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Monday, January 7, 2013

146

Hair Day

This past weekend I was sick. Really sick. Like head-on-the-bathroom-tiles, wish-I-was-dead-because-dead-people-can’t-puke sick. So Monday morning, when I finally felt better enough to not cry at the concept of eating a water cracker, I decided to perk myself up and beautify.

Luckily (although later it would turn out to be UNLUCKILY, like cursed-for-100 years-after-breaking-77-mirrors-and-crossing-paths-with-1,000-black-cats-while-walking-under-endless-ladders unluckily), I had purchased a product that promised a “perfect blow dry." The vials of “Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector” were sitting on my shelf.

I wish I had left them there. Instead, I put on the plastic gloves, which really should have been the first red flag — what kind of hair sleek-ening product promises such silky softness and sensual smoothness that it requires you to protect your hands from it? Did I take the hint and run the other way like I should have?

No.

Blame the virus I just battled, or maybe blame the fact that I’ve been programmed to accept and submit to preposterous products and processes in the name of “beauty.” A stranger seeing my butthole before ripping out its innocent protective hairs? Yeah, sounds okay. Strapping talons to my feet? No prob! I even have friends who wear suffocating Spanx every day “because I feel more, well, me!” What?!

So I read the instructions, which include a disclaimer along the lines of “it's natural for this product to have an odor.” I highlight my hair (another concession to beauty at the price of health and sanity — put a zillion chemicals near my brain? Okay!) and I figured I’m used to the smell of hair products. No prob, I thought.

I opened the vial of serum (it’s a two-step process: serum and then some other goo). Words cannot describe. But for you, I’ll try.

It was like being slapped by an egg salad as it sat, vomiting, on a turd. It was like being hugged by a sea-cucumber excreting maggots who were each suffering from dysentery. It was like dying, then having your corpse worn as a corpse-hat by a haberdasher who's into that sort of thing, then having him die, and his corpse-hat-corpse being worn as a hat by his apprentice who takes over the millinery shop. It was like gout. It was like Bambi’s mother’s death. And then her zombie. Snacking on that skunk Flower.

And so, I put it all over my hair. 

WHY DID I DO THIS? I don’t know! Wait, I do know! Because of the above-mentioned insanity of thinking femininity somehow requires suffering, pain, and horrible, fetid, noxious smells. My best friend just revealed to me that she's gotten needles of Botox in her crows feet at 31. Crows feet she got from a teenhood addiction to tanning beds. Pain on pain, and potentially, even deeper pain from cancerous disease and disaster. But boy do the corners of her eyes look like a baby’s bottom!

At one point, my cat came into the bathroom, where I was standing with a towel draped around my neck, because the package advised that I might not want to let this stuff touch my skin. (Another red flag I insanely did not recognize.) Mind you, he’s a vocal cat, and sensitive to smells — like when he smells salad dressing, his blue eyes close up like he’s a furry little feline stoner — but he shot out of the bathroom yowling.

Yowling.

Soon, I would be too. As I dipped into the shower after sitting for 20 minutes with the stuff — because, I figured, once I had this regurgitated-egg-yolk, fish feces, goat entrails potion on my head, I might as well grit and bear it for the recommended time — I touched, at last, my hair.

It felt like the sun bleached hayfields of a Monet painting. It felt like the Brillo pad that's been crusting and rusting to the edge of my sink. It felt like Garth Algar’s coif after a trip through the Serengeti. It felt like pain. No, wrath.

I actually screamed “What have I done?” to no one, while bent over the tub.

I washed it out again, and still my head stank. I opened the windows. I moaned like Ludo in Labyrinth, my favorite movie, when he gets sent to the Bog of Eternal Stench and has to step over the rocks that jut up out of the murk, and every time he treads on one it emits wild, popping farts.

Only the bog was my hair.

On the Garnier website, there are a number of positive reviews for this product, presumably from people who a) hate themselves, b) hate other people, c) are insane, d) cannot smell, e) cannot feel texture, or f) all of the above, in which case, I really do forgive them for writing those reviews, because that sounds like a tough life.

