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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

259

Chamberpots: A Resurgence?

Marcela and Ryan Marshall live in a well-to-do part of Brooklyn's popular Park Slope neighborhood, but pay a (relatively) microscopic monthly rent of $300. If that seems unlikely, it's because of an arrangement that's a little unorthodox, but — as they're quick to point out — not without precedent: Their apartment doesn't have a bathroom, so they use chamberpots, as the building's first tenants did nearly 150 years earlier.

"But not just any chamberpots," Marcela said one recent afternoon, as she sat with Ryan on the stoop in front of their apartment. "We have some lovely ones from an artist in Red Hook who glazes them with sea glass."

So the pots aren't metal?

"No," Ryan said, explaining: "we find that metal can be obtrusive in personal places. And if we're using chamberpots, let's use the same kind that the people who first lived in this house used. If it was good enough for them—"

"It's probably too good for us," Marcela said, laughing. "That's our life slogan. Insofar as lives can have slogans, which I would argue they actually can't."

So, presumably — his and hers?

"Well, we started out with just one," she said, giving Ryan a look.

He smiled. "That didn't work out so hot."

"Speaking of heat..."

"Let's just say it was summer when we moved in," Ryan continued, "and we don't have or ideologically support air conditioning, so nights could get a little rough, especially when you don't know what to expect when you lift the lid. I know — it's not necessarily for the squeamish, but we've been doing it for three years now, and it's helped us feel closer to the building, to its history, and to each other."

Is this a trend they expect might take off?

"Why not?" Marcela said. "We've given a lot of Andrea's pots to people on holidays and birthdays — she's the woman who makes them, in Red Hook — and haven't heard any complaints." (She admits, however, that many of the pots' recipients may be using them not as latrines but to hold plants.)

And finally: the waste. It goes ... ?

"Into the gutter, early in the morning," Marcela said, matter-of-factly. "And then we douse everything with water. It's not hard. It's what people have been doing for hundreds — thousands — of years. And is that really..." she said, pausing.

Ryan picked up where she left off: "... So crazy?"



259 Comments / Post A Comment

karenb

"into the gutter" made me cringe SO HARD. unprocessed, untreated human waste, straight into the grey water system, where it's probably getting transferred to the nearest body of water. UGHHHHH. sewage treatment is important! (cue the fish shit in the ocean comments, i guess?)

karenb

@karenb now i feel silly. i stand by my defense of the waste-processing system, though.

(also, there's a word for that, right - where real life is so bizarre that you can't tell reality from parody. something something constant?)

area@twitter

@karenb I'm not sure, but I'd love to hear the name for that term. (And judging from the comments, a lot of people had the same reaction. I know I did initially.)

karenb

@area@twitter ah ha! Poe's Law - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law

oh! valencia

@karenb I want to know what was in those deleted comments.

karenb

@oh! valencia nothing interesting, as far as i can tell - the 1st was a general agreement, i didn't get an email with the 2nd.

Boopsy

@karenb Haha! I had the exact same response.

Danzig!

@karenb I'm thinking their principled forfeiture of air conditioning balances things out

angermonkey

@karenb I... have to support your squeamishness. I live in a small town and our gutters drain straight to the streams. Human effluence is DEFINITELY not supposed to go there. One or two people, fine, but if everyone did this, our waterways (and then our drinking water) would be lousy with fecal coliforms...

Trilby

@karenb
Yeah, no, that's not good. Whatever the time of day, does not matter. You need to stop. It is unsanitary. Here's how to tell if you are doing something wrong: ask yourself, What if everybody did this?

Trilby

@Trilby Sorry, that was not to Karenb, that was to the OP.

Sincerely, Jane

@karenb @Trilby Depending on the neighborhood, the stormwater collection system may be combined with or separate from the sanitary sewers. This map shows which is which: http://www.nyc.gov/html/dep/pdf/green_infrastructure/sewer_drainage_area_types_map.pdf

Anywhere that's green, you could be confident knowing that the contents of your chamber pot were on a one-way trip to the wastewater plant! Signed, resident environmental/water resources engineer.

karenb

@Sincerely, Jane fascinating! i did not know that. it is sort of comforting, though.

