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Friday, February 1, 2013

794

Friday Open Thread

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Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

so last week i trekked across state lines to met a bunch of NYC hairpinners and they were all really lovely and cool and i had loads of fun. hi guys!!

Brad Paisley

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
Sorry to miss it. I hear there were some terrific asses.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Mayor Michael Bloomberg im really glad mine is finally getting some buzz

chrysopoeia

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood There's another one coming up on the 16th!

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@chrysopoeia i wish i could go! but it was enough of a nightmare finding a place to crash the first time. im gonna be back in the city the 27th for Autre Ne Veut tho!

geek_tragedy

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

So last week I trekked across an international border with @the other ginger, my soulmate. We met some awesome American pinners and they were badass and we're sorry we didn't go out to Williamsburg with you the next night but we basically had Canadian jetlag which is like social reserve plus a hangover plus exhaustion from too much eating.

We had a blast, obvs! NYC Pinners, please come to Toronto and bring us more of your delicious cheesefries.

Queen of Pickles

@chrysopoeia

On the 16th? Do you know where/when?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@geek_tragedy ive actually been thinking about going up there to toronto?

geek_tragedy

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

Toronto pinup/hairpin couchsurfing? I think this might need to be a thing....

theotherginger

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood I am the other canadian pinner. sorry I didn't meet you! Come to TO. We (here I speak for geek_tragedy and myself) are awesome.

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@theotherginger i have been told everyone in canda is v nice and good looking so YES

theotherginger

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood this might not be true, but whatever...

chrysopoeia

@Queen of Pickles It'll be at the Richardson in Williamsburg at 5 pm. If you're coming to the brooklyn leg of the book club, we'll be meeting there at 4 pm.

geek_tragedy

@theotherginger

UM we're nice and goodlooking, so yes? That's basically true.

I mean, I'm technically American, though.

theotherginger

@geek_tragedy then I will represent ALL OF THE CANADIANS

geek_tragedy

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

How do you feel about cats? Because they're a real thing.

leonstj

@chrysopoeia - Reading this thread, I was terribly bummed that somehow these meetings always fall when I'm not available. The 16th would be yet another busy night (bday party).

However...the Richardson is between me and the party! What luck. Look forward to it.

milenakent

I just realized XD@n

par_parenthese

All right, Lizzie Bennet fans. SO MUCH TO SQUEE ABOUT. Ready set go.

terrific

@par_parenthese oh my god I just started watching this today. I don't know what you're squeeing about but I guess I'm okay with spoilers considering I know the plot of Pride & Prejudice. Also it is the best online show ever.

schrodingers_cat

@par_parenthese YESTERDAY'S VIDEO. I was expecting it, but still.

bocadelperro

@par_parenthese oh man I've been through sixty of those since the last open thread. They are great!

par_parenthese

@par_parenthese Spoilers will obviously abound, so make sure you're caught up.

And also so much to YAAAAAAARGH about. I feel completely vindicated because I called sextape WEEKS ago, but it makes me hate that douchecanoe Wickham that much more. Have you seen the site? It's hiddy -- geocities called and they want their web design back.

But seriously, how did they find two people to play Gigi and Darcy who actually look like siblings? It's uncanny how much they resemble each other.

par_parenthese

@terrific YES ANOTHER ONE!

@bocadelperro I did the same thing, except there were only 20 of them. Watched them in one day.

@schrodingers_cat I follow everyone on Twitter so I saw it Wednesday night. Like the entire fandom just lost their shit simultaneously. So amazing.

Cawendaw

@par_parenthese Well, there's the obvious. Also, Gigi's channel co-stars a robot! Sort of!

sydwi

@par_parenthese YES YAY!

I had wondered about a sex tape, but the show has been so G rated until now, really. I think it's a very interesting parallel and I can't wait to see how things shake down. Like, how much did Lydia consent to? What does Lizzie assume right now, that Lydia is part of this or that Lydia is having this done to her? Is Lydia's ending going to differ from P&P's? I hope so, I don't want her to have a bad ending.

Darcy saving the day is a big thing in P&P, but it's bugging me here. Like him forbidding Gigi today - he said to Lizzie earlier this week that he's trying to see things from other people's perspectives more, but he can't from his sister's, and well, confirmation. I want to see Gigi and Lydia having more agency now, because they can 200 years later, and doing some saving for themselves. Without sacrificing Darcy's contributions as a sign of his love. It's going to be a tricky line to play out, and I'm excited for it.

Also, I think the site they made is hilarious.

And asking out on camera and shoulder touching and back rubbing and concern and confident "I can" when she said no one could help = squee.

anachronistique

@par_parenthese SHOULDER TOUCHING!!!!! HE ASKED HER ON A DATE AND SHE SAID YES!!!!! and then other stuff sigh

schrodingers_cat

@anachronistique I was so excited for that date. And then Wickham ruined it.
Also, Darcy looks almost exactly like a guy at my university-suspenders and all. It's confusing me.

par_parenthese

@sydwi @anachronistique Shoulder touching. The way I reacted was... disproportionate to the level of physical contact involved.

And re: "I forbid you" I feel like that's their way of communicating his fatherliness to her? In the book he says that the reason Georgiana comes clean about running off with Wickham is that she looked up to him "almost as a father." I think there's a big difference between paternalistic (which is what some people are calling it) and fatherly.

Disco Sheets

@par_parenthese I called sex tape from like, episode 5 in wondering with my friend how they were going to update the characters, and I STILL freaked out when I saw the video. I haven't been to the site, just saw the ridiculous screencap, and oh my gooooood I love everyone involved in LBD SO MUCH. How are they all so awesome and creative?!

sydwi

@par_parenthese Definitely their relationship is shifted because he has been her father figure for awhile, and that's absolutely where that line came from. But part of his arc is learning that he's not always right, he needs to see things from other POVs, he needs to stop controlling other people's lives, and he's clearly working on it, but this shows there's still work to be done because he's doing it again.

Which is fair! He's stressed and tired and worried, about Lizzie and Gigi and his role in what is going down with Lydia, and it makes sense for him to kind of retreat to his old comfortable ways and try to take care of everything/body. But I really hope that we see Gigi continuing to push and be active and that we see Darcy finishing off that growth. Which we couldn't really see in P&P because Gigi was much younger, and because of the gender roles of the day.

(Also, I totally hijacked the squee post, and I'm sorry, but my only fandom contact has been tumblr! I want more than tumblr! One of my friends watched it all yesterday so I can't wait to talk with her, but in the meantime, thinky thoughts have to go somewhere. *grin*)

schrodingers_cat

@Disco Sheets I don't see how they could have done anything but a sex tape and have it be at all realistic. But yeah, I flipped out when I saw the video. So awkwardly perfect.

par_parenthese

@sydwi Don't apologize! This is a safe place to express ALL the many Feelings we have about LBD. ;)

You're totally right about Darcy's arc. And re: Gigi, I just cannot see her dissolving into the background. She's got at least a couple more weeks of Domino involvement. I'd like to see EVERYONE get more involved in the "rescue" -- Charlotte and Jane and Fitz as well as Gigi. And I'm DYING to find out if we get to meet Mr. and Mrs. Bennet now that Lizzie's back home.

Cawendaw

@par_parenthese I actually wonder if they'll have Lizzie and Darcy not marry? I mean, obviously they'll end up together, and Jane and Bing were practically sprinting to the altar so I'm assuming they'll end up marrying, but with the modern update, I wonder if it would be more in character to have Lizzie end by saying "we're together now, and I'm super happy! We'll probably move in together pretty soon, but we're not rushing into anything, because we're both adults living in the 21st century and we don't feel the need to, MOM."

schrodingers_cat

@par_parenthese I actually enjoy the family interactions between GiGi, Fitz, and Darcy so much more than the Bennet family interactions. Partly because GiGi and Fitz are awesome, but also because it's new. P&P didn't have a lot about the Darcy family.

sydwi

@par_parenthese Hee. Good.

Gigi doesn't seem the type to fade, but I really kind of want to see Darcy recognize what he's doing and actively support Gigi. So, we'll see! I've really enjoyed the changes so far, really.

I like Charlotte doing the contacting (tho I want more Jane!) and that letters going astray was her sending tweets to the wrong account and phones dying. Clever. But yes, getting everyone involved would be so great to see. And Gigi and Lydia becoming friends. *grin*

Disco Sheets

@schrodingers_cat Yes! I really love how the series has expanded so many of the tertiary characters. I want more Fitz and Bing in my life.

sydwi

@Cawendaw @schrodingers_cat I think that's likely - unless the ending gets stretched out (which I am so totally fine with, why must it ever end?!) I'd be surprised if it ended with either of them engaged. Maaaaaaybe Jane and Bing, but I think New Jane wants to take things slow. I'm guessing they will all end up happily dating/working.

(I just remembered that Lydia has a knack for getting into people's accounts - wonder if that plays out into the website? And/or getting a job at a Pemberley related place? Could be fun.)

Also, I love Fitz and need to see more of him. I love his and Gigi's friendship, and how Darcy could fit into their dynamic. I hope Domino lets us see them all at once!

par_parenthese

@sydwi @Cawendaw @schrodingers_cat Yeah, I wonder about that too? I'm happy for the ending to get stretched out as long as possible, but I wonder what the relational resolutions are going to be. I can absolutely see Jane and Bing being engaged because they were pretty serious and moved pretty quickly before, and they're grown-ass adults, right?

@Disco Sheets Meeee toooooo. Although right now the person I want most of is Jane!! I went back and started re-watching from the beginning and was just reminded how perfect Jane is at being Jane. She's glorious. The episodes where she's playing Darcy are just THE LITERAL best thing.

sydwi

@par_parenthese @Cawendaw @schrodingers_cat I've heard it ends in March, and that the next book will be announced immediately, and they kind of hope that all the vlogs happen in the same universe. To which I say, I want Domino/Pemberley/Lizzie be involved in the creation of the new series, and for us to be able to keep up a little with Lizzie, Darcy, Gigi and Fitz specifically (as Pemberley employees/vlogging mentors/etc) in the next book. And therefore see a wedding play out, even if we don't get to see everything we so obviously do.

Dreams.

Also, Jane playing Darcy is genuinely so the best thing. Although Darcy playing Fitz had me in mad giggles at my work desk.

par_parenthese

@sydwi OH MY GOD.

schrodingers_cat

@sydwi That would be AMAZING. I just want this to stretch out forever.

sydwi

@par_parenthese @schrodingers_cat I knoooooooooooow. It might be a pipedream, but when Bernie said they wouldn't reuse actors, I was kind of crushed. But then this dream was born and I'm not giving up on it until he tells me otherwise.

(Also, I meant to say "even if we don't get to see everything we so obviously want." Because really. I really want as much of these characters and actors as possible.)

anachronistique

@sydwi THAT WOULD BE SO GREAT. I mean, I also figure we aren't ending with weddings, but that would be a neat way to sneak it in.

AshaShangri

@par_parenthese Super late here, but I finally got around to watching Thursday's video and it was just perfect! It was exactly how I pictured it. I mainlined the whole series (including the twitter feeds and the tertiary character's channels- Maria is adorable!) a couple of weekends ago and it's been occupying way too much of my brainspace ever since. I'd love to see a wedding or even Lizzie's thesis seminar with Darcy sitting proudly at the front.

par_parenthese

@AshaShangri Thesis seminar!! What a great idea!

This is my new username

@par_parenthese I am now obsessed with this series because of you, but I am still only at the part where we have just met Darcy. This series is super great though!

par_parenthese

@This is my new username YAY! YAY! YAY! Oh man, that's fab. Keep going -- if you can believe it, it just keeps getting better and better. Make sure you're watching Lydia's vids too (they're annoying at first, but SO important to the plot), and subscribe to Pemberley Digital on YouTube!!

fondue with cheddar

One of my cats (her name is Kitty) got sick a week ago. At first it was diarrhea and abdominal contractions and the bloodwork was fine so the vet thought it was just a flu. But then the diarrhea turned to blood so I brought her back. They finally figured out that she had a uterine infection. She had surgery yesterday and she's doing fine!

I WAS SO SCARED, YOU GUYS. She's getting older and I feared the worst, thinking this might be the beginning of the end. I can't afford any kind of major medical expense (I couldn't have afforded this if not for my pending tax refund), and I worried I might have to make the Big Decision for financial reasons, which would have been the worst. But I didn't have to!

Kitty is the sweetest cat ever and she's super affectionate and she's been with me for 13 years and I love her so much! I'm so happy that she's okay and that I finally get to bring her home. I'm picking her up after work and the day is not ending soon enough!

supernintendochalmers

@fondue with cheddar So glad your kitty's okay! Hope she has a quick recovery. What color/breed is she?

Mariajoseh

@fondue with cheddar that sounds really scary, I'm glad she's OK!! my friend's dog has cancer and she's selling cakes to fund her treatment, so I was talking to my sister about what would we do if something happened to Cati Perri (my cat). She said "she better live forever. after all I have to tolerate from her everyday, she owes me "

fondue with cheddar

@supernintendochalmers Thanks! She's a calico. I think she's part Maine Coon, because even though she's not as big as a MC she's got the same kind of hair: longish and fluffy, with very hairy ears and paw pads, and she's super affectionate. The vet said that normally when cats come out of anesthesia they're pissed off (understadably), but Kitty was pure sweetness. :)

P.S. Your username is one of my favorites among all the 'Pinners, which is saying a lot!

fondue with cheddar

@Mariajoseh Haha! Mine is a pain to tolerate too (OH, THE HAIR), but she totally makes up for it.

Selling cakes is a great idea! Best wishes to your friend's dog...I hope she comes out of it healthy and strong!

supernintendochalmers

@fondue with cheddar Oh thanks! She sounds ADORABLE. Hope you two have many more years together!

karenb

@fondue with cheddar i am a new pet-mom to two rambunctious kittens, and my heart hurts thinking of anything wrong with them, so i am sooo glad for you that she is ok!
we have started a savings plan to hopefully cover unexpected vet bills (because pet health insurance is $$$) but it would still be an awful decision, i am glad you avoided it.

faustbanana

@fondue with cheddar Your kitty sounds adorable, and so happy to hear she's all patched up! Do you think she might be part Norwegian Forest Cat? They are big and fluffy like Maine Coons, but not quite as big, and, in my experience, super affectionate. My "weegie" is sitting on my lap right now and he approves of this message :)

sunflowernut

@faustbanana One of my boyfriend's friends has a 30 pounder Norwegian Forest Cat named Ron! I keep telling my boyfriend to make plans so that I can meet Ron, but thus far, nothing. You are so lucky to have one! I mean, I love my little 7 pound calico, but giant house cats are too cool.

faustbanana

@sunflowernut RON!! You must meet him!

Mine is named Tobias and I am very lucky to have him. He's the best cuddle buddy ever. In contrast to him, I have a 20-year-old, super petite girl (about 5 lbs.) who's a tortie-tabby mix. They make quite a pair.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@fondue with cheddar Yay! I'm so glad Kitty's okay. I took my family's three cats to the vet last week and was so grateful that they're doing okay.

fondue with cheddar

@everyone Thanks! She's doing great. As soon as I brought her home she perked up and turned into a LOVING MACHINE. She was walking back and forth with her tail in the air, headbutting me and flopping over for pets. She is totally not acting like a cat who just had her belly cut open and an organ removed. She's so lively and happy! What a relief. :)

@karenb A pet savings plan is a great idea! I didn't have savings, so I applied for this thing called CareCredit. Not all doctors participate but it's more common among vets, dentists, and eye doctors. Basically it's a credit card for medical expenses, and you get an interest-free period to pay it off depending on the amount. Mine is for $800 and I've got 18 months to pay it off. It's great because instead of using my tax refund to pay for her medical expenses, I can use it to buy a new couch to replace the one she ruined.

@faustbanana I didn't know about Norwegian Forest Cats, but it's a possibility! She's not nearly that big (7-8 pounds) but if she's a mix then it could happen.

chrysopoeia

Also, I really want to sing in a band. Anyone play instruments? Wanna start a band and play covers and make nerd references in songs?

Miss Maszkerádi

@chrysopoeia Are you by any chance in New York?

chrysopoeia

@Countess Maritza That I am.

Miss Maszkerádi

@chrysopoeia Hmm. Well, if you ever have want of a classical violinist with a strange nerdy sense of humor...

chrysopoeia

@Countess Maritza Fist bumps for my conservatory brethren.

tea sonata

@chrysopoeia I'll bump your fisticles too! But I am of the Welsh violinist variety, we're mostly harmless, you can find us in the pub.

runner in the garden

@chrysopoeia I still don't understand where bands rehearse in New York.
What instruments do you play?

wolfpuppy

Hayyyy guys. Ladybiz question here. Considering surprising my boyfriend by waxing my bikini and/or MORE for Valentine's day. I've never ever done this before and I'm scared. P.s. I am old and I feel like a fool!! HALP JANE

wharrgarbl

@wolfpuppy If you've never waxed before, don't do it for a special occasion. If you get bruising or a rash or anything like that that unexpectedly shuts your junk down, you don't want it to be when you had rockin' sexytimes plans.

JanieS

@wharrgarbl I agree - drastic change to the foliage can have very unpleasant consequences.

garli

@wolfpuppy I've been waxing for years (the patriarchy makes me! Just kidding, I just like it that way) and I'd say do it a couple of days early because it might itch the first time.

Or better solution, check to see if any salons in your area do "sugaring" instead of waxing which is generally a little more expensive but super awesome.

dj pomegranate

@garli agree...If you're gonna do it, I think do it about 3 days early. Also maybe try hard wax, which is gentler although a bit pricier.

coolallison

@wolfpuppy I got it done "one time for a special occasion"... and now I go every 3 weeks. It's not pleasant but it doesn't take very long. I would advise getting it done a few days earlier for bumps to go away, but overall... not scary.

garli

@coolallison I think that's how we all started. Or really mine was "just to see" and then it was a full blown addiction.

KeLynn

@all - Oh gosh, I spent my morning do that to MYSELF. Sitting in a hoodie and no underwear, staring at my junk in a mirror, smearing hot wax on myself.

I have no real advice, I just want to say that I do this all the time (and do it shittily btw, I can never get it all off) because I cannot get up the courage to take my pants off for some salon lady. Well, and because it costs like $5 to do yourself.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Hairpin. Great news. Science has proven I am genetically superior to my siblings and am a match for my dad's bone marrow. We do the transplant in like three weeks. Thanks for your support over the past few open threads. Now all I need to do is ensure I maintain the structural integrity of my DNA, so I'll be avoiding radioactive spiders. And sludge.

supernintendochalmers

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yay! Good news Friday!

Nicole Cliffe

AHHH, wonderful! You are incredible. Congratulations to you and your family.

JanieS

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Oh my, that's really great!

whateverlolawants

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Great news! Yay!

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose So great! Way to be super-human! Go science/you/your dad!

emkay

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Congratulations! Wishing both of you swift recoveries!

area@twitter

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose HUZZAH! So happy to hear!

stonefruit

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Wonderful! Both your superior DNA and you. Wishing your dad a complete and speedy recovery!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"The Best Time I Got My Hips Drilled to Prove Dominance in Sibling Rivalries."

raised amongst catalogs

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Wonderful news!

karenb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose horray! what a wonderful thing!

dj pomegranate

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This is wonderful. Hooray!

honey cowl

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I would read the shit out of that Personal Best. Congrats, so happy for you!

churlishgreen

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That is fantastic! I love seeing good news on the FOT.

dtowngirl

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That is great news. Best of luck to you and your dad.

thebestjasmine

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose GREAT news!

OhMarie

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose AMAZING--do a good deed, save Dad, have something to lord over all other relatives forever!!

Passion Fruit

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

That's great news!!!! I'm so glad you guys are a match. You are doing an amazing thing for your dad -- a huge act of love. You're pretty much settled for all Father's Day gifts from here on out.

I know your dad has been dealing with cancer for a while now, so you guys probably have your hospital routine and coping mechanisms down. I was a bone marrow/stem cell transplant nurse for a bit; can I offer some unsolicited advice? Perhaps it will be useful to you or to other hombres who might be reading FOT at this late hour...

From watching other people go through it, if my parent was getting a transplant, here are the things I would do:
- If their hospital allows, see if you can decorate his room! Bring photos/pictures; a lamp; a special hospital only, easily washable, comforting blanket. Hospital rooms are very impersonal, and when you're staying there for weeks at a time, it seems nice to be able to feel reminders of home.
- Bring some transplant suitable, personal hygiene products: unscented/mild lotions and chapsticks, an electric razor, a nail file (patients couldn't cut their nails or shave with razor blades on our floor), very, very soft toothbrushes, etc. Transplant patients must keep their skin intact to prevent infection, and chemo and dehumidified hospital air can make their skin super dry.
- Start a weekly or daily ritual, ie Friday night movies in their room or morning meditation or whatever. It's disorienting to get your vitals checked all day and all night and to be out of touch with normal work-home-sleep rhythms. This might help keep them oriented.
- Also, in the vein of keeping a personal schedule, keep the blinds open during the day and encourage your dad to walk around (if he's physically up for it and his doctors/nurses are OK with it). Sometimes patients would keep cooped up in their rooms all day in the dark, but as boring as hamster laps around the nurse's station are, it's good for the patient.
- If your dad's into them, keep a stash of books, audio books, movies, TV shows, board games, puzzles and, bien sur, a blessed, blessed laptop or ipad to stay occupied.
- Keep some bland, easily digestible foods on hand for nauseating chemo days. I've heard that it's best to avoid favorite foods so that they don't get associated with crappy days.

It's long and boring and occasionally depressing to be in the hospital. Your support, whether it's phone calls or visits or emails, is what will keep your dad afloat through this process. It really is a family ordeal, and you go through their ups and downs along with them. Make sure to set aside some time for yourself to rest and relax, you deserve it. Good luck and keep us updated! I'll be thinking about you guys. <3 <3 <3

katiemcgillicuddy

Didn't mention this til really late on last weeks thread, but I want to make sure I do mention it properly this week, I saw Jessie Ware live and she was AMAZING. So. Go see her.

thatgirl

TODAY IS BUTTHOLES AND I WANT IT TO BE OVER.

I am so done with rapists and predators being given platforms to talk about how feminist they are. I am done with my boss being mean to me, and I am done with my body feeling so sick.

whateverlolawants

@thatgirl Oh no, care to vent about it more? If not, no problem. I'm curious which predator/rapist is spouting off feminist talk.

smidge

@thatgirl I'm sorry, lady. Internet whiskey.

thatgirl

@whateverlolawants I'm worried about fallout if I get more specific. But it was a feministing post earlier today, which has since been deleted.

So, you know. Reading some blogs at work and all of a sudden I see his face and can smell him again.

PomoFrannyGlass

@thatgirl "Reading some blogs at work and all of a sudden I see his face and can smell him again."
That is hideous and I am sorry. I hope friends and wine (or whiskey, if necessary) are waiting for you after work.

whateverlolawants

@thatgirl Boy do I understand. :( Internet hugs.

Springtime for Voldemort

@thatgirl ((hugs)) Do what you need to to take care of yourself.

highfivesforall

I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that you can (and should, really) spell the main event of this weekend as Superb Owl.

rangiferina

@highfivesforall always. http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/words-that-could-conceivably-be-used-to-describe-both-the-super-bowl-and-a-superb-owl

itiresias

@highfivesforall doin' it now.

highfivesforall

@rangiferina "A hoot"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@highfivesforall New favorite thing.

RK Fire

@highfivesforall It is truly the most superb out of all of the owls!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@highfivesforall It's not Super Bowel?

Amphora

@OhMyGoshYouGuys There was a restaurant where I went to college called the Soup'er Bowl.

Triggins1

Trying this again since I didn't get any responses last week!
Is anyone a member of a Hash House Harriers running club? I'm thinking about joining the one in Boston, because I a) am new to town and want to meet new people and b)enjoy being active and also drinking a lot, so the two things combined sound amazing. However, I am a slow runner, get lost easily, and am freaked out thinking about showing up alone to the first event. Any members want to tell me this is the best thing ever (or worst and that I should stay away?)? Any Boston pinners interested in checking a run out with me?

mittens blum

@Triggins1 I am in Boston! But terrified of running, because I am awful at it. But I would maybe consider it if someone can attest to whether or not the statement on their website about not having to be in shape is true.

Onymous

@Triggins1 I'm not a member but I've known a few in my time...
Check with the somebody in the group first, generally running slowly isn't a problem but sometimes you find a chapter that's like nothing but marathoners or something and it's always like a 20 mile hash.
Beyond that, I recommend it all my friends loved it.

Onymous

@mittens blum as implied by my other post, it can depend. Some groups'll run maybe 5 miles over the course of 2-3 hours (which is to say a bit worse than standing still). Some will fucking run. Boston's not some podunk nowhere though so I bet there's enough people to accommodate both.

Roxanne Rholes

@Triggins1 I do not run, ever, because I think it is horrible. I'm a yoga person. I can run like, a block, really. But drinking and running IS tempting. I might be willing to try it!

TRiggins11

@mittens blum Hi fellow Bostonian! It looks like they sometimes have trails for walkers as well as runners, so I would imagine you don't have to be a crazy marathoner? Or even a good runner? I am a pretty slow runner who can't handle distances, but I feel confident that I could do a slow job broken up by beer stops!

TRiggins11

@Onymous Thanks for the endorsement!

TRiggins11

@Roxanne Rholes Run a block... beer stop... run a block... I think it's doable :)

Brunhilde

@Triggins1 The bar I used to run had a HHH group that came every month, and unless they vary wildly I don't think you have too much to worry about. It was a bunch of people who would show up, down a beer, go run some and then trickle back in and drink more at varying paces. Sometimes the first group (serious runners) would beat the last group (the real people) back to the bar by 45 minutes. And then they'd sit around and drink and sing repurposed frat songs.

funfetti

Recommend me your favorite book, please. Looking to build a monster library. Any genre welcome!

JanieS

@funfetti The Big Sleep and/or The Long Goodbye - Raymond Chandler's two best detective-noir novels. They are far more poetical than you'd expect.

VolcanoMouse

@funfetti L.M. Montgomery's 'The Blue Castle'. Forever! Always! Imagine me saying this while waving my arms like a goon!

