Quantcast

Monday, January 14, 2013

84

If You Were a Hyperlink

If you were a hyperlink I’d click you so hard. I’d click you every day, over and over, as many times as I possibly could. My roommates would be like “What’s he doing in there?!” because all they’d hear would be click click click click click click click. At night I’d click you last thing before falling asleep and then again first thing in the morning. I’d probably click you a little bit in my sleep too if you were cool with that. I’d click you until my fingers and wrist and entire body were sore. Then I’d click you some more.

If you were a hyperlink, I’d take things slow. I’d smile every time I saw you. I’d romance you with my cursor, turning the arrow into a pointing hand, then back into an arrow again, then hand, arrow, hand, hovering back and forth, teasing you with the anticipation of my touch. I’d make you glow, make you glisten, make you blush. I’d make you ache for my click. Finally I’d press the mouse button and hold it there for a full minute under the weight of my fingertip before releasing it, thereby commanding my web browser to load your URL. You would load so fast. 

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me on finding such a wonderful hyperlink. I’d feel happy and proud, and maybe a little jealous, knowing everyone’s checking you out, but then I’d remind myself that that’s OK, because you’re my hyperlink.

If you were a hyperlink I’d reminisce about the day we met. It was innocuous at first. I was just going about my business, and then there you were. You made my heart skip a beat, but I played it cool. I pointed at you, rightclicked you, and opened you in a new tab. Little did I know that clicking you would soon become part of my daily routine. That a day without seeing you would feel incomplete.

If you were a hyperlink, I’d be disappointed you weren’t a real flesh and blood person. Someone to eat and sleep with. Someone to hold hands with at the movies. Someone to go on vacations with somewhere fun, so we could ski down snowy slopes or swim in tropical seas. Someone for me to get down on one knee in front of and propose we grow old together, and hope you’d say yes, and celebrate like crazy if you did. But you won’t, you can’t, and I could never love you. Not like this. Not when you’re just a hyperlink.

Ethan Ryan lives in Brooklyn and on the internet here.



84 Comments / Post A Comment

Reginal T. Squirge

You can't own a hyperlink.

Slavon Smartmil@twitter

@Reginal T. Squirge Why? You are wrong.

Jill_Tata

Perfect! :) Great job!@k

Emby

Is anyone else not able to access The Hairpin main page because it keeps trying to download... something?

RK Fire

@Emby I can access it, but my computer still automatically downloads something that I plan on wiping before I leave work. Yay suspicious computer activity!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Emby No, but I can't access anyone's profile because my browser warns me it's a dangerous site with known viruses?

fondue with cheddar

@Emby Maybe try a different browser? It's happening in Chrome for me but not Safari.

area@twitter

@Emby I'm pretty sure it's related to the "Miss Subways" post- Chrome automatically downloads something from a Soundcloud URL every time I open up the main page or that post. I flagged it on Twitter, Edith says they're working on it now.

Emby

@area@twitter Thanks!!

Verity

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Mine's been doing that to me a lot recently.

johncarter007

Have you been a video gaming freak? Would you spend the colossal quantity of bucks on game titles? Then you're completely bowled on the thrilling, amusing as well as titillating globe of games. Truly gaming is definitely thrilling, providing an greatest fun as well as divinely enjoyable. download video games

johncarter007

nicotine is definitely an appetite suppressant as well as exercising utilizes more power, eat healthy food such because whole grains, fruit, vegetables and liver organ when you're hungry. Cigarette smoking also depletes supplement C, therefore eat meals with higher vitamin D content. easy granola recipe

johncarter007

Create a habit to look out associated with season. You might not want to consider cashmere knit tops or using boots in the center of July, but that is when you likely will realize the best savings. the girls shopping

johncarter007

Working capital financing allows companies to invest in short-term assets that helps it operating successfully. It helps raising capital for prepaid business expenditure, like security deposits, licenses, insurance policies, and many more. capital finance blog

johncarter007

Talk to your healthcare professional to obtain a more in-depth take a look at your perfect weight based on your exercise level, health insurance and age. height and weight calculator

Alaa Roshrosh@facebook

@johncarter007
If I were a hyperlink and you were a cursor, would you click on me anyway? Would you be my surfer? games online

fondue with cheddar

If I were a hyperlink and you were a cursor, would you click on me anyway? Would you be my surfer?

iceberg

If I were a hyperlink, I'd want you to click me until I went from blue to purple.

*blushes*

AJ Sparkles

Terrible signs: Second paragraph gave me... feelings. You would load so fast, ouf.

