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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

63

Remaining Kinds of Behavior That Could Become a Distraction to the BSA

"The Boy Scouts are 'discussing potentially removing the national membership restriction regarding sexual orientation,' according to Deron Smith, director of public relations for the Boy Scouts of America. The Scouts' current policy denies membership to 'individuals who are open or avowed homosexuals or who engage in behavior that would become a distraction to the mission of the BSA,' the group's website says."
—CNN Breaking News Update, 1/28/13

1. If one of the kids kept trying to get a game of three-card Monte going.

2. If one of the kids brought a really cool lizard to a troop meeting, and then dropped him, and then everyone almost missed the bus home while trying to stuff him back in his cardboard box with holes.

3. If one of the kids had just seen "Wet Hot American Summer" for the first time, and kept telling everyone when something they were doing fit a camp-movie cliché.

4. If one of the kids needed a wheelchair ramp installed to access an activity, but then they sprayed water on the ramp, let it freeze, and used it as a sledding hill for the lizard.

5. If two of the kids were actually conjoined twins, and those conjoined twins would NOT shut up about "Firefly."

6. If one of the kids had literally zero interest in being a Boy Scout, but had one of those weird Chris-Cooper-in-American-Beauty dads, so he showed up to every meeting and rolled his eyes constantly and sighed super-audibly and drew pentagrams on his notebook.

7. If one of the kids was trans, and was also allergic to maple leaves but no one knew it and did not have an Epi-Pen.

8. If one of the kids kept making out with one of the other kids during a field-dressing lesson.

9. If one of the kids was actually Ra's al Ghul.

10. If one of the kids had two moms, and those two moms came and started doing an unscheduled juggling demonstration while the troop leader was trying to teach them how to use a compass.

63 Comments / Post A Comment

martinipie

If one of the kids was super jealous of the Girl Scouts selling bomb-ass cookies while they had to sell kinda shitty popcorn and kept making resentful baking-themed puns all day while they were selling said popcorn.

wee_ramekin

@martinipie Ha!

That reminds me of a Tumblr post I saw where someone said that a friend of theirs posted this on Facebook and meant for it to be a really negative thing:

wee_ramekin

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then I accosted the nearest Girl Scout and gave her all my money (and ate all her Thin Mints).

wee_ramekin

Seriously though, Girl Scouts, take my money you beautiful bastions of humanity, you.

martinipie

@wee_ramekin Girl Scouts are awesome and that graphic is awesome, as a former Girl Scout who got all the way up to Cadets and then chickened out about the Gold Award (which was hella dumb of me but oh well)! Yay GSUSA!!

area@twitter

@wee_ramekin Girl Scouts: Fuck Yeah!

Lady Humungus

@wee_ramekin Oh man - I used to balk at spending the $3.50 or whatever for 12 Tagalongs, but I'm all in again! Go GSA!

wee_ramekin

@martinipie You know, I think this graphic is one of countless examples of the Right being hella better at PR than the Left.

Because I mean, shoot, this propaganda appeals to me, and I'm an avowed feminist, pro-choice, trans* supportive, bleeding heart, lady-fucking liberal.

#Get it together, the Left.

JessicaLovejoy

@wee_ramekin I always know its cookie season when my brother shows up, throws a box of Thin Mints on the kitchen table and yells "THEY GOT ME AGAIN!"

What I would give to see my bald, tatted, Vin Diesel looking brother being strongarmed by a swarm of little girls.

redheaded&crazy

@wee_ramekin this reminds me of something that happened in toronto recently, where the university of toronto's sex education centre hosted a "sex party" at this club in toronto that has a naked ... section ... I don't know, I haven't been there (or have I).

Anyway, it was a really cool initiative with like, BDSM demonstration and explanation of safe words, to get in the door you had to sign a contract that "no means no" and some other guidelines, nobody above 35 allowed in/you had to be a student.

But the story got picked up by reddit and billed as an "orgy" so it kind of blew up a little out of proportion but (I'm coming to the relevant part I promise) the best part was a story that made it onto fox news where they were like [paraphrasing]:

"The university is not bending over backwards to separate itself from this initiative. The university put out a statement: We will not censor student initiatives unless there is illegal activity involved."