Nicole Cliffe

That book is really special.

par_parenthese

@funfetti

Favorite comedies: Wodehouse and the Bridget Jones books.
Favorite dramas: Les Miserables (Rose translation, pls) and Anna Karenina

lookuplookup

@funfetti My all-time favorite book is The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Whenever someone asks me what they should read it is, without fail, the first thing I rec. Other favorites are The Magic Toyshop by Angela Carter, Birds of America by Lorrie Moore (also: anything by Lorrie Moore), Bad Behavior by Mary Gaitskill, PopCo by Scarlett Thomas, and Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl. I am inordinately biased towards women writers who write sad stories about smart girls (even better if said sad stories include a mystery!)

Theda Baranowski

@funfetti To Kill a Mockingbird and Emily of New Moon.

(Shh, Theda Baranowski is a set of twins.)

emkay

@funfetti Monster libraries need Ishiguro!!The Remains of the Day and Never Let Me Go, both lyrical, melancholic, and uber-British.

yrouttasight

@funfetti All of the Kurt Vonnegut.

LordHennyson

@funfetti Favorite book ever is Villette (see! I have back up! http://thehairpin.com/2011/01/books-that-beat-their-iconic-sister-books-jane-eyre-vs-villette/) but favorite easy-to-recommend book is House of Leaves, it is such an awesomely quirky-fun-spooky read! Looks gimmicky, and then immediately exceeds expectations

nowwhat

@VolcanoMouse Waving here too! I am a sap for that book. It's the only LM Montgomery that I still re-read on the regular.

hallelujah

@funfetti One Hundred Years of Solitude! All of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez actually! Magical realism!!!!

dabbyfanny

@funfetti Possession by A.S. Byatt, Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Lolita by Nabakov, The Fermata by Nicholson Baker all brilliant.

LeafySeaDragon

@funfetti anything by tim powers!

rangiferina

@funfetti The Once and Future King, The Last Unicorn, Watership Down, and The Return of the Native. Also Pat Barker's Regeneration Trilogy is excellent.

RubeksCube

@funfetti Neverwhere OR American Gods by Neil Gaiman, The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, Joan of Arc by Mark Twain....I have varied tastes...

whizz_dumb

@funfetti @yrouttasight Cat's Cradle--if I had to choose one.

Disco Sheets

@VolcanoMouse Anything L.M. Montgomery. Absolutely ANYTHING L.M. Montgomery.

anachronistique

@funfetti Tam Lin, Pamela Dean. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, Michael Chabon. Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Betty Smith. The Secret History, Donna Tartt. The Night Watch, Sarah Waters.

HeckYes

@funfetti East of Eden, The Crimson Petal and the White, The warmth of Other Suns, Room, Gone With the Wind. My book preferences lean towards the really long and vaguely historical.

miss olsen

@funfetti I Capture the Castle, but also We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and all the James Herriot books like All Creatures Great and Small AND The Age of Innocence AND A Year in Provence AND Emma(all of which are obvious and probably already on your shelves, but!)

Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright

@funfetti Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier, the same guy who wrote Cold Mountain. The movie sort of gave me the impression that his books would be like that Nicholas Sparks thing's only with more rifles and hoop skirts, but uhhh no. Thirteen Moons has possibly the best opening lines of any book I've read: ''There is no scatheless rapture. Love and time put me in this condition.''

Disco Sheets

@funfetti Also, The Magnificent Ambersons. I love me a flawed protagonist.

tea sonata

@funfetti
Edward Trencom's Nose, by Giles Milton. All about cheese, Greece, mystery and intrigue!

The Book of Lost Things, by John Connolly. It's a mixture of fairy tales gone dark, with a juicy plot weaving them all together.

Ever read some short stories for adults by Roald Dahl? GO READ THEM. Seriously, they are awesome. Try Henry Sugar, Neck, The Umbrella Man, Royal Jelly, Vengeance is Mine Inc...

Laughable Walrus

@funfetti books! this is the best thread, thanks for starting it - gotta love quality book suggestions. Since I'm on a non-fiction kick, here are some I've really enjoyed recently: The Season of the Witch by David Talbot (sadly, in no way related to the Nick Cage movie, but a fascinating history of San Francisco in the 60s and 70s), The Tudors by G.J. Meyer, and A Wilderness So Immense by Jon Kukla (you guys, the Lousiana Purchase is so much more exciting than I ever knew!). Oh, and for old favorites, A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, The Tell-Tale Brain by V.S. Ramachandran, and Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder.

RubeksCube

@tea sonata THE BOOK OF LOST THINGS!!! OMG that book is so good!!!!

JanieS

@JanieS PS All the Jorge Luis Borges. And The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley.

miss olsen

@JanieS Ah, that reminds me -- The Blue Flower, by Penelope Fitzgerald.

geek_tragedy

@VolcanoMouse Yesssssssssss!!! Part of me will always hope that my complexion can improve from 'sallow' to 'creamy.'

leonstj

@funfetti Pedro Paramo, Juan Rulfo.

shallownotheartless

@funfetti Murakami for your whimsical, metaphysical needs (with bonus cats!) and Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure for some 18th century literary smut

Angry Panda

@funfetti Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy.

crango

@funfetti I AM FREAKING OUT THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS FREAKING OUT OVER BOOK OF LOST THINGS!! I loan it to everyone because no one's heard of it. This book seriously needs more love!

Bittersweet

@VolcanoMouse Late to this thread, but I just finished The Blue Castle yesterday and it is so spectacular. I think I need to go write a blog post singing its praises, and wondering how the heck I've never heard of it until Pinners discussed it a few weeks ago.

Maladydee

@funfetti the Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold. It's hard to pick just one book, but that is the one book on my shelf I can wholeheartedly recommend without reservations.

phipsi

Are people doing things for Valentine's Day? I know it's a few weeks off, but I'm A Planner. I religiously eschewed the holiday for YEARS, having had two relationships implode in a magnificent fashion in the month of February. Now that I'm beyond those glum years, I'd to do something special. What is your favorite way to celebrate/not celebrate? I'm personally a big fan of the cooking at home to avoid gangs googly-eyed college kids.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@phipsi My boyfriend's birthday is next Friday and mine is mid-March so we usually keep things pretty low key. I usually make him something instead of buying another round of presents, and he cooks dinner for us. This year I'm going to surprise him with supplies for making Hurricanes (he is from New Orleans originally).

lasso tabasco

@phipsi This will be (God willing) my first V-Day without a boyfriend! I don't have to be disappointed!!!! I think I may just take a long hot bath and then curl up with a book.

lookuplookup

@phipsi My boyfriend & I are going on vacation. We're spending 4 days in NYC, but the Valentine's Day component was accidental (we're mainly going to go to a concert that happened to be on the 13th & to hit up some museums that I can visit for free through work perks). Honestly, I got sort of stressed out when I realized our trip was going to be a Valentine's Day one because it adds a different (sort of weird) dimension to things.

Emby

@phipsi I'm flying to Boston for work. So. That's not terribly romantic of me. But I plan to make up for it the night before!

fabel

@phipsi My bf & I are just going to get a room the Friday or Saturday after Valentine's Day, & bring wine with us & order pizza. This is because last year, we went out to dinner on the night of, and it was pretty...um...terrible. Crowded, with a fixed menu, and seated at a half booth/half table thing where the tables were all lined up (resulting in couples to our immediate rights & lefts). I felt like I couldn't talk, because strangers would hear me? Plus the waiter was in full LET ME SELL YOU EXTRAS BECAUSE IT'S THE DAY OF LOVE mode, & kept pushing the most expensive everything (& this ridiculous sparkling, light-up bottle of water? like, duuuude, get away!)

So yeah. Perhaps I'm just a miser, though?

Angelena@twitter

@phipsi in high school i always dreaded valentines day in the typical lonely girl way *wah* *wah* and then in college i still kind of had it in my mind you know? but OK i just reflected on the 4 valentines days I had in college and realized that I did something SO weird and yet fun on all of them. just find a friend to hangout with at home and if you can't (and this means NOTHING about you) cook something fun/weird and smoke/drink (if you don't then just eat a lot) and just be so weird. the key is in the weirdness and telling your friends and family you love them and not caring about anything!

Angelena@twitter

@Angelena@twitter Also i think I'm the only one who replied to you who is single and my actual plans include waiting for my two gay friends who are visiting from my hometown to get out of a lady gaga concert and then probably taking 3-10 shots and going dancing and maybe falling down in the street and not getting up. if you live in chicago you are SERIOUSLY invited

anachronistique

@phipsi I fuckin' love Valentine's Day. I send valentines to all of my friends, I give out candy, and I try to do something awesome that makes me feel great about LIFE. (I have never been coupled on V-Day. I ain't care.)

This year I am going to see a screening of Hitchcock's Rebecca. I think this might be almost as good as the year I saw Lenelle Moise give a reading and then watched 28 Days Later. (Boston 'Pinners, it's happening at the Coolidge if you need something to do!)

LeafySeaDragon

@phipsi i'm on the fence about vday. usually i exchange smallish gifts with my guy. i was looking at costco.com and want to send him this at his job http://www.costco.com/Gensing-Money-Ficus-Bonsai-Tree.product.11670555.html but i don't want to embarass him. he works in a manly-man business in a shop that manufactures stuff. he has a desk and keeps talking about wanting to get plants for it!

packedsuitcase

@phipsi Debating cooking a special dessert for Dudefriend in the new festive red lingerie I bought (first time doing this and I feel silly but also like maybe he'll like it?).

Roxanne Rholes

@anachronistique Ahhhh, that sounds amazing! The Boston Sci-Fi Film Festival is that week, also, and since I help out with that, I'll be at the Somerville Theater watching a movie called Love & Teleportation. Really.

Disco Sheets

@phipsi I love valentine's day so much even when I'm not all coupled up, but I'm especially excited this year bc I'm dating a dreamboat right now. I've never been out anywhere fancy for V Day, but the dreamboat hates going out on V-day, so... we'll prob cook dinner at home and maybe just dress up and go out for cocktails?

area@twitter

@phipsi I have yet to have a Valentine's Day with an S.O., which is nice in that it takes the pressure off. I'm thinking I'll make some kind of baked treat to share with my office. Red velvet cupcakes, maybe.
I'll also be swearing at the TV any time one of those Godawful jewelry commercials comes on, but that's more of a year-round event. (Because remember, your love is worthless without a diamond.)

dj pomegranate

@phipsi I am going to be part of an anti-FGM flash mob with a friend on valentin'es day! Nothing says "Valentine" like doing a choreographed dance with an umbrella in public the name of ending gnder violence: http://onebillionrising.org/page/event/detail/startarising/w2s

supernintendochalmers

@phipsi My bf and I like to go out to dinner the Sunday before, so it's more intimate and less crowded and cheaper (no stupid forced prix fixes). Last year we stayed in and made dinner, which was really nice, too. We spent a little bit more than we normally would on fresh fish and fancy cheeses. No presents, though.

garseeyalater

@phipsi I'm pulling a Liz Lemon and taking myself out of the Valentine's Day equation entirely. I volunteered to help out at work until at least 9pm. I will spend Valentine's Day with middle school students...all day. And I'm so ready.

KeLynn

@phipsi - We usually go to White Castle, but this year we will be spending the day in airports.

ROMANCE!

like a rabid squirrel

@phipsi I'm in an LDR (and my boyfriend is moving to a new city just a few days before Valentine's day), so boyfriend and I are sending each other fun gifts, and I'm going to have a party that weekend with lots of fun booze and cheap Valentine's day candy which I will purchase on the 15th.

harebell

@phipsi
I sometimes send old-school Valentines to good friends, whether they are single or not, and sometimes to my bachelor uncle and grandmother too. But I never, ever, ever celebrate it with any significant others (except once a college boyfriend brought me a big bouquet of flowers, which was beautiful, but also a harbinger of how we did not suit one another and should not be together).

camanda

My godfather/uncle is in the hospital in critical condition. He was battling cancer a while back and he has a load of other health problems and I only just found out the other day that he broke a vertebra. He has to have surgery and the family's been told he's probably not going to make it. He's also probably not going to make it if he doesn't have it, so my mom and their siblings aren't left with much choice. So. That's how things are. Spare some good thoughts for them all, if you can.

lora.bee

@camanda Good thoughts and hugs, sendin em your way.

Nicole Cliffe

Oh, honey. xoxoxox

whateverlolawants

@camanda I'm sorry to hear that. Those situations are so tough. I hope your uncle is at least comfortable, and that things go well for him.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@camanda Oh I'm so sorry. Loads of hugs.

phipsi

@camanda So sorry to hear it. My uncle is similarly battling very untreatable cancer, and it's just awful. You have my sympathies.

karenb

@camanda all sorts of good thoughts coming at you. that is rough.

tea sonata

@camanda I have some hugs going a-begging, feel free to collect them whenever you want, they'll still be here.

camanda

@all Thank you all so much. <3 It's always bad this time of year for my family, for some reason. I'm still not used to it, I guess.

He made it through the surgery, which is good, though he is still critical. My mom talked to one of her sisters this morning and she hadn't heard anything, either, which is also good news. My mom and dad had an appointment this morning and then they're going up there for the day (her whole family lives in and around the Boston area except for us). Don't know where things go from here. Guess we'll find out.

parallel-lines

Does anyone have a recommendation for a family/couples counselor in NYC that takes insurance (specifically Aetna)? I've been trying to find someone for weeks now, and if I go out of network I have a $5000 deductable so no, you can't bill my already insanely out of pocket insurance for reimbursement. That, and I'm scared to go to someone without a word of mouth recommendation...

nowwhat

@parallel-lines I can't recommend anyone specific, but have you tried searching on Psychology Today's therapist directory? You can search by location and insurance provider as well as specialty. After I found a shortlist of people, I googled them for reviews and any info that they put out there about themselves otherwise, and I'm happy with the counselor I found.

parallel-lines

@nowwhat That's actually super helpful, thank you! When I tried going thru my insurance directory it was pretty awful and no help at all.

nowwhat

@parallel-lines Glad it helps! :)

sunflowernut

@parallel-lines Yeah I recently printed of a directory list from my insurance, and... there are so many names with so little information. I've been going through and googling everyone but so many don't have the slightest bit of internet presence. The few who have filled out Psychology Today profiles/have their own websites are my top pics, just for this reason.

The main problem will soon become that my insurance has a $3,000 deductible. It counts for my entire family, so I'm sure we'll go through it eventually. But 'eventually' could be in August or October... and then in 2014 the deductible will start over. Sigh fuck the health care system.

bocadelperro

Ok, so it's a beautiful, sunny day here in California, my football team is playing in the superbowl on Sunday for the first time since I was a kid, and I'm actually making progress on my book edits. Yet I am in a HORRIBLE, MURDEROUS mood. Why does that happen sometimes?

dabbyfanny

@bocadelperro Don't throw anything at me for going here, but when I feel like that and I check my calendar? It's usually between ten and two days before my period. *ducks*

bocadelperro

@dabbyfanny If only. It was last week. I think I'm just grouchy for no good reason.

dabbyfanny

@bocadelperro So sorry. I have been doing that myself, sans PMS, but I am just having a tough time in general..My Mom died in October, I thought I was coping pretty well, but black moods kept coming from nowhere. Writing helped me excavate some things I had been avoiding. Do you think maybe you have something unresolved making it's presence felt?

bocadelperro

@dabbyfanny Oh man, I'm sorry to hear about that. I hope you feel better. Honestly, I think in my case, I'm grouchy about some unpleasant things I have to do in the near future, (for example, tomorrow I have to attend a birthday party for a two year old. This will be in a private room at an expensive restaurant. This seems excessive to me, and arouses some dormant leftist feelings) and I've just worked it up into a general case of weltschmerz, because I'm like that.

lookuplookup

I am not the only one who made weird strangled noises trying to suppress tears during 30 Rock last night, right? (Also I succeeded at suppressing my tears for like 10 seconds tops.)

coolallison

@lookuplookup At first, I tried to hold back the tears lest my husband think I was insane. Then I decided... fuck it... this is the end of a very important era in my life. And I let it all out. I laughed, I cried, I did some weird combination of laughing and crying. And I haven't deleted it from the DVR in case I need to watch it over and over.

bocadelperro

@lookuplookup aww man I was all teary too. I am going to miss Ms. Lemon a whole bunch. Also I would really enjoy a see-though dishwasher.

LeafySeaDragon

@lookuplookup IT'S NOT ON DEMAND YET OMG UGGHHHHHHH

fruiting body

@lookuplookup We just watched it and I cried and when I started to cry, my husband said, "Oh, I was waiting for you to start crying" and then the dog jumped up on the couch - which he's NOT supposed to do! - and started licking my face. My boys, they <3 me. Photographic evidence - http://instagram.com/p/VM4x4UDHRu/

rangiferina

@lookuplookup the Rural Juror song totally made me cry. I didn't know that was possible, especially with lyrics like "the Irma Luhrman-Merman murder / turned the bird's word lurid"... :(

MsLady

@lookuplookup This is a dumb thing to get sentimental about but I realized last night that 30 Rock was the first season pass I put on my DVR when we got cable after buying our house six years ago, right before we got married. I can't bring myself to delete it now.

tea sonata

@lookuplookup WHY HAVE I ONLY JUST DISCOVERED THIS NOW?
TINA FEY TINA FEY TINA FEY AAAACK

thisisunclear

@lookuplookup I did not cry (as I think I spilt all my possible tears over Downton on Sunday) but I did sit at the edge of my seat, literally, clapping and laughing awkwardly out loud, loudly, for the entire hour. I was glad I was alone.

After a season that had been sort of "meh" for me oh mah gah they HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK with the finale and now I am very sad it is gone.

LordHennyson

I switched to the curly girl method and I am LOVING it. How much is too much to accost strangers and talk to them about hair stuff? Am I gonna be the hair version of that guy that won't stop telling you about craft beers?

breccia

@LordHennyson haha YAY! hair can be a sensitive issue so be sure not to go up to a girl with frizz and be like HEY GIRL I CAN FIX YOUR TERRIBLE HAIR WANNA TALK ABOUT IT? but you should definitely spread the word when appropriate!

garli

@LordHennyson Ugh, don't do it! Or don't do it to me. Do it to everyone else.

Lustful Cockmonster

@LordHennyson This sounds like it is relevant to my interests...what sayeth you?

tea sonata

@LordHennyson I did the Condition-Only method for a while, despite only technically being a Wavy girl. My hair loved it. My scalp, however, did not. Tried another method; didn't have much patience for the baking soda as shampoo, despite loving the Tea/Apple Cider Vinegar rinses as conditioner. So, for now, its sulphate/silicone free everything til I have some free time to tweak my haircare routine.

So - how long have you been doing it for?

Jinxie

@LordHennyson I'm not a stranger on the street, but I AM a stranger on the internet and I have hella problematic curly/wavy/whatevs hair - come accost me and tell me what I should be doing with it! 'Cause so far nothing I've tried works with any sort of consistency.

LordHennyson

@garli Shield your eyes!! I can't stand it when people do that to me [my roommate IS the craft beer guy], so I've been holding my tongue as much as possible
@Jinxie You can read way better descriptions than I can offer by googling "curly girl method", which helped, but the BIGGEST difference for me was just going to a salon that does the DevaCut (a haircut method invented by this mysterious curly headed illuminati). A litle pricey for what I'm used to (I paid $80 in Boston), but they showed me how to wash my hair right: basically put conditioner in with hair flipped upside down WITHOUT wringing it out first, don't rinse it out, just trickle a bit of water over your hair, scrunch in product in the shower, scrunch some moisture out with a t-shirt which will also remove a little excess product/conditioner, allow to dry WITHOUT touching hair until it's dry. Using same products before and after but washing correctly my hair went from thin little strands of waves that turned straight and dull after sleeping on them to clumpy curls that also hold their shape way better after being smushed into a pillow. I use L'Oreal EverCreme conditioner, which is silicone-free which means that even though I'm putting metric tons of conditioner in my hair and not really rinsing it out I don't really get that flaky dandruffy product build up as much. I dunno, for some reason I was trying to follow the regimen but it didn't really click until I saw someone physically do it to my hair. Now I'm a horrible vain animal about my hair UGH
@tea sonata I cut out shampoo about two years ago, but only found out about the curly girl method about three months back, SO MUCH TIME WITH GROSS FLAKY BUILDUP BECAUSE I WASN'T USING SILICONE FREE AAH

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@LordHennyson Thank you for posting which conditioner you use! I was just about to come here and ask, since I'm still looking for recommendations. So you can definitely craft-beer-guy me about products!

bitchycrosstownexpress

So a person interested in one of the fellowships my employer offers emailed my coworker very concerned about New York winters. (I believe he is from a Middle Eastern country.) And while I totally understand being a little concerned about moving to a cold weather climate, one of his questions was "Is it safe for children under 5 to live in those temperatures?"

Favorite coworker responses so far (we have not been telling anyone the guy's name in case he actually ends up coming here, but some Fridays you need a good chuckle):
"No, we send all of our kids to Florida until they turn 6."
"I'd hate to know what he thinks happens to children in Alaska."

Marquise de Morville

@bitchycrosstownexpress It's kind of sweet, if odd. It's interesting how a different climate affects how things are dealt with. I read a blog by a lady living in Dubai, and they had a cold spell recently with temperatures in the 40Fs. Everyone got PSAs about staying warm, not eating ice cream, and they close the schools for "rain days".

bitchycrosstownexpress

@Marquise de Morville I think what amused us was mostly was that he was asking the questions as if we, who are used to living in this weather, would react like that (he also asked if the houses were heated).

missupright

@bitchycrosstownexpress Former resident of Dubai and beneficiary of "rain days": it's because they don't really have a drainage system, so the rain (which comes down in sheets, like a mini tropical monsoon) just floods the roads and school grounds. Also, it's really interesting how rain becomes (like snow in the UK) the thing that kids watch for, and wait for: "the sky looks as if it might rain! do you think it will rain? how much do you think it will rain?"

coolallison

Okay... this is the last time we can talk about our Drynuary successes/not successes. I won't say failures because not drinking for a month was super duper hard.

HOWEVER... I DID IT! I WENT THE WHOLE MONTH. I feel like this earns me a whole bottle of wine tonight. Except I'm afraid of what my tolerance will be like. How did everyone else fare? What will/was your first drink back off the wagon?

meetapossum

@coolallison I came down here to say DRYNUARY IS OVER! HALLELUJAH!

I imagine my tolerance will be shot. I'm looking forward to a beer, but I don't know what kind yet! However, I think that this will help me to be more responsible about my drinking in general since I really, really like waking up without a hangover.

coolallison

@meetapossum I am actually debating not drinking tonight because I have to wake up early tomorrow for a run, and I enjoy not being hung over when doing physical activity. After the run though, I'll be taking a trip to mimosa city. And I imagine the rest of my weekend will be just a drunken haze.

fruiting body

@coolallison I made it the whole month too! I made my husband buy me an old fashioned tonight to celebrate. I enjoyed it, but I also feel a little silly for looking forward to it all week...

AmeliaBadelia

@coolallison Tolerance gone! I had a gin and tonic and was legit buzzed. Then I had a Guinness and was actually sorta drunk. IT WAS GLORIOUS! Congrats other Drynuarians! <3

lookuplookup

@coolallison I drank 2 whiskey & ginger ales to celebrate the end of Drynuary and while I wasn't staggering home from the bar or anything I definitely felt more fluttery than usual. I was also weirdly convinced that the bartender had made me unusually strong drinks -- I kept saying, "This tastes so STRONG. Doesn't this taste strong to you?" and my boyfriend kept saying, "No."

par_parenthese

@coolallison I felt really guilty for not doing Drynuary and then I remembered that I am one of those Lent-keeping people and Lent is very soon! So I will be doing Drymidfebruarythroughlatemarch and then I can also be excited about my increased alcohol tolerance! Sooooon.

thebestjasmine

@par_parenthese Girl, it's the opposite. When you don't drink for a while your tolerance is like a drink and a half and you are a giggly fool.

par_parenthese

@thebestjasmine *blushes* I meant to say decreased? Gah. Apparently I am unable to English right now.

OhMarie

@coolallison I kind of petered off toward the end and had a glass of wine twice but I had a really good month.

lora.bee

Anyone else staying in this weekend to recover from this damn flu going around?

area@twitter

@lora.bee No, but I was definitely down and out with a cold last weekend. Feel better!

par_parenthese

@lora.bee Meeeeeee yergh.

rimy

@lora.bee I am! :( It's been a week so far and I feel like I'm getting better so I go to work in the morning and by the afternoon I'm back to feeling like a truck ran me over. Bleeeegh.

lora.bee

@lora.bee rimy I have been the exact same this week. Had to miss the Walkmen Monday night because I couldn't get off my floor. :(

Let's get better this weekend!!

Bittersweet

@lora.bee Yes, although I don't have the flu, more like a lovely head cold/sinus infection combo. With antibiotics and everything. *sniffle* *cough* Feel better everyone!

Plant Fire

So glad for the weekend! I was working from 9am to 9pm/9:30pm every day this week. And it was for an event so it was fun I got overtime and all that but I am soooooo tired right now. So I think I'm going to just go home and get fried chicken from this possibly good possibly nasty place by my house (anyone tried Kennedy Fried Chicken) and then just hang out in my underwear.

However! Tuesday is my birthday so I have dinner plans and then the weekend I'm celebrating with a friend of mine who has the same birthday. And my boyfriends birthday is on the 16th so I get to have lots of social funtimes this month. I'm also hoping to plan late Feb (maybe early March) since I tragically have to miss the one on the 16th because of bday stuff.

tea sonata

@Sea Ermine Happy birthday for Tuesday! :D

Plant Fire

@Sea Ermine awww thanks!

gobblegirl

Broken noses are the worst. I broke it last week, had it reset this week, and now I have to wear a stick-on aluminum splint for TWO WEEKS. Looking dumb is the least of my worries (though I am kind of concerned that people will think I had a nose job); it is itchy, it constantly feels like glasses are sliding down my nose, I can't wear my glasses and don't own contacts (I'm getting fit for some next week because of this), I can't wash my face properly because I can't take it off, and it sits so high up my nose that it's CONSTANTLY in my field of vision.
This.sucks.

whateverlolawants

@gobblegirl Ouch! Poor thing!

LeafySeaDragon

@gobblegirl how did you break it? (i popped the joint in my nose once which hurt like whoa, i can't imagine breaking it!)

