Quantcast

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

125

Get Your Own Flat Ginger Ale

"For one thing, it means that if you are a child feeling your very rottenest, your tender mother — the same one who puts her loving lips to your feverish forehead and brings you poached eggs and toast on a tray and combs lice from your hair for friendly hours on end — is likely to bolt out of the room with her fingers in her ears. Out of the room and down the stairs and into the living room, where she will crouch on the couch with her eyes squinched shut and a pillow pressed over her head."
Parenting while emetophobic. Even worse than parenting while normally-grossed-out-by-vomit.

125 Comments / Post A Comment

fondue with cheddar

In all seriousness, this is one of the biggest reasons I never had children.

Jill_Tata

really inspiring...very well done.@k

PatatasBravas

Kids throw up so much sometimes, in fact, that they seem like a physics problem gone awry, a paradox about geometric volume. Their bodies are like magic samovars in some Russian folk tale, dispensing more than they can actually hold. Only they’re like magic samovars with the power of fire hoses. Look! It’s Old Faithful!

brb laughing my ass off at this speaking-truth-to-power moment

iceberg

@PatatasBravas yes, the ol' vomit geyser. Like "I didn't even feed you that much! Where is this coming from?

PatatasBravas

@iceberg "Are you vomiting up your kidneys or something? Is this equal parts digested hamburger buns and brain matter? You only weigh 40 pounds and there is at least a quart of something on this couch!"

anachronistique

"If he isn’t home, I deal — which puts me on the weak end of the phobia spectrum, I realize, because if I absolutely must buy tickets for Barfmania, I will."

I did not think I would laugh so much at an article about puke.

highfivesforall

@anachronistique I am loving the language in this article - "If you were a virus with a bit of wanderlust in you, you too would squeeze the bellows of the GI tract and send 'infectious particles flying yards away.'"

iceberg

my husband is phobic about injections. do you know how many vaccinations triplets need in the first two years? it's a lot of fucking needles.

Daisy Razor

@iceberg

***needle-phobes don't read!***

when I was pregnant, I had to be on blood thinners, which meant two shots a day (in my stomach!) for 40 weeks. Thank jeebus neither I nor my husband are injection-phobic.

iceberg

@Daisy Razor yiiiiiiikes!

nonvolleyball

@Daisy Razor ooh, was it heparin? because I know that dance (...that shitty, shitty dance).

sarah girl

@iceberg Yeah, I'm gonna be passing off vaccination duty to my future spouse whenever I have kids. I'm a fainter/barfer when it comes to needles.

C_Webb

My mom told me I would get over my fear of needles when I had kids. This turned out to be untrue (I may be the only woman who has ever performed natural childbirth out of spite). But I did get over my barfophobia -- I even got barfed on from a top bunk last year and remained functional.

It's amazing how many things you can give a kid to barf into, and how completely they will miss.

fondue with cheddar

@C_Webb One time my stepbrother's son barfed into his mouth. It was spit-up and not full-on puke, but still.

highfivesforall

@C_Webb I remember an episode when I was around 6 years old where my mother was trying to get me to puke on my ratty old blanket that was easily cleanable, but I loved it and didn't want to get it dirty, so I was crying and trying to puke anywhere else - namely, the bed and the floor.

C_Webb

@highfivesforall Yep. The one time I managed to get the Bunk Bed Barfer to the bathroom before she blew, she ignored the toilet and hit three of four walls, all the clean towels, and the cloth slower curtain.

hands_down

@fondue with cheddar My son threw up on my mouth when he was six months old. 10/08: Never Forget.

fondue with cheddar

@hands_down You said "on" and not "in". I hope that means your mouth was closed.

A few weeks ago my cat (who is old with rotting teeth) sneezed on my mouth. Fortunately it was closed, because I don't know what I would have done if her garbage-odor saliva and cat snot actually made it into my mouth.

datalass

@fondue with cheddar My old cat with rotting teeth does this ALL THE TIME. The worst part is that, pre-sneeze, he'll walk up between us (in bed, no less) and get this contemplative look on his face. Then, just at the moment that we realize that it's not in fact a contemplative face but just a pre-sneeze face, he'll let loose.

fondue with cheddar

@datalass Oh, the sneeze fake-out! And it sucks that it happens when you're in bed, because you're all cozy and don't want to get up to wash your face.

