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Monday, January 28, 2013

119

Unnecessarily Cruel Identifiers for Upcoming Trend Pieces

Pamela Prindle, 26, who has no boyfriend and who works in the accounting department of the Angel Fire resort in New Mexico, gave similar reasons for spending “a good portion of her day” on her Pinterest board titled “I’m single but still planning my wedding.”New York Times, 1/27/13

1. "Sonia Richardson, 88, who gets food stuck in her dentures, maintains an elaborate scrapbook of exquisite beauties of the silent movie era."

3. "Josh Barbery, 42, who is bald, recently placed fourth in his age division at the Denver Marathon."

4. "David Kennedy, 14, who has cystic acne, is the face of his high school's gay-straight alliance."

5. "Ellen Hartfield, 38, who cannot parallel park, likes to read articles about high-performance cars in men's magazines."



119 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

"Josh, 23, who for some reason pays attention to awful NYT trend pieces, is always compelled to comment on the internet for a shallow rush of unearned validation."

Ophelia

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
"like"

carolinaclay

so PERFECT♥@y

Ophelia

Pamela McCarthy, who never uses that gym membership she paid for, recently published a critically-acclaimed accounting textbook.

Reginal T. Squirge

I mean, if you're gonna end up doing all the planning anyway, you might as well start without your bf.

Ellie

@Reginal T. Squirge "Ms. Prindle, for example, said that if she met someone she wanted to marry, she doesn’t think his input would matter. 'I figure, this is what it’s going to be,' she said." What a great attitude, sure to land you a lasting relationship based on a foundation of equality and mutual respect.

fondue with cheddar

@Reginal T. Squirge Yeah, I hate the idea that women plan the wedding and men have no input. Some men WANT to have input and they deserve that because it's their wedding, too! On the flip side, some women actually don't relish the idea of doing it all themselves and maybe want help and/or input.

Wedding planning really reveals a lot about people.

Reginal T. Squirge

My comment comes from my two best bro friends that are getting married soon. Both of them have left all the planning up to their gfs and the women are just like, "Oh, boys! They're just no good at these things!" and seem to be generally fine with their dynamics. I think it's weird, personally, but everybody's happy with it, I have no real complaints.

fondue with cheddar

@Reginal T. Squirge Yeah, if it works out for everyone, great. But to assume that's the way it will be before you even have a partner with whom to discuss it? Not cool.

D.@twitter

@fondue with cheddar I think it reveals more about our culture. Women are trained to think that their ultimate happiness will begin--and end--w/ their wedding days. Also, wedding planning is probably the one sphere in which these women feel comfortable taking control. Women planning and being firm about their desires is usually frowned upon; weddings are the almost unique exception to this cultural norm. Just think of all the frustrated & subliminated desire that's being poured into these plans.

fondue with cheddar

@D.@twitter That's a good point. Actually, I think you nailed it.

Quinn A@twitter

Y'know, I never realized it before, but "has no boyfriend" sounds way worse than "is single". Huh.

Reginal T. Squirge

Nothing sounds worse than being alone feels.

wee_ramekin

@Reginal T. Squirge A moment without her lips, cuz I'm forever not in a (relation)ship.

JessicaLovejoy

@Reginal T. Squirge You come too far to take orders from a 22 year old with a three carat engagement ring.

parallel-lines

@Quinn A@twitter Pamela Prindle, 26, FOREVER ALONE WORKING A SAD JOB STARING AT SPREADSHEETS WHILE RICH HOT DUDES SKI NEARBY, gave similar reasons for spending “a good portion of her day” on her Pinterest board titled “I’m single but still planning my wedding.

wee_ramekin

@parallel-lines

Ophelia

@wee_ramekin Oh, god, I can't stop laughing. I hope Pamela Prindle either never sees this, or has an awesome sense of humor.

Nicole Cliffe

@Ophelia I think Pamela knows we're on her side. <3 u, Pamela. Don't talk to reporters.

wee_ramekin

@Nicole Cliffe Yeah, Pamela, if you are reading this, I am solidly solidly on your side.

I was trying to poke fun at the Doomsday-tinged newspaper copy, not you, girl!

parallel-lines

@wee_ramekin I hope she pins this on her pinterest board.