I MEAN THE NERVE.

meetapossum

@wee_ramekin "good" and "information-based" in quotation marks still makes me laugh so hard. Those Girl Scouts and their "facts."

Ophelia

@meetapossum Also, "publicly admitted" was probably, in reality, "proudly announced"

RK Fire

@wee_ramekin Shit, I really want some Girl Scout cookies right now.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Fuck yeah, Girl Scouts!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@wee_ramekin
"A girl? You wish, pal!"

TheBourneApproximation

@wee_ramekin Thanks, Christian info-graphic! I...I had no idea!

...That the Girl Scouts were so frikkin awesome!

decantate

@wee_ramekin I remember being trained as a young teen camp counselor on how to sensitively support a girl coming out as lesbian while in my care. This was, like, 1993, IN UTAH.

wee_ramekin

@decantate GODDAMN! I just bowed my head in awe and did an actual Fist Pump of Righteousness at my desk. #GirlScouts4lyyyyfe

highfivesforall

@wee_ramekin So, I recently hosted a great discussion of this on facebook, where everyone agreed with me that GSA is great. Unfortunately I discovered after posting it that they do not have an official affiliation with planned parenthood, and someone made that up to malign them. Good news though, the rest of this is true! And girl scouts have always led the charge in acceptance - they elected their first black president the year after the boy scouts were legally forced to desegregate. In 1974.

area@twitter

12. If one of the kids was atheist or agnostic.

noReally

God, the term, "open or avowed." Like, if these people are not going to be appropriately shameful, and secretive.

wee_ramekin

WTF is an "avowed" homosexual?

I hate that phrase.

I think people who use the term "avowed homosexual" are trying to intimate that a person who is homosexual has decided to take a really 'outre' and 'vulgar' position on their sexuality, but if you just argue hard enough with them, perhaps they might see the light and disavow their misguided belief. Because, you know, it's like, a choice. Ugh.

Man, fuck this.

SarcasticFringehead

@wee_ramekin I think it's like when people are "flaunting it" by daring to hold hands or, you know, look at their partner in public or whatever. I'm sure the boy scouts would be fine with gays if they just didn't insist so hard on being gay.

SarahP

@wee_ramekin Ughhhh I agree with you, it's such an annoying little qualifier.

On a lighter note, once in a different place I read the phrase as "avid homosexual" and I was like, that is awesome! So enthusiastic!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@wee_ramekin
Don't you know the gay pledge? It's someone who has said that.

Judith Slutler

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll "On my gay honor, I will try to serve gay God and my gay country. To help gay people at all times and to live by the Gay Scout Law."

Nutmeg

@SarcasticFringehead "Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire."

wee_ramekin

@Nutmeg "I'd cry about it, but I can't spare the moisture."

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Emmanuelle Cunt
Eeee excellent! I was trying to come up with something myself, but not getting anywhere. Thanks for coming through!

@wee_ramekin
Sooo, I wasn't the only person who spent Sunday afternoon in bed, re-reading the Dune trilogy??

mabellegueule

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
I believe they are trading Arrested Development quotes, but that was an awesome interpretation. Something something girl scout cookies are like spice?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@mabellegueule
I am not as good with Arrested Development as others, so thanks for the tip. Someday I hope to earn my Arrested Development merit badge, though.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Hello, I'd like to help make your day a little less rage-y: have you heard the new Tegan and Sara album? It's, like, ridiculously good.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin OK, I saw a reply from you on here about T and S, but I can't find it anymore? So if you'd like to freak out with me, I'll be here online OR you can shoot me an email at irototrose [at] g mail.

thomdesoto

As the kind of dude who is, like, still a Boy Scout leader today, I can testify that many of those are actually true. Go figure.

whizz_dumb

@thomdesoto Please tell me you are also in The League of Shadows.

thomdesoto

@whizz_dumb I'm not, but I totally sat on Ra's's board of review for Life.

JessicaLovejoy

@wee_ramekin I always know its cookie season when my brother shows up, throws a box of Thin Mints on the kitchen table and yells "THEY GOT ME AGAIN!"

