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Thursday, January 17, 2013

498

Get This Look: Baked Goods

1. Croissant

Verily do these almost-circles of essentially pure butter, rolled up into the shape of a crescent and then baked by angels, make Francofiles of us all. Although typically associated with France, the French, and snap decisions made in line at Dunkin’ Donuts as to whether one will pronounce its name properly and look like an asshole or suck it up and say ’crawsahnt’ and be a true woman of the people, this flaky delight is actually Austrian in origin. To make matters worse, it’s slightly racist, being designed to commemorate the defeat of the muslims in the Battle of Tours (723 AD).

Get the Look:

GTL – Croissant

GTL – Croissant, featuring Toggle coat, $125 / Crochet shorts / Birkenstock platform shoes / Wet Seal beret hat

***

2. Boston Creme

Let’s give it up for this, Good Will Hunting’s favorite of all the donuts. This air, chocolate-covered, yeasty, custard-filled delight is the embodiment of hedonism and excess, and it's damn near pornographic in its splendor. Inspired by the pie of the same name (minus the donut part), is it any wonder it was crowned the State Donut of Massachusetts in 2003? It was crowned state donut of my heart before time began. Created by a French-Armenian chef at the Parker Hotel, it’s one more reason to love Armenians — I’m looking at you, Eric Bogosian!

Get the Look:

GTL – Boston Cream

GTL – Boston Cream, featuring Yellow sweatshirt / J Brand leather legging / Keds vintage shoes / Sweet & Co. gold necklace / Baroque White Wig

***

3. Bear Claw

The ferocious Bear Claw is a pastry that's flavored with almonds — so for all you know, you could be eating arsenic. You probably aren’t, though, so don’t worry. You’re also probably not eating a bear, as the pastry gets its name not because it's the dismembered paw of a bear but from the shape of a bear’s claw. For fun, pretend to swipe your friend’s face with it while growling — that's how you bump someone out of the friend-zone and into the pants-zone.

Get the Look:

GTL – Bear Claw GTL – Bear Claw, featuring T By Alexander Wang / Slip on shoes / Photo necklace

Previously: Angela Lansbury.

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn. She's an editor at Fempop, and spends a large amount of her time pretending to be a mildly evil cat on the internet.



498 Comments / Post A Comment

iceberg

Just cruel to post this right before lunch!!!

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Seriously...I work within walking distance of a Dunkin' Donuts!

KeLynn

@iceberg - oh man, I'm trying to do a week without sweets (other than fruit and 5 tiny snowman marshmallows a day) (I don't want to talk about how I got to a place where eating marshmallows every day is still a serious cut-back challenge for me) and this is KILLING me.

fondue with cheddar

@KeLynn I hear that. My boyfriend bought a ton of marshmallows to roast in our backyard in the summer, and we have a lot left over. I usually try not to keep sweets in the house, so all that's there to snack on is salty, crunchy snacks (which I am not always in the mood for) and marshmallows (I'm allergic to fresh fruit). [un]Fortunately, the only marshmallows that are left are the huge ones made for s'mores, which are dense and not very appetizing.

Zachary

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such disruptive entrepreneurial thinking and individual expression become a stabilizing asset in a region taking new ways of doing things to scale. MN Lakes

Jill_Tata

That's a cool idea!@k

maybe partying will help

Can I just cover myself in pastries? Can I bathe in a tub of Boston cream?

Lucienne

@maybe partying will help I don't even care that more than one Boston creme donut makes me actually ill: I will eat a baker's dozen if you let me.

fondue with cheddar

I did not know that about croissants. Eating the religious symbol of the people you just defeated? Wow.

RK Fire

@fondue with cheddar I'm mildly horrified but not enough to stop eat croissants. Does that make me a bad person?

iceberg

@RK Fire right there with ya.

fondue with cheddar

@RK Fire I don't think so, because croissants are too delicious to resist! As long as you don't think about the Battle of Tours while you eat it, I'd say you're all good.

RK Fire

@fondue with cheddar I don't even know anything about it! I'm just going to pretend it's a story about dueling museum tours, and leave it at that.

Miss Maszkerádi

@fondue with cheddar It was, what, the 16th century? Gonna give the Viennese a pass on inventing a mildly insensitive pastry in celebration of the defense of their homeland from a hostile foreign power attempting to invade and conquer them. Triumphantly munching on a crescent back then, in light of the historical context, probably came across more like mocking a swastika or hammer-and-sickle than OMG RACIST INTOLERANCE. /end history nerd mode

evil melis

@Countess Maritza Today you are Countess of my history-loving heart.

fondue with cheddar

@Countess Maritza Thank you for the history lesson! I had never even heard of the war until today, so I had no idea who was invading whom. Now I can love croissants without reservation!

