Quantcast

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

27

Girl Talk: Nathan Drake

I know, I know, December is over, 2012 is history, and we've all forgotten everything that happened during the last month. At this point we're only two cards short of a full Girl Talk Secret Diary deck, however, and I am not about to let 2012 slip away without commenting on a hot video game dude. Consider this a belated, Nathan Drake-shaped Christmas present!

At my high school, my eleventh-grade English teacher was famous for his idiosyncratic lecture on Beowulf. “BAY-o-wulf,” he intoned solemnly, “had something that Grendel did not expect. And just what was it that Bay-o-wulf had? Grip strength.”

I have not thought about Mr. Manney’s description of Beowulf’s prowess in some time ... until I played all three Uncharted games in rapid succession. No offense, Beowulf, but damn, does Nathan Drake have some hands. I made the man climb ancient ruins, shining golden idols, frozen mountains, and decaying pirate ships. If a disintegrating ledge offers a finger’s purchase, Drake is on it. When his train crashed down the side of a mountain and he, the sole survivor, lay near death inside? And then the particular car sheltering him slipped off the side of a cliff and hung precariously over the edge? Ha! Like that’d kill him. Gunshot wounds have nothing on ol’ Natty D’s climbing skills. Just THINK of the things that man’s hands have done—well, when he’s not slaughtering his way through armies of bad guy security guards — wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. 

Nathan Drake is a good looking dude. And a good sounding dude. A dude who has a knack for history, and puzzle solving, who can take a lot of physical damage and just get over it, so long as he hangs out under cover for a few seconds. He’s a dude who seems to have pretty excellent taste in women, based on my impressions of the lady friends I became acquainted with over the course of the Uncharted games. He’s a dude who not only looks good in a henley(like pretty much every other man on the face of the planet Earth), he looks downright fantastic in a selection of adventure-wear henleys, pullovers, and even a suit. Perhaps most importantly, he’s a man who, even in the midst of life-threatening danger, takes the time to shout “MARCO!” upon jumping into a swimming pool.

Like many women, my personal Platonic Form of flirting was heavily influenced by Harrison Ford’s performances, specifically in the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises. In the tradition of smarty-pants, super-athletic, dismayed-by-temporary-difficulty but unfazed-by-impossibility explorers, Drake stands tall. Is there anything more attractive to a geeky, couch-inclined lady than an (imaginary) intrepid explorer? In my mind, I would LOVE to go jump around on crumbling historical structures in search of treasure. In reality...well, if I possessed the upper body strength to hop between precarious fingerholds and swing across chasms like Drake, I would be ENRAGED to learn that I only found 50 of 100 treasures, despite looking in every single likely-looking treasure-concealing spot I encountered along my journey. And I would also be enraged to be interrupted by my treasure-hunting mentor post-adventure, pre-makeout with my attractive adventure buddy. Clearly, I do not have the temperament to become a real-life explorer. Thanks be to the deity of your choice that games give us the opportunity to vicariously experience such thrills!

As for Nate, he seems to have trouble locking down a functional relationship between games, even with the most determined and understanding of women (hey, Elena!). But wooooooooof, mid-adventure? Just imagine finding yourself in an exotic ancient ruin for some ill-defined reason and running into that guy. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you? I can’t say that I would mind him checking out my butt as I climbed a ladder. I would certainly be upset over his failure to inform me about murderous Yeti-monsters and flesh-devouring beetles, but I would probably still kiss him after the big bad supernatural terror was safely and dramatically eliminated. I would also be pissed about that weird list of phone numbers and dried flowers in his journal, but amused by his drawings of Sully. Yeah, as in the case of pretty much any fictional scoundrel-explorer type, I would want to kiss him very much ... just slightly less often than I would want to murder him. Bless Elena for making it to a ring-exchanging stage. It must be addictive. I know that I, newly initiated to the PlayStation, am very much looking forward to a fourth installment.

Happy new year, new adventures, and new games, you guys. May 2013 sweep you into far-flung locales and the arms of a handsome thief with incredible hands, a knack for geography and history, and a heart of gold! Keep an eye out for rival treasure hunters, power-mad Serbian war criminals, and mystical secret societies intent on unleashing long-buried horrors, and make sure to keep a journal so you can tell me all about it next year.

Previously: Alyx Vance.

Jennifer Culp also thought Navarro was hot, had a lot of confusing feelings about hearing Alistair's voice issue from the mouth of a bad guy, and has a serious thing for guys in fitted henleys.



27 Comments / Post A Comment

lobsterhug

YES!!! I've been waiting for this since my husband brought home Drake's Deception.

stavros

Best of the Best@m

likethestore

My problem with hot video game guys is that I wish they were in the Sims so I could decorate their bachelor pads and make them woohoo in the hot tub with my Sim self, etc.

