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Thursday, January 24, 2013

73

We Would Watch a Wolverine/Catwoman Crossover

The Editing Room finds the original script for "Les Miserables":

FADE IN:

EXT. POST-REVOLUTIONARY FRANCE

The CHOREOGRAPHER immediately STUMBLES OVER A CLIFF AND DIES. All songs will henceforth be performed by people STANDING AROUND, WALKING AROUND, or on occasion SITTING IN CHAIRS.

RUSSELL CROWE
Hugh, you have your freedom
But also my disdain
Because I love the law so much
I’m basically insane.

HUGH JACKMAN
Yuck, is that your singing voice?
It’s amateur and bland
I guess Tom Hooper never heard
Your awful, shitty band.

They...did not like it. My mom liked it, and my dad is refusing to talk about it. You?



73 Comments / Post A Comment

parallel-lines

I HATED IT. I HATED IT SO MUCH.

That's my screamy voice I couldn't use during the movie.

Also, Russell Crow's singing sounded like someone had a firm, unpleasant grasp on his testicles.

mattewmc

I'm so glad this exists@t

teaandcakeordeath

Is this weird?

Coming out of the theatre, the person I watched Les Mis with said 'That was ok. The guy who played Valjean was pretty good, I wonder who he was?' and when I said 'Hugh Jackman' she said 'who?'.

Who? Who?! Whogh? Hugh!

Surely this is bizarre? She hadn't even *heard* of Wolverine.

teaandcakeordeath

Sorry to derail the conversation by the way but my celebrity obsessed mind is still processing this.

all the bacon and eggs

@teaandcakeordeath That is totally weird and reminds me of the following: when Elizabeth Taylor died, my sister's boyfriend knew the name, but didn't really know who she was. My sister said,"she was one of the biggest movie stars of all time," and he replied, "I wouldn't go that far. What's she been in?"

teaandcakeordeath

@all the bacon and eggs
She was pretty boss in those White Diamonds ads.

fabel

@teaandcakeordeath This is something I would do ::hides in a corner::

-someone who asked "but which one was Robert DiNero?" after watching No Country for Old Men & got shit for it...forever

teaandcakeordeath

@fabel
Come out from your corner! It was more what it said about me that I am so celebrity obsessed that Im baffled when someone doesnt know someone. It's like Carson from Downton Abbey hearing someone say they dont know what a shrimp fork looks like.

iceberg

BRB, googling wolverine/catwoman fanfic.

RK Fire

@iceberg You've said it, so now it exists.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

We need a sequel featuring just the Thénardiers doing crazy shit.

Emby

I'd never seen the live production, so it was my first exposure to it. And it was okay.

RK Fire

I still haven't seen the movie yet, so: COLM WILKINSON IS IN IT?!?!? I wonder if he and the other legit broadway actors just shook their heads throughout the rest of the movie.

Dancercise

@RK Fire
Yup! He's the Bishop of Digne and he's awesome.

TheLetterL

@RK Fire Answers: Yes and How could they not?

anachronistique

@Dancercise When he showed up I almost fell out of my chair. BEST.

Buffy Summers

So, so bad. The decision to make them sing EVERY line of dialogue was awful. Also- Eponine's waist!!! Is that even possible?

MoxyCrimeFighter

@Buffy Summers The recitative is, to me, one of the most annoying things about the show - I can't even imagine how awkward it was in a movie. I always get flamed by Broadway super-fans for this, but I haaaaate Colm Wilkinson. In the 10th anniversary special, everything he speak-sings has the same stupid rhythm like, "Buh BUH buh buh, buh BUH buh buh buh buh BUHHH."

Buffy Summers

@MoxyCrimeFighter Yes! Something about watching actors sing dialogue that they could have acted much better made the entire experience super tedious.

Scandyhoovian

@Buffy Summers She had a corset on! But I don't know HOW SHE SANG WITH IT ON, because how the hell did she breathe when they pushed all her organs out of her center?!

dj pomegranate

@Buffy Summers Every time Eponine's waist was in the shot I could not concentrate on the words.

City_Dater

Anne Hathaway provides ample evidence of why it is best to NOT cast the actor who says "it's my dream role!"

If she stopped suffering for even two minutes to notice anyone else in a scene with her, I didn't see it.

rayray

Aw you guyssss, I haven't seen it yet and am a long-time devotee of the show. Has no-one got a good word to say?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@rayray
Nothing including Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter can be a total waste! Some other parts were okay, too. I found 'One More Day' truly moving.