Ham Snadwich

@Sincerely, Jane - I thought I was the resident wastewater engineer.

jhonsons

This is soooo amazing omg! @j

Misselthwaite

Oh no.

Misselthwaite

@Misselthwaite Do you think everyone in the building, also? That must be an awful corner to walk by in the morning, then.

smidge

@Misselthwaite lovely username, by the way.

Misselthwaite

@smidge Thank you, I quite like yours also!

Cawendaw

If they don't have a bathroom, does that also mean they don't have a shower?

Lucienne

@Cawendaw They collect rainwater, I assume.

Blushingflwr

Of course it's in Brooklyn.

You want to skimp on indoor plumbing to save some money? Fine (though I wonder where they bathe; do they have a pitcher and basin of water in their bedroom?). But you have to find a legit, responsible way to dispose of the waste so that it goes into the sewer system. If it were a situation where there were a communal bathroom down the hall (ala many European hotels) and they emptied the chamber pot into the toilet every morning, that would be okay, I think.

TheBourneApproximation

This...took me longer than it should have to realize it was parody.

(It...it is parody, right?)

SarahP

@TheBourneApproximation I was reading the first couple paragraphs like "OH GOD NO" and then realized it too. Nicely done, Edith.

SarahP

@SarahP But the sad/amazing thing is that this is so belieavable.

Blushingflwr

@TheBourneApproximation I feel a lot better about the world if it is. The sad this is that I believed it, because I can totally see some hipster getting a chamber pot without any thought for the possible consequences for the public water system.

Jinxie

@TheBourneApproximation IT IS?? Oh, thank god. I was all set to unleash some serious righteous indignation all up on this comment section.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@TheBourneApproximation ZOMG THANK THE JEEBUS it's a parody! This sounded so believable, my head almost twisted around exorcist-style and my retinas almost fell out after reading it.

Cawendaw

@TheBourneApproximation Phew. This is one of those things that only seems obvious in retrospect.

TheBourneApproximation

@Blushingflwr Hipster Poe's Law? Portlandia's Law?

jilt

@TheBourneApproximation Oh.....oh thank god. I'm sorry to say I didn't pick up on the parody, and was having all these images of a London-slum style cholera outbreak in Brooklyn...

Dirty Hands

@TheBourneApproximation Ah, a parody! I did NOT realize until this moment that it could be a possibility, and I say "possibility" because I don't yet believe it... sure, "she said, giving Ryan a look." and "he smiled" to mark off dialogue made me doubtful of the seriousness of this piece, but not to BELIEVE it? When the reality of "Hoarders" exists in this universe, why not this?

Megasus

@Dirty Hands I totally believed this, and was like NOPE. Also I want to punch people who don't "ideologically support air conditioning."

D.@twitter

@TheBourneApproximation I, too, am just realizing this wasn't real. Now I feel like one of those people that indignantly posts articles from "The Onion" on their FB walls w/ comments like, "zomg what are we coming to?!!?"

mc coolfriend

@TheBourneApproximation GGAAAHHHH...."I don't have air conditioning" is like, the Florida (or any hot climate, I suppose) version of "I don't own a TV". And you know how there's some people that just actually don't own a TV, but then there's those OTHER people that Don't Have Television; and one of them just doesn't have a TV and one of them is insufferable? Yeah.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Waterborne Pathogens in Untreated Human Waste: A Resurgence?

RK Fire

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I mean, it's only what people have been doing for hundreds--if not thousands--of years!

area@twitter

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose SUBTITLE: Seriously, Are you Fucking With Us, Come On With This Shit
Meanwhile, in public health organizations across the world, the sound of thousands of heads being forcibly slammed into desks.

RK Fire

@area@twitter: Public health groups and organizations focused on water quality! Ahhhhhhhh...

area@twitter

@RK Fire Oh my God, yes. Somewhere, Riverkeeper and Surfrider NY (among others) would be openly weeping.

Hot Doom

Is this a test run for a potential Portlandia sketch?

martinipie

@Hot Doom Or an article in the NYT Style section sometime next year

Punk-assBookJockey

@Hot Doom The dream of the 1890's is alive in Portland.

wee_ramekin

@martinipie Or in Modern Love...

lavender gooms

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOPE!

milkbreath

"We don't have or ideologically support air conditioning"

What.

