The Jellyfish 4-Ever
Previously: The Devil of the Sea.
Natalie Eve Garrett is an artist who likes surprises. Prints of her paintings are for sale here (and some paintings are available, too).
animals, art, the ocean, jellyfish, paintings, animal surprise, immortal jellyfish
Um...okay, so is this the makeshift Open Thread? Because I need to talk about my boyfriend for a moment.
There's some terrible shit going on in his life, and I've been loving and supportive throughout. But the more time passes the more the stress is getting to me, and sometimes it's downright overwhelming. His life has a lot more drama and turmoil than I've ever had to deal with in my own life.
I have a history of depression, and while adversity is motivator for some people (like him) it's a demotivator for me. I feel defeated and don't feel confident, strong, or capable enough to change things. There are a lot of things about my life I want to change, but things are so difficult right now (except for our relationship, which is wonderful) that I just don't feel ready to face any more challenges. At least not until some other things change, which are in his power and related to the aforementioned shit that is going on with him.
I had a long, teary conversation with him about all this the other night, and even though he's going through a really rough time himself, he was totally there for me. And do you know what he said at the end of it all? He said that he'll support me in whatever I want to do when I'm ready, but in the meantime, "You don't have to do anything. I'll climb the mountain and slay the dragon."
I know, I know…you're probably having a visceral reaction to the picture of damsel in distress who needs to be saved, but put that aside for a moment. He is a person who loves another person and wants her to be happy and healthy. I'm a total mess right now, but I've been there for him, and he says he couldn't get through it without me, and that I make him a better person. My mental health is important to him and he's willing to make sacrifices in order to give me the respite I need.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like he does more for me than I do for him because the things he does for me are mostly tangible (e.g. giving me lots of massages) whereas what I do for him is mostly intangible (e.g. helping him interpret people's words and actions, which is something he has trouble doing due to a history of abuse). But he says I've already helped him immensely, so I shouldn't feel guilty if I want to sit back and relax and let him do the work to build our future for awhile.
I LOVE THIS MAN.
@fondue with cheddar Boy, I get a little twitchy when the Open Thread doesn't start on time.
For now though, it's great that you are trying to tackle whatever issues you are having, I know for from experience it's incredibly hard to deal with mental health problems sincerely and honestly, and just wanting to is an important step. From your previous comments about your boyfriend, he already seemed like a Solid Dude, and this only proves that further. It's great that you guys have each other. See you in the FOT. :)
@fondue with cheddar That sounds like a lovely partnership! It also sounds like there may be some caregiver fatigue happening, which is totally understandable whenever there's turmoil in someone's life.
As someone who also cannot handle drama (not in that I secretly love drama kinda way) I have a lot of empathy for your situation. Maybe you need to be a bit sheltered from the drama? Maybe his counselor can help with the interpretive heavy lifting and you can provide a kind of unconditional (but not involved in the minutia) support that would be less draining.
Take a break, have a spa day (improvise a spa day). Try not to feel guilty about not doing enough, if possible. Sometimes just being a loving, generally supportive presence is really all a person needs, so just focus on taking care of your own emotional needs enough to make it possible to stay present.
Good luck to both of you. :)
@fondue with cheddar p.s. thank you for building an open thread in the wilderness, fwc. I've been dying to talk about how pumped I am for solstice and what awesome food I expect to be eating soon. And depression is so hard to deal with, so I'm also totally impressed by how open and reflective you are about it. For me, winter solstice has always been about that turning point from the darkness into light. Here's to brighter days!
@adorable-eggplant Yes! I am so glad it's the darkest day today. It can only get lighter... I need this...
@fondue with cheddar it sounds like you have a pretty amazing give-and-take situation going. i both ship for you, and am envious of you. but in a totally healthy and not at all malicious way. for the record.
@whateverlolawants YES. i cannot wait for things to get lighter...
@fondue with cheddar Not to be cheesy, but have you ever read/heard of that book called the Five Love Languages? Full disclosure--I haven't read it, but I have heard a lot about it, and an idea I gravitate towards is the fact that we all have different ways of feeling/expressing love. So, for one person they feel most loved when their partner does the dishes, but the other person feels most loved when their partner says something really sweet. We all have different ways to show love and different ways that we feel most loved. All that to say--it's great that you're thinking about ways to love him, but maybe don't compare tangible backrubs versus intangible processing. You are loving him, just in your own particular love language.
@everyone I'm so happy it's getting lighter tooooo! I'm looking forward to the day when it's not dark when I get out of work.
@adorable-eggplant Interesting…I hadn't thought of it as caregiver fatigue because I usually associate that with taking care of someone who is ill, but there are a lot of similarities. We both do take breaks from the drama. And the holidays were good because while there was some drama on his side, my family is very easygoing and fun and non-drama, so it was good for both of us to be surrounded by them.
I'm open about my depression because while I was deep in it I closed myself off to everyone and didn't talk about it. Once I started climbing out I realized how much of a mistake that was because it was a barrier to getting healthy. I also realized that talking about it might help others who are dealing with similar feelings, even if it's nothing more than knowing they're not alone. Plus, there's still a stigma to mental illness, and I figure the more people talk about it the more that stigma will melt away.
@wearitcounts Thanks. :) It really is a pretty amazing relationship. We both had horrendous marriages so we learned a lot about what matters most in a relationship and we really appreciate each other. It's certainly not perfect, but we've got the communication thing down, which helps us through the rough patches. Everyone who says communication is the most important thing is SO RIGHT.
@smidge I hadn't heard of it but it sounds interesting. We've talked about how we do different things for each other, and you know what's funny? We both feel like we're the one who doesn't do as much. Not in such a way that we don't feel like we deserve each other, but in such a way that we want to do more. And that helps both of us!
I WASN'T READY@j
Uggh jelly fish are so scary, Like SO SCARY.
Ahhh, I love jellyfish. At the Monterey Bay Aquarium they have this really goofy 70's-themed jellyfish thing going on, and the displays look like lava lamps, and I LOVE IT. I could just sit there and watch them drift around all day. LIVE FOREVER, JELLYFISHIES
@frigwiggin Ah, LOVED that jellyfish area there! Do they still have that sort of blue-tinted room with the glass walls? I could have sat in there all day. <3 you, jellyfishies.
@frigwiggin when I was a kid they had these breast implants (no really) that were underwater that you could grab. They were supposed to feel like Jellyfish. It was crazy.
I'm doing estate planning accounting and I'm not an accountant and I'm not a lawyer and all I'm actually doing is data entry and adding but my numbers aint' addin' up worth shit!!! How the hell did I get here?
Since there's still no FOT, I'm going to copy fondue and put this here since I don't know a group that would appreciate it more: playing FMK with the cast of the hobbit.
Natalie Eve Garrett, I love this jelly as I have loved all your sea creatures. Never stop.
@highfivesforall That is the best thing I've ever seen. Thank you.
@highfivesforall I love how Ian McKellen looks slyly (knowingly?) at the camera when he says he'd marry Gandalf because "we'd have such good times."
And because I can't just enjoy a good thing and must nitpick, why did they use a picture of Gandalf the White?
@highfivesforall I love how sincere they all were (and should be, FMK is serious business).
@highfivesforall jumping on this thread to MOURN ONCE MORE AND FOREVERMORE THE DEMISE OF HAIRPIN FMK. whither the FMK?!
@highfivesforall YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. MARTIN FREEMAN WANTS TO MARRY SMAUG "'CUZ SMAUG'S GOT A NICE VOICE".
YOU GUYS. SMAUG IS VOICED BY BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, WHO PLAYS SHERLOCK TO MARTIN FREEMAN'S WATSON. JOHN/SHERLOCK IS THE BEST, MOST SHIPPED SHIP OF ALL TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh EVEN OUTSIDE OF SHERLOCK THEIR HEARTS GO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
#never stop yelling about Johnlock
#no srsly tho', i can't stop yelling about this/their love
@wee_ramekin Also, can we talk about how absolutely roguishly charming Martin Freeman is? y/y?
@wee_ramekin AAAHHHHHHHH THAT MADE MY MORNING
@wee_ramekin be still my heart I did NOT know Smaug was Benedict Cumberbatch auuughh
@highfivesforall Thank you thank you for sharing this! You made my day!
@highfivesforall That is amazing.
My first time to comment on the Pin, I get all excited because I have something to say/ask on the FOT, and the FOT doesn't happen. Sigh.
So tonight a sorta friend is having a big house party for the End of the World and I'm excited to drink at a non-bar for once. Buuut my ex-fiance (whom I was with on and off for 8 years, lived with for 2, engaged for 1. I'm 23 btw) and his best friends will be there. Not to mention the party-thrower has been into him since, oh, 2006. The ex and I are on very good terms because we were very close for 8 years, our breakup was fairly mutual/amicable, and we live in a small-ish town so we run into each other somewhat often. Also, I've been dating a really wonderful guy who treats me like a queen for a couple months now, and I'm deliriously happy and in love. I also know there will be other friends of mine at this party. I plan to look super hot. And obviously nobody's forcing me to stay, so I can leave anytime and go to the fun dive bar which is in walking distance if it's awful.