Kristen

@rayray I had no familiarity with the subject material at all, my brain thought pretty much 95% of the movie was epically stupid, and yet I still CRIED MY EYES OUT. I'd say it's a lot like Titanic - no self-respecting cultural critic is going to give it a pass, but surrender yourself to it and it's a ton of tearjerky fun.

Go see it.

TheJacqueline

@rayray I liked it. Was I completely blown away, no, but I didn't expect to be. I certainly didn't hate it, and as someone who is also a long-time fan of the show, I found myself completely entertained. I also didn't think Russell Crowe's singing was THAT bad -- I think because I went into it with such incredibly low expectations of him that his voice was actually a pleasant surprise.

redheaded&crazy

@rayray I cried at a bunch of parts. :D

I also have not seen the musical live so I think my opinion doesn't matter? Whatevs.

dj pomegranate

@rayray There were parts that were tedious, etc, yes, but YOU GUYS I LOVED ANNE HATHAWAY SO MUCH. Her "I dreamed a dream" was just so great. I find that song in the play version mostly eye-rollingly unbelievable because she is a prostitute with TB or whatever and belting out this song...? But Anne nailed it.

Dancercise

@rayray
I wasn't too familiar with the show outside of a few of the major songs, and I actually loved it. There were certainly some over-the-top parts, and Russell Crowe should not have been allowed anywhere near this project, but I thought it was moving, enjoyable, and visually beautiful (outside of all the close-ups). But... I have watched the 10th anniversary concert twice on YouTube since watching the movie, and it's soooooooo much better.

teaandcakeordeath

@rayray
I loved it. It was more gritty than I expected but I thought that was a good thing as it's pretty gritty in the musical but now you get to see it. Also I might be just about tone deaf enough to like the singing and not notice the flaws and it's great as you can tell everyone really went for it. And the Thenadiers are very very fun.

rosaline

@rayray I truly enjoyed it. I saw it live once, and this was much better--the nosebleed seats had made it hard to see what was really going on. I liked the intimacy of the film.

Also, I believe every line of dialogue is sung in EVERY performance of Les Mis, so I don't understand why people were so frustrated by that.

rosaline

@rosaline I definitely did wish there had been an intermission, however!

TheLetterL

@rayray I am a long-time devotee and I did not hate it. I hated certain things, sure, but my glee mostly eclipsed everything.

par_parenthese

@rayray I loved it. No shame. I've had a good bit of musical training, was fully aware of the weaknesses of some of the performances, blah blah blah, but Realtalk: I loved every second. I loved the ABC guys especially (Marius's friends), and ESPECIALLY ENJOLRAS at whom I swooned continuously whenever he was on screen GOOD GOD.

rangiferina

@rayray already commented down the page, but I'm a big big fan of the musical and loved the movie, warts and all. not perfect by any means, but it made me sooo happy (and miserable, duh).

teaandcakeordeath

@par_parenthese
ESPECIALLY ENJOLRAS
(Sorry for repeating but I thought it was a pertinent point. Really. Looking at his face was like an intermission from grief.)

teaandcakeordeath

@dj pomegranate
At first I thought Anne was going to do her cutesy Disney biting bottom lip schtick, but then, I don't know what happened, she went out and bought a hammer and fucking nailed it.

(I have too many feelings about this musical)

par_parenthese

@teaandcakeordeath *sobs*

I JUST WANT TO KISS HIM, UNIVERSE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Blushingflwr

I had seen the Broadway show when I was 12, but from seats so far away that I couldn't tell the characters apart. I do not remember it being so long and tedious, but perhaps that was because there was an intermission.

I do not have a lot of patience for love stories that are "two people see each other across a crowded square, fall instantly in love and must be together" because it is bullshit. Also, Eddie Redmayne is not hot enough to fall in love with from one glimpse across a crowded square. During the little love duet I leaned over to my boyfriend and said "can we build some barricades now?" I was just BORED. (And then, we got to the revolution and had to keep fucking going).

I also had issues with the make-up. They did not do a good job of conveying the amount of time that had past relative to the characters aging. Hugh Jackman just looked 40 the whole time.

And much of what was sung could have been spoken. I love musicals, but when your lyric is "no, papa, you cannot die", really, you didn't need to make Amanda Seyfried sing that.

dj pomegranate

@Blushingflwr I do not have a lot of patience for love stories that are "two people see each other across a crowded square, fall instantly in love and must be together" because it is bullshit.

YES. Even in my most-devoted Les Mis years (approx age 13 to 17) the whole "I just saw you for 2 seconds and YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE maybe I should give up on this whole revolution thing so we can look at each other!!!!!" bored me to tears.