My cat does that with burps. She always burps after drinking water, but it's a delayed response (like 20-30 seconds). So she'll drink some water and then come up on my lap. She will stand there with her face all up in my face because that's what she does, and then she'll burp.

Animals are gross.

hands_down

@fondue with cheddar Yes, fortunately my mouth was closed. The vomit splashed all over my lips. I'm laughing as I'm typing this out because it sounds so fucking gross.

Verity

@fondue with cheddar My cat affectionately rubbed her face against mine earlier and got snot on my glasses.

fondue with cheddar

@Verity I love those little snot-dots in a line all the way across the cats' favorite windows.

Verity

@fondue with cheddar Yes! We're forever cleaning cat-gunk off the windows from where they've pressed their noses against the glass.

PatatasBravas

You guys I am disappointed that this post has been up for a full hour and there aren't as many barf horror stories as I hoped.

I don't remember any traumatizing vomits as a kid, partly because I was like a raccoon or cat and would crawl away when no one was looking and lock myself in the bathroom and wanted to be alone in my vomitous shame.

But one time my actual cat vomited in a nice pair of pumps and managed to create a pool roughly the size of a litter of kittens. Was she barf-pregnant? Was it a labor of love to ruin a perfect shoe? I will never know.

PatatasBravas

*I first typed that as "vomited into a nice pair of pimps" and I am still giggling about that, just so you all know

iceberg

@PatatasBravas Barf horror story thread? The first time the triplets got sick there was so much barf and other things coming out of them that we essentially just ended up putting a sort of dropsheet down on the living room floor. I was never as traumatized by the vomit as by the other things though. That was a rough week.

TheBelleWitch

@PatatasBravas Ah, pet vomiting. My dog once vomited up a good-sized rock. Why???

OhMarie

@PatatasBravas I used to not tell anybody I was feeling sick until it was too late, and try really hard not to throw up, which resulted in a lot of terrible things happening. Once I threw up through my nose, all over my pillow, in my aunt and uncle's car because I was carsick and didn't want to tell them.

PatatasBravas

@iceberg the moment of dropsheet despair! I can only imagine the scene. Milton had nothing on life with sick triplets.

It's a good thing they're cute, right?

@TheBelleWitch ...minerals?

Weasley

@PatatasBravas

This is my worst barf story. And I wasn't a kid. I was in college. Milk coming out of your nose is a commonly understood phenomena from laughing too hard, but did you know that the same thing can happen with soup? Chunky veggie soup? And it can happen while you're puking at the same time? I was eating soup in the dining hall of my campus when my friend made a joke that made me laugh, which made me gag, which made me have to run to the garbage can and puke. And then a whole red pepper strip came out of my nose. I also burned my trachea from the barf acid/soup mix.

anachronistique

@PatatasBravas I am going to regret getting updates for this thread, but my story must be shared.

When I was twelve I got appendicitis, but because I had my period and was stubborn and have a high pain tolerance it took forever for my parents to get me to the emergency room and get it diagnosed. And they wanted to do a scan (I honestly cannot remember which one) to confirm it wasn't rogue cramps, so I had to drink the enormous barium-and-Tang smoothie. And I dutifully did, and about five minutes after turned to my mother and told her I was going to throw up. She asked the nurses and resident who were nearby to get me a pan or something. Nobody moved.

Aaaand I projectile vomited all over the bed, the floor, and somehow onto the resident's shoes. And the way my mom tells it, I then glared at them all and intoned in my grandmother's voice, "FOR THIS YOU WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL?"

PatatasBravas

@Weasley And then a whole red pepper strip came out of my nose.

I am imagining this as a climactic claymation scene by Ben Wyatt.

Can't breathe, too much laughter, thank god no soup nearby.

fondue with cheddar

@PatatasBravas I got really drunk on tequila sunrises at my aunt's wedding shortly after I turned 21, after which I drove (!) to my boyfriend's work (a bar), and without thinking, had my "usual", which was some sort of Bailey's drink. Not surprisingly, the Bailey's didn't sit well with the oj and tequila. My boyfriend drove my car home, and on the way I felt the urge to throw up. There wasn't enough time for me to tell him to pull over, and there wasn't enough time for me to open the window. I started puking on my lap while hand-cranking the window, and we were still going at least 40 miles an hour (but probably more) when I started puking out the window, which blew right back in. It got all over my hair and coated the entire back seat and window. The puke was red from the grenadine. Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction when they shoot the guy in the head in the car and the blood paints all the windows? That's exactly what my car looked like. And I'd eaten roast beef at the wedding, so the red puke had bits of partially-digested meat in it which looked really bad.

