Quantcast

Friday, December 21, 2012

109

The Best For Me But Worst Overall Ghost Encounter This Year

My girlfriend and I were enjoying some beers (nice) as we made dinner together a couple of weeks ago.

"Hey," she says, and I look over from cleaning some dishes. "Did you do this?" Her beer bottle's label has been completely removed, not a rogue strip or glue remnant in sight. I say no, and she says she didn't either. We test another bottle to see if we can even recreate such a clean tear job. Not possible. But surely I'd done it, she's convinced. "This is the worst prank anyone could ever pull." OKAY, neither of us did it, let's put it behind us and enjoy "The Sopranos" like a goddamn family!

I go to the fridge for another beer. It still has its label, and I know this because labels are the only thing on either of our minds at this point, and possibly forever. I bring it back to the couch and settle in with a couple of sips, then put it down. A few minutes pass. "I just opened this," I say looking down, so sad, at my bottle.

"Okay …" she says. "I didn't do that."

The label isn't there.

Erin Sullivan lives in Portland, Oregon.

109 Comments / Post A Comment

Emby

The Hairpin is just infested with ghosts.

Girl Named Jack

The little face! Aaaaaahahaha!

iknowright

@Girl Named Jack At least it's smiling?

PistolPackinMama

@Girl Named Jack The face's alt-text!

Emby

Also, Erin, you know she did it and is messing with you, right?

Probs

Ghosts are apparently so passive-agressive. "Oh, you're still corporeal, unlike SOME OF US. Congratulations. How wonderful. HOW ABOUT I MOVE YOUR GLASS OF WATER THREE AND THREE-QUARTERS INCHES TO THE LEFT WHILE YOU'RE OUT OF THE ROOM?? What then, jerk?"

Ialdagorth

@Probs This is the best thing about ghost stories. Centuries old angry spirit of a murder victim, trapped in your house, reliving his/her gory death over and over again. Vents his/her anger by RATTLING YOUR TEACUPS, ooooh! Maybe I'll slam a door! Yeah, that'll express my feelings at you, the living! Hmph.

iknowright

@Probs Well, if you get your ghost facts from Supernatural, like I do, it can take a long time for ghosts to build up the strength to do anything, so moving a cup less than an inch might be all they can muster and will exhaust them for days. And then like 3 seasons later when a main character is a ghost it turns out that you have to be really angry to be able to do stuff? So watch out. If a teacup moves, they're either getting stronger and just want your help, or they're getting stronger and super wanna murder you and/or take over your body to use as a tool to go on a vengeful rampage.

Without my Supernatural knowledge, though, I would argue that most living people are really passive-aggressive, so of course a lot of dead people are gonna be, too.

Ten Thousand Buckets

@Probs They get their revenge by over-salting your porridge, one grain at a time...

mango

@iknowright *All* my spooky knowledge comes from Supernatural, however wildly inaccurate re: historical sources it may be. I figure if actual educational programmes used Jensen, Jared and Misha to teach me stuff, I'd be on my third doctorate by now.

Probs

@Ten Thousand Buckets my hypertension! Damn ghosts!

EpWs

@Ten Thousand Buckets They can't handle salt! That's why I salt my windows and doors every night. Salt on the entrances=no ghosts in my porridge.

EpWs

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher #ThingsILearnedFromSupernatural

Ialdagorth

@iknowright Agreed. Supernatural is an excellent ghost resource.

If/when I become a ghost, I will not bother with teacups or rattling. I'm going full passive aggressive. I'll just hang out till the homeowner is getting ready for a party and then materialize and say "Oh! You're wearing that TO the party? Oh ok. No no, it's totally fine, I was just like...wondering." Or when they come home with a new hairstyle, I'll re-appear behind the mirror and go "...you've changed your hair! It's...different! Very different. Not a lot of people brave enough to attempt that style, so you know...good for you. Being brave."

RK Fire

@Ten Thousand Buckets: !! I also learned this from Terry Pratchett's Discworld, specifically Wyrd Sisters.

iknowright

@Ialdagorth Your ghost tactics remind me of Sarcasm Ghost. (Also the hair comment reminds me of these women I used to work with, who all had long, flowing locks, and whenever I'd come back from getting a trim on my bob, they'd go,"You cut your haaaiirr!" Yes. Thank you for stating a fact in my general direction.)

