Well, we've come to the end of another week. How was yours? I wouldn't describe mine as the best I've ever had, but I guess it's technically over now. Haha. Let's jump innn.
Well, my week was a crap shoot. How was everyone else's?
@Statham Eating a quesadilla and drinking a rum and soda, so rapidly improving.
@Statham Everyone I'm working with (including me) seems to be in "Let's-Grind-Out-As-Much-Work-As-Possible-In-The-Next-Two-Weeks-And-Then-Collapse-on-December-22" mode. It's kind of exhausting.
@Statham Work has been sucking lately (sigh), but on the bright side, I decided on gifts for family/friends today on the LightRail! Now, to actually construct/pull together those gifts.
Also, I've been taking care of my mom's dog for two weeks, and will be for another few months. It's been really wonderful to have someone to come home to. I don't know if I'll be able to give her back
@Statham My work has been a mess too. I teach kids with behavior/social/emotional problems, and things get hard for them when a holiday is coming up because their home lives are not so fantastic. So, they'd rather be in school. It's even worse because it's Christmas, and that's a holiday that's supposed to be all cheery and wonderful.
This year my group seems to be having an even harder time than last year. It's painful.
But, my life outside of work has been nice. :}
@Bittersweet Same here, although for me it's because of managers who think it's a great idea to request things to be done for the day they get back from Christmas vacation, which means everyone else has a huge workload for December. Thanks, guys.
@MilesofMountains Ooh, that's too bad. I think all my colleagues and clients are trying to get as much done as possible so they can go off and enjoy the holiday without worrying about work. Which, you know, me too, but in the meantime it's wicked busy.
just EPIC!!! @n
Speaking of endings, I'm watching the end of Boys Over Flowers tonight and ahhhh I don't know if I can handle it! I did NOT expect to get this invested in a South Korean soap opera.
@cuminafterall I LOVE WATCHING THOSE. They all the same plot pretty much. Just get invested in another one.
I am behind on work but I bought cute black suede ankle boots today and am going to see the Mountain Goats tonight so I am ending the week net pos.
@laurel Yay! They are so good live!
@laurel You live in New Mexico don't you! I just wanted to point that out to be creepy. The mountain goats are amaaaazing live!
@paddlepickle I do! Do you? I've lost track of who the few NM 'Pinners are.
@laurel I bought cute taupe suede ankle boots! But no Mountain Goats, sadly. But John Darnielle is awesome (and so engaging) live, so I am jealous.
@laurel I have been playing Love, Love, Love on repeat for like two weeks.
I'm very jealous. :3
@Shayna That's the one.
So I've been on several dates with this very smart, nice, feminist guy but we still haven't kissed and I can't even tell if he likes me (even though our last date lasted like, 7 hours and I went home at 3am). I usually text him first and he's enthusiastic in his replies - for example, last time I suggested doing something on day A or day B and he was like, "both!", but, he doesn't really text me first?
He's told me that he's very shy (he even went to counselling as a small child because he was that painfully shy), which I understand, but given that my last relationship ended because I was doing most of the work (commuting to ex's place, planning dates, texting first) and got sick of it, I am pretty reluctant to get into a situation where I'm the one being forward/making plans most of the time again.
Because I don't really get that "hey, I'm into you, let's kiss" feedback, I'm also starting to lose interest in him. And because he's shy + the issues in my last relationship, I don't really want to make the first move physically in case I misunderstood or something, but I also don't want to do all the work for once. However, if I don't make the first move, the likelihood that he'll suddenly snog me wildly in the street is very low. And obviously I don't want to push his boundaries and maybe this is just the pace which he wants things to proceed at? Or maybe he doesn't even want anything and that's why nothing is happening?
@Lyesmith I see 2 options ...
1. back all the way off and don't initiate any texting with him, don't initiate next date, wait for him to plan. if he plans something, great he's into you probably, and then I would on that date be like "wanna smooch?" or whatever classy line you choose.
2. ask him. "I'm enjoying going on these dates but I'm not necessarily getting the same vibe from you. If you're not interested in anything more than friends, can you let me know? k great. If you are interested ... wanna smooch?"
@redheaded&crazie So far, I'm going with option 1 (and still haven't gotten a text from him, obviously) and thinking that linking him http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_oMD6-6q5Y would be way too passive aggressive, so I'm totally not going to do that.
@Lyesmith ugh bummer. My favourite dates are always the ones where I'm sitting on the bus and get a text like "home safe yet? that was fun let's do it again" or something of that nature. (and if I have a really fun time I will text them saying so) I just don't have any interest in playing the aloof who texts who first game, and guys who pull that shit ... yeah, I dunno. I guess I just assume they aren't interested. It sucks though when you've been on "several" dates! :(
@Lyesmith I feel like taking the initiative to make plans is separate from shyness? Or at least he ought to feel comfortable enough after a few dates to initiate contact. I dated a lot of guys from the "Uh, whatever you want to do is fine" school of dating and it was EXHAUSTING. You should definitely give yourself a break from contacting him and see if he gets himself together.
@redheaded&crazie I vote for option #2. Partly because I have no patience and partly because it sounds like maybe he is shy and afraid to make the first move. I think you should ask him, but also tell him what you told us about feeling like you can't put all the work in and you really, really want him to kiss you/plan a date/invite you somewhere.
Either way, he's either into you and shy or not into you. One way you find out a lot sooner than the other, you get a more definitive answer, and you get the satisfaction of knowing that you knew what you needed and asked for it. On the tiny chance that he's on the fence and scared off by your directness, he wasn't worth it anyway. [I mean, assuming you don't grab him by the throat and scream in his face "I like you, but need you to take initiative/p.s. can you kiss me now" is not a particularly intimidating question]
@Lyesmith I feel like if he's that shy/insecure if you stop contacting him he'll probably interpret it as a sign of noninterest and not contact you either? That's how I feel when someone I'm interested in doesn't reach out to me, anyway. It sucks to be the only one putting in effort, and maybe that's something you can talk about with him once you've established if he's interested via RH&C's option 2?
@thenotestaken It's kind of a Catch-22 though, in that to ask him directly if he's into me or not I'd actually have to initiate making plans with him again. But definitely, if another date happens, I'll be direct about it. Luckily, all this lukewarm "he doesn't seem to be into me" lack of communication has dialed my anxiety way down as to the outcome. By this point, I think I'm fine with a no.
@Lyesmith ugh, I feel you. I dated two guys in a row who I thought were shy but liked me, and it turned out they were just passive and didn't really like me that much. It enraged me sort of that it happened in a row and then I just decided to be completely upfront about that stuff. So then I would say "I LIKE YOU" when I liked a guy, and if he was being a weirdo I'd say "YOU ARE DISTANT WHAT IS UP?" and problem solved. Also, I got a vague sense of pride for making guys just outright say they don't like me and then they could see my feelings be hurt in front of them, instead of my feelings being hurt far away by them ignoring me.
This isn't really all that applicable to your problem, but I also vote with be direct with option #2. If he is so painfully shy that he can't have a direct talk about how his actions affect you, then that is not really boyfriend material there.
@mooseketeer Now I'm seriously annoyed on your behalf and getting pretty irritated on my own, too. Passivity really bothers me - it's pretty much a license to burden the other person with the responsibility of making that relationship/friendship happen at all. Bah!
@Lyesmith ha! My next move would be to channel that righteous anger into some beers.
@Lyesmith As a passive guy, I think might prefer 3. just say outright that you don't think that this is going anywhere. If he tries to salvage things, great, if not, at least he has closure. I really don't think silence is going to shock him into action, he's more likely to assume he did something terrible and agonize over what it was while assuming (but not knowing for sure) that he's been rejected.
@Cawendaw Assuming that I've been rejected is pretty much exactly what I feel when I keep not getting contacted by him first (which is exactly what's been happening). Passivity really gets on my nerves and if that's the real issue rather than shyness, I'm definitely not interested in dating him anyway.
@Lyesmith I have no advice, but I am relieved to know that it is not just me that this happens to.
@Lyesmith Speaking as a shy-around-women-to-the-point-of-petrification dude, you should just ask him. It's not pushing boundaries - going in for a kiss might be, but asking if you can kiss him is not. I would not recommend radio silence, more than likely he will either take it as a sign you're not interested, which you don't want, or he'll get the message and pursue you harder, which is what you want, but establishes a bad precedent for communication?
I don't know, it's hard to be straight with people sometimes, especially when you like them, but I would bet this guy is interested in you but is trying to respect your boundaries. You have to make it clear that your boundaries are not as restrictive as he's assuming. Romantic gamesmanship is the bane of shy people everywhere
@Lyesmith Oh! Well, problem solved then. I would just as soon tell the dude exactly what he has (not) done so as to maybe do a service to the girls he meets in the future who are actually into him, but it's yr call, certainly.
@Danzig! I like him but I've been doing all of the asking out - over the course of 7 dates. By this point, I think I've made my interest pretty clear and am even starting to wonder if he's been saying yes to dates out of a misplaced sense of politeness, or something. (Which is crazy, right? No one would actually do that to someone, right?)
@Lyesmith I don't think they would. The possibility exists that the dude is clueless, heh. Yr desire not to see this dude is 100% totally legit, obviously, but I feel like ideally there's no connective tissue between implied and explicit messages.
Like especially for socially awkward feminist boys, there's this urge to be cognizant of the ways male entitlement can harm women, which means dialing back assertiveness perhaps a bit too much. There's a fear of being aggressive (perhaps to the extent that they don't trust a woman's response, lest they feel coerced into saying or doing things they don't want to), but as this thread shows pretty clearly, it's normal for people to feel desired, and there's a tension there, between a fear of ruining a woman's day / causing fear / looking like a creep / souring what she thought was a burgeoning friendship(compounding common fears of rejection) and wanting to start something with her. In that scenario some boys will tell themselves that the most respectful thing to do is listen to a woman's words before making assumptions about intent or desire. Then they sit around and wait for a woman more assertive than they are. Sort of a pitiful state, but one easily corrected by a thump on the head from an interested woman.
@Lyesmith Hello, I got great advice about this a few weeks ago, so here's my 2 cents' worth. The guy might not be passive, he might like hanging out and just want to be friends. If you are not getting the vibe, you're probably right. If you want to be friends even if he doesn't like you, just tell him that you like him, but get the sense he doesn't like you that way, but that you'd like to be friends anyway. Everyone wins because everyone knows where they stand.
Or, you might be very different from me, and this might be terrible advice. Oh, and people don't do misplaced politeness, I don't think. If he's saying yes, he wants to be there, but maybe not romantically. Good luck!
@Lyesmith - If he's not engaging you the way you want to be engaged, just roll on. I get what some other people are saying, but like, I personally feel like, life is too short to try to make things work after just a few dates.
People talk. Hang out. They pursue (or don't), respond, react in their own rhythms.
Sure, you could probably step outside your preferred style and make a few more dates work with this guy. Sure, he's nice. Maybe you could work up to a kiss.
But, I dunno, there's no *obvious* spark you're talking about. Dating should be fun, not work. If he asks you out, or if you feel like you WANT to ask him out, go for it. But if you don't? Don't! Just go out, meet some new dude, see if that one fits the style you like a little better.
EVERYONE I HAVE A FUTURE. i got offered a spot in an awesome teacher residency program yesterday! i get to teach little kids and get a master's, and they find you a job afterward! and they don't make you pay for the program until you have that job! and if they don't get you a job you don't have to pay! and it only costs five grand anyway! AND I GET TO MOVE TO BOSTON.
plus, it doesn't start til august, so i get to live at home and spend time with my family and friends and hoard money from ANOTHER JOB THAT I AM TOTALLY GETTING I THINK for eight months!
@fuck fuck fuck WOOOO! That's all so great! Congratulations on everything!
@fuck fuck fuck Congrats! and yaaaaaay for coming to Boston!
but i have a question about this other job that you all may have more experience with. i had an interview with a hiring manager and the CEO of this company, and i thought i nailed it. i emailed to follow-up about a week later, and the manager and i set up a time she would call me. she emailed me yesterday (when she was supposed to call) and said she'd try for a certain time, but if that didn't work out she would call me today. well now it's 3:45 and i just have a feeling i'm not gonna get a call. what does this mean? why email someone to set up a time to call just to say they didn't get the job? but if i did get it, why am i not being called?! i'm just confused as fuck.
My week started by getting rejected by a guy because I'm the little sister of his friend. BUT my brother has said he wants me and Guy to get together, so maybe that was just a nice-sounding excuse for turning me down?
I don't do feelings very often so this is kind of bumming me out.
@Nocs Aww, I'm sorry. Tell your brother what happened and maybe he'll start talking about getting you together with another friend!
@Nocs Sadface. In my limited experience guys do use "white lies" to not come out and say "I'm not interested in you romantically". Which can lead to confusion, resentment, and time-wasting. It still sucks, because it's nice when feelings work out. And good on you for putting your feelings out there. That's brave. I high five and send hugs.
this week I registered for the accounting prerequisites I need to get started on the wild new life path I've charted for myself (it's not all that wild or new, it goes like this: get accounting designation, do that for a while hopefully with the government, get the government to pay for my master's in public policy, rule the world)
SO YEAH ACCOMPLISHING THINGS WOOOO~
@redheaded&crazie I fully support you in your plan to take over the world through accounting.
@redheaded&crazie Haha this comment made me think "ARE YOU SECRETLY MY BEST FRIEND" for one brief second. It's over, unless you're also a roller derby playing engaged country lesbian with whom I'm going wedding dress shopping tomorrow, which I'm pretty sure you're not.
@redheaded&crazie Oh my god, you can get the government to pay for an MPP? That is amazing (and I also want to maybe do an MPP at some point).
Haha. Accounting: Nothing wild. Nothing new.
@redheaded&crazie I know two accountants, one of whom now works for the FBI! They are both awesome! SO ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF.
@Reginal T. Squirge that's all the affirmation I need!
@Lyesmith I don't know for sure that you can but I am going to progress with my life under that assumption. Seems like a good one. Possibly.
Today I did my One Thing and sent my passport off to be renewed. Which, haha, it's about time because I'm going to England in February. My roommate and I also put up our Christmas tree yesterday, which makes me very happy.
I was going to ask about meals to take to this dinner party tomorrow, but yesterday's post was so helpful!
In lieu of that, I need book suggestions to ask for for Christmas. I got some answers on Tumblr, but I'm curious what you guys have to say. My tastes vary pretty widely, but the last few books I’ve read were:
A Song of Ice and Fire series - George R. R. Martin
The Psychopath Test - Jon Ronson (re-read)
Birds of America - Lorrie Moore (re-read)
Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell - Susanna Clarke (re-read)
The Instructions - Adam Levin (current)
Oh, also, if anyone else doesn't work for a publishing company that released 50 Shades of Gray and wants to commiserate on being jealous that employees of said company got a $5,000 holiday bonus, I'm here.
@meetapossum Okay, I might be going out a little bit on a limb here because I don't see any sci-fi in that list, but you should ask for In the Garden of Iden, the first book of Kage Baker's Company series! They are hands-down some of the best books I've ever read, with complex and interesting plot threads and great characterizations (they're more soft-sci-fi than hard-sci-fi, which is the way I like it). Plus, they're about time-traveling immortal cyborgs, so, y'know.
@meetapossum The Dragon Prince and Dragon Star trilogies by Melanie Rawn. The first book looks and sounds like a romance novel, but it is sort of Game of Thrones in a slightly less depressing setting?
Her Exiles books are my some of my favorite books of all time, but she is clearly never going to write the third book in that trilogy. Dragon Prince and Dragon Star are finished, so no worries there.
@lavender gooms by "sounds like", I mean "the back of the book makes it sound like a romance novel." There is romance, sure, but that isn't really what the books are about. And Shit Gets Real about a third of the way into the first book.
@meetapossum Have you read Lost at Sea by Jon Ronson yet? I'm almost done with it, and I don't want it to end. But I bought The Psychopath Test for my boyfriend because I know he'll like it (but also because I want to read it). Also, Flavorwire had a really good post this week about books. http://www.flavorwire.com/351505/25-notable-books-unfairly-overlooked-by-the-new-york-times
@meetapossum You enjoy alternate histories and really cool worldbuilding? MAY I SUGGEST SPIRITWALKER TRILOGY. Cold Magic is the first book, Cold Fire is the second, by Kate Elliott. (The third book, Cold Steel, is due out in June.)
@OhMyGoshYouGuys I haven't read it yet, though I've read many interviews about it. I totally forgot to check Flavorwire and about Wild!
Tea Obreht's The Tiger's Wife.
Give your other books, I think you'll love it. Not world creation so much as a very unfamiliar revisioning of our own world from another angle, plus excellent, often darkly funny writing. It hits aspects of the Lorrie Moore, the George R.R. Martin, and the Psychopath Test books!
STILL DROOLING OVER FRYE BOOTS AT ROCK BOTTOM PRICES.
@noodge me too! still failing to justify purchasing them for myself though.
@noodge ME TOO. JUST TAKE MY MONEY, FRYE!
@noodge WAIT WHERE no don't tell me MAYBE TELL ME don't tell me
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, I found them. The link is in the bargain bin IF YOU DAAAARE.
I got my Christmas tree! It is smallish and cute and sad-looking since I only have two tiny strings of lights. I'm planning to bake Christmassy cookies this weekend.
What holdiday-related plans and projects is everyone else cooking up?
@rimy my Christmas tree is a very small pot plant festooned in glitter, so your two light string tree sounds good to me!
@rimy I'm doing Christmas cookies this weekend too! Also attending a festive holiday brunch complete with a "please wear plaid" dress code.
@rimy I was so pleased with myself for having gotten a tree, but when I brought it home, I realized I could have gotten a much bigger one! Mine ended up looking kind of small, so I festooned the shit out of it with as many ornaments as it would hold without falling over.
Now that it's the weekend, I need to make a fancy-looking topper for the tree! And also hope the gift tag stamps from the Bargain Bin arrive soon so I can start making cute gift tags for everyone in the world.
@rimy Getting my Christmas tree this weekend! Which will have colored NON-LED lights on them, because I hate the LED lights. The blue ones make my eyes hurt. Down with the LED-ocracy!
@rimy we are hanging paper snowflakes from the living room ceiling in a frugal attempt to never have to store holiday things the rest of the year, and turns out i really love them! fun to make, pretty to look at!
@karenb That is the best of ideas. Did you just use regular paper? Did you add glitter or whatever? I'm SO bored at my desk I want to make some right this instant!
@Nocs just regular printer paper! it would be lovely with sparkly origami or scrapbooking paper too.
@karenb I have all kinds of winter-themed scrapbook paper that was purchased with the best of Crafting Intentions, but it has sat forever. Maybe it's time to turn it into snowflakes!
@rimy I'm flying home for Christmas next week! And my brother has decided to make all sorts of Christmas-themed homemade alcohol (spiced rum, advocaat, etc.). I might be in charge of buying the alcohol to drink when his is inevitably inedible.
Guys! I have a rambling question regarding budgeting and life. Which advice column should I submit it to? Or is this strictly a Billfold kinda thing?
@talaria Ask the FOT hive mind? My husband helped me start budgeting when we first started dating and it HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. I'm like evangelical about it now.
Can we talk about The Voice again this week? Because WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA.
I mean, I didn't vote or anything. But COME ON.
@lizzle I dunno if it's considered spoilers to talk about a reality show that not many people watch, but whatever. Amanda Brown was the MOST AWESOME.
@lizzle I was really surprised! I thought she was great, too.
@lizzle My boyfriend doesn't really like her and I don't understand! She was one of my favourites (and Melanie was, too).
@MilesofMountains whaaat? I've only been half-watching this season but that is ridiculous. Girl could sing. Damn.
(Also I just found out who the top 4 are, and it's not that I'm surprised, it's just that... does Trevin have something I'm not seeing? I mean, he's really good, but... that's about it. Amanda was a way better singer, as were some other people who didn't make it as far. But this season has been wack, anyway.)
Eeeeeedith. Come and sit with us in the Thread and we'll all have white wine sangria together. (Also? I love that picture.)
So! I managed to break my thumb playing laser tag this past weekend. Smooth. I've been in a splint and a sling since Sunday.
Negatives: Have to type one-handed. Have to wash hair one-handed. Shoulder/neck region hurts from sling. Ability to play video games, knit, or crochet (my unwinding activities) is limited to nonexistent.
Positives: Telling people ridiculous stories about how I broke it ("Fight club", "punched a bear", "it's turning into a claw"). Discovered I could parallel park with one hand. Friends, coworkers, strangers helpful and sympathetic. Thumb not actually hurting, just...not working right now. Broke my off hand, so still able to write/brush teeth/insert contacts.
Ortho appointment Tuesday; I'm hoping they tell me I can ditch the sling. In meantime, any advice for keeping my splinted hand from smelling like gym sock?
p.s. COMMENTING SYSTEM, Y U NO FUNCTION
@area@twitter I think breaking your thumb playing laser tag is a pretty good story as-is!
I'm glad I'm not the only only having trouble with the comments today.
@area@twitter Ouch! I'm glad it's not actually hurting you too much, though. And that it's your off-hand!
I am also cranky with the commenting system.
@meetapossum Ha! Thanks, it is starting to grow on me.
@Scandyhoovian Comments, wtf? I think Jolie might need to Clean Person the server. And an entertaining aside on painkillers- I have kidney issues (transplant 14 years ago), which means (I found out) that I'm not supposed to take some drugs, including OTC painkillers. When I called nephrology Monday morning to see if I should take the naproxen the urgent care doc gave me, the nurse's response was "Oh, no! No, no NSAIDS at all! Tylenol or narcotics only! Next time tell them to give you narcotics." Well, if you insist.
The comments cruelly kicked me out (regardless of logging out/logging in and changing browsers) for most of today. Mean mean mean. But I am glad I'm not the only one!
Ughhhh I suddenly came down with something last night and woke up in the night SO SICK. So I'm spending the day watching old episodes of Monk on Netflix with my cats. Hopefully I'll feel well enough by tomorrow night for my work holiday party, because it's always a good time.
BUT I got all our holiday cards done last night! And I made wine jelly (kinda soupy, so I'm going to call it sauce) for Christmas gifts this past weekend, so I feel very on top of things.
@SarahP I just finished my holiday cards too! I feel like I should wait till next week to mail though... not sure if it's too early? Hope you feel better soon. (I love Monk!)
@somuchsugar I did it today, but we moved this year, so it's in part so that people know our address. Sort of.
One of the cats just decided she loves Monk too, and is sitting directly in front of the TV.
ooh, that sounds delicious. Would you be up to sharing the recipe?
@harebell I used this one. The only reason mine was soupy is that I didn't read the label on the pectin correctly. You don't have to can it if you want to keep it in your fridge.
i kinda miss working. collecting unemployment is cool and all, but this week was a little boring and unproductive.
i am about to host my second dinner party of the week, and two of the six attendees just canceled on me. three hours before dinner. i am going to have way too much food left over! so, who wants to come over for shabbat dinner?
@hellomynameis I do! But it's Sunday now...