As someone who lives in the South just...what.

And if I encountered their poo in the gutter, I would be more than little mad. WHO PUTS THEIR POOP IN THE GUTTER COME ON. 'Sup cholera.

gobblegirl

@milkbreath I have qualms about air conditioning, but I don't live in a place where old people die during heat waves, so.

deepomega

I don't even dump my waste in the gutter. I hurl it into the street, like in Deadwood.

Lucienne

@deepomega Interestingly, that is not the part of Deadwood I try to make happen in my life.

deepomega

@Lucienne You're more of a "calling everyone cocksucker" person, huh.

Lucienne

@deepomega I would say my priorities are 1. Sleeping with John Hawkes 2. Introducing "cocksucker" into my daily conversation.

stuffisthings

@deepomega I'm even more old school -- when I visit a really nice house I just piss all over the walls, like in Versailles.

stuffisthings

@stuffisthings I don't really get invited to galas anymore.

whizz_dumb

@deepomega another instance of somebody making a "cocksucker" comment before I have the chance. This always happens to me.

par_parenthese

@stuffisthings Or go behind a curtain and just drop trou and take a (presumably drunken) shit.

Filed under "Surprisingly Historically-Accurate Things I Learned While Drooling Over Giles Coren, That Delicious, Delicious Man."

SarahP

YOU GUYS, there are plenty of vintage chamberpots on etsy! Let's make this trend take off!

Seriously it only occured to me just now that people used porcelain. What if YOU BROKE YOUR CHAMBERPOT?! The shards!

Daisy Razor

@SarahP My mom uses one from her grandfather's farm to hold napkins. She thinks it's hilarious when people compliment it as part of the kitchen decor.

bocadelperro

@SarahP I have a brass one one from Union Pacific Railroad that has a sign on it requesting that people not throw the contents out the window.

nonvolleyball

this is so great. "we don't have or ideologically support air conditioning" & "That's our life slogan. Insofar as lives can have slogans, which I would argue they actually can't" are both so spot-on I can hardly stand it.

Lucienne

@nonvolleyball It's like a Christopher Guest movie. In the best way!

frigwiggin

@Lucienne Yessss oh my god Marcela played by Catherine O'Hara and Ryan played by John Michael Higgins

Lucienne

@frigwiggin I was thinking more Parker Posey because of the, "Insofar as lives can have slogans, which I would argue they actually can't." bit. But, yes to John Michael Higgins. (Not that I can ever say NO to John Michael Higgins!)

frigwiggin

@Lucienne Okaaaay, I'll concede Parker Posey. It almost feels like typecasting her, though!

melis

EDITH YOU GENIUS

Tulletilsynet

@melis
I'm glad I got here late and can pretend I wasn't taken in.

iknowright

So do they take them into the closet and poop in there, or is this done in some corner of a room they're both in?

Let's hope neither of them delevops IBS or Crohn's disease!

Edith Zimmerman

@iknowright Proud to have been part of something that brought "so do they take them into the closet and poop in there" to this site/the world.

Blushingflwr

@iknowright man, that just added to my arsenal of answers to questions about why married couples slept in separate rooms in the 1800s. (I used to work in a historic house)

The Lady of Shalott

@Blushingflwr One more reason it's better to be wealthy in the past: not having to have your spouse and six kids in your one-room cabin watching you shit on a cold winter's night!

Blushingflwr

@The Lady of Shalott Makes the outhouse more appealing, certainly.

iknowright

@Edith Zimmerman That's not an answer, Edith!!!

Danzig!

@The Lady of Shalott My favorite of the great ironies of American history is that the culture reached the height of its sexual puritanism only when whole families didn't have to live in single-room houses and kids didn't have to bear witness to the creation of their siblings

theotherginger

@Danzig! how does the current era compare to the actual puritans though? (I know that things are a "little" out of hand though)

Probs

*slow clap* Well played, Edith. My anti yuppie/hippie hackles are still involuntarily raised.

area@twitter

@Probs That's exactly the feeling, perfect. I'm still foaming gently myself.