Miss Maszkerádi

@gobblegirl At least you get to take the aluminum OFF after two weeks. Google Tycho Brahe. ;-P

gobblegirl

@LeafySeaDragon I'm epileptic, and I busted my face against my desk during a seizure last week.

gobblegirl

@Countess Maritza Are you kidding? Tycho Brahe's nose was made of gold and silver, and therefore was super fly. This is a beige colour that is perfectly calibrated to neither blend into nor complement my skin tone. And no, I didn't need to google him...

area@twitter

@gobblegirl I think we might have to BeDazzle that splint. (And I hope you mend quickly. Suck.)

whateverlolawants

I get a whole weekend off! I think I'll go to this big antique mall tomorrow. It's been a pretty good week. Lots of good feedback from my higher-ups, and reviews are coming up soon. It sounds like I'll get a raise (although it will probably only be 1.8%, but hey, I'll take it.) I'll know in the next few weeks.

In other news, I wrote at least 750 words (usually many more) every day this month! It's helped me a lot. I love 750words.com.

adorable-eggplant

@whateverlolawants Congrats on the words!

whateverlolawants

@adorable-eggplant Thank you! :)

whateverlolawants

Oh yeah, is it possible to get a higher raise than that? Like, if the company policy is 1.8%, is it worth asking for more?

adorable-eggplant

Yay! Friday! I had an OK week, but awesome first day of my weekend: basically, I learned to play Taylor Swift's trouble on my acoustic guitar, so that's been awesome and my friend is designing an rpg and we had nachos and came up with a brilliant mechanic, so that was fun and then there's an art opening tonight with free beer and wine and it's for students so I am sure the University knows to expect mooches and I have no shame in any case, so it will be awesome, I have no doubt.

katiemcgillicuddy

@adorable-eggplant Ha, it makes me laugh that I, too, learned to play "Trouble" this week. Enjoy the free booze!

adorable-eggplant

@katiemcgillicuddy Thanks! I am so grateful for pop songs, because I only know about 4 chords and yet...

katiemcgillicuddy

@adorable-eggplant Check out this chord generator, you can find chords and tabs for pretty much anything online, but they don't always give you diagrams, so here ya go

http://guitar.to/folder/guitar.html

adorable-eggplant

@katiemcgillicuddy Thanks! It's more inertia than anything else. I feel like A, C, D, G, F, Dm, Em, Am have served me well so far.

loren smith

@adorable-eggplant Amazing! I recently drunkenly demanded that my husband teach me to play "Wonderwall" - I'm about the least musical person around, so I am really excited!

tea sonata

@adorable-eggplant Keep on strumming in the free world!

adorable-eggplant

@loren smith Go for it! I've found playing guitar to be my number one most relaxing hobby. Mostly because I love singing + wine + friends.

katiemcgillicuddy

Hello lovely people! I know I had a shit-ton of stuff I was going to bring up during the FOT but all I can remember is that I no longer seem to be allergic to green apples (started when I was like 22) and can eat All Of The Apples now, and it's basically the greatest thing ever (I still peel them and cut them up because I am 3 years old, but who cares). Hope everyone has a great weekend.

emkay

@katiemcgillicuddy So, how do you like dem apples? (please imagine Matt Damon's Southie accent)

katiemcgillicuddy

@emkay Ha. Goddamn, Matt Damon in that movie, swoooooooon.

dj pomegranate

@katiemcgillicuddy How did you discover that you were no longer allergic? Seems risky...!

katiemcgillicuddy

@dj pomegranate It's not a dangerous allergy, they just started to make my gums like, itch, I guess? It was super irrtating, apparently it happens to some people when they get into their twenties, possibly correlated to pollen allergies somehow? I didn't get diagnosed, it just started happening. I just kept trying because I love few things more than granny smith apples.

crango

@katiemcgillicuddy THAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!! It started a few years ago out of no where. I was thinking maybe I was allergic to whatever was on the skin of the apple that didn't get washed away since I only get a reaction with fresh apples.

katiemcgillicuddy

@crango It's the worst! Cooked apples, like in pies, are fine, but yeah, fresh green apples. Also peaches! Which I have not tried again yet, but I will. For what it's worth, it started when I was like 22 and now I'm 28, so hopefully it will stop for you, too?? I think, though, that the skin still gets me, so I peel them. Maybe try that if you haven't already?

Plant Fire

Also!!! At the pinup last weekend I met people who were talking about doing a trivia night thing at a bar! And it sounded fun and we exchanged numbers but I realized that I gave everyone my number but did not take anyone's number. Soo....if that was you feel free to post here. I'm free this Sunday, and next Friday and Sunday to do fun things!

whateverlolawants

@Sea Ermine I love pub trivia! My team meets weekly and turns out we're pretty good.

ayo nicole

@Sea Ermine I missed that convo, but I want to do that!

khaleesi

@Sea Ermine If this is pub trivia in NYC, I would definitely be up for that!

Plant Fire

@Sea Ermine ahh awesome! Yes it is in nyc and I would love to do it with you all! I havent done it before but if one of you picks a good place I can make an event on the hairpin facebook page. For next Friday? The 8th?

anannamouse

You guys! I found an apartment in Queens and I'm moving! In a week! I'm so nervous! And so thrilled! Just two FOTs ago I had no idea if/when/where I was going to be moving, and look at me now. Things are happening so (too?) fast!

terrific

@anannamouse Woo! Queens!

hallelujah

Marriage question: I was reading Modern Love a few weeks ago, & came across the sentiment "only the most craven would think 'if this doesn't work out, we can always divorce' when walking down the aisle." Is that true??? That's the take I have on my marriage - I see my husband as a life partner, but if for some reason things no longer work for us, we'll seperate. I knew I was not exactly a romantic, but I never thought of myself as craven for not buying the "til death do us part" thing.

Ladies? Married/not married? I'm curious other people's takes on getting married/divorced today. I never thought of myself as an outlier, but perhaps I'm a heartless wench.

whateverlolawants

@hallelujah I am not married or planning on being married soon, but I always figured that was the attitude I'd have. Not in an overly-pragmatic, robotic way, but yeah. Optimistic and committed, but relieved knowing there's an out if need be.

wharrgarbl

@hallelujah That's the take my husband and I had on marriage, and I wouldn't consider it a terribly craven attitude. Sometimes shit happens, and life doesn't work out the way you thought it would, and you do your best to suck it up and deal with it like adults instead of going "Nooooooo, divorce would be the worst thing that could ever ever possibly happen to either of us aaaaaaaargh!".

In the meantime, you roll your dice and hope and trust the person you're in love with will love you forever, and won't do anything so horrible you fall out of love with them, and that you'll do that right back for them, and that circumstances beyond your control won't fuck things up for both of you.

terrific

@hallelujah Oh my god you are totally normal. I've learned that everyone loves/does relationships differently and if you take ALL THE ADVICE it will only lead to a panic spiral. The ability to accept that your relationship MAYBE won't work out someday is probably a MORE healthy perspective!

tl;dr never listen to blanket relationship advice on the internet. except for this one.

LeafySeaDragon

@hallelujah i think that getting married with a preconceived notion of "oh well, we can just divorce" is stupid. why bother?

adorable-eggplant

@hallelujah Replace 'craven' with 'familiar with odds and not suffering any delusions of being exceptional'. My take is a lot of progressive people worked really hard to ensure that marriage is a contract of choice.

I think it'd be weird to go in with the plan of ending it at some unspecified date, but count me in as someone who thinks it's realistic to have the outlook: "I have every intention of making this work for life, because I couldn't imagine living without this person--- but I'm also not clairvoyant, so maybe something will be different someday in ways that I can't predict, in which case, I'm glad that the option of divorce is out there."

gobblegirl

@hallelujah My opinion is "Only the most bitchy and insecure would be a namecaller and judge someone else's relationship choices, especially if they've never met them."
But I know I'm a heartless wench, so who knows.

PomoFrannyGlass

@hallelujah I'm divorced; I certainly didn't expect it to end that way when I got married, but it was absolutely the right decision, and I'm grateful that all states have no-fault divorce laws on the books now (which let you be like, this did not work out, we shall part without acrimony, vs. having to prove in court some one is a horrible person when they're really just not the right person for you). To me the changes in those laws over the past 20-odd years are proof that people know divorce is sometimes the right thing for everyone involved.

hallelujah

@LeafySeaDragon Well first, the literally thousands of benefits included in the US tax code. Second, half of marriages end in divorce. Third, ease of childrearing. Fourth, we wanted to. I don't think that adds up to "stupid", personally, but you're clearly the expert.

frenz.lo

@hallelujah Ha ha, one time, years ago, I read some article that said that if you thought that at all, even for a second, your relationship was DOOMED, and you were getting married for the wrong reasons. So, that thought has been impossible to keep out of my head in all relationships ever since, whether or not I had any intention of marrying this person.
I am married, and have been for about two years, very happily. I tell you what, though: I think it's reasonable, when you're thinking about whether you want to marry someone, is what it would be like to be divorced from them. If shit happened, the unthinkable went down, if you grew apart somehow, whatever. Is there a chance they are only being civil to you because they are currently in love with you? Can you imagine a situation where, if they were just completely over you, they would be cruel or spiteful to you? Could you handle co-parenting (if you're not already/are planning to have kids) with this person if you are no longer in love or whichever one of you has your shit together most is not in the picture for a good portion of the time?
I say think about it, and that these thoughts are not unromantic or some kind of BS proof that your heart is not pure or that your love is not true. I think that these thoughts are extremely practical, and ultimately a kindness to yourself and your partner to examine, at least inside your head.

fruiting body

@hallelujah My husband I definitely discussed our attitudes about this, and I'm with you - we agreed that we love each other, we want to make our life work out together forever, but if it doesn't, then we'll divorce if that's what we'll make us happier. I mean, how else are we supposed to reconcile loving each other, enjoying tax benefits and being godless heathens?

karenb

@hallelujah i have friends whose vows were "as long as our love lasts" rather than "till death" etc etc because they are realists. they also wanted every day of their married life to be a choice to stay together, rather than an obligation. and that is pretty darn romantic, if you ask me!

PomoFrannyGlass

@hallelujah Also generally I find that Modern Love makes me feel angry, annoyed, and/or depressed more often than not.

hallelujah

@karenb OOH I LOVE THAT

@PomoFrannyGlass Real talk! But I just can't stop!

SarcasticFringehead

@hallelujah I remember reading some advice somewhere that you shouldn't get married to someone unless you've thought about how they would act in a divorce - are they mature enough to understand that sometimes things end and to make it as painless as possible, or will they throw tantrums and drag it out and make every moment painful? It's not fun to think about, but I think it makes sense to at least consider what might happen if things change.

Queen of Pickles

@hallelujah

Ugh, Modern Love. I read it compulsively! It makes me unhappy.

I think it's the exact OPPOSITE of "craven" to honestly admit that something is not working and strike out alone. I think it takes guts to go against the expectations of your family, friends, society, and perhaps your partner, in order to respond to the deep sense of truth you feel about a relationship no longer working out. It takes a lot of humility, too.

It takes guts to get married, and guts to get divorced. "Craven" is when you stay mildly miserable, unsure, frozen in a state of inaction and hesitance. Or because you want things to look good from the outside. Or you're afraid of what people will think.

Life is messy, fuck the haters. It takes guts to take either plunge.

thebestjasmine

@LeafySeaDragon I think if you get married without even thinking about divorce, you're just naive (and are therefore more likely to have a very unhappy marriage and then divorce).

Faintly Macabre

@hallelujah I have never been married, but my aunt (by marriage), who has been happily (I think) married for over 30 years and now has a grandbaby, said recently, "I never thought that this would last so long--when we were getting married, I thought, 'Well, this will be a good first marriage.'"

Though maybe the secret is just that she and my uncle are kind of strange...

leonstj

@hallelujah - I don't think you're craven. When in relationships, I'm a hopeless romantic...

...but at the same time, I don't see how any grown-person could think anything other than, "If this doesn't work, we can always split." Marriage or not...we're free, ya know? How could we be anything else?

And knowing that the person your with could decide to leave at night while you sleep or during the day while you work, and that you could do the same - and then having breakfast after breakfast, dinner after dinner, together, despite the fact that, vows or not you don't really have to, that lifetime of choosing NOT to break it up a million little times is a much nicer gesture than promising to stay together once, I think it's awful to call the acknowledgement of the freedom craven. To me, the ability to split is what creates the beauty of remaining together.

mooseketeer

@hallelujah (I'm late to the party, but whatever) I'm married and I've definitely thought not always super kind thoughts like "WELL IF WE GET DIVORCED I KNOW HE'LL ALWAYS PUT OUR HYPOTHETICAL CHILDREN FIRST" and stuff like that. And that makes me feel a lot better about choosing my husband to be my husband, because I have faith in his character even if our relationship doesn't last.

We talked about it too (he's definitely more romantic about it and I'm more pragmatic) but we agreed that being married was essentially saying "we're going to be together as long as we both want to be, and then longer than that to try to make it work again"

Decca

Sadly, I will not be appearing on this year's University Challenge. Womp womp.

Probably a good thing, actually. I just started a new job and it would be a nightmare requesting all that time off. Plus, literally the only topic I know about is the Mitfords.

Verity

@Decca The Mitfords are a great topic to know all about, though.

meetapossum

I won't be here next FOT because I will be in ENGLAND! YAY! London/Reading/Oxford/Bath Pinners, come have some coffee and/or alcohol units with me!

meetapossum

@meetapossum Oh, also, my job interview went really well, so keeping my fingers crossed. I don't want to jinx it by creating my usual imaginary life where I already have the job and how much better things will be, but here we are.

PomoFrannyGlass

I am in serious (SERIOUS serious) "like" for the first time in a very long time (years, plural) and it is amazing but also terrifying and I can't think straight. I totally forgot how this felt. How does anyone stand it? How does anyone actually function at their job when they are deep in like?

lookuplookup

@PomoFrannyGlass Near constant gchatting with my best friend was the only way I got through being in serious "like" during work hours. It was just hour after hour of "I'm not sure I like-like him, mostly I feel like I'm going to puke" and her saying, "That definitely means you like-like him." It helped so much to have a regular opportunity to vent my totally ridiculous and stupidly overwhelming feelings.

PomoFrannyGlass

@lookuplookup Ah, yes. My best friend is unavailable via g-chat today, which is probably why I feel crazier than usual. Also, yeah, the emotional dissonance of "happy! excited!" and "I am about to projectile vomit" is totally unfamiliar and overwhelming. Last night I paced in a circle in my apartment, alone, at top speed, grinning over a tweet. A TWEET. Thank god for the FOT so I can admit these things publicly and anonymously.

lisma

@PomoFrannyGlass that's so cute!! Liking people is the best.

blueblazes

@PomoFrannyGlass I'm so jealous! I remember back in college I went somewhere with a boy classmate--library? language lab? I don't remember--and he hugged me when he walked me back to the dorm and I literally couldn't sleep that night because I was so excited and for some reason I don't get that feeling about my husband, exactly, so enjoy it!!

LeafySeaDragon

a kid in my son's class came up with a really mean nickname pair for him. his teacher tells me that she told the nicknaming-kid to ignore him and my kid to ignore the names (and someone's going to ask so they are "nerd-thing" and "nerd-thaniel"). WAT?! ugh. *this close to homeschooling*

other than that STILL LOVING THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE Y'ALL edit: i did go to yoga twice this week, which was all kinds of awesome

frenz.lo

@LeafySeaDragon Man, kids can be total jerks. I'm sorry your son is going through that.

Verity

The other day at work I came across a "C. Cheeseman". The real Creature Cheeseman?

I woke up today feeling very ill, having seemingly caught something from my mum. Work was not fun, and my plans for tomorrow night (go to a friend's house, watch the Hollow Crown production of Henry IV Part 1, drink when they drink. Why?

anachronistique

@Verity I still need to watch Henry IV Part 2 and Henry V from that series. But everyone is so good!

frenz.lo

-One of my foster kitties is going to try her luck as an adoptable cat in a local pet store starting tomorrow, and I am going to miss her, because she is special and no one understands her like I do. (This is what happens every time I send one out, but so far, I have a perfect record on not actually keeping them.)

-I signed up for a big charity bike ride in May, and I am excited for it/terrified. 140 miles over two days, and I have to raise $1300.

-I posted last week about thinking about asking my bosses for a raise, which I expect them to react to as if I were Oliver Twist asking for more gruel, but I think I'm going to do it. I just wrote down my pitch, and I have like a 75-step plan to print it out and deliver it next week.

-Ravens! Ravens in the superboooowl! Getting ready for my town (but luckily probably not my neighborhood) to go utterly nuts.

whateverlolawants

Recent searches on the shared work computer:
platypus
nutella coupons
guys covered in mustard

lora.bee

@whateverlolawants fear of smelling bad

itiresias

I'm hosting the superb owl on Sunday with my two roommates. I cook/enjoy cooking more than they do. I eat a gluten free and mostly vegetarian diet. My friends are mostly dudes who do the opposite of that. Any ideas for some kind of compromise (snackompromise) between the two that I could make? I saw an awesome slideshow with this purpose last week and didn't bookmark it and it should annoy me less than it does.

anachronistique

@itiresias If "mostly vegetarian" includes dairy, make some seven-layer dip?

meetapossum

@itiresias Guacamole?

itiresias

@anachronistique Although it's a great one, that is my one idea so far.

coolallison

@itiresias I'm a vegetarian hosting a party for non-vegetarians, so we're having several pizzas, some chips with queso, guacamole, salsa, etc, and some dessert items. It's not the healthiest of feasts, but I think everyone will be able to have something and not bitch about the lack of red meat. (I live in Texas. There is a lot of bitching when there is no cow on the plate.)

mittens blum

@itiresias Some kind of meat-free nacho platter? (Assuming I'm not wrong in thinking that tortilla chips are gluten-free)

area@twitter

@itiresias Maybe you could say, "hey, here's what I think I'm going to cook/make/buy for our event. If you guys want to buy some meaty, gluteny stuff to the party, go ahead!"
If you'd like to make them something (and really, don't feel obligated to), maybe something like a layered dip? Those are frequently meatless and gluten-free, but are still fun rich party foods. Or you could get a nice meat and cheese platter to include with all the rest of the tastiness.

gobblegirl

@itiresias I'm adding to the "put some cheese on it" choir, if that's within your dietary limits. The Superb Owl isn't supposed to have healthy food - it should be sticky and nibbly and have a lot of texture. So if you can find gluten-free corn chips, or falafel chips, or what-have-you, make nachos (put beans on them too!), or serve plain with guac and hummous. If you do make layered dip, put out carrot sticks and broccoli - people like dipping, don't care what it is.
The fancy layered dip suggestion is a good one even if you don't eat dairy (as long as you don't object to preparing something you don't personally eat), because it's easy for you to avoid, it's a traditional thing, and it's pretty fancy.
And how about Kettle corn? It's snacky, and everyone loves it!

thenotestaken

@itiresias Mexican? Corn chips and tortillas can be gluten-free, and things like tacos are super customizable for meat/non-meat.

supernintendochalmers

@itiresias I always make potato skins, which are time-consuming but worth it. I usually make a bunch with broccoli and cheese and some with bacon and cheese. Sour cream and scallions on the side. Mmm.

Maryaed

@itiresias Rotel dip. I cannot recommend Velveeta for any other purpose, but that's a good one. With the oft-mentioned chips.

Also, potato chips with sour cream and onion dip, and super-garlicky hummus with vegetables, and you could probably put tofu pups in a crock pot with barbecue sauce and no one would ever think to ask if they were fake meat. Or less trashily, just a huge crazy cheese plate with apples and other fruit for you, crackers and bread for the glutinous.

thebestjasmine

@itiresias Black bean chili! With cheese and guacamole and sour cream and all of the fixings, along with chips etc.

blueblazes

@itiresias I have a mix of veggie/nonveggies friends and when we get together we typically do a build-your-own nacho/burrito bar. That way people get to self-assemble and choose as much meat/veg/dairy as they want. Beans and TVP taco meat fill the bill for proteins. My husband can't even tell the difference between TVP and ground beef anymore.

itiresias

These are great. Thank you!

Angelena@twitter

can everyone put out mental energy for me and all the other unemployed hairpinners to get jobs!? k thanks!

taco-salad dot com

@Angelena@twitter You got it! Good luck!

lasso tabasco

@Angelena@twitter DOING IT! You got this, girl!

Angelena@twitter

@lasso tabasco Thanks ya'll!!! <3 <3

Lucienne

I'm gonna miss 30 Rock, you guys.

LeafySeaDragon

@Lucienne but the last two seasons have been pretty nonexceptional. when i quote/think of 30 rock it's always seasons 1-4 (when it was funnier!)

Nicole Cliffe

I cried. A lot.

Nicole Cliffe

I was saying to melis last night that it was really the first time a show I loved died WHILE I was watching it. Like, I started watching "Arrested Development" after it was cancelled, ditto "Firefly," so I was just happy they existed.

katiemcgillicuddy

I haven't watched it yet, it's going to kill me isn't it? I'm basically dreading watching because then it's over...

Lucienne

@LeafySeaDragon Disagree! I think this past season has been pretty great. And Emily Nussbaum talked me around (alas, not personally) to retroactively liking season six too.

@Nicole Cliffe I also cried a lot. Like, I never thought Tracy Jordan would make me cry, but there you are.

katiemcgillicuddy

Sports, sports, getcha sports here.

HELLO SUPER BOWL, WHO YA GOT? I am afraid to pick cause I dont want to jinx anything, but I will say 20 bucks Flacco just chucks it 70 yards on the first play.

(Also, Yankees trying to void A-Rods contract, yikes.)

gobblegirl

@katiemcgillicuddy I am ODing on hockey. It is so amazing. And my team doesn't suck yet, despite sucking a lot in recent history - though their offensive success is mostly coming from the same 2 lines, so I'd be a bit more comfortable with a wee bit more depth.
I don't have an NFL team, so I'm still taking offers for who to root for on Sunday (I am leaning towards the Niners because of Kaepernick's tortoise, but am open to other suggestions; and don't try "The great ones like Lewis should get to win their last one" because my dad already made that argument and it didn't stick).

lookuplookup

@katiemcgillicuddy I'm rooting for the 49'ers - living in Cleveland makes it contractually impossible for me to root for the Ravens & there are two Cleveland residents on the 49'ers (I read a very sweet human interest story about them in the local paper today that gave me a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings, maybe because it's Friday and I'm predisposed to being in a good mood.)

bitchycrosstownexpress

@katiemcgillicuddy I ...do not know. Every time I've thought "oh there's no way the Ravens are going to beat X," they've won, but the 49ers seem pretty strong.

katiemcgillicuddy

@gobblegirl Man, it's so great, I will watch ANYONE these days, but my boys (the Caps) are just not fucking winning. Which blows.

I want the Ravens cause I live in MD (but am a Skins fan) but either way, I'm excited cause I have a really good feeling it's gonna be a killer game.

katiemcgillicuddy

@bitchycrosstownexpress The 9ers are the more talented team, but I just, it's like every time I pick against the Ravens they make me pay for it (I've literally lost money betting against them). They just get shit done.

katiemcgillicuddy

@lookuplookup Yeah, you're just just not allowed to pull for Baltimore, I'm pretty sure they'd put you in jail.

gobblegirl

@katiemcgillicuddy My teams are the Oilers (I don't care that it's 2 weeks in, I am still excited that they're at the top of the division) and Montreal (we resigned PK! It's going to be OK! Or at least it can't possibly be worse than last year).

honey cowl

@katiemcgillicuddy I hate both teams. Sigh.

iwearaFEZnow

@katiemcgillicuddy Any football/soccer lovers here? yoo-hooligans? maybe?

katiemcgillicuddy

@gobblegirl Yeah, the PK signing has to be a relief. Are you allowed to pull for Edmonton and Montreal? That isn't an offense punishable by incarceration in Canada?

rangiferina

@iwearaFEZnow i have the misfortune of supporting Liverpool, so yes

gobblegirl

@katiemcgillicuddy Edmonton and Montreal aren't traditional enemies in hockey (it's not like I'm a Canucks fan!!!), but regardless, I come by it honestly. My dad is from Montreal so he raised his babies right, and I am from Edmonton. They're never really good at the same time, so it's rarely an issue. When they play each other, I root for Montreal unless the Oilers need the win more.

katiemcgillicuddy

@iwearaFEZnow Yeah man, totally, happy someone finally chirped up about soccer/football. Tottenham is my adopted squad. Love me some Clint Dempsey, but I started following them before he signed. Just liked their scrap. Can't wait for Man U v. Real Madrid.

iwearaFEZnow

@katiemcgillicuddy I'm pulling for Real. Because I have a deep-seated, occasionally hostile, festering mistrust of anything that comes out of Manchester...

Also: Özil!

katiemcgillicuddy

@gobblegirl Right, I just always assume that if I were a Canadian hockey fan, I'd be really hateful of the few other Canadian squads, but I'm terrible, so. And screw the Canucks!

iwearaFEZnow

@rangiferina Yay! This is a safe space...

katiemcgillicuddy

@iwearaFEZnow Oh SCREW Man U. I'm not a Real fan by any stretch but, yeah, no no no. Ha, Özil really is something, isn't he?

Onymous

@iwearaFEZnow I'm a Sounders fan but the season doesn't start up for another month and the salary cap means no one knows who'll be on the team come opening day so I have little to add right now.

iwearaFEZnow

@katiemcgillicuddy He's pretty phenomenal! I'm a Bayern fan, so it's nice to have a "big" match to watch with no emotional involvement.

Also: I'm so happy winter break is over. So so happy (even if it means I now have a reason to get up at 8:30 on a Saturday morning again...)

katiemcgillicuddy

@iwearaFEZnow Ah yes, the early Saturdays are a bitch. The matches I want to see are seemingly always the super early ones, I'd kill for a 10 am start.

Aspiriationally Natalie

@lookuplookup My dad is a Clevelander and I'm pretty sure he'd disown me if I were to root for anyone in the AFC North.

Aspiriationally Natalie

@katiemcgillicuddy Rooting for the 49ers for a really sappy reason: San Francisco is near and dear to my heart, as it's where my parents met. Oh, and I refuse to root for a team that prevented the Pats from going to the Superbowl again.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Aspiriationally Natalie Oh girl, you had me at the cute parents-met-there thing and then you went and admitted to being a Pats fan, and I just cannot have that here! ;)

Aspiriationally Natalie

@katiemcgillicuddy Tis okay, we are united in our hatred of the Steelers! And I must admit I love the Ravens mascot - his name is Poe and he is in search of the perfect cheeseburger!

katiemcgillicuddy

@Aspiriationally Natalie To be clear, I am not a Ravens fan, only a supporter in certain cases, but yes, Poe is awesome and the fact that they are named after a poem is awesome. God, I do hate the Steelers though, I live right outside DC, in MD, and my LOCAL bar is a Steelers bar. Makes me crazy.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Onymous You guys really have a fun deal going on out there, don't you? DC United was crazy fun when the league first started, it's been picking back up since Ben Olsen took the coaching gig, but matching those early days is going to be hard. You guys seem to have it figured out, and good on ya for it.

