyone for your answers! I think part of the reason I'm so concerned is because there was one other person in the conversation when I brought up common law, and her automatic response "Great, they can't get married!", which isn't really what I'm concerned with, haha.
re: questions! I don't think anything major would happen at my job--it's more an issue with my own values, honestly. I live in a town that's surprisingly small, so most everyone knows of some sort of situation that's potentially fraudulent, but a lot of the time, there's not much just one allegation can do. At the same time, one allegation could completely crash someone's life if it's proven true. Overpayments when it comes to Medicaid and Social Security build up real quick and real fast. I don't want him to somehow or other get saddled down with that, especially if the marriage doesn't work out and he's left on his own on a very limited income.
In regards to common law marriage, it is kinda confusing! To be really simple, the only difference between common law marriage and your run of the mill marriage is basically just the license--in my state, it is still considered a legal marriage. These are the major things we look at when considering common law in my state:
1. You must be competent and legally able to be married in the first place. So, for instance, two minors can't be married just because they want to be. You can't be common law with your horse or a close blood relative, and if someone was previously married, currently separated from their previous spouse but never actually divorced, they could not be common law married.
2. They present themselves as being married to the general public. If you refer to yourself as Mr and Mrs Smith, or introduce your spouse as my husband/wife, then you're qualifying under this. This also covers a few other things--like weddings or other very visible celebrations of your nupitals, for instance. And this is often considered a separate point, but goes along with this--your friends and family must consider you married.
As a side note, you can be life partners and we (typically) won't consider common law.
3. Both parties must consent to the marriage. Pretty self explanatory.
4. Both parties must cohabit. Weirdly enough, this may be the most flexible of all of the policies.
There are other things to consider, which do include things like length of time together and whether or not they file taxes jointly. But you don't need to be in a relationship for a certain period of time before you can get a marriage license and be legally married through that route, so it doesn't exactly make sense to ask for a time limit before you can consider someone common law when all of the other conditions are present.
So, considering all these things, you can't just consider a couple who are living together common law married. There have to be conditions present that would otherwise be present in a traditional marriage before we will begin to consider common law. So boyfriend/girlfriend? That's fine. Long term commitment or forever fiances? Okay, we'll take note, but that won't change much. It's just when you take that step into marriage--license or no license--that we have to start considering the other person.
@little sausage Just wanted to say that this was really interesting to read. Thanks for sharing your expertise!
<--- Prof pic for remainder of 2013. Nefertiti / Hellen accidentally showing her true cyborg spy identity.
I am crazy bored! All there is is snow.
Tonight, I went to an Irish bar that turns into a sort of dance club on weekend nights! Except 90% of Parisians are apparently too cool or weakling to actually dance. I was wearing a wool sweaterdress because I hadn't known there was dancing, and I am a mediocre dancer, but my friend and I were two of the only people dancing--on a dance floor, with dance lights, with a DJ playing dance music. There were people bobbing tranquilly in heavy cardigans, sweaters over collared shirts, and jackets, and one girl even shoved us because we were dancing in the middle of the dance floor when she and her friends just wanted to stand in a circle and not move.
This is the kind of thing about people here that makes me want to just up and leave and go home to my Yuengling, my dog, and cigarette-butt-free sidewalks. On the plus side, if anyone wants to feel like the life of the party and an amazing dancer, come to Paris!
(Unrelatedly, thanks for the cleaning tips last week! I got most of the whatever out of my coat and have gotten most of the mold off my wall, only to find more hiding behind some boxes of tea and packages of toilet paper.)
@Faintly Macabre I have been there I think! But I had had quite a lot of wine so probably I did dance quite a lot. (This may have been the evening we ended up by the river drinking wine from a bottle with no words on the label, only a picture of Aristotle.)
@Faintly Macabre When I was in Paris (many years ago) I went to mod parties and people were dancing all over the place. In fact, once I was talking to this guy, and he said, "Do you want to dance?" but it turned out he didn't mean with me. He had a semi-choreographed thing going on with himself. ANYWAY, there are places where people have fun dancing and I hope you find them so you can get down with your bad self!