But below the handful of positive reviews from insane-os are scores of real reviews. A sampling:

  • SaraW: “The instructions warn there will be an odor but the smell was so much worse than I ever thought it would be.”
  • Maki418: “The smell is horrible and it will not go away. I've washed my hair over and over and it still smells. Now my hair is like rubber.”
  • KimMie88: “It smells so bad my husband had to leave the house.”
  • KimV: “The only way I can describe it is like if you put NAIR on it and washed it out before it completely melted it”
  • MAD1: “can't even comb my hair it looks like and old piece of carpet!”

 

And that’s on the company website! Amazon has more horror stories.

So I sprayed a billion spritzes of perfume into my hair while I styled it with a blowdyer and a straightening iron, and in the end it looked exactly like it always does after I blow-dry and straighten it, with the main difference being that it feels one zillion times worse and smells like death.

To top if off, my eyes sting from where I spritzed them (the instructions say to go to the hospital if you get it in your eyes, FYI, but the funny thing is that your hair is right next to your eyes), and I now have old woman fingers where I accidentally got some on me. Like crone-style, which kind of matches my odor, so at least I have consistency going for me.

Am I a victim of my own vanity? Hells yes. But are the people at Garnier at least partially responsible for marketing a product like this to women under such a fuzzy name as “blow-dry perfector” rather than the chemical slop of

water, Cysteine, Ethanolamine*, PEG-14 Dimethicone, Hexadimethrine Chloride, Aminomethyl Propanol, Polysorbate 20, Oleth-20, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Hydroxypropyl Guar, Cetrimonium Chloride, Dimethicone PEG-7 Phosphate, Parfum/Fragrance, Pentasodium Pentetate.

(*Ethanolamine, by the by, according to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration of the United States Department of Labor, causes “central nervous system depression in exposed animals” at certain levels, and don’t even get me started on Hexadimethrine Chloride.)

But a more appropriate point of blame would be assenting to the notion held by many — myself included — that beauty is pain, pain beauty. (Note they never say that about “handsomeness.”) That concept is what allowed this disgusting product to exist, and what made me slather it on my head. Even my already brutalized stomach flipped and flopped a resounding “don’t do it! Please dear God don’t do it!”

My hair — and the colleagues who sit by my cubicle and have been hit by its wafting stench with the ferocity of a cartoon hand symbolizing "stink" every few minutes — are the worse for this morning’s mistake. But I think, maybe, I’m for the better.

Hairiette Hirsute is the fake name of a writer whose company does not permit opinion writing but who felt it her civic duty to share the horrors of this morning's misadventure. Also, her hair is naturally straight, which just makes this worse.



146 Comments / Post A Comment

Judith Slutler

This is a Hair Tragedy and I'm so glad Ms. H was willing to resort to using a pseudonym in order to get the word out. I hope your hair gets well soon, Hairiette!

jhonsons

this is seriously good.@j

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Aaaaaaaaah this sounds horrible. I'm curious - if you've got straight hair, what, exactly, is the perfect blow dry? My hair is weird wavy/curly and blow dries in about 600 different ways, depending on its mood. Is that the same for straight hair?

Minx

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Oh, same as everyone wants, I suppose. Volume that lasts and zero frizz or heat damage. You know, the blow dry you can't get without the aid of costly products (and even then, I certainly can't make it look like how my hairdresser does it).

Megasus

The description of the smell is the best thing I have read all day.

Pretty much anything they use to chemically straighten your hair is bad for you. Brazilian Blow Outs are particularly bad, and usually expensive, so I can't imagine that a cheap, at home treatment wouldn't be horrible.

Boopsy

@Megano! The description of the smell! I'm really jealous of her ability to write such a beautiful(ly horrific) description.

selenalynn

@Megano! Thirded. Truly awesome writing.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

Ew, cysteine is a sulfur-containing amino acid. Is that what causes the stink? Sorry you were a putrid pariah.

cherrispryte

Laughing so hard I may be tearing up in my office.

You had me at haberdasher.