Blushingflwr

@katiemcgillicuddy as far as i am concerned, the only good thing about the Super Bowl is that it means siring, and therefore baseball season, is around the corner. I am a NYY fan, and very much in fa or of the notion of getting rid of A-Rod. He doesn't do much these days to earn his salary, and we could use that miney to invest in some yo.ung talent to replace our aging roster.

barefoot cuntessa

My sister is having a baby in the next couple days! She's 2 weeks late and they're planning on inducing if she doesn't start labor soon. I'm going to be a proper auntie, and so I plan on making an owl and a fox stuffed animal for my soon-to-be little niece today! And maybe some buckwheat shortbread cookies.

LordHennyson

@barefoot cuntessa UGHH that's so adorable and I wish I had an aunt like you (I want dat stuffed fox). Congrats to you and your sister!!

miss buenos aires

@barefoot cuntessa Congratulations in advance! I LOVE being an aunt, it is the best.

tea sonata

@barefoot cuntessa Congratulations! :D

wharrgarbl

@barefoot cuntessa May her labor be swift and uncomplicated!

taco-salad dot com

Boyfriend of 1.5+ years and I have decided it's time to live together. Whee! He'll be moving into my apartment since I have a lease through the end of the year, and he's a tenant at will with 3 Big Bang Theory-esque roommates (more video games and less laughter/fewer PhDs). Anyway, I left my landlady a voicemail on Monday night saying I wanted to talk to her about bf moving in. She's an awesome landlady and I know she considers me a good tenant and likes having me there. I don't *think* she will have a problem with this. I'm just concerned by not having heard back from her and how to handle things if she says no for whatever reason. Bf practically lives with me anyway as it is, and we really want to move forward with it. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Any advice for if she balks at me bringing in a roomie? Suggestions on how to covertly move furniture into a 3rd floor apartment? etc ;)

karenb

@faceifer i don't know where you live, etc, but your lease should have all details on added tenants. where i live, you're allowed to move in added people as long as it doesn't go over the residency cap for the unit (usually 2 people per bedroom, which makes sense). if you don't pay for utilities separately, there may be some negotiation there, i suppose?

taco-salad dot com

@karenb I do need to review my lease but I am preeeetty sure it's the standard Massachusetts one that states: "...nor shall permit the leased premises to be occupied for a period longer than a temporary visit by anyone except the individuals specifically named in the first paragraph of this lease" (aka just me). So unless she says she's okay with it, I'd technically be breaking my lease by allowing him to move in for "more than a temporary visit" without her consent. I pay for all the utilities except water but he's been showering there for ages so she probably won't even notice an increase in that.

Emby

@faceifer My gf just moved in with me in my DC apartment, and it was kind of a pain in the ass, but it was fine. I had to resign a rental agreement and she had to sign one, but rent didn't go up or anything.

But I'd add that I suggest not just sneaking him in and not telling her he's moved in with you. That's grounds for eviction if a landlord finds out. So, better to clear it.

MilesofMountains

Hi Texan Pinners! I'm going to Dallas in a few weeks, is there anything I should make sure to do while I'm there? Any super awesome restaurants?

coolallison

@MilesofMountains My favorite coffee shop is the Pearl Cup, and there is a restaurant called Smoke that is pretty stellar if you like smoked meats.

I'll keep thinking... I moved away several months ago so I'll try to update if anything pops in my head that I miss.

RK Fire

GUYS!

I found this on tumblr earlier this week and I've been dying to share it on here and with other people who may appreciate Neil Gaiman.

It is the most absurd thing I've seen this week and I've been wanting to shout "[insert person here]? What are you doing in my falafel??"

frigwiggin

@RK Fire Haha, that's adorable. And I bet it's better than his Simpson's episode.

RubeksCube

@RK Fire That is amazing and adorable. LOVE.

tea sonata

@RK Fire I follow Mr. Gaiman's tumblr, it's always fascinating the things he pulls up. Also, straight up advice on there too.
And now I must eat falafel.

blueberry mary

Happy Friday, ya'll!

Does anyone else work from home? What's it like for you? I just started a couple months ago and lordy is it a test on my self-motivation. HOW DO YOU NOT SLEEP IN??

dj pomegranate

@blueberry mary I am the worst at working from home. I can't do it. I just sleep and make beverages and cook things.

thenotestaken

@blueberry mary I've had to work from home recently, and I'm utterly terrible at it. I have to leave the house and go to cafes/libraries even though that tends to add up for me in terms of tea/food costs.

VolcanoMouse

@blueberry mary Man, I work from home and I love to sleep. Between a kitty racketing around if we sleep too long and my husband having early classes this semester, I'm doing a bit better at getting up, but it's still a struggle.

Building some incentives into my morning helps a bit. If I tidied my workspace a bit the day before and prepare something awesome for breakfast, I'm much more willing to get up on time. And once I'm up, I'm more willing to start work if I know I can listen to the radio once I begin.

I'm working on instituting a quitting time and regular breaks, too. I suspect these all work together-- structure begetting structure, somehow. I'm much less likely to sulk and stay up 'til two if I actually complete my tasks before five.

But I don't know, man. I've been at this for about two years, and it's still really tough.

OhMarie

@blueberry mary I've been working from home pretty successfully for three years. Here are my tips:

-Have an office with a desk and a phone. It doesn't have to literally be a separate room or anything (though that is ideal), but an area that is set aside for working, no trying to work on a couch and a coffee table or whatever. I also have a landline which I use almost exclusively for work and is kind of amazing.

-If you have an SO or a roommate with a 9-5 job, get up when they do.

-You don't have to actually be presentable/ready at your start time, you just have to be at your computer. I start between 8:30 and 9:00am, and if I get up on time I am showered and dressed by then and if I sleep in I am at the computer in my jammies with crazy hair.

-I also structure my day pretty heavily. I am on the computer between 8:30 and 9:00, then I make myself some chai tea, then I have lunch at like 1pm, then I have a coke zero at soda time between 2 and 3.

-If you work with others and schedule meetings and things, schedule them in the morning. I have a lot of 9:30 ones. Also most of the people I work with are in offices and I am really motivated to answer their emails promptly/be around when they call because I am afraid they will think I am a slacker.

Disco Sheets

Ahhhh you guys, I'm back! It's been MONTHS but I got a new job, a new boyfriend, and a new haircut. :) It's a little slow today so I can finally comment!! Yay!

adorable-eggplant

@Disco Sheets Woot! Happy new year!

Miss Maszkerádi

ARGH YOU GUYS. School started this week, and I have oodles of repertoire to learn, oodles of books to read, metric fucktons of research to somehow figure out how to approach, WHY AM I SPENDING ALL MY TIME COOKING AND BAKING?!

supernintendochalmers

@Countess Maritza Making food is the best form of procrastination because you feel like you're accomplishing something AND you get to stress-eat.

tea sonata

@supernintendochalmers NAILED IT. Also, I love your username.

lasso tabasco

Hey guys!! This is always the time of year when I switch into Hermit Mode and curl up with books and tea until mid-March, so I have given up on having any type of sex/love/social life for at least the next 6 weeks.I just started My Antonia two nights ago, and I cant believe I've gone 24 years without reading any Cather- especially since I'm out here in the Prairie! What's everyone else's late winter like?

dj pomegranate

@lasso tabasco I read My Antonia in 6th grade and remember being surprised that I enjoyed it. I should re-read that one!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@lasso tabasco I'm trying to exit Hermit Mode as my holidays were somewhat woefully lonely. I don't know how easy that will be (since it feels like having a social life involves spending time with other people, which requires the existence of other people wanting to spend time with you) but I'm trying not to let the winter scare me too much!

What kinds of tea are you going to drink with these books?

lasso tabasco

Mint! It's my favorite! And I'm sure there are people who want to spend time with you! You just have to remin them how awesome you are when you aren't in Hermit Mode.

luna848

I've made the open thread 2 weeks in a row, it's a miracle! Maybe I can actually become a legit Hairpin commenter now.
Anyway, I feel like I need to change my hair, but I don't know what to do with it. My haircut is still the same as in my icon (I feel like I should make my icon not me, but I'm too lazy and actually now it's convenient). I really love it, but I feel like my hair just can't handle the color?? I'd never dyed my hair before, and I don't know if that's actually a thing, but no amount of purple shampoo or anything else seems to keep it from turning yellow within a couple weeks. I don't feel like the problem is the hair stylist either... I don't know.
I'd kind of like to take advantage of my already-bleached hair and jump onto the solid-unnatural-color train, but I don't know what color would be good, and I'm terrified of trying to find a hair stylist where I am right now, because it's basically 2003 here in terms of the internet, and I've never in my life had to find a hair stylist without Yelp!

adorable-eggplant

@luna848 I had a friend that rocked the raven black hair look, so I'm always a fan of that. Maybe auburn if you want something natural-ish?

frenz.lo

@luna848 If you had access to a lot of salons or a hairdresser you were into, I'd say lowlights. I'm thinking a couple of tones of lowlights, and switch to a darker blonde base rather than straight-up bleaching the whole thing. Don't do your own lowlights at home, or your own highlights. Before the internet, the way to find a stylist was to find someone with nice looking color and ask who did it. Also, pretty much any good stylist will let you book a consult where you talk about your hair and he or she looks at it and offers recommendations, but you don't commit to doing anything that day.

luna848

@adorable-eggplant I would love black hair, but I'm afraid I couldn't pull it off since I'm so pale. I also feel like I shouldn't have put my hair through all this bleaching for nothing, you know? Unless that's part of the process for dying it any color, I don't even know if is.

luna848

@frenz.lo Thanks for the hair stylist suggestions!
I don't want to do lowlights though- I specifically want white or nothing, I don't want it blonde, period. Which is why it's driving me completely insane that it insists on turning yellow. Ugh hair! But if it refuses to be white, I'd rather it be purple or pink or red or something.

adorable-eggplant

@luna848 My friend was pale (blue eyed, super pale) and it worked, I think, for contrast reasons. Plus she always wore really neutral cardigans, so it didn't look gothic either.

Pink would be a good choice, too.

frenz.lo

@luna848 Oh, got it. I thought you were just looking for a change/didn't want those yellow tones. In that case, my advice is to color your hair with a lavender cellophane or demi-permanent glaze. If you're going for all-over wacky color, I would advise veering away from greens or blues, because they are a bitch when they fade.

angelan

@luna848 I have the same hair as you, but I am giving up and going back to my natural colour, because I kind of hate going to the salon to get my roots done. So it's going to be one hella expensive visit (because edinburgh), and then I am FREE. BUT. If you want to do unnatural colours, just buy some fudge paintbox, or manic panic and do it - it will wash out if you hate it! Fudge paintbox takes about a month to wash entirely out of my white hair, but it does all go.

HitchedUpKids

@luna848 If you want to do unnatural colors, it would be super easy since your hair is already bleached, but I would suggest maybe starting with something like dying the tips or just your fringe or a few smallish streaks at first. If you dye them purple it will have the benefit of helping to keep the rest of your hair toned white too, which might help because you seem to be attached to having white hair? I just wouldn't suggest dying your whole head one really bright color suddenly because you kind of have to get used to strangers being a bit rude about it. By which I don't mean that they would insult you or something, just comments and asking if it fried your hair, asking if they could touch it, the like. At least that was how my personal experience went, as someone who had blue/pink/red/rainbow hair for almost three years now. Also, sometimes bright colors can stain your hair quite badly, like, lasting for months after you stop dying, so you might want to stick to lighter, cooler colors at first so you can see if you like it so you don't end up stuck with a head of fire engine red hair that you can't get rid of.

angelan

@luna848 Oh, the other thing I wanted to recommend, was just buy a big vat of toner. Yellowing within a couple of weeks is completely normal. In my experience purple shampoo doesn't slow it down too much. If I want to keep my hair white, I tone it every two weeks or so. If you overtone, it will go a bit purple, but will get to white in a couple of washes. I use virgin snow by manic panic, but there's lots of options out there.

chrysopoeia

NEW YORK PINNERS, VALENTINE'S PINUP!

There will be a Brooklyn gathering at The Richardson on February 16th at 5 pm, immediately following the Brooklyn leg of the book club.

If you can come, please let me know either on this thread or in the Facebook group so that I can have them save space for schmancy cocktail time!

Facebook group link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/nychairpinners/

Brad Paisley

@chrysopoeia
Excellent, I'll try to make it. I haven't been to The Richardson before, so can you give me a tip on the nearest helipad? Thanks in advance and I look forward to meeting you.

highfivesforall

@Mayor Michael Bloomberg You should be able to just land on the BQE, then a rope ladder down to Meeker Ave. Hope you can make it!

dj pomegranate

YOU GUYS mr pomegranate and I TIED THE KNOT.

We went to city hall at 8:30 am last Friday and it was freezing, the ceremony took about 1 minute, and then we went to brunch. It was the best.

adorable-eggplant

@dj pomegranate CONGRATS!!

Disco Sheets

@dj pomegranate Congrats!! Sigh, love and brunch. That really does sound like the best.

whateverlolawants

@dj pomegranate Wonderful! :)

packedsuitcase

@dj pomegranate YAY! Congratulations, that sounds awesome.

Angelena@twitter

@dj pomegranate thats my dream wedding

hallelujah

@dj pomegranate Congratulations!!!! That was my wedding exactly, down to the Friday AM & brunch, add a screaming newborn. Now take that cash you saved on a wedding & buy a hovercraft!!!!! (or honeymoon, I guess)

honey cowl

@dj pomegranate Congratulations!!!!!

smidge

@dj pomegranate Well done, you two. Best wishes!

thebestjasmine

@dj pomegranate Congratulations! Yay for weddings.

Springtime for Voldemort

@dj pomegranate Congrats! So happy for you both.

granny squares

@dj pomegranate Congrats! That is also my dream wedding.

sandwiches

@dj pomegranate Congratulations! That sounds like a great wedding!

packedsuitcase

I get laid a week from tomorrow for the first time in 6 months.

Is it next Saturday yet?

dj pomegranate

@packedsuitcase I am imagining you with one of those internet countdown calendars on your desktop...?

No but seriously, yay!

packedsuitcase

@dj pomegranate I have the number of sleeps written out on my desk calendar. Not that I'm excited or anything.

lasso tabasco

Also! My hair is at mid-back and I want to chop it into a Karlie Kloss-esque bob BUT my face is round (what my mother lovingly refers to as Fat Face Tendencies)and I'm not sure if that is problem, or if it means I need to get my hair cut shorter or longer or WHAT! Girl help please!

raised amongst catalogs

@lasso tabasco I think you can do it, because Ginnifer Goodwin (whose face I consider round) had a bob for a while before she went pixie and I think she rocked it!

Quinn A@twitter

@lasso tabasco My round-faced fiancee had a bob for awhile, and it was super-cute. I actually wasn't crazy about long hair on her!

coolallison

@lasso tabasco I have a face that is healthy in the cheek and chin department, and I just cut my hair off in a bob last weekend (long enough that I can still tuck behind my ears but short enough in the back that I just let it be the wavy mess that it wants to be) and I think it looks really cute. I actually think it flatters my face more than when it was longer. Without having any idea of what you look like, I say DO IT. I love having short hair. It's super easy to fix and I think it's super cute.

anachronistique

@lasso tabasco I am fat with a full-bore double chin, and I wear my hair varying lengths that are always above the shoulder, and I always get compliments. So. GO FOR IT.

coolallison

@coolallison I just realized that I called my own hair cute twice. Yikes. I really am not that arrogant.

lasso tabasco

@anachronistique @raised amongst catalogs @Quinn A@twitter @coolallison THANKS GUYS for the confidence boost! I am going to do it and not be afraid! I cannot wait.

MilesofMountains

@lasso tabasco I have a roundish face and a bob can totally work! Just be careful about where it hits on you. For me, I can't have it hit at the jaw line because it just makes my head look like a giant mushroom head, but an inch or two below the jaw looks great.

TheLetterL

@MilesofMountains This. It can be super cute, just talk to the stylist about where would be most flattering for it to hit. If you're worried about roundness, consider side bangs and layers, especially ones that hit at your cheekbones or add a little more volume to the top.

crango

@lasso tabasco My face is basically a circle and was bobbed for a few years before I grew it out. I loved that haircut so much! I think the one thing to keep in mind is your hair type. My hair's curly and went for an a-line bob rather than a straight cut because otherwise my head would have looked like a mushroom. That said, go for it!!

elysian fields

God damn it. I have to get up at 5 am on Monday to take the train to attend jury duty at 8 in a random-ass town. I could not be less happy about this. And I can't even bring my cell phone! *grump grump grump grump grump*

TheLetterL

@elysian fields Ugh. I have been there. Good luck. Treat yourself to a new book?

planforamiracle

Public Service Announcement:
I'm in the middle of "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown, inspired by my love of her TED talks. The book is about how embracing vulnerability, instead of being afraid of it, can transform relationships, workplaces, etc... It is literally changing my perspective on how I behave (and my thought processes behind my behaviour), even though I thought I'd recognize other people more in her research findings on how people hide/shield themselves from vulnerability.

Anyway. Highly recommended.

PS: I also tried meditation for the first time in a class at the library last Monday, and it was neat-o. Self-care/self-help, activate!

packedsuitcase

@planforamiracle Sweet, I'll have to check that out!

tea sonata

@planforamiracle I saw that one, and also the follow up talk on youtube. The things she was saying were both entirely new ideas to me, but not at all a surprise, as though I already knew them, if that makes sense. I have still to implement these things in every day life, but food for thought, definitely.
Totally forgot about the book though. To the Library!

Probs

This weekend I would like to draw for the first time in a bit, maybe even bust out the gouache. Helping friends move Sunday- am I the only one who kinda likes doing that? Helping is fun!

tea sonata

@Probs I like Helping, you're not alone. Shared happiness, I think that's what it is.

noodge

YOU GUYS:
one of my closest friends had her world turned upside down because her perfect (no really) boyfriend confessed to cheating on her for two months, they've ended it, and he is now in the process of drinking himself into oblivion. since then, as she's talked about it all, trying to get her head straight, and some of the stuff she's told me indicates that he has very likely been cheating on her more extensively, with more people, and was lying to her about it in so many ways (and creating health risks for her by contracting THINGS in the process - not to worry, she's so far clear and under medical care). She's so close to it she can't see it, but mr. noodge and i agree that it's really crystal clear. and it's such a bummer. they were our bestie couple friends. and she's one of the most amazing lady friends i have and i can't believe it happened to her. and i can't tell anyone because she hasn't told everyone yet (because our community would have a collective seizure if they all found out at once, it's really incomprehensible). so i'm internet sharing.

(EDA: he only confessed because she caught him being shady-as with his phone... if she wouldn't have seen that who knows how long it would have gone on for)

raised amongst catalogs

@noodge Poor lady. Like you said, she's too close to it to see it all, but perhaps when the shock wears off she'll see it? It's such a painful and humiliating thing to go through; in the beginning your brain tries so hard to protect you from realizing the full extent of the...reality, I guess, is the word I'm looking for?

lasso tabasco

@noodge I'm sorry this happened to your friend! This guy sounds like a sociopath. Many a good woman has fallen prey.

noodge

@lasso tabasco SO sociopathic - they were talking a couple weeks ago about friends of theirs who broke up, and she was talking about "gosh, what would I do... where would I live if something like that happened to us?" and he said "you will never, ever, have to worry about that" - it's like - YIKES! how can people be like that?

thebestjasmine

@noodge Oh my goodness, poor thing. Does she have a place to stay?

PistolPackinMama

@thebestjasmine Or does HE have a place to stay?

I am sorry for your friend. That is Not Fun.

noodge

@thebestjasmine yes, she has a place to stay, and a place to move into. She's doing so well, considering. Mr. Noodge and I will be helping her move tomorrow. My biggest goal is helping her avoid the "what did I do to make this happen" thought cycle.

thebestjasmine

@noodge You sound like great friends.

Best pun ever.

Dirty Little Secret:
Sometimes I lie about my free time activities to my cooler, prettier friends just so they never get the chance to become interested in the same activity and then do it better than me.

garli

@Best pun ever. Like what?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

CHICAGO
Chiming in to remind you all that we have bowling coming up on February 28 (looks like Lincoln Lanes will be open!) and there's a book club on February 24! Let us know you're coming through the Hairpin Meetups google group, link at the top of this very page. New people are always welcome, don't be shy.

olivebee

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll YES! A pinup in my neighborhood and it happens to be one of my favorite activities!

whizz_dumb

@olivebee I want to go to Lincoln Lanes again when I visit Chicago on March 8th. There's a lot I want to do though.

thisisunclear

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll whee!

HeckYes

So I interview highschoolers for admission to my alma mater. Anyway the kid I'm interviewing next week sent me his "resume", which includes a delightful "FAQs" section. In it, he mentions that he built a robot that he used to ask a girl to prom. A ROBOT. I am already delighted by him/wishing that my boyfriend was that clever.

HeckYes

@supernintendochalmers Like I am wondering what it looked like. Did it have big plaintive eyes, like Wall-E? Was it carrying flowers? A big sign? I guess I know what to ask the kid.

OhMarie

@HeckYes I read this as porn like three times and was totally scandalized. Jesus, prom. That is amazing.

Quinn A@twitter

I'm feeling pretty miserable because I was at fault in a car accident this morning (everyone's fine and our cars are not destroyed) and my insurance is already painfully high. I haven't told my fiancee yet because she already feels terrible about the fact that I pay most of our bills right now and am struggling a bit. It sucks.

Anyone want to link to funny (preferably work-safe) blogs or something? I could use a laugh.

raised amongst catalogs

@Quinn A@twitter twitter.com/YourDailyBear -- The Everpresent Wordsnatcher and I semi-regularly update this. I will flatter us by saying it is funny.

supernintendochalmers

@Quinn A@twitter Oh no, that's the worst feeling. Cake Wrecks always makes me laugh out loud.

wharrgarbl

@Quinn A@twitter Yikes. I'm sorry that happened. At least everybody's okay and the cars are reparable--that can be a lot to ask in a wreck.

I've been trying to make local news sound slightly less horrible over at Further Adventures of Florida Man by pretending that it's all one terrible-at-superheroing person.

Cawendaw

It's just one photo-set, but I keep this: http://thebrownwizard.tumblr.com/post/20240822048 tucked away in my bookmarks folder for when I need a chuckle.
(The first picture does have the word "boobs" in it, but there are no actual boobs in any of the pictures, and I think they're pretty SFW)

Quinn A@twitter

@wharrgarbl Oh, that is excellent.

Quinn A@twitter

@raised amongst catalogs It is funny! Thanks.

raised amongst catalogs

@Quinn A@twitter Bless your heart. Have a better day tomorrow!

wharrgarbl

@Quinn A@twitter I'm glad you like it! Hopefully your weekend will be lovely enough to start making up for today.

evil melis

I quit my day job after almost three years and am going to try full-time writing now so let's do it!!!

Cawendaw

@evil melis WOOOOO

evil melis

Also this week brought me the phrase STEAKBLASTING, for which I will be forever grateful. Scarlet, you are a woman of iron and stronger than I.

area@twitter

@evil melis HOORAY MELIS!

katiemcgillicuddy

@evil melis The fact that you weren't already a full-time writer is beyond my comprehension. Good luck!

evil melis

It has been a pretty packed schedule, especially for the last five months. I've juggled a 9-to-5 with weekend duties at The Gloss and Gawker, with book stuff and other freelance projects fitted in wherever possible. I've missed being able to comment here as much! But I'm glad I did that intense schedule so I was able to build up a decent financial cushion and get to know more editors and just, I guess, practice churning out a lot of content instead of just hazily waiting for inspiration. Whew!!

evil melis

I missed you dumb jerks a lot!!!!

evil melis

ALSO I was very nervous to leave my job but my bosses were very supportive, so two more weeks and then I will say goodbye to office life for the foreseeable future!

iwearaFEZnow

@evil melis This is the greatest news! Congrats/Good Luck/ Woo Hoo.

Emby

@evil melis That sounds suspiciously devoid of evil

Wait... is this regular melis in disguise??

PistolPackinMama

@evil melis that is great, evil melis! What does melis melis have to say about that?

j/k

I am so pleased and excited for you. I hope it's a great experience, starting a new chapter! I hope when you get asked "so what do you do" you will say "I am a writer!" Yes!

evil melis

LOOK sometimes I am logged in as evil melis and sometimes I am logged in otherwise and it seems really hard to switch from one to the other once i'm all set up, so.

PistolPackinMama

@evil melis I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be snotty(ier than usual). :/

leonstj

@evil melis - I'm willing to bet you're done with office work permanently.

I hope so, anyhow.

VolcanoMouse

Anyone else working on becoming a Person Who Eats Dinner? At present, I am A Person Who Snacks, Procrastinates, Forgets to Eat, and Then Is Terrifically Crabby All Evening. It is no fun.

It is more difficult than I expected-- I'm used to cooking huge batches of stuff, intending to eat it all week, hating it and avoiding it by day 2, and then living off popcorn and milk. I have mad sympathy and respect for folks who manage to put *something* on the table (even sitting at a table to eat is an innovation to me!) every day.

So... er. How do you do this? What do you cook on weeknights?

ayo nicole

@VolcanoMouse I tend to have a snack right before I leave work or as soon as I get home so I'm less impatient while dinner is cooking. And it helps to have a plan before you get in the kitchen, and prep ingredients in advance/when you aren't starving. I've also gotten into making a second dinner after I've eaten my first, and saving it for the next day.

Clare

@VolcanoMouse When I lived alone, I made breakfast for dinner A LOT. Scrambled eggs, four two slices of bacon in the microwave, and toast is easy and not too time-consuming.

frigwiggin

@VolcanoMouse I do a lot of basic stuff on weeknights. This week it's been thus:

Monday: Chicken tacos with refried black beans
Tuesday: Chicken carbonara with bacon and peas
Wednesday: Salmon burgers on potato buns
Thursday: Baked chicken with panko and parmesan (and broccoli potato cakes from IKEA)
Friday: Probably chicken stir fry with zucchini?

