Wednesday, January 23, 2013


"Ignition (Remix)," R. Kelly

Somehow, in our rush to cover important Scientology-related books yesterday, we neglected to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the greatest song of our, or possibly any generation. Let us rectify the error for you. Also, here are the hundred reasons why John Darnielle believes in its enduring majesty.

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I've only ever heard this remix version; does the original only exist in the Walternate universe?


@iceberg The original "Ignition" is on The Chocolate Factory and is sequenced to play right before "Ignition (Remix)" - the regular old "Ignition" got like zero radio play, so everyone always forgets it exists (here "everyone" excludes people who actually listen to the entirety of The Chocolate Factory on a regular basis).


@iceberg I was at a wedding and we requested Remix to Ignition and the dj put on plain ol' normal Ignition instead and it was HORRIFYING (it's slow and the first line, I believe, is "let me stick my key in your ignition). It was like R. Kelly the person singing, and not R. Kelly the entertainer.


@dormilona OH GOD, I saw this happen to someone at a karaoke night once. It was like a needle scratched the length of the record and the WHOLE ROOM came to a halt. We all breathed an audible sigh of relief when the KJ figured out what he had done & put the remix on.


Question: In the original, was hip hop not fresh out the kitchen? I always wondered if it was fresher for the remix.

Nicole Cliffe

@iceberg NEW ZEN KOAN, everyone: "What is the sound of the original Ignition, before there was a Remix?"


@teaandcakeordeath It had been sitting in a warming plate for a while.


@lookuplookup Jesus Christ I'm listening to the original for the very first time. Makes me feel...something.

runner in the garden

@lookuplookup I have been to SO MANY karaoke joints that only have the original, which is bonkers. It wasn't even a hit in Japan, as far as I can tell.


if this is the remix, whats the original ?@t

The Lady of Shalott

Oh my god, my favourite comment on this song ever was some time ago on the Hairpin to the effect of "The party was catered? Of course it was, like R. Kelly would throw a potluck."


@The Lady of Shalott alTHOUGH...I'd argue that the line "as if the party was catered" implies that it was NOT, in fact, catered. which I enjoy even more for some reason. (I've thought about these lyrics a lot over the past ten years.)

Nicole Cliffe

Did someone show up with kugel? Foil-covered casserole dish of kugel?

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Nicole Cliffe I like to think R. Kelly made it all himself, as part of the Sex in the Kitchen-verse


@Anna Jayne@twitter two words: BUTTERED ROLLS.


@nonvolleyball ...hot and fresh out the kitchen?


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher oh even better--like the restaurant was closed.

click here & enjoy. :)


@nonvolleyball BLESS.


"Ignition (Remix)" forever. I am the proud owner and wearer of a golden heart pendant inscribed with the words "And after the party it's the hotel lobby." A bartender once asked me if the pendant was a gift from my boyfriend with a personal romantic message -- "No," I said. "I bought it for myself. It's got R. Kelly lyrics on it."

down the rabbit hole

@lookuplookup WHERE did you procure such a thing?? I saw an instagram of said pendant floating around tumblr last week and nearly died.


@down the rabbit hole I got it from Erica Weiner (ericaweiner.com), the only jeweler I have ever had feelings about. She did a series of the heart pendants - I still want to get the Talking Heads "This must be the place" one.

fruiting body

@down the rabbit hole Here ya go! http://ericaweiner.com/collections/necklaces-view-all/products/heartbeats-necklaces

(I have requested "This must be the place" for an anniversary gift)

Nicole Cliffe

@lookuplookup COTY(ear)


@lookuplookup Those Erica Weiner lyrics necklaces have been itching my wallet for some time.

ALSO CHECK THESE OUT: http://ingodwetrustnyc.myshopify.com/products/brass-sweet-nothing-necklace-24

I want "fuck my face" so badly. Too much?

polka dots vs stripes

@lookuplookup I love Erica Weiner, I just want everything on her website.

Less Lee Moore@facebook

@lookuplookup I have an Erica Weiner hummingbird skull pendant! I love that she made an R. Kelly lyrics pendant. WOW.


@lookuplookup Marry Me.


@fruiting body !!! Okay, getting this necklace.


@RNL Oh my god, I have no idea how I am going to resist the urge to buy the one that just says, "NOPE."


@lookuplookup My sister got me the same necklace for Christmas last year! She and I used to cruise around listening to this song and so it made me feel all sentimental about the old days. Best gift ever!


I'm torn because this song, obviously, incredible. But the intro to "Bump & Grind" is truly beyond all compare.


@hallelujah - YES YES YES.

I realized a long time ago that "Bump & Grind" is basically my measure of compatibility with any woman. I don't care if we agree on tv shows, sports teams, food preferences, literature, hobbies, age, cats v. dogs, religion, beatles v. stones, nsync v. backstreet - any of the important stuff.

But any woman who does not think that song is simultaneously hilarious, absurd, ridiculous, but somehow still sexy is not for me.

Nicole Cliffe

YES, right? It is somehow still sexy.

Nicole Cliffe

Like, there are literally a thousand reasons I do not want to go to a hotel with R. Kelly, but, I would think about it before saying no.

Christina McMc

@hallelujah If only for the line "I don't wanna hurt nobody." Who would you hurt R? And why? Is this a side effect of your bump & grind getting slightly overly physical?