Who is making things this weekend?! Or made things before this weekend because they're more on top of things than me?! I am planning on making:
1) some necklaces for gifts
2) a mix CD, also for a gift
3) a test batch of homemade marshmallows, also for yadda yadda
4) oxtail stew
@frigwiggin I am making my Hairpin winter surprisee her present, and also my own birthday cake. But that's fun, not as sad as it sounds!
(Related note: what flavor would you pair with green tea, guys? For, say, a birthday cake? I was thinking maybe lavender, or jasmine liqueur.)
@wallsdonotfall Mmm, jasmine sounds amazing. I made my own birthday cake last year, and it was a spice cake with peanut butter frosting, and I loved every bit of it.
@frigwiggin Cookies!! Finishing a hat I've been half-assedly knitting for an entire year! Hand-calligraphed holiday cards? Maybe!
@frigwiggin I am making journals for my mom and aunt! My first foray into bookbinding - we'll see how it goes. Also today I designed a couple Buckaroo Banzai t-shirts for my mom and dad, and a Spinal Tap one for my boyfriend. It... sort of counts as making things?
@frigwiggin Me! Making a hat for my bro's gf. She's the cutest and she painted me a picture for Christmas last year so I know she appreciates the handmade stuff.
@frigwiggin i copied your marshallow recipe on pinterest and will be making them tomorrow with my sister! we're going to make regular, and mint, for delicious minty hot chocolates!
@frigwiggin homemade marshmallows are so delicious and way better than store bought ones, but not good for roasting/s'more-making, in my experience.
@frigwiggin Scones! Pumpkin soup! Jars of scone mix and candy (separate) for friends, in jars with chalkboard paint! Chalkboard paint! Everywhere!
@frigwiggin I made a 5lb batch of fudge this morning and will be making rosemary maple nuts and ginger curry almonds this weekend. I also got a huge bag of Christmas ribbon remnants at the thrift shop and will be twee-ly decorating mason jars!
@frigwiggin I am very into making things for Christmas presents! (And otherwise). On tap for this weekend is making some shortbread cookie dough to freeze and bake later, and peanut butter & jelly cups. Already in the past couple weeks I have made 3 kinds of jam and honey liqueur. Next weekend I'm making Ina's rosemary chipotle nut mix and Smitten Kitchen's apple cider caramels. I might knit some crap at some point, too.
@wallsdonotfall White chocolate is nice with green tea! If you did like a green tea cake soaked with jasmine syrup and a white chocolate buttercream? Oh my gosh, yum!
@frigwiggin I'm making a present for my Hairpin Secret Winter Surprise and maybe also something for a friend if my friends ever decide if we're doing a Secret Santa thing.
Also, maybe marshmallows since everyone is talking about them and I love homemade marshmallows.
@frigwiggin Knitting a winter hat. I keep not getting a hat, because I think "I'm not going to BUY a hat when I could just knit one!" and then I never do.
So, now that a longer set of circular 9s has arrived, I can get to work. (I am knitting magic loop style and my other 9s were waaaaay too short.
@frigwiggin I'm sewing a superhero cape for my nephew! Once I dig out my sewing machine and find my thread and everything, so it probably won't be a this-weekend project but an all-next-week project because I'm procrastinating on it.
Finding the sewing machine is probably going to be my this-weekend project, actually. Sigh.
@SarahDances Oh god, that's an amazing idea with the white chocolate. And I have some! I was thinking of making peppermint brownies with them but hey, I can do both. Thank you!
@frigwiggin Working on a cowl for my supervisor and a hat for my other coworker! (We are the three badass staff ladies of our department, I love them a lot.) I need to go to the craft store tonight and get the right size needles, though.
@frigwiggin Any chance you could impart some advice on the homemade marshmallows? (or share your recipe?!?) Every year my sister & I get together & split the work & bust out a TON of small sweet gifts for each of our families. This year we decided on homemade marshmallows. The count is currently ~550 between the 2 of us! Flavors- Orange blossom water subbed for the vanilla on half of them. What do you think?
@frigwiggin I am making a toga, and I also made an ice-cream sandwich type deal to take to a party. Oooh, and chocolate crackles for another party.
@AJ Sparkles I wish I could give you some advice! I've never actually made marshmallows before, so I'm wading into new waters myself. I am probably going to use this recipe, because so many people love Smitten Kitchen. I hope yours go well! Orange blossom water sounds amaaaaazing.
@frigwiggin i made a mail/key organizer (WITH LASERS) and stuffed french toast and a crocheted dragon hat this weekend.
@Daisy Razor twee mason jars!
You guys you guys you guys you guys.
mr pomegranate put a ring on it.
@dj pomegranate !!! Congrats!!!
@dj pomegranate Yay!!!
@dj pomegranate Congratulations!!!!
@dj pomegranate Whoo hoo! Guess he liked it.
@dj pomegranate YAAAAAAY CONGRATS!
@dj pomegranate ENTHUSIASTIC CHEER!
@dj pomegranate CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!
@dj pomegranate Congratulations! How wonderful! :)
@dj pomegranate : YEAAAAAAAAH, GIRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL!!!!!!
Is anyone else having trouble with "liking" comments on the posts? It keeps shooting me back up to the top of the page.
Maybe it's trying to tell me I'm too "like" happy!?! I probably have hundreds of pages of "liked comments"
@lilly pilgrim was having same problem today until just now, when I was able to reply to your comment after posting my own, independent comment first.
@lilly pilgrim It's doing that to me, too. Also, I had to refresh twice before my comment down the page would post!
@lilly pilgrim Mine does that here too, but on the Billfold it sends me to the bottom of the page. Why!?
@lilly pilgrim I have been having trouble with commenting and liking since last week. Sometimes I get frozen out and just wait and come back later to try again. Very frustrating when you want to be flying fast and furious with the comments.
@lilly pilgrim I had that problem too and refreshing didn't work. So I closed Safari and re-opened it, and voila. (And from where I'm sitting, you can never be too "like" happy.)
I just want to like some comments!
@frigwiggin Me too me too!
@Lily Rowan I may be making this up, but I think it only does it during Samsung Galaxy ads? When I just get romance novel ads I seem to be able to comment without any problems. Anyone else notice this?
@Cawendaw I haven't paid enough attention, but wondered if it was something like that.
@lilly pilgrim it only happens to me on my iPhone. :?
I've been badgered about when I'm planning to have babies. All my friends have babies. Princess Kate and Jessica Simpson are going to have (more) babies. My life has been completely invaded by babies. And I think I'm getting sick. I might as well just hang out on nameberry.com the rest of the day.
@lobsterhug Yeesh. Maybe this http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/ will cheer you up?
@lobsterhug My mother just told me that all the customers at her store keep asking "SO does Sarah have any news yet?" She's way more annoyed than I am by it, which I think is cute.
@lobsterhug Ugh, yes. And I can't see one of my good friends' baby because she is concerned that my pertussis shot wore off 4 1/2 years early and that I will give her baby whooping cough (and I do not live in Washington, where there is a legit outbreak).
@Lyesmith Yes! Also, listening to Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates.
@SarahP That is cute! My youngest sister just went off to college so I don't think I'll be hearing anything from my mom or her friends for a little while yet.
@HeyThatsMyBike That stinks! I understand her concern, but honestly, what is the likelihood of you having it.
@lobsterhug Yes, even though it is a 10 year booster, she isn't letting anyone who had it more than 5 years ago see the baby. Because she "heard that they were wearing off early."
Added hilariousness is that I had pertussis when I was 14, thus giving me extra immunity (though not total immunity).
I would... definitely make good-hearted but pointed fun of her.
I feel like that is behavior we need to discourage socially (to be clear: not legit precautions that a doctor may have told someone to take; just the precautions that come from too much internet, a lack of understanding of risk management, and paranoia). It perpetuates this weird view of other human beings ("separate from us, financially, biologically, and in terms of destiny"; "source of contagion") that is antithetical to how human society actually works (we are animals that live in groups) and to feelings of community. It's so common here in America and I really hate it.
Good luck and I hope that you meet the baby soon and your friends get more comfortable with parenthood soon -- of course it is confusing for them the first time round.
@harebell Yeah, when I kind of laughed at the ridiculousness of it, she was basically like "Well sorry but I don't want you to kill my baby" (paraphrased, but only slightly). But I'm totally with you on your commentary. She encouraged me repeatedly to get a new booster, but I'm just not going to buy in to her hysteria (I hate that word, but that's what this is), nor am I going to pay to have a medical procedure I've already had just to hold her baby a few times before it can get its own shots. Just like you note, it's dangerous to reinforce people who spend too much time on WebMD and the other paranoia-inducing medical annals of the internet.
@lobsterhug ...does it help to have a pregnant lady who is feeling way too queasy to be smug tell you a bunch of reasons why pregnancy is not as exciting as complete strangers tell you it is?
not having any babies ever sounds pretty okay to me right now.
Scene: in bed
r&rkd: ...but it’s not like you know any French.
C: I know voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir!
r&rkd: Okay, but that’s it.
C: I know fromage.
r&rkd: Use it in a sentence.
C: Voulez vous coucher avec fromage ce soir!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll It just saddens me greatly when my beloved Hairpinners make songs stuck in my head that I do not wish to have stuck in my head
NOW HE'S BACK HOME DOING NINE TO FIVE nine to fahive
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I would love to sleep with cheese tonight.
Working on my night cheese!
Having my annual Christmas party tonight! Cider and bacon jam for all.
Onion dip for vegetarians. Sorry if you're vegan! I have cruidte if you like raw and/or lightly blanched vegetables. Trying not to feel sad that my old boyfriend (can't bring myself to say ex yet) is not going to be there because he is not in the country right now. :(
@lisma Bacon jam? I'll be right over.
I'm finally caught up and back in the groove of things at work after the marriage/honeymoon/Thanksgiving break and it's kind of... weirdly comforting? I mean, that life is back to "normal," whatever that means.
In other news, my apartment is a mess and it's in that place where I'm ready to have a bit of a meltdown about it, so hopefully I can get that sorted out tomorrow. Our stupid new fake Christmas tree left more pine needles on the carpet as we were putting it together than the real one we got last year did the whole time we had it! What! Unfair! Shenanigans!
Also, everyone has the flu. Stop having the flu, everyone! I got vaccinated by an overzealous scaremongering doctor who took advantage of my ambivalence last time I went in, so I'm hoping that's enough, but that doesn't stop me worrying that the abundance of flu-having people who refuse to take sick days will overpower my being vaccinated by sheer numbers alone.
Also the difference in difficulty level for changing your name is WIDE AND VARIED depending on where you want to do it and to me, it makes no sense. Social Security? Easy peasy, just do it in person. Student Loan Services? MAIL THEM ALL THE THINGS. Amazon? Just put your password in and change it! Driver's License? ARM, LEG, SOUL, OTHER ARM, OTHER LEG, MAYBE SOME HAIR, DEFINITELY SOME BLOOD. Oy.
@Scandyhoovian Oh god, the flu?! I hope that's not what I have. Hypochondriac mode activate!
@Scandyhoovian From 2000-2006 I got pneumonia or bronchitis every year, all brought on by the flu. After that my family and I all got flu shots and since then the worst we get every winter is a head cold. Team Flu Shot! I hope your shot keeps you safe from the people who refuse to take sick days.
Also, can sympathize about changing your name. It took months and months after I got married...and that was in '96 before the internet was really An Established Thing. It didn't help that my first revised Social Security card had my new last name spelled wrong.
I got a top from Modcloth that I really like, but it says DO NOT IRON on it. And it is wrinkled, particularly the bow tie part? What do I do? How do I keep this thing presentable looking? I tried to steam it via hanging it in the bathroom while I ran the shower this morning and... nothing. I am terrible at having unwrinkled clothes even when I can iron them, now I've got unironable ribbony bowties to deal with.
Do I have to invest in a steamer? The directions say to hang dry, but I have a feeling that when I do that, it's going to end up even wrinklier than it is now.
@lavender gooms if you feel a bit daring, try laying a slightly damp towel over the actual garment and ironing over the towel?
@lavender gooms Steamers are awesome--it's a bit of a steep initial investment but I use mine almost daily!
@lavender gooms Maybe iron on low heat? Why would a shirt be no-iron? Is it made of plastic?!
@lavender gooms i hang clothes in the bathroom and take a really hot shower instead of ironing. works every time!
@lavender gooms My mom always puts things in the dryer for ~4 minutes or so on high, and then takes them out and hangs them up. She says it keeps things from getting wrinkly. I am too absent-minded to use this system, but YMMV.
@lavender gooms If it's 100% polyester, you can't iron with heat because you'll melt it (I have a shirt that says DO NOT TUMBLE DRY OR STAND NEAR OPEN FLAME and it is terrifying, but damn my shirt is cute). You can cool iron though. It takes longer, but works ok.
@lavender gooms BUY A STEAMER! I got to play with one for a few months when I worked in a clothes store, and I fell in love. You can even steam coats! They're in my top 5 things to buy when I have a mostly-permanent living situation and a bit of spare cash.
I started fostering a dog this week and we thought she was housebroken but she IS NOT housebroken. So we are trying to housebreak her but we have wood floors and the apartment is a rental--I'm freaking out about urine smells on the floors. HALP!
@parallel-lines The only thing that has worked for me is a product called "Nature's Miracle." Good luck!!
@parallel-lines White vinegar is my go-to solution. For realllly tough smells, I bring a pot of water to simmer and drop in a couple drops of eucalyptus essential oil (or pine or your favorite citrus oil) and scrub with that. Good luck!
@parallel-lines re: the potty training - it's best if someone can be with her throughout the day to intercept any moves to pee indoors. if that's not possible, then it's likely that EVERYONE would be happier with a different situation. you guys have a big heart but taking on an unhousebroken pet is really stressful especially if you aren't set up for it, and she doesn't want to pee on your floors and make you unhappy either :-(
@mooseketeer I've been using NM but the other day I went in the room and noticed a faint, strange odor. I'm gonna have to get bigger guns methinks.
@parallel-lines Do you have any access to a crate? Crate training is fast and easy and since it's the weekend (hopefully you are home from work) you can be diligent about taking her out at specific times so she learns where to go.
@dale We do have a crate but during the day we haven't been able to find a reliable dog walker so we've managed to get her wee wee pad trained but actual housebreaking is harder (for a number of reasons). Crate training has been miserable and she screams and cries so much that I almost don't want to do it because this isn't *my* dog and I'm already suffering enough as is....
@parallel-lines Hm. I understand your wanting to avoid the crying. If it helps at all, our completely-dumb Malamute X learned in 3 days of crate training, so I always figure any other dog should have no trouble. We made the mistake of paper-training first and she just would not get over that until she had no choice with the crate. I'm sorry I'm not nearer & able to help!
Oh, and does anyone have tips for hosting your boyfriend's (friendly, happy) family over for an impromptu Christmas party-thing at your tiny apartment? Ideas for what we should do? I want to make it not awkward and really fun & enjoyable but I don't host many parties.
Or, just- party hosting ideas in tiny apartment in general?
@rimy Food and drinks, obviously! I have a Christmas party every year in my studio. I make a big pot of hot cider spiked with rum. Rum should smooth everything else over...
@rimy Yes to food and drink! Convivial Christmas music helps, like old Ella Fitzgerald, some Tony Bennett and Charlie Brown xmas music, and booze. Ok, and festive non-alcoholic options too. And cheese. Boyfriends' families go nuts for cheese. I bet.
@rimy Cheese plate and two open bottles of wine set out BEFORE everyone arrives should do it (or that rum thing, that sounds pretty great). If it were MY family we'd be pretty into singing carols, but we're both drunks and nerds.
@rimy Spin the bottle!
@lisma I will definitely provide yummy food and liquor! They all like to imbibe so that is good. Some good music in the background... I guess that's all it takes? Hmm.
@rimy I think festive music AND A GOOD SMELL are the two things necessary to a party, in addition to food and drink. Having spiced apple cider on stove or in crock pot will provide the smell, and then when you pour it into your pretty cups you can put a tot of bourbon or rum in it and it will be your drink also!
@rimy party games that don't require a lot of space! If there's something to focus on, people won't have time to notice how tiny and cramped the apartment is.
CRANIUM IS AN EXCELLENT INVESTMENT IN A BOARD GAME AND ONLY GETS MORE FUN WITH MORE PLAYERS.
@Inkling A board game that doesn't require too much investment of effort is a great idea. Has anyone played Categories (not really a board game just curious)? My main challenge is I don't have a table to eat at, just akitchen bar with 2 stools and also a couch and a desk chair.. very little seating. Thinking of maybe doing a tapas style thing? So you don't need a dinner plate?
@par_parenthese, love the idea about the spiced and spiked apple cider!
@rimy Yes to tapas. I often have groups larger than the number of dining chairs I own, so I just do things you can put on small plates and/or hover over the counter and nibble at.
I also highly recommend kitschy themed parties -- not as in costumes, but where all the refreshment (and possibly decor and music) have a theme. So a Dickensian theme would be, like, a hot boozy spiced wine punch thing, lots of things with nuts, English ale, mince pies, etc., with the music being carols and the decor definitely involving mistletoe and holly. Or a Sixties Cocktail Party theme with Old Fashioneds and Gimlets and champagne and shrimp cocktail and one of those giant cheese balls covered in chopped pecans and crudites with french onion dip (homemade, of course), and lounge-singer/Rat Pack Christmas music and very spangly decor. Such fun.
Canadian Pinners! I'm heading to Montreal the weekend of Dec 22 for a concert but I'll have time over the weekend to see/do other things. I was there once before but didn't get enough time to truly explore. Please send your suggestions!
@HeyMatilda Yay! So many optiooons! What do you like to do?
I'd say hiking up Mont-Royal is a must. The Plateau and the Mile End neighborhoods are nicer than downtown for walking/shops/cafés. Go ice skating in the Old Port or at Lac aux Castors on the mountain! Check out the Artisans Fair (altough so close to Christmas it might be a little insane)! The fine art museum has a good exhibit these days I've heard. Visit the Oratory maybe? It's a church and I'm not really into that, but the building is impressive. Try one of the many brew pubs!
These suggestions are all over the place but if you have any specific questions, ask away! I'm always glad to play the tour guide.
@straw hat Mile End is definitely on my list as is ice skating. I'll have free time there Friday night and pretty much all day Saturday up until the concert at night so if you have any suggestions for dinner spots or brunch places, that would be great too! We're staying right near the Musee D'Art Contemporain but I used the Metro the last time I was there so I have no problem venturing elsewhere for good eats!
@HeyMatilda For dinner : there are two restaurants located literally next to the MAC, the Brasserie T and the F bar, which both are "little sister" projects of two super well known chefs. I haven't been myself but I would think it's a good bet, based on the reviews and the chefs' reputations and what my friends have reported. (I don't know how to html link them, sorry!)
I can't help but mention my favorite pizza place is a couple blocks north of Place des Arts, it's called Amelios. The 5 cheese pizza is salty fatty crazy DELICIOUSNESS. Also Cafe Santropol for weird/great sandwiches.
For brunch : Laika on Saint-Laurent, L'Avenue on Mont-Royal, Le Reservoir on Duluth, Le Vieux Velo on Beaubien. Expect line ups on weekends if you go late morning, I'm not hip enough to recommend places no one knows about yet :)
@straw hat Thank you SO much! This has been totally helpful.
I am so excited! I am getting m'hair cut tonight. LOTS OF INCHES CHOPPED. It's finally long enough to donate! I am super thrilled for my chin-length hairdo. I am also keeping it on the DL because, yay, hair surprise!
@BucketsOfCool Hair surprises are seriously the best. I often go months without a haircut just for a surprise!
@BucketsOfCool Very nice! I applaud your ability to keep it quiet, as a person who's always like "HEY WORLD, I AM CUTTING MY HAIR SOON." Go you!
@BucketsOfCool Hair surprises! I went and pixied myself last month, and it was the best decision ever.
Remember last January when there was a paper snowflake tutorial on the Hairpin? At the time, I didn't do anything about it because it was January, and for some reason, every festive, decorative bone in my body leaves as of January 1st. ANYWAY, I just remembered it yesterday, during the first snowfall of the season in my town, and as it turns out, paper snowflakes are the greatest. There hasn't even been any booze involved, and it's still highly engrossing. I might be a bit hyper though, because the beginning of Christmas Cookie Diet 2012 coincided with the snowflake-making, so really, that's my motivation.
Also? Cookie Diets are THE BEST. Not that dodgy "healthy" kind with protein. Bish plis. Sugar and butter are my two favored food groups at the mo. Just wanted to share.
@Hot Doom Haha, maniacal festive decorating, love it!
@Hot Doom AH! Snowflake making sounds like the perfect activity to do with my Christmas-spirited but (pathetically) sick and couch-bound boyfriend. Thanks for the idea!
@Hot Doom we're hanging all our snowflakes from the ceiling, and they are so pretty! it's snowing in the apartment!
@all Hooray! Yeah, I'm sticking the big ones on our windows, and making wee ones to put on homemade Christmas cards. I swear to god, the cookie diet turns me into an advent machine.
I'm going to a party tomorrow and my ex will most likely be there. I'm feeling a bit down in general because of winter and because I've gained some weight (totally preventable, but it's not going to go away by Saturday), and I hate that I'm going to see him not looking my most awesome. Ugh. And I hate that I care.
Also, I've recently had a bunch of dreams where he has apologized to me and professed his undying love. I'm disturbed by these, because I don't want to care. I still love him but have come to the realization that a relationship between us will never work. I've dated casually in the year since we broke up, but he's still THE ex. Plus! I feel like everybody at the party will be watching us all night to see what happens. We've only been in the same room once since we broke up, at a party also thrown by the people who are throwing this one. So basically, HALP!
Good thoughts, ways to beat my evil subconscious into submission, and relatively casual yet stunning outfit suggestions would all be appreciated.
@She was a retail whore I FEEL YA. I have a large and attractive friend-group and have dated/hooked up with most of the dudes in it, so that's happened to me a bunch of times. Don't even worry about those other fools -- they've got their own shit to deal with. I would wear something that emphasizes whatever parts you DO feel good about right now (boobs? collarbone? eyes?), say hi to him graciously and quickly, and then go find some other hot dude to flirt with. Good luck! You can do it!
@She was a retail whore I find it helps to make sure I'm wearing a bra that fits really well and a dramatic, perfectly applied lipstick. Head up, chest out, beautiful smile. I think Pistol Packin' Mama has a saying, something like 'perfectly friendly, icily polite.'
@Oliver St. John Mollusc The boobs are still stellar, but I was worried that that might be obvious. PLUS my favorite necklace is one that he gave me, and he and his best guy friend have this weird thing about exes wearing jewelry received during the relationship. I mean, I wouldn't begrudge him the use of the camera I bought him while we were dating, but would it be weird if I wore my necklace?
@She was a retail whore Okay, this might sound a little hippy-nuts but it works for me when I need to get through some crazy ex shit. I meditate on the image of putting him/her in a flowing river and watching her/him float away. Every single time I want to think or obsess, I put that image in the river and float that shit! Not wishing that they drown or anything ;) But in my experience, fixating on a person you already know won't work is often just as much (if not more) about habitual mind patterns rather than the actual person.
