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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

322

Places Where Single Women Are Encouraged to Seek "The One," and to Which I've Gone, Dutifully, to Befriend No One But Likeminded Women

Portuguese Meetup group.

Creative writing class.

Book club.

Dodgeball arena/indoor trampoline park.

Open artists' studios.

Complimentary boot camp at local sporting goods store.

Weeknight runners' club.

The subway en route to/from work.

Discount coed gym.

Friends' parties, all of them, unfailingly, because you never know. 

Overpriced New Year's Eve event.

Out to meet friends, 20 minutes early, on purpose, alone at the bar.

Supermarket at literally every conceivable hour.

Author reading.

Bookstore.

Author reading at bookstore.

Cafe.

Cafe inside bookstore.

The Internet.

Amy Mullen is single.



322 Comments / Post A Comment

emilies

SIGH.

Rosebudddd

@emilies so much sighing.

Jen@twitter

I have a rule that any dating advice from someone already in a relationship regarding how/where to meet someone is to totally be ignored. I tune out as soon as someone says "You know what you should do...."

charmcity

@Jen@twitter Yep. Speed dating was invented by married people with amnesia.

SarahDances

@Jen@twitter I am in relationships more often than not (although not at the moment) but at least I am honest with my single friends when they ask for meeting people advice.

"Oh man, I have no idea, I just always end up dating friends of friends. This stuff just happens to me."

ragazza

@Jen@twitter I did so much stuff to "get out there" and meet new people, and then I ended up with a guy who had been an acquaintance for about 15 years.

Beatrix Kiddo

@SarahDances My honest reply is, "I don't know, I was drunk."

jule_b_sorry

@Jen@twitter There are only two places to meet potential SOs:

-School
-Work

Anyone that says otherwise is selling something.

packedsuitcase

@SarahDances Yep. My answer is, "I dunno how this shit works, I just got lucky. I was drunk, maybe that helps? Probably not, this is terrible advice. Here's wine."

EggsErroneous

@SarahDances Congratulations, how wonderful.

yapplebee

@Jen@twitter: I always say online dating, because that's what I did. Especially in LA, it opens up the dating pool. Everybody in LA is either at work or hiding in their respective neighborhoods.

Amber

@EggsErroneous I see what you did there (and I like it)!

likethestore

@Jen@twitter My favourite is my good friend who, like me, was always against internet dating until she got a boyfriend (through traditional means) and now she's telling me I really should try internet dating.

Amphora

@likethestore I met my husband on the internet but I don't go around recommending internet dating because despite what those sites tell you it's STILL dumb goddam luck, just on the internet.

eva luna

@charmcity My parents met at speed dating. They still hold hands and dance in the kitchen and are generally pretty damn adorable.

 
iceberg

@iceberg ugh you are an asshole.

wee_ramekin

@iceberg Oooooo man. Now I wanna know what was saaaaaaaaaaaaid.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@wee_ramekin
My guess: a disgusting Hobbit-esque riddle to which @iceberg is giving the answer!!

iceberg

@wee_ramekin Hahaha. I was just saying where I met my husband, then I felt like a smug married asshole.

wee_ramekin

@iceberg Hahaha, oh Bergie. That is SO much less scandalous than I imagined it would be. I thought @Chris_Roberts@Facebook was back.

babs

@wee_ramekin I kinda miss that horrible dude? Every thread needs one easily vanquished troll.

Beatrix Kiddo

I wonder if men would read and exercise more if they realized they could easily meet single women during these pursuits.

gobblegirl

@Beatrix Kiddo They're busy looking up funny youtube videos and thinking up punctuation-free midnight texts.

Beatrix Kiddo

@gobblegirl And not worrying about getting in shape because they don't get judged on their appearance as much.

Cawendaw

@Beatrix Kiddo The one time I tried to flirt at book club I was so overwhelmed with shame at being the kind of creep who flirts at book club I made a vow I would never even try to meet any book club people outside of book club for any reason, lest I again break Book Club Unspoken Rules. I also swore off dating for the year (which actually lasted 3 years). So, easy to *meet* single women, but...

werewolfbarmitzvah

@Cawendaw This reminds me, I semi-recently became an event organizer for a Meet-Up group for nonprofit professionals, and one of the other organizers told me that they had to ban one guy from the group because he kept hitting on women at the meet-ups! Poor dude probably heard from all his friends that Meet-Up groups were a good way to meet single women.

D.@twitter

@gobblegirl Or rashly propositioning women via video game platforms.

SuperGogo

@werewolfbarmitzvah Oh god, the socially awkward Meet-Up creepers. We had to ban one too for the same reason. They figure out pretty quickly that they have a semi-captive audience through Meet-Up events, then go in for the kill.

frigwiggin

I actually did meet my boyfriend at a friend's party! And it's really kind of amazing that it worked out because his best friend got really drunk and wore my bikini top on his head like ears, so. (We were two of the only people not to get plastered at that party, so I guess it was a bonding experience.)

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@frigwiggin Wait...what? O_O Which of his friends wore your bikini top? XD

I just realize that the first firm memories I have of your boyfriend are from the Renaissance Faire when you guys sort of decided that you were a thing? Which is absurd because we were all hanging out together before that, but...I really don't remember anything before that.

frigwiggin

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts It was at your housewarming party! And it was Chris, at least from what I remember...I'm pretty sure Mike still has the pictures somewhere, haha.

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@frigwiggin Oh! I do remember that. I didn't know that was when y'all met.

But yeaaaah. Chris was smaaaashed. >_>

laurel

Have you tried the personals section of the latest Harvard Magazine?

Mira

@laurel

TED talk
Exotic wildlife photography class
Yacht showroom
Cafe inside private equity firm
Health club
Invitation-only author reading at bookstore
Tennis lesson
Silicon Valley IPO
Out to meet friends, 20 minutes early, on purpose, for tea at The Peninsula
Through coke dealer
Charity benefit
On assignment for The New York Times Magazine
Living internationally

PatatasBravas

@Mira Double Ivy.

Mira

@PatatasBravas I can't believe I forgot "traveling passionately, mostly in Paris and Provence." International first-class meet-cute when the flight attendant spills the tall, handsome, Silicon Valley CEO's 2002 Chateaux Lascombes Grand Cru all over your custom-tailored Armani? And just imagine, if Thomas hadn't had that spot of engine trouble with the Gulfstream, forcing you to fly commercial like a peasant, you'd never have met!

Thank god he didn't go to Cornell, you think, staring out over the lapis-blue Mediterranean.

Katheringasaga

@Mira Is "Thomas" an Upstairs, Downstairs reference?

Mira

@Katheringasaga Upstairs, Downstairs? How should I know? For the love of Handsome Dan, television is so gauche! No way to get ahead in life or find the wildly age-inappropriate Park Avenue LASIK surgeon of your dreams. You don't see any of those double-Ivy types asking for companions who just love their idiot boxes, do you? No, it's all philanthropy and retirement and quirky keynote speeches and taking pictures of gorillas.

I mean, honestly. You can't expect to be able to accompany your beau to drinks at the University Club with that sort of thing.

