Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Nightmare in Qreamland

Uh oh: AllStarHipHop got an exqlusive on the Qream-related lawsuit that Pharrell's filing against the drinq's distributor. (If you're not familiar with Qream, it's a cream-based liqueur that Pharrell qreated in 2011, and which is, in his words, "a truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends." This site was an early supporter; here's Qream's best and seemingly only qommercial.)

Pharrell's asqing Diageo North America for $5 million in eqchange for what he sees as a failure on their part to marqet Qream as the "high-end, leisure class" drinq he'd intended it to be, and beqause a lot of the bottles were apparently made with faulty tops (although the only Qream I qame in qontaqt with — thanq you, Jaya! — had a perfeqtly funqtional gold plastiq one).

Sad. Maybe there is a Qream eqception in the Drynuary qlause.


booze, qream

51 Comments / Post A Comment


When Steve Carell goes to the convenience store in 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World' there's a bottle for sale behind the counter! Not sure why I'm sharing this. Just so excited about Qream!

C's comment: "Why do we have to rewind the movie so you can make sure you saw a bottle of weird stuff you'll never buy?"

fondue with cheddar

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll BECAUSE.


hehe, cool :D @k


SHOQED, I am. Shoqed and appalled. But hopefully this means more qream-related news in the near future?

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Qeep your eyes peeled.


According to those documents, it's been called "Q Qream" all along. Mind blown.

Also qlearly Pharell should have just come here for his marqeting strategy.

fondue with cheddar

@Jaya I refuse to call it Q Qream. That just sounds ridiqulous.


"If you're not familiar with Qream..."

AS IF!!!


@Slutface "If you're not familiar with Qream...QILL YOURSELF."


The return of Qream AND Edith's MS Paint stylings! You better believe it's old sqool around here today.


@SuperGogo That illustration: FLAWLESS. As is the alt text.

fondue with cheddar

Oqay, so I'm looking at the piqture illustrating this post and the piqtures at the top for other posts, and now I really want to see the Twenty Four Hour Woman drinking Qream.


Mixing milk and Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow, Smirnoff Whipped Caramel, Smirnoff Peach, Smirnoff Iced Cake and Smirnoff Lime as a standby.

Ah lordy, someone get me a bucket!


@parallel-lines Make sure the milq is 95% laqtose-free!

evil melis



@Jaya Is "damn-near" oqay?


Don't qry for me ArgenQreama


Be honest, did you have to search-and-replace Ks for Qs, or is it second nature by now?


@SarahP I think you mean seqond nature.


@ironhoneybee I thinq you mean "thinq."


@ironhoneybee I was really just coming back to edit the Qs into my comment! Niiiiice.


Quelle surprise


Ok serious question. What is the difference between a "club drink" and a "high-end leisure class drink"?


@Jaya About $10


@Jaya - I think there's meant to be a certain degree of "seriousness" to "high-end leisure class" that, honestly, I'm not sure why Pharrell thought would fit well w/ Qream as a product.

Like, even though they're both "ultra premiums", Ciroc is a "club drink" vodka and Chopin is an ultra-premium. Because liquor is so "the same" from one to another (although, NOT QREAM), a really specific positioning is one of the only ways to capture sales - just being "aspirational" in general isn't enough, it has to be a certain kind of "aspirational".

The fight is reminscent to me of the Cristal / hip-hop imbruglio. As much as Cristal should have been happy it was getting a high profile and lots of free press, they didn't want to be club booze - they wanted to be "serious" connoisseur booze.

I would think "club drink" made the most sense for something as ridiculous as Qream. It was never going to be like (not my sexism here) "Armagnac for the Ladies". It's...ridiculous.

Then again, I guess we shouldn't be surprised the largest spirits company in the world knows more about booze marketing than the guy who wrote some of the lyrics to "Rumpshaker".


@leon s
What category would you put Hpnotiq in? The Q is REALLY throwing me.


@Beericle Qlub drinq


"high-end leisure class" Oh honey, no. No.

(I had to thumbs up pretty much every qomment on this thread before leaving my own.)

Lisa Frank

@iceberg You qan't see everyone on Downtown Abbey drinqing this while they gather in the parlor before dinner?


@Lisa Frank Que acidiq remarq from the Dowager Duchess about qoqtails.

RK Fire

@Bittersweet It's too eqciting of a drinq for her! What with the pinq qolor and all.

RK Fire

@RK Fire Oh god, I'm trying to imagine Lady Mary drinqing Qream and it is qilling me.

Quick: which of the Qrawley sisters is more liqely to drinq Qream?

Lisa Frank

@RK Fire Edith, obviously. While she's qrying.


@Bittersweet - Pssst... It's the Dowager Qountess.



@Lisa Frank Ladies Qrying Alone With Qream


@alannaofdoom It is most DEFINITELY the Dowager. QQQQQQ


@Bittersweet I qan't stop laughing at this quomments seqtion. But "qoqtail" damn near qilled me.


Qute qomments.


I enjoy sipping Qream while reading Nightmares and Qreamscapes by Stephen Qing.

the angry little raincloud

Oh my god. This, plus the comments (qomments?), is the best thing to happen today. This week! This year!

Valley Girl

Yeah, it's definitely the marketing (marqeting) and distribution that was the problem here all along. No other reason this wasn't a rousing suqcess.

honey cowl

I will take my Qream with a side of SnaqeJuice.


@honey cowl At the Snaqehole Lounge?


MINE WAS DEFECTIVE! It's so sticky sweet that the cap got stuck shut, and no matter what we did we couldn't get it off (knives, hot water, etc) and then THE THING BROKE IN HALF! It ruined my favorite joke beverage! (And my roommate's Christmas present to me. Yes, we do Christmas RIGHT!)

Hot Doom

Oh for Qhrist's saqe. I hope they don't disqontinue it before I get baq to Ameriqa to try it!


These qomments roq my soqs.


You guys! I have been waiting for the opportunity to give you a Qream update from the bar I work at!

So, remember when I told you that there was a bottle of it at my work? Well, it turns out that it was a sample and that one bottle had been in the fridge for ALMOST A YEAR and we could not PAY anyone to drink it. The reason it was mostly empty was because the bartenders would give free shots to people they didn't like.
And... you guys? I tasted it. Oh god it was revolting.


@permanentbitchface Ah shit I really hope you guys see this even though I am a day late.


@permanentbitchface What did it taste like?


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(jor dan s-h-o-e-s)

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