BUT HERE I AM still freaking out and being nervous about seeing the ex. whyyyyyy. Pinners, I know I'm a comment virgin, but does anyone want to give me a pep talk?
@supfreckles And obviously nobody's forcing me to stay, so I can leave anytime and go to the fun dive bar which is in walking distance if it's awful.
THIS. Leave if you want, stay if you want. If you feel weird, get out, and if things are cool, enjoy it. Don't over-think! You're happy and you're in love and that is super awesome, so just go be your bad self.
@supfreckles Especially if the dive bar has bar snacks. Almost any party, no matter how awesome, cannot trump the prospect of fried pickles.
@adorable-eggplant @katiemcgillicuddy Thank you thank you thank you. Sometimes the thing that you actually know is just better coming from other people. Re: bar snacks, this place does not have any, but it does have karaoke. And it shares a building with a gun store, which is kind of scary but kind of kitschy and fun?? Dive bars!
@supfreckles: My philosophy for iffy party invitations is "you can stand anything for half-an-hour". Make an effort w/r to your appearance, attend for half-an-hour, interact with your host for a minute, enjoy a libation of some kind, speak to a stranger. Consider your position after 30 mins. Having fun? Stay in triumph. If not, you're free to make haste.
@supfreckles Haha, that sounds awesome, but I totally couldn't deal. I'm extremely gun phobic. My buddies in high school used to sit in the back yard and shoot CDs and empty cans, and I used to hide inside because I just couldn't deal.
@supfreckles You want to talk kitschy? Oh boy, OK. There is a bar called, "JOE'S" in a place called Ligonier (about 30 minutes outside Pittsburg). It looks like a regular dive when you first walk in...and then you see the insane collection of taxidermy (if that's even how to use the word). We're talking from safaris. More than 200 specimen, it is fucking insane. So if you're ever in the Pittsburg area, holy shit, Joe's.
Here is a link: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/3506
@supfreckles Of course you're freaking out! Anyone would be! I often get super nervous before social events even when no exes are going to be there, much less ones of 8 years! And it always works out fine. Your nerves are normal, and do not in any way mean that you will have a bad time or are a coward or not over him or anything like that.
And it sounds like you have a great exit strategy, which is key.
@katiemcgillicuddy wow, that's ... pretty incredible. I'm in Green Bay (represent!) so there is a fair share of taxidermy at bars, but 99% of the time it's a deer head.
@adorable-eggplant I hate guns as well, but my mind is eased slightly by the fact that I go to said bar waaay after business hours, so my chances of running into someone who just bought a gun are much lower. Wow. Typing that out made me really think about the danger of going to a bar next to a gun store. Yikes!
@When robot unicorns attack Thank you!!
@supfreckles You walk in, pass the pool tables, and HELLO ELEPHANT HEAD ABOVE YOU. Oo, Green Bay, everyone looks like Aaron Rogers, right?
@katiemcgillicuddy I wish! Ohh do I wish.
@supfreckles HOW DID IT GO? The first rule of FOT is that you need to update us on parties and run-ins with boys and dive bars!
Well, not the first rule. Maybe the third. (The first rule of FOT is that you can talk about ANYTHING on FOT.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Seriously, we need deets and tails, I'm about to be at the Place Where Dignity Goes To Die (the goddamm mall) AGAIN, and I need something to live for.
@katiemcgillicuddy It was kind of just ok. I hung out in one corner with my bf and some other people, the ex hung out in another corner with his shitty friends, one of whom has coerced/assaulted several girls in our extended friend group, myself included. Sooo basically I was around people I didn't want to be around and I didn't enjoy it. I said hi to the ex, just to get it out of the way and quell my awkward feelings, but he kinda ignored me? And his bff (whom I've also been friends with for 10+ years) was really dickishly condescending to me when I was talking about my corny job which I happen to love and my novel-in-progress.
A disappointing, not-so-fun night. BUT I did realize that I've worked reeeeally hard over the last seven months or so to get my mental health in check and be happy, and although I do wish the best for the ex, I will no longer purposely be around people who make me feel like shit. So fuck all those jerks. My awesome boyfriend and I went to the dive bar.
I hope the mall doesn't drain you of your sanity!!
@supfreckles You can't be drained of your sanity when it's already gone. Seriously, the mall is...I have no words.
Your ex and his friends sound like complete jackasses, so screw 'em, aint worth your time anyway. I am totally with you on working on your mental health recently, last year at this time I was only juuuust starting to come out of a very, very rough patch, and after working through a whole lot of shit, I've made something of a 180. It's a good feeling, isn't it? :)
Dive bars forever.
@katiemcgillicuddy Ahhh yes yes yes. Not to be all misty here, but I seriously had no idea I could be this happy and healthy. I had kinda resigned myself to hating myself/life/everything forever. All I had to do was end my relationship, graduate college, and move 1000 miles back to my hometown, haha. Congratulations on getting happy and healthy yourself.
@supfreckles "resigned to hating myself/life/everything"
Yeah, pretty much. It's almost bizarre not to feel that way. Being happy is weird! Anyway, good on us for being awesome.
@supfreckles SET THEM ALL ON FIRE.
BUT even though it was an eh time I'm glad it helped you realize that you don't need to be around those juiceboxes anymore! Dive bar with the awesome boyfriend sounds like a great plan. I'm glad you went and that you're feeling happy and healthy and yay!
In lieu of making this post on the FOT: The Les Miserables movie.
The "highlights" soundtrack came out last night and I'm actually quite impressed. Anyone else seeing the movie on Christmas?
@Fitzsimmons I am going on Christmas with my whole family! We are all Les Mis freaks. My mom and I are going to bring a box of tissues. So excited.
@Fitzsimmons I'm going within the first few days, and hopefully I can wrangle people to come with me on Christmas. I've never seen the whole show, but I love the music. "I Dreamed a Dream" might be my favorite from-a-musical song ever.
@Fitzsimmons I can't wait, but I'm also dreading it. Amanda Seyfried never impressed me in Mamma Mia... but then lets be honest, no one likes Cosette that much anyways.
No FOT yet? Strange...I am going to follow suit. Excellent news on the broken-thumb front this week; I will NOT need surgery as I had feared. Three weeks in a lightweight splint, another month being gentle with it, and things will be just fine. Christ, that was a huge relief. Good job, thumb! Happy Holidays, everyone!
@area@twitter Good job, thumb indeed! Um...Do you think we should just make this FOT, I am kind of confused. I had the day off for the first time in a while (and first time off that I wasn't at the FUCKING MALL in forever and was readyfreddy for FOT, right on time, so instead I'm sitting here yelling at ESPN and drinking vodka tonics) and I was ready to talk about six thousand different things, which I will forget slowly over the next hour. Of all weeks for FOT to be late/not happen. Also, area@, Kirk Cousins' eyelashes.
@katiemcgillicuddy Yes, let's make this the FOT! Missed last week's game (stupid local blackout), so I'm jazzed to see the Skins play Sunday. And Kirk Cousins. Wow. Older Kurt, with a little leanness in his face? We are lucky women, to have two such handsome QBs.
@area@twitter Jesus, "Older Kurt" would/will be so beyond hot it's infuriating. Did you see Cooley talking about how "adorable" he is, how he yelled "TEAM" before every play and basically he is the cutest thing that ever existed on earth? And that's from CHRIS COOLEY. So.
@katiemcgillicuddy And dude, if somehow you get blacked out again, because NO NO NO (and we still have to catch a game together, which we will once stupid Xmas calms down) atdhe.eu will offer you a feed- nothing perfect but totally acceptable!
Someone check on Edith.
@laurel Do you think she replaced her login with olive oil?
@Cawendaw: Once she got started replacing things it was a slippery slope.
@laurel I just laughed way too hard at this. Packing-induced delirium? No, I just really love puns.
@laurel I was going to press her for an answer, but it seems you have found it. Her disappearance is the pits.
@PistolPackinMama Olive you guys.
I only ever want to talk about the two crazy hot dudes in my life. You guys, they both have such nice arms. and hair. And if you follow me on twitter, I am so sorry, I have been blowing up your feed like this for weeeeeeeks.
I have had an insane time of things since about two weeks ago, and I started my work week on Wednesday, and I do not have a day off until December 31st. However, as soon as I get home from work on December 30th? I am checking the fuck out, hopping in Mister's car, and we're going to the Adirondacks with his BFF. For New Year's. MOUNTAIN CABIN WITH GOOD COMPANY. I have no words for how much I'm going to need it, after travel/holidays/sinus infection/cray shit at work/finishing my online class/neglecting my novel oh my god I miss it so much but I am so fucking busy otherwise.
@Porn Peddler This seems like the right subthread to say that this week I discovered I have an embarrassing crush on my manager at work. IT'S HIS FAULT FOR GROWING HIS STUPID BEARD OUT, now he's all scruffy and unexpectedly hot and he is making my work life awkward. (On the other hand, I have a lot more sex when I'm having new-crush feelings.)
@Elsajeni BEARDS BEARDS BEARDS
just to be clear beards.