Scandyhoovian

@dj pomegranate Haha that part always grates me as well, and I'm a huge fan of the stage show. It's just like, "really? you obviously didn't care about your little cause that much, if one blink of Cosette can derail that thing you talk about as your life's work..."

SarcasticFringehead

@Blushingflwr "I have only just seen you, but now we will be married and live happily ever after" is second only to "I must now die a tragic death because I am a criminal/am a fallen woman/have a broken heart/only exist to provide something to ACT about" as my least favorite storyline of all time. Do both of my least favorite storylines show up in Les Mis? Yes. Do I pretty much love it anyway? Yes. Yes I do. (But Jesus fuck, Valjean, you do not have to wander off and die just because you were in prison that one time.)

teaandcakeordeath

@dj pomegranate
I always felt like I'd missed a bit where the part where they fell in love was made to make sense.

frigwiggin

@Blushingflwr I dunno, dudes, I saw this really, really cute girl at Chipotle over the weekend and basically wanted to walk up to her and ask her to marry me, or at least be my best friend. But I recognize that insta-crushes do not necessarily make for a good actual relationship (also my boyfriend was there, soooo).

Scandyhoovian

Is it cool to link to your own blog on the hairpin? Because I had so many feelings coming out of Les Miserables that it really would be faster for me to just link it than reiterate it here.

Long story short (and if you don't feel like going to my blog), Les Mis is and has always been my favorite musical ever, and they did all kinds of shit to it, and I came out feeling very mixed feelings, topped with the cherry that is my hatred for what Russell Crowe did to Javert.

dj pomegranate

@Scandyhoovian I read your post and I agree with everything you say!

Tuna Surprise

Finally! I have found my haters!

It wasn't the worst thing ever (I've seen it live 2x, sung it in choir, etc), but these were my major beefs:

1. CGI Paris was terrible. And I've been to the fake Paris in Las Vegas so I can pass judgment.
2. There were essentially two casts - broadway singers and hollywood actors and they may as well have been in two movies that were spliced together after the fact.
3. Some people (Crowe, Hathaway) really grated.

It was also way too long (although i sound like a hypocrite saying that because I took at least a 20 minute nap somewhere in the middle). But the best part was, during the emotional climax, my mom's cell phone started ringing and like the lovely older lady she is, she made a bigger racket trying to find it and turn it off.
Which in turn made me and my sisters start giggling. Which was a big wet blanket on all the people crying in our vicinity. Sorry!

JanieS

I know this outs me as a Bad Musical Fan (which is totally OK, because I hate, like, 95% of all musicals), but this movie was grand, epic, cheesy fun and I WOULD SEE IT AGAIN. Because JEAN VALJEAN. AND ADORABLE IDIOTIC STUDENT REVOLUTIONARIES. (Also Les Miserables is second only to Jane Eyre on my list of all-time favorite books, so anything even tangentially related to it will have my love.)

SarcasticFringehead

@JanieS Oh, I would absolutely see it again, even though (or perhaps because?) almost everything about it is completely ridiculous. I kid because I...well, love is a strong word, but have affectionate feelings toward, sure.

par_parenthese

@JanieS I wanted to walk back in and see it again as soon as it was over.

Probs

Everything being shot in extreme close-up was weird. It was three hours of pores, painted-on teeth gunk, and ugly-crying (men and women) in blistering HD. I thought it was ok, though. The only person whose voice really bothered me was Amanda Seyfried's but I'm not a good judge of these things.

Probs

@Probs also, that abridged script was great. I laughed out loud about the super-loud crack noise and the movie not showing that Maurius didn't know Valjean saved him.

Also, Kate Beaton's Le Miz comics forever.

sp8ce

@Probs That movie definitely had more face per square foot than any other film Ive ever seen. This was my first time seeing anything related to Les Mis and I thought it would be more epic than it was, the opening scene where theyre trying to salvage the ship was great but it got really small after that. It was ok but the constant singing gave me a headache.

anachronistique

I didn't love it but I ADORED Anne Hathaway and Eddie Redmayne. And I never gave a single fuck about Marius before his performance, so kudos there.

JanieS

@anachronistique I KNOW, RIGHT? Somehow Redmayne made Marius about 65% less of an annoying drip.

does it need saying

@anachronistique My husband, who I dragged to see it with me, was really impressed with Redmayne. Said his singing was the best of the bunch. I liked him too, but I thought it was nice coming from someone who wasn't really even a little excited to see it.