Ophelia

@wee_ramekin Actually, if she IS reading this on the Pin, there's a pretty good chance she thinks it's hilarious.

parallel-lines

@Ophelia Yes indeed. And let this be a lesson to everyone: never talk to the NYT style section! Not unless you want them to make you look like a grade A+ jagoff.

Angelena@twitter

@parallel-lines omg pamela come to the pin!! also i want to be an accountant for a resort. you would probably make bank and get sweet perks.

iceberg

I don't get it...

The fact that she is single is relevant. Is it just the way they said it? Or is it the "works in the accounting department" part that's cruel?

Nicole Cliffe

It's totally "has no boyfriend," since the fact she is single is already reflected in the name of her Pinterest board. TWIST THE KNIFE.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Clearly, she will be alone forever because she's a math nerd.

teaandcakeordeath

@Nicole Cliffe
Ouch! There is also this gem: "She began planning in her 20s as a single woman with no boyfriend and no prospects". Im sure she had some prospects. This writer cant seem to emphasise enough that she is alone. Alooooooone!

Nicole Cliffe

Pamela, who has doubtlessly burned through two separate Hitachi Magic Wands, still thinks she will someday do this thing society tells us all to do CONSTANTLY.

iceberg

@Nicole Cliffe Ah I missed that it was HER Pinterest board. Reading comprehension FAIL.

"Iceberg, 33, whose unbrushed ponytail is almost a dreadlock at this point, admits to occasionally commenting on Hairpin posts without reading the linked articles."

Nicole Cliffe

Nicole, 30, who cannot possibly for a second allow someone on the internet an alternate reading of her work, is writing about Stephen King's "IT" instead of creating a novel of her own.

Reginal T. Squirge

@Nicole Cliffe

Wait, really!? I'm excited to read what you have to say about it (GET IT!?).

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. I do read them after commenting (usually)!

parallel-lines

@teaandcakeordeath I was just in the area and the population density was , like, .0000005% and I saw more dogs than people so they might be onto something.

To think I was that close to soul sucking utter and complete aloneness and not throw myself off a mountain!

Ham Snadwich

@fondue with cheddar - Pfft. Accounting. That's just addition and subtraction.

LooseBaggyMonster

@teaandcakeordeath Prospects?! It sounds like a Jane Austen novel. Except, you know, horrible and in the 21st century.

muggles

One time I thought I was signing up for free home improvement samples from the Nest, but I was actually signing up for "We're gonna sell your address to everyone" from the Knot. Now, months after deleting that account, I still get to watch my bf panic every time he gets the mail and there's a catalog of wedding cakes and he thinks I'm sitting there like TICK TOCK MOTHERFUCKER.

Nicole Cliffe

@muggles Muggles' boyfriend, 28, who secretly requests wedding cake catalogues in Muggles' name, watches televised sports.

Ophelia

@muggles The Knot still thinks I live in Washington DC. I pity the poor fools who live in my old apartment.

fondue with cheddar

fondue with cheddar, 38, who does not make a salary worth her college education, spends an inordinate amount of time at work on free Bitcoin websites, because maybe they'll be worth more one day. In her first week she made the equivalent of .08 USD.

piekin

@fondue with cheddar One time I spent an entire day on Mechanical Turk, overjoyed that I found temporary relief from my long-term unemployment, and then I realized that I made 34 cents.

fondue with cheddar

@piekin That's not much for actual work, even when you're unemployed. Was it a little bit fun at least?

piekin

@fondue with cheddar It was fun for like, 3 cents.

Legal

@piekin Ha ha! Mechanical Turk!! I did that too. I think the effort involved in collecting my 'wages' meant I never collected...which I'm sure they banked on. Monsters!

-Legal....39, not married. Just shacking up with someone for 20+ years. Can't stand weddings, ugly dresses. And I really don't like cake.

Ellie

So, how much do you all HATE the new NYT format? Vows looks terrible!

Ellie, 25, who was recently kicked out of the Middle East for being too drunk, made apple-leek-potato soup yesterday.

Bittersweet

@Ellie That's not an unnecessarily cruel identifier, that's like a badge of honor or something. You should throw that sucker on your resume.

Ellie

@Bittersweet Haha, thanks. It was really humiliating at the time! The soup didn't turn out that great so maybe I should have switched that around.

madge

@Ellie add cheese?

