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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

47

"Everyone Masturbates": L. Ron Hubbard's Sadder Mantras

Individual, surprisingly moving mantras selected from the superlative "Going Clear" by Lawrence Wright (Amazon | Indiebound), which we are now basically done writing about, at least for today.

"I can write."

"My mind is still brilliant."

"That masturbation is no sin or crime."

"That I do not need to have ulcers anymore."

"That the numbers 7, 25 and 16 are not unlucky or evil for me."

"That I am not susceptible to colds."

"You have no urge to talk about your navy life. You do not like to talk of it. You never illustrate your point with bogus stories. It is not necessary for you to lie to be amusing and witty."

"You like to have your intimate friends approve of and love you for what you are. This desire to be loved does not amound to a psychosis."

"You will makes fortunes writing."

"You will always look young."

"You have no doubts about God."

"You are not a coward."

"Your hip is a post. You have a sound hip. It never hurts. Your shoulder never hurts."

"You have no fear of what any woman may think of your bed conduct."

"Self pity and conceit are not wrong. Your mother was in error."

"Masturbation does not injure or make insane. Your parents were in error. Everyone masturbates."

"You did a fine job in the Navy. No one there is now 'out to get you.'"

"Snakes are not dangerous to you. There are no snakes in the bottom of your bed."

"You do not masturbate."

47 Comments / Post A Comment

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@MollyRingwald Is it Jeff Goldblum?

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@Megano! Yes, in "Annie Hall." I think it might have been his first speaking role.

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There are stories that Sea Org workers buy and destroy every anti-Scientology magazine around downtown Clearwater, but there's no way they can scoop up every magazine in greater Los Angeles, in time.
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JessicaLovejoy

"I am not a toolbox."

"Nah, you should seriously fear what this woman thinks of your bed conduct."

"Bed conduct? What the fuck?"

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@JessicaLovejoy I guess if he believed there were snakes at the bottom of his bed his conduct would be displeasing to his bed partner.

Miss Maszkerádi

"You have no doubts about God."

I guess I should read the book but - I have been wondering this since the first scientology article came out here a few months ago, what if any is the Scientologist concept of God? Does all the Xenu stuff fit into a larger monotheistic/deistic overview or is God out of the picture entirely?

Valley Girl

Just finished all 26 pages of the author's New Yorker piece! Thanks to the Pin's Scientology and Me series I'm able to follow the saga much better than I otherwise would have been.

fondue with cheddar

Oh, for fuck's sake...just rub one out and get over yourself.

Verity

"Snakes are not dangerous to you. There are no snakes in the bottom of your bed."

A mantra that we could all do with. (Although I think if you're around venomous snakes, all of the affirmations in the world won't stop them from being dangerous. And as someone who's been bitten by a (non-venomous) snake, I'm not 100% behind it.)

Verity

@Verity (Just saw, to my horror, that I put "110%" and had to change it in a panic. I am not on The Apprentice.)

TheBourneApproximation

@Verity I...I didn't even think to worry about snakes in the bottom of my bed.

*Wraps arms around knees and stares off into space.*

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As someone with a mountain of insecurities and the extremely frequent fear that I will lose my friends and loved ones due to mistakes that I make, these make me feel weird and sad because I can identify with the feeling of them, if not the specifics.

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