Scandyhoovian

@anachronistique Redmayne was hands-down my favorite part, overwobbly chin or no. He actually sang and acted at the same time, which apparently was just TOO MUCH TO ASK of 98% of everyone in that movie.

does it need saying

I read the book like 16 years ago (or so) and was all, "Am I sure I read the same book this was based on?" Like the whole time after he became Mayor and such.
I am so glad to have read that script though, it made me feel better for being like the only person I know that was excited to see it, then ended up all meh about it.
Yay, I'm not alone :D

rangiferina

Objectively, I know it was a pretty average/subpar movie. Unfortunate casting in some cases (honestly Hugh Jackman bugged me more than Russell Crowe!), the editing was TERRIBLE, new song was bland Oscarbait and took up valuable "Drink with Me" time...

but I still loved it. saw it twice, cried each time Colm Wilkinson showed up at the beginning, would watch the shit out of the director's cut (if it ever surfaces), etc. I admit that this probably has more to do with the fact that the movie totally reignited my high school Les Mis obsession than anything else.

also, barricade boys.

sarah girl

@rangiferina Totally agree with your casting note - I really think the role of Valjean was WAY out of Jackman's range. He was straining his voice so much, and looked so pained while doing it!

I kind of hate-loved it, too. Saw it the first time and was firmly "meh," but a few days later desperately wanted to see the movie again and did that weekend. I think middle-school-me won that time :)

par_parenthese

@rangiferina barricade boys forever.

rangiferina

@Sarah H. I was hoping for so much more from Jackman due to his musical theater background, but I guess my expectations were too high (like the notes were for him. hurrr) :( he was fine acting-wise, but the singing was pretty painful.

on the other hand, I had ZERO expectations for Crowe - I seriously thought he was going to sound like a dying cow. but he didn't, so... thumbs up.

The Nerdy Nutritionist

My boyfriend dragged me to this and I cried the whole time and hated it the whole time. Every bit of it was the worst thing ever, somehow including the 'comic relief' provided by sacha baron cohen.

I've never been a fan of Le mis though, to be fair. I prefer my revolutionaries Russian, my love stories based on mutual respect and actually knowing each other, and songs so incredibly catchy you never ever get annoyed when they get stuck in your head.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF 4LYFE!!!

Shmarmony

As a former drama geek and general book nerd, I was genetically predisposed to love this movie. It hurts me to admit that the movie kind of disappointed. There were two or three scenes that were magnificent (the open, Fantine, & one day more), but so many others were so flat, they were worse than bad. Breaks my heart that Hugh Jackman couldn't sing!

I think the director tried to fudge singing talent with stardom, so he ended up getting some big names that really couldn't carry a tune. Everybody acted their asses off though, no lack of trying in that dept.

killer_queen

I just saw it last night, and here are my thoughts:
1. Eponine's waist! WHAT. (I know this was much commented upon upthread, but I must reiterate. How was she possibly singing?)
2. I Wikipedia'd the SHIT out of the book, musical, and movie today-- would it surprise anyone else to know that Gavroche is Eponine's brother? Weird.
3. Why do French street urchins have such thick Cockney accents?
4. I might be a sociopath, because I sat there dry-eyed through "A Little Fall of Rain" while this woman behind me SOBBED.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@killer_queen
Yes #3! The accents were the weirdest part (okay, maybe there were many weirdest parts)! All the poor people have Cockney accents? Only SBC tries for a French accent, and even he bails after a few minutes. Consistent French accents would have helped.

par_parenthese

@killer_queen
2. I read the book first, and I was pissed they didn't tell you that in the movie/play. It makes the Thenardiers somehow less hilarious and more evil (which they totally were in the book) to discover that they basically threw their youngest child out on his ass because they didn't like to look at him.

3. Accent Adaptation. The movie is in English; they have to have some way to telegraph the classes of the characters, therefore the working-class/broke-ass ones are going to have Cockney accents (except SB-C, god love him, with his weird Paris-by-way-of-Moscow accent) and the rich ones are going to have posh/RP accents. It's a pretty common movie shorthand regardless of the country it's set in, which makes sense to me, since who's going to be able to tell the difference, in song and in English, between a posh Parisian accent and a working-class one?

celeec4@twitter

I can't actually be rational about Les Mis. However, even with the irrationality, hoshit, uhm, yeah...Russell Crowe, uh...can't sing Javert very well at all. His vocal range is not suited to the part at all.

oboe-d-amore

Okay, I haven't seen the movie yet, but...COME ON YOU GUYS THE RECITATIVE OF LES MIS IS AWESOME.

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