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Friday, January 18, 2013

1565

Friday Open Thread

Is it snowing where you are?



1565 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

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Mariajoseh

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Saaoirse

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Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

@Mariajoseh i talked to him about the troy air conditioning repair school/pluming genius was a subtle commentary on bringing prestige back to labor and pop culture's views on community college and he went off about poverty and 'liberal' journalists asking him if COMMUNITY would be making fun of poor ppl before the show even started. i loved it.

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Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

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oh wait I was thinking of Mark Harmon

Saaoirse

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Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@michealjohn Vitamin C serum for face? WTF even IS that? Do you know how easy it is to get Vitamin C? Literally everything I eat has Vitamin C in it. I'm not going to waste my time putting it on my face, friend.

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Jill_Tata

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rosaline

No snow here. :( California is too sunny, and I'm not being sarcastic.

wharrgarbl

@rosaline It hasn't snowed here since the '80s. It is glorious.

StandardTuber

@rosaline Someone needs to go to Yosemite!

JanieS

@rosaline The total lack of winter is just one of the reasons why San Francisco is the Worst. (For me, personally. Many people love it and I'm sure they all have good reasons.)

frigwiggin

@rosaline It's 60 degrees out right now! I'm reveling in it, I hate the cold and I hate snow because I am a Winter Grinch.

ourlightsinvain

@rosaline As a Californian(/general West Coaster) transplanted to other place in recent years, I've learned to stop romanticizing snow.

wharrgarbl

@frigwiggin Winter Grinches unite!

Scandyhoovian

@rosaline People here (Atlanta) freaked out at the mere THOUGHT of snow last night, but it was not to be. No snow at all. Just some ice in shaded areas.

eleventyone

@JanieS Hah, I'm the opposite of you I think! I escaped Canada for SF sunshine/fog but I still go back and forth a lot, and every time I'm home during winter it feels like an injustice.

(Edited to be @ the right person)

Jinxie

@rosaline I know! It's been ages since it's rained. :( How am I supposed to have a lazy, homebound weekend if it's gloriously sunny outside?

rosaline

@Mabissa Brilliant idea.

rosaline

@ourlightsinvain As an Idahoan transplanted to California in recent years, I cannot stop romanticizing snow. Funny how where you grow up really determines your feelings on the matter!

I have this fear that my hypothetical children will never go sledding and it sounds so saaaaaaaaaaaad.

Reginal T. Squirge

It's snowing emotionally where I am.

iknowright

@rosaline Fear not! California has lots of snow. Sure, not the way Idaho does, but...sledding in Lake Tahoe is a formative experience, whatever age.

flanhoodles

@rosaline This Californian who had to shovel 6 feet of snow out of her driveway after Christmas disagrees. Although, it was sunny today.

ourlightsinvain

@rosaline I don't hate winter or cold temps in general! But once things start getting to engine-freezing, sub-30 temperatures I start reevaluating my life decisions and thinking, "god, that 18-y-o me who thought it was so unromantic that the leaves didn't change in SoCal sure was a twerp."

shahzaib1@twitter

I have read with interest and fascination about the new lens you have pioneered. And would be intrigued to know what plans are afoot for it's commercialisation!

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NeenerNeener

I'm getting laser hair removal on my legs tomorrow and I'm excited/slightly nervous!
Also, going to Cambridge Antique Market before hand and excited/not nervous about that.

Nicole Cliffe

@NeenerNeener AHHH, I am permanently barring Legion from my body on Tuesday, so we can be laser twinsies.

Edit: Oh, gosh, you're all so lucky to know that about my body. Feel free to dig it up after I die and buy it neat outfits.

coolallison

@NeenerNeener I did it to my underarms. Best. Decision. Ever.

SarahP

@NeenerNeener I've had it on my underarms (just a couple times) and Brazilian area, and I occasionally toy with the idea of legs. But I've always done it with groupons, so I'd need someone to do a groupon first... For no good reason I am afraid legs would hurt more than my crotch, so let me know how it goes!

Es
Es

@NeenerNeener I've got one of the home machines. I bloody love it.

coolallison

@Es They HAVE those?!?!

Es
Es

@coolallison They do! (At least, they do in the UK.) It's nothing like as powerful as the salon ones, they don't advertise permanent removal, but after the initial blasting, I have to redo it about once every six weeks or so, and even then the hair is waaaaaay finer and lighter.

NeenerNeener

@Nicole Cliffe The body I always wanted is definitely less hairy!

@SarahP I used a groupon and I will let you know.

@Es I didn't know such things existed.

KatieBarTheDoor

@NeenerNeener Tell me more about this Cambridge Antique Market?

fabel

@Es Whaaaat. I did to get one, ASAP. I don't mind shaving my underarms, because it takes two seconds & they never get irritated, but my legs are always a mess after I shave. Does anyone else get ingrown LEG hairs? (Because I do, & it sucks, & I've never ever heard of that happening to anyone before?)

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@Es YOU GUYS. We're using a series of interconnected computation engines, to communicate at near-light-speed with strangers thousands of miles away. Discussing SHOOTING OURSELVES WITH LASERS.

PaperbackLady

@Es which one do you have??? I bought the tria and have done one treatment on my legs (after having three professional sessions)

churlishgreen

@Es very helpful info, thanks!

Es
Es

@PaperbackLady I've got a Boots Smooth Skin. They do only work if you have dark hair and fairly light skin, but they're perfect for bikini line, for instance. I've had mine a couple of years and it has saved me so much effort and money and time and pain with ingrowing hairs. And yes, I do get them on my legs - I've got horses so spend a lot of time in skintight breeches and that encourages them.

NeenerNeener

@fabel Hey, over here. I don't think it started happening until I started plucking my legs like a crazy person (but it happens when I shave). So that's part of why I'm choosing my legs as the first area, hoping it will fix the ingrown problem.

NeenerNeener

@KatieBarTheDoor If you're familar with Cambridge, it's the building with the murals on the side on O'Brien Hwy. It is five floors of awesome.

PaperbackLady

@Es Ugh, the ingrowns. That's why I'm doing this too. I used an epilator in college and ever since then it seems like I get tons of ingrowns.

smidge

@fabel Ingrown Hairs on the Legs Club for Women, over here

fabel

@smidge @NeenerNeener okay, at least I'm not a freak! but yeah, this is definitely on my list of things to do. The ingrowns are just so weird & terrible.

Lu2
Lu2

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy --I just wanted to say I really liked your comment and your screen name.

Lily Rowan

You guys, I'm always scared to get a Groupon for personal services like that. (a) because they can't get enough clients? Are they any good? (b) and the # of sessions in the groupon can't be enough, right? So then I'd have to pay approx. $1m to finish the job?

NeenerNeener

Well, the owner was kind enough to post many good reviews on Yelp under different screen names, so that eased my mind :)
And the groupon was for six treatments, so I guess we'll see?

coolallison

@Lily Rowan I got a groupon for my underarms, and it covered 6 sessions. I've been to 5 and I'm not sure if there is even anything left for them to get on the 6th session (though I'm still going). And the place was plenty nice and always seems to be busy (rescheduling appointments is difficult, since I make them 6 weeks out). I understand the trepidation, but my lone experience has been fine, so I'm speaking for them all? I actually just bought a groupon yesterday for a new place (since you seem to always have to be a new customer to use the groupon price) so I can always let you guys know if this new joint is shady and gross.

Lily Rowan

@coolallison
@neenerneener
@ everyone, I guess -- I realize people do it all the time! And of course it's fine. I don't know why that's the one thing that freaks me out. (Because lasers, probably.)

Blushingflwr

@Lily Rowan I think it's just a way of trying to recruit new customers. The idea is they get you in the door with a Groupon for laser hair removal and while you're there you decide you want some other treatment, or you decide to make it your regular salon. Or you do the lasers on one body part, love it, and pay full price for other ones.

christonacracker

@Nicole Cliffe you guys just inspired me to make a touch up appointment for tomorrow (I did it 2 years ago to the ol' sasquatch down under and it was a magical game changer)

Alexmen

ust inspired me to make a touch up appointment for tomorrow (I did it 2 years ago to the ol' sasquatch down under and it was a magical game changer...chistesin

StandardTuber

Happy Friday! May your three-day weekend (if you have one) be tantrum free. That's my wish, anyway.

Well, here are some old (and one not-so-old) photos of Princes and Princesses for you.

iceberg

@Mabissa Thank you! I do always hope for a tantrum-free weekend.

JanieS

@Mabissa Oh, these are awesome. So many hats!

meetapossum

@Mabissa Ah, awesome! I just finished Unfamiliar Fishes, so I've been reading a lot about Hawaii and Princess Kaiulani.

StandardTuber

@JanieS Yes!!! My favorite, though, has to be "Crown Prince of Thurn and Taxis and Prince Carl August." So dandy.

StandardTuber

@iceberg True, that.

phipsi

@Mabissa Princess Ida is quite fabulous!

and Princess Helene!

JanieS

@Mabissa WHERE IS THURN? It sounds like it's located between Narnia and Archenland.

StandardTuber

@JanieS It's a German "state" I think?

Homestar Runner

@JanieS And the elaborate hairdos, even on three-year-olds walking their dogs! I would pay money to know how the princess of Baden got her front hair so poofy.

Bittersweet

@Mabissa These are all terrific! I have a soft spot for all the Scandinavian royals - they all look so down-to-earth. But I can't get over "author and psychoanalyst Princess Marie Bonaparte," who is clearly awesome.

StandardTuber

@Bittersweet I loved the sledding one, but it was kind of sad to see their birth/death years, too, in the captions.

area@twitter

It is finally sunny (but cold) in Baltimore after many days. All I want to do is stretch out in front of a sunny window and nap like a huge cat.

katiemcgillicuddy

@area@twitter It has been seriously depressing and gray round these here parts lately. One more day of that shit and I would have been not long for this world.

RK Fire

@area@twitter I don't care how cold it is tomorrow, I am going to spend some time outside in the sun, damnit!

area@twitter

@RK Fire @katiemcgillicuddy I have been down all week and I didn't really connect it to the weather until I had to put on sunglasses in the car this morning and felt my mood immediately lift.
Also: What up, Ravens fans! CAW CAW CAW

RK Fire

@area@twitter I KNOW RIGHT!!

I'm wearing a purple top at work today, wearing a purple shirt to the gym later.. I don't know if this is just some weird bit of confirmation bias or what, but I think more people are excited about the AFCCG this year than last year. There seems to be a 300% increase in purple lights around Charm City, and I like it.

CAW CAW

Ophelia

@area@twitter That game was seriously the first football game I've EVER liked/watched without also reading a book. And I was with a friend who's a giant Ravens fan, so now I'm rooting for them too.

OhMarie

@area@twitter I know, yesterday I was just moping around saying, "I haven't seen the sun since Saturday and now it ISN'T EVEN SNOWING." I am south of you guys in Annapolis so we were supposed to get a couple of inches which turned into, it isn't even raining.

Already planning which purple nail polish to wear for Sunday!!

area@twitter

@RK Fire Purple sweater here! I was at the doctor's this morning and there were definitely some techs and nurses wearing Ravens jerseys. And I looked across the harbor last night and the UnderArmor sign is lit purple. Also? Crows all over my neighborhood this morning (including perching on my skylight).
CAW!

RK Fire

@area@twitter THE CORVIDS ARE COMING OUT IN SUPPORT OF THEIR BRETHERON!

area@twitter

@Ophelia Last week's game was nutballs. The best I have seen in years. Did you all see John Harbaugh (the coach) and Ray Rice crouched together on the sidelines before the final field goal, just holding on to each other? And then when they made the field goal, Harbaugh kissed Rice on the forehead? I died. YOU GUYS.

OhMarie

@area@twitter Oh my god, I want to see this!! If anyone can find this on the internet I will send you a US American dollar.

RK Fire

@aOhMarie There is a gif, I swear it! Please find it below:

RK Fire

Holy crap, I didn't think it would be so big. Uh.. I hope there aren't too many Patriots, Steelers, or Broncos fans checking up on this tonight.

area@twitter

@RK Fire !!!!!!!! God bless you, kind soul. (It's even better than I remembered)

OhMarie

@RK Fire YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire Oh my god, John Harbaugh and Ray Rice, my heart cannot take it. (I hope you guys rip them to pieces tomorrow.)

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire Also, this (I struggle with uploading images so I won't even try)

http://i.imgur.com/KYvp9.jpg

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy WUT

Bittersweet

@RK Fire Pats fan here - great GIF! That was an amazing game last week. I'm looking forward to watching tomorrow night, should be equally as exciting.

RK Fire

@all

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES! CAW CAW! Great game to watch, although I wish it didn't result in a concussion for Ridley. It looks the Pollard curse for the Patriots is still in full effect.

OhMarie

@RK Fire SO EXCITED, YOU GUYSSSSS.

Emby

Going to buy someone's used couch from Craigslist tomorrow and finally getting rid of my old loveseat! Living with someone is hard, y'all. They make you get rid of stuff.

(BTW, my gf moved in with me over winter break. Adjust your spreadsheets accordingly.)

And I finally got the leaking wall situation fixed and repaired. And we're going to rearrange my living room to fit the new couch. And I'm finally getting an audio receiver so I can hook up the speakers I've had for years. And I got my jeep's coolant leak fixed. And I'm slowly but surely paying off all my bills and credit card debt.

Somehow, before my very eyes, I am becoming a functioning adult.

RNL
RNL

@Emby Check it for bedbugs!

Also congrats!

adorable-eggplant

@Emby Congrats on the move-in! May I suggest quarterly house meetings? They've been a godsend for me on the cohabitation front. Also, a semi-regular full clean day (I'm a recovering messy person living with a suuuuuper clean person).

Emby

@adorable-eggplant Good idea, thanks! We've both kind of recovering messy people, but we've also discovered that living together has encouraged both of us to be more clean. Like, I don't want her to have to live in squalor, so I pick shit up and do the dishes before bed. And she does the same. So far, it's working out pretty great. It helps that neither of us is very committed to "stuff" so I'm perfectly amenable to throwing away most things if it means decluttering and making more space for us.

graffin

@Emby Do not think about how many farts are buried in those cushions.

Emby

@graffin I'll harvest them for warmth during the Cold Times.

coolallison

@graffin Aaaaand I can never buy used upholstery again.

annebee

@Emby Omg, becoming a functioning adult is crazy sometimes. We just replaced our dishwasher. Yes we had one, and bought another. My bf is installing it right now and I am so jealous that I am not there helping.

highfivesforall

@coolallison No no, graffin said do not think about the farts.

funfetti

Mid 60s here and I have my windows open. But it has been raining A LOT lately. Anyone have a favorite pair of rainboots? (Also, I am apparently too fat to fit into Hunters so large calf ones please.)

BucketsOfCool

@funfetti SAME. SAME. And it's so frustrating because all I want are cute Hunter boots in some bright, fun color. I buy rain boots at Target for my monster calves. They don't last forever - but at least a year? And I am in Seattle, so they get a lot of use!

annebee

@funfetti I got those loeffer randall booties that were on the bargain bin a little while ago and I love them. But they are booties and not really what you are talking about. I just wanted to rave!

A. Louise

@BucketsOfCool shoutout for Target rain boots - mine have buckles on the side that let in/out a little pleat in the side, which is perfect for chubby-feeling or extra pair of leggings type days.

harebell

@funfetti
I like Aigle! A bit pricey maybe, but they are better quality than Hunter, last muuuuch longer, and are warmer, too, so you can wear them in slush.

Homestar Runner

@funfetti If you like the Hunter brand in general, they have a "Huntress" model for wider calves.

Cawendaw

On Sunday I have to decide whether to take Swing or Salsa lessons. I am indecisive! Any partisans for either side have arguments for one or the other?

Emby

@Cawendaw I've done both and found swing to be more fun but salsa to be more practical and useful. It's not 1997 anymore; people look funny at swing dancers. Salsa will still get you laid.

adorable-eggplant

@Cawendaw Swing! Um, or Salsa. Do whichever has more opportunities in your city for dancing to a live band. Cause yesssss. :)

BucketsOfCool

@Cawendaw I took swing and it was super fun. I found that people DO look at you weirdly when you break out with it, but it also helped me become a better dancer in the more "normal" sense. Basically it helped me relax and feel less conspicuous on the dance floor. Salsa sounds awesome though! That'll be next on my list. Also, there are so many Swing Nights out there that you can go to and utilize your skills and no one looks at you like you're crazy :)

churlishgreen

@Cawendaw BOTH!

Plant Fire

@Cawendaw Salsa first then swing. Mostly because Salsa is wayyy easier than Swing. Or at least for me. My mom taught me how to salsa in the middle of my living room and now I can do it and it's fun an not too hard to pick up new moves. It's pretty intuitive. My sister tried to do the same with Swing and it was so confusing and I almost fell over. So maybe start with one and then work your way up to the other.

KeLynn

@Cawendaw I vote swing. It's more fun and there's probably a big swing community in your city if you are looking to meet people and make friends.

Salsa's more cool/sexy than swing, but I'm never in a position to use that knowledge outside of dance classes because no one else in the world knows it, and there's not really salsa clubs. At least that I know about.

NuckingFux Nix

@Cawendaw I do both, but I've been doing Swing for a lot longer. Here's how I would pick. Both are going to teach you to follow/lead depending on your preference and that is useful in all social dancing. Swing is more fun and playful and waaaay more free in terms of technique, plus its always fun to think that you are learning/doing the same dances that your grandparents and great-grandparents snuck out of the house late at night to do. Salsa is sexier and more technique based, but also really fun. Salsa will require you to be in closer proximity to sweaty strangers, but you'll definitely have those moments in swing too, and in my experience they are sweatier in swing.

I will say that at 23, I am starting to feel a bit old for the swing scene. In Seattle it feels like mostly high school kids do it.

Cawendaw

@everyone Thank you for all your replies! I've decided to take swing, both because I hear more about swing events in my area, and because it sounds harder and I'm taking dance classes to stretch myself and my abilities. I'll probably take cheaper, not-as-good salsa lessons on weeks where I can find the time.

yeah-elle

It's here, it's here! I missed it the last few weeks.

These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of good and bad.

Good: A friend profiled me and my illustrations for Tumblr's Storyboard blog, and the responses made me feel really warm and fuzzy! Then I felt really great and self-sufficient after I managed a big Ikea haul on the bus. I've been feeling productive and kick-ass and I think I'm going to start running (???).

Bad: A truly nauseating run of street harassment over the past few days has put a real damper on my mood. Then I felt bad and guilty for how it was ruining my mood. Rinse, repeat, ugh. Oh, and I had to fight with my new insurance about covering my birth control because they only cover generics and a generic doesn't exist for mine and ughhh rage. RAGE.

iceberg

@yeah-elle Boo street harassment and non-comprehensive health insurance!!!

yeah-elle

@iceberg Right, I had to leave multiple messages with my old doctor to get them to issue a prior-authorization and now it's covered, but I think I might actually be forced to go through that every month? How? Why?

Amphora

@yeah-elle As long as they renew your prescription instead of writing you a new one, you don't need to re-do the prior authorization every month (that is, if you have coverage under a major insurance carrier) Signed, Former Medical Receptionist who Hates All The Dumb Paperwork

yeah-elle

@Amphora Oh no, I can't even imagine the horrible amounts of paperwork you had to deal with. Anyway, the pharmacist sounded very dubious about it lasting more than a month. In any case, I need to renew the prescription in 3 months, and I need to get a new doctor before then, and probably go through with a pap and all...oof. Can't wait.

adorable-eggplant

Oh hai, open thread! Does anyone want to talk about food? I'm still bummed about that article from earlier this week. I wish we didn't live with such a culture of shame around eating. I'd love to hear some happy/triumphant tales of body acceptance, etc. Also, I just got a copy of The Everlasting Meal (my mom gave it to my boyfriend, cause it reminded her of him [we went over for dinner the other week and my mom was making gravy from homemade stock and they traded stock making tips]) and I am looking forward to reading that soon.

Stories anyone? Want to hear my applesauce cookie recipe?

raised amongst catalogs

@adorable-eggplant I love food, and I love recipes, and I want to hear it. I just finished reading the wonderful book Life is Meals, by James and Kay Salter, and if you love food and haven't read it -- do it! It was so delightful.

katiemcgillicuddy

@adorable-eggplant The recipe, gimme gimme.

adorable-eggplant

@raised amongst catalogs Oooo that book is on my list now! Here's the recipe: 1) I use the same sugar cookie recipe for just about everything (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easy-sugar-cookies/) [sometimes I just add myers lemon peel and it's sooo tasty] 2) I am out of vanilla extract, so I subbed in Angostura Bitters for the aromatic 3) add 4 apples worth of applesauce* and a bit more flour ~1/4 cup, so the dough is wet, but gloppy. 4) Get a silpat (changed my cookie-making life) and drop spoonfuls of batter on. Bake as directed. So freakin tasty.

*applsauce: 4 apples cut in quarters (I didn't core or peel them, since I am a lazy bastard and have a foodmill for grinding and they're just going in to cookies, so it can be a bit bitter from the seeds and noone will ever notice); 1 sweet lemon, peeled and cut in half; 3/4 cup water; 1/4 cup sugar; and mulling spice ~2 tbsp, ground and sifted. Simmer on high w/ lid for about an hour and then grind.

area@twitter

@adorable-eggplant Yes! I love food (I LOVE FOOD), and I am also trying to improve how I eat? So what I am doing is trying to get myself excited about vegetables. There are so many things I don't know how to cook! Spaghetti squash! How does it work?! And you can have broccoli ROASTED, not steamed and limp like I always ate it, and almonds are delicious, goddamn. So I am still eating all the things I love (croissants, rice, cheese, soda) but I am also trying new things, and eating more vegetables and thinking about "hmm, am I hungry or am I bored/unhappy/anxious", and it's sticking now for some reason. So I am not trying to lose weight, I am trying to eat in a more balanced way, and I am really happy with it so far. (And I had a chocolate croissant this morning, and it was absolutely an incredible, delicious treat, worth every single bite.)

raised amongst catalogs

@adorable-eggplant Seriously, I tried to savor that book but instead I devoured it. And thank you for the recipe -- I've made apple butter before in my crockpot but haven't ever done applesauce, which is ridic because it is such a great food.

Do you like rhubarb? I know it's not rhubarb season YET but I can give you a recipe for rhubarb syrup if you don't already have one. I made a bunch in the early summer and some of it I used in cocktails, some of it I used to make rhubarb sodas and the rest I put on pancakes with plain yogurt and some walnuts.

churlishgreen

@raised amongst catalogs rhubarb syrup recipe, please...

adorable-eggplant

@area@twitter Spaghetti squash: I am also so confused. I like zucchini though and butternut squash cut in to cubes and roasted with garlic and olive oil. Trying new things can be such a fun way to get new nutrients and learn new cooking techniques in one go. I went on an eggplant kick for a while (hence the name) tried a million recipes and settled on about 3 favorites that I still use pretty regularly.

May I suggest quiches for using new veggies? You can add basically any leafy green, a lot of squashes, more or less whatever is in the fridge. And frozen veggies is my other new thang, because I am more likely to add extra veggies if I don't have to do any prep beyond 1) open bag.

adorable-eggplant

@raised amongst catalogs Rhubarb syrup! I make a ton of syrups (especially lemon, cause I'm a dang addict) for cocktails, so I have some syrup knowledge, but I love comparing methods, so shoot. :)

coolallison

@area@twitter @adorable-eggplant You can literally just microwave a spaghetti squash (for something like 12 minutes, but whatever) and then when you cut it open, you just scrape out the lining with a fork, and it forms this amazing spaghetti shape. I mix mine with some cooked green and red peppers, some marinara sauce, and some parmesan cheese. It's awesome.

adorable-eggplant

@coolallison Whoa, you just blew my mind. Putting spaghetti squash on the shopping list.

SarahP

@adorable-eggplant Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can replace vanilla extract with bitters?!

raised amongst catalogs

@churlishgreen @adorable-eggplant It's super simple, and I got it from some website when I was trying to figure out what else to do with my rhubarb (I can't believe I actually thought there was such a thing as too many pies?).

2 lbs rhubarb cut into 1-inch chunks
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
juice and zest of 1/2 a lemon

1. Combine all ingredients in a saucepan and simmer until the rhubarb is very tender.
2. Strain the solids (and reserve them, because you can put them on ice cream or mix into yogurt); you can continue to simmer the liquid until it is reduced/thickened but this isn't necessary.
3. Store your rhubarb syrup in the fridge, taking it out now and again to admire its beautiful pink color.

To make a rhubarb soda (so refreshing), just mix 1 part syrup and 3 parts sparkling H20 or club soda. I like mine with a twist of lime.
To make a cute little cocktail called a Rhubarb Daisy, just mix 2 oz gin, 1 oz rhubarb syrup, 3/4 oz lemon juice and ice in a shaker. Strain into a glass and top off with club soda.

anachronistique

@adorable-eggplant I have tried to like spaghetti squash for YEARS and just can't do it. Texture, or something. But roasting? ROAST ALL THE THINGS. Also once I found out how ridiculously easy it is to wilt baby spinach I've started adding it to everything.

And yeah, that piece earlier this week made me so sad and angry and upset just from reading the comments here that I couldn't respond.

adorable-eggplant

@SarahP Haha, I am the worst about following rules (pop over to the grammar thread, and you will see what I mean), so take that with a grain of salt. But yes, I did and the cookies are super tasty. So really, it's just a whole other flavor profile, but one that hits some of the same notes. YMMV. :)

adorable-eggplant

@raised amongst catalogs OOoo Rhubarb Daisy. This is why I can't do drynuary.

area@twitter

@adorable-eggplant Yes to frozen veggies! I absolutely stocked up when I was at the store this week. I am even going to take my heart in my hands and try brussels sprouts again. And I have a great recipe I'm going to try this weekend which is basically a lot of onions and a little rice and good cheese. Right up my alley.
I love the quiche idea. Om nom, quiche.

raised amongst catalogs

@adorable-eggplant There's also a Rhubarb Bloom, which has the same components plus basil.

SarahP

@adorable-eggplant Awesome! I once ran out of vanilla in the middle of a recipe and couldn't believe how using (way) less vanilla than called for could make something so bland! So this sounds like a useful way to avoid blandness if this happens again. About how much did you add?

A. Louise

@area@twitter roasted broccoli is my guilty pleasure. I think it's even more delicious than potato chips because the little tips get that much crunchier and delicious.

Trade secret: roast every veggie! It will become delicious. My boyfriend made roasted brussels sprouts with balsamic vinegar for dinner this past week and I nommed 'em up. Brussels sprouts! So good.

adorable-eggplant

@anachronistique Yeah, I had a really strong reaction because eating disorders are so prevalent and deadly and it just seems like she's setting up her daughter to connect size and worth in a way that is totally heartbreaking and the problem isn't just the publicity (although, ugh) but also the fact that she'd put her daughter on a scale and humiliate her around food and those lessons will stay with her for life. AND HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY HEALTHY. Gah.

My other sadpeeve is when women (or conceivably men, but I've never seen that happen, personally) put down their own bodies in front of their children. Like, how am I supposed to handle hitting puberty and filling out and then living long enough to be saggy, if you tell me it diminishes my worth, because clearly you feel like it diminishes yours. And then suddenly I was sad about a whole cycle of things. But thank god for awesome fat acceptance blogs (nearsighted owl, the militant baker, y'all are my heros) because otherwise I would just sit in a corner and despair.

adorable-eggplant

@SarahP About the same amount? I don't measure, really. So some number of shakes, probably a bit more than a tablespoon...

I used to use a pint glass and then convert my recipes into approximate pints. But then my mom took pity on me and gave me a beautiful set of measuring bowls, so now I'm in the ballpark.

Flora Poste

@adorable-eggplant I wish I loved food more and then maybe shopping for and planning meals wouldn't feel like such a chore! I had a really good week last week with lots of lovely salads for lunch and proper meals in the evening, and then was lazy again this week, which has resulted in some truly shit meals -like an omelette made with literally nothing but egg :( Any tips on how to eat like a grown up on a budget would be truly appreciated. Also, those cookies sound delicious!

raised amongst catalogs

@raised amongst catalogs Haw, just realized I made kind of a pun when I said this syrup was simple. SIMPLE SYRUP.

adorable-eggplant

@area@twitter Mmm brussels sprouts and cheese and rice sounds perfect! My favorite brussels sprout recipe is still in the works (tip: go to restaurant, eat something tasty, attempt to replicate) but here's the basic idea: take a bunch of brussels sprouts, saute them in a mixture of fish sauce, a touch of sugar, and a dash of water, also a spritz of soy sauce. Pour mix on to a baking sheet and cook for ? time at ~350 to crisp. So tasty. I'm still fiddling with the details, though, so sorry to be so vague.