TheclaAndTheSeals

TheclaAndTheSeals, 26, who spends her work days drafting letters to advice columnists she never sends, has 1,490 emails in her Outlook inbox.

parallel-lines

Maybe she should start a Pinterest board of all the kinds of cats she will soon have?

teaandcakeordeath

I love how they make a big deal about someone casually thinking pumpkin soup might be a nice thing one day, then not being able to have it because they might get married in the middle of summer or something as though it is a tragedy.

NEVER DREAM PEOPLE. YOU MIGHT NOT GET YOUR PUMPKIN SOUP.

Also I think Pamela's wedding board is like my board of fishtail braids. Nice Things I Might Never Manage Though It's Nice Thinking About Them.

Ellie

@teaandcakeordeath Exactly - they're nice to think about! I think hiring a wedding planner for your imaginary wedding is ridiculous but I kind of understand the underlying impulse. Like, I've never had any interest in having "a wedding" but I do want to get married and sometimes I imagine getting married at city hall and then having a party afterwards where people make toasts and stuff, and where I would definitely wear a dress with straps. I think this is a pretty flexible plan though! It's just fun to think about hypothetical events in the future, like I have the same kind of daydream about being in grad school at Stanford or whatever.

dj pomegranate

@teaandcakeordeath Yes. This article, and most NYTimes trend pieces, totally fails to explore causality and also fails to note that there's a continuum--a huge difference between pinning a pretty photo of a dress you think is nice (zero commitment, zero expense, possibly 100% daydream) and hiring a wedding planner before you are seeing anyone (possibly large commitment, real expense, no longer a daydream.)

Overall, the feeling I get from reading this is "lol ladies are crazy with the weddings, right?!" with no substantive discussion at all of why that might be, what this means for the modern relationship, how many women are pinning vs. hiring. In other words, why this is even worth discussing in the pages of the NY Times.

fondue with cheddar

@dj pomegranate Pretty dresses are fun. Food is fun. Flowers are fun. Music is fun. Vacations are fun. Weddings combine all these, therefore wedding planning is fun! That's all it is. Planning a big party, even if you won't be throwing said party, can be fun in and of itself.

This is my new username

@teaandcakeordeath ugggghh I read the comments to that article. Whhhyyyyy did I do that. The comments have taught me that if a lady has thought about her wedding at all before she is in engaged that it means that her marriage is doooooomed to fail because she's spent all her braincells thinking about lace and centerpieces and had nothing left to think about anything else in life. Also, if you want anything other than a city hall wedding you place more priority on the wedding than the actual marriage. Commenters that are not hairpin commenters are the worst :(

teaandcakeordeath

@dj pomegranate
Lol Ladies Crazy Weddings could be the title of too many news stories.

@all Pinterest really is just daydreaming on your laptop screen. And it's fun!

just reading in a boat no big deal

@dj pomegranate Possibly the most thoughtful thing I have ever heard said about a NYTimes style piece.

CubeRootOfPi

CubeRootOfPi, who has been and will always be forever alone and whose uterus has shriveled as a result, bought groceries yesterday.

blueblazes

Blueblazes, 31, who has no domestic skills, ordered pizza two out of three nights this weekend.

fondue with cheddar

@blueblazes THIS IS ME I DO THIS. But sometimes I act like an adult and buy frozen pizzas.

leonstj

Leon, 30, who has no decorations in his domicile save for Mardi Gras beads and thumbtacked reproduction retro travel posters left behind by a roommmate who has since moved abroad, who has also never once in his life paid money for furniture (with the exception of a magnetic knife rock bought at a clearance sale), gave similar reasons for spending "an almost bewildering wealth of the precious moments he had here on earth" fastidiously curating his Amazon Wishlist "Fancy House Stuff I Hope To One Day Own," which, let it be said, was not even terribly fancy - merely aspirational, in the unimpressive but inoffensive bourgeious manner common to those who have turned their back on the bohemian lifestyle their young selves had proclaimed so vital in the days before succumbing to the easy temptation of moderately decent (though never quite stellar) Vision & Dental plans.

