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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

339

How to Talk to Women

Last week, at an annual issues conference in Virginia, House Republicans held a panel called “Successful Communication with Women and Minorities,” moderated by former 'Real World'-er Rachel Campos-Duffy. Here, a lady-script for both Democrats and Republicans.

Hey girl, what's up?

Did you see Downton Abbey last night?

Matthew looks so weird this season. I know — poor Edith.

Ugh, my legs are so sore from spinning.

It's, like, $35 a class. Super expensive. That's why [D: it's cool that taxes rates are staying low/R: it sucks that the government is taking all our money].

I like your bangs, but I think my face is too round. What do you think?

OMG, Anne Hathaway is so annoying.

I know, she did look good.

Is she pregnant, though?

Yeah, birth control [D: should be covered by insurance/R: shouldn't be covered by insurance].

Well, did you text him back? Here, let me look at what he said.

Can you pull him up on Facebook?

Do you think that picture makes it look like he might be gay?

I am totally [D: for/R: against] gay marriage, by the way.

Are you wearing Wicked? Or Really Red?

Is this your scarf? You dropped it on the floor.

I love it — is it J.Crew? It has been super cold out.

My skin is so dry from the wind. I think climate change is [D: most likely real/R: most likely real, but does it really matter?].

Awesome, okay. I'll see you later! Tell your mom I say hi.

 

Previously: Save the Date

Emma Rosenblum is an editor at Businessweek.



339 Comments / Post A Comment

Megasus

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@Megano! You forgot Banana Republic.

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@Ophelia (D) J Crew, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic / (R) Brooks Brothers, Eddie Bauer ??

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that makes you awesome!@t

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

good practice is putting lipstick on your hand and moving yr thumb up and down while talking in a high pitched voice

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@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood "And that's how I met your mother."

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@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood taco-flavored kisses

beanie

@madge oooh Ben!

Slutface

Don't you always go to Target for just one thing and end up at the register with a cart full of stuff?!

lavender gooms

@Slutface At least once a month.

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@Slutface If I go into a Sephora, and I'm not back in two hours: send a search party.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Can we also mention that this GOP panel was held at a former plantation? That once incarcerated/used/abused slaves? And the attendees were learning about talking to minorities?

It's like learning how to talk to LGBT people at a panel held at a specific fence post in Laramie, WY.

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Or setting up a 5k for Native Americans along the Trail of Tears.

SuperGogo

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose To be fair(er), it was in a room in a convention center named for the plantation. I think the bigger issue was that half the panel was white men and only one participant was a non-white male Representative.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@SuperGogo Oh, I mean, yeah, that's the bigger issue, but really, it's not like there's much redemptive value to this at all.

wee_ramekin

@SuperGogo I'm gonna go you one better and say the the BIGGEST issue is that they needed a fucking PANEL to learn how to talk to more than half of the population.

SuperGogo

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose True that. :)

@wee_ramekin More than half. Alas.

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin Also, I am a little scared that these panels will just enable them to keeping thinking the same fucked up shit about rape, equal pay, affirmative action, immigration, etc but instead cloak it in words that are appropriate for public consumption.

Because let's get real here: it's not like this panel is going to change any attendees' minds about the status of women and minorities in the US.

SuperGogo

@wee_ramekin I actually think it's encouraging. In the past, the GOP didn't give a rat's a** how to relate to women and minorities...because they didn't have to. Now they do--they're up against the ropes and are facing a "change or die" scenario. No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.

Ophelia

@SuperGogo I'm kind of hoping they go for option B.

fondue with cheddar

@wee_ramekin Ha! I just made pretty much this exact comment below.

formergr

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Just an FYI that at least until 4 years ago (and they still may be, I'm just no longer near the info), the Congressional Black Caucus holds or held its annual retreat at the same resort. So for once I'm not sure we can call out the Rs on this one...

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@formergr OK, but you have to admit, holding a panel on how white guys should talk to minorities at a place like that is a bit different than the Congressional Black Caucus being there.

Lily Rowan

I would like to make a vow not to say any of those things ever again, but seriously, what would I say then?? It can't be the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade every day.

SuperGogo

Hey GOP, here's a clue: STOP TALKING ABOUT APE-RAY!

annejumps@twitter

@SuperGogo On the contrary, I appreciate the warning they're giving when they talk about it and express their horrifying opinions.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@SuperGogo
Shhh, don't tell them that!! I need them to keep losing elections!

SuperGogo

@SuperGogo
Hey GOP, here's a clue: STOP KEEP TALKING ABOUT APE-RAY!

Fixed.

leonstj

@SuperGogo - WAIT it is BAD ENOUGH that all of these PEOPLE have guns but now they want to give RAYGUNS TO APES!?!?!?!?! That is just insane.

Miss Maszkerádi

@leon s Goddamnit Leon you scooped my punch line.

Bootsandcats

@SuperGogo I think I'd vote for someone who applied the "Tough on Crime" stance to being "Tough on Rape" - especially including acquaintance rape. That would be an interesting road for a governor to take.

Nutmeg

@SuperGogo It is bad that my first thought was OH MY GOD we have to get the ape-ray away from them before they destroy us all! Then, oh yeah, PIG LATIN- whatever, I'm bad at languages (and math, AMIRITE LADIES)

stuffisthings

@SuperGogo Wait, has some mad scientist developed an APE RAY? And only Republicans know about it?

