How's 2013 been so far? Read anything good/eat anything memorable? Vice versa?
open thread, lakes
First Drynuary weekend! What non-alcoholic beverages is everyone partaking in?
@meetapossum I already failed drynuary by discovering heated sake. I'm sorry (not sorry).
@meetapossum Gallons and gallons of ginger tea.
Also, I'm afraid of the answer, but I'll ask anyway... is Kombucha cheating?
@Sister Administrator I was going to say no, but it has the same alcoholic content as O'Doul's, and John Ore says that's cheating, so I guess it is.
@meetapossum Uh oh.
@meetapossum I'm not doing Drynuary, but I may have to step out and get some no-booze mulled cider. Mmm.
@Sister Administrator @meetapossum Honestly, I'd say no, because there's no point to drinking an O'Doul's except to mimic beer, or in a bar setting, and I drink Kombucha with my lunch sometimes as a refreshing beverage (and did long before I even realized it had alcoholic properties).
@meetapossum Happy Drynuary Weekend #1! I will have a tall glass of milk with dinner, because I am a 4 year old.
@Sister Administrator I mean, I agree with @terrific and would personally say no; I am only repeating the rules set. I think the alcoholic content is so small as to be negligible.
@AmeliaBadelia There is nothing better than a cold glass of milk when you haven't had it in a long time.
@meetapossum Thank you for making me feel normal about my love of milk. :)
@meetapossum Hot Dryuary tip! Move to a new city where you don't know anyone; be broke. I've drinking tap water and eating goldfish by the pallet and haven't been tempted to drink at all...yet...
@meetapossum Yeah, fuck it. I gave up the hooch, no way I'm givin' up the 'booch.
@meetapossum peach nectar + seltzer! fake-o bellini. Really yummy, but beware the sugar high.
@Trinette Magoon I think if I moved to a new city I'd be tempted to go out and drink more. I have a good track record of making friends at bars.
@Sister Administrator I didn't even know Kombucha had an alcohol content. Whaaat. And I was weirdly craving some today. Does that mean my body knew?
@Ophelia Oooh, that sounds lovely. I need some new things to mix with seltzer because just lemon and lime will get old soon. I guess I could also use OJ or cranberry. I might just start drinking Shirley Temples again.
@meetapossum I'm drinking this terrible "balancing for women" tea but I'm drinking it out of my Barack Obama mug so that's okay, right? (http://instagram.com/p/UE6PlPjHV4/)
So far my only craving has been tonight when we went out for sushi and I really, really, REALLY wanted an Asahi.
@meetapossum Also, peppermint tea with a pump of vanilla syrup in it is surprisingly delicious.
Sorry, the Drynuary Bat Signal was on the fritz, but did I hear my name?
I think kombucha counts as "booze" in *some* instances: http://www.ttb.gov/faqs/kombucha-faqs.shtml
"TTB's initial testing of kombucha in the marketplace reveals that many of these products contain at least 0.5 percent alcohol by volume. These products are alcohol beverages and are consequently subject to regulation. Some kombucha contain less than 0.5 percent alcohol by volume and may continue to be marketed as non-alcoholic beverages."
So, yeah, no high-octane kombucha if you *know* it's 0.5 or higher (wink, wink!).
Invoking the O'Doul's Rule of 2011: If It's Below 0.5, Drynuary Is Still Alive.
But, that's just my rule. This is YOUR Drynuary, so you do you.
@meetapossum Somebody brought Black Currant Juice to my NYE party to put in sparking wine as a kind of kir-style drink, and left half a bottle. I just mixed it with Fresca and lime and IT IS THE FUCKING GREATEST OF THE DRINKS.
@John Ore Hi! Lindsay Lohan was partly responsible, I think, for that terrible time in 2010 when they took a certain brand of booch off the market. She was wearing that ankle thing and it went off and Kombucha was her excuse. That got someone doing some analyses, I guess.
And then they brought it back, sort of, except it wasn't as "good" (wonder why) and the "original" one became 21+. I've only seen it available in California (where I don't live).
I guess I'll trust the TTB.
@OhMarie Black currant is DELICIOUS. I will have to go on the hunt for some. (Ah, the blessings of living in a culture-rich borough!)
Saturday morning update: Went to two bars yesterday and one Greek taverna, had a lot of coffee and water/seltzer. Only craved Greek white wine when we were eating. Found out that sweetbreads are delicious, as long as I don't know they're sweetbreads before I start eating them. Also, I found a pit in a maraschino cherry, which I think should be good luck.
My friend gave me this 28-day yoga book from the 60s, which I think will go well with this plan, considering I was up at 9am with nothing to do.
@meetapossum In PA they've taken all the alcohol out of kombucha because of our whak alcohol laws! Its the silliest!
@bnna Weird, I was just talking to my friend about the crazy blue laws in PA!
@meetapossum If you're interested in that kind of stuff, I totally recommend the Ken Burns Prohibition documentary. Blue laws are crazy where I am too (Texas-- we even have dry counties) and it's always wild to visit states that are less controlling/morally shaming about alcohol. Seeing liquor in a grocery store blew my mind. I was a cashier for a long time, and once I had to turn down selling a bottle of kirschwasser because it was a Sunday and the woman (who'd never tried to purchase alcohol on a Sunday in Texas) got really flustered and wailed, "But I just wanted to bake a caaaake."
I'm really annoyed by how patronizing (and Christian-based) blue laws are. Alcohol in moderation is fine. Chill out, government.
Wow definitely amazing! @m
Hey, I want to thank @OhMyGoshYouGuys for her amazing, adorable Winter Surprise gifts! There was tea, little paper goodies, and these fantastic guys:
(also, I don't have the card handy so I really, really hope I got username right. but thank you so much!)
@wallsdonotfall Ah! That's amazing!
On that note -- I hope everything turned out okay with the HSWS, all y'all, but shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if it didn't and we'll work something out.
@wallsdonotfall You're welcome! I had a lot of fun making/looking for things on your list of likes.
@wallsdonotfall Those are so adorable!
I'm going to pin my thank you onto yours, in hope that my Winter Surprise person will be more likely to see it.
To my Winter Surprise gifter (I don't know your username):
You are amazing! I got back from vacation after New Year's, and going through all the stuff in that box was a lot of fun. I love the candies you picked, especially the Turkish delight and halvah. Also, "One Hundred Years of Solitude" was a perfect book choice, as it's been on my reading list but I hadn't picked it up yet. The handmade ornament is really cute too - thanks so much!
Anyone else who joined in the swap: what did you get?
@wallsdonotfall cute llama!
I will now thank @martinipie for the lovely postcard in the lovely frame, and the awesome paper flags. Thanks!
@wallsdonotfall ttiiiiiiiiiiny llama. I DIE. Yes. I die.
@wallsdonotfall I want to thank @elsajeni for the lovely book cozy and the suncatcher. It got them a few days before xmas, and it was the first thing I opened. I think I want an herb garden now to compliment my suncatcher. Also: I love the book cover!
I just found out that the Hairpin Winter Surprise I sent out may have gotten returned due to incomplete address! I don't know if this is my fault or the post office's fault, but I'm sorry, surprisee! All this time I thought it had gotten there fine. :(
@lemonadefish YAY HOORAY! I was so sad about it being late and then I got all worried it got lost in the mail! What a relief :)
I will thank my person (don't remember your username) for the SUPREMELY AWESOME picture of Ye Olde Peoplee on Olde Bikes! I am moving into a new place and it's gonna go up on my wall!
@frigwiggin And now I need to pay shipping again and it's out of the country and will probably take forever to get there. Dangit.
@wallsdonotfall Oh! I'm glad you're here! I said this in a previous thread, but I don't know if you saw it: I love my earrings so much! Thank you! (Also, it was fun to get a package with confetti in it -- it reminded me of the birthday cards my grandma would send me when I was little -- and seeing that your address was in Chicago sparked some entertaining reminiscences from my dad, who grew up there. Full-service Winter Surprise gifting!)
@Briar You're welcome! I'm glad you liked them. Have you made the suncatcher yet? I meant to include advice from my own experience (specifically, that the white beads don't spread out as much as the others) in the card, but I forgot.
@martinipie Do not be sad about being late! It came New Year's Eve, which was perfect! Thanks again.
Hey, everybody! Portland Hairpin Book Club is every last Sunday of the month at 4PM at Liberty Glass.
This month, we're reading Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak, so I'll be spending all of January staring out of the window with teary eyes and trying to be Omar Sharif. Also, I just bought the blu-ray of that movie and we're going to be watching it at my place the day before book club (the 26th) so let me know if you're interested in attending that, too, and we'll figure out a way to get you my address without telling the entire internet.
Oh, and I may or may not have more really exciting news later this month, so stay tuned.
@Reginal T. Squirge That sounds like a lot of fun, wishing I lived in Portland!
@Reginal T. Squirge That movie was my parents' first date.
Oh, wow. They picked a good one.
Like this but without a mustache.
I haven't been here in ages. To be honest, I haven't even worked a Friday since late November. I haven't even been on the Hairpin in ages. How are all you guys?
@ReginaSavage pretty, pretty, pretty… pretty good
Attention those with more life experience than I have (I'm 25). I would love your advice, and I thank you kindly in advance!
I am planning on leaving my job in the next year/year and a half to go down one of two paths.
1. Stay in the career I'm in, but move companies so that I can earn a salary that I actually deserve to make based on my job role. Though I love my company and the people there, they notoriously under-pay employees, so if I went somewhere else, I could make a great salary and have enough money that I'm not constantly stressed about future finances like I am now. It's worth noting that I am just meh on this career. It's not bad, I'm good at it, but it doesn't fulfill me...I feel kind of empty.
2. Go to grad school to get a Masters in the career path I actually want. This career would be fulfilling and make me truly happy to go to work every day. It's also known for not paying very well, though it is relatively easy to find a job doing it. But not only does it not pay very much, I'd also be in debt from grad school.
So, my question is: follow the path towards happiness or money? It seems like an easy question, but for me, constant stress about money is a huge deal*. Plus, money leads to happiness in the sense that I can go out and experience life (eat at restaurants, travel, go out with friends, own a home, etc.) waaaaay more than I can now. Thoughts?
*FWIW, my husband's career field is also a low-paying one. So it's not like he would balance me out if I took the "happiness" path.
@olivebee Is it library school? Because easy to find a job... hahasigh. Make sure all your industry research is current before doing the debt thing.
Is there a way to do grad school gradually or without debt? That might make the decision a bit easier.
@olivebee Go back to school. Seriously. Do you what you can to find programs with funding, but it is so much better to be doing something you love and not something you tolerate.
I tried doing the easy money thing and I was miserable. I hated my work after a while. The only way I could do what I loved, was to pick up part time jobs in the field. It was super draining. After I went back to school (MA in art history and museum studies), I've been able to get good jobs and move up to better positions and am overall much happier.
@olivebee I can kinda shine some light on #1 for you. I'm working for a company that pays me well for what I do. I'm good at my job and while it definitely has its moments, yeah I'm pretty "meh" about the whole thing and have been known to wonder out loud 'WTF am I doing here?'. It pays the bills and all that, and in this economy that's hardly a bad thing. If anything, take the better paying job and start putting away some money in a savings account. Then in a year or 2 if you still want to go down path #2 you've got some money to take a course part-time or something and see if it is something you really wanna do.
@olivebee I agree with @ReginaSavage's savings plan as it encompasses a bit if both. I can speak a bit from the #2 side as well. I'm in nonprofit and adore my job, but the low-pay almost can sometimes then tip the scales into stressing me the fuck out in my personal life, which can negate all the positive feelings that my job can bring. I think what I've learned to strive for is a balance between the two (as in using option #1 to save up to pursue option #2) as much as you can manage.
@olivebee I have a lot of Life Experience, and am a veteran of two careers (so far). How certain are you that Different Path would make you feel fulfilled and happy? In my experience and that of many of my friends (YMMV of course), the working world has been a big disappointment.
I have had several interesting jobs and have been lucky enough to do some cool things in them, including things I dreamed of (like writing a book). My friends think I'm "doing what I love." But in retrospect I wish I would have pursued a more boring but stable (and remunerative) career, and sought more gratification outside work.
Being in your 40s and not making enough money to support yourself really sucks. I am fortunate in that my husband has a normal job in a well-paying field, so I don't have to support myself. But for me at least, having the marketplace tell you, all the time, that your work isn't actually worth all that much has been psychologically exhausting.
@olivebee Would you mind sharing more about #2? I can think of a lot of situations in which school is not the only path to a career (writing/artsy jobs come to mind). Have you worked in this field before? Might be worth it to try an internship or volunteer work in this area first. My friends who had some work experience in their field before graduate/law/med school seem to be getting more out of it. Overall, though, you're 25. That's way too young to settle. Even if you don't end up going to school, find a way to work towards a fulfilling career. Life's too short.
@all I really appreciate everyone's advice so far! It's telling that your comments are as divided as I am about this decision right now. There is no easy answer, which is why it's all about the life experience.
To answer some of your questions: Number 2 (which is teaching, by the way) definitely requires a degree to do since I didn't major in it in undergrad, so grad school is basically essential. And I am almost positive it would be way more fulfilling to me than my current career (web industry) since I love children, and I love helping others.
And as for the idea about combining both (make some better money for two years, then go to grad school)...I like that idea and thought of it, too, but is 27 too late to go back to school? I wouldn't be done till age 29, and then does anyone even want to hire a 29 year old for their first true job in that career? I honestly have no idea.
@olivebee You might be able to teach without going back to school for it. Check out alternative routes to certification -- lots of places want people with some experience, and I've never heard anything good about a master's program in teaching. Another good thing is that teaching isn't necessarily like getting a master's in public policy or a law degree, in that the ranking of where you went to school is much less important.
The good news, though, if you're dead set on going back -- and again, don't know that you'd need to -- is that teaching is given a lot of preference for paying back federal loans. It's considered a public service loan, which means that you'll be eligible not only for income-based repayment (repayment based on your discretionary income) but for loan forgiveness after 10 years. Here's the information about that: http://www.studentaid.ed.gov/repay-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/charts/public-service
@olivebee No age is too late to go back to school! Seriously. And especially if you want to come out of school and into a position of authority, a few more years can only help, I would think.
@olivebee My husband and I have this conversation a lot, and I have a lot of Thoughts, so here goes.
What do you want your life to look like? Mr. Smidge is very practical; he has a job he likes at a company he likes, and it's not exciting, but it's good, and he's content to go do his work and then come home and ignore work. I went to grad school and majored in Humanities because I was very DO WHAT YOU LOVE, and I always wanted my job to be something I was excited to do every day. It hasn't really worked out that way, but honestly, I'm kind of okay with it. I have a job that I am not excited about, but it pays decently, has good health insurance and allows me to live in a city I love. Plus I leave work at work when I am done for the day. Although I don't regret going to grad school, there is something very sweet and peaceful about my kinda boring job, and I've found fulfillment volunteering/writing for fun/traveling etc. YMMV, obviously, and I don't think one choice is inherently more noble than the other. I think it's just up to you to decide, ultimately, will you be content in your current field or will you always regret not switching it up?
Sorry this is long and rambling, but like I said, Thoughts.
@olivebee no, 27 is not too late to go back to school, and yes, people will hire a teacher who is 30 and just go their certification. Qualified teachers are hard to come by, and your outside life experience will be seen as a bonus, not a negative.
@olivebee What about both options? If you can get a new job in your field that is better paid, but then continue to live on your current income. You could save up for grad school in advance, and use the year or two to find out what your specific teaching interests are, and seek out meet people who do similar things. Do you have some actual experience teaching yet? If you work in the web industry, are there any skills you could teach on a voluntary basis at schools or libraries? Just to see if you can deal with a class sized amount of children? Putting it off a year or two won't hurt if you have a better idea how to find a job after school, and have earned a bit more beforehand.
@Blushingflwr Ok, I'm not a teacher, but I know a few (but not in the US). Their experience is that it is brutally hard to get a job, and can be a long slog of subbing and volunteering and serving on the side to make ends meet.
We're in a bit of a population slump, kid-wise, and where I live schools are closing and teachers are being laid off, but teachers colleges are still pumping out teachers. Teachers aren't retiring, especially as they watch their pensions being threatened by the economy.
My ex went through all of this, and it was devastating. He's finally at a private school, and working steadily, but boy was it a slap in the face to pursue a "stable" "sure-bet" career only to struggle to get a job that paid him barely living wages, and required very long hours in the early years. I was like "I KNEW you should have followed your dreams! Now you're working like a dog AND not writing comedy AND not making any dollars." but then we broke up and it became none of my business.
@olivebee It depends a lot on what you want to teach, but if it's math or science (IIRC from convos with my 8th grade math teacher dad) you should not have trouble finding a job (depending on location obvs) and it doesn't matter how old you are - he teaches with a bunch of people for whom teaching is a second career, and they love it and no one cares. Depending on the age group you're teaching, it's almost better to be older because it gives you more authority while you're still learning the ropes. I think the approach where you get a better paying job and try to save up for a few years, then go back to school, makes a lot of sense for you, internet stranger. (Advice!)
@olivebee I am 27 and just started grad school. It's a 2 year program and will basically be starting my adult life over again at the age of 29. Which is terrifying, but it's better than the aimlessness and general disappointment that I feel right now (which is different than your situation to an extent - I am both underpaid AND don't like my current job much). That said, being able to go home at a regular time of day, with a steady comfortable paycheque, and then do all the hobbies and holidays you want, and donate to the important causes, etc, can be a big source of life satisfaction.
Good luck with whatever choice you make!
@olivebee Going to grad school is much more valuable if you know what you want to get out of it- especially because most master's degrees are only 2 years. That isn't a lot of time to figure out which classes and professors will help you reach your goals.
@olivebee I'm only 22 so maybe my advice wont be as useful but I think if you're going to do option 2 you should do option 1 first. By taking the better job you'll be able to put some money into savings and get into a more comfortable place financially. It could also give you some breathing room to explore teaching on the side (maybe as a substitute teacher? or find a school that does weekend classes for kids and start helping out there?). Even if you don't do that it could give you more time to really refine your grad school plans. Also, I'm pretty sure some states do accept teaching certificates (I know some people who've done that) so you may not need to get a masters after all. And if you do decide you absolutely want to go to grad school the extra money from your job will allow you to begin contributing to a 529 plan, which will help you pay for grad school when you do decide to go.
@olivebee Absolutely absolutely get some teaching experience before committing to it for a career, because while is is super fulfilling, it can also be really draining. My school has professors who trap every single grad student into teaching a lab - and some of my cohort - delightful people, ten times more socially adept and extroverted than I am, good at explaining things and generally wonderful - who just find teaching to be awful.
Lots of people end up in teaching as a second career - which I loved when I was a kid, because it showed that there was a world outside what my parents did and teaching and owning a small business. I don't think being a few years older would be a problem.
But try it first.
@olivebee My mom went back to school for her teacher's certification when I was in high school, so she was well into her 40s and she's been working in schools as an art teacher and grant administrator since! She did a program through the state school with a summer intensive that got you into teaching and part time grad-school right away, so she started in May and by August she was in a classroom. She still hasn't finished her Maters (I'm 3 years out of college for perspective) but she's had opportunities to take classes at Harvard, MICA, and UMD, all while doing what she loves and getting paid. A lot of state schools offer incentive programs for teachers who commit to working in the local public schools, especially for more in demand subjects (math and science, usually) where school is paid for upfront, or loans are forgiven later. You can also look into AmeriCorps and TFA for loan forgiveness programs. If you want to teach there are just so many ways to do it without spending a lot of money, and the world needs people who are passionate and committed. Also while money can be stressful and a real concern, I don't think teaching really limits your ability to go out to eat, drink, travel, etc... I didn't limit myself too much when I was on an AmeriCorps stipend, I just opted for cheaper alternatives, which often are more fun. Dive bars, authentic whole in the wall food, public transit, cheap flights to places where I have friends, etc... Its really easy to have a good life on a budget (I assume it gets a lot harder after kids, but not impossible).
@olivebee I'm kind of in a similar, although somewhat reversed, situation right now. I am currently a second grade teacher but am feeling like it's not the best fit for me. I've been teaching 6 years now, so I've gotten over the initial hump of staying afloat (which was very hard for me) and am finally feeling like I've gotten the hang of it. However, I still get overwhelmed at the amount of STUFF I have to do. I love the kids, but the thought of dealing with the grading, and the parents, and the behavioral and emotional needs, and the lesson planning for 10 subjects every week, and the paperwork for administration, and the extra activities I help out with after school, and the conferences, and the professional growth that I don't get paid extra for...it goes on and on. I know it's not that bad when I step back and look at it all, but I would really prefer a job I can leave at the end of the day. I hate carrying home papers to grade and planning lessons on the weekend. I also carry so much emotional stress home. I really worry about these kids i teach and feel really responsible for them.
I feel like I really need to try something else to see if it really is this particular job that's stressing me out, or just work in general and I need to adjust how I deal with stress. But which path to take? If I choose a career outside of teaching, I would feel so much guilt about feeling like I'm washing all my teaching education and experience down the drain. And how would I even get a career outside of teaching? All of my work experience is education related.
Or do I choose a different job related to education, but not in the classroom? I think I might like being a resource teacher or reading specialist but those require extra classes usually to get certification.
Or do I just keep teaching and tough it out? Maybe a different grade level would be less stressful for me.
This is all coming out very strongly right now because I'm probably going to be moving to a different state this year if my husband gets into the PhD program he applied to. I feel like it's a chance to start fresh and try something different. I also have so much fear about getting a job that can support both of us and just starting a new job in general.
Gah! Any other teachers out there who changed careers? What jobs would I qualify for that are not in the education field?
@lorenzo I'm a second grade teacher too! Commenting in solidarity, and to say that I'll probably move to a new school next year, not because of the time demands (I'm anal about not taking work home), but because my particular position is difficult, and I'm interested in working with the populations served at the schools that've offered me jobs. I hope someone else responds with some good advice! (FYI, I coordinated programs for a nonprofit before teaching, but speaking multiple languages probably helped compensate for my lack of NP experience.)
@Simtow Thanks for the response :) I work at a private school and I know our principal gives us a lot of extra work which is probably feeding into the stress. I know I'll figure it out eventually :)
@lorenzo That was me, about 5 years ago. Long story short, teaching wasn't what I expected it to be, the economy was about to tank and budgets were being slashed, and my boyfriend got a great job opportunity that required us to move, so I left teaching. I felt exactly like you do--all my marketable skills were education-related, and I hadn't had a full-time job outside of education, ever.
The good news is that there are careers out there that use the skills you earned through your teaching education and experience. Some of these jobs are in fields like educational publishing, adult education, and museums or informal education (though the latter don't usually pay very well). In this economy, it can be hard to find them, but they are out there! If you have a favorite educational publisher or a company your school works with, you might check to see if they have a careers page on their website. Even if they don't have any openings in your area, it might give you an idea of types of jobs you could look for with similar companies.