My boyfriend couldn't take me home in that state (I lived with my dad) so we went to a motel. He took me into the shower and rinsed the puke out of my hair (no shampoo or soap because it was a cheap motel) and rinsed out my clothes the best he could. Then we went to bed.

In the morning, my clothes REEKED of puke because they hadn't been properly washed, and my already sensitive sense of smell was completely overwhelmed. I refused to put the clothes back on, but I didn't have anything else to wear so I had no choice. Even my jacket (suede! :( ) was covered in barf.

Then we went outside. There was a giant red splatter down the entire passenger's side of the car , making it look like we'd been involved in a very messy hit-and-run. In our haste we'd left all the windows rolled up, so the morning sun baked the vomit, making it smell much worse than the night before. It was really difficult to get back in that car, and I'm amazed I didn't puke again because it was so bad.

Boyfriend drove to Pep Boys, bought some upholstery cleaner, then went to a self-serve car wash. He washed the entire car, inside and out, while I stood there like a zombie. He was a terrible boyfriend in almost every way, but that was one of the nicest things anybody has ever done for me.

VDRE

@PatatasBravas When I was in middle school I had braces. I went to the orthodontist to get the teeth mold made where they put the squishy stuff in a tray and press it onto your teeth for a minute. The squishy stuff was gross and it triggered a gag reflex and I threw up all over the assistant who was making the impression, this would have been bad enough but at the exact same time I also sneezed and my nose started bleeding so everything was covered in blood and vomit. It was gross.

fondue with cheddar

@VDRE OMG you must have been mortified!

The squishy stuff IS gross.

teaandcakeordeath

@PatatasBravas
The first time I stayed over at my college boyfriend's place I accidentally got so drunk I ended up throwing up all over his bed.
Sensitive to my discomfort and humiliation, the boy mopped everything up and told me not to worry 'it smelled surprisinly nice!'

I hadnt' worried. I'd rolled over and fallen asleep. #immabadgirlfriend.

Alli525

@PatatasBravas Every year from ages 10-19ish, without fail, I would come down with some sort of flu-thing in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. My entire extended family (50+ of us now) rent out a huge lodge every year so we can all be together for the holiday, but I didn't go to a single Christmas-morning service for my entire adolescence. My personal-best vomiting was, one year, all the cousins were sleeping on the very top floor, which was sort of a loft-style set-up at the top of a spiral staircase (you can all see where this is going now). I projectile-vomited from the top of that spiral staircase to the bottom.

Hilarious now, mortifying then.

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar oh my goddddddddddddddddd you win.

fondue with cheddar

@teaandcakeordeath Aww, that was so sweet of him.

Speaking of puking in bed, my coworker's girlfriend's sister was having sex with this guy while really drunk, and she was on top. She puked all over him, and instead of freaking out like most people would, he said, "Oooh, it's so warm," and proceeded to smear it around his chest and belly. Needless to say, she broke up with the guy. He said he thought she was into it.

PatatasBravas

@fondue with cheddar WHAT EVEN

Alli525

@fondue with cheddar NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar yeah this is what happens when people try too hard to be cool with other people's weird sex things.

fondue with cheddar

@PatatasBravas I know it doesn't sound real, but I trust my source. Coworker's girlfriend's sister has dated some real winners.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Right? In this case, GGG should stand for Good God Getthefuckouttathere.

teaandcakeordeath

@fondue with cheddar
:-O

Verity

@iceberg Your mention of the other things reminds me of a story my parents love telling about when I was a baby: I was having my nappy changed, I think, or being otherwise interacted with by S, the (childcare?) student on placement with my parents who helped look after us when we were newborns. She was wearing a white fluffy jumper which had been a present. I projectile-pooed (bright yellow!) right onto it. I think she had to throw the jumper away. (I've apologised for it lots! But no, they just keep bringing it up.)

fondue with cheddar

@Verity oh no! Mental note: never wear white with babies or small children.