As for outfits... I tend to think nice long cardigan sweaters layered over slightly cleavage baring tanks, with leggings, cute riding boots and big gold hoop earrings are the best for being effortlessly Winter Secksaayy. That kind of outfit looks great on many different body types too. But I'm also rather femme on the gender presentation scale, so the style isn't for everyone.
It's your necklace, you can wear it if you want. But if he is the type to think that everything revolves around him, be prepared for him to assume the necklace wearing is some kind of cheesy gesture of romance. UGH.
Finally... Even if people are watching, and you feel all kindsa weird and crazy and awkward in your head, I can almost guarantee that it won't be as apparent to onlookers (or even him.) Unless you do something overtly strange, then at least it makes a funny story later?
@FulanaDeTallcan Big hoops! I think this is what I need to wear. Thank you. Also, I will try that floating thing, it sounds fun.
@She was a retail whore Do you have any fabulous, loose-fitting tops? I got this top at Target within the last month or so (so it's probably still available), and I think it's cute and can be dressed up.
I'd suggest going with something drape-y and loose, because you don't want to be worrying all night about your weight. You'll feel more confident about seeing the ex again if you can look in the mirror before you leave and not obsess over the weight you've gained.
Good luck tonight!
@She was a retail whore Do you know people there? Ask a friend or two to run interference (make sure you don't drift into the same group of talking people, etc). If they're good friends, they'll understand/not judge.
@laurel Relentlessly Cheerful, Icily Polite! (RCIP!) They don't get access to your inner turmoil. You are now mere acquaintances. Your feelings are not for sharing with dudes who break your heart.
(God, I sound like a terrible combination of an emotionless Norwegian farmer in Minnesota and Miss Pettigrew. But it works!)
But truly, we could all use a couple of versions of that line, so PFIP should go on the books.
So does Good Bra, Great Lips, truly. And your most astounding shoes.
@PistolPackinMama Nah, relentlessly cheerful rather than friendly is a key distinction. Do not engage.
@She was a retail whore
It's probably a bit late but I've just been through a similar party and survived. (Even thrived?) YMMV, but my advice to you is to wear a really hot dress and....that tool of the patriarchy, Spanx. I find that as a pear-shaped lady, wearing baggy/loose clothes when I've gained weight just makes me look 1.)ungainly and 2.) like I'm trying to hide my body(and without success.) Hence the form-fitting dress and spanx. (If you're more apple-shaped or whatever, do not listen to me.) Also, red lipstick is super in. Wear red lipstick, and a killer accessory.
Seriously, I carry extra weight terribly and yet I totally pulled it off last night. Godspeed to you, and good luck showing your ex how awesome you are.
@geek_tragedy for anyone who is still reading this, I concur. spanx for everyone! or not.
@She was a retail whore This happened to me a year ago (when in hindsight I could've just cancelled). My two pieces of advice are:
1- Wear something you're comfortable in;
2- Make sure you get sleep and stuff for a few days before (aka if you get a promotion and start your new job a few days before this, don't be so nervous that you have constant heartburn and can't sleep, and the fatigue makes your heartburn worse and then you're nervous about the ex and then you go and order fries and alcohol, which are not good for heartburn, and you basically spend like ten minutes in the bathroom because your stomach is angry and you're both embarrassed and kind of a party-ruiner)
I'm so bad! Every week I say I'll pack a lunch and then I don't because I am so lazy and then I spend $6 or $7 on a salad at work... It pisses me off!
@somuchsugar last week on sunday, when all we were doing was watching tv and dreading monday, i made a big pot of broccoli soup, and ate it for lunch every day this week. soup is great, because it's easy to pack up and re-heat at the office, it's packed full of veggies, and it's super cheap. if i had to make lunch in the morning, forget it, not going to happen. but 5 tupperwares in the fridge on sunday afternoon, that i can do.
@somuchsugar : Crock pot recipes!
@somuchsugar Buy a weeks worth of lunch things on Sunday, take them to work and assemble at lunch time! This is the only thing that has really ever worked for me. I actually do this with 2 other co-workers and we alternate, so I actually only have to buy lunch things every 3 weeks. Having at least one other person to do it with I think it helpful though. It makes you more obligated to actually do it, because if I crap out on bringing food I am forcing my friend to have to buy lunch too. The extra layer of guilt helps.
We have 3 main foods we make: wraps, sandwiches, and pita pizzas cooked in the toaster oven at work. We usually add sides of fruit, salad, or veggies (carrots, snow peas etc), plus a babybel cheese, and a little something for dessert (cookie, a couple two bite brownies). It actually usually a super satisfying lunch and could relatively easily be adapted for one person. Also sandwiches are so much tastier when they are freshly made rather than sitting around half the day.
Does anyone have a fairly new smartphone that they love and want to tell me about? It's time for me to upgrade my old Droid incredible, but I have no idea what to get! Should I cross over to the iPhone cult? Get a Samsung? I use my phone for texting, maps, pictures, and web browsing. (Rarely for calls
ha) I'm clueless and would love advice! Thanks! Oh and I'm on Verizon if it matters... And the reason I need a new phone is that my battery only lasts a few hours now :(
@cher I have a Samsung Galaxy SIII and I love it. I'm a fan of Android phones anyway, and due to contract changes/clumsiness I have experienced nearly every AT&T iteration of the Galaxy S line. This is the best phone I've ever had, and I feel lost without it. I'm not much of a talker, but the apps on this thing help me manage my life to a somewhat disturbing degree. During Sandy, when I had power but not internet, this was my lifeline, and helped me stay in touch with far-flung friends who would post online once a day to conserve their dwindling charges. Anyway, this phone rocks.
@She was a retail whore thanks for the input!! Do you find that one too be super big? Like would it fit in a cute clutch? (Clearly, I have important technology requirements.) And how's the battery life on it? Thanks again :)
@cher It might just fit into a smallish clutch. A charge will last you 16 hours of normal texting, internet, music, and app usage. Cheap batteries can be found on ebay or amazon. Their normal-charge lifespan is a bit less than the battery that came with the phone. I am paranoid and usually carry spares, but almost never need to switch.
@cher I ended up getting a Samsung Fascinate because I felt like all the other smart phones were way too big. I got chewed out by a friend because it wasn't a new enough model, but whatever, I like my phone.
@MilesofMountains I had that phone, and really enjoyed it. I eventually switched to larger phones because I often watch tv and movies on my phone, but that's a really solid Galaxy S, too.
i have a question for you smart people - i have a couple of friends that are reliable and i see on the regular, but the vast majority of my friends are either perpetual flakes or have fallen off the edge of my planet - to the extent that i sent out a "hey, it's going to be my 30th birthday! let's do xyz!" email a month ago, and one - ONE - friend even bothered replying to it, and subsequent follow-ups.
so! as an introverted post-collegiate partnered up person who feels the need to see people who aren't my boyfriend's friends (lovely though they are), how do i go about this? my office is me and my boss, and i hate work schmoozing. where do you make friends as an adult?
@karenb meet ups? for me, I use volunteering to make friends/connections
@karenb Ugh, I know this feeling and the same thing happened with my 30th! (Although to be fair 5 lovely people did show up and we had fun!) I've started being really persistent in following up with friends-of-friends that I meet at parties, bars, etc...it requires a lot of energy though!
@Lit Drunkard i should lady-up and go to the next hairpin meetup, for real. are those still happening? toronto, anyone?
@karenb Lit Drunkard has it right. Meetups and volunteering are excellent ideas. Could you join or start a book club? Or start your own meetup group that relates to something you love? You could take a cooking class, or a sewing class, or a woodworking class. Join an outdoor group (maybe not the hardcore, mountain-rappelling types, but a hiking group)?
@karenb Whoa, your friends are being lame asses. I mostly meet new people through friends or going to BYOB craft night events at a local arts institute. Maybe try getting your reliable friends to try new things in your town so you can all meet new people.
@karenb Maybe one of your more reliable friends has friends that you haven't met yet? I would enlist one of these more reliable ladies to help plan a pot-luck/craft night/WINE anything so that you can meet some of her awesome friends and they can become your friends!
@karenb Yes! Toronto Hairpinners have a facebook group here http://www.facebook.com/groups/332524150146670/
@karenb Late to this party, but I am in a similar position! Things are getting better, but I've found that I have to be waaaaay persistent with people I meet who seem fun. I second the idea of (if possible) trying to meet friends of your friends (or dude's friends) and invite people over for wine and cheese. Also, a hairpin group or similar interest-based group is often good! Finally, do you have a college/university alumni group? Some of them are quite strong for networking, and I found that a great way to meet people my age was getting involved with my school's alumni association. I know that's hot-and-miss, but it's worked for me! Good luck!
If you're a writer in the San Francisco area, (or if you know someone who may be interested): We are a critique group looking for a couple of new members. We meet in the Mission District every Tuesday night from 7 until about 9. Right now there are five of us. It's a great group -- talented and friendly writers, interesting discussions, etc! Let me know if you're interested! I've had some things on the Hairpin, if you want to check me out: http://thehairpin.com/tag/melissa-chandler/
@melmuu Yo, I can vouch for this writing group! We are kind of great!
Welp, I just got an email from my ex who's about to move to my city WITH HIS WIFE. He's coming up here alone to scout things out and get a place to live, and can he sleep on my couch? Waah. We haven't lived in the same town in ten years and haven't seen each other in six, and we've been friends again for a while but I was SO in love with him and he broke my freaking heart and I'm not even close to ready to see him with his wife and integrate them into my friend group.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc "Sorry, my couch has bed bugs this week. Get a hotel room."
ETA: Wow, upon re-reading, I realize the above sounded really dismissive of your feelings, and that is not at all what I meant to do! My for-real take: you don't need to disclose your level of Feelings to him about this, nor do you need to let him crash on your couch. "NO" is a completely valid answer - you don't even have to see him at all if you're not ready. AT ALL.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc oh man. can your couch be inconveniently at the cleaners or something that week? that sounds like it would be very intense.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc Oh god that sounds tough. I'd shoot back a polite but distant email. You're not obligated to do anything for someone who has broken your heart (or anybody else, actually) and you don't have to integrate them into your friend group either.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc: No. Say no. No he cannot sleep on your couch. Or be friends with your friends. You can wish him well without having to be involved.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc That's a solid "I'm afraid I can't offer you a place to stay, but here are links to affordable hotels in the area", then. Seriously, a misplaced sense of hospitality for a guy who's fucked with your heart is so, so not worth it, especially since he'll be on your turf and making you Feel Feelings when you clearly don't want him to be there. Save yourself the heart troubles and don't let him stay over. Your feelings > your ex saving money on a hotel.
@laurel What Laurel said, exactly. Don't let him back in if you are not ready to let him back in, and don't let him use you as a launching pad for making new friends in the area, because that will just hurt you more than you need to be hurt. There is nothing wrong with turning him down in that regard.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc Also, as per the letter we all read earlier today, him sleeping on your couch while he's married sounds...touchy. You're both adults, and responsible, so it's not like something is totally going to happen, but why risk it? And adorable-eggplant is right--you don't owe him shit.
@laurel LAUREL SPEAKS THE TRUTH. LISTEN TO HEEEEEEEEEEEER!
@everyone Aw, you guys :) We are actually legit friends and not just I-don't-hate-you friends, and we've talked through the shit he pulled six years ago when he broke my heart and I have NEVER gotten a more abject apology out of anyone in my life. Not that that makes it OK, but you know. So I wouldn't feel right about telling him to go fuck himself since he's not just some rando guy I used to date. The good thing is that logistically it will be kind of a pain to have a third person around due to roommates and tiny NYC apartments, so I'm thinking some very firm rules about how long he can stay will be the next best thing.
@smidge Right? There is absolutely zero chance of that happening as far as I'm concerned, but I would NOT be OK with him sleeping on my couch if I was his wife.
I am having a work dilemma.
I posted a while back about my crazy boss. She has only gotten crazier, and literally everyone else in the office hates her, so I am not especially worried about being wrong there.
But, I need her to talk to the temp agency I am still working for in order to get hired fulltime here. The head of HR brought up fulltime employment with me! He said people had lots of nice things to say about me! They want me to do this job!
But an email to GrumpyBoss only got the response "I think we're in a hiring freeze." Yes, and that is why the head of HR talked to me about employment and we are having people in for interviews all the time. So I asked her to look into it, and I have an email saying that she will.
But I don't believe that she will, and I don't know what to do. Literally this is the only way for me to get hired, is if she starts this conversation. At what point can I bring it up with HR? Like "hey, I talked to GrumpyBoss about this and she said we were in a hiring freeze? Is that the case?" bringing it up.
And of course my current contract is only through the end of the year, so I don't have a lot of time. UGH. HELP.
@thatgirl I would take it to HR asap, and just make it clear that you are really excited about the possibility of full-time employment but you are concerned that your boss thinks you're in a hiring freeze and that you don't want to miss the opportunity due to a misunderstanding.
@thatgirl If HR asked you to get her working on it, and she's not, go back to the head of HR and tell them you think it'd go smoother if they sent her an email with the list of things she needs to do to hire you. She'll be less likely to blow them off.
@Scandyhoovian YES, do this.
I am a puddle of anxiety, today and many other days this week around this time every day.
And I'm struggling over boy problems, which boils down to meeting a boy I quite like but discovering that he's very monogamous minded and I'm very, more likely, poly-minded. And that I'm no longer so interested in a purely sexual open relationship, because I've done that tons of times and every time I end up a crying wreck.
So I'm trying to have a conversation with him soon. I have planned it out so many times in my head. And it sounds so reasonable and calm and confident. But when it comes to actually having the conversation I'm terrified. I like him, and I'd hate to lose him. But if it means compromising so many other aspects of my identity that I value...I can't do that. I'm hoping that maybe we will see a glimmer of hope if we have a better conversation. Maybe. But there's a part of me that also just wants to give up now, like I'd already kind of tried to do before.
I'm trying not to fall into an all-or-nothing mindset, though. I don't know how well it will work.
@tearsforaffairs good luck! i hope he surprises you, and is open-minded and willing to listen/try.
My statement of purpose for my dream grad school (plus two other accompanying essays for the application packet) are due next Friday. I have a couple drafts, but they don't seem to produce any feelings in me besides dread and inferiority! Why is it so hard to talk about how you're awesome and how you really believe in your tiniest grinchiest heart of hearts that you would be a great addition to the program without feeling like an entitled dickhead? Hella fighting the urge to walk away from writing and eat mad potato chips with Nutella (which I've never head but seems like the appropriate kind of self-pity gorging if this moment were in a movie montage about sad broads.)
@FulanaDeTallcan Personal statements are the hardest! Have a friend who supports you look over the statement. My problem is always hedging, like, "I think I would make a great addition." I had my favorite prof look over my statement and he sent it back with feedback that included be blunt and no beating around the bush. You WOULD make a great addition, etc.
Something that helped me was realizing that everybody has to write these things. And it sucks. Eat mad potato chips and nutella as a reward for having finished a sucky task, so you have something to look forward to.
The other thing that helped me was talking a bit about myself and then shifting focus to why I was passionate about X subject.
@FulanaDeTallcan this! I just finished my SOP (after writing 5 different SOPs)- and it's the bones of my original. I'm applying for a MFA so this might be different than yours, but I decided to just be honest and talk about myself and who I am- and why I decided to pursue writing: I hate my name- a year ago I decided to go by my middle name- a year ago, I decided to pursue my passion (writing) and I need help to get further.
I'm happy to send it on if you want to message me your email.
@FulanaDeTallcan I am in the exact same boat!!! It is SO HARD. I have been reading and reading lots of advice about what makes a good SOP but when I try to put it into words about myself I just get totally paralyzed. Dread and inferiority indeed.
So, what are everyone's very mild superpowers?
@Dirty Hands My friends say I have parking and shoe karma.
@Dirty Hands I have the uncanny ability to not injure myself, but rather have a never-ending stream of near-misses that make other people go "how did you not fall and die?"
I'm also really good at bullshitting, but I think part of that came from living eight years of liberal arts academia life.
@Dirty Hands I just know things. Case in point, last night, on my way home, I knew that my mom had made fried shrimp for dinner because the air suddenly smelled that way to me (in a yum! way, not ugh, shrimp). So I walk in to the house, go to the kitchen, and what did I see? The six shrimp my mom had saved for me from the batch she'd fried for dinner.
Or like when my friend said we had to guess what type of candy he had in his pocket, and I said "Nerds." Why did I say that? Who still eats Nerds? But that's what he had in his pocket!!!!!
Or the time when a friend said that we were going to watch the best movie ever, so I shouted "I love Last Action Hero!!!" before he showed me the dvd, which was indeed Last Action Hero.
This will probably never benefit me at all and never works with the lottery, but it's my favorite stupid human trick. I'm sure there are a million other examples in my life of times when I've guessed things wrong, but these stick in my brain because of their recency and oddness.
@Dirty Hands Apparently I can make really delicious tortillas! I just learned this about myself within the last hour and now I'm so full of tortillas it's not even funny. Apparently exercising restraint when faced with a pile of warm flat bread and guacamole is not one of my super powers.
@Dirty Hands sense of smell! I can tell what you've had for dinner.
@Dirty Hands When I'm the passenger in someone else's car, we usually get an awesome parking spot.
@Dirty Hands I had a psychic dream about something very mundane once.
@Dirty Hands I have prophetic dreams about minor things at work.
@Dirty Hands I'm good at randomly finding cash. Like money has blown down the street and wrapped itself around my leg. With nobody around who dropped it. I think I'm up to $75 in the last couple years. I always look for someone to return it to before pocketing it. And I spend it on/with someone else, not only on myself. I found $40 once in a subway and used it to take a recently unemployed friend to lunch that afternoon.
@Dirty Hands extremely diplomatic emails
@Dirty Hands Inappropriate reticence; remembering where the bathroom is in any bar/restaurant/venue I've previously visited (does not extend to people's houses)
@Dirty Hands As I discovered this week: one-handed parallel parking.
@area@twitter I am also an excellent parallel parker, steering with my left, my right arm draped nonchallantly behind the passenger seat as I look out the back. Like a boss.
@Dirty Hands OOOO I love that you asked b/c I just figured mine out the other day: I am the master at hearing TV show theme songs as bizarro versions of existing pop songs. Like for instance: the Seinfeld theme song always sounds like "Tell Me Something Good," and that musical bumper they always use on 30 Rock makes me think of that Cars song "Moving in Stereo." Pretty sure I can start ruling the world with this any day now.
@Dirty Hands Total lack of gay-dar. "Oh so and so is gay"...."REALLY I AM TOTALLY SHOCKED? I mean he was in show choir in high school and did all the plays but also he dated Jenny for a really long time"..."No, seriously, it's pretty obvious."
@Dirty Hands I'm very good at telling when people are lying. And also smiling and letting them do it if it's none of my business.
@laurel Aw yeah girl. Let's ride. ::slides on sunglasses::
@area@twitter Let's ride indeed. And then find a tight parking spot. On the left side of a one-way street. On a hill.
@Dirty Hands I can take bizarre, random-ass leftovers and make them into a feast. IT IS A VERY USEFUL SKILL.
@laurel That's just how we roll.
@Dirty Hands I turn off streetlights when I walk under them.
@Oliver St. John Mollusc I am ALWAYS hearing Disney songs and musicals in the classical pieces I play. But then again, John Williams steals.
@laurel Shoe karma? Say more? (I have a powerless response to glittery flats and stupid fancy high heels. That is more a mild affliction.)
I'm good at mixing colors without a color wheel or proportions chart. Limited to so few applications in life, it's not even a mild superpower.
@Dirty Hands I remember peoples' names to such an extent that I usually pretend I don't know their names the first couple times so I don't seem creepy. I can also pick up simple songs after a couple of lines.
@PistolPackinMama The shoes I want, in my size and preferred color, are in stock and on sale, when I want them. It irritates my friends!
@laurel WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? AND WHAT DO I NEED TO DO WORK YOUR MAGIC?
I'll even accept the ducking stool if it will give me your pooooooowers. Or, I could trade for some of my glitter and stupid fancy shoe finding ability. Like the gold and black sequin spectator pumps from Nordstrom I found last week oh Jesus. Can you make them be on sale in my size?
@Dirty Hands I always know what time it is, within five minutes, without looking at a clock.
@PistolPackinMama Heh, I had to look up "duckling stool". I confess my first interpretation had to do with the world's cutest poultry manure. /gardener
Your sparkling spectators should intriguing (I do enjoy high contrast detail) but my taste runs more toward butchy avant garde platform stuff that makes me appear taller and maybe a little evil. If past performance predicts future results, I'm afraid I cannot confer my confounding powers on others. I suggest willing the shoes you want into being before leaving the house (same with parking spaces). Or, and this is probably what is really going on a lot of the time, get distracted by other cute shoes that are actually available in your size/color and on sale once you arrive at the store and convince yourself they were what you really wanted all along.
But yeah, more than one friend has remarked upon my capacity to call out my intended shoes in advance and then bag them, like a trick shot.
How does one mistype 'sound' as 'should'? It's not even a homophone.
@zamboni A good one is automatically knowing where bathrooms are in a new place. I feel like one could improve at this with practice, or with architectural training.
@pearlforrester When I was in high school I could sense when 50 minute or 130 minute amounts of time, or whatever, were over because that is how long my classes were, but not other amounts of time.
@Dirty Hands I'm like the [insert Julie Andrews character here] for cats.
Pinners! Remember last week for the Ask a Dude, there was a whole thing on twenty-somethings (he specified dudes but ladies get this too) needing to "learn" emotional intelligence and all? I'm coming off a super frustrating situation that made me think of this because I felt like I grew a lot because of it. I can definitely grow more, but I can see where the other person needs to grow too. For some reason I need some kind of confirmation that the other person WILL grow up. I don't really want to be friends with him anytime soon, but I want to believe that he will be okay. Does anyone have any experience with this?
@mystique @mystique My only advice based on my own experience is to stop caring about him being okay. Don't prioritize his learning or feelings or Not Being a Douche or whatever - that is his responsibility, not yours.
@mystique Yes, but you don't have to stick around to find out how/when. On his own time, in his own way he'll prolly get there. But you already know... you don't need to be there to appreciate it. You should go make more friends with people who inspire you to grow more because they show the qualities you admire and want for yourself.
@Lyesmith Thank you! Your advice is perfect. I read your previous post about the guy you're dating/notdating, and I really related to it. It was only when I learned to be direct and honest that I was able to extricate myself from my frustrating situation.
@PistolPackinMama Thank you!!!! You always give such helpful, comforting advice. You are wonderful, I hope you know.
You can always tell when Edith had a rough week because the open thread picture is really sad.
This is a two parter.
1. I’m applying for Grad School (MFA in poetry! To balance out that BA in former-Yugoslavian studies) and this weekend is my “get ‘er done!” weekend. Any ‘get ‘er done’ music/movies/quotes to read?