@missupright It's a chain, so possible? The other location we used to go to didn't have dancing, though. When I was studying abroad in France, I visited a friend studying in Italy. We spent about 2 hours walking to a club, and his friend's Italian boyfriend got a 2-liter plastic bottle of some unidentified drink off someone on the street, and they spent the walk passing it around and peeing behind trash cans. None of them understood why I refused to drink any.
@miss buenos aires I read the blog of an English girl living here who always goes to all-night dance things, but they tend to be giant masses of people and house music. Now that I've dancing might be good for me (endorphins!), I'm going to look for real dance places, though. (Also, I want to hear more about mod parties in Paris! That sounds so much more interesting than what I'm living!)
@Faintly Macabre House music, I cannot deal. Not for me! On the other hand, I could dance all night (in my twenties) to '60s soul and rock. I somehow dredged the name of the mod party people from my memory: modaction, but unfortunately it looks like they don't throw parties very often and the last one was last week. But maybe if you email them they will know of others?
Is Truskell still around? I remember that place being fun, with good music.
Today, I found out a church who helped me (and my cat) a lot in the past "passes out pro-life information" at the abortion clinic. I saw those signs. They saved my life (maybe cat's, too), but they are being big jerks to others.
It's right to stop donating to them, yes? What are some good charities you know of to donate to instead?
@Bloodrocuted I think that's a totally justifiable reason to stop donating! Maybe donate instead to a women's shelter/animal shelter/food bank? Or see if there's a community foundation in your area!
@Bloodrocuted Maybe I'm just in a vindictive mood, but if I was in that situation, I'd let the church know why I was ending my donations and taking your cash elsewhere. It probably wouldn't make any difference, but they should be aware that they are being pants.
As for donation ideas, @crango's suggestions are good, and I'd also throw in other churches who help save other people's lives AND have active social and justice ministries that are doing good in the community.
@crango Women's shelter, good idea!
@Hot Doom I feel so vindictive. Thank you for validating my mood. Yesterday, I just left, but today I will tell them.
I used to eat their food when I was homeless and they were very nice, always. They were evil all along. It makes me sad.
I'm in Boston spending the snowstorm eating and drinking and reflecting on my sorry dating life. I have not had the best dating luck here and am starting to think it's more because of "what Boston guys are like and how they treat dating" than I used to think. Can anyone back me up? It has started to seem to me that men (or at least mid-twenties to early-thirties men) are sooo passive around dating. Almost like they take it for granted that women will throw themselves at them and so they don't need to lower themselves to the point of showing interest in a lady, or planning dates or texting too much or really even needing to lift a finger. Is this the same everywhere? Everyone here seems so UNROMANTIC (and maybe it's us ladies too, as I will admit I'm not actively pursuing anyone myself either).
Though I did compare OKC results with friends who live in other cities and I got way fewer nice messages than they did, and the men acted much more bored/didn't pay on our dates, and none of them ever got blatantly insulting messages, like I did, and I swear I'm just a regular girl.
I should move immediately, right? There's a driving ban in effect but maybe I could leave in the morning? Thoughts?
@angelinha I do not live in Boston, but the weekend that I spent there does kind of worry me on the "what Boston guys are like" front, because their going-out clothes look like stuff that their mom bought them at American Eagle circa 2004.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Lolz... I knew a guy who went to college in Boston and that's a perfect descriptor of him.
@angelinha I live in Boston and I have not done any dating here, but this assessment seems to line up with what my friends have experienced, especially regarding OKC. It seems like they are constantly bending themselves out of shape to accomodate these dudes and the dudes are like "yeah whatevs I'm gonna go be emotionally unavailable now." I mean this is a study with a sample size of about 3, but I think it is safe to say it is not just you.
At what point in a professional relationship do you just give up and yell at a person who is being impossible to deal with? Never, right?
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) We need more details, if that's possible? I....so....much....know the feeling. And this might turn out to be relevant to my interests as well. Can you share any more so we can better advise?
@Countess Maritza I write for a website (for free) and it's not as fun as it used to be, mostly because my editor's crazy, cliqueish tendencies appear to have reared their ugly head in my direction. I used to have no problem with him, and we got along great, but now he gets mad at me for doing things wrong when I didn't even know I was doing them wrong! And on projects that I spearheaded and put basically all of the work into. He just had to have his hands in everything, it seems, which would have been fine if he had told me from the start that he didn't want this to be my project.