@Flora Poste I'm a big fan of the baby step method which is: take something you already eat (for me ramen, like from a package, 10 for a dollar at my grocery) and add something natural. Soooo yesterday, I had a ramen with slices of avocado and a handful of frozen sweet corn. Add some radishes, sliced on the side with a sprinkle of salt and vinegar, if you're feeling fancy. Greens are also easy + healthy + cheap. I'd do that omelette, plus a bit of spinach or chard (also comes frozen) heated in a pan with sesame seeds sprinkled on and some lemon and oil until just wilted. I'm a big fan of the idea that you can do basically what you already do with some modifications according to taste.

As for eating cheaply, I'm from the southwest, so avocado + tortilla = meal. Also, beans and rice if you like beans. And soups are an easy, cheap way to do healthy: I make a tomato broth with corn and cilantro and then have that over rice and it is sooooooo tasty.

KeLynn

@adorable-eggplant Spaghetti squash! It is the greatest! I microwave like @coolallision said (I poke with a knife a few times first - the one time I didn't, it kind of exploded). Then I scrape it into a casserole dish and mix with...anything. Ground beef and tomatoes and spinach? Good! Ham and frozen peas and cottage cheese and nutritional yeast? Good! Bread crumbs and leftover pork chops and apples? Good!

Then bake for a half hour or so. Voila!

anachronistique

@adorable-eggplant I believe that it's not healthy at all, and that she's doing her daughter a terrible disservice. And I can't really write a memoir about my own chubby-kid-to-fat-adult experiences, and it doesn't precisely map on, but.... AUGH.

Basically the only way I maintain my sanity is by shoving upraised middle fingers at the world and doing things that make me feel good. Which means a lot of different things.

Flora Poste

@adorable-eggplant I do love beans, so much! Those are all really good suggestions, especially the frozen spinach for the omelette one, because I love spinach and then I don't have to plan. Also, am newly a massive fan of avocado- did you just look in my cupboard?? My problem is every time I go food shopping I can't stop thinking about how I would love to spend the money on clothes instead, but get disappointed when it gets to dinner and I look at my measly haul haha.

Jinxie

@Flora Poste Well, everyone has different priorities. So long as you're taking care of yourself and eating reasonably healthy, there's nothing wrong with spending less money on food and more on clothing. I'm personally more of a "blow my budget on groceries and nice meals out" person but I know not everyone is like that and so I try not to judge.
That said, if you really do want to change, maybe try approaching your meals/meal planning the way you do your wardrobe. Hmm. That probably sounds nutty, but what I mean is, look at some fancy (food) blogs for inspiration, see what catches your eye and learn more about it, find a new ingredient and play with how to incorporate it into your diet (like how you'd work a new statement piece into your wardrobe)...you get me? It's just food, after all - it shouldn't bring you down.

Flora Poste

@Jinxie That is good advice, especially about finding new ingredients/recipes, as I get bored eating the same things all the time, which in turn makes me want to plan my meals/buy food even less. Like you said, it's about priorities- I don't want to keep getting to a point where I'm eating cereal for dinner more than 2 nights a week- baby steps! Thanks!

adorable-eggplant

@Jinxie That's a cool parallel! Here's my favorite styled food blog: http://www.dessertsforbreakfast.com/

ETA: I never make anything from there because that's some out of my league baking, but I do steal ideas/flavor combos on the reg.

jilt

@area@twitter I don't usually care for brussels sprouts either, but I love them made this way (replicated from a restaurant, like adorable-eggplant did):

Steam in the microwave for a few minutes, till almost done, then transfer to a pan with olive oil & butter, to brown a bit and finish cooking. Set aside, then add a couple tablespoons more butter to the pan (I heart butter), with some whole sage leaves. Brown the butter and get the sage leaves crispy, then pour over the sprouts, add sea salt and pepper. So tasty.

@raised amongst catalogs The Rhubarb Daisy and homemade syrups idea has me all excited for spring and summer - exciting Italian soda options!

raised amongst catalogs

@jilt I know, right? It's like, January, get out of my face with yourself already. Same goes for you, February. March, I'll deal with you later.

harebell

@area@twitter
yes, brussel sprouts can be great! if they usually taste bitter to you, you might especially like adding chopped walnuts or chestnuts.
It changes the texture in a really nice way (esp. if you quartered your brussel sprouts), and it also makes the dish-as-a-whole sweeter and milder.
(I also add balsamic vinegar to the dish while sauteeing, so that the balsamic vinegar cooks down and thereby gets creamier, in addition to blending with the brussel sprouts).

raised amongst catalogs

Ugh, that Billfold piece about depression and money was so, so timely. Hey, what's up world, I can't seem to function/clean the house/care/brush my teeth more than once a day and I have all of the cries/anxiety. I also have a fun new quality, which is that when I roll over in my sleep I immediately wake up with nauseating, room-spinning vertigo that takes a little while to go away.

I am going to Billy Elliot the musical tonight but can't really even get excited about it. Stupid brain chemicals.

And my hormonal adult acne is back.

terrific

@raised amongst catalogs aw, I feel you, I've been there. So many hugs. We're here for you.

raised amongst catalogs

@terrific Thanks, you adorable puppy, you. My life may feel like it's falling apart but Hairpin people are the best.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@raised amongst catalogs Yo. There was a time in my life (and sometimes sporadically these days) when I felt like my insides were being held together with rapidly fraying dental floss, and I was panicking all the time. At first I thought it was something I could deal with because it had become so normalized, but then I started panicking about really mundane stuff (are my teeth shifting? do I have cavities? where is that old pocket watch I once owned?).

It's not a way I preferred to live. So I forced myself out of my weird shell and talked to a therapist. She and I have been having two sessions a month for the past year and it's been great. I've also found which anti-depressant works for me the best, and in case I get stuck in an anxiety spiral, I've got Xanax at the ready. As a last result.

I'm not saying this would work for everyone; I don't know what steps you've taken to help your situation. Just know you're not alone with your anxiety and it is not necessary to live that way.

Nicole Cliffe

@raised amongst catalogs xoxoxoxoxo, sending love

raised amongst catalogs

@Nicole Cliffe Back atcha, lady.

raised amongst catalogs

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I think it *is* time for me to go back into therapy. I'm currently not working but looking for a job, but I think I might be close enough to a university or two and can utilize their services.

I appreciate your support, btw!

Amphora

@raised amongst catalogs Oh man, unemployment depression is, if that's possible, the worst kind of depression. Not only do you feel useless, the world is telling you you're useless, too. Take it easy on yourself.

raised amongst catalogs

@Amphora And I CHOSE to leave my job! Even though I hated it there and it slowly shriveled up my soul to go there, on top of the regular "out of work blues" I am also blaming myself. (oh my god i am smeagol/gollum)

Amphora

@raised amongst catalogs Hey, it's okay, I left a soul-sucking job two weeks before the stock market crash in 08...lots of beating myself up ensued. Thing is, now you're still miserable but with the bonus of being able to sleep as late as you want and not talk to people you hate!

katiemcgillicuddy

Can we just talk about Manti Te'o for a minute because...(I'm sorry, my brain just stopped working, that's how ridiculous this story is)

area@twitter

@katiemcgillicuddy There is a great article about this that references that Simpsons episode where Bart answers Mrs. Krabapple's personal ad as "Woodrow".
But yeah. Athletes be crazy this week. I don't even know where to start with that whole thing.

terrific

@katiemcgillicuddy I knew nothing about Manti Te'o before this story broke and I am OVERCOME with emotion about how ridiculous and juicy this thing is.

... he had to have known, right? I've yet to hear a convincing argument for the "he didn't know" camp.

katiemcgillicuddy

@area@twitter Oh man, I forgot all about that episode. I'll look for the article. Yeah, sports this week is just...yeah my brain just quit again.

Nicole Cliffe

@katiemcgillicuddy I really recommend Jessica Wakefield and Irin Carmon's pieces on it. Or, anyone, really, who's trying to draw attention towards Lizzie Seeberg in all this.

Tuna Surprise

@terrific
Here's my best argument "He wanted to believe". I mean, I'm 100% certain he found out at some point before he is admitting to knowing but I firmly think he found out AFTER the media knew about her and he just couldn't bear the shame of admitting he was duped.

(Awww, I believe in the fundamental goodness of people! I'll show myself out)

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy I spent all of yesterday reading as much as I could about it. I'm not really sure I can cope with how extensively ridiculous it is. With any given scenario Te'o seems gullible, a famewhore, or both.

katiemcgillicuddy

@terrific What I want to know is...did he "create" the death? I believe he was initially duped (which, ohmygod, seriously dude?) but that he had to have known eventually, absolutely. But WHEN did he know? I also have a great disdain for Notre Dame and am also wondering (GET READY FOR WILD SPECULATION) if MAYBE they found out it was all fake, and pushed him to "kill her off" so to speak? I NEED A TIMELINE. Cause I put nothing past the people who run that place/the people who run college football/the entire NCAA.

hallelujah

@katiemcgillicuddy I will insist until my dying day that he's in the closet & just got outed, which, :/. I SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS! Seriously though, that's the only narrative that makes a bit of sense to me.

funfetti

@katiemcgillicuddy I think it's extra hilarious that ND has known since December and HIRED PIs like this is some sort of Noir film.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Tuna Surprise I might buy this, too. Also, I am terrible and probably don't, but I totally get where you're coming from. I do seriously want to know about what the upper-ups at Notre Dame knew, and when they knew it.

katiemcgillicuddy

@hallelujah Ha, that was my first guess. That's always my first guess, though.

katiemcgillicuddy

@funfetti So we know for sure ND didn't know til December? My hatred of that place is blinding me a bit. I haven't had a chance to read much about it today, as I was busy getting kicked by children in a swimming pool.

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire According to "friends" of his, it sounds like both? Gullible dude who reaaaaally likes the spotlight? (Also, I second the Caw caw caw!)

meetapossum

@katiemcgillicuddy Oh man, I don't care at all about college football, but that story is FASCINATING. All the lying that had to happen even if he was actually duped!

funfetti

@RK Fire It doesn't help that 90% of the articles have are sourced from "unnamed friend of a friend who knew a guy who used twitter once" and all the new new updates are BREAKING NEWS: STILL A HOAX

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy @Nicole Cliff Can you even believe that gasbag athletic director actually CRIED because Te'o's child-like innocence had been lost? Are you fucking kidding me?

katiemcgillicuddy

@meetapossum College football is the one sport I don't follow like like some sort of deranged crack addict hunting rocks, but man alive, I could eat this story with a spoon. I will say, even though I'm only a casual follower, this is EXACTLY where this shit would take place. College football. The egos in college football, for my money, are bigger than in any other sport, pro or college.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That was completely fake, I YELLED at the tv when he did that. What a bastard.

RK Fire

@funfetti Oh definitely! The 24 hour news cycle is definitely making it worse and the endless internet speculation, while entertaining, is making it more ridiculous. Who is the hoaxer, and who is the hoaxed??

HOAXCEPTION

I think the bottom line those is that Sports Illustrated and ESPN look like fools no matter which way this goes. Also, Nicole, thanks for mentioning Lizzie Seeberg. I don't follow college football at all and have no opinion of ND, but I've been reading about all of this in other places and someone had referenced her and another incident involving an ND football player and it is all.. weird.

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire Trademark "HOAXCEPTION" immediately.

professionalmess

@katiemcgillicuddy I feel almost bad at how giddily I'm eating up this story, but ugh, Notre Dame, and I was so tired of everyone in the sports world acting like Teo was the greatest, most perfect ever. I pretty much ignored all news about him before this, but looking at it now, how did anyone ever think she was real?

Daisy Razor

@katiemcgillicuddy The funniest/most plausible argument I've heard for his innocence is that he doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the box and this was an awfully complicated hoax to keep going for so long.

I don't buy it, though. It's entirely possible his friend who ran the fake gf's twitter account made up all the stories and Te'o just parroted them back to the media. I still really really want to know the motivation for all this insanity!

katiemcgillicuddy

@professionalmess Because NOTRE DAME, Go Irish, rah rah, Touchdown Jesus, AMERICA. ESPN sucks so fucking bad.

/turns on TV
//watches the same SportsCenter six times.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy I was at a restaurant bar with friends and totally engrossed in the subtitles of the press conference, and interrupted my friends' convo with "Holy shit you guys, he's crying. This guy's crying because Manti 'will never trust again.'" They didn't seem to care as much as I did, but I felt the rage flames on the side of my face fo sho.

VDRE

@katiemcgillicuddy I've read a lot of things about people pretending to be someone else online and getting into relationships with people and then pretending to die when things get real/the non fake person wants to meet up. SO I'm overall willing to believe that Te'o had no idea what was happening and truly thought that he was in a relationship with a real person and believed that she really died. The only thing that doesn't fit is that he and his family said they met her in person but I guess that could be explained by being embarrassed that he had a girlfriend that he never met in person?

Beericle

@hallelujah
That is exactly my guess too.

katiemcgillicuddy

@VDRE I just can't put this past anyone involved in college football. Ego, ego, ego. I think he was duped for a long time (love it if someone could explain why) but that he must have found out. I just need all of the answers because it's making my brain cry in frustration. I may end up feeling bad for the guy in the end, but right now I feel like we're all getting a runaround. I'll just keep blaming Notre Dame until I know more.

Rose, I can't even tell you how mad it made me. When he paused like he was choked up? RAGE. When he said "it's a tragedy that the single most trusting individual I have ever known will never trust again" or whatever bullshit it was, ohmygod yes, rage flames, rage flames, rage flames.

Alli525

@Beericle @hallelujah This is 100% my theory since yesterday afternoon. A Mormon athlete at a Catholic college, and this happens? I think it was a beard scheme that got quickly and completely out of Manti's control. I feel sorry for him still, though, because the other guy (co-conspirator, I think) must have kept it going long after Manti lost control, like someone who just gets over-excited. I am hoping none of this was mean-spirited.

Scandyhoovian

@katiemcgillicuddy It is SO RIDICULOUS I can't make heads or tails of it. Even the PTI guys are like "I... don't... what!?" about this, and usually they're very on-point. No matter how this goes, it doesn't really end so well for him. Either he's in on it and the whole world thinks he's a sociopath, or he was duped and the whole world thinks he's sad and gullible. Which I would say is the more appealing option, really.

Jinxie

@Alli525 WORD.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Scandyhoovian When Mr. Tony and Wilbon can't say anything other than, "what...I...what?" you know it's absurd.

What sucks is, yes, he might just be super gullible and this got out of control, but yeah, it's not going to help him either way.

katiemcgillicuddy

Watch, 50 bucks the Raiders trade up to draft him. Redskins Fans: Forever Remembering The Raiders Exist.

Kate Kane

@VDRE Yeah, after mumblemumble years on livejournal, I can COMPLETELY believe that Te'o was a victim of a hoax. I have no idea if that's really the case, but I've got three sockpuppets and two pseudicides ready to make it sound like it is.

Blushingflwr

@katiemcgillicuddy IF this hadn't happened, I would never have known the dude existed.

VDRE

@katiemcgillicuddy I completely understand not wanting to trust anyone in college football- I really want to know what actually happened too. If this was done for attention it seems so weird that she'd die on the same day as his grandmother, you'd think they'd want to make it look less contrived.

@Kate Kane exactly! Were you a member of fakeljdeaths? I... might have been.

Marquise de Morville

@hallelujah Someone in the NYT comments (don't read them) was guessing he created an "electronic beard".

Also, the NYT blog article on the subject stated that people cannot fall in love with someone they've never seen and in general

Kate Kane

@VDRE Not of fakeljdeaths, but I did often watch from the stands over at fandom_wank *cough*

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Marquise de Morville I feel like I'm the only person who thinks that the "didn't have a real girlfriend = gay" line of thought is hella simplistic and, to be honest, kind of insulting.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I think you're right about this, but the reason that I personally wondered this was because of the fact that it was Notre Dame, I wouldn't have necessarily considered it with other, non-Catholic/religious institutions.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@katiemcgillicuddy I'm not sure that has anything to do with it, though. If he needed any reason at all to rationalize not sleeping with someone, I'm pretty sure that his being Mormon would suffice, no?

katiemcgillicuddy

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) You're certainly right on that point. My demonizing of ND gets in the way sometimes, my severely lapsed catholic self doesn't give the church or it's various limbs much credit, I didn't mean to be reductive.

anachronistique

@Kate Kane MY PEOPLE. (I am resisting the urge to go read the MsScribe story again. I have things to do with my life!)

michealjohn

@katiemcgillicuddy Wow! What an eye opener this post has been for me. Very much appreciated, bookmarked, I can’t wait for more!
otaku dating

terrific

I booked my anniversary trip with my boyfriend to Chicago! In February!

... yeah. I lived there for four years and am well aware of how motherfucking cold it is in the winter.

If you had 2.5 days to prove to someone that Chicago is the best city ever, what would you do? We're on a super budget. We're already doing Hopleaf, Too Much Light, Green Mill, Planetarium, Signature Lounge on the 96th (cheesy I know)...

mostly I want a fun, dive-y bar that feels very Chicago and also where I can point at the beer prices and say "SEE LOOK HOW MUCH CHEAPER BEER IS HERE THAN IN NYC." We're staying near Lincoln Park and I do not really want to go to Wicker Park.

Emby

@terrific I also did Too Much Light and Green Mill (for the poetry slam! do it!) when I was in Chicago. I loved it very much. Also, the bar with the turtle racing. So I think I'd go there: Big Joe's.

SarahP

@terrific I will be watching this thread, because I really want to visit Chicago sometime soon but not for any particular reason, so I want to know where to go!

Emby

@SarahP Morton Arboretum!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@terrific
For dive bars, I love Skylark so much that I have half-considered trying to buy it. The National Museum of Mexican Art is free and has a great permanent exhibition, but I haven't gotten to the current exhibition yet. This is the part where I promote my neighborhood.

Also, escaping from February into the desert or jungle rooms at the Conservatory is a delight.

funfetti

@terrific Simon's (right next to Hopleaf, on Clark north of Foster) is my favorite neighborhood bar/dive in Andersonville. I also really, really love Maria's Packaged Goods in Bridgeport but it can be a pain to get to.

Emby

@terrific Oh, and looking at google pics, I realize I've been to Hopleaf, too. I must have had the Traditional Chicago Experience or something.

planforamiracle

@Emby I am watching this thread for the same reason! I live in Toronto and people always say Chicago is "like Toronto, but better" and I have always wanted to go :)

zamboni

@planforamiracle I am from Toronto. I go to Chicago like once a year at least? (Maybe not this year.) EVERYTHING YOU HAVE HEARD IS TRUE, and the CTA will make you weep with envy. Stuff that may not otherwise come up in this thread: Haymarket Pub (brews delicious beer on site, good food for carnivores AND veggies/vegans, and the vegan stuff is housemade! free shuttle to Bulls and Blackhawks games at the United Center and they gave us free booze on the shuttle!), The Southern if you or the person you are travelling with likes any kind of brown liquor (especially bourbon!!!) or Southern cooking (so I hear, allergies mean I can only get drunk there), Ann Sather's (famous for their cinnamon buns, also good if the idea of "Swedish diner" interests you). Karyn's on Green if you are rolling with any veggies or vegans for sure (and the Chicago Diner).

smidge

@terrific Whirlaway Lounge in Logan Square is divey and lovely!

Amphora

@planforamiracle Hahaha, my husband is from Toronto and we live in Chicago - he says it's like Toronto, but with guns. Okay, maybe not exactly that. But when his ex came to visit she was FASCINATED by the CTA and inexplicably the fire escapes?

Wholeheartedly seconding the Whirlaway lounge but if you don't wanna venture that far west (But DO! Go to a blues show at Rosa's Loungue!) then L&L Tavern is SUPER divey, as is Clark St. Bar. But definitely go to a blues jam (actually, Green Mill might have you covered there) and then get late-night tacos at a hole in the wall (like that place on the corner next to the Green Mill) (OMG I love the Green Mill so much)

theotherginger

@Amphora Yes chicago is like Toronto, but with guns and also more racial tension (this is what I gleaned from my awesome weekend there last year) (Chicagoans are free to weigh in)

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@theotherginger
There's no way Toronto can top the 1919 race riots or the Council Wars, just to toss out two examples.

Also, I work across the street from the Bean, so anyone visiting should drop me a line and I'll bop out for coffee! I've never been disappointed with people I've met through the Hairpin.

theotherginger

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I read gang leader for a day when I was in Chicago. Excellent book, controversial author, and good insights into the city.

thisisunclear

@terrific I second MARIAS. With takeout savory pies from Pleasant House next door. (One can also impress out of towners with the relative cheapness of their quality cocktails.)

Danzig!

@terrific it's not so much for the beer, but Kuma's Fucking Corner

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@SarahP I also want to go to Chicago really soon and am going to try to remember all this stuff.

PaperbackLady

Has anyone watched Call The Midwife on PBS? I'm trying to stop myself from downloading season three of Downton, but now that it's actually started I don't think I caaaaan

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@PaperbackLady Yeah, I watched it AND got it on DVD as a Christmas gift. It's a gem.

Plexia

@OhMyGoshYouGuys New season starts on Monday! Exciting!!!! Plus In and Out the Kitchen on Radio 4...

frigwiggin

@PaperbackLady My divorced parents both separately recommended this to me! I know nothing about it other than the title, which creates all sorts of weird premise-possibilities in my head. I almost don't want to look it up and find out what it's actually about.

sydwi

@PaperbackLady LOVE Call the Midwife! Turns out it's based on three of Jennifer Worth's books, and they're getting rereleased slowly. I read the first one, can't wait to get 2 and 3. It blew my mind how all the plotlines are TRUE. And Chummy really was that awesome.

rallisaurus

@PaperbackLady I think it got passed over because it wasn't Lady Mary acting like a princess but I really enjoyed it. Then again, I was watching Masterpiece Theater before they tried to rebrand it, so I might be biased. It made me both glad to not be a poor pregnant girl in the 1950s and jealous that American healthcare is still so lame.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Oh, shit, you know what? This whole time I've been reading the title as "Call of the Midwife," which is a much stranger concept than "Call the Midwife." Brainnnn what are you doing to me.

Amphora

@rallisaurus The last few weeks I've always ended up watching it with my parents when I visit them for Sunday dinner...and then having to leave the room when the labor screams inevitably start. Other than that, though, the show's great! Though I was mad at her for rejecting that Cute Boy from Home who came to visit.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Plexia How did I not know the new season is starting?! You have all the information.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@sydwi My mom and I are both fans of the show and we both ended up buying the other the first book as a Christmas gift without having asked for it. Chummy is my favorite.

TheLetterL

@PaperbackLady Call the Midwife, YES!

Like everyone else, I read the book after loving the series and enjoyed it so, so much. (Well, the first book. Haven't made it to the other two yet)

I'm so excited for season two! For me, that probably means late March on the local PBS. That's okay. At least we got the Christmas special in a timely fashion.

sprayfaint

Husband and I have to make a decision this weekend about whether or not to buy an apartment in Brooklyn and I feel like I'm going to vomit, all the time, plus the hot sweats and shakes. Worse than last week's flu, my nerves!! How do people get over first-home-purchase fright?

coolallison

@sprayfaint I was overrun with panic when we bought a house, but finally I had to step back and realize that literally every single house is owned by someone, and that if people dumber than me can make it work, so could I.

sprayfaint

@coolallison I thought this entire time that it would be a magical process and I'd know The One and it would be within my budget and the sellers would want Me Me Me, but of course it doesn't go like that, and what we're (possibly) buying is perfectly acceptable but not my dream, because I can't have my dream. And even if I could, I'd probably still have the hot sweats. Oh, bother!

SarahP

@sprayfaint I got over the fright by getting totally jaded after looking at so many places and emailing the mortgage broker over and over. So look forward to the time when you're telling your friends, "yeah, we're in the middle of buying a place, ugh, whatever."

sprayfaint

@SarahP Oh I've gotten that too, totally sick of it and I feel like we're moving forward out of momentum (someone actually accepted our offer, what else do you do?) Everyone else is 'excited!!'; I don't know what that means. It's just now in the final hours(ish) before signing a contract that the panic has really set in. Well maybe I wasn't jaded enough.

annebee

@sprayfaint I totally felt that same thing. You think you will find your dream home, but I guess really your dream home might just not come up for a few more months or years or it's too expensive, or it doesn't exist and you just buy the best thing that fits your budget and then it happens and who knows what happens next!?!?!

garli

@sprayfaint I'm in the middle of that (well looking for something I want to make an offer on) and it's made a million times easier because both of my parents are real estate agents and I'm an insane budgeter.

Real talk: you know what your payments are going to be at the price you're looking at right? And how that will work with your current budget?

sprayfaint

@annebee Exactly! I'm pretty much convinced (after over a YEAR of looking) that the dream won't come up (and we won't be able to afford it) for several years, so it makes sense to buy this 'starter' and trade up later. And it really is a nice space, just not *perfect*, you know?

@garli Thankfully one of the pros about the place is that it's under our original budget, so the financial aspect isn't such a problem. It's estate-condition, and we're planning a reno, so I guess that could always go wrong, though... Space-wise, it's less than we wanted, and there's not a lot of storage. And I'm not a minimalist. It's terrifying to think of using up your life savings and still tripping over a pile of clothes on the floor. But hey, it's NY, that's how we roll, right? Right???

garli

@sprayfaint Ha, I mean I DON'T KNOW I don't live in NY I live in anther place with obscene real estate prices (Santa Barbara)

If you've been looking for a year and that's the best you've seen it's probably the right answer. Get a bunch of shelves? I'm also not a minimalist. I need space for my 8 surfboards, 2 snowboards, 6 bikes, and 15ish helmets. No, we don't have kids, just a toy problem.

sprayfaint

@garli 8 surfboards!! OK, I feel better now :D

garli

@sprayfaint 6 are my husband's who will tell you with a straight face that he needs more because of all the various conditions you might have the chance to surf on. So we all have our things we don't want to part with.

sprayfaint

@garli Sounds like my cookware collection.

garli

@sprayfaint You can never have too much cookware. I realize my support on this position might be meaningless, but there you go.

Tuna Surprise

Snowing in London (although not really sticking)!

Flora Poste

@Tuna Surprise But enough to get sent home early from work!

angelan

@Tuna Surprise Finally snowing in scotland. FINALLY. Been wistfully looking at the 'COUNTRYWIDE SNOW!!!!1oneoneon!!!' news reports, and finally got to throw a snowball at someone tonight. Yay!

Nicole Cliffe

I have been having a Shitty Week, and then I was feeling too blah to ride this morning, so I decided to longe Bella instead, and she BLEW UP out of excitement four seconds in and had an episode (this nasty muscle/metabolic condition she has), so we jabbed her with banamine super-quickly and she eventually relaxed and pooped and now she'll be all busted for a few weeks, and these episodes are coming closer together now, and she's a really sweet and elegant and athletic and talented mare and I hate her loathsome, scumbag breeders who knowingly passed her crummy genes on and hid it.

Nicole Cliffe

@Nicole Cliffe It's just hard, because every other horse in the world can play around on the longe line and get their jollies out, but if she starts acting a fool before her muscles are good and warmed up, she experiences excruciating pain and muscle death (it's PSSM, if you're a horse person). And I can prevent, like, 90% of her episodes through diet and exercise and being extra careful during temperature swings or when she's in heat, but sometime in the next few years, I'm going to have to make The Call, and it should never have happened, ever.

Es
Es

@Nicole Cliffe Poor girl. I'm sorry for you, and for her. My old chap is 30 this year, (and here he is in the snow this morning: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lebatihem/8392319905/in/photostream ) and I'm starting to try to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to make The Call at some point. It's awful, even having had him for 25 years and knowing he's had a good, long and happy life. My heart breaks for you.

City_Dater

@Nicole Cliffe

Sorry about your horse -- it's always so hard and horrible to see an animal suffer.

Nicole Cliffe

@Es Oh, what a love! You've obviously been very, very good to him.

iceberg

@Nicole Cliffe Poor horsie :(

Nicole Cliffe

@City_Dater Thank you. Our 16 y/o doggie is in his last few days, too, so I am basically grabbing strangers on the street and imploring them not to fall in love with any animals, a la Louis CK's bit about how getting a puppy is just ensuring you will be in misery later on.

