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Thursday, January 3, 2013

80

Just Have a Cup of Coffee Like a Normal Person (Me)

There is a man living in my house who buys 5 Hour Energy by the case and I think that's gross so I pick on him about it, which is mean, but seriously can't he just drink a cup of coffee?



80 Comments / Post A Comment

fabel

I dunno, while coffee is my go-to, the buzz I get from 5-hour energy has a distinctly more powerful feeling. The Niacin makes you feel all flushed.

Jane Marie

@fabel okay, that does sound sexy.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fabel 5-Hour Energy makes me feel like the insides of my limbs are too much for the skin around them to contain. Instead of being able to super-focus on one thing like I can when I drink coffee, I'm all over the place trying to move around.

StandardTuber

@fabel People can have allergic reactions to Niacin. Don't they give some folks fever blisters?

stavros

This is just great!@m

garli

5 hour energy drinks always seem like more of a commitment then I want to make.

anachronistique

"more expensive than a NoDoz pill and even a Starbucks coffee"

Well, wait, what kind of coffee are we talking about here?

Nicole Cliffe

RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS. I am a coffee person, and my husband consumes no caffeine, so I finally sent him about ninety abstracts about how coffee is really good for you, and now he drinks a cup every morning.

Now, admittedly, he pours it into kefir, because I am married to Rob Lowe on Parks and Rec.

Me - "Doesn't it curdle?"
Him - "It sure does."

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Nicole Cliffe Oh noooooooo

area@twitter

@Nicole Cliffe EW

anachronistique

@Nicole Cliffe My shoulders just went all the way up around my ears. BLURGH.

Nicole Cliffe

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yeah, he shows up at intervals and is all "please incorporate this bag of chia seeds into our meals," but I love him anyway.

cardiganboots

@Nicole Cliffe I just made a very loud grossed-out noise reading that. You are a forgiving lady. Also, I'm glad I'm alone in the office today.

StandardTuber

@Nicole Cliffe Canadians!!! :)

Jane Marie

@Nicole Cliffe what

Nicole Cliffe

I would really love for this to be a charming Sedaris blend of truth and fiction, but it is 100% real.

Jane Marie

@Nicole Cliffe but actually, coffee yogurt is pretty good. i take it back.

cardiganboots

@Jane Marie but extra-curdled coffee yogurt drink??? that sounds less good.

Nicole Cliffe

@cardiganboots The trick, as he explains it, is not minding.

garli

@Nicole Cliffe The worst part about chia seeds is they get super thick if you let them sit for a bit. DO THEY DO THAT IN YOUR GUTS?

Does Axl have a jack?

@Nicole Cliffe You are *literally* married to Chris Traeger.

New Hoarder

@Nicole Cliffe Your husband sounds like who my husband aspires to become.

E.g.: I go to steal his glass of water b/c I am like diabetes thirsty 24/7 and he has poured apple cider vinegar into it... not to deter me from being a thief, but for health benefits... ? I feel like your husband is definitely better at this than mine is.

StandardTuber

I bet you a pound of Verve coffee (Vancouver decaf) that he has sleep apnea.

StandardTuber

@Mabissa Wait, I totally misread this as a man living in your building, not your house i.e. your spouse, so I will shut up now.

Slutface

@Mabissa Oh my God. I just figured that out now. So slow today.

StandardTuber

@Slutface I know, right? What is this, Monday?

iceberg

@Mabissa WHAT oh. hey at least y'all aren't the slowest Pinners on here.

StandardTuber

@iceberg I'm so glad I'm not alone. We need coffee :)

meetapossum

@Mabissa OH GOD. I have been so tired recently and sleeping so poorly, and I didn't even THINK about sleep apnea. Great.

wee_ramekin

@Mabissa Hahaha, I also just realized that. I was like "Shit, Jane! Marriage/California has turned you into a meanie who picks on random neighbors for their questionable choices!".

It is, however, totally fine to pick on your husband for questionable choices.

area@twitter

I'm curious to hear reports. What does this stuff taste like? What's the rush like after you drink some?

NeverOddOrEven

@area@twitter
Weak Gatorade overwhelmed by artificial sweetener and
Like you drank a cup of coffee really fast.

KeLynn

@area@twitter It's disgusting. I had to chug it like a shot because the taste was awful. Then I went to sleep an hour later because I felt terrible. No rush here!