Also, dear lord, read more Amazon reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Garnier-Fructis-Style-Smoothing-Perfector/dp/B003QUHWT8

Hot Doom

@cherrispryte Right? I snorted and giggled gleefully by the time we were up to 'It was like gout.' but the addition of the Ludo visuals in the bog of eternal stench sent me into a full sputtering mess.

Nicole Cliffe

@cherrispryte corpse-hat-corpse!!

martinipie

@Hot Doom I know omg, Ludo is the best thing ever...SMELL! SMELLLLLLLLLL!

Kulojam

@cherrispryte I had to leave my desk and go to a meeting room and laugh it out. Amazing descriptions - hats off Hairiette Hirsute.

anachronistique

@cherrispryte From Amazon, "NEGATIVE 58 STARS!!!!"

That's... precise.

jenergy

Olive oil. Rub it all up in your (dry) hair, wrap it up in a towel (I stick a plastic shopping bag on my head under the towel... looks goofy as hell but makes laundry easier) and let it sit there for 20 minutes or so. Wash it out. Soft, lovely, less-flyaway hair.

This works great on my straight, chemically lightened hair. About once a month. And it doesn't stink!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@jenergy Yesssss. Olive, coconut, jojoba, almond. They are all wonderful. I might have to do this tonight.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@OhMyGoshYouGuys
Does using coconut oil make you smell like dessert? To be clear, I would see that as a plus.

dk
dk

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I use almond oil with a few drops of chamomile oil on my kid's head to break up cradle cap, and after I wash it out his head smells like HEAVEN. True, he is a baby, and supposedly baby heads already smell heavenly. But this just makes him smell BETTER.

martinipie

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I'm worried if this writer used coconut oil on her stinky hair it would just smell like....SWEET sulfurous death, which would be even WORSE.

Mariajoseh

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll the virgin, organic coconut oils smells a litte, but not as much as olive (which always makes me feel like I'm a giant salad)

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Maybe a little if you used unrefined coconut oil (refined doesn't smell like coconut). And it'd be subtle since it's not artificially scented. Which WOULD be lovely.

angelinha

@jenergy Do you wash it out with shampoo or just water?

packedsuitcase

@Mariajoseh Yeah, I feel like I smell like pasta when I use olive oil. It's not unpleasant, it's just...pasta-y. I'm liking a combination of coconut oil and honey right now. Moisturizing and smells delicious.

A. Louise

@OhMyGoshYouGuys This! I love olive oil masks. I also use Organix Morrocan Argan oil as a grown up No-More Tangles (My hair is super fine and curly, so I think it actively is trying to dreadlock itself) and it works wonderfully on my sometimes-fried ends. The deep-conditioner is amazing too, but more expensive and I use globs of it instead of just a small dot of oil, so the oil is more cost-effective.

To be fair, I also still use No-More Tangles on occasion. The bottle's not the same, but it still works pretty well!

Sam I am

@jenergy I love coconut oil, but mustard oil is pretty good for your hair too!

coolallison

This reminds me of the Seinfeld where Elaine's hair smells like B.O. and it won't wash out.

evil melis

"strapping talons to my feet" WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING ON YOUR FEET

evil melis

is this a metaphor for high heeled shoes?

Lily Rowan

@evil melis I certainly hope so, because I'm still talking about the woman I saw with acrylic nails on her toes, years ago.

empathicalist

@Lily Rowan - I'VE SEEN THESE! Were they so long the woman HAD to wear open-toed shoes? Gives me the squickies.

Lily Rowan

@minijen YES. It was in Phoenix, so I guess there is more time to wear open-toed shoes, but I have definitely used it as an example of how Phoenix is weird. (I've been there twice, so am obviously an expert....)

cherrispryte

@evil melis I feel like some designer put out talon shoes at some point recently?

ALSO DID YOU WRITE THIS BECAUSE IF SO I WOULD LIKE TO MAIL YOU SOMETHING BAKED AND DELECTABLE.

evil melis

@cherrispryte no, I don't ever do anything to my hair

Nicole Cliffe

Technically, evil melis, shouldn't you say you wrote it in order to shake her down for baked goods?

cherrispryte

@Nicole Cliffe Sure, take advantage of the fact that I'm trying to do a "pay it forward" thing via internet baked goods. AHEM.

fondue with cheddar

I'm sensitive to smells, so I cannot IMAGINE what I would do if I encountered this stuff. Thank you for sharing your story (and amusing us with your colorful odor descriptions)!