Bloodrocuted

@AJ Sparkles Glad I'm not the only one to blush.

heyderpette

@AJ Sparkles I felt a little twirly reading that too.

Slutface

Go ahead buddy. Click on me and let me infect you with my virus!!!!!!!!!!

peregrina

i love this so so much!!

OooYeahAboutThat...

I feel the need to comment but have nothing appropriate to say? We might be in love now?

theharpoon

CLICK THEORY Y'ALL

theharpoon

Everett, Anna. "Digitextuality and Click Theory" in New Media: Theories and Practices of Digitextuality, Routledge, 2003.

bellekaren

@theharpoon Thank you, I love you.

rayray

Is it just me that found this a little... creepy?

Lu2
Lu2

@rayray --Nope, me too.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@rayray I'm on the creepy train too.

blanchwood

This is wonderful.

Rosie Clarke@twitter

This reminds me strangely of Richard Brautigan's writing: he had one piece of (not erotic, more meditative) short fiction imagining he was a pavement being walked on by the shoes of ladies. I haven't thought about that for years!

mixed emoticons

i love this. it reminds me of looking at a crush's facebook profile while on summer break, hoping that next semester s/he'd become more than just a hyperlink.

James Walker

After reading this I thought it was very informative. Thank you for taking the time and effort to put this article together. I find myself once again spending way to much time to both read and comment. But so what it was still worth it!Kelowna home builders

James Walker

I’d feel happy and proud, and maybe a little jealous, knowing everyone’s checking you out, but then I’d remind myself that that’s OK, because you’re my hyperlink wordpress web hosting

James Walker

I am sure to all the commenters here! It's always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! I'm sure you had fun writing this locations de vacances entre particuliers article. This is exactly what I was looking for. I have written things I would love to take back, goo work, keep it up.

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink, I’d take things slow. I’d smile every time I saw you. I’d romance you with my cursor, turning the arrow into a pointing hand driversedguy.tumblr.com

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me on finding such a wonderful hyperlink. I’d feel happy and proud, things to do in Las Vegas

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me on finding such a wonderful hyperlink. carpal tunnel syndrome

hotmit

Thanks for sharing the information with us. I feel very interesting to read your post. Natural Wagyu Beef

hotmit

If I were a owner buildings, I will use Window Cleaning Barrie to clean the window.

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me on finding magasin produit antistatique

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink I’d reminisce about the day we met. It was innocuous at first. I was just going about my business, and then there you were. plombierathlon.fr

rgoltis

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me efds-sophrologie.fr

Albina Muro@facebook

Troy Patterson must have seen this coming, right? Or he spent all weekend reading Wharton before watching "Girls" and lost his goddamn mind?bens woodworking package

Albina Muro@facebook

Wait. Did you write this book? I want more. You finally got me at Devil's Lake, my family's camping spot growing up.investing in silver

Cramer_cra@twitter

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue.hbestforexbrokerschina.org

Cramer_cra@twitter

Very important to know about this subject, at least the basic concepts. Thanks for sharing these ideas with us.San Francisco massage

Albina Muro@facebook

Oh man, this sounds like a guily pleasure that I need to get all up on! It feels like I've been seeing this book everywhere for all my life, but for some strange reason never thought to read it. And that's the type of shit I could totally get lost in.plus size models needed

Albina Muro@facebook

The piece wants to flow like a length of ribbon unspooled in asides, advancing at digressive stretches, looping old news in ellipses to retrace patterns of thoughts.Industrial Supply

Cramer_cra@twitter

If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.financial planning india

Cramer_cra@twitter

I am very happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation t hat's at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best posting.feng shui

Cramer_cra@twitter

This is some what a great post and innovative too. I am immensely pleasured with the auspicious article. Thanks!www.line-sticker.com

Cramer_cra@twitter

That was a great read, thanks a lot. It appears this blog gets a lot of visitors, and here's the reason why. Well, I'll be eagerly anticipating your future posts.how to deactivate Facebook

Cramer_cra@twitter

Great post, good work. It Couldn’t be wrote any better. Reading this post reminds me of my recent employer! He constantly kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a delightful read. Thanks for posting!Appetite control

Cramer_cra@twitter

I wonder how you got so good. You have a clever yet attractive way of writing. Obviously interesting to read. I feel really happy to have seen your webpag.houston tx apartment locator