I ended up finding a position through a state-run job board. Sometimes non-education entities will post opportunities under categories like "Education-Other". EdWeek has a jobs board (http://www.topschooljobs.org/ -- try their curriculum page. While a lot of them seem to be aimed at later-career positions, you might be able to find a company that you would like to work for that has something more mid-level), and other publications might have similar resources. Think about what you love about teaching, and peruse non-education job boards looking for positions that have some of the same elements, just to get some ideas. Do you like gardening? Maybe there's an outdoor school near where you'll be moving that you can apply to (this example is incredibly idealistic, but you get the picture).
You might also consider working with a professional resume-writer before making any transition. Some companies have special packages for career changes, and you might even be able to get some advice on how to make a successful career change.
When I moved and changed fields, I interviewed for both teaching and non-teaching positions, and that was a good experience for me. I was able to do a side-by-side comparison of working environments and job requirements, which made me more confident that I was making the right choice when I took a non-teaching position. You might consider doing that too. (Though I'd recommend having different base resumes to adapt for teaching and non-teaching positions.)
I'm still working outside the classroom, in a position pretty far removed from teaching at this point. For me, making that choice to leave was one of the best decisions I've made career-wise. BUT! I HAVE NOT, FOR ONE MINUTE, regretted the time (or money) I spent qualifying to teach, teaching, or getting my MA. Nor do I feel guilty for not using my teaching skills, because I've found a different outlet for that knowledge. A lot of what you learn as a teacher--how to frame and communicate a set of ideas coherently, how to talk to difficult audiences, organization--are just as applicable outside the classroom as inside it. This has helped me examine my existing skills in the context of every job I've had and build on them in new directions. (I learned how to read a flow chart easily because I know graphic organizers. I can lead a team because I've motivated students, etc.) Some of it even makes you a better employee since you presumably learned how to learn new skills more effectively by learning how students learn. (Horrible sentence. Basically, metacognition FTW!)
You also mentioned some anxiety about money--how you'll be supporting both yourself and your husband. Luckily, if you move, the first people you meet in your new city are likely to be dirt-poor grad students. If you have to re-calibrate your lifestyle, at least you'll have a lot of company drinking cheap beer!
The best of luck to you! To vaguely close, a big factor in making a successful change comes down to viewing a career as a journey rather than as having a set goal. I think that's a little different from how teaching careers are typically viewed and it was a helpful epiphany for me when I was asking myself the questions you are asking yourself now. I hope you find your path, whether that be teaching 5th grade, running a corporation, or designing amazing things :)
@aardvark This was extremely reassuring and helpful to read. Thank you so much!!! You've elegantly articulated many thoughts that have gone through my head in my more confident moments of soul-searching :) I definitely intend to apply for both teaching and non-teaching jobs and get help tailoring my resume for the positions I apply for, when the time comes. I've actually looked into museum education jobs as I have a bit of an arts background and a strength in designing curriculum. You've given me a lot of other ideas and resources as well that I can use on my career journey :) There aren't many people I can really talk to about this besides my husband and it's nice to hear about what other people have done. Sometimes I wish someone could just tell me what the 'right' choice is, but I know that there is no one 'right' choice. Ultimately, I have to make the best decision for me at the time. It sure does feel good to get a little encouragement and advice from an internet stranger though :)
Who else has been struggling with the whole BACK TO WORK thing?
I've only been in since Wednesday but still recovering from the flu. Every morning I feel like I'm two seconds away from barfing. Cannot wait for the weekend to lie in bed and read Game of Thrones.
@lisma Me. There is this report I need to write, right now, but I am still not in work-mode.
@lisma Struggling worker reporting in.
@lisma I feel like it doesn't count until next week. No extra effort on my part this week, I will wait until the office is full again.
@lisma I am feeling both impatient for the day to end and guilty that I haven't done more today. thanks, Catholic guilt.
@lisma Seriously, and I still have to work one more day before my weekend. I want to sob.
@lisma I took a George Costanza nap under my desk at lunch today. No lie. I just couldn't make it.
@lisma I literally just messaged my bf to say I'll have to go into work super early on Monday to make up for the fact that I basically stopped working at half two this afternoon.
@lisma Agreed. I have some post-holiday sickies going on too so I'm like, ultra wiped out in addition to not being even the slightest bit interested in work. I just want it to be 5pm so I can leave, have my miserable commute home, put on my gross sweatpants and veg on the couch.
@lisma Hiya. Longest (not even a) week at work ever.
@AmeliaBadelia UGH the post-holiday sickies will NOT go away! I actually called out of work today, it just wasn't going to happen.
@shart_attack I got a flu New Year's Eve and didn't come back to work until yesterday. I still feel tired as shit. Two of my coworkers called out today, too.
@lisma Me! Me! The computer screen is hurting my eyes way worse than usual, and I feel depressed.
@lisma Been sick since the 26th. All of these "2013 is already looking to be the best year ever!" posts from my friends are lost on me. My resolution? Breathe through my nose again.
@A. Louise On the plus side, the only way to go from here is up.
@A. Louise Ugh, seriously. I can't even look at anything on the internet because it makes me feel grosser than I already do. Yes, I'll get to the gym as soon as I can get out of my bed, thx.
@lisma EVERYONE HERE IS MY FRIEND!
@lasso tabasco RIGHT? That is exactly how I have been feeling!
@lisma Holy shit, it was horrific. Other departments fucked shit up, we're drowning, I am SO glad I'm not doing Drynuary because I need a goddamned beer.
@lisma I wish, really really wish I could continue my Christmas reading/ writing/drawing binge at work like I was able to have in the holiday twilight of the three days I worked last week. Sadly it was not to be and I have the type of job where you are immediately accountable for work. Queue-work. Yuck blech.
Hey. What's up? I'm here. It's been awhile. Forgot how this works.
I guess I just wanted to say hi.
@whizz_dumb Oh, so THERE you are. I suppose our fake, Internet-anonymous engagement meant NOTHING to you? Harrumph.
(inspired by Texts from Exes)
@whizz_dumb Hi! I'm glad FOT is back.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose WELL you supposed wrong. Our fake, internet-anonymous engagement meant as much to me as a fake, internet-anonymous engagement could to an internet commenter. Perhaps more since I get delusional and have a really good flaw-filter: you're perfect.
@whizz_dumb Hello! Happy new year!
I've had to deal with two awful people this week at work and I hope nothing happens tomorrow because tomorrow is Louis CK day! Then I get a three day weekend during which my main objective will be kitty snuggling and reading. Heaven.
I've seen him more now than any other band or comedian. Always excellent. Love.
@NeverOddOrEven I can't wait! I saw him a few years ago and have been loving his show.
@lobsterhug I just saw him in Austin last month! He gave me nearly two hours of pure joy.
Where is the Les Miz posse? Your opinions, let's hear 'em!
@TheLetterL I was so sad there wasn't a Hairpin post to talk about this. My thoughts were all good. Russell Crowe was terrible and I still loved it. Marius is still an idiot and I still loved it. Amanda Seyfried sounds like a baby goat and I still loved it.
@terrific I felt exactly the same way! I also cried so hard during I Dreamed a Dream, to the point where I was almost sobbing out loud. Anne Hathaway did an amazing job.
I was also kind of disappointed in Hugh Jackman's singing, I expected MUCH better from him. He wasn't bad, in any capacity, just... not great.
@terrific Yes, I loved it despite everything. I even cried when Valjean died, which usually doesn't get me for some reason. Then he started doing that weird talking to Fantine then and I was giggling and crying. I can't wait to see it again.
It seems we are all of a similar mind. It was so pretty and I loved it...except I hated Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe. Haaaaaated. Everyone else seemed really well cast, by which I mean they lived up to or exceeded the pictures in my head. Anne Hathaway was amazing.
However, I was somewhat disappointed with Samantha Barks. I don't really know why. Did anyone else think the film did something weird with Eponine in general? Something about her grim determination in the pre-barricade singing/binding herself scene skewed a little Warrior Princess for me, which made Fall of Rain kind of awkward.
@lobsterhug Bahahaha, yes, I felt the same way. Interrupting conversations to be all "Fantine...[grunt]yes, Fantine" and Marius and Cosette don't seem to have a problem with it?
@TheLetterL I thought her part seemed a little incongruous...like certain aspects were drawn out (Warrior Princess) over others (her unrequited Marius love), making her two big songs not really fit, as they are all about the love.
Although, I was so distracted by how fucking insanely TINY her waist looked I probably could have missed some stuff that was happening with her.
@TheLetterL I like Samantha Barks' voice better than I've liked other Eponines. There is that one from the 10th anniversary I think, who has a super nasal quality to her voice that just sounds like nails on a chalkboard. But yeah, the breast binding thing seemed weird.
@tessamae YES! Her waist! It was so tiny. Like Caroline Ingalls tiny.
@TheLetterL I didn't hate Hugh Jackman that much, but Russell Crowe was TERRIBLE. Jesus. Like, this is a movie that ALL OF US will go see without a "star" headliner, so fucking cast someone who can sing.
Stars was so disappointing.
@Sarah H. Oh man, Hugh was so nasal. It was surprisingly painful to hear. And I don't know if this technique was necessary because they were recording the audio at the same time as the visual or if this was done for emotional impact, but I did not care for the unrelenting, tight closeup on faces for every solo. It was...uncomfortable. Less so for I Dreamed a Dream because Anne was chewing scenery like mad (which was fine with me, to be honest) but for Bring Him Home or Stars, it was...not great.
One thing I really did like that may strike others as unorthodox, though, was the addition of dueling during Confrontation. I know that it just comes with the turf with musicals that occasionally actors will Stop and Sing at Each Other, but in the case of a wanted fugitive and a police inspector who's made it his life goal to apprehend said fugitive, shouldn't some action be happening?? Hey Javert, maybe instead of signing about how you much want to catch Valjean, you should--you know--actually catch him. The dueling made it much more plausible.
@Ophelia Also, I thought there was way too much CGI for a musical that is ultimately about grit and realism. Why was Javert constantly walking on top of the fakest-looking buildings?
@TheLetterL Oh man, all the crying in the WORLD. At one point, I was crying away and I heard everyone else around me quietly sniffling and crying too. And then I had to stifle giggles in my coat.
I think I had some other feelings going on too (why film so close up all the time? WHY?), but mostly they got washed away by my sobbing.
My thoughts (I'm not a huge fan of musicals in general but know all the words to Les Miz).
1. The chasm between the two types of actors (musical vets v. screen actors) was HUGE! Russel Crowe-terrible. Hugh Jackman-disappointing. Amanda Seyfried - she's still a thing? Anne Hathaway nearly starved herself to death and still looked like a Hollywood STAR (jazzhands!).
2. The CGI was maddening. I thought the ship thing in the beginning was cheesy but necessary because who has got a sunk 19th century ship just lying around. But my God! The CGI Paris was so flat. If you look closely, Paris at night had no lights. No candle in doorway/windows. No streetlamps. Just flat gray buildings. Awful and distracting.
3. It felt very static even though the film format should've given the story more movement instead of still feeling stuck on a stage.
4. At about the 1.5 hour mark I was dying for an intermission and glass o'wine in plastic souvenir cup.
5. About a minute before the end, when Jean Valjean is dying and singing in the abbey, my mom's cellphone started ringing and 100% ruined the moment because my sisters and I couldn't stop laughing. So, apologies to all of those around us. Terrible people, we are.
@TheLetterL My first encounter with Les Mis (really). I adored Anne Hathaway and even empathized with Javert. Failed at holding back tears during I Dreamed a Dream. I know nothing about musicals, but came home and listened to the 10th anniversary immediately.
@tessamae I'm glad someone else felt something was off with it, too!
@lobsterhug I'm working on warming up to Samantha Barks, because I don't think she's bad, I'm just really attached to the recording I grew up with, y'know? The binding was especially stupid because they didn't follow through with the a scene on the barricade of "Hey, who's that dude hanging around Marius-- WAIT A MINUTE!"
@ SuperGogo Me! I didn't mind the duel! Partly because it made me giggly, and partly because I remember listening to the soundtrack as a kid and asking my father if they were chasing each other around Fantine's deathbed during the song. He scoffed. Who's scoffing now, Dad?
@Tuna Surprise While I absolutely loved Anne Hathaway, I will grant you that she was still very much Anne Hathaway. I had a hard time thinking "Oh, poor Fantine" instead of "Damn, Anne Hathaway, you're killing it!"
Also, because it has to be said: COLM! Do you think he was standing off camera during Bring Him Home? I hope so.
@Briar That's awesome! I had been wondering if it would appeal to anyone who wasn't already familiar!
@lobsterhug HOW WAS HER WAIST SO SMALL, THOUGH.
I was underwhelmed as a whole and I agree with Tuna Surprise that it felt really static and weird, BUT: I fucking loved Anne Hathaway. And Eddie Redmayne made me care about Marius, which I never have before. Disappointed in how they did Confrontation, but I still cried buckets at I Dreamed A Dream and the end. And one thing I thought was really neat was how you get a sense of just how tiny the uprising was? I mean, on the stage the barricade takes up THE WHOLE THING, and the whole cast is bellowing at you, but... especially the aerial shot of the soldiers filling the streets around the tiny barricade. No wonder they were doomed.
ALSO: Colm Wilkinson as the bishop!!!!!! HOLY SHIT! That was a lovely grace note.
@anachronistique Good point re: Marius. For a character I can really take or leave, Eddie Redmayne did a surprisingly great job.
Also, one good thing was that they gave the characters just a teensy bit more motivation than they often have in the musical, so some of their decisions aren't quite so baffling (my favorite: there are people in the alley. LET'S LEAVE THE COUNTRY!).
Conspiracy theory: I think "Bring Him Home" was lipsynced. Not because Jackman didn't go falsetto, but because I couldn't see the vibrato in his throat or mouth that I did for the rest of his performance.
I straight up started crying when Colm showed up at the beginning. (Months ago, I found out he would be the Bishop, but forgot? So it was so overwhelmingly wonderful.) Also I missed Eponine for the part at the end, but Valjean didn't even meet her, so for a movie this was so much better.
The rest of my thoughts:
I didn't hate Russell Crowe. I developed very low expectations when I saw the previews, which were met in most of the thing, and actually exceeded for "Stars." I liked the softer interpretation he brought to it! Quastie 4 lyfe, though.
Anne Hathaway was amazing.
Eddie Redmayne really blew "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" out of the water. The rest of Marius/Cosette was as bland as I expected it to be.
Valjean! Skating while your daughter's still in her wedding dress! Dickhole!
Aaron Tveit is obviously my new musical boyfriend.
The grime and hopelessness of it all was so much more palpable onscreen that "Master of the House" came through as the darkly comic relief it should be, instead of just annoying.
The way they edited was very smart. I can't think of a song they cut in its entirety other than "Dog Eats Dog," but they shortened most of the major ones by a verse and most of the ensemble pieces by several.
And finally, you know who didn't give two shits about "Suddenly" writing a new song to be eligible for an Oscar? Stephen Sondheim.
I liked seeing the tiny scale of the uprising, too. Although I thought it added to the mess of the finale. No thank you to an eternal reward where all the tiny barricades are re-constructed, and they get to hang out there forever flying the tricoloure. (I would be way out of my depth speculating what the flag would have meant to the students -- ties to the revolution, symbol of the republic and whatnot -- BUUUUUT it was still the flag used by the government they had beef with.)
@Ophelia Love it: "there are people in the alley. LET'S LEAVE THE COUNTRY!"
@kingstitcher Quastie4lyfe indeed. Aaron Tveit is all of our musical boyfriends. ;) Speaking of Enjolras, I'm betting a lot of elbows were thrown at his death scene. Nice to have that reference. And yes to all that is being said about Eddie Redmayne.
"Suddenly" was just terrible. And I wasn't necessarily digging that they played up the Cosette-as-redemptor angle, although I understand it's much more prevalent in the novel.
I eyerolled at the last song where Valjean handed her the letter, and his line was changed to something about how the letter was all about how truly great he is, instead of "it's a story of those who always loved you/your mother gave her life for you..." (A little humility, Valjean? You know Fantine is standing right there.)
Also in that scene, I got sniffly (okay, snifflier) when they showed Fantine hanging around and gaunting Cosette. Nice touch.
@kingstitcher For all the editing it still felt like the longest movie ever. And, seriously, Suddenly felt so out of place. It didn't fit with the rest of the songs at all.
I've finally seen this and I loved it (but only on my own?). I had heard a lot of negative stuff but it was much better than I expected.
The scenery was beautiful and I quite liked all the long takes as it felt more absorbing. I really liked the casting in general but I really liked the way they played around with the Thenadiers. And hello Aaron Tveit!
@teaandcakeordeath Yay! I'm glad you are reporting back. I thought the casting (Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe aside, which seems weird to say but maybe not?) was great, too. And hellooo Aaron Tveit indeed!
So far, so good. I finally read State of Wonder and it was great. Also, just finished Where'd You Go, Bernadette?--also great.
@churlishgreen I recently finished "State of Wonder," too! It was very good!
Oh thank goodness I missed you Hairpin!
A 2013 story:
Shortly after midnight on New Year's, I was waiting for a bus with my girlfriend and another friend. A man, obviously very drunk or high, came up to us and explained that he was homeless and asked whether we could give him some money. None of us was carrying cash, so we told him so, and my girlfriend apologized to him. Upon this, he started shouting, "Don't tell me sorry! Don't tell me that!" and then charged at her.
I stepped in front of him and held him back, but he lowered his head and started headbutting me in the chest and arm. He tried to get around me and run after either my girlfriend or my friend, and I kept intercepting him and holding him at bay. At one point, with his face pressed against my arm, he bit me.
Luckily I was wearing a thick wool coat so it didn't break the skin or anything. After that, I told him he needed to, in so many words, depart the premises post-haste, and he then shouted that I couldn't tell him what to do.
Then he took off into the intersection and flung himself onto the hood of a stopped taxi cab.
Then he started yelling at a group of people with a dog, and the dog barked at him a lot.
Then we got on the bus and went home.
It was a very strange start to 2013.
@Emby Hoooooly shit.
@Emby Being bit by a stranger gives me some serious shivers. Good for you for standing your ground.
@Emby oh my gooddddddddddddddddddd i'm so glad you had a thick coat on! Being bitten is the worst (teething toddler diva version over here)
@Emby holy crap, man. My dog would probably have bitten that dude.
@Emby Wow...I mean, it's all uphill from there, right?
@Emby Ahhhhh how stressful!
Can I blurt something here that I've only been able to tell a few people in my life? Because I just have to.
About a month ago, my perfectly placed copper IUD failed and I got pregnant. I only found out as I was miscarrying, most likely because of the IUD. I had a few terrifying days where I knew I was pregnant in some capacity, but I didn't know for sure if it was a miscarriage or ectopic or viable or what. It was incredibly upsetting, I had to get my IUD removed (and really don't want it back, after what happened), and I'm kind of at a loss for what to do for birth control now because I'm very sensitive to hormones.
It just sucks. Why did I have to be in that .8 percent that gets pregnant with an IUD? How am I supposed to feel about a miscarriage for a pregnancy I didn't even know about until it was ending, and certainly wouldn't have been thrilled about? Aaaargh.
Anyway, not sure what I'm looking for in response, I just really needed to share.
@Sarah H. uuuuuuggghhh i so feel for you. it's completely normal, sane, and understandable to mourn a miscarriage, even a (very) unplanned one. I've been there, and I still have the t-shirt somewhere - maybe in a box? it took me a few months (like, more like 6 months) and I think that your hormones regulating along with the natural grief that occurs is a part of the process. I'm glad you shared though - it's kind of a heavy thing to carry alone.
@Sarah H. Oh no. That's a terrible turn of events. I think it's completely understandable that you would have a lot of BIG emotions trying to fit in one, small space in your head. Take your time and parse out your feelings; no one worth your time will rush you or judge you for not immediately understanding everything.
@Sarah H. I'm so sorry - that's a really rough situation. I don't have any advice to offer, as I haven't been pregnant, miscarried, or IUD-ed; I just have the sympathy (and an internet hug) of a stranger.
@Sarah H. Oh goodness. You aren't supposed to feel any certain way, just feel what you feel. That sounds pretty hippy-dippy, but I do think it is totally fine to feel any stuff that comes up - sad, scared, a bit relieved, anything. I would be feeling so many things if this happened to me. I'm glad you shared too; we are all here. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
@Sarah H. Oh man my heart goes out to you. I'm sure glad we have this space to share that stuff!!!
@Sarah H. Ah, honey. No way you're supposed to feel - however you do (even if it changes all the time) is totally OK. I hope that those Big Feelings get a little smaller with time, and a little easier to figure out. Hugs.
@Ophelia Thanks all for the support :) I've already done a lot of processing, and my boyfriend has been amazing through all of this ordeal. I'll keep feeling my feelings, and try to question them less!
@Sarah H. Oh man. I'm so sorry. I don't have anything new to add, but I'm glad you can share here and just want to give you my sympathy and a big internet hug.
@Sarah H. It happened because it does, sometimes. Which majorly blows. But it just did, is all.
And you aren't supposed to feel any particular way at all. You are supposed to feel how you feel, and that is just okay. It's okay to feel nothing, or sad, or mad, or scared, or relieved, or all or any combination of these things.
Hopefully, the feelings will become manageable sooner rather than later, and then be a part of your memory like other uncomfortable things that happen sometimes.
In the meantime, be nice to yourself.
@Sarah H. Be nice to yourself indeed!
I can't really say too much because it's not my experience to tell but I have a friend who had something very similar happen and ugh, I send you hugs! Lots and lots of hugs *hugs*
@Sarah H. I'm so sorry. You're supposed to feel how you feel, and whatever that is, it's ok. ((hugs))
have been having light-headed/pressurey feeling in my head and neck all week, kind of like the after-effects of a heart palpitation siutation, but it's ALL THE TIME. trying not to freak out and webmd myself into a tizzy. i don't think it's stress since i actually feel really mellow right now (school break, the hub's horrible friend has left the country, meditating regularly) and i'm wondering how long i should go before seeing a doctor about it... has anyone had a migraine like this before? i don't really have pain, just pressure, heart pounding i can feel in my head, and a tension in my neck and chest like there's something around my neck too tight.
@noodge If it doesn't feel normal, go to the doctor, really! I was going to ask if you're creating tension in your neck and head by hunching over a desk or something – I've had really awful headaches from that – but I don't see why you'd be getting pressure in your chest.
@angelene i just... i had so many gut issues when i was a kid, and so many doctors who just shrugged and winked at my mom, like i was making it up. i hate going with something so undocumentable, i just assume they'll do it all again.
@noodge Maybe it's low blood pressure? Try drinking All Of The Water. It sounds like you're thinking about it too much and it's stressing you out, like a cycle. But yeah, definitely go see a doctor if it doesn't get better.
I'm starting a comedy sketch-writing class at the UCB tomorrow. It's not the beginning of a career change or anything (though I did want to be an SNL writer when I was in middle school), it's just for fun. Nervous and excited in equal parts.
@Lemonnier That sounds awesome! Have fun!