2. I’ve never really dated- I’ve been on dates that tend to be awkward or awful, but no amazing dates out of romantic comedies. I’d also slept with a limited number of people- and most have been pretty awful/cold towards me. Lately, I’ve been feeling super lonely, and wanting to be in a relationship (I think I’d be a great GF, but who knows?)- but the idea of jumping onto ‘the market’ (which is a phrase I hate) sounds terrible. I think I’m a good catch, but I don’t have much faith in myself to chase guys, or even to really find them to chase. This is all over the place, but help?
@Lit Drunkard Try online dating! I'ma huge proponent. Sign up for a free account on OKCupid (or another dating site of your preference), fill it out, and then browse through all of your potential matches until you find some that you like. Do it with a friend! Drink some wine! It's fun!You may have to sort through some creepsters, but there are definitely some good people on internet dating sites. Recommended!
@Lit Drunkard #1 - get it, girl!
#2 - You are overthinking this. It is really not that big a deal. I know that's frustrating and confusing to hear -- I'm more or less in the same position as you, except I haven't slept with anyone. But I realized loneliness is not necessarily a good reason to start a relationship. Being lonely means you will NOT be a great girlfriend. Work on being alone, and connecting with friends. Then go hit on a whole slew of interesting and good-looking people. You will not strike gold, but copper and iron and silver will do for a bit until you suddenly stumble over El Dorado. It's not a big deal because it is easier than you think, but not if you force it.
@Lit Drunkard i had good luck with Ok Cupid, actually, because i was like you, not actually meeting anyone that sparked interest. if you're game for it, answer as many questions as possible, and don't be afraid to use the mandatory answers for stuff that is important.
@Lit Drunkard I think the easiest way to find guys to date is to start doing things that you have always wanted to do, and *this is the most important part* not looking for guys to "pick up". And I don't mean sky diving, I mean that cooking class you keep seeing a living social deal for and have thought about trying or finally going to the art museum you walk by every day, or going to your cities swing dancing night (do this! Swing guys are so awkward and cute and awesome.) I find I get approached by men the most when I am having fun and not thinking about it. Also, smile at people.
Also, I am biased towards Swing Dancing but it is a really excellent way to get over shyness in talking to the opposite sex in an environment where there is no romantic pressure. And you only have to talk to them until the song ends.
I hope this is helpful!
@NuckingFux Nix Ooh, swing dancing is awesome.
@mystique Thanks for the quotes!
I suppose loneliness isn't quite the right term- it's more like I'm tired of being alone. I need solo time, I like traveling alone, I'm cool with hanging out with me, but I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out, and that 'intimacy' (not nec. sexual) would be really nice right now. The hitting on people bit, I'm pretty awful about that.... but we'll see. Thanks1
@HeckYes I'll give it a shot- I've thought about it a lot, and had friends who've used it successfully, but... I'm not sure of my reluctance
@karenb thanks- I'll try it!
@Lit Drunkard remember it takes a hell of a good boy/girlfriend to beat no boy/girlfriend at all. It really does. And not wasting your time on dudes/ladies who don't want to make you a priority means you have more time to do fun things. When a great guy/gal rolls around, you'll be living your awesome life already.
IOW, OKC dating is fun, but it's easy to fall into the "this isn't working, okay I'll have that one" trap, I think.
I think one of my least favorite pats of working retail is having to smile at customers. A couple times a day with out fail I'll turn a corner and some unsmiling lady will make eye contact and you can see that look of panic/resentment in their eye because I have basically just done that thing where you tell a complete stranger to smile.
And then they smile, and I feel like a dick. But I keep that gormless smile plastered on because it's one of the reasons my bosses like me and why I get to work 40 hours a week when every one else gets 30.
@Onymous If it makes you feel any better, I only get annoyed when people ask me to smile. If someone smiles at me when we make eye contact randomly, I smile back and just think to myself "What a nice person".
I feel like I should make the distinction that I don't mean every woman who smiles back, just that at least a couple women a day seem like they get the same look just before they smile back that I see when people get told to smile or some one hits on them "as a joke".
It doesn't help that... I've been told I don't look like an axe murderer, but I don't not look like an axe murderer? Despite being clean shaven no tattoos and wearing the target mandated plain red shirt and khakis.
@Onymous Hmmm...well, that's slightly more difficult. There is really nothing you can do to not get that reaction, because women get the "Smile!" thing or other unwanted advances from men all the time, and sometimes it wears you down.
I guess you can only try to not take it personally. You're just being nice to customers, it's part of your job, and I am sure people realise it.
@Onymous Yep, sometimes my smile gets so pasted on, I feel like I'm probably grimacing, or just baring my teeth wildly at customers.
I wouldn't feel too bad about it though. When you smile at someone, you're not ordering them or even verbally requesting a smile back. I loathe when people on the street ask me to smile, but this is absolutely not the same thing. As someone in customer service, it's your job to greet customers, and sometimes that greeting is nonverbal, a smile. Anyone who acts resentful because you smiled at them in a service setting can get off of their high horse!
@Onymous I SO feel you on this. I work in the service industry, and my bosses are huge on everyone being bubbly and smiley as like, a job requirement. We mostly get businessy types as customers though who are just into getting their shit as quickly as possible and getting back to their offices. Some days I am just not feeling it and I think they can tell 'cause my eyes aren't also smiley? So awkward!
@Onymous "gormless" :)
@Onymous you sound awesome. it is great when people realize different people might want different things.
but it sounds like your state of enlightenment might be working against your own inner peace, so here's a suggestion... maybe you can keep the smile on your face without making direct eye contact, maybe? i know some people want direct eye contact, but you can probably feel them wanting it if you make sort of oblique eye contact instead, and then follow up with direct if warranted?
i don't know, it's an idea i had when i read your post.
@Onymous I work in retail too and I've found (as you probably have too) that different customers require different approaches. Some clearly want you to just be quick and professional. Some want you to be silly and smile and laugh. Some actually do make you smile and laugh. At times I worry that people notice my different approaches and think I'm fake, but I figure I'm just doing my job. The smiling thing can be really weird.
Guys, change your contacts on the reg. Seriously.
I've always been bad about this, but my husband finally went to to the optometrist yesterday after his eyes getting randomly red and irritated FOR MONTHS (ugh), and turns out he has an "ax wound" like tear to his cornea that got infected, then spread to the other eye. Apparently dude was running tests and being like, "...I can't believe you can even do that..."
Now he's got tons of eye drops and a corneal bandage. Which sounds like a Swedish metal band but is really a fancy contact lens. But still.
@NeverOddOrEven Corneal Bondage would be a good metal name.
@NeverOddOrEven My husband had an allergic reaction to his contact lenses (the same kind he's been using for years!) and got hives on his cornea. Gross. He got special eye drops and disposable contacts to wear for a couple weeks while it clears up. I didn't know this could happen, but apparently you can randomly become allergic to things you use every day.
So a friend of mine was married recently, and apparently had a videographer there who created a 3 minute "wedding highlight trailer thingy" as part of their package. I watched it the other day and I was FLABERGASTED - I think the groom's face is in the entire thing once. Maybe twice. It's all shots of her getting ready, wideouts of their photo shoot, her face during the vows, her face during dancing, her face during her father's toast (oh yeah, his family and his groom's party aren't in this thing at all either). I just cannot believe that you can literally make this day that is about the union of two people so entirely about only one of them. It is unreal to me.
/gets off soapbox
(my week did not go well, in case that wasn't apparent :/)
@polka dots vs stripes Was her videographer that dude from Love, Actually!? Geez.
@polka dots vs stripes That's insane, and yet totally unsurprising. The "It's MY day! It's the biggest day of MY life" vibe (or outright proclamations, not just vibes) from so many brides is ridiculous.
@Scandyhoovian I thought the same thing! He's going to show up at her door with sweet things written on giant cards.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys "TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT."
@OhMyGoshYouGuys And thus make me cry EVERY TIME even though I have memorized what is on every single card. Every damn time. Augh.
@Scandyhoovian that is exactly where my mind went. Yoo-hoo, married friend: your videographer is in love with you!
@Scandyhoovian hahahaha oh man I didn't even think about that! But yeah it was basically just like that, where the only time the groom appeared was because he had to, like they were standing next to each other when they left the church. At least this one didn't try some sad line "Oh no the tape got destroyed" or whatever he said.
Are there any Portland, Maine pinners? I have an interview there on Monday (and then hopefully a job there!), but haven't ever been to Maine. So far, I have gained this info from friends and family if you care to confirm or deny:
Biggest question: If they take me to lunch during my time there, should I admit not liking lobster?
@professionalmess my sister lives there, so i'm a adjacent mainer, but pretty, yes, cold, yes, moose, sometimes. absolutely lobsters, but you can for sure admit to not liking them (unless you're applying for a lobster-sales position, i guess?). there are lots of cute restaurants in portland, you will probably not have to eat lobster. never say you like any NY sports teams, though. never.
@professionalmess Oh man! Portland ME is wonderful. My cousins live near there, my siblings both went to school near there, and we have a family friend who owns/manages a great restaurant there. Yay Portland!
You are right about lobsters, pretty, cold, and moose. However you have somehow left off LL Bean. Granted the mothership is in Freeport, but it's still quite A Thing in Portland.
@professionalmess We went there for our honeymoon! There is also beer and oysters.
@karenb my brother lives there so I'm in the same boat. I've been there to visit and it's a great little town with shitty weather. There is tons of good food. If you don't like lobster it is not an issue. and my brother seems to do OK despite being a ny sports fan.
@professionalmess I've never seen a moose, and so far it's been a mild winter. It's great though. The winter lights are up, and the seagulls are only kind of murderous. What kind of food do you like? There are a ton, and I'm a glutton.
@LacunaKale I like most all foods that aren't from the sea, so I'm certain there are going to be plenty of delicious foods for me, I just don't want to offend anyone! How mild is mild? I've been in Michigan for the past 3 years, so I can handle winter, but I'm from the South, so I handle it grumpily.
@professionalmess I used to live there, and liked it! If you stay within the city limits you should be safe from moose. The seagulls will try to eat you, though. There is AMAZING espresso and the best farmer's market in the summer. About 10 years ago there was a pretty good music scene, hopefully that's still around! All of Portland-proper is walkable in 15 minutes ish. And you will be able to rent the most beautiful apartments for crazy-dirt-cheap. Good luck!
@professionalmess It's 41 right now, and we've only had snow once. SO WEIRD. Expect winter to be in the 20's with a few big storms. And if you live in the city center, there are parking bans, which are a pain.
Honestly, the only places I'd say to avoid is Street and Co (if you don't like the fishies) and Taco Escobar (because they suck). I love Pai Men Miyake (ramen <3), Hot Suppa, Duckfat, and Bard Coffee. Blue Spoon and Petite Jacqueline are nice if you're playing with a bit more money.
ETA-Now talking about food has inspired me to put on shoes and go have a drink. And food.
@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I'm not even kidding. I had a seagull jump on the hood of my car in a parking lot, stare into my car, and ride it for a good 20 feet after I started driving.
I want to see a moose like nobody's business. Time to go to Portland!
@professionalmess Good luck on your interview!
I'm going there for a weekend this winter break. Any food suggestions?
@professionalmess I grew up there! It's so awesome - sunny in summer and good snow in winter, and great museums, and lots of funky little side alleys with old theatres and tattoo parlours and coffee shops, and also the most interesting homeless people ever. Watch out for the gulls though, they will mug you for a french fry.
Oh man guys. I've had the roughest week. I've struggled a lot with severe, severe relationship anxiety (as anyone who's happened across me in the FOT might know), and it's killing me.
Boy and I decided to do a "fun" "let's not drink during the week!" experiment and my therapist postulates that I deal with my anxiety via wine (aka the best way!) and so everything's been bubbling to the surface over the last week (spurred on by a talk about moving in together which I was SO EXCITED about). ugh.
Basically my brain latches onto "how do you know that you love him!" and "how can you know if you can see yourself with him forever!!" & "commitment is SCARY!!!" and analyzes that to death and then starts nitpicking everything about him, even things I like and find endearing, until I'm a nervous panicky wreck and think the only option is breaking up with him because I MUST NOT LOVE HIM if I do not feel it ALL OF THE TIMES!
And then the thought of that makes me even sadder, because I love the shit out of him. I smile when I see him and we fit so well together and when I'm not feeling anxious (which feels like it happens more and more lately as we get more serious) my heart SOARS with love. It sounds cheesy but it's true! No one else has ever made me feel this complete and crazy in love! But then there are these terrible times in the trenches that just make me so sadddd and nervous and insecure and scared.
Luckily I've found some resources online to help talk it out so that has been helpful! Usually when I google I just come across things saying "doubt means don't!" blah blah blah and stuff like that scares me (so, um, that is not advice I would like kthnx) because it quadruples my anxiety. I've realized I've gotta deal with this head on and it's gonna suck a lot for a bit but hopefully I'll come out A-OK on the other end. Hopefully I'll come out still hanging on to the person I love. It's just the in between that's killing me.
Wall of text end! Typing this out is therapeutic.
ughghghghgh anxiety is the worst.
I've found that when I'm struggling with anxiety in general, I direct it at the most important things in my life (me, husband, job) with all the intensity (ALL OF IT) because those are the things that I care the most about and WHAT IF THEY'RE WRONG?
So, it sounds like your dude is pretty awesome. And even when dudes are pretty awesome, it's natural for an anxious/neurotic personality to get freaked about whether it's PERFECT or not. And if it's REALLY scary then taking some time to let the anxieties settle isn't a bad idea.
And then maybe you can check out ways to work with your anxiety? I'm only guessing that there's a root of anxiety here that is branching off into elements of your life, but... it seems to happen that way a lot. Talk therapy is my jawn, and I finally found an amazing therapist and am getting real progress. I also meditate and focus on physical exercise when my brain can't cope.
ANYWAY, glad you can type it out because it means you're taking care of/paying attention to intense feelings! <3
@terrific Hugs, friend. I also had a major bout of relationship anxiety at the beginning of this week that kinda came out of nowhere and really knocked me off my feet. Is your SO good at being receptive and comforting to your worries? I feel like that's a big thing. My relationship is still pretty new, and bringing up anxieties like these is so hard because you don't want the takeaway for them to be that you don't like them (enough). Hope your therapist is being helpful. Big sympathies and hugs.
@Cat named Virtute I am super lucky in that my SO will sit and talk about ANYTHING with me even if its scary or painful for him. Also he is a therapist too hence the only reason I actually sat down to examine these feelings instead of going with my natural/usual RUNNN reaction earlier.
@terrific Good luck with everything! Your brain is being mean to you. Really mean. Consider that even if you think it, it might not be true/worth mulling over. I know they say stuff about the "unexamined life" but those people did not have anxiety disorders, I'm pretty sure. Good luck and I hope you can tell your brain to cut you some slack (and if it is messing with your life, maybe meds to kickstart you?).
Don't listen to that bullshit about doubt. Everybody doubts everything at some point, regardless of how perfect or positive it might seem.
Would it really be reasonable to think that couples who have been together for 50+ years have never even once wondered if things should be different? That's just silly.
Look at what you wrote. You sound crazy happy and in love with this guy. Go with that.
Hey, just an update from my last Open Thread post a while back. I tried to talk to my old friend and fix whatever it was that upset him so much this summer, and he got really angry at me. So I don't think that we're ever really going to go back to being friends, and that really hurts because I don't even understand what I did wrong but he hates me now. Plus my best friend is even busier than before because he has finals next week. I guess it's at least good I'm done with school, but I know I failed the English class I took and now I just don't know what to do because I can't tell my parents I failed they would be furious.
@HitchedUpKids I've been in yr position and what I can say is that if yr former friend cannot articulate what his deal is, if you're coming to him offering renewed frienship and he's shutting you down, then the dissolution of yr friendship is a decision that he's made irrespective of things that you've done or the type of person that you are.
You said last time that he accused you of being someone that you know you are not, and you have to believe yrself. This person may have been yr friend once but no matter how much you miss him or want him to be now, he can't be because he's treating you badly, consistently and intentionally. Don't do the thing where you castigate yrself over it, because you can do that and never stop. He's the one who isn't acting right.
Sometime down the line he may wise up and apologize, hat in hand (I'm betting that he will), but for now, there are people out there who will be glad to have you in their lives, and you'll be happier finding those people than pining after this person who willfully refuses to appreciate you. I'd bet money those people are already in yr life and you just can't see it. We've all been there.
You have this other friend, yr best friend, the busy one. I know how that is. I sort of have an autism thing and so interacting with people and making friends is rare and difficult for me. My best friend back home is an artist and fashion designer. When I first had her in my life, I didn't have many other friends and being with her was this exclusive, beautiful thing, it gave me a feeling I couldn't get elsewhere. It definitely pained me that I could only see her once every few weeks, months even.
But here's the thing: when I was in primary and secondary school, not having a job, not having an adult life even, friendship was a different animal, because everyone was bored and had tons of time on their hands - you could just call someone up and say "hey let's do something" and they would always say yes. Much as we might like things to stay that way, once you start getting into college, time starts having a premium - people have intensive schoolwork, projects, work, serious romantic entanglements. Free time is constrained, and we aren't able to be as free with our schedules as we'd like. It took me a bit of time to get used to this. I felt neglected and isolated sometimes, and other times I wondered if the relative infrequency of my hangouts with my best friend was an indication of how much value was put into it on her part. I think what you'll find is that over time, the people you love will make time for you, no matter how rough their schedules get, if you show them that you understand their situation and know that they're doing the best that they can.
Keep it in yr mind that yr friends want to see you and they will if they can. One of my better friends in NYC here is in the midst of a really terrifying amount of brutal projects but she's invited me to come and hang out with her as she works because it's the only way she can see me. You aren't an errand to be ticked off a calendar, you're someone's friend. Plan things out ahead of time whenever possible, make dates in advance, and if you really, really need a friend, if you're feeling like there will be bad consequences if you don't see someone, they will come through.* I guarantee you that as you get older, this type of relationship will become the predominant type you'll encounter. What that means in practicality is that you will need to diversify yr friend portfolio, which you absolutely can do. I didn't think I could, and I did, and you will too.
Re: The class, you said you were at community college, yeah? When I attended CC in Colorado I fucked up my first semester and garnered a beautiful 0.0 GPA, but the school had something called a "Repeat / Delete" policy, that allowed a student who failed a class to retake it, and provided they got a better grade the second time around, the new grade would completely replace the old one, no marks on yr record, no blemish on yr GPA. I would encourage you to see if yr school has a similar policy, or if there are ways to work with the administration. Community colleges in general are pretty lenient with this sort of thing I think. In any case, you can bounce back from this, and if you're having troubles with yr health, depression and anxiety and stuff, you can work with the school to accommodate that as well. A lot of professors will be sympathetic to that sort of thing.
* If this is something that happens often, though, you will probably need to seek professional therapy. You mentioned looking for it last time, how did yr search go?
@Danzig! What is it with me and blocks of text
ALSO these are things that we all struggle with (there are several serene and beautiful people who deserve roses for putting up w/ me lately, I know that) and I speak for everyone when I say that you really really really should be gentle with yourself on this stuff. You're not doing anything wrong!
@Danzig! I just want to second all this advice, and say I'm sorry that's how things are going.
I understand what you're saying about my friend being mad at me, it's just really hard because I wanted everything to work out so badly and I don't understand what I did wrong and why he hates me and it really hurts.
The thing with the other friend is that even though he's always said he was too busy studying or something to hang out he would still hang out with his other friends, and if he can make time to get drunk with a bunch of stupid stoners (he doesn't like weed) but won't even try to find a way for us to hang out it really hurts. I understand that he has other friends and they're important to him but it really hurts. He always used to say I was his best friend and that I was amazing and he needed me around and that I had helped him and made him feel better and now he barely talks to me and I don't understand what changed and it hurts and I"m scared he's going to end up hating me for being needy too. I even asked if I could come over and be there while he worked but he said it was a bad idea even though he had another of his friends do the same thing. It really hurts because it feels like my best friend abandoned me and replaced me and now there's no place for me in his life anymore and I can't be okay with that and I don't know what to do.
The reason I'm so upset about the class is that this is the third quarter I've tried to take it and pass and I keep failing and I don't know what to do because I'm never going to be able to replace the original failing grade because I just keep failing.
I want to find a therapist but I don't even feel up to looking for one anymore because I feel like they're just going to end up being terrible like the last four and I'm scared because I know I need help but I don't even know how to get it anymore.
I just want to say, I'm so sorry you're having these kinds of friend problems. It sucks not being alone sometimes! Are there 'Pinups in your area, whereupon you can make cool, less busy friends? And then your busy best friend will accrue enough time for himself and be like "whoah I miss my BF and it's awesome that she's respecting my space, but we should hang out right now."
I also wanted to say I'm gonna have a Bachelor's in English in December and I still think lovingly of some of the papers I wrote in college. Is there any way I could help you with your classif/when you retake it? I <3 English for real. I also <3 you.
@HitchedUpKids Oh dear, I know that hopeless feeling, and I'm sorry you hurt so much. I know you want things to work out, I know it stings that this person you really like and who you desire in your life has spurned you. I maintain that you should not feel ashamed, and I maintain that you did nothing wrong. No matter what he says, you are NOT responsible for him and his choices. Please don't beat yourself up over that.
And your close friend, I know that feeling as well. You talk about the things he used to say - how you made him feel better, how he needed him around - and from that I assume that you came together when you were both hurting and depressed, and leaned on one another. Those relationships are often real and valid, but there's a danger inherent to them. If one or the other person is ashamed of being hurt and depressed then there's the risk that, when that person comes out of the depression, that they'll treat the person they leaned on badly, because they're ashamed of how emotionally raw and open they were, how they needed someone else (a lot of young boys, being natural shitheads, are like this). They can't bear to be around that reminder of how weak they felt, and they react against the person they relied upon to prove to themselves that they're now above that sort of dependence. It's a shitty and ungrateful thing to do, he's used you selfishly, and you don't deserve it. As above, it's a product of his childishness, not the way you feel. You're not stupid or broken or hateful because of the way you feel. You deserve to be treated with care, the way you once were. You are being mistreated now, and it's wrong. Believe me, it will not be long before you find someone who brings you into his/her life warmly and who wants you to be with them and who you will want to be with. It only happened with me once I was into my college years.
Regarding your class, do you have trouble completing assignments because you're preoccupied with other things? Is it the subject matter that's difficult for you? I really need you to reach out to a counselor at your school and lay all of this out for him/her. It doesn't matter if it feels pointless, you can't castigate yourself for other people's cruelty. Even if you take the failing grade, there will be a way around it. Maybe it's a mark on your report card, you can still move forward. Even if you drop out and work, or travel, or do whatever, you can come back to school. Don't think you're on the verge of condemning your own life to failure, because you're not. You're probably going to lead a more interesting life than many of those around you.
Have you tried group therapy before? I think it might help with your feelings of isolation. And I would definitely keep on with your therapist search. It can be hard to find a good one, but when you do, it's good. Please keep looking <3 And check in here, every Friday? I wish I could bring you around where I live and introduce you to all the cool, outgoing people around me.