Yeah. I know what you mean. I'm not really having more sex because new dude lives 350 miles away and I have a sinus infection and am busy and blah blah. but CRUSHY FEELINGS EEEE
@Porn Peddler Sinus infections are the worst. Mountain cabin is always good. Even better is crazy nice arms. You're kind of killing me cause I've been waiting WEEKS for dude with killer arms to be throwing me around like nobody's business, but I'm now down to DAYS and I'm basically twitching counting down the hours til I see him.
@katiemcgillicuddy HOURS. so soon. those arms are going to manhandle you super soon.
I don't see my secondary dude til....February. Hoping Mister will go full lumberjack on New Year's and ravage the shit out of me at this cabin...
@Porn Peddler Full lumberjack. That is hilarious and incredibly evocative.
@adorable-eggplant He's been rocking this lumberjack thing for a couple months now, because he spends a lot of the day outside (so much plaid and flannel and knits!) this on top of the fact that he hasn't shaved for...months. And he grows a very very red beard.
He's so hot I'm going to cry.
Also: new dude knew I was dead-ass tired and would probably fall asleep immediately upon returning home from work today. So around 6 PM, I get a picture message of his flexed arms captioned "Wake up."
my life is so hard you guys right?
@Porn Peddler Ah full lumberjack, nothing better. My dude is so lumberjack-type it's not even funny. The kind who needs nothing but his fishing boat, his truck, and his hound-dog (and me goddammit). He texted me for fantasy football advice this morning and I texted back both fantasy football advice (I love how much he loves that I can actually do this) and all manner of other things fantasy. Full lumberjack for the win.
@Porn Peddler I can't like the "beards" comment enough times.
@All Can I just agree with everyone? BEARDS. LUMBERJACK. I'm in love with the trend. So much eye candy. I have even taken to wearing flannel and boots and hats even more now, in hopes of attracting a mate. It makes winter suck waaaayyyy less.
Since there's no FOT, I'll say thank you to my Winter Surprise buddy here. I love my gift!
I can't seem to embed an image but here's a link to the awesome bag I got: here's the link.
@amirite Ha, that is so great! I wanted to thank my Winter Surprise buddy too, because she made me some killer CDs (ZAZ! So great!), plus she did the greatest drawing of Philippe from Achewood! (I don't know how it got formatted sideways???) Thaaaank youuuuuu BattyRabbit! You are my friend.
@frigwiggin :D :D :D I am so glad you like them! I would also like to thank my Winter Surprise buddy Nicole for the moooost excellent crocheted bunny. Her name is Bianca, and we are serene together.
@amirite I want to thank mine too! Her name is Margaret and I want her to know that I appreciate the mustache theme, I'm wearing the socks right now, and I ate all the m&ms in one sitting, oops.
@amirite Mine was also excellent and sent me snacks and tea and homemade soap and a pretty necklace and I loved everything!
I have laptop buying decision fatigue - if I just give up and buy a macbook air will I regret it? Will the 50000 angry mac hating commenters on every tech review website ever come and stab me? I have a nearly 5 year old netbook at the moment, so realistically I could buy anything and it would feel like the future.
@angelan I bought a refurbished teeny tiny macbook air and every time I look at it I want to cry. I love it so much.
But I primarily need a laptop for writing purposes and nothing else, so if that doesn't describe you...grain of salt.
@angelan I have a four year old macbook that is like a tank of reliability. Do the new macbook airs have a usb drive thingy? Because that is the one thing I would worry about. Other than that mac4lyf.
@angelan I also have a 4 year old macbook and it's super dreamy. Go for it.
@angelan MACBOOK PROSELYTIZER.
Have you looked into System76 at all? They have quality computers that ship from California and an excellent tech support community. They're a little more expensive, but the quality and support makes it a great investment, nothing like Samsung or Toshiba.
Last year I ordered my darling Starling netbook four days before Christmas and a sweet guy called me to let me know I might not get it in time for the holidays, if it was intended to be a gift. Oh, he was just the president of the company. Just calling customers.
LOVE THEM AND ALL THEY DO.
@angelan I love my Macbook Air. I was worried I wouldn't because drive and all that, but it's fast and lovely and I love it.
@angelan My sister got a Macbook Air six months ago and loves it! I have a Macbook Pro and love it. We both had Dells beforehand, so we don't have a history of being Mac fiends or anything.
@Inkling That sounds like a nice company, but I'd prefer windows or OSX. I use ubuntu for work and it's great, but I'm more boring with my own computer.
@everyone - thanks for the advice - I feel like there are too many choices out there, but really I just need to pick something. Seems like half the options are skipping a dvd drive these days - I just need a portable one and I'll be all set. :)
@angelan just got a macbook air & am loving it even tho i hate laptops in general.
and yes it has a USB thingy.
@angelan Seconded! I have a 2007 macbook that has had so many unspeakable things happen to it (a roof collapsed on it! It drank a glass of red wine!) and it just keeps running. My husband has done some work on it, with knock-off Chinese ebay parts, and it still just keeps going. His 1.5 year old work Dell, however, can't run without IT support for more than a month at a time.
No FOT? But I have an announcement!
My boyfriend and I got engaged today!
@The Lady of Shalott WOOO!! Congrats!
@The Lady of Shalott Oh, so wrong that there is no FOT for that! Congrats!!
@The Lady of Shalott Congratulations!
@The Lady of Shalott Mazel tov! DETAILS?
@anachronistique Haha, there aren't really any! We went out to dinner and then when we got home, he started doing lunges (that is...something he does) but instead of lunging, he got down on one knee. That is all! The wedding is quite a long ways away from right now though. :)
Thank you everyone!!!!
@The Lady of Shalott I love the idea of him doing lunges until he was ready to go to one knee. Like practice proposals without you realizing!
@The Lady of Shalott CONGRATULATIONS HOW WONDERFUL
Girl, I am so freaking excited for you! That is the best ever. :) :) :)
@The Lady of Shalott CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
[Now avoiding this due to Engagement Envy (tm) mentioned in last week's FOT.]
@The Lady of Shalott mahhvelous
SWEET BABY GOD, can we just make this the Friday Open Thread?? It seems like everyone has Things To Say and we're just kind of in limbo here? Yes?
@katiemcgillicuddy Oh I thought we had all settled on that decision already.
@Porn Peddler It just feels like people were hesitating cause there are only like 50 comments.
Ok whatever, I had a fucking panic attack driving on the Beltway this week. I had to pull off eventually. It was so fun (it was so not fun). It happened once before when I was on the Bay Bridge (as in the Chesapeake Bay, I've always been freaked out by the BB, but always kind of liked at the same time?) and it only lasted the length of the bridge. So this was really weird, and really bad. Anybody else ever have this happen to them?
@katiemcgillicuddy Just to be clear, I've been driving on the Beltway for YEARS without being nervous. I yell at other people constantly for being bad drivers. So, it's just really sudden and scary.
@katiemcgillicuddy Oh no! That is terrible, lady. The first time I ever drove my driving instructor made me go on the freeway and by the time we got home I was sobbing. :( I haven't had anything like that in a while, but it was awful.
@frigwiggin Ugh, that's terrible. My driving instructor did the same thing BUT I was sooo excited, and if I hadn't been we would have pulled off. We ran all his errands and then he bought me McDonalds breakfast. It was awesome. Oh god, driving is ruined forever.
@katiemcgillicuddy Oh my god, that completely fucking sucks. I'm so sorry. :( Do you have someone you can see? Maybe to parse out what took you there, and help develop strategies if you feel it starting to happen again? (I apologize, I don't know if you've already done this or if I'm stating the obvious here.) In any case, you shouldn't have to feel nervous every time you drive.
@area@twitter It was so random. I mean, if I have to, I'll see someone, it's just the lack of understanding?? I see no triggers, other than regular stress. I like driving! Shit, I LOVE driving! I'm from the fucking DC area, I'm a cocky jackass about it! Ahhhhh, dammit.
@katiemcgillicuddy i have had panic attacks in weird places tangentially related to the place. driving is probably not a thing to panic about. unfortunately something else probably is...or making your body react this way...
I got promoted this week! I original sorta felt 'meh' about getting promoted (more of a title than any real change in responsibilities, etc) but I'm trying really hard to be a good feminist so I'm proud. And I think I deserve it! And I'm going to try really hard to do a good job!
@Tuna Surprise Well done!!
@Tuna Surprise YOU CAN DO IT, TUNA SURPRISE!
OK, so, apparently, Merry Christmas to me.
@katiemcgillicuddy I've really done a great job on this thread, I gotta say. Either way, the link should work.
@katiemcgillicuddy Edited to say: oh my god, what is wrong with me.
@laurel Is that yours? What's his/her/its name?
@PistolPackinMama: That's a stock photo, but mine is the same model and year. I don't know her name yet. She has yet to reveal it to me. I usually name things botanically or biologically, but maybe she's more minerally? She's definitely a girl, what with that sassy jutting left hip.
