Wednesday, January 9, 2013


How to Be a Man, According to Richard Marx

No explanation for why you write that I’m “shameless?” You act pretty tough sitting alone in your little room behind your laptop.

If you’d written you hated my music, that’s cool. Like I could give a shit. But saying I’m “shameless” calls into question my character and integrity.

This is my hometown…where my kids live…where my mother lives…and this will not stand with me.

Would you say that to my face? Let’s find out. I’ll meet you anywhere in the city, any time. I don’t travel again until the end of the week. Let’s hash this out like men.

Never heard of you in my life before, but between various columnist/radio friends and an array of people at NBC, I now know plenty about you. You don’t know anything about me. But you’re about to.

This isn’t going away.

Richard Marx

Oh snap. Edward McClelland said something on his blog about Richard Marx and Richard Marx saw it and Richard Marx was not happy. And then they hashed it out like men!

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“I’ve been getting emails from some guy who says he’s Richard Marx,” I said. “I think it’s an impostor. The only thing that makes me think it might really be Richard Marx is that it’s from an AOL account.”

I laughed out loud at that.


@Emby I laughed out loud at “He was a terrible tipper and a real douche,” my editor said. “We used to argue about who had to serve him. His wife is taller than he is.”


Freaking awesome! @j

Judith Slutler

That was hilarious.

Also, being a man (according to Richard Marx) sounds pretty tiring!


@Emmanuelle Cunt It is very exhausting having to defend one's honor at all times, in one's hometown, where my mother lives. That is why I moved, frankly. The nigh-hourly fistfights and beer summits over men's honor were taking their toll.

Judith Slutler

@Emby If I were a man I'd probably have to abandon any wives and children I happened to have, and live in obscurity so that they would be unlikely to hear anything bad about me.


“Why couldn’t you have insulted someone cool?” he asked me. “Like Iggy Pop or Keith Richards?”


@noReally "How about Billy Corgan? He's on my mail route." The Lighthouse is my kind of bar.


@ru_ri “You should send him an email and tell him you’ll be right here waiting for him,” Paddy suggested. #LOLing 4eva

RK Fire

@wee_ramekin I think that was my favorite line about the meeting.



Paddy is the best in a roomful of awesome.


I love stories like this so much.

I was really hoping he'd find evidence that Marx covered Billy Joel's anthem "Shameless," which was released around the same time Richard Marx was popular, and that he'd be able to say that was why he called him shameless. But this was all ultimately better.


Richard Marx probably should've known better.


@leon s A++ commenting would read comments again.


@leon s Richard Marx forgot that it don't mean nothing, the words that they say.


"he was trembling" I found this quite touching. i mean the guy is trying to put on this macho front and making a huge deal out of essentially nothing but in person he's actually probably a little bit frightened, but he feels like he has to go through iwith it... patriarchy is a trap for everyone?

Lisa Frank

@iceberg On the other hand, I now know who Ted McClelland is and thought about Richard Marx for the first time in twenty years.

Reginal T. Squirge


I think it's more that stupidity is a trap for everyone.

Lily Rowan

Everything about that story is amazing.


@Lily Rowan there is something so mind-blowing about Richard Marx calling someone out like that...

"Hey @tedmcclelland I'm running some errands. Should I stop and pick you up some tampons?"

just... wow.


@noodge I think that was a little disappointing too. He's okay with calling out Todd Akin on legitimate rape, but then makes a misogynistic swipe at McClelland? That was SHAMEFUL.

RK Fire

@Kinloch You better watch out, or he's going to come after you too!


@noodge I have never understood that insult. Are men offended by it? Is the response ever anything other than just, "Um, no?" Has anyone ever responded by shouting, "HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE THAT I MENSTRUATE?"

Judith Slutler

@HeyThatsMyBike I would have been like, "hell yeah, go pick up some tampons for me, Richard Marx."


@RK Fire If he does, I'll remind him there are so many great insults out there that don't have anything to do with implying that being womanly is a terrible jab. Just off the top of my head, he could have said "Should I stop and pick you up some baby food?" - and I'll be right here waiting for his apology.

RK Fire

@Kinloch That would've been a lot better! Also your last phrase makes me wish that the author had gotten into a flame war with Richard Marx using his lyrics.


@RK Fire Now that would be great. I'd 'hold on to the memories' of that.

RK Fire

@Kinloch I really wanted to reply with another Richard Marx reference, but I think I'm all out of songs I'm familiar with. I wanted to say something about something "cutting like a knife" but apparently that's a Bryan Adams song.

I also just realized that I think Bryan Adams and Richard Marx are interchangeable.


@RK Fire So I guess you want me to please forgive you, cause you know not what you do?

(I just realized just how many Bryan Adams/Richard Marx lyrics I do know. Time to open a bottle of wine and drink my shame. Also completely understandable to believe they are interchangeable, is "Everything I Do(I Do it For You) not the lovechild of "Right Here Waiting"...?)


I did not know who Richard Marx was before this article, but I don't think that diminished my enjoyment of it. Amazing.


I realize that it is only the ninth day of the year, but goddamn, this story is going to be so hard to beat as tale of the year

Everything. Every single thing about this is hilarious and kind of touching and humanizing and unimaginable.


@karion I agree 100%. Also, "Right Here Waiting" is the first song I ever remember hearing.


OK, was I the only one disappointed that "hashing it out like men" meant hanging out in a bar and talking out their issues? I expected there to be more fisticuffs involved. Don't get me wrong, the story is awesome and hilarious! I just thought the "hashing it out" was a little anticlimactic.

Jane Marie

@koko well, he didn't say "duke it out," but yeah, i feel ya. :)

P.J. Morse

@koko If fisticuffs had been involved, it probably would have looked like the awkward "fight" between Lane Pryce and Pete Campbell on "Mad Men."


Hold the mothereffing phone. Do you all realize that Richard Marx is married to Penny from Dirty Dancing? Penny, the dancing instructor, who had the botched abortion?

You guys. We live in magical times




That is exactly what one would imagine would happen to Penny.


@karion WHAT?!?! How does Edward McClelland explain his obfuscation of that INCREDIBLY SALIENT FACT with this: "(According to Wikipedia, Richard Marx married a singer/dancer/actress who performed in the “Don’t Mean Nothing” video.)"?

Barry Grant


Well, he did say he was listening to a lot of punk rock in the '80s. Probably didn't wait in line overnight for the first showing of Dirty Dancing either, I'm guessing.


@karion This is tangentially related, but on election night, I was talking to a friend when Romney was way, way in the lead, and I was close to having a breakdown, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: If Romney wins, America's going to be like that town in Footloose with no dancing, no sex, no rock and roll!

Friend: I've never seen Footloose; can you put this in terms of Dirty Dancing?

Me: Hm, oh, okay, it's going to be like that part of Dirty Dancing where the one girl almost dies of a botched abortion - A LITTLE TOO ON THE NOSE.

~ And Scene

I hate that goddamn movie.

I love this article, though.

evil melis


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