Good for you! I'm terrified of that sort of thing. Which makes me think I should do something like it someday.
@Lemonnier Oooh happy for ya :D Update us on how it goes!
This has been a fuck of a day. Work is hard right now, my energy is at about Dead Sea level, and I've just found out that if I'm a match for my dad's marrow, they'll have to drill into my hips to get it instead of just pulling white cells from my blood. And the worst part is that I'm being a baby about it, even thought it's 1000 percent worth it.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose "my bones" & "drilling" in the same sentence = completely utterly normal to freak out, regardless of the payoff.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose No one who is donating anything to anyone is being a baby. You're being AMAZING. Best to you and to your dad, and remember that even the icky/owie/scary parts of the procedure are ONLY TEMPORARY.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose yikes, that sounds scary. I don't think anyone would blame you for 'being a baby'!
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose You're not being a baby - try not to stress out about it. I keep thinking I should sign up for the bone marrow registry and then NOT DOING IT, which is stupid, because it saves lives and the pain just feels like a bruise afterwards, apparently - dreading it beforehand is probably worse than actually doing it.
@iceberg Yes, I suppose that's true. It just feels so small, you know? Anyway, icy, I've been meaning to link you to this: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/331059-ermahgerd
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Hahahahaha thank you!
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I've only had a bone marrow biopsy, which was over in 5 minutes, but it wasn't as painful as I expected it to be. Also, I had local anaesthesia and it worked really well. They also gave me lots of painkillers for later. I'm sure your doctors will take pain management seriously, too. Good luck! And this is a super awesome thing you're doing!
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose You are incredible, you are doing something incredible.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I've donated for a family member. I was a teenager at the time. They put me under and I went home the same day (night). Was bruised and sore (more than I thought I would be but I was also a dumb teenager who didn't know anything so don't let that scare you). It's honestly not that bad, was more stressed about whether it would work or not than the pain.
I paid off one of my credit cards over Christmas break so I'm really happy about that. The Billfold doesn't have a FOT so here's the only place I can be excited about it, but I am! So excited! It's my first major financial achievement of basically ever.
@terrific aieeeee, congratulations!! That's one of my long-term goals. Any tips or suggestions?
@terrific Mike Dang is happy for you wherever you announce it.
@area@twitter I filled out this long-term spreadsheet that has a thing for each paycheck like this [not real numbers]:
PUPPY EXPENSES: -$200
and I put bills/spending/savings into separate bank accounts and anything leftover once I've allocated all the bills/spending etc. that need to come out of that paycheck goes immediately towards either savings or my credit card. If that makes sense. Of course, a generous holiday gift from my dad also helped. But that's mostly it!
@terrific Ah, excellent! I'm doing something similar; good to know it worked for you!
@terrific so you had one account for bills, one for spending, and one for saving? How did you decide how to split the leftover between spending or credit card?
@lisma I applied all of the leftover to my savings account until I hit $2,000, then started applying it to the credit card. (I have some automatically go into savings each paycheck still)
@terrific Are you going to tell Mike Dang so he will send you a sweet little note?
I am not generally superstitious, but yesterday at my office: (1) I got into a fender bender on the way in, (2) a coworker's car was mysteriously stolen/towed/both, (3) another coworker's sons were rear-ended, and (4) far worse, my office mate found out another of her friends died. (33, married w/young kids, had a heart attack at his teaching job. And he's the second of her friends that's passed away in the last month.)
So basically yesterday (1/3/13) was an enormous helping of crap. I guess I'd like an assurance from whoever's in charge that the rest of the year isn't going to be like this. (On the plus side, I have not yet broken my daily resolutions.)
Work is slowly dropping off to normal from the Christmas-level madness, and I think I'm going to get out of inventory this time (woo!), so hi again, everyone!
I started reading The Joy of x: A Guided Tour of Math, from One to Infinity. It is quite fun so far! I'm also pushing my way through the other million books on my Kindle. I got a $25 Amazon gift card from my sister for Christmas so if anyone's got any history books they want to recommend, throw 'em at me, I'm open to basically everything.
I also beat the not-released-in-North-America-those-bastards twelfth Fire Emblem game on New Year's Day (the fan translation was completed in November, I started it around Christmas), which was a nice way to start the year. It was alarmingly good, like, I've played all the American-released games in the series and this has easily become my favorite. Consequently that means I am dying even harder for Awakening to come out. Oh well. One more month!
I can't believe I have an actual weekend off. And I might see my best friend on Sunday! Yay! Happy Friday, Hairpin!
@camanda Ahh I've so wanted to read The Joy of X! I feel like it would be good and interesting, especially for someone with a ... complicated? math history like me. (My very being reviled math most of my life and yet I was on the advanced math track up through high school. And now, at nearly 27, I have come back around and find math awesome in a layman's sort of way, if that makes any dang sense I don't know it's been a long day.)
Also, yay for seeing best friend! That is superb!
@rosencrantz It is good and interesting! And your last statement makes total sense. I'm extremely numerically inclined (enjoyed math class in school, big baseball stats geek, work with numbers all day, just love/appreciate numbers in general) and I'm still getting a lot out of it, the idea of why math works the way it does beyond just "because it does." I hope you read it soon! I really like it so far.
This comment reminded me I need to get at her, we don't even know where we're going to meet up yet! I wish she lived closer. I say that like she lives a million miles away; she lives 80 miles away. Whatever, it's still too far.
@camanda The Joy of X sounds so interesting -and proof of how everything is more fun when you look into it yourself rather than being forced through it in school! Have you read Logicomix(http://www.amazon.co.uk/Logicomix-An-Epic-Search-Truth/dp/0747597200/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357413650&sr=8-1) on a similar note?
@Apocalypstick I haven't read it, but it sounds (and looks) really cool! I put it on my wishlist. Thanks for the tip!
I took my first paycheck of the year and got myself a bra fitting! A real one! I'M A C CUP NOW you guys! There is something so satisfyingly lady-ish about going to a little bra boutique and trying on a million bras and talking to the bra fitting lady.
Also, I made this for dinner last night and it was SO GOOD. And made me feel virtuous about eating well (three whole days into the new year.)
@mangosara That soup sounds/looks delicious!
@mangosara A real bra fitting basically changed my life last year. I'm not even really exaggerating that much. My clothes fit better and I feel like a major stress on my life has been eased. I totally know you feel!
@lizzle after sitting through the world's longest Christmas dinner with a bra digging into my sides and ribs I swore I would get fitted even if it meant I had to eat ramen for two weeks! WORTH IT.
@mangosara Real bra fitting = my boobs are now under control and I feel more confident walking down the street. Worth it. Also, knowing I went up a bra size = happy girlfriend. Winners all around.
@mangosara Real bra fittings changed my life!
@mangosara right-fitting bras are the best! did the bra shop lady adjust you? mine did - I am not at all modest and don't really have many boundaries, but I still found it quite odd to have my boobs adjusted by a stranger... maybe I just don't shop for any other fancy things? maybe there are dress stores where they zip you up and straighten the sash or something? anyway, bras! woo!
@lemonadefish no! it was surprisingly hands off! I just told her my current size, how it was fitting wrong, and she got me into the right one and then tightened the straps. I had mentally prepared myself for a much more... intimate? experience.
@mangosara I also ordered my Atual Size bra this week! Although I measured myself and used a calculator that I have been told is accurate. Plus, based on how my current bras are fitting it's probably right. NO MORE BOOBIES ESCAPING OUT THE BOTTOM!
I would like to a) thank Rhinny for her fantastic Winter Surprise gifts (<3 <3 <3) and b) apologize to my own Winter Surprise person for being an awful Pinner and not sending out her gift yet due to some craziness between some holiday travels, stamp mixups, and everything else. But I do have a package assembled and I will be sending it out!
@RK Fire Creepily I think that Rhinny might be my real life bestie and she DOES give good gifts!
@RK Fire You're welcome! Here I was thinking I was the worst of the worst for not shipping by the 15th. I hope you like the gifty.
@loren smith OH MY GOD THAT IS YOUR USER NAME? I die a little. Amazing.
@RK Fire Oh also, the bestie of mine who replied to your comment received a piece by the same artist for Christmas. Similar but not as good. Suck it, @loren smith, strangers be getting better gifts this year.
I'M IN LOVE WITH THE WOMAN IN THAT "SPARTAN RACE" AD THEY KEEP RUNNING ON THE RIGHT HAND COLUMN HELP
alllllllllso i want to ask people CAREER and WHERE TO LIVE advice
@evil melis WITH THE BICEP VEIN A-POPPIN'?
@evil melis The answer to both is Mechanicsville!.
OH MY GOD YES. With her boy face and strong arms. Who arrrre you come to me.
@evil melis She's been staring at me as well. I even went to the Spartan Race page to see what it's all about in the vain hope that I might meet ladies like her if I join.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose WHO WANTS TO PUT A TEAM TOGETHER
ok followup where should i live and what should i do next
@evil melis I'm just spit-ballin' here, but you could move to Montana and drink beer with me next.
@evil melis Depends, are you posting this as:
A) evil melis,
B) melis, or
C) evil melis posing as melis?
The answers are A: Grifter in space/the astral plane; B: LA/Teleplay writer or Austin/stand-up or NYC/voice of a generation; and C) RELEASE HER BACK TO US, YOU HARPY
is montana cheap?? if 1 person's LIFE OPTIONS included sometime in the next year 'trying to make a go of it writing' and a person wanted cheap rent would montana be good
@Trinette Magoon NYC is very expensive and cold! One wouldn't move there unless one had a definite THING proffered them.
@evil melis Silly cheap. I rent a house in the mountains, middle of a nice town, half a block of fenced-in backyard, two rooms, one bathroom, for $750 a month.
I just moved to Austin and it's pretty great. Lots of creative types, rent isn't Montana cheap but it's easily 1/3 of what you'd be asked to pay in NYC, and it's warm. Well, hot. Mostly hot but not right now. One major con is that you're surrounded for miles and miles by Real Texas.
There's LA too but the entire concept of that city scares me a little. You may be more fearless than I.
And this is just me assuming you're looking for a city. Maybe you want a hut in the mountains? An abandoned fort? Lighthouse?
@evil melis St. Louis! Upside: Low cost of living! Sort of a city! An arch! Some culture things! Downside: Crime! No ocean! Dating sucks!
(ETA: for comparison's sake...my I bedroom apt here is 1,000 sq ft, in a great neighborhood close to everything and $500/month!)
@all If anyone is interested in Spartan or Tough Mudder, I'll be signing up for one in the next few weeks (I live in Maryland, so Mid-Atlantic, but they just announced this years was in WV which is kiiinda a hike, so I'll do Spartan if it's closer.
@evil melis Montana is cheap but it's also cold. You could try Baltimore? It's cheap and weird and much warmer, and if you wander around enough, you might run into John Waters. There's also a great drive-in. And you could jump on the bus for pin-ups in either DC or New York!
@ironhoneybee I second Baltimore, it is awesome. Check out Hampden.
what do you want to be when you grow up? Evil overlord?
@melis Like Montana, Idaho is cheap and has inspiring vistas, yet there are warmer locales there: see "Boise."
@evil melis Her older less vein-popping internet lookalike sister lives in my town, FYI, and internet dates.
So apparently you should live there. No career advice, sorry.
Also, live where they have Spartan races?
@melis dude you should move to whistler BC and like, alternate between cross country skiing and writing and ... the rent is not SUPER cheap but it's also not super expensive and it's easy to find a job if you start in like september although it's in canada so you'd probably have to marry me or something ummmmmmm
yeah! good advice self!
@evil melis I'm with @I'm Right on Top of That, Rose.
Montana is where it's at.
Also, ROSE, I'm sorry I never gave you my email forever ago and here it is now for you. Let's talk about this silly ass town and how the Canadians should be done with their holidays and go home already. stuffkat[at]gmail
@evil melis Denver is fairly cheap and we have mountains. Kind of a surfeit of writing-based jobs compared to coastal settlements though, I think
@evil melis Chicago! Really good public transit system, cheap-ish rent (I pay $780 for a 600 sq. ft jr. 1 bedroom), lots of stuff to do/see. It's not the cheapest ever but I love it.
@evil melis Indianapolis is booming. No lie. So cheap, so much to do, lots and lots and lots of room to grow.
2013 THUS FAR:
Hangover, quasi-flu, maybe a day and a half total of work (?), made toffee, bought myself a fancy grownup saucepan on awesome sale, and made my first student loan payment. Felt like throwing money down a well.
Has anyone successfully kicked themselves back into "work" gear yet?
I spent the last few months of 2012 working like a demon, until I was starting to feel kind of burnt out and like I wasn't doing anything well any more, and so I gave myself an enforced break from work over Christmas, hoping I'd come back feeling refreshed and ready to ... I don't know, feel good about my work again, I guess? But I still feel sluggish and crappy. How do I fix this?
@laserbeams Is there a fluffier/fun work-type project you can work on for a little while? Or something that's maybe not super-important or a big deal, but it's measurably and concretely done once you're finished with it? You might just need a little bit of a boost to get you eased back into things.
@amiright or is it @amirite ? I need to thank you for my wonderful gift as well! I love everything! Thank you!
@quimby I'm so glad! I had fun picking it out.
Can I ask a question about "The 'L' Word"?
Someone with opinions I respect quite a bit talked me into watching it over xmas, and loaned me Season 2. So, can I start with Season 2? That's my question.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yes, you can start with season 2, and you won't really be confused or behind about anything. I do remember being really mad at season 2, though (also season 3, and I think I'm still in denial about season 6 even existing), so be aware that you may not necessarily be jumping in at the apex of quality.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll nooooo if you start on Season Two you won't really feel the FULL EFFECT behind Tina's flipping the table! TINA FLIPPING THE TAAAABLE
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll AHHHHHHHHH NO! DON'T START WITH SEASON 2!!!
I mean, Cawendaw is right that you won't be confused about backstory, but you will miss out on SO MUCH character development (and also, um, one entire character).
Plus, Season 1 allows you to accrue a small surfeit of tolerance for Jenny. Which, believe me, you're going to need.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I can't remember when it starts heading toward the funny farm but it's first season is its best. The short haired blonde lady is actually bi! There is a butch character for like 5 minutes and then she turns out to be a loon! So it's… not great
Oh man do you guys remember The REAL L Word?
@wee_ramekin oh man I remember now when they got rid of that character! She was the best character.
@Danzig! OH and that terrible theme from the terrible band that all the characters loved because the show creator was boffin' the singer!
Thanks, all! I knew Hairpin commenters would have worthwhile advice!
Today I applied for an internship that's basically the same as the one I have now, except it's for a company I desperately want to work for and it's paid full-time, which means I could quit my crappy restaurant job! I held my breath the whole time I was writing my cover letter.
Also, I'm trying this thing where at the end of the day, I try to summarize it in less than 100 words in my planner-journal-thing. So far it's basically a less public Twitter, but I'm really enjoying it!
@chnellociraptor Good luck with the application!
@chnellociraptor Wow, that's awesome you found one that pays full time! I graduated in May and haven't been able to get a job because I lack experience (I even got turned down for several crappy retail jobs because I don't have enough retail experience!!!). I've been thinking about doing an internship, but pretty much all the ones in my field are unpaid and working for free isn't really an option for me right now :(
@crango Yeah, the internship racket is pretty rough. I'm getting by living with my parents, doing my unpaid gig three days a week, and working at the restaurant three days a week. My internship at least reimburses me for transportation, which is nice, because I live outside the city. But I also graduated in May and it took me until October to set this thing up. It's a tough world out there for a grad, but things will turn around (as much as I hate to be THAT person).
@chnellociraptor good luck with both of those things! V cool
Just selfishly looking for some sooth-saying from fellow 'Pinners right now.
I'm going out of town for the weekend with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law, but am afraid I'm going to ruin it by being a nervous, sulky wreck the whole time.
Life's been weird for, well, like 3-4 years now, and I feel like I'm going a bit crazy. All ups and downs in my head.
I started a Twin Cities chapter of CLAW called MAWLL - MN Arm Wrestling League for Ladies, and our Inaugural Brawl is a week from today. And we don't have enough people. And I've gone about the entire process being a disorganized control freak. And I'm alternately panicked that it'll be a complete mess and embarrassment, and all zen-like, just happy that it's going to happen at all, come what may.
On top of that, I'm probably allergic to the titanium implant that I got - which was supposed to dramatically, awesomely, change my life but has only been a literal pain - and will have to get it removed.
I have a rare disease, got into a tiny clinical trial just under the wire, and just found out my ONLY allergy is to fucking titanium. Which only 4% of people are.
I'm a minority of a minority of a minority. I hate my genes.
UGH. I needed to vent. Thank you. Now if you're in MN please come to my show.
@NeverOddOrEven The only thing I can comment on is I once had a stainless plate in my tibia and it hurt every second of every day and I bitched and bitched even though my dr said there was no reason for it to hurt?
Taking it out was the best decision I ever made even though I almost instantly (with in weeks) broke the bone again and instead now have a titanium implant that doesn't bother me in the slightest. So get that shit out and start healing already.
@NeverOddOrEven Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear that! My titanium implanted defibrillator has saved my life a few times, so I can't even imagine being allergic.
That's my plan at this point, just waiting to see if the specialist is on the same page.
Even though this would have been far and away the best treatment option for me had it worked, I have to admit I'll be slightly relieved to be out of the study. The pump has caused me intermittent-constant pain for two months and not once has anyone been concerned with addressing it. I guess that's what you get when you're honest about past drug use.
ATLANTA 'PINNERS! Please come to the pin-up next Saturday, January 12! We'll be meeting at Cypress Street Pint and Plate, which is in Midtown at the corner of Cypress and 6th. There's great beer, good snacks, and an outdoor fire pit.
I'll be there around 5pm. I'll put something on next week's FOT about how to find the group in the bar (aww, remember in You've Got Mail when Meg Ryan has the rose in the coffee shop and Tom Hanks lovingly stands her up? Such a great/terrible movie). Also, there are more details on the Atlanta Hairpinners FB group.
What silly things happened to you on New Years?
I went to a fun party where my boyfriend had quite a few drinks. He kept trying to be suave to pull me close to whisper in my ear, but since he was drunk he kept shouting "YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE ASS" at full volume.
@Beaker I was bitten by a stranger on the street. see above
@Emby Yowza, that's not silly, that's scary! I'm glad you and your friends are okay!
@Beaker Got drunk. Then had a three way. Which was not part of my plans for the night, but ended up going as well as an unplanned drunken three way could go. The happy couple and I exchanged pleasantries and high-fives before we went back to real life in our separate cities.
@Trinette Magoon I kinda want to high-five you too!
On New Years (and all the following day...ugh) I refreshed my memory as to why I don't smoke pot.
@Beaker My boyfriend and I invited a bunch of people over for fondue, then we lit off a ton of fireworks, then we went to a couple of parties and danced a lot, and I badgered him into admitting that he thought a friend of a friend who was out with us was hot and I was like "we should talk about this!" but now I don't remember what I thought we should talk about, concerning the whole situation. I remember thinking that it was awesome he thought she was cute?
Then I drunkenly accused our taxi driver of driving drunk and then I ate fries.
SUCCESSFUL NEW YEARS
@Beaker No three way, but I stayed at this lady's place for the first time and it went really well. Great chemistry really fast-forwards things and is so obvious when it was missing previously. Earlier in the night, just after midnight, a Christmas tree was lit on fire in the street in front of the house party I was at and the cops came and kicked it to the curb, went on with their business.
On NYE/early in the morning of Jan. 1, my boyfriend and I had sex in a bed not three feet from a bed wherein his roommate and his girlfriend were having sex. Which was a first for us.
@honey cowl (formerly laurenf) Should I mention I have had sex with said roommate at a previous time long ago? Nah, I don't need to mention that...
@Beaker got super weird at a party with just close friends ended up smoking pot out of a mt dew can....successful night. saw a ton of my friends asses... danced to rock lobster
@Beaker My sweet, somewhat church-boy, boyfriend got a bit drunk at the club we went to and gave me multiple lap dances in front of all his friends! Good god can he move his hips.
@Beaker this is something that happens to me, via my boyfriend, at basically every party we go to. he's not very good at volume regulation.
@Beaker I got to watch my bff make a Nannerpuss out of yarn. Four days later it's still the greatest thing ever.
Hah! On New Year's Eve, I was getting ready to meet up with a cute couple with a very strong possibility of a three way when I stubbed my toe hard on my coffee table and broke it.
So, NYE in the emergency room with my mom! 2013 better improve from here.
@Beaker I got a foot massage from somebody who described my outfit as translucent and alluring.
Also I won best outfit but I mean, inevitable. *brushes shoulder off*
Guys the best thing I've read so far this year is a novel I tried to write at age 14 and rediscovered while home for the holidays. It's...a sequel of sorts to Twelfth Night and it's called "Malvolio's Revenge" and it's RIDICULOUS so what I want to know is who else tried to write a book as a kid and is it amazing/terrible/amazingly terrible?
@jonquils I wrote a novelization of the Super Nintendo game Mega Man X. Complete with added characterization and an exploration of the various robot bosses' motives.
@jonquils I WROTE A LOT OF "HUMOROUS (HUMOUROUS) BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS" FAN FICTION
it has all been MEGA DELETED though which is very very sad
@jonquils When I was 12ish I wanted to write a book about space pirates, but I also wanted to write a book about elves and magic, so I wrote (but never finished) something that was about both! It's hilariously bad, I still have a print-out of it somewhere.
you guys are dorks and I love you
@jonquils I wrote stuff that I was foolish enough to delete most of too pre-college--wtf was I thinking??!?! I had hundreds-of-pages-in-Word stuff: a vampire's life through the ages, starting in the Renaissance and moving on through today, interacting with historical figures and the Devil and archangels and stuff (I was probably 13 when I wrote this so pre-Twlight etc), lots and lots of Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction, tons of beginnings of stuff attempting to be fantasy epics....why was I such a fool!
@jonquils I wrote a novella, IN SPANISH (which I no longer speak), about what would happen if Don Quixote was resurrected and took a trip to New York City. I wish I knew what happened to that.
@MollyculeTheory oh my god
@jonquils My boyfriend wrote a fantasy "book" (it's only a few pages) at about the age of 10 called "The Last Sorceress". It is completely ridiculous and amazing.
@jonquils Ha, I wrote the first quarter of a very elaborate sword and sorcery fantasy novel when I was sixteen. I'm too terrified to read it now.
@jonquils At some point around sixth grade, I wrote a short story about aliens masquerading as heads of iceberg lettuce and trying to colonize the planet. (For context: my mother once wrote me a letter in the vein of Morticia Addams, with lots of references to chewing on sinewy bat wings, etc, and sent it to me at summer camp.)
@jonquils In 5h grade, I wrote a novella about FBI agents fighting vampires called EXSANGUINATION - a word I probably discovered on a jaunt through the thesaurus.
@jonquils I wrote a series of "novels" in my journals, in which I had glamorous careers and met and married/dated/slept with famous guys I had crushes on. I still have them all. They are hilarious and excruciating. 15-year-old me did not have a good ear for dialogue. Or any sense of plausibility. Maybe I could add more graphic sex and sell them as 50 Shades knock-offs?