NeverOddOrEven

@area@twitter
And I'd amend that by saying weak coffee.

area@twitter

@NeverOddOrEven @KeLynn Ugh. Thanks for the reports, folks. I'll be keeping that one on the "Do Not Try" list.

damselfish

@area@twitter Do that, because I tried it for kicks and I was nauseous and trembling and unable to do anything. Worst. Experience. Ever! I'll stick with mate tea, which has a more intense kick than coffee.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

I must be ultra-sensitive to these kinds of things. I can have two cups of coffee and be fine, but the one time I tried 5-Hour Energy, I thought I was going to die.

iceberg

No thank you, I will continue to erode my liver with caffeinated soda as G-d intended. Just drink another one when you feel the crash coming!

Mad as a Hatter!

@iceberg Any time I feel a weird pang in my body, I think 'oh no, death is coming soon. I shouldn't have drank all that Diet Coke.'

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Mad as a Hatter! Exactly. I know that it's causing a build up of some terrible chemicals on my spinal cord, but I love it so.

Bebe

@Mad as a Hatter! See, I feel the pang and think, "Oh no, death is coming soon. I should have another Diet Coke - that will cure it."

iceberg

@Bebe EXACTLY. (although I don't drink the diet stuff. just don't like the taste.)

Mad as a Hatter!

@Bebe Have you heard people say something along the lines of "You order a Quarter Pounder and a large fry, WHY are you getting a Diet Coke?!" I just want to drink my delicious fizzy drink in peace. =[

Bebe

@Mad as a Hatter! "BECAUSE IT IS DELICIOUS. NOW BACK OFF AND LEAVE ME AND MY PRECIOUS ALONE!"

Mad as a Hatter!

My boyfriend drinks one 5 hour every day and totally brushes me off when I say YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT.

New Hoarder

@Mad as a Hatter! Is he Josh from The Mindy Project?

cardiganboots

I had a friend who, after drinking her first 5-hour energy, WET HERSELF AND WASN'T AWARE OF IT. She stood up from her chair and saw a puddle, thought she might have sat in some water, and then realized NO THAT WATER CAME FROM HER BODY. Luckily, we were eating lunch in the park outside of our workplace and her home was close. We decided that day-- 5 hour energy, only at your own risk.

khaleesi

@cardiganboots oh my god, what??? That's insane. I've been reading down the comments, thinking 'hmm this 5-hour energy stuff doesn't sound so bad, I might have to try it out when I feel that afternoon slump at work'.

Then I read your comment. Jesus.

StandardTuber

@cardiganboots Oh my, I am laughing but that is awful. I wouldn't like that to happen to me.

The Widow Muspratt

@cardiganboots Also you could temporarily lose your sense of proprioception because of a B6 overdose. Coffee doesn't do that!

cardiganboots

@khaleesi Well, on the other hand, I've had a couple of 5 hour energies (in times of emergency only), and I have not peed my pants. So there's that.

I actually prefer the old "fuck coffee isn't working anymore" standby of Red Bull. It makes you do stupid things (even when not mixed with vodka!), but it feels less scary. Or, for a lesser "I need to write a paper/do a pile of paperwork" buzz, I recommend mate. It tastes like dirt, but who the hell cares? By the time coffee isn't working anymore, you are having an emergency.

Uh... to put that all into context, I learned all those energy drink tricks when I was a state social worker. Sometimes work just has to get done! Thank god I don't have that demanding of a schedule anymore (sips coffee, like a normal person).

frigwiggin

@cardiganboots

D: (<-- that is the exact expression I am making right now, the horror blew the rest of my features clean off my face)

EpWs

@cardiganboots Read your comment too quickly and thought you were putting vodka in your coffee. Ew ew ew ew.

cardiganboots

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That's the worst way to break Drynuary. Bourbon, however...

Tragically Ludicrous

They used to be pretty good to down on the way to going out if I wasn't feeling it entirely. But they don't seem to sell them where I live so now I just have to remember to make a cup of coffee instead.

ThatWench

@Tragically Ludicrous
This is exactly how they came into our life. They taste awful, and I've never once believed that anything besides the caffeine had anything other than a placebo effect (except for the people who describe it as "a natural high" giving me a headache), but when it's 9pm, and you're trying to figure out how to get out to the suburbs for that party, and you really need a caffeine fix to feel social-enthused enough... it's helpful to tuck a couple into a pocket and run out the door, no need to find a place selling coffee open that late.

Tragically Ludicrous

@ThatWench They were great on like, a Friday night where you promised to go out but the week was long and you had to wake up that morning. Easy to buy and drink on the way to wherever you were going, and then you could wash the taste out of your mouth pretty quickly. I vaguely miss them, but not really.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

B12 supplements and coffee or tea work well for me! Perhaps put another way, B12 supplements for breakfast make it possible to power through the afternoon without (often ineffectual) coffee guzzling.