JessicaLovejoy

@leon s JessicaLovejoy, 27, adores leon, but ain't got time for alla that.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

But did you buy the Mardi Gras beads or did you EARN them?

fondue with cheddar

@leon s I relate to that so much except I have spent a little bit of money on used furniture, and I am extremely envious of your vision and dental plans.

TheclaAndTheSeals

@leon s My dude has a crossbow on his Amazon wish list. Let's discuss THAT phenomenon, New York Times.

stuffisthings

@TheclaAndTheSeals They sell crossbows on Amazon? Hang out, need to go delete some dumb old books to clear out space on my wishlist.

leonstj

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose - Honestly, the ones in my room are the more 'memory'-ish ones - throws from parades and a one from pat o'briens.

The 75 metric tonnes of generic beads, much like many of the stories that went with them of their origins and destinations, remained in New Orleans.

whizz_dumb

whizz_dumb, 31, who has no girlfriend and who shows up solo to the company dinner party for the fifth year in a row, seems to not mind, still his coworkers are starting to wonder about him--out loud and to his face.

fondue with cheddar

@whizz_dumb That is wrong on so many levels.

teaandcakeordeath

@whizz_dumb
I get the 'YOU'RE single?! But WHY?!'
Is it wrong that it kind of makes me want to make up weird fake flaws to answer their question?

fondue with cheddar

@teaandcakeordeath There are a lot of reasons to be single, and it sucks for someone to put you in a position where you have to give reasons, whether they're by choice or circumstance. Ugh, people.

whizz_dumb

@fondue with cheddar It's wrong on one level because some lady out there is missing out on all this (circle points to self). But really, the dudes here are always saying things like, "You'll understand someday" when they talk about their kids and/or wives. And I'm like, "We'll see about that." But I want to tell them how typical they sound. Then the administrative lady here planning the dinner was like, "Will you be bringing your girlfriend?" Exact response: "I don't have a girlfriend. But when is the dinner, in two weeks? That might give me enough time."

whizz_dumb

@teaandcakeordeath Not wrong, great idea. Weird fake flaws, GO!

Kaitlyn Kochany@twitter

@teaandcakeordeath "It's the mouth herpes."

Kaitlyn, 29, whose own nuptial aspiration board on Pinterest is entitled "Ugh, I said I wouldn't and here I am" and who is failing at successfully recreating any of the Paleo diet pins she's collected, spends her evenings watching her sweatpants-clad boyfriend eat pints of ice cream and swear at his XBox and dreaming of the day she can put a ring on it.

whizz_dumb

@teaandcakeordeath I chew my nails, toe nails. I eat cat food, with my cat, on the floor and everything. I can't help it!

fondue with cheddar

@whizz_dumb "You'll understand someday" fuck you, dude. I hate this guy already and I don't even know him.

teaandcakeordeath

@whizz_dumb
I secretly collect my boyfriends chewed off toe nails.

teaandcakeordeath

@teaandcakeordeath
I make pinboards of our wedding. On our first date. Then show them over dessert.

teaandcakeordeath

@teaandcakeordeath
I giggle hysterically whenever a guy gets naked because I can see their pee-pee

Seriously. Who wouldn't want this.

causedbycomma

@whizz_dumb Jenny C, 33, who is more attentive to her job than she could ever possibly be to any paramour, was recently asked why she wasn't dancing to "All The Single Ladies" at the office holiday party.

fondue with cheddar

WAIT...is the monkey a reference to wire mommy monkey?! :(

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Rose, 27, who has spent the morning intermittently looking at and sighing at the picture of the dashing Navy officer kissing her ladyfriend upon returning to shore, forgot her lunch on her kitchen counter today.

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Nooooooooo!

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose ME TOO! I really forgot my lunch on my kitchen counter today! I also forgot if we ever got hairpin-married, or are we still hairpin-engaged?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@whizz_dumb I really did too! But then my real-life gf brought it for me! But I think you and I are only hairpin-engaged, and thus should build a Pinterest account around it.

stuffisthings

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Here's a photo of two French Socialist deputies kissing at a pro-gay marriage rally.

Also, they're both straight, married, and have kids.