@Bittersweet ummmm yes please. Actually if everybody in this thread wants to publish their early attempts at literature I'd super appreciate it because I want to read all of these things. We could put together an anthology? I'll leave it to @like a rabid squirrel to come up with a title.
I have a question! I just got my first real job. It starts on Monday, I'm super excited about it and I don't want to fuck it up. But yesterday I got a request from my employer to follow me on twitter. I keep my account private. I'm not, like, keeping secrets, I just want to make jokes and swear and shit and not worry about looking professional. It's okay to just decline it, right? Does that look shady? I've never done this professional thing before!
@distrighema I'd suggest quietly ignoring it. If someone (like say a manager) does bring it up, I'd say something like, "Oh that's a defunct account I haven't used in ages. Is it important for me to have a twitter account for this position? I'd be happy to create one." [and then follow through with a work-friendly twitter account, which isn't a bad idea anyway if you're in marketing or a similar field]. But a quiet ignore will probably do the trick.
@distrighema I'd say it's totally fine to ignore it. I don't know a lot about how private twitters work, but I assume that no one can see the frequency of your posts? If they ever ask you about it, you could just fib a little and say "oh, I didn't notice the request, I don't really ever use twitter and I don't log in often"
Help. I have been dating this boy for two months, but I am fairly certain that it has run its course. Partly because I have realized I'm not ready for a serious relationship - and he has made it very clear that he is - but also because I don't think we are compatible. The last few times we have hung out I have been very quiet and we really haven't had a good time - I am terrible at expressing myself, but in any case shouldn't you still be super excited to hang out after only two months? I don't feel butterflies! But he keeps trekkin along like everything is fine, and I feel I need to say something. I just don't know if I should pull the plug completely. I suppose if I say we should keep seeing each other, it really isn't fair to him.
@lora.bee Hello, you. You should definitely be pretty excited about someone two months in. I am like you in that I don't always express myself well, especially when it might hurt someone's feelings -- but I think you can end it kindly -- it will be kind to both of you, right? Do you ever practice making a decision? Decide one way and see how you feel in an hour or so? Decide the other way and watch/wait for signs that it's the right/wrong thing to do?
@lora.bee Yeah, let the guy go. Having been in both his and your shoes, it's so so so much better just to get it over with.
@both Buh! Thank you. I am really, really bad at these conversations. We are supposed to go to a movie tonight, he knows something is up, and I'm not sure how to go from here.
@lora.bee Ahhh! So stressful. Do you think it would be best for you to end it and cancel the movie plans or to go see the movie and THEN have the awkward talk?
@raised amongst catalogs That is exactly what I am wondering. I want us to talk about it, but I know I would get mad if I knew someone had just sat through a movie with me wondering if they should end things.
@lora.bee I really wish I could write a script for you and then magically send you the ability to RIP IT OFF LIKE A BAND-AID. I guess all I can actually do is make like Oprah & tell you what I know for sure: Anticipating the difficult conversation is always the worst part -- the relief begins to flood through you the moment you begin to have the awkward conversation. And then, before you know it, it's in the past. And the next time you are scared/uncomfortable you remember how you proved yourself capable of doing something scary and outside of your comfort zone.
@raised amongst catalogs :) Thank you. The thought of not worrying about it at all makes me relieved, so I know I will feel better.
It just blows because...he is a super nice guy! Guh. He will be fine.
@lora.bee yeah definitely meet up with him and talk do not go to the movie.
Having a lazy day of internetting and laundry and packing my stuff because I am mooooooving next week, hooray!
This is very good because I've been living with my parents for five months and they are driving me craaaaazy. We are a family of underresolved mental health issues, so I am pretty stoked to be living elsewhere and seeing a therapist again hopefully soon.
On that note, do people have tips for dealing with family members who don't really seem to "get" mental health issues? My mom tries to be supportive in the abstract and is very good in crisis moments, but can be really hard on me when I'm taking time to work through stuff, especially if she doesn't think she sees me making progress, or if I need time and space to be sad or if I do something that inconveniences her. She can also be depressive, but is firmly someone who sucks it up and works through shitty times. While we have a reasonably amicable day-to-day relationship, I don't tell her a lot about my personal life because I feel like the things I struggle with come back to haunt me when she fight. It doesn't help that she's having a hard time at work and with my dad, and could use some counselling of her own (which I believe she is looking into).
It's hard, because I've been doing so much better (job, loving girlfriend, new place to live, all within five months of having a depressive breakdown, dropping out of grad school, moving home, and not having a lot of access to mental health folks that I really clicked with), but when we clash it can really send me into a tailspin that brings up all the shitty feelings of laziness, failure, and weakness of character that get associated with depression.
Anyone else dealing with this? This week it put an incredibly frustrating punctuation mark on what had otherwise been a wonderful holiday season.
@Cat named Virtute
I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago: over a depression and desperately needing to get out of the house I had moved back to to be depressed in. I think my parents never really stopped thinking about me as I was when I was at I lowest, so doing innocuous stuff like sitting on the couch for more that hour would induce a sudden storm of WHAT'STHEMATTERWHYAREYOUNOTOUTSIDEGETUPANDTALKTOSOMEONEABOUTIT.
Basically, I have no advice on what to do about stuff while you're at home but think you deserve a big congrats for working through your shit and finding your own place! Go you!
@Cat named Virtute Honestly sometimes in discussions with my parents (especially my dad from whom I've inherited my depressive tendencies) I am like "My coping methods are different than yours and this is not up for discussion". It feels mean and unneccessary but sometimes it is necessary.
@Cat named Virtute Uf, I went (/am going?) through the same things you describe, the "shitty feelings of laziness, failure, and weakness of character."
I'm not sure that what helped with me (in terms of trying to make parents understand) would be valid advice here (I had a nervous breakdown while arguing with my mom, and she was taken aback, but then she paused and quietly hugged me while I commenced sobbing hysterically in mommmy's arms - like a baby, basically)... But the only advice I can come up with as a result of my experience is: let your parents know how much they matter to you. Remind them how they are your mom and dad and, like you mentioned, when you "clash," it really does affect you. I think parents (and kids) forget that even when we're grown, we still sometimes just need to be soothed by our parents, even if they don't understand you, or even don't agree with you. Just for them to hug us and tell us everything will be okay, like they did when we were little.
Ok, maybe that's just me, and is not for everyone. I realize also that some of us don't even have that option, because of how their parents are. But I don't know, that's what I got for ya. Best wishes, really. [cue Michael Jackson singing "You Are Not Alone"]
@Cat named Virtute You're already carrying out the best advice anyone could give you, which is moving out. Space is the key here. I believe, probably controversially, that a key factor in depression/breakdowns is pressure placed on adult children by their parents, when the parents try and have the best of both worlds ie have an adult companion who they don't have to explain themselves to, and also exert unwarranted and unjustified authority over. Stay away from the parental home if you can; arrange your life so that even if financial hardship comes up you don't have to move back in with them. So many baby boomers are unwittingly causing major mental health problems in their adult offspring by not respecting boundaries and giving mixed messages ('you're my child and I know best so live life the way I think you should/but also be my confidante/take responsibility for my problems/don't bother me with too much of your reality). Your mother's being pretty selfish in not letting you deal with your problems as you see fit, and it's ok to realise that. It doesn't make you a bad daughter/son to realise your parent can be selfish and self serving, and it doesn't mean they're a bad person either, just human. Allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for holding you back, then concentrate on staying moved out and enjoying your new life so they can never make you feel that way again. Allowing yourself to feel angry, rather than torturjng yourself with guilt over realising your parents have flaws, actually helps with eventual forgiveness and building good relationships in the future.
So that's the advice I'd give anyway - if your parents make you feel depressed or anxious, then don't feel guilty about enforcing and maintaining distance for a while. And enjoy blessed freedom! I hope it all works out.
Ugh. Worst day at work. I am so glad I've already given notice. I no longer give any fucks.
GUYS I FINALLY STARTED WATCHING WEST WING
I'M ONLY JUST STARTING SEASON 3 SO DON'T RUIN ANYTHING BUT PLEASE YELL WITH ME.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher RIGHT!? DO YOU LOVE TOBY ZIEGLER SO, SO MUCH?
@raised amongst catalogs SO MUCH
Also my ladycrush on Allison Janney is becoming NIGH UNBEARABLE.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AHH IT'S GREAT ISN'T IT. Your Tumblr posts about it have been making me happy. I should rewatch some episodes. I used to watch "In Excelsis Deo" every Christmas even though it makes me cry.
I watched it pretty religiously on first run but Season 6 is really where it lost me and I quit after about five episodes, then watched the last season with a sort of indifference. I should try watching it again, myself.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Roger that. When you are watching it, and the opening drums are rat-a-tatting, just know that I am marching in place to them, in Michigan, with a glass of wine in my hand. Then we will be spending quality time together.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Its SO good right? I keep trying to get my boyfriend into it but he's all meh about it.
Totally with you on the girl crush on Janney, she's awesome. I also really like Josh in that.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I used to travel between NYC and New Orleans a lot via JetBlue, and always managed to take the early morning flight when Bravo had a West Wing marathon on. I swear, that Snuffy Smith theme song brought me to tears each and every last time.
@khaleesi I love Josh! And then I realized he's in Cabin in the Woods and then I LOVED JOSH MORE. (Seriously, I'm watching this show with imdb open because everyone is in EVERYTHING.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I just watched Cabin in the Woods over the break and loved it. He was hilarious. And yeah SO many people in it have been in a ton of other stuff. Also how could I forget Dule Hill? I love him in Psych!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher HAHA OH MY GOD I SO WISH I WAS WATCHING THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, LOVE IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART. Seriously, please be prepared to quote from it verbatim by next weeks FOT, I will cancel any plans I have to do the same.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher TRULY the best TV show. So much for you to look forward to!!!
@katiemcgillicuddy "What does this note say?" "It says we should support the surgeon general." "This says we should support the sturgeon general."
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh the hearts in my eyes at the mere mention of discovering this showwww. Allison Janney/CJ Cregg is my hero, but I truly think that Toby Ziegler is my spirit animal.
...I wanted to quote Toby at you but then my brain had a traffic jam with all the possibilities.
@rosencrantz DON'T READ THIS, EVERPRESENT WORDSNATCHER! IT IS FROM THE FOURTH SEASON, I THINK.
"I work at the White House."
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Donna : Ever year on Thanksgiving, the President pardons a turkey... and its your event.
CJ : Why are there two turkeys?
Donna : Customarily, the Press Secretary decides --
CJ : No.
Donna : -- which of the two finalists is more photogenic. Their names --
CJ : I don't want to know their names.
Donna : This one's Eric and this one's Troy.
@katiemcgillicuddy I love you and I love everybody in this thread.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher And we love you. Now go forth and watch as much as you can handle, we will be over here, living vicariously through you.
@rosencrantz This is more Josh Love than Toby (don't get me wrong, I LOVE Toby) but:
Toby: They were calling us New York Jews, Josh.
Josh: Yeah, but I’m from Connecticut so I didn’t mind so much.
@raised amongst catalogs @katiemcgillicuddy When you combine Josh with Toby, their powers increase tenfold.
@rosencrantz Well said, and so true. I also want to say the following: MRS. LANDINGHAM!
@raised amongst catalogs D: D: D: tears forever
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am on Season 3 too! I love them all, but especially CJ. CJ, WHY ARE YOU SO GREAT?
@everyone "Are you talking to me during The Jackal? Never talk to me during The Jackal!" - Toby Ziegler
@raised amongst catalogs One of my favourite Toby moments: amending "Bartlet For President" posters to read "Bartlet is the President". Toby! <3
@raised amongst catalogs What's funny is, if I remember correctly, IRL, Allison Janney apparently does this flawlessly, but for the show they had her make it a little sloppy to be more realistic for the White House PS as opposed to stupid talented Allison Janney. I know too much about this show.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I usually lurk, but I just wanted to say I just started watching West Wing, too! It's so good! I started a week and a half ago and I am almost done with season 2, I think it's the only thing getting me through lab and grant writing right now!
"J'ACCUSE! J'accuse, mon petit fromage!"
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher "You speak four languages; how come none of them is French?"
@raised amongst catalogs "There's nothing wrong with my French."
I really, really think we're moving back East, and I am crazy happy about it. Not that Utah isn't....not on fire? Trying to find a mild positive for Utah.
@Nicole Cliffe Which part of East?
@Nicole Cliffe Utah: It has...skiing?
This has been the extent of Things I Know About Utah From Seeing A Utah License Plate.
@Ophelia West Windsor, NJ. We have renters in our little house there and there are squirrels and they are merry.
@Nicole Cliffe For a second, I read that as "they are squirrels" and I thought, "huh. OK."
Utah beats NJ for looks, though.
@Nicole Cliffe OH HI. I know West Windsor very well. I went to church there for a long time and my ex-boyfriend lived there. My parents live (and I am from) Hamilton.
@Nicole Cliffe Princeton is nice to visit! It's said that the bookstore got taken over by the university, but there's a nice coffee shop and nice bars and a nice theater and an awesome gelato place. I also suggest having a picnic (or many) on the Princeton Battlefield.
Then you can always take a drive down the river to Lambertville and cross the Delaware to New Hope, PA, which is a great quirky little town. Maybe you already know all these things!
@Nicole Cliffe I live over the river in Bucks County PA from Princeton and I love the whole area. If it's the outdoors you will miss, we have plenty of it! welcome to the area!
@meetapossum this summer i had CORN ICE CREAM at that place and it was the bessssst.
i just had this incredible burger. medium rare beef, a big breaded / seasame seed-coated piece of camembert, and cranberry sauce and salad and OMG i want another one, crying already.
the week has been generally long and slow and boring and tiring, but hey, new years was fun. and the burger.
@tambourine Aaaaaand now I won't be happy until someone gets me a burger with cranberry sauce on it.
@tambourine oh my god that sounds amazing. a few days ago on the day after the worst day of my life so far I had a bacon double cheeseburger with mushrooms on it, and I deserved every bite of that mofo.
@tambourine WHOOOA where can I find this burger!!!
@lilly pilgrim it was at honest burgers, in london!
oh my anxiety about my relationship and life in general about which I write about on the Hairpin all the fucking time went through a series of ups-and-downs over the last month or so, from TOTALLY GONE LIFE IS GREAAAAAAAAAT to everything is terrible I'll be forever alone but now it's sort of settled in to a low-level hum so I'll take that over the alternative, I guess?
Had to stop seeing my therapist because my insurance deductible turned back to $0 and I would have to pay full-price now and I can't afford that. How do I see a therapist when I can't afford to see a therapist?
Also can I just waltz into my normal doctor and ask her for anti-anxiety magic pills?
I know they are not actually magical
@terrific <3 you and your anxiety.
@terrific Yay anxiety! When I got screwed by my insurance, I asked my regular doctor to write my scrips for crazy-meds. I was already on them, so I'm not sure for a first-time prescription but it's totally worth it to ask! You can also look into free clinics, or places that charge on a sliding scale for therapists.
@terrific Your doctor is able to prescribe anti-anxiety pills, unless there's a law where you are barring her from doing so.
@terrific When I was on anti-depressants once I had my gyno give me my prescription! I'm sure your normal doctor can refill it for you if you're already on it, or on the advice of a therapist if it's new (that's what I did).
Also, if you're anywhere near a university with a psychology program, they often have clinics where the shrinks-in-training provide therapy on a sliding scale to community members. I've done it at two different schools now (where I was a student, but they never asked for my student info) and I don't ever feel like I'm not talking to a 'real' therapist. I hope you can find something that works!
Job applications, so many job applications. *fingers crossed, fingers crossed 'oh, god, someone hire me please'*
Also, I started a tumblr today for the random phrases that appear on my refrigerator, with the letter magnets.
@Absurd Bird LINK PLEASE
Here you go!
Just the first post today, and I haven't fancied up the look of it yet. Kind of feel guilty working on it when I should be applying to EVEN MORE JOBS, but eh.
@Absurd Bird Good luck with the job hunt! And that's a brilliant tumblr idea.
I quit my job in May and took some time to look for something that I might actually enjoy. I had two promising interviews in Oct/Nov at a great office and then they decided they were going to hold off on hiring. I was SO SURE I was getting the job. Now it seems like I can't find anything to do and depression is setting in and I feel worthless and slacky and I have literally done nothing for the last two days. Then I feel even more worthless and slacky! Who is with me?
Also, I went 35 years thinking that Toni Morrison was "difficult" to read and so avoided her and now I have read Beloved and The Bluest Eye and it is like OH MY GOD WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL OF MY LIFE, TONI MORRISON? In a way I feel like the last person to the party but in another way, I also feel kind of...grateful...that I didn't read her when I was a younger woman. Is that making sense?
@raised amongst catalogs Man, I am feeling you on the unemployment blues. I've been looking since June and have had a bunch of interviews where I was sure I was going to get it and didn't.What's killing me is I just got my masters, and I'm pretty sure if I stuck with that field I'd have a decently paying job and not living with my parents, but it would be sucking out my soul. It's been super frustrating, but I joined a temp agency and they got me an interview with this awesome nonprofit and I have a second interview on Monday!!! Really hoping this one works out!!
@crango I really, really, really hope you ace the interview and get hired! Fingers crossed!
@raised amongst catalogs I had Beloved forced on me in 10th grade English when I was a sheltered 15 year old who was very much not ready for the more graphic parts and I still haven't been able to make myself go back and read it. How I wish I had been able to get to it on my own terms. (Sidebar: Have you read Jazz yet? I did read that later on my own and really liked it.)
@bitchycrosstownexpress Jazz is next on my list!
Okay I need help. Could anyone recommend a book as a birthday gift for my 25 year old brother? He's kind of pretentious and his favorite book is A Confederacy of Dunces (I think), if that helps any.
@Creature Cheeseman Does he have any nerdy/pop-culture-y tendencies?
@Creature Cheeseman Fifth Business.
@Creature Cheeseman Anything by David Foster Wallace?
@Creature Cheeseman House of Leaves. If on a Winter's Night a Traveler. The Raw Shark Texts. Pale Fire.
@Nicole Cliffe Oooo I love the Deptford Trilogy!
@Creature Cheeseman IF yes to nerdy/pop-culture-y tendencies, Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. It is fantastic.
@Emby Oh, and A Winter's Tale.
@Creature Cheeseman A Feast of Snakes by the late, great Harry Crews?
You're all perfect and amazing thanks for the recommendations!! I will probably end up getting a few of these. I'm not really close to him so it's hard to pinpoint what his tastes are but a lot of these seem like they'd be right up his alley! One annoying trait of his is that he ONLY reads hardcover books so hopefully I'll be able to hunt down some hardcover copies.
@Creature Cheeseman Also the Neon Bible, if he doesn't already have it. It was John Kennedy Toole's first book, written when he was 16. It's not bad for a 16 year-old, and if Toole is your favorite writer, probably worth reading. Especially if you happen to be a pretentious 25-year-old.
@Creature Cheeseman Try anything by Tom Robbins. Jitterbug Perfume or Another Roadside Attraction are always good ones to start with!
Ugh, after a long holiday season, which while lovely was full of travel and stress and almost no personal time, I am going to spend the weekend playing computer games. First up, Dishonored! I am going to possess rats and scurry through dank holes, teleport to rooftops, sneak into dark apartments and read people's books, and make piles of unconscious guards in the basements of brothels. And then, I'm going to go home and play Dishonored, waa-heey!
@TheBourneApproximation What console do you have? I just got a PS3 for xmas and its like the best thing ever! I haven't gamed in about 10 years and didn't realise how much I missed it.
I currently have Uncharted, Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty and some sports one.
@khaleesi Oooh I also just got a ps3. I bought the sly cooper collection because I love the band of thieves game. I also just started playing little big planet 2 which is cute and fun. And while I haven't played it on a ps3, I loved fallout 3 for pc and I heard it's also on the ps3. Oh and of course Portal 2 is amazing (and the ps3 version gets you a code for a free copy for your mac or pc).
@khaleesi Alas, I am PC-only! Partially because that's how I grew up, and partially (*hipster warning*) getting a console would mean that we'd also have to finally buy a real TV. It's good to have nice graphics, and being able to mod things (and in the case of something like Skyrim, debug things, heh). I am often jealous of you PS3 people, though! You get to play Uncharted, and Journey (which is supposed to be quite lovely!), and lots of JRPG stuff! And I'm also jealous of the fact that you get to sit on the couch instead of being hunched over at a desk, hehe.
Also, all the Mass Effect game are finally out on the PS3 too, in one nice package, if you're looking for other stuff!
I started reading Emma for the first time! I really like it.
That, the socks I'm knitting and the Doctor Who I'm watching while I'm knitting are pretty much the things that kept me going this week. How can you set fire to the atmosphere and everyone is just fine? Like, seriously?
This is going to give away how ridiculously, comically young I am, but last night I found out one of my friends is pregnant. And loudly thrilled about it.
She's older than I am, and her partner is, too, but this is the first time this has happened to someone around me. Granted, I have two friends who have children already. But. Why is this the weirdest thing, I can't get over it.
In other news I went hiking through two feet of snow on New Year's Eve. It was a glorious little mini vacation in the mountains with good company. There are lots of cute pictures of Mister and me from that trip. Mister is ridiculously handsome. End.
@Porn Peddler This happened to me this week too except the girl in question is my age! (25.) It is THE WEIRDEST! She's been married since the summer after college graduation, but is still the first of my friends, and by a long shot.
@Porn Peddler I'm 26 and I'm still reeling when friends get pregnant. Until now it's been age ranges closer and closer to me, but still in the "older brother's friends" or "cousins a few grades ahead of me" group. Until 2012, now it's real. And really weird. Even though I think I must be pretty lucky that I'm 26 and only now going through this.
@Porn Peddler I'm finally at the age where a lot of my friends/ people I grew up with are getting married and starting families and IT IS SO WEIRD!!! I can barely reconcile the fact that I am an actual adult, meanwhile a bunch of girls I went to high school with are GROWING HUMAN BEINGS INSIDE THEMSELVES and I just cannot deal with this!
Can I take a moment to speak to the tumblr-ers? I have had one for ages but never really post anything on it. One of my new years resolutions is to write up little reviews of all the books I read, because I read a shitload of books and sometimes I forget which ones I liked. I have been on a big YA kick lately, but there will be other kinds of books too. Plus whatever cute animal pictures/etc that I reblog.
It's at http://chulachula.tumblr.com/ and I've already written one review so far.
Anyone else have a tumblr?
@lizzle ooh i love tumblr, shall follow you now. mine isalwaysalreadyangry but i mostly just post music videos and gifs and stuff.
goodreads is good for keeping track of that kind of stuff, if you haven't tried it already! that's how i keep track of all the books i've read.
@lizzle Hello! I spent a lot of time babbling about nonsense at bluelightseven.tumblr.com and I'm going to follow ALL Y'ALL. Pinners make the best tumblr-rs.
