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Thoughts I Had When Looking at This Spiderweb Plate

Is nature a distracting background?

Is my living room ceiling a distracting background?

Is a distracting background the reason I’m always walking into spiderwebs?

Who does this?

What is this guy’s deal in real life? Is he always doing this?

How do you figure out that the best way to preserve spiderwebs is with aluminum silver paint? Do you test a lot of products before you find the one that’s both strong enough and not so heavy it destroys the web? What else would you try? Aluminum gold paint? Tin silver paint? Spray glue? That stuff you make out of flour and water?

Is putting them on plates a metaphor for the web being how the spider gets its food?

It must be.

Or maybe it just fits the shape nicely?

No. This artist is deep.

No, but actually, what is this guy’s deal?

Oh, this is his deal. 

His deal seems like a nice deal.

Hahaha! “Whirled wide webs.” And also haha “webs.” Oh, Emil.

Thirty five years!? Dang. Emil!

I guess Emil really loves spiderweb plate art.

Some come in frames!

“Actually, I intend to create not only a livelihood for myself, but to build a legacy as the innovator of a new American craft, that will offer opportunity to others.” What kinds of “new American craft” opportunities is he envisioning? Can Canadians participate? We have spiders, too!

And then also who are the purchasers of the art? And how much do they sell for? Tell me about your livelihood, Emil!

Would I want to eat off that plate? No? But kind of. I’m sure it’s sealed with, like, a polymer or a glaze or glue or something?

How many species can you identify by web only? I bet Emil can identify them all.

*wistful glance and sigh*


Previously: Go-pher the Museum, Stay for the Fire Hydrants: The World Famous Gopher Hole Museum.

Leigh Bryant is a part-time freelance writer and full-time copywriting student who recently learned to play dominoes. She once went 10 days without speaking, even if no one in her family believes her.


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