SuperGogo

@fondue with cheddar To be fair, I also eat candy canes and hot cross buns.

Miss Maszkerádi

@fondue with cheddar I'm not super clear on the details but the Ottoman Turks were definitely the aggressor in this case. So yeah, munch away.
@evil melis thank you! You are an honored guest in my noble court. :-D

RK Fire

@all I just tried going to the local coffeehouses by my office and they are all out of croissants. I'm debating whether or not I want to try DD, but the DD by my office has terrible bagels and I suspect that their croissants (if they have them) will be similarly disappointing.

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo Haha. Yeah, but aren't those a tribute to Christianity? Not RAR YOU BASTARDS I WILL EAT YOU.

Now I want to make a collection of religious-symbol foods.* I guess you make a Star of David out of two hamantaschen.

*and eat them.

Lily Rowan

@fondue with cheddar I can't believe Andrew Ti doesn't even think croissants are delicious! http://yoisthisracist.com/post/40774020539/i-was-just-reminded-that-croissants-are-crescent-shaped Also, which one of you was this?

fondue with cheddar

@RK Fire I've had them and if I remember correctly the taste is okay but the texture is too dense, not light and flaky.

Speaking of which, my favorite part of eating croissants is when I'm finished and there are flakes all over the plate. I touch them with a buttery fingertip to pick them up and eat them, one by one. It probably looks disgusting to everyone else but screw them—I'm having fun.

fondue with cheddar

@Lily Rowan Woah, I read that post but completely forgot about it. What is wrong with you, brain?

Andrew Ti is not often wrong, but in this case he is totally wrong. Or maybe they just don't know how to make croissants in Michigan?

RK Fire

@fondue with cheddar That's one of my favorite parts too! The other part is when I'm by myself and I try to take it apart, layer by buttery layer, and eat each layer individually.

I also do this with those flaky Pillsbury biscuit things.

fondue with cheddar

@Lily Rowan OH it's a post from TODAY. In that case, I didn't already read it. Sorry for getting mad at you, brain!

@RK Fire YAY I DO THAT TOOOO. It's even more fun with the biscuits because they're flat, and it's so satisfying when you're able to peel the entire layer without it breaking. And it's all moist in the center and lightly crispy on the edges...shit...now I'm going to have to stop at the grocery store on the way home from work.

Angelena@twitter

@fondue with cheddar well i just googled croissant symbolism and ended up on wikipedia. it kind of says thats a "legend" i REALLY wanna believe thats true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croissant

fondue with cheddar

@Angelena@twitter Me too! I love when everyday things have interesting origin stories.

Lily Rowan

@fondue with cheddar Your brain is A-OK! That post is almost surely prompted by this one, don't you think?

fondue with cheddar

@Lily Rowan Yeah, I figured that out. I didn't understand why you would assume it was someone here.

...unless both posts were prompted by something completely different!

professionalmess

@Lily Rowan I just came back to this post to see who did this! But also, I very rarely like croissants. This is probably mostly because growing up in small town Alabama there were two kinds of croissants- Croi-sandwich from Burger King and chicken salad on a croissant.

Lily Rowan

@professionalmess But chicken salad on a croissant is still awesome, right? Also, who decided that's what goes together? I mean, a ham and cheese croissant is a thing, but a ham and cheese sandwich ON a croissant? Not so much.

maybe partying will help

@Lily Rowan

BLTs are best on croissants, y/y.

professionalmess

@Lily Rowan Chicken salad is never awesome.

Lily Rowan

@professionalmess ?!?!?!?!?!

@maybe partying will help Now I have to try that.

the angry little raincloud

@fondue with cheddar Don't worry. That story about the origins of croissants is likely not true! (It's one of those food history myths that will. not. die.) There's been quite a lot written on the histories of croissants (in serious food history circles), but it all remains somewhat a mystery.

babs

@Lily Rowan Tuna + mayo + croissant 4 evah.

Emby

A Francofile is your computer's hidden James Franco image collection.

HereKitty

Did anyone else go straight to "Ladies bathed before noon, after their three-o'clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum"?

maybe partying will help

@HereKitty

Still one of the most evocative descriptions ever.

c2d
c2d

@HereKitty where is this from?? I remember reading this 'soft teacakes' line somewhereeee

sarah girl

@c2d To Kill a Mockingbird!