@lizzle Heyo! for the peeps starting tumblrs! I just started one myself : Perfectly Chilled Text
I'ma follow alllll you people :)
@lizzle I'm meetapossum.tumblr.com. I love following Pinners, they're the best! My Tumblr is just random stuff.
@tambourine yay i'm going to follow all of you!
I have tried goodreads but since i already spend a shitload of time on tumblr, I am nervous about starting a rabbit hole of time-suck on a whole new website....but I will explore it a little more :)
@lizzle camanda.tumblr.com be me, my recent posts have little variety to them (FE12) (all the time) (I am not sorry) but I post all manner of inane things. Following you now!
@lizzle A book tumblr is a great idea! My mom reads 5-6 books a week and has started blogging just so she remembers what she read (and doesn't check it out from the library twice).
I started a tumblr last year with a friend where we post all the most ridiculous items from Anthropologie. http://shitanthrosells.tumblr.com/
@lizzle I love books so of course now I am a-followin' you. I'm http://rosencrantz.tumblr.com and trying to remember it more often, because a while back I got a message from an anon that asked me to give up my username "for someone who really wants it since you don't post that often."
Which, um, right. No.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ahhh, you already follow me, I recognize your name! Following you back posthaste!
@lizzle Oh, I gonna follow everyone too! My tumblr is maybe mostly cats and gifs, but it's professionalmess.tumblr.com
Mostly random reblogs but some writing too!!
@lizzle Yesss! 'Pinner tumblrs are my favorite tumblrs. You can find me at http://caitlinthinks.tumblr.com
@lizzle Yay more tumblrs! Mine is mostly Hobbit gifs at the moment.
@lizzle my tumblr is maladydee.tumblr.com and right now it's mostly reblogged hobbit stuff. Once in a while I post my own art (original content, what?) and waaaaay back near the beginning I have a walkthrough for how to mix and apply henna.
@lizzle I am really late, but here! teresaotter.tumblr.com
@agingqnlady You know, from reading what you've written here, I think your primary objective is to comfort those kids. The adults can sort themselves out - your aunt can likely find help from her peers in your family, if that's what I'm understanding - but those kids need some extra lovin'.
Depression is greedy; it steals time, energy and passion from the person who has it, and that ripples out to the family. Breakdowns are scary and hard for seasoned adults to understand, so I can't imagine it's easier for the kids.
The first thing I would do if I were in your situation? I'd treat those kids like they're the most normal humans I've ever met, and take them to do normal things, like visit a mall or zoo or whatever. Even just sitting around and playing cards or board games, just to show them everything doesn't have to be so dramatic and so heavy all. the. time.
If you've got a base of trust with them, they might open up to you about their fears or confusion. Otherwise, you have the opportunity to be a stable, calm, reassuring presence in their lives. Good luck, you sound like a great family member.
Hello again, FOT! I missed you.
I am currently languishing in Tupelo, MS. My mom's very close w/ her southern family and brings us here every year, but what usually happens is she spends her days visiting cousins I can't remember the names of and the rest of the family sits in my grandparents' house and do nothing. It's a strange place - none of the beds are long enough to comfortably sleep in and it has 6 rooms with 3 doors so we don't really have privacy. My parents are very old and very conservative and my gramps mansplains like a champion - I tell him about a brisket I just made and he'll take me through the entire process of preparing and cooking a brisket.
I thought this trip was a terrible idea - my brother's addiction issues have gotten a lot worse, his therapist is adamant that long-term inpatient treatment is an absolute necessity. I feel like my WASP family has decided to ignore it, like we do of so many other problems, by going on this trip. The day before we left it was discovered that he had stolen over a thousand dollars from my parents to buy oxy at $30 a pill from a trailer park in town (previous to this, he was taking 50 mile bus trips to Denver to smoke heroin). I feel like at this point there's nothing I can do, and that it's just a matter of hoping he can get it under control at some future point, or else he'll die. I don't want to think about it.
Beyond that, the move to Denver has gone well, but school starts shortly and I feel unprepared, and I haven't truly relaxed in about 6 months. I wanted some time but it isn't happening. I've got a saving grace though - there's a girl in Denver and she's going to be my Virgil for the journey into Denver's social scene. We talk every day, I think that she may like me, I can never tell with these things. We laugh a lot. I feel guilty about the crush that I have on her, I'm exasperated w/ myself and feel sort of like a dog. She's in an exceedingly abusive relationship (which I'm loathe to call it as the POS more or less outright claimed her after a brief casual encounter) and I along with other friends have been helping her to distance herself from him. It makes my heart hurt and complicates my feelings.
Despite all this my spirits remain stable at a less-than-good but not awful state. My neighborhood in Denver is much more beautiful than my previous Bushwick neighborhood, my roommate is exceedingly chill, I'm looking forward to what the future has for me. I need to get a job or an internship, and start dating again. I've updated my profile to more explicitly highlight my PDD / past trauma, which on the one hand I feel shouldn't define me, but on the other hand have caused me great guilt when dating in the past, like I was hiding them. This openness will probably cost me many dates, but I'll feel better about the ones I do go on.
So uh, that's like 3 weeks of stuff right there. I hope everyone's been well!
@Danzig! Hello! And good for stable not awful spirits!
Also, I am going to run down the stairs repeating Tupelo Tupelo Tupelo over and over again because it is fun to say.
@PistolPackinMama hi! Wow I just realized how fucking verbose I am. I cannot not write essays. I blame it on being bored as fuck in Tupelo. I'm writing a thing on Silver Linings Playbook because there's nothing else. Such nothingness
@Danzig! Hello! Yay for beautiful neighborhood. I am also not ready for school to start. This is partly because I've been sick the entire break, so I feel cheated.
@Springtime for Voldemort man everybody's sick aren't they
I've got the post-holiday Shitvirus and an iffy wi-fi connection (leeching off a neighbor until Xfinity comes on Tuesday, eek). I found some VHS tapes to watch, but once those are done then what do I do? Anyone read anything good lately?
I am also going on my first OkCupid date tomorrow night and don't know how I feel about it yet!
@shart_attack Over the holiday break I read a couple of books about murder! BTK in particular was a fascinating, if horrifying, read.
My husband got Homeland Season 1 for Christmas and we powered through it and are now seriously considering getting Showtime so we can watch season 2 right now.
@lobsterhug Its crazy good right? I recommend that show all the time.
@lobsterhug My husband and I just powered through season 1 on New Year's Day. So addicting! And since season 2 is over but not yet on Netflix, we borrowed it from someone who downloaded the episodes.
It gets pretty shitty in season 2.
@Reginal T. Squirge No! I want the opposite of that.
We just got a shelter dog this week! Ahhhh! It all happened very fast, which left my head spinning a bit. Still in the "what did we just doooo...." phase of getting a dog. (AKA it's January in the Northcountry and walking a dog at 7 a.m. is....brisk) LUCKILY, he's awesome. No peeing/pooping/chewing in the house, he does ok in the crate, very friendly (almost a bit needy at times), ok on a leash, does not bark other than an errant WOOF here and there, begs a little bit, but he's so cute.
Any tips/dog stuff you like/training books you like/reminiscing about your own critters is appreciated! I'd definitely like to teach him more tricks (he knows sit), and to catch a frisbee in his mouth (so close!).
@phipsi PICS. Also, hug him all the time.
@phipsi HTML HOW DOES IT WURK
@phipsi Seconded on the hugging him all the time.
He'll get the frisbee thing on his own, just keep practicing! (Also, good exercise.) With tricks and such, figure out what motivates him--is it food? Is it a toy? Is it praise?--and use that to slowly work up to a behavior. If you're trying to teach him to shake, first get him to pick up his paw--when he does, food/toy/praise. The incorporate a cue ("Shake!" etc), more food/toy/praise, etc etc etc. You'll be there before you know it.
Get a Kong (here) to stuff with goodies for in the crate while you're gone and you should be set! Lots of love and hugs and pictures if you'd like to send us some to ooooooh over. Shelter dogs are the best best.
@phipsi PUPPY! Snow puppy!
@phipsi Awww, shelter doggies! They are the best!
This is what I always tell my clients at work (I'm a vet tech): There are SO MANY ways to train a dog and lots of them are good, but the most important thing is to pick a method and be consistent about it! Dogs like having a job and knowing their place in the family, so as long as you find a routine it will probably work out great. Plus, it sounds like you're starting out with a great dog.
That said, I am a big fan of Patricia McConnell, the Monks of New Skete, gentle leaders and chain collars (IF USED PROPERLY.) Bark Busters can also be good if you are having specific problems.
I am a less big fan of clicker training, harnesses for dogs bigger than Jack Russell size, and shock collars.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I tried SHAKE with him like the day of or day after he came home, the only problem is that he's VERY excited about treats and wants to be extremely close when you have a treat in your hand. I kind of have to figure out the best time to work with him - he is very focused on the task at hand (toys, treats, you, reflections on the wall). I think once I figure out a method to train him, he'll be very focused on that as well, but for now he's just like "YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME AND I LOVE YOU ALSO TREATS"
@phipsi If he's very excited about treats, that can actually be a great motivator for "lie down" - it's SO HARD for my dog to lie down when there is a TREAT SOMEWHERE!!! but he'll do it because he knows it's the only way. But you can't cave and give it while he's still super-bouncy.
Also, re: frisbee, sometimes they find it easier to catch the floppy rubber ones. And mine will FOREVER do leaping diving frolics to catch a ball, but has never really gotten the hang of the frisbee, so.
Also, OMG, our dogs match. Pretty much identical, it looks like. Best dog.
@phipsi Oh! Okay! Well that's a good sign. Maybe just spend some time loving on him (TOUGH, I KNOW) and getting comfortable together and then work up to training once you get used to each other. :) He sounds like a smart boy.
One of the first things our trainer taught us was "look," where you say the pup's name, and once they look at your face, they get a treat. It comes in very handy.
@Ophelia Yep, floppy rubber frisbee is what we've got. He's come close to catching it a few times! Then he waves it about and gets snow all over himself. It's pretty much the best. I've got a few more on order because he loves to chew/tear them as well (although I've been keeping the frisbee out of reach except during fetch time in lieu of KONG and other more robust toys).
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Good tips, good tips! I think I just need to work with him this weekend when we have more time. I watched some YouTube videos featuring a guy with crazy eyes and a clicker, but I will try some other methods this weekend!
New dog owner here, too!
Don't Shoot the Dog is a good book on clicker and positive reinforcement training.
The lady trained a hermit crab. For reals.
And we've had good luck with the same methods in the classes we go to at the Humane Society.
@phipsi Heyyy, it is so cool to adopt shelter dogs. You are super cool!
So, um, I do not think you should hug your dog all the time right this second. Wait a couple weeks. Also wait a couple weeks for heavy training. There's a lot of time for you to train this dog, introduce it to all your friends, and shower it with affection. Take it easy for two weeks, just to give this doggo a time to adjust to being out of the shelter environment and in your home. Your dog is way less likely to act out if you take it slow like this. This is not just my thing. Google "Two week shutdown for dogs" for expanded reasoning on why this is a good idea.
@phipsi EEeeeeee! Congratulations! We're going to start looking for another dog in February, and I'm falling over myself with wanting one NOW.
Does he do more than sit? A basic obedience class might be good. First of all, he'll learn how to lay/heel/come, but it'll also be a good thing to do with a new dog to sort of assert yourself as the boss. And bond and meet other dog people to talk about all the overwhelming parts of new dogs!
@phipsi HELLO DOG!
I just moved into a new studio that is painted the saddest of beiges. I don't have much stuff. I should paint now and furnish later, right? My only qualms are my lack of funds (I should probably research how much paint costs), and the lack of people to help me paint (new city), which would make such a project pretty time consuming.
Maybe I'll just hang cheap colorful posters everywhere to start?
@Trinette Magoon Paint is kind of pricey, but you could just do two (or even one) walls. My husband and I were sick of our sad, beige bedroom, so we did the parallel walls in a deep purple since we couldn't afford to do the whole room.
Plus, not doing every wall allows you to choose a vivid or dark or fun color you would not use on a whole apartment.
@Trinette Magoon If your place is teeny, or if you are open to painting different walls different colors, paint stores sell discounted cans that are one-offs (like not exactly the color someone else wanted, left over from a bigger order, etc.) If you measure your walls they should be able to tell you exactly how much paint you'd need for your space.
Also, what city? Maybe you could have a painting 'Pinup.....
@Trinette Magoon Ah and if it's a rental, buy the cheap paint! And prime, that will help. Be warned: dark paint requires more paint for evenness, which is both more expensive and time consuming.
Painting is not so bad, even to do by yourself. I've done it a bunch of times, with either lots of music or my laptop playing seasons of garbage TV that does not require my attention.
@Trinette Magoon If painting all the walls is too expensive, paint an accent wall! I'm not sure if this would be more cost effective, but you could also try this: http://thehairpin.com/2011/10/a-femmes-guide-to-improvement-fabric-covered-walls
@lizzle Also, see if you can get cheapie one-offs of primer (sometimes people have them tinted a very light color, which won't cause problems with your paint job), and then buy regular paint. You can get decent cans of eggshell at home depot or wherever for about $30 per gallon.
My uncle, his wife and three kids are currently visiting my family in NYC. Their girls are 16 and 12, and the son is 7. The family live in another country, with no other family around. My uncle has recently been suffering from major depression, something which my aunt has only recently begun to adequately acknowledge.
As might be expected, his depression is taking a toll on the family and himself. He was hospitalized, is occasionally violent (but usually towards himself), meditates excessively and does not hold a job. The family is starting to come to the conclusion that they need to move back to the US, where my uncle can begin to volunteer, achieve small goals and hopefully begin to recover. Their girls, after his last breakdown, are terrified of their father, partly since their mother has explained to them that their father's issues are a result of a battle between good and evil being waged within him. She has been threatening to leave him, which has only exacerbated his mental illness.
My question is: as their big cousin sister, what can I do? They've come to visit because they need help, desperately. The girls are good kids, and they're close to me and my brother, but they're also very confused and very scared. In the short-term, the family is visiting for the next few weeks and my parents are involved in mitigating the situation as best as they can.
The family is thinking about moving to DC, where I attend graduate school partly because my brother and I both live there. I'm think they're hoping to find a panacea by reassembling a larger extended family around my brother and I in DC, but I'm not sure how I can help (if I even can), except to comfort the girls.
I know some of you have suffered from depression or been exposed to those suffering from it, and know a little about the toll it takes on an individual and those around him. What do you think the role of extended family is here, and how can I take care of these girls appropriately and in a way that I can manage? Finally, how can I help my uncle?
@nyikint [Apparently I posted this somewhere else? Sorry for the double post, everyone.]
You know, from reading what you've written here, I think your primary objective is to comfort those kids. The adults can sort themselves out - your aunt can likely find help from her peers in your family, if that's what I'm understanding - but those kids need some extra lovin'.
If you've got a base of trust with them, they might open up to you about their fears or confusion. Otherwise, you have the opportunity to be a stable, calm, reassuring presence in their lives. Good luck, you sound like a great family member
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose @nyikint Agreed-the best thing is to make things for the kids as normal as possible but not in a fake-let's-pretend-your-dad-doesn't-have-depression sort of way. And maybe give them a chance to vent about their feelings judgement-free. Just from personal experience I was very angry about my own father's depression growing up but felt I couldn't express that to anyone else without coming across as a terrible human being because the man has an illness. In any case you sound like a lovely cousin and I'm sure they will very much appreciate any support you give them.
Hey Pinners! Delurking because I hope someone here might have some advice for me. I'm moving (like, next week) from the Northeast to Tucson, AZ, where I have never been and where I will know only a couple of older people I'll be working with. Does anyone here know things about Tucson? Where to go/what to do/where to meet young-ish people (I'm 24)? Any advice before I leap into the unknown would be super awesome!
@sadiejo Fun! I think there are actual Tucsonian 'Pinners, but just in case they're not around, I can speak as a former Phoenician 'Pinner.
I like Tucson! I'm sort of not allowed to say that as a Phoenician, as they're kind of rival cities, but I do. It has very good Mexican food and is a little slower paced than Phoenix. It feels like and is a college town. It's more liberal than Phoenix, which gives it points. It's very good for outdoorsy stuff and the hiking is amazing. Mexico is only a very short drive away if you like day trips to foreign countries. The main hip strip is 4th Ave, with a smaller one on Congress St. Bison Witches is an incredibly good sandwich shop that also has a bar. El Charro is an historic Mexican food place that's pretty dang good. La Parilla Suiza is another good Mexican joint that I think is a local chain.
In general, I would suggest not settling for a cheap apartment in a boring ol' complex, but maybe try to find a cute neighborhood where you can rent a house. It's fairly inexpensive real estate.
@sadiejo Hi, my brother lives in Tucson, so I can give some once-removed advice! Be sure to research the area where you are moving; look up crime statistics etc. Cars get broken into a lot, and there are sometimes pretty shady areas not to far from nice-looking ones (not to scare you though! It's safe from what he says if you pick the right area).
The Mexican food! So good! Also, like Emby said if you like outdoorsy stuff it has a lot of great options; we went to Sabino Canyon last time we were there and it was beautiful. I would also be sure to wear sunscreen and keep a water bottle handy. I know it's winter now, but getting used to the dessert is a process and the summer months are beastly if you're not used to the 100s. Good luck!
Thanks, you guys! This is really helpful :)
My boyfriend's divorce trial will be on Wednesday (assuming she refuses his final settlement proposal). Whatever happens, it's certain to be ugly. And yet, whatever happens, it will be good to FINALLY have it over with. This has been a year and a half in the making (or ten years, depending on how you look at it).
@fondue with cheddar sending you the best of luck! Whatever happens you will cut through it like a hot knife through butter
@Danzig! Thanks! I hope you're right. :)
You guyssssssss! I broke my 9 month long dry spell and for the past month have been getting very very laid by a Super Hot Jerk. We had sexytimes on Christmas night and he brought me a gift, and then promptly did a Disappearing Act! I've heard of these things happening but I've never experienced it. Back to the land of Celibacy? I can't face it!
@lasso tabasco Oh man! Super Hot Jerks ruin lives but are SO FUN. Until they are the worst.
@terrific right!! HERE'S A CHRISTMAS PRESENT AND NOW I'M GOING TO NEVER EVER CONTACT YOU AGAINNNNNNNNNNN! I don't understand. Also, a person several years younger than me who works at a fast food joint asked me out for a drink, and I said yes, because I am desperate.
I am re-reading A Separate Peace and then will be re-reading Atonement and then The Pine Barrens - 2013 seems to be the year of re-reading!
I have tons going on but the most important thing is that Mr Polka Dots vs Stripes has a final interview for a great job he really wants next week, so keep your hairpins crossed for him, please?
Oh and also, although I normally wear stripes, I am attending a polka-dots-required birthday party at the end of the month! Which just makes me giggle, given my username.
@polka dots vs stripes Fingers crossed for your Mr.! And that's a cute party idea...I want to use it.
@polka dots vs stripes <3 the Pine Barrens! John McPhee 4ever!
SHUT UP, NERDS, JANE MARIE IS PREGNANT WITH A GODDAMN HUMAN BABY AND I AM TELLING YOU ABOUT IT. SMOTHER HER WITH YOUR FEELINGS.
@Nicole Cliffe Are we allowed to do this now??? Do we have Jane permission???????
YES. I texted and asked like a grown-up.
@Nicole Cliffe AHHHHHHHH! WHEN IS IT COMING?
For her sake, I hope the instant she begins to experience mild discomfort.
@Nicole Cliffe GASP
@Nicole Cliffe Woooooooooo!
@Nicole Cliffe now, first things first, THEY HAVE MATERNITY CLOTHES ON TOPSHOP YOU GUYS.
@Nicole Cliffe A human baby, you say? So passe. Why not a bamboo shoot or a basket of oranges? (Edit: I mean, congratulations!)
@Jane Marie CONGRATS!
@Jane Marie Damn, Jane Marie, you were NOT KIDDING about that baby makin love. ON TOP OF THINGS, SHE IS.
(CONGRATULATIONS HOW WONDERFUL)
@frigwiggin i asked for the basket of oranges version at my last doctor visit but they said it's already starting to skew humanoid.
@Nicole Cliffe CONGRATS JANE, WHEREVER YOU ARE! PROBABLY, LIKE, BABIES Я US!
@Jane Marie You just changed my world/drained my wallet. Topshop, I love you.
(also, congratulations! hooray!)
@Jane Marie BORING
(Drink more water, maybe? Eat more hummus? Laugh alone with salad?)
@Jane Marie Congrats! ASOS.com carries maternity too.... they currently have a sale on baggy ikat print pants...
@Jane Marie Congratulations, Jane!!!!!!!!
@Jane Marie CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I can't wait for baby style posts.......
@Jane Marie JANE!! Congratulations!
@Nicole Cliffe I CALLED IT!!!
@Jane Marie Congratulations!! Your baby can already apply mascara better than me.
@Jane Marie aww congratulations, but for god's sake only do it one baby at a time.
/voice of wisdom
@Jane Marie Woooooooooooooo!
@Jane Marie CONGRATULATIONS!!!
@Nicole Cliffe I saw something on twitter and Surmised! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!
@Nicole Cliffe So many congratulations, Jane. This is really fun news for a Friday!
@PistolPackinMama Congratulations, Jane! So exciting!
@Jane Marie Congratulations!
@Nicole Cliffe @Jane Marie CONGRATULATIONS! HOW WONDERFUL!
@Jane Marie MAZEL TOV!
@Jane Marie congratulations Jane! How wonderful. I wish you the best happiness and most embarrassing pregnancy stories to relate later on
@lemonadefish hm, that was supposed to say congratulations. Congratulations!
Right before the break they pretty much told me my boss hates me and they'd try to give me a transfer (I don't think they're going to try very hard) and I basically stepped back into work in 2013 having no idea what the fuck is going on. It wasn't exactly the welcome that I wanted (and I'm not allowed to tell any of my coworkers about this) so I'm in this state of half limbo/half relief. I might have a lower paying job or I might just be getting axed. It sounds like the job market is shit right now, how are you fellow job seekers faring out there?
@parallel-lines You might want to consult a labor lawyer about a wrongful termination suit, if you get axed.
@parallel-lines @Lisa Frank
Yeah. And stop having face to face convos about this. Do it in email only. Paper trail, ya'lls.
@barefoot cuntessa And forward the emails to your personal account in case they fire you and then terminate your work email.
WELL. A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, including my uncle exploding his garage and getting caught in the blast. He will be okay, though, so that is good.
I have decided for 2013 that I will listen to lots more new and new-to-me music, and today have started that off with Vienna Teng. So lovely! And I'm going to a show tomorrow night, mostly to see a musician I've seen a bunch of times before (Mark Growden), but there will be other musicians there too, so I'm excited! Any new music discoveries/events that people have had lately or will have soon?
@frigwiggin ...........I grew up in NJ for 22 years and just now am "getting" Bruce Springsteen.
One of my favorite music discoveries in 2012 was Delta Spirit.