Ialdagorth

@iknowright Uh, that's the best thing I've seen today. SMOOOOOOTH. Man, some ghosts are jerks.

Emby

Also, not to pull a redheaded&crazy, but some beer labels really do just come right off. I've noticed this with Miller High Life, as well as some smaller craft beers.

meetapossum

@Emby Yeah, when there's a lot of condensation, they kind of melt right off.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Emby Yeah, this has happened to me before, but I like to think it's jealous ghosts. Sidenote: can ghosts get drunk?

dtowngirl

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes, of course they can get drunk. That's how I plan to spend my ghost years.

Emby

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose They can, but not on beer. Only spirits.

fondue with cheddar

@Emby AAHH YOU BEAT ME TO IT. :)

Emby

@fondue with cheddar I'm the fastest pun in the West.

PistolPackinMama

@Emby are you trying to stirrup controversy here?

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama C'mon, everyone...let's appeel to reason.

redheaded&crazy

@Emby not fast enough Emby my dear! NOT! FAST! ENOUGH!

redheaded&crazy

dear 2012, this year I accomplished a thing where a thing I did became known as pulling a ME! YOU WERE THE BEST YEAR TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE TRULY NONE COULD BE BETTER!

mlle.gateau

@PistolPackinMama Can't we all just git along?

PistolPackinMama

@mlle.gateau I'm feeling saddle that we can't.

cuminafterall

Sorry guys, it was probably me-- I'm a compulsive label-peeler. My favorites are Yuengling labels: the mini neck-label first, then the main label, both starting from the bottom left. Then I fold the labels in a 1-inch square and stick them in my pocket. Then I run my fingers over the leftover glue as it mixes with the condensation on the bottle. Then I finish my beer and start the next one.

I now drink only drafts at bars/restaurants because this is embarrassing to do in public.

meetapossum

@cuminafterall Are you me? This is exactly what I do, including folding the labels and putting them in my pocket. Then I have things to shred later when I put my hands in my pocket. Every year cleaning out my winter coat is like pulling out confetti.

LordHennyson

@cuminafterall This is exactly what I do, or did; I tried to stop recently because while I was peeling a blue moon my friend looked at me very seriously and said "you know peeling beer labels is a sign of sexual frustration" and now when I do it in public I feel like EVERYBODY KNOWS

yeah-elle

I'm a label-peeler. A coffee-sleeve shredder. A napkin roller. I'm so sorrryyyyyyyyy ghost wails.

meetapossum

@yeah-elle MY PEOPLE.

meetapossum

My favorites are the little sticky papers that hold napkin-wrapped utensils together. Also half straw wrappers.

PistolPackinMama

@meetapossum Airplanes from subway tickets. Accordions from straw wrappers. Rings from the dollar bills you leave your waiter. Meeeeee toooooooooooooooooooooooo.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama I love getting a new DVD/CD/video game and trying to peel the security label off in one piece, then I fold it over on itself as perfectly as I can so that there's no stickiness exposed.

meetapossum

@PistolPackinMama What do other people do with their hands? I don't understand!

Punk-assBookJockey

@meetapossum This is what I wonder! I am always tearing napkins/paper coasters into tiny little shreds when I am at restaurants/bars. At home I knit, and I cannot imagine sitting there with nothing to do with my fingers. I should bring my knitting out with me because it would be less embarassing, but people tend to think you are more distracted when you knit as opposed to just absently shredding paper.

fondue with cheddar

@Punk-assBookJockey This is why lap-cats are great. You can just pet them forever.

meetapossum

@fondue with cheddar Yeah, but you don't take cats with you to the bar.

Or do you...?

fondue with cheddar

@meetapossum Somebody should open one!!! You could call it ALES AND TAILS.

yeah-elle

@fondue with cheddar Yes, or a whiskey bar named Whiskers & Whiskey. Meows & Martinis! Or just Meow Bar. I would go. Every night.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Is it horrible that I am cringing at all the paper-tearing and crumbling? I don't begrudge anyone their... THINGS--please have at it if it makes you happy! But, ever since I was little, shredded-up paper on a restaurant table or in a pocket or, worst of all, in the divot where the seat and back parts of a diner booth meet has made me nuts. I know, I know... and I'm sorry (my throat is all knotted picturing the divot).

fondue with cheddar

@yeah-elle I would too, and I don't even drink! Whiskers & Whiskey is fantastic.