TheBourneApproximation

BEAR CLAWS! *Mraorgrrwlwl!*

Scandyhoovian

@TheBourneApproximation This was exactly my reaction!

tea sonata

http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bear-claws.gif
Oh, Pamela, you read me like a poem.

Megasus

This is awesome, but I feel like macarons* should have been on this list. IT WOULD BE SUCH A PRETTY OUTFIT.

*Full disclosure: they are kind of terrible. Or at least I am not super into them.

iceberg

@Megano! Ooh yeah, possibly a sexy-ish tight cardi and some kind of skirt involving tulle or subtle ruffles?

Inspector Tiger

@Megano! finally someone who's not over the moon excited about macaroons. I mean I would eat them if push comes to shove, but I'd rather pass...

iceberg

@Inspector Tiger I'd rather just look at them (while eating a Boston Creme)

professionalmess

@Megano! This makes me feel better about my failure to try them. I thought about making them once when I had a lot of egg whites, but looked up a recipe and thought fuck that.

Megasus

@professionalmess No, they are maximum effort for minimum payoff. They pretty much taste like...nothing.

Faintly Macabre

@Megano! Sometimes it depends where you get them! I got a rose and quince one from Pierre Herme a few years ago that was amazing, but I've had generic ones that were kind of flavored sugar paste.

SuperGogo

@Megano! You're talking about meringes though, right? The whipped egg things that are pretty, but don't taste like much of anything except sugar? Because I can take or leave those, but I will cut a b*tch for delicious coconut macaroons! Which would also be an amazing "get this look" by wearing a white feather boa.

Megasus

@SuperGogo No, I'm talking about macarons, which look like this and aren't as good as people say.

JanieS

So dressing like Pam from Archer DOESN'T count as dressing like a bear claw? I object!

KevinQ

No, no, no. If you taste bitter almonds, then it's probably cyanide, not arsenic. Arsenic is a metal, and tastes like it.

K

meaux

"that's how you bump someone out of the friend-zone and into the pants-zone:" Good to know!

frigwiggin

...NO, WE'RE OUTTA BEAR CLAWS

frigwiggin

wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like a constipated weiner dog

KatieBarTheDoor

@frigwiggin But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I
HATE
SAUERKRAUT

maybe partying will help

god bless you allll I am pretty sure I still have this song memorized

and get it stuck in my head every time I fly anywhere, or encounter golf pencils, or calligraphy...

frigwiggin

A! (A!) L! (L!) B! (B!) U! (U!)

...

QUERQUE! (QUERQUEEEE)

maybe partying will help

@frigwiggin

Hey.


You've got weasels on your face.

Miss Maszkerádi

@everybody Oh my god what are you quoting? Because whatever this is, I need it in my life

Miss Maszkerádi

@maybe partying will help Oh my goodness. Thank you.

Serafina

@maybe partying will help Almost played that full-volume from the back room at the pharmacy. Oh god Albuquerque FOREVER
also I hate sauerkraut it's legit the grossest

frigwiggin

One of these days I'm actually going to do a Get This Look on my personal style blog. Everybody will love me if I'm dressed like a croissant!

iceberg

@frigwiggin i think you have posted it before, but link pls?

frigwiggin

@iceberg Here 'tis! (I should note that there are two of us, Mia and Tia, and sometimes readers don't notice and just get confused and think we're two people pretending to be one person. While that would be fun, I am Mia.)

iceberg

@frigwiggin you are adorbskies!

frigwiggin

@iceberg Aw, shucks, thanks. You're in for a real treat, I'm going to use this afternoon's post to talk about my anxiety and depression! Wheeeee~

Pound of Salt

@frigwiggin I love how much variety you have in your outfits!

Miss Maszkerádi

I like to have Turkish coffee with my croissants and chuckle at my own brilliant wit.

("What did you have for breakfast today, Countess?" "Oh, the Ottoman Empire.")

Lucienne

@Countess Maritza Can we be best friends, please.

Inspector Tiger

austrian racist food - political incorrect but yummy! We have others too! Like a chocolate cake that's named like a medieval word for black people. Also we have those chocolate covered marshmallow alleging to the swedes bombing vienna.I don't know, it's all very weird...

