Google Searches During a Three-Day Juice Fast

After about a week of binge drinking, falafels, and Pad Thai during a recent trip to San Francisco, I decided to do a three-day juice fast. On day one, my pilates teacher asked me a silly question: “Did you eat clean before you decided to juice?”

I just laughed, and maybe nodded. Obviously, I ate clean. Who did she think I was? (But seriously, what does “eat clean” mean?)

The problem with this whole plan, it turns out, is that I like to eat. A whole lot. I wouldn’t qualify as a foodie, since I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I missed eating enough to cycle through all five stages of grief in only three days of fasting.  My Google search “paper trail” shows exactly how this process panned out for me.


DAY ONE

Denial
Juice fast + acceptable workouts
“Clean eating”
Vegan diet
Gwyneth Paltrow + macrobiotic
Skin and hair + juice cleanse
Juicing + permanent weight loss 

Anger
Caffeine withdrawal + irritability
Juice fast + mistake
Urban dictionary hangry
How to isolate yourself at work, -fired
Are the Property Brothers gay?

DAY TWO

Bargaining
Caffeine acceptable on juice cleanse?
Juice cleanse + finally feeling good?
Gum + fasting
Two day fast enough?

Depression
“I miss chewing” + juice
Famous hunger strikes
Gandhi + hunger strike
Juice cleanse + paranoia
Juice cleanse + fatalities

DAY THREE

Acceptance
Juice fast + home stretch
Post-cleanse eating
Re-introducing coffee after fast
Post-fast burger?
How soon cocktail after juice cleanse?

The good news is, I lived to tell the tale. Okay, so maybe I was being a bit dramatic.

 

Erica Orthmann is a PR person by day and a writer by night, kind of like a much less exciting Clark Kent. Follow her random musings on Twitter.

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