@Christina McMc Bumping and grinding with gusto.


bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce


@annway ...c'mon


This was ten years ago? WHAT. I really can't cope with the idea that it's been that long since tenth grade for me.

RK Fire

@glitterary Hahahahaha it was sophomore/junior of college for me. Oh time, its passing, etc. Oh well, going to wait until someone else chimes in with "I had my first kid/worked on my phD/hit menopause."

Heat Signature

@RK Fire Hahahahaha I was 25 and living with my now husband.

RK Fire

@Heat Signature Thank you! Man, time, it is so awesome/stupid.

Context: I am turning 29 soon, all of my friends are 30-32, and I spent all of last year being introspective.

Heat Signature

@RK Fire I was also working on my PhD while going through menopause and miraculously giving birth to my third child, obviously.

RK Fire

@Heat Signature It must've been all of the bouncing you did to this song.


I think there's a typo in the headline. Everyone knows this song was released yesterday.

No seriously, where did the last 10 years go?


@RK Fire we are the same age! also, my husband & I did a karaoke duet to this song while celebrating our 10-year (dating) anniversary in a city where we didn't know anyone. it was glorious.


I just really appreciate how R. lays out the whole evening's itinerary for me. Show => afterparty => hotel lobby.

Nicole Cliffe


Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@BlushAndBashful Don't forget that roundabout four you gotta clear the lobby and take it to your room and ???? somebody!


@Katzen-party @BlushAndBashful Yes you forgot the most critical part!

Hot Doom

"toot toot beep beep" is going to be my new email sign off


it's pretty weird that i managed to never actually hear this song, yet i know half of the lyrics.


I don't seem to have the nostalgia for this that so many do, but JGL once did a slightly drunk acoustic cover of it, so there's that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQBk7eqoPC4


@annejumps@twitter Oh my, how I have not seen this before!


@annejumps@twitter I sort of hate myself for how hard I crush on that dude, but then I see something like this and remember it's not without reason.


@annejumps@twitter Whyyyyyy is his guitar so liiiiiiiiittle?

Man, he's so cute.


@anachronistique Definitely not without reason. Even aside from his talents and charm, I've seen him in person a few times (although I wasn't at this show) and he's lovely.

Science vs. Dinosaurs

I had some neighbors at one point that would come over unannounced every Thursday and play this song on my stereo. Best Thursday tradition ever.

Judith Slutler

Just reading the title of this song gets it stuck in my head for like a month straight.


Also I love all the completely random similes in this song
- remind me of my Lexus coup
- you must be a football coach
- it's like murder she wrote

All of those are definitely bizarre compliments I would try to give on the freakin' weekend while sipping on coke and rum in that "I'm like so what I'm drunk" phase of the evening.

*btw, the infinite recursion aspect of this song would've made it the perfect choice for Lupe Fiasco's 1/2 hour anti-Obama repetition protest. Just shove some reference to drones in there and the entire nation would've been 100% on board with it!


@Emmanuelle Cunt
it's like murder she wrote

What did this even mean?

And why do I care?

Hairpin challenge: Get drunk, quote as many obscure R-Kelly lines to strangers, see how many guess right, report back.

Nicole Cliffe

I have always been convinced that "like Murder She Wrote" was like "excuse me while I kiss this guy," and it was all in my head, but, no, those are the words.


@Nicole Cliffe Is it a reference to the Chaka Demus & Pliers song or the show about Jessica Fletcher? Which one is more how I'm feeling when he gets me out dem clothes?


@Nicole Cliffe that line needs to exist, because it sets up the greatest couplet in the history of time: "'privacy' is on the door, but still they can hear you screamin' 'more.'"


Maybe he seduced her with the dvd box set? When she's screamin' for more, it's just more episodes?

@hungrybee & Valley Girl

For shame, how did I forget that song! Excuse me, I need to head to youtube and listen to 2003 again.


@teaandcakeordeath Once he gets her out them clothes, Jessica Fletcher is going to jog past in a tracksuit and wave, while a januty theme tune plays.

Valley Girl

@teaandcakeordeath I just read around 200 of Mr. John Darnielle's reasons that this is the greatest song ever, and apparently "Murder She Wrote" is an old dancehall classic that refers to a pretty lady. R. Kells making double allusions up in this (re)mix!

Queen Elisatits

I can't stop hitting replay


I had forgotten about this video entirely (but not the song - as if that were possible), but was immediately reminded of the two best parts:
1) The completely incongruous part where they do a 180 (not a full 360) around his head to show off his complicated braids
2) The white frat boy dancing to it in exactly the same way all the white frat boys danced to it when this song came out my junior year of college.


I got so worried about Jane yesterday because there was nothing about Ignition that I actually emailed her. Bless this post.


This is the remix edition of the song about pissin.


@permanentbitchface Only thing that make my life complete/Is when I turn your face into a toilet seat


I love this song. Just saying


His voice is very warm, I love this song very much.
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Asmit Patel@facebook

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I don't wanna hurt nobody." Who would you hurt R? And why? Is this a side effect of your bump & grind getting slightly overly physical
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Nayab Atif@facebook

I got it from Erica Weiner (ericaweiner.com), the only jeweler I have ever had feelings about. She did a series of the heart pendants - I still want to get the Talking Heads "This must be the place" one.
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