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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

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What I Imagine Tim Gunn Thinks of the Manuscript I'm Currently Writing

A list by Christine Friedlander and Adriane Quinlan, candidates in the M.F.A. program at the University of Minnesota, using only things that Tim Gunn has actually said.

DRAFTING:

1   Talk to me.

2   Speak to me, please.

3   You have a little factory here.

4   Why do you look so stressed out?

5   How did you take that heavy, flat coat and turn it into something that’s buoyant and sculptural?

6   How far are you going with this embellishment?

7   When did we go Grecian?

8   Can I be honest with you? I’m worried.

9   This is no time to be petulant.

10  I see a problem.

11  I believe you've been holding back. I believe you haven't been giving your all.

12  But is that really enough to make it avant garde?

13  This has definitely a ‘wow factor’ potential.

14  I just hope no one is offended by it.

15  You’ll have 30 minutes at Spandex House.

16  Use the Lord & Taylor Wall thoughtfully.

EDITING:

17  It looks like a pterodactyl from a gay Jurassic Park. 

18  You don’t want it to be vulgar. Can you believe I’m saying that?

19  I don’t know why you allow Gretchen to manipulate, control, and bully you.

20  I’ll be blunt: I see an homage to a menstrual cycle.

21  I think calling it art is a little hyperbole.

22  I respect what you’re saying about the art part. At the same time, we’re talking about a very basic silhouette that one could find in the closet.

23  Is this a self-fulfilled prophecy?

24  Why is there so much consternation and sturm und drang?

25  This is such wretched excess.

26  You’ve got to get rid of the bedjacket look.

27  Grandpa has trouble with these ropes.

28  I don’t know what I’m seeing that you’re not seeing.

29  I’m taking my glasses off because I’m almost blind without them.

RE-ENVISIONING:

30  I want to see Greatness.

31  Don't give up!

32  You’ve got it. You've just got to get it out.

33  Just have it be exuberant!

34  You’ve had an epiphany!

APPROVAL:

35  I prefer the woolly balls.

36  Oh they’re animal wooly balls.

37  It’s so wacky and ridiculous — who could possibly disapprove?

38  There was a chasm between where you were and where I saw this going. Now you have arrived.

39  It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day.

40  You're too talented. You're too good!

41  You have a way to go. So go, go, go, go!

42  Carry On.

THE FEAR:

43  You don’t want the judges asking, ‘What did you do with those two days?

44  Being this tight and close to the deadline — with this much work to do — is … a little alarming.

45  The clock. Is. Ticking.

46  We’ve never had anyone … just not finish.

47  I'll leave you alone.

48  A.J., you’ve taken the bullet and now I have to send you to the workroom to clean up your space.

49  This is not the last we’re going to hear from you.

50  We’re going to miss you.

51  I’m woeful.

52  It sounds better in French.

 

Christine Friedlander and Adriane Quinlan used their M.F.A. theses as the raw material for this avant garde look. Tim Gunn still prefers the woolly balls.

Image via Flickr/myszka



83 Comments / Post A Comment

thatgirl

What Happened to Andrae?

Interrobanged

@thatgirl You really embarrassed me tonight at Red Lobster. There's already a big age difference, Andrae, and you acting like a big baby and throwing a plate of lobster in my lap at dinner is not appropriate.

Alli525

@Interrobanged Honest to god, I bought that season on DVD juuuuuust so I could watch that scene over and over again. I have spent my entire Project Runway All-Stars season thus far lamenting the fact that Tim and Andrae aren't in a room together anymore, and daydreaming about quasi-romantic outings at Red Lobster.

thatgirl

@Interrobanged Basically the best thing to EVER happen on Project Runway. EVER.

Hellcat

@Alli525 Me too! And I didn't even get rid of that set during the Big Cull before the Big Move! And who remembers "lighten up, it's just faaaaashion!"?

thatgirl

@Hellcat Daniel Franco, where did you goooo...

Hellcat

@thatgirl We hardly got to know you! And wasn't there a really funny "HEIDI KLUM!" in a gruff voice?

HeyThatsMyBike

@thatgirl Watch out for Andrae, designers! He's our precious little lamb!

Passion Fruit

@thatgirl Santino Rice doing his "What Happened to Andre" bit basically got me through the most mind-numbingly depressing bits of college. And it still gives me major ROFLs. Love it!