(I don't mean it, animal love is wonderful. But, you know, it has a cost.)

meetapossum

@Nicole Cliffe Poor pony and puppy :( It's never easy.

My friend keeps saying he doesn't want a dog even though his girlfriend does because it will "trick him into loving it."

Es
Es

@Nicole Cliffe He's been better to me than I have to him, all this time. He's utterly horrid, he chases people out of his field because he thinks it's funny (even now, and at his age I am just glad he still can) and once chased someone up a tree and kept them there for half an hour, in the days before mobile phones. He's dreadful, and it'll kill me when I have to say goodbye to him. There are so many of us who know what you're going through. And that won't help when it happens, but I hope it will afterwards.

laurel

@Nicole Cliffe Ooof, I'm sorry. The anticipation of those losses is rough times.

smidge

@Nicole Cliffe Internet hugs, Nicole. I'm so sorry. Bella is lucky to have had you.

supernintendochalmers

@Nicole Cliffe "Grief is the price we pay for love. " -Queen Elizabeth II

EpWs

@Nicole Cliffe Tearing up on the couch re: Denali, and for what you're going through (in anticipation). Your animals have the best lives, seriously.

ReginaSavage

I'm not sure if I hate myself or my life. I've just got a whole lot of FEELINGS going on right now and its kinda overwhelming.

raised amongst catalogs

@ReginaSavage Ugh, come sit by me.

Cawendaw

@ReginaSavage Can we start a burning-from-inside-with-self-hatred club? It will fix nothing but maybe we'll have badges.

ReginaSavage

@raised amongst catalogs K.

ReginaSavage

@Cawendaw Oh fuck yes!

iceberg

@ReginaSavage :( you guys, we love you!

honey cowl

@Cawendaw I'm in. Would like a badge pls.

ReginaSavage

@iceberg We don't love ourselves though, that's the problem!

iceberg

@ReginaSavage I'm sorry, I should have phrased that better. I just think you guys are awesome, and it makes me sad that you're sad. But that in no way obligates you to be less sad. I have some personal understanding of what you are feeling.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I refuse to like any of the comments on this thread because no. You are all great. You make me laugh and think during the week. Stop hating on my Internet friends.

Cawendaw

@honey cowl
I hope this image works...

Angry Panda

@ReginaSavage Oh hey, I found my people.

Cawendaw

@Cawendaw Nuts. Trying again...

somuchsugar

@ReginaSavage xoxoxxoxxoxox much love to you my friend.

honey cowl

@Cawendaw I love that you made it. I might hesitate to wear it in public though! <3

Jen@twitter

Can we just talk about how wonderful this new Sin Fang song and video is?
http://vimeo.com/55562957

werewolfbarmitzvah

It's sooooo cooooooooold, and pregnancy has me permanently sleepy to the point where I could happily sleep 18 hours a day if I didn't have a job to go to (is this what mono is like?), but I'm stuck here in the office being sleepy and freezing and dressed like Rudy Huxtable in a blizzard again. I'm fantasizing about having a huuuuuuuuuuge wooly dog, like a Bernese Mountain Dog or a Great Pyrenees, who I could spoon with during naps alllllll winter. If I had one of those gigantic hairy dogs, we would be spooning 24/7.

hallelujah

@werewolfbarmitzvah When are you due?? I popped out my nugget a few months ago. Although I basically have pregnancy PTSD I still looooove hearing that other people are expecting!!

werewolfbarmitzvah

@hallelujah I'm due July 9th! And congrats to you! Soooo, is popping out a nugget as scary as they say? Before I actually got pregnant, childbirth sounded absolutely petrifying, but now that I've been reading the labor chapter in my pregnancy book, I keep going, "Hmmmm, with a nice epidural in there, this doesn't sound THAT bad!" which is probably a dangerously casual attitude to have.

Nicole Cliffe

You will be just fine. Also, I am working on a baby book round-up in honour of Jane's pregnancy, so obviously that will do all the work for you.

iceberg

@werewolfbarmitzvah that's your mind protecting you with denial ;) then again I had a c-section, so, grain of salt.

miss buenos aires

@werewolfbarmitzvah Hey, fellow preggo! I am either having the weirdest gas today, or this is what they call "quickening." It's exciting because I am basically having one of those "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" pregnancies (hey, not complaining), and this is practically the first indication I'm feeling from the inside that there is a little fetus in there. Hi, little one!

hallelujah

@werewolfbarmitzvah I'm sure your labor will be fine! Mine was a nightmare, but lots of extenuating circumstances (double uterus! sideways baby! doctor out of town!), so I doubt it's the norm. Although I would caution that even normal labors can veer sharply from those little faces they show you next to the stages of labor. I was >:o from the jump & totally indignant about it, like "I am only supposed to be a : l right now I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@miss buenos aires Ohhhhhh, you are so lucky to be having the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" pregnancy! I've recently launched into the second trimester and it still feels kinda like the 9-month flu. Lots of puke, lots of near-fainting if I stand up for longer than 5-10 minutes at a time (subway commutes are a big adventure every day). But still, I'm just overjoyed that I can keep food down again, more than half of the time at least.

And they say that quickening can feel a lot like weird gas, so that might very well be what you're having!

Alli525

@werewolfbarmitzvah NO! I did not know there was such a thing as a double uterus! WIKIPEDIA FOREVER.

sophia_h

@werewolfbarmitzvah I swear to god the being exhausted all the time thing was not well-advertised enough. I got lucky and just finished my first trimester with only one puking incident (plenty of queasiness, though), and I keep wondering when I'll stop wanting to nap most of the day.

siniichulok

@werewolfbarmitzvah Congratulations! Oh, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one! I'm due in late June, and I am sleepy about 2/3 of the time! I feel more hardy or robust or whatever (tfuitfuitfui) than I did in the first trimester (when I was bleeding--fun times), and I got some bad advice to be on bedrest and then try my best not to do anything or go anywhere, so now I'm trying to add more walking into my life at least, and I just want to curl up on the couch with my cats and knitting and all the seasons of Lark Rise to Candleford and then fall asleep anyway. And all these pregnancy books are all like, "now now, naughty naughty, you may have skimped on exercise in your first trimester but there's no excuse now!" And I'm just like "@)#$(#*#$$....zzzzzz."

siniichulok

@iceberg How was your c-section? I'll probably be having one (fibroids, yay) and I'm (possibly totally irrationally) less scared of the idea of a c-section than of regular birth.

Bittersweet

@siniichulok I had a (scheduled) C-section, and it went fine. It's a little weird to be awake while they're slicing open your midsection, but it's OK. I found that the relaxation exercises I learned in labor class were helpful if I ever started to freak out...which wasn't much anyway, because the spinal anesthesia kept dropping my blood pressure. Hard to freak out when your BP is at 70 over 35...

TARDIStime

@werewolfbarmitzvah If it's helpful, I heard a wonderfully positive birth story on the weekend:
My cousin's contractions started, and she timed them from 8 mins apart, next contraction was 6 mins apart, next one was 5 mins apart. She realized she needed to be at the hospital, like, NOW and got there just in time to plonk into the birthing bath and within 10 mins, her baby was in her arms. Less than an hour's labour from the first contraction, and the super painful part was like maybe 20 mins.
I want to bottle me some of that (I'm not pregnant, but there's a market for this, I'm sure of it!).

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

So I have a sore throat of sorts that I am keeping pretty well under control with constant dosings of Throat Coat tea, lemon, honey, kombucha, sauerkraut, and ibuprofen. Anything I'm missing?

raised amongst catalogs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Popsicles.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Vodka. I kid, I kid. Gargling with salt water helps me.

adorable-eggplant

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Whiskey. Make a hot toddy, add extra honey.

annebee

@katiemcgillicuddy My dad would say hot-lemon-and-honey, and gargle with salt water. the old classics.

supernintendochalmers

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Emergen-C and ice cream/italian ices/some other frozen treat to soothe your throat.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@katiemcgillicuddy
Yeah, it's turning into a de facto Drynuary up in here.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll The worst kind of Drynuary.

like a rabid squirrel

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll SAUERKRAUT?! I've never heard of this as a sore throat remedy but sauerkraut is awesome and I'll take any excuse I can get to eat a bunch of it. My go-tos are those "Orange Dream" bars that are kind of half popsicle/half ice cream and packets of Ester-C (not effervescent like Emergen-C which is nice).

Faintly Macabre

@annebee I second this! I'm pretty sure that there've been studies that showed that gargling with salt water and hot water with lemon and honey actually help cure colds, not just soothe them. But both do that too, though I hate gargling with salt water while I'm doing it.

EpWs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Zinc tablets x lots

annebee

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I know! It's so sick

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Alternating between gargling with salt water and (I'm better enough) wine. I'll let you know how it goes.

harebell

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Elderberry syrup. It's a Central European thing, and it works really well. You can find it in healthfood stores and Whole Paycheck. Take it as a spoonful, so the syrup coats your throat for immediate relief; meanwhile, the elderberry will rev up your immune system.

michealjohn

@harebell "This is just the information I am finding everywhere. Thanks for your blog, I just subscribe your blog. This is a nice blog. "
MLM Success

supernintendochalmers

I think I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder, not that I'm even sure I think that's a thing. I tend to get depressed in the winter and it's been pretty bad lately. I looked up some symptoms (irritable, lethargic, withdrawing from friends & activities) and check, check, check. Today I went for a long walk in the sun and that seemed to help. Any thoughts on if this is a real thing or not/suggestions?

supernintendochalmers

@supernintendochalmers Maybe I should mention that I live in NYC and don't see a lot of light M-F due to my 9-5.

SarahP

@supernintendochalmers It is definitely a thing, and if that's what it is for you, get yourself some vitamin D supplements! They helped me a lot last year.

adorable-eggplant

@supernintendochalmers I get a mild form of it too! If it's pretty bad, they make special lamps for folks who live in places that don't get a lot of sun.

Lily Rowan

@supernintendochalmers Yeah, it's a thing, and people love the lamps!

zamboni

@supernintendochalmers Very much a thing. Vitamin D, you may wanna take some B/B-12 too (just helps with energy, the winter wouldn't be making you deficient). In the winter I am way more careful than I am the rest of the year about a) eating a nutritious diet b) exercising regularly c) not oversleeping on non-workdays (and thus missing the sunlight you could get). Long/brisk walks at any time won't hurt, but in the event you need to do more to boost your mood/energy and can't manage it in your apartment or outdoors, try to avoid gyms until February for your sanity. (You could learn to ice skate, if you haven't already and if there are public skating times available in your area.)

mangosara

@supernintendochalmers Totally a thing. I am from a warm sunny all the time place and came to the Northeast for school... One of the first things my mother did for me was buy me a "Happy Light" (yes that is its real name). I used to bask in it 24/7. They're so bright that you're not supposed to use them right before you sleep because it can mess with your sleep cycle!

MilesofMountains

@supernintendochalmers most definitely a thing. I have one of those sunrise lights for my alarm clock, and it helps with getting up but maybe not much else. My sister just got a blue light thingy that she says definitely helps with sleep cycle and energy levels, but doesn't seem to be affecting the depression that much.

.abbey

@supernintendochalmers Light therapy really is the best for this. In Sweden, there's even a town far north of Stockholm where they've started putting light-therapy lamps at bus stops so people can get happier while they wait for the bus and light-therapy lamps are often prescribed by doctors to people suffering from S.A.D. Trying to maintain a schedule on weekends to make sure you're getting the most natural light you can is important, take vitamin supplements... Try to eat seasonal, nutritious vegetables - (http://cuesa.org/page/seasonality-chart-vegetables)... good luckkk

Danzig!

@supernintendochalmers When I was living in NY through the winter last year my apartment window faced into an alleyway and yeah, the lack of sunlight really took a toll. It's a real thing! Your eyes and brain need sunlight! But a good lamp will do in a pinch :)

siniichulok

@supernintendochalmers I second all the Vitamin D suggestions! When I lived in Finland, the darkness kind of hit me like a ton of bricks (in October, no less), and I didn't realize at first what was going on. But then I had this ritual of having my Vitamin D pill every day with some chocolate and it became almost enjoyable. Plus I found eating fish helps (more vitamin D?), so if you are a fish-eater I would recommend that.

Harriet Welch

@supernintendochalmers

I'll chime in late. A THING! A THING! It is a thing!

I moved from Florida to the pacific northwest and pretty much immediately died. I am usually one of those obnoxiously happy (but still strangely cynical) people and all of a sudden WHOOOOOOSH! Fuck the world, fuck my life and I.will.not.get.out.of.bed.

My mom was all "probably seasonal affective disorder" and I was all "fuck you"
then I laid in tanning beds (with all of my clothes on and 23094203948234 zinc sun block (not screen BLOCK) because cancer.

supernintendochalmers

@all Thanks a lot, everyone! I will definitely get some Vitamin D supplements and am making more of an effort to go for walks in the sun. Not sure if I'm willing to spend the money on a lamp but I'll definitely keep that in mind.

LeafySeaDragon

@supernintendochalmers it is SO a thing. i lived in portland last winter and it was terrible. i got in the habit of taking a chair outrside when the weather broke and just sitting in the sun for a couple of hours. it helps. had i stayed there i'd have gotten a SAD light. GET ONE!

breccia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbDqrgqcfIk

*laugh/scream*

JanieS

Having a January birthday sucks. It's a crappy time of year.I don't want to turn 32. I don't really want to be 31, either.

P.S. Week 1 of the New OKCupid Project - entirely disheartening. One mediocre date and NOBODY ELSE MESSAGING ME. OR RESPONDING TO MY MESSAGES. WHICH IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO SEND OUT, BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN.

ayo nicole

@JanieS YOU WENT ON A DATE ALREADY? My week 2: exchanging messages with a guy who has not looked at my profile (what), 2-3 "hey gorgious" messages a day from guys who are 50%+ enemies, no responses to any of my messages that I think are probably very thoughtful. ONWARD.

Tuna Surprise

@JanieS
Can we make it a club? I really need to get off my duff and try to actively start putting myself out there but I'm laaaaaaaaazy and scared of rejection. But I'll do it if people are expecting me to report rejection every Friday OT!

City_Dater

@JanieS

From the depths of my online dating experience, I say to you: if you are finding it disheartening and depressing, please stop, immediately. "Hide" your profile for a couple weeks and make plans to do fun things with people you already know you like.
Honestly, for every person who met their wonderful significant other online, there are probably 100 people who had a couple blah dates and gave it up.

anachronistique

@JanieS One brief message-exchange! Which is better than I expected given that the first two words of my self-summary are "Unapologetically fat." Mostly I'm making myself amused as hell by the utter weirdness of the experience - so many headless torso shots!

PomoFrannyGlass

@JanieS I am 32, and I've never had age issues before, but it is a weird number. I feel way younger, which is great! (also hopefully I look at least slightly younger, but probably not) But also, probably I should have more shit together now, yes?

RE: OKC, first, listen to @City_Dater! The mental state is very important to online dating fun. Second, all the guys I know who use it say it must be great to be a girl and get tons of messages, so you'd think they'd reply. But literally no woman I know who uses it (self included, also I live in Brooklyn, so basically every single person I know is on OKC) has ever received a response to a message. So don't fret!

trappedinabay

@JanieS Oh man. Ok Cupid. I went on SO MANY "meh" dates. I often refer to 2005 as "The Year of First Dates," because there were no second dates. It's really a crapshoot! Don't get depressed, though. Think of it as an anthropological investigation, and chronicle your dates.

lisma

@JanieS I started OKCupid last week!!!

RNL
RNL

Oh yes! I love OkCupid, even though it's often horrifying. At some point I started thinking of the "meh" dates as the whole point.

OkCupid became a lot more fun and interesting to me when I started thinking of it as practice for when I met someone I like, or, worst case scenario, practice for networking. If your career, like mine, calls for any schmoozing or client contact, online dating is a great place to polish those skills. I can have an hour-long conversation over a drink with basically anyone now.

Plus I got to meet a whole bunch of people I probably wouldn't have before - opera director, marine biologist, bike mechanic, etc. They all brought something a little bit interesting into my life experience, even when the dates were kind of horrible. I've been introduced to some of my favourite bars by bad first dates.

And then I met someone I did like, and I wasn't a weird nervous wreck, and had some good date bars lined up to impress him. And now we're together.

JanieS

@City_Dater Yeabut ... I have, like ... 1.5 friends ... and no interests that seem to be shared with males of any kind so I don't really have any other options. It's not like I've got some great social life or fun career or anything. And I don't want to be alone forever.

JanieS

@JanieS Ohmygod I am such a pathetic cliche I need to shut up.

JanieS

@Tuna Surprise I will totally be a part of the 'OKCupid date ridiculousness' club! That will probably help me get over myself!

adorable-eggplant

@JanieS Yeah, recruit a friend/horror story mate. I got on because my friend wanted to join, but not alone. Had a gin & tonic and we wrote my profile together (I wrote, she overrode the lamest puns). It really helps take an edge off the weirdness to share it.

theotherginger

@adorable-eggplant yes. I have been on OKC with no long term luck. However, because I looked at is as an anthropological experience and a source of hilarious stories, it was ok.

AmeliaBadelia

Drynuary friends... how are we all doing? 18 days in, still going strong. I managed to avoid drinking while at a Yelp event whilst holding a cocktail for my friend, and I have the boy's (delayed) holiday party tonight where I will also be not drinking. I should really pick a different month for Drynuary; perhaps one that doesn't have so many free cocktails scheduled in. How's everyone else doing?

coolallison

@AmeliaBadelia All along, when I've been bitching about how hard this is, my husband has been all uppity about how he isn't having a hard time at all. Then he drank last night. Like, a lot.

But I'm keeping it together. It's actually getting easier. But I AM planning a big drunken blowout starting February 1st, which is conveniently a Friday.

AmeliaBadelia

@coolallison Ahh me too! I've gathered some friends to help me "break the fast." My plan is to smell a beer and get wasted. I guess I'll have to be a little bit careful, my liver hasn't had this much time off in a long time.

meetapossum

@AmeliaBadelia I'm feeling pretty good, but I would like a glass of wine. We're over halfway! I was remembering the people who cracked in the last post by John, but I don't think I could even have one before the month is over without feeling like a failure. Good thing my will power still works, I guess.

Yesterday I was walking to trivia and wondering if everyone was purposely trying to drive me crazy with their stupid walking. Then I realized that I have been neither drinking nor smoking, so 85% of it may have been my own perception.

OhMarie

@coolallison I am doing great! Bought a bunch of sparking water and some fancy soda during my last grocery trip.

I am realizing that my husband drinks, like, kind of a lot. He has a beer or a jack and coke more nights than not, and then also gets pretty tipsy at least once a week. I feel....complicated about that. It's not affecting his life and I don't think he's an alcoholic, but at the same time it is not free and also not the best for your body. I don't know.

I actually have a work function scheduled for Feb. 1 that includes a wine tasting, after which I am scheduled to drive 4 hours. Going to have to be EXTREMELY careful with that one, cause I love wine. :(

AmeliaBadelia

@meetapossum My tolerance for other humans is incredibly low right now, and I think it's due to the no drinking. I've been trying to compensate by sleeping extra so at least I won't be grumpy because I'm tired. Mixed results. I would love a big glass of riesling right now. Or a beer.

coolallison

@AmeliaBadelia I was feeling mopey last night... and instead of wine, I ate an ENORMOUS bowl of frozen yogurt. No fat, so that's good, right? Oh, except I smothered it in cookies and candy. I did feel a little less stabby for a bit... but then I slipped into the I-just-ate-a-giant-tub-of-froyo-with-cookies-and-candy self hatred.

AmeliaBadelia

@coolallison Rough day at work usually results in pizza dipped in ranch and a six pack of beer (not the whole six pack, maybe half.) Yesterday was a frustrating day at work, so on my way home I ordered a pizza and ate it with ranch (bf was out, there was no judging except from the cat) and had a tall glass of... milk. Le sigh.

Your fro-yo concoction sounds really good. Maybe I should supplement with ice cream tonight to make up for the lack of wine.

Stacy Worst

@OhMarie If it's really "a drink most nights" and tipsy once a week, I wouldn't personally borrow trouble. Of course, less is better, but that's well within the even those really strict guidelines (for men).

fruiting body

@OhMarie I've had the same realizations about my dude. I mean, I've known for a long time that he drinks kind of a lot (and part of the reason I decided to do drynuary was that I would just drink whenever he was, which is almost every night) but it's a totally different experience to sit and watch him drink! And yeah, I want him to be healthy and live forever but I also want him to have fun and be a normal human being.

I'm doing great other than that though. The next week and a half will be difficult as we're having a rotating cast of houseguests who will want to go out a lot...

coolallison

@AmeliaBadelia Well, pizza is one of my most favorite things on the planet, so tonight, we shall trade vices.

OhMarie

@fruiting body Yes, this is exactly it. Plus he has this kind of like, everything great can be improved with some booze attitude. He's not wrong, but I also feel like we should be able to just enjoy stuff sometimes. But I am also not his Mom and this is not something that I want to get into/make him feel guilty about.

harebell

@AmeliaBadelia
Maybe Drynuary is not a good match for you?
I know you want to do Drynuary, and don't mean to be annoying. It's just that all the medical guidelines say that a small glass of wine or other alcohol per day is good for women, and is actually better for women than no alcohol at all. So if it's bothering you, maybe just go for the Golden Mean alcohol plan, and just have a small glass an evening, instead of all-or-nothing?
(Sorry about the unsolicited advice, I really am. The talk about Drynuary just freaks me out a little bit - it sounds a little like yoyo-dieting).

adorable-eggplant

@harebell This times a million.

honey cowl

No it is not snowing, Edith, I live in Seattle. :(

coolallison

@honey cowl Austin. It's going be like 70 this weekend and I'm kind of bummed about that.

SarcasticFringehead

@honey cowl We're having some cool fog, though, I guess? I don't know, at least my feet are staying dry (she said, tempting fate).

NuckingFux Nix

@SarcasticFringehead If my commute this week is any indication, the only thing Seattle drivers are worse at driving in than rain, is fog. Boo.

SarcasticFringehead

@NuckingFux Nix What has been WITH that? Yesterday morning especially was SO BAD.

honey cowl

@NuckingFux Nix OMG OMG OMG. Can we talk about this fog??? I mean, I love it, it looks awesome, but it is scary to drive in! I took my BF to the airport and 99 was sooooo dark & scary!

NuckingFux Nix

@honey cowl et al. Yes! It's definitely weird to drive through, I drive across the Mercer Island bridge and it feels like you are stranded in the middle of a cloud, and its all very surreal, but it hasn't affected visibility on the roads at all, so Idk why everyone is freaking out SO BAD. Also, I live 20 mi from work and it took me 90 MINUTES to get to work yesterday. 90 MINUTES!?!?
I am moving into the city in the next few months though because my commute makes me midly homicidal (mostly wanting to ram my car into other drivers)

SarcasticFringehead

@honey cowl I work in a high rise, and sometimes when it gets really foggy we can't see the ground, which is kind of cool but also kind of freaks my shit right out.

honey cowl

@NuckingFux Nix WOW 90 min?? You must be on the eastside?

I work in SoDo & with the fog we can't even see downtown at noon! Cray!

NuckingFux Nix

@honey cowl I am on the eastside and it is terrible. I work in Lower QA. I will be moving into the city next month, and I will gladly pay absurd amounts in rent to not spend 2 to 3 hours a day in the car.

Also, can anybody schedule a meet-up? Because I'd really like to come and then they keep getting scheduled on days that I have Things I Can't Get Out Of, and it makes me sad.

SarcasticFringehead

@NuckingFux Nix Anyone can schedule! I assume because you've been seeing the meetups that you're on the Facebook group?

TARDIStime

@honey cowl No it is not snowing, I live in Sydney where it was literally the hottest day on record on friday (topping 47C [116F]).
Yes, I was sweating, and yes, I nearly passed out waiting forever on my train platform.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I'm dealing with 12 degree weather and several inches of snow. Great skiing, though. But I fell pretty hard while walking my dog, and the intense cold has created quite the hard ice shell on the ground. Ouch.

SarahP

I just realized a bunch of seemingly unconnected things that happened over the past week are symptoms of an upcoming depressive spell for me. On one hand, it's awesome that I'm at a stable enough time of my life where I can see these symptoms and prepare for it (and maybe hedge off the worst of it), on the other hand I was just overwhelmed by looking at the calendar and realizing I have to block off the next couple weeks as being not-so-functional.

raised amongst catalogs

@SarahP Ok, have you noticed just how many of us in the FOT are depressed right now? WHAT is going ON?
For what it's worth, I totally get it and am in the same place. Not the best source of support since I'm clinging on for dear life, but I am happy to listen/help in any way I can.

SarahP

@raised amongst catalogs Are the majority of us are in the northeast? Because while my moods aren't entirely dependent on the weather, all this gray/cold does contribute to them...

Lily Rowan

@SarahP Yeah, Monday was the fake worst day of the year (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Monday_%28date%29)

raised amongst catalogs

@SarahP I'm in Michigan, which I guess is "the Midwest" but still seems to have the same weather patterns as the NE.

SarahP

@Lily Rowan Ooo, I look forward to the Happiest Day, though!

SarcasticFringehead

@raised amongst catalogs Seriously, I haven't usually had problems with Seattle winters, but something about this one is really doing me in, and the list of SAD symptoms upthread describes me almost exactly right now. Whee!

geek_tragedy

@SarahP

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that. Me too. Things have been somewhat impossible this week, and I'm even sure why. I guess the weather? I've basically been having fun crying times and spending my life on the phone to my bestie in the states, while he tries to convince me that I'm fine and everyone else is a jerk.

packedsuitcase

Can we talk about boots? I'm a few weeks out from finally being able to afford my first pair of Fryes and I'm nervous. I'm in love with the equestrian boots but I have a really wide calf - even the extended calf is a little tight on me now. Do they stretch? Nordstrom says they can stretch them for me and get me an inch or two, but if I stretch them I can't return them. There is another pair that fits my calves but has too much room in the ankle. I have no idea what to do. Or should I take my money and somehow find a place that makes legitimate riding boots and just get those? Where do you even find those, and is there any guarantee they'd have a pair that could fit my calves?

garli

@packedsuitcase If it's a big save up kind of situation I would wait until there was a pair you really, really loved. Nordstrom doesn't always have all of the boots, I'd order a bunch from zappos and send back all the non winners before your credit card payment is due.

packedsuitcase

@garli I'm pretty obsessed with the ones I've been saving up for (read: have been stalking them and going to visit them and petting them in-store), but the calf issue is freaking me out. I just don't want to pay big bucks and try to stretch them and then have them not fit properly. Stupid calves.

sprayfaint

@packedsuitcase I think that if you take them to a reputable shoe repair person and ask them if they can stretch them, you'll get the best answer. Look for someone really well-reviewed (easier if you live in a major city). I bought my first pair of Frye's this winter and love them. I looked for an alternative for literally about two years before giving in. I have the opposite problem -- super narrow calves -- but I found a style that didn't gape badly. I was originally planning to have them tailored. They were snug in other parts of my foot, but have since stretched to fit perfectly. Yay Frye!

garli

@packedsuitcase You should probably just go for it in that case. If they almost fit, wear them with tights/stretch pants until they feel loose enough for jeans.

Which pair are you obsessed with?

schrodingers_cat

@packedsuitcase The only thing to consider before buying actual riding boots vs Fryes is that actual riding boots won't have much tread on them (this is because you don't want your boot to get caught in the stirrup). But if you're okay with that, then look for tack shops in your area and they will probably have something that fits you. The style selection is mostly going to look like these Ariats though.

City_Dater

@packedsuitcase

I have a pair of Melissa Button pull-on Fryes, which I LOVE. They were a bit tight around the widest part of my calves when I got them about a year or so ago, but they are slowly stretching.
If you can comfortably wear the boots as they are and you adore them, you'll probably wear them so often they'll break in and stretch to fit your leg perfectly.

Jinxie

@schrodingers_cat Fryes also do not have much tread(any) on them, which I learned one rainy day outside my office. Mine came with the smooth leather soles, which look very nice but a) see above re. SLIPPERY BASTARDS and b) aren't very durable. I took them to my cobbler to have more sturdy/nonstick soles added.
And re. the calf stuff - mine stretched a little. They definitely took a while to break in properly. I'll be honest, for the first few months it HURT to wear them if I didn't have strategically placed bandaids on but now they are perfect and we will have many more glorious years together. (Which reminds me, I need to clean and polish them tonight.)

RNL
RNL

@packedsuitcase Frye's come in wide calf! Or so an extended boot discussion on the 'Pin told me, with google confirmation.

