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Thursday, December 13, 2012

48

Get This Look: Water Birds

1. Puffins

In addition to being a most delicious breakfast cereal, Puffins are aquatic birds of the genus Fratercula. In addition to being a latinate word that could double as an onomatopoeic descriptor of a wet fart, Fratercula means ‘little brother.' Take a minute to register how adorable that is, and then I’ll tell you that it’s ‘brother’ as in ‘monk,' because of their black and white plumage. Tiny adorable monks who dive into the water to eat the tiny fishes that sustain them! During the time of year that's the sexiest for them, they grow a secondary, multicolored beak that falls away when mating is over. I’m circling a joke about horniness here, but I think it’s probably best to leave it.

Get This Look:

GTL – Puffin

GTL – PuffinStrawbery Red White and Blue Lollipop / Sara Kety Baby & Kids 'Tuxedo' Footie (Infant) Black 3M

2. Swans

Swans act like they're all that, with their necks and their feathers, but really they're very closely related to geese. So the next time a swan is all “Bitch please, I’m fancy, the Queen of England will hunt you down for even throwing shade my way," you can straight up call it a goose, and it can’t say anything back. In a continuing bid to appear superior, they call their babies cygnets, and if you displease them will hiss at you. And if you're a black lab and you decide to swim out to frolic joyously with them, they'll beat you with their wings, which, frankly, you had coming. Their legs are gray unless you're in South America, in which case they're pink. And if you see a group of them flying while you're on a date, point and say, “Look, a bevy of swans!” Because that’s grammatically correct, and will make you seem sexy and learned.

Get This Look:

GTL – Swan

GTL – Swan featuring ted baker / Falke cable tight / McQ by Alexander McQueen pointed toe flat / Chain necklace

3. Flamingos

Did you know that there are flamingos in Peru? Because there are! Such enigmatic behavior! Which is appropriate, given that they're commonly called the “I Don’t Even Know” of the aquatic bird universe. Who are they are related to? A lot of birds, maybe, posit a lot of scientists. Maybe grebes? Maybe not, though! They like to stamp in the mud to dredge up food, those filthy mud lovers. Speaking of feet — why do they stand on one leg? “The world may never know,” says another depressed ornithologist. The internet claims it's because it puts half of their body to sleep, but what does the internet know? We do know why they’re pink and orange, though: It’s because of the beta carotene and bacteria in the food they eat! From stuff like brine and shrimp! I feel so good knowing something now. Also, in ancient Rome their tongues were considered to be a delicacy equivalent to modern-day white truffles, and Egyptians thought they were the living embodiment of Ra, which, whatever, because ancient Egyptians also thought cats were gods, and I caught my cat staring at the wall for a full 20 minutes this morning.

Get This Look:

GTL – Flamingo

GTL – Flamingo featuring Joseph long sleeve top, $370 / Wallis hot pink pants / Post earrings / Erno Laszlo beauty product

Previously: Rainforest Animals.

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn. She's an editor at Fempop, and spends a large amount of her time pretending to be a mildly evil cat on the internet.



48 Comments / Post A Comment

area@twitter

I love all of these, but particularly this one. The "Bitch" necklace for the swan! Perfection.

highfivesforall

@area@twitter That necklace, and which, whatever, Egyptians, and I almost spit water on my keyboard.

allendaniel

actually is really good! :)@a

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

"but I think it’s probably best to leave it."

Get This Look: People With a Good Sense of Discretion will, I hope, be the next installment, as I would greatly benefit.

Danzig!

Flamingos rule, I got a print of their page in The Birds of America and it goes on my wall whenever I move in somewhere. Really The Birds of America is just the shit in general.

Also the picture of puffins really comes together if you imagine they have the voice of Lemon Grab - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAMIneGqmCY

squid v. whale

I was a puffin for Halloween one year in Seattle -- colorful poster-board bill, orange-painted flippers, black body suit and all. No one wanted to sit next to me on the 44. Point is, I was with a raucous crew that night and woke up at closing time in a bar in Ballard next to Scooby-Doo.

SarahP

All I want for Christams is for one of you to wear the swan outfit and post pictures.

Megasus

@SarahP someone also needs to dress their baby in the puffin outfit, and I say this as someone who doesn't really like babies.

Megasus

But what if you want to be a BLACK SWAN? You'd probably need a different necklace.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Megano!
Next Halloween: albino black swan

Still requires different necklace, prob., but everything else can stay.

mlle.gateau

@Megano! She's a CRAZY bitch.

frigwiggin

Seriously, about cats. My cat almost fell off the couch yesterday because she was so excited that I was about to give her treats.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin My cat fell off the bathroom counter once. She'd jumped up there and I yelled at her to get down but she didn't listen. So I slowly pushed her, thinking she'd jump down on her own before she lost her footing. I kept pushing until she fell, flat onto her back. I pushed her pretty slowly, and she had plenty of time to save herself. Cats, amirite?

distrighema

If they were to make a move called "Fratercula," would you rather it be a horror story about undead bros or just a bunch of footage of puffins frolicking?

Also I just wikipedia'd puffins and their babies are called "pufflings." EEEEEEEE!

area@twitter

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll tiny shrieks

Apocalypstick

@distrighema And baby porcupines are porcupettes!

martinipie

I love this column, please keep it forever (and if you need some new ideas I have PLENTY, and a Polyvore account!)

PatatasBravas

And if you're a black lab and you decide to swim out to frolic joyously with them, they'll beat you with their wings, which, frankly, you had coming.

All the black labs I know are very, very sweet and very, very dumb and this is a perfect description.

Also I want that swan outfit on my body ASAP.

Angelena@twitter

i really want that necklace. if i had money i would consider buying it

tea sonata

I LOVE THIS POST.
That is all.

fondue with cheddar

I love all the GTL posts but this is my favorite so far. And the swan outfit is The Best.

Alexmen

GTL posts but this is my favorite so far. And the swan outfit is The Best...underground racing

area@twitter

I got to take the water taxi to work this morning, which was very cool. It was made cooler by the duck that jumped up onto the dock, waddled up close, and quacked cheerfully at us as we waited to board. She was a Welcome Duck! Anyhow, long story short, I'd love to see a Get That Look: Ducks.

beatrixkiddo1

Here's a question (that a 5 year old would ask). If a swan ate all the same things as a Flamingo, would it too turn pinky-orange? You guys are bird experts obviously, that's why I'm asking here.

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Congratulations on having one of the most sophisticated blogs I've come across in some time! Its just incredible how much you can take away from something simply because of how visually beautiful it is.
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dayree

Fashion is my guilty pleasure all the times, I love searching and searching accessories for my friends as a gift, for days. But this year for Christmas I just settled for wine gift baskets for every occasion and it was a great thing to do actually because it suits well the Christmas dinner and such.

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