Obviously we eat a lot of chicken, because beef is kind of expensive and Mike stages a revolt if I try to make something vegetarian. But these are all things that I make on the reg and can throw together pretty quickly. I wish I made more vegetable-heavy things, though, so I'm still working on that.

anachronistique

@VolcanoMouse Make a big batch of rice and freeze it in individual serving sizes, then eat with various stuff dumped on it (black beans and salsa and cheese, spinach and chickpeas, tuna, squid in its own ink, and so on and so forth). I'm trying to wean myself off mac and cheese. Also, pearl couscous with stuff in it, or pasta. I'll do more ambitious cooking on weekends and eat that later, but for everyday stuff I just need to eat SOMETHING so I don't inhale all the cookies.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin And this is all based around me getting home at 5:00 or 5:30. Agreed with @ayo nicole that eating a small snack before/while fixing dinner helps, because if I'm too hungry then making dinner seems like an insurmountable task.

Buffy Summers

@VolcanoMouse CROCK POT! Seriously throw a bunch of stuff in in the morning and you have dinner plus lunch the next day (maybe more). If you are a serious carnivore like me, check out the crock pot recipes on PaleOMG.com- they are super!

Stir-frys are always easy dinners too- especially if you chop up the veggies beforehand. Onions, peppers, broccoli, etc w/a little soy sauce, lemon juice and spices. Easy!

HeckYes

@VolcanoMouse I'm a big fan of freezing things. I probably only cook like once or twice a week, but I usually make enough for leftovers. Then I freeze it and later in the week when I don't feel like cooking/whatever, I can eat freezer food. If you make something new every time you cook, you can stock up a pretty huge variety of freezer food for lazy nights. Then it's not so tiring to eat leftovers because there is always something new(!) and exciting(!) to eat. Though if you do this, label and date what you make because 2 months later, you'll have no idea what that red goop is.

garli

@VolcanoMouse I tend to grill up a bunch of chicken and throw it in different things each day.

Like monday grilled chicken in salad
Tuesday grilled chicken + beans + rice + salsa + avocado
Wednesday throw it on top of pesto/pasta

Ect.

MilesofMountains

@VolcanoMouse I don't generally let myself snack after 4:00, unless I'm going to the gym. I end up making dinner every night because I'm starving. I like making a big pot of something, keeping out one or two servings of it, then freezing the rest. Then, rather than eating the same thing every day, I can pick something out of the freezer from the last couple of dishes I did this with and eat that.

JanieS

@VolcanoMouseI can offer no assistance, because I am a Person Who Eats A Whole Bag of Corn-Nuts For Lunch. :\

I shall read the responses with interest, though.

VolcanoMouse

Aah, these are all so many good ideas! I can actually do this! I will not be in a perpetual foodless dither!

Those of you who do chicken-centric dinners, do you have any chicken-logistics that make it easier? Do you do any precooking or freezing or have any 'no seriously, I will remember to thaw this meat on time' tactics? I try to keep veggies in the freezer for stir-fries and stuff, but I haven't been systematic-- more "hey, we have an extra pepper that's spoiling." Do y'all try to stock... meal components, or do you plan out what you want before you shop?

The rice-portioning, snack-having, extras-freezing stuff is all golden. Yeeeah, eating dinner like a Real Adult!

garli

@VolcanoMouse I grill it and throw it into Tupperware, but just one big container for all of it. When I was single I was really good at portioning out all out for the week but my husband is an eating machine so it doesn't work out as easily for me any more. Luckily he does all the grocery shopping so I don't get mad about food being gone that was planned for.

frigwiggin

@VolcanoMouse I usually have a bag of chicken breasts in the freezer, and while I do try to thaw them a night or two before (usually when I'm vaguely planning out the meals for the week) there are some recipes I like (like chicken tortilla soup) that don't require thawing, which makes it that much easier. (It depends on how much you enjoy/can get creative with poached chicken, though.) This week has been especially chickeny, though, since I bought a thing of non-frozen chicken breasts from the store on the weekend and have just been thinking of ways to use them up. They lasted us through the week and the final two will be et tonight!

lasso tabasco

@VolcanoMouse Hi! This was something I struggled with a lot when I lived alone. I used to just eat frozen pizza almost every during the week, just because I find it depressing to cook for myself with no one else to enjoy it. But now, I live with my best friend and I do a good job of menu planning. Usually I cook every other night (this week I did lasagna, red lentil and cauliflower soup, and soba noodles) and we eat the left overs on the off-nights.

tea sonata

@VolcanoMouse MMMMMM. Food.

Sorry, not helping.

par_parenthese

@frigwiggin HUGE yes to the snack thing. If I let myself get to the point where I'm ravenous, I just cannot cook at all (and I love cooking!). Cheese and/or olives (and sometimes a cheeky glass of wine) are my pre-making-dinner lifesavers -- even just a few shards of cheese or a half-dozen olives will give me the willpower to cook.

TheLetterL

@VolcanoMouse These are some great suggestions. Yes yes YES to doing a cooking marathon once or twice a week and freezing everything.

I usually keep both raw and cooked chicken breasts in the freezer. Options! And, yes, I guess my pantry has become pretty well-stocked, which makes it easier to play around with things on the spur of the moment.

Maryaed

@VolcanoMouse Sooo, lots of people have chimed in with the suggestion of mass cooking and freezing, but I responded to this:

"I'm used to cooking huge batches of stuff, intending to eat it all week, hating it and avoiding it by day 2, and then living off popcorn and milk"

because I also kinda sorta hate leftovers, particularly if they are assembled dishes like casseroles or whatever. BORED and then I let them rot and eat/cook something else, or go out. It's almost better for me to shop every day than pretend I will remember to thaw leftovers, or eat the same ones daily.

A good alternative for me is to roast, plainly, some righteous large piece of meat like a chicken or a 2- to 3-pound rump roast or a leg of lamb, and then eat it with whatever salad greens/frozen veg/weird can-assembled salads appeal to me for the next 4-5 days. You get fairly low carb that way, and you're basically assembling not cooking most of your meals. I can eat cold meat and salad, or cold meat and one steamed green vegetable, for quite a while. But if you DO get a wild hair to mix it up, you can cook the chopped meat with some salsa and make tacos out of it, or make shepherd's pie or chicken salad or whatever pleases you. Or make ramen and throw in cold meat and kimchi and an egg, or fried rice, etc. etc. There are a lot of lazy meals that fall short of real cooking this way.

Also if you have oil and vinegar, you can make really good spur of the moment salad with a can of chick peas or beans, a can of artichoke hearts, and a can of diced tomatoes. These are the kinds of things I keep around for desperate times.

Maryaed

@Maryaed Oh, and for total pantry staple construction you can always fall back on pasta with olive oil/parm/garlic. If you can't muster a vegetable throw in a big handful of frozen peas at the end and stir it around for a minute till the peas thaw.

frigwiggin

@VolcanoMouse

I just had a real-life example! I forgot that Mike was going out to a friend's house for games tonight, so I ended up not doing the stir fry--instead I pulled some cold Chinese egg noodles out of the fridge and threw together garlic butter noodles. Didn't have any green onions, but everything else in the recipe is a pantry staple for me.

barefoot cuntessa

@VolcanoMouse Get a little stove top grill. Ace hardware has great prices on Lodge cast iron, but I recently splurged on a new Le Creuset "skinny grill" that is small and light so I will actually get it out and(!) put it away. Things cook very quickly, its easy to clean, and always tastes good.

Personally, I hate freezing anything unless I'm saving it to make stock. The only thing I can do to make good on the groceries I buy is to actually menu plan. Look at your week, look at how many nights you'll actually be home. Think of dishes that taste good and just buy food for those things and nothing else. If I don't do this, my kitchen turns into a science experiment in about 2 weeks. In fact, I have some sweet potatoes that will start to get fuzzy in a few more days if I don't roast them.

Maladydee

@VolcanoMouse I bounce between a state of being totally on top of things and winning at life, and a state of barely doing the bare minimum to keep functioning from one day to the next. When I'm not doing great, I tend to skip meals. Not in a starving myself on purpose way, more out of apathy.

2 things have been helping me stay fed during my low points, the last 2 months. 1 - I've been using an app to track my calories to make sure I'm getting enough. It's amazing how helpful this has been, just in a reality check sort of way. It warns me if i haven't eaten enough and am literally starving myself.

And 2 - slow cooker. I've had it for years and rarely used it, but it has made a big difference There are 4-5 different things I can easily make in it (but let's be honest, I pretty much only use it for chili and burrito filling). Once every week or two, I make something that makes a lot of servings, and I package most of them up in single servings and freeze them, so that any time I am busy or not up to cooking I can grab a burrito or whatever and bam! Dinner. Because I'm not just freezing leftovers haphazardly it does not have hat "ick, leftovers" feeling to it. Just the soothing taste of smugness, for being a person who plans ahead. Doing this with a few different foods gives me enough variety, and also at least 2-3 days of the week I also cook a regular dinner so I am not living solely off my slow cooked meals. They just fill in the gaps.

Plus, it is so much less work to throw some stuff in there and leave it alone while I go play dragon age than to actually spend an hour in the kitchen every freaking night just to stay fed.

VolcanoMouse

@Maladydee You are my KINDRED. This describes me exactly, down to the tracking-calories-to-make-sure-I'm-not-accidentally-starving thing! (I mean, I doubt I literally starve, but it's excellent for showing me, "hey, idiot, you feel poorly because you need to eat about 900 more calories today instead of just sadly staying plastered to the couch.")

I really like the idea of the crock pot for burrito or other meal components. I seem to put off cooking when we've been too lazy/apathetic/depressed to keep up with washing dishes, so the idea of hauling out several pots and pans every night gets discouraging. Crock pot is less intimidating, somehow?

Maladydee

@VolcanoMouse much less dishes, that is a huge factor. You just have to clean the pot, and any utensils. Much easier. Here is my current favourite grab-n-go food.
http://budgetbytes.blogspot.ca/2011/07/taco-chicken-bowls-1066-recipe-133.html?m=1
Instead of serving it over rice, I use it to roll up a bunch of burritos and freeze them. Then it's only 1 minute to reheat when I'm at school or work or just don't want to cook.

olivebee

Just sitting here lamenting that fact that my promotion a couple weeks ago means that I am so busy I can't even go on the Hairpin anymore. :-( I haven't commented in over 3 weeks, and I miss you guys! Wish I could read through the FOT, but I hope everyone's doing well and happy things are happening for people!

thisisunclear

@olivebee congrats on your promotion!

olivebee

@thisisunclear Thank you!! Work's been a lot better ever since, but I miss participating in the the Internet's best comment threads.

PistolPackinMama

@olivebee :D sad on comments, happy on promotion!

Clare

This week, I got offered a job AND I made a successful counteroffer for more money! [insert Jean-Ralphio 'get that paper' gif] I don't have to give them my final answer until Monday evening.

On Monday MORNING, I have what will probably be a final interview for a different job. As long as I don't poop my pants or say something outrageous, I will probably get offered this job too.

I know about counting your chickens before they've hatched, but I'm in an unusual predicament (for me, anyway) here. Different Job pays more, but the commute is long and I'm worried the work will get boring real quick. Counteroffer Job is in Center City, and I miss working in a big-ass skyscraper and taking the train every day.

Thoughts? I can't use "how recognizable is the company" as the deciding factor because they're on the same level. (Unless you're a total Luddite, you've used both companies' products.)

supernintendochalmers

@Clare Yay for good problems! I think the fact that you were able to negotiate with the first one says good things about the company, plus commute length is a major factor in happiness. But this is a real trust-your-gut situation.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@Clare I HATE commuting, so that would be a big strike against it for me.

Blushingflwr

@Clare As someone who commutes over an hour each way, the shorter commute would be a major factor in my decision-making.

blueblazes

@Clare I'm going to be a total bummer and tell you that I got into almost this exact predicament a year ago. I interviewed for Job A and Job B at the same time. Job B was the more appealing job with very flexible hours, but Job A made me a great offer first and could only give me 4 days to answer (yes, I asked for more). So I accepted Job A because it really was a generous offer, and I emailed Job B contact to take me out of the running. And now that Job A pays really well but Is Not a Good Fit, I will always wonder what might have been at Job B.

lisma

I've been seeing? dating? sleeping with? this guy I went on a date with a couple weeks ago...I'm figuring out that while I'm quite good at casual sex, I don't know a thing about casual dating.

I can either have sex with you and not have any feelings for you or I can be your Girlfriend.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

PomoFrannyGlass

@lisma Do you enjoy hanging out with him while clothed? I had a thing for a while last year that was basically casual sex, but with dinner/drinks/conversation before the sexy parts. We were both pretty clear on not wanting a relationship (he was emotionally unsuitable and I was on the rebound), but we had a nice time hanging out (though I think those things have shelf-lives and it's best to move on under the 6 month mark, otherwise things get weird/confusing).

lisma

@PomoFrannyGlass I do enjoy hanging out with him while clothed. It's as fun as the unclothed parts. And we have not even approached the "what we want" conversation yet. So far, I'm just letting it do whatever it's doing, I just have never "taken it slow" before, when it comes to getting into relationships. It's always either been: someone whose personality I don't care for who I sleep with, or someone I really really want to be dating seriously.

Buffy Summers

Any 'pinners have tips/stories about discussing getting engaged and engagement rings with your boyfriend/partner? The engagement is something I want to have some say in planning (because it's a big deal!) but then I fight these feelings that it's supposed to be a SURPRISE or something... Like where is the line? Is there a line?

garli

@Buffy Summers For me it just kind of grew out of that summer we went to 45,000 weddings.

So clearly get invited to weddings every weekend from now until October and you'll be all set.

Quinn A@twitter

@Buffy Summers My fiancee and I discussed marriage, and our mutual desire to avoid big sparkly rocks in favour of plain bands, but I still wasn't expecting the proposal when it came. You absolutely can have a say and still be surprised! I think it's important to discuss what you feel is reasonable to spend (since presumably you will share expenses and finances at some point).

adorable-eggplant

@Buffy Summers The line is probably different for everybody. Maybe you want to pick the ring together, but then let the date/manner of proposal be a surprise. Or maybe you want to talk about the proposal and then do it together, like plan a proposal picnic or something.

loren smith

@Buffy Summers I think so much depends on your relationship and you individual personalities. My husband full on surprised me, which worked great for us, but obviously isn't for everyone. One of my best friends, on the other hand, went looking for rings with her bf and got into a massive fight because they hadn't discussed budget before hitting jewellery stores. Maybe you could pick a beautiful ring together and have a spontaneous or surprise long weekend or dinner?

thebestjasmine

@Buffy Summers When one of my best girlfriends got engaged (she knew it was coming, etc.) this is what we did. I was her designated ring friend. So I went ring shopping with her, she figured out what she liked and didn't like, she tried on a bunch of rings, etc. Then, when her then boyfriend was looking, he would email me things and say "would she like this?" and I would say "No" or "Yes but with xyz changed" and I gave him details about what she liked/didn't like. She ended up with a ring that she loved, and it all worked out great.

blueblazes

@Buffy Summers I do not get why anyone would want it to be a total surprise. I mean, I read romance novels and almost all of them end with the dude FINALLY proposing as a way to make his feelings clear to the lady. But to me, I would never want to be engaged to someone that I didn't already have a clear understanding of. You gotta sort out all the life goals and make sure everyone lines up before he goes into his "in vain have I struggled" soliloquy. I made it clear to Mr. Blueblazes throughout our dating that I hate diamonds and I think engagement rings are stupid. We picked out similar plain bands online together. That may not be you, but I think the moral of the story is that we communicated.

loren smith

@blueblazes My husband totally surprised me, and I'm happy with how it's turned out... I guess we had a pretty clear understanding of each other, seeing as we had dated for years, and were living together, and had talked about of life goals and things. I mean, I was surprised, but I figured it was coming.

granny squares

@Buffy Summers Congratulations on getting to that point!

I am NOT one for total surprises, personally. My SO just proposed this past November. We had looked at estate rings, so I gave him two choices (and he picked the one I liked better, yay!). I knew he had gotten a ring, but the timing of the proposal was 6 months later, around our anniversary. I figured it was coming, but the circumstances were a surprise.

I wouldn't have changed it for anything, and I definitely, definitely would not enjoy a proposal without discussing marriage first. I was also surprised that the ring styles I thought I liked were not what was flattering on my hand.

The Maple Kind

Relationship ambivalence sucks. How long have you been stuck in it, if ever? What are your thoughts on it? When you have all sorts of reasons to stay and all sorts of reasons to leave?

Also, it's even worse when you suddenly think that one of your exes might be good to get back together with, now that he's back in the area. I don't think I appreciated the guy enough. I've never considered getting back with an ex, and this is really out of the blue. It's been 3 years. It's definitely a symptom of my ongoing ambivalence about my relationship, which has been going on for nearly 2 years.

lasso tabasco

@The Maple Kind Sounds like you have one foot out of the door already and are looking for a catalyst (the ex). Leave! Be brave!

PomoFrannyGlass

@The Maple Kind Dear Sugar #77
http://therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/

null

@The Maple Kind I recently broke up with my boyfriend of five years due to relationship ambivalence. I still can't believe I went through with it; sometimes I wake up and am confused about this new space I live in, the absence of this person that I'd come to think of as almost an extension of myself. I'm finally starting to fall back into a routine and, oh my god, it is a RELIEF to not feel the weight of overwhelming sadness and confusion dragging me down. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I feel immense loneliness and guilt. Cue endless analyzing and self doubt. But I also have days where I am elated to be alone -- this is exactly what I wanted for so long! I am my own boss, YUSS.

Stay away from the ex for the time being though, you know this.

Puppy in a cup

@ghostfacehugger All of this, yes! I started to tell my version, but then i realized it was exactly what you already wrote.

The Maple Kind

@everyone Thanks for the input. It really was good to hear. I read the Dear Sugar article (actually, re-read... I've read it many times!) and it's validating. I wish I could just follow what you're all saying and have faith it will be okay.

Yet I'm still not ready. It's like I know I won't break up with him, at least not anytime soon. Maybe it's an excuse, but we've made some plans some months away that I'd hate to break, both for me and for him. Even without those, though, I probably wouldn't be ready to break up. Yeah, a catalyst would be nice. Sometimes I imagine him doing or saying something so awful that I leave, but he's generally a pretty good guy and hasn't done such a thing. Even when he has done shitty things (rude comments and such), I haven't been able to tell him to get lost, and he's always apologized.

So I know that's just me looking for an easy way to leave and blame it on him. I'm not ready to accept responsibility like this, I guess. I feel terrible about it. I know that part of me is essentially lying. I'm arguably wasting his time. Then again, I want to be SURE before I break up. It seems much worse to just do it without being sure. And I keep thinking I can change my mindset, work through my issues, get him on the same page as me. That I at least have to try those things before I break his heart and hurt myself. Even though a breakup might ultimately be better for both of us.

Yet I do love him a lot. The thought of hurting him hurts me. And we have fun together. He makes me smile and laugh. He's the best person I've been in bed with (sorry if that's shallow, but it means a lot to me when I felt broken before.) And he brings a lot to my life, just as I do to his. So I'm just not ready to "be brave", much as I wish I was. Maybe I should talk to a therapist. I sometimes read "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay", but no light bulbs come on above my head. Maybe my core just wants to stay in limbo for a while? Maybe I feel like that's my punishment for ambivalence and not wanting something ostensibly good. God, we all have so many weird layers, don't we?

Again, thanks for chiming in, all of you. It means a lot. And I hope you don't think I'm dismissing what you're saying just because I'm not ready to leave.

frigwiggin

Any Seattlites (however you spell that) have good recs for a restaurant from which I can get a gift card for my mom for her birthday? I wanted to get her a card to an Ethiopian place but all the places that have good reviews on Yelp don't seem to offer gift cards and I am getting grouchy about it. I live in California and don't know much about the food up there, I just want to get her something fun and new and not too divey or super-swanky.

honey cowl

@frigwiggin What kind of food & where?

frigwiggin

@honey cowl Like I said, I'd like to do Ethiopian because she's never tried it and seemed interested when I told her I was going with a friend, but really probably anything would be good. She lives like 45 min north so I don't think it matters where because she and my stepdad would be driving in regardless.

honey cowl

@frigwiggin Hmmmm I have never been to an Ethiopian place. Sorry. Maybe this is a cuisine I should explore. For a semi-fancy Thai place I like RaCha, which is right next to the Seattle Center in case they want to go to a ballet or something. An amazing semi-fancy brunch place is Portage Bay (soooo good) but I don't know if brunch is their jam (there are several locations). Bastille in Ballard is delicious French food. We went there for my bday. Would also classify it as semi-fancy.

You can't go wrong with a Tom Douglas restaurant. I have only been to Dahlia (amazing) & Serious Biscuit (fine), but I have heard good things about all of the rest. http://tomdouglas.com/

frigwiggin

@honey cowl Thank you for the suggestions! I'll check 'em out and try to make up my mind.

Brunhilde

@Brunhilde There isn't much up here in terms of Ethiopian, and the ones that are good aren't really in the nicest areas. There's pretty decent Vietnamese. And there aren't very many "fancy" places. I think there is only one restaurant in the city with a dress code (Canlis). My suggestion would be here:

http://www.revelseattle.com/

frigwiggin

@honey cowl How much did you end up spending at Bastille? I'm trying to figure out how much I should put on the card for two people.

honey cowl

@frigwiggin Hmmm, not sure -- it was my birthday, I didn't pay. $100? We don't normally drink at restaurants but we may have gotten a glass of wine. Sorry I can't be of more help there.

Blushingflwr

This is really a Jane question but -
Ladies who wear glasses and also eye makeup - I like the way I look when I do dramatic eye makeup, but then I put my glasses on and I feel like that covers up my eyes. Ideas? (Please don't say "contacts" - I've worn them in the past, but I have an astigmatism and my day is 10 hours long at a minimum)

MilesofMountains

@Blushingflwr That is definitely one downside of glasses. I've found that my current glasses, which are fairly large, make my eye makeup more visible than my previous pair, which were fairly small.

area@twitter

@Blushingflwr As a mixed glasses/contacts lady, I am also interested to hear this. I did not wear contacts until I was twenty-eight, but now have them and love having the option available. I didn't start really wearing eye makeup until I got contacts for reasons similar to yours. (I have astigmatism as well; it took trying a few brands before I found a pair that were comfortable.)

VolcanoMouse

@Blushingflwr As an astigmatic wearer of thick-framed glasses, I should also like to see if anyone has ideas!

(And seriously, contacts: last time I tried to investigate it, it seemed like they cost hundreds of dollars a year if you're astigmatic? Compared to under $20 for a pair of cheapo internet glasses? Dang.)

theotherginger

@VolcanoMouse here I think you could look at Zoe Deschanel (however you spell her name) on New Girl. She does both, and always has stellar eye makeup, since she is on TV. But, think of how you want your style to be, and get large frames so your eyes can be seen (they are trendy now, and honestly I like them more for astigmatism than my older slightly smaller frames. maybe also the prescription is better...)

honey cowl

I got a new jobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!!!!!!!!

dj pomegranate

@honey cowl !!! What is it! TELL EVERYTHING!

Statham

Dude, I am kinda frustrated with myself. I have a dude friend who I constantly try to get to hang out. He usually waffles and gives me a hard time about it. He's also a fairly new friend mind you, but all the waffling irritates me.

I feel like I am bullying him to hang out, and that I'm a major nuisance.

So, passive aggressively via text, I told him this. I also told him that if he didn't want to hang out, that's also cool. I just don't like feeling like s nuisance, so I won't keep asking him to hang out.

Bad idea?
Idk.
I'm tired and cranky today, so that's part of the problem.

area@twitter

@Statham I think it's totally reasonable to call dudefriend out on the waffling. And I'm feeling you on the crankiness. Want to sit next to me and drink cocktails?

Statham

@area@twitter Hell yeah sister friend.

Reginal T. Squirge

Let us know how he responds. Probably not well, I'm guessing. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have done it.

tea sonata

@Statham It's a two way street. If he's not pulling his weight, that's not your fault. I think it's better to call him out on it rather than sitting and seething about it for goodness knows how long. Or at least, if there's a reason, I see no reason why he shouldn't be honest. Unless its a Surprise Party. Are you (not) expecting a Surprise Party any time soon?

PistolPackinMama

@Statham Nope, it's fine that you said "HEY WHAT IS YOUR DEAL." Even if he has a snit fit.

Statham

@Reginal T. Squirge He hasn't yet, and I doubt he will. He's not sociaaly adept, so he probably has no idea what to do.

Reginal T. Squirge

Could it also be because he's a dick?

Statham

@tea sonata Nope. So it would be extra surprising.

@PistolPackinMaMa Sweet.I mean, he'll just have to deal regardless.

Statham

@tea sonata Nope. So it would be extra surprising.

@PistolPackinMaMa Sweet.I mean, he'll just have to deal regardless.

Statham

@Reginal T. Squirge Sure. Why not? As much as I don't actually feel that's the reason, it's certainly a possibility.

And I apologize for that double post. I was posting from my phone, and it gave me a hard time.

area@twitter

I am feeling mysteriously grumpy and tired, and would like nothing more than to go eat all of the cheese in the world. So in an effort to cheery myself up I'm reminding myself that I've made it a month with my New Year's resolutions for the first time ever. They were: 1. floss daily, 2. eat vegetables with every dinner, and 3. work on reducing my credit card debt. Stayed pretty good with 1 and 2 this month- cutting myself once-weekly breaks helped. 3 was not so great due to having to get my car fixed and paying for oodles of medical bills. But! Progress.
Come and share your projects!

adorable-eggplant

@area@twitter I've been slowly increasing my milage on runs. Up to a quarter mile from 0, so that's a good start so far.

tea sonata

@area@twitter I'm retiring some piercings, so I'm keeping them all clean and healthy. I'm keeping up with my school work. I'm working out! That's new. And I'm sticking to it. Baby steps before lunges.