TheLetterL

@Probs My breathing is still a little shallow, but I'll live. Well played, Edith.

maybe partying will help

Yeah, definitely thought this was a real thing. Well done you, Edith.

thatgirl

This would not surprise me in the slightest. I hate Park Slope.

City_Dater

@thatgirl

Me too.
Edith made these people up, but their real-life counterparts will have a cutesy profile in the Times soon, in which they reveal that the reason they don't have a bathroom is because they turned it into a birthing room for goats, which they keep tethered in their former living room.

thatgirl

@City_Dater Seriously, have goats replaced chickens as the livestock du jour? Alpacas are next, just watch. Pygmy alpacas.

area@twitter

@thatgirl You know what this reminded me of? Did anyone else read that Dear Prudence a while back about the woman who was using her family's leavings as compost? And when her husband objected, was like "fine, I'll just use a chamberpot on my own to mulch the tomatoes"?
...Actually, wait. Edith, was that you?

Ellie

@area@twitter Yes! I read that. That's one of the grossest things I've ever read.

area@twitter

@Ellie I hope and pray that question was a joke. (As I do with most of Prudie's questions.) Unfortunately I can also see it happening, for the same reasons I didn't immediately recognize this article as a parody.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@thatgirl
Oof, I hope not. Goats are assholes.

KatPruska

I have lived in Brooklyn too long. Totally bought it.

highfivesforall

@KatPruska The only nagging thought I had until the poop -> gutter part was that the hairpin never quotes anything this long from an article, and original interview content isn't ever formatted like this. Too much attention to detail, or not enough??

Boopsy

@KatPruska I have lived in Portland too long... totally bought it too! The part about not ideologically supporting air conditioning really dragged me in.

Punk-assBookJockey

@highfivesforall This is exactly what I thought! The style is not right for a hairpin interview and there's no source cited.

Lisa Frank

Too real, Edith, too real.

area@twitter

This is so spot-on I almost can't believe it's a parody. I'm all ready to pull links to John Snow and the Broad Street pump. (Shh, brain, it's OK. Go back to reading about vaccination trends.)

Katrina Michie@facebook

You should write for the Onion, Edith. It would also help me realize faster that this is a parody and not a real news story.

RNL
RNL

"It's probably too good for us," Marcela said, laughing. "That's our life slogan. Insofar as lives can have slogans, which I would argue they actually can't."

This is the very best. My hatred of her felt so real!

Tulletilsynet

@When robot unicorns attack
Her vocal fry is deafening.

The Lady of Shalott

I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that this is NOT REAL.

breccia

i've been researching the history of indoor pooping all afternoon (FOR REASONS) so i really, truly, bought this. and also barfed a little.

SarahP

@breccia I must know your reasons.

honey cowl

Oh man, I cannot believe how much I believed this.

OhMarie

Hahahaha, EDITH YOU SCAMP!

matilda

@OhMarie THE BEST

hahaha "we don't ideologically support air conditioning" I am dying

Briony Fields

@matilda That was amazing, ten points, would roll eyes again.

iceberg

I can't believe I'm the only one that thought "Yeah, I'd probably shit in a pot for $300/month rent."

oh! valencia

@iceberg you aren't.

Rosebudddd

@iceberg I considered it for longer than I should have.

TARDIStime

@iceberg Oh, indeed. It seemed so plausible!

stuffisthings

Then again I get the same horror/fascination reaction when I tell people we actually take our laundry to the laundromat. On the bus. Because my hip urban neighborhood can support 15 dry cleaners but not a single coin laundromat, apparently.

stuffisthings

@stuffisthings (I need to save my money for the ~700 bars nearby obvs. And brunches. So. Many. Brunches.)

meetapossum

@stuffisthings Those are the things that really matter.

Danzig!

@stuffisthings don't forget weed expenses

TheclaAndTheSeals

Someone tell me I'm not the only one to send to friends outraged before reading the comments and realizing this isn't real.

February Revolution

@TheclaAndTheSeals There are more embarrassing responses than e-mail forwarding. . .