@Hellcat MY PEOPLE! You're the one who thumbs-upped my thread below! Comment there and let's discuss how crazy we are!

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar I'll meet you there!

Ellie

@yeah-elle I tear up beer mats compulsively at bars. I do like to keep my beer on one so I usually start after I get a second beer and mat so I can shred the first mat. They shred really nicely, into striated layers as well as scraps.

I've always been a needing-something-compulsive-to-do-with-my-hands person, even when I was a little kid. My dad used to tell me I was going to end up a smoker because I always had to be fidgeting with something. Drumroll, now I actually do smoke.

Ophelia

@Punk-assBookJockey The labels that Barnes and Noble puts on books are the BEST. They're not TOO sticky, but the printing gets all crinkly when you peel/fold them. I have to restrain myself with books that are in the store (and therefore not mine).

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia I love their labels because they nearly always come off cleanly, but I peel them carefully so they DON'T get all crinkly!

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar The green "20% Off" ones or the gold ones that go on the gift-wrapped stuff?

Back in the day, I was someone who applied those labels... before I went and got me a grown-up office job that makes me crazy.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat The green ones. I don't think I've ever encountered the gold ones.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Oh, they have a picture of William Shakespeare on them!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat OH I've seen those!

Wait...it's the holiday season. How do you feel about leftover paper from unwrapping presents? Because that could be a nightmare! As for me, it only bothers me when the pieces are little or there's tape with the sticky side exposed.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Luckily, not terrible--I can deal with that easily enough (even though I make sure there is a cleanup bag at the ready). And I remember once, after unwrapping birthday presents, I had left a pile of blue tissue paper on the couch and gone out. I came home to find my beloved cat (RIP, my love!) had torn the fuck out of it, making my apartment look like Times Square on New Year's Day! But I loved him and he was so cute with his paper-rage that I was OK with it.

But speaking of tissue paper, do not let me see no damn regular crumpled nose tissue anywhere but a trash can or I will freak right out.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat AH I hate when the cats get to the tissue paper. My one cat used to chew on boxes, ripping tiny pieces of and spitting them out, over and over again until there were tiny bits everywhere.

Nose tissues are so gross.

whateverlolawants

@meetapossum A cat once walked into a bar out of nowhere and jumped on my lap.

whateverlolawants

@fondue with cheddar
Also, they have bars like that in Japan. "Cat cafes."

Hellcat

@whateverlolawants Oh, this made me smile so hard! That is so awesome and cute! Lucky!

whateverlolawants

@Hellcat It was so adorable. I was so proud it chose me. Cats usually ignore me or vaguely annoy me, but this one was so cute! I was sad when it left.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants That is the best one-sentence story I've ever heard. And I really want to go to a cat cafe! Even though I already have cats at home and don't drink coffee.

nonvolleyball

@yeah-elle okay, late to the party, but not only do I peel labels, but any unwanted paper in my vicinity (gum wrappers, napkin-holder-together-ers, magazine subscription cards, etc.) will inevitably be turned in to a bracelet using this technique (which will then rip & fall off nearly immediately).

I cannot explain why I do this, only that I've been doing it for over a decade now, & is officially one of my Things.

iceberg

It was Ghost!

evil melis

GHOST WOULD NEVER

PistolPackinMama

@evil melis Ghost isn't compulsive? Or Ghost is too classy? Or Ghost is too busy messing with your reception on your phone?

katiemcgillicuddy

@PistolPackinMama Don't you know how hard it is to poltergeist sticks? Ghost doesn't have time for this.

evil melis

Ghost is HELPFUL

fondue with cheddar

AAAHH I can't peel the labels off bottles. It's a tactile thing! If I have a bottle of something where the label is peeled or torn I will take great pains to hold it in such a way so that I don't have to touch the offending part, or I will pour it into a glass, or I will not drink it at all. I DO NOT LIKE TOUCHING SOME THINGS.

