Don't talk about Michelle Obama's butt.
In other enviable butt news, Kenya and Phaedra should step aside let Cynthia and Kandi make the workout videos, amirite?
butts, michelle obama, body parts, the real housewives
Michelle Obama is a stone cold foxy lady who could kill us all with her bare hands. Conservative buttheads insult her at their peril.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher i do not understand how anyone can look at her arms AND her butt and think anything other than "Damn."
@Jane Marie she doesn't even have a particularly big ass, I think mostly it's just, "Black women have big butts, she is black, therefore she has a big butt." as a way to dehumanize her and remind everyone of her blackness (and therefore her correct "place"). obviously other first ladies have been criticized because women, but this level of criticism of BOTH her and President Obama just never doesn't have nasty racial undertones.
@iceberg Yup, exactly. Commenting on how large a black woman's butt is (especially by a conservative white man in Ala-fucking-bama) is a racial dog-whistle if I ever heard one.
@wee_ramekin It's a racial bullhorn, by this point.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I guess when you're chiselled out of granite like James Sensenbrenner, you might feel entitled to comment on peoples' physical appearances.
omfg did anyone read the comments?! is bagging on the first ladies weight in relation to her wanting healthy lunches a THING? i am fully convinced that if parents had to eat that crap they serve at school they wouldn't let their kids eat it. you go michelle obama and jamie oliver, keep telling america school lunches make kids fat, because THEY DO!
@LeafySeaDragon Yes, it is! I don't get it, because even if you don't like the messenger (and I have a hard time understanding why anyone hates Michelle Obama) the message is basically sound. Don't we all want our kids to have the option of eating healthy public school lunches? Ahhhhhhhhh head explosion.
@RK Fire There's only one reason to not like Michelle Obama, and that reason only applies if you're a racist piece of shit.
@LeafySeaDragon Yeah, I was really sad I scrolled down far enough to see a couple of comments.
@fondue with cheddar I logged in just to like this comment. Seriously, good grief, I'm feeling punchy right now.
@Hot Doom Haha. I think I just read/listen to too much Yo, Is This Racist?
@LeafySeaDragon I read far too many of those comments. I couldn't stop myself because it was like looking at a horrific train wreck. The sheer number of misogynistic, racist, idiotic, disgusting human beings in that one comment thread is staggering. Being an American alongside people like this gives me the serious icks. I know it's so cliche to be like "get me out of here - I'm moving to Canada, etc. etc.," but...GET ME OUT OF HERE.
@fondue with cheddar Totally agree.
@LeafySeaDragon Comments on her weight straight up make me laugh, because these people have clearly never taken the time to look at her arms. Yes, I AM cool taking nutrition advice from a woman with arms sculpted from stone, thank you!
Can't Rush Limbaugh be tried for treason or something, for talking that way about the First fuckin' Lady?
People are the WORST.
I'm Scottish, German and Irish and people talk about my butt all the time so I don't see what the big deal is.
(JKJKJK could you imagine if Hairpin comments were like that?)
@JessicaLovejoy You mean like Jezebel comments? I'm blog-shaming.
@Pariah Carey That's where I cut my commenty teeth. It's like I left on Rumspringa and never returned. :(
@JessicaLovejoy Yeah, me too. A combination of the Gawker hack/facebook log-in policy and the general decline of senses of humor among Jezebel commenters drove me away.
Between this and the "Beyonce is no better than a stripper! SLUTSHAME SLUTSHAME SLUTSHAME" I'm about to flip the fuck out.
@hallelujah OMGGGG right? I totally almost started a fight over that one yesterday.
@hallelujah Wait I missed something?? Who's trying to slutshame Beyonce?
@The Hyperbolic Julia Set Jeah, I don't doubt it's happening somewhere, but my corners of the intarwebs are nothing but "WORSHIP THE THIGHS SO POWERFUL THEY SHALL CAST UNBELIEVERS INTO DARKNESS!"
@The Hyperbolic Julia Set Republicans. And preachers. I should know better than to pay attention but I can't help it.
@hallelujah Well I can imagine. But just for your comfort, my father is a Republican preacher and though he is not blameless, he does like Beyonce (although he would want me to mention that his favorite Destiny's Child will always be Kelly).
@JessicaLovejoy <3 tumblr
@hallelujah I had a new mom on my Facebook say Beyonce was "gross" on the halftime show and that she was glad her son didn't watch it. Other moms were chiming in about how horrifying it was and how they are glad their children were not in the room. I said, "If by gross you mean awesome, then yes, I agree."