I need the FOT too! I've been mulling on this all week, and have decided to ask the internet - do any of you guys get really frequent UTIs? I'm on like my fifth this year (I know it could be worse!) But man, this is really starting to get to me. I finished a course of antibiotics this morning and I already have that ache, you know? So, what do my fellow suffers do? I finally have a good family doctor, and I have an appointment in early January; she's mentioned prophylactic antibiotics, but I'm looking for other preventative measure or coping strategies. Or are you on a constant antibiotic regime? I'm worries about interaction with HBC, yeast infections, bladder superbugs (ahhhhhh)....
Currently I try to hydrate like mad, pee always, and take D-mannose. Let's talk.
@loren smith Oh or have any of you tried acupuncture for it? I read a journal article saying it could really help
@loren smith Cranberry juice. A fuckton of cranberry juice. But not the kind with sugar, so I mix it with fizzy water and just chug it down.
@adorable-eggplant COSIGNING. or get those cranberry vitamin pills, they are great too.
@wearitcounts how many do you take a day? I take like 2 - 4 cranberry and vitamin c pills or d-mannose day generally. Today, though, I just drank mescal with my dad. That has to be basically medicinal.
@loren smith If you haven't already, you should speak to any sex partners you have about it, and both of you should get tested for STIs -- I had a bitch of a UTI several years ago that turned out to be chlamydia. Embarrassing, but, easy to fix. UTI-like symptoms could also come from a latex sensitivity (condoms) or from a dude who doesn't keep his junk as clean as he should.
Sorry for the TMI - just though I'd drop in my 2¢! UTIs are maybe my least favorite kind of pain in the world. I hope you feel better. I don't have any immediate cures except to drink lots of peppermint tea.
@loren smith i actually don't take them regularly, but have when i've felt particularly sensitivity. i would follow the instructions on the label, but err on the higher dosage end of it. the all-natural AZO cranberry pills are the ones i would take, so there's not really anything in them, as far as i know, that you can "overdose" on. i hope some of this advice helps, UTIs are the worst!
@loren smith It sounds like you have the bases covered, but just in case--are you using a diaphragm for BC? That used to give me UTIs alllll the time back in the day. Also, sometimes it really is the dude and he should get some abx too. Or, try condoms if you don't have a latex allergy and see if that helps. (I'm assuming it's an after-sex thing so sorry if that is wrong, but it almost always is.)
Also anecdotally, I was on the prophylactic dose for a while back in my 20s when I had this as a recurring problem and after a while I was able to go off. So, not a life sentence.
@Maryaed Antibiotics for the dude? I am telling my hubs about that. Thanks! It is an after sex thing - I try to frame it as more of a "husband and I are lucky we have so much great sex" thing...
@loren smith you might never see this, since it's almost time for the next FOT, but do you pee after sexy times? every time? right after? even if you just want to curl up and go to bed? you must! and also keep your man well-showered. that solved it for me (damn hippy boyfriends...)
DEAR WINTER SURPRISE BUDDY, if you are looking (even though you don't know who you are yet), if this is the open thread: All the materials for your gift are sitting together mocking me and also looking sad. I will assemble your gift and mail it tomorrow, be not afraid! A thousand apologies for being so late! My personal life exploded all over itself right around the 15th and is only just starting to calm down, and you will also get a letter saying basically the same thing inside your surprise, which will probably end up being more like a New Year surprise! but be not afraid, your present WILL ARRIVE. ok just had to get that off my chest
@martinipie Yeah! Stay away from the post office today (err tomorrow, too I imagine): it is a veritable madhouse.
@martinipie As much as I wanted to participate in the exchange, I foresaw that would happen to me too. And seeing as how I haven't even written to my Pin Pal in a while, I was right. But I bet your gift is gonna be great and your surprise buddy will love it whenever it arrives. :)
Someone should hack the 'Pin website (lovingly, of course)and rename this the FOT. I think people looking for the FOT see this squid shit and go, oh, no, I guess not, and click away. IT MUST BE FIXED.
@purefog It's like you described the inside of my head.
okay, joining in on the FOT option. i am sick of ALL OF MY MUSIC. well, everything except jack white, who should TOTALLY get ALL OF THE GRAMMYS. i'm into anything alt-rock, indie, folk, etc., i.e.: animal kingdom, atlas genius, beach house, bombay bicycle club, electric guest, lumineers, the neighbourhood, royal teeth, the black keys, the strokes (can you tell i went thru my iphone artists by alpha?) HELP ME HAIRPIN what am i missing???
@wearitcounts Lord Huron, Passion Pit, The xx, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club for starters (if any of that is new to you in the first place). Fionna Apple's new album, Frank Ocean, Alabama Shakes. Ummm... Cloud Nothings, Chairlift. Awesome stuff, all.
@katiemcgillicuddy alabama shakes, love! passion pit and the xx 50/50, but i haven't done the xx's new album so it's in my queue. the rest, I AM ON IT. thank you!!!
@katiemcgillicuddy Happy to help at all, dude! Also, ooo, Mynabirds. Some brilliant soul introduced me to them on thehairpin and yesssssssss, they are awesome.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm also a Sufjan Stevens obsessive, and he really is "winter" to me, so if you aren't into him, to say I strongly suggest him is an understatement.
@katiemcgillicuddy SO MANY SUGGESTIONS you have made my week :D
@wearitcounts Do you have the new Stars album? Also Body Language, who bizarrely make up a lot of my workout AND chill out playlists. And Heartless Bastards. Everyone should listen to the Heartless Bastards.
@wearitcounts Check out Adron (not the industrial metal band that shares the same name)! Also, Father John Misty! And for good measure, Pearly Gate Music, Grand Salvo, owen Pallett, The Morning Benders, and Department of Eagles
@crango @like a rabid squirrel thank you!! will def check all of those out!
@wearitcounts Allah-Las. Veronica Falls.
@wearitcounts One last one: Nick Waterhouse
@crango @vunder THANK YOUUUU
Hey guys, what does everyone put on their face?
I have really greasy skin, and acne scars, and I'm breaking out a lot. I've tried coconut oil, honey, grapeseed oil, being a water goddess... I'm looking for something that won't make me get greasier and kinda balance out my current greases. Any tips? I wouldn't mind the breakouts if there wasn't so much scarring. I can still get it etc, but sometimes it makes me sad.
@Inkling i go to lush and get their lotion called vanishing cream. its super lightweight. not sure if it will help with scars. i have a few little marks from too much popping/messing with and idk if it necessarily helps but doesn't hurt. its just lightweight and helps acne. i use their green face wash and then the lotion. seriously the green face wash is the best! its called herbalism! and their toners are good too for astringent properties and getting rid of oil. their products can be a bit expensive but last a very long time. like 6 months for a 35 dollar lotion. i hope this helps they are by far the best products I've ever used and don't have as many chemicals as other places.
@Inkling i swear by the neutrogena naturals face scrub. it's not fancy, or anything that i would have thought to get for my skin (which was not *super* greasy, but still greasy), but it's been amazing. also, i had mild cystic acne, and i did a 4-6 month course of retin a cream. it kind of "reset" things in my face (science!). i think it also can help with mild scarring, so if seeing a dermatologist is an option for you, maybe that would be good to try. the other thing i did (after my skin got used to the retin a), was to add a physical blocker sunscreen/moisturizer (also neutrogena)--because they use zinc oxide as the sunblock, and because zinc is good for your skin, my face was pretty happy.
@Inkling I tried all the oil cleansing, etc and found that it really didn't work well for my skin, but I was Doing Less Stuff which was less irritating. So now I use Neutrogena extra gentle cleanser and only wash my face at night or after workouts with that (using a washcloth) and then in the morning i just use warm water and a washcloth. I always use Neutrogena or Cetaphil moisturizer with SPF. For me it's a happy medium between leaving my skin alone (and letting it be less irritated/balance itself out) but not giving the gross acne devil germs a place to hang out and cause trouble.
@Inkling Tea tree oil! Your skin sounds a lot like mine, and this has helped my skin quite a bit. i use it as a toner in the morning, and while it hasn't completely cleared my face, it's definitely reduced the number of zits I get. Also, even though it's an oil, it's fairly astringent which helps cut back on the grease. Just make sure you find 100% pure tea tree oil. Here's the bottle I'm using, it's great quality and pretty cheap! http://www.amazon.com/Mason-Vitamins-Australian-Pharmaceutical-1-Ounce/dp/B003II7BSU/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1356190930&sr=1-1&keywords=tea+tree+oil
@Inkling Along the lines of @crango, I use (and swear by) The Body Shop's Tea Tree Oil face wash. LOVE that stuff and a bottle lasts me forever. My acne's almost completely gone away--I still have face issues (I pick, it's awful) but acne isn't really one of 'em anymore.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Tea tree oil is amazing! When I was growing up, my mom was really into this one company that sold tea tree oil stuff; it was crazy all the things they put it in. They had a bunch of skin products, but they also had tea tree oil laundry detergent, hair stuff, GUM, toothpaste, it was ridiculous!