And then he made me feel bad about all of the hard work I had done, and now that I'm trying to, you know, be communicative and stuff, he takes DAYS to write back. He literally works on this site full-time and has told me multiple times in the last few weeks that there are people on the team he talks to at least once a day. But he can't answer my emails, not even to say that he's busy and will give me a proper response when he has time.
Guys, any tips on what to do if your depression is affecting your work? Like, negatively affecting to the point where your boss had a talk with you about your poor performance? Because when I started this job I though I had a handle on it but it turns out I was just wearing the suit of Sea Ermine circa...5 years ago (pre depression) and then after a month on the job Evil Sea Ermine ripped off the suit and it's causing problems.
Also, if any of your tips don't involve therapy that would be great? Because I would love to find a therapist but I need to get health insurance and to do that I have to be not fired from the job for one more month. And also because I need to fix it this weekend so I don't get fired on Monday which doesn't give me enough time to find a good therapist and then start working with them. So, any advice would be wonderful?
@Sea Ermine Hi! I would suggest trying some regular exercise or activity that does not let you be in your head, and also looking for group therapy options, which might be cheaper than one on one therapy. If you have a friend with behavioral health coverage, maybe they can call their provider to ask about any group counseling options, and relay the info to you? Or if there is a local college or university, check out their websites, search for group counseling. Chances are they will list options for off campus folks, too.
@Sea Ermine Oh, as for coping strategies, try finding a mantra that you can recite easily to yourself at work and home. Some word or group of words that draws on the non-depressed memories you have, like previous accomplishments or a triumph, or a strong memory or a goal, or all of those things. Then use that mantra to get out of the depressed head space to try to retrain your brain to not go "there."
Really though, sometimes our brains are out of whack not just because of thought patterns, so I really hope you get insured and see a doc to talk through things :)
Lifehacker has some good tips, too, sometimes about getting your brain to work better, ha tht souns weird. Here is a recent one on the Tetris effect, http://lifehacker.com/5982005/rewire-your-brain-for-positivity-and-happiness-using-the-tetris-effect
@Sea Ermine Yes! I do have some tips!
1. I've begun to be able to identify the lethargy, melancholy, anxiety, and inability to do basic administrative tasks (cleaning, keeping up with the pile of grading on my desk, responding to texts and phone calls, etc.) AS SYMPTOMS of my depression rather than as personal failings. Just saying it generally -- "These things are symptoms of a brain chemistry issue, not failings" -- enabled me to begin to do that in the moment, as I started feeling the mounting overwhelmed-ness. I need to emphasize that this was revolutionary to my thinking. I can pull myself out of a destructive emotional pattern by plugging that thought process into it. It's become almost like a switch that cuts off the downward spiral, which is AMAZING. It took several months to get to a place where it was automatic, but it started helping right away.
2. I've started thinking of my depression as something separate from me, like a pet that lives inside my head (this is not an uncommon way to look at mood disorders traditionally -- Winston Churchill called it his Black Dog). So I am not my depression, and it is not me. It's just this thing I have to deal with and clean up after and take care of. It's mine, but it's not ME. This has also revolutionized the way I think of my depression. DepressionPet needs certain things: sleep, exercise, healthy food, vitamin D, companionship. DepressionPet sometimes needs me to take it to counseling. DepressionPet sometimes lies to me, but it's just a pet! It's not the boss of me. I can tell it what to do when I remember what it is.
That might sound irretrievably crazy, but that's ok with me. Those two things have made me FEEL completely differently about this brain chemistry issue that I have, and that's huge to me.
Hugs and high fives and encouragement. You can do this. You can. You really really can.
Thank you for this. It does not sound crazy, it sounds perfect.
ETA: So perfect that I just copied and pasted it into an email to myself, so I can look at it whenever I need to remind myself of these things.
@VerityStandingStill Oh man. I'm so glad. :)
@par_parenthese I don't know if you're still reading this, but I also wanted to thank you for this. This seriously helped me change my outlook on my depression. I always view tasks I'm unable to complete as signs of personal failing, as you mention above, and so your comment meant a lot to me. Thank you so much for sharing this--you really helped me!