Megasus

@likethestore UM YOU JUST MAKE A SIM THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE THEM I MEAN I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS

TheBourneApproximation

@Megano! Need to make a Sims house full of Girl Talk characters. Nathan can live with Alistair, Leon, and Alyx. Garrus may be more difficult. (But, Mass Effect-wise, a quick google indicates that Thane fans may be in luck?)

Megasus

@TheBourneApproximation That would be amazing. Take a tally of how many girls they get pregnant.

Jennifer Culp

@TheBourneApproximation Please, please do this, and send me screencaps!

TheBourneApproximation

@Jennifer Culp Alas, I do not own any iteration of the Sims at the moment, so that was more of a general plea! Come on Sims-owners on the Hairpin! Make this happen!! For science.

Dandyliongirl

Yesssss. Nate is so dreamy and yet somehow, despite all his treasure hunting knowhow, so dim! I am forever mad that the Drakes games are PS3 only :(

TheBourneApproximation

I first became aware of Nathan Drake when the Internet petitioned Nathan Fillion to play him in a film adaptation. I've mentally inserted Nathan Fillion in his place ever since. This is a point in Mr. Drake's favor!

Megasus

Doing it with a handsome thief in ancient ruins just made my bucket list.

youresmalltime

Screencap 2, in before DAT ASS.

Madam. I was concerned when this did not occur in the previous days. My heart ached. BUT NOW ALL IS WELL. I also admire your dedication to the Who's That Voice Actor game. My favorite! (I was informed of Wakka/Bender/Drakken at my New Years' party. I died. Wakka/Kimahri was bad enough.)

nonvolleyball

@youresmalltime yes! as soon as this series started, I was like, "...but Drake?" glad to see that my appreciation for Ms. Culp's taste is restored. :)

twinkiesandwine

Yessss, been waiting for this one. I'm not aplyer, but I love watching other people play video games, including play-throughs on YouTube, and I watched all of Toby Turner's play-through of Uncharted 3 in a weekend.

There's also the excellence that Nolan North (Drake's voice actor) guest starred in an episode of Emily Rose's (Elena) show Haven this season. It was like a live-action Uncharted adventure! (Plus the PS3 cross-over commercials with live action Drake).

Nate/Elena 4eva.

TheBourneApproximation

Also, more hot guys in games alert! I just started Dishonored, and you never actually see the main character in-game (as far as I know) cuz it's first person and you're wearing a hellish, otherwordly mask. But if the wanted posters and menu options are any indication to go by, daaaaaang, Corvo Attano. You are one handsome and foppish assassin!

Guybrush

But Nathan Drake is such a homicidal psycho! He keeps making those cheerful puns after slaughtering like, a hundred goons (goons who are probably like, just trying to feed their family by guarding that fortress). And the guy clearly has a death wish.

Apocalypstick

@Guybrush And, bless his heart, I know that there have to be mysteries to create a plot, that the player has to solve the puzzles & problems themselves, and that "the player" as envisioned by game designers is a fourteen-year-old boy, but these issues combined do create the effect that Nathan Drake is astonishingly dim.

Grace Cote@twitter

This bro is so hot. Been watching my hubby play this game. In my head I call him "Brad" because that's a hot guy name.

Brad Drake.

And he can flip-turn jump like no one else

here_kitty

BUT WAIT serious gaming question: my fam got Uncharted 3 with the Playstation we got for Christmas, and I've already been sucked in. So good!

Can I go back and play the first two afterwards?? Or will they feel super clunky after the next-gen PS3-ness? Should I stop now before I spoil everything?!

Jennifer Culp

@here_kitty Skip the first one, definitely play the second.

Chareth Cutestory

I haven't played this game, but brunette + sexy hands + Harrison Ford action hero-ish pretty much covers my criteria for hotness in a male. I'm pretty enthusiastic about henleys too.

strobin

Even ASSUME of the happenings that creature’s signatures retain ended—well, best dissertation
whereas he’s hardly slaughtering hellos route done armies of wicked fellow warranty wards — linger, I’m getting forward of myself.

ahmed

I wish your article that I read all your articles in a single day. Please continue and keep on writing excellent posts. Electric Cigarettes

strobin

Elena for making it to a syndicate-exchanging level. It requirement be addictive. CBT test training aylesbury I recognize that I, newly initiated to the PlayStation, am ample much looking send to a fourth installment.

john123

Great work. While it may cause sadness, it is written in such a way that you do not dwell on the negative side. Achieving balance in that work is truly remarkable. walking routes

Riya Garg@facebook

I certainly enjoyed the way you explore your experience and knowledge of the subject! Keep up on it. Thanks for sharing the info.Company's business principles and values helps us to provide reliable, flexible and efficient solutions and services that provides high returns on investment to our customers. Bulk Sms

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account