Katheringasaga

@Mira Well, one generally would not dream of inviting anyone to Ascot who could not suitably discuss the complete oeuvre of Dame Eileen Atkins. I suppose I should not expect to find such knowledge outside the Peerage.

sevanetta

@Mira

Swingdancing class (2 crap boyfriends)
Salsa class (a bunch of sleazes)
Cooking class (the classes were sex-segregated)
Political rally meeting (all taken or gay)
Friends' parties (couples only except me and the only other single girl)
The movies on your own (how does this even work)
African drumming and dancing (all the musos taken or gay)
Impro theatre (taken, gay or narcissist)
Festivals on your own(no one talks to strangers at festivals)
Music concert on your own (no one talks to strangers at concerts)
Art shows (all girls)
Burlesque night (taken, gay or creepy)
The union (taken or gay)
Moving 1000k's interstate - I finally met the most wonderful man on the internet... it only took 5 years and 3 rounds of online dating in 2 different states (the latter two rounds lasted 10 months each time). Internet dating SUCCESS!!! (Note: After the second lot where I had given up in disgust I ended up dating someone I'd known for years.)

sevanetta

@sevanetta Forgot the other postscript, where I went to speed dating with my friend, asked the guy running it where he thought we could meet guys, and his answers were 1. Leave town 2. If you can't leave town, go to swingdancing classes. We had been doing those classes for years. arghhhhhhhh

SarahP

This list is so, so true. (Though one of these--the Internet--ended up working out for me after a while.)

Kristen

Magic: The Gathering gatherings.
Hospitals.
Funerals.
Subway tunnels.
Missions of mercy.
Santa's village.
Water polo tournaments.
Reddit meetups.
Nordic LARP.
Bonnaroo.
Rainbow parties.
Helicopter lessons.
Liquor stores at close.
London.

gobblegirl

@Kristen Well, now we all know what Kristen's type is.

SarahP

@Kristen If you can't connect with people at geeky events, how can you connect people?!

SarcasticFringehead

@Kristen So I know what LARP is, but not Nordic LARP, and I was picturing either, like, epic battles going on while everyone's Nordic skiing down a mountain, or everybody dyeing their hair blond and sitting around in sweaters eating meatballs and dried cod.

SarahP

@SarcasticFringehead All I picture is Thor.

SarahP

@SarahP Ohhhh so I just went to read about this--I'd never heard the term before, but I now understand!

RubeksCube

@SarcasticFringehead I would also like a more in-depth description of Nordic LARP.
@SarahP If it inolves Thor, So much the better.

Spaghettius!

@SarcasticFringehead yes. and making ebelskiever in NordicWare pans, while wearing horned helmets. OMG, I'm not single, but can I come too? I'll bring Ikea preserves.

SarcasticFringehead

@SarahP Yeah, now that I looked it up, it makes a lot of sense. But still, more Thor can never go wrong.

PatatasBravas

@Kristen Santa's Village?!

Danzig!

@Kristen I am very interested in meeting single women at rainbow parties

New Commenter Name

@Kristen
I work in an office very close to Santa's Village. Hmmm. Small world.

Kristen

@SarahP I was mostly being silly. I have done some of these things and not others. One of the things I have not done is Nordic LARP (another is lipstick parties) but it is a fascinating subject and everyone should read about it: http://www.metafilter.com/121197/Mad-About-The-Boy

Ham Snadwich

@Kristen - Rainbow parties? I thought that was something the news made up to scare parents of teenagers.

SarahP

Some of these, though, are places where anyone I would meet there would definitely NOT be "The One." Boot camp? If I am there it is by accident and anyone who goes there willingly is probably not going to like me very much.

sheistolerable

@SarahP I met my husband at a thing I wasn't sure I would like doing. Turns out I hate doing that thing but I like him very much. (Political discussions in bars)

wee_ramekin

@sheistolerable [jesus christ political discussions in bars sounds like the worst thing ever]

stuffisthings

@wee_ramekin Stay away from DC then!

stuffisthings

@wee_ramekin Also if you hate discussions about perennially terrible local sports teams in bars. Or discussions about people preparing for marathons in bars.

wee_ramekin

@stuffisthings Done and DONE, good sir.

Beericle

@stuffisthings
Or preparing for marathons any time. AND lots of people can discuss politics and terrible local sports teams AT THE SAME TIME in bars.

stuffisthings

@Beericle "Did you see the Wizards lose yesterday?" "Nah I was bowling at the White House and then I had to go train for the half marathon I'm running this weekend."

Beericle

@stuffisthings
Would you like to join our Hill staff marathon training run group for happy hour this evening? We are going to a bar that shows the Wizards games!

sevanetta

@wee_ramekin that sounds like the funnest thing ever to me! but then it's mandatory if you ever live in Canberra :)

werewolfbarmitzvah

Hilariously, I have often gone to a lot of these types of places in search of likeminded women to befriend, and instead met only single men who are completely impervious to my wedding ring. Where are these likeminded women at??

iceberg

@werewolfbarmitzvah we're all here on the Pin :)

SarahP

@werewolfbarmitzvah Ha ha ha ha I feel the same way! Or ones who but don't notice no matter how many times I gesticulate with my left hand so that I think maybe they DO notice and are just trying to be friends, which, yay! but then when I use the word "husband" they walk away.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@iceberg So I've noticed!

Angry Panda

@werewolfbarmitzvah Ha, I just logged in to say I am looking for like-minded women to befriend and never find any at these places. Where are they, seriously?

werewolfbarmitzvah

@SarahP Yes indeedy, the ceremonial dance of waving the left hand in the air in the hopes that he'll notice without you having to awkwardly drop the H-bomb into the conversation.

mooseketeer

@werewolfbarmitzvah haha, another married lady looking for female friends. This list did reinforce my opinion that ladies are more interesting than men though- my husband and his friends spend their free time playing disc golf and ...

damselfish

@werewolfbarmitzvah I KNOW. I do all this stuff to make friends and yet no friends appear. I suspect that once people leave college they simply become impervious to friendship, like the plot of a Care Bears or My Little Pony movie. Friendlessness has enveloped the land! It's like the shmooze, sort of.

PomoFrannyGlass

Who is encouraging single ladies to meet men at creative writing class? Speaking as a veteran of multiple undergrad and extension school workshops and an MFA program, that is literally one of the worst pieces of dating advice I have ever heard.

SarahP

@PomoFrannyGlass See also: author reading at a bookstore. I used to go to these all the time and while there were a few older men, it was mostly ladies.

highfivesforall

@PomoFrannyGlass Yeah, most of these look like places you might advise a single dude to go to to meet ladies, because he would be in the minority.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@PomoFrannyGlass And the men that ARE at creative writing class are often going to be those same guys we saw in yesterday's Lazy Man's Guide to Seduction. Get ready for some vague unpunctuated late-night texts and half-empty plastic jugs of vodka, ladeeeez!

JanieS

@PomoFrannyGlass I think it might be an extension of the 'do things you like to do! You will meet guys who like to do those same things!' advice.

Super Nintendo Chalmers

@werewolfbarmitzvah All the men in my creative writing classes very desperately wanted to be Kerouac, Carver, Hemingway, or some unholy combination of the three. They were the ACTUAL worst.

jule_b_sorry

@werewolfbarmitzvah See, this is why I met my husband in an advanced calculus class. NOW GO FORTH IN WISDOM.

jule_b_sorry

@Super Nintendo Chalmers That actually sounds like a great setup for "Boff, Marry, Kill".