[sic]

@February Revolution "the latest Brooklyn trend, artisanal poo"? Isn't all poo artisanal, technically?

Bittersweet

@[sic] Obviously some people's poop is more artisanal than others'.

sprayfaint

@Bittersweet There is a podiatrist near us [in Brooklyn] that advertises "Artisanal Podiatry".

beatrixkiddo1

I totally bought this. The only thing I was skeptical about was the rent. You'd still be paying upwards of a grand in Park Slope for a place with no bathroom. I know because I pay twice that in Park Slope for a bathroom so small you have to sit sideways on the toilet.

Bgwee

@beatrixkiddo1 Yeah, that was my only tip off as well! "$300? No way." Oh, Brooklyn.

MALLROY

@beatrixkiddo1 Was scrolling down to make this exact comment. I thought, "Ok, this would be believable if it was like, $750, maybe."

sprayfaint

@MALLROY Yeah I'd say $500 minimum. I did almost rent a one-bedroom in the Slope 6 years ago for $1100 that had no sink in the bathroom, but there WAS a bathroom.

Pound of Salt

When I read "we find that metal can be obtrusive in personal places" I totally paused

alannaofdoom

@Pound of Salt - "You... are probably not using it right?"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Pound of Salt Hahaha, yeah, my thought was, "HOW obtrusive is that metal getting into your personal places? Do I no know how to use a chamberpot?"

Bittersweet

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose My husband and his best friend once went on a sea kayak trip around some islands off the Maine coast. In the absence of indoor plumbing, they used a portable metal/plastic contraption called "the groover," because it left a groove around your nethers.

alannaofdoom

I was SO CONFUSED because it's not Thursday so how can there be a new Thursday Styles piece?

HereKitty

@alannaofdoom **Blowing kisses in your general direction.**

martinipie

@alannaofdoom Just made that joke upthread....we are like ~soulmatez~

sarah girl

I'm still not totally sure I believe this is fake.

D.@twitter

@Sarah H. I'M SO CONFUSED. I might bring KI tablets w/ me to Brooklyn, just in case?

iknowright

@Edith Zimmerman That's not an answer, Edith!!!

Trilby

So this was a joke? Brooklyn artisanal pooping? HAHAHAH I get it now.

Danzig!

Well this was truly the ebb of Kinfolk Magazine's line of cover stories.

Danzig!

@Danzig! I will never be as irrationally mad at anything as I am at Kinfolk Magazine - http://vimeo.com/channels/kinfolkmagazine

Burn everything

elizabeast

500 points to the first person who can explain to me how one can not "ideologically support air conditioning."

Angelena@twitter

@elizabeast because it releases a lot of chemicals into the environment, so one could argue that if you could survive without it that you could be opposed to it in theory. like you could be ideologically opposed to eating beef because the cows cause a lot of methane which is a big pollutant. I'm not saying this is exactly what i think, but you could in theory be opposed to something that is harmful to the environment and could (potentially) be viewed as unnecessary (if thats your opinion)

Hiroine Protagonist

@elizabeast

Cause it's an earth killer? And that cities that only exist because of it should probably not exist? Oh and it helped (along with teevee) to kill the community spirit of the South, or so I've read. people used to hang out outdoors with their neighbours after dark until the houses cooled down a bit or it was time to go to bed, after AC (and TV) everyone stayed indoors. I am, of course, writing this from Western Canada, where it rarely hits 100 degrees. So - easy to be smug.

PersonAlly

Errrm, for a second I thought Edith was bringing back her very, very short stories

;[

Tulletilsynet

@PersonAlly
... which, Edith!

Bonnie Downing

What's weird to me about this is, well... I would expect people who have made such an unusual lifestyle choice to be respectful of the lifestyle choices of others, but I know Marcela and Ryan, just from around Brooklyn, and you would be surprised at how close-minded and judgey they both tend to be. That air-conditioning comment? Totally directed at me.

Kyeste@twitter

@Bonnie Downing I'd love to hear more on this story. Why are they "ideologically" against air conditioning?

EpWs

@Bonnie Downing <3

Jonatha@twitter

So..ONE pathetically pretentious want to pretend to be superior to others by setting themselves back a century and a half technologically, and that is somehow "chamber pots are making a comeback"?