I'm a straight-sized, wide-calfed lady. I no longer buy it when people tell me boots will stretch. Sure, they will, but not enough. Measure your calves, and know if you need a 15", 16", 17", etc. Buy with that in mind.

I will never ever ever spend a lot of money again on boots that aren't wide calf. It makes all the difference (I say as I lovingly stroke my already battered brown riding boots I bought this winter that are comfortable, zip easily, and go with everything).

hallelujah

Anyone have service/activist-y plans for MLK Day??? There is a great service & march in Detroit I go to every year, then an anti-gun-violence protest at a proposed Wal-Mart site in the burbs. No better day to fuck with the Man a little bit.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!
Since giving up TV, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts. Does anyone have suggestions for funny/smart/interesting ones? I really like How Was Your Week, Throwing Shade, Culture Gabfest, etc, but I'd love to know what Hairpinners are listening to.

olivebee

@OhMyGoshYouGuys You Made It Weird, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Doug Loves Movies, Professor Blastoff.

vunder

@OhMyGoshYouGuys @OhMyGoshYouGuys In addition to a few of those, I listen to NPR's pop culture happy hour (which can be a little annoying), Snap Judgement, The Moth, and I recently discovered the New Yorker's Fiction podcast. Also, The Memory Palace is really nice but not often updated.

annebee

@olivebee oooh! I need these too. I'm doing a lot of repetitive lab work these days

supernintendochalmers

@OhMyGoshYouGuys The Todd Glass Show! Sklarbro Country, Totally Laime, Who Charted, Yo Is This Racist (okay so pretty much anything on Earwolf.com).

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@olivebee Thanks! You reminded me of Doug Loves Movies and Professor Blastoff. I'll check out the others too.

olivebee

@supernintendochalmers Hahah your list is basically the other half of the ones my husband and I listen to that I didn't feel like typing out upthread.

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMyGoshYouGuys olivebee nailed it totally, but in case you somehow don't know it, WTF with Maron?

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@supernintendochalmers Oooh, yes. Earwolf is full of goodness. Thanks.

Plexia

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Have you tried BBC Radio 3 Radio 4 podcasts? My faves are Arts and Ideas (awesomes) and In and Out the Kitchen (not a cooking programme me - well a bit) which has a new season starting on Monday.. Also PRI short stories are amaze.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@katiemcgillicuddy Yes! Love WTF.

supernintendochalmers

@olivebee Haha! DLM was my first podcast love. Gotta love that Leonard Maltin game

OhMarie

@OhMyGoshYouGuys If you like comedy go on through both Earwolf and Maximum Fun. Many of their shows are mentioned above, but of those not mentioned my personal favorites are Stop Podcasting Yourself, My Brother My Brother and Me, and Who Charted. I also love Never Not Funny, but the full show costs money now.

Also to break away from comedy, Radiolab is completely mind-blowing.

frigwiggin

@OhMyGoshYouGuys If you like fiction and sci-fi in particular, EscapePod can be a lot of fun, although some of the readings are hit and miss. (There's also PodCastle and PseudoPod, the fantasy and horror versions, but I find them to be more miss and less hit.)

loislane

@OhMyGoshYouGuys I love My Brother My Brother and Me. It's just silly but it makes me laugh and I'm addicted to it. They answer people's advice and make fun of people's Yahoo Answers submissions.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Plexia Putting those on the list!

area@twitter

@OhMyGoshYouGuys I've listened to The Bugle for years and years and years. Highly recommended.

gobblegirl

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Comedy: The Bugle (#1 podcast ever), Answer Me This, How Did This Get Made (or any other Earwolf), Mike and Tom Eat Snacks.
Non-Comedy: BBC Witness (warning, often a tearjerker), History Extra (the podcast of bbc history magazine)

gobblegirl

@area@twitter Who's your favourite Hottie from History?

area@twitter

@gobblegirl Tiresias- April's Male AND Female Hottie of the Month. OH YEAH!!

bitchycrosstownexpress

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Thrilling Adventure Hour . It is a takeoff on old time radio shows and it is awesome. (I recommend starting with the earliest episodes you can find and moving forward.)

SarcasticFringehead

@bitchycrosstownexpress Second Thrilling Adventure Hour. I love it so much.

Beericle

@OhMyGoshYouGuys
RADIOLAB (I also like Freakonomics, Stuff You Should Know, and The Moth (but someone already said that))

gobblegirl

@area@twitter Classic attempted humorical behaviour. (can you tell I re-visited the archives over Christmas?)

area@twitter

@gobblegirl Did you get to the Mickey Paintbrush story yet? One of Andy's finest. "Did you paint my papal prong on that nudie man?! Oh balls, he's run off! Shit, I've got a christening in twenty minutes, this'll have to do."

Amphora

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Judge John Hodgman! Also PRI's Selected Shorts if you want something more literary.

area@twitter

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Also: I confess that I downloaded Doug Loves Movies this week entirely because Chris Evans was on it and I wanted to hear his funny Bahston voice in my ears. I'm easy. (Although now I have the theme song stuck in my head. Well played, DLM.)

gobblegirl

@area@twitter Oh, Mickey Paintbrush. Such a scamp. Or the weird experience that was 'The Congressman's Penis'.
I've been listening since 2007 or 2008, but the jokes don't get old on relistening. I was especially happy to experience the penis-on-a-roof episode again. Audio gold.

gobblegirl

@gobblegirl Uh, okay. Area and I have made it sounds like it's only jokes about ladies' scraboutchies and gentlemens' danglers, but it isn't! It's a hilarious satirical ballet, plus cricket puns.

area@twitter

@gobblegirl Uh, yes! Remember Bashir Al-Assad's musical history (including the rise and fall of LMFAO)? Kim Jong Il's waterslide? Andy's epic fish-related pun run, complete with pun bell? It's not just fludging of one's pontuvius.

gobblegirl

@area@twitter Or bin Laden's fuckyoulogy! Or every single time John quotes Lord (formerly Sir) Mixalot!

iknowright

@OhMyGoshYouGuys If you like pop culture or making fun of pop culture, Extra Hot Great, though they ended a few months ago, has all old podcasts free on iTunes and it is, well, extra hot great.

like a rabid squirrel

@OhMyGoshYouGuys The Truth is my new favorite - fictional stories done in radio-story format. Also Slate's Lexicon Valley if you're at all nerdy about language.

sandwiches

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Oh, I love the Caustic Soda podcast because I am a morbid, morbid person (though they sometimes get stuff wrong and can be a little ...dudely because it's three dudes).

sandwiches

@sandwiches And also Spilled Milk, which always feels like sitting in the kitchen with two of your besties and talking about food, so it's pretty much an instant pick-me-up for me. And I've just started listening to Skeptoid but I'm pretty excited about it.

sandwiches

@sandwiches And also Spilled Milk, which always feels like sitting in the kitchen with two of your besties and talking about food, so it's pretty much an instant pick-me-up for me. And I've just started listening to Skeptoid but I'm pretty excited about it.

annebee

Any thoughts on the clarisonic mia? I think I'm going to buy the travel one this weekend. In my long everlasting hunt for clear skin.

PaperbackLady

@annebee I have the regular clarisonic plus and I really like it. I still get acne, but I think it helps heal breakouts faster. You will be AMAZED at how soft your skin will be. I kind of wish I had the mia because then I could travel with it.

annebee

@PaperbackLady what type of cleanser do you use with it?

PaperbackLady

@annebee Right now I'm using Lush greased lightening, which is ok, but any old cleanser works. I used Murad for awhile which was ok too. I'd just use whatever one you prefer.

vunder

Listening to Judith Shulevitz on Fresh Air made me feel so angry yesterday. Not at her - she's just writing about science - but at the rock and hard place that women are in with regard to having children.

- If you have a child in your early 20s, you're (often) unprepared financially and emotionally.
- If you have a child in your late 20s/early 30s, you (often) interrupt a vital moment in your career development, leaving you later to be unprepared financially.
- If you have a child in your mid to late 30s or early 40s, you're old.

I feel old. I feel resentful. I feel frustrated.

PaperbackLady

@vunder ugh. I feel you. I actually thought that perhaps I should freeze my eggs like, soon (I'm 28) since I am NOT ready to have babies, but it is too expensive. Kind of ironic, since I want to focus on my career in order to make more money to have said babies???

olivebee

I got a promotion and raise this week, but I am still way underpaid compared to the peers in my industry so...half-hearted woohoo?

Also, does anyone want to talk about Top Chef? Because I have a lot of feelings about it.

charlesbois

@olivebee I want to talk about Top Chef! Are you feeling it was an absolute travesty? Have you read Tom and Gail's blogs about it? Some interesting insight there.

adorable-eggplant

@olivebee Ooo dish! I haven't watched since the Austin season, so I have no clue, but that show always seemed on the precipice of being a ridiculous mess.

SarahP

Oh! New England steampunks and/or gamers of any sort! Check out Templecon, a steampunk-themed gaming convention. My friends and I run the massive board gaming room, where you can learn how to play board games during taught sessions or just borrow a board game from our huge game library to play with friends or other con goers! There's also tabletop gaming, larping, and a bunch of other things, but I spend most of my time in the board gaming room so I can't speak to those as much. It's a really respectful, not-cliquey crowd. And we can totally hang out and watch the steampunks go by!

meetapossum

@SarahP Oh, man! I wish I had some way to get to RI. I love board games! And I see they have the BSG board game (which is awesome) and the Game of Thrones board game (which I have wanted to play forrreeevvvver).

SarahP

@meetapossum I AM RUNNING A SESSION OF THE BSG BOARD GAME

OMG

PLEASE COME

SarahP

@meetapossum If you start walking now you will make it by Feb 1.

meetapossum

@SarahP I haven't even seen the show and it is THE BEST. I've been a Cylon 4/5 times I've played. It's great! The best was the first time we were playing, and my friend was in the brig and kept saying as soon as he got out, he would put me in the brig. Guess who got to stay in the brig every time we voted on it?

meetapossum

@SarahP But honestly, if I weren't going on a trip next month I would totally do it.

SarahP

@meetapossum My husband and I have initiated to the game so many people who have never seen the show--and they all love it! I wasn't a Cylon for probably the first 4-5 times I ever played, and I was glad--sabotage can be hard work!

meetapossum

@SarahP I quickly learned that I don't have a very good poker face, so I've developed this sort of self-satisfied smirk that I use regardless of whether I'm a human or not. It makes it annoying for everyone else. Being a Cylon is really the best, though. Especially if you and the other person make it to the mothership (whatever its called? Caprica?) and let all hell break loose.

SarahP

@meetapossum The first time I was a Cylon, I excused myself to the bathroom shortly after getting our loyalty cards so I could just giggle and giggle.

I really really recommend the game The Resistance. It's all the fun and betrayal of BSG without any of the complicated mechanics. There are just a few cards, and that's it.

olivebee

Also, is anyone in the Chicagoland area planning on adopting a dog anytime soon? Because the shelter at which I work has an AMAZING dog who has spent much of his life in a shelter. He's incredibly sweet, docile, calm, and quiet. He just likes to lay there and look up at you lovingly while you pet him. And he's good with cats and kids. Let me know if you're interested in meeting him!

Nicole Cliffe

@olivebee I think I speak for everyone on the FOT when I say we're having a crummy week and could use pics of this fine fellow.

olivebee

@Nicole Cliffe I have no idea if this link will work, but here goes nothing: http://photos.petfinder.com/photos/US/IL/IL156/25024795/IL156.25024795-1-x.jpg

Nicole Cliffe

It worked. SOMEBODY ADOPT HIM PLZ.

SarahP

@olivebee HE
IS
ADORABLE.

olivebee

@SarahP I know!! I am in love with him, but my place doesn't allow dogs (plus I don't think my one cat who is petrified of her own shadow would appreciate a dog friend).

annebee

@olivebee oooooh he is so sweet looking!

raised amongst catalogs

@olivebee Not in Chicago but I clicked the link and I said right out loud to his photo, "UNH. LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU."

thisisunclear

@olivebee If I were more reckless in my decision-making, I would adopt him in a minute.

anannamouse

Hello fellow Hairpinners! This is my first-ever post!

I am on the verge of moving to New York City and I'm feeling all the Feelings. Thrilled! Terrified. Hungry for all the delicious food I'll be eating all the time! This will be my first real-person apartment and I plan on living alone in a tiny expensive ladypad.
What sage advice do you all have to offer, on living alone, living in NY, etc, etc? I haven't locked down a specific place yet, but I'm looking in Queens. (Hooray living with your parents and saving enough money to pay for the first few months' rent!)

Any thoughts would be much appreciated!

terrific

@anannamouse We have a ton of 'Pinners in Queens! Queens is the best. Astoria is the best of the best.

Lily Rowan

@terrific Dagnabbit -- I lived in Astoria for years with no local friends! And now I don't anymore.

trappedinabay

@anannamouse I live in Queens! Look into Astoria, Sunnyside, Woodside, and Jackson Heights. Astoria is on the N/Q train, and the other three are on the 7.

Have you read up on how to get an apartment in NY? You didn't mention where you're living now, but you should know that it's radically different. In pretty much the rest of the country, you can look at apartments months in advance and take your time with deciding which one to go for. In NY, you pretty much have to come cash-in-hand and be ready to commit to an apartment on the spot. It sounds scary, but it's not that bad! Just bring your checkbook and your credentials.

Let us know if you have any specific questions along the way! Happy to help.

meetapossum

I second @terrific as always on the awesomeness of Queens and Astoria in particular.

anannamouse

@trappedinabay Nice! I'm looking at Sunnyside in particular, because what a sweet name! Among other reasons. I've been warned about the fleeting-apartment scene, so I'm trying not to get too attached to specific places, despite the pictures of cutie-kitchens and whatnot that I've been looking at.

Thank you guys! So grateful for advice from you semi-strangers.

honey cowl

@anannamouse I have never lived in NYC nor do I ever care to but I have lived alone! Tip No. 1 (& most essential): Always Make Your Bed.

honey cowl

@trappedinabay HOLD THE PHONE. You can look at apartments in advance in "most of the country"? Where are these places? No places that I have lived! Apartment hunting here is horrible!

supernintendochalmers

@anannamouse Yay! Welcome! Brooklyner here. My advice is to live near your friends, or at least in the same borough. My other advice is to invest in comfortable shoes, buy Unlimited MetroCards, and don't set up a Seamless account because it is addictive. Also, the golden rule of apartment-hunting in NYC is that if it seems too good to be true, it is. Google potential addresses, management companies, landlords, etc. Good luck!

miss buenos aires

@anannamouse I can also (HIGHLY) recommend Jersey City. Cheaper than Queens, even, and often more convenient. Welcome to the neighborhood! Join the FB group!

Plant Fire

@anannamouse I live in Jackson Heights! I really like it even though I'm planning to move (to Harlem, ideally) in the summer. It's on the E, F, 7, M and R trains. I also crashed with relatives for a couple months in Astoria, before I moved here and liked it but didn't think the transportation was as good (it has the M, R, N and Q lines).

As far as getting an apartment, I had 3 days so I walked around the neighborhood and when I saw a building I liked I followed someone inside and then looked for the sign on one of the walls with the property managers name and called it. I looked at 2 studios one was regular sized and $1075 and one was huge with a full separate kitchen and was $1150 and rent stabilized and in the historic section so I took that one. I also had time to go home and think it over and then come back.

I like my neighborhood but the downside is that there isn't much to do that isn't food related. Like, there are tons of delicious restaurants and food carts and a million grocery stores but....once you've eat...you're pretty much done. There are bars but I never see women in them (with the gay bars that makes sense but the straight bars also only have women in there when the women are working there). However, I think it was a good first place to live because it's suuuper safe and pretty and the heavy amount of transportation compared to the rest of Queens is nice. Also I previously lived somewhere very homogenous (after growing up in a very diverse environment) and Jackson Heights is pretty diverse which helped make me feel more comfortable/made the transition to a new city much easier.

I think it's a lot easier to find an apartment and also easier to find a rent stabilized apartment in Queens (maybe not Astoria or Long Island City, since they are more popular/more expensive, but the rest of Queens) vs Manhattan or maybe Brooklyn. If you'd like I can give you the name/number of the people who own my building in case you want to call and see if they have any studios open.

I lived alone for 7 months and then this month my boyfriend moved in with me. I didn't really like living alone but I like it more than having strange roommates, however I'm much happier now that I have some company. I'm considering moving to Harlem to be closer to work (I want to bike to my office) and to have more fun things to do and the places I've been looking at are one bedrooms from $1200-$1500 and two bedrooms from $1500-$2000 so that's another affordable place to check out.

trappedinabay

@Sea Ermine I want to move to Jackson Heights! The husband and I are in Woodside now. We're looking for March 1st, but haven't had a lot of luck with listings yet--all the brokers tell us to come back on Feb. 1st. Do you know any good brokers in the Heights? Or do you like your building?

trappedinabay

@honey cowl In Pittsburgh, for example, you can view an apartment 6 months in advance and sign the lease 3 months (or more!) in advance! It's absolutely luxurious!

Alli525

@terrific Astoria is definitely the best... and we could use a reason to bring back the Pin-Ups.

honey cowl

@trappedinabay You don't say! This is rather revolutionary! Thanks for enlightening me :)

Plant Fire

@trappedinabay I didn't use a broker but I looove my building. It's just off the corner of 37thave and 80th st and it's really pretty and the apartments are big (I am in a studio that could comfortably fit 2 queen beds with space to walk in the main room (I set it up with a bookcase in the middle so it's like a living room and bedroom) plus a large alcove, 3 closets, and a full separate kitchen with room for a round table and 4 plastic chairs and a bookcase). Because I'm a creep I've peeked into other people's windows in my building (to see how they set up their stuff) and all the apartments look pretty big). Plus the super is really nice. The property management company is the Joseph Bruno Trust. Their number is in the link so I'd call now and again in Feb. to see if they have anything, they own a couple buildings (I'm in Ravenna Court). If they don't have anything I'd just stroll around the historic section and follow people into buildings to call the property management numbers. A lot of the buildings in that area are really pretty and have inner garden courtyards. I searched in the middle of May to move June 1st so I do think you'll have to wait until February.

trappedinabay

@anannamouse Sunnyside and Astoria great, especially if you're young and like a good bar scene. Lately I'm feeling very old and get-off-my-lawn, so I'm digging the more residential neighborhoods of Jackson Heights and Woodside.

trappedinabay

@Sea Ermine I am TOTALLY calling them! Looks amazing.

anannamouse

@Sea Ermine Thank you (all of you!) so much-- I knew I could count on the Hairpin! I'll see you all there for the next NY Pinup!!

Plant Fire

@trappedinabay If you do move here you should absolutely check out table wine. Its a really cute wine shop with local wines andthey sell root and those other things from art in the age of in Philly (another cute store)

runner in the garden

@anannamouse living alone in New York? Congratulations on being rich!

anannamouse

@runner in the garden more like congrats on your endless penny-pinching and ramen-netflix-weekends finally paying off! and having parents gracious enough to not charge you rent while living in your childhood bedroom, of course.

Lily Rowan

@runner in the garden I lived alone in New York without being rich -- working a good nonprofit job, I just spent most of my money on rent. This was a few years ago, but I lived on the Upper West Side for $1300, and in Astoria for $1100.

Plant Fire

@anannamouse Ehh I live alone in New York and pay less rent than plenty of my friends with roommates (especially the one's that live in Brooklyn, why is it so expensive there?). And my after tax salary is 30k so, definitely not poor but not rich either. I think people assume living alone in New York = living alone in a fancy apartment in a fancy neighborhood. But a studio in Queens isn't that bad, and there are parts of Harlem and the Bronx (like Mott Haven) that are even cheaper without being too far away).

anannamouse

@Sea Ermine yeah!! you guys! i think i found a place that's almost $300 less per month than i was (reluctantly) getting ready to spend!! and it has a back yard!! i don't want to jinx it, but i'm 85% sure that it's going to happen!

Cat named Virtute

Ugh, read that Billfold article on depression and money last night and then woke up to the heaviest grey sky ever + more snow, and ugh, none of it is helping. Lotsa guilt about how I am not a high-functioning productive depressive anymore, whereas my two closest depressed friends are in a major way.

However, it is pay day I did pay off my credit card completely today, so I might let my depression buy a dress (this one! https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=360915500673119&set=a.359616230803046.79203.159771944120810&type=1&theater if they still have it) and some wine after work.

meetapossum

@Cat named Virtute Congrats on paying off your credit card! Also, that dress is amazing.

frigwiggin

@Cat named Virtute I have a dress like that (except it's black and really more tunic length...) and I love it! Go you.

Cat named Virtute

@frigwiggin I bought it! AND a pair of peacock blue pumps with black bird silhouettes on the toe and heel, AND two pairs of jeans. Woo!

frigwiggin

Guys! My officemate and favorite coworker is leaving for better pastures (better-paying job plus her first novel is getting published, everything's coming up Milhouse!)--what should I get her as a going-away present? I know what she likes (books, cats, Star Trek) but I don't know what is an appropriate range for a gift like this.

charlesbois

@frigwiggin nothing says "congratulations" like expensive booze. I suggest a very nice champagne, or if she prefers the harder stuff, something like Bulleit Rye or some Laird's Applejack.

frigwiggin

@charlesbois Oh dang, I didn't think of that! I don't drink so I know nooooothing about alcohol, although I know she does--I'll have to sneakily try and find out what she likes.

Lucienne

@frigwiggin I like applejack, but the Bonded Apple Brandy is fancier, if you're interested in being fancy!

It's hard for me to imagine someone not liking apple brandy of any variety. I feel like that's a safe bet.

charlesbois

@Lucienne apple brandy is definitely fancier than applejack, but they are different beasts. I do like applejack for its ability to take the place of whiskey in whiskey-based drinks, and for being the star in my favorite cocktail, the Jack Rose.

Lucienne

@charlesbois Yes, the Jack Rose is a wonderful cocktail. :)

TARDIStime

@frigwiggin Does she have the Star Trek perfume? I've heard varying opinions on whether it's stinky, though...

likethestore

Not snowing yet but at the lowest temp today it was something like -2F, "feels like" -20F. I wanted to die.

bitchycrosstownexpress

NO, Edith, it is NOT. It is 20 degrees out and it is NOT SNOWING. Humph.

So, thanks everyone who was so supportive last week when I was so upset about my job. I was still kind of miserable at the beginning of the week but I had an epiphany about a structural issue with our workflow that I think is causing a sizeable part of my overwhelmed/stressed out feelings, and I actually had a very productive meeting with my boss about how to address this. We even came up with a fairly quick solution (assuming we can get IT to stop dragging their feet like they always do). So things are a lot better and I'm going on two whole days of work where I haven't felt like crying.

Also, three day weekend that includes attending a wedding of two awesome people that is essentially a reunion of all my favorite people from grad school. WOOO.

tambourine

i cancelled my trip home because of the snow, so i'm unexpectedly in london this weekend. i quite like it – hopefully it'll be quite relaxing.
although, i need to work out stuff to do with my PHD applications. blah

Plexia

London is freaking out about snow. We all got sent home early from work with warnings NOT TO BE ALARMED BY THE WHITE FLAKEY RAIN. STAY INDOORS!

Nicole Cliffe

One of my college friends posted a storm-related email from her boss with the caption: "From the city that survived the Blitz."

NeenerNeener

@Plexia Don't stay indoors! It's a beautiful thing to be outside with the snow falling, and fresh snow makes everything look so pretty! (until it's disturbed and mixes with dirt/exhaust/i don't know what else and turns into sludge)

Es
Es

@Plexia I'm supposed to be there for work on Monday - I'm ditching it with snow as an excuse!

packedsuitcase

@Plexia It kind of makes me happy that London is reacting to snow the same way North Carolina is. Bread! Milk! Stock up before the fluffy rain kills us all!

Flora Poste

@Plexia We all got the big "make alternative travel arrangements" talk yesterday, and then were sent home at 1. I can't enjoy it too much though, because of the pile of urgent deadlines sitting on my desk that will have to be dealt with on a very stressful Monday morning!

fruiting body

@Plexia This is my first winter in London and I am SO happy about the snow and also SO amused by everyone's overreaction.

KatieBarTheDoor

How can I make some friends? Specifically, how can I make some friends in a new city where I don't know anyone except my husband and I don't have a job yet? I'm out of practice!

It takes me kind of a while to become friends with someone, and I've had my old Florida friends FOREVER (so I allowed myself to be lazy about making new ones), and I'm shy. I've joined Meetup and plan to go to a trivia thing next week... I'm sure that will be fun for an evening, but how do I make, like, a friendship connection? I sort of need someone to be enthusiastic about it and like, "Hey, let's be friends! Come to ____ with me!" because I'm not a good initiator. Help?

gobblegirl

@KatieBarTheDoor I went to a meetup.com event last night. It was a new-in-town women's group (though I'm not new to town). I went with a friend, though the other two girls didn't know each other. It was my first meetup thing, and it was an event I never would have known about or gone to otherwise (a tea tasting at a local historical site). It was really great, the other ladies were fantastic, and we had an activity to get the small talk started.

coolallison

@KatieBarTheDoor This recently happened to me. I joined a running group, but it's still new and I'm not sure if anyone wants to be my friend. I am trying to take up crocheting and I found a store that people apparently just go hang out and knit/crochet, so I might get up the courage to check that out, too. I just got a job, but my department is tiny and no one talks to me.

I started out thinking I was going to be all helpful, but quickly realized I'm in the exact same boat as you. You're not in Austin, are you? Because then we could be friends.

KatieBarTheDoor

@coolallison Nope, I'm in the Boston area-- I wish we could be friends! Good luck to you in your friend quest.

AmeliaBadelia

@KatieBarTheDoor Hairpin meetups are how I made almost all of my friends in Boston. I moved here from DC and immediately got dumped by my ex bf, so I was starting from ground zero. Now, a year and change later, I'm good friends with a few pinners and the world is a less lonely place :) It's like pre-screened cool ladies to hang out with!

NeenerNeener

@KatieBarTheDoor
Hey, if you want to check out the antique market, I'll be there (with my boyfriend) around noon tomorrow.
Also, it was me that mentioned the Boston book club, and forgot to update with the google group. I don't think I have luck with the groups at work, and never go to the group page since I just get emails, but you can email me and I can add you to the contact list.
neenamarie19 at gmail if you like.

halfheartedyoga

@KatieBarTheDoor you rabidly say yes to all invitations. you have a party at your house (order in food if you don't wanna cook). you volunteer. you remember the flirtation skills that got you a husband and then deploy them on the general population.

milominderbender

Can I just stop the world for a moment to be grateful? One of the people who I admire most in my field agreed to be a reference for me. I just got this email from him about a call he made about my dream job: "He thinks the world of you, but I confirmed he has good judgment."

This is as good as it gets, isn't it?

Nicole Cliffe

I recommend that everyone make an email folder in which they put things like this, because then you can page through them all when you're feeling low, and it is like Prozac and a warm bath. Congrats!

area@twitter

@milominderbender That is wonderful. Congratulations. :)

planforamiracle

@milominderbender That IS awesome!
And Nicole, I totally agree with you. I save screengrabs (cuz I'm paranoid) and have them in a folder on my desktop. The folder is called "I AM AWESOME" and I heartily recommend this method.

polka dots vs stripes

@milominderbender I also second filing this in a special email folder, or better yet, print it out! I got some really kind emails sent to a internship-related email address I don't have access to anymore, so it's nice to have it printed to reference when I'm getting the career sads.

SarcasticFringehead

@Nicole Cliffe Among all my useless old school papers that I will never look at again is an essay that got 103% from a professor known as one of the hardest graders in the school, and sometimes I think I should frame that instead of my diploma so I can look at it and be happy.

Faintly Macabre

@SarcasticFringehead My friend's younger brother got a perfect score and enthusiastic, !!!-filled comments on an in-class paper from one of the hardest and most revered English teachers at our high school. He's finished college, but the paper is still hanging on their family's fridge.