Miss Maszkerádi

@Inspector Tiger Those are anazing. I wish there were weird politically incorrect Czech desserts too, but the recipe would probably involve throwing the cake out a window, so.... :-(

pterodactgirl

@Countess Maritza Defenestration of Prague jokes are the best jokes!

Miss Maszkerádi

@pterodactgirl or, like, Hussite-style flaming pudding! Oh god that was awful, I'm going to stop now.

Inspector Tiger

@Countess Maritza there should be a czech bakery that's on the first floor, and then you get your cake only through the window. It would sure be a hit with all those drunk tourists loitering around prague (my prejudices are as big as racist pastry in my country...)

Miss Maszkerádi

@Inspector Tiger oh believe me, I'm just as prejudiced against those hordes of drunk British weekenders as anyone.

Lost penguin

@Inspector Tiger Please don't be prejudiced about drunken British people abroad- we have to send them somewhere. We certainly don't want them littering the streets at home

SarahP

I have never had a bear claw.

fondue with cheddar

@SarahP Me neither! I'm allergic to almonds. But they look so amazing!

SarahP

@fondue with cheddar After all the build-up, I wonder if they'd be disappointing, anyway.

fondue with cheddar

@SarahP I think that's a safe assumption. Not necessarily because it's true, but because it's a HUGE pastry that probably nobody should eat, ever. It's like eating 3 donuts! Better not to taste it because once you know how wonderful it is, it will be harder to resist.

Which is exactly why I have never tried heroin or Nutella.

Serafina

@SarahP They're actually really disappointing. I like the idea of bear claws, but they're usually pretty dry and sad, even the fresh ones.

Tracy

These are my favorite posts on the Hairpin!

area@twitter

Now I'm trying to figure out what a GTL: Lady Baltimore cake would look like. (Cream dress with chunky red-brown heels and fluffy cream-colored Hon wig? And maybe a crab pin in there somewhere, hon.)

RK Fire

@area@twitter Speaking of Baltimore cakes..

area@twitter

@RK Fire ZOMG YES

RK Fire

@area@twitter Do you remember how a Pinner (melis?) one time had a thread about how she saw a really large crow, no crow should be that big, etc., and everyone was like "you mean a raven?" That's what I think of every so often now with regards to the Ravens and now, that Raven cake.

OhMarie

@area@twitter Oh oh, or a Smith Island cake? You'd need one of those french-style striped shirts, I think, in like a cream/chocolate color if you could get it, and probably some tall-ass shoes.

maybe partying will help

@area@twitter

A Key lime pie would be a frothy green sundress with a crinoline and probably espadrilles. Maybe a citrus-inspired headdress of some sort. Or earrings shaped like tiny limes.

area@twitter

@OhMarie Yes, yes, like those huge layered-looking platforms? Oh damn, now I really want Smith Island cake.

@RK Fire I just know I'm going to take every opportunity to yell "CAW CAW CAW" when we score this weekend. Also I just realized I have Monday off and I can get absolutely sozzled during the game, eff yes

@maybe partying will help I can't tell you how bad I want to see two people dressed as Key Lime and Lemon Meringue pies now. I love all the dessert outfits in this thread.

RK Fire

@area@twitter I've been on reddit doing some trash talking today on r/nfl. For the past few weeks it's become one of the highlights of my workweek.

Miss Maszkerádi

Winter wind blowing down NYC streets and I'm wrapped in many layers of thermal clothing and sweaters and a coat. Get This Look: Strudel.

Lisa Frank

Ok, which one of you wrote to Yo, Is this Racist?

BoozinSusan

@Lisa Frank That guy is my hero, but I have to say I respectfully disagree with his response here.

Megasus

@BoozinSusan Clearly has never had a proper, buttery, warm croissant

Angelena@twitter

skipped immediately to the bottom say I LOVE croissant!!!

Serafina

Signing in in the last four minutes of my lunch break to say I read "this is how you bump someone out of the friend-zone and into the pants-zone" right as my lazy, bitter, male coworker stumped around behind me and snorted unhappily that I was on the computer in the back room. It was so hard not to a) laugh or b) scream DO NOT WANT

TARDIStime

It is 43 degrees Celsius (109 F) in Sydney today.
Get this look: Dehydrated Sweatball.

babs

My neighborhood bakery does something called a morning bun: croissant dough rolled in raw sugar and orange zest. So good!

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Next time I have a bear claw, I'll have to use those moves. It'll be so slick.

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Created by a French-Armenian chef at the Parker Hotel, it’s one more reason to love Armenians — I’m looking at you, Eric Bogosian! water filter system

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