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose We can call it An Infinitely Long Fake Engagement. Good thing nothing in my lunch can spoil in 10 hours.

stuffisthings

(Stuffisthings, 28, who has previously posted a photo of two male politicians kissing on the Hairpin, frequently has his sexual orientation questioned by his fiancée.)

whizz_dumb

@stuffisthings Wait, you're a dude too!? I thought it was just Leon, Reginal, and me--with the occasional DeepOmega or Dave Bry.

stuffisthings

@whizz_dumb Yup! My avatar used to show my dude-face but I changed it to awesome cosmonaut dog everywhere except The Billfold (where it didn't work for some reason).

wee_ramekin

@whizz_dumb There's also @Cawendaw and @danzig! and @Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood.

whizz_dumb

@wee_ramekin oh yeah, I knew that. And I seem to remember Clarence R and jfruh popping over from the Awl. Any more MALES we're forgetting? Show yourselves! Stop hiding in obscurity and expose yourself for who you are: a dude. (jeez, I need to stop procrastinating and get some actual work done)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@stuffisthings Excellent photo.

Reginal T. Squirge

Pretty sure Emby is a dude, too, right? No? It's so difficult to keep these things straight.

wee_ramekin

@Reginal T. Squirge Yes! He is! I can't believe I forgot him.

whizz_dumb

@wee_ramekin I nominate you as the HR manager of The Hairpin Commentariate.

wee_ramekin

@whizz_dumb (Also! I forgot @Rock and Roll Ken Doll! He is also a dude, I am pretty sure.)

RNL
RNL

"Another problem is the not-quite-bride is not taking into account a future partner and what his needs and considerations might be, Ms. Byron said."

"Another problem"! Lulz.

parallel-lines

@RNL Hey Miss Byron, what does your day look like?

9:00 am: fur on clothing problems
10:30 am: lady problems (wink, wink)
11:15 am: shoe problems
12:30 pm: sharing problems with other women (strategy session, light lunch of water and salad)
1:30 pm: someone took your last diet mountain dew problems
3:00 pm: creepers on OK cupid problems
4:20 pm: yogurt snack,pinterest power session, perfect life problems
6:00 pm: traffic commuting problems
6:45 pm: cat barf embedded in pantyhose problems
7:30 - 12 pm: Franzia and unbuttered popcorn (running out of spray on butter problems)

Anninyn

Anninyn, 27, who has not sold any of her fiction, spent today talking about writing on tumblr.

area@twitter

area, 30, who enjoys progressive politics, witty banter, and cute animal videos, knows in her heart of hearts that none of these things can stave off the icy embrace of Death.

Slutface

Slutface, who is known to be a slut, spent her night entertaining various lovers in the most sluttiest of ways.

fondue with cheddar

@Slutface ...with her face.

thatgirl

Thatgirl, 24, who talks about her cat the way her coworkers talk about their babies, is embarrassed by how she devours the style section of the New York Times and so already had read this article today.

causedbycomma

@thatgirl Ohhh, I do this with my dog, although I secretly think he is much cuter and more interesting than a baby human.

thatgirl

@causedbycomma My cat fetches and can catch a toy mouse in midair. Their human babies can't even hold their heads up.

Story #2

Story #2, 29, who is not out at the office, spends Valentine's Day gleefully liberating candy from people dumb enough to feel sorry for her.

Ishmaeline of Domesticity

Ishmaeline, whose nail beds are torn and caked in blood from a shoddy attempt at an at-home manicure, would rather spend her day anxiously waiting for the internet to get interesting than send a couple of damned emails.

schrodingers_cat

schrodingers_cat, who has almost no social life, spent the day pretending to work on her thesis

Verity

Verity, who still lives with her parents and ate more chocolate than was good for her today, freaked out when discussing future plans with her boyfriend this evening.

AnalogMetronome

AnalogMetronome, 22, who spends her days attempting to play the violin, has farting contests with her boyfriend's cat.

MarianTheLibrarian

Marianthelibrarian, 27, spends untold hours thinking about how she will handle various situations when she's married/has children, and then remembers she has no desire to ever marry or procreate.

jimmyrapper

I think it was so amazing on what she wore her. She should be very proud of this look here. So much went into this outfit. personal injury lawyer Toronto You should be very proud here carpet cleaning battersea

jimmyrapper

Brugger noted that all of the city’s remaining CSOs are downstream of where the city takes in its drinking water supply on the St. Joe. what does bubblegum casting do

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