@polka dots vs stripes Oh! Do this right now if you haven't already -- treat yourself to the video for "Brilliant Disguise." That is, if you can handle prolonged eye contact with Bruce, and being virtually serenaded by him while he stares you down.
@raised amongst catalogs I have not, but my work blocks videos, so I hope "right now as soon as I get home from work" counts for you??
@polka dots vs stripes It most definitely counts. I just watched it twice -- once for me and once for you in the meantime.
@friggy-- o_O uncle!
@PistolPackinMama It was surprising but not at the same time--he has a lot of ammunition and has been known to make bombs for festive occasions, and also had a lot of cars, but although I don't know the exact details I gather it was some sort of fire-related accident. But he is healing and may not even lose his thumb, according to my aunt! I haven't seen him since I was probably 16 because of family issues, but I was ready to drive on out there when things were looking grim. I'll probably go see them when things are better and less exhausting, although I doubt we'll ever be close again.
@frigwiggin VIENNAAAAAA. If you like her, I suggest Box Five and Sarah Slean! I am not listening to nearly enough new music but I've been jamming to Marina and the Diamonds a lot recently. And YIKES about your uncle, I'm glad he's gonna be okay!
@frigwiggin A friend of mine's uncle once exploded his house by using bleach and caustic soda to clean his toilets. Then he did it again. And recommends it to this very day -as he sees it, the toilets may have been converted into fast-moving shards, but they were very clean.
@Apocalypstick Oh, uncles.
@all Thank you for the suggestions! Including Danzig!, whose comment I can't see here but which I've saved in my inbox so that I can explore and experience some sweet new jamz.
A Person of Love Interest is moving back to town imminently, and I am so anxious to see them! Even though I have been playing it very cool we have probably been in touch more in the last two months than the whole entire previous year that he lived in my city.
Dude move back now so I can furtively ping you for signs of interest! Augh.
Goddammit 4 o'clock start! I had the day off and everything! OK but anyway, GUYS. So, I hadn't seen dudefriend in MONTHS COUNT THEM MONTHS and I FINALLY got to see him after Christmas all the way through New Years and I am a VERY happy girl. I only have to wait a couple weeks this time! Things have been awesome so far but this time...it was different, like Really Good Different and I am super happy. I've got it bad y'all. Anyway, have a great weekend everyone!! :)
ALSO for anyone who made me all sarcastic and pissed off today in the comments (I AM LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION LETTER WRITE NUMBER 1) you best lay low cause, it was going to take A LOT to piss me off this week and well, WAY TO GO.
She made me pissed too! I'm going to wander high end hotel bars this weekend looking for younger women clearly picking up on old rich men and start yelling "It's on bitch!" I know it was you who wrote that letter. EXPAND YOUR MOTHER-FUCKING HORIZONS!!!
@Tuna Surprise When I read it something just snapped in my tiny, hot-tempered brain. It made me twitch for a couple hours.
'pinners! My friend and I are making lamb chops and Brussels sprouts for dinner (nom). WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK??
@klemay Heated sake.
@klemay Pinot noir?
@klemay Red wine or a nice brown ale.
@klemay Moscato! Or if you like it a bit bubbly, spumante!
I think I'm getting sick. I'm eating candy canes because I don't have any cough drops. That'll work, right?
The year so far has been TERRIBLE (heart sad, vagina sadder). But my best friend is visiting for the weekend, I just impulsively signed up for a co-ed floor hockey league when a friend invited me (I haven't played floor hockey since 1998, but whatever), and I'm going to my first NBA game on Sunday, so hopefully things are about to look up!
@zamboni Both floor hockey (I was captain of my 5th grade intramural team...in 1998, haha) and the NBA game sound like a lot of fun. I went to my first NBA game a couple years ago, and I loved it - it's way more high-energy to watch in person than some other sports.
@zamboni What game?
@zamboni OKC @ Raptors. So, I paid real money to watch the Raptors, but the rest is exciting! (Also getting a Rockford-Toronto AHL game in on Saturday.) One day I'll be able to tell my friends' kids that I once saw Kevin Durant, sort of, from very far away.
@olivebee I'm really excited! but our seats are like in the rafters of the arena so I'm hoping I can actually see okay. Apparently this floor hockey league outlaws all the "scrappiness" that made me good, sooo I'll have to develop some real skills.
@zamboni Hey man, you paid to watch OKC, too! (I'm assuming you are a Raptors fan, but still, I'm...::sighs heavily::...I'm a Wizards fan, so...if we don't get hockey back and I have to watch one more Wiz game...I don't know how long I am for this world.)
@katiemcgillicuddy I replied at myself because my trackpad is a narcissist. OKC @ Raptors!
@zamboni Ha, no worries, happens to us all. Have fun at the game!
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm not a Raptors fan because I didn't really watch the NBA until two or three years ago and I'm not a masochist. Totally going to watch OKC. OH MY GOD, THOUGH, THE WIZARDS??? I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry. I <3 Shelvin Mack, I hope he's not making your life too much worse.
@zamboni I mean, JWall is back soon, so I will lie to myself and pretend it will all be fine. FOUR WINS SO FAR. I almost cried when we beat the Heat. God, I hate them. It's no longer the case, but when I was a kid, My Thing was the NBA, so I just keep...watching. It's twisted. RG3 is going to fix everything, though, so it's okay. I'm hoping SMack™ will be a Christmas miracle!
Ya'll I am on the verge of a hissy fit. I just had my third key lime flavored seltzer water which is the lady's alternative to soda, and I'm still careening down a path of destruction. I'm still at work so instead of stripping down and flopping on my bed, which usually solves these things, I've put my hair up in a serious-looking bun. Two hours and counting...
Since Christmas, I have adopted a cat, dumped a fellow, and agreed to go steady (be exclusive) with another. And got two new roommates.
My resolution was to not attempt anything (else) new in January (FOCUS ROBOT FOCUS), but I have realized I don't think that's going to happen.
@When robot unicorns attack Tell me (us?) about the cat. Name? Personality?
@olivebee Ok! You don't have to ask me twice!
He's a HUGE 5 year old Maine Coon brown tabby rescue whose face was all ripped up by a coyote a year ago (poor fella, but I bet the coyote regretted that move). He's FIV+ (again, poor fella, but he's fine right now and hopefully forever). He weighs maybe 25-30 lbs, but is not really fat. A little soft in the belly, maybe, but he's basically Mr. Muscle.
I named him Manley after Effa Manley, the first female inductee to the baseball hall of fame. I like to name my pets after bad-ass ladies. But his name really should have been Hercules, because that's what he's like.
He's such a lovely man. He's very interactive and will come when he's called. He likes to hang out, and sleep back to back, but is not the biggest cuddler.
The transition is proving a bit hard on him (my subsequent new years party and addition of two roommates probably didn't help), and although he's doing very well he's still quite shy around anyone not me and my main fella, and likes to hide all day. He's keeping me up all night too, because his litter and food is in my room for now (I feel like having to venture out for essentials is too taxing on him just yet)and he just hides all day and wants to walk on my face and flop around and go in and out at night. I'm exhausted.
Any tips for making him a happy cat?
(Also, this comment just shredded any Hairpin anonymity I may have had, so hi friends!)
@olivebee Oh and also: he's hilariously disgusting. He snores and makes lots of noise eating and grooming himself, and gnaws on his back paws like ham bones. And has to dig in the litter box for like 10 minutes before he will poop. He sits upright on his butt with his legs splayed out to either side to clean his belly, and I can't help but to laugh and laugh. Oh Manley!
@When robot unicorns attack Awww, everything about your description made me smile (except the transition being hard - but he'll totally adjust soon). Don't you just love how cats have their weird, little quirks like humans do? Little behaviors that separate your cat from others and provide endless entertainment. To sit down, my one cat walks her back legs in a semi circle till they are sideways on the floor, and then she sits the rest of her body down. Even though she does it a million times a day, it's still funny to me 3 years later.
Also, re: FIV+...I volunteer at a cageless, no-kill cat shelter every week, and the FIV+ cats there are literally always the friendliest, sweetest cats with the happiest personalities. I'd be surprised to meet an FIV+ cat that wasn't like that.
Motorcycling 'Pinners: Has anyone tried the Draggin' Slix kevlar jeans? Or know of any other skinny kevlar jeans? I've tried every pair of kevlar jeans in my size that I can find under the Slix pricetag, and they are all terrible and turn my body into a lump of embarrassing shapes. I kept the Teknic Venom ones (because they were simultaneously one of the least terrible shapes AND have removable armor) but for everyday/commuting I want skinny jeans with kevlar in more than just my knees. I can't find any other than the Slix, but they are $$$ (which is even doable right now, because Santa gave me money and instructed me to use it to help pay for something I wanted but normally wouldn't buy myself, but shipping across the world, with the possibility of two more trips across the world if I need to exchange them for another size, has me very nervous).
@KeLynn Kevlar jeans? Like...the stuff they use to make bullet proof vests? I had no idea you could use that stuff for regular clothing - how neat!
[So clearly I am no help to you. Sorry!]
@Jinxie Yep! (well, with my limited knowledge of bulletproof vests' construction, I'm saying yes.) If you get in an accident, they don't tear as easily as regular jeans.
For those not partaking in Dryunary (who am I kidding, I'm Irish and ugh god, January, get out of here) what are you drinking?
@katiemcgillicuddy I bought spiced rum to make hot buttered rum over the holidays, and then I ended up not caring for hot buttered rum. Some internet research told me that there is a drink called the Sweet Palmetto, which is rum, sweet vermouth and bitters. It tasted like Robitussin for the first few sips but I am also Irish and I powered through.
bottle of wine by myself - pinot grigio. Wanted something light. I've got a bottle of single cask scotch for my inaugural work drinks next Friday. I volunteered to do a Friday night social in my office since no one else will. I'm so excited!
@katiemcgillicuddy As previously mentioned, heated sake. And I also had a super tasty shandy yesterday that was ale and super spicey ginger ale. Yum.
ETA: Woot Irish (American) 'Pinner high-five!
@katiemcgillicuddy Kind of on a champagne kick
@katiemcgillicuddy Pyramid Snowcap!
Russian Tea Time house-flavored vodka flights!
@KeLynn Oy, I went through a phase where every New Years Eve for like 5 years I drank 2 bottles of champagne. I no longer drink champagne.
@adorable-eggplant @raised amongst catlogs WHAT UP IRISH
@ALL Excellent choices everyone. I will be drinking my typical seltzer/vodka/half squeezed lime/half squeezed lemon. The holidays took care of my whiskey and beer fix pretty good, so you know, back to my health kick!
@katiemcgillicuddy hey - kind of unrelated, have you gotten your Irish citizenship yet? I'm not crazy, it was you, right? It's been about 5 months since I submitted all of my materials, and nothing yet.
@Tuna Surprise Bringing the office together with single cask scotch. You can't see it, but I'm toasting you. Cheers.
@themegnapkin Yeah man! I got it early even! I've been too lazy to get my passport, but I am officially in their birth registry. SO EXCITING. Ok, so you got absolutely everything in? They told me six months, I lucked out and got it before that, but it took my brother at least 6 (I have a feeling the fact that my record has been em, expunged, and his might still be a teeny bit colorful caused that. He got it though, so no worries.) If you have specific questions, go for it.
@katiemcgillicuddy But yeah, they told me on average six months, so I wouldn't worry if I were you.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm pretty sure I submitted everything. It was kind of a long process - I submitted a bunch of stuff in the fall of 2008 because I wanted to leave my job and was considering trying to find something in the E.U. They cashed my check (so expensive!) and sent me a letter telling me what I still needed to submit. In the meantime, I found a job that I liked, so there wasn't any urgency to getting citizenship anymore, and I never got around to tracking down the rest of the material I needed to submit. In the summer of 2012, the Irish embassy wrote to me again and said, we've had your application for a long time, let us know within a month if you want to proceed or if you want to scrap it. So, I submitted everything, they wrote back and said okay, but what about the apostille copy of your parents' civil marriage license? I sent that in on. . . September 5, 2012, actually, so it's only been 4 months.
@themegnapkin Ok, yeah, you still are well within the normal time-frame. God, they really get you with all the fees and requirements, don't they? If you want to find out from someone at the actual Embassy in DC, the number is (202) 462-3939. There is a lovely woman there named Geraldine, ask for her if you have any trouble, she was so, so helpful.
@katiemcgillicuddy red wine...I'd be more specific but the bottle is sooooo far away (at least until my glass is empty...)
Has anybody 'round these parts ever used those yellow-tinted glasses that are supposed to help with computer-related eyestrain? Do they work? I am blinking and squinting and still have two hours left in the day.
@frigwiggin Are you allowed to download programs on your work computer? If so, you HAVE to get Flux. It adjusts the tint of your monitor, and can adjust according to sunrise/sunset times, even. Things look odd and yellow at first but you get used to it right away, and I've had SO much less eyestrain.
Ah! I just tried this, but I closed the window and it...looks the same? I can't figure out if I didn't finish with the settings or screwed it up somehow, and I can't find where it downloaded to so I can't try reinstalling it. Booooooo why am I so inept
@Sarah H. omg this is great
@frigwiggin I just got Flux recently. It only changes after sunset (mine automatically detected my time somehow but maybe yours has the wrong time zone, or the sun has actually not set yet where you are) and to me the color change looks pinkish rather than yellow.
Ooh, Robert Cromeans is coming to our salon tomorrow, and everybody is all a-twitter. It's Rex Manning Day!
Also, my one hard-lovin' foster kitty, Luckie Lou, is going to go to one of the local pet stores that features adoptable cats tomorrow, and I am going to miss him, but he is also going to be instantly adopted, because this is a cat with charm and style.
So far in 2013 I have been eating holiday candy and treat leftovers almost exclusively. It is a poor health choice, but extremely thrifty!
@frenz.lo Ohhh Rexy, you're soooo sexy...
Someone explain how my eyes are super wrinkly today, even though last night I dunked my head in a vat of moisturizer and then slept for 10 hours.
@KeLynn Isn't the other part of the unholy trinity of never aging water-drinking? I bet if you just drank more water your eyes would be both not super wrinkly and also capable of striking down your foes with a single glance.
@wharrgarbl - ah! This might be where I have failed. I have not made a conscious effort to drink much water lately, which always means I'm not drinking enough. Off to fill up my water bottle!
Thank GOODNESS the FOT is back!
Yayyyyy FOT! Today I activated my new phone what I bought for myself for Christmas - it is 'smart' and I feel like I am living in the future and it is great. Beep beep boop fancy phone times!
I'm also really upset though because I tried to port my old number to this phone when activating but it didn't work and it assigned me a new number without giving me the option to try again :/ I guess I could call customer service and beg, but in my despair I already made the FB/email announcement and I don't want to confuse people. I was absurdly attached to my old number - it still had the area code from my heart-home, I hate this stupid new area code!
But anyway. Has anyone else gotten a new phone number recently and have tips for making the transition smoothly? Like, I've sent messages and emails and will change it on my bank/work/school/online accounts, but are there other important things I should do? Or, any recommendations for fun Android apps, since that's a thing I can do now, apparently!
@BattyRabbit Ooooh, what kind of phone!? I'm due for an upgrade, and I'm thinking about switching from Apple to Android. It's exciting and terrifying! My life is average!
Ummm it's an HTC One V? I didn't have much of a budget, haha. But it has worked just fine for the first 3 hours of its life with me. Are you curious about anything in particular? I've never had a smartphone before so I don't really know what to say about it other than "so fancy!"
@BattyRabbit "so fancy!" is totally acceptable. I still get really excited about fancy stuff. HTC was the brand I was looking at, and just knowing that it doesn't explode within 3 hours is wonderful! Ha, I hope it treats you vurry well.
My favorite apps are all the With Friends games (Words, Hanging, Scramble), Kindle, Songza, and Mint (for finance). I think those are probably all available on both systems, so check 'em out!
As a die-hard Scrabble loyalist I've been resisting Words with Friends, but I may have to give in at long last, hahaha. And I just remembered that Fruit Ninja exists! The Kindle app is also really tempting since I don't have a tablet of any kind, oooooh. Thanks for the recs! If you make the Android switch I hope it pleases you!
@BattyRabbit I'm right there with you! I got my first smart phone a week ago (also android), and I just keep oohing and ahhing over every little thing. My husband took a picture of me (with his phone) sitting on the edge of the bathtub, fully clothed, immersed in learning my new phone's tricks. I went in there to grab a tissue and didn't come back, so he was all "where the hell did she go?"
Anyways, the GoodReads app, Pandora app, and, of course, Instagram are pretty good. Also, if you're as much of a pop culture nerd as I am, you need the IMDB app. And a lot of restaurants have apps (cough, Chipotle, cough).
@olivebee I just got an android because my old phone broke, and basically all that's out there is blackberry, android or iphone. I am super happy, it's a bit tricky to use, but I got a good incentive from the company so it cost me about 33 dollars plus a tab - some companies have really good deals if you get a contract.
THIS DAY. THIS DAY. You know when your eyes well up over stupid, little things - like the printer jammed again, or you can't find the pink hi-liter? That has been this day.
But in GOOD NEWS: I am officially engaged! And I made a mock-up wedding invitation while "working" to ward off the weepiness.
Things are definitely more awesome than not!
@BucketsOfCool I hate those days! You know when someone asks "how are you?" it will tip you over the edge and tears will roll out.
LOVE the good news though! Congrats!
@quimby, @ lemonadefish
Thanks! It's been a whirlwind, but a super fun one.
And yes, @quimby, how dare they ask me anything! Especially, "Can you order lunch today? I know it's not your job, but.... Oh also, can I get mine without broccoli but sub green beans? And make sure they do tofu instead of chicken. That happened last time I ordered it." I am so done with this day. And this short (loooooooong) week.
@BucketsOfCool Congrats on the engagement, and good luck with the wedding planning!
I'm reading Notorious Royal Marriages by Leslie Carrol. Its basically a ragmag of the most dysfunctional royal pairings, starting with Eleanor of Aquitaine. It isn't entirely accurate, but I'm not writing a dissertation and its FUN. I think I'm going to read more and more of this historical smut.
@barefoot cuntessa Ohhhh man I would have a good book to recommend to you if I could just remember the title! It was about famous affairs of queens throughout history, and it was sooooo good. Let me bebop around on Gooogle for a bit and see if I can find it for you.
@BattyRabbit just replying here because I am DYING to know what book that is!
@polka dots vs stripes
It's "Sex with the Queen!" How could I forget a title like that? Anyway: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Queen-Virile-Passionate-Politics/dp/0060846747
It's been a few years since I read it and reading the description it seems like it may cover territory lots of folks are already familiar with, but I remember reading about some royal lady who kept the hearts of her executed lovers in small cages which she hung from the hoops of her skirts, and that was, just, like, damn.
@BattyRabbit .....I'm not sure what it says about me, but I am promptly adding that to my wishlist. Thank you!
@BattyRabbit I totally just bought that shit.
I watched my boyfriend play Journey a couple nights ago (scoff if you must, but I find actually playing most video games too stressful, but love watching!)--that game is so. Damn. Beautiful. I wanted to cry a couple of times.
@frigwiggin Journey is such a beautiful game. I love playing it with other strangers, which, really, is how all multiplayer games should be.
@frigwiggin watching but not playing = yes me too! haha... I grew up only playing PC games (no video games allowed because religion!) so anything with a controller intimidates me greatly. Except like, Mariokart? I actually enjoyed watching bf play call of duty when he first got it and backseat playing at various junctures.
Seriously, I am having the worst day ever. I am mad at myself for sucking, mad at others for also sucking, sad that my dog is sick, tired because I was out late, upset at myself that I still miss my ex, sad because I miss my ex, pissed because the weather's too warm to skate, and sort of hungry.
I should get drunk tonight probably, but if I drink alone I'll get all depressed. But I'm too annoyed at life to be social. This is the worst catch-22 of all time!
@gobblegirl I went out last night so I'm too tired to go out tonight, but I ain't dead, so I'm gonna toss a few back and make myself some sweet dinner. Do the same, read a book, watch some stupid TV (I've watched 4 episodes of Friends today, HELLO BEAUTIFUL WASTED DAY OFF) and just be lazy. Take it easy on yourself, it's no fun missing someone, but you certainly shouldn't be mad at yourself for doing it! You do not suck and I hope your pup feels better :( and for what its worth, seriously, I'm watching Friends and actually talking back to the characters (haha, Monica, you are so ridiculous) so, really, at least you aren't me :)
@katiemcgillicuddy I did the TV-and-dinner plan yesterday, and it was great (Life on Mars and beef stew). And I'm mad at myself for sucking on a particular task, not in general. Tonight...we'll see!
@gobblegirl Yeah, I should have been more specific, it was obvious you meant about a particular task, not in general. Still, fuck. it. Try and enjoy your friday.
@katiemcgillicuddy I appreciate the pep talk, for real. I have a nice weekend planned, I'll nap and get over it.
OOOH ACTUAL QUESTION!
I am going to a baby shower on Sunday, but I don't think they're registered anywhere and I don't have tons of cash anyway.
What's a good baby shower gift? A book for the baby? A treat for the mother? Suggestions: GO!
@gobblegirl Every baby needs a copy of Goodnight Moon. So that is what I get.
@gobblegirl I'd go Stuart Little, I kind of like buying "future gifts" if you don't have a registry to go by, and then I assist mommy with whatever her particular vice is (assuming it isn't, you know, crack or something.)
@gobblegirl Go to TJ Maxx or Marshall's or some place like that. Buy one cute onesie, one cute stuffed animal, and a ton of plain onsies in a size that is not the smallest. I have no babies, but from my baby shower experiences, every time a mom-to-be gets a ton of basic onsies, all the current moms go "oh my gosh, I went through onsies like water when X was a baby" and they also all mention that moms-to-be usually get a lot of cute infant sized stuff and then have close to nothing once the baby grows a little.
But you still want something cute in there for people to ooh an ahhh at.
@gobblegirl Goodnight Moon, plus Posted on January 4, 2013 at 6:21 pm
Black turtleneck onesies in all sizes up to 24 months. Nothing better than a baby beatnik!
Books are good too though.
I also like to get some belly butter or something pampery for mom.
@gobblegirl If I don't make something, I always just buy basic cotton clothes, preferably from an independent shop that they could maybe exchange if they wanted, in size 9-12 months, and not too crazy gender-ish. Like leggings, onesie, whatevers.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher edit: I don't know why that link posted that way. It's supposed to be Go The Fuck To Sleep. It still links to it on Amazon. I am fail at HTML.
@gobblegirl Diapers. You can never have enough diapers.
@gobblegirl I recently bought jewelry for my boss that is safe for babies to chew. It's pretty cute! http://store.chewbeads.com/Default.asp
Something super awesome happened to me yesterday. It's not a for-sure thing, but the good news is bursting out of my eyeballs. I can't wait until I can say more!
I need some advice. I want to go back to school this year in hopes of career advancement/change. I registered for classes at the local community college since I dropped out of the state university before I could fail out of my second semester 13 years ago and they won't have me back until I complete a certain number of courses.