So weirdly enough my comment from earlier is in some ether, because it's here one minute, not the other. Anyway! I wanted to share tumblrs, blogs, and twitter handles, because I am in an Internet rut. I tweet at @standardtuber.
On my blog I post funny and serious things. This Friday I posted some seriously awesome pics of Countesses from the Library of Congress, please check them out!
@Mabissa I love Countess Minto's party dress. And holy shit, Countess Powys.
@Mabissa Those hats! Part of me wishes I could wear them forever, but seeing all those feathers makes me think my cat would probably just eat them.
I don't know if my tumblr would be of interest since it's mostly just art/ natural oddities I found and thought was cool, but I post under alwaysbeenarambler
@Hot Doom I know, Powys (might have been Powis), was sparkler than a chandelier and her bust, whoa.
@crango Thanks for the tumblr, and yeah the feathers, and wings!!! In those hats were a bit wild.
@Mabissa "Countess Armfelt, I just know she'd wear the most glamorous gowns."
@Bittersweet Those "smiles" on the Armfelts creeped me out a bit!
I went to a concert by myself for the first time this week! The show was fantastic and my seat was awesome, so boo on everyone who turned down my offer of an extra ticket.
This week also marked one year from my severe rugby injury that has basically forced me to retire from anything involving running. Two surgeries so far and I'm being referred to yet another surgeon to see about a tendon transfer to fix my foot-drop. I'm tired of explaining to everyone that yes it has been a year and no I'm not healed yet. Nerve damage blows.
You are never going to read this all the way down here but thank you for your thank you for the winter surprise! I know I'm a million years late but I just wanted to say hey! I realized you didn't have my address or anything but I am actually looking for a pinpal, so... let me know if you wanna! Hope you're well!
holy macaroni it's been a busy week. not like, busy with work. just busy you know. sorting life out. going on dates. driving in blizzards. cuddling with puppies. putting things off. taking care of other things.
there seems to be quite a trend of quitting around here! I gave in notice at my horrible awful no good terrible very bad job a few weeks ago, last day is feb 28th, and I am so excited even though I'm totally fucking myself over by not dealing with shit!
Okay guys, I'm having a Galentine's Day party (aka "day before Valentine's Day celebration of your gals, thanks to Parks & Recreation") and am wondering if anybody has ideas/suggestions! We are thinking:
-champagne strawberry Jello shots
-delicious melty cheese snacks
Last year we all made Valentines' mailboxes and delivered each other candy and Valentines! IT WAS GREAT but took forever to clean up all the glitter.
@mangosara Waffles would seem in the spirit of Galentine's Day.
@mangosara Have a toast and tell a great story about one of your gals, like the time she made you a mix CD of crappy boy band songs when you were heartbroken.
Going through my first break up of a long term relationship. We still love each other, but it's over. I haven't done this before. Is it supposed to feel like someone is pulling your heart out through your mouth?
@Absurd Bird I am so sorry you're going through that. It will be a long, sad road, but you'll get through it. Big internet hugs to you!!
@Absurd Bird Boo yuck ugh and other sympathetic noises. :(
I've only gone through that once (we still love each other but it's over) and I cried so hard the next morning I thought I was going to throw up. So... I think everything you're feeling is probably 100% normal.
Top tip: cry in the shower. Way less puffy afterwards. Also, after the daily crying had tapered off, I needed half truth (reminding myself of all the very important reasons the breakup had to happen) and half distraction (watching a ridiculous movie with friends, playing with my nieces and nephews, being a manageable level of busy).
Hugs and a raised glass. You can get through this.
@Absurd Bird Yeah, that's a pretty good description of how it feels, especially when you still love the person you broke up with.
Trust, though, that you're doing this because the end result will be better than what you just left. It might take a little while to truly believe this, but with time and tears, you will see it was the right decision.
Sending you good thoughts!
Today I went back and watched the first few episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Season 1. The episodes are from 2005, and so far I've seen VHS tapes, Palm Pilots, and even a floppy disk! I can't believe how long ago that all seems!!
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