@HitchedUpKids Oh no! That sounds really unpleasant. It's not YOU. It's them. I promise. I second what @Danzig said about people not wanting to be reminded of rough times and pulling away.
I can also say that things get better the older you get and the more control you have over who and where you spend your time. It really hurts when people reject you, especially if you feel strongly about them (romantically, as friends, in whatever way) but their behaviour is about them, not you. I'd suggest that you cut your losses and stop giving this guy friend the opportunity to stomp on your heart again - you're right, he's changed, you don't need to keep giving him chances to show you that he's actually still nice - as much as you want it to be true, it's not.
People get weird as teenagers for all sorts of reasons and they have nothing to do with you. You're sensitive and kind, and this is going to pass. In the meantime, try and get out of the house and into some fresh air and exercise and you'll feel better. And maybe see that counsellor for some support on how to bring up your grades with your parents - having someone in your corner will really help. Good luck!
@HitchedUpKids man, finding the right therapist is tough. some of them will not be helpful at all, but others will! please don't give up.
I shined my boots yesterday and they are so shiiiiiiiny! I had been putting it off for... a year? And they looked terrible and faded and scuffed and I kept thinking that I should bring them to a professional but I never did. Then I saw one-step shoe polish at Kroger in the pantyhose and lighting fluid aisle, and the rest is history. They look so much better and I am so pleased with myself.
@HeckYes I LURVE SHOE SHINING
@phipsi I love shoe shining too! I like the smell and the shoes look so pretty afterward. An old roommate used to make fun of me for it because I'd get this smug, satisfied look on my face every time I busted out the shoe polish.
Everybody I know seems to have had a miserable week; mine was capped by my fridge dying. (Actually the outlet dying, which means they have to send an electrician!) And the worst part is that it's normally quiet so we thought the light had burned out when really it was not working, so that's an entire fridge and freezer worth of food that had to be tossed.
So tonight I am buying some eggnog and spiking that to high heaven.
@anachronistique Eggnog and amaretto is the best thing about winter. That is such a bummer about losing all that food!
Oh CRAP CRAP I thought you said "my friend dying".
That puts it into unnecessary perspective. Now I'm just like gosh Anachronistique, you can get more FOOD at the STORE. YOUR FRIEND ALMOST COULD HAVE DIED.
1. GOT THE RAISE (that I ASKED FOR!)
2. Got a promotion-kinda
3. Bought myself the KitchenAid mixer I've been drooling over for years in celebration
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I got a KitchenAid mixer last year and it changed my LIFE. Congrats on the good news and happy mixing!!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Awesome!!!! I was so excited when I bought my mixer that I baked all the time. Now I'm not baking much at all any more, but when I see new mixer joy, it makes me want to. I canceled tonight's plans due to fatigue, but I could probably summon the wherewithal to make some cookies.
Enjoy your mixer and thanks for the unintentional motivation!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WHAT COLOR?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher GOOD GOD.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yay!! I got Green Apple for my birthday last month. I was relieved that mine was a gift and that I wasn't forced to pick a color. I CANNOT CHOOSE!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That's the best color!
@lisma :D :D :D
@Retail Whore What are you baking potentially? I'm getting preemptively SO EXCITED about all the realms of possibilities that are going to open up to me with this baby.
@alpacasloth COUNTING ON IT.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Congratulations!!!! I love my KitchenAid, I'm breaking it out for Christmas baking this weekend and I can't wait. I went for classic white, so I could pretend I was using my mother's (and so I didn't have to pick a color).
Someone once asked me if mine was an heirloom and I got all miffed because, duh, my mother is still using hers to bake my family decliousness even though we can all do it ourselves, she just loves us that much.
Also congratulations on your raise and kinda promotion ;)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Congratulations! That's awesome. My KithenAid mixer is literally the best present I've ever received. Have fun baking!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
YAY! You are awesome! I literally just lit up at my desk. Congrats on your new mixer, may many delicious baked goods (and pastas and sauces and all the other fancy attachments) be in your future.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OMG that is beautiful. I have one in Pistachio which I adore. My grandmother had one from the sixties that was this perfect sixties enamel pink to match her pink Amana fridge-freezer and pink double wall ovens and pink range top and hood. And her perfect pink complexion.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Cookies!! I'm doing a cookie exchange and I need to figure out some recipes. I think my chocolate chocolate chip recipe is pretty great, but that still leaves me two varieties short. I think I'll go with a gingerbread cookie and then pore over my cookbooks for a third option. What are you making???
I have your mixer, but in red. I don't think it came in persimmon when I got mine. That is lovely!
@par_parenthese I WANT TO GO TO THERE, that sounds magicalllll.
@retail whore Well one of the driving forces behind getting it now was that I volunteered to make two wedding cakes/cakes for two weddings in 2013 (six of my friends are getting married). So, a lot of cake. Like, a lot a lot of cake. But I fucking love making cookies (all varieties!) and I'm looking forward to playing with some new recipes that my old mixer just didn't have the juice for. Gingerbread, for example.
If you're hunting for a cookie recipe, may I suggest something in the white chocolate/oatmeal category? Or an oatmeal/chocolate/fruit. I made these salted oatmeal cookies with choco chunks and the Trader Joe's dried berry mix in them a while back, and they were...they were good.
@everyone THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart, all my thanks for the congrats and the support and the lurve. I firmly believe that I wouldn't have had the ovaries to ask for this raise if not for the Skillz I Learned On The 'Pin.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher KAPOW!
That is awesome!
@PistolPackinMama I kind of want to get a classic comic-style KAPOW decal for it now.
Well this week just got 1000% better. Today I found out that I get a free trip to Vegas for a weekend next month, thanks to my fiance's job!
Hairpin, I have to tell someone this in a forum where I'm anonymous: I honestly don't know whether my boyfriend and I should be together anymore. This is an awful feeling.
@nowwhat how ya doing? I've had a slew of friends having the same feeling lately.
@nowwhat I'm sorry. But maybe this is good?
@nowwhat I'm so sorry; that is an awful feeling. I was just there a few months ago. Can you talk to him about any of it? Big hugs!
@lisma What are your friends' methods of dealing with it all? I'm coping with some red wine and time alone. I feel like I'm too old for this emotional turbulence.
@smidge Thanks. It might be, things haven't been good in a while but I can't tell if the "long term relationships take work!" thing people always say means this kind of work, or what.
@Fingers Crossed Thanks, appreciate the hugs :) We do talk, but I sort of feel like he isn't really taking in what I'm saying, and also that I can't say all that's on my mind for fear of hurting him. It's gotten very complicated somehow.
How do you feel about giving us ALL THE DEETS?
I agree with ya, some work is necessary, and some you'll look back on with rage at wasting your time. Usually your intuition tells you which is which, because what's acceptable to you is the only thing that matters.
A wise 'Pinner once pointed out there's no such thing as "being shallow" because if something matters to you, it matters, no matter how trivial it seems objectively! Hope that helps :)
@nowwhat Ah crap. For what it's worth, if it's potentially fixable stuff that might hurt his feelings, probably say it. If it's not, goddamn that's sad and I send big big hugs.
@Inkling @MissJudgeMental Thanks :) you guys, helps to read (even if I'm late back here).
ALL THE DEETS would be logistically challenging at this point! (Like Inigo Montoya says, "Let me explain. No, it is too much. Let me sum up.") Stuff happened, on both of our parts, and my feelings changed. His have apparently not. So here we are -- do I stay and try to work things out, or make a break. My close friends are divided in their opinions too -- I mean, I know I gotta figure it out on my own, but when people who know me well have widely differing opinions, just gotta wonder.
UGH FINALLY, it took about 80 years before the site would let me log in. Hi everyone! I am so happy to make the open thread for the first time in foreverrrr. I missed you guys! I am enjoying my last day off for the next 11 days with Christmas book shopping and Hairpinning, and later ladyfriend and I are going to the art gallery for a reading of bedtime stories for grown ups. GOOD TIMES.
Also, I just started reading Judith Halberstam's The Queer Art of Failure, and ahhhhh, it is speaking to my soul in wonderful amazing ways. Has anyone else read it?
@Cat named Virtute
That is all.
@Cat named Virtute I've a friend who keeps bugging me to read it... so what you're saying is that I should read it?
@Danzig! The intro is super promising. I'll keep you updated!
@Cat named Virtute wooo
@Danzig! So far it references SpongeBob Squarepants, South Park, and Little Miss Sunshine, and is super lucid.
@Cat named Virtute: your name made me smile (if it is in reference to one Johns Samson, that is). He is (a) the best, and (b) i once shared peanuts with him in a dimly lit house-bar thing in Kingston, Ontario.
My student loan situation is getting depressing. That is all. :(
@whereismyrobot Three letters: IBR. Look it up. You're welcome. Good luck! x
@whereismyrobot Hold up, that's not all! What's depressing? Is there anything in particular weighing you down that maybe other 'Pinners can help with?
If not: hang in there. Whatever the specifics of your loan situation, good luck.
@hoo:ha @nocs I thought that all of my loans were going to be on IBR, but it turns out some were private...and are almost three months late. I didn't know private loans would nto be eligible for IBR. It's just frustrating to think you have it all figured out and then realizing you are still enslaved for at least another ten years.
@whereismyrobot I'm so sorry. Have you called the private lenders? They might be able to give you some breathing room. It's a scary call to make, but explain your situation, and just be honest: "I didn't realize it was already time to start paying these; I thought I was still in my grace period; [whatever else]." They can't help you if you don't ask, but many times you can clear up a lot with a phone call.
Practice what you're going to tell them if you need to, and take some notes of what they tell you. They'll send you documentation, sure, but you may want to compare what they send you to your own interpretation of what you are told.
Again, though: Hang in there. Loans suck.
@whereismyrobot That's too bad about the private loans... yeah, I have one of those too. Damn non-degree granting "professional training program." (read: clown school.) Still... totally worth it. I wish you luck with your repayment.
I am adopting a cat tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And hanging out with him all weekend.
But I was hungover this morning so that was bad. Librarian parties... Who knew?
@Princess Slaya Awesome!!! I have emailed two rescue orgs this week to try to start fostering a dog (with the ultimate goal of adopting)....noooooreplies.... #iwantapuppy
Let's talk finals. What are your finals? How are you doing? Me, I'm forgetting dates a lot. I thought I had a final today, and studied for it, and then woke up and was like "oh, right, it's today. Finals aren't until at least next Wednesday at the soonest."
@Springtime for Voldemort I have three exams and a paper. I intended to finish the paper today, but I still have to do the conclusion and finish the citations. I haven't done any studying for the exams, but I have a week before they start.
@professionalmess I am writing a paper for a professor who requires that, out of our seven sources, four be hard-copy. Because this professor is a huge stickler, I e-mailed him to make sure that he would consider anything found on JSTOR hard-copy (I mean, I know it should be, and you know it should be, but this guy is...*sigh*).
So this is how our e-mail exchange goes:
On Tue, Dec 4, 2012 at 3:16 PM, wee_ramekin wrote:
Thank you for getting back to me!
I want to clarify just to be completely sure: if I find the journal articles through JSTOR or another online archive, will those sources still be counted as "hard-copy" sources?
From: Dr. Professor
Date: Tue, Dec 4, 2012 at 3:55 PM
NO. JSTOR is not hard copy
"hard copy" is a piece of paper you can hold in your hand, fold into a model airplane, write on with a pen.
"another online archive" is an "online" source, i.e. a bunch of microbits in your computer random access memory and visible on your screen but not hard enough to hold in your hand
You guys. I got man/professor-splained (incorrectly) and caps-locked at about What Is A JSTOR. You guys. "Microbits". YOU. GUYS.
@Springtime for Voldemort My first is tomorrow morning. After that, it's two big old papery project things, one more exam, and a take-home final. Between the workload and the fact that I'll be abroad next semester and am saying goodbye to a bunch of senior friends, I'm having a lot of Feelings right now.
@wee_ramekin THE FUCK IS THIS GUY
I say you print out your sources from JSTOR, making sure they're nice and long, then fold each page into a paper airplane and deliver them to him in one fell swoop with a resounding "IS THIS HARD COPY ENOUGH FOR YOU MOTHERFUCKER"
@almighty jugs HA! I seriously wanted to write back to him and be like "Uh......if I print out copies of the academic journal articles that I find on JSTOR, is that hard enough copy for you?", but I didn't want him to grade my paper poorly out of spite.
The sad thing is, this man has authored quite a few books. He co-wrote my textbook, which I actually really love. It would blow his world WIIIIIIIDE open, in an amazing way, to know about JSTOR. Apart from feeling affronted at his completely condescending response to me, I also wanted to explain what JSTOR was because I know that if he knew about it, he'd be SO. HAPPY. Ya know?
Guess we know that it's all grad students doing the research (ON JSTOR) for his books...
@wee_ramekin OH GOD because smug professorial mansplaining is the worst kind of mansplaining.
@wee_ramekin And he didn't even bother to capitalize! And used totally superfluous scare quotes on "online!" These are clear signs of an unsound mind. Also a jerk.
@wee_ramekin I AM SO OUTRAGED FOR YOU. Ugh. That is ridiculous. And JSTOR is awesome.
@wee_ramekin I propose that the Professor in question be referred to from now on as "Professor Microbits."
@wee_ramekin Wut? WUT?? Does he live in some alternate universe, where reputability is determined by a source's ability to be made into a paper plane??
I hate this idea that paper = reputable while digital = not reputable. It's such an intellectual cop-out to use medium as a shorthand for reputability, and it makes me doubt your ability as a professor to teach me how to critically analyze sources.
I didn't even know it was possible to not know about JSTOR. Does he never work with peers?
@wee_ramekin I - but - wha - JSTOR IS NOT FUCKING WIKIPEDIA, OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
Finals for me means blessed quiet and also extra food when people bring it in for their end of classes! Sometimes I love being academic staff.
1) set him on fire
2) if I were his department head I would want to know so I could set him on fire fire him catch him up on recent trends in academic publishing
3) Articles in JSTOR don't just come from JSTOR; they're digital archives of various (print!) journal publications. Can you just cite them from their original source (I'm 5 years out of academia and super-rusty, but isn't this how it's done regardless)? As though you went to the library and actually found that volume of Journal of Educational Psychology or whatever and photocopied it. Except you didn't, because you live in the 21st century. Unlike this dumbass.
Plus then (if he's as clueless as you say) he'll be like "gee whiz, how did you find all these obscure articles that support your argument precisely, and have time to go all over the library pulling them from the shelves?" and you can say "let me show you something" and then turn to the camera and be in a JSTOR commercial
@runner in the garden Mostly. I don't know about citing styles other than Chicago, but the difference is in the ending; print you put in the page numbers, and online you put in the url and date of access. Pretty sure the JSTOR articles have the page numbers, though. But I'm not sure if that's considered A Deep Violation of Academic Integrity or something everyone does, like jaywalking.
@Springtime for Voldemort I've had to do that before and generally when you look through the jstor article if you find enough info about the article and the year it was printed and in what journal you can look it up online (for example, in your school's library database, sometimes even google) and get the information about what the page numbers would be in the real journal. Also, sometimes on the website of the journal you can find the issue you are looking for and they will have a table of contents and then with that info you can rewrite it as if you actually found the journal in the library.
Our University library carries hard copies of journals up to 2000 only. All subsequent editions/volumes of journals are available only through online databases.
The options to get three of the four sources I want to use for this paper are:
Ask for the library to request the three articles from The Fancy Journal of Fancy Science be sent over from another university. However, they typically deliver them in electronic format. They also charge for this service. Alternatively, I could drive to [next university over] and see if they carry the journals in hard copy and photocopy them there, assuming they allow non-enrolled-students in to the library.
OR I COULD DOWNLOAD THE PDFS FROM JSTOR AND PRINT THE ARTICLES OFF, THUS HAVING A HARD COPY I ACCESSED ELECTRONICALLY WHICH IS HOW IT'S DONE THESE DAYS YOU IDIOT.
Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ.
(Also, I think he probably means if you printed the documents off and stapled them together as if you'd photocopied them, then you would have a hard copy. But he's being a douchey mansplainer, so. Or is truly thick.)
(Also also, this is a legit thing to write about in an eval. "Professor so and so doesn't seem to understand how much our library relies on electronic databases to provide access to peer reviewed journal articles. When he says only hard copy sources, nothing retrieved from databases, he essentially is asking us to use only books available in the library and academic journal articles in the stacks published before XXXX. Or pay to photocopy things we have that are current that are also available electronically.
He is asking us to spend more money, or use outdated research techniques, or expects us to use dated resources for our papers. All of these are frustrating because they don't help us learn content or skills."
@Springtime for Voldemort I finished a digital project I'm presenting on Monday today. Next, I have to outline/draft a paper for presentation on Tuesday (but the paper itself is due "anytime before next semester," according to my professor). I have a "final" a.k.a. a timed comps-style essay next week, plus a second paper due on the 22nd. I'm planning to go home on the 17th and need to build in driving/dicking-around-at-home time, so I'm working at full throttle to get as much done as possible, though realistically I'll still be working once I get home.
@wee_ramekin That exchange made my blood boil, oh my god. Maybe cite the articles as if they came from print journals and then drop the JSTOR bomb on him next semester... As much as I love books and crotchety old professors, this type of digital illiteracy is just ridiculous. Then again, as someone whose work is edging towards digital humanities, I'm extra incensed by this stuff because it means I may never get a job, ever.
@wee_ramekin PS: I once got in trouble w/a prof who had rolled his eyes at me and said "I don't want to teach them to write, I am teaching anthropology" when discussing grading rubrics.
Reason for the trouble? My co-TA and I followed his directions for grading on the syllabus. And when a student complained, and we were told we'd done it wrong, I COPY PASTED HIS DIRECTIONS INTO AN EMAIL and said "according to your syllabus..."
His petulant reply was "that's not what I meant when I wrote that." And my ill-advised reply was "it may not be what you meant, but it's what you said, so I don't appreciate your making it my fault for following directions."
This guy clearly thought I was an idiot. And he was a rude [inappropriate word redacted] about making that clear in class and out of it. (Observation: I am not, in fact, stupid.) I've managed once or twice to get in really [sharp] digs back at him. And I KNOW being mean and rude is not a good thing to do. But oh, I loved because, well. It's not like he can complain considering how awful he KNOWS he's been to me.
He laid off after a while. I am glad I can be snide sometimes.
[edited to be less of a bitch]
@all I am so glad that I have the entire Pinner commentariat backing me up on this one. I'm just going to cite the articles from JSTOR without the stable links, because NUTS to Professor Dr. Microbits. I am also going to include this on his evaluation.
ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH, DEAR FRIENDS.
@almighty jugs @wee_ramekin fold a rock into the nose of those paper planes and set them on fire before you throw them at him. Or just attach your print-out to a brick and throw it thru his window. Your call.
@wee_ramekin Yes, and if I'm remembering right, PPM now teaches college classes. I do, too! And this actually makes your professor look foolish and out-of-touch. Is there a TA for this class that you can clarify or commiserate with?
After a decade plus of highlighting my dull blonde hair, I finally stopped 9 months ago to let it grow out. And Wednesday night, I visited a salon, had them lop off most of the remaining highlighted area and dye it a couple shades darker than my natural color.
I went from blonde-ish hair past my shoulders to a sleek light brown bob, and I couldn't be happier. And then I turned 33 the next day. Yay changes!
@RocketSurgeon Ooh I've been thinking about doing the same thing with my hair, which is the same natural colour you describe. I feel like my hair is an in-between blonde and brown colour that is really blah. What kind of brown did you go with?
Hair changes are the best :)
@RocketSurgeon I used to highlight my dirty blonde hair as well, but I've been so happy since I decided to start dying it auburn about 4 years ago. Darker hair is so much easier to take care of, and a lot of people think it's my natural color.
@eleventyone I so didn't check this thread over the weekend- anyway, the color is an Aveda semi-permanent color mixed up by the stylists. It has a slight hint of red to it, but looks overall like a light brown and less like a dirty blonde.
Not my best week: my mom died. And I had to organize and "compere" the memorial celebration and do the eulogy and stuff. Everyone said I did a great job, but it felt like that... a job. I wish I could have just sat there and cried while someone else told witty and moving stories. I was so exhausted after spending three nights with her in hospice... and caring for her at home. It was so hard. By the way MAD respect for anyone who works in hospice... those people are angels.
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry, although I don't think any amount of anyone saying "I'm so sorry" will make it better. I have a constant irrational fear of that happening and I can't imagine having to deal with the practical logistics after a loss like that...I hope things go as well for you as they can, right now, and that you can find a little relief somewhere soon. *internet hug*
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible time. I hope you get all the support you need. Big hugs.
@hoo:ha So sorry, I can't imagine. I hope you have the support you need at home to get everything organized. hugs.
@hoo:ha I am so sorry for your loss--I can't imagine. Big hugs and good thoughts to you and your family, and I hope you guys all find some peace.
@hoo:ha I'm sorry for your loss :( sending thoughts at you. Be well
@hoo:ha My condolences. Take care.
@hoo:ha Oh no. I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry. I hope you can take some time to be the griever and not just the doer.
@hoo:ha Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
@hoo:ha My condolences and also mad respect for managing to do all that. I hope you have some time to yourself to feel what you need to feel now.
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry.
@tearsforaffairs Thanks so much. I thought I would be a complete wreck in this situation, but it turns out you find strength you didn't know you had. x
@hoo:ha Thanks to all you lovely 'Pinners. I really appreciate the sweetness and support of this community.
@hoo:ha Late, but - sending condolences and internet love. Take care of yourself. <3
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry! You sound like a brave and amazingly competent person. I sincerely hope you get to take the time for yourself that you need soon!
@hoo:ha I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't forget to take care of yourself! <3
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Please don't forget to take as much time as you need, and tell us if there's anything you need that we can find or do.
@hoo:ha Oh no. I am so sorry. And am also sorry you had to do the emotional work of organizing a memorial. That is just so much to have to be responsible for.
Also: my mom just asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, and when we don't exchange presents she usually just gives me money. But I consolidated my bank accounts recently and realized that I have more in savings than I thought I did, and I honestly can't think of any material thing I really want this year. It's kind of a nice feeling!
I'm leaving my apartment soon to go to my boyfriend's brew club's holiday party at Sam Adams. I won't know anyone there but my boyfriend and his brother BUT it's open bar and potluck so it'll be awesome no matter what. Tomorrow we're supposed to go for a hike and I'm not really excited, because dude is crazy-athletic and I know he's going to end up 100 yards in front of me free-climbing a cliff while I get eaten by a bear.
@Nutmeg Ugh, getting eaten by a bear is the worst.
Christmas gifts! My mom is impossible to shop for, as she doesn't have a lot of hobbies. She collects some stuff, but she has a lot of stuff and probably doesn't need more stuff. Ideas I have: car detailing....the end. She spends a lot of time in her car commuting to work, and she usually reads in there at lunch time.
Yeah, so if you have an impossible mom, what are you getting her for this holiday-timey?
