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Monday, February 4, 2013

101

Crafting With Restrictions

"So, you own a penis cake pan, but the bachelorette party is over, I'm sure you're thinking, 'What am I going to do with this penis pan?' Well, I'll show you! Here at Penis Pans.com, I've put together a few examples of other cakes you can make with your penis pan."
—Penis Pans.com is the result of "one woman's struggle to use her penis pan," and she currently has 10 featured suggestions. [Mildly NSFW.]

Tags:

food, cake, penis pans



101 Comments / Post A Comment

A. Louise

I want to click on this so badly but it seems pretty NSFW, even if it is just vaguely phallic cakes. (Which basically pertains to all of my interests - 14 year old humor, and crafting. Tacky crafting.)

Damn you, computer facing the door! Somebody lend me a hand and describe it in explicit detail.

EpWs

@A. Louise The first suggestion that comes up is a Wizard Cake, where the wizard's hat is the shaft and such and the ball-area makes the face and beard. You can only see a little of his face--the testicle cake bit is mostly covered in white frosting and marshmallows! The hat is blue and the face is peach with two little black candies (?) for eyes. There are nonpareils and star sprinkles on the hat.

It still looks like a penis, pretty much.

A. Louise

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher white frosting and marshmallow wizard beard testicles just made my day so much better, somehow. I keep giggling while thinking about it. Thank you!

raised amongst catalogs

@A. Louise Did you mean to make me laugh when you said "lend me a hand" while talking about penis cakes?

A. Louise

@raised amongst catalogs not initially, but then I reread my comment and started to edit it and went... I'm just gonna let that one be.

I'm glad someone else thought it was funny :D

milenakent

this is really catchy.@n

Leah@twitter

I just don't understand why you would buy one in the first place!

EpWs

@Leah@twitter This seems like a thing you should be able to rent, y'know?

A. Louise

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Rent-A-Swag for novelty cake pans is a brilliant idea.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

But you don't know where it's been!

EpWs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Bleachie <3

sox
sox

BECAUSE NONE OF THEM STILL LOOK LIKE A PENIS CAKE???
Although the alligator is pretty decent.

Ten Thousand Buckets

@sox I really like the elephant!

The palm tree is absolutely still a penis cake.

Pyxis

@Ten Thousand Buckets I think it still looks like a penis because she textured the testicles. In unrelated news Textured Testicles is the name of my new band!

Springtime for Voldemort

@sox The alligator and the elephant are the only two that could pass for maybe 10 seconds before everyone whispered to the person next to them "does that look like a penis?!?".

The fireworks one just looks like it's a penis wearing a condom from Pride.

fondue with cheddar

@Ten Thousand Buckets yeah, they're not fooling anyone.

redheaded&crazy

@Pyxis Textured Testicles is a great band name! You can sell these as merch. (DEFINITELY NSFW)

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazy Wow, that is way more disgusting than I imagined.

redheaded&crazy

@fondue with cheddar I should have written NSFLife eh? I know, I'm sorry!

People: don't click. Preserve your eyes and your breakfast.

Pyxis

@redheaded&crazy Oh God! Its so real!

Springtime for Voldemort

DON'T CLICK IT IT'S SO DISGUSTING

redheaded&crazy

@Springtime for Voldemort yeah guys it's REALLY DISGUSTING. you do NOT want to click it.

click it click it click it click it

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazy It looks like some kind of weird nut, and then you notice the "severed" end where they were cut off the hypothetical dude. Needs more drippy blood.

Miss Maszkerádi

@redheaded&crazy EWW WTF YOU INSANE GINGER :-/ <3

fondue with cheddar

@sox Actually, now that I look at it again the alligator just looks like a giant green dong being held with two hands (the teeth). A giant green dong WHOSE BALLS ARE LOOKING AT ME.

Minx

@sox The Christmas tree didn't look too much like a penis, I thought. Not that it particularly resembled the shape of a Christmas tree either, but it wasn't as penisy as the rest.

fondue with cheddar

@Minx Yeah, because they cut pieces off it. The problem with that one is that there is an abundance of Christmas-tree-shaped cake pans out there, so there's no excuse to make one that isn't the right shape.

I fowarded this to my gay coworker, and he said someone can give her penis pan to him because he and his friends will get plenty of use out of it. They'd have a penis cake for every party!

hahahaha, ja.

@redheaded&crazy: oh god I pulled back from the screen so hard upon seeing that that I think I hurt my neck

LeafySeaDragon

i... i... props to the wizard cake.

parallel-lines

I feel like this lady and I would get along JUST FINE.

hallelujah

@parallel-lines Yup. I like the cut of your jib, penis cake woman.

fondue with cheddar

The site isn't loading for me. Did we break it? I WANT TO KNOW IF THERE IS A JELLYFISH

parallel-lines

@fondue with cheddar SPOILER ALERT: No :(

fondue with cheddar

@fondue with cheddar There is no jellyfish. But you could totally modify the UFO one.

You could also cut the cake in two across the shaft and make large and small mushrooms.

