Monday, January 28, 2013


The 'Walking Dead' Diaries

37 days post-apocalypse
Today we had to organize a search party for 12-year-old Sophia, who got chased into the woods by two zombies. I knew it would happen eventually. Remember how pre-apocalypse, everyone was talking “helicopter moms”? That’s not true here; you’ll never find two more relaxed moms than Lori and Carol. I mean, think about it: if you came to a massive traffic jam filled with the bodies of dead and somewhat-dead people, would you be all, “Go explore, honey — just stay where I can see you?” Please.

38 days post-apocalypse
Lori and I were in the same party searching for Sophia, and she stopped to tell us all off for disrespecting Rick, her husband. I was all like, “Hello? We weren’t the ones in the bushes doing the nasty with Shane,” but I didn’t say it. Lori: she thinks she’s all that. Then, after telling us off, she pulled an icy bottle of water from her backpack and poured a frosty swig down her throat. I was all like, “Icy? When we haven’t seen electricity in five weeks?” Maybe Lori really is all that. 

41 days post-apocalypse
I was up at dawn today and found Rick talking endlessly into his walkie-talkie. Rick says he promised to make contact each morning with “Morgan,” some guy he owes his life to. I’m all, “Get in line, Morgan. Everyone has saved Rick’s life at some point,” but I didn’t say it. I did point out that maybe he could just give his coordinates instead of going all philosophical over the airwaves and wasting batteries. He was all like, “... ”, and I was all like, “Whatever. But maybe if you talked to your wife as much as you talk to this Morgan guy, she wouldn’t have…” but then I realized he doesn’t know about Lori and Shane and the bushes. He looked annoyed and stalked off with the walkie-talkie. I’m sure he told Morgan everything.

42 days post-apocalypse
Today T-Dog thought to siphon gas. I’d been wondering why no one was doing this. No matter where we go, we find abandoned cars full of gas, and think about it: while there might still be humans on the oil rigs pumping gas, the distribution networks are overrun by zombies, so take what gas you can get. But since Rick never mentioned it, and since he went so far as to ride into Atlanta on a horse rather than siphon gas, I figured it was a bad idea. Thank God for T-Dog and common sense.

45 days post-apocalypse
Dale is all like, “Meaning-of-life, big picture, optimism, whatever,” and I’m all like, “Dude, if you know so much, how come you’re wearing that hat?”

49 days post-apocalypse
I finally told Rick that I think there might be other humans out there. He asked me why, and I was like, “Have you not noticed that whenever we come to an abandoned home or an abandoned park or an abandoned church, the grass is cut?” He just looked at me like I was crazy.

10 days into watching the series
I was talking to a co-worker today about how obsessed I am with The Walking Dead, and she’s like, “I went to college with Jon Bernthal,” and I’m all, “No you didn’t,” and she told me her college boyfriend left her when he realized he was all crushed-out on Jon Bernthal, and I’m all like, “Jon Bernthal can turn men gay?” and she’s all, “Nah, my boyfriend started gay. The crush just helped him realize it.” Then she Google-imaged Jon Bernthal and up came a picture of Shane-the-sheriff and a picture of Shane-the-zombie, and I’m like, “Thanks for that: I’m only at the start of season two.”

Allison Freeman is a researcher and writer at a major university. She lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her husband and two young children, neither of whom will be doing much exploring post-apocalypse.

49 Comments / Post A Comment


I love this. It's the best when you can find a show that you can be all exasperated over and still enjoy. My thing at the moment is Supernatural: I just lost the last month watching all of it. So many points where I muttered 'what, no. no. dumb. sexist and dumb.' and then a minute later 'this show is the most adorable, thank you for being in my life.'


@feartie I spent the entire second seaon of Walking Dead yelling at the TV and making fun of Shane's accent. It was so worth the anguish to get to the 3rd season.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@feartie omg I'VE been secretly watching Supernatural all month. It is both terrible and wonderful. Thank you to Netflix for recommending it under both the "Because You Watched X-Files" and the "Teen Supernatural Dramas" categories (the second one populated after I burned through Buffy and Vampire Diaries back-to-back. I apparently have no shame.)


@Madeline Shoes Terrible and wonderful. No one else around me wants to watch it and talk about it. It's my secret shame.

Miss Kitty Fantastico

@feartie my boyfriend and are preparing to co-habitate, and my biggest worry is revealing my Netflix addiction to another person...


@feartie Supernatural is my guilty pleasure. I marathoned the seasons on Netflix only to be caught up with the current season and now I'm bored because I have to wait.


@Madeline Shoes If I can do it so can you. My BF doesn't even flinch anymore scrolling through the queue, past various murder documentaries mingled in with the entire run of Felicity and also Coach.


its just perfect @y


My husband insisted I start watching the first season of Justified on Saturday night. We have 3 episodes to go and won't really see each other all week, which is a travesty because Olyphant...hot damn. And I am NOT into cowboys.