P.S. I love it when cats make those stoner-faces when they sniff certain things. One of mine does it with mint and it never ceases to amuse me.

leonstj

Oh man, one time in college we decided to perm my hair with a home perm kit in one of the dorms. The smell was not entirely dissimilar to that described above. I was forced to buy an entire floor beer for the night in penance for the destruction.

And, of course, home perm kits turn out to not even work.

Frankie's Girl

I've done the Brazilian Blowout twice, at my hairdressers, for an insane to me amount of money ($220).

First time, it was like angels had caressed my hair and made it smooth and glossy and it lasted for something like 14 weeks.

Second time, it was okay, but the frizz crept back in within 5 weeks. My hairdresser said they changed the formula, so we'll not be doing that again.

Both times, it smelled WEIRD and I remember thinking, "Well, it's not as bad as getting a perm smell!"

I've got some goop for a BB home treatment, and tried it once with okay results (for under $20) but the stuff has to stay in your hair after using a straightener for 2-3 days. It makes you look GREASY, and you have to just LIVE WITH IT. I felt like my hair was so gross by the time I got to wash it out... and for the first day, you have a weird burny-oil-chemical smell to boot.

I honestly don't know why women do this sort of thing. I really don't, and I do it to myself so you'd think I'd have a clue.

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@Frankie's Girl It worked less well the 2nd time, because they were forced to take formaldehyde out of it.

Sam I am

@Kira-Lynn@twitter But really, you dont want formaldehyde near your pores.

Hellcat

@Frankie's Girl Is Brazilian blowout the same as the keratin thing? I had a keratin treatment on my (wavy, prone-to-frizz-and-tangles, fake-blond) hair over the summer of 2011 and only in the last couple of months did it "disappear" (and even so, I still feel a difference... though it may be slightly more prone to static now). It was expensive(ish) but worth it, I think...but now I am hesitant to do it again (though I think I had something with no bad stuff in it). Maybe I just got lucky--a first in my entire relationship with my hair, I'd venture.

There's a keratin shampoo and conditioner I really liked and I can't remember its name at the moment. It's in brown, pear-shape(ish) bottles and inexpensive...

Frankie's Girl

@Hellcat
Could it be Organix? It has cute little roundish bottles and is sulfate free and I think they came out with a keratin one... I love that whole line cause it's pretty decent on my hair, but mostly because of the scents - I want to eat my hair after using the coconut one!

Hellcat

@Frankie's Girl YES! Why can I never remember that name? Cheap, easy to find--it's a miracle! I'm wondering if I can just use that and never get the keratin treatment again because I hate the couple of days you have to go without a ponytail--man, is that hard!

camanda

Thankfully I am incapable of fully imagining the smell of this nightmare. I subject myself to Veet once in a while because I hate shaving, and that makes me want to barf. Never mind nightmare death gloop burped up from the bowels of hell. Seriously, we know we're ridiculous for using this stuff -- does it have to smell like ass, too?

Changeling

This was amazing.
Also, I just gotta say it - his name is Ludo! Sorry to shatter the illusion!

Edith Zimmerman

@Changeling UPDATED! Thank you!!

MmeLibrarian

Can all the ladies up in here with wavy/curly hair gather into a circle, hug, and promise to stop giving these horrible people money to destroy our excellent hair?

Summer Somewhere

@MmeLibrarian Yes! The Curly Girl forums changed my life forever, and made me want to go back in time and light my teenage beauty magazine subscriptions on fire for being such liars (or directed toward a very not-me beauty standard anyway).

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@MmeLibrarian Can we also get all of the good products un-discontinued? I feel like everything that I ever liked that was affordable, was discontinued.