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar Jellyfish = also the first thing I thought of, but alas there is none!

EpWs

@fondue with cheddar Yeah, I feel like this isn't using the various components of the penis cake pan to their maximum potential. Take it apart and re-shape it, yo.

Mushrooms.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You could also make them into cupcake cakes! By which I mean cakes decorated to look like cupcakes. Why not?

Springtime for Voldemort

The frosting strokes down the shaft just make it look like it has the proper veins and everything...

leonstj

I'm pretty sure this would make the most amazing aspics & terrines ever.

Can we make aspics a thing again?

EpWs

@leon s Aren't aspics just savory jell-o molds, basically?

Related, why hasn't anyone made a jell-o penis instead of a penis cake.

leonstj

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher - Yeah, they're gross, gross meat-jell-o. Honestly, I don't really 'get' why they're a thing, but I have never had one. Maybe they're good?

Oh right, they're probably not.

Related: Once, after a thanksgiving, I made stock from the turkey bones - one of those carefully deglazed, long simmered stocks. Reduced to the point where, as soon as I put it in the fridge, it set.

I was walking through Park Slope, talking on the phone to my sister, joking about the turkey-jello i had accidentally created. Joking that you could use some real fluffy mashed potatoes as 'whipped cream', riffing on "delicious" turkey jello desserts. Nothing too funny..

...until a week later, I met a long-time friend's new gf. Immediately upon being introduced, she declared "Oh my god! You're the turkey jello guy!" - she had been walking behind me down the street for two blocks, overhearing my ridiculousness.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Someone should make a jello penis where when you squeeze it cream oozes out.

EpWs

@fondue with cheddar I am actually physically revolted at the thought of squeezing a giant jello penis.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher So am I! I think that's why I like the idea so much. What is wrong with me?

Marquise de Morville

@leon s Aspic things are not gross meat jello! Aspic tastes only slightly sweet, and made in many different ways. It can be delicious - especially made with the meat from the head of a pig. Or made with pickled vegetables.

SarcasticFringehead

@leon s Michelle from Thursday Night Smackdown tried aspic once, and did not approve.

fondue with cheddar

@SarcasticFringehead That is horrifying.

Marquise de Morville

@fondue with cheddar But that's only one version of aspic (and it does not look very tasty indeed). I think it's really hard to prepare, not sure if I'd attempt to make it myself.

fondue with cheddar

@Marquise de Morville Maybe it's always gross and maybe it's only gross if you don't know how to make it, but either way I don't think I could get past the name. Aspic does not sound like a name for food! It sounds like aspirin and arsenic, and that doesn't sound tasty (or healthy) at all.

Marquise de Morville

@fondue with cheddar Maybe it's a cultural thing, and it does sound different in English (also has 'Asp' and 'ick'? There are certain aspic things I like eating - being from Northeast Europe - but others not. And my mom thinks it is pretty gross and jiggly.

fondue with cheddar

@Marquise de Morville I never thought of "asp" and "ick". Poisonous snakes and yuckiness!

Maryaed

@leon s I am convinced that aspic is the single thing that divides us most decisively from our culinary past. Not fruit cocktail with maraschino cherries, not repulsive white sauces, but aspic. In 1960 people were serving hard boiled eggs in aspic for fancy dinner parties! (Also hard boiled eggs in white sauce. Blerggh.) Now it's unimaginable.

I kind of like it, on pate or else scavenged from cold fish or poultry. Don't think I'd want shiny jelly-glazed eggs staring up at me from the plate though.

fondue with cheddar

@Maryaed What is this white sauce you speak of? I'm almost afraid to ask.

leonstj

@Maryaed - I'm a dude who LOVES eating sweetbreads, uni, lengua, chapulines, headcheese - I don't usually have a problem w/ mildly weird shit (I'd put aspics in the category of mildly weird, to a westerner - It's not like it's balut or anything).

But man...it just seems weird to me.

rayray

It gets funnier with each new cake. Also the balloons one has detached doll-arms! EEEEDIITTHHHH!

Mandalas

@rayray My boyfriend looked over my shoulder at the balloon cake and was all,"Who are you going to give that to? A four year old? Who gives that to a four year old?"

raised amongst catalogs

Did I already tell this story on here? No matter.
I worked with a wonderful girl once who had decided to "save herself for marriage" and had never seen a naked man. Not even a photo. Another coworker was getting married and this darling person volunteered to bake the cake for the bachelorette party. And so it was that a pure-hearted, virginal lady baked a penis cake and gave it three testicles, not knowing the proper number.

fondue with cheddar

@raised amongst catalogs ADORABLE.

iceberg

@raised amongst catalogs That is adoooorable.

raised amongst catalogs

@fondue with cheddar Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.

EpWs

@raised amongst catalogs BEST

Pyxis

@raised amongst catalogs I think I love this girl. Incidentally, when I was about twelve I thought guys had four testicles lined up two by two in their scrotum. I think this was because I had heard the term balls and thought "balls are spherical, but scrotums are oblong, therefore they must stack them!"

raised amongst catalogs

@Pyxis She was, without a doubt, the best person at that workplace. Sounds like the two of you would have gotten along well.