Got them into a right powerful tizzy. Heh.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I was all rage smash after the Super Bowl when my (checklist) Rich. White. Republican. Gated Community Living. STAM. Daughter of Dr/Married One, Southern Cousin, sniffed on FB "from the mouths of babes, daughter just said: well that was just bad, and I couldn't agree more." and then proceeded to question everyone's taste who commented on how awesome Beyonce was. I couldn't help but sense some bizarre latent racism in her proceeding to call it trashy etc. So I posted a million times on how awesome it was etc and upthumbed everyone else saying how great it was and how her band was all female etc. Grrrr.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose THE WORST. I am a new mom & plopped my baby down front & center for it, like "This is your queen, son." Sorry/not sorry.
@hallelujah "All hail the Thighs of Glory. And no, we are not ready for this jelly. We are not worthy."
@hallelujah The NPR comments were like that, too. They're often pretty crappy (veering from snobbery to "THIS IS WHY I HATE NPR AND YOU AMERICA-HATERS"), but for some reason, people went all-out in hating her. And lamenting the decline of America's taste, future, role models, etc.
Semi-relatedly, I watched some of the halftime show on Youtube last night when I was exhausted and started getting sad because I would never be Beyonce. I then realized that it was really time to go to bed.
The most derisive comment they could come up with about Nancy Reagan was a Mission of Burma lyric???
@FromTheFuture All tiny ladies have huge heads in comparison to their bodies. She's far from the only one.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. It's just that there's just not as much of a variation in head size among humans as there is in the rest of the skeleton.
@fondue with cheddar for the record I am 5' 1" and the only hats I've ever owned that weren't comically too large are ones my mom has made for me. Also the dentist has to use child size plates to take impressions of my teeth. Not that I'm really disagreeing with you here but seriously my head is tiny.
@Lorelei@twitter I don't mean that all small people have proportionally large heads. I'm 5'0" and I think my head is proportional to my body. And my last boyfriend was 6'6" and his head was appropriately huge. But I've noticed a lot of very short ladies who have these tiny little frames but relatively large heads, which are probably just normal-sized heads.
@Lorelei@twitter Shit, I just realized I totally said "all tiny ladies". And I don't know why, because I know that's not true. I should probably read what I say before I post it (and after) so I don't sound stupid.
I kind of forgot that Michelle just turned 49 and HOLY SHIT she looks better than most actresses and models her age!!
@TheRisottoRacket Not that looks are the only things that matter! Just, you do you girl.
@TheRisottoRacket It actually bugged me in the WaPo artocle when they quoted the political scientist saying she looks 'good for her age.' what?? I'm 20 years younger than her and would body snatch Michelle in a second. She looks amazing for any age!
@TheBelleWitch Yes! I thought the same thing! I was like " 'For her age? Barack Hussein Obama is got-damned lucky motherfucker getting to wake up next to Michelle every day!". "For her age", my ass.
@wee_ramekin YES. "For her age," my ass also!
@TheBelleWitch Yeah, I'm 23 and I would very happily trade bodies with her. (And husbands! "Hey, Michelle, on the plus side, a twin bed means less laundry! Barack and I will be vacationing with Bo in Hawaii if you need to call.")
I think of this particular issue as Racial Dysmorphic Disorder. No matter how many pictures there are of Michelle Obama looking beautiful, racists can only see her an an emasculating ghetto queen.
@hands_down Oof that's rough to read, but you are so so right.
@hands_down Ding ding ding ding! (Feel free to imagine Hector Salamanca when reading that.)
@hands_down i have to wonder if said racists would be just as nasty if obama was married to a white lady. but i bet they'd just trot out other types of nastiness.
@LeafySeaDragon Ugh, it would probably be worse.
@LeafySeaDragon Oh yeah, that would be worse. Race-traitor bullshit.
@LeafySeaDragon They hate him no matter what, and they'd hate anyone he was married to. That said, I think seeing a strong, black woman is particularly infuriating. They just don't want anyone like her to exist.
@hands_down Yeah, she's the living antithesis to all of their beliefs. The amount of cognitive dissonance these people would have to maintain...
I couldn't get past the part where the guy in Alabama says "she's clearly unhealthy, she's what, 185lbs? 195lbs?" JESUS CHRIST SHE IS NEARLY 6 FEET TALL AND SHE HAS MUSCLES.
Of course I am only 5'2" so I am easily confused by tall people and weight. However, way to throw out relatively normal numbers out there.