(From your list, I'd: Kill, Marry, Boff)

highfivesforall

@jule_b_sorry Boff, Kill, Marry for me! Also thank you for boff, that is great.

Faintly Macabre

@PomoFrannyGlass My college creative writing classes actually had near parity! But the guys were usually either mediocre writers, gay, or talented writers whose stories would give most women pause about dating them.

Exene

@jule_b_sorry Oh man, being married to any of those dudes would be a nightmare, but Carver sounds the grimmest!

The Widow Muspratt

I'm going to try leering at men in the art museum.

christonacracker

@akapocalypse I hope you do this by reclining in a dark corner of the titian exhibit, winking lasciviously and/or exposing a boob reanaissance-style

The Widow Muspratt

@christonacracker Well I will now!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@akapocalypse Sorry to be a Nosy Nancy but I just noticed your avatar. Is it from Berkley Illustration?

The Widow Muspratt

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Yup! I love their portraits.

the angry little raincloud

@akapocalypse Museums could work! Someone on Artinfo does a roundup of NYC museum/gallery missed connections every week. They are fantastic. (I cannot bring myself to read actual Craigslist missed connections because, well, ew.). http://blogs.artinfo.com/artintheair/tag/missed-connections/

WaityKatie

@akapocalypse Oh noooo now I'm flashing back to the helpful suggestion of "maybe you could meet a guy at an art opening!" that one of my best friends gave me. God bless her, she means well, but she's been with the ONLY GUY SHE HAS EVER DATED IN HER LIFE since age 22, married, two kids now, etc. No concept at all of the reality I live in, so please, please stop talking now so we may remain friends.

teaandcakeordeath

I cant imagine what falling in love in a supermarket would look like. You both reach for the last bag of kale? You get in to a trolley drag race? You accidentally knock a jar of pesto on his foot?
Anyway with all the fluorescent lighting everyone would look hideous.

EpWs

@teaandcakeordeath Ask his advice about produce or meat. Innuendo it up. Repeat.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@teaandcakeordeath It would look LIKE THIS: http://youtu.be/Tncd84NYJ1Y

teaandcakeordeath

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher

Ooh, you're useful. I might stop throwing pesto at people now.

leonstj

@teaandcakeordeath - When I was in college I was CONVINCED the supermarket was the place to meet ladies. A young dude who loves to cook? HOW COULD IT FAIL. There would be single ladies ALL OVER LEON.

So, I would proceed to drinking, and then with a solid buzz on, take the bus, and proceed to drunkenly wander around HEB at 11PM on a Wednesday night looking for ladies to hit on.

Somehow, "Drunk 20 year old in the supermarket way late on a Tuesday Night" was not super-effective.

the angry little raincloud

@teaandcakeordeath I have been hit on repeatedly at supermarkets lately. It's weird. One night by THREE different guys. This has all happened post-yoga, so I guess I'm all mellow and glowy and chill and shit. (And dressed like a slob.) One attempted pick-up involved me in the ice cream section, trying to find something on sale. (I am very cheap.) Another involved bread. Another time it was the check-out dude, who spoke in Spanish to the bagger, then turned to me and asked if I spoke Spanish (I don't), and then offered to teach me Spanish. Yeah. Sure.

I had no interest in any of these dudes, but it does happen! I tend to find my men at bars. I'm drunk, they're drunk. Weeee!

the angry little raincloud

@the angry little raincloud Oh, not to dishearten anyone who might want to find love at the supermarket, but there was one time when I wish the dude had actually tried asking me out. (So it's not always annoying, I guess.) We were in line for coffee, he approved of my choice (I'm a huge fan of Fairway's Indonesian Sulawesi), we were discussing the finer points of various blends, etc etc. Cute. Older. Good taste in coffee. But disappeared into the cheese section and I've never seen him again...

nomadic_pursuits

@teaandcakeordeath I once met a guy at the supermarket. We kept checking each other out through the aisles and it had all the makings of a missed connection until we actually bumped into each other in the parking garage and he actually asked for my number. We went on exactly one date though, so maybe not the best example...

sashay

@teaandcakeordeath I feel compelled to delurk and point out that there is a Safeway in DC that many people call the Social Safeway, because supposedly singles do go there to meet each other.

(also a nicknamed grocery store: the Soviet Safway, where the shelves are bare and the lines are long.)

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@the angry little raincloud Were you wearing yoga pants? That could have been a factor.

ImASadGiraffe

@teaandcakeordeath I went on a few dates with a guy I met at the Super Target...he approached me, he was nice enough. Our personalities didn't end up meshing all that well, but connections do happen!

ImASadGiraffe

@ImASadGiraffe Also (since editing isn't working right now), I was wearing sweatpants and no makeup.

the angry little raincloud

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Maybe? I don't have any of the magic Lululemon butt pants, though. Hmmm. Maybe I should buy some, go to yoga then perch myself at a bar and find myself a trophy husband?

EpWs

@the angry little raincloud "Magic Lululemon butt pants"??

the angry little raincloud

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Supposedly there are these yoga pants by Lululemon that do amazing things to one's ass. No matter the quality of said ass in its natural state: the pants make every ass amazing and, apparently, men notice.

I do not own these pants. I think they are $90 or something. Although for a fabulous ass, I guess maybe not so expensive? There are women in my yoga class with fabulous butts (uh, I'm heterosexual but do appreciate female beauty?), and I think they all might be wearing the pants.

I'm wear stuff from Target (or, occasionally, Patagonia clearance rack -- but then I end up wearing hot pink or turquoise, or sometimes hot pink AND turquoise pants, because that's all that's left). Target pants do nothing amazing to my posterior. :(

Sea Ermine

@teaandcakeordeath my boyfriend is very insistant that all yoga pants are magic butt pants, including the one's from Target. Apparently it's something about how they are stretchy but more fitted than regular sweatpants (regular= the kind with the elastic ankles).

WaityKatie

@sashay Don't forget the Secret Safeway!

WaityKatie

@the angry little raincloud Is this why seemingly every woman under age 70 that I see in the grocery store is invariably dressed in full workout gear? I was wondering why all these people feel compelled to to go the store immediately after the gym, and always assumed it had to do with being hungry. But they're all size negative 000 so it's probably more that they have magick buttyoga pants on and think it will get them married.

nyikint

@sashay You're forgetting Murder Safeway where people go to get murdered.

Lyesmith

OkCupid is the best way, I think. Beside getting to see the guy's opinions on Important Matters ("is a girl who's slept with 100 people a bad person?" and "are women obligated to shave their legs?" questions are a pretty good indicator), you also get to laugh at dumb messages. I got "your cute" from a 20 year old dudebro. When I replied with "you're*", he took it to mean I was complimenting him back. Oh, OkC.

iceberg

@Lyesmith of COURSE he did. ahh that is too good.

Probs

@Lyesmith http://t.co/6eYE92ZO am I late to the party on NiceGuys of OkC? Because oh my lord. Yikes.

iceberg

@Probs oh my godddddddddddddddd

Probs

@iceberg right?? Holy shit.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Probs
Ugh that's really depressing.

Probs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll it really makes me sad. There is a handy flowchart in there that should be mandatory reading for guys from like the 8th grade on, so that's nice.