When my brother was a baby my mom laid him on a towel on the counter after bathing him in the kitchen sink (or a baby tub, IDK). He peed, and it shot up over his head and right into the sugar bowl.

Verity

@fondue with cheddar Oh no, not the sugar bowl!

I remembered another vomiting horror story: in our last year at university, my boyfriend went to the pub with friends and then went back to his room with a friend of ours, where they continued to drink. His room was below mine, and I ended up going down and asking if they could maybe be a bit quieter (it was around midnight by this point). He was drunker than I'd ever seen him. The next morning he threw up, came upstairs to throw up more into the toilet, then staggered into my room (on the same floor as the toilet) and collapsed into my bed, where he stayed all day, retching up bile at intervals. I was genuinely concerned he might get dangerously dehydrated. (The girl in the room next to me came to see if I was okay because of the loud vomiting noises, which I actually found very touching.) I sneaked downstairs at one point and made of start of cleaning the huge amounts of vomit from his bed (dark pink from red wine!), although he had tried to forbid me from doing so.

This makes my boyfriend sound much worse than he is. He was immensely apologetic!

BattyRabbit

@PatatasBravas Other things you can throw up through your nose: sushi.

anachronistique

@BattyRabbit PLEASE tell me there was no wasabi involved.

I used to be really bad at laughing and having stuff come out my nose, and my family would try to provoke it. On purpose. The weirdest was probably seltzer. BUBBLES IN MY SINUSES

BattyRabbit

@anachronistique There wasn't muuuuuch wasabi, thank goodness, just a fuck-ton of wine.
I had a reputation as a beverage-snorter too! I have one uncle who used to sit near me at every family get-together and deliberately provoke me into laughing so hard that my milk or Mountain Dew or whatever would reappear. In hindsight maybe I should have drank V8 and scared him a bit.

Bittersweet

@PatatasBravas You guyyyys I am late to this thread I know and this is embarrassing as all get out, but I just had to share it with you. Come closer. I'll whisper it in your ear.

You guys, a couple of months ago I was out to dinner with my mentor and I had really bad GERD and I yuked up steak frites - yes, in chunks - all over the back seat of his BMW.

I've tried to write a piece about it, but it's so gross and embarrassing I just start laughing/crying at the same time and have to give up.

PatatasBravas

@Bittersweet PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

fondue with cheddar

@Verity Ugh, throwing up bile is The Worst. That's how my very first puking experience was! Only I had no red wine so it was that bright yellow-green color. Throwing up when you've got nothing in your stomach... what is the point, even?

metermaid

I'm an emetophobic and I'm enrolling in medical school this fall. Ummm... let's see how this goes for me. Pray for me y'all!

(in all seriousness though I definitely need to get over it, or I'm doomed, obviously)

nonvolleyball

@metermaid ohhhhhhhhhhh I could tell you some stories. like the time I got a liquid meal before my post-surgical ileus had subsided. although chances are the nurses will end up dealing with the majority of those kinds of episodes.

metermaid

@nonvolleyball

Yes, I need to read all of these horror stories, as a way of self-torture and preparation. This is why I could never be a nurse though, god bless 'em, each and every one. Or a pediatrician. Or a GI doc. Although I'll have to do those rotations for at least a few weeks and well, my hands will probably be chapped from the Purell by the end of it. Must start practicing my deep healing breaths!

batgirl

@metermaid I was just joking about how the reason I never went to med school was because I was petrified of puke! Seriously, if I'm even in the vicinity of puke I have a full-blown panic attack. I've been told that immersion therapy will help with the fear, but I don't think I'm brave enough for that yet...

Nicole Cliffe

The baby and I were sick last weekend, and I went into her room and thought she was dying, before I remembered she'd eaten a bunch of raspberries.

PatatasBravas

@Nicole Cliffe Oh, the colors I've seen in moments of childcare!

iceberg

@PatatasBravas OMG you just reminded me of the time I was about 10 and I ate a pound of taffy in many flavors. During the inevitable puking session I was torn between misery and wonderment at the rainbow of colors. *blurgghhhhhhh* ooh hey blue! *blerrrcchhhhhh*

itiresias

did anyone else irrationally hate the author of this article? especially when she admitted that since she's able to deal with it when her husband isn't around, she most likely isn't actually phobic of it, she just hates vomit?