@milominderbender That is one of the best feelings, isn't it? My freshman-year adviser wrote me a recommendation for a fellowship my senior year of college. I had always adored him (platonically!) but was a bit scared of him because he's brilliant and, despite being very kind, doesn't suffer fools. I figured he just kindly tolerated my dropping by his office to natter about my professors and class choices as a distraction from his work as a genius. He cc'ed me the recommendation he wrote, and I actually cried when I read it. I didn't get the fellowship, but the whole application process was almost worth it just for that.

gobblegirl

I am starting a back-to-fitness kick (I have been sloppy since starting school in September, and want to lose some weight and return to previous levels of triceps glory), and I want to make it a long-distance bonding project with my sister, who is trying to become more active and healthy.
Does anyone have a good suggestion for a website or app or something that would help us coordinate this? Some sort of fitness tracker that's easy to use, can show us each others' progress, etc? A site with fitness and nutrition suggestions would be great. I'm not working for a workout plan, more a fitness tracker/planner/whatever that will accommodate our distance and our different goals and fitness levels.
Suggestions please!

trappedinabay

@gobblegirl I've heard good things about myfitnesspal.com! You can enter your goals, log your foods and exercise, and there's some kind of social aspect to it where you can cheer each other on, I think. (This is all hearsay! I haven't actually tinkered with it myself.) I have a friend who swears by the MyPlate iphone app, but I don't know whether that has any sort of exercise tracker.

coolallison

@gobblegirl I know you can have friends on myfitnesspal, but it doesn't really do much in the way of suggestions, and is really more for food tracking. I think that with the Nike band, you can somehow compare or something with friends... but I think they are expensive. I'm realizing now how unhelpful this probably is...

gobblegirl

@coolallison Ironically, considering my Lance stance, I have heard that the Livestrong site has something...I just don't know if it's share-able. Thanks for the help!

zamboni

@gobblegirl SparkPeople or Fitocracy? (I haven't used Fitocracy, but maybe someone who has will jump in!)

coolallison

@zamboni Ooooh I haven't heard of Fitocracy. Maybe I'll sign up. @gobblegirl, you should check this out. It might be what you're looking for.

gobblegirl

@all Good suggestions! Thanks~

anachronistique

It's not snowing as far as I know, but it's COLD AS BALLS and I might skip book club tonight to go home and huddle under every blanket I own. (Sorry, Boston 'Pinners! I love you!)

SarahP

@anachronistique I can't make it anyway, but the thought of waiting for the bus afterwards in this cold would've made me reconsider if I could go. My hometown is consistently below zero or in the single digits in the winter, but there's something about cold weather in Boston that's so bitter.

KatieBarTheDoor

@anachronistique Oooh, this might tie in nicely with my query a few threads up about making new friends. Boston Book Club, you say? I'm new up here and a book club sounds fun. Someone mentioned it to me last week but I forgot to get more info... is there a Facebook or Google group or someplace where I can check it out and maybe join? (If you'll have me!)

Roxanne Rholes

@KatieBarTheDoor Whoa! Yeah, I thought I was on the list but have not been getting the emails. Maybe I got kicked out!

lavender gooms

@anachronistique IT IS SO COLD IN BOSTON TODAY.

Lily Rowan

@KatieBarTheDoor There is a google group! It is here: https://groups.google.com/forum/#!forum/boston-hairpin-book-club

Decca

I went to the National Portrait Gallery today and I can confirm the Kate Middleton portrait is soooo much worse up close.

trappedinabay

@Decca It's layogenic! http://theweek.com/article/index/238751/14-wonderful-words-with-no-english-equivalent

Blackwatch Plaid

@trappedinabay Imagine if that one Jake Gyllenhaal movie was just called "Zeg".

oh! valencia

Oh, HI OPEN THREAD!

So... I need book advice.
My husband, after a long, long time of not reading anything, has just finished "Catcher in the Rye", and can't stop talking about how good it was. YES, he is THAT guy. I'm trying to decide what to give him next, that he will enjoy, to keep him reading, but give up talking about the Catcher in the Rye simply because it's the only book he's read for pleasure in the last 10 years. My dad suggested On the Road. (yes, HE is THAT guy.) Any other ideas?

Nicole Cliffe

Oh, man, I hate to say it, but as a Professional Book Recommender, your dad is right. Or go with "Frankie and Zooey."

trappedinabay

@oh! valencia Do you think he might like Tom Robbins? I think Tom Robbins might blow his mind. Start him off with Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, maybe.

frigwiggin

@oh! valencia Oh, to have Those Guys in your life. My brother's favorite books are Ulysses and Gravity's Rainbow, so he is THAT guy and I know the feeling. You might recommend to him Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You, because I have never read The Catcher in the Rye, but I think I've heard them compared, and it's an excellent book nevertheless.

raised amongst catalogs

@oh! valencia Maybe he'd like Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger? I always recommend that; it's so good.

SarahP

@oh! valencia I say yes, do On the Road, and if he likes it, branch him out into more interesting stuff from that period (Burroughs's Junky and Queer are not only Burroughs's most comprehensible stuff, but also gives a really interesting look into two counter-cultures that we dont' really think about when we think about the 40s/50s). Loving/obsessing over a period is a lot easier on the people around you than obsessing over one book.

Roxanne Rholes

@trappedinabay I saw an add the other day with this guy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Baker) in it, and immediately I was like "oh, that guy looks like Switters." Which is ridiculous because, duh, I have not SEEN Switters.

trappedinabay

@Roxanne Rholes I can totally see that! OMG.

miss buenos aires

@oh! valencia First book that came to mind was Catch-22. It's sort of That Guy-esque, but also terrific!

oh! valencia

@Nicole Cliffe and @all, thanks, I knew you would be helpful! My dad's other suggestion was The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski, which I haven't read.
I was also thinking maybe some Douglas Coupland or Douglas Adams would be ok. I have read many a Coupland that I enjoyed.

Amphora

@trappedinabay Yes, Tom Robbins is great for Those Guys who don't read much. My best friend had great results with her sports-obsessed video-game-playing boyfriend but now can't get him to read anything that's not at least as exciting as Tom Robbins.

milominderbender

@oh! valencia The Things They Carried is a great book and also maybe appropriate for That Guy.

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@milominderbender If one liked Catcher in The Rye they may well like Prep by Curtis Steinfeld.

Anninyn

Snow! Snow all over. I slipped in it on wednesday and hurt my back and now I am refusing to leave the house until it is at least 40% pavement. But my husband is talking about walking on the heath tomorrow? Should I divorce him?

KatieBarTheDoor

@Anninyn Sorry about your back, but "should I divorce him" just made me laugh out loud. I liked the unexpectedness of it.

trappedinabay

@Anninyn At the very least you should give him the are-you-fucking-kidding-me eyes. You know the ones. Over the top of your glasses, if you have them!

Anninyn

@KatieBarTheDoor I ask it for everything, including when he forgets to buy crisps.

Anninyn

@trappedinabay Those don't work! His mother was a headmistress so he was immunised at an early age.

And I kinda think the heath will be pretty? But what's been happening to our snow is that it's been melting, getting crushed down and refreezing, then getting more snow on top. Repeat for four days. So it's kind of like layers of super-polished lethal ice with an inch of snow on top, which seems like asking for a broken bone.

On the other hand, I get to put snow up his jacket.

Jinxie

@Anninyn You get to put snow up his jacket AND when you come in you can warm up with a nice hot toddy or some spiked cocoa. I vote for the heath!

Anninyn

@Jinxie Hmmm. And I WOULD get to embarrass him by wearing the owl hat in his presence again.

Jinxie

@Anninyn He's embarrassed by an owl hat? God, maybe you SHOULD divorce him.

Anninyn

@Jinxie I think it's more by the fact that I like to pull it down over my face and run around flapping my arms and hooting? IDK. I feel like he knew what I was when he married me and no he's stuck so he shop stop saying stuff like 'Anninyn, please look where you're going, you'll fall' and 'Anninyn, when you pretned to ice-skate in the supermarket people think you're weird' and 'Anninyn, please don't tell me you love me so much you want to eat my skin again, it creeps me out a little bit.'

Yeah, I should divorce him.

Or wait - should I kill him? He's got a really good life insurance policy. And death ins ervice benefits. The combo would pay off the house AND leave me a couple hundred grand to live off.

trappedinabay

@Anninyn "I think it's more by the fact that I like to pull it down over my face and run around flapping my arms and hooting?"

DYING.

Anninyn

@trappedinabay Why would anyone buy an owl hat if they weren't going to do that at least once? I spent good money on that hat. And I put a fetching hair clip on it, too.

Anninyn

@trappedinabay Also: OWL HAT http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v308/kytten/owlhat_zps229932db.jpg

trappedinabay

@Anninyn OMG I love you. Come sit by me.

Anninyn

@trappedinabay Sure! I like surrounding myself with people who love the weird and don't try and run away.

Maryaed

@Anninyn I feel like there must be a Wuthering Heights joke in here somewhere.

trappedinabay

I told my brother and future-sister-in-law that I was bowing out of the wedding party, and it made my brother cry. (Uuurgh.) My sister-in-law is furious but has put a 2-week moratorium on further discussion, and now I feel like I'm in some ridiculous time-out.

Background: FSIL chose a bridesmaid dress that doesn't come in plus sizes, and she wanted me to buy the fabric and have the bridesmaid dress custom-made. It turns out that's a ~$600 proposition between the labor and materials, which, ugh, no. Financial idiocy on top of insult = angry trappedinabay. FSIL was being inflexible with every solution you guys came up with last week (pick a different dress for the bridesmaids, let the sister of the groom wear a different dress, let me be involved in the ceremony some other way like doing a reading), so I quit! I don't feel good about it, but I know if I just choked down that $600 with the side order of humiliation, I'd be seething with resentment and bitterness and wouldn't be able to have a good time at the wedding.

smidge

@trappedinabay I was hoping you would provide an update! And i'm sorry. This whole thing sucks. The fact that the bride was so inflexible when you came up with so many logical alternatives is silly.

raised amongst catalogs

@trappedinabay I remember your situation, and I just want to say OH MY GOD COULD SHE *BE* ANY MORE MANIPULATIVE?
I hate that your brother cried, but that is on HER, not you.
You did the right thing and I am angry on your behalf about the moratorium.

SarahP

@trappedinabay I would think of this as not a time-out, but a reprieve from having to listen to their BS. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.

katiemcgillicuddy

@trappedinabay GOOD FOR YOU. That shit was ridiculous, it was still bothering me days after you posted it. I'm glad you stood your ground. GO BUY A FABULOUS DRESS FOR THE WEDDING.

Theda Baranowski

@trappedinabay If I were your brother, I would have told my fiancee she needed to pick a dress ALL of the bridesmaids could wear.

RK Fire

@trappedinabay Echoing everyone else here. Good for you! Just because someone is getting married doesn't mean they get to be a tyrant/

coolallison

@trappedinabay I went back all week to read the open thread last week to see if you made a decision.

And... GOOD FOR YOU!!!

trappedinabay

@katiemcgillicuddy Yeah, I totally feel better after speaking up and calling that bullshit out. I've been shopping for bangin' hot dresses! I really like this one (http://www.eshakti.com/Product/CL0021547/Beaded-tulle-dress), but it's maybe a little too wintery for a June wedding by the sea in Boston. I don't think the springy/summery dresses are out at retailers yet.

vunder

@trappedinabay I hope it passes over quickly because I think she's going to be embarrassed later that she did this. How horrible. (Also, I really wish I could just make everyone cancel the whole bridesmaids thing. It's a tradition I really don't get. There are so many other ways to honor the people around you [slash get them to do things for you].)

iceberg

@trappedinabay Yes, thanks for updating us! I'm sorry your brother didn't stand up for you and that his new-wife-to-be is being such a lame-ass.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@trappedinabay So glad you updated us! Knowing your future sister-in-law (well, not really) she's probably telling everyone about what you did, and they are probably trying with all their might not to die laughing in her face. High five, you.

Scandyhoovian

@trappedinabay Good for you for standing up for yourself, and how disappointing that your brother did not seem to stand up for you, either. Your sister-in-law sounds like a real charm.

supernintendochalmers

@trappedinabay Thanks for updating us and I'm so glad you bowed out of that shit. That was just mean of her.

rallisaurus

@trappedinabay Ugh! I'm sorry that you had to go through all this. Also, it's ridiculous that sizing is still so limited for soooooo many things!

adorable-eggplant

@trappedinabay CONGRATS! Boundaries, demanding to be treated with respect, hell yes!

smidge

@trappedinabay Also, this is kind of unrelated, but can I rant about the whole bridesmaid dress thing? YOU CAN NEVER SHORTEN A BRIDESMAID DRESS AND WEAR IT AGAIN LATER. IT WILL ALWAYS LOOK LIKE A BRIDESMAID DRESS. I have never actually said this to my bridefriend's faces, but that's why I had all of my bridesmaids just pick whatever they wanted to wear in a certain color family. I'm sure some brides pick cool dresses, but, that purple fluffy thing hanging in my closet will never be worn again. I bring it up because I get that it's your special day and all, but I had to spend a lot of money on the purple thing and travel out of the country, so as honored as I was to be in the wedding, having that extra money at the time would have been nice. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a thread-jacker, but bridesmaid dresses generally make me angry. /end rant

Blushingflwr

@smidge I've been really lucky in that department. The two MoH dresses I've had have both been bridesmaid's dresses. I've worn them both to other formal-ish parties and gotten lovely compliments on them. It makes me really want to consider that for my wedding.

Faintly Macabre

@smidge Yeah, I have basically no experience with all this, but I generally feel that if you're making people buy a specific, expensive dress that you chose, you should pay for it. My sister was a bridesmaid in a very formal, expensive wedding for, luckily, a very down-to-earth bride. She asked the bridesmaids to wear the same color (black) and length dress and metallic sandals, and that was it. And the wedding and photos were all beautiful! I think a whole set of ugly matching dresses would have looked far worse.

trappedinabay

@smidge Preach!! Practically every bride tells herself the "oh they can wear it again" lie because it makes her feel better about making her closest female friends shell out big bucks on some chiffon monstrosity.

I also had my bridesmaids pick their own dresses, and I'm sort of insufferably smug about it.

celeec4@twitter

@trappedinabay I feel your pain. Feel your pain. I had to make a call a week ago to tell my childhood best friend that I could not be in her wedding party.

...so do not have the $2k necessary to responsibly do it, but I still feel so incredibly awful.

redheaded&crazy

@trappedinabay Chiming in with the good for yous! UGH your FSIL is a monstrosity, as is your brother for crying. As for this moratorium on further discussion, when that comes to an end, you seriously do not owe them any explanations. "I'm not going to be in the bridal party, the discussion is over." and change the topic, and if they won't drop it, leave the room. You cannot have reasonable conversations with unreasonable people.

Judith Slutler

@trappedinabay Good job! The 2 week moratorium IS SOME BULLSHIT, but after two weeks just continue repeating "I just can't afford it" with a giant smile pasted across your face and don't budge.

I think that soon enough, this episode will be over and things will turn out a-ok with your brother.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@trappedinabay Good for you! I wish that more people would nicely turn down bridesmaiding for whatever reason- too expensive, too time consuming, just don't feel like it. People shouldn't feel obligated to take on bridesmaid responsibilities if it's not good for them. And it'd be better for brides/grooms to feel confident their friends/relatives weren't secretly stressed or annoying or going broke.

TheLetterL

@trappedinabay I was wondering how this worked out! Good for you. I had been rooting for the compromise of doing a reading or somesuch, but if they won't take what you are offering, it's their loss.

Enjoy your two week vacation of not having to deal with their Feeeeeeeeelings about this. (Also, their feelings are bad, and they should feel bad.) By the time you talk again, maybe they will have calmed down and come around...or it will have fizzled into silent pouting. Either way, it's their problem.

Thanks for updating us!

rimy

Yesterday I realized that some people are really, really, preternaturally self-confident and socially aggressive/competitive. I am not one of those people. I am confident, just not to the point where I could be described as "hotshot", for instance, and I'm a bit introverted and shy at first.

Are you one of these confident people? Tell me about your extrovert experiences! If you are an extrovert, what do you think of introverts? Do you look down on them a little/are unsure of how to proceed with their initial social caution/think they are not self-confident? Tell me your secretssss!

SarahP

@rimy I am not really an extrovert, but I come off as one in public because I fake it. (It helps that when I feel socially awkward, instead of clamming up my mouth just spouts a stream of chatter.) You know that phrase "do something that scares you every day?" For me, I work myself up to have one interaction per event that pushes my limits (like talking to someone I am afraid to talk to or approach). It's scary, but it's often rewarding, and when it's not rewarding, it's at least educational. (That person I thought would be super cool is kind of an ass... but now I know not to engage anymore.)

I find very introverted people to be intriguing and it's really rewarding when we do have conversations because I know it carries more weight that they took the time to talk to me. BUT there are some introverts (my husband) who don't realize that sometimes their shyness/caution comes off as disinterest or contempt... having an interested expression can go a long way.

katiemcgillicuddy

@rimy @rimy @rimy I am a loud jackass, is that like being confident?? I'm basically not an ambitious type when it comes to career related stuff (show me a lifetime of work behind a bar, slinging drinks and taking to people, and I will show you a happy girl) so maybe I'm not the right kind of extrovert, but I definitely strike people as pretty confident (when people put it nicely). For what it's worth, I know that a part of why I play the clown, get attention, etc., is because I need to be validated and reassured (thank you personality tests/therapy, for that little nugget). One of my best friends was truly surprised when, over the past couple years, we kind of hashed out our college years and she found out just how little self confidence I had. So, keep in mind that these confident people? Yeah, they ain't always super confident, sometimes they just put on a good show. Don't let em get to you.

And introverts are lovely, but like SarahP said, sometimes their shyness comes off as aloofness, and she was spot on when she said "having an interested expression can go a long way".

polka dots vs stripes

@rimy I am also an incredible introvert, but everyone who knows me professionally thinks I am the most outgoing person of all time. I do the same as SarahP, I just fake it and put myself out there. I'm afraid if I didn't, people at work/networking would completely forget about me, and the person who's forgotten about doesn't get jobs/promotions/etc.

There's a couple of things I do to overcome my shyness with others. If it's a networking thing, just asking them lots of questions about what they do, how they got there, even where they grew up (I live in an area with lots of transplants) - you can tell related anecdotes, if you have any, or just generally find a nugget of common experiences you can discuss.

What I do at work is make it a point to talk during a meeting. Whether it's a question or a comment (or, depending on the crowd, a smart-alecky side remark), I make sure my voice is literally heard at some point during the meeting. I want to make sure I'm not fading into the scenery and people know I'm there and I know what's going on.

Those two things have given me a lot of confidence when talking about what I do and what I know, while allowing me to learn things and not appear totally egotistical or aggressive.

And then I go home and Netflix until I'm ready to talk to humans again.

Anninyn

@rimy I am an introvert and socially awkward but I get away with it because I act like I'm just rejecting social norms in a charming fashion. Try that, maybe? No-one seems to have caught me out yet.

Dizzy

@rimy Here to support the fake-it-til-you-make-it strategy. I do my best extrovert-ing solo. I find it's easier to put up a bit of a front for strangers when no one you know is around.

RNL
RNL

@rimy Extreme extrovert here! And I'm insecure and self-conscious all the time. It just doesn't manifest in being quiet, I guess. I actually think my extroversion is partly due to feeling at sea by myself.

The best description I have heard for introversion vs. extroversion is whether you expend energy on others or derive energy from others. Many introverts are, or seem, very confident and outgoing, but need time alone to re-charge. As an extrovert, I basically wilt and wither and die without social contact.

BUT when I meet a introverted person who manifests as introverted, the biggest thing I notice is the difference in conversational pace. Extroverted people tend to feel pauses in conversation as dead air and try to fill them, while introverted people (I hear) tend to want time to formulate their thoughts. I often feel very silly and blathery around serious-minded introverted types, as I CAN'T STOP TALKING OR TELLING JOKES.

rimy

@SarahP I love putting myself into situations that intimidate me, but if I have a bad day and have trouble articulating my thoughts (sometimes it's easy and I make a good/confident impression, sometimes I clam up and seem slightly ill at ease, which makes whoever I'm talking to ill at ease), then I get so frustrated with myself! I guess practice makes perfect, so it's better to just put myself out there again and again even if I don't feel like it.

I think the main thing is that sometimes extroverts punk me out! Especially in a competitive/high-pressure environment. I like competition but when your opponent is smoking hot, cocky, ballsy, focused, and articulate, it's unsettling!

I think I'll up the amount of nerve-wracking things I do, I always feel really self-confident afterward. If I clam up and stay quiet and practice avoidance then I feel slightly self-loathing. Ok, no more self-psychoanalysis.

I guess what I mean to say is, it's good to know extroverts are people too?

soundofglass

@rimy Yes I have always seen it this way. Also, I think people tend to associate awkwardness with introversion, which is totally false in both directions! I have several really good friends that are awkward extroverts- it's actually really nice talking to them, because I don't have to be constantly worrying about social "rules" or making some sort of faux pas.

Maryaed

@rimy I went to a work training thing where they talked about an intro/extro difference being that extroverts figure out their ideas by talking and introverts need to figure them out before talking. I skew extro by that definition and to me it's perfectly legit for introverts to say "Hey, that's interesting but I need to take some time to consider the implications before responding." It can even be a power play to do that depending on the dynamic.

Most of my friends and coworkers skew introverted and I don't feel superior to them at all, although introverts themselves tend to sometimes get all superior about being above all that gabby social show-offy lala. Lots of insecurity to go around on both sides of the fence.

yrouttasight

Feeling unbelievably anxious- the company I work for is always incredibly secretive about changes within the office. My boss, the partners at the company, and the woman in charge of payroll and HR were all meeting together for over 2 hours today. The only things I overheard were key words that involve my job :-\.

Now, the rational part of me is keeping positive things in mind, such as:
-I had a very positive annual review, and they gave me a bigger than average raise!
-I have voiced an interest in another department in the company, and told them I'd be willing to take on an additional work load to be involved with more projects, which maybe could possibly mean a promotion?
-I keep up with all my projects, and am constantly given new ones
-I am generally well liked within the office
-I have worked there for quite a while

But the panicky side of me with an inferiority complex can only think negative things, such as:
-The afformentioned meeting wasn't on the company schedule that I manage, so they didn't want me to know about it
-If they were talking about finding someone to replace me, they wouldn't tell me because in my line of work when someone is fired, they have to leave the office within the hour and cannot return. No 2 week notice for me! They want me to wrap up my current projects before kicking me out!
-(This one is total bullshit, but I'm not so naive to think it doesn't happen at some companies)I'm getting married this fall. I bet they think as soon as I get married I'll be having babies and taking lots of time off, so they want to get rid of me before that happens.
-Oh god, I spend too much time on the Hairpin writing shit like this.

Guys, I've worked so hard to find happiness here. It's not the greatest job in the world, but they pay me well, I get great benefits and lots of vacation time. I'm so freaked out.

trappedinabay

@yrouttasight Don't panic! Look at these and take deep breaths: http://calmingmanatee.tumblr.com/ It sounds like you're great at your job, and people recognize competence when they see it.

Jinxie

@yrouttasight Oof. I have been there and I know how difficult it is playing the waiting game. Obviously, this is way the hell easier said then done, but for now maybe try to remember that there are some things going on that are truly out of your hands and freaking out over them will only get you so far. Take the time this weekend for some self-care, and do whatever it is you enjoy doing with your free time or give yourself a good, distracting project to focus on. (Maybe it's time to clean your closet?) Also, take an hour to get your resume up to date - you may not need it, but when I was in your shoes I found it a comforting task not only because it was an accounting of where I've been, what I've accomplished, what my skills are but also because it was ready and waiting if I needed to jump ship.

sophia_h

@yrouttasight It sounds like some big restructuring is happening. Given your good track record, I'm willing to bet they're not firing you or anything like that, but probably your role/duties are going to change in some way. Maybe for the better?? Good luck, keep us posted.

JanieS

@trappedinabay The Calm Manatees are making me cry at work. ;_;

rigginsrigs

I have a couple of giant bags of old clothes and shoes (in great shape, but all cheapy "fast fashion" disposable brands) that I would love to donate, but I live in downtown boxes and there are no drop boxes or thrift stores within easy walking distance from me. (I have too much to haul on the T, and no car.) I have tried to schedule a pick up from the Salvation Army, Goodwill, Big Brother/Big Sister, the VA, the Purple Heart, PickUpPlease, and Schedule a PickUp, but none of them offer free pickups in my area. Is there any other way to get rid of these clothes? I don't want to put them on Craigslist, as I live alone and don't want strangers coming over to collect them. I have massive guilt over throwing them away, but want to get rid of them! Thanks!

KatieBarTheDoor

@rigginsrigs Is there a church anywhere near you? Even if it's not within walking distance to haul your clothes, someone who works there might be able to swing by your place in a car and take it, maybe? Or let you know of charities you might not have thought of.

Or post on Craigslist/Freecycle but arrange for someone to pick the stuff up in bags outside your building?

You could even put the bags outside with a sign marked "Free." I think I remember someone on here doing that.

SarahP

@rigginsrigs Can you divide the bags into several smaller bags and just try to remember to grab one each time you head to Allston/Central Square/Somerville/Davis/anywhere with a Goodwill? (I assume you're in Boston because you mentioned the T.)

yrouttasight

@rigginsrigs Boomerangs might pick up stuff for free, if you can meet them during pick up hours (they do pick ups on Saturdays!).

http://www.shopboomerangs.org/

Plant Fire

So it's interested week in NYC right now (and I think also in LA, and maybe DC will be soon?) and I have one reservation for dinner tonight (Butter) and one for lunch on Monday (Park Avenue Winter) and I am SO EXCITED to eat all this food that I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford (and still can only afford because of upcoming overtime that I have to do (and am weirdly looking forward to since it's for an event)).

Oh, and my boyfriend not only moved to NYC but moved in with me 2 weeks ago. And I'm really enjoying it.

trappedinabay

@Sea Ermine Yay cohabitation! Report back on Butter, I've been eyeing that place.

Umlauts

@Sea Ermine Assuming you mean Restaurant Week (which, as a matter of fact, I AM interested in!), I was JUST about to post about it. I'm going to the National tonight (because of CHOPPED). I apperciate any restaurant week suggestions. Every year I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at menus and trying to find good places to go. A lot of the time I find the menus a little limited and uninteresting. Like dull wedding food menus- chicken, steak or fish). Not to mention the BS "seasonal gelato" as the only dessert. NICE TRY.
My favorite last year was the Hurricane Club, although I ended up buying way too many fancy cocktails and running up my bill insanely, but that was no one's fault but my own.

Plant Fire

@Umlauts Hahaha yes. I'm clearly still learning to type on my phone (my first smartphone). Last year I went to Perilla and it was amazing. I heard any Danny Meyer restaurant always does these things well. Also Chowhound usually has good lists of the people who do it right and dont scrimp on quality food just because its cheaper

Plant Fire

@trappedinabay Ooooh ok so Butter was very very very good. I started with a cocktail called a Pearadise which, despite not liking vodka or flavored vodka (it was pear flavored vodka, crushed pear, st. germain, mint) I loved it. Then for the appetizer I got cavatappi pasta with spicy lamb sausage and yellow tomato sauce. It came out with cheese on it which I'm allergic to (I usually do research beforehand and then ask but for some reason I forgot to with the pasta) and they were very very sweet and took it back and made me a new one and then talked to the people making the other things I'd ordered to make sure they were done without diary. I felt bad because I know restaurants lose money with the restaurant week prices but I didn't want to throw up during the meal so it was very nice that they accommodated me that way without being annoyed by it (at least not visibly). So anyways the pasta was brought back and it was OMG so delicious and still tasted creamy even though all the diary was gone. Then for the main course I had the chicken which was good. The crust was a little salty but I think that's because there was a sauce that went on it that had diary that had to be removed. My boyfriend had the ricotta ravioli which looked amazing (he also had the octopus for his appetizer) and is what I would have gotten were I able to eat it. Both were, apparently, delicious. For desert I had lemon sorbet with kumquat marmalade which was also amazing despite being just sorbet. My boyfriend had the dark chocolate walnut cake with caramel and sea salt which he said was amazing.

All in all it was super awesome. I also like the atmosphere of the place, it was pretty and a nice setting and there was music but it wasn't so loud that you couldn't have a nice conversation at a reasonable volume and the lights were dim but not so dim that it was an issue (I'm not a huge fan of nightclubby restaurants because I like to be able to see my food and the people I'm with). I would definitely save up and go again during a non restaurant time.

Alexmen

I also like the atmosphere of the place, it was pretty and a nice setting and there was music but it wasn't so loud .....Package tour

rimy

Also:

If you are interested in meal planning, food, recipes, cooking on a budget, or related topics, come join us at the Billfold Meal Planning Google Group (https://groups.google.com/forum/#!forum/the-billfold-meal-planning-group)

If you, like us, find most meal-planning sites are not really aimed at you (single/couple, no kids, on a budget, like exciting/good food), please feel welcome to come gather ideas or share them ad nauseum :)@rimy I made the chorizo and sweet potato enchiladas that someone posted the other day, and they were DELICIOUS.

meetapossum

@rimy I made the chorizo and sweet potato enchiladas that someone posted the other day, and they were DELICIOUS.

rimy

@rimy ah, sorry, meant to edit but somehow glommed meetapossum's comment in there by mistake! Glad to hear the enchiladas were yummy!