I spent a few years in my early 20’s signing up for and not finishing classes at the community college while I tried to “find myself” and pretend that depression could be treated with a new shiny notebook (it can’t). As a result the community college says I am ineligible for federal financial aid until I complete enough credits to bring my ratio of attempted to completed courses up to par. In the meantime I have to pay out of pocket for these credits. Unfortunately my pockets are quite empty.
The rather curt gentleman at the financial aid office said I might be able to get a private loan but those terrify me. I’ve heard nothing but horror stories about people who will be paying off private loans well into retirement that I don’t want to take that route unless necessary. But if I don’t, I will have to wait a year to save up enough cash. I might be able to swing a class or two this spring, but not a full load.
I am hesitant to bring it up with my boss because I am getting to the point job-wise where not having a degree is going to hurt me, never mind the almost 6 years on-the-job experience. If I tell him I have to wait a year I feel like they might just let me go and hire a new graduate to take my place. Although, that may just be my direct manager, he puts a lot of stock in degrees and certification where I think the CEO is willing to look at performance and experience. I am not the only one at my general level without a degree, but I am the only one in my department. Of course, my department is only three people. I’ve survived three rounds of layoffs and I do have a better track record of working without errors than my manager, so maybe I am overreacting but I don’t want to rock the boat.
Are private loans as bad as I’ve heard? Should I just suck it up and do it? The total to cover the classes until I reach their ratio (and qualify to reapply to the state school) is about $6K for three semesters, so maybe it’s not that much money. It feels like a lot compared to the nothing I’ve got.
Could you plausibly stay in the same company after you get your degree, and be better for them somehow? If so, just ask if they can help. Lots of companies will pay continuing education and that sort of thing, and $6000 really isn't much compared to recruiting and hiring a new employee.
I never took any private loans (though I would have loved the summer semester in Barcelona that I considered them for...). The reason I was scared off is that they had to be repaid starting in like 6 months, when I was more than a year from graduating, so I knew I would have no way to repay them when they came due. It would be worth checking out the terms to see what it would mean for you, repayment-wise, if your company won't cover part or all of your tuition...
@Chel Not sure where you are located, but this cost seems a little high to me. Can you take some online classes at a cheaper community college, and transfer those credits? Otherwise, maybe approach your work about funding any of the classes that will improve your skill set? Sending you to school is probably cheaper than firing you, finding/hiring a new person, and training them.
Private loans aren't that bad. I had a significant amount and paid them all off. (Although it was 2001 when I applied for them so I'm sure some of the young ones can give you better up to date advice).
The main thing for you would try to get the lowest interest rate possible and preferably loans that don't require repayment while you're still enrolled in school. With that in mind, if you are working during school, try to make small payments toward the loans as much as possible. $25 a week payments would be $1800 for the 18 months it takes to finish community college.
Last option - have you considered asking your company to pay? they may be able to justify paying for some courses or at the least give you an interest free loan. It never hurts to ask!
Good luck! Work hard!
@lemonadefish Sadly the company dumped tuition reimbursement/assistance several years ago, before this became more than an admin job. Nothing would change in terms of my job duties or title with a degree but this is a small company without a lot of room for advancement so I would need a degree if I wanted to make a lateral move to another company or to get more than a cost of living adjustment at my annual review. Although raises have been rare the last few years, too.
I think part of my hesitancy is that I'm still not sure this is what I want to do with my life. But it is something that I am good at and would probably like more at a different company.
@upupandaway The $6K is the total for three terms with textbooks, spring, summer, and fall. At which point I will have enough credits to transfer to the university. I'm in Arizona, so its the Maricopa Community College district. They have consistant pricing per credit at all the campuses including the online.
I think community college is a great place to start. It may be worthwhile to ask the university if there are any online courses they accept as a cost savings but you're probably starting in the right place. I financed school myself and worked part time the whole time. Whatever you do, don't lose steam this time around! It's so easy to get to week 12 or so and just stop going to class instead of dealing with the hassle of seeing it through, but trust me, it can be done! If you need any help or support, please keep dropping by open thread.
Sounds like you're a good candidate for getting college credits through the College Level Examination Program (CLEP). It's really good for motivated poor folks with work experience and enough drive to learn stuff from the library/internet. Do you know the exact number of credits you need to qualify for federal financial aid?
Did about five seconds of Googling. Maricopa Community Colleges award credit for CLEP exams. It's in their policy manual.
This was going to be a question, but I can't figure out what the question is! Anyway, a few days ago, a friend a few years younger than me came to visit. I haven't seen her much in the past two years, and while we were catching up, it seemed like half the guys she mentioned had had huge crushes on her/tried to get with her when they first met her. My friend is very pretty, and in the all-American standard way--blonde, perfect skin, "regular" features, etc. She definitely wasn't mentioning the guys to brag; she's not like that. I've gotten more used to not looking like most of the girls around me and that I'll never have broad-appeal looks, and I'm generally fine with that. But it was still strange and kind of startling to hear how different our experiences are--I feel like I have to fight to be noticed in that way, but for her it's almost standard.
@Faintly Macabre I don't have much to add, except that I startled myself the other day when I met a pretty young girl and immediately thought "wow, every guy who sees her probably thinks she's gorgeous." Not that I'm a hag, but I know what you mean about having to put effort into being noticed while other people just get it. Isn't it weird how different your experience of the world can be from someone else's, based on something like that?
@Faintly Macabre My best friend and sister are both like that, and I am almost never noticed by people that way. I don't know if it has to do with looks alone (I am not vain enough to think I am beautiful, but I am not unattractive :-), I think it's a combination of looks and personality. I've been told I am not very approachable, for example. And I also take a long time to warm up to people.
@KeLynn Yeah, I generally don't believe the whole "pretty people are boring" thing, but I do think average/late-bloomer women and always-attractive women have respective gaps in experiences that the attractive ones aren't always aware of. Like, I know well how differently guys can treat me and the cute girl they want to get with, and she knows well how weird and entitled those guys can get in pursuing the cute girl. But I think the flirting/pursuing is more obvious from the outside than being ignored or mistreated. For example, I was telling her how the guys on my team in high school (we play the same sport) bullied me a bit, mostly because I was neither incredibly talented nor attractive to them, and she just couldn't understand or believe it.
@Angry Panda It's definitely a combination--my sister is prettier and more social than I am, but I think she and I both sometimes unconsciously repel/avoid that kind of attention. (What, constant sarcasm and self-deprecation don't make strangers buy you drinks? Shoot!) And I've known a few girls who weren't particularly stunning but who were very good at flirting. In this friend's case, though, I think it's mostly her looks, since a lot of these guys started pursuing her almost before she'd even spoken to them.
This evening the person who used to help look after me and my siblings as babies (not a nanny, exactly; she was 17 and it was a placement as part of her college course, and my parents had triplets and were extremely enthusiastic about having someone not too expensive to help them not go mad) came round for a meal with her family. (They have been in New Zealand for the last eight years.) Lots of reminiscing about baby triplet stuff (@iceberg, this is relevant to your interests!), which was fun. Some highlights:
- We had a triple pushchair (obtained through the Twins and Multiple Births Association, I think), which did not actually confirm to British safety standards. It was too wide to get through most doors and had to be left outside, although if the doorway was wide enough the pushchair could be folded up a bit (the three of us still sitting in it) to get through.
- My dad talked about the night when he was sitting with me, trying to stop me crying from colic (like most nights from my first four months) and had to put me down and walk away because he was genuinely afraid he might throw me out of the window.
- When we could all walk, my mum had the three of us on reins and attempted to walk to the post office on the corner (about 100 metres away) and eventually gave up because it was just too impossible.
Triplets! I am not entirely sure how my parents coped, but glad I did not get thrown out of a window at any point.
@Verity The image of three toddlers harnessed on reins is pretty funny. You should have had a little chariot to pull along behind you!
@OwlOfDerision I wish we had.
@Verity Also: argh, work. It's the end of the quarter, which means our funders are asking for reports on our work, and I am responsible for compiling the statistics for them. My manager is away for a month, so it's just me, and everyone has been off over Christmas and not around to do work (including me), so things are behind. I only work two days a week, and it is not enough.
Still applying for graduate trainee jobs in libraries with the hope of getting one for the start of this academic year; no luck so far, though. However, a few days ago I ran into a man who interviewed me for a job at the local records office a few months ago (so, archives and not libraries), and he asked if I was likely to be available for a potential job opening in the near future, and reiterated an offer to come and talk about archives work ("it would be a shame to lose you from the profession before you've even started"). Exciting! But scary, as I don't know what I want to do (and I feel like I need to decide NOW as without a defined path things will not work out properly. Stupid jobs that require further degrees; I should really know what I want to do before spending lots of time and money).
@Verity Yep. We don't have baby leashes (husband does not like them) leading to fun times indepartment stores "you've got two with you right?" "no! Only one!" "ah shit" *frantic Benny Hill style running around*
When you leave the hospital, they give you seven million pamphlets to take with you, an six million of ten jus say "don't shake your baby" and you're like "duh, of course, I would never" and then like 3 days after you get them home you're like "oh. Now I understand." it really has to be drilled into you because goddamnit why doesn't this thing stop crying.
So, a couple weeks ago I found out that I did not, in fact get my dream job. The rejection letter made it sound like they couldn't hire anyone right now, but they liked me very much, and maybe later, and so hope was still alive, a bit. Then this Wednesday one of my coworkers announced that he had gotten that very job and would be quitting in two weeks. Hope has died. Uuuuuugggh! It is all I can do not to take to my bed permanently with a jar of Nutella. I've been ignoring him at work so I don't accidentally punch him in the face, but I'm going to have to take over one of his (rather unpleasant) projects when he goes, so I guess I will have to get over it. I'm just so full of sadness and feelings of inadequacy and lots of other bad things. (I know, at least I have some job, etc... It really is crushing my soul to stay there though.)
so... I dunno, advice about things to eat in bed?
@lemonadefish UGH. I actually said that out loud when I got to the part about the coworker getting the job. UGH. Going through a similar employment-related funk right now and obviously have no solution, but...if you're going to be eating things in bed, try to make at least some of them green, crunchy healthy things. And then make about half of them macaroni and cheese.
@lemonadefish Ugh that sucks! I feel like I am a pro at getting job rejections, but having a coworker get your dream job? THAT SUCKS! I think an ice cream sundae in bed would be appropriate, points if you have a fancy sundae bowl. But seriously, do something good for yourself. I recently got rejected from a dream job (maybe not THE dream job, but better than current job) and I told myself that if I got it I would celebrate with a fancy hat and if I didn't I would still get the damn hat because I'm awesome and job hunting is a lot of work. Sooo...do you like hats?
@lemonadefish That is the worst. Literally. I recommend cake and/or pie for bed-eating. Also, I'm down with @rallisaurus' suggestion: do something nice for yourself. New clothes or a DVD box set help ease the pain and provide a distraction.
@lemonadefish I'm also getting on the UGH train. I got rejected for my dream job two months ago and it was the worst feeling in the world. My therapist told me to take a day to mourn and eat my feelings because it sucks and totally understandable to feel that way, but I had to move on the next day. I thought I wouldn't be able to put it aside so easily, but knowing that I wouldn't waste any more energy thinking about it the next day really helped. Get some ice cream and settle down with a tv series you can marathon to help take your mind off things.
@crango oh man guys. I have applied to so many jobs this year. and so far I do not have any.
@lemonadefish Don't eat anything that comes individually wrapped. The growing mountain of wrappers on the nightstand will only make you feel worse. Buy the giant version and throw the wrapper in the trash before taking to your bed.
@robotpony that is excellent advice.
in the end, I went with half a bag of mango gummis left over from Christmas, and most of the first season of West Wing. turns out I was too lazy to go acquire anything new to eat in bed... anyway, thanks for the sympathy everyone. I am anxiously awaiting going to work tomorrow, where I will find out if i have in fact turned the corner, or just allowed myself to repress the situation over the weekend.
I just found out that I got my dream job. I get to move to Atlanta and work for a really great company making beauty products! Squeee, I'm so freaking excited :)
@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter That sounds awesome. So glad for you!
@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter Congratulations, that sounds great. I live in Atlanta and grew up here. Even though I complain about the city sometimes its actually not that bad here at all especially if you have an interesting job. Where are you moving from?
@rimy I'm moving from Long Island, NY. When I went down for my interview I really fell in love with the area. I won't be exactly in Atlanta, I will actually be working in the Alpharetta area. But as a young professional I want to be close to the city and all the wonderful night life.
@raised amongst catalogs Thank you :)
@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter Congratulations! Let me know if you have any questions about the Atlanta area. I grew up in the suburbs and now live in the city.
My fiance and I adopted two adorable kittens last weekend! They are sick right now and like to sneeze all over my face as frequently as possible. It is adorable/disgusting. And one of them farts really stinky whenever she's sitting on me. Cats are the greatest!
@rallisaurus We adopted a cat just recently who became known as 'snotty poo-cat' due to a flu he had picked up at the shelter and an unfortunate toileting incident in his carrier coming back from the vet to get antibiotics for said flu. Poor cat - so mortifying! Have fun with your kitties, cats are great :)
I went out dancing on NYE and met a super cute guy. Nothing happened, but we danced and flirted and I gave him my number. I got home at 7.30 am, wearing cat ears, and it was great.
BUT. Cute guy's friend got hold of the number and has started messaging me. At first it was just a 'did you get back OK? have you been in touch with [cute guy]?' so I responded. It turns out that Cute Guy is 19. NINETEEN. I'm 27 - and he told me he was 23. And now, the friend keeps messaging me with 'hey beautiful how are you xxxx'. Ugh. I only spoke to him because I wanted to know more about his cute friend, and it turns out said cute friend is PRACTICALLY A CHILD compared to me.
@OwlOfDerision HOO BABY.
Why isn't Cute Guy messaging you instead of friend?
@OwlOfDerision I say walk away from the whole mess.
@OwlOfDerision Nothing says "I'm 19" than having your friend text the girl you like on your behalf.
@frumious bandersnatch I am!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Apparently he was about to - according to the friend who now won't stop messaging me. But as soon as I found out he was only 19 I shut it down, and informed the friend that I wasn't interested. I would have told cute dude myself except I didn't have his number.
@OwlOfDerision Shut that right down, girl. You done good.
ADVICE PLEASE. I need to break up with my boyfriend. There is nothing wrong wrong, but I also know it is not going anywhere. We have been together -- with some off periods -- for about four years. And I want to have more time/explore being a young 20-something in the city. But I still really care about him and really just the logistics of the breakup stymie me. Do I say "we need to talk" a few days beforehand? A few hours beforehand? Should I go to his house? How much should I offer as to reasons vs. just say it and wait for him to ask? How do I be firm while being kind? Halp.
@frumious bandersnatch do you think he might have any idea that things aren't moving with you too? i ask cause that can be a way to start the conversation.
@frumious bandersnatch Remember that there is no GREAT way to do this, but it's something that has to be done. Like cleaning the litterbox or the oven. No easy way out. In my opinion:
1) do not say "we need to talk" a few days beforehand. That's awful suspense-ville.
2) Go to his house, have a talk, then leave. Make sure you're both sober, and don't have commitments later. Don't lie about why you're coming over.
3) Break up with him, and just tell him the broad strokes, like you did above. "This isn't going anywhere" is a good reason.
The script is basically: "We need to talk. I care about you, and I have loved our time together, but I want us to be over. I don't feel like this is going anywhere, and if we aren't going anywhere at this point, we never will be." And then you take it from there.
Just be kind, but don't give him any inroads. You've made your choice, and you can do this.
And personally, I'm a big fan of the "no contact rule" afterwards, but it might take a while after four years to get to that point. A week or two of a bit of contact may help ease the transition and shock for him (and you). Your call.
@When robot unicorns attack That is very good advice. The last time I broke up with a guy we were 20 and he still lived with his family. I stupidly had him come over to my house when he got off work at 11pm. He promptly disrobed and he ended up crying on my bedroom floor in his spongebob boxers. So, don't do that.
@barefoot cuntessa Bahah. I realize that is awful but it made me snort. Duly noted.
@barefoot cuntessa We learn the hard way!
Another don't: don't break up with him in a hotel lobby after he has flown across the country and taken you on vacation to win you back, right before the valet brings the car for the two hour drive back to your home city through perilous mountain passes. Don't let him get on his knees in the alley at the end of the car ride to beg you to reconsider. Don't let your roommate's dog pee on his new, awesome sneakers when you let him stay in your apartment that night. Also, don't let him stay in your apartment that night.
Break up horror stories! Learn from ours!
YOU CAN DO THIS. IT IS VERY HARD AND AWFUL BUT MUST BE DONE. WE BELIEVE IN YOU AND ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE UPDATE SO WE CAN GIVE YOU CONSOLATION AND INTERNET HUGS.
GOOD! That is pretty much all I had to offer on the subject. But seriously, you can do it. Ripping the bandaid off is typically the best way to go about it in the long run.
@When robot unicorns attack
Tact and Grace are in the category "Things I am Not Full Of." Its probably best I found a pretty sweet manfriend shortly thereafter and we have since married.
PS Your don't wins.
@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter We talked a few months ago about how I was happy with where things were but didn't really want more and couldn't see it getting more serious and didn't want long-distance in the future but also didn't want to plan life around the relationship, and since then I've decided it's just not working. Buuttttttt he's like super in to making it work.
@frumious bandersnatch ALSO we haven't seen each other for nearly two weeks and he is just getting over a horrible flu/bad time with family. I was planning on waiting like a week or two? So he's back squarely on his feet a bit before it happens? I know it's bad to wait but it's not like I'm UNhappy and it really would be within the next two weeks.
@frumious bandersnatch Don't wait, cause it makes it worse on his end. When the break-up happens, he's gonna want to know how long you were thinking about it. If you tell him a while, he will look back on these two weeks and think, "So all the times we talked, you wanted to break-up with me." That is never a good thing. Honestly there is no right time/place to break-up with someone. It's just best to do it once you realize you no longer want to be with them.
You should just tell him what you told us about not wanting to be long distance and don't want to plan your life around this relationship. Even though he wants to make it work, just be firm about your decision. Good luck and many hugs!
@frumious bandersnatch I would say just go ahead and do it. Speaking as a dumpee, there's nothing fun about realizing that the other person has wanted to break up with you for a while but was waiting a while. It's not going to feel any better later, so I say get it over with if you're sure that's what you want to do. Good luck!!
@lizzle Sooner is always better, no matter how awkward it is.
Another don't: don't break up with someone right before they're going away for three days, and two and a half weeks before they have to give notice on your shared apartment when you've known for at least a month or two, just because you think it will be awkward (it won't be that awkward, because there is a pretty good chance the other person doesn't really give a shit anymore). *
*done to me, I would not do this.
@frumious bandersnatch don't give too many reasons especially if he can get argumentative. any reason you give, is something he can rebut and say "well ill change x, and then we can stay together". just say i think we should break up and thats whats happening now.
@frumious bandersnatch Just tell him you're leaving him for Benedict Cumberbatch. Any person worth their salt has to respect that.
(PS - I am being glib because everyone else on the thread has given great advice, and the way I deal with awkward situations is humor. Good luck!)
I know there was a discussion recently (actually, that's a lie, I don't know if it was recent or not because sometimes I get lost in a linkathon) about going to a bar alone. It all seemed to point towards mid-afternoon, bring a book advice, but does anyone have any advice for Friday night, would rather be surrounded by people, all my friends have babies and don't want to play anymore and why yes just because you are asking I've already had one glass of wine ways to go to a bar alone without looking like a dirty stop out (actually not that worried about that) and/or lonely loser...
@quimby Nothing cooler than a mysterious girl at a bar, sipping a drink and making everyone wonder what her story is. I always love being able to, if only for a few hours, pretend to be anyone I want to be. You want to go to the bar, go to the goddamn bar and be a boss.
@katiemcgillicuddy This is wonderful advice, though I didn't work up the nerve last night. I will one day, and I will be a boss.
@quimby I agree with @katiemcgillicuddy. Also, chat with the bartender if you want to talk to someone! They're almost always friendly and will most likely find some common subject of interest between you and another bar fly, and then there's someone else to talk to. It's mainly about finding a good bar with friendly people.
@quimby Yeah I'm shy and not great at small talk and sometimes I go on walks with the intention of going to the bar by myself and I don't work up the nerve. But... other times, often I do work up the nerve and its really always totally fine, worst case scenario is you have a drink and don't talk to anyone and then you leave, but you feel accomplished because you did it! I sometimes worry I'll bump into someone I know, but the thing is that always is fine too, they never ask "so why are you at a bar by yourself???? are you lonely? are you strange?" no its always "hey bnna! great to see you!" and then I am at the bar with a friend. Also if you go to the same bar a few times by yourself, you quickly become a regular and then its just a place you can pop into whenever your friends are being lame and you will have bar friends there waiting, its great.
Hi The Hairpin!
So, I am leaving to study abroad for the semester in Northern Ireland on Sunday. VERY NERVOUS AND EXCITED AND NERVOUS. Do y'all have any tips? Being abroad-wise, region-wise, (I'll be in Derry if anyone here knows the area.) I was really hoping there'd be an open thread today to ask about this!
@NotBlairWaldorf NOTHING to offer, but have SO MUCH FUN! Congrats!!
@NotBlairWaldorf Very exciting! I also have nothing to offer aside from my slight jealousy because I've always wanted to go to Ireland. Have fun!!
@NotBlairWaldorf One of my best friends is from Derry! I have visited her in Belfast a few times! [Edit to clarify: she was born and grew up in Derry but lives in Belfast now. They are not the same city, I am just incoherent.]
Have good waterproof shoes and make sure they are comfy. Layers are good. Keep track of your spare change because with the pound and two-pound coin that adds up. Drink a lot of delicious beer and cider and whiskey (Bushmills!). Try all the weird flavors of potato chips. And have fun!
@NotBlairWaldorf ...wait, what program is this??
@NotBlairWaldorf Northern Ireland is an underrated place to go. I'm sure you will have a great time but prepare for rain, and then more rain, with some grey, overcast weather in between, with the chance of showers............
going-abroad advice: bring several packs of your favorite gum, or mints, or some other thing that you sort of unconsciously use every day or almost. while it is fun to try all the local flavors, your brain can start cracking when none of them are the same. or maybe that's just me. have fun!!
@lemonadefish That reminds me, "crack" spelled "craic" doesn't mean drugs but in Irish means "a good time" or "good conversation" etc. Maybe this isn't news to everyone, but it was to my family when it was a selling point of a pub to which our relatives were driving us. Being from a certain foreclosure capital of California, we were a little alarmed until it was explained.
Y'all, I am exhausted. My dachshund has an aggravated herniated disk - he's had it for a couple of years, but we've been managing it with chiropractic veterinary visits. I know I'm lucky that he's gone this long without a problem, but he's in pretty rough shape right now. He's on multiple medications, and strict crate rest for at least a couple of weeks. He's managing well despite all that, but nursing him is running me ragged. And the constant worry is really taking a toll on me.