This finally explains that time when G.W. was going on about human-animal hybrids in his state of the union speech.

dracula's ghost

This seems like as good a place as any to post this gem:

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/gob-tampons/1418195/

fondue with cheddar

@dracula's ghost "...and the boobs." HAHA I finally watched that and it was great, thanks.

fondue with cheddar

You know something's wrong when you need to hold a panel to teach yourselves how to talk to NEARLY HALF YOUR CONSTITUENTS.

Ophelia

@fondue with cheddar Well, not if they can keep them from voting.

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia They're doing a pretty good job of it so far. They're one step closer to White Male World Domination!

Ophelia

@fondue with cheddar The thing I always find most disturbingly funny is that the people who are really concerned about the government taking their guns away are the VERY SAME people who will never need to worry about the government taking their rights away.

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia That's just because they're not used to it like everyone else. They really don't know what it feels like to be marginalized. They complain about "reverse racism" and "the war on Christianity", and I really think they honestly believe it's the same as what other groups experience.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Ophelia These are the people in my state who voted that I would never have equal marriage or housing or employment rights based on my sexuality, but constantly scream about government intrusion.

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Don't you realize that your sins make you a lesser person and their rights are more important than yours?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fondue with cheddar All I know about my sins is they make me pretty happy, and I'm pretty good at them. *!WINK!*

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yeah...sinning is pretty great, isn't it? Maybe all those people who try to refrain are just too lazy to practice enough to do it well?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

It's got to be exhausting to be obsessed with something (the GOP and vaginas, for example) and terrified of it at the same time.

Miss Maszkerádi

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I just tried to make some really tortured pun about Moby Dick and a Republican dick-measuring contest but it just sounded so incredibly stupid that I didn't. :/

Inkling

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
"He loves and hates the vagina, as he loves and hates himself."

chevyvan

I know this is kinda beside the point of the post, but this is the first I'm hearing that Rachel from The Real World San Francisco married Tea Party Rep (R-WI) Sean Duffy from The Real World Boston (?) and according the her Wikipedia page they have 6 kids.

SuperGogo

@chevyvan !!!!! Everything in that Wikipedia page is amazing/craycray.

beanie

@SuperGogo they named their kids Evita and John-Paul?! No Puck or Genesis?

whizz_dumb

I know, poor people [D: are getting screwed and need any help they can get/R: are getting screwed just as we planned AH hahaha].

TARDIStime

@whizz_dumb THUMBSUPTHUMBSUPTHUMBSUPTHUMBSUP!

mixed emoticons

off-topic but related: what happened with your wedding, @Emma Rosenblum?

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the Congressional Black Caucus holds or held its annual retreat at the same resort. So for once I'm not sure we can call out the Rs on this one...
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

I am a little scared that these panels will just enable them to keeping thinking the same fucked up shit about rape, equal pay, affirmative action, immigration, etc but instead cloak it in words that are appropriate for public consumption.
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sigma

The thing I always find most disturbingly funny is that the people who are really concerned about the government taking their guns away are the VERY SAME people who will never need to worry about the government taking their rights away.
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

the Congressional Black Caucus holds or held its annual retreat at the same resort. So for once I'm not sure we can call out the Rs on this one...
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sigma

The thing I always find most disturbingly funny is that the people who are really concerned about the government taking their guns away are the VERY SAME people who will never need to worry about the government taking their rights away.
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sigma

The thing I always find most disturbingly funny is that the people who are really concerned about the government taking their guns away are the VERY SAME people who will never need to worry about the government taking their rights away.
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

Resale prices of completed non-landed private homes slipped 0.4 percent in February from the month before as prices dropped in both the central and non-central regions
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sigma

I think the bigger issue was that half the panel was white men and only one participant was a non-white male Representative.
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sigma

Can we also mention that this GOP panel was held at a former plantation? That once incarcerated/used/abused slaves? And the attendees were learning about talking to minorities.
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.

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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

I'm gonna go you one better and say the the BIGGEST issue is that they needed a fucking PANEL to learn how to talk to more than half of the population.
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sigma

it was in a room in a convention center named for the plantation. I think the bigger issue was that half the panel was white men and only one participant was a non-white male Representative.
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sigma

To be fair(er), it was in a room in a convention center named for the plantation. I think the bigger issue was that half the panel was white men and only one participant was a non-white male Representative.
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sigma

I'm gonna go you one better and say the the BIGGEST issue is that they needed a fucking PANEL to learn how to talk to more than half of the population.
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I am a little scared that these panels will just enable them to keeping thinking the same fucked up shit about rape, equal pay, affirmative action, immigration, etc but instead cloak it in words that are appropriate for public consumption.
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That once incarcerated/used/abused slaves? And the attendees were learning about talking to minorities
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sigma

No amount of panels is going to teach them how to bluff their way through becoming an increasing minority themselves, with increasingly unpopular stances to boot. At least that's my hope.
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sigma

holding a panel on how white guys should talk to minorities at a place like that is a bit different than the Congressional Black Caucus being there.
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sigma

holding a panel on how white guys should talk to minorities at a place like that is a bit different than the Congressional Black Caucus being there.
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sigma

holding a panel on how white guys should talk to minorities at a place like that is a bit different than the Congressional Black Caucus being there.
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sigma

the Congressional Black Caucus holds or held its annual retreat at the same resort. So for once I'm not sure we can call out the Rs on this one...
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