Sorry everyone, people ragging on Michelle Obama's appearance and First Lady political issues clearly enrages me because I think she is lovely, chose a nonpartisan issue, and all of the criticisms seem to come from this bizarre* place of racialized resentment.
*by "bizarre" I mean "totally makes sense within the context of American social history"
@RK Fire seriously. i'm 5'11 and i weigh 180. michelle is way more buff than me.
@RK Fire Our children have a right to eventually wash themselves with rags on sticks! Why does Mrs. Obummer want to put the Amurrican rag maker out of business?
@RK Fire ME TOO. I'm 5 feet tall and I have no idea what tall people weigh by looking at them. I once made a comment to a coworker about a heavy-footed upstairs neighbor, and said it sounds like he weighs 300 pounds, which sounded to me like an extremely obese person. It wasn't until much later that I thought OMG I totally insulted that guy, because he was only moderately overweight but was maybe 6'3"? So maybe he actually DOES weigh 300 pounds. I felt like such a jerk. I didn't completely understand the difference until I gained a lot of weight and my slim, 6'1" ex husband and I weighed about the same.
TL;DR Bones weigh a lot!
@fondue with cheddar Also muscles! There's a lot of stuff in people!
("There's a lot of stuff in people" oi can you tell I've been off work for a few days?)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yeah, I was going to add and muscles and stuff but I figured I've already made a billion comments on The Hairpin today so maybe I should just let it go.
Brain no worky? I've had a lot of that lately. I'm looking forward to spring.
@LeafySeaDragon Yeah, I'm 5'8" and I weigh about 165? For reference, that's a US size 10. I'm tall, but pretty average for a 31-year-old woman. Scale me up to Michelle Obama's height, and I'm pretty sure I'd outweigh her.
@RK Fire I'm 5'10" and built somewhat like her, but I haven't paid enough obsessive attention to Michelle Obama's ass* like these assholes have to guess if she weighs more or less than I do. (Also, why would I care?) But 185-195 is possible, not remotely in the OMGDYINGOFOBESITY realm for someone of her height/build (or even many others!), totally irrelevant considering that she is clearly in amazing shape, and, most importantly, none of their damn business. Ugh.
*Okay, sometimes I used to try to use her arms as motivation at the gym, but THAT'S IT.
@fondue with cheddar This is only sort-of related, but of the 3 humans who live in my flat, the tiniest one is the stompiest/loudest walker. I have no idea how she does it.
"cankles" — slang for chubby ankles
This reminds me of when I was listing to BBC Radio in my car in college and the reporter said "man boobs, or 'moobs'" in his oh-so-British-radio voice and I almost lost it. Except now those terms also make me angry so grahhhhhh
@frigwiggin I thought they were called cankles because the calves blend right into the ankles.
I hate that term because I naturally have cankles. It's just my sturdy peasant bone structure.
Also, re: Kenya and Phaedra: Donkey what?
Because Rush Limbaugh is sooooooo hottt and soooooo thin.
@baked bean GEE thanks for making me chortle at my desk while the boss walked by.... not that it's totally my fault for looking at this thread anyway or anything :P
@The Hyperbolic Julia Set Naw man, my dad pulls the same kind of shit. He's pretty overweight, and he's always doggin on women for being fat, but never men. It's manly to not care about your weight, but not cute if you're a woman, apparently. Nvm that women have babies and shit and have a harder time losing weight than men.
Snoop Dogg's instagrammed list of reasons why to vote for Obama comes to mind.
The title of this post is on a list of defining characteristics of me, somewhere. In order, it'd be near the top.
People better stop saying racist shit about Michele Obama now that her husband is cleared to assassinate American citizens.
*BOOM* DRONE STRIKE.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Oh God :(. I heard this on NPR this morning, and I was like "OBAMA! Why won't you let me love you? Fuck."
Only one comment re: Kenya & Phaedra? They are two kinds of opposing crazy that I won't even deign to put into words. AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS 'CAUSE THEY'RE INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMEN; I'M SAYING THIS 'CAUSE THEY ARE LEGITIMATELY BONKERS.
The real question is WHY this is allowed to be news. Is it really a surprise to anyone that some dumbass said that about her? It's not really much more disgusting than what various men always say about any women who's in public for any reason, and it's not like this guy has a public pulpit and said it as part of a public statement. People who are shitty and misogynist and racist say shitty misogynist racist things about public figures a million times a day. This one got recorded. Yawn.
So I conclude that everyone else in the world needs to ooh and aah over whether a woman's butt is a proper subject of scrutiny because this is a QUESTION which it shouldn't be, should it?
WELL SAID. WELL FUCKING SAID.
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