fondue with cheddar

@fondue with cheddar Wait, who thumbs-upped this? I want to talk to someone who is like meeeee. Because sometimes it's hard.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar I was one of 'em!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat So is it just paper with you or other things, too? For me it's lots of things, of which one of the most debilitating is wrinkles in the bedsheets, which keep me from falling asleep.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar I don't necessarily have the same thing you describe here but I do not like seeing the peeled pieces on the bar or table and, as such, do value an intact label right where it belongs! Do not even get me started on crumpled-up straw paper left on the table from the last people. Ugh, I can't. And if you dare roll that straw paper into a ball and proceed to blow it at me through said straw, I will go home (if I was the driver).

I don't even know how I typed all of that without losing it. I know it's just paper, but...

As for sheets, I like them smooth and I get annoyed at the wrinkles but definitely not grossed out or anything. And I think this "thing" applied mostly to paper-type things--wrappers and napkins and... UGH, I can't.

Hellcat

@Hellcat OH! And if you put your napkin on top of the plate of remaining food, you then cannot eat "just one more" french fry. No way.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat I can't stand the crumpled-up straw paper on the table, either! Particularly when it's from the last people because other people's trash is super gross, even when it's not. The first time the server comes back to clear away any dishes I make sure all that stuff goes with it.

When I open my straw I tear it in the middle so that it comes off in two pieces, and I do not crumple them. And when I put sugar in my tea I tear all the packets at once, neatly ripping the tops off in a straight line (being careful not to spill, naturally), pouring the sugar into my tea, and placing the empty packets neatly on the table in a little stack.

You can safely go out to eat with me!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Ew, no. Total agreement there.

This is related to neither food nor paper, so I don't know if it would bug you as much as me, but I've got a problem with my deodorant labels. For some reason the labels (which are plastic) have started peeling off and curling at the edges from condensation and no matter how I try they will not flatten back out and stick. I hate touching it! So every morning I've got that to deal with, which is not a nice way to start the day.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar We'll look like fussy old twin ladies then because I do the same with my straws (I don't use sugar in coffee or anything) but I kind of pull it apart into two halves. I will never do that "tap the straw on the table to make the paper come off accordionlike" thing, even though I remember thinking my dad was the smartest when he taught me how to do it.

I don't know why but the deodorant label thing is making me laugh!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat I've never met anyone else who does that, yay! Ugh, I cannot do the tap the straw on the table thing! I often open my boyfriend's straw wrapper for him so I don't have to watch (and hear) him do it and look at the resulting wrapper.

The only thing I hate about Panera is that their straw wrappers are plastic, which means you have to do the tap in order to get them open. But again, it's not paper so that probably wouldn't bother you.

Thanks for laughing. ;) Man, I've got so many of those Things...you have no idea. It's a wonder I can make it through the day!

mlle.gateau

@fondue with cheddar How do you have bedsheets that don't have wrinkles?!

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Haha! I don't do so well with cellophane either! And the accumulation of crumbs and stuff in the divot of the booth seats (which I mentioned somewhere else in here; I am sorry for being a broken record) makes me nuts too.

fondue with cheddar

@mlle.gateau I have those sheet garter things that grab onto the bottom sheet and pull them tight. But unfortunately that's not enough, especially because we have a pillow-top mattress (not my choice).

@Hellcat Oh, I forgot to address the divots! There are all sorts of cringe-worthy things in there! Related: between/under the couch cushions and various crevices in the car.

Nutellaface

@fondue with cheddar I love you both.

fondue with cheddar

@Nutellaface Aww. Thanks, because it's hard to be us!

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar It really is, and I think having the awareness that it is sometimes (often) us that's the problem, not the people doing the upsetting thing, makes it worse to feel this way about so much relatively inconsequential stuff! And where does it all come from? Why am I like this about these things?

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Yeah! Why am I like this and why can't I stop being like this? I really feel bad for getting upset at people for doing something that's so not a big deal, but it is for me. Fortunately my boyfriend is really understanding and accepting about it and he accommodates (indulges?) me.