Also, anxiety v. effective at maintaining a constant, rodent-like vigilance.

Bebe

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Does the B12 ever upset your stomach? Multivitamins do a number on me, so I never take them any more. I've been thinking about some individual supplements (like B12), but I am afraid to try them since I can't pinpoint what it is in multivitamins that hates my stomach lining so much.

iceberg

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll "constant, rodent-like vigilance" is making me need to laugh so hard right now but am at desk pretending to work, so thanks for the aneurysm.

garli

@Bebe You can get B12 shots. My mom gets them ever week. Maybe that would be easier on your stomach.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Bebe Do you take them on an empty stomach? That can cause nausea and stomach upset.

fabel

@OhMyGoshYouGuys This-- I take mine at night now, after a day of eating. Taking them in the morning with coffee would result in showertime that was spent trying not to puke, wondering why I was so hungover/if I had ohgodmorningsickness?? until I realized it was the vitamins.

temporal_paradox

@Bebe These B-12 patches are the best ever. The body doesn't really absorb B-12 through pill form, it needs to be shots, or or sublingual or through the skin. This brand has worked for me really well, and if I leave it on 24 hours, I can't sleep through the night I have so much energy, so I put them on first thing in the morning and take it off right before bed. http://www.amazon.com/Vie-Patch-Patches-Sluggish-Natural/dp/B00575B9EE/ref=pd_sim_hpc_3

Bebe

@temporal_paradox (& everyone) - I am officially ditching both Google and my doctor and just coming here for medical info from now on! Thanks! And yes, I WAS taking the vitamins on an empty stomach - for many reasons, but mostly because I am not that smart. Definitely looking into the patches....

parallel-lines

It doesn't give you the same, ahem, side effects* as coffee, which is important when you're doing certain things like skiing or running.

*taking a huge dump

itiresias

@parallel-lines Coffee also makes me pee like five times in the next two hours, sometimes. Mmm.

Regina Phalange

I chugged a Five-Hour Energy a few weeks ago during a listless lunch break, and felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Caffeineated sodas/coffee don't do anything for me, either; I think at this point, my adrenal glands are just completely shot.

jule_b_sorry

@Regina Phalange I know this might seem out of left field, but is it possible you might have ADD? I was always a person who caffeine had no effect on (worked as a barista, had a constant stream of espressos, never felt particularly jittery or more alert). I eventually found out that's sometimes an indicator of ADD. Several diagnostic screenings later, it was confirmed and now I can't have caffeine b/c adderall.

Regina Phalange

@jule_b_sorry I'd believe it, honestly. Can sleep apnea and ADD coexist? I'm tired 'n' wired, simultaneously, all the time.
I get a LOT of advice from this online magazine for adults with ADD: http://www.additudemag.com/

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Also, once I didn't leave Ohio until 5pm so I was still on the road at 2am and coffee stopped working but here's what did work: XM Radio Musicals Station. The tunes they play at night are SO IRRITATING that sleep is impossible.

frigwiggin

Energy drinks trouble me. One, they smell and taste like cat pee, and two, I knew a girl who drank three or four a day in high school and one time during calculus her hands wouldn't stop shaking. Urgh.

Beericle

A few weeks ago, I was bartending a day shift. Had not eaten anything. Around 4p I took a 5 hour energy, and 15 minutes later a couple came in and ordered martinis. My hands were shaking so bad I could not pick up the martini, because I was sloshing all the booze out. Super embarrassing.

Danzig!

ha ha right, next you'll tell me that juice cleanses are just crash diets for vegans

Danzig!

@Danzig! If I don't have my 5-hour energy how will I build up all the toxins for my juice to cleanse?

Megasus

My ex was pretty into these energy drinks, and I was like, "Nooooooo!" and then eventually was like, "Well if you HAVE TO DO IT at least find one that doesn't taste completely vile." So he did. I can't remember what kind, it was in a silver can, which probably doesn't narrow it down.

New Hoarder

@Nicole Cliffe Your husband sounds like who my husband aspires to become.

E.g.: I go to steal his glass of water b/c I am like diabetes thirsty 24/7 and he has poured apple cider vinegar into it... not to deter me from being a thief, but for health benefits... ? I feel like your husband is definitely better at this than mine is.

New Hoarder

@Nicole Cliffe Your husband sounds like who my husband aspires to become.

E.g.: I go to steal his glass of water b/c I am like diabetes thirsty 24/7 and he has poured apple cider vinegar into it... not to deter me from being a thief, but for health benefits... ? I feel like your husband is definitely better at this than mine is.

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