Theda Baranowski

This marks the first MLK Day since...probably high school that I've gotten off work, and as a result work today has been INSANE.

INSANE, I SAY.

Apparently this happens every year during the Not Real Holidays (what they call it, not me.) I'm bracing myself for Presidents Day.

Theda Baranowski

@Theda Baranowski Oh and now I'm working late.

leonstj

Does anyone know anything about hand-tool only woodworking? I've decided that needs to become a thing I do, starting tonight. I'm okay w/ basic carpentry, but I've never done any like, for real wood-working.

I kind of just like the idea of planing wood and like, cutting dovetails? Anyway, I think I'm gonna try to make just a wooden box to hold cooking utensils (currently they're in an illy can that constantly falls over because it's too short).

Emby

@leon s I make artwork frames, but I mostly work with a miter saw and joint work tools.

Tuna Surprise

@leon s

Yes! I dabble a little bit in woodworking. The first thing you need is a really nice set of chisels. Second is a nice block plane.

Do you know anyone with a workshop? It's great to buddy up with a mentor if you can. Offer to be free labor if they'll help show you the ropes.

Verity

It is snowing! And, England being England, everyone is panicking a bit.

There is a lot of shouting and tension going on at home, which is pretty miserable. I am at my boyfriend's for the weekend, which is nice, but in enough of a state that when he introduced me to Mariokart and I kept losing (he has just bought a second-hand Wii, and games we can play together), I ended up in tears. :(

meetapossum

@Verity Ahhh, I saw that from my English friends earlier today. I'm going next month and I don't want there to be snow!

Anninyn

@meetapossum It's OK, snow here rarely lasts more than a couple of weeks. This much snow is unusual, hence the freaking out.

meetapossum

@Anninyn Yeah, I spent two non-consecutive winters in England, and I think there was snow about 10 minutes total. I know you've been getting a lot more the last few years, though. Global warming!(?)

meetapossum

@Anninyn Yeah, I spent two non-consecutive winters in England, and I think there was snow about 10 minutes total. I know you've been getting a lot more the last few years, though. Global warming!(?)

Anninyn

@meetapossum We have but on the other hand not really. It used to snow way more than this - I remember old people in the village I lived in talking about snows 2 foot deep that cut the village off for weeks, and the river freezing solid enough that you could skate all the way to the sea. And the last time it snowed like this like this was about 02/03, when I was studying.

iceberg

@Verity :( I love Wii Mario Kart but it did make me a bit anxious, even when playing alone!

iceberg

@iceberg For God's ssake don't go on the Rainbow Road.

Verity

@iceberg We ended up playing Harvest Moon instead, which was much less distressing. I became emotionally attached to some chickens.

charlesbois

No snow here (SE Michigan) yet, but wind chills in the teens. It's bitter out there. So I'm staying inside and watching Philadelphia Story and Notorious in honor of Cary Grant's birthday. Then I'm going to bundle up and go out for $4 Long Island iced teas with a couple of friends. I will brave the cold for cheap strong drinks

raised amongst catalogs

@charlesbois I...I want to watch those movies with you.

polka dots vs stripes

@raised amongst catalogs Make it a threesome?

raised amongst catalogs

@polka dots vs stripes Deal.

charlesbois

@raised amongst catalogs and I want you to! "The important drinking hasn't started yet."

raised amongst catalogs

@charlesbois I know they sometimes show those great classic movies in Ann Arbor and whatnot, and a theater in Lansing (near me) does show great stuff on Saturday/Sunday for matinees. If you ever want to try a mini-Pin-up, I am down!

charlesbois

@raised amongst catalogs oh how lovely! I'm in Ann Arbor, but have hung out in Lansing bunches. What theater in Lansing is it?

raised amongst catalogs

@charlesbois Ah, not so very far away! The one in Lansing is the Celebration(!) theater just off of 96, on Edgewood. Last year I saw Splendor in the Grass there and it was so great to see it on the big screen.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok, I just saw that the weekend of 2/2 the movie is Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and the next weekend it's The Philadelphia Story.

charlesbois

@raised amongst catalogs ooooohhhhhhhh The Philadelphia Story! How do we make this work?

raised amongst catalogs

@charlesbois Well, my actual email has my name in it so I won't post it here but I will give you one that isn't so personal: embeth779 at gmail dot com. If you want to email me there, I am happy to reply from my ACTUAL address and we can talk logistics. I don't know a ton about Google Groups but we can always try to post something there for anyone who might be close/interested?

Amphora

I'm super excited for the weekend because my husband (I'm pretty sure) has my engagement ring (which we have been paying off for almost two years now and I haven't seen since we ordered it, and I know that's a silly situation but it's a long story about how we're married but haven't actually had our wedding)!!!

He made an unexplained trip to my parents' house last night, and then came home and suggested we go out this weekend somewhere nice (we never go out). I've spent the afternoon looking up fancy Chicago restaurants and now I'm really hungry.

trappedinabay

@Amphora That's exciting!! Fingers crossed.

hallelujah

@Amphora Wonderful! I hope it is what you think it is! Also, I also got married before I had a wedding, but that story's short: pregnancy! Planning a real one now though, woohoo.

polka dots vs stripes

So I am not a make up girl at all (I do eyeshadow for big events, every day is mascara + eyeliner) but all week I have had this craving to go to Sephora and SPEND ALL THE MONEY ON PRETTY PRETTY MAKEUP.

BUT, I instead found lots of basic skincare type stuff I could use? Like an undereye cream and a mask from Origins, eyeshadow primer, that little perfume travel container. So, 'pinners, what's your favorite basic skincare/makeup...thing?

Alternatively, I kind of want to get a new perfume, just for variety. I exclusively wear Clinique Happy right now and I love it, so, things that are similar-ish? Or website where I could compare the notes in Happy to other stuff I might like?

oh! valencia

@polka dots vs stripes I used to wear Clinique Happy, and then I moved on to Davidoff Cool Water. I haven't worn perfume since the 90s though.

Jinxie

@polka dots vs stripes I've been using Philosophy for years and I love it. Purity Made Simple face wash, Hope in a Jar face cream (I use this morning and night); in the mornings, if I think of it, I use their vitamin c powder and When Hope is Not Enough serum. My skin is on the dry side, and the cream is just moisturizing enough without being too greasy. (And I'm not too fussed about wrinkles yet so I don't feel I need to bust out the big guns, cream-wise.) Not the cheapest, but it all lasts me a good long while. My only complaint is that the version of Hope in a Jar that has spf in it is pretty terrible (but this time of year, getting too much sun most days isn't an issue, and my makeup has like spf 20 or something).

Plant Fire

@oh! valencia Have you tried Clinique Happy Heart? I was obsessed with that perfume in high school and it's like a twist on Happy, so different but not too different.

rallisaurus

Ahhh! I got married today! My new husband is super great at politely telling people that I'm not taking his name. It's pretty sweet.

Zwetschke

@rallisaurus Congratulations!

Scandyhoovian

@rallisaurus Congrats!!

Anninyn

@rallisaurus Congrats! The name thing never stops. Been married threeish years now and one or both of us still have to clarify that I didn't take his name. (we also still get letters addressed to mr and mrs hislast or mylast)

polka dots vs stripes

@rallisaurus Congrats!! I anticipate having to tell some nosy people about the whole no-name-change-thing one day, so, can I ask, what does he say to people? All the responses I've come up so far don't exactly do anything to end the angry feminist stereotype so I probably need some alternatives....

trappedinabay

@rallisaurus Yay!! Congrats!!! That's so fantastic.

Scandyhoovian

@trappedinabay As an outspoken feminist type who recently DID change their name, I will tell you that it is also possible to get "I didn't think you'd change your name!" a lot, if people didn't think you'd "be the type" to do it. Apparently people just care a lot what other people call themselves.

olivebee

@rallisaurus Congratulations!!

KeLynn

@rallisaurus CONGRATULATIONS!

Amphora

@rallisaurus Yay! Congratulations!!

garli

@Scandyhoovian I'm in your boat. Although my husband and I changed our middle names to my old last name. I thought I'd care more about NOT changing, but then I didn't. Live and learn.

fruiting body

@rallisaurus Congrats!

hallelujah

@polka dots vs stripes I recently got hitched & didn't change my name, & have wholeheartedly embraced the angry feminist stereotype! "Why would I? My name is great" *glare* hasn't steered me wrong yet :D

Cawendaw

@rallisaurus Felicitations!

rallisaurus

@polka dots vs stripes I know, which is why I let him tell people. When I tell people they don't seem to take it as well. One of my college friends asked me why and I was like....really!?

So here's a good example of his approach. He has a cousin who is reallllllly excited and called me Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname (WHICH I HATE WITH A FIERY PASSION- I mean, I don't even get a first name now that I'm married?) and he said something like, "Oh thanks we're excited too, but just to let you know she isn't taking my name, so she's going to be Ms. Firstname Lastname." Basic, but to the point.
Also, I feel like if the man is saying it then people aren't as offended as if the lady is. One of my coworkers seemed really upset that my (future) children would be saddled with a double last name. And she has a crazy drunk scotsman last name so it's kinda like the pot calling the kettle black, you know?

rallisaurus

@hallelujah Yeah, I've been surprised by how weird people are about it. I just assumed it was a valid choice that people would accept without question. But a lot of people seem really attached to the name change thing!

polka dots vs stripes

@rallisaurus Oh no the first person to call me Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName is HEARING IT.

I think Mr Polka Dots versus Stripes would say something similar as your man, so hopefully that will be successful.

Maryaed

@polka dots vs stripes Just explain and if anyone says anything stupid about your choice say something really neutral like "Oh! Interesting point" or "Oh, I guess everyone's different about this stuff." This is excellent practice for being polite later when people hate your baby name choices.

polka dots vs stripes

@rallisaurus I do often give the "oh well everyone makes different choices and they're all ok!" comment but most of the time we're just discussing hypotheticals (aka, I'm not actually engaged/married yet). I'm a more worried about my response once it does become personal and I'm actually hurt or offended by what someone says. I guess I'll use it an opportunity to work on my patience....

Danzig!

@rallisaurus that's rad, congrats!

Zwetschke

Snowing, yes, and cold, as always in Winnipeg. Any Winnipeg 'Pinners out there? I moved here a few months ago and would like to know more people...

frigwiggin

My boyfriend and I are moving, yeahhhhhhhhh girrrrrl. Just a couple of blocks away, but the new place has a second bedroom for storage, and a DISHWASHER. Oh my god, I want to cry over the dishwasher. I hadn't quite realized just how much mental space all the constantly dirty dishes and messy kitchen took up in my head and stressed me out. And the heat in the new place works so well! We won't be cold all the time anymore! I'm going to miss our landlady, but she and her husband just weren't willing to put that much more money into our little place, which still has the original 1918 windows and one crummy floor heater in the living room, so we gotta do what's right for us. I hope I can keep the new place nicer and not be such a slob. (I'm already getting rid of a lot of stuff since, conveniently, some cerebral palsy association is going around on the 28th to pick up donations of books, kitchen stuff, and clothes, so I will have less stuff to move! Anybody want some wigs?)

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin "Some cerebral palsy association" ugh, I sound like an ass, but I genuinely forget what it's called.

yrouttasight

@frigwiggin I'm serious, I stopped reading just to tell you I'm jealous of your second bedrom and dishwasher. Now I will finish the rest of your comment.

trappedinabay

@frigwiggin Nice!! Mr. Trappedinabay and I are gearing up to move at the end of February, but we don't have an apartment yet. We're busy getting quotes from professional movers, and ouch, they are 'spensive! But I would so much rather pay some big burly men to schlep all my stuff down from the 4th floor walkup and into wherever we move. I'm too old/lazy/delicate for that shit.

frigwiggin

@yrouttasight I am so excited for both these things--the place is almost twice what we're paying now (still relatively-cheap rural-California prices) but it is going to be WORTH IT.

@trappedinabay I totally hear that--if we were moving further than a mile or two and/or in or out of a multi-story building, I'd be all over the movers because I do not enjoy heavy lifting at all. I plan on just carting things over a little bit at a time in my car, which feels a lot less stressful. My boyfriend and his friends can handle the furniture.

MsLady

@frigwiggin Yesssss. I try not to think too much about it, but the stress of constantly having dishes and dishes is AWFUL. The worst part, for me, is that WE HAVE A DISHWASHER, but our kitchen didn't come with one built in, so we would have to tear out cabinets and install it, which means we would lose that cabinet space, which means we'd have to convert a closet into a pantry, and then the cabinets need painted and the countertop replaced anyway...and all of a sudden just getting a working dishwasher snowballs into an entire THING. Home ownership, blergh. But I long for the days when I am finally free of the tyranny of dirty dishes.

Dizzy

It is indeed snowing in Northern Ontario and we're OK with it.

I quit my job (production assistant) this week to take a short term research contract with the same organization. This way I'm using one of three post secondary things instead of zero? And then it
ll be April and I'm going to move somewhere that isn't this place. And for this I am excited but also a bit nervy because I don't really have a plan but the west coast is winning right now - Quadra? Vancouver?

Also, a friend I have been hung up on forever has recently gotten back with his ex and they are traveling for 3 weeks together. He told me this last night after the most fun, relaxing pint/catch u[ and I did really well in the moment (I think) being supportive and all that. Then I got home and freaked out. My most awake friend at the time thinks this trip is the kiss of death for this new/old relationship and I really want her to be right. Ugh.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

Hey, all. Does anyone have any good advice or guidance for dealing with grief? My best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly last week, the day before we were supposed to start grad school again together, and shortly after he returned from being on leave for eight months. It is my first time losing someone close to me, and it is a huge loss in every way. Even though we were only friends for a year and a half, we were extremely close and in frequent contact the eight months he was gone. Our friendship was unlike any other I have had -- not that it was necessarily better, but we had deep commonalities that I truly do not expect to find again in someone else. Also, we were planning to essentially operate as partners in our chosen careers (and my chosen career is my LIFE), so I am feeling a little lost in that respect as well.

I've already met with my school's administration about lightening my load significantly this semester, since this first week of classes was rather excruciating. So far, I've been surrounding myself with friends. Surprisingly, I have been holding it together fairly well, but I know that that is mostly because it doesn't feel real right now. I am also set up for grief counseling, so I will be getting that sort of help.

But, in the meantime, any advice, guidance, or stories of shared experience from my favorite people on the internet would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Anninyn

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Oh, I am so sorry.

The only thing I can say to you is to give yourself time and don't beat yourself up about normal reactions. My grief for my beloved godmother was severely worsened by the fact that I kept punishing myself over it. So don't do that, if you can avoid it.

Scandyhoovian

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak First, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I'm glad to hear you're holding it together pretty well, (though there is nothing wrong with not holding it together). Grief counseling also sounds like a great plan.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing quite a lot of what I'd suggest to someone going through what you're going through already! Surround yourself with friends, grief counseling, lighten the load if you think it's necessary, that kind of thing.

What I do know is that it is better to experience your grief and let out your emotions when they come to you than to try and bottle it up and "be strong" about it. A friend of mine recently lost his mother unexpectedly, and being Jewish, he had a lot of tradition about death and mourning that he was taking part in, and they all seemed to help him a lot. I'm not Jewish myself, so I don't know the details and ins-and-outs of it all, but it all included being around your loved ones, letting people help you, and allowing yourself the time you need to grieve. Processing it is good.

anachronistique

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Oh shit, first of all, I am so sorry. Death always sucks, but there's a special horror when it's unexpected and someone who you expected to have many years ahead of them.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of things right as far as being ready for if you hit a terrible slough of despond. But I think it's also important to remember that different reactions are all legit. Your grieving process may be quiet and inward, or full of rage, or overflowing with tears. It might be all three of those things at different times, and other ones I haven't mentioned. All of those things are okay. Just be kind to yourself, and take care of yourself.

olivebee

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak I am so, so sorry for your loss. Grief manifests itself differently for everyone, so just do whatever you need to do for you. Sending you a big hug!

PomoFrannyGlass

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak I am so, so sorry to hear this.
I want to say something helpful but I think all I can offer you is empathy. I had 2 very close friends from the same group die within a year of each other when I was 19-20; we were with the first person when it happened (undiagnosed AVM, the thing Nate had on "Six Feet Under.") It was awful. It was the only story I could tell for years; anyone I met it would just come up out of me endlessly (this made it difficult to make friends at a time when I needed some badly). Honestly I don't know what to say to help, other than to promise you will survive, and it will hurt for a long time, but not forever. Counseling is good.
Beware the grief dreams. If you have a friend you can have platonic sleepovers with, and/or friends you can call at any time when the feelings come, that is good.

frigwiggin

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

I'm so sad for you, lady. My best friend died unexpectedly coming up on two years ago at the end of the month. We were really, really close for 10+ years and it was extremely hard, especially since she had been so much of a part of my life before that. If you like to read, I found that reading really escapist fantasy helped (specifically Shannon Hale's books). I didn't have grief counseling, although I maybe could have used it. I had to keep doing things that reminded me of her because EVERYTHING reminded me of her, but it actually helped me, when I was doing things without her, to imagine what she would say and do if she were around, and I still have pretend conversations with her where I tell her gossip or ask her for advice, and it makes me smile. She shows up in my dreams semi-often, usually under the premise that the hospital made a mistake and she didn't die after all, and it hurts to wake up from those dreams, but I still wouldn't give them up because I like that they let me spend time with her again, even if it's only dream time.

Nicole Cliffe

My mom lost her mother very unexpectedly when I was little, and she has very hazy memories of that year. Like many people, she feels as though she was actively mad with grief, and made poor decisions as a result. I guess the only advice she has in these situations is the reasonably canonical "do not make any major life changes for a year." I am very sorry.

coolallison

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Yeah, unfortunately the best thing is time. I had an aunt, uncle, and cousins die in a plane crash (the first big loss in my life), and I honestly thought at the time it was my fault because I had been babysitting this little hellian that summer, and remember thinking I'd give anything to not have to babysit her anymore. They played that Faith Hill song from Pearl Harbor at the funeral (this was almost 12 years ago), and to this day, I cry when I hear it. (I've heard it a few times in the grocery store and then I look like a maniac... just shopping and sobbing.)

My Dad had some good advice (my husband's sister just passed away suddenly last month, and her boyfriend immediately dropped out of school and moved from Chicago to San Antonio), but he said that you should not make any drastic changes right after a tragedy. (It doesn't seem like you are, I'm just passing on some sage advice.)

And I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

PomoFrannyGlass

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Also the 5 stages thing. It's real, but it's not like you feel one way for a long time and then you move into the next thing. You kind of rocket around through all of them irregularly.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@PomoFrannyGlass Hah, yes. That sounds like an accurate description thus far. The stages are definitely not distinct and in any order.

Blushingflwr

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. The thing about grief is that it is different for everyone. So the number one thing to do is to be willing to feel your feelings as they come, without judging them (I realize this is easier said than done). Some days you'll be sad, some days you'll feel back to normal. As you move forward, the "normal" days will get more frequent. Definitely take advantage of the counseling available to you; if nothing else it will be helpful to be able to talk about your feelings.

As everyone else says - it sounds like you're doing all the right things.

Bloodrocuted

I am so very sorry for you. It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. I hope I can be helpful.
I found speaking to the dead person every day helps me. Whether I am sharing gossip, updating them about my life, or wishing their picture good morning, it helps me feel they are not lost from my life.
Good luck to you. I wish I could say more.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@ Everyone

Thank you all for your kind words. It's good to know the Commentariat has got my back.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak I'm really sorry for your loss, and I don't have any advice to give you, really, except for maybe this: Remember him in positive ways. Try not to focus on the fact that your life has changed in a bad way as a result of this. Make him proud.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak I'm so sorry. The only advice I have is from a "friend of the grieving" perspective: Don't be afraid to tell the people close to you what you need from them. People who care about you want to help, but often don't know how and feel too awkward to ask.

Scandyhoovian

I found out on Wednesday that all four of my wisdom teeth are impacted and must come out (after thinking I got out of it back in high school when everyone else had theirs out), and I am scheduled to be put under for the first time in my life on February 1st and they are going to go in there, cut into my mouth, and chop those bad boys into little pieces and remove them. While I am asleep. I am, simply put, terrified.

It is also the husband's annual "never home" period, as he is an accountant and it's tax season, so I have a lot of alone time at home in which to make foods he likely wouldn't eat and play Mass Effect 3.

raised amongst catalogs

@Scandyhoovian I had my wisdom teeth similarly removed when I was 15. I know how scary it is to look ahead to it, but you will NOT CARE ONE BIT when they drug you. I actually talked through most of mine, as the nitrous/valium/demerol cocktail took away my cares and all sensation but not my blabbermouth.
I lived on Carnation Instant Breakfast and mashed potatoes, if that helps you to stock up for afterward.

sprayfaint

@Scandyhoovian As long as you're down, you'll be fine. For some reason I was not drugged, just given topical anesthetic, which made me start shaking uncontrollably, and then they told me that I was just anxious, and then I had a horribly painful and terrifying extraction where they had to physically hold me down. But yeah, everyone who got the actual laughing gas was fine.

olivebee

@Scandyhoovian All 4 of mine were impacted, as well, and had to be chopped up before being removed. You will honestly not notice a thing (since you will be under), and the healing process afterward was quick and mostly painless for me, even with how intense the surgery was. The hardest part of the whole thing was waking up afterward and having your throat be so numb that you can't feel yourself swallow.

Dizzy

@Scandyhoovian like @ raised amongst catalogs says once the drugs hit, everything is just going to happen in a sort of glorious haze. I was in the same boat (4 impacted, had never been put out before) and had a pretty easy time of the whole thing. When I came to I didn't realize that my mouth was full of gauze and chattered away to the nurses who were unfazed. My mom thought it was hilarious and put me on the phone with anyone who would listen. Scrambled eggs and ice cream were my go-to foods.

eleventyone

@Scandyhoovian It will be ok! I woke up once during having mine out and remember thinking "I should just go back to sleep" and I did. They gave me ALL THE PILLS for pain and so I do not remember much of the subsequent week or so, but I did eat lots of soup and smoothies.

(Love that you're playing ME3 and eating foods he wouldn't like, I do the same except it's horror games he is scared by)

professionalmess

@Scandyhoovian You're going to be totally fine. For me, the bad part was after, because I don't like the way painkillers make me feel, but my teeth made me feel bad too, so I felt like I had only bad options, but that only lasted a couple of days. I recommend milkshakes and very mashed mashed potatoes (perhaps the kind made from flakes, because they don't get any chunks.)

karenb

@Scandyhoovian i had that done when i was 18, and everyone is right, the drugs are nice. i had a weird reaction to being under, though, and woke up totally weepy, sobbing, for no reason, trying to explain to everyone that i was fine, really. but i could not stop crying, it was really weird. so that might happen! but at the time, you're sort of out of it, so it doesn't really matter. expect to spend the next couple of days irritated by gauze in your mouth (ew) and drinking smoothies (i suggest blending oatmeal in there for some... fiber...). really, it will be fine.

Faintly Macabre

@Scandyhoovian All four of mine were impacted--one had even given me a cavity! I had absolutely no problem with the anesthesia or surgery itself. Recovery sucked for me because my teeth had really long roots and painkillers do nothing for me (even taking two percosets at once!), but most people I know recovered much more quickly. If you end up not being able to eat solid foods for a while, buy savory soft stuff or make someone get you some! I pretty much only ate yogurt and applesauce for three days, and I got SO sick of it.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Scandyhoovian
Sounds like you've already decided to go under, but for anyone else, C. really regretted going with nitrous, as it was pretty horrible feeling teeth being wrenched out with pliers even if pain wasn't a part of it, and in the end it didn't save money because the insurance company said nitrous wasn't covered, through full sedation would have been! (I wrote a complaining letter, but it wasn't enough money to take any further.)

Being out entirely is pretty fun. The absence of any sense of time passing is amazing. Have you ever fainted? It's like that.

ImASadGiraffe

@Scandyhoovian I got my wisdom teeth out and the experience of actually getting them out wasn't bad. I was under, I woke up, I went home. I got painkillers, but didn't eat enough food while I taking them so I got sick. Like, throwing up sick. Not fun when you have gaping holes in your mouth.

Food suggestions: mashed sweet potatoes, avocados, oatmeal, smoothies (no straws!), cream of wheat, soup, etc.

Also, watch this video because it's hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyR2KNNsxCc

Plant Fire

@Scandyhoovian I got my wisdom teeth taken out right before college (they were also all impacted) and it wasn't that bad. I got local anesthesia (the kind with the needle, like when they do small operations on a specific area) next to each of the teeth so I was totally awake (my doctor said it's less safe and often unecessary to put you under/give you so much drugs but if you're in the US they'll probably put you under) and didn't feel a thing. Afterwards I was given an antibiotic (amoxicillin, but later it was switched to something else because amoxicillin on an empty stomach can cause nausea) and extra strength tylenol. It was sore the first two days but after that it was fine. You want to make sure not to drink anything out of a straw because sucking can lead to dry socket. I was at home so my dad made me a lot of smoothies with peanut butter added (for protein) and broth.

Homestar Runner

@Sea Ermine Same here. I was way more scared of the laughing gas than of the operation, so they just gave me mondo Novocaine shots. I only got the bottom two out, though. I was literally up and house-hunting the next morning (with my little bottle of Loritab just in case). I didn't get any antibiotics after, but my doctor called that night to check on me, so I assume he would have prescribed them if I'd had any problems.

Scandyhoovian

@Everyone - thank you so much for your words of encouragement and stories, they've really helped a lot. I'm not quite as panicky and on-edge about it as I was at the end of last week. Here's hoping I can maintain a relative calm about the whole situation (and not succumb to my growing fear of dry socket).

Steph

I am going to Finland in a couple weeks and at first I was really excited but now I am less so because COLD. I hate it.
I need to buy boots but I'm totally lost on what to get. Any suggestions?

Scandyhoovian

@Steph FINLAND! MY MOTHERLAND!

...sorry, I get excited.

Anything that is sturdy and waterproof will do you well. I actually wore Doc Marten 1940s last time I went with lots of wool socks and long underwear (definitely have those things).

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Steph Sorel boots? I live in mine.

Steph

@Scandyhoovian Awesome! I'm going to northern Lapland so I am kind of scared about the weather!

Scandyhoovian

@Steph Oh, geez, northern Lapland in a couple of weeks!? DEFINITELY TAKE THE LONG UNDERWEAR. And the wool socks. And plenty to layer on top of those things. And sweaters and gloves and mittens and scarves and maybe a balaclava. It will be the kind of cold you remember 30 years from now, just... definitely prepare.

Steph

@Scandyhoovian eeeee thanks! It's for work, but it should be pretty neat. Stockpiling socks now.

sprayfaint

@Steph I am curious to know the kind of work that requires you to go to northern Lapland in the winter.

Steph

@sprayfaint I'm a travel writer :).

Scandyhoovian

@Steph And of course, HAVE ALL THE FUN. If you find yourself invited to an old grandmother's home for dinner, take her up on it. You'll never be hungry again. :)

Steph

@Scandyhoovian Thanks for the tips! If I don't freeze to death I'll report back!

sydwi

I have had a really hard couple weeks and I am self-medicating with a Lizzie Bennet Diaries obsession. (I've been watching since May, and I always loved it, but I let myself go over the fandom obsessive edge in order to have better feelings.)

So, anyone else?! I was initially low key on Darcy, but I am loving him in Pemblerley. I love Lydia, and her videos are making me very sad. I watched Ashley Clements and Daniel Gordh reading from John Green's Fault in Our Stars at his Carnegie celebration this past week and melted over cuteness.

Mainly, I love that I am getting to experience one of my favorite books for the first time all over again. Win.

adorable-eggplant

@sydwi I've watched a ton of them too, but I gave up cause I'm not crazy about Darcy... maybe it's time to give it another shot. :)

sydwi

@adorable-eggplant He's still quite reserved, but not nearly as robotic/on point with the costume!theater versions of him. He's even been joking and teasing and half smiling. Also, Gigi Darcy is perfection - it's interesting to see them together.

adorable-eggplant

@sydwi Yes! I'm willing to give it another chance, if he's dialed back the robot.