@phipsi Do you live in a cold place that involves de-icing windows during the winter? Get her one of those awesome ice scraper/fuzzy mitt hybrid things--I got one for a friend a few years back (from Brookstone, I think?) and, according to her, lifechanger.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Hrm. Those ARE awesome, but she has a garage. Whomp whomp.
@phipsi DAMMIT GARAGE-OWNERS.
Spa day? Mom/daughter bonding experiences? Books books books?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have done pedicures in the past and they went over well, yes! She doesn't typically spend money on that so it's a good thing. May have to fall back on that.
@phipsi The car detailing is a really cool idea! Maybe pair it with a small gift card from a nearby coffee place or something so she can enjoy a little treat while the detailing is being done?
@phipsi My dad brother and I are going in together to buy my impossible-to-buy-a-gift-for-Mom a night in Chicago to go to a filming of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," which she ADORES. Getting her a physical thing is pointless, because she is 100% an "I want it, so I'll get it for myself" person. Although driving gloves and cute tote/grocery shopping bags are always welcome, because you can never have too many.
@par_parenthese OMG WWDTM was so much fun, I took my mom for her birthday last year. She'll have a great great time.
My engaged friend sent me my marching orders for my bridesmaid dress, and it is surprisingly pretty! And I think it will be flattering on me! I'm very excited, although it will also involve purchasing a designated foundation garment for up top (strapless dress + narrow back + big rack = help pls?).
@stonefruit My favorite (34F so not crazy narrow on the back but I feel you on the big rack front) is the fantasie smoothing strapless (I also love love love the version with straps). Stays up well over the course of the evening without being too pinchy. You can order it from many places online, though I have had good luck with Fig Leaves and Her Room. I think I bought this particular one from Amazon though. Looks like the band sizes start at 30, if that would work for you. Cups up to a G for most band sizes.
My week. Anxiety, followed by PMS. Which is why I'm currently staying away from people. I mean unless there are people who find hyperventilating while trying to use a cocktail spoon as a weapon super charming. I dunno
@LacunaKale You sound super-charming and I am sure I would enjoy your company mortal wounding aside. Are cocktail spoons sharp? Or more of a blunt force weapon?
@MissJudgeMental I imagine that it's more for gauging.
Anyone want to help me plan a trip to Paris? I'm thinking about going in April for my 30th birthday, and wondering if its possible to do it on the cheap and have a grand time, or if I should suck it up and keep saving. Any advice about great hole-in-the-wall food places, bars, cool stuff that's off the beaten path? Day trips, or overnight trips to places outside the city?
@Moxie Well, it depends on what your definition of "cheap" is, but absolutely! Best tip is to rent a studio or something from airbnb instead of staying in a hotel. You'll get a far more authentic and interesting experience for much much less, and then you'll have a kitchen so you're not eating out at every meal. That said, I wouldn't try to do Paris on bare-bare-bones cheap. It's an expensive city and most of the touristy things will cost money. But you can eat falafel and couscous and bread and cheese really cheaply, and one of the best things about Paris is that so much of being there is just... being there, and walking around and seeing things, which are free.
@Emma Peel Thank you! Yes - I've been stalking places on airbnb for weeks, and I think we could do it on not the SUPER cheap, but definitely not the "fancy restaurant for dinner each night" kind of thing either. And touristy stuff isn't so high on the list either, a few museums would be great but ultimately the stuff I enjoy most about living in New York is all "yummy super-authentic dumplings in chinatown" kind of stuff anyway, and I wonder if there are Paris equivalents, you know?
@Moxie I'm going for Christmas for a week and will report back! I got a guide for my iphone called Go Go Paris that has a lot of recommendations for different neighborhoods--like a carefully curated Yelp. I plan to use it to find coffee shops and cool bars. They have a guide you can buy on their website too that's not for smart phones. They also post cool places to visit on their website: Gogoparis.com (I don't work for them, just excited to find a guide to Paris that isn't all tourist stuff!)
@Moxie There are tiny bakeries and sort of open-air produce markets everywhere. I would pick up a couple of pastries every morning, walk around window-shopping and museum-hopping every afternoon, and have a nice supper every evening. It was great. The French are super-flirty, so I got invited out to random events a couple of times (I didn't go because I was travelling alone and didn't want to get murdered in a foreign country, but maybe you might want to go!).
Eat at Terminus at some point. It's a little restaurant by the Louvre, and everything on the menu looked amazing. I had a fantastic crepe there, and wanted to steal food off of the other patrons' plates. Also, have the risotto at Les Bonnes Soeurs, which is near Place des Voges. The portions are huge by French standards, and the risotto is to die for.
If you're being selective about museums, I'd actually say go to the Orsay rather than to the Louvre. There's plenty of famous artwork at the Orsay, and it's much more accessible than the Louvre. The Louvre is very crowded and very confusing.
@Moxie Totally are! That's the kind of travel experience I like to have too. I did Paris on probably an average of 30-50 euros per day recently (about $50-$60), which is more than I spend on average at home, but some days were less than that. (Some were more!)
Some advice along the lines of what you're looking for: great crepes near Montparnasse (there's an entire row of northern French crepe restaurants), buy cheese/baguette/jam/pate and eat it in a park, take the Metro and/or walk everywhere -- seriously Paris is SMALL, falafel at l'As du Fallafel in the Marais, go to all the beautiful and different parks.
For day trips, it gets trickier because once you get out in the French countryside you kinda need a car to see things (I've done the WW2 stuff in Normandy with my grandparents, but we had to rent a car for that). The TGV (high-speed trains) are really absurd fast and not terribly unreasonably expensive if you book far enough in advance. Not sure what cities are easily day-trippable but almost everything is close enough for an easy overnight. (You can be in Marseille in 3 hours.) I looooooved Lyon, which is about 2 hours away and would be a fun overnight.
For other food recommendations, look on places like Chowhound (just found a discussion of couscous places that makes me want to get on a plane) or French Yelp (run it through Google Translate or something if needed).
Oh and +10000000000000000000 to the Orsay over the Louvre. I LOVE the Musee D'Orsay.
@Moxie I, too, will be in Paris in April! Early April, to be precise. Celebrating a birthday/anniversary and running the Paris Marathon (which is April 7, so you can avoid that if you it's not your jam)(which, how could it not be, but whatever, I understand some people don't like running as much as I do!).
@Moxie I can be your tour guide for the low price of one piece of cheese a day!
I haven't actually tried the renting a studio route, but I do know two good very cheap hotels, one near Clichy and one right in the Latin Quarter (and that one provides a full breakfast with real coffee!)
I love both the Louvre and the Musee d'Orsay, but definitely try to go to either in the middle of the day on a weekday versus evening/weekends. The Louvre has a tiny cafe in the middle of a staircase that looks over the parks nearby (I think Tuileries, but not sure).
BHV has a little cafeteria/cafe that has a great view on sunny days. The cafeteria is nothing fancy, but it's nice and cheap, way cheaper than most cafes in the 1er/2eme!
For restaurants, I'm kind of obsessed with Chez Prosper by place Nation. A French friend chose it for her thank you dinner for letting me stay with her, and it's now on my must-do list for guests. It's beautiful and very very classic French bistro/restaurant, but more than that, the food is amazing. The prices are about average for a non-tourist bistro in Paris, but for portions and ingredients twice as good as most other places.
If you like flea markets, the one on Cours de Vincennes is better than Porte de Vanves or Clignancort, IMHO. There are a bunch of websites that list each weekend's vide greniers or brocantes--the occasional ones tend to have better prices and fewer tourists than the better-known ones.
Oh! And for day trips, my family really liked Chartres--one hour from Paris, adorable town, and the cathedral was beautiful even in crappy weather.
I don't really care for/about the Chateau de Versailles, but the grounds and other buildings (Trianon, le hameau, etc) are beautiful. If you go, rent bikes--I wish I had!
Today was LONG and I am already frustrated as hell because dudefriend's job keeps him away for weeks at a time and let's just say it has been a fucking while. I swear to god I'm gonna have a fucking stroke if I don't see him soon (last time I was supposed to see him Hurricane Motherfucking Sandy actually brought him back to work early, which just, you've got to be kidding me). ANYWAY, I'll see him in a couple weeks, so I'll survive (maybe). And can someone tell me what the fuck is up with the comments, as you can tell I am a wee bit impatient right now. (Rant over, I hope you all have a great weekend).
I am writing a paper this weekend that's due Monday. It's the first longish paper (8 pages) I've had to write since I left college (all my other pre-req classes have been science classes), and I know I'm out of practice. It's going to be a *SUPER* interesting paper though; it's about free black people in the antebellum United States.
Tonight, I am making orange pomanders with @adorable-eggplant and possibly others. This is going to be fun and highly seasonal.
Also, after I submit this paper, my semester is finished! And I am going to read soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much Sherlock fanfic (I've been abstaining so as to spend time resource-gathering for said paper) and maybe do some Netflixingtons. So that is nice.
@wee_ramekin Pomanders! What seasonal fun. I was looking at tutorials recently...are you rolling them in spices? Drying them in the oven? Neither? Both?
1. I had my first REAL LIVE DATE WITH A LADY last night! It went so well!!!! We drank a beer and talked about lady stuff and snuggled with her kittens. But we both chickened out on kissing each other. Next time! Thank you for the courage Pinners!
2. I have a terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad case of Engagement Envy. My BF is starting to get sick of talking about it. So as of today I took any and all wedding-related blog material (incl. APW *sob*) off my Google Reader. Moratorium on engagement/marriage talks until at least 2013 in this relationship.
3. I am going to England/Germany/France in March/April! What are some cool towns to go to in Germany?
@LaurenF Now that I am reading this it kind of looks like I am a crazy person. Talking marriage with BF of 3 years and simultaneously going on first dates? Not as cognitively dissonant as they appear I guess...
@LaurenF Coming from someone who dealt with a case of Engagement Envy recently and had to do what you did, disconnecting from the Wedding Blawgs and such was a huge sigh of relief for my sanity. You will feel better for it, trust. (And from one to another--you will get married when it's right for you, and not being engaged right now is TOTALLY OKAY and is not a referendum on your relationship. I say this to you because I tend to say it to myself a lot.)
And congrats on the first date! Glad it went well--will there be more soon?
@LaurenF Germany: Garmisch-Partenkirchen! And Ettal! And basically every small town in Bavaria. I loved Rothenburg-ob-der-Tauber for history reasons, and Koln for being really cool and vibey, and we also stayed in this amazing inn in the forest near a natural spring where, apparently, CHARLEMAGNE had like watered his horses and where the original inn (where we ate breakfast in the mornings) was built in 1789 -- i.e. frickin' before Columbus sailed to the New World. It was fabulous and I cannot remember the name of it. If I remember it I'll come back and post it.
@par_parenthese Eeeee thanks!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Hahaaaa yes "referendum on our relationship." I love it. Engagement Envy is the worst because you don't want to be That Girl, you know? The one who is pressuring her boyfriend to get married? Which I firmly believe that I am not, and that we are doing this on a timeline that works for both of us, but hey, it can't hurt to remove the wedding blogs from the RSS feed.
@LaurenF Aside from the obvious: Mainz: The Guttenberg museum is there. Trier, for the Roman stuff. Rotenberg an der Tauber, for the medievally goodness, including a torture museum (I assume- it's been two decades since I was there).
Also yay ladydates!
@par_parenthese SIGH. Obviously it was built in 1489, for fuck's sake. Typos. Gah.
@LaurenF If you have time to hop down to Austria, check out Innsbruck! If not, Munich of course. I went Dachau, which has a beautiful cathedral, buuuuut it also has the concentration camp. It's very interesting and moving to tour it, but can also be quite depressing.
OH and Schloss Neuschwanstein is always a must see!
So begins the 7 day countdown of my return to Colorado (/normalcy?). I went to eat pierogies at Veselka and see Japandroids w/ some other pinners, I guess I'll call them E and L (my terrible grasp of names extends to internet handles, though I'm pretty sure E is Sea Ermine)? The dude in the band had this whole tucked-in short sleeve Springsteen going. I wasn't so familiar with the music and anthemic punk isn't really my scene but I had a lot of fun and it was good to see some pinner folks before I left.
I guess the stuff about an official Pinup thing was just smoke ( ._.) did something fall through? Was it a fib told just to get me to go away? I dunno. Just one of those mysteries.
@Danzig! We can still have a December Pin-Up! And I will not be lame, I swear.
@meetapossum oh! It's not you, it's some other official-like thing that either never came together or was pushed back to later in the month.
I don't hold much hope for another pin up on such short notice, though :( I'm going to a meditation thing taught by a friend in Brooklyn on Tuesday if anyone wants to come
@Danzig! The mountains shall welcome you back with open, pointy, really cold and sort of wet arms.
@Springtime for Voldemort is it a damp winter out there? I was missing the dryness tbh
@Danzig! No, it's been deliciously dry. More so than normal, actually; I may have to splurge and get a humidifier, because so. much. static. But you'd get damp if you did a faceplant into the gentle bosom of the mountains. But if you aren't going snow-whatevering, you'll be really dry. I should really stock up on some good lotion, not this scented stuff that then also has mineral oil and alcohol in it.
@Springtime for Voldemort I have a friend who works at a scent store in Fort Collins but I'm sure she could build you a solid unscented / scent-lite lotion
@Danzig! Oh, thanks! I love my Crabtree & Evelyn Nutmeg & Cardamom body butter, but it's mostly about making me smell pretty. It seems like stuff is either unscented and full of shea and cocoa butter and EVO, OR, it's scented and full of crap. And I'm mad at Melt and don't want to buy their stuff. Maybe I'll just get some raw shea butter and slather it on.
@Springtime for Voldemort Lush has some good thick lotions- I've been all about the Lemony Flutter lately because my hands + denver dryness is a sad, sad thing. the kind epic poems were written about it. fighting the scaley monster! oh how it cracks and aches!
@Lit Drunkard PS when I come out there we are going to have pin ups. I remember there was one I went to before I moved, I remember that Sox was there but I forget everyone else's handles :[ we'll go eat thai food or something? It'll be a gas
@Lit Drunkard I will attempt to run into Lush very quickly, grab some lotion, and run out really fast. Before I buy everything.
@Danzig! mmmmmm, thaaaaaiiii foooood. But yeah, lemme know when you're back and we can do a pin-up!
Also, hearkening back several weeks, @sophia_h, my friend says to thank you for passing along your link to the Lincecum/Posey fanfic, and that she has, let's say, enjoyed it. A lot. And my friend also hopes you keep writing.
To the 'pinner who suggested a few weeks ago that the best way to store natural peanut butter is upside down:
You are a genius.
You changed my life.
I think of you all the time.
@thisisunclear turns out the Hairping IS good for something, eh?
@thisisunclear WHAT?! WOAH! This is the first i have heard of this, and I'm making the keanu face. (http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/203/685/conspiracy-keanu.jpg) I hope this works!
Last evening, I was avoiding a snowstorm by sipping vodka sodas in a small, Montana bar and this lady sitting next to me was wearing a full-on 80s prom dress and kept showing me pictures of her dead dog on a tiny laptop she was using.
That is my week in a nutshell. Who knows what it means. Probably that I should stop drinking vodka sodas.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Or you need to drink more, because that sounds Lynchian amazing.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That is a lie. I was nowhere near Montana last night.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That sounds awesome. Did you find out why she was in a prom dress? Or, can you make something up?
@dtowngirl I actually did ask her, and she said she bought it for an 80s party and then just likes wearing it. It was all lace and crazy. But I was buzzed and just rolled with it. What really got me was the tiny laptop. I couldn't figure out why she had it when there was live music and people talking to her.
I'm kind of frustrated, because I've been taking sexual assault crisis line calls from a woman who really just wants to be told what to do. Which is not the support model we work from; we're trying to empower people and let them make their own choices after a choice has been taken from them, y'know? I am not allowed to (and don't want to) tell a woman that she needs to go to the hospital or press charges or whatever. I want so badly to help, but she doesn't want the only kind of help I'm allowed to give.
In other frustrating news, I have realized that I'm never going to find a wedding dress (I'm not even "officially" engaged, but I'm already looking because we know we're getting married and I AM NEVER GOING TO FIND A WEDDING DRESS). I look terrible in every shade of white and in pastels, my partner can't stand the way silk and satin feel, I don't like wearing strapless dresses, and I don't want to look like a crazy 30-something trying to relive prom. I didn't even go to my prom, and that was partly because I think prom dresses are awful.
In happy news, most other aspects of my life are going pretty damn well. So, y'know. Can't complain too much. :)
@Quinn A@twitter Are there any dress patterns you could have sewn for you? That way you can find a flattering shape/style, pick a fabric you're happy with, in a colour that works...
@dale I'll probably have to go that route, but I am not looking forward to what seems like SO MANY EXTRA STEPS. Including finding someone I trust to sew me a whole dress. :/
@Quinn A@twitter You could wear a dapper suit! Or just something in a bold, vibrant hue - you can do whatever you want! Don't even buy a wedding dress, just buy your favorite dress in the world.
What is your budget? And what level of formality are you going for? And when you say you look bad in pale colors, why do you think that? Are you open to a non-white dress or is it being a pale color important to you?
My sort-of super power is shopping for other people. I am seriously really excellent at spending other peoples money.
@NuckingFux Nix Ideally I'd keep it under $500. I think I look terrible in pale colours because I'm very pale. Like, I know people with albinism who aren't much lighter than I am. I am definitely open to non-white dresses - I've been trying to find a jewel-toned dress in a cool colour. Royal blue, navy, emerald green, teal, blue-violet, blue-red, etc.
The plan is to do an outdoor, secular wedding. I wear skirts or dresses every day in the summer because I'm uncomfortable in shorts, so I want something that's several steps up from the stuff I wear all the time. I don't normally go for romantic looks in my everyday life, but I'd like to for my wedding. I keep staring at dresses with long, flowy chiffon skirts.
@Quinn A@twitter Rape crisis work is really frustrating. We're not supposed to tell them to go to the hospital or report, but we're explicitly banned from discouraging them at all from doing either. Which really sucks when people call up wanting to know if reporting is a good idea and they're worried about getting victim-blamed.
We have one woman calling right now who's using it as therapy, even though that's not what it's for and we're not trained as therapists. She refuses to get other help, and calls a LOT. And the supervisors won't really explicitly tell her that we aren't therapists and the hotline isn't really there for therapy (though, it can be used for immediate crisis management, but not really the same thing). It's just discouraging all around.
@Springtime for Voldemort Yeah, I get people who are using the line as therapy too, but we are allowed to tell them that we're not therapists and we're allowed to set time limits on the calls.
It is frustrating, but sometimes it's also really rewarding. For the most part, I'm okay with the work, and I know it needs to be done. I just hate it when I can't help and feel like I'm screwing up the call.
@Quinn A@twitter I think the problem I'm having is that it seems like most of the people I get are ones I can't help and it feels like I'm screwing it up. And I can't tell if that's just my perception, or what. But, it's better than not doing the hotline, so...
@Quinn A@twitter Maybe look into brushed cotton? And look at upscale bridesmaid dresses, you can get then in a huge variety of colors (doesn't have to be white or pastel, everyone knows you're the bride) and the styling is still weddingish, and the cost is lower. Also, I wouldn't worry about it so much until you're actually planning the event, because season and setting really come into it. And for all the emphasis placed on The Dress, it's just a dress.
@Springtime for Voldemort It probably is just your perception - I have some people who really just want someone to listen and to validate their feelings. With those people, I'm not helping in the sense of fixing their problems, but they do find what I'm doing to be helpful.
It's weird - I've been raped, so I know damn well that there's no magic moment where someone does exactly the right thing and then you're fine for the rest of your life. But I still want to give someone that magic moment, y'know? I think I need to let go of that before I can really feel like I'm doing good work on the line.
Are you sure about looking terrible in pale colors? I used to think that about myself, too (super extreme pale person here), but it turned out that it was only true of off-white and creams. A true crisp winter white is actually one of the best colors for me out there! but I didn't know it for years because my mother would see me in the off-whites and say" white washes you out." You might want to bring along an impartial observer and try a really crisp white (the kind where, if it were make-up or a painting, people might say it had blue undertones), and see what you & they think.
Not that there is any need for you to get married in white at all! Colors are great. But it can be nice to feel like you have all the options that are available out there -- you aren't automatically precluded from white because of your coloring -- either for the wedding or for everyday life.
@NuckingFux Nix Your comment showed up in my email, but is not here! Weird.
No worries on the time - I'm not even engaged yet! We just keep talking about marriage as this inevitable thing that we're going to do in the next couple years. :)
I actually really love the one from the first link! It would work perfectly. And the one you said you die for is also gorgeous, though not quite right for me.
I feel a lot better about my chances of finding something now. (And actually stumbled upon a gorgeous green $318 Vera Wang dress that I'm half talking myself into and half talking myself out of...)
@Quinn A@twitter Yay! I actually really want the short version of the first dress, it just seems so versatile, and I love the idea of being able to make up new necklines.
I sort of agree with everybody when they say to wait for a date/venue so that your dress is appropriate, but I also see nothing wrong with planning your entire wedding around your dress. Lol, what is it about the Vera Wang that is calling to you?
@NuckingFux Nix Well, we've actually pretty much chosen the venue and the date, just...not the year. *laughs*
The Vera Wang is just the perfect shade of green, and otherwise hits most of my requirements. Really, though, I feel like I can relax now so I'll wait and see if we're getting married in 2014 (possible but unlikely), 2015 (highly likely), or 2016 (I...kind of don't want to wait this long because my girlfriend is awesome and I need to lock that down! *grins*).
I quit my second job today! I also got a second interview for a research apprenticeship! I suddenly have free time! Yaaaaay!
@Blackwatch Plaid Also I'm going to the Slutcracker in Boston tomorrow night- anyone else going?
@Blackwatch Plaid Ugh, I wanted to go but never got my act together and then I had to replace all the food in my fridge. Maybe next year.
This guy I work with who has been flirting with me for EIGHT MONTHS (and who I politely, temporarily, turned down when he asked to kiss me months ago) but who is super cute was such a juicebox the other night. I was majorly flirting back because I was in an "eff it that he's kinda dumb, it's a holiday party & I wanna make out with his cute face" mood and we were super flirty all night. Then, at like the last possible second, he turned his attention completely to this other girl out of nowhere. Sitting right next to me. And then they went home together, on my bus, with his arm around her. JUICE. BOX. That's all, I'm over it.
@one cow. Whaaaa? Awful! Juicebox indeed! Sorry, that sucks.
Also, I had to contact Philips for chat support the other day and your picture is the avatar of the person who helped me. Why are you following me, Julie????
@one cow. It sounds like one of those lame "ways to keep the other person interested", where he wants to make you jealous and chase him even more... except it backfired spectacularly. Or he's just a knob (not even a scheming one), and therefore even less worthy of your attention.
@She was a retail whore It's me, Julie! Just wanted to make sure you're satisfied with your Philips product. Please let me know if there's anything else I can help you with! I will never leave you.