PatatasBravas

@itiresias Aww, I thought it was funny? Maybe I am just drawn to big words and wacky images around barf.

What parts bothered you? (was it tone, or just that she mostly avoids vom?)

metermaid

@itiresias

The mind can do powerful things. It can drive you to run away when someone you love is sick because you're irrationally afraid of it, and it can suck it up when you really have to deal with it anyway. She's phobic, but she's also a mother. She probably had no choice and she's strong enough to deal with it when she really has to (hence her describing herself as a possible "weak" phobic since she could manage to do this).

I know for a fact that I'm phobic because I've been driven to do some pretty irrational things in the name of not getting sick. However I'm going to medical school this year which, well, will force me to deal with it. It's still a phobia. I'm just not willing to let it ruin my career, just like she won't let it ruin her as a parent.

unfortumissy

@itiresias yeah--I agree with @metermaid--I'm totally anxious and phobic about puking, to the point where I almost never eat meat, or if a coworker is sick with a stomach thing, even self-diagnosed food poisoning, I have trouble sleeping because I'm nervous it'll hit me in the night and I won't make it to the bathroom. Like, pretty ridiculous. But we're gearing up for kids soon and while my husband will be the primary puke-parent, I'm not going to let a toddler or small child just sit covered in vomit if he's not home. I'm sure I'll be able to clean them up and pat their hair. Hopefully I'll be able to act normal while I do it so that I don't pass on my craziness!

itiresias

@metermaid Yeah...maybe I just think kids are gross and you should know what you're in for if you decide to raise one. I also vomit a lot (grew up with food allergies, get awful hangovers) and am pretty desensitized. Maybe I would relate more if the story was more poop-based, or maybe I'll change my tune if I ever have kids. Sorry if I'm coming off like a megabitch.

Hamburger Hot Dog

Oh, lord, I could not even get through the article, and I had to skim most of the comments here because of the terror. The worst is when you tell someone about your phobia and then they start to regale you with stories of the very thing you are petrified of, like "So this would freak you out, then..." Yes, yes it would. It would also me punch you, so cut it out.

I am grateful I have never wanted kids for many reasons, but especially because of the sickness factor. Now I am going to quit typing because this is making me too anxious.

PatatasBravas

@Hamburger Hot Dog TW: ALL OF MY COMMENTS THAT AREN'T THIS seriously avoid them I am sorry to have made this comments section a danger zone

PatatasBravas

Just skip anything with a 10th Doctor and a bunch of a's in green lettering preceding the actual comment. Much safer.

Hamburger Hot Dog

@PatatasBravas It is different here, because I can skim through and think "CLOSE TAB! CLOSE TAB!" and then get on out of here. I know people like to tell tales of grossness, and I know they will probably do it after an article like this. (Thank you for the warning/apology, though I do not imagine you are telling stories with me in mind.)

What makes me bananas is when people know I have this particular phobia, and their response is to see if they can freak me out. If they are trying to figure out the quickest way to get me to leave the room, I wish they'd realize they just need to say "Hey! There's a puppy over there!"

iceberg

@Hamburger Hot Dog Yes why do people do this (the in-person phobia-testing)?! It's just cruel!

OhMarie

@Hamburger Hot Dog On Doug Loves Movies, a movie podcast, Doug Benson has a segment called "not for emetophobes" where he just warns you about movies that have throwing up in them. It's pretty great.

Hamburger Hot Dog

@OhMarie That is amazing! Right now, I get pals to screen movies for me. I must say, I am pretty lucky - friends will send me notes saying "Don't watch this" before I even ask.

PatatasBravas

@Hamburger Hot Dog Oh no, that sounds overwhelmingly cruel. I wouldn't email an arachnophobic friend pictures of spiders, so why would they think it's fun to pin you down and force you to listen to their stories? Not a fun game :(

HEY LOOK GREYHOUND PUPPIES soon they will grow into being all nose and splayed legssss

Hamburger Hot Dog

@iceberg I have no idea! A co-worker started to do it, until I reminded him of his own phobia and asked if he wanted me to start describing the thing he is afraid of. That stopped him quicker than anything. You'd think there'd be some kind of truce between phobics - let's just agree to not terrify each other on purpose.

Hamburger Hot Dog

@PatatasBravas Why can I not click thumbs up more than once? I should be able to click it at least once for each dog in the picture, and an extra time for the fact that Spots is high-fiving.