Lyesmith

@Probs Oh my god, you are killing me with this link. "I literally don't have it in me to not be a nice person... Like if you've ever had an abusive boyfriend, I don't want to say I told you so, but I told you so..."

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Probs
CAN'T STOP READING

A RABBITHOLE OF TERRIBLE

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
oh thank god it only has 7 pages

Probs

@Lyesmith I missed that one, aaaagh jesus.

Probs

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll small mercies.

New Commenter Name

@Probs
Oh that link! How can I possibly do any more work today now that I know about that link?

Probs

@Curiouser and curiouser how to go on living, how to have a shred of faith in humanity, it raises many questions.

phylogenetic

@Probs Ah and all of this time I didn't even know I had a 'friend zone'!

Probs

@phylogenetic aaaaaand you're the most heinous person imaginable for it! Don't you know that if dudes just stand around not raping or murdering anybody, they deserve to to get laid? And if any given woman personally doesn't make that happen, they're a big ol' bitcherooney? DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT A HORRIBLE TORTURE FRIENDSHIP IS?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Probs "I'm performing basic acts of human decency! Praise me! Sex me! What is wrong with you, bitch?"

KatPruska

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose "I deposited the kindness coins. WHERE IS THE SEX??" *kicks machine*

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Probs Bitcherooney. Amazing.

Probs

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Thank you, thank you. I try.

iceberg

@KatPruska I don't know about y'all, but I can usually tell when a dude is being (genuinely) nice vs. Nice (because he's trying to get it in)

Angelena@twitter

@Lyesmith thats one of the funniest things I've ever heard

KatPruska

@iceberg I'm pretty perceptive when it comes to other people's interactions. Introvert me, leaning against the wall and observing from afar, is really good at deciphering human behavior and listening with great detachment to stories having nothing to do with me. Make me a key player in the interaction and it's like I'm a some sort of amorphous, unfeeling blob,internally panicking and grasping for the correct words. I'm thinking about psychology as a career choice.

Unless you were making a joke, in which case, I did not understand it.

themegnapkin

@Lyesmith Or, "if you are looking for someone to treat you right hten you should defiantly [sic] message me."

Blushingflwr

@Probs Oh my goodness. I kind of want to sit these guys down and help them re-write their profiles.

"Okay, tell me about yourself".
"Well, I'm a really nice guy."
"Hmm. Okay, what about your interests? How do you demonstrate that niceness? Do you volunteer? What are you really passionate about? If money were not a consideration, what would your ideal career be? What are your turn-ons and turn-offs?"

what they don't understand is that what attracts people is personality. And that generally we are not attracted to those who have nothing positive to say, unless we just want someone to commiserate with (hey, maybe that's why you end up in the "Friendzone"!)

Verity

@Lyesmith Why would you say that? Why? (The abusive boyfriend comment, that is.)

WaityKatie

@Lyesmith OKC is also a good place to meet guys who force you to sit next to them for 20 minutes eating horrible noodles whilst they refuse to speak or make eye contact, and then send you an unsolicited message calling you fat and yelling at you for not clearly identifying yourself as an undateable fatty in your profile (because apparently the pictures you posted aren't enough to do that) 30 minutes after the fact. SO it's really a win-win!

roadtrips

@WaityKatie Uggggghhhhh I'm so sorry that happened to you! Why are people the worst sometimes? Seriously, I'd like to know. I want to track this awfulness down and slap him.

WaityKatie

@roadtrips Yeah I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out a way I could WARN OTHERS of this person, but unfortunately there is no viable "rate my OKC date" website. Also, this combined with several other experiences kind of led to my "Ok, I'm not fit for dating in NYC! Bye now!" conclusion. Which, on the bright side has led to increased overall contentment and also more time for my activities.

theotherginger

@Probs amazing. thanks for sharing.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@theotherginger I have been sworn to never share my friend's awful online dating stories anymore, but I will just tell you guys that one time, there was a mandolin.

(The instrument, not the vegetable-cutting thing.)

adriana

I just broke up with my boyfriend, so it's time for me to once again brush up on lists like this. Sigh. To the supermarket!

JanieS

Oh, reality. Why must you hurt so much?

Nutmeg

I met my last three boyfriends in a bar, which says more about my drinking capabilities than my boyfriend-finding-ones, I think.

The current dude is a keeper, though. Sometimes you get lucky? I STILL BELIEVE, even though I've had to kiss a lot of frogs (and oh can I tell you about the frogs I've kissed, because when your number reaches thirty you end up with WAY more stories than orgasms)

rubiksboob

The Designing Women episode on this topic made *such* an impression on me. At one point they sign up for an auto mechanics class, just to find it full of single ladies. HIJINKS!

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

I just want to mention that if you're looking for a boy, do not go swing dancing. While people often give that advice, and you will in fact meet many boys, it is NIGH IMPOSSIBLE to know if someone is hitting on you or just having a REALLY GOOD DANCE. As a married lady who is not exactly on the prowl, I am often grateful that I don't have to think about it, because good god dancers are a flirtacious bunch.

almighty jugs

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts Contra dancers too :( With their stupid PONYTAILS and their IRONIC TSHIRTS and their silly schtick that I would never find attractive IRL but somehow am tricked into liking by my tragic chronically single touch-starved lower brain

(OK maybe that's just me)

sevanetta

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts i agree with you one hundred fucking percent. go see my comment about swing dancers above! and i did meet boys... the problem is that a mutual love of dancing is actually a really, really crap basis for a relationship.

han
han

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts Oh godddd contra dancing. My earthy crunchy friend dragged me to that so many times. So many skeevy fedora types.

WaityKatie

@sevanetta Whhaaaatt?? Are there actually males under the age of 70 who go swing dancing? Why did I not know about this? I remember going with my friends to a class once when I was 20, but everyone there was female or 90! It was fun anyway, though.

sevanetta

@WaityKatie in Australia, in the capital cities, swing has had a bit of a revival. Since I now live in a regional area, though, I have found that everyone at dance classes is the same age as my parents. Everyone my age is at home with their spouse and babies :(

beeline96

Honestly, most of the people I know who've met "the one" either met in school or at a bar. While it's easy to say "ugh, I don't want to meet anyone at a bar," consider that bars are a modern version of our grandparent's dances/music halls, only sometimes with more expensive drinks and dirtier dancing...

siniichulok

@beeline96 Yes! I met my husband in graduate school. We were students in the same department at the same time. It constituted(sorry to be crude)shitting where we eat, but it worked for us!

Hellcat

@beeline96 I feel like, "Well, if I'm in a bar, other non-derelicts must be too." Plus, I go to bars fairly regularly, so meeting someone in one seems like a good way to find out if you have at least that in common. I'll admit, though, that I don't apply this logic to every bar...

WaityKatie

@beeline96 The thing is, I mean, if you don't have a group of friends (or at least one friend) that you can go with, what do you do? Just go sit in a bar by yourself being sad and hoping some guy will talk to you? That sounds expensive and not fun. (not that going to bar by yourself has to be sad, just, going with the intent of meeting someone, and then just having to sit there "reading" or whatever until it's time to go home and go to bed...that is pretty much how it would work out for me I think.)

Hellcat

@WaityKatie yeah! My BF is a musician and sometimes I go to his gigs, but only if I have friends with me to sit with. I'm not even there hoping to meet anyone, but I still can't do it.