LordHennyson

@area@twitter Yaaay! Those are good plans. After three tiny cavities, flossing is also on my list of resolutions. I've been...spotty, but better than I used to be. I'm also resolving to arrive to things when I say I will, give people more genuine compliments (so they understand I'm introverted and not disinterested), and to ask for what I need (i.e. "do you need help carrying all that?" "YES THANK YOU" instead of "Nooo, I'm finnee"). Still feeling pretty good about them!

area@twitter

@adorable-eggplant @tea sonata @LordHennyson Hooray for you all! Well done, well done indeed. Let's keep it up, awesome peeps.

tea sonata

So I've had a bit of a weird week, to be honest, but it's ok.
And - Sarah from Birmingham, if you're reading - thank you for my belated Hairpin winter surprise! I only received it last week, due to me being at University and It being at home. I'm wearing the socks as we speak, the hairpins are THE CUTEST and the pencils are so timely, Orchestra week is upon us, many notes are to be taken, and the moustache is a hit with my desk partner. Genius. :D

Also. I am HATING FACEBOOK, I find myself consistently checking the no messages I have because it is not Tumblr. Considering switching to Twitter. Any Pros/cons? Dare I deal with both? So many questions.

Also, today is 6 MONTHS TIL MY GRADUATION. I have discovered cocosa.com, and have found some perfect dresses in the flash sales. Activate 6 month fitness plan! Or, I should rephrase, 6 month consistency plan...

Have a great weekend you guys.

honey cowl

@tea sonata I am a twitter addict. It is very helpful in that I consider myself quite hilarious so I have an outlet for my awesome one-liners, aka, not my boyfriend, mom, or coworkers. It also got me an amazing awesome job but that is probs not the norm.

tea sonata

@honey cowl I suspect I will be one of those making one-liners that only I laugh at. Noproblemfullsteamahead.
You got a job from it? Genius. Stupid question, but how?

honey cowl

@tea sonata The company I have been dying to work for since about 2 years ago does the majority of their marketing on twitter. It's a small startup & they have a very distinct voice & a connection with the community they market to. Sooooo after nearly 2 years of hanging out with these women on twitter, engaging with them, generally showing off how intelligent & invested in this community I am, they solicited me for the AWESOME WONDERFUL DREAM JOB I start a week from Monday!

tea sonata

@honey cowl Congratumalations! :D

Queen of Pickles

So I am waiting to hear back about a job.

A job-job. A "real job". He's checking my references, he's supposed to call! Why isn't he calling! Or emailing! I just need to know if I should be scrambling at all my temp agencies, or if I am actually SET, for heaven's sake. I don't want to take a temp job and then quit in the first week, and I think there's a good enough chance of this that I just want to see. He said it would be settled by now! WHYYYYYYYY

AUGH. Augh augh augh augh augh. It's in the field I want to work in, and I've worked with him before, and I think I have a good shot, but AUGH I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF while I am waiting for this. It should shake out in the next few days, but in the meantime, there's the weekend and AUUGHH I cannot handle this. I am acting like Bridget Jones when she dates someone, only this is a job. (I do not react this way to dating.)

What should I be doing? I already repaired my peacoat. How do I pass this time? I've basically been watching movies and sleeping. Slap some sense into me, Pinners! I have absolutely no money, so things like "sit in cafes" are out of the question. WHAT SHOULD I BE DOOOOING

supernintendochalmers

@Queen of Pickles Girl, I am there with you. Someone told me once that hiring usually takes the lowest priority at most companies, so I try to remember that. Also, references can be hard to track down. Best of luck!

honey cowl

@Queen of Pickles Read a book? Go for a run? Bask in how awesome you are & how likely you are to get this job? Practice your push-up technique (I am killer at knee pushups. I can do them forever. I can barely do one regular pushup:()? Do that 1 THING that has been on your to-do list forever? Call your BFF you never remember to call often enough? Paint your nails? Take off the polish & paint them again? I don't know, is this enough things?

Queen of Pickles

@honey cowl But I have done all those thiiiiiings

...Apparently "whining" is front and center on the list of things I must do, though.

Thank you! :)

honey cowl

@Queen of Pickles Wow. You have really done all of those things? You are way more productive than I was when I was funemployed. I had a lot of sex & a lot of anxiety attacks, but that was about it.

Queen of Pickles

@honey cowl Well, I'm using "yoga" to cover both the push-up one and the running one, but otherwise, pretty much! Also, replace "bask in awesomeness" with "dooooom".

I rediscovered the poetry I like, though, so I'm set for now...

Nutmeg

I'm closing every night this weekend (YES even the Superbowl but I don't care about sports unless I get to text my dad about them when they're on in the bar or something) but I'll still spend every night at the boyfriend's so it works out. We're probably going to the beer and chocolate festival tomorrow if we can get in, and on Sunday we're going to brew beer (I don't do anything but help with the sanitizing and stirring [and drinking]).

Also, last night we went to the bar where my boyfriend's favorite bartender works, and when we asked for the check he just gave us a blank receipt, in the checkholder and everything, because he is awesome.

Onymous

@Nutmeg >I don't do anything but help with the sanitizing and stirring [and drinking]

I've made a lot of beer in my life. And not extract either smoked-toasted-ground-own-own-malt and grew-our-own-hops made beer...
Sanitizing is not "anything but" it's like 75% of the work.

frigwiggin

Ugh, I have been in a funk all week. I start feeling better and then something dumb comes along and BLEH. This poem should not make me feel weepy.

adorable-eggplant

@frigwiggin Oh my god that killed me. I also cried inconsolably at the Tigger Movie as a teenager, so maybe I'm just naturally weepy. Being the only one is a sort of tragic thing!

frigwiggin

@adorable-eggplant It is tragic! I haven't seen it but I would probably cry too, the state that I'm in. I'm going to post something cheerful here (that everybody's probably already seen) to make up for it, and maybe other people will be so kind as to post their cute/cheerful things too!

.abbey

@frigwiggin i was reading it and was kind of thinking "this isn't great..." but then i got to "do you like me/are we brothers/why didn't i grow up/why am i so small" and tears popped into my eyes so - i think it might just be really sad.

although, once i WEPT because on the cover of the newspaper back home there was a photo of women running the women's marathon and it was raining, and under the photo the caption read something like "women brave rain for charity."

adorable-eggplant

@frigwiggin http://corgiaddict.com/

frigwiggin

@adorable-eggplant Thank you, friend. That is indeed helping. CORG.

Nutmeg

@.abbey There is a commercial for veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars that shows a soldier walking through an empty city, and all of a sudden there is another soldier and he says, "Welcome home," and all the people suddenly show up and waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

To counteract that, here is a bulldog on a trampoline. Also, I used to live with an English bulldog named Otto. OTTO! He was ancient yet still humped everyone like a champ.

adorable-eggplant

@frigwiggin I don't know if you've gotten to this one yet, but this is the cutest corgi: http://corgiaddict.com/post/2093185423

Onymous

I just made and then ate posole-potato-green chile soup.

Oh so good. I love you New Mexico.

JanieS

@Onymous ... recipe? That sounds divine.

Onymous

@JanieS I just threw it together but it was:
4 cups chicken broth (well water plus bullion I'm cheap)
1 6 oz can green chiles undrained
1 dried red chile torn into small pieces
about 3 cups worth of chopped potatos (like two slightly larger than a tennis ball sized potatoes)
1 16 oz can posole drained
I lightly fried the potatoes and posole in a pan, just enough to start seeing some brown
two dashes chipotle powder
dash chile powder
teaspoon garlic powder
teaspoon onion powder
salt+pepper to taste
I also added a small handful rice just to put some more foodstuffs in it but that's completely unnecessary.

cooked it long enough to get the rice soft.

eaten with bisquik biscuits with ~1/2 tsp black pepper and garlic powder, ~tablespoon chopped rosemary mixed in.

JanieS

@Onymous Thanks!

___m___@twitter

Does anyone have any recommendations for shopping blogs a la Mindy Kaling's old ones? Hopefully something written by someone who loves buying stuff but is still snarky and hilarious about it.

killer_queen

@___m___@twitter This one is more makeup than clothing-focused, but I really like Natalie Dee and her comics AND her exhaustive beauty reviews-- http://www.stuffiputonmyself.com/

ayo nicole

I have a first date tomorrow! I am cautiously optimistic instead of anxious, and that's pretty good for me.

tea sonata

@ayo nicole You will be fabulous. Have all the fun, let us know how it goes!

geek_tragedy

@ayo nicole

Congratulations! May your dating luck hold. You're on okcupid, right? (I think our group was talking about OKC at last week's pinup.)

crango

@ayo nicole I hope it goes well! I had a first date last saturday and got a second coming up, which never happens and it is the best feeling and I really hope yours is equally awesome. Seconding details request!

Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright

I am seriously so tired of getting hit on by customers at work that I want to scream wordlessly at the top of my voice for minutes on end. No, you can't have my number. No, you can't touch me. No, I won't sneak around back with you and make out (what the actual fuck). I hate that this shit ruins my day, but it does.

smidge

@Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright WHAT ugh can we set them on fire? I'm sorry.

theotherginger

@Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright shit like that would ruin my day.

Porn Peddler

@Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright Uh, can we have a drink? Because oh my god. Where do you work!?

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright Ugh, sorry, that really sucks and it would definitely ruin my day too! It's really frustrating and horrible that dudes (I'm assuming...) think they can talk to you like that. I had the very occasional problem of that sort when I was a waitress over ten years ago and I still remember every single dehumanizing incident. Hopefully you'll be able to move on to a better job (or at least one with a better work environment). Or, even better, these customers will get a clue and quit being complete shitheads (but I'm sadly not holding my breath on that one)!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright Waitresses of the world: Does wearing a fake engagement ring actually work? I'm gonna go with no, because I'm picturing the worst kind of dudes approaching you and they probably wouldn't care if you were already the First Lady or something.

paper bag princess

I've been asked to make Superb Owl cupcakes for Sunday. Has anyone seen any cute ideas? (These are 49ers people, so red-and-gold only or I will be defenestrated.)

raised amongst catalogs

@lizzle Could you do a red velvet cupcake and then, through the magic of food coloring or turmeric or something, make a colored buttercream?

raised amongst catalogs

@raised amongst catalogs I just did a Google image search for "49ers cupcakes" and red velvet seems to be the favorite.
Also: those edible golden candy balls. Treat yo self.

lisma

@lizzle I love that you said "defenestrated." That's the best.
Not being defenestrated, just that you'd use the word.

paper bag princess

@raised amongst catalogs whoa, turmeric! I hadn't thought of that but I do have a big jar of it that I never use. I also might try to find some fancy gold sprinkles somewhere...

paper bag princess

@lisma ha, thanks! I realized after I wrote it that it's probably inaccurate, since the party I am going to is on a first floor and I don't think they'd bother actually doing it. But still a great word. :)

JanieS

Random question: does not wanting to kiss on first dates make me unusually ... prudish? hung-up? Because it takes me more than 45 minutes and a couple of drinks to go from "I enjoy your company" to "yeah sure shove your tongue down my throat". (I'm still doing the dating! I am not giving up!)

dj pomegranate

@JanieS No it makes you self-assured and awesome.

(ETA: Nothing against kissing on the first date either! I just am pro-knowing what you want.)

raised amongst catalogs

@JanieS Not to me, it doesn't. If I already had been around the person (as in, we were friends first or if we had mutual friends and there was some sort of chemistry) maybe I'd feel differently? I'm not going to lie -- I've been on first dates where I wanted to and did, but it's not a must.

adorable-eggplant

@JanieS This came up in the open thread a few weeks ago! You're not alone!

tea sonata

@JanieS Nope. Different strokes for different folks, you do what feels good for you.
Also, I'm assuming we're meaning romantic kissing, not pecks on the cheek.

ayo nicole

@JanieS Ain't nothin' wrong with that! I find that a lot of times if I've had a mediocre date and the dude goes for a kiss, it actually makes the overall impression worse. Like, were we on the same date?

JanieS

@raised amongst catalogs @tea sonata Yeah, I just had this date and I thought we were still in the 'getting to know you' chitchat phase and then all of a sudden: tongue-and-grope city. Which pretty much was a death knell for any positive feelings I had for the guy. :\

lisma

@ayo nicole Yeah, I feel the same way. Come on dude, learn to read the room a little.

tea sonata

@JanieS Yeeeeesh. Bad form in my book.

teaandcakeordeath

@JanieS
Regardless of the timeline, I really dont think your first kiss with a dude should be described as "sudden: tongue-and-grope city".
He sounds a little overenthusiastic like a puppy that pees on your shoes because its excited when you take it for a walk.
Does that sound cute? Grown ass men shouldnt be incontinent puppies is my point.

JanieS

@teaandcakeordeath Wow, that is the perfect analogy. He peed all over my metaphorical shoes. (Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.)

Disco Sheets

Ok, I need some V-Day ideas to do for the bf. I don't really want to do a gift, just something... nice. We're not at the scrapbooking/etc cheeseball phase, since it's only been a few months. I was kind of thinking writing him a love letter? He made a comment during a movie once which is why I'm thinking of that (and even mailing it, even though he lives like two seconds from me.) But I've never written a love letter, even during my cheeseball high school days. Anyone have ideas? Examples? Is this super lame?

wharrgarbl

@Disco Sheets If you're crafty and are kind of stalled out on writing him a love letter, you could do something like find really epic old-time-authors-who-were-having-a-torrid-affair-with-each-other (not Joyce, dead god, not Joyce) love letters and art them up and frame them/decoupage them onto a journal cover/turn them into bookmarks/whatever.

olivebee

@Disco Sheets Hi PinPal! You could potentially lighten up the love letter (or make it less cheesy if you are worried about the cheese factor) by turning it into a humorous poem. Like in between the serious lines about how he makes you feel and stuff, toss in a few funny things that relate to your relationship. It's also easier to be funny when you force yourself to rhyme.

Disco Sheets

@olivebee @wharrgarbl These are both great ideas (ps Hi Pin Pal! I'm writing you back today!) I might combine both--we have a cutesy inside joke way of dropping the L bomb, so I think I might do some kind of thing with that in the center and then surround it with fancy love affair letters.. Maybe with highlighted parts where that's how I feel about him?!

LacunaKale

Long shot, and possibly weird, but 'tis the internet. Any OG Portlanders interested in meeting up for winter fun?

professionalmess

Does anyone have feelings on LastPass or other password savers? I really like the idea but I'm so paranoid that LastPass will be hacked and then all of my passwords are stolen.

dj pomegranate

@professionalmess I use LastPass mainly because the Atlantic recommended it. I am a little paranoid about losing everything on the internet if they are hacked, but...it is also a pretty great service. I am a fan.

raised amongst catalogs

@professionalmess I don't use anything like that but I take my favorite, not super generic password and then tweak it for each site by adding the first two letters of the site name to it. For Amazon, it would be passwordam, and for Twitter it would be passwordtw, etc. I never forget my password now.

wee_ramekin

@raised amongst catalogs That....is the greatest idea I have ever heard.

You actually just changed my life.

raised amongst catalogs

@wee_ramekin I wish I could say it had been my very own genius idea, but I think I got it out of a Readers Digest while waiting at a doctor's office.

That little tidbit is why I was able to get my mom front row James Taylor seats from Ticketmaster without getting locked out of my account for too many wrong password guesses.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@professionalmess My boyfriend, who has worked in IT for years, *swears* by Last Pass (and his employer is in the financial sector so he knows a lot about internet security). I have not started using it for my personal stuff, but I did set it up at work when I started getting some access to higher security applications that required unique passwords, and it is pretty helpful (especially when I have to make an emergency order on my work Amazon account and I haven't had my coffee yet).

Puppy in a cup

@professionalmess I was just googling LastPass today! Lifehacker recommends it as their favorite password generator. I actually use a formula similar to @raised amongst catalogs, but I sometimes vary the base password, which has now become a problem because I have multiple slight variations on the same. let me know if you decide to try LastPass- maybe I'll make the jump with you.

KeLynn

The Smithsonian has a clothing blog! Latest topic: hypercolor t-shirts.

http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/threaded/

.abbey

I don't have much experience in restaurants but yesterday I had a trial to be a runner in a fairly fancy place in Manhattan. I know enough about food and take an interest in it but I am terrible - TERRIBLE - at any kind of interview no matter what it's for, who it is, or how knowledgable I am about the job in question. I freeze. My mind goes blank. Everything that could go wrong, does. In this instance, what was happening was my contact had dislodged and was making my eye sore and tears were streaming from the eye and at this moment the manager, this kind of stern French woman approached and asked me "What is a hangar steak?" and I don't know a lot about it but I do actually know a bit. For example I could have said: "Well it's the part of the steak that sometimes called 'the butcher's steak' because it's prized for it's flavour and butcher's used to keep it for themselves." That's a fact I actually know! But instead, I kind of stared at her and said

"It's kind of the part that hangs?"

tl;dr - I did not get a job yesterday.

theotherginger

@.abbey shoot. sorry about that.

tealily

@.abbey I do the same thing. The job I have now, during my interview they laid out a bunch of items for me to look at, and I knew I was supposed to, like, SAY something about them, but I couldn't think of anything beyond "ah, yes" and things like that. I've had this job 2 years now, and I still feel like they are going to call me out at some point. (Really I know they aren't. Everyone's wonderful. Lots of respect all around.)

paper bag princess

OH also, is anyone else willing to admit that they have been replaying the last scene of this week's New Girl in a loop? GOSH I loved that kiss!!

Aspiriationally Natalie

@lizzle Me! Oh gosh, I loved it.

lasso tabasco

@lizzle I died. I love Nick. He is my fake TV boyfriend in a world where my hair and wardrobe are as glorious as Jess'.

theotherginger

@lasso tabasco can it be my life, please?

lasso tabasco

@theotherginger I KNOW!!! I want someone to kiss me like that.

paper bag princess

@lasso tabasco I wish the grad school dropouts/bartenders/writers I knew were like Nick. Unfortunately.....they're really not.

.abbey

@lizzle on a LOOP.... the perfect kiss

tealily

I just unsubscribed from Jezebel in my Google reader because I can't handle the snark over there. Everyone is so nice over here. I hope you know that.

EggsErroneous

I'm rocking these crazy awesome vintage boots an old boyfriend's mom gave me that she wore as a teenager in the seventies. Only they have like a three or four inch heel and I am having a hard time...walking and stuff. I got some gel inserts, but they are still like torture devices. They are so beautiful though! How can I make this work? Sitting only events?

tealily

@EggsErroneous I have no answer for you, but my boyfriend's mother, too, gave me an awesome pair of motorcycle boots about a year ago that I still have never worn. They look so good, but they feel so heavy! I can't get them to fasten quite tight enough.

HeyMatilda

Mental health/relationship question: Boyfriend and I have been going through some life struggles lately and it has gotten drastically worse in the past week. I currently have some depression issues going on and he has some underlying ones with a previous history of hurting himself (although this has never happened while we've been together).
With the stress of whatever has been going on in his life, he's been making suggestions about wanting to die, throwing a bunch of negative comments at me and generally pushing me away. I worry and just want to throw all the love at him but I kind of think that's making it worse? I cut off speaking with him today but I'm not prepared to go the whole weekend worrying if he's ok or if I need to be getting professionals involved. HELP!

adorable-eggplant

@HeyMatilda I think distance was a good call. Do you have a therapist or counselor you could call to check in with? Or maybe schedule a booster appointments. You can't be in charge of someone else's mental health, so I think you took a good step. Maybe there's someone you can reach out to who would be supportive right now?

HeyMatilda

@adorable-eggplant I've actually been looking for a counselor but having a hell of a time getting anyone to call me back for an appt. He suggested yesterday about finding a doctor for himself but as of this morning, he totally flipped on that idea and said it wasn't worth it.
He's had issues in the past with doctors pushing meds on him so I think he's hesitating about that too. I would call his mom if I thought it would help but I'm also afraid to blow it out of proportion in the event it's not as big as he's making it out to be.

adorable-eggplant

@HeyMatilda Try a mental health hotline (here's a list: http://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/hotlines/)

This is a general one for depression: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Phone: 800-826-3632

And this is NAMI which is a national advocacy group that can help with finding local resources: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

It's such a bummer that mental health services are so patchy in the states (if you're in the UK, there's a bunch of other hotlines to try. The samaritans are there for just chatting about this stuff, which sounds really helpful to me), so I know that it can be hard to be proactive about this stuff.

ETA: whether or not it's a big deal, it's good to talk to folks who are familiar with this kind of stuff so you can have a plan for stuff in the future. A little extra support and understanding never hurts.

Judith Slutler

@HeyMatilda Have you talked to your university's mental health services? I went through the whole process of looking for a counselor on my own last year, and it was excruciating, and THEN it turned out that my uni has mental health services which have a whole list of counselors that they do referrals to! Milk your student status for all it's worth, girl.

killer_queen

Today is wonderful because there are only three more days between me and a fifteen-day trip to Hong Kong and Thailand! (It is vaguely bittersweet because I was sort of supposed to be 38 weeks pregnant at this point, but that is another, pretty awful, story.) 'Pinners with SE Asia travel experience-- lay your recommendations on me! And while you're at it, please say reassuring things about how the insane heat and humidity will not actually be the end of me.

EggsErroneous

@killer_queen Light clothes and comfy shoes. Eat as much as you can everywhere you can. And get some massages. Have a blast! Don't get ice in drinks for real.

par_parenthese

@killer_queen YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I have been to both of those places. And COME AT ME with your Hong Kong questions; I lived there for awhile. It won't be that hot there (or at all) and OH MAH GAH are you going to be there during Lunar New Year? Because it will be insanely awesome. Best fireworks ever, best shopping ever, best crowds ever, best vibes ever. I'm like quivering with excitement on your behalf.

killer_queen

@par_parenthese YAAAAAY! Ok, I feel like I have fewer ideas about Hong Kong in general, so please tell me what I *have* to eat and do (in general, even if it's just an area to wander around). We're actually leaving ON Lunar New Year-- but are there any lead-up festivities? OMG I get to start paaaaacking soon!

par_parenthese

@killer_queen How long will you be there and where are you staying??? Those things make a HUGE difference to my recommendations.

Musts in general: Victoria Peak via the tram, preferably with the hike (walk, really) to the actual peak. People watching in Tsim Sha Tsui. The Star Ferry from TST to Central and back. Go to a wet market (there are lots -- Google will give you more info) one morning and again at night. The difference is MAGICAL. EAT ALL THE STREET FOOD. I ate everything in sight and never once got sick. Eat Dim Sum like it's going to be obliterated tomorrow. Seriously. Anthony Bourdain went to Tim Ho Wan in Mong Kok on The Layover, but there are HUNDREDS of places that will be miles ahead of what you can get most places.

Recs in general: take with you/buy there a bunch of little packs of tissues. Public toilets are clean but often don't have TP and restaurants, especially the awesome ones in alleys, often don't have napkins. Buy an Octopus (public transit) card if you'll be there for more than a couple days -- you can get one at the airport. Totally worth it. It's usable not just on the metro and trams and buses, but vending machines, convenience stores, some grocery stores, Starbucks, fast food places, and on and on. USE PUBLIC TRANSIT. IT IS AMAZING and a total pleasure to use. Take a bus to your hotel, not the Airport Express. The AE's cool and super-speedy, but you can't see a thing. On a bus, you'll get to see the city coming up on you, and since everything is signed in English you can get a sense of your surroundings. It's fab.

"Are there any lead-up festivities" ONLY FOR LIKE WEEKS. Seriously, you are going to be there during absolute prime Hong-Kong-visiting season. Bring a jacket -- the weather can be really unpredictable. You can buy a cheap umbrella there, which you might need. So:

LNY-specific recs: FLOWER MARKET OMG. It is a SEA of humanity, but like the cheerfullest sea of humanity you've ever come across? Google it -- lots of sites with directions and information. Go at night. It's just the coolest fucking thing ever. Look into pre-LNY fireworks displays or lit-up-skyline displays? They do them at Christmas, I know, but I don't know about pre-LNY. Eat noodles -- it's lucky for long life.

Shoo. OK. I'm done. Have so much fun and report back!!!

raised amongst catalogs

Something giant and scriggly is running around in the walls just above my computer. I can actually hear claws. I just screamed up at it, "WHAT ARE YOU?!" but it's not answering. Too big to be a mouse, so I'm thinking squirrel or bat.

JanieS

@raised amongst catalogs And you haven't

A) left the room
B) left the house
C) set the house on fire?

I admire your fortitude.

raised amongst catalogs

@JanieS It's too cold to leave this room or the house in general, so I am leaning toward option C.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Absolutely too damn cold to go out tonight. Going to stay in and finally get started on the 'L Word.'

raised amongst catalogs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll It's too cold in most of my HOUSE to move from this room. I braved the cold kitchen just long enough to make cheese sauce and boil noodles; in twenty minutes I will have mac & cheese!

Reginal T. Squirge

Hey, so maybe you noticed that I'm commenting here all the time again. That's because I'm totally miserable! My loss is your gain (or.. also your loss, if you think my comments are lame)!

raised amongst catalogs

@Reginal T. Squirge On the bright side, you almost rhymed.

lasso tabasco

@Reginal T. Squirge why are you miserable?!

Brunhilde

@lasso tabasco no Vitamin D in the Pac NW in the winter, we're *ALL* fucking miserable.

(You're in Portland, right?)

(But sorry you're miserable, for real.)

Reginal T. Squirge

Yeah, in Portland. It's actually really nice out but that's not helping me.

I'd rather not get into it. But... I'm going to see James Adomian on Sunday so there's that, which is good, I guess.

emkay

@Reginal T. Squirge As another newly totally miserable person who is going to be commenting more again, I can relate. I hope Adomian does his Huell Howser schtick for your show.

Reginal T. Squirge

Possibly the funniest thing in the entire world, to me, is Adomian's impression of Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Specifically, when he reads a URL and says, "Doubleyoudoubleyoudoubleyou."

Little_Lakes

ADVICE NEEDED

Just left a job, and along with it, a crush I had that I never acted on, mainly because it was such an intense crush for me, I could barely look this person in the eye. I *think* this guy was into me, as well, but am not sure. Anyhow, I fairly rarely get such intense feelings and feel like - maybe it was so intense because he was feeling it, too? Lots of extreme direct eye contact, which always makes me falter. Anyhow, like a ridiculous school-girl, I always ran away whenever the possibility of talking to this guy came around. (Poor self-esteem, realizing I'm not the prettiest girl on the block, by far.) Complicating matters was a gossipy office and his somewhat senior-level role.

So - the question: Would it be weird to Facebook message him? I feel so, only because I have really not ever spoken more than, "Thanks," or "Hello" to him over the course of a few months. On the other hand, I really do feel like there was something there. What prevents m from messaging him is mainly embarrassment: What if I was wrong all along? What if he tells everyone and then I run into these old co-workers later. I WILL BE A LAUGHING STOCK AND I AM PATHETIC.