Abdul Bari Khatri@facebook

If you were a hyperlink I’d click you so hard. I’d click you every day, over and over, as many times as I possibly could. My roommates would be like “What’s he doing in there?!” because all they’d hear would be click click click click click click click. At night I’d click you last thing before falling asleep and then again first thing in the morning.how to get ripped

Albina Muro@facebook

A minha vida é tão interessante para todo mundo que vou até ter que postar um "kkkkkkkkkkk" aqui na area de comentários porque todos tem que saber que eu ri dessa tirinha: aj dlsaf.potty train

Albina Muro@facebook

he baby is trying to break us up,” my husband announced. “And we have to work together to defeat him.” Once he put it like that, I actually felt better about the whole thing. While I was pregnant, I felt closer to Steve than I ever had before, and that was saying something.handsome factor ebook

dennishobson

This really answered my problem, thank you! madeira palsticaA1

Albina Muro@facebook

If you were a hyperlink I’d click you so hard. I’d click you every day, over and over, as many times as I possibly could. My roommates would be like “What’s he doing in there?!” because all they’d hear would be click click click click click click click. At night I’d click you last thing before falling asleep and then again first thing in the morning.paper-writing.typepad.com

psh
psh

This is some what a great post and innovative too. I am immensely pleasured with the auspicious article. Thanks!Video

Abdul Bari Khatri@facebook

If you were a hyperlink I’d click you so hard. I’d click you every day, over and over, as many times as I possibly could. My roommates would be like “What’s he doing in there?!” because all they’d hear would be click click click click click click click. At night I’d click you last thing before falling asleep and then again first thing in the morning.boost your bust review

2257543220@twitter

La partie que CNN soulignait était que le nouveau propriétaire ne possédait que le vignoble pendant deux jours.
csr racing hack
Je pense que CNN a essayé de marquer la coïncidence du calendrier. Je ne pense pas qu'ils essayaient d'obtenir les gens à en déduire que la vie de l'ancien propriétaire était moins important.

Alaa Roshrosh@facebook

@2257543220@twitter Working capital financing allows companies to invest in short-term assets that helps it operating successfully. It helps raising capital for prepaid business expenditure, like security deposits, licenses, insurance policies, and many more.فيس بوك

mks778

Wow, Some interesting facts about hyperlink, I got some updated knowledge about hyperlinks here :) Bundle of Thanks!

Boys Ankle Boots

Desouza

I was waiting for this type article and I have gained some useful information from this site. Thanks for sharing this information. Suspension training workouts

Desouza

This is just the information I am finding everywhere.Me and my friend were arguing about an issue similar to this! Now I know that I was right.Thanks for the information you post. vintage home decor

Desouza

You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most individuals will go along with with your website.
Crazy Diet Plan

alaxnn

Absolutely fantastic posting! Lots of useful information and inspiration,
ottawa scrap metal

Hworks

Digitextuality and Click Theory" in New Media: Theories and Practices of Digitextuality, Routledge, 2003 facebook hack

softs45

While I was pregnant, I felt closer to Steve than I ever had before, and that was saying something Regionalio

samm16

I pointed at you, rightclicked you, and opened you in a new tab. Little did I know that clicking you would soon become part of my daily routine. That a day without seeing you would feel incomplete.protein 5lbs

samm16

At night I’d click you last thing before falling asleep and then again first thing in the morning. garcinia cambogia extract pure

brokens456

You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most individuals will go along with with your website bubblegum casting

samm16

I’d feel happy and proud, and maybe a little jealous, knowing everyone’s checking you out, but then I’d remind myself that that’s OK, because you’re my hyperlink.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GR0ESK0

jackies45

In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before Seo Barcelona

alex123

Celebrate like crazy if you did. But you won’t, you can’t, and I could never love you. is bubblegum casting legitimate

Shwan

If you were a hyperlink I’d copy and paste you into the body of an email and send you to my friends and family. This would spark a series of long email chains congratulating me on finding such a wonderful hyperlink. green coffee bean extract side effects

Edmon

A person necessarily assist to make severely posts I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and up to now? I surprised with the analysis you made to create this actual put up incredible. Wonderful task! vigrx ingredients

Edmon

I would like to consider the opportunity of saying thanks to you for your professional assistance I have enjoyed browsing your site. I will be looking forward to the particular commencement of my college research and the complete preparation would never have been complete without checking out your site. If I may be of any assistance to others vigrx plus

Anjali Mittal@facebook

Thank you, I've been seeking for info about this subject matter for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far. дизайн студия интерьера

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account