Valley Girl

@Jonatha@twitter I assume the phrase that you left out was "pretend parody". Still keeps the alliteration and everything!

SeaMoney

I mean I'm vaguely interested in urban composting toilets. This is what it reminded me of. Also: Edith you are great.

Noelle O'Donnell

Reading this caused me so much mental anguish.

Hammitt

Fact 1. It required me reading a good deal of comments to decide this was a parody, and yet it looks like so many real people that I can't ... quite... it is a parody, right?

Fact 2. My Mom has a couple of insane friends. One is this strange but lovely literary lady who spends every Christmas babysitting Samuel Johnson's house in London but normally lives outside Woodstock, NY. The other is a woman born and raised in New Jersey, who cleans canned goods before she puts them on the shelves, and bleaches every surface in her house regularly. Recently, we had the following exchange:

Mom: we were visiting (friend 1) in Woodstock and she had chamber pots! Because the bathroom is downstairs. And then she started talking about how collapsable chamber pots should be a thing - like inflatable ones you could take on trips.
Friend 2: [long pause to consider this]... but how would you clean them?

Everyone's insane neuroses all at once!

Gwdihw

My people call them thunder mugs.

daviddavid

Cat litter, the clumping kind.

mahiki

Dear Edith, this has been picked up by the Daily Mail. Bahaha.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2250611/The-New-Yorkers-desperate-live-upscale-Park-Slope-bathroom-use-CHAMBER-POTS-instead.html

maybe partying will help

@mahiki

This is maybe my favorite thing that has happened this year.

anachronistique

@mahiki MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

area@twitter

@mahiki This is the best damn thing ever. I die.

Jinxie

@mahiki AH-MAZING!

mk rilea

@mahiki also on msn hahaha
http://money.msn.com/now/post.aspx?post=ce6f6ddb-4925-4a33-aec3-d588f0a830f0

mahiki

@mk rilea Yes! More amazing comments.

EpWs

@mahiki ...there are no words to express the purity and completeness of my joy.

theotherginger

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I will not go there and read the comments. I will not go there and read the comments. I will not...
ETA - will this get picked up by that formerly-good website that led me to the hairpin as real news?

Robin Rowley@facebook

I believed it. Thank god for comments.

However, now that it's on the DM it's starting to blow up Twitter. Apparently people unfamiliar with the Hairpin don't understand HOW IMPORTANT the comments are.

Walter Adams@facebook

The one unalloyed triumph of modern society is the Sanitary Sewage System. Countless millions have died for the lack of it.

"metal can be obtrusive in personal places"

Wait untill a full 'earth friendly' chamber pot cracks on you.

The original natives of this continent lived their lives with hand made, native culture decorated all natural clay pots full of mother earth wholesome good vibes KUMBAYA.
When the first white man showed up with a copper pot they chucked the clay pot out.

Paul Tarsney@facebook

I thought the $300 rent in Brooklyn for an apartment without a bathroom was a little LOW!
Good job, you had me til I read the comments.

agentm0m@twitter

Disgusting! Ann Coulter asked this question in one of her books. Why do liberals always want you to live with your bodily functions? They really seem to have it in for the flush toilet. I'm sorry, I'm not giving up mine no matter how low the rent. NO thanks!

Paul Tarsney@facebook

@agentm0m@twitter - it's a parody.

EpWs

@Paul Tarsney@facebook shhhhhhhhhh

OxfordComma

Up Next: Bubonic Plague Invades Brooklyn, Wipes Out Hipsters

(No one cries.)

grandpa27

Poopers on parade above.

Mati Senerchia@facebook

Oh, totally bought it, because I grew up with chamber pots and while I'm happy that's my past and not my future, it seems like a pretty normal thing, right up until the gutter disposal. But the other thing I was thinking was, what, humanure buckets aren't good enough for you? Hard to buy that people ideologically opposed to air conditioning would chuck out all that excellent compost if they could donate it to, say, a nice rooftop garden.

PS - my chamber pot was indestructible ironstone - 150 years old when I got it and still in perfect shape.

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