Valley Girl

@iceberg I think there's a natural urge to feel the thrill of teasing a mild phobia but it's just mean to do it to someone besides yourself since there's no way to know when the line from titillation to torture is crossed. But people do it to themselves, too. Do NOT google trypophobia/fear of holes unless you want to find out whether you have it, because there's a whole genre of edited photo specifically designed to trigger it. *shivers*

Hamburger Hot Dog

@Valley Girl I think that maybe folks do not realize that a phobia is not the same as fear. I have found that most phobias are pretty much the same - the object of the phobia varies, but the response and the way it can control your life can be the same if you are afraid of spiders or ghosts (and if you are afraid of spiders and ghosts, I do not know how you get through Halloween).

For some reason, I googled trypophobia at one point. Lord have mercy. These days, I like to limit my searches to pictures of dogs, baked goods, dogs eating baked goods, and dog-shaped bake goods.

Biketastrophy

@Valley Girl Must...fight...rebel...urges...

Faintly Macabre

@Hamburger Hot Dog I can tell you pretty much every movie I've ever seen that had vomiting in it, especially if the vomit was actually visible on screen. I don't know if I'm actually emetophobic, since it might just be from almost never throwing up (my sister almost never does either, and she is just as bad as I am), but if it even looks like a character might throw up, I start freaking out.

Jolly Farton

@Valley Girl DAMMIT WHY, SELF

Scandyhoovian

Any hint of puke-phobia I may or may not have had was sent flying out the window when I came down with a case of NOBODY FIGURED IT OUT YET (seriously, we're still ruling out things and doing tests and stuff, though thankfully the puking has stopped for the time being) in which, for the last half-year or so, I would have about a weekly Day of Ruination in which all my plans would fly out the window because I would have to spend the whole day within 15 feet of a toilet because of all the puking. So much puking.

EvieE

"At the risk of being the kind of person who would debate your gut feeling about it with actual science, the virus can loiter in your stool for two weeks. Which means, thanks to the try-not-to-think-about-it-too-hard “fecal-oral” route of transmission (a k a wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, please, really well and sing “Happy Birthday to You” while you do it), people around you can still get sick."

...So the main thing I wondered while I was reading this part was how anyone can wash their hands under the time it takes you to sing Happy Birthday. I mean, does that mean just rinsing? Is my water abnormally soft? Why am I thinking about this?

teaandcakeordeath

@EvieE
I wash my hands for a really long time but I think it's because living in a big dirty city has turned me in to a hand-germ-a-phobe.

Elsajeni

@EvieE I think the time spent singing Happy Birthday is supposed to just be the scrubbing-with-soap part -- pre-wetting and rinsing off don't count. (And I assume it's not supposed to be a jaunty, up-tempo rendition of Happy Birthday, either.) To me that feels like a ludicrously long time to stand there rubbing soap on my hands.

Theda Baranowski

I should really know by now which stories I shouldn't click on because the Hairpin will have me silent laughing so hard that I cry at work. I can only imagine what my coworker in the cube across from me thinks.

sarah girl

Can we get real about vomiting in here? (I mean, I guess we already have.) I have never understood how people can casually vomit, or only vomit once, or whatever. When I have to barf, it is an EVENT. It's like (grossness ahead) once my gag reflex is triggered, I cannot stop it until absolutely everything is out of my stomach and even a little more after that. It's so gross and I haaate it, and makes my stomach muscles hurt :(

Valley Girl

@Sarah H. I have sensitive gag reflex and tummy troubles so I have tossed my cookies so many times that I'm pretty pro at it. The only time I really feel sorry for myself is when what you describe happens, where the stomach starts cramping and you end up with the dry heaves and muscle aches. That IS the worst.

datalass

@Sarah H. I don't understand the casual vomiting at all. I have, no lie, vomited only 3 times since I was about 5 years old. (Once from drinking too much, once from bad fish, and once from chemotherapy.) The idea of puking frequently is both foreign and dreadful to me.

Biketastrophy

@Sarah H. I can actually control it (outside of real sickness) like on occasion I eat way too much and I'll vomit a bit just to make my stomach not hurt anymore. Yes I realize this is an eating disorder, I'm working on it.

fondue with cheddar

@datalass Me too, only I have vomited several times from drinking too much. That was actually less traumatic because it's more satisfying in the sense that I feel better after having done it, and I was so drunk that I wasn't as aware anyway.

