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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

57

Ann Friedman's Best Things of 2012

The Best Thing I Dislocated This Year: My shoulder.

The Best Thing I Scotch-Guarded This Year: My new area rug. (ADULTHOOD!)

The Best Thing I Instagrammed This Year (According To Likes): Said rug.

The Best Thing I Instagrammed This Year (According To Me): Elaborate scene of naked Barbie orgy around a pitcher of bloody Marys. 

The Best Thing I Did Immediately After Getting Fired This Year: Got super baked and drank a coconut kale smoothie.

The Best Thing I Watched On YouTube This Year: http://youtu.be/FITruoZekCI.

The Best Thing I Did For A Childhood Crush This Year: "Deeply moved" him.

The Best Thing I Saw In A Thrift Store This Year: Someone buying a used Hitachi Magic Wand.

The Best Thing I Took Home This Year: 25-year-old surfer.

The Best Thing I Drunk-Googled This Year: "Mom dancing to Skrillex."

The Best Thing I Spoon-Fed My Friend's Chicken This Year: Yogurt.

The Best Thing I Asked My Landlord To Do This Year: Shop-Vac a rat out of my toilet.

Ann Friedman also makes pie charts.

57 Comments / Post A Comment

melis

THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A LIST

bocadelperro

Well, in your friends' defense, that IS a really cool rug.

oh! valencia

@bocadelperro wonderful rug! Better Barbie orgy.

parallel-lines

@bocadelperro psssst! It's IKEA! http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40227902/

(sorry, I had to!)

par_parenthese

@parallel-lines I actually just got tears in my eyes at that price. I neeeeeeeeeeeed it. But first I need to replace all my flooring with hardwood and then I neeeeeeeeeeeeed it right smack between couch and record player GOD WHY IS THAT NOT REAL *shakes fist at heavens*

bocadelperro

@oh! valencia the barbies are pretty awesome too
@parallel-lines ehehe thanks! The price is awesome enough that I could buy it and actually use it even though my cats will inevitably vomit all over it.

BoozinSusan

@oh! valencia for real tho where that barbie party at

frigwiggin

Man, I bet you could clean that thing pretty well...

I have probably mentioned this before, but on the Santa Cruz Craigslist "free" listings, I once saw someone put up a used birthing pool. Second place: miniature goats.

Lila Fowler

@frigwiggin I once saw a posting on Santa Cruz Craigslist offering up free Ziploc baggies of cooked white rice.

Hippies. Glad I was one. Glad not to be one anymore.

laurel

I would like to hear the spoon-fed chicken story please.

Lili L.

@laurel Me too please!

annlf

@laurel sometimes chickens that lay fancy pretty eggs are inbred, and you have to feed them mealworms mashed into yogurt. the glamorous world of urban farming!

laurel

@annlf Yogurt: good for everybody! But I'm picturing the difficulty in holding a spoon still while a chicken pecks it.

Verity

@laurel I keep imagining the chicken hurting its beak on the spoon by pecking it. Poor chicken.

Nutmeg

I just looked at my Facebook 2012 in review thing and it ranks a status update about a blind man thinking my ear was the door to Dunkin' Donuts along with a status update that is just the intro to Law and Order: SVU. BEST YEAR EVER

bb
bb

@Nutmeg yeah, blind people are hilarious... ?

hotdog

This is a very good list, but...where is the rug from?

bitzyboozer

@hotdog Also interested in the shoes.

kellyography

@hotdog I second needing more comprehensive information about said rug.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@bitzyboozer NEED THOSE SHOES!

And since we're on the topic - how do people feel about ladies with not sylph-like legs (i.e. me!) wearing very flat shoes like that? I have pretty sturdy, curvy legs, and while I wear flats and jeans/skirts all the time, I've been reluctant to get alllll the flat oxfords I want, because I'm afraid I'll look weird. I think because oxfords make your feet look longer than flats tend to? (Truth be told, I will probably get oxfords anyway, tree-trunk legs be damned, but I'm hoping it's mostly in my head that it looks off.) Halp!

Punk-assBookJockey

@hotdog The rug is IKEA! I just looked at it when I was there the other day. I got a different one though.

Verity

@MoxyCrimeFighter I have sturdy/curvy legs (huge calves) and wear flat shoes all the time. I think I still look okay! And I'm comfortable.

maxine of arc

@MoxyCrimeFighter Buy aaall the flat oxfords you want. You will look cute, and anyone who thinks otherwise is uncivilized and unappreciative of your fine-ass curvy legs and excellent taste in footwear. I have actually fretted about the opposite problem, because my legs are skinny and shapeless and I was concerned about looking like Olive Oyl, but you know what, WHATEVER. Let's all wear cute, comfortable shoes! No one else cares about our shoes!