Cawendaw

@sydwi Yes! I actually only found out about it because of a link in a past FOT. Have you seen Lost in Austen? It's not as funny but I thought it was an acceptable methodone when I was jonesing for an Austen hit.

sydwi

@Cawendaw I really enjoyed Lost in Austen - it was weird but mostly fun. There's a choose your own Austen adventure book with the same name that also can provide some fun when you just need a quick shot of Austen!

sydwi

@adorable-eggplant Oh, good! I hope you like it a little more. It's hard to enjoy a P&P reboot if you're not sold on Darcy. But it's kind of fun to not really like him until Lizzie starts to, as well.

Anninyn

Also, I'm pretty sure one of my kittens is in heat, even though she's only four or five months old. She keeps chirping and showing me her bits.

sarah girl

@Anninyn My kitten just went through this - so hilarious/annoying/sad, all at once! Her poor little hormone-addled brain.

oh! valencia

@Anninyn the first heat is the worst! It happened at about 5 months for us, too. She got spayed immediately after.

Anninyn

@oh! valencia yeah, they both are getting spayed in a month or two, They're really little kitties so the vet wants to do it later rather than sooner. They are mini!

@Sarah H. I know! It's like... stop showing us your privates, cat! I mean, what do you expect us to do with them?

raised amongst catalogs

@Anninyn Thank you for making me laugh!

trappedinabay

@Anninyn Maybe you can keep them occupied with one of those toddler games Nicole posted earlier this week??

Anninyn

@trappedinabay They do enjoy 'Imma Push You'.

Anninyn

@raised amongst catalogs No problem!

iceberg

@Anninyn OMG I remember that. It's like the cat version of a thirteen year old wearing too much eyeliner and a belt length skirt. "I... don't know why I'm doing this, but... haaayyyy."

Anninyn

@iceberg You just described my adolesence. And, um, most of my twenties, actually.

Angry Panda

So much snow, and so cold. My body is not built for this. Sigh.

trappedinabay

Tonight: all of the wine.

Scandyhoovian

@trappedinabay I will join you in this plan!

Plant Fire

NYC Pinup!!! Everyone come out January 25th (Friday) to HiFi Bar at 7pm and it will be super fun.

theotherginger

@Sea Ermine my pin friend and I are supposed to be in NYC then!

Plant Fire

@Sea Ermine Also in a few moments there will be an event on the NYC Hairpin facebook page (the group is called nychairpinners) for this!

adorable-eggplant

@trappedinabay CONGRATS! Boundaries, demanding to be treated with respect, hell yes!

alpacasloth

Things were going okay this week, then I got rear ended yesterday by a moron while waiting at a red light. UGH. It'll get fixed and paid for and everything will be fine, but still. Didn't need this 2013. My car isn't even two years old!

coolallison

@alpacasloth I found out today that my car needs a new hybrid battery. Those fuckers are like $4,000. There's a chance they can still cover it under a warranty, but my car is 9 years old, so I'm not sure if I should hold my breath. Anyway, I feel your pain.

alpacasloth

@coolallison Boo that sucks! Good luck with the warranty. That's one of the reasons I ended up not buying a hybrid when I got my new car. That and the whole car was much more expensive than the non-hybrid version.

Faintly Macabre

@coolallison You might! The battery in my parents' hybrid Civic started dying last year. I think it was from 2005 or 2006? They got a new one at least mostly covered by Honda despite the battery technically no longer being under warranty. Though my mother is also very good at arguing/persuading, which might have helped.

Reginal T. Squirge

Hey Portland people! We have a Hairpin Book Club that meets on the last Sunday of every month at Libtery Glass at 4PM.

This month, we're reading Doctor Zhivago. Also, we will be watching the blu-ray (DVDs are for poor people) at my apartment on the 26th. You should come to both things! Reply to this thread and I will direct you to more information about the movie screening.

We have a good core group at the book club but are always interested in expanding it! Come on the 27th and you can vote for the next month's book selection.

lisma

I went on a date last night and in addition to having a really good time, the guy looked like Lee Pace, with darker hair and glasses.

But what's the etiquette? Should I text him and say, "hey! had a good time the other night, do you want to hang out next week?"

SarahP

@lisma That sounds like exactly what you should do!

trappedinabay

@lisma How did the date end? Did he say he'd get in touch?

Lily Rowan

@lisma Yeah, absolutely!

(But don't be devastated if he doesn't write back, because crazy shit happens all the time and I don't even know.)

rimy

@lisma Yes, text him something like "hey you seem like an awesome dude and I had a great time, come hang with me next week!"

lisma

@trappedinabay I think he was trying to go in for a kiss and I am awkward and just hugged him instead. Then I said "we should do this again" and he said "absolutely!"

So...

Blushingflwr

@lisma Yes. If you genuinely had a good time and want to see him again, a casual "had a great time last night, what are you up to next week?" is a good idea.

yeah-elle

@lisma If he looks like Lee Pace, you should climb him like a handsome tree. But seriously, you should text him. What you came up with sounds good!

lisma

@yeah-elle
"you should climb him like a handsome tree."
DULY NOTED.

lisma

@lisma SO! He just texted me and said he had a good time last night and am I intersted in getting together again soon?

Crisis averted, handsome tree climbing in my future.

nevergiveaninch

@lisma

OW OOWWWW! get it girl! good on you.

Nutmeg

My manager keeps scheduling me to work Friday and Saturday nights. I can't tell if she hates me or if she REALLY hates me. Or if she is clueless, I don't know! I'm willing to give her that.

trappedinabay

@Nutmeg Are you in the service industry? Maybe it's because you're GOOD and she wants someone who can handle the hustle.

baked bean

I used to be a Winter Grouch but the past two winters have been pretty mild, so I don't mind it now. I'm def a fall person, otherwise. I like being fully clothed and not having to shave my legs every goddamn day (or week, ha!). And wearing the hats and scarves I've made.
So, anyway, if winters go back to normal, I'll just move a little bit south and be ok I think. If winters stay like this, YAY GLOBAL WARMING!!!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@baked bean You might be my twin. Mild winters in a typically snowy place, check. Fall person, check. Handmade scarves, check. Not shaving regularly, check. Do you by any chance like soup?

baked bean

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Um, YES. It's a food group, right? I eat it sometimes in the summer, but NOT THE SAME.
But yeah, when winter has fall weather it is not tooo bad at alll. I can get out of bed!

silverscreen

Aw, I always miss these open threads due to the time difference. No snow in New Zealand! Any other kiwi 'Pinners out there?

miss buenos aires

Someone just told me (in a nice way) that she can hear me say, "UMMMM..." from across the office. It's a big office. With lots of very loud people in between. Am mortified.

coolallison

@miss buenos aires Someone told me today that she heard me humming.

fruiting body

My husband has a cold for the second time so far this winter. I love the shit out of him but his coughing is driving me bonkers! Every single time, he draws in his breath in the exact same way and then coughs twice. It sounds exactly the same every single time and I've been hearing it on and off for weeks now.

It wouldn't be nearly so bad if he would just vary the number of coughs per coughing episode, so that the exact sequence of noises wouldn't be burned into my brain like this.

EpWs

@fruiting body MEDICATE HIM. Delsym, yo.

lasso tabasco

I'm going to see Django Unchained tonight! Who's seen it? What are your opinions etc.?

KeLynn

@lasso tabasco - I loved it. Super bloody.

professionalmess

@lasso tabasco I also loved it, despite having a negative theater experience (if you are so important/bored by the movie that you need to check Facebook, just stay home people.)

Jane Err

@lasso tabasco I thought it was really great. One of my favorite Tarantinos so far. Super violent, bloody. Great. Christoph Waltz is The Man, also.

trappedinabay

@lasso tabasco I am totally on the fence. I absolutely loved Christoph Waltz, but there were a loooot of things that made me super uncomfortable. There's also one really hilarious scene with eyeholes...not giving anything away, but you'll know it when you come to it.

lasso tabasco

@trappedinabay @KeLynn @professionalmess @Jane Err OMGGGG super bloody. I've heard it's violent but somehow the SUPER part in super bloody makes me thinking I'll be hiding under my scarf the entire time, and that terrifies me!But I love love Tarantino.

trappedinabay

@lasso tabasco The good thing is that the excessive blood isn't that realistic. There's one scene--the first murder--that some review described as watching a bowling ball splat into a vat of corn syrup and food dye, or something like that. But particularly towards the latter half of the movie, the violence started to squick me out.

KeLynn

@lasso tabasco I hope you still went and saw it! I don't like violent movies but @trappedinabay is right, it is so over-the-top that it isn't very realistic. I'm not saying it was pleasant, but it didn't detract TOO much from the rest of the movie IMO

Bloodrocuted

@lasso tabasco Kill white people and get paid for it? What's not to like?
Prepare to cry and see it twice more.

lasso tabasco

@KeLynn you guys! I did see it, I did cry, and it was awesome. I hid during some of the bloodier parts, but mostly it didn't bother me that much. <3 Christopher Waltz

rimy

The wanderlust has bitten me HARD and all I want to do right now is go, go, go! Maybe to the Mediterranean, especially after watching Ottolenghi's Mediterranean Feast - Youtube playlist here. Where do you want to go?

Steph

@rimy Lately I've really been craving somewhere warm- Central America maybe? Need something to get me out of the SADD winter. Instead I'm going to Finland which is... not the same thing?

rimy

@Steph Finland sounds amazing! Why are you going there?

Steph

@rimy I'm a travel writer and it's a press trip- which is great because free (!) but not so great b/c it's gonna be mega dark and cold. Pretty excited though!

theotherginger

@Steph I heart your blog Steph. It is awesome. @rimy, you should read it - super solid advice and just fun to read!

lasso tabasco

@theotherginger @Steph link please?!

theotherginger

@lasso tabasco It's Steph's business and I think she is reluctant to plug it here. Word. So I will plug it (once I asked her for it once because of her supercool comments on a different thread.) http://twenty-somethingtravel.com/

thisisunclear

@Steph ...it's cold but the saunas are AMAZINGGGGG.
(Finland is my favorite.)

Steph

@theotherginger Aww thank you so much! I do feel kind of weird being like "I am a BLOGGER, everyone check out my WORDS." Definitely appreciate you sharing it though!

Angelena@twitter

I'm having a she-mergency! i just got an occupied and i don't know what to do with it

Angelena@twitter

@Angelena@twitter I got an OKcupid. freaking autocorret!! help please!! stories?

adorable-eggplant

@Angelena@twitter It worked out for me. I'd suggest browsing around sending a few casual messages. Give it some time to feel normal, maybe, before you try to do too much. I dunno?

lisma

@Angelena@twitter I mentioned this above but I went on a really fun date last night via OkCupid and have three or four dates in the pipeline with other people. And I just opened my account last week. So far, I haven't had to message anyone first and have just been deleting the bad messages(one word messages, people who just jump to "let's meet up!" without any introduction, horrible profiles) and responding to the ones I like.

Angelena@twitter

@lisma yeah I've gotten about 25 messages since i opened it yesterday and I've replied to 5. some i didn't answer because they said stuff like "hey" or "yoooo check me out" and some because we literally had nothing in common or they had offensive things written on their profile even if their message was normal. I think I will stick with it since the volume of messages seems high and you can block people. one guy i didn't answer in like 2 hours and he sent me another message that was like "no go" so I'm going to block him. right?

adorable-eggplant

@Angelena@twitter Yup, block with avengeance. I think a bunch of dudes just send out (hopeful?) 'yo's just in case. If you don't bother to block them, then often they'll send them again, as if 'yo' didn't work, but 'sup?' will.

I liked sending messages (as a lady) because it felt fun to upset the usual I check my inbox/respond routine which felt a bit monotonous, and it gave me a chance to poke around and see what books people were reading, etc. Also, because I'm nosy.

Angelena@twitter

@adorable-eggplant do you pay attention to the people who just look at you? because sometimes someone will "view" me while I'm online so ill go "view" them and it feels awkward! like I'm too "out there" haha i think i need to get over that. also is it weird if someone asks me what neighborhood of the city i live in? i live in a really big city so maybe not.

adorable-eggplant

@Angelena@twitter I'm big on privacy, so I wouldn't answer or I'd answer in a vague not quite wrong, but not quite right way. If the idea is "How can we pick a place that's near both of us?" I'd just skip the tipping my hand about my neighborhood step and go straight to here are 3 places (one central, one south, one north) that I wouldn't mind going to: do any of those work for you?

And I always turned on invisible mode (because I haaaaaate chatting, so I prefer if people can't see when I'm online) so I never bumped into that particular problem.

lisma

@adorable-eggplant you can be invisible?? I need to do that.

Angelena@twitter

@lisma yeah i have the chat permanently off because NO. this guy asked me where i lived and i just answered his other questions. then he said he lived in basically my exact neighborhood and was like have you been there/do u like it? so i was just like yeah i like it there! I'm pretty big on meeting people places/not revealing addresses and stuff too. its just too much.

adorable-eggplant

@lisma Yes. So Worth it.

Danzig!

@lisma you can disable chat. There's also a second "invisible mode" that allows you to window shop profiles without alerting their owners that you stopped by. The tradeoff is that when you have it on, OKC doesn't tell you who's looking at your profile. If you buy a premium account for some reason, you can move through OKC as a true phantom.

like a rabid squirrel

@Danzig! I think you should embrace the transparency! I met my current boyfriend by randomly viewing his profile, after which he decided to message me - turns out I was outside of his age range and hadn't shown up in his searches. The people looking at you is half the fun (even if by necessity you have to also reveal who YOU'RE looking at). But chat is annoying and I always turned it off.

hellomynameis

any recommendations for movers in NYC? just signed a lease on a two-bedroom apartment! we're moving one street and 1 1/2 avenues away from our current apartment. and i'll be 38 weeks pregnant when we move.

trappedinabay

@hellomynameis TWINSIES! Except for the pregnant part. And the lease part. I haven't started looking for apartments yet, but we're moving at the end of Feb / beginning of March.

I just got quotes from Moishe's and Schleppers. Schleppers really seemed to be on the ball and in-the-know, but their quote was considerably higher than Moishe's. I've gotten recommendation for (and have set up meetings with) Oz the Wizard of Moving, Dumbo Moving (whose vans say, hilariously, "I like to move it move it"), and Flatrate.

Obviously haven't picked one yet, but I'm leaning towards Schleppers even though their quote was higher. The Schleppers guy seemed very upfront about what everything would cost, and he included every conceivable cost in the estimate (gas, tolls, etc). The Moishe's guy may have just quoted us for the move itself.

Also, you're supposed to tip the movers 15%-20% of the total cost of the move, which I didn't know.

anachronistique

@trappedinabay "Moishe's" and "Schleppers"? God, I love New York.

trappedinabay

@anachronistique Right?? So I found out something else that's interesting: most of the moving companies in NYC are owned/operated by ex-Israeli Army types, whether they have a Jewish/Yiddish name or not. These Israeli Army guys just have a corner on the moving market. SO CURIOUS.

hellomynameis

@trappedinabay oh dumbo gave us a good online quote! but i've never heard of them, so i'm kinda skeptical. although they have awesome yelp reviews.

trappedinabay

@hellomynameis Dumbo just left my apartment after doing an estimate, and their quote was exactly in the middle between Moishe's and Schleppers. But the hubs and I really liked them; they're the frontrunner right now! A guy who reminded us of Flula (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL48258D69C3DD1228) came with this crazy device that I guess was a camera of some sort? Anyway, it had this screen and he was talking to a dreadlocked guy back at the Dumbo office and showing him all of our stuff, and they conferred by video conference on the quote.

The future is now!!

runner in the garden

@trappedinabay but isn't every Israeli guy an Israeli Army guy, by law? I think that makes it a little less weird.

Jane Err

Hey ladies, anybody know of some quality sites online to buy bridesmaid dresses?? I'm too overwhelmed with Google search. Life is so hard.

gobblegirl

@Jane Err Off the top of my head, maybe don't use "bridesmaid dress" as your keyword? Try looking at a big store/brand's website - Nordstrom, J Crew, etc - and look for cocktail dresses, sundresses, and the like. You might get a good idea of what you're looking for, and it's probably cheaper if they aren't wedding-branded (as soon as the Man knows you're a bride, price goes up, or so I've heard).

alpacasloth

@Jane Err Yes! If you are looking for actual bridesmaid dresses and not just cocktail dresses that you can get anywhere, try Joielle (shopjoielle.com). My sister got married last Summer and as the maid of honor I had to choose the styles and order everyone's dresses. I found stores in my area that carried the styles I was interested in (mostly Alfred Sung and other Dessy Group brands) so I could try them on in person, then I ordered from Joielle. They were great. I had a lot of questions about ordering and shipping and they answered them right away. And they have a lot of cute (read: not strapless!) styles.

You should definitely try things on in a store before ordering online if you can -- there were several dresses I thought I would love that I absolutely hated in person. Also they have a 10% discount if you order 4 or more dresses for a bridal party (I think) so we saved some money.

alpacasloth

@alpacasloth Wow I sound like a paid ad for them... I swear I am a real person. An alpacasloth person. I bought our dresses online mainly because the people who worked at all the bridal shops I visited seemed very disorganized and irresponsible, and I heard a lot of stories about stores losing dress orders or ordering the wrong dresses/sizes for people. Good luck!

trappedinabay

@Jane Err All I can say is that you should make sure the dress you pick comes in everyone's sizes. ::cough cough::

What price range are you considering? Places like Ann Taylor and JCrew have some nice dresses, but they're in the $200-$300 range. If you're looking for something more in the $100-$150 range, there are tons of options.

And gobblegirl is right--think outside the box! You can pick a nice evening/Prom dress from a big box retailer like Macy's or Nordstrom, and you'll save your bridesmaids money because it won't have "wedding" or "bridesmaid" attached to it. The people who sell bridesmaid dresses will usually try to get you to order the wrong size so that you have to pay them even more money to tailor it. They're a SHIFTY BUNCH.

Jane Err

@alpacasloth Well I live in a tiny town that doesn't have much for bridal stores, so that's why we're taking the search online. Plus, all of us bridesmaids, save one, are pretty booby, hip-y ladies, so we need some size range. And I'm the unemployed one, so my price range is like, almost nothing.

I'm totally going to look at cocktail dresses.

theotherginger

@Jane Err check out apracticalwedding. they have good ideas. (I am not from them, nor am I married, they are just a good site).

SarcasticFringehead

@Jane Err I found some great ones on J. Crew that were on sale and then on sale again, so they ended up being about $60, and they were in EVERYONE'S size. So if you have time, watch the sales there, because that worked out really well.

alpacasloth

@Jane Err Oh boogers. Is the bride flexible on styles, like maybe you can all get different dresses but in the same color family? The nice thing about Nordstrom is free shipping and returns, so you can try a bunch of dresses and if they don't work you aren't out any money on shipping.

trappedinabay

@theotherginger Also, do you know about Offbeat Bride? The message boards in the Offbeat Bride Tribe saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@Jane Err Weddingtonway.com is useful because you can compare a variety of brands side by side and in various colors. Plus they actually list prices, which brand websites mostly don't. I can't speak to ordering from them. I used them to narrow down brands/style, and then my maid of honor and I went to a couple of stores to try on.

like a rabid squirrel

@Jane Err Depending on your wedding's level of formality, I remember seeing a lot of comments on Shabby Apple dresses about people wearing them in weddings (https://www.shabbyapple.com/t-apparel.aspx). They've got more casual stuff but also a bunch of cocktail dresses, all pretty reasonably priced (under $200, many under $100).

mystique

Hey! I asked about journals a couple months ago but since then I've filled 2.5 journals, so now it's become a habit for me! What are some of your journal writing habits? What do you write about?

KeLynn

@mystique gah, I journal in spurts. I'm always so grateful to have that stuff written down to look back at later, but I hate the actual writing it part.

Emma Peel

OK, 'pintariat, I have a confession/advice to ask. A little over a year ago I did the worst thing I've ever done to another person. I cut off a girl who I know considered me a friend, with no warning and for no real reason.

The backstory, because I actually wrote to Ask A Lady about this a few months before the cutting off, and I dug up my question: "How do you scale back a friendship nicely?

"My friend gchats me several times a day and talks constantly for hours. If I'm not online or ignore her, she emails me with whatever she wants to tell me about. We hang out at least every 10 days, usually one-on-one, because she doesn't know many of my friends. The conversations are always 80% about her. She's had a bad year, and she doesn't have a lot of friends, so I'm trying to be a good friend and listen and offer advice when appropriate. This has gone on for several months, and it's wearing me out. She's not someone I feel very close to; we haven't known each other that long, and she's not someone I go to with my problems.

"How do I scale down from "constant emotional support/involvement" to "monthly happy hours"? What's a nice way to say "I want to spend way less time with you"? (I'd try "I'm really busy," but unfortunately this level of contact has gone on while my life has been hectic and everyone knows it.)"

So a few months (which were more of the same) after I sent this, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I was miserable and couldn't deal with anyone anymore and I just dealt with it in the worst way possible, which was to cut her off and quit responding all together.

Now we haven't spoken in a year and, while I really don't miss having her somewhat toxic presence in my life, I feel awful about what I did, which was a horrible thing to do to a person who was already in a bad place. And while the friendship was largely one-sided, it wasn't entirely so -- we'd known each other for about a year and a half; I stayed on her couch once when I was living in another town and needed a place to stay for one night; etc.

I've been thinking about sending her a note to apologize. But I'm also not all that interested in rekindling the friendship, honestly. I've been that needy person, and I'm now terrified that someone else will do this to me -- which I know is my karmic punishment and poetic justice.

Do I just let sleeping dogs lie on this and accept that I've been a shitty person and move on? (I don't even know if she'd want to be in touch with me; I'm not sure I would, if the situation were flipped.) Or is it worth apologizing and saying it was about me, not her, and I handled the situation horribly and I still feel bad?

(My friends who have met her, by the way, are not sure that I did the wrong thing. But they've never been ghosted by a friend before.)

sophia_h

@Emma Peel I'd say let it go. I will assume you really do care more about making her feel better than getting absolution from her, but I can't see any non-awkward place for the conversation to go next other than rekindling the friendship, which you don't want. If you had a mutual friend, I'd say maybe get that person to say "wow, Emma was so flaky last year!" or something, but since that's not the case I think you will just have to move on and at least be happy a toxic friendship is out of your life.

rimy

@Emma Peel I feel you, I once just stopped talking to someone that really liked me and I feel really shitty about it. We were good friends in high school and just stopped clicking - I felt like we were at different maturity levels? Like she was still talking about the same stuff we talked about at 16 and 17, and I had grown up a lot and was thinking about different things/not interested in the hobbies and other things she liked. Every time we hung out I almost felt like she was treating me as if I were her boyfriend, on a weird level? She was smaller than me and less confident and really shy, and I was strong, tall, and treated her to meals when we hung out. But she was really sweet and helped me out when I was having bad times with my ex-bf, let me stay with her for a few days, etc, and then a year later or so I just kind of friend-dumped her.

If you don't want to rekindle the friendship, I say let sleeping dogs lie but learn from your mistake. If it circles back around like karma, accept your punishment and grow. But don't send her a message just because you feel bad about yourself - that would be kind of selfish I think. You just didn't click with her, and no real friendship is one-sided, so breathe in, think of your regret, then let all that air and those thoughts go.

adorable-eggplant

@Emma Peel It sounds to me like you made the emotional healthy choice--that's not a shitty thing to do. We're all needy sometimes, and we all run the risk of having the folks in our lives decide that can't handle that level of neediness. People are allowed to walk away from relationships. We don't sign contracts to one another (or we do marriages/leases/etc. and then there are appropriate ways to exit those relationships) and we don't owe each other our presence on any terms other than our own.

Unless you'd like to have a friendship with this person, genuinely miss them, I'd let it go.

Emma Peel

@karenb Yeah, I think they usually are. I am generally anti-apology after the fact. And while I am sorry for how I handled it, I'm not sorry we're no longer in touch. I think that probably answers my question.

Jinxie

@Emma Peel Dittoing what everyone else has said, but I will add that if you don't already read Captain Awkward, high you over there and go through the archives. She's written a fair bit on just this sort of situation. (And there's a recent post, too, touching on it, I think.)

sprayfaint

@Emma Peel I'm in a similar situation, though for different reasons -- "unfriended" (IRL) a woman somewhat suddenly last year, as she was going through a very bad period in her life and lashed out at me in a way I could no longer handle (it was repetitive behavior on her part to lash out, she has poor coping mechanisms). I feel immense guilt about the fact that we're no longer friends, and have on several occasions thought about rekindling things, but... I honestly don't want to. I don't want to be friends with her any more. Are we obligated to be friends with people we genuinely don't like? I don't think so. We could both have probably dealt with the situation better, but I don't know that there's a way to apologize and simultaneously maintain the current status quo. So.

Danzig!

@Emma Peel If it's been that long, and she hasn't tried to contact you again, perhaps it's best to assume she doesn't think about you that much anymore, and reaching out to her would just upset her. I feel like these sorts of dilemmas (and as an incredibly awkward boy, I've been in this situation more than a few times) tend to be predicated on the assumption that other people think about us as much as we think of them, which is generally not the case. It's catastrophic thinking married to that weird thread of self-obsession we all exhibit as cognizant, feeling beings :)

odd number

Travelers: Know any good places to get wrinkle-resistant, preferably lightweight clothes? Have any good packing tips for a long multi-country trip?

EpWs

@odd number Outdoors stores (camping and hiking and such) are good places for such clothing (online you can find 'em at Sierra Trading Post, etc). I am awful at packing, though, so hopefully someone else will take this from here.

theotherginger

@odd number you can always buy things on the road. factor laundry into your budget and bring less clothes and more money. Depending on where you're going, jeans, leggings and long tee-shirts/dresses will take you far. Once I backpacked for two months with my school backpack, involving jeans, leggings, underwear, shorts to sleep in, 2 tee shirts, a blouse, a bathing suit, sweater, light cardigan, light jacket, sandals and running shoes (vans). I hiked, walked, was in cities. Pick a look and stick to it. Make sure all your clothes match (this is if you care). I also try and wear dark vans style sneakers because they look a bit nicer and mitigate the foreigner-tourist look.

sprayfaint

@odd number Zappos actually has a pretty good selection of quick-dry clothing, and so does Eddie Bauer. Without more details of your particular situation it's hard to say, but personally, I find that dresses/skirts stretch a lot further than pants/shirts. Of course if all you're doing is hiking, etc., that probably won't do.

rosaline

@odd number Title Nine has some nice things oriented toward traveling. This dress, for example: http://www.titlenine.com/product/shop-womens-sportswear-by-activity/travel-clothing/162526.do?sortby=ourPicks&page=2#.UPniqvLjHf0

Other advice: neutrals, so that you can mix and match or just wear the same thing. I agree, dresses/skirts are great. Roll things rather than fold them and they'll travel better, in general. Limit your shoes to 2 pairs or as close to that as you can get it.

odd number

@all A belated thank you to all... very helpful. The travel will be a mix of urban and country, developed and less developed areas, active/outdoorsy and, er, hedonistic drinking/eating/dancing. I have very specific shoes I need to wear, and they aren't dressy and don't go well with skirts, so thats the biggest challenge. I think its very good advice to stick with a style...thats something I have failed to do in the past, at my peril (ie, bringing a bunch of cute shits that dont go with anything else in my suitcase). I will def check out the places mentioned here.

elissa_what?

@odd number Chiming in late here - but get a compression sack! I picked one up halfway through a long trip last year, and it made a huge difference. It works best for the wrinkle-resistant stuff, but it will leave you with a ton of extra room in your baggage.

sophia_h

It is gloriously sunny and beautiful in San Francisco today and after a brief agency job interview I drove all over North Beach and the marina (could not afford to either park or eat lunch anywhere) feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a bunch of money and can't afford to live in the nicest, or any, parts of the city. San Francisco, while I will probably continue to work in you (whenever I get contract projects), I think my dream of living in you may have to finally die. :(

JanieS

@sophia_h I live in SF and can't afford to leave, or get a car. I wish we could switch places somehow!

Jinxie

@JanieS Same boat. I've been having serious "I'm in my 30's and still have roommates why god why?" crises lately because, you know, I'm in my 30's and I still have roommates and I WILL continue to have them for the foreseeable future. I love this city, truly, but I feel stagnant. I would love to have the "Let's move in together" talk with Manfriend but...we can't. Neither of us can afford to move, since we've been in our respective apartments for long enough that rent's (relatively) cheap and we're also neither of us the main tenant on the lease so we couldn't just kick the roommates out. I feel trapped, and am seriously considering giving up on the area altogether in the next few years.