The first time I remember puking was in 10th grade, and it was before lunch so my stomach emptied quickly and I just kept vomiting bile. I couldn't even keep water down. The next time I puked was a year ago, and I was literally vomiting and having diarrhea at the same time. Fortunately I have a small bathroom, so the bathtub is right in front of the toilet. I was about a month into an unwanted pregnancy at the time, and the whole ordeal was so violent and long-lasting (10 hours!) it actually caused me to miscarry.

anachronistique

@Sarah H. The worst is when you break the capillaries in your face and look like you have some really weird skin condition. One time this happened to me on Easter Sunday when I'd promised to go to mass with my friend. FUN TIMES.

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar oh honeybee. i want to give you all the hugs.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Thanks. On the plus side, my health insurance would not have paid for an abortion but it DID pay for the ensuing hospital visit. And it was a pretty intense bonding experience for my boyfriend and me. So...10 hours of hell plus 9 hours in the hospital was sort of worth it.

My tendency to find the silver lining in a bad situation is sometimes a little disturbing.

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar I tend to find the clouds in the silver, so... maybe we should hang out more? :)

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg YES LET'S BE FRIENDS!

Though I must admit that I tend to find clouds in the silver as well, but just for my own stuff and not others'.

hands_down

I am one of those pregnant ladies for whom morning sickness extends the entire nine months, not just the first trimester. Food smells and an overactive imagination make life...challenging. This past weekend I was taking bread out of the fridge and I couldn't help but visualize the bread with mold on it. Seconds later I'm doubled over the sink puking my guts out.

iceberg

@hands_down nooooo I'm so sorry! I couldn't even LOOK at ramen nodles for like a year after the Incident, and I only had barfing for like 6 weeks.

hands_down

@iceberg Thanks. Every pregnancy has its own special snowflake bullshit, right?

itiresias

@hands_down I just read an article this weekend about how ingesting the semen of the person who made you pregnant quells morning sickness. Ingesting someone else's semen just makes it worse.

Touche, nature.

Theda Baranowski

Also, worst vomit story: Two years ago I got food poisoning from some baked ziti at work (New Yorkers: do not, under any circumstances, eat anything but panini at the panini place at Grand Central). I did not finish the ziti, and by 4pm, the symptoms had hit - from both ends, shall we say. I spent the last two hours of work running back and forth between the bathroom and my desk.

And then I went home.

Understand that at this point I was living not in New York but in a two bedroom apartment in the Greenville section of Jersey City. Let me describe how I got to and from work for those two years. First, you take the light rail to the Exchange Place PATH. Then you take the PATH to the World Trade Center. Then you walk to the Fulton Street subway, and you take the 4 or the 5 up to Grand Central. It takes an hour and a half to go about five miles, and then you do it in reverse to go home at night.

Now imagine this with food poisoning.

I somehow managed to make it to Fulton Street without incident, but then my body was done with me, and I probably spent half an hour in the bathroom at the Milennium Hilton (shout out to Theresa, possibly the nicest woman on the face of the earth who put an out of order sign on the bathroom while I attempted not to die for twenty minutes. I then steeled myself, marched to the PATH, got on and...

Got off so I could puke on the platform.

Had to wait for the next train, got on it, somehow made it to Jersey City intact, and came out of the Exchange Place PATH station. I stared for a moment across the plaza at the light rail station. I imagined for a moment the final third of my daily commute: 8 stops, barrelling around curves, past Liberty State Park. And I hailed a cab. It was easily the best twenty dollars I spent that week, and once I staggered out of the cab, stumbled upstairs, I proceeded to just move into the bathroom for the next two days.

I have never had baked ziti again.

fondue with cheddar

@Theda Baranowski OH MY GOODNESS YOU POOR THING.

Alli525

@Theda Baranowski God, I can't imagine not hailing a cab straight from work, no matter the expense!! Late last year I was MAYBE a quarter as sick as you apparently were and it took all I had not to puke all over the cab from Grand Central (good tip on the panini place, by the way, thank you) to Astoria. I ended up stumbling out of the cab and retching in front of the storefront next to my apartment building (and apologizing to its owner) because I couldn't fathom being able to make it up one flight of stairs.