@crango I used to use that a lot too! I stopped for some reason (probably just ran out and didn't buy any more), but I would gladly use it again. In fact, I might go get some now. My back has been breaking out terribly in recent months. :(
@wearitcounts Also, retinol is a miracle product, as it moisturizes and reduces/prevents wrinkles as well as clearing up breakouts. Seriously worth the $20+.
@Inkling I've been using the Magic Mitt from Jane Iredale (nothing but hot water on the mitt). I think someone here suggested it once, and I was desperate after trying all sorts of cleansers and cleansing oils, and still having dry skin that broke out. (it was dry in some places, actually, oily in others -- whenever I got a facial, which is about three times a year, the esthetician would say my skin was flakey on the surface, but oily in some places, and try to sell me moisturizers and cleansers). I have to say, my skin isn't THAT much better, I still get the occasional breakout, but my skin is way less dry, and I use barely any moisturizer. I just spread it and pat it on, and then I use an eye cream. My skin is much better. I think I can't avoid a certain amount of breakouts, but at least my skin isn't all dried out anymore. It doesn't feel all taut after I wash. I guess I'm just keeping some of my own oils, just washing away the dirt, which is good. Keeps the oil glands from over-acting. That's the theory, anyway.
I used Accutane for four years back in the 90s, and yeah, it sure worked, but man, it was harsh. And I'm not sure what the long term effects are. I've had some weird stuff that apparently COULD be due to that period of time. So I wouldn't advise anyone to use it if they weren't, say, in show business or modelling, and unless it was truly truly bad.
@crango Wait, gum? Is it not toxic?
The lack of FOT this week is not making me sad because I'm a frequent poster, but because I really love reading through what everyone says (and commenting where relevant) and I was really looking forward to 200+ comments mostly about peoples' various anticipated holidays. I love reading about everyone's traditions and weird family members.
Yes I realize I just outed myself as an unrepentant lurker. Ah well.
@like a rabid squirrel
As an unrepentant lurker I'll provide an answer!
My mother recently told me they created this "tradition" just for me because we did it once, and now I just keep forcing it upon them every year.... but I make everyone open up one gift on Christmas eve! It's awesome and makes me really excited, even when I open up something extremely lame like socks (which I always seem to be needing more of these days? What's up with that?)
We also go to the candlelight service and have the traditional american christmas breakfast and gift opening.... My family is adorably boring and it's wonderful.
How about everyone else?
@like a rabid squirrel samesies
@whimsy My mom used to let us do that, and over the years it morphed into me and my sisters opening our gifts from each other on Christmas Eve.. (I think back when she used to let us pick which one to open someone picked a sister gift and so she had to let us open gifts from both sisters so that no one got hurt that their gift wasn't chosen.) It's my favorite tradition because it's like we get our own private sister Christmas, and their gifts are always the most thoughtful, best-suited ones because they know me the best. They're also my favorite ones to give. Sisters! <3
@amirite One of my good friends has two sisters and watching her shop for them (and also watching them collaborate on gifts for their mom) always made me wish I had sisters. So sweet and thoughtful. It's definitely not as much fun to shop for my (much older) brothers - though I now have a baby niece so I can buy sweet baby things.
@like a rabid squirrel
Buying gifts for babies/toddlers is the best, especially when you get conscripted into helping them play with the new car/teddy/noise-maker.
@like a rabid squirrel SISTERS! I already have a sister who is awesome and I love dearly, but two of my brothers recently which means I have even more sisters and Christmas shopping for them this years was the besssst!
@whimsy My fam always does the same meal on Christmas Eve (homemade chicken noodle soup) and then Dad makes cinnamon rolls Christmas morning and we open presents and hang out and chill. We usually do takeout for Christmas dinner. This year my mom was talking about doing a big Thanksgiving-level meal for Christmas because my brother didn't get to come home for turkey, and I told her I would riot. WE DO THINGS A CERTAIN WAY, DAMMIT. TRADITION. 'MURICA. etc.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Oooh, Homemade chicken noodle soup sounds delicious and super-homey!
I do get slightly upset when we do have a "traditional" year and they want to change something too... until i can create my own christmas, the last one must be exactly the same as all the others!!! Rawr.
@whimsy It's so gooooood. Homemade noodles and everything.
Can't wait can't wait.
So I'm on okcupid and I finally started using it! I updated my profile, and even though I'm home from grad school, I'm looking up people and favoriting way too many people. Ack. I don't even have a car in the city I'm going to school in. How do you date in a situation like that? I won't have THAT much time, but I do want to try to go on a couple dates in my last months there.
@mystique Make them come close to wherever you are!
@mystique - I'm assuming you have access to public transit? If so, you can both meet up at the bar/coffee shop/museum/where ever and you get there the same way you would to meet up with friends. Just make sure to choose places you can get to/from under your own steam.
Aww man, I had a rough conversation with my boyfriend the other day. I don't know what's going on with us or how it will end up. I haven't gotten to talk to him in person since then, so it's just been a couple of texts and phone calls. Things are good on the surface but sometimes I feel like we speak totally different languages. And my head feels mixed up, like all of my feelings and thoughts contradict each other.
@whateverlolawants i'm sorry i dont have any advice but internet hugs? and know you are not alone.
@iceberg Thank you so much.
Greetings from Prague everyone!! It's all sparkly and beautiful here, even though the sun apparently doesn't come up till 8 AM (wtf northern winter) and sets at 4.
Also two days ago I basically reconciled with my ex? Not in the getting back together sense because - just, no. But after nearly a year of awkwardly avoiding so much as eye contact (we are both grad students at the same horrifyingly small school) we ended up actually having a conversation like two normal people. Nothing deep, just catching up and wishing each other well. And it was really nice. And weirdly cathartic.
So basically just YAY. I wish all of you random positive moments too, and happy whatever winter holidays you celebrate!
@Countess Maritza That's awesome. Must feel like a big relief.
today when I woke up I thought to myself "WAIT do I have to go to work this morning?!"
NO! I DON'T! So I rolled over and went back to sleep for 2 more minutes because I am incapable of sleeping in anyway but THE POINT STILL STANDS.
Happy holidays y'allls!
@redheaded&crazie Oh man, I just had a nightmare last night about missing not one but TWO finals and woke up in a panic, trying to get ready for class before remembering I graduated last year and am done with school foreverrr
@redheaded&crazie Happy holidays, my beloved GingerNut!
PS - Did you see the thread above where Martin Freeman answers an FMK for 'The Hobbit'? Because if you ship Johnlock as passionately as I do, it will definitely give you ~*~Feels~*~!
@wee_ramekin happy holidays beloved minikinnie! I DID NOT SEE THIS THREAD ABOVE SO I SHALL MOSEY ON OVER!
(Last weekend I found out that season 2 of sherlock was on canadian netflix and HOLY CANNOLI WHAT A GREAT DISCOVERY! It just simply made my weekend. Oh yeah. Johnlock. Tell me about it.)
I feel like all I do is write about pregnancy (sorry!), but I have a question: does anybody have any recommendations for cosmetic products (shampoo, conditioner, lotion, makeup, deodorant, etc.) that are safe to use while pregnant? I've just been blithely slathering my old stuff on, until I joined The Bump and apparently that's totally awful to do because chemicals. I checked the Environmental Working Group website, and according to them everything I use--mostly budget crunchy-granola-type stuff from the health food store--is poisonous (even Dr. Bronner's soap--whaaat?), though I'm not sure I trust them either because the first great-for-everybody-with-no-reproductive-repercussions lotion they recommend has arnica in it, which pregnant women are supposed to avoid. It's frustrating, because all the pregnancy websites chirp "oh, just treat yourself to nice makeup and lotion to make yourself feel normal!" and now I'm not sure I can do that with what I have....Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
@siniichulok Apologies, but they are crazy. There is zero chance that your body lotion is going into your bloodstream in significant concentrations and crossing over the umbilical cord into your baby. Unless you are injecting shampoo or eating arsenic-based deodorant, you should not be worrying about this at all.
@Maryaed My G-d,that is nice to hear! They did seem a little suspicious. It seems like at least half the advice for pregnant women out there on the internet--even from "reputable" sources--is shit anyway--the EWG website probably belongs in that half. Or so I hope!
@siniichulok I would suggest avoiding the Bump, maybe.
Y'all, what's the natural-style deodorant everybody here loves? My brain is blanking.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Soapwalla?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Soapwalla? also as a former pregnant lady I cosign all previous comments. Use whatever the fuck you want. The only thing I MIGHT believe is the one about not bleaching your hair. Just use all of the things because once baby arrives you won't have time for regular bathing ;)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yeah...it's a pity, because the Bump commenters seem to be less crazed and judgmental than the Babycenter ones. But I'm trying to keep my own angst and agita to a minimum so it may be for the best. Is that deodorant soapwalla?
ETA: I just saw that it is! I'll check it out. And thanks iceberg! What a relief! It's OK; I don't bleach my hair anyway--I'm much too lazy.
@crango THAT'S THE ONE. Soapwalla.