Thoughts? Similar experiences anyone?

raised amongst catalogs

@Little_Lakes Ok, I am kind of a pro when it comes to things being weird but doing them anyway, so I'll share a story with you.
I worked at an office and the boss of one of the sales reps we saw a lot came in one day. He was about my age and a Southern charmer and gave me serious hot pants. I kept his business card (on which I wrote "He gives me the vapors") taped to my computer for a few weeks.
The sales rep who worked under him came in one day and mentioned that his boss couldn't stop talking about the "pretty girls" in the office -- and I was the only one in the office that day, so I was like, "Awwww yeah." The rep also mentioned that his boss would be moving out of state a few months down the road, so I decided to do the TOTALLY WEIRD THING and email the guy. I kept it short and sweet, wishing him the best of luck in his move. He wrote back suggesting that he take the office out to happy hour before he left, and I (brazen hussy warning) responded, "Screw the office; take ME out to happy hour!"
He did, we had a blast and even though he moved away I had the most fantastic summer of my life dating him.

tl;dr -- I don't think it's the weirdest thing to send him a message. You have nothing to lose, really. Plenty of people stay connected to "business contacts" and maybe you will fall in love with one another. Bonus!

P.S. Please don't hate me

@Little_Lakes
I think you should go for it! Ordinarily it might be odd that you didn't say anything earlier, but no longer working together provides you with the best of excuses. Don’t worry about not being “pretty”, everyone has their own preferences for attraction, so you might be right for him or you might not, no matter who you are. Hearing “no” is always hard, but nothing ventured nothing gained! I think that most people are flattered to hear someone else express interest, and I can’t imagine that anyone would think the less of you for it (at least anyone who you should care about). Don’t overplay your interest, but do be clear that you want to see him.

And watch out for Facebook or other ways of contacting him that he might miss and never respond to! If there’s a sure-fire way to reach him, use that to ask him for a good time to call, and, in the call, do some small talk then go in for the kill (“You know, I wanted to say this before, but we were working together and I didn’t want to make anything awkward. Now that I’ve moved on, I was wondering if we could meet up for coffee/whatever.”)

Little_Lakes

@raised amongst catalogs Thanks so much for the reply! I needed to hear a story like this and I LOVE your saucy reply. So great... :O)

Little_Lakes

@P.S. Please don't hate me Great ideas... and part of the reason I'm struggling in this situation is that there really is no "common ground" in terms of work to make small talk around. (We worked in different departments, on a floor with 100-150+ people. I don't know that he even knows my name! So you can see my difficulty...)

I don't know that I can make this "smooth" in anyway, so I may just have to message (the only contact I have is FB) and say, "Hey, I know this may seem out of the blue, BUT..."

Truly appreciate the advice and pep-talk!

raised amongst catalogs

@Little_Lakes AHHHHHHH! You do realize that you must immediately go watch the video for Alicia Keys' "You Don't Know My Name," right? I'm totally doing it right now.

Little_Lakes

@raised amongst catalogs YES! "I always use some milk and cream for you..." LOL

raised amongst catalogs

@Little_Lakes If that song/video combo doesn't get you pumped up to reach out and touch someone, I don't know what will. Just maybe don't tell him right away that your lovin' feels like ooooh.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@Little_Lakes

FYI, if you two are not already friends on Facebook, he may not see your message. Facebook has the normal inbox and then a slightly-hidden folder marked "Other" where it lumps all messages from people you are not connected to on the site. Seriously, go check yours now. It's terrifying!

I discovered this because I messaged a guy I liked on Facebook last February, assumed he rejected me when he didn't respond, and then got a message from him in November (!!!) explaining that he just found it in his inbox. We are now dating. :)

soundofglass

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak @The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak OH GOD. I just checked this and found a lovely facebook message from my aunt, whose fb request I forgot to approve. Said message is from OCTOBER. I am the worrrrrrrst.

Little_Lakes

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Oh, yes, the dreaded 'Other' folder. Grrr.. As we are NOT friends on FB, my only hope is that he knows about the folder already (and there's a good chance he doe, given his profession - fingers crossed.) Also, so glad to hear your story! A true modern romance. :O)

Faintly Macabre

@Where Pies Go When They Die I used it for a while and it didn't really help, but I have really tenacious acne (still lurking after two rounds of Accutane!) and I don't know if I used it properly. If your acne is not cystic/hormonal/evil like mine, it may help!

Statham

@area@twitter Hell yeah sister friend.

Statham

@area@twitter Hell yeah sister friend.

Faintly Macabre

So, to show you how glamorous life is in the City of Light, two questions for any helpful 'pinners?

-What is the best way to clean mold off a painted wall caused by crappy insulation and condensation? It's also all over my fabric-covered cheapass bedframe and on part of my mattress. My current plan is to douse the bedframe in bleach and fungicide and then cover it in plastic until I move out and leave my landlords to deal with it. Apparently in France, landlords have basically zero responsibility for anything. Or at least, mine don't, and since my rent is low, I don't want to piss them off.

-What is the best way to clean off unidentified whitish formerly-liquidy stuff from a wool coat? I don't want to get it dry cleaned until I'm done wearing it for the year, but this stuff (a line across the back--I guess I sat/leaned in something?) is too obvious to ignore.

Also, a very nice guy who I was not at all interested romantically asked me out on Tuesday. And it was sort of flattering, but it's more made me mad that no one I am actually interested in (which is mostly bartenders and guys I've never spoken to but WHATEVER) is asking me out. I need something to forget the mold on my wall!

raised amongst catalogs

@Faintly Macabre PAGING JOLIE TO THE OPEN THREAD.

Faintly Macabre

@raised amongst catalogs I KNOWWWWW. Jolie, I wash my dishes! I make my bed! I use vinegar and OxiClean every where! Why have you abandoned me in my hour of mold?

MilesofMountains

@Faintly Macabre I don't know about the mold, but I do know wool! First, try brushing it off with a soft-ish boar bristle brush. They sell brushes for this, but I just use a hairbrush I bought for it.

If it doesn't brush off, wool is actually ok with being handwashed. I've never tried it for a full coat, but you could theoretically do it in your bathtub, or just clean the dirty part. Use shampoo or a wool-specific cleaner in cold water and be suuuuuuper gentle. Basically just soak it and maybe kind of gently swish the water. Then be so so careful taking it out because it'll be heavy and the wool can stretch easily. DO NOT WRING IT. Roll it in a thick towel to blot some of the water out, then dry flat.

Faintly Macabre

@MilesofMountains I'm pretty pro at washing sweaters and stuff, but tailored/lined/giant things are trickier. (This is an knee-length double-breasted coat, so a lot of fabric!) I also have no bathtub (or bathroom, for that matter), which makes cleaning tricky. But your idea of soaking it makes me think of soaking paper towels or a washcloth in warm, slightly-soapy water and leaving them on the spot for a while to soften it. It seems to mostly be on the surface, though very stuck, so maybe then I could brush/wipe it off.

[sic]

@Faintly Macabre Actually, I think white vinegar works pretty well on mold? But then it comes baaack.... So yeah, sending up the Jolie-signal (what would it be shaped like?).

raised amongst catalogs

@Faintly Macabre Well, I tweeted a cleaning question to her once and she responded basically immediately. Give that a try!

raised amongst catalogs

@[sic] Feather duster?

Homestar Runner

@Faintly Macabre do you have a clothes iron with a steam feature? You could try holding the iron a few inches from the stained bit and letting the steam loosen up the gunk, then wiping the area with a cloth, then repeat several times. It might not work, but it seems like a pretty gentle approach that can't hurt / might help.

Faintly Macabre

@[sic] Yeah, my dad recommended a vinegar solution over bleach. I bought a weird spray that claims to kill fungi, bacteria, and viruses and doesn't include bleach, and I'm hoping it'll kill mold, too. (French has weird words--champignon means mushroom/fungus but can also be used for things like yeast infection, while moissisure means mold and isn't on the list.) I think I'm going to spray that, let it sit, remove what I can, and then use vinegar/more spray.

@Homestar Runner No, I wish! I only have an electric kettle and a crappy electric stove/hotplate for boiling water. If hot washcloths don't work, I might try to figure out how to get steam at it.

Clara Morena

Oh hi y'all! :D My first Friday open thread!!!!! So I was wondering if you guys can give me some advice.
Ok, I'm a 22( in 4 months I will be 23) virgin. Never been kissed, had a boyfriend etc. I have been hit on and flirted etc. I really do not want to be virgin anymore since my virginity weighs like a millstone around my neck.

par_parenthese

@clarita 1. You need to read ALL the Interview with a Virgin articles. They are GREAT. 2. Why is it a millstone for you? That sounds really tough.

Clara Morena

@par_parenthese I guess I have this "goody- goody two shoes" image. I mean I like it but I feel once people know that I'm a virgin I seem to appeal to some creeps and/or people think I'm lying. I

luna848

@clarita Oh hello friend. I have absolutely no advice whatsoever but we can commiserate and be miserable virgins together!

par_parenthese

@clarita Well, fwiw, I'm a virgin, as are several of the other commenters here (some of whom have been interviewed for the posts I mentioned). I think people who know you're a virgin and give you a hard time about it probably need to be told to go fuck themselves? Maybe casually and with a laugh, but still, fuck those people (metaphorically), because there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, and it's your experience right now and people who find out *anything* about you and make you feel bad about it are shitty people, you know?

Other 'pinners can give you practical advice about ramping up your sexual experience (no for real they are awesome at that, come on), but please know that there are LOADS of people around here and in the world in general who are virgins past age 22, 25, 30, and those people are not less-than, or asexual-by-definition, or weird or frigid or goody-goodies or religious wackos or whatever else gets thrown at people who haven't had sex.

OK. par_ out.

Clara Morena

@luna848 With Shirley temples(the drink)! or with alcohol.

Homestar Runner

@par_parenthese also, The Vine at tomatonation.com had a great discussion of later-in-life virgins in the January 30 advice column. You might want to check that out...lots of support and personal stories.

I was in a very similar situation to yours. Basically one day I decided "enough, I don't care about the romance-novel virginity-losing and I am sick of thinking about this," went out to a bar, and did a one-night stand. It's not for everyone and may not have been the smartest move, but I've never regretted it.

Clara Morena

@par_parenthese You are right. I tend to over-analyze things and my logical side says "Oh, don't worry about it. Worry about school,work, etc" and yet my stupid emotional side is like "Don't be a virgin!!" Blah. I need to tell people to go fornicate themselves.

hurts

@clarita I had the exact same thing last autumn! (At the exact same age- was 22 and turn 23 in July), posted about it on the hairpin, got some great advise from Jaded Stone and lost it about 2 months later in November. not kidding. I got on OKCupid, went on a couple of dates, and on my second one with this one guy went back to his, started making out and didn't stop. I feel like that's a good thing to do if you're at a point at which you just want to get it over and done with, but if you want to do it with someone you love obv not. I was at the point where I thought: statistically it's prob not gonna be enjoyable/with someone I spend the rest of my life with, and I was so curoius about it and was pretty sure that even with my history of low self esteem etc, I would be able to handle it rationally if the guy never wanted to see me again afterwards- which is what in fact happened, and here I am still alive with all limbs intact. Also I *think* a lot of people just use it to hook up, and since they have those expectations so it is very possible to frame it as a casual hook up thing(tip: a NBD way to let him know is to stop in the middle of some making out and whisper 'I haven't done this before'. sounds HEELLLLLLLLAAAA cheesy but this guy was like 'ok' and carried on. To this day I don't think he actually realised what I was talking about or actually even heard me but that's besides the point) . Also, the FACT is, your sex life is none of anyone else's business, only yours and the person you're fucking! that's the end of the story. <3

hurts

@hurts Sorry for the typos and lack of punctuation which makes me sound like an enthusiastic 14 y/o? I hate typing so do it as quickly as possible and ain't nobody got time for proofreading

Clara Morena

@hurts It's ok. :D I went by your history and found the you post(I hope that doesn't sound creepy btw I'm also mixed too!!) but yeah, I think I need realize that everyone has their own pace and I need to remind myself that.

Chareth Cutestory

Hi Pinners! It is probably way too early to even be worrying about this, but I graduate from college in a few months, and I really want to give three of my professors nice thank-you gifts when I go. They are all awesome ladies whose classes have meant a lot to me. One of them has known me since I was a freshman and is helping me with my thesis, one of them is my advisor, and one of them has just taught some of my favorite classes ever. Any suggestions for what I should get them? What would be a thoughtful, appropriate, and memorable gift for a professor?

Also, I can knit and I kind of wanted to knit gifts for all of them (hence the planning-way-in-advance), but I'm not set on it. That almost seems too weird/personal and tricky - they all have really different styles and I feel iffy about choosing a pattern for something they would wear. Maybe I could knit them something non-wearable? Ideas?

honey cowl

@Chareth Cutestory KNIT THEM HONEY COWLS!
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/honey-cowl

raised amongst catalogs

@Chareth Cutestory What's your budget for each one? A blooming houseplant will last a long time and remind someone of you every time she looks at it. A bottle of wine is a nice gift, assuming your recipient drinks wine.
P.S. Hi, I am a cliche. Wine! Plants! Ack.

raised amongst catalogs

@honey cowl Love those!

par_parenthese

@Chareth Cutestory What about knitted/felted mug wraps and a nice mug if you're still feeling the DIY thing? Otherwise, maybe a cool pen/journal combo, or swanky tea and a book about/related to the region the tea came from, or a decanter and glasses for their office (or similar -- vacuum flask and cool modern coffee cups, for instance)?

Faintly Macabre

@Chareth Cutestory My sister's former coworker crocheted or knitted her a bunch of really nice sort of washcloths, and she was quite touched/impressed. That's not a very personal gift, I guess, but it's useful and less tricky.

As for non-knitted gifts, I gave a scarf to a favorite professor who wears scarves all the time when I was a freshman, and then gave her a drawing based on her subject when I graduated. I also baked a giant apple cake (I forgot how much the recipe made and couldn't give someone half a cake) for a former advisor who'd written me a recommendation. I was embarassed about how huge the cake was, but he shared it with the grad students in his lab and seemed pretty happy. But that's not quite as long-lasting as knitted things...

Chareth Cutestory

So many great suggestions, thanks!

Honey cowls! I love that pattern. That might fit the bill. Now if I can just get my hands on some delicious variegated Madeline Tosh yarn (or something). I'm pretty sure that wine or swanky tea/book combo would not be amiss either :)

I don't really have a set budget, just sort of higher-end-for-a-college-student budget.

I was kind of considering baked goods! Like, maybe a nice card and a chocolate chip brioche pretzel from the Smitten Kitchen Cookbook?

raised amongst catalogs

@Chareth Cutestory Ooh, baked goods! I made biscotti a couple of days ago and they actually turned out really well & I found them super easy to make. My batch made about 18 or 20, and if you made two or three kinds you could give each person an assortment. They last for a couple of weeks, so you don't have to make three batches in one day or anything.
I made these: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/coconut-biscotti-10000001041878/ (A commenter on that site mentioned that she used 1 cup of white whole wheat flour and 1/2 a cup of regular all-purpose; so did I and they were great!)

Chareth Cutestory

@raised amongst catalogs Coconut biscotti sounds so good! A biscotti assortment would be a nice gift with some tea from my local tea place :)

Danzig!

So I guess I'm going to be headed into natural resource management at the state level! That's going to be a few long years of fun. I guess the good (?) news is that I have to postpone my internship requirements for my degree until I've completed more intensive seminar work.

Meanwhile that whole situation with the woman I've been going on about for the last few weeks continues. After she accused me of endangering her by causing drugs to be mentioned in a text we didn't talk for about 2 weeks, but she texted me a few days ago to say that she had banned the toxic dude from her house and ask me to be with her as she moved all his stuff out, which I agreed to, of course.

The thing is... these nerves I have aren't going away. They're getting louder, in fact. Given the pretty ghastly stuff she says has happened I feel guilty for being so cagey (even as I do believe that at least some of the things she says are true), but the thing about fabulists is that they can't stop themselves, and we have yet to get to a point where things have stopped escalating. The amount of messed-up things going on proliferate every time I talk to her. Most of the people involved seem to be out of town or otherwise hard to reach.

We moved all the stuff to the dude's house, which was fine, and then we went out to eat. When I met up with her at the place she was deep in a combative phone conversation with the guy, but... I got the distinctive feeling that there wasn't actually a conversation taking place? At best she was talking AT someone, at worst she was pantomiming. After she hung up she was telling me that she was trying to get him committed because he was afraid someone was going to steal his work but he wouldn't say who, and that sounds JUST like paranoid schizophrenia to me, does it not? I kind of spent the rest of that night sort of on ice because that's exactly the kind of behavior she was exhibiting weeks ago.

So... yeah. I'm meeting w/ my campus' womens' center on Monday to try and suss out how to be a good advocate even though all of my instincts are telling me to beat feet, so to speak. I don't know if I should trust them, is all? She's banned this abusive dude from her house but she's still majorly committed to keeping him in her life, making it her responsibility that he get mental health care, etc. It feels all sorts of off to me.

Danzig!

@Danzig! ALSO DENVER SEE YOU TOMORROW XX

Reginal T. Squirge

This one time, me and some friends helped a friend move out of the house he was living in with his wife and kids. We got halfway through the move and then his wife came home. She didn't know he was moving out.

Anyway, yeah, get out of there fast. It's only going to cause more problems.

machinesss

I'm generally a proponent of trusting your gut! That situation sounds pretty strange/bad and sends up a lot of red flags, I would get out of there as soon as I could!

Cawendaw

@machinesss And if you don't trust your gut, trust everybody else's gut, which is telling us to tell you to invest in some distance to put between you and her.

Danzig!

@Reginal T. Squirge Damn!

@all I know, right? But the thing is, even though I'm pretty sure based on experience that this woman is, at best, manic and prone to anger, if things really ARE this nuts in Denver and I cut ties based solely on my instinct then I'll have done a really shitty thing. When she asked me to help her move the stuff she said it was because she felt unsafe doing it by herself, and if that sort of request comes up again I don't know if I can tell her no, or ignore her. I know she has one or two other people she leans on around, but she's still asking for support.

So what I will probably do is go to this womens' center and gather info on immediately available resources, and if she rejects those then I'll do my best to just wash my hands of the situation. I'm only capable of doing so much on my own.

Judith Slutler

@Danzig! Whoa whoa whoa back up that just doesn't sound right. Please realize that you've got a thing going on here where you don't know "if [you] CAN say no or ignore her" and thus, if she presses the right buttons, you'll feel obligated to come running whether or not you have misgivings about her stories or behavior.

That is a really strong sign that you're being manipulated, whether she is telling the whole truth or mixing in truth with paranoid delusions or just making shit up.

Do you have a therapist you're talking to about this?

Danzig!

@Emmanuelle Cunt Yeah I definitely realize she's got me in a spot here, so I'm looking for a way out. Hopefully going to the center will give me some tools and moral support.

I do have a therapist but we're on a biweekly schedule, so last time I saw him was before the whole stuff-moving incident. At the time I resolved to let things lie, wait to see if she would reach out and if she did, reassess the number of red flags my unconscious mind was throwing my way.

Porn Peddler

Pinners. I am having A Week. My uterus is preparing to squish blood so just amplify everything by a million Holy crap this is gonna be long. In preparation, here is James Deen with his/Stoya's tuxedo kitten, Dr. Squeak McQueen Esquire.

First something really great: Mister is employed after several months of searching! He likes his new job! It is totally a job that makes sense for him! He makes a decent starting wage! He comes home HILARIOUSLY filthy.

Now the ugly: After busting my ass at my job for over a year, making displays, selling every goddamn high-end toy we get, receiving ENDLESS POSITIVE FEEDBACK from customers (people have cried at the counter. hi, porn peddler, pleased to meet you, here's my card), covering for everyone else, working All The Holidays, and just generally caring a whole hell of a lot about that job (more than anyone expects me to, more than I should), I have finally accepted that my country porn store is never going to be the rustic, rural Babeland of my dreams. I'm tired of seeing my ideas peter out, my displays dismantled, mistakes made over and over, chances missed, promises broken, and more than anything else, I'm FUCKING SICK OF BEING SEXUALLY HARASSED WITH NO SUPPORT FROM MANAGEMENT.

So I've been keeping my eyes open and thinking and reconnecting with my brother's company (he used to throw me writing jobs a lot) and doing things that make me happy in my downtime. Now, I have a coworker who is moving away in a month. So my boss, in a rare good decision, decided to start looking for someone new like five weeks in advance. After all, the gal leaving has been working at the store for seven years, so boy are we going to be at a loss after she's gone! Wednesday, which is the first day of my work week, boss lady walks in and eagerly declares, "I hired someone!" "Oh, good, for (girl leaving in a month)?" "No, for you! You said you were making so much money working for your brother and wanted to go part time!" "I did not." "Yes you did, you told me you wanted to go part time" "I did not." "You must not have been feeling good that day" "I don't remember saying this. I had ONE PROJECT to work on for him and it's currently on hold." "Oh well, I already hired someone." And my new hours? Three days a week. Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. B shift. But how often do I get those? Once in the month of February. I may get one day per week the rest of the month. I am so unclear on my position right now. I'm so mad. I was FUMING. She cuts my hours and then insists it was my idea? Holy shit, the BALLS. THE ENORMOUS HUEVOS. I HAVE LIKE NO FUCKING HOURS FOR THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY. Boss, why would I go part time? My boyfriend was unemployed until this goddamn week. I kept my composure and left after my shift and got steadily more pissed off for HOURS. This is a move coming from someone who frequently says that the way to get other people to bend to your ideas is to convince them it was their idea in the first place. NOT MY IDEA. NOT MY IDEA. NOT MY IDEA. I HATE MY JOB BUT I HAVE BILLS TO PAY AND I WAS NOT GOING TO TAP OUT OF WORK WITHOUT LINING SOMETHING UP OR, YKNOW, ACTUALLY TELLING YOU I WANTED TO LEAVE.

So there was that.

Following on the heels of MG and one of his current business partners asking me to be a partner at their food co-op on Monday. I'd be making fermented vegetable products, miso, etc, and also be their dedicated vegan baker. I would get to make birthday cakes for all the vegan kids in my city who can't get stuff from regular bakeries. I would take over the wedding cakes from vegan brides that make the other bakers scream and pull their hair out because they aren't used to skipping the eggs. I would take over this city with the power of my unstoppable chocolate chile cookies and other amazing flavor combinations. Guys, working there once or twice a week the last few months has made me so happy. I want this. But I will not immediately make enough money to cover my bills. If I take it and invest more and more time in the business (they are expanding! moving to a huge new space in april!) I may, eventually, make about what I was making at the porn store. And moreover, I don't know that I want to do this long term. But I'm going to do it! Because they told me I could continue just working two days a week. But I want to do more. But money. Money. MONEY UGGGGH. What stands out the most about working with MG and his crew? I can be surrounded by men and not feel threatened like I do at my porn store.

But I need a profitable, part time job to pick up what I would not be making (for the foreseeable future) at the co-op.

help. my week. ugh.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler huh, I did not know James Deen and Stoya had a kitten together.

Now to read the rest of this comment!**

** Uggggh shitty managers are the WORST. Hop off that titanic, boo. You do not need the stress, you will find yr Babeland somewhere else. It sounds like you'll be cutting it close for a bit but you've obviously got a ton of marketable skills so I think you should be confident going out there and finding a better place for yrself.

Porn Peddler

@Danzig! They do, and it is so cute. So cute. So scruffy and adorable. THEY HAVE A KITTEN TOGETHER AAAAGH (it makes everything in my life better)

Also thank you. I'm trying to decide if I should just jump ship before I have anything else lined up. I'm terrified Mister will lose his job again but at least when I go out looking for work I can say I'm not unemployed because food co-op.

Porn Peddler

@Porn Peddler UGH I HATE HOW WHEN I EDIT A MESSAGE IT KILLS MY HTML.

James Deen and his kitten, once again.

KeLynn

@Porn Peddler What the FUCK kind of nerve does that lady have?

Porn Peddler

@KeLynn Adamantium.

rimy

@Porn Peddler Oh my god... I can't even... I thought the crap going on at my boyfriend's job was shifty, but your story puts it in perspective! With a small shop like that there's not much you can do to retaliate, is there? Did she break any labor laws? Do you want to get her back for it, or are you resigned to looking for the next opportunity..? Could you consider opening your own porn shop, perhaps online, where you could take a new approach in catering to your customers by personally helping them out, perhaps? Sending you good wishes.

teaandcakeordeath

I have just finished season 1 of Girls and am now forcing my best friend to watch so I have someone to scream 'Royshana' with.

rimy

Obligatory plug forthe Billfold(/'Pintariat too) Meal-Planning Google Group right here! If you're working on creating and sticking to a grocery budget, want to learn how to meal-plan, need cooking inspiration, or just generally like talking about food, please feel welcome to join us and do not hesitate to spam the board with your posts!

Danzig!

@rimy oh man I should do this but... I need my sweets and starches

siniichulok

Just because I can, in this anonymous place (or almost anonymous--hi stonefruit!), I'm going to confess something awful. I found out the gender of my apparently very healthy (tfuitfuitfui) baby yesterday and I'm experiencing sudden and awful Gender Disappointment like whoa. I've read that it's fairly common among women who come from abusive families and may have issues with a parent of a particular gender, who have experienced lots of loss, and who don't have a support network (all of which is me! I'm typical--yay?). But the awful thing is that it's not something that it's OK to feel or that I can express to anybody (except for my husband, but there's probably only so long he can hear about it or see me adding to my used tissue collection). The only acceptable thing for a pregnant women to say, even in the face of massively irritating people who are all telling you smiling and unsolicited that you'll have a child of one gender when you would secretly prefer the other one, is "oh, I don't mind, whatever it is, as long as it's healthy." And of course it's the most important thing, and I will come around and have the right feelings eventually, I know it, and I know that I'm massively lucky, and I will be able to address this in therapy late next week, but it still sucks.

par_parenthese

@siniichulok Let me say this loud and clear, because I feel very strongly about it: IT IS OK FOR YOU TO HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THE GENDER OF YOUR CHILD. Absolutely ok. 100% ok. And it has no bearing on how well you will care for that child in the future. I hate that women can't even express a feeling about the child they are literally feeding with the resources of their own body without being Concern Trolled or Mommy Wars'ed. Internet stranger hugs/pats on the arm/head nods are yours for the taking.