MilesofMountains

I should send this to my mother. This Christmas we visited my cousin and her brand new baby, who is a champion projectile vomiter and who demonstrated her talents. While my cousin was changing my mother, who will never stop hoping I'll change my mind about kids, told me that it isn't gross when it's your own kids. My cousin overheard and started yelling "she's lying! It's still really gross! Really really gross!"

iceberg

@MilesofMountains Yep, your cousin is right.

fondue with cheddar

@MilesofMountains I never believe people when they say this.

MmeLibrarian

@MilesofMountains It is really, really gross. But, at the same time, I think it's easier to be calm/detached about the whole thing when you're dealing with this small, helpless person who's covered in her own sick/etc. and it's your job to make her comfortable and clean. You may be horrified on the inside, but the "oh you poor thing, let me help" switch gets flipped and you do what needs doing.

iceberg

@MmeLibrarian It's gross, but only slightly more gross (in my opinion) than if it was your own whatever. Like, I would be super grossed out if I got my own puke all over myself too. It's still vomit. But you just have to deal with it because the buck stops with you.

Bittersweet

@MilesofMountains Yes it's gross but if it's an infant that's projectile vomiting, it's "only" breastmilk or formula, so at least there are no chunks. (Small blessings, you guys.)

fondue with cheddar

@Bittersweet BUT THE SMELL. That sour milk smell makes ME want to projectile vomit.

Nutmeg

After my two-year stint with bulimia, and all that hangover-barfing (and for reals, WHEN do I get to become one of those headache-only-hangover people), I AM READY FOR CHILDREN

haha just kidding, I will never be ready ever

Angry Panda

Why do all movies have at least one throwing up scene these days? Who likes to watch people throwing up?

hurdyblurdy

@Angry Panda Exactly! I have never understood this. It's the laziest way to show emotion on screen. Oh your character is supposed to be upset in some way? Vomit.

Angry Panda

@hurdyblurdy Also the throwing up in funny movies. I have become very good at telling when the scene is leading up to a throw up scene, so I can stop watching. If only I could also shut my ears at the same time. I'm mildly (?) emetophobic.

spottenwren@twitter

I haven't thrown up in 20 years (really) and vomit absolutely terrifies me. My husband and I want kids sometime soonish. At the moment I'm just going with pretending morning sickness isn't a thing and my kids won't throw up much (and my husband will always, always be home when they do). I'm just not sure how else to deal! It is nice to read about someone who is living with it and managing ok :)

hurdyblurdy

Ahh emetophobia! I actually just created an account solely so I could comment on this topic. I have struggled with it for YEARS and I feel like it has gotten slowwwly better as I get older. When I was in elementary school, I refused to go to school for days because stupid Kevin always got sick in the special orange trash can (perhaps this is where the phobia originated!). But thankfully I am no longer surrounded by filthy schoolkids and can live a fairly normal life as a rabid hand-washing adult (with the occasional obsession over suspicious splash outlines in parking lots). Somehow other people being sick around me is even more nerve-wracking for me than actually being sick myself. I think its the anticipation of impending sickness that kills me the most. I will worry about it for about 3 days usually. Just enough time for any normal incubation time to pass.

I haven't been sick in almost a decade, but when I felt it coming on in the past I found that I approached the inevitable prospect of vomiting very much like the stages of grief. There's the denial, the anger, the bargaining with any and all deities, the sadness, and then finally the acceptance. Once I get there I surprise myself how zen I can get. I just wish I could start out zen instead of having to barrel through all the stages each time.

TARDIStime

BRB, trying to decide what I want for lunch.

dennishobson

very nice post, i certainly love this website, keep on it madeira palstica34

psh
psh

very nice post, i certainly love this website, keep on it.Video

its me

Thanks for sharing your article. I really enjoyed it. I put a link to my site to here so other people can read it. My readers have about the same interets.driver resetter

pinky88

When my brother was a baby my mom laid him on a towel on the counter after bathing him in the kitchen sink (or a baby tub, IDK). He peed, and it shot up over his head and right into the sugar bowl.
what does bubblegum casting do

Edmon

you are in reality a just right webmaster. The site loading speed is amazing. It seems that you are doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore vigrx plus coupon code

Edmon

I really appreciate your work male enhancement reviews

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account