@siniichulok I haven't used it, but I know a lot of peeps here swear by it. Having never been pregnant, this probably isn't helpful, but I've been pregnancy-adjacent to ladies who have been super-careful-no-chemicals-no-bacteria-no-nothing and ladies who didn't even know they were pregnant for about five months so they went about their lives normally. Babies from all concerned are happy, healthy, and gorgeous.
@siniichulok I would say if the CDC is not worried about a thing, you should chill about it, and even there, I'd say their listeria advice isn't quite as evidence-based as one might hope. I think it would be legit to stay away from half-raw meat and catbox cleaning, and not drink more than very occasionally.
I worried plenty about all kinds of crazy things when pregnant, and you know what? Actually you cannot ward off TOTAL CALAMITY by controlling every single chemical that comes near your body, and when the child becomes external, you'll have a whole new set of uncontrollable factors. Do your best, have a calm happy pregnancy if it's in your psychological wheelhouse (not mine, alas) and don't let yourself dwell on remote possibilities of awful. Here endeth the lecture.
Also, you should go to the movies on a whim whenever possible, because babies make that difficult.
@siniichulok my advice would be to avoid things with bpa and phtlates which alot of things have phtlates in them. im not sure if im spelling that right but both are really bad for your baby and doing things like microwaving food in plastic and stuff can make you phtlate levels get really high and its bad for your baby. im sure you know about this already but anyway. many brands advertise that they are free of these things if youre already buying crunchy granola brands as your say it should be SUPER easy to avoid them. just my two cents. im not pregnant or planning pregnancy and just avoid them because it weirds me out
This is an FOT Post:
YOU GUYS I GOT INTO MY EARLY DECISION COLLEGE!!!
Which is American University.
Anyone got Must-Visit Places in D.C Other Than Museums Because I Intend On Being a History Major Are You Kidding Of Course I'll Go?
And then I broke up with my boyfriend, mostly because long distance sucks and I can't take the stress of my feelings changing (every week and a half when I wouldn't see him, I'd start not to care. Turns out I need to spend time with someone not on the internet to really maintain a relationship. Who knew?)
@Shayna Congratulations!! That's wonderful!! I did my M.A. in D.C., and would recommend the C & O canal (the part that's in Georgetown). Historic buildings, historic boat tours, amazing architecture, etc. Also Great Falls Park. It's also fun to walk around Georgetown and see the 18th-century row houses. If you have access to a car, there's Shepherdstown and Harper's Ferry (in WV). I lived in and around D.C. for ten years and this is making me homesick!
@Shayna Go up to Baltimore! There's the first Washington Monument, Mount Vernon's a rad place. The Inner Habor is really tourist-y, but still worth checking out at least once. AND THE NATIONAL AQUARIUM! It's only 45 minutes by train, plus there's the MARC train that runs during the week and it's only $7 each way.
@Shayna Gettysburg, PA is only an hour and a half away from DC, and chock full of history (and ghosts!).
Oh, I get so excited when people ask about DC/Baltimore! There is an old saying that I might have made up about "if you want to visit every state in the nation, come to Maryland/the D.C. area". We have skiing, we have ocean, we have it all. First of all, yes to Great Falls, the Virginia side is better (I HATE admitting that). DC is a great city to walk around, as you will be a freshman (I'm guessing) you might like Adams Morgan, which is terrible, but when you are a drunk 18 year old it's fun (watch out for vomiting college students) and they have lots of pizza there, so that's always good. Capital Hill is home to many great bars (and in the summer, tons of young, entitled douchebag interns!) and there are plenty of good eats all over (I'd be remiss not to mention stuff like Ben's Chili Bowl which is famous for a reason). Free jazz in the garden every Friday in the summer courtesy of the Nat'l Gallery of Art (you can bring booze and everything!) 9:30 club is fantastic, Black Cat has some great shows, DC9 is also a great concert spot. Definitely take the time to hit up Baltimore when you can, Hampden is my favorite (and check out Ottobar, order a pickleback, TRUST ME). Great sports scene if you are into that as well (seriously, nothing like a Caps game, they are out of control fun). And, like you mentioned, museums! One of the best parts about DC is that, not only do we have the Smithsonian (Native American Museum is awesome, and in 20 some years of going to it, Air and Space has never gotten old) it's all FREE FREE FREE, and oh man, there is so much more! The Kennedy Center, Eastern Market, jazz on U Street! That dude who plays saxophone at the metro! Welcome to D.C, kiddo!!!
@Shayna Oh, and congrats! I got carried away and forgot to say that. American is a great school, way to go!
@katiemcgillicuddy HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT HAMPDEN?!?! I lived in Baltimore for college/ grad school and there are few things in this world that I miss as much as Atomic Books and the fish tacos at Golden West in Hampden.
@crango Ahh Atomic Books!! Seriously, Hampden, Hapden, Hampden!
@crango I won't have a car, because parking in cities is awful and freshmen aren't supposed to have them. I'm glad to hear about trains. Is there a train to Mount Vernon/the area...?
@katiemcgillicuddy Thank you! ^_^ I kid you not I am writing stuff down for when I get there. I'm not much of a sports person, but I am a food person! I am so excited about free museums too. Out of curiosity, when I was visiting D.C, there was a restaurant/bookstore in the front, do you by any chance know what it's called?
... so I guess I'm gonna have to visit Baltimore at some point XD
@Shayna Yeah! Penn station is right next to, if not actually in, mount Vernon! There's also the light rail, which is not terribly extensive but it does hit most major parts of the city. OH! There's also the Charm City Circulator that covers more ground. It's not super reliable in terms of time, but hey, free bus!
@Shayna You're welcome! Don't worry about not having a car that first year, you won't need it in DC. The place really is great for walking, and the Metro, while maddening, makes it easy. You'd be surprised, the right town can make anyone a sports fan (best example ever: my mom). As far as the bookstore/restaurant, I'm guessing Kramerbooks? Overpriced food, but a cool spot nonetheless?
Yes, gotta get up to Baltimore, my friend, local music in Baltimore and DC is reason enough.
@crango Haha oh my god, you know what's the best, though? The fucking pool barge that floats around the Inner Harbor! It's a freaking bar/pool on a barge! 5 dollar cover! I love Baltimore.
@Shayna Oh, and FYI, DC cares mainly about 3 things: Politics, pigskin (prepare to hear about the Redskins no matter how much you don't want to) and pandas. I'm not kidding.
@katiemcgillicuddy WHAT I have no heard of that!!!! Oh man, I know what I'm dragging my friends to the next time I visit!
@Shayna Seriously. Baltimore is the only place I know of where you can laze around a floating pool bar, check out a pirate ship, then stumble off to the greatest stadium in all of baseball (where they now sell Natty Boh ON DRAFT, thank you very much) and end your night by wandering around the city checking out free concerts (which happen on a daily clip) and festivals (Artscape anyone?). So, as they say in the cinematic classic, Wedding Crashers, "Football and crabcakes, thats what Maryland does!"
@Shayna No worries, I've lived in the DC Metro area for 8 + years without a car. I would say that you definitely need a SmarTrip card for the Metro and I would highly recommend getting a Capital Bikeshare membership. DC's a great cycling town as well as being a great walking town.
If you like theatre, DC's a great theatre town, and you can get some good deals (e.g. the Shakespeare Theatre does $15 tickets for people under 35 if you buy them the week of the show). There are free concerts at the Kennedy Center every night at 6. DC's got a thriving music scene, there are fantastic restaurants, and of course, we've got great museums.
Also there are lots of cool parties at embassies that are open to the public, so keep an eye out for that.
National Cathedral is beautiful.
You're going to be a history major - there are a ton of historic sites in DC besides the obvious ones, and many of them belong to the National Park Service (there's the Frederick Douglass National Historic Site, which is super well preserved and has great views, for example). Fall/Winter is the best time to check out the museums, especially if you can go on a weekday (e.g if you have a day with a light class load).
@Shayna Re: Restaurant/bookstore - was it Afterwords/Kramerbooks by any chance? That's in Dupont Circle.
@Shayna Congrats!! My cousin just got into American too! She's going for communications; what about you?
@Blushingflwr I think it was Afterwords. Somewhat overpriced and overhyped but I was really excited because I'd never seen anything like it before.
@Blushingflwr I fully plan on utilizing the metro. I use the subways in my current city. I am SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THEATRE. I do lighting design, so maybe someone wants a go-fer?
The ironic thing is my focus in history is... European. I tried to apply to European schools but my mother shut that down. She wants my freshman year to be in the U.S. As if it matters. I think she's afraid I'll never come back...
@Cat named Virtute At the moment I'm signed on for a history major, but that could change to International Politics or something similar.
I see we have hijacked this thread into a FOT. Um, do you guys read Nerve? Because I have wanted to rant about it FOR WEEKS. While Nerve is certainly not as good as it was as its peak, it's coming out with a lot of interesting series (Everyone I've Ever Slept With, Datline), but the commentariat is THE WORST. For people who read a sex site, they are the Judgiest Bunch of Judges that Ever Judged. I had a comment deleted by the moderators (editors?) because I called them out on their slut shaming.
But other than that, Happy Holidays, Pinners! I have off of work until January 2nd, and I'm psyched.