This is my new username

@Summer Somewhere Mmmm what is this curly girl forum you speak of and what kind of magic does it contain?

sarah girl

@MmeLibrarian I've finally, in my mid-20s, accepted my wavy hair and decided to stop even trying to straighten it. It takes forever (I have really thick hair), I hate having to wake up early to do it, and inevitably it re-waves within about 45 minutes. Now, I put in some spray-in wavy hair stuff, scrunch it and let it air-dry, and it looks 500x better. Hooray for wavy hair!

beams!

@Sarah H. ah I wish hair would do that. I have what I call stupid waves - my hair is mostly straight but not exactly, it has a terrible flat wave to it. It's also super thin. I'm super jealous of this spray-in/scrunch thing people can do! I've tried, to no avail.

This is my new username

@Summer Somewhere Do you have any suggestions for silicone-free conditioners and styling products? I think I am going to try this method. I am already only using shampoo every few days, so I feel like going all in and trying this curly girl method seems like it should work for me.

Ophelia

@This is my new username L'oreal just came out with a sulfate- and silicone-free shampoo and conditioner line that I like a lot. It does have a pretty strong fragrance (for shampoo), but it does NOT smell like Death, just a bit to floral-y for my personal preference.

Summer Somewhere

@This is my new username - I use Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle conditioner for my co-wash and Moroccan Oil Moisture Repair Conditioner afterward as conditioner. I use the DevaCurl line of styling products (Set It Free for frizz and either their gel or frizz-free volumizing foam for hold, depending on how humid it is), which were developed by the same woman who developed the Curly Girl method. The people on the forums might have advice for other/cheaper products though. Also I only use lukewarm-to-cold water to rinse my hair and bought a microfiber towel to dry it with. I don't always take the time to style my hair in the morning, but when I do, it looks *so* much better.

NiceDress

@This is my new username I can recommend the L'Oreal EverSleek conditioner, which I've been using regularly for almost a year now. I think the line has some styling products as well. It's sulfate and silicone-free, and the label says it uses argan, sunflower, and olive oils. I like it because it imparts enough moisture to make my fine, color-treated hair soft without weighing it down, and seems to prevent the frizzies. It has a subtle, clean smell, and it's pretty cheap. I'm all in favor of air-drying... I almost never blow-dry any more, and when I do it makes me hair feel dry and shed more than usual. Good luck!

This is my new username

@NiceDress Thank you both for the suggestions. I plan to start this just as soon as I use up my expensive fancy/expensive Aveda products that are of sulphates and silicones ;)

synchronized
synchronized

Just checked out the Amazon reviews for this product and am duly horrified. I don't like looking up reviews for every beauty product I buy -- I feel that checking the peanut gallery's opinion on everything would make me more neurotic -- but this may change my mind. Thanks for sharing your story, O brave warrior.

JessicaLovejoy

@synchronized I'm the exact opposite! I won't drop a buck on so much as an eye pencil if the ladies at Makeupalley haven't thoroughly vetted it.

JessicaLovejoy

@Where Pies Go When They Die Taking off a lippie for rampant corruption!

LeafySeaDragon

@synchronized i always check reviews for everything. i have super sensitive everything (snowflake!) so if one person out of 10 has an issue my luck it will happen to me too.

highfivesforall

LUUUUUDOOOOOO

Roxanne Rholes

@highfivesforall Hey lady! Where you goin' with a stinky heeeaaaaad like that?

lora.bee

@highfivesforall Stench? Of what speakest thou?

Vera Knoop

@lora.bee The air is sweet! And fragrant! And none may pass without my permission!

City_Dater

Talk about taking a hit for the team... Bless you.

If you added this to the Amazon reviews, Garnier would probably send you completely new hair of your choosing.