Lisa Frank

And now I'm crying with salad.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Lisa Frank
Get a salad from the bookstore cafe! At least you won't be alone...

par_parenthese

@Lisa Frank Seriously, I am so, so depressed after reading this thread.

Spaghettius!

I want to encourage everyone by telling you how I met my SO, but it might give too much away. Suffice it so say that it belongs with those stories Dan Savage likes to collect about the depraved and un-romantic ways people have met the love of their lives. It happens!
Also, every time I got hit on in recent history, it has come under the guise of asking for directions. Some dude on a bike or in a car will slow down next to me and go "Excuse me, Miss..." and when I approach them to presumably tell them how to get to wherever, they ask me if I have a boyfriend. My favorite: "Are you [ethnicity]? Wait! My ex-wife was [ethnicity]!" ...he had a mercedes, though.

fondue with cheddar

@Spaghettius! One time in high school I threw away my map at an amusement park so I could ask a cute boy with a map where a specific ride was. It was a pretty smooth move, but I was a giggly teenager and didn't know how to take it to the next level.

Spaghettius!

@fondue with cheddar I think there needs to be a thread for these stories! Someone do this, I'll wait.

fondue with cheddar

@Spaghettius! Cool bike story (though sadly, not mine): my boyfriend was on a bike in Amsterdam and was stopped by two girls who didn't speak English. They went to the girls' house and they all made out. He thinks they might have been sisters or cousins but it was hard to know because of the language barrier.

Regina Phalange

@Spaghettius! Oh, man, I am definitely NOT a giggly teenager, and I still don't even know how to take that to the next level.

You get the directions, then what? "Thanks for the directions, wanna come?"

(Serious question, I am such a dork with guys.)

TARDIStime

@fondue with cheddar <3 Holland; they are so chillaxed about everybody just making out with everybody like it's NBD.
I yearn to actually visit there one day!

fondue with cheddar

@Regina Phalange So you ask for directions, and when he tells you, you ask him if he's been on it. If yes, ask what he thought of it. Whether yes or no, ask him if he wants to join you. If you're with a friend, maybe you could say that your friend is too scared to go on it but you don't want to go on by yourself. If he says no, no big deal. But if he says yes, you're totally in!

Dude, the more I think about this the more I wish I'd used it to pick up a guy when I was still single!

fabel

So, if I reverse-logic this, I---as a not-single lady---can go to all these places to find like-minded women to befriend? I need friends!

PatatasBravas

@fabel Yes, these are all things I'm going to try and use for picking up friends now!

WaityKatie

@fabel I think book club or any kind of exercise class are the two most obvious ones.

itiresias

Any credibility towards seriousness or humor in this article was lost to me at "the subway."

fondue with cheddar

Is this where we list all the places we've met dudes/ladies we've dated? Because this inspired me to make a list of how I met all my post-high school dates/hookups:
friend/acquaintance/friend of friend (19)
okcupid/personal ads (7)
college (6)
bar (4)
blind date (4)
coworker (3)
customer at work (2)
friend's professor (1)
landlady's son (1)

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar post-high school you say?
friend's party (3, although one was someone I had known in high school)
shop where I bought horrible gossip magazines (1, also had briefly met him at a friends party many years earlier, now we are married)

Beatrix Kiddo

@fondue with cheddar I just attempted to do this as well. I've got 13 friends of friends, 13 grad school, 5 online, 5 coworkers, and a smattering of people I met in bars or at parties who aren't also in the previous categories.

Jen@twitter

@fondue with cheddar Seeing as though I've been on maybe 4 dates and actually dated 1 person (for 5 months) in the past 10 years...I'd rather not. It'll just make me frustrated. Blah.

fondue with cheddar

@Jen@twitter Don't be frustrated! Quantity is not necessarily quality. If I gave you details on each person on my list you might be thankful you're not me. ;)

redheaded&crazy

craigslist (2)
friend of friend (1)
university (1)
okcupid (0)

*sad sad seal noises*

flanhoodles

@fondue with cheddar
Alphabetical:
80s Night (2)
AmeriCorps (2)
Bar (2)
Church (1)
Date with another guy (1)
Former Hookup's Roommate (2)
Friend/Friend of a Friend/Acquaintance (5)
Grad School (1)
Selling Stuff on Craigslist (1)
Wedding (1)
Young Professionals Meeting (1)

Jen@twitter

@fondue with cheddar That's true! And on the positive side, I give a hearty chuckle whenever someone says they needed to break up with someone to "figure out who they are" or whatever, what their own interestes are, what they want in life, etc. without the influence of their partner because heaven knows that is one thing I've had figured out for a long time! Plenty of time as a single person means I know exactly what I like and don't like! :)

fondue with cheddar

@Jen@twitter Yeah, that is definitely a positive! I mean, sometimes other people introduce you to things you might not otherwise have known about, but it's important to know how to discover things for yourself, too.

@flanhoodles "Date with another guy", "Selling Stuff on Craigslist" HAHAHA that is so great.

You're making me think I should have been more specific about the nature of some of my "Friend/Friend of a Friend/Acquaintance" ones, but some of them will make me look like a bad person, so.

wee_ramekin

@redheaded&crazie

High school (but we dated when I was in college) [1]
College [2ish? (because "dating" in college can mean sooooooo many things)]
Work [1]
Language camp (nerd!) [1]
Craigslist [1]
OKCupid [4? (none of which led to more than a second date)]

entangled

@fondue with cheddar
college and the internet.
once I hooked up with someone I met at a bar.

basically I am really crotchety and bad at telling when I'm being hit on. these lists read like a list of places where I (were I single) have zero intention of hooking up, ever. especially the ones that involve sweat. I want to know upfront what the deal is, not feel like I ought to wear eyeliner on the treadmill.

cuminafterall

@fondue with cheddar
At a party (1)
At a rock concert held at the base of a 1100-year-old tower (1)
At a demonstration (1, though we didn't start dating till much later)
...
...
that's it.

fondue with cheddar

@wee_ramekin Yeah, I used "dating" somewhat loosely, myself. Also, one might say "loosely" was a good description of my general "dating" style.

I actually had a several-month FWB relationship with a guy from OKC. He was HOT and a responsible adult and all, but he smoked and had little kids, both of which were dealbreakers for nonsmoker, childfree me. But we were both totally down with no-strings sex, and he was a gentleman so there was no confusing or douchey behavior.

nina

@fondue with cheddar Ooh, how does one covert Customer at Work into date? I would very much like to do that... Advice?

almighty jugs

@fondue with cheddar

High school (1)
College (~.5 ("dating"-ness amortized across all to whom the label could have applied; excluding casual hookups))

foreveralone.jpg

fondue with cheddar

@almighty jugs Dude, if I excluded casual hookups my list would be waaaaay shorter. I'm slutty. Also, I'm 38 so I've had a lot of years of dating.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@fondue with cheddar Hmmm, I'm going to choose to interpret "dating" as "no pants dance." Here we go...