Derbel McDillet

@BornSecular Justified definitely falls into the unbelievable but totally enjoyable category.Boyd Crowder is becoming disarmingly attractive to me.


@Derbel McDillet No no, Boyd is creepy! He makes my neck hairs stand up, and he's only in the TV box.

Derbel McDillet

@BornSecular Just wait, he'll work his creepy magic on you yet.


@Derbel McDillet Agreed. Give Boyd time, BornSecular. Give him the time he needs.


@ironhoneybee o.O Now I am alarmed.


All of this. All of it.

Allie J


See, if you had laid the groundwork with Shane Vendrell, Boyd wouldn't need much time at all. This is something I don't really like to talk about.


Oooh, this reminds of a much more depressing piece from 2009. In case funny isn't your style.


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll D:

sarah girl

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Jesus, you weren't kidding. That is awful.


@Sarah H. I read it 20 min ago & still have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Wait... did you put alt-text on your link??


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I know better than to read things like this, and yet I always do.


I'll never reveal my HTML secret!

But, in the future, I will use it to provide additional warnings about disturbing, though fantastic, short stories.

Derbel McDillet

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I would actually welcome more recommendations for disturbing, fantastic short stories. This was right up my alley!


@Derbel McDillet
Ziggurat is less directly disturbing, but is "fantastic" in both senses of that word that I am aware of. If you are able to figure out what it is about, please let me know. I can't tell.


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
The Hairpin


Oh no! You figured it out! My powers are stripped from me! I am destroyed!

Please, you must keep this secret to yourself! Were everyone to know it, the consequences would be unimaginable!


Haha, remember how Rick repaid Glen for saving his life by constantly using him as bait? Good times.


@Megano! i never thought about that until his gf pointed it out and then my mind was blown.


@LeafySeaDragon They literally hung him in a zombie infested well!


@Megano! I wish I could forget about that zombie splitting in half.


Has anyone else played the video game? It is SO GOOD and so much better written than the show. I'm only on episode 3 though.


@han the best. I actually prefer it to the comic, and I really enjoyed the comic for a number of years.


@Probs Yeah, I couldn't even make it through season 2 of the TV show since the comic is so much better. When it took half the season to look for the kid I got irritated and have never gone back. Pacing fail. Lori is also much more sympathetic in the comic.


@han Ahhhhh, the video game is so good! And really accessible to non-hardcore gamers, which I liked - and the narrative and voice acting are just perfect and carry the whole thing. No spoilers though, since you're only on episode 3. :)


@han My boss' son was a developer for that game. It's something to mention, I think.


@phenylalanine Yes! I got it for my boyfriend, who gets annoyed by over-complicated games, for christmas, and he loves it. Clementine is the best kid character in... basically anything, and I'm really worried about what's going to happen there :(


@han I got the game for iPad . . . and it scares me too much to play it.


Nobody ever overacts in this show, the weight of their words need to be hammered home more. And you'd think there would be more surprise problems popping up at inopportune times, like one after another, since it takes place in a zombie apocalypse wasteland and all. Also, Lori's holier than thou attitude is not irksome at all.

There are cheesy parts and problems I noticed, but it's still pretty entertaining.


@whizz_dumb i HATE lori and i HATED her in prison break too. UGH, i want to punch her face.


My husband cancelled our cable this afternoon because of the payroll tax and us needing to save all our pennies for impending baby...and it means I will miss the rest of this season of Walking Dead, plus the next season of Mad Men and Game of Thrones. So I'm just going to play the world's tiniest violin for myself all over this thread, if no one minds.


@hands_down As long as you have the internet and friends, there is no reason to miss any season of any show ever.


@meetapossum I don't think the Internet freely offers any of those shows, though. Definitely not what's on HBO. I attempted to, er, acquire True Blood last summer via the Internet. The next day I got a "We know what you did, bitch" e-mail from Comcast.


@hands_down I don't know if this is kosher, but-- filestube.com!

I got a cease and desist letter about True Blood once too! But it was straight from HBO to my then college campus. That was embarassing.


@hands_down Yeah, I mean, there are plenty of free streaming sites (starts with a "p" and ends in "rojectfreetv") that will allow you to watch without getting angry e-mails from your internet provider (but seriously, that's gross, Comcast). Also see: TV parties with friends that have cable or bribing a friend with access to HBO Go for their password.


@hands_down REALLY? What did they say in the e-mail?


Girl, this is the best show ever. I'm so glad you pick it apart and still love it so much like I do :)


I'm getting excited to start watching this again. Everyone I know loves it so much. But I'm going to have to throw that last paragraph down the memory hole for a while...

Jonas Ruess

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