RubeksCube

@siniichulok How well do you know your OB/GYN and/or how comfortable are you with their office? I know mine (and many others) have amazing resources available for all types of situations, and I sincerely doubt that you are the first person they have had come through their doors post-ultrasound feeling the way you feel. It is normal for your situation, and I am sure they would have some sort of resource (a therapist, someone within the office who deals with this issue, even an anonymous-ish helpline perhaps?) for you to take advantage of. I would test the waters there first, and see where it leads you! Talking through this sort of thing is super-helpful, I think, and it will help your hormone-enhanced self (hormone-superpowered preggers women unite!) not only now, but later on, too.

RubeksCube

@par_parenthese I second this!!! All of this!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@siniichulok All of this! I'm not speaking from experience at all, but definitely don't be afraid to talk to someone about your feelings. And, if it helps, this baby will be loved and raised by YOU. (I'm assuming. If you're giving the baby up for adoption then the same applies, I guess, but with different good people.) Regardless of sex or gender, he or she will be a great baby because you have it in you to be the kind of mother that they need.

Maryaed

@siniichulok Well, it's probably right not to say it in public or to friends, not because it's shameful but because you don't want it to get back to your lovely future baby. Who I'm sure will be a wonderful, surprising individual who transcends gender norms. Therapist is a perfect suggestion.

I don't know how many babies you know but they're astonishingly un-gender-formed, so much so that people around you will panic all the time if the baby is not color-coded, and you will get to love it as a warm snuggling blob long before you have to deal with its gender on more than the butt-wiping (or, um, possibly pee-spraying) level. By the time it individuates in that way you'll already love it to bits and won't be able to imagine having a different gender of baby.

stonefruit

@siniichulok oh hon. I'm sorry to hear this. I actually think it's a really good sign that you've identified these feelings, though, and I second the advice about therapy.

Mommy-judging is the worst, it ought to be outlawed.

CRINDY

Hi Hairpin! Frequent reader, super infrequent commenter...I'm curious if anyone has had any experiences with Implanon! I have an appointment to get it next week and I'm nervous, I've heard super mixed things about it, some people love it, some hate it. I had two mirena IUDs and both expelled themselves (augh!) but I loved the low failure rate, and want a similar "set it and forget it" method that actually works with my body. I'm on the pill now and react fine to it, but am not great at taking it at the same time every day and want something better. I know everyone's bodies are different but I'm always curious to hear some experiences!

Puppy in a cup

@CRINDY I've been debating these two options too. Can I ask, how long afterwards did the Mirena's expel themselves? I'm going to be moving in a few months, and I'd love to hear something like "If you make it through the first 30 days you'll be good to go", but that doesn't seem to be the case...

About Implanon, my OB/GYN recommended it, particularly because of the move and zero risk of explusion. But I can't get over the fact that it would be visible. I think I would just touch it all the time (I already have an unconscious habit of playing with my bat-wings...)

coolallison

@CRINDY WARNING... PERSONAL SHIT AHEAD. MOVE ALONG IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT PERIODS AND STUFF. Anyway, I have had Implanon for about a year. Well, 10 months. Close enough. My lady doctor recommended it because I haven't had a kid, so I guess IUDs aren't ideal, and I am terrible at remembering to take a pill everyday. I was on Nuvaring for many many years, but I blamed things on the Nuvaring that maybe were unwarranted (I have a really low sex drive, and always thought it was Nuvaring's fault, but I think I've now learned it's just... my stupid body.)

So anyway, the Implanon. The insertion itself was rather easy. Just a topical numbing agent, and then it looked kind of like the needle when you donate blood... it takes like no time at all. I fear what it will take to get it out, but I'm not going to thing about that right now?

So the sex drive thing hasn't really been fixed. I think now that's just me, because my sister was on Nuvaring without an issue, and now has Implanon and doesn't have the same issue. Yay, me.

My only complaint, I guess, is that for the first 6 months, I had no period. It was amazing. Best thing ever. Then... out of nowhere (well, maybe not out of nowhere... I had an inordinate amount of stress at the time) but anyway, quasi out of nowhere, I started getting my period more like every other week (and spotting just WHENEVER THE FUCK IT FELT LIKE IT). Definitely not ideal. Supposedly, years 2 and 3 are great because your period goes away, and I thought I had just been lucky with it starting almost immediately, but the last few months have been really frustrating. I actually am using Nuvaring for this and next month to try to figure out if my body can get back on track. (Doctor told me to... I didn't just make up this plan.) The Implanon is so easy (and so PAID FOR) so I really hope that this is just a temporary thing and my body can GET IT TOGETHER.

Anyway, you might have just been looking for "Implanon is wonderful yayyy!" so, sorry for getting real. I even knew this about it before I got it... it's just really frustrating to actually live it. But everybody's experience is different, and if this 2-month Nuvaring experiment helps, I definitely plan on keeping it. So yeah. Good luck you.

somereversepyromaniac

@CRINDY

Hi! I never comment either! But I actually have some experience here, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.

I've been on Implanon for over a year now and I would say overall my experience has been positive. I can't take many other forms of birth control because of the migraines I get/risk of stroke, so other than an IUD, it's the best fit. My sister, who also gets migraines, went on it before I did. She warned me that my periods would be long and irregular- and boy, are they ever. That's the major negative, really. I've had periods for as long as two months at a time, and I think her longest was over five. Generally, they last two to three weeks, and it's hard to track them.

That said, I like that I don't have to worry about taking something every day and relying on myself to be responsible enough to keep track of it. The insertion process was painless and the scar from it is tiny. As I was adjusting to not being able to track my period (AT ALL) I went through a phase of obsessively taking pregnancy tests, just in case. When I brought up the possibility of pregnancy to the nurse at my gynecologist's office, she laughed in my face, so I take it the failure rate is really, really low.

TheBourneApproximation

@CRINDY I was on Implanon for pretty much exactly two years before switching to Mirena this past fall.

The Negative: Periods. They are super, super irregular. I had hoped mine would go away. Instead, I had 4 weeks steady spotting followed by 4 weeks off for the first year, followed by one week heavy bleeding followed by one week nothing for the second year. Some women don't get any, of course, the lucky jerks! This is why I finally got rid of it. Honestly, I could have lived with it a while longer though, if the option to try an IUD instead hadn't come up, because...

The positives: EVERYTHING ELSE. The insertion and removal are pretty much pain free, and very fast (unlike an IUD!). It's just *there*, and you don't have to do anything except remember when the three years are up. No worries about taking a pill, or getting sick and throwing up the pill, no worries about expulsion, no prescriptions. My periods have been a lot better on Mirena, but I still miss the complete and total lack of worry. Most effective birth control on the market! So if IUD's aren't an option, I say 100% go for it.

CRINDY

@CRINDY Thanks so much to you all!!!!!! I have also never been pregnant, am in my early 20s, and am in a long-term monogamous relationship. My first Mirena expelled after 2 months and the second after 3 months, but it was caused by my own crazy uterus and is apparently not a normal thing, so I'm still on team IUD for people who have less high maintenance ladyparts. I was very committed to my IUD (hence having one inserted twice in three months) and still mourn the fact that it didn't work out for me.

I'm excited about the implanon! I'm like 99 percent sure it's 100 percent covered, so I can always get it taken out if I totally hate it. The only things that would be serious dealbreakers would be mood issues, drastically lowered sex drive, or lots of weight gain, but I'm not prone to them generally so I'm thinking I'll be okay. I'm hoping to not spot a ton though as I have super-low iron levels already (with the Mirena I bled CONSTANTLY and had constant extreme cramping pain, it was awful), but it's good to hear that using another method of estrogen-based BC might work to stop spotting or be an option in that case.

Whenever I write out all my years of BC issues I just pray that they come out with that male birth control injection thing soon.....

coolallison

@CRINDY YES. THANK YOU. They need to be in charge of this for a while. I'm tired of it.

And I hope your Implanon experience is a positive one!

CRINDY

@coolallison Thank you!

http://www.parsemusfoundation.org/vasalgel-home/
I'm signed up for their email updates, I'm a fan on facebook, etc! Hope it happens soon!

purefog

SIGTEMPOIWPTMF
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/01/29/vagina-murder-plot-brazilian-man-wife-poisoning-_n_2572836.html

anachronistique

Where are my fellow OKCupid newbs? I am currently writhing in agony because someone I'd been messaging with who seems cool (even as just friends!) asked if I wanted to meet... a week ago, and I've been so tired and out of it that I haven't been checking the site or the email I set up just for that, so I didn't see the message till just now, and I'm sure she thinks I'm a total flake and has dismissed me entirely. Augh how do people do this socializing with strangers thing, it is exhausting.

4and20blkbirds

@anachronistique I'm sure if you message her and tell her what happened she'll understand, if she's as cool as she seems! (I'm not a OKC newb, I'm a success story :P about 3 1/2 years with my bf)

Danzig!

@anachronistique She'll be cool w/ it! If she asked to meet you she must have been hoping you'd accept, and if getting that acceptance a mere 7 days later is a dealbreaker for her, well, you probably don't need that sort of high maintenance love interest anyway.

anachronistique

@4and20blkbirds @Danzig! Thanks for talking me down, friends! I am looking at my calendar RIGHT NOW because she said it was cool and asked what times work for me. SUCCESS!

4and20blkbirds

@anachronistique Awesome! Good luck!

Maladydee

@anachronistique I am an OKCupid n00b. Good luck! I am sort of thrown my how much back-and-forth-ing people want to do before trying to meet up. Good to hear it's working for some folks.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Two weeks ago I applied for this super-awesome incredible dream job, not expecting a call back because I'm sure tons of people applied. I gave myself two weeks to keep my hopes up. It was two weeks on Wednesday.

Oh well.

Coal Tar Epoxy

A friend backed out of concert plans, and now it looks like no one else I know is interested in going. I think I would feel weird going to a concert by myself, but there's no way I'm not going at all. Any Calgary 'pinners want to see Muse on Monday?

LordHennyson

@The Angels Have the Phonebox Alas! I am far from there, but after no friends would see Gogol Bordello with me this summer I went alone, and I had SUCH an unexpected amount of fun. You're in a mass of people who are all watching the stage so you can't tell who's with who anyway, and I danced and sang along and had an amazing time! Hope you find someone at least so a ticket doesn't go to waste, but if it comes to that, it's better than it looks!

soundofglass

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak @The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak OH GOD. I just checked this and found a lovely facebook message from my aunt, whose fb request I forgot to approve. Said message is from OCTOBER. I am the worrrrrrrst.

yourpretendfriend

Just came here to be post 666. Carry on (or don't so it can stay here forever!)

Puppy in a cup

I have been a big ball of nerves all week, and that won't change until march. I am quitting my job and moving far away. So i'm wrapping up work (must get a huge project done in the next few weeks and I dont know if it's going to happen). I read that people at work remember you based on how you were right before you left, not how you were all the other years. So if I screw up this last project, I'll be devastated!

And I am kinda sorta barely starting to think about moving. And about leaving my dear dear friends to go in search of new ones (Hairpin Meetups here I come!). And I miss my ex. But I'm glad to be single. What if I can't find a job? What if this was the worst idea ever? What if no one likes me where I am going? What if what if WHAT IF?!

PS - Sidenote: In November I posted about how I felt crappy after running out of time on a presentation. You all were so nice and encouraging-- and I'm happy to report, I ended up with a really good grade!! So, thanks everyone :)

par_parenthese

@Fingers Crossed Oh man, moving. I have a group of awesome friends, seriously they are the best, but I get a bug about just upping stakes and moving to Australia or something. If you do it, I want to hear the whole story because people who do that shit are inspirational.

Statham

@tea sonata Nope. So it would be extra surprising.

@PistolPackinMaMa Sweet.I mean, he'll just have to deal regardless.

Nanuary

So tonight I used my boyfriend's electric razor on my lady business, and now it BURNS. Any tips or remedies to make it stop!?? Also, sorry boyfriend.

rimy

@Nanuary Oh man- hopefully you don't take this the wrong way but this made me laugh. I have been there, done that with my dad's electric razor... terrible idea! I recommend aloe vera lotion or coconut oil to soothe the burn.

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@Nanuary Bikizone, it will burn more (for literaly a minute), BUT it will all go away. Also it stops the itching that will start in 2 days.

Danzig!

Acch that last Interview With a Virgin entry! My heart goes out to her. I don't imagine seeing it will elicit any semblance of the warmth that I felt reading the comments under mine, and that saddens me because I know that opening yourself up like that is hard and can leave you kind of raw. I can't imagine waiting for that to go up and find out that a solid half the commenters think you're either a silly idiot or a potentially dangerous silly idiot.

And I feel bad for Jia too, she seems to be a very sincere and empathetic person and I imagine it might have been stressful for her to watch the comments turn her subject into a representation of patriarchy. It was the wrong day for the Jezebel commentariat to take an unannounced field trip.

Judith Slutler

@Danzig! Gah I knooooowwwww. I guess I just feel like our sexual culture has served her very poorly, even if she's making choices that work for her within the specific contexts she's negotiating. Jia pointed out in the comments that she doesn't think Scarlet sees herself as making better choices than other people etc, but it's still hard for me to read about someone making sexual choices partly based upon such half-baked pop science ideas about "commitment hormones" and things, a lot of which have their origins in Christian flavored pseudoscience that is served up to try and scare kids off sex.

Like obviously it's always bullshit to steamroll someone with YOU HAVE A FALSE CONSCIOUSNESS THING GOING ON AND ARE WRONG, but also... wow, abstinence education and the ideas it propagates about the mechanics and meanings of sex, can seriously suck my dick.

Danzig!

@Emmanuelle Cunt tooootally. Why haven't we hung out yet?

I got a lot of the xtian smoke and mirrors as a kid, only some of it through church, most of it through robustly attended evangelical student groups in school. Bonding hormones, abnormal brain development, inaccurate carbon dating, the works.

Judith Slutler

@Danzig! because I am on the wrong side of the ocean???

Where I grew up we got basically all of the "bonding hormones" "heartbreak syndrome" etc. stuff right in public school. It's kind of a blatant way of barely secularizing evangelical ideas about sex.

The thing is... what Scarlet's college hookup guy told her about "whoa we can do everything but piv, because that will activate your magical hormone cave" is a perfectly logically consistent way of negotiating the things he'd been told, and still participating in hookup culture.

What Abstinence Ed Hath Wrought

Danzig!

@Emmanuelle Cunt DISTANCE IS MEANINGLESS

yeah like I was saying in the comments, the mad push away from vaginal intercourse via abstinence ed does seem to correlate with an increase in alternative boning methods (as well as riskier ways of doing said). Tsk.

par_parenthese

@Danzig! I just came here to say ABNORMAL BRAIN DEVELOPMENT OMG. They seriously said that? YAGH. If you have too much sex your brain will develop abnormally? I... what... I just.. I cannot.

wee_ramekin

@Danzig! " It was the wrong day for the Jezebel commentariat to take an unannounced field trip."

See now, I don't know that that is fair. [Caveat: I've never actually read Jezebel comments, but what I hear about them 'round these parts gives me an idea of what you mean.]

I read every comment on that article, because Scarlet's answers flummoxed and somewhat angered me (which was surprising, because generally what People Do In Their Own Lives merely gets a raised eyebrow and a head-tilt if I don't really agree with it). I saw one comment that I read as rude, and other people called that commenter out on her snarkiness.

I don't think it's "Jezebel-ly" or "mean" to register one's confusion and disagreement with another person's viewpoint. As a TON of commenters pointed out, Scarlet's belief that penis/vagina sex is "more meaningful" than the other types of sex she's having is rooted in really problematic notions of sexuality, purity, and pseudoscience.

Were people just not supposed to say any of that?

I can see that it probably does suck for Scarlet that most of the comments didn't agree with her worldview, but I can't see that that makes the Pintariat mean or cruel.

Danzig!

@par_parenthese It was that, scientifically, the brains of youngsters change pretty dramatically up through the mid-20s, and doing taboo things would presumably affect that change in a bad way.

@wee_ramekin It was my feeling that the enthusiasm for correction veered into tongue-clucking. Mainly it was her personal (very personal) feelings about sex coupled with the (explicitly ambivalent!) mention of pseudoscience that seemed to contribute to the "can you believe THIS WOMAN??" vibe.

On top of that I suspect the outrage over the problematic nature of her views to be a smokescreen. I wouldn't expect that a woman interviewed on the Hairpin who chose a homemaker role for herself would be pilloried, even though the expectation of full-time unpaid care work for women is quite problematic in our culture. Likewise Jia has interviewed devoutly religious women but there has not been a similar furor over the numerous ways in which religious belief constrains women in society. In those cases the commentariat would be or was willing to make a distinction between personal and prescriptive belief, and unwilling to hold them accountable for the broad implications of their views, but here they went whole-hog for telling this woman what she should believe (She doesn't live in a vacuum, they say). Jia said in the comments that her views were her own and that she did not seem to believe that the sort of sex you have colors your worth as a person. That point was either overlooked or ignored.

To be perfectly honest I think it's because for whatever reason, they just didn't like Scarlet. My gut reaction is that she was not deemed humble enough to hold views out of step with most commenters.

redheaded&crazy

@wee_ramekin I agree that for the most part there wasn't really any nastiness or snark (and I think it did get called out, as you say).

From my perspective, if I had been reading those comments as Scarlet, I would have probably felt pretty stressed out and defensive. And probably would have needed to go take a walk. But then again, I thought a lot of interesting and thoughtful and thought-provoking things were brought up, which I appreciated. And maybe in a week, me-as-Scarlet would have come back and said, okay at least I was the catalyst for this conversation.

Maybe?

par_parenthese

@Danzig! You know, I've thought about it for awhile now, and I realized why I felt uncomfortable with the comments even though I agreed with a lot of what they said. One of the things I've noticed about 'pinners (and a huge part of the reason I've stuck around commenting since the first virgin post) is that I think we do a good job, in STARK contrast to 90% of other comments-sections, of assuming that people who comment are as real and complex as we are -- that we're more than our opinions on one issue, or our experiences in one area, and that the people behind these usernames are real people with hearts and lives that are just as important as our own. And I kind of felt like that spirit was a little less prominent than usual in that whole thread, and that was a bummer.

whateverlolawants

@Danzig! Best summary of what rubbed me the wrong way. Personal vs. prescriptive.

OhMarie

@HeckYes I read this as porn like three times and was totally scandalized. Jesus, prom. That is amazing.

branza

Does anyone make it to the bottom of the comments? Well here goes! I don't know if I need advice, or just to complain, y'all. I am in a HUGE funk.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years (as of... three weeks from now, I guess). He has never told me he loves me. He works all the time and is always tired (we are both in grad school PhD programs at the same Ivy League university that Jack Donaghy attended). He doesn't like public touching to an extreme degree. Like I have to beg him to give me a goodbye kiss when he drops me off because we are in a car and people could see us. He gets really upset about his work and just seems upset a lot. I feel like he's a kind of a downer. I know that getting mad is his way of coping, but it's tough to spend a lot of time with someone who just seems to be like that all the time.

I on the other hand, maybe, am super depressed because grad school is hard, guys. I often lie in bed for hours at a time trying to persuade myself to get out and go to work. As a result of this, I do not get enough work done, and then get reprimanded by my boss constantly, which leads to more personal reprisals on my part. If my best isn't good enough, then maybe I don't belong here. I keep thinking about quitting but don't because of the looming UNKNOWN on the other side of that. What would I do? I'm not qualified for anything! That's a lie, I have a MA in Science. But for most jobs in Science, you need a PhD or better.

I cope with these things by exercising and reading a lot. I feel like my life is not going the way I'd like it to but I'm not sure how to change it. I started seeing a therapist in December but she's been sick for the past three weeks/sessions worth. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so blah/upset. I don't know. I feel like general unhappiness with the bf is a silent beat in life, and work troubles have made everything worse lately. What do you do to cheer yourself up?

branza

Even just posting about this has made me incredibly anxious like now someone I know might find out and then what? I don't know. Anxiety is illogical!

branza

I first wrote "Anxiety is illegal" which is what I get for typing this while watching Law and Order: SVU

par_parenthese

@branza UGH SIGH. That's super hard.

"I feel like my life is not going the way I'd like it to but I'm not sure how to change it." <-- THIS FEELING. I understand it.

(Also, briefly: I don't want to be That Stranger, but are you omitting nice things about your boyfriend? Because he kind of sounds awful, and if that's the whole story and you were a friend and we were having coffee, I think I'd tell you to dump his ass? One of the best pieces of advice my parents ever gave me as a moody teenager was that it's ok to have emotions, and to express them, but it's not ok to inflict them on people. You don't have to sit there and feel like he's inflicting his issues on you.)

Also, please feel free to read the above and say BTCHPLS and then think of all the awesome, supportive, cool, compatible, brag-worthy things about your boyfriend and how you totally do not want to break up with him! I don't know your life! ;)

Danzig!

@branza It sounds like your boyfriend is in need of therapy, too. Even so, you may need a new boyfriend. It sounds like you need support right now and while healthy affection between lovers can certainly be expressed in variable ways, the people we partner with should support us. You make it sound like you're a nuisance to him, or a houseplant.

But that doesn't answer your question! When I need to alleviate stress the only surefire method is getting work done. Not even whole things, but incremental goals that make me feel like I'm making progress. That probably doesn't sound helpful, but I've been in your shoes, in bed not wanting to work, and the #1 stressor I suffered from was the knowledge that tuff needed doing and I had to do it. That feeling does not go away until you get it done, unfortunately. I envy people who can get stuff done far before deadlines for that reason.

So to get myself over that hump (and that first hump is always the biggest) I change my setting. Being tethered to a place where you do very little except worry is a mind-killer. I go on a walk, or go to a coffee shop if I need to work. When I do work, I give myself regular breaks (preferably short ones for every 20 minutes of intense work, once per hour minimum). That helps the most.

Keep us updated! You're going through a stressful time right now but one way or another you will come out the other side of this in a better place.

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@branza I just graduated from grad school this December so I totally know what you're going through. Also as par_paranthese said above, if that's all you've got to say about your boyfriend, dump him please. Grad school sucks enough of your time, engergy, will, happiness, etc and the last thing you need is someone sucking the last bit of that away with more negativity. So maybe dropping some dead weight is beneficial to your mental state.

Also keep going with grad school, as long as it's not truly crushing your spirit/will. It really will get better, you'll have breakthrough with your work that will take you to a whole new phase. I co-sign on the exercise and reading that helps me too. Also when I don't see my therapist for a while I start to feel more anxious and depressed. But you will see her again and you can talk about all this, so maybe that can help get through till your next session.

honey cowl

@branza I don't know your life, and I've never been to grad school (sometimes still have ptsd from my BA), but your boyfriend won't say he loves you? After two years? That would be the reddest of all the red flags for me.

myaxolotls

@branza I know I'm a little late on this but I read your comment and had to reply. I'm also a science PhD student (4th year) and I was in a very similar situation to you last year. My work was going terrible, couldn't make myself get out of bed, got into lab at 11 every day and stared at my computer too scared to start experiments b/c I was overwhelmed by the idea of continuing to run things that just didn't work..also had a science grad student boyfriend who I adored but he was obsessed with his work and constantly depressed/upset/withholding time spent with me and affection. He once told me we couldn't have sex anymore because it made him "too dependent" on me. I ultimately broke up with him and turned into a sad shell of a barely functioning human being for about 4 months because it hit me so hard.

Here is my words from the other side/advice: Break up with your boyfriend. I know what it feels like to be with somebody who makes you feel like a little less of a person every day. Grad school is already doing that to you, you don't need him. It is probably eating away at you and affecting your productivity more than you realize. Yes, it may knock you down for awhile but the feeling of sweet relief you will feel from no longer waiting for his love/affection will be worth it. If you're like me, you'll rebound with an annoying Sex Idiot then inadvertently find someone (another grad student...ugh) who you're crazy about but who also gives you all the affection and love you want.

As for our work, like EngNaturalBeauty said, you will have a breakthrough. But the only way to have that breakthrough will be to make yourself get up everyday and do something-it doesn't have to be the best experiment, or the right one, or the most magically designed to get results one. Just make yourself do something. Push through the paralysis. Just...keep going to work everyday. The only time I've really seen grad students fail is when they let themselves slowly quit going to work. Don't let that happen.

Keep seeing a therapist, get on some medication if you need that to help you through for awhile (I did). Exercising is one of the best things you can do, and if you don't have any grad student friends in your department/program, try to make some. Mine were invaluable in helping me through my break up and work paralysis. Good luck!

MissJudgeMental

@branza hi! That sucks! I watch favourite shows to cheer myself up. But- if I were a bit worried due to procrastination, I would use the reward/having a break system. I'm also told that committing to do something unpleasant for just 15-20 min to get it started helps a lot.

Also just in general I find laughing with a friend to help immensely. Good luck!

Blushingflwr

@branza
(Everyone else has addressed the boyfriend situation, and I agree that perhaps he needs to not be your boyfriend anymore, but I will try to answer your question).

To cheer myself up, depending on what is wrong:
- take a walk outside. Sunshine and fresh air can do wonders for your mood. I also have a "happy light" in my office to help with this, and I do notice that it seems to help.
- work out (which you're already doing). I once had a horrible retail job where I was underpaid and my manager was terrible to us, and the only thing that made it bearable was going to the gym 5 days a week.
- call a friend
- take myself out to dinner. This can be hard on a budget, but sometimes even just a sandwich at a diner can help, mostly because sitting down to a meal and knowing that someone else will be in charge of all the prep and clean up makes me feel better
- take a bath. A nice long hot bath, possibly with a cup of relaxing tea or a glass of wine, and possibly some trashy magazines or paper backs.
-when I'm at work and I don't want to be (which is most of the time these days), I do the following - I make a to-do list, which a) helps me stay organized and b) gives me the satisfaction of crossing things off. I especially make sure to put the little everyday tasks that are easy to do on it, because then I feel better seeing 5 things crossed off. I also try to give myself rewards. E.g. if there is a new Hairpin piece I want to read, I tell myself I can read it AFTER I've done whatever thing I don't want to do. And that makes doing the annoying thing easier.

Porn Peddler

worst. week.

and i don't really get a weekend! FUN

laurel

Congratulations, @dietrich, wherever you are!

fondue with cheddar

When I was a kid, I was extremely disappointed to learn that those viewer things (pictured) were not robots.

Clara Morena

@hurts It's ok. :D I went by your history and found the you post(I hope that doesn't sound creepy btw I'm also mixed too!!) but yeah, I think I need realize that everyone has their own pace and I need to remind myself that.

Jonas Ruess

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