What I would give to see my bald, tatted, Vin Diesel looking brother being strong-armed by a swarm of little girls.

wee_ramekin

@JessicaLovejoy Trooper Klein, 18, who has no boyfriend, can only be in the BSA because he keeps his avowed homosexual interests a secret.

JessicaLovejoy

@JessicaLovejoy My comment about Trooper Klein keeps getting - dare I say it - disavowed.

(Seriously, the comment about my brother double edited. How is that a thing?)

Lady Humungus

Seriously though, Firefly is so awesome you guys.

wee_ramekin

@Lady Humungus Srsly. Let's co-join and annoy all our friends by trading quotes, shiny?

Karen Healey@twitter

@Lady Humungus Best comment ever.

Nicole Cliffe

BACK ON TASK, Lady Humungus.

(fireflyyyyy!)

martinipie

@wee_ramekin Well, here I am.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Lady Humungus Everyone is getting on the "Morena Baccarin is the perfect woman" train these days because of Homeland, but I'm all, "Dudes, she was the best in Firefly and made me wish I had a lot of money so I could visit her chambers."

Ophelia

@Nicole Cliffe Yessir, Captain Tightpants!

Faintly Macabre

@Lady Humungus Some idiot Slate commenter went on a rant about how they cast "some Brazilian model" as Jessica Brody. A. You are ignorant, b. HOW DARE YOU INSULT INARA?

Megan@twitter

I'm still flabbergasted that the Scouts spent so much time and money in court defending that asinine policy and now want to be like, "Just kidding?"

frigwiggin

If one of the boys quits because he keeps complaining that his ears get too hot during meetings. (Love you, brother. Meanwhile I kept it together in Girl Scouts until I aged out. Never did anything that community-service-y or important, though, mostly it was just sleepovers and giftwrapping.)

RubeksCube

@frigwiggin You know, I spent a lot of time gift-wrapping for GSA, too, and I find it did not end up being a transferable skill. I can't wrap a gift without getting tape everywhere, or there being unseemly strands of my hair stuck in said tape, etc. That said, I can survive in the wilderness. Sort of. Counting it as a win.

Ophelia

@RubeksCube I can make spaghetti over a campfire - I figure that's a pretty useful skill.

RubeksCube

@Ophelia Absolutely!

LacunaKale

The troop leader scratches his or her eye with a poison ivy covered branch. It rains. It is the night before Halloween and the campsite is next to a graveyard. The next day campers are dropped off at the front doors of their disappointed looking parents.
Oh wait, no that was my Girl Scout troop. And we produced more then one avowed homosexual, and lots of awesome cookies.

Pyxis

@LacunaKale What was the troop leader doing poking branches in her eye! You don't get extra points for forcing the troop to use their first aid education!

LaLoba

I work for a small operation of two older men: a conservative Mormon a and a gun-lovin' vegetarian libertarian. I have an intimate relationship with 1. boy scouts and 2. the confluence of human rights and Christianity (I said farewell to religion long ago). I was nervous when the Mormon lawyer brought up this issue. But we just had a really long and thoughtful discussion and I think that the libertarian and I (the empathetic-to-religion atheist) have convinced him to take the next step in examining his prejudices and how he feels about talking about them in the church. And he is now totally sure that being gay does not mean you are inclined to abuse children and he is almost ready to broadcast that to his group of elders. Progress :/

squishycat

Boy Scouts - get your goddamn act together. (So fucking proud of being a Girl Scout - we had a troopmember who was not only non-white and hearing-impaired (I don't know if she IDed as Deaf), but was an adoptee with two moms, one of whom ran a restaurant. This last bit is relevant because instead of freaking out over the ~lesbians~, my troop went on a field trip to the restaurant to see how it was run, which was pretty damn cool for a bunch of middle-schoolers. Also, free pizza.)

MilesofMountains

@squishycat The more I hear about good Girl Scout troops, the more disappointed I am that mine fucking sucked. It most certainly did not involve free pizza.

Judith Slutler

Also y'all can get in touch with the Boy Scouts via this comment form: http://www.scouting.org/ContactUs.aspx So politely let them know what's what, Pinners!

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Nearly all of the adult, male Girl Scouts I know are also Eagle Scouts. Small sample size, admittedly, but I find this interesting.

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