EpWs

@Pyxis I think I thought (at about that age, probably) that guys had two penises, one for sex and one for pee. It made sense in my mind at the time.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I knew there was only one penis, but I thought that sometimes the man would accidentally pee on the lady, and they'd laugh and try again.

KeLynn

@raised amongst catalogs - That is adorable. But I also wonder - why take the task of making a cake in the shape of something you've never seen?

LeafySeaDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher i used to think klingons had two penises.

wallsdonotfall

@Pyxis I imagined there were about a dozen of them, just like a bunch of grapes.

fondue with cheddar

@wallsdonotfall Let me lay it on the line / He had two on the vine / I mean two sets of testicles / So divine

whizz_dumb

@fondue with cheddar A Brad Neely classic. Have you seen Wizard People, Dear Reader? Simply amazing.

fondue with cheddar

@whizz_dumb No! I'm sure it's wonderful but I have neither read nor seen any Harry Potter, so I most likely won't get the jokes.

whizz_dumb

@fondue with cheddar Me neither! I thought the same thing at first but no, it is the best way to first expose yourself to the Harry Potter world. You will get the jokes, you gotta watch the hell out of it.

TheBourneApproximation

@fondue with cheddar

I heard motherfucker had, like, thirty goddamn dicks.

fondue with cheddar

@TheBourneApproximation If you took off his boot you'd see the dicks growing off his feet.

@whizz_dumb No...I can't! I have to watch the movies first, it's just the way I roll. I definitely will though, because my boyfriend has seen them all and really wants to watch them with me. When we get Netflix (which will be soon because Arrested Development)!

fondue with cheddar

Aww, what happened to the UFO picture?

Elsajeni

@fondue with cheddar Try reloading the page? I've managed to get all of them to show up except the farm and the lighthouse. (The UFO one is... it sure is a penis.)

fondue with cheddar

@Elsajeni It's loading now, thanks!

Elsajeni

@fondue with cheddar OH MY GOD I GOT THEM TO LOAD THE FARM CAKE IS THE PENISIEST OF ALL.

iceberg

UGH you guys this reminds me of the day I got flashed for the first time, and then had to go to a bachelorette party that night and of course SO MUCH PENIS STUFF when I just did NOT want to see any penises, although we did go to a drag show at which, of course, penises were dleiberately concealed and it was fabulous.

EpWs

@iceberg I've got a bachelorette party to plan in May and am leaning towards drag shows. Yes/yes?

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher YES.

iceberg

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher YES. It was sooooo good!

EpWs

@fondue with cheddar @iceberg Good! Yes! Good! Now, next question--anybody know any good drag clubs in Nashville?

Heat Signature

"I'm sure you're thinking, 'What am I going to do with this penis pan?'" Boy, if I had a nickel...

frigwiggin

I don't have a penis pan, but I DO have a penis ice mold. It wasn't purchased for a bachelorette party, but it was once used to make a truly hideous ice-cream cake.

iceberg

@frigwiggin please say it was boysenberry ripple

Miss Maszkerádi

@iceberg I just read that as "boysenberry nipple" and I need to drink more coffee

EpWs

@Countess Maritza ...because you spit all yours out on the computer screen?
(If I had been drinking anything, "boysenberry nipple" would definitely have meant it'd be gone now.)

Miss Maszkerádi

I was with a bunch of other American students at a summer study thing in Europe some years ago, and there was a week-long street fair in the town we were staying (great bands, great beer, great greasy food, ahh...) but what really got us was the anatomically correct lollipops on sale right out there in broad daylight next to the taffy ropes and gingerbread hearts and roasted chestnuts. Seriously we spent all week scaring each other with surprise penis lollipops, extra points if one of the professors is nearby and likely to see. It was a special time.

Megasus

I don't really understand this problem, as I would just make penis cake for myself all the time.

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! let me know if you ever come across this problem, I will invite myself over for penis cake all the time.

KeLynn

Can we talk about the time I invited my very conservative older brother to my birthday party in college, first time he met my friends and really the first time we did anything together that wasn't a family activity, and my friend brought me a penis cookie cake, complete with little white chocolate chips shooting out? Oh, the shame.

ms. alex

I think my group of friends really could have used a penis pan last year. For some reason, for about 90% of the birthdays last year, a penis made out of gas station sweets would show up for the guest of honor. A penis pan really would've classed up the whole thing, AND we would've been able to share with everyone!

tea sonata

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh my god that was the best thing I've read in ages. Snorted so loud my housemate knocked on the door and asked if I was ok.

Also, they are all remarkably penisy. Which makes everything 100% better.

phthalocyanine

look at the christmas tree one and then decide whether this idea is plausible: eiffel tower? (which somehow also smacks of bachelorette... or at least brings 'bridesmaids' to mind.)

zeytin

Nope, still a penis cake. The UFO one did make me LOL though. Blast off!!

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