HairietteHirsute

@City_Dater did it! https://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A29GWLK1PT4GMZ?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0 Thanks for all the love Hairpinners, you would be less loving though if you were in the radius of my stench bubble. xx Hairiette

Jane Marie

stench aside, the directions do say it'll damage highlighted hair. always read the fine print! i'm so sorry this happened to your head :(

Mandalas

Ugh, Garnier products! When I was a younger person I worked in a drug store and found a box of Garnier hair dye discounted. I snatched it up and a few days later set out to dye my hair with this luscious auburn dye. In the 15 or so years that I dyed my hair I never had a serious color mishap with the exception of this one box of dye. My hair was not auburn, it was an iridescent orange and it smelled very strong and very bad. I went to work an hour or so after dying it, with my hair pulled back to hide, as best I could, my glowing tresses but people kept asking what smelled like perm whenever I was around. I swore off all Garnier products after that.

yrouttasight

@Mandalas This happened to me! I've been dying my hair red for many years, and one month I bought a box of Garnier on a whim (it was on sale, and I was broke at the time).

My hair was FUNKY, and not in a good way. The color was Bozo orange. I had to go to a funeral the next day, too! Good thing all anyone could smell was the funeral home flowers.

LeafySeaDragon

@Mandalas i think they changed the formula? i used it for years (brown) and it was fine. then i used it once and my hair was straw!

anachronistique

Oh my god, this is horrlarious. My sympathies, but also my congrats for writing about this so well.

Ashley_Grace

By far the funniest thing I've read in a while. While I'm so sorry the smell has ruined your relationships with your cat and co-workers, this made my day.

KzintiTx

Use It's a 10 Miracle Mask - it was a godsend to me when my normally glossy, soft straight hair suddenly became brittle and dry.

Now I'm losing my hair, thanks to chemotherapy, but will use it again when I get my hair back.

sprayfaint

In brighter news, I got a sample of this new (?) John Frieda heat activated styling spray and it really DID make my blowout smoother, and doesn't smell like a corpse. And I am one frizzy-headed gal. Now if they'd only bring back their discontinued straightening balm that was the onnnnly thing that would keep my curls sleek...

par_parenthese

@sprayfaint I might have the same stuff? I love it so far. It's making my horribly grown-out, too-long-since-my-last-trim hair look actually shiny and nice for once in my life!

babs

My hair cringed while I read this.

I'm really lazy about trimming my long hair, so the ends get really, really dry and kind of icky looking, but hair masks/shampoos/anything from Phytojojoba straightens things right out. You can find it at Sephora. And from the drugstore I like Joico's K-Pak deep conditioner, which at $14 a tube isn't cheap, but isn't as much as the Phyto.

Maryaed

That was beautiful. And smelly.

bookworm

So sorry this happened to you. Did you see this in one of the negative reviews on Amazon? Might be worth a shot.

"I called Garnier a week or so after I used the product to complain. After being passed around a few customer service reps, I ended up with a service manager. I explained what had happened and, to my surprise, she volunteered to pay for restorative treatment and deep conditioner. My reimbursement check came today. I won't ever use this product again, and I'm still leery of Garnier now, but it's good to know they will make things right if you ask."

beams!

Holy shit, I almost tried this stuff! My hair is naturally straight but I'm on a constant and ludicrous quest to make it even straighter. Thanks for the warning and I'm so sorry about your hair!!

LeafySeaDragon

@beams! hair masks? they always make my hair hang so much better.

beams!

@LeafySeaDragon yeah I wanna try one of those...I use this glaze from john freida every day and it's pretty amazing too. You can totally tell the difference when you don't use it.

jule_b_sorry

"head-on-the-bathroom-tiles, wish-I-was-dead-because-dead-people-can’t-puke sick"

Oh god, I have this right now and it is horrrriiibbblleeeee. Please tell me I will eventually be able to something with fluids other than violently expel them while writhing around in stomach pain (sorry if too gross, but OMG New Yorkers WASH YOUR HANDS this week b/c some seriously bad ish is going around). Ugh.

HairietteHirsute

@jule_b_sorry So sorry! You'll be ok. I'm ok! My hair isn't, but I am! 30 hours duration max. :(

Ophelia

@jule_b_sorry ah, honey, yuck. Get some pedialyte popsicles, and hang in there!

BRB, washing my hands...

jule_b_sorry

@HairietteHirsute oh thank you- the reassurance is helpful, b/c this is actually the sickest I've felt in a long time. Saw husband go through it over the weekend, and he had the same result...back to biz in about 30 hours.