Internet (3) - One of whom I married! Internet, it works!
College (3)
Friend-of-a-friend I met drunk at a party at 3am (1)
Coworker-turned-friend (1)
Bar (Zeroooooooo!)

fondue with cheddar

@nina I guess it depends where you work. I worked at a full-service shoe store so there was a lot of customer interaction. All I really did was act friendly. Make eye contact, smile, stuff like that. But that's pretty much the way I was with all my customers unless they were jerks. The downside to that is that I would get hit on by guys I was NOT interested in because they thought I was flirting.

fondue with cheddar

@werewolfbarmitzvah Good, bars are a terrible place to meet guys, in my experience! I have met exactly four guys at bars I ended up dating (or "dating"). They were as follows:
1. guy who was very nice but the worst kisser ever
2. guy who was sort of a loser and had an unsettling raised birthmark on his penis
3. con artist who used a false name and stole my checkbook
4. very drunk guy I got stuck with while playing wingwoman for my friend (who probably shouldn't even be on this list because all I did was give him a handjob so he would leave me alone)

almighty jugs

@fondue with cheddar Gotcha. Let's try this again:

High school (1)
College (6)
Friend(/-of-friend) (2)

ENTERPRISING YOUNG SLUT FTW

TheBourneApproximation

@fondue with cheddar Dang, I know where to meet men!

Government research laboratory (1)
Different government research laboratory (1)
University lab class (1)

Oh yeah.

stuffisthings

High school/college (1)
Fellow study abroad students, living internationally (2)
Friend of former roommate, living internationally (1)
Her friend who was visiting after we broke up (1)
Bars, college (3)
Co-worker, college (1)
Peace Corps, fellow volunteer (1)
Friend's girlfriend, living internationally (oops) (1)
Bars, living internationally (3)
Former student [yeah I know but it was a language class for adults, I only her taught her once and didn't remember] (1)
Bars, Florida (2)
2008 Election Night OKCupid date (1)
Grad school (0)
Party, living internationally (1 -- and hopefully last)

Yeesh, I used to be gross.

fondue with cheddar

@stuffisthings Formerly gross sluts unite! (Though I don't think we were actually gross.)

Beericle

@fondue with cheddar
I'm 38 and slutty. And I'm pretty sure I've given a dude a handjob to get him to leave me alone. We should start a club.

packedsuitcase

@fondue with cheddar

Relationships:
school (3)
coffee shop (1)

Dates:
Internet (4? 5? They sucked and were totally forgettable)
Bar, dressed as myself (1)
Bar, dressed as slutty Robin Hood (1)

Hook Ups (strictly no pants dance):
Mutual friend's party (1)
Bar, current city (8? More?)
Bar, in NYC visiting friend who had pretentious ibanker friends (1)
Bar, in foreign country while on vacation (1)
Bar, in foreign country while on vacation but did not hook up with him until I unexpectedly saw him again in another bar in another city (1)
Hostel (1)
Coffee shop (1)
Internet, after 2 mediocre dates and 1 super hot make out session (1)
Friend's boudoir photography shoot (1)

fondue with cheddar

@Beericle AHH SAMESIES! That is unbelievable. Tell me your story!!! Here's mine, in more detail:

I was at a bar with my friend, and she wanted to go home with this guy. I went with her for safety and all. The two of them were in one bedroom having sex, and I was in another bedroom in bed, because I didn't know how long they'd be and I was tired. Sloppy Drunk Dude joined me because he wanted to get some, too. I wanted none of it and was not at all subtle about my wishes, but he was so wasted he just wasn't getting it. He was begging—it was pretty pathetic. So I reached over and gave him a handjob, after which he promptly fell asleep, thank goodness.

Incidentally, she ended up dating the guy for a few weeks and I ended up briefly dating the guy's other friend who sort of looked like a male version of Rosie O'Donnell.

Beericle

@fondue with cheddar I'll blame a friend too.
We were out of town, and went out. She met a dude she wanted to hook up with - but his roommate was with him. So, they left him with me. I went back to hotel, and he came with because he couldn't go home, and had no way to get there. (they were going to go home, get it on, and come back) Anyhow, he came up to the room with me, same deal as you. Begged ... I finally gave in, but he was so hammered he couldn't finish, and I got annoyed and kicked him out. My friend reports when she got back to the hotel he was curled up in a chair in the lobby.

fondue with cheddar

@Beericle Oh, man...at least I had no expectation of fun sexytimes. You were actually trying to get some. That sounds disappointing and annoying.

SuperGogo

@packedsuitcase "Friend's boudoir photography shoot (1)"

Um....YOU ARE REQUIRED TO TELL THIS STORY!

Beericle

@fondue with cheddar
Oh no. I never would have talked to him if my friend hadn't dumped him on me. I just felt bad for him, so was going to let him sleep in her bed. But then, he bugged me into the hand job.

fondue with cheddar

@Beericle Ugh. College, right?

ImASadGiraffe

@fondue with cheddar I'll play!
past:
college dorm (1) - (married this one, together for 6 years before split)
Match.com (3)
eHarmony (3)
POF (1)
at a bar (1)

current:
through a mutual friend

fondue with cheddar

@ImASadGiraffe What's POF?

packedsuitcase

@SuperGogo

Okay, so. A friend of mine decided to get boudoir pictures done as a wedding gift, but she was nervous and wanted somebody to come keep her company while she got comfortable. So I went, and while she was doing hair and make up, he started chatting with me. I had looked at his website and thought he did amazing work, but everybody on the site was a stick figure with boobs. So he asked when I was coming in for my shoot, and I said that I wasn't planning on it, and he asked why, and I said that I'd seen his website and he had talent, but I didn't trust he could shoot a curvy girl. Which he said was a lie, and he'd prove it. We'd do a shoot, and if I didn't like the pictures, I didn't have to pay. I said I don't gamble, and that I trusted anybody with good light and a camera could take ONE good picture, I wasn't going to play when I couldn't afford him anyways.

I cannot stress the ways in which I did not realize he was hitting on me. I thought it was playful banter. I thought it was playful banter basically up until he slid his hands down my pants at the photoshoot I eventually agreed to do. A) Thank God he was flirting with me, because I really wanted to sleep with him (but he was sneaky and everything he asked related to the shoot, which, hello, packedsuitcase, of course it did, but it was also flirting because HE WAS PICTURING YOU IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AND ASKING YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU COLOUR PREFERENCES) and B) that photo shoot was awesome foreplay. Hooooooly crap. Slept with him a few times, it was some seriously amazing sex. Plus I got a hot photo that Dudefriend very much enjoys. And I do, too - I look HOT.

Sidenote: I debated actually paying for a shoot with him for Dudefriend for his birthday, and everybody convinced me it was Bad Idea #1. So I got something else and told him I had considered it, and he got all annoyed with my friends and said, "But he's already seen you naked! So it doesn't count! It's one fewer person in the universe that would have seen you naked! And I would have gotten pictures!!!"

packedsuitcase

@packedsuitcase Seriously, I need to learn how to write short sentences. Sorry if you're out of breath now.

ImASadGiraffe

@fondue with cheddar Plenty of Fish. I suspect he was a date rapist though, as I was assaulted by that guy, so I wouldn't recommend the site. Although there could be nice guys on there.

the angry little raincloud

@Beericle This is the best comment I have ever read.
(I'm 37 and still slutty. I would very much like to join your club, please.)

Verity

@fondue with cheddar University, both members of the same college (1)

... that is all.

My list looks a bit pathetic. We've been together nearly 4 years, though!

lemonadefish

@fondue with cheddar
College / grad school - 12ish?
Summer camp (years later, after cross-country booty call) - 1
Conference - 1
Roommate's co-worker, brought along on camping trip, asked out four times before he realized I was asking him out - 1, married

fondue with cheddar

@the angry little raincloud You're in! Welcome to the club!