JanieS

@Jinxie 30s ... roommates ... why god why. Yeah. That's the San Francisco experience. But there is good sushi, I can't deny that.

sophia_h

@Jinxie @JanieS Aww, now I feel bad. The truly hideous rent situation is also keeping me out of the city, and I feel bad for anyone stuck in it. It's just hard to keep living in the North Bay and having to commute in by bus because I can actually make money in the city, but not at a permanent job that would allow me to live there for good. But I know other people who are stuck in apartments and roommate situations in similar ways.

Jinxie

@sophia_h Now I feel bad that you feel bad! {hug pile!}
I think all of our stories just reflect how bad and how far-reaching the problems with real estate have gotten here. For good or ill, those of us who aren't raking in the Crazy Tech Money (so...most of us) are stuck where we are for now. Strange though it sounds, there's some comfort in that for me - at least we all suffer together.
And we do have good food and drink to distract us in the meantime, so it's not all bad.

Marquise de Morville

@Jinxie Do your respective roommates like each other? You could trade, and move in together, and they become roommates?

granny squares

@sophia_h Aw, yeah. I hear that. I actually do live in SF, but I'm stuck in the same crappy apartment I've lived in for the last 5.5 years because my SO and I can't afford to move. The rents are INSANE. I'd love to live in a sunnier part of the city, but I do not want to pay $2000 for a studio.

sophia_h

@Jinxie I am lucky to have a roof over my head and employment potential. And also, to live in California at all! The economy here is dreadful but I couldn't move anywhere else. Also I can always drive into the city for whatever, since I'm an easy hour away, which is nice. So there are good things too.

Jinxie

@Marquise de Morville Excellent idea! Hell, I think they're both single - maybe I should try to hook them up.
And @sophia_h - you're right! We do have an awful lot to be grateful for out here, and I need to remind myself of that sometimes. I made the choice when I was young to move away from home - where I'd absolutely be a homeowner by now, if I'd stayed - and for the most part I have no regrets about my choice. I spent last Sunday down at the Sutro Baths at Ocean Beach, admiring the view and ogling a river otter; I really haven't got much to complain about. :)

iknowright

Advice needed for haircare! I moved to a dry climate, and then got an only-okay haircut, and I feel like my hair has lost all it's niceness. It used to be wavy and shiny (in a good way), but now it lays pretty limp, the top/bangs get greasy-looking super quickly and the rest of my (short) hair just feels dry and like...full of build-up?

Right now I use organix mostly, but sometimes use Alba or Shikai. I would be open to hearing what everyone else uses/thinks works? I'd pay more if there's a miracle product? My hair is thin but there's a lot of it, if that helps. I'm also curious if olive oil or baking soda mixtures really do work or are just an excuse to make me look silly for like 20 minutes.

(The only advice I don't want is to only wash it every other day, I'm one of those smellier-types and the greasy factor is just, ick. Like if I can't even personally accept it I don't want to try to force it on anyone around me, you know?)

Blushingflwr

@iknowright I know you said you don't want to wash it every other day, but when you do wash it every day, it strips your hair of its natural oils and your scalp produces more oil in response. If you reduce your shampooing frequency, you may find that you're a little greasy for a while until your scalp adjusts, but my experience is that it does adjust.
Lots of people swear by using apple cider vinegar in place of shampoo. I think it might be worth a shot, especially since you're complaining about feeling full of build-up. Also consider switching shampoos, sometimes just changing the formula you're using will change your hair up (Neutrogena has a clarifying shampoo designed for weekly use that is supposed to get rid of any residue your normal stuff leaves behind)

gobblegirl

@iknowright You might not like it, but you probably are washing it too often. The air is dry, and you're scrubbing all the oil out every day, so your sebaceous glands are probably in overdrive trying to make up for it.
Here is my suggestion: Every other time you shower, skip the shampoo. Don't just rinse, condition as well. I have found that if I just rinse, it's more greasy than before I washed it. But when I wash my hair with ONLY conditioner, the conditioner binds to and rinses out some of the grease, without the abrasive drying effect of the shampoo. It's my understanding that the same thing that makes shampoo lather is what dries your scalp out.
Try it once or twice with an open mind, and I hope it helps!

milominderbender

@iknowright Maybe you now have hard water? This happened to me. Apple cider vinegar is an amazing treatment to get rid of the buildup (does it feel sticky? mine was sticky and getting in gross knots and I was thisclose to cutting it all off). Also there is a Joico chealating shampoo that you can use once a week to keep the gunk off.

Plant Fire

@iknowright I had to switch to sulfate free shampoo a couple years ago because of an allergy to sodium lauryl and laureth sulfates...and at first it SUCKED because most of the sulfate free stuff either gave me tons of gross buildup or fried my hair and made it like straw but then a pinner recommended the Aveeno sulfate free to me and it's really nice and my hair is shiny and soft again. For conditioner I use the regular Suave conditioners because they are silicone free (sulfate free shampoos aren't strong enough to get out silicone buildup) and moisturizing (but you have to use a lot...which is ok because they come in giant bottles for like $1). Every so often I oil the part of my hair below my ears (any oil except coconut, which dried out my hair) and then rinse it out and shampoo and condition like normal. Oh and I really scrub my scalp with the pads of my fingers when shampooing as it doesn't really lather.

For background, I tried conditioner only, as well as the baking soda and vinegar thing (also just vinegar rinses without baking soda) and neither worked (and the baking soda REALLY irritated my scalp).

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@iknowright Try a cleansing oil? Like Shu Uemera?

mangosara

@milominderbender hard water was going to be my suggestion too! not that it's all that helpful considering that there's no real fix, but... doing a vinegar rinse does help with buildup, and make sure your shampoo is silicone-free.

Jinxie

So, like everyone else around here my week's been kind of poopy BUT things are looking up! Not only is it Friday, but my roommate will be out of town for THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. No one will be home when I get home tonight and blissful solitude will be mine, all mine! And our beloved Jolie, Patron Saint of Bleach, will be so proud of me, because the first thing* I'm doing when I get home later is cleaning the hell out of my dirty-ass house.
*Well, ok, if we're being honest the very first thing I'm doing is taking off work clothes and bra and donning leggings and torn t-shirt, and the second thing I'm doing is pouring myself a stiff drink. So cleaning all the things is actually third on my list.

adorable-eggplant

@Jinxie Taking off bra + stiff drink = bliss

Jinxie

@adorable-eggplant Right?? I almost wish I'd worn tights today so I could also have the feeling of taking them off, too.

trappedinabay

@adorable-eggplant I love to yell, "Release the Kraken!!!" as I'm taking off my bra. The husband is nowhere near as amused by it as I am. What? Not sexy?

adorable-eggplant

@trappedinabay Lol, I love it!

Anninyn

@trappedinabay I like to fling my bra at him and shout 'Behold! The mighty beasts have awoken!'

I... I think I understand why he likes to go out alone, now.

whereismyrobot

@adorable-eggplant I like to sing Party in the USA as I release them from their prison!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@whereismyrobot "We've got a breach in Boob Jail."

adorable-eggplant

@everyone Ahahaha, these are fantastic!

polka dots vs stripes

@trappedinabay I yell THEY'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEE and fling my bra across whatever room I'm in.

Faintly Macabre

@whereismyrobot Hahaha, you all! Now I wish my boobs were big/spectacular enough to make taking off my bra event-worthy. Maybe I should just buy a really tiny bra and wear it for a day?

Jinxie

@adorable-eggplant In the end, I opted for a "Get thee behind me, Satan!", followed by throwing the offending garment with a flourish onto the snoozing (and now, annoyed) cat. I'm now contemplating sliding around the living room floor in my stocking feet yelling "FREEEEE BOOOOOB!".

sophia_h

Either my iPad ate them (which has happened) or I just had two comments deleted off a Hairpin partner site. One was normal, the second was fine until I got mad and edited it to be full of cursing, and now I feel kind of bad for going off but the commenter was seriously making me see red. Internet commenting is hard.

adorable-eggplant

@sophia_h Nope, still there. I got curious and checked. You're 100% right, btw.

sophia_h

@adorable-eggplant Ahh, good. I hadn't commented there before and I worried I'd gotten blocked or banned already, but seriously, seriously?? Wtf.

This is my new username

@sophia_h Now I am extremely curious. Where is the swearing?

meetapossum

Oh, man, now I remember what I wanted to talk about. American Horror Story! Who wants to talk about this crazy-ass show with me?

trappedinabay

@meetapossum Me me me me me!

whereismyrobot

@meetapossum So I should keep watching the second season?

trappedinabay

@whereismyrobot You know, I really wasn't that into the first season, though I watched the whole thing. But I absolutely LOVE the second season. The whole insane asylum angle really works for me, I think. It's zany and twisted and even though there are a million cliches, I think it's really well done. The cliches don't detract from the enjoyment.

Also, some of the actors from the first season are in the second season as totally different characters, which is cool.

whereismyrobot

@trappedinabay Ooh, I really liked the first season, but I moved into a home where I knew the person there that died, so I felt weird about watching it. I am weird.

meetapossum

@whereismyrobot Yes, watch the second season! It maintains the insanity of the first season while adding all new kinds of batshit crazy ideas. Like, you make a prediction and think, "Nah, that's too crazy," but then of course it's exactly what the writers do!

I think I preferred the first season a little more just because I like haunted house stories (especially stories where there's something wrong with the house itself), but the second one has a more compelling and coherent storyline. (Well, that's not saying much, but...)

TheLetterL

@meetapossum Oh, yes, everyone who loved the first season should give this season a fair try. For me, it took about four or five episodes to feel totally invested, but now I miiiiight even like it better than the first season. (Heresy?)

Very excited about the finale. All I'll say for now is that this season has a LOT going on, so this finale better deliver. I am rooting for something I am sure we will get -- a final it's-not-what-you-thought twist.

whereismyrobot

So I have a big second interview in a couple of weeks and I am really excited!! This seems like the first time in a year and a half of searching that I have found a library where I feel like it's a great match for both of us! It is also a really great system and I have heard great things about my potential boss! And it is in an area with a lot of wildlife areas AND it is by the coast.

CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF: MAY RUIN IT WITH NERVES!

adorable-eggplant

@whereismyrobot Oooo fellow librarian 'pinner! Best of luck!

whereismyrobot

@adorable-eggplant Thanks! I got my degree in August '11 and it's been slow going. But at least I have a job!

honey cowl

@whereismyrobot Good luck!!!!!!! I have a second interview on Tuesday too! I'm feeling really confident (I'm the only one they're considering) but still, NERVES! What if my confidence screws it up for me?

thisisunclear

My undergraduate intern just left the office saying, glumly, "it's 5 o'clock. it's really dark, and there's no snow." Yup. So sad.

trappedinabay

@thisisunclear Grumpycat intern?

The Lady of Shalott

Planning a wedding makes me loathe weddings, and planning things, and Pinterest, and the entire internet, and pretty much everything related to weddings in general. Which is awful because I think weddings are lovely and a fun industry to work in, but when it's your own wedding EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION.

So we're just going to serve huge plates of sandwiches.

SarcasticFringehead

@The Lady of Shalott I got married a year and a half ago and I'm still a little traumatized from the planning. Um...I mean, it'll be great, and everyone will have a great time! (Really, it will, and they will.)

trappedinabay

@The Lady of Shalott - WORD. I did NOT enjoy wedding planning and was SO relieved/ecstatic the day after the wedding. (The actual wedding day was pretty damn awesome too, but everything leading up to it can kiss my dimpled ass.)

The Lady of Shalott

@trappedinabay I mean, having worked in the wedding industry I am a little bit more, um, steeled? to how awful it might become, moreso than a layman? But still: OH GOD.

sprayfaint

@The Lady of Shalott Another survivor here. I really thought it would be fun, I really did. It was not. But the day of was GREAT. And I slowly starting to be able to talk about the planning in less-than-bitter terms.

Probably gearing up for a home renovation now, which again I am convinced will be GREAT. Check back in in 6 months.

alpacasloth

@The Lady of Shalott Ahhh I just started wedding planning and I'm already over it! And we're probably not getting married until next April or May so I have over a year of this. I refuse to go on Pinterest. REFUSE.

adorable-eggplant

@The Lady of Shalott I briefly tried to convince my bf that common law marriages were the way to go. Say your married. Boom, married. But it wasn't his bag. So I think if we ever get married it will be a quick trip to the courthouse, because I am not down to plan a wedding or stand in a dress in front of 5+ people. Thems the rules.

But it will be so nice for y'all to be done and married and all that jazz. And there will be pretty pictures. :)

sophia_h

@The Lady of Shalott I still have wedding planning PTSD, and I got married in 2004 before it got quite so insane. But dealing with my mother ("THE BRIDESMAIDS MUST ALL HAVE MATCHING SHOES OR THE WORLD WILL END") was enough.

granny squares

@The Lady of Shalott Oh god, THIS. I have had the worst headaches trying to plan a simple city hall wedding, and all because of my future MIL. She is...argh.

Every time I see a stupid "do this twee thing on your wedding day so it's more ~*meaningful*~" pin, I want to stab someone. My favorite: catching the rain from that day and putting it into a glass lightbulb to keep FOREVER!

The Lady of Shalott

@granny squares Pinterest is a NONSTOP BARRAGE of that shit. "Put two love letters and a bottle of wine into a box and nail it shut at the wedding. When you have your first fight, open the box, drink the wine, read the letters, and remind yourselves of why you got married!" "Make a necklace out of a bit of your dress!" "Save your wedding flower petals and make a Christmas ornament out of them!" "Have a ring-warming ceremony where everyone holds your rings before you put them on!" "Sew your married name in blue in the lining of your gown!" "Save the corks from the wine and make a monogram for your mantle!" "Write a special message to your groom on the bottom of his shoes!"

AUGHGHGHG SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUP

sophia_h

@The Lady of Shalott My mom has my dress. Occasionally I look at the album (proofs, because we could never afford to get enlargements). I keep the quill pen used to sign the guestbook (disaster, ink *everywhere*) on my bookshelf. I think I still have the lipstick. That is the sum total of my wedding mementos and I feel okay about it! I am still married!

granny squares

@The Lady of Shalott OMG, I have seen all of those except for the "ring warming ceremony." ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS. And now the norm is that if you don't do all of that crap, you don't "care." My future MIL buys into that philosophy.

I have the flu right now and I have been seriously considering starting a troll pinterest account with things like "Have your guests wrap the two of you from head to toe in saran wrap to symbolize your union!"

supernintendochalmers

@granny squares Those are real things?! I thought you guys were joking!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@The Lady of Shalott
At least we can amuse ourselves by thinking of how all of these could so easily go hilariously wrong!

trappedinabay

@granny squares HAHAHAHAHAHA.

WATERBULB.

granny squares

@supernintendochalmers Sad but true. *weeps*

granny squares

@trappedinabay JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.

I hope someone stands outside for an hour to catch the fog/drizzle that will inevitably be present on my wedding day. I could not adequately honor my marriage without it!

soundofglass

@granny squares I have had multiple family members do a "sand ceremony" at their weddings which is basically watching two people pour colored sand? Into a vase? Like those crafts you made in third grade, but the kit costs like 75 bucks instead of three.

granny squares

@soundofglass Oh dear. What is that supposed to signify? I think I've seen THAT on pinterest, too, but since it made no sense (even in pinterest-logic) I skimmed over it.

I had no idea that people had all these elaborate rituals. I did go to a 45-minute wedding when I was in my early 20's, but that was due to a long sermon and then groomsmen "pranks," which were carefully orchestrated by the fake-surprised bride and groom. I thought it was an outlier, but maybe not.

The Lady of Shalott

@granny squares Jesus God, you guys want to talk about stupid fake made-up traditions? I'll give the unity candle a pass for now.

1. The aforementioned "sand ceremony" where you each pour coloured sand into...a vase, or something. Or a special picture frame. Then it sits on your mantle and collects dust until you have children, at which point it gets broken or moved to a closet.
2. A "knot-tying ceremony" full of made-up crap about how tying a fisherman's knot is the strongest knot possible, nothing can ever break it up, the true source of "tying the knot," then you can frame the knot and put it on your wall.
3. A "wine ceremony" where you crack open a bottle of wine and each sip some of it to...symbolize your union?
4. A "whiskey aging ceremony" where you take a new bottle of whiskey and nail it into a box or something to be drunk at your 25th or 50th anniversary or some crap.
5. The previously-mentioned "ring warming ceremony."
6. A "unity PB&J" where you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then eat bites from it to symbolize "we go together like peanut butter and jelly!"
7. A "salt covenant" where you each spoon salt into a jar.
8. A "unity painting" for those of you who find the sand ceremony TOO TRADITIONAL.
9. A "tree-planting ceremony" where you plant a tree seedling...in a pot...
10. A cross ceremony where the couple builds a cross. (Like, a small tabletop-size one, not a great big Jesus-sized one.)
11. The 'candle ritual' where a candle is passed among each of your guests and THEN used to light the unity candle.
12. A "honey ceremony" where the bride and groom taste honey off each other's fingers.
13. The "rock ceremony" where each guest holds a rock during the ceremony, then puts it into a vase.
14. A "bread breaking ceremony" where you break and eat pieces of bread.
15. A "unity cocktail" where you mix up a cocktail and drink it together.

I SWEAR TO GOD I HAVE NOT MADE UP A SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS. NOT ONE. I swear.

granny squares

@The Lady of Shalott HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

Instead of weeping, I am going to hide this list away and sincerely recommend we do one of these at our wedding, every time my SO and I have a squabble. "But honey. Don't you want to construct a big cross in the middle of city hall?"

Frankly, the unity cocktail makes the most SENSE. Mmm...cocktails...

laserbeams

@The Lady of Shalott hahahahahaha I want to make my boyfriend do the PB&J thing tonight, forget weddings! That's amazing.

anachronistique

@The Lady of Shalott THE UNITY SANDWICH. Holy crap, it sounds like something from Parks and Rec.

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@granny squares I want to hear about these "pranks".

TheclaAndTheSeals

@The Lady of Shalott I'm laughing so hard. This is dead on. I think these all appeared in my feed, like, today.

This is my new username

@The Lady of Shalott Ooof I feel you. I am also just starting to plan a wedding. It is hard! I want a ceremony and nice reception, but I don't want to spend all the dollars or craft for the next year. Whhyyy can't it just happen? This is why I have been engaged for 6 months and have only just now started planning.

Scandyhoovian

@The Lady of Shalott I just got married in November of last year and I am STILL having occasional "ugh I can't believe so-and-so suggested we do that shitty thing she found on pinterest" feelings about, uh, everyone that suggested something shitty they found on pinterest.

Wedding planning is, in fact, the reason I stopped using my pinterest altogether.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Did anyone read Mac McClelland's PTSD story for Mother Jones? She recorded a version of herself reading it - her voice is delightful. The story, however, is terrifying.

polka dots vs stripes

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I want to but can't/won't.

Faintly Macabre

It's finally snowing in Paris! There's at least two inches now and it keeps coming. It is so beautiful, though I consider almost anywhere where snow is falling beautiful. People here use umbrellas to keep the snow off themselves because they are LAME. It's also finally freezing instead of just chilly and damp! Except that now everyone is complaining about how cold it is--it's only just below freezing, not even cold enough to need a hat!

In summary, I LOVE SNOW.

(And no, I'm not intoxicated, I just really like snow!)

HitchedUpKids

Hey everyone. It's been a while. Things were going a bit better for a while because I was on break and I got to see my friends and such. School's started again though, so they're all back at school or far away and it hasn't been so great. I haven't been looking for a therapist lately, because whenever I try to start dealing with it I get overwhelmed thinking about the whole process and finding a good fit and it's kind of paralyzing. I guess I don't have anything new to really say right now, just more of the same, but I hoping I could get some encouragement/ whatevs on here. So thanks in advance people who take time to reply, I really appreciate it.

trappedinabay

@HitchedUpKids Hang in there, buddy! What year are you in school? Sorry you're having a tough time.

HitchedUpKids

@trappedinabay I'm two years out of high school, but I was at a conservatory studying music last year, and now I'm at community college. School itself is actually going retty well, because right now both of my classes are studio classes so most of the work is done in class. Getting homework done outside class is the worst, i'm terrible about it.

roadtrips

@HitchedUpKids My main bit of advice is the same as trappedinabay. But I will say two other things: if you feel you need therapy, just sit down without thinking, dial a number of a therapist that seems like they will work for you and make an appointment. Even if it's not a good fit, I promise it will make you feel better that you took initiative, and it'll be easier the second time around. Second, I've been out of college for a while, but I remember clearly what a bummer it was when I didn't make the lifelong friends I expected immediately. That said, two of my current lifelong best friends I met around your age. It took us a little bit of time to really solidify our friendships, but it did happen.

Danzig!

@HitchedUpKids I agree re: hanging in there, but re: homework, are you trying to get it done at home? I can't do homework at home, I always have to stake out a space in some local coffee shop to get work done. Also, when you do have work that needs doing outside of class or are gearing up for a test, consider arranging study dates with classmates. I met a lot of people in college that way :)

Are the troubles with finding a therapist and doing homework related? Ie does preparing for something in the future paralyze you? That happened to me for a long time. Generally I've found that the absolute hardest part of doing homework (or anything, for that matter) is starting it. When I have trouble focusing I do the good old 20/10 method (20 minutes of work with phone turned off and no access to distracting internet, 10 minutes of unwinding / leisure, repeat), but if it's a continuing problem for you it might be worth bringing up to a therapist.

HitchedUpKids

@roadtrips Yeah, I might just do that, I'm kind of running out of other options to get a referral or the like. The problem with friends and school is that my closest friends live far enough away that I can't easily make plans with them even if they actually do have time and I get kind of anxious with trying to befriend strangers/ classmates. Maybe part of the problem is that my closest friends I immediately felt comfortable and that hasn't happened with anyone from school. At least not this year.

@Danzig! Homework in general I have a kind of block about it, I don't really know why, but I just can't do it most of the time. Right now my classes don't require much work done outside of school, but especially with things like English classes i really struggle with getting myself motivated enough to work on it. I think the biggest problem right now both with finding a therapist and with doing my schoolwork is that I just don't have the energy or motivation to get it done, so it gets left and it kind of cycles.

Best pun ever.

One of my current goals is to stop undercutting myself by starting sentences with "I think" or "I guess", especially in the office. Work is tough enough as is, without figuratively slapping my own face all through the day.

Danzig!

@Best pun ever. did you read that Billfold article on over-apologizing? Very much the same thing. I do both! Though in school we were taught that it's mostly a gendered thing.

ImASadGiraffe

Hoping some people are still here to give me some thoughts/advice:

So I started dating a new guy late in 2012 and we made things "official" at the beginning of the month. He's super nice, great kisser, has his life together. We have a lot in common with each other (both divorced, both dog lovers, into fitness, etc). He lives half a state away from me (about 200 miles), but spends a lot of weekends staying with family near my city so we've been seeing each other on weekends.

We had a discussion last week about careers/jobs and I asked him if he would ever consider relocating/switching jobs. He said no, because he has a great career (true) and is on the path to move up in the company. He's been with the same company since he graduated undergrad, and they helped him with grad school. This company's location is the reason he lives 200 miles away and they don't have offices here.

So the more I thought about it this week...I went to undergrad near where his company is located and I can honestly say that I would never, ever, want to live there. The area is full of awful small towns and cornfields. I love my city and my urban life and if I ever leave it would only be to go to the suburbs for a bigger house if I had a family that needed it.

So...is this a dealbreaker? Or should I wait and see because the relationship is so new? Should I talk to him about my feelings? Ack, I don't know! I like this guy but I'm not sure I'd be willing to give up my entire life (friends, apartment, lifestyle, etc) for him. I'm not sure I'd be willing to give that up for ANY guy. Help.

nevergiveaninch

@ImASadGiraffe

So, I am a super inexperienced dater (as you can maybe tell by my post after you) but in my book the answer is always, yes, talk to him about your feelings. 100% honestly and clairvoyance. But yeah, if it were me (again, never been in that situation! at all!) i might try to move on before i got way, way too attached. i have never been of the mindset that there is only one person who you can be happy with. but yeah, it would probably hurt to break it off even now, and it's easier to be logical when it's not my lady parts that are all a-tingle for this dude.

in conclusion: i'm sorry, that sounds hard.

roadtrips

@ImASadGiraffe Eh, I'm in the wait a while camp. I am really opposed to ending something in anticipation of future pain that may/may not occur. If it comes up, definitely talk about it, but IMO a few months is pretty early to start seriously discussing "the future." It sounds like right now the weekend meet-ups aren't a problem. If it starts to feel like the relationship is stalling, or you need to live in the same city, then probably a serious talk is in order. Two more things - first, long distance relationships are super hard, and more so when the relationship has always been long distance. So, really think if this is sustainable for you, because even if something changes and you live in the same city, it probably won't happen for a while. If you do decide to stick it out, don't except or demand compromise from one another vis-a-vis the moving, but do know that everyone changes. Maybe you'll spend more time with him in his town and you'll develop a soft spot for it. Maybe he'll start looking for jobs in your area and find one that would be better/as good as his current one. Circumstances change all the time, and often when we say we'll never be willing to do something, it just means we aren't willing to do it now.

supernintendochalmers

@ImASadGiraffe I'm with @roadtrips. Give it time. Circumstances change and you never know what could happen with his company. Maybe they'll open up a new branch or he'll get a great new opportunity somewhere else. Love changes minds, too, and that includes the possibility of yours! It's only been a few months, imho that's a little early for either person to commit to a relocation. Have fun!

ImASadGiraffe

@supernintendochalmers @nevergiveaninch @roadtrips Thanks for the advice! You are correct that the weekend meet-ups aren't a problem, I will see how things go over the next few months. I've never done the long-distance thing with anyone, so this is all new territory to me.

nevergiveaninch

@ImASadGiraffe

yeah, after reading everyone else's advice, i feel like a heartless jerk. ignore me! ignore me! everyone else is smarter than me! i was wrong before! and truly, honestly, good luck with everything.

MilesofMountains

@nevergiveaninch I think I'm with you on this. I'm pretty much ImaSadGiraffe 2 years down the line. I moved to a town in don't want to stay in forever for a job, then ended up falling in love with a local whose career is pretty tied to this town. If the geographic thing weren't an issue, we'd probably be thinking marriage, but as is we're in this awful holding pattern where my career has suffered and one of us is going to have to give our career up completely or break up. I say don't go borrowing trouble, if you're interested in something long term, don't date a man who can't be that for you.

Muhammad Xaleem@facebook

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goldservice

nevergiveaninch

yo dudes! a week or two ago i had a poll going on how long you all have been dating someone before you are like officially "a thing" and comfortably use words like boyfriend and girlfriend around each other and others. AND NOW, because everything is wonderful lately, the next most relevant thing in my life is to know how long you have dated someone before telling them you love them.

tangential question: why is it such a big effing deal to tell someone you are in love with them? what does that actually mean to you when you say it? does it imply some kind of added commitment when you say it to a romantic partner for the first time? HALP. SO LOST.

Angelena@twitter

@nevergiveaninch yeah i love you and bf/gf are both things. although so is "exclusive" and ALL of these things can be talked about in other ways. haha life!

ImASadGiraffe

@nevergiveaninch The one and only person I ever loved enough to say "I love you" to, I said it after he said it, which was about 2 months into dating, but we were young (I was 19) and it was college so we were literally seeing each other everyday of those 2 months. I think in the adult world it's a bit longer of a timeframe, but everyone is so different. I say you say it when it feels right, but easier for me to write that than to actually do it.

I will echo "haha life!" from above.

KeLynn

@nevergiveaninch I believe I said "I love you" 2 years in? 1.5? It was a pretty long time. But then, our entire relationship has been a whole lot of not rushing.

Of the 3 men I've actually grown-up loved, one is my SO, another took a year, and a third took a few months. IMO it's a big deal to say it because it's basically saying, in addition to your intense feelings, that you are taking the whole relationship very seriously and are making the decision to build your life around that person. Which can be a lot to put on a person and/or a lot to hope that they reciprocate.

Reginal T. Squirge

Be careful about telling someone you love them. It puts them in a very difficult position, no matter how they feel. You have to be sure about how you feel and how they feel and what it means to you to say those words and what it means to them to hear those words.

Like, maybe it was a casual thing that was getting out of hand and they were both trying to keep their explosive feelings at bay and then she told him that she loved him. Not only that, she made it clear that she loved him and was in love with him. And he was in love with her, too. He had been for a long time. But he didn't want to say it back becaus