Thursday, January 31, 2013


Girl Talk: Dante

Prior to this month, I had never played any of the Devil May Cry games, and paid zero attention to news and speculation about the series' reboot. I actually managed to remain entirely unaware that a new Devil May Cry game was coming out at all until I received this month's issue of Game Informer. (Yes, I still get it in the mail.) I noticed that they gave DmC: Devil May Cry a 9/10 review, made it their game of the month, and, more importantly, accompanied the review with this picture: 

Wait, one of those guys is supposed to be the man with the, uh, very styled white hair from the covers of the older games? What was his name ... Dante? In the name of Girl Talk, I had to investigate.

The opening cutscene started out with blaring aggrotech music and jump cuts of dancing, mannequin-esque video game strippers, and was clearly designed to appeal to proverbial 13-year-old boys. Our hero, whose face was never fully revealed, proceeded to engage in what appeared to be a threesome with two of the strippers. I worried that I had made a terrible mistake. I kept watching, telling myself I couldn't give up on a game before I'd even pressed a button. Then this happened:

… and suddenly I was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT INVESTED in playing DmC. Having by this point reverted to my 17-year-old self (whose tastes aligned remarkably with proverbial 13-year-old boys' tastes, but with much more interest in emotionally stunted hot dudes), I greatly enjoyed the experience.

At first, Dante was more attractive when he kept his mouth shut. You guys know how I feel about voice acting, and he initially sounded like a petulant adolescent. Ugh, when he's quiet he's so pretty, and the surly brat voice threw me right out of my own happy teenage headspace and made me want to tell him to get off my lawn and grow up. As the game carried on, however, both the character and his voice grew on me. As the fighting sequences got progressively more over-the-top, the funnier Dante's flat-voiced nonchalance became. It lent the game some variety in dynamics, some "yeah, whatever" pianissimo periods in between bouts of juggling multiple enemies with the blade of a scythe.

The fighting, rather than the writing, is Dante's real draw. Armed with sword, firearms, and an arsenal of angelic and demonic weapons, dude has a ton of moves. Stringing together multi-weapon combos awards higher style points, and it's easy to see why — it looks freakin' cool. Proficiency at gracefully swooshing a long coat around while slaying demons is an attractive quality in a fictional man, and Dante can certainly work a garment. The guy jumps, spins, hacks, stabs, shoots, and slices his way through countless enemies with aplomb. He uses alternate triggers to grapple and pull himself toward objects or yank giant chunks of scenery into more convenient positions to navigate the landscape. Successfully directing this dude's incredible spectacles of demon slaughter made me feel like SUCH a badass.

In addition to Dante himself and what Game Informer described as "rewarding (and visually stunning) displays of violence," the surreal shifting environments of Limbo ain't shabby to look at, and there's quite a bit of bonus eye candy in scenes featuring Dante's white-haired twin, Vergil. Though Vergil's hairstyle skews a bit Albert Wesker-ish, I debated which was the more attractive brother until *spoiler!* (just kidding, not really) Vergil turned up in an unfortunate pair of shiny pants that firmly settled the argument in Dante's favor, in my mind. Depending on your tolerance for fedoras and general attitude about humanity, though, you might prefer V to his brunette brother.

As far as overall crush-worthiness, Dante is much more likable by game's end than he is at the start (though unfortunately also much less naked). Would he make for good relationship material? No, NO, 17-year-old me, stay away! I don't think he sleeps with fewer than two women at any given time, anyway. But dude sure is fun to look at. I'll probably pick up new entries in the rebooted franchise to keep watching him in action.


Previously: Nathan Drake

Jennifer Culp is married to an identical twin. She doesn't THINK he and his brother are the supernatural spawn of warring godlike races, but can never be totally sure.

20 Comments / Post A Comment


Damn! Where did my panties go?

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

somewhat off topic but i just realized this morning that Sailor Jupiter is my fav sailor scout and shes a tall strong brunette with bangs.



I really thought he was going to naked fight. :(

I would've been all over this game when I was a youth. Now, as a grown-ass woman, I like my fake video game boyfriends a little less broody. And to not live in a trailer.



Also wow, young Dante looks just like THIS DUDE: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3297698/?ref_=tt_ov_st


There's a whole lotta jawline going on in that photo.


Dante likes killing demons and getting laid

Dante, we're like the same person. Call me.


Baseball bat, pizza slice...


@laurel Hahahahaha I KNOW! That was great.


@wee_ramekin Also, the first second of the pizza slice, I thought I was looking at some serious game designer wish fulfillment...


I fear that a thorough cinematic analysis has determined that Dante ain't got nothing down below in that scene. :(

But seriously, videogame maker people. I could not have cared less about Devil May Cry until someone posted that opening scene and alerted me to the main character. Now it is on my brain. Use this typeof reaction to your advantage. We straight ladies have money, and there are lots of us, you know! BioWare already knows how this works.

It's hilarious, too, that this new reboot completely and totally pissed off the fanboy community. How *dare* they make the main male character of a game series yummy?


@TheBourneApproximation Dante's always been eye candy, but a lot of the backlash to the new look is because the first version of the new design was AWFUL. Ninja Theory re-redesigned him to be what you see above. (And the less hardcore gameplay and sledgehammerly unsubtle plot combined with Capcom's many failures of late certainly didn't help)

I don't mind his new design (especially the gratuitous ab-ness), but I'm much more a fan of the slightly scruffy, older, silver-haired Dante from DMC4. http://b1969d.medialib.glogster.com/media/85de58c139e5d3f01d1e494b461a2ce23fad39e495c218b7a395830b0d8fe4cd/dante-dmc4.jpg


@TheBourneApproximation Shoot. If Dante has no penis, then his pants come with an ENORMOUS sewn-in package...

Jennifer Culp

@TheBourneApproximation In one little bro-off cutscene near the end when they're going back and forth about who's smarter and better looking and whatnot, Vergil claims to be more, uh, endowed in that area than Dante and then runs off. Maybe he was onto something?


Dante has never appealed to me, partly because he is an ass, and partly because I suck at his games. But I can see the appeal (*cough* abs *cough*) here. Early in the first game, Dante gets impaled with a giant sword. Which was both hilarious and highly symbolic.


BAHAHAHAHA oh that sequence. So over-the-top wonderful. I love it when I can get my humor and my eye-candy in one place.


AHHHHHHH! YES!! I so called this! As soon as my husband showed me the trailer (strategically-placed pizza FTW!) I knew you would love him, Jennifer Culp!

Jennifer Culp

@BornSecular You got me! I can't resist a strategically placed slice of pizza. ;D

Courtney Jenkins@facebook

I just started playing this game and it is the absolute shit.
I never knew I liked video games but I played God of War 3 and now I am playing this.
I am kind of good at it.


What, no mention of how DMC came into being/who Dante kinda sorta originally was?

(Obligated to enjoy.)

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