Is it bad that I'm hoping it will turn into a makeout club?

fondue with cheddar

@lemonadefish "asked out four times before he realized I was asking him out" Haha. It's so funny when they're clueless. My current boyfriend was the same way.

I assume you mean you married him and not that he was married to someone else at the time? If so, that's cool that you met him under such unusual circumstances.

lemonadefish

@fondue with cheddar
Indeed, I married him later. I nearly didn't ask him out that fourth time, because I thought surely he was just not interested. Turns out, he was just very very clueless (adorably).

Queen of Pickles

@fondue with cheddar

Best Friend: 1
Parties Thrown by Acquaintances or New Friends: 4
Driving Cross-Country and Couchsurfing: 2
Housemate's Sister's Friend: 1
Men on Train: 2*
Grad Student Whose Payment I Processed: 1*
OkCupid: 7*

* these are all terrible first dates

fondue with cheddar

@Queen of Pickles Oh, man...I'm glad I'm not the only one who's had a lot of terrible first dates. I'm sorry not a single OKC date worked out for you.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I find that I'm more nervous when I try to make friends with like-minded women than I am when I flirt with people, because I really, really love making good friends. It's so hard!

iceberg

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose agree 100%.

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose YES. Sex is so much easier than friendship.

wee_ramekin

@all Where is this planet that you all live on? And how can I go to there?

smidge

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Right?? The first time I have coffee with new lady friends makes me nerrrrvous.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@smidge I had a coffee date with a new friend the other day and my hands were sweaty.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin I was even nervous when I started commenting on the Hairpin because I wanted so badly to be Internet friends with the commenters.

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose HELLO YOU ARE MY INTERNET FRIEND DON'T BE NERVOUS ANYMORE

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Do not be nervous, dearest IROTOT,R! There are no strangers here on the 'Pin, just friends you haven't met yet!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fondue with cheddar HELLO AND THANK YOU, MELTY CHEESE GODDESS

@wee_ramekin I figured that out pretty quickly. This is the nicest site I've ever been on, and the only site I actively comment on.

smidge

@wee_ramekin Can I sit with you at lunch?

Faintly Macabre

@wee_ramekin If I ever say that finding and catching guys to sleep with is easier than talking to friendly girls, it will be a sign that the planet has been taken over by incompetent pod people.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Faintly Macabre Hahaha, I now have an image of someone (presumably you, but I have no idea what you look like) fishing for men and catching them.

Edited to add: Also, talking to friendly girls is what I do to find both friends and love interests, so that can be complicated.

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT AND I WILL SMOTHER YOU WITH FONDUE IN A SEXY NOT-BURNING FASHION

It really is the nicest site ever. Though Offbeat Home/Bride/Mama and Autostraddle are also very friendly and welcoming. But I don't get as much of a community feeling from them as I do here (though admittedly, that may be because I don't comment there as much, IDK). The Hairpin: it is special and rare!

wee_ramekin

@smidge Of course! *scoots over, pats seat, brings you up to speed on conversation about Japanese puppet theater*

smidge

@wee_ramekin You just made my heart so warm!

packedsuitcase

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose SAME! Oh my goodness. I get all nervous when I want to ask a potential new friend for coffee. What if they reject me? What if it's awkward? Finding guys to sleep with was easier because I just didn't care. Oh, don't want to screw me? Well, fuck you, too, buddy! Except now I won't. Ha.

Diana

@wee_ramekin MEETUPS! I met lovely new friends when I started going to SF Hairpin meetups. Everybody's rad, on and offline.

Verity

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose It is hard! I wish there were more "making friends"-style clubs. (Kicking myself for not signing up to more of the dozens of clubs at my university's Freshers' Fair, and actually going to them. Why doesn't real life have Freshers' Fairs? It would make things so much easier.)

fondue with cheddar

@Verity I don't think my university had a Fresher's Fair but if it did I missed it, too. I wish real life had them, too! Maybe it does?

Verity

@fondue with cheddar Maybe they're hiding them from us.

chevyvan

My friend figured out that the firefighters from our neighborhood firehouse do their grocery shopping early on Sunday mornings. Worth a shot? At least you'll have someone to stare at longingly...

stuffisthings

@chevyvan Where I used to live in Maryland there was a great grocery store right next to a fire house.

Maybe you should move to Maryland?

iceberg

@chevyvan Firies! *swoon*

Faintly Macabre

@chevyvan I tutor a kid whose dad is a fireman, and the family lives in an apartment building just for firemen next to the firehouse. I have to pretend to be professional, so I can't leer at all the firemen walking past as I sit in the lobby.

Blushingflwr

@chevyvan In my experience though, as dreamy as firefighters (and EMTs) are, they are also often adrenaline junkies, which can be problematic in relationships (I've known some who have a tendency to either let things devolve into crises before they handle them, or who turn things into crises that aren't). Also, if they're volunteers, there's always the possibility that your make-out session may be cut short by their pagers.

However, it is still a point in the dude's favor in my book if he is a firefighter or an EMT (or both).

par_parenthese

@Blushingflwr My dating experience would cause me to urge similar caution. (Also, my douchiest relative is a volunteer firefighter/EMT who got bored with his life and blew it up by knocking up a coworker while his wife cared for their special-needs son, but that's a rather extreme case.)

Blushingflwr

I knew my current Gentleman Friend for about 4 years before we finally started dating.
My experience with meeting friends (and men) is that it's best to find an activity that is a) social and b) regularly occurring. When I was in the church choir I was friendly with people, but not really "friends" with any of them, because there wasn't a lot of time to socialize. And when I first moved to DC I joined a bunch of different groups to try to meet people, but none of them met on a regular enough basis to see the same people every week (or even every month) to really bond. It's hard to transfer that "we had a good time chatting" to friendship without regular interaction, and if you're not looking to date the person it can be weird to ask for a number/email (not that I think I've ever asked a dude for his contact info, but I don't think I've ever made the first move in my life).

Diana

@Blushingflwr

Trivia nights! I love trivia nights for exactly this purpose. It's a great way to invite somebody you've just met to a weekly thing, while giving you more time to judge whether you'd actually like to date them. If so, great, you'll have a weekly interaction with them. If not, whatever, Bob has a great knowledge of 1970s basketball, so your team has a new advantage.

Blushingflwr

@Diana Heh, I was actually at a trivia night last week where one of the team names was "Awkward First Date". They had shown up at the bar without knowing there was trivia, and decided to play (they lost).
I also heard a story about a guy who used to bring a different girl to trivia every week. He'd let them answer the easy questions and answer the hard ones himself. At the end of the night, apparently their confidence had been so boosted by getting the questions right that he always slept with them (and then moved on, so, stay classy, dude).

Verity

@Diana Oh god, I would never want to use pub quizzes or similar as a first date activity. Unless my aim was to show the person my worst side, so they could get used to it quickly. I am hyper-competitive.