Hellcat

@Passion Fruit I love it so much! I miss Santino.

Alli525

@Passion Fruit That show with Austin & Santino when they travelled around the midwest and shopping at dollar-store-quality fabric stores, and making fat midwestern ladies feel fabulous?

BEST. I wanted Andrae to guest-star so, SO bad.

thatgirl

@Alli525 Wait, WHAT. I need that show. I NEED THAT SHOW.

Hellcat

@thatgirl It was so cute! I didn't care much about the projects they did but I really liked their interactions with each other and with the small-town people.

Alli525

@thatgirl http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/on-the-road-with-austin-santino
!!!!

allendaniel

I really liked those@a

FromTheFuture

I just wanted to say that I love Spandex House. I use the shopping bags I get there like old ladies use their Coach and Victorias Secret shopping bags.

Tuna Surprise

@FromTheFuture
I love it too! Although I have wondered before whether you could actually burn down the Spandex House. Or would it just melt. And if you were able to get a flame going, how would the fire department react? Do they have spadex protocols?

Hot Doom

@FromTheFuture It's a real place?? Thank God.

chrysopoeia

My internal monologue now sounds like Tim Gunn.

par_parenthese

@chrysopoeia I want my internal monologue to sound like Tim Gunn so bad.

apples and oranges

Is this the right place to share the Academic Coach Taylor Tumblr?
http://academiccoachtaylor.tumblr.com/

46 We’ve never had anyone … just not finish.
absolutely the fear. ahhh...

the angry little raincloud

@kangerine There's also an Academic Tim Gunn tumblr (it's not as good as Academic Coach Taylor, but still): http://academictimgunn.tumblr.com/

Count Chocula

@kangerine Oh my gosh, thank you for Academic Tim Gunn - "Scholars don't wear jeggings" just made my day!

sarahactually

What a magnificent post. I'm going to write a bunch of these on post-its and decorate my desk with them.

martinipie

#20 is...deeply relevant to my thesis.

Also the day I met Tim Gunn was maybe the best day of my life? Maybe.

frigwiggin

@martinipie

TELL US TELL US TELL US

martinipie

@frigwiggin About the thesis or Tim Gunn? Duh, Tim! Anyway he came to my local independent bookstore for a signing (did anyone else buy his book? I still have my signed copy!) and talked for a while, being generally charming and Tim Gunn-like (he is just as beautiful as you think, possibly more so). When I went to get my copy signed I was near the end of the line so I talked with him a bit and after the usual Oh-nice-to-meet-yous said "Tim, I really love writing and I really love fashion, what's the best way to work at both of those?" He looked me in the eye and said "We need people like you. Fashion needs you. Keep doing what you love and working at it." I melted and still think about it when I feel desperately confused about it all.

frigwiggin

@martinipie

AHHHH LUCKYYYY! I'm melting just reading it. His sincerity, even through the TV, makes my heart ache.

Also, you should tell us about your thesis too!

par_parenthese

@martinipie He is just... wonderful. I love that he took the time to say that to you.

Hellcat

@martinipie Is it the style book or the other one where he writes that an eight-year-old Tim Gunn once screamed excitedly, "Ethel Mertz is here?!"

martinipie

@Hellcat The Ethel Mertz one! and @everyone, I am 100% convinced he is some Higher Being.

Hellcat

@martinipie Haha, I laughed for hours at that Ethel Mertz part!

Megasus

You know what I need? An app of Tim Gunn telling me things. Almost like a little shoulder angel. Although I"m pretty sure he would mostly say: "I'm worried" and "This is no time to be petulant." Oh and definitely "I see an homage to a menstrual cycle" because that can describe SO MANY THINGS

cmonster

@Megano! I was just thinking I want someone to randomly text all of these to my phone. No matter what the situation, I am CERTAIN that each one would apply.

par_parenthese

"a pterodactyl from a gay Jurassic Park" straight up MADE MY DAY.

lagreen

@par_parenthese Mine too!

HeyThatsMyBike

I definitely read the Academic Tim Gunn tumblr every day to make me feel better about my dissertation.

Hot Doom

This is exactly the battery of questioning every MA should undergo whilst writing their thesis.

PatatasBravas

It is kind of depressing how many of these I remember/can place in an episode/can hear so clearly in my brain.

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