@meetapossum Hmmmm, I have not heard of this site, but I am highy intrigued by it. Perhaps I will just avoid the comments though.
@This is my new username There are generally interesting articles, but the fact that the commentariat is so awful is really a shame, since a lot of them could spark interesting conversations. Obviously people are allowed to have different opinions, but if I read another comment about how terrible people are when they sleep around a little when they drink, I'll scream. That's not productive conversation.
@meetapossum Ugggghhh you are right. I just read the comments of one of the "My First Time" articles and the commenters are terrible judgey people. Why did I read them? I was warned and I still did it. WHyyyy?
Additionally, London Pinners! (Decca?) I am coming to your fair city in February. Can we hang out?
Okay, SO. I know that no one in real life actually likes hearing about peoples' dreams, so I'm going to save my friends of the flesh the pain of hearing me describe the wacky dreams I've had the last two nights. Feel free to skip! I just need to write this down and get it OUT of my brain.
So, for the last two nights, I have had really in-depth, realistic, visceral dreams about both of my exes. The first dream, that I had the night before last, involved me sleeping with my first ex, who is now married. It also involved some, er, coitus interruptus (WHY BRAIN WHY. AM I NOT EVEN TO GET SOME IN MY VERY DREAMS?!?!).
The dream was made even odder by the fact that the set-up was very true to life. In my dream, my ex was married, and we both knew that what we were doing was wrong. I knew that this was just going to be a one-time thing, and that I had to grab whatever I could out of this encounter. I woke up feeling frustrated - in more ways than one (**waggles eyebrows**) - because I wasn't being very respectful to myself EVEN IN MY BRAIN. What is up with that? (Note: This is someone I dated over ten years ago, who is married now and with whom I have little contact. The contact I do have is supportive and respectful of his marriage. I am not secretly planning to seduce this ex, if that's what you're thinking BRAIN.)
The dream I had last night was even wackier. In it, my most recent ex's wife came over to my house and was being really helpful and great and cleaned out the whole house. While that is obviously not a thing that would happen in real life, the feelings that I had were exactly what I'd feel IRL. It was awkward to see her; she felt awkward around me and I her. But, because she is a decent person (in real life! and in my dream!), she was trying to make it so that there were no hard feelings on my part toward her or my ex (she was a good friend of my ex's before we broke up; they started dating soon after we broke up). She was doing her part to help heal over the wound caused by my break-up. And since she and I had gotten along quite well before my break-up (I don't see or speak to her or my ex now. At first this was deliberate [I am the kind who cuts people out of my life immediately upon breaking up], but now it's more a function of the fact that my ex and I were in different social circles and have no cause to see each other.), we settled pretty quickly into comfortable companionship as we cleaned out my house together.
Then my ex rolled up and was helping us clean my house, and she and he were being casually affectionate with each other the way couples who love each other are. And it hurt to see, but in a dull, remembrance-of-an-ache kind of way; the way that my heart phantom-ached a while ago when I saw a picture of them kissing on Facebook. Not in the sharp, "this still hurts and I'm broken up about it" manner of a fresh break-up or a break-up that I can't get over, but just the soft, wistful kind of way where you realize that you didn't have that with that ex, and you wish you had/hope to have that with someone someday.
It just...it feels like my brain is putting me through training exercises or something. Why is all this crap coming up now? Why am I dreaming in such detail about exes that I am definitively over? Why are the feelings in my dreams so uncannily true to what I feel in real life? Aren't dreams supposed to be magical things where you can do and feel whatever you want and like, where you can order the universe to your whim and fly and own a pony and poop wildflowers? What is UP, Brain?
This has been a dramatic dream re-telling by Wee_Rakein. If you read it, I appreciate you.
@wee_ramekin <3 u. Maybe love is on the way and/or your brain is just doing some oddly-timed spring-cleaning (in order to make room for LURVE).
@wee_ramekin Isn't dream coitus always interruptus?
That kind of dream in my experience (not the sex, the retreading of past feelings) seems to be about feeling stuck. Do you? Maybe it's time for a big dramatic lifechanging act.
@wee_ramekin You have obviously been visited by the gods.
You had the first dream on the waning of the day of Thor (Thursday) and the dawning of the day of Freya (Friday). Freya was the goddess of fertility and known to be accessible and good to pray to concerning love affairs; Thor was associated with protection and healing and once disguised himself as Freya. Obviously what happened is that Thor got into Freya's wardrobe again, and decided that as a god of protection and healing who was dressed as a god of fertility he should start healing your love life, except that since he wasn't *actually* a god of fertility he didn't quite know what he was doing and instead sent you a dream where you were sleeping with your ex. Before Thor could finish whatever his (well intentioned but ill conceived) plan was, Freya looked through her wardrobe and wondered where her slinky dress was. Following the smell of mead, she traced it to Thor, saw his dream for you, and did the divine equivalent of snatching the remote and pressing the power button, which is why you woke up frustrated before the situation reached any resolution.
The next night, Freya wanted to make up for the bungled attempt of the night before, and sent you a dream to reassure you that all was ok with your ex and his wife. Of course, she did this during the waning of her power and the waxing of Saturn's. Not only was it the beginning of the day of Saturn, but the season of Saturnalia, when the social order is turned upside-down and the social circles that are usually separate, mix. And lo! In Saturn's hands, the reassurance took place against a background of social awkwardness, as your ex and his wife, despite being from a different social circle, were in your very house, canoodling and causing you mild discomfort even as they cleaned!
@Cawendaw Oh man! That is some awesome dream interpretation!! I'd ask you to interpret my dreams, but the last one I remember goes exactly like this: there's a hurricane coming (it was mildly windy on the 20th in my city) so we had to prepare, which meant going to the store to find tarp, but they were all overpriced, and then I found a reasonably priced tarp. Then in the checkout line they had a beef jerky display and I thought that would be useful too, so I purchased it. FIN
@Cawendaw @adorable-eggplant Welp, so much for not regaling my flesh friends with my dreams ;^)....
@Cawendaw Sir, verily I think that you should open a business interpreting the messages of the gods. No one has ever given me such an explanation before...because obviously no one has ever truly understood the presence of the divine in the mundane. I would like to have you on retainer as my Dream Advisor & Thought Decoder. I will provide you with oracular gases, chicken knucklebones, and as many tea leaves as you need.
@all Thank you for reading my long-winded recounting. You are bonified Good People.
@Cawendaw Can you please interpret my dreams???
A recent one that I remember clearly follows. I was at a bowling alley with my high school friend Laura. I haven't seen her in years and years & years but I recently stalked her on Instagram so I think that's why she came up. I should mention Laura is about 1 foot shorter than me, had hair down to her ass the last time I saw her, & has a lazy eye. She also loves to bowl. I hate to bowl.
We had a long & involved conversation about her nail polish. She informed me all about the many shades of polish + glitter she was wearing (different neon one on every finger, oddly they all managed to match my new running shoes). This is a girl who was a compulsive nail-biter in high school, you guys!!! I don't remember what happened that caused me to wake up, but I felt very eerie & cranky when I did.
@wee_ramekin The way I see it, it's progress. You have these dreams because it's a way of pushing you to go forward. I think you've posted before on your dating life on here (I remember it because I relate to it!) and maybe these dreams are a promise--a promise that you will never go back. I mean, your brain knows that already, but your heart might be like "I mean, you know, I loved them once, why can't I go back?" but these dreams show you that you don't even want to go back, because you are happy where they are now. Because you know that wistful feeling you got in the second dream? That's your brain saying, "We want this. And we can't go back to find it, so we will without a doubt go forward." I think it means you're ready to go forward!
And I thank you, because I never have dreams like this, but I really wish I did, so I can clear out some feelings in my brain -- and whenever I read about dreams, I always end up having some intense, awesome ones that night. Thank you, dearest!
@wee_ramekin For kicks here's my actual, non-joke interpretation: in dream #1 your brain decided you would have a sex dream, and dredged up a plausible partner. That partner being your ex, a whole bunch of ex-related ruminations were dredged up at the same time, and they eventually hijacked the dream. In dream #2, your mind was on ex relations from the previous dream, so that appeared, and the background was housecleaning because it's a familiar activity in a familiar place. The meaning behind all of this is that dreams are random idea-dredgings, which is why I prefer to ruminate about divine intrigue. Speaking of which...
@adorable eggplant, your dream was obviously about the Mayan apocalypse, and modern vs. pre-modern life. Hurricanes are derived from a Carib word which is cognate (and possibly identical with) Hurakan, a Mayan storm god. You dreamed of the oncoming wrath of the Mayan pantheon, and sought shelter in the modernity that produced tarps and stores where you can buy tarps and replaced the Mayan cosmology. But, you ask yourself, at what price safety? Have we lost our reverence for the mysterious, the divine, in our consumer-driven modern world? In shutting out the wrath of Hurakan, have we also closed off part of our soul? IS THE PRICE OF THE TARP TOO HIGH? No, answers the dreamscape! For modernity brings us beef jerky, an industrially produced delicious form of preserved flesh. Our flesh, you see, is preserved from the wrath of Hurakan and his apocalypse, that we may better appreciate the deliciousness of life. So go, says your dream, and chew on the salty chewiness of life! Chew it to its fullest!