WaityKatie

@Verity I accidentally went on a first date to a bar that was having a rock/paper/scissors tournament once. I got really drunk and said that I thought hipsters ironically playing rock/paper/scissors was "overdetermined." *Reason #345 why WK is still single...

yapplebee

It's a sad truth that I go to a lot less friends' parties now than I did when I was single. But it's also kind of a relief not to feel like, OMG if I miss that party I might miss out on meeting THE BEST GUY! Because it never happened, anyway. (My current bf DID seal the deal by showing up at MY party, though. So...)

Things I had previously done to meet guys, with no success:

-Book club (never actually went?)
-Awkward temple group
-Improv class

Megan@twitter

I met my boyfriend in a diner parking lot so...

Places Where Single Women in NJ Should Seek the One?

ayo nicole

@Megan@twitter Man, I miss NJ so much.

Amphora

@Megan@twitter My married friends in NJ met their guys in (a) high school and (b) college. But my landlady was on JDate.

Monty Johnston

Try living in a congenial small college town.

Probs

Most of my friends' parents met at parties, which was fun to learn over the years. I met my girlfriend of 4+ years at a party.

My parents went to Baptist college, so they did not meet at a party. They met on a biology field trip bus; my dad turned his face so that one eye was obscured, because he can't wink.

Diana

@Probs

How is it possible that I'm the only person to like this comment so far. YOUR DAD.

par_parenthese

@Probs That is the cutest.

Mr. B

Hi.

Mr. B

She found me at work just fyi

Mr. B

Although I do enjoy bookstores with cafes.

Mr. B

Oh yeah, but Book Club, come on now.

chloe lum@twitter

I met my current boyfriend of 13 years at an avant-garde music fest in a small town. Previous boyfriends where met at a bus stop, a bar, a punk show (x3), the library, and a vintage clothing store. I tend to talk to randos lots though.

chloe lum@twitter

I also once followed a guy out from a record store and asked him on the sidewalk to get coffee. We went out non-exclusively for about a year and are still pals like 15 years latter.

KatPruska

I met Mr.Kat in a coffee shop. So 90s! (in 2005) He had a really severe hair cut and wore silly sunglasses and my first thought upon seeing him was: "Shit, that dude looks like a nazi." I don't know what any of this means except that the world is both random and chaotic.

Also, I really need to make lady friends.

Leanne

I seem to be meeting only bartenders right now. This is easy if you go to bars a lot.

the angry little raincloud

@Leanne I love bartenders! They keep late hours. They know how to make drinks. They're good at conversation. Yay!

GailPink

Audio Engineering Class

Pound of Salt

I know you're not supposed to find your partners in bars anymore, but that's where I met my last two boyfriends and they were good people.

Niko Bellic

Note to our friends: you may need to find a new trick to get us to hit the gym (or the bookstore).

babs

I met my dude at a bar (ugh!), but it took me saying "This is the part where you ask for my number," for us to actually go on a date. Be forward, it works! It can work? Most of the time it's not worth it working, but you never know.

Niko Bellic

@babs Wouldn't it be "less wordy" to just ask for his number?

TARDIStime

@Niko Bellic "less wordy" = "less cute". But also = "more direct" so I guess it depends what you're going for.

Amphora

@Niko Bellic Good test to see if he takes directions well, though.

Niko Bellic

@TARDIStime "more direct" = "less passive aggressive". But yeah.. to each his own!

Regina Phalange

Here's how a guy once introduced himself to me at a housewarming party:

We both wound up near a bookshelf, and I remarked about how many scholarly books they had, and he said, "Well, you know they've got 50 Shades of Gray in the bedroom."

Please reassure me I'm not a total jerk for finding that creepy.

TARDIStime

@Regina Phalange Depends, did he say it flippantly? Because as an offhand remark, I would find this lightly amusing and counter with a request to be shown this copy of 50 Shades (if I was single and interested).
However this could be way more sinister (insinuation that you were having a sexual relationship with whoever's house was being warmed?), so yeah, there are definitely ways this could be creepy.

Regina Phalange

@TARDIStime It was definitely meant as a joke, but it felt a little aggressive - "I am interested in you and so I'm going to make this conversation kind of sexual right off the bat?"

I'm a really open, sassy person, but respecting strangers' boundaries is really important to me. I think of it as the Vampire Rule of Flirting; wait to be invited in before you go there.

TARDIStime

@Regina Phalange Ah - in the case of immediately going there, then yes; I would feel like it was creepytown and predatory!
It would have been different if there had been like, a bit of conversation and getting-to-know-you beforehand and then there was a gradual move towards the flirting side of things.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Regina Phalange I mostly feel like he was just being a jerk.

You: "Look at all of these fascinating books!"
Him: "Whatever, they also read poorly written Twilight sex fan fiction. I know this because I went into their bedroom."
JERK.

Regina Phalange

@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) A) Love your username, B) Yeah, I was also offended on my friend's behalf! We talked for a little while after the comment (because I'm a glutton for punishment, or something?), and he actually seemed like a genuinely nice, super-clueless guy. I almost wanted to put an arm around him and offer to teach him How To Talk To Girls, at $19.95 an hour or something.

TARDIStime

Sadly these are not lady friends, and oh how I lack for these since leaving school like many other 'pinners! There don't seem to be many 'pinners in Sydney. :(

TARDIStime

@TARDIStime I just posted the story of meeting Mr TARDIStime and this came up instead.
*sigh*
It must not be interesting enough for the internet.
It's ok, Internet. I understand; there are no cats involved.

sevanetta

@TARDIStime I'm in Lismore :waves:

TARDIStime

@sevanetta Just moved out Parramatta way 2 weeks ago. Haiii! :waves:

TARDIStime

Also, this: https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups=#!topicsearchin/hairpin_pinups/sydney/hairpin_pinups/W7tE-HbBQpM
For anyone in Sydney, or who will be in Sydney soonish and wants to pin it on up!

Miss Maszkerádi

Now I almost want to start an OKC profile just to see what weirdass questions they make you answer...

Trilby

Maybe it's because I'm asexual, but the idea of searching for "the one" makes me barf. YOU ARE THE ONE! Look no further.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Shout-out to the friend of a friend who invited me to a party and said she'd set me up with one of her boyfriend/fiancé's old co-workers (without me asking to be set up with anyone) because we had stuff in common: she has met us once and we seem nice.

This was after about an hour of her and my friend talking about how their parents are so different from their fiancés' parents and is the wedding going to be awkward? During which my no-vodka policy was broken multiple times.

NiceDress

This totally hits home. I was just complaining to my aunt the other day about how the advice about trying to meet people through activities, classes, hobbies, etc. like the author lists doesn't work for me because pretty much anything I actually enjoy and would want to do is girly (or things that people do as couples). Examples: yoga, art (galleries and classes), dance, wine tasting, things to do with reading and writing, fashion.

I suppose I could attend a sporting event or watch a game at a bar or join a pickup team or learn how to grill or fix cars or whatever it is that menfolk do in organized groups, but that feels disingenuous because I don't find any of those things the least bit intriguing (also, I'm a vegetarian and don't drive, which would be problematic for the latter two), and I wouldn't have any fun. Even if I managed to strike up a flirty conversation at some manly event, dude would probably think I was boring or stupid due to my general lack of interest and ability vis-a-vis the actual activity. If he didn't care that I was boring or stupid, I wouldn't want to date him because that would mean he was only interested in my looks and probably wouldn't respect me. I think this is the point where someone tells me I'll die alone if I keep being this difficult?

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