What's weirdest for me is the fact that I used to not be this way, and it's hard for me to figure out what changed me. It could have been a serious bout of depression I had several years ago, it could be neurological from a head injury I had several years ago, maybe it's just a reaction to stress, maybe it's just my body changing as I get older, or maybe I just traded one neurosis for another. BRAINS ARE WEIRD.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar It's so weird--so, so weird. Like, how come it's these things? Why do I not feel enraged when a song I don't like is playing but I do when someone is chewing with his or her mouth open? They're both "unpleasant sounds" but why can I deal with only one like a human being? And why can't a coworker's chewing or, say, my BF's snoring be things I can tolerate, if not enjoy? No one's feelings are hurt if I am mean to the song but it's hard knowing I could possibly make people in my life feel terrible for doing one little thing!

On the other hand, it's also hard yo deal with people suggesting to "lighten up," as if I want to feel this!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Ugh, "lighten up" kills me. Oh, you're saying I should stop feeling this way? What a great idea! I hadn't thought of that!

Not being upset at a song playing but being upset at someone doing something makes sense, because you don't have control over the song. And being upset at a coworker making an unpleasant sound but not when your boyfriend does makes sense because you care more about him. But I know you just used these things as examples, and there are undoubtedly other things that don't (there are with me, too). That's why I'm eternally grateful for my boyfriend's understanding, because it makes things so much easier. Even though he doesn't really get it, he accepts it and doesn't get mad at me for being annoyed at things.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Neither does mine usually, but I can tell that sometimes he's ready to tell me to fuck off. He won't, but I don't blame him for wanting to. He's pretty chill about shit like that and doesn't get it...but at least he knows that he doesn't get it as opposed to thinking there's nothing to "get" (if that makes sense). Sometimes he'll say "relax," but that's definitely less annoying than "lighten up." I do really wish I could be less bothered by his snoring; I know he feels bad about it and knows that I am full of crap when I say, "it's OK."

wearitcounts

@fondue with cheddar @Hellcat this thread just made my entire life feel better.

related: i CANNOT HANDLE when people do things in public that contribute to the Things I Cannot Touch, i.e. file nails, use flossing sticks, etc. i actually gag.

Nutellaface

@fondue with cheddar Brains are the WEIRDEST. My neuroses trade off all the time, although I have to say that moving out of NYC has been hugely helpful in reducing the number of crippling panic attacks brought on by other people's disturbing lack of respect for personal space and/or hygiene.

wearitcounts

@Nutellaface crippling panic attacks brought on by other people's disturbing lack of respect for personal space and/or hygiene YES YES YES YES THIS EXACT THING

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat That makes perfect sense!

graffin

I've had a lot of stuff happen that I don't remember doing after drinking beer in my life.
Ghosts!!

stuffisthings

@graffin One time a ghost spent all my money on shots and pizza and taxis.

graffin

@stuffisthings I used to be haunted by this ghost that would order tequila for me, which only caused more paranormal activity. It was an endless cycle of ghosts, tequila, more ghosts, more tequila!

RK Fire

@graffin Lord save us all from the angry tequila ghost and the mysterious pizza and taxi ghosts.

PistolPackinMama

@RK Fire Phantom taxis that cruise through the phantom tollbooth?

BoatGirl

Slightly off topic, but since you mentioned ghosts...
I've become obsessed with Ghost Adventures. I can't stop giggling when they're locked in an abandoned, run down building, hear a sound and freak out because "OMG, did you just hear the {{dead soldier, child, mother, demon}} screaming?"
Me at home: No, but I did hear a bird pissed off that you're in his space.

Nutellaface

I have a Ghost Cat in my apartment.

fondue with cheddar

@Nutellaface OMG TELL US! Or just me, because this is an old thread now and maybe nobody else will read it. :(

carolita

I always wanted to see a ghost, but never do. Only people who don't want them see them.
:(

kopi luwak indonesia

something best for me is .... minum air hangat :::

Demansour Lakopi Luwak@facebook

I just like the helpful information you supply for your articles.
klik disini :::

Demansour Lakopi Luwak@facebook

I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I will be told many new stuff proper right here!
I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I will be told many new stuff proper right here!

Faris Van Persie Al-Fath@facebook

i really enjoyed and interested to read this article.
baju badut

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account