We had another visit with the chiropractor today, and he got some acupuncture as well. He's ok neurologically (as in, he can walk unassisted, and shows no weakness in his hind legs), which is great, obviously. I just keep having crying fits and I'm so worried about him.
There's no point to this, really, I just needed to get it all out.
@Smallison I'm sorry - I hope both you and your dog feel better soon!
Yay for FOT <3 u hairpin!
1. A few FOTs ago I talked about how devious & crappy my boyfriend's bosses were being. Good news, he wrote a long anonymous email to some of the regional managers found through LinkedIn that listed all the verging-on-criminal behaviors his superiors were engaging in, and surprisingly it worked! Someone responded to him promptly and the next week, bf saw one of the big shots doing some undercover shopping (bf recognized him off linkedin photo) and the next day a group of big shots came to the store and had long talks with store manager etc! Bf's schedule was posted not at the last possible second for the first time ever! Rumour is that shitty team leader is getting moved to another store! I'm really proud of him for having the balls to fight for his rights. I read his email and it was awesome- so hard-hitting and every point could be proven.
2. My work is monitoring our internet usage now so sadly there will be less hairpin for me :(
@rimy get a smartphone! Never not have distractions
@rimy I remember that story! That sounded so terrible and infuriating. I'm glad his action seems to have worked out.
@Danzig! The Hairpin is not mobile friendly though (unless this changed in the last few months?)
@Megano! You get used to it :) I almost exclusively surf mobile and prefer full sites because mobile ones generally have reduced functionality (for example, Gawker's old mobile site didn't allow comment login). I guess I'm what they mean by "power user" though. Just love using that power.
@Danzig! Mine cannot do it. I have tried. It's terrible reading anything not on a mobile-friendly site.
YOU GUYS it's been so long since I've been heeeere!
I got laid off.
My computer broke.
I got sad about those things.
All that's over now, and I just want you all to know how much I missed you.
Also, I've been a reading FIEND so far this year (4 days...) because someone gave me a (probs not so legal) disc FULL of kindle books! How full you ask? SO FULL YOU GUYS. 8,000+ boooooooks. I can't get over it. I keep scanning through all of them and looking at the pretty covers and descriptions. It's almost more engrossing than actually reading them.
Okay, now I'm going to go read this entire thread and bask in its glory.
Also, I've decided to try to teach myself Graphic Design. Anyone have any free resources they can suggest or just good ole' advice? Would be appreciated!
@Jane Err After desperately avoiding Creative Suite during undergrad, because I was a painting major, dammit!, I now realize that was very dumb and am also planning on teaching myself graphic design. My former roommate who was a designer suggests looking at books by Ellen Lupton. Another designer friend recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Fingerprint-Hand-Made-Elements-Graphic-Design/dp/1581808712/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pdT1_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=11EQKRPG53GUI&coliid=I351G6ZPB6L8R1
@crango Those look awesome, thank you! And good luck to you! I hope we're both very successful graphic designers in two years.
Any advice for getting the spark back with a boyfriend who won't sleep with you but still looks at porn? I've tried talking about it but I think he's not really sure what the problem is. I don't need sex and I also don't want him to feel pressured into anything but I would like him to feel as close to me as he used to! (Sorry if this is TMI...)
@weebleswobble so you want emotional closeness? I say try talking to him again and really get him to talk to you. Let him know all that your're feeling. That you miss being close and want to get your emotional intimacy back.
I'll be honest I've been through this in a past relationship and he was distant because he no longer wanted to be with me. It could be he doesn't have the courage to break up with you first. So that could be real possibility. I'm wondering if you two live together?
Thanks for responding! Sadly, I have been wondering the same. We live apart and have only been dating six months. He said he likes me more and more, but he just can't bring himself to bang me (paraphrasing there!) and that this has happened to him before. It could be that he is better at casual relationships and starts to pull away once things get serious. Bummer. I love him.
@weebleswobble Won't have sex with you? Sounds like he is trying to distance himself. My best and tough to hear advice = break up and move on, you deserve better. I say this after having lived with a jerko that I was sadly to say in love with. He did not return the sentiment and it was just degrading to put myself in the position of trying to turn it back on with him. If this sounds familiar to you (heed your gut) then please, please break up and don't look back.
@weebleswobble I have to agree with rimy on this breaking up seems to be the best thing. You deserve someone who cares about you and has a similar desire to be with you. For me the six month mark is where you either grow closer as a couple or decide to end things. He doesn't want to grow closer to you and if he doesn't want that now, he probably never will. I know you love him, but also love yourself too!
@weebleswobble let me add that 6 mos with no sex, and you don't mention that you or he have religious/moral/whatever reasons for waiting, which is legit, it just seems off. go and be single and be boss.
@weebleswobble Um yesh if it's only been six months and he doesn't want to have sex with you at all, that is not good. Either he is having a majorly depressive episode or he's not really that into you. That is some decaying long term relationship bullshit right there, and it's only been six months! I would move on.
@Megano! I guess he could also have a very, very low sex drive (unless he used to want to sex you up all the time), and it doesn't sound like your sex drives are at all compatible.
Thank you. Yes, he actually warned me in the beginning of the relationship that this happens to him sometimes, and I was fine with it because I thought he just had a low sex drive. But now I realized that when he said he loses interest in sex, what he meant to say was that he loses interest in sex with his girlfriend (which is why I mentioned the porn--his sex drive is fine; there is some sort of emotional blocker). When we first started dating he couldn't wait to get it, and as I mentioned before I don't need it all the time but it is definitely a blow to the ego to feel undesirable. For the record, he still hugs and kisses and is great in lots of other ways, I'm just not sure if he is losing interest. It totally sucks when your boyfriend's biggest flaw is that he doesn't like you enough...
@weebleswobble It sounds like he likes you as a person, but not really in a sexual way, which suuuuucks. Plus, you want a boyfriend, not a platonic friend. If he can't give that to you, then what's the point in dating, you know?
Started my internship at an ancestry research centre today...which is interesting? I don't know, they seem very disorganised. Was told I'd be working from 9-5 today and then they sent me an email late last night to tell me to come in at 11am and then they sent me home an hour later (???). It seems that the woman who was meant to be over-seeing the internship left suddenly and now they are completely changing the things they previously confirmed like my starting date, hours and oh yeah, they can't reimburse me for travel expenses as initially promised (it's non-paying anyway). Most of this I wouldn't mind except I am obliged to do this internship as part of my undergrad (we're basically graded on it) and had no choice in where I wanted to go so sorry if I sound like an asshole but I guess I'm just a bit pissed off. Ugh. Maybe I should wait until I actually start before being so judge-y. I just need to vent.
@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask I would suggest emailing your professor/department about your situation. Just so they know what's going on with your internship. Cause if things go south or you don't get what you need from this required internship you want important people to know about that. I would hate for something crazy to happen mid-semester and you're screwed.
@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask Yeah, make sure whoever is on the university end of the internship arrangement knows what's going on -- in particular that they're changing things that (presumably) they agreed on with the university in advance, like who's in charge of you and how many hours you're working. And if you do end up staying there, be very aware of your internship requirements, like how many hours you need, and whether you're on track to meet them (averaging enough hours per week, etc.).
I have an actual first date with an actual human man tomorrow. This is a big deal for me since it's a pretty rare occurrence. I'm excited but also nervous. Wish me luck Pinners!
The luck - 'tis yours! Go get 'em.
@nerdicity Good luck!!!
@nerdicity Good luck! Have fun!
I feel a little weird posting this after Sarah H.'s thread up above, but: I'm having my first period since I got my Mirena inserted and it is UNREAL. Barely any cramping at all! Minimal blood flow and not one pair of ruined panties! I used to have cramps so bad I would miss work and empty my diva cup several times a day, so this is so minimal it's freaking me out a little bit. Is this really for reals how it's going to be? I'm not going to scratch several days off the calendar every month? DANG.
@anachronistique UGH I am in my first month of Mirena and I generally love it but I have had really bad cramps every 2-3 days, for 2-3 days at a time :/ I'm supposed to be getting my period in the next week or so, so we'll see what happens there, but man I'll be bummed if the cramping continues like this gets worse.
@anachronistique yeah so I have had a mirena since the summer. so far I am not one of the lucky ones (ie the no period side effect) but I continue to hope that in the future that will happen.
@anachronistique Lucky! I felt like I was getting it for the first time all over again. But yeah, after a couple months, it's down to next to nothing. Mirena for life.
@anachronistique Wow, really? I was thinking about getting an iud, but I already get really bad cramps as it is and decided no thank you after hearing that it may make them worse. I may have to reconsider this!
@crango if you get a copper iud it is possible for them to get worse - if you get a mirena (ius, low horomone, commonly also called an iud) - they shouldn't. i would say talk to your doctor, but doctors are often misinformed about iuds. read the pin thread about it from sometime last year.
@anachronistique congratulations! I had weird constant-ish periods for five or six months after insertion, and then light ones for a while, and then basically nothing for several years. It was so fantastic! And after getting it removed in May, my periods were much lighter than they'd been before I had it. I <3 u, Mirena!
@anachronistique Fuck yeah, Mirena is the future.
So I waited all day for FOT so I can put all my complaints in it, because I decided to try this complain less thing someone posted on Facebook, but I wasn't ready to start until I had my complaints out there.
Ugh, life. I graduated just before Christmas, and I don't have a job lined up so I moved back in with my parents and they are lovely and it's been fine so far, but I don't really have many (read: less than 3) friends here any more and I was really ready to be an adult. And my boyfriend and I broke up, which was mostly my idea, I guess, but I'm still really sad about it, and then feel bad for being sad since it was my decision. And it was amicable or whatever and I'd like us to still be friends, but I know that I can't do that right now. And finally, studying for the bar exam is stupid and the people in the review videos think they are so funny and they are incredibly not (e.g. Charlie Sheen impression and South Park voices).
@professionalmess Aw, I did something similar (except I moved back for green card reasons) and felt the same way—all my friends here were from years ago and had their own lives going on. I was so lonely for the first few months! I promise you it can get better, once people get used to remembering you're back and you start getting into new things. *hugs*
@professionalmess Moving home is TOUGH. I went back to my parents' when I left grad school and what was meant to be nine months while I waited to get into another program turned into three years thanks to the recession and a ton of rejections. It's hard! What kept me sane was a lot of Skypeing and messaging with non-local friends, and taking trips to visit them when I could, and finding cheap stuff to do outside the house - I joined a community chorus and was the youngest person by 20 years, but it gave me a reason to leave the house. And good luck on the bar! It's tough but you can get through this. <3
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What about chickens? Gold dubloons? The bowl of clementine tangerines I have in my kitchen?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Speaking of clementines, what is the deal with the Cutie crop right now? Some of them are all dried up and some had seeds which are not even Cuties!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Wampum?
@professionalmess Agreed. I got one bag of truly great clementines and the rest have been nothing to write home about.
@professionalmess I know, right? Mine got all funky. They will not likely be worth very much in this trade scenario.
lovely 'pinners, HALP! i don't know quite where to begin, but i need your advice.
i have a lovely ladyfriend (some of you may remember our initial get-together this summer) who lives across the world from me. we've been good with the communication and the visits, and i hope that things will even out to 50/50 in the next 6 months, if we decide to stay together. however, it is as of yet unclear if we will stay together. i really like her and i want to stay with her, but a few things worry me. i'm wondering how you decided your person was your person, especially in a LDR situation.
the backstory is that she is a couple years older and has not started a "conventional" career yet and lives internationally. i am worried that she is a bit lazy about these things sometimes, although she gets the job done right the first time when she puts her mind to it. i've also recently found out that she has HSV1 (which i would rather not get from her if this is not a LTR, input welcome here, i am trying to reframe as a dermatological thing rather than a big scary stigma thing). i have been really good about controlling my anxious and neurotic tendencies, although i have been up front about the fact that they exist. we make each other really happy, are very compatible and i think we are well equipped to help each other grow into nice, responsible adults.
i am willing to do this for max 18 more months long distance, but i in the process of launching myself out of grad school and into a career (the future looks bright and organized). i know i just need to talk to her soon, but i wish she would bring it up, since i have initiated other relationship talks in the past and i want it to be a sign that her skin is in the game. augh...what would you do?
So I just realized that my boyfriend thinks I've had sex with wayyyy more people than I have. This isn't a bad thing as he doesn't care (and I think is maybe into having a more experienced girlfriend) it's just funny to me as before we started dating I was freaking out that I'd only had sex with 2 other people and how embarrassing that was. And then I ended up dating a guy who I strongly suspect has only had sex once before me and who thinks I used to bang multiple guys in one night (that's how I figured it out, he asked me how many times I've gone out and hooked up with several guys at one time).
I don't even know how I feel about this I'm just amused and also confused as to how I gave him this impression.
@Sea Ermine hey it could be worse! You could be not in a relationship, with no previous partners, nervously awaiting your appearance in a profile series on a well-read website! Ha haha ha!
How is NY??? I miss y'all, I bet the party you threw when I left town was one for the books
Might getting back with my ex? (Or maybe he's playing with my feelings. Who knows.) At least I have a date with another guy scheduled for next week, and I got my hair did. I'm going to be doing an intensive week of weight-loss yoga, too (because my hot dresses hurt me.)
I am trying to meditate and stay philosophical, but it's hard. I hope things are starting to improve (fingers crossed! Inshallah! Touch wood. Etc.)
Before the holidays there was a brief flare of interest in an Austin book club and I thought I'd see if anyone is still interested/if there already is one. This is the post in the Google group.
On a personal note, I recently moved to Austin and have yet to meet anyone due to various life things, so if anyone wants to get a drink/have coffee/stare at each other in awkward silence hit me up.
@aperson I have a friend who just moved to Austin who will be going to this: http://austin.nerdnite.com/ Maybe a good place for meeting other Austin newbies?
Hello Pinners! Finally breaking my lurking streak. I keep on meaning to read new, adult-y books during my vacation/hermitage, but I just found the ebooks for two series that I really loved when I was younger. Each of them also came out with a new book since I last read them, which obviously means I have to reread everything!
@soundofglass Spill the deets: what series??
@adorable-eggplant Just saw this! One is the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde (batshit alternate universe with people traveling into books and mucking around), and the other is The Faerie Wars Chronicles by Herbie Brennan (YA fantasy with characters that are both stone-cold badasses and hideously awkward teenagers). Here's hoping they stand up to the test of time!
I got a job offer! I was laid off in August and I got a job offer the week before Christmas.
[There is a small matter of background check, which should be fine aside from recent unpaid debt caused by not having any money because I lost my job. I am trying to be positive, but am scared they will find a way to use this to rescind the offer.]
The job is in DC and I am excited to hopefully move there within a few months. I'll commute in the meantime.
@VelourFog I'm pretty sure background checks are just to make sure you don't have a criminal record, mostly. It would be incredibly cruel to rescind an offer based on a bit of debt in this economy (plus I doubt a lot of people would pass muster in that case, even if they weren't laid off)
@Megano! Thanks! I'm naturally kinda negative, plus almost 6 months of employment rejection is a killer on the ego. I'm pretty sure it will be okay, but I will be so devastated if things don't clear. I am so ready for this career change!
I just devilled my first egg! Yum.
who wants to have a porn peddler sleeping on their couch for a couple nights in mid march?
The answer: A DC pinner with an animal free apartment and a couch.
@Porn Peddler i would if I lived in dc!
dude getting laid off is always this boring???????
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood West Wing on Netflix.
(sorry, dude. Hope things turn around quickly!)
Urgh guys you are the only internet types who will understand, as many other internet types frame "conflict with parents" as "they didn't disown you and throw you out, so what're you complaining about?".
What I am complaining about is that I came out to my parents and my mum made it all about her. She honestly spent about an hour crying at me about how I did it wrong and should have said it sooner and differently and how hurtful it was that I'd want to keep personal things personal, and how my concept of "some things (like my sex life) are not even slightly your business" is so deeply personally offensive to her.
She also begged me not to tell my dad in case he reacted badly... and actually he said "Ok! We'll always love you!", hugged me, and did not make a big deal of it at all. Best dad ever.
Urgh my mum has always been far too invested in my life but this is especially annoying. I only get to do this once and her first response is that I did it wrong? For fuck's sake.
@Apocalypstick ugh, that is terrible. I hope she settles down after the initial outburst and can be as accepting as your dad.
@Homestar Runner Thanks :) Yeah, she's just going to have to get over it. In practice it's mostly a communication problem, so a combination of keeping on keeping on & using facts to combat wild assumptions should work out.
In fairness, it must be pretty weird for the first non-straight person you know to be a close family member -statistically that cannot possibly be true, but no-one else is out to my parents, so it's what they beleive. A little shock is understandable. Still not the best reaction. Hijacking a pretty vulnerable moment there.
@Apocalypstick You know, this is one issue where I actually respect Dan Savage's take on it - the idea that often when coming out, people find themselves having to "parent" their parents and deal with parental tantrums. It really sucks that she reacted that way but it sounds like you have a good perspective on what to do next and how to deal with the fallout.
Honestly it sounds like you were very, very smart not to do it sooner, at an age where you might have been more vulnerable to her knee-jerk reaction!
@Emmanuelle Cunt Dan Savage does have some genuine great advice among the more... dubious shit he says. And good point -things have been a lot better since my brother and I moved out, because frankly if she's not going to be reasonable then we don't have to visit if we don't want to. Hooray for appropriate boundaries!
I know this is very late (and also a little boring), but does anyone know a good, easy way to hang up a tapestry? I bought one in the sale from urban outfitters as an easy way of decorating my rented room, and now I'm at a bit of a loss. Drawing pins don't seem to be going into the wall (it's an inside wall) and I can't really start drilling nails into it... any ideas??
@Flora Poste How about wee screw hooks? They're a more secure option, and when you have to take them out just stick some plaster (or, frankly, white-tack) in the holes.
@Apocalypstick ooh I just googled them, I didn't even know such a thing existed! They look good, I might try and get some tomorrow, can you generally just stick them into the wall then? I am a complete novice at these things, thanks so much for your suggestion!
@Flora Poste They might not hold the weight though :s but are much easier to stick in the wall & more supportive than nails! Pretty much just poke & twist them in, yeah. Good luck!
For mine, I sewed a little sleeve onto the back of the top edge using a nice bit of spare fabric, and then slid a wooden rod from the hardware store through it. Nails or hooks in the wall let you hand the wooden rod on the wall. (You might want to make the sleeve shorter than both the tapestry and the wooden rod, so it's easier to hang).
That's how I learned to hang tapestries from my parents (! I guess it runs in the family?). The rod protects is by keeping it hanging straight, without bunching or pulling anywhere.
Enjoy! They are so great for acoustics and room temperature in addition to being pretty!
Oh hey! Is anyone still here that wants to tell me how long you dated someone before having a talk about whether you were exclusive? Or how long you dated before using the words "boyfriend"/"girlfriend"? Just taking a little survey here. If you're all busy like, doing fun Saturday night things then I'll try again next FOT.
Please and thank you!
@nevergiveaninch Seems like the thread's a bit dead but have a data point: about three weeks when we had been bestest friends before dating, about five when we hadn't know each other before.
Dude 1: basically we became exclusive after just holding hands one night? (we were like 16 though)
Dude 2: we were friends, then we hooked up, then we immediately had the bf/gf/exclusivity talk during a hungover lunch the next morning
Dude 3: I was dealing with massive amounts of emotional shit from Dude 2's sudden breakup with me, so when I hooked up with Dude 3 I told him I wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet. We just kept on hooking up for a month till he was like "so is this a thing?" and I was like "yes ok".
I'm really not capable of attempting to date multiple people at once anyway, so this may be a little more uncomplicated for me than for others! But I wouldn't be like, angry if my current bf told me he had been dating other people during my Month of WTF while we were getting closer.
@nevergiveaninch When I met Mister, we saw each other every single day and shared a bed just about every single night for a month (this started maybe 72 hours after I spoke to him for the very first time) and then heard him nervously refer to me as his "friend" on the phone. When he got off the phone, I said, "Your friend, eh?" and he got sheepish about not liking the word girlfriend and I was like "...."
We were both not in a situation where we were purposely dating around though so...yknow.
@nevergiveaninch I think I asked this question or something close to it a couple months ago on FOT! With my current dude, after about a month and a half, we were laying in bed after having sex and I basically mumbled something along the lines of "feelings and shit" and "not seeing other people." It seemed to work pretty well. Whenever the conversation does come up, I suggest nudity.
@nevergiveaninch The last guy I dated, we were dating for maybe about a month or two when he introduced me as his "girlfriend" to an aquantaince. We never had an exclusivity talk, so I was like "whaaaaaaat?" but I didn't say anything to him because I hate having Conversations. Needless to say, it didn't go well after that.
Pretty sure no one cares/is reading this far down, but: Johnny Gallagher ( cute guy from Spring Awakening/The Newsroom) announced his forthcoming album at his show in NYC last night and I may die of very intense feelings because of it. His music is brilliant and I can't wait
I love him even more than I hate The Newsroom.
Will someone pleeeeeeeeeeeeease discuss the first episode of season 3 of Downton with me??? I'm going to burst with all these OPINIONS!
Lady Mary is the worst!!
@emily eileen IT WAS SO GOOOOOD! i was so glad it was a full 2 hours long. Lady Mary is a real bitch though. Spoiled Rotten I guess
@emily eileen I turn in to Carson whenever any one disses Lady Mary - she's awesome!
@teaandcakeordeath i would be pissed at my husband if he was giving a way a bunch of money too! cant blame her for that. i just feel like she never says anything nice about anyone. or never tells matthew that she loves him he only says it to her
She does! But it's in secret Lady Mary tone.
So in season 2 when Carson was in bed ill and she said 'you really must get better' what she was really saying was 'Carson Im so unhappy you're ill, get better and Ill stop worrying'.
(Not that Im getting too carried away with inferring things or anything)
Yes, also I hate what they're doing with the Branson storyline.
@Lisa Frank I got serious creepy-chills when he said "Don't disappoint me, Sybil" in bed with her. UGH.
@Sarah H. its funny, because Matthew felt the same way about all the money and the clothes, but he is so much better about all of it. poor Sybil
@lynzillla Well Matthew has more to gain from the British class system then Branson, but still, the way Julian Fellowes is handling the political angle is groan-inducing.
@Where Pies Go When They Die - I think this is me. I'm SOO excited :)
@Where Pies Go When They Die - This arrived last night! I immediately put on the socks and lippy and Gangnam danced around my apartment. The tiny envelope was adorable. This was such a thoughtful and adorable gift. P.S. I'm left handed too!
@Where Pies Go When They Die AH. HELLO. And also, glad you enjoy your gift! :D With regards to your other comment I found first, I too suspect it's a customs/postal issue. But this makes it more exciting when it does arrive!
Methinks this secret hairpin santa is a good idea and we should do it again next year. HINT HINT.
Matthew felt the same way about all the money and the clothes, but he is so much better about all of it. poor Sybil electrician new jersey
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