@honey cowl (formerly laurenf) crap, I need to go eat now but I shall get to your dream later!
@Cawendaw ...*slow clap*...
@Cawendaw Henceforth every time I have beef jerky, I shall do so in remembrance of the salty chewiness of life! Thanks, sir. You have a gift.
From the idea dredging angle, it probably did have a lot to do with that fact that I've been camping recently, which always gets me thinking about the nitty gritty of disaster preparedness. But I strongly prefer the theory that this one passed through the gate of horn to tell me I should never pay more than thirty bucks for a tarp and that dried goods are always a nice touch.
Oh and thank goodness the world didn't end, so there's still some salty chewiness ahead.
@honey cowl (formerly laurenf) Laura's nails were painted neon, indicating newness (neon="new thing" in greek), and since they matched your running shoes the dream is about movement, in this case movement through time (sadly it is only movement forward and you have not yet developed time-jumping powers). Obviously you are worried about new developments in your life (scary how much I know about you, isn't it??), and that they may spoil your past pleasures and interact badly with your past foibles. After all, nail-biting doesn't mix well with nail polish, and slinging around bowling balls isn't the greatest thing for an elaborately painted set of nails. But think: was Laura complaining of stomach pains? Fainting spells? Was she coughing up glitter? And was there telltale bowling ball chipping on her thumb, ring finger and middle finger? Obviously, dream-Laura has adapted her biting habits and bowling habits to that which is new (and painted neon), just as bowling itself adapted to a ban on ninepins by become tenpin bowling. So must you constantly adapt and evolve to fit your new circumstances. Match yourself to your time, even as your shoes match Laura's nails!
Alternately, forget all that and just don't ingest nail polish. It's bad for you.
@Cawendaw I love it. Thank you for lending me this clarity! Eerily enough, the first half of your interpretation is quite accurate. As for the coughing up glitter bit, well, we'll see...
A college acquaintance has informed me that my REAL WORLD identity is quite obvious here on the Pin. Thus I have changed my username & photo in a panic. (Hi Hannah, if you're reading this, you have influenced me.)(slash terrified me!)
I am pleased/sorry to inform you that I shall no longer be known as LaurenF.
PINNERS. I got about three hours of sleep but I'm home and my brother took me out for lunch and Dad has ribs in the oven for dinner and the dog keeps coming over to lie down on my feet and my parents put the decorations up but waited till we were all home to break out the tree ornaments. And tomorrow I start baking stuff. I'm so happy I want to cry, though that might be the sleep deprivation talking. I hope everybody's Saturday is going as well.
@anachronistique I didn't go outdoors until about 5pm today but it's okay! I got to sleep in and make cookies and hang out with good friends and decorate said cookies and generally have a great time today. And I don't have to work on Monday (or Tuesday, or Wednesday) so I don't feel like I wasted half of my weekend.
I'm glad your weekend is going well too! Yay for family and friends and baking. :)
Can I use here to talk about people's response to the shooting? I mentioned last week, I'm from Newtown, and I just got home from college yesterday. There's been this tremendous outpouring of concern. People from all over the country have been sending things, like teddy bears, to the various churches in town, and there are just thousands--my friend helped sort an entire room full of stuffed animals. And the thing is, no one wants them. And before I left my college was having people write notes to send to Newtown, and I just wanted to go up to them and say "...You know no one is going to read those, right?" The families certainly have enough to deal with and everyone in the town is sad enough already. I do appreciate that people want to do something, but there's a weird sort of self-centeredness in expecting that people actually want/will appreciate what you send.
And people also keep trying to send money! Some foundation sent 52 thousand dollars to the families, care of my synagogue, to help with funeral costs, which is a really nice thought, but Connecticut already covered all of it. And other people keep trying to donate. Different delis and things in town have been given money to give out free sandwiches or ice cream or whatever, but the thought of enjoying a sandwich because of that makes me queasy. There's just not that much to put the money towards! Newtown is a moderately well-off town (though with a fair amount of income disparity) in one of the richest states in the country. If people want to do something, they should donate to a program that helps children or some pro-gun control lobby, maybe (though I have plenty of conflicted feelings about how the whole gun control thing has been handled surrounding the shooting.)
And then the town has been filled with tourists from out of state rubbernecking at the various memorials. I was trying to drive down Main Street today with a friend and every other car was from a different state. Some were from Canada! We were reduced to yelling "Go home, [insert state]" to each other every time we saw one. One car with a Virginia license plate was driving around posting signs about keeping your faith in the Lord. I really don't understand what possesses people to think they should just go to a town that's already experienced a tragedy and disrupt it further.
I know people mostly mean well and just want to help. But I just got back from a shiva and I'm not in the mood to be generous. I wish people would think about what they are doing before they congratulate themselves for helping.
@darklingplain God, that shit sounds annoying. Someone should do a news report about that so people know not to be so dumb next time. Also, maybe your town could start a fund or something or send it to an organization(s)?
@darklingplain I wonder if there would be a way to redirect those funds and gifts somewhere else, like to Hurricane Sandy survivors or something. I bet there are kids who lost all their toys in the storm who would love a new teddy bear for Christmas. Or towards scholarship in violence studies or social work or something.
Yeah, they've started some fund, though I'm not actually sure what the money is going to go to? And now that there's a fund, people are fundraising for it and donating even more, and it's just not something money will help.
I'd like a report that told people to be less thoughtless, but unfortunately the media has also been lingering here, intruding and generally acting dickish, and we're all really ready for them to leave, so I don't want to encourage them to do something else.
Guysss I had the nicest first-weekend-off-in-eight-weeks everrrr. I had dinner with one of my besties who is visiting from out of town, had dinner with my high school English teacher, his wife, their adorable hilarious kids, and a friend from high school, and it was the most soul-nurturing calming thing ever, I went to a kickass Christmas party, and I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time, and she just grinned and grinned, and now she's gone to her hometown until Christmas day night and I already misssss her. I've been so busy and been dealing with some recurring depression stuff this month and she's been really good about it. I guess Christmas will probably be fun, but I feel pretty damn excellent already.
Is anyone else having to deal with family stress? Things at home are so tense at the moment - they often are, admittedly, but with Christmas planning, and routines being disrupted, and the house being fuller (my sister is home for Christmas), it's even worse than usual. My parents have been shouting and swearing at us, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells trying not to make them cross. Hopefully the next few days will be manageable, and then I'm going to my boyfriend's, thank goodness (and he's here now, which helps.) But everyone seems to be so excited about Christmas, rather than it being a massive cause of stress, so maybe we're just weird.
@Verity Nah mang, holidays are stressful for my family too. I am one of four sisters, so when we all go home, it's like a packed tinderbox of emotion just waiting to explode. We love each other, but when we all go home, we go from being reasonable, affable adults to shrieking child-banshees from Hell.
Case in point: the four of us went home for Thanksgiving, and while most of the stay was lovely and wonderful, one of my sisters is no longer talking to me because we squabbled. I honest-to-God don't know why that means she has cut me out of her life for the foreseeable future, but it meant that she refused to speak to me for the rest of her stay and wouldn't say goodbye when she left. I have a fear of dying while in the throes of an argument with someone and having the last words we said be angry ones, so before I boarded my plane back to Austin, I texted her and told her I loved her. Her response? "Please lose my number." *sigh*
You and your family will get through this, and then you've got a whole year coming up where you can gradually forget the atomic stress bomb that forms when you're all together.
@wee_ramekin I still live at home, and so does my brother, so that doesn't help; there are atomic stress bombs all year round, but the Christmas one is bigger and worse. I'm sorry about things with your sister; that sounds really hard. I hope she makes up with you quickly.
@Verity Ah, gotcha. Your situation is a little more difficult to deal with than mine. I'm sending sympathy your way; the only advice I have is to try to spend as much time out of the house as possible. Maybe go to your boyfriend's, or hang out in a cafe or bookstore...maybe even try volunteering at a soup kitchen or something? It sounds like everyone needs some space to decompress from holiday stress, and it also sounds like that's hard to come by in your house right now.
I'm sending calm, soothing thoughts your way!
@wee_ramekin Thank you! Christmas went well, to my relief, and I'm at my boyfriend's now (he lives a few hours away, so going to his on the spur of the moment is sadly tricky). Getting out of the house more is a good idea, and I should do it; annoyingly, my town is small and useless and doesn't really have cafes or bookshops or similar, but still, going out for walks is an option.
Case in point: the four of us went home for Thanksgiving, and while most of the stay was lovely and wonderful, one of my sisters is no longer talking to me because we squabbled. I honest-to-God don't know why that means she has cut me out of her life for the foreseeable future, but it meant that she refused to speak to me for the rest of her stay and wouldn't say goodbye when she left. I have a fear of dying while in the throes of an argument with someone and having the last words we said be angry ones, so before I boarded my plane back to Austin, I texted her and told her I loved her. Her response? "Please lose my number." *sigh* bestessays au reviews
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