Reading the article definitely lightened my spirits some, so your hair-karma def did some good even if your actual hair suffered. :(

This is my new username

@Ophelia There is such a thing as pedialyte popsicles?!? I think I maybe need to get those for hangover mornings...

LeafySeaDragon

if anyone has recc's for DELICATE! fine! oily! hair i need them!

currently i am loving Blousey by lush with burt's bees GUD vanilla conditioner and john freida fine shampoo and conditioner (not natural at all - but a girl gets desperate). sulfates are not my friend, but most natural sulfate free stuff destroys my hair because it's too strong!

i ran out of my blousey sample so i needed to mix it up with my old stuff but as far as i can tell blousey is the clooest ever. it's like - bananas and frankincense and myrhh.

has anyone used wen? the infomerical is persuasive.

emmanuellep

@LeafySeaDragon Yes, WEN is a great product. Leaves hair soft, shiny and smelling great. However, you need to use A LOT of product if you have long hair and you have to leave in for a long time...the longer the better. It's more like a conditioning treatment that is also a shampoo. Hair looks great after blowdrying, but kind of greasy the next day. Not great for someone who isn't into daily hair washing, and if you are into daily hair washing you'll use up the bottle within a week cause you need to use so much of it.

does it need saying

I'm a little late, but maybe put some dry baking soda in your hair for a while to see if it will absorbe the smell? Or rinse with vinegar? Or both?
Also most of the moisturizing products in the ethnic section of your pharmacy will help the straw texture (plus it's usually cheaper there than anywhere else).
As a side note, check youtube for "normal hair" by Micah Bournes

theinvisiblecunt

Yo don't write this off as a nightmarish outlier either, Garnier Fructis products in general are complete bullshit. I'm not too much of a snob for drugstore merch when it actually works, but every gel or spray or whatever of theirs that I've ever tried was a disaster. Avoid.

squishycat

@theinvisiblecunt Really? I've had no real problem with their products, but I pretty much exclusively use detanglers and leave-in-conditioner rather than any blow-dry treatments, since my hair is already mostly straight and only frizzes up if it's really humid or I sleep on it wet (but It's almost always humid where I live, so...). I have a couple of products that I use right now with pretty good results for the price, and they smell nice.

theinvisiblecunt

@squishycat, oh, I guess I mean to say that I personally had awful experiences, but it's been a few years since I swore off of them so I can't name the exact products anymore, although the detangler was not one I tried.

Frankie's Girl

I forgot (or blocked due to trama) that for most of my late teen years, into my 20s, I had the nickname of "fluffy" due to the fact that I had bleached out and colored my hair so many times, it had the texture (and color) of a q-tip. Good times.

I do think that using olive oil might help soften and moisturize the damage. Wow - thanks for the heads-up on that product.

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Soooooo, according to one of the Amazon reviews, there's a class action lawsuit pending in CA: http://www.amazon.com/review/R2IPN5RB3PX47R/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B003QUHWT8&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

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All I can think of is what was happening back at the Garnier laboratoire...

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"reduction in drying time"? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY? That's scary...

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I believe that this product is terrible, but I would like to mention that a lot of these animal studies expose poor creatures to ridiculously high amounts of chemical for extended periods of time--usually at least LD50 (the dose at which 50% of those exposed will die)--far more than any human can reasonably expect to be in contact w/. This renders the studies pretty much useless for determining chemicals' effects on humans in the real world, not to mention that they're an unspeakably cruel mode of experimentation.
In this case, if you take a look at the toxicological studies available on the OSEA pg in the link, you'll see that's the case. For instance, rats who received over 300 mg of the stuff FOR 90 DAYS (which would be equivalent to the average American female eating ~22 GRAMS /every day for three months/) showed no ill effects.
Bottom line: I'd be worrying less about Garnier-induced CNS depression and more about any time spent in tanning beds.

D.@twitter

@D.@twitter To clarify: here I'm citing the OSEA info about Ethanolamine. Sorry, I'm out of coffee and my brain is fuzzy.

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