Lamar Anderson

@hotdog i am pretty sure those are the frye carson oxford (http://www.thefryecompany.com/womens-shoes/view-all/74200/carson-oxford?color=FAW) a.k.a., The Best Thing That Gave Me a Neuroma This Year.

Dirty Hands

@MoxyCrimeFighter I just got my dream Oxfords in the mail, Fluevog Amandas, and they actually make my (size 10ish) feet look way smaller. And I plan to wear these babies with everythingggggggggg. Also I am not concerned about any of my curves ever.

http://www.fluevog.com/code/?w[0]=gender%3Awomen&w[1]=attribute%3AShoe&p=14&pp=1&view=detail&colourID=3386

annlf

@bitzyboozer Shoes are vintage. The brand is "Westies." The rug, as previously outed, is from Ikea.

carpetblogger

@hotdog take your shoes off that nice carpet! That's how they get worn (and why people with nice carpets make people take their shoes off inside)

bitzyboozer

@MoxyCrimeFighter I know what you mean. I have pretty muscular legs and sometimes I worry about this too. I think an oxford that isn't quite so sleek and low-profile can help balance that out...something with a little more bulk to it but still not clunky. There are some cute oxfords out there with low (like 1/2-1 inch) heels. But in the end I also say just wear whatever you want, no one is probably thinking about it as much as you are.

parallel-lines

If I get fired with Andrew McCarthy be moved by me. Might wanna give him a heads up, because...yeah :(

laurel

@parallel-lines: Oooo, ouch. I'm sorry. You OK?

piekin

I HAVE THIS RUG AND I LOVE IT TOOOOO.

Toby Jug

I am hijacking this to ask if anyone wants to randomly meet up in Austin tonight (or tomorrow or Thursday night) First night here, by myself, and I'm a little intimidated. But I like margaritas and Tex Mex!

Vitesse

@Toby Jug I created an account just to say hey. We have a nice hairpin community in Austin. I would be down to meet up for margaritas Thursday night. What brings you to Austin?

Sam I am

@Toby Jug Ill be visiting Austin (for the first time ever) from Christmas to New Years, if you want a buddy!

Toby Jug

@Vitesse Fantastic! I moving from New Hampshire and am getting set up with an apartment. I'm staying downtown; is there any place you prefer?

Vitesse

@Toby Jug Awesome! I have only lived here a few months myself. Tacos and Tequila on Pressler St. is a great place for drinks. $4 margaritas and a $1.50 taco bar. Happy hour is from 4 to 7. What time works for you?

Hmm... I'm not sure if there is a way to send a private message

Toby Jug

@Vitesse
Tobyjug789@gmail.com

coldheartedcitytheycalltheNo

Also: What barbie DUI orgy is complete without the obligatory vaporizer/barbie strap on? I've got the same model, and she is my best frand.

annlf

@coldheartedcitytheycalltheNo PREACH.

amirite

Oh no, this just reminded me that my mom has a hitachi magic wand that she actually uses for back massage, and I'm sure she has no idea what it's actually known for or she'd be MORTIFIED, so I can't ever tell her, but it's so awkward when she offers to let me borrow it because I "look tense."

Add that to the list of things I'm not looking forward to about going home.

fabel

@amirite "I'm sure she has no idea what it's actually known for or she'd be MORTIFIED"-- OR does she know EXACTLY what it's for & just secretly enjoys the look on your face when she brings it out...? haha

amateur hour

@fabel My grandma had one and always used to give me shoulder massages with it when I was a kid. oh, Grandma.

amirite

@fabel If it were anyone else I might think that, but that would be pretty out of character for my mom. Orgasms don't exist in her world, nor does nudity, or jokes about sex.

@Faintly Macabre Heh, that is pretty much how it goes down, but without the goldfish.

sprayfaint

Could someone explain Scotchguard to me? I think I need a tutorial.

LinaLamont

I have a "The Best Thing I Scotch-Guarded This Year" too! It's all the seats for the brand new comedy theater my improv group opened! Wheeee! 2012 FTW!

planforamiracle

@LinaLamont awesome! That is definitely a thing worth scotch-guarding.
This thread is making me wish I scotch-guarded ANYTHING this year, let alone had a best thing. I guess it's not too late!!

LinaLamont

@planforamiracle You can do it! There's still 2 weeks of 2012! You could at least Scotch-Guard your boots, so they don't get all sidewalk salty! http://www.amazon.com/3M-Scotchgard-Leather-Protector-7-Ounce/dp/B0083GNLHC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355939443&sr=8-2&keywords=scotch+guard

chunk lite

@LinaLamont what improv group!? what theater?! I am an improv nerd and get so excited to see people outside of my wee group talking about it.

LinaLamont

@chunk lite It's pH Comedy Theater in Chicago. We just opened up this fall! (Though we've been in existence for 10 years.) What's your wee group?

Cathryn the Great

As great as that rug is, the Barbies are way, way better.

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