@Lyesmith Yeah, I think it was a little of both. The time when he tried to kiss me, he'd had his arm around ANOTHER girl the night before, also in front of me (which is why I declined the kiss). So now I just realize how rude he is in addition to being a mimbo. I'm sure he'll be flirting with me at work again like nothing's changed.
@one cow. Time to master the vacant, smiling gaze directed at six inches to the left of his face, and keep all your replies to "uh huh" or ".. right?". Vacant pleasantness is such a great way to disengage from knobbery.
Man. Wallander is super depressing.
@wee_ramekin This is totally unrelated, but you remember when I disappeared for 9 months and then showed up again and you noticed and said really nice and welcoming things to me? Last week my therapist told me to go home and write out some positive things about myself (because I was drawing a total blank when she asked me to list some) and I used your comment as a starting point to do research on myself and find out what positive things other people might see in me. And this week I was able to list some! And also gave her a printed list of comments I thought demonstrated my good points, and which basically started with your comment from September. So, thank you!
@Cawendaw :) !
Aw, man! That makes me so happy! I'm glad that you're able to see the stuff about yourself that makes you so dear to all of us here at the 'Pin. I'm also really glad that you haven't disappeared again; I wasn't kidding when I said that you're one of my favorite commentors.
@wee_ramekin This may be an ask too far, but: in that same conversation way back when, you encouraged me to post here if my depression started getting the better of me again. I havent, and probably won't, because a.) it's really public b.) it's only open Fridays and c.) depression does bad things to my courage and motivation.
So instead could I ask for your e-mail address (or another contact method, if you prefer)? I don't want to lean on you too hard, but it'd be nice to have a backup friendly person to talk to (or at) if everyone else is busy. Hopefully the need won't arise and I'll see you around here. I won't ask you to put your info here, but mine will be up at http://pastebin.com/Gqj9Ha3a for the next 24 hours.
@wee_ramekin the original or the Kenny "Shakes" Branagh version? The original is sort of... slice-of-life-y? I thought it was weird that when it comes out that his daughter has been schtupping the younger dude detective, Wallander's all "well I hope you're okay" and it pretty much ends there. These Scandinavians are too respectful for good TV drama
Can we talk about Ryan (aka Luke Cafferty) on Parenthood? I love the character and his relationship with Amber. I hope they don't turn him into a jerk.
@Slutface I am so obsessed with that show! I also hope they don't turn him into a jerk. But, I am ready for Mr. Cyr to go away already.
@BucketsOfCool I liked Mr. Cyr! Sarah is an idiot. She needs to get her life together. She's a constant screw-up who thinks she can fix everyone. She's screwed up her kids because she wants to be the "cool" mom instead of their parent...I just can't with Sarah. Mr Cyr is better off.
I hope Joel can talk to Ryan. I was pissed he didn't tell the other workers on the jobsite to take it easy on Ryan or about his military experience.
@Slutface Haha! I like Mr. Cyr, but I am tired of the plot-line. I totally agree with you about Sarah and I think that's why I want him to leave so that it can just be DONE! And the "cool mom" thing....RAWR!
Omg, JOEL. I was mad about the jobsite thing too. Although, I could see Ryan getting defensive about it if he knew that Joel had said anything.
Also, lastly (and weirdly fitting with regard to this week on The Hairpin), MARLEY! I want to punch her. That is all.
@Slutface YES! I really like Ryan and I really like Amber with him. The jobsite situation made me sad. Although Joel is one of the most consistently nice characters, so I can't see it ending too badly?
I am so tired of the Sarah/Mr. Cyr/Hank storyline. I'm glad Mr. Cyr stood up for himself finally because Sarah is still such a mess. I feel like her character has really suffered from waffly writing. She wanted to be a writer and then she wasn't anymore and then her relationships always define her and ehhhh.
This show makes me weepy every. single. week. I mean, on a spectrum from just misty to full out tears-down-my-cheeks but it is so emotionally manipulative in a kind of embarrassing way, haha.
@yeah-elle See, I like the way the write Sarah because there are women that are like that (myself to some extent) and I like how they show how her actions have affected her kids. Especially Amber.
I want an Amber and Ryan wedding, but I know it's too soon. Amber is what...20?
@Slutface I am straight up obsessed with that show too! But it does not compute that y'all don't like Sarah (or Sarah & Mark together) ... she's the bomb! She's amazing! She screws up and is human like the rest of us! She doesn't always know exactly what she wants!
May Jason Ritter never ever leave Parenthood behind, amen.
@Slutface Aw no, I like Sarah! And I thought she and Mr. Cyr were good together!
I just think that ever since they introduced the Hank love-triangle storyline, her character has been faltering. They basically introduced this plot-point into her life, and all the character development that I was previously enjoying (her discovering her love of writing, her and her ex-husband's rehab experience, her learning to have a different kind of relationship with Amber once she left home) kind of disappeared.
@yeah-elle Nooo! Sarah is always chasing self-destruction and flounders from one thing to the next. She's a washedup manic pixie dream girl.
@Slutface Not everyone can be super pragmatic Julia! Just kidding, I really like Julia. I agree that Sarah (and Crosby, for that matter) regularly do things that make me want to rip off my scalp and/or roll my eyes right out of my skull, but I still think they're interesting characters until the writing drives me nutssss (see: Hank, or when they turned Jasmine into a shrew overnight).
@yeah-elle I do like that they didn't the predictable thing and have her hook up with Hank right away. The next morning she PISSED at Hank for taking advantage of her and being selfish. I think she was angry with herself too. Maybe this could be a turning point for her? I don't know. Amber really seems to be trying to change so maybe she'll sit her mom down for a chat.
@yeah-elle UGH HANK. UGGGHHHHHH. That is all.
I wish my cat could use a cellphone so I could text him during the day when I'm at work.
CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE RICK
@Summer Somewhere Amazing
@Slutface THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT LIFE
It's been harder to get up and be happy in the mornings lately. I'm trying to take good care of myself -- there's nothing in particular that's causing this -- so hopefully it's just a seasonal sort of thing.
I'm also really torn about a dog I met at an adoption event a month or two ago. I've mentioned him before, I think. I think about adopting him a lot, but I met him again last week and while he was cute, I didn't feel IN LOVE or anything. He didn't act excited or want to lick my face or look at me. But he did let me hold him for a while.
I'm also reticent to commit to dog ownership. On the other hand, I'm crazy about dogs and I love visiting my parents' dogs and petting dogs I meet. I also want to help dogs in bad situations. (This one is living in a good foster home, though.) And this particular dog would probably be pretty low-maintenance. Small, middle-aged, chill. My boyfriend reminded me that a relationship doesn't work unless both parties get something out of it. I just don't know if I have cold feet or if I should wait for a dog that I just CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT.
@whateverlolawants Since you respect dogs, I bet any dog you ever got would be one you eventually couldn't live without. Your relationship with a dog will grow and develop just like any other and you don't have to be in love right away.
Also, remember that a dog will force you to get up in the morning. My dog is at times a real difficulty and pain, but when things have been bad, she is the reason I ALWAYS got up and went outside and was motivated to be in the world, because I had no choice.
@LaLoba Those are great points.
These things are relevant to my experience!
I've been having a terrible time getting out of bed, having motivation for anything, taking care of myself etc... Your standard clinical depression. I'm in it. But I'm holding out hope that it's been triggered by the seasonal changes and might drop $50 for a light therapy lamp I saw at Costco. And/or asking to raise my Wellbutrin dose.
And dogs. I adopted my first dog a couple months ago after wanting one my whole life and.... it's been challenging.
I love her dearly and don't necessarily regret adopting her but there's been a HUGE adjustment period. She's a year old but was a stray and not house broken, and we have two cats, and she's full of energy. And chews everything in sight if we haven't exercised the life out of her every day. Which can be hard to find the time to do.
I only met her once before bringing her home, and there wasn't some amazing connection or anything. But she was adorable and the right size and a breed we thought would be a good fit (who would have thought a corgi/chihuahua mix would be so athletic and muscular?).
But LaLoba hit it on the head. As much as I might resent it sometimes, she really helps me do things I know are good for me but can't otherwise bring myself to do. 'Cause depression.
So yea, all this personal rambling is to say I relate to all that shit and would ultimately encourage you to adopt the dog. More furriness in your life is rarely a bad thing.
Then show us pictures!
@NeverOddOrEven I have a prescription for an antidepressant but have held off on taking it, mostly because, well, I don't want to lose my ability to have orgasms. I may go ahead and give it a try, though. The light lamp is a good idea, too.
I'm glad you're honest about the dog adjustment. That's the stuff I need to hear, and I'm glad that the dog has helped you. :)
Have you taken anti-depressants before and had those side effects? Because I've been on and off various kinds for my entire teen and adult life but never had much of an issue. I wasn't a very easy orgasm to start with, but never noticed any additional trouble.
And if it's an option or otherwise good fit for you, Wellbutrin is the only one that doesn't have evidence of causing sexual dysfunction. With the added bonus of being a bit of an amphetamine, but sadly I don't notice any change in energy/motivation.
@NeverOddOrEven I did, although it was also at a time in my life when I wasn't so experienced at the whole sex/orgasm thing, so maybe it won't be so bad this time. And I didn't know any of that about Wellbutrin! Thanks for the tip, seriously.
Also OMG how did I forget to mention the highlight of my week? Parks & Rec came to Indianapolis to film an episode that will air in January. I met all the main male cast members: Ron, Ben, Andy, Tom, Jerry, and Chris. (Yes, I met Rob Lowe!!!) All of them were nice and gracious except Aziz. Chris Pratt (Andy), Adam Scott (Ben), and Jim O'Heir (Jerry) all came out of the restaurant and talked to our small crowd for a while. Such nice guys.
I also met... Newt Gingrich! Seriously. Apparently he was in town to meet with Gov. Mitch Daniels. His driver suggested he eat at a famous steakhouse here. When he got there, it was closed for filming, but they worked him into the script and he'll be making a cameo. He came out and talked to our group afterwards. I don't think any of us liked his politics, but we were all really nice to him anyway. I told him I liked his tie, because it had all these polar bears on it. He got it at the St. Louis Zoo, he said. Such a funny day.
@whateverlolawants Dude, Newt is EVERYWHERE. My friend was in Rome this summer and was all over facebook about meeting Newt Gingrich there, and, to add to the confusion, how other American tourists were saying he should have gotten the presidential nomination.
@whateverlolawants Wait wait wait, tell us more about Aziz.
@frigwiggin No, don't. I want to believe that Aziz was just on the phone the whole time because his luggage went missing or something completely explainable.
@frigwiggin Okay, I'll tell. Sorry, @Lucienne! :) He was on the phone for part of the time, perhaps for a legit reason like lost luggage or family stuff or what have you. When he walked by our small group (about six people at the time, it grew to about twenty by the end) for the fourth time avoiding eye contact, I said loudly, "I bet you're not even on the phone!" I don't think he heard me, which is good. I feel a little mean about that. It's not like he owed us anything... but at the same time... we'd all taken time from our day to see him, and we weren't acting obnoxious or swarming him. Just waving and saying hi and hoping to get photos and thank him for coming.
I understand if someone doesn't want to be stopped or talk, but not even smiling or acknowledging the handful of people who came to see you? Meh. Nevertheless, I still think he's funny, and maybe he was having a rough day, so I won't hold it against him much. He IS the one who taught me to TREAT MAH-SELF.
@whateverlolawants were you... in the men's bathroom?
@whateverlolawants Apparently Newt is really really into raising money for zoos and is a big animal lover (at least to the extent one can be when one goes out of their way to eat at a steakhouse). Who knew!
@runner in the garden Hahahahaha. No. On the street outside the restaurant. It was only the men because the episode is about Ben's bachelor party. I wish the women had been there.
@Danzig! Pretty cool, and haha about the steakhouse. Apparently he's also on the board of a moon-travel company. Now, I'm not sure I like people paying $1.5 billion to go to the moon (I wanna go for cheaper, and also there's hungry people here on earth), but I should have asked him about that. Does he get to go to the moon?
Okay first of all, I hate you. So jealous.
Secondly, that really sucks about Aziz. I mean, I totally can't blame someone for not being "on" all the time. I could never do it. But it's not like the pressure was all on him. If there was a group you'd think he could at least come over, shake hands and smile and nod.
Buuuut, I grew up in Anoka-Hennepin school district in MN and love him forever for the fact that after he read the Rolling Stone article on the suicides he immediately organized a benefit show.
But then again when I tweeted at him to say thanks I never got a reply.
@NeverOddOrEven That's how I feel too. I don't expect anyone to be "on" 24/7, but yeah, the pressure wasn't all on him!
I didn't know he did that for the district. (I read that article -- wow.) Good for him. Hahaha about the Twitter no-reply.
Yea, it was really touching. He even chose Justin's Gift, a charity started by a local mom who lost her son. I was especially moved because the stories were all about "Nine suicides in two years!" but when I graduated in '02 it was already happening. I went to the wake of a classmate who hung himself in his backyard. Terrible.
Here's the link to the local blurb about Aziz. If you search Erik Turbenson on the same site you can read the cover story they eventually did about my friend.
Oh my horsey god, is anyone else here familiar with Warhorses of Letters? I was just introduced to it and and it is amazing.
Also, I'm a longtime lurker and occasional commenter but I'm trying to finally join the internet for real, so: hi Hairpin! I like all of you very much.
@jonquils JOIN USSSSSSSSSSSS! (hello!)
@jonquils I heard about Warhorses of Letters for the first time just a few hours ago! It's on my to-read/listen to list. I've been informed that Stephen Fry reads Marengo in the audiobook version.
@Kate Kane YES he does! It's being serialized on BBC radio/iplayer if you've got access to that, second series is happening now; and if not the audiobook is very, very worth it. In my opinion.
and @wee_ramekin, <3 you.
Did anyone watch the BBC Imagine documentary about Jeanette Winterson that aired this week? I find her completely infuriating and completely seductive at the same time. She's great television.
@Decca Ahhhh, no, but I'm really excited to! I just finished her memoir, and it just destroyed me, in the best way possible.
Hey guess what, last week I got a job! I'm working at it RIGHT NOW. I'm not really working that hard though because there isn't much for me to do yet and the boss left for the day. I'm becoming a notary.
My job is as a legal assistant, which is what I started going to school to do last summer! Hurray. the bummer is that it's far from home and I must grapple during the commute with my feelings of dreadful inadequacy and failure for not yet pursuing a graduate degree and not yet being a famous playwright.
Has everyone seen the LL Bean Boyfriend tumblr?? http://yourllbeanboyfriend.tumblr.com/
Can we please discuss? Also, I hear he is indigenous to Maine. Can anyone attest to that? Because if so, I am moving there.
@Fingers Crossed oh that is the best tumblr since kim jong il looking at things
@Fingers Crossed OH. Oh dear.
Maybe this is what The Winter Boyfriend has evolved into?
@Fingers Crossed Oh goodness gracious. Thank you so much for that.
Cat owners, I need your help! Background: I've never had a cat before, but a stray kitten started living in my boyfriend's carport so we caught him and kept him. He was probably about 6 weeks old when we caught him and he's three months old now. He is adorable and affectionate and growing like crazy.
The Problem: He will not. stop. biting. And scratching. Mostly when he plays, but sometimes he'll be cuddling and purring but if I reach down to pet him he'll scratch me. He's gotten better about the biting but even when we play with him until he's exhausted, he still will scratch. Should I get him more toys he can roughhouse with (as opposed to little balls to bat around), or should we avoid those toys? There's lots of info on making cats stop scratching furniture, but he never scratches anything except the cat tree and us!
@MilesofMountains Is there any chance he's deaf? Often white cats with blue eyes are deaf (it's a congenital defect associated with pigmentation of the hairs of the inner ear; a couple of my dogs are/were deaf for the same reason). I've read that a lot of people figure out their pets are deaf when they don't react to the cries of litter mates or owners making noise when bitten or scratched.
In any case, when my deaf puppy would bite too hard, I'd immediately stop playing and turn away from her. Eventually she figured it out. I don't know if it would work with cats, but not getting what they want (more play) can be a strong motivator.
You can also trim your kitten's nails so they're not quite so sharp. And put a heavy sock over your hand/arms so you're not so vulnerable.
@MilesofMountains In my experience (which is not exhaustive or anything), this is a problem with kittens that grow up without other kittens around. They'll settle down significantly as they grow up, but I'm not sure you can solve the problem.
@laurel I don't think he's deaf. He reacts when I growl at him, and (less strongly) when I tell him no.
Thanks for a reminder about the nails. He's going to the vet next week for a round of shots and hopefully to get neutered. I'll remind my boyfriend to ask for his nails to get clipped again.
@Lucienne you know what? That makes sense. A coworker said her cat was the same as a kitten and grew out of it, but other people have been all "no, kittens are piles of love and cuddles! Yours is defective!" but my coworker's cat was the only kitten of a stray mother, too, so maybe that's how it goes.
@MilesofMountains Yes, my mom's bestie had a bitey cat who'd been taken from his mother too soon (before two months), so he never learned proper cat manners. She got another kitten recently who started biting back when they roughhoused, so Otis finally figured out that it HURTS and stopped. You probably don't want to get another cat or bite the one you have, but walking away when he gets bitey might help?
@MilesofMountains Our cat was big-time bitey when he was a kitten just out of playfulness, we would stop playing with him any time he bit or dug his claws in, it helped but it wasn't until he was around 1 that he grew out of it, and now he never ever bites!
@LordHennyson Yeah to some extent that is just what little kittens do. Basically all the kittens I have been around have at least some level of bitey, scratchy rough housing when they are young and it settles down a lot once they are over a year or old or so.
@MilesofMountains If he had other kittens around, he'd learn to stop hurting them because they'd squeal with pain and run away when he did. Maybe try your hand at a little yelping? It's how I taught my kitty to gnaw on me gently.
Everyone, look at what my BF posted to me!
Les Mis "flash mob"
oh shit i haven't been able to comment in DAYS and THIS is what goes through???
no idea how long this will work for!!! i have had no phone for two months and i have a lot of jobs and today at the office party i fell in love with a designer
(too many jobs tho)
@melis what's happening melis. How is life on the left coast
PS as a dumb American I am hurt by your use of that word.
*e what is thing you call "love"
as a jerk american i am ok with that
plus I'm at Gawker now so they took out my feelings and replaced it with an SEO emerald
@melis You're living the American dream!
@melis I've been told when you're hired on they steal yr name and put it on a secret listicle kept on a flashdrive deep within Nick Denton's volcanic lair. C/D?
@melis Melis is Dennis Duffy.
Hey guys, if you're a grad student and you ask another grad student to host your cat for about ten days while you go out of town . . . how much would you reimburse your fellow grad student? (Obviously, I'll supply food, litter, and box.) Should I wait and see how much money I get for Christmas? How awful my cat is over the break?
@Lucienne Are you good friends with that grad student? It makes a difference. And yeah, if the cat is in someone else's house, you probably should wait and see how it behaves, because if it damages anything you'll probably want to reimburse the student for that.
Variables aside, I'd say figure out what you'd pay to keep the cat in a kennel and revise downward from there. Maybe not really far downward, depending on your relationship with the grad student and your cat's behaviour, but definitely downward.
@Lucienne Depends on how long, but my friends have always paid me in beer (and once $50) for cat-sitting.
@Lucienne Grad student? Strong alcohol
@Lucienne When my friends pet-sit for me, I usually give them either $50, or a gift certificate to a nice-ish restaurant for around that much. However, I also only ask good friends to pet-sit, since $50 for quality pet care is *dirt cheap*. It costs $40/night to board dogs in reputable kennels in my area.
@all Thanks! It was made clear that cash OR booze would be acceptable, but that neither was particularly expected (we are all pretty poor). I wanted to get a feel for what other people did!
@Lucienne I usually buy a nice bottle of wine ($12 or so) for 3 days of someone visiting my place to feed the cat, so 10 days of the cat staying in someone's house... $50 range seems appropriate - in cash or booze.
@Lucienne I think it mostly depends on how close you are with the other student and how well-behaved your cat is. I tend to pay close friends with good beer and returned favors. I once got two books in return for hosting a cat for two weeks and was thrilled with that.
My parents are currently looking into a professional cat sitter who charges $13-15/day - maybe as a non-professional, consider $8-10/day for your grad school friend if beer and books don't seem like enough.
I'm having a terrible, terrible week. My 19 year old kitty is on her last legs, after a few years of slowing down and gently aging. She's always been healthy (just elderly!) but over this last week things have gotten bad. I don't know if she's in pain yet, but I really don't want her to suffer. Its horrible to ask (and even worse to think about - I've been struggling so much with this), but at what point should I be considering bringing her to the vet for a final goodbye? I've never said goodbye to a pet before, and I'm crying myself to sleep thinking about it. But her quality of life is seriously declining, and I can't keep her around suffering just for my own selfish need to not let her die.
Ugh, this is the worst. I'm spending as much time with her as possible, and its so sad. She's been with me since I was 6! Its so hard to imagine life without her :(
@MassCasulty It's hard to draw any sort of bright line - I think my family generally goes by whether the pet seems to be in actual pain or is losing control of body functions. I'm so sorry, though, losing childhood pets is a special sort of pain.
@MassCasulty I'm so sorry. I just went through this with my beloved oldladydog. I recommend taking her to the vet for an assessment of her condition. The vet can help you set some expectations for her quality of life. When certain benchmarks of decline are reached, you'll know it's time.
I'm so sorry. This is both the worst time for you and one of the most important things you'll do for your kittyfriend. :(
@MassCasulty my heart hurts for you :( I know exactly what it's like. Like @laurel says, you'll know. When they can't move around and are tired more than enjoying life, and when they can't go to the bathroom like they used to, then you should talk to your vet.
We'll all be here for you when it's time. I'm so sorry
@MassCasulty I'm so sorry. I am in the same place (although not my childhood pet), and it is terrible! Do I wait until he is miserable, or do it now so he doesn't have to be miserable? Especially this time of year -- if it's not now, it's after Christmas, and that's just added stress for everyone (dealing with his meds on the actual holiday when I won't be home, worrying about him, etc.)
I'm going talk to the vet today and see what he says.
Had a baked potato and scrambled eggs for dinner, am now overydying my (not-compound) henna'd hair with a dark red hair dye.
You guys it looks like errr, blood.
Of the specifically vagina-owning kind.
It's all over my bathroom. That has this white sort of surface. Ack. What do I dooo?!?!
Also they pushed back the college acceptance date a whole 15 days for my Early Decision college.
On the bright side, I didn't have pertussis a few weeks ago?
@Shayna MAGIC ERASER MAGIC ERASER MAGIC ERASER
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WILL DO! THANK YOU!
@Shayna Also barkeeper's friend! (And the archives at Unfuck Your Habitat.)
Just found out that I don't get a credit for the TV show I'm working on.
What the holy fucking fuck.
@OxfordComma Obvs it's time to start covertly writing your name on various places around the sets.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher : HA! ...Unfortunately, I'm not on set--just in the office. My name doesn't occur on the call sheet or in the credits. It's bloody rude, if you ask me--I don't care if it's "industry standard"--it's RUDE to not give credit to someone who works on the fucking show.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher With sticky notes. Different colored sticky notes.
@OxfordComma Just start tagging the whole fucking place
Anyone watching The Hour?
@Shayna AAAAAAAUGHGUGHGUGH LIIIIIIIIIIIX :((((((
I mean, yes.
@Shayna YES, I am the only person on earth who liked / enjoyed the espionage plot from S1 so the new season's a bit of a slower burn and the social issues stuff doesn't gel quite all that well for me. I feel like the Freddy's Marriage plot is kind of getting short shrift, too, the wife character isn't well sketched at all.
So how about Mr. Coolboss McScotsman? I'm getting a very Aaron Sorkin superjournalist vibe from that character, tbh, but the actor plays it well.
@Danzig! I liked the espionage plot! It was interesting! This season is a little less rock n' roll but like... still good. Some really genius interview things.
Freddy's Marriage plot, oh jesus you can watch it wither and die. Poor girl. She seems all right (now that I've said that, watch her be evil). I'm waiting for the FreddyxBel hookup, then they regret it, then they split, then they get back together and get married and never have babies because oh god, can you imagine Freddy as a father?
His character drastically changed from episode one to this one... at first he was all bizarrely quoting random things, and he's toned it down a bit, which is nice.
Also I don't know if this matters to anyone, but I love love love the presence of canonically queer characters >.> It's so nice. It's not an overfocus, they just exist. It's well done.
My other much more shallow point about this show is *Ben Whishaw's hair*. It's Tennant-esque.
@Shayna Maybe I'm oversteeped on American TV tropes (Moonlighting was, fairly or unfairly, a clarion call to American TV writers never to have sexually tense co-leads consummate, and most shows seem to have taken it to heart) but I'd be surprised if the Freddy / Bel thing happened. Obviously Bel's pining for Freddy but he either doesn't get it or is scared of severing their bond, or whatever.
Also, which characters are queer, besides the slimy mustache man?
@Danzig! I feel like this season's a little more diffuse, but they're getting some amazing character work in, so it balances? I loved the spy stuff, though. Plus, Burn Gorman. I love his weird little face.
And I personally never want Freddie and Bel to get together because they would make each other miserable.
Also, PETER CAPALDI. Dang, he and Anna Chancellor are just running away with every scene they're in, and when they're together it's like the whole world stops.
Adam Leray - Ruth Elms' fiance - was also queer. But he was sad and shamed, and Angus is your classic evil homosexual villain, so we're not really getting a lot of positive representation.
@Danzig! Well, Andrew Scott's character was. There was someone else, though i can't remember their name. And I think he's slimy, but I think he's slimy outside of being gay, if that makes any sense.
Also the whole storyline with the legalization of sodomy. That was cool.
Yeah, I know about Moonlighting, but I've seen the BBC do it. I mean, Freddy's wife right now is freaking out because of their perceived bond. I think he knows. I don't know, it might be interesting. They did it on Bones.
@anachronistique Oh damn! It's been so long since I saw the first series that I completely forgot about that character. The espionage business was fun but it was sort of convoluted.
@Danzig! I'm finding the Peter Capaldi/Anna Chancellor stuff the most interesting, does this mean I have been watching too much Downton Abbey?
@Megano! it means you've got a thing for smoldering Scottish gentlemen. Back of the line's that way ;)
@everyone I am a bit late to this but I think this is a fantastic look at the first series, and also I am SO happy to see all the Lix love in this thread, as she's clearly the best ever.
Y'all, I have a first coffee date tomorrow. And a drinks date the day after! This is atypical for me! Eeeek! Also, woo!
On a related note, how does one comfortably end an hour-long first-date coffee? This is a skill that I Have Not Mastered, ack.
You run out of coffee. It's fantastic.
@beerd Hah, my problem is that I tend to chug coffee in about 10 minutes, like some sort of sponge person. But duly noted.
@Emily Chapman@twitter Seriously an hour is enough time for me to down a 12-cup pot of coffee by myself.
@Emily Chapman@twitter: Set an appointment alarm on your phone. Oh, is it 3 o'clock already? I have an appointment at 3:15. Thanks for this, it was great to meet you but I simply must go!
@Emily Chapman@twitter My friend recently had a coffee date at a small cafe and the planned meet up time was an hour before closing so there was a natural reason to leave. This coffee shop also happened to close around supper time, so there was also the extension option of suggesting they grab a bite to eat if things were going extra well.
Hey Hairpin, not really looking for advice or anything but I kind of need to get this out, and I figure FOT is a safe place.
The other night I was taking the metro home, minding my own business, when suddenly this man who had been sitting down, suddenly stood up and put himself right in front of me (there were one or two paces between us) and faced me. And stared at me. Normally, people on the metro would be facing the door, aka not facing me, and definitely not staring right at me. This went on for a good five minutes, and I tried to ignore him, and then tried to ignore him in a more obvious way, but he kept staring at me and it freaked me out. Then when I got off at my stop, I had to pass by him, and he held his hand out and tried to touch my face. I know that this whole thing could have been scarier, but still. I threw his hand back toward him and yelled and luckily this girl about my age kind of shoved herself between him and me and pushed me out of the car faster and waited for the bus with me since obviously this jerkface got off at my stop.
So, yeah, in hindsight my safety was probably not in as much danger as I thought it was, but I've been taking public transit for more than half my life and I've never been that scared. I've been a little skittish on the metro all week just because I'm worried about the same thing happening or seeing that man again. And yeah, that's about it. I'm very grateful for that girl's help, and that's pretty much all I have to say.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I'm sorry. The minor creep things are so terrifying, because you never know when they're going to quickly escalate to major creep things. I'm glad that girl was there for you, though. Hugs!
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Scary! I'm really glad it ended okay. You handled it well, not that you should have had to handle anything like that anyway.
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) I recently had a subway experience that escalated from mildly weird to at least a little bit scary pretty quickly. My scenario was a completely different and scary for different reasons (I was with my boyfriend and a woman went from talking at us normally to screaming racial insults at us and threatening us with physical violence - all while we said nothing), but I still totally get the feeling of like trapped scariness while still wondering if you're somehow overreacting. I am glad that girl helped you and that you are ok!
Someone find the girl from the metro and buy her a magnum of fine champagne.
@laurel She deserves it! (Especially considering that no one else did anything.)
And thanks, everyone. I've had no choice but to face this, but luckily I've seen people I know on the metro, or walked to the station or been picked up in the last few days, so that helped.
You guys, my friends just had a surprise birthday dinner for me and it was so sweet and lovely and I've never ever been surprised before and I loved it so much.
(I've always wanted to be invited to a surprise party. and happy birthday!)
@professionalmess Happy birthday!
Does anyone have suggestions for tights that are almost like leggings (or leggings that are kind of like tights)? I'm thinking: fully opaque, smoothing, without that annoying small elastic waistband that always digs in on me.
I have a scary-short dress that I need to wear at least once - bought it for NYE last year and changed plans at last minute. I figure my days of wearing mini sequined shit without (much) shame are probably drawing to a close at some point in the not-too-distant future, so I might as well do it while I can.
@like a rabid squirrel Try looking for fleece-lined. I have a pair that are super cozy and opaque, and they mostly just feel like really comfy leggings. I would like an entire body suit made out of them.
@like a rabid squirrel These are the fleece-lined tights that I own. Very opaque, very comfy, less prone to runs than most tights I own.
So today when I was shopping at Sephora, three separate people said that they knew me from somewhere because they recognized my cat tattoo. I felt like a local celebrity, even though I'm just the waitress with the silly cat tattoo.
You guys, I WON A GIFT CERTIFICATE to a boudoir photo company! I get to go have sexy pictures taken!
@Elsajeni Ooh, just like Homer Simpson! Spring for the bear outfit.
@frigwiggin The outfits are actually my biggest challenge. I'm supposed to bring "about 4" and I only really have 2. Maybe I should go with the bear outfit.
So last night, I had to deal with a guy mansplaining Judaism, religion, the fight over Israel, and Jewish culture because he has read Marx and has some Jewish roots or something--to a table of three that included me, a semi-practicing Jewish atheist whose entire family is Jewish and who actually studied religion in college.
I let him go on a while about how religion is the root of all evil and how it has caused the entire situation in Israel. He even said that Jews are so intelligent, so they have lots of money, and it made all the other countries jealous.
Me: "But they got more money partly because other religions already hated the Jews and confined them to money-related trades.
Him: "But they made more money than other people might have--so they must be intelligent."
I don't understand people who claim to praise rationality above all, but then have such simplistic views of religion and civilization. Like, "Religion is for stupid people, but I am satisfied with my theory of humanity that can be summed up in two sentences."
And then it turned out that this guy's serious girlfriend is a devout Catholic who wants him to at least believe in God for her and won't live with him before marriage. I asked if she knew what he thinks (that she's an idiot, apparently), and he said that yes, she did, and since he'd never believe, eventually they'd have to break up.
WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?
P.S. Thank you for the tips for small apartments last week! It's still a work in progress, but it's looking more like a home. If anyone has opinions about the use of toaster ovens as real ovens for baking cookies/muffins, I'd love to hear them!
@Faintly Macabre Argh! That guys sounds like the WORST! **trying to hold back strangle-hands** The number of people I know who know about religion/religious history because "they read a book" nearly make my head explode with rage.
@Faintly Macabre Wow, that guy's terrible. Really? You're going with "Jews are cunning and hoard money?" I can't even.
@supernintendochalmers I think (or at least hope) that he meant it in a complimentary way, but that's almost as bad. The stereotype and how acceptable people find it drives me crazy. Like, really? In this day and age you think it's possible for one culture/race/whatever is inherently smarter than another?
@SarahP Yeah, I've studied religion more than most people, but still mostly as a tourist in the field. I don't consider myself an expert on anything besides my experience and my family, so when people (mostly guys, really) whose entire religious education consists of occasionally going to Mass or something start pontificating, RAGE.
@Faintly Macabre He sounds horrible! I once got into it with this guy who wanted to write an anti-Israel essay because he read "a couple articles on the Israel/Palestine conflict". When I tried to explain that it was one of the most complicated conflicts out there, and he should really follow his (Jewish) teacher's advice and do some more research, he got pissed and really doubled down on saying he knew everything.
More and more, it drives me crazy when atheists/anti-theists claim to be Wise about religion, but then make comments about "religion" and "organized religion" that show they see Christianity and the Catholic Church as all of religion, and aren't at all aware of the diversity of thought within theology. If your schtick is knowing things about religion, you have to actually know things about religion.
@Faintly Macabre I think a lot of self-proclaimed rationalists/atheists don't actually value rationality or logic, they value being right (or rather, the warm feeling you get when you know how right you are and how wrong absolutely everyone else is). They cast themselves in this role of the lone champion of hard truths and persecuted reason, then get into arguments by being a total jerk about how right they think they are, and that just reinforces their self-image of being the persecuted lone champion.
@Springtime for Voldemort That's actually one of the things that bothers me about the His Dark Materials series. It kind of wants to be an allegory about religious thought in general, but so much of it is just very narrow and shallow anti-Catholicism (with maybe some anti- Sola Scriptura Protestantism thrown in, as if that's the same thing).
@Cawendaw I now feel much better with how I haven't read His Dark Materials..
@Springtime for Voldemort YES, so much. As an atheist with a lot of devoutly religious friends, I get doubly pissed because they're giving nonjudgmental atheists a bad name and insulting my friends. You'd think that if they made the journey to becoming an atheist, they'd realize that almost everyone has had a deeply personal, discrete religious journey (I hate that word but can't think of a better one), religious or not. (Not to mention that in the U.S., a lot of the uber-religious people I know are people who've dealt with a lot of poverty and trauma and are often minorities/immigrants, but I'll be generous and not expect him to know about that.)
Look who's pontificating now!
I took one class on Israel's formative years when I studied abroad, and the teacher (a brilliant, hilarious woman who'd interviewed various Israeli state/department heads) had an entire room in her house covered in files and books about Israel and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.
@Cawendaw I actually quite liked the Golden Compass! But I've only read the first book, and I read it more for the talking animals and awesome heroine aspects than for the philosophy.
It really seemed like, yes the Magesterium was parallel-world Catholic church, but due to religion not being such an integral part of culture to these humans--probably because they could reliably communicate with their own souls by nature--that's the only one that succeeded. I agree that there were an awful lot of cultures for only one religion to be popular, but: that religion was large, competitive, possibly cannibalizing of other beliefs AND barely anyone was religious except people who worked for the Magesterium. It made sense with the biology of the people.
PS Sorry I know nothing about weddings but I just didn't want His Dark Materials to leave an undeserved bad taste in your mouth.
I haven't made cookies/muffins in a toaster oven but I use mine for biscuits all the time and the occasional tube of cinnamon rolls. Do a test run with something you aren't really excited about to find how even the heat is, you may need to rotate your baked goods but other wise they're great.
@Cawendaw You have just outlined, in 30 words or less, my biggest issue with the His Dark Materials books. Thanks x 10! The Golden Compass was intriguing and well written, but the second was less so and the third went right off the rails.
@Everyone else - this is my biggest issue with some of the "spokesmen" for the atheist movement. They present some compelling arguments for why they're atheists, which is fine, but then they often turn around and say that everyone who might disagree with them (i.e., religious people) are stupid and gullible, which is not fine.
@Bittersweet Agreed. Richard Dawkins came to my campus to speak, and a friend asked if I wanted to go with her to see him, and my reaction was "... do I have to?". I was relieved when he sold out before I could get tickets.
If anyone is still around I have a fashion question.
I have these great, thigh high, wool socks that I love. They're super warm and I like the way they look but I can't really figure out how to show them off with my outfits. Like, I mostly where them under my jeans but I want to show them off in their full glory. How do I do that? I have thought shorts with tights and the socks over them but then what kind of shoe? Please help!
@Weasley boots! ankle boots! if they're not super duper thick, maybe oxfords?
@Weasley A lot of my friends are doing the leggings or jeans with long socks and knee-high boots/riding boots over them look, so the socks stick out the top of the boots.
@Weasley If you shop at Sock Dreams, you probably already know this, but their models usually have really cute shoes in different styles that can serve as pretty good inspiration.
I wear thick winter socks with short pleated skirts and little slip-ons (and usually garters if the socks don't stay up right). Just make sure the materials are of equal thickness (like wool and wool) and it usually looks great.
Thanks everyone! I will keep you updated on my sock adventures.
Ugh stupid Satan's Disciples tagged my back door last night. WHAT THE HELL?! WHY? This is making me so depressed.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yay for mixed neighborhoods. This might be of interest?
I found out last night that my fiance wants to write our own wedding vows, an idea which I have always been vehemently against (quietly, in my own head). We're having a secular officiant, probably a family friend, perform the ceremony. I had thought we'd use the vows from the Book of Common Prayer (because I'm an Episcopalian) without all the God references (because he's not, and it's complicated).
It escalated into a frank exchange of views about how much we love each other and mean to each other, and whether that could be adequately expressed using traditional words.
Did you write your own vows? Did you use a traditional service? How did you feel about it?
@pearlforrester My husband and I used a secular service that we found online and customized to meet our needs (I loathe unity candles/sand/what-have-you so we cut that out, but we did have a short reading by my sister). The service included ring vows that were separate from the vows we wrote. I was not excited to write my own vows, but he wanted us to. I looked at some vows on Offbeat Bride and A Practical Wedding and personalized my own from there. I only wrote them the week of the wedding. We agreed to keep the vows about the same length and to have some similar language. Other than that, it was supposed to be a surprise. During the wedding, our officiant, a friend of my husband, got flustered and skipped the part where we did our personal vows, so we ended up only saying the ring vows, which was fine by us.
I was really happy with the ceremony. Having my husband's friend do it made it feel more personal and like it was a true reflection of us as a couple. Part of our service involved asking for our friends and family to support us, which was important to us since we kept the guest list to our closest relatives and long time friends.
Don't be afraid to do things the way you and your fiance want!
@pearlforrester Ours were traditional but secular (from some services I found of some secular humanist site). I liked it better than agonizing over personalized wording. I liked having some traditional ideas that felt big in scope and weren't archaic.
@pearlforrester We wrote our own vows. My husband was initially against it and wanted to use something traditional but secular, but for some reason I really wanted our vows to be something coming from us. We ended up compromising in that our officiant (a friend of ours) and I wrote the ceremony and vows, using the same vows for both of us. We googled some secular ceremonies and used them for ideas on structure and content, then wrote a couple of paragraphs, decided on a reading and a friend to give it, and finished with the vows. Everyone seemed really happy with it, though I think part of my husband's objection to vow-writing was that it was one more thing to worry about, and kind of stressful.
@pearlforrester My fiance and I are in a bit of a similar boat (in regards to preferences anyway, we have not really come to any conclusion about what we will do yet). I personally have very strong feelings about not wanting to write our own vows. I am a somewhat private person when it comes to relationshipy stuff (sometimes anyway). I really, really do not want to have to worry about writing my vows and saying them in front of a bunch of people. I want to stand up in front of my friends and family and make that commitment in front of them, but I do not want to have to share my deeply personal feelings about my fiance in front them. When we do talk about it, I may ask if he would be okay with pre-set vows for the actual ceremony and then maybe writing and saying our vows to each other privately on the honeymoon or something if it's something he really wants to do.
Need a little advice. My younger brother has asked for a subscription to the Economist, the New Yorker, or something similar. He is in law school but was an english writing major in undergrad. Therefore I am leaning away from the Economist (which I subscribe to and love) but is there anything similar to the New Yorker that I should consider? The Atlantic?
@allthethings New York Review of Books! NYRB!
@allthethings The London Review of Books! Hilarious, scholarly, wide-ranging, and generally lovely.
@allthethings Why not go with the New Yorker? I have the Atlantic and its not as good. The NYer really is the shit.
@wallsdonotfall If someone got me a subscription to LRB they would basically be my favorite someone for at least three Christmases.
@Lucienne Thanks! Both the NYRB & LRB look great! and no disrespect the the New Yorker - just wanted options.
My neighbors woke me up from a dead sleep at 1:30am. They were fighting. Now I'm afraid to run into one or both of them in the hallway because I can hear everything through the damn wall. "Hey, how was your party the other night? And I hear you're having marital problems?"
@Amphora It's worse when you live with them! You learn to ignore the fights so well that you just end up ignoring one another entirely
@Amphora Yeargh, sympathies. I lived next to a squabbling family for months. Do they know you can hear them?
Just booked tickets to see family for Christmas. 9 days. Is it mybe to late to covert to Pastafariasm?
@LacunaKale It's never too late to be touched by His Noodly Appendage.
STUPID EFFING RESEARCH PAPER AARRGHHH GRRRRR RRRRAAAAAAAGH WHY DID I PROCRASTINATE THIS FOR SO LONG AND WHY DID I PICK SUCH A HUGE TOPIC AND WHY HAVE HALF THE BOOKS I NEED ALREADY BEEN POACHED FROM THE LIBRARY BY THE REST OF THE CLASS
...if any of you are the praying sort, a few intercessions to St Jude (patron of lost causes, according to my ex-Catholic mother) might be appreciated. GRR NOW BACK TO WORK.
@Countess Maritza *high five from a fellow procrastinator* I'm staring down a 5-7 page paper (due tomorrow night), and a 12-15 page paper (due Wednesday night, for which I have read perhaps two applicable sources). *headdesk* Good luck!
Can I get the hairpin's position on a weird dude issue? I'm at the tail end of my student exchange program and there's this guy who kind of randomly asked me out a week ago. I said okay and went to his apartment (some sexytimes ensued, and a sleepover). Since then, though, I'd been weirdly girlfriend-zoned. He has a lot of exams and lives in the library, and the timing is such that we part ways almost before they're over, and in the meantime we've had lots of texting and some dates in public (all initiated by him), with almost no touching because we're both kind of averse to PDAs. Yesterday I texted him about coming over because I was at my wits' end, and he said he'd thought about it too but he's really focusing etc.
So, I feel kind of dumb having a state of the relationship talk for something that started a week ago and will be dead in less than two weeks, but I'm also kind of frustrated at the status quo: is it okay to ask if he ever plans on meeting me in a non-public place?
@good morning, christina Yes. I don't think an SOTR is necessary, but I think saying, "Hey, should we try to get some alone time in before I leave?" is totally a-ok.
@HeyThatsMyBike That sounds like a good formula! I'll let you know how it worked out.
I just saw Anna Karenina! I have opinions! Anyone want to opine with me?
Oh I'll totally talk about that! C. and I went to it for date night (I know, right?). I thought it was gorgeous and fun?
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Okay wait, not "fun" (SPOILER: Anna dies), but compelling? So, I loved 'Mysteries of Lisbon' and was kind of okay with 'Princess of Montpensier,' but I wasn't drawn in by either (just to compare a few costume dramas). And it's even more impressive when a film draws you in even though you know the story.
..I really adored the theater conceit; I thought the staging was smartly done and visually interesting, as well as taking what could easily become a cheesy-over-the-top storyline and making it theatrical in a good way.
Cons: I really loved the book, and I was a little sad to lose some of the social commentary, and also, I thought it was really hard to be sympathetic to Keira Knightley. I realize that every period drama is required to at least offer her the role and she's a lovely actress AND a great person, but it made me a little less inclined to listen to Anna's struggles -- in the book, I could honestly 'hear' moments of her hardship, and in the movie, it was much harder not to yell UGH JUST DEAL WITH THE HEARTBREAK, WE ALL DO, AND MOST OF US DON'T HAVE YOUR PRETTY DRESSES AND JEWELS AND ADORABLE KID AND TOLERANT HUSBO.
MO' SPOILERS, MO' PROBLEMS
Also. Yes. Totally gorgeous, every inch of it. The costuming, hair and makeup, the choreography, the natural and staged settings, the ponies, etc.
The mustache was a weird turnoff though. You can't avoid it, but licking the mustache was a bit much during the picnic scene.
Yes, I think the sort of strange part of praising the film is that everything but the central love story was fabulously handled. Knightly and Taylor-Johnson just didn't have enough heat at the outset to make it believable that Anna would throw away her family life, and later, when things fall apart, Knightly was kind of overacting, as if not trusting the director to use proper film techniques to portray Anna's turmoil.
Turning this into Sunday Open Thread.
- I broke my ankle this week, it sucked.
- I got a great annual review from my boss and a 3% raise, that didn't suck.
- My sister got robbed while she was in her apartment - she was in the bedroom and the burglar walked into her apartment living room and stole her laptop and purse. She didn't even hear him until she heard the door click on the way out. So now I'm freaking out a bit sitting alone in my apartment, since we live in the same city.
- I started seeing a new guy last week and so far, so good, but of course I've been single for 3+ years and have had the worst luck with guys so freaking out before it even gets serious.
- I saw the Nutcracker today and it was lovely.
Anyway, random list, just wanted to tell people.
@ImASadGiraffe This is a lot of things and I can kind of relate. Take care of that ankle and I hope your sister's okay!
@Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)
She is fine, thank you - just shaken up, obviously.
i like this blog and i like E Sigara . great work, thank you.
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