When You’re at Singles Yoga…

Last spring, I went to a singles yoga class with my roommate. Singles yoga? Yes, singles yoga. It was my friend’s idea; she thought the male teacher was hot and convinced me to come along. But before we left the house, she said, “Wait, Smiley, you can’t wear shorts to a singles yoga class — there’s going to be cute single girls there. You have to wear something nice.” “Wear something nice?” I said. “This is my yoga outfit: t-shirt and basketball shorts. I don’t own those spandex half-pants” — (do guys really feel comfortable in downward dog with their junk just hanging there?) — “so what am I supposed to wear?”

After she approved my wardrobe choice of Adidas track pants and a black v-neck, we walked over with our mats, and at the start of the class, the teacher said, “Welcome, let’s all take a deep breath. Open your eyes, take a look around the room. Everyone is single here, notice the others in the room. Now close your eyes, and take another deep breath.”

After 45 minutes of awkwardness, including when Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” played during the first vinyasa, the teacher had us move our mats so we were sitting in a circle. Then he asked us, one by one, to say our favorite song to make out to. A couple girls said Bon Iver. One girl said Dave Matthews Band. One guy said Coldplay. Another dude said Tool. Tool? Seriously man? Wow. One girl said Beach House — I (tried) to get her number after class. 

It’s funny, because I think about what music to make out to all the time — more often, oddly enough, than I think about actually meeting girls to make out with — but something about being in a yoga studio with strangers and thinking about sex made me freeze. It’s precisely what I usually try my hardest to not do in a yoga class. When it was my turn, I blanked, and finally mumbled, “Stevie Wonder.” There’s obviously nothing wrong with Stevie, but after I said it, I started freaking out, wondering if the Beach House girl thought I was referring to “You Are the Sunshine of My Life,” which is way too romantic for a “Hey — I just did shavasana with you — and this is crazy — but here’s my number” situation.

So, to prepare myself for the next time I find myself in singles yoga and needing to impress the cute girl sitting across from me, I came up with a playlist of 21 Songs to Make Out To, with the guidance of my wonderful roommate Paloma. Enjoy.

21 Songs to Make Out To, by Paloma & Smiley

1. Massive Attack — Teardrop
2. Thievery Corporation — Until The Morning
3. Air — La Femme d’Argent
4. Portishead — Glory Box
5. Handsome Boy Modeling School feat. Cat Power — I’ve Been Thinking
6. Gotan Project — Chunga’s Revenge
7. Beach House — Wild
8. The xx — Chained
9. Bonobo — Sleepy Seven
10. Major Lazer feat. Amber Dawn Coffman — Get Free
11. Erykah Badu — Certainly
12. D’angelo — Untitled
13. Frank Ocean — Thinkin Bout You
14. Dead Prez — Mind Sex
15. Solange — Losing You
16. Poliça — I See My Mother
17. Fiona Apple — Sullen Girl
18. Otis Redding — I’ve Got Dreams To Remember
19. Cowboy Junkies — Sweet Jane (cover)
20. College and Electric Youth — A Real Hero
21. Radiohead — Nude / All I Need (tie)

(Listen to the full playlist on Spotify)

 

Previously: Stuffing, Pastrami, and Chopped Liver

Related: The Worst Makeout